1
00:00:04,543 --> 00:00:05,810
We are so screwed.
2
00:00:05,811 --> 00:00:06,978
How are we gonna
memorize all this?
3
00:00:06,979 --> 00:00:08,212
Let's just go over it again.
4
00:00:08,213 --> 00:00:10,280
Kingdom, phylum, class...
5
00:00:10,281 --> 00:00:13,751
Order, family, genus, species.
6
00:00:13,752 --> 00:00:15,853
I use a mnemonic device.
7
00:00:15,854 --> 00:00:19,690
"Kevin, please come
over for gay sex."
8
00:00:19,691 --> 00:00:22,192
Why wouldn't you use "Karen"?
9
00:00:22,193 --> 00:00:23,761
'Cause it's gay sex, dummy.
10
00:00:23,762 --> 00:00:25,328
So use "great".
11
00:00:25,329 --> 00:00:27,296
Now I can't remember anything.
Thanks!
12
00:00:27,297 --> 00:00:29,265
God, why do we always wind up
in this position?
13
00:00:29,266 --> 00:00:30,900
For all the time you spend here,
you'd think we wouldn't
14
00:00:30,901 --> 00:00:32,201
have to cram so much.
15
00:00:32,202 --> 00:00:33,602
Maybe we never get any work
done because we have
16
00:00:33,603 --> 00:00:35,085
so much fun hanging out
together.
17
00:00:35,086 --> 00:00:38,022
Definitely, maybe that's why.
18
00:00:38,877 --> 00:00:44,212
Ah, the duali-Dean of man.
[Giggles]
19
00:00:44,213 --> 00:00:46,848
I'm dressed this way because I
have good news and bad news.
20
00:00:46,849 --> 00:00:48,850
You have got to be kidding me.
21
00:00:48,851 --> 00:00:51,820
The bad news is Professor Kane
has the flu.
22
00:00:51,821 --> 00:00:54,322
The good news is biology class
is canceled...
23
00:00:54,323 --> 00:00:56,191
[All cheer]
24
00:00:56,192 --> 00:00:57,258
After you.
25
00:00:57,259 --> 00:01:00,027
What a gentleman.
26
00:01:00,028 --> 00:01:02,697
Guys, we don't have to cram
last minute anymore.
27
00:01:02,698 --> 00:01:04,732
Last minute got
moved to tomorrow.
28
00:01:04,733 --> 00:01:06,734
Three-hour lunch? Three-hour
lunch? Three-hour lunch?
29
00:01:06,735 --> 00:01:07,968
Three hours?
30
00:01:07,969 --> 00:01:09,704
I could watch the first half of
three movies.
31
00:01:09,705 --> 00:01:11,038
Ooh, I don't have to go
to the fast food
32
00:01:11,039 --> 00:01:12,173
restaurant across the street.
33
00:01:12,174 --> 00:01:13,574
I can go to the fancy one
across town.
34
00:01:13,575 --> 00:01:14,808
Their manager wears a tie.
35
00:01:14,809 --> 00:01:16,242
If we don't eat, we can
make-believe
36
00:01:16,243 --> 00:01:17,711
an whole episode's worth of
Inspector Spacetime
37
00:01:17,712 --> 00:01:19,112
- in the Dreamatorium.
- Word.
38
00:01:19,113 --> 00:01:20,947
Yeah.
39
00:01:20,948 --> 00:01:23,016
Maybe we should go
to Señor Kevin's.
40
00:01:23,017 --> 00:01:25,018
Britta, didn't you want to try
that new cage-free bean burrito?
41
00:01:25,019 --> 00:01:27,420
The tortillas are made with
micro-financed flour.
44
00:01:30,857 --> 00:01:32,925
You just keep turning left,
but you end up up!
45
00:01:32,926 --> 00:01:35,060
I can't go to Señor Kevin's.
The manager and I are enemies.
46
00:01:35,061 --> 00:01:36,394
He said Die Hard was bad.
47
00:01:36,395 --> 00:01:37,763
- He said Die Hard was bad.
- I know, buddy.
48
00:01:37,764 --> 00:01:39,297
Well, how about this.
49
00:01:39,298 --> 00:01:42,567
This lunch is already a runaway
train, no point in stopping it.
50
00:01:42,568 --> 00:01:44,837
Troy, Britta, you go
to Señor Kevin's.
51
00:01:44,838 --> 00:01:46,704
Abed promised he'd show me how
the Dreamatorium works.
52
00:01:46,705 --> 00:01:48,606
- Today's the perfect day for it.
- But I want to...
53
00:01:48,607 --> 00:01:50,208
Abed, don't you think today's
54
00:01:50,209 --> 00:01:51,743
- the perfect day for it?
- No.
55
00:01:51,744 --> 00:01:54,212
- Abed.
- Is this a social cue?
56
00:01:54,213 --> 00:01:58,420
I left my Puttin' On the Ritz
cane in here earlier.
57
00:01:59,384 --> 00:02:01,018
I know it probably
has another name,
58
00:02:01,019 --> 00:02:04,287
but, um, can I be perfectly
honest with you guys?
59
00:02:04,288 --> 00:02:06,189
I think I went too
far with this one.
60
00:02:06,190 --> 00:02:10,460
I have to go to the bank today.
61
00:02:10,461 --> 00:02:12,162
What am I supposed to tell
people in line?
62
00:02:12,163 --> 00:02:14,998
"I had good news and bad news"?
63
00:02:14,999 --> 00:02:16,967
Come on, Craig.
64
00:02:16,968 --> 00:02:19,235
Get you life together.
65
00:02:23,839 --> 00:02:27,409
♪ Give me some more,
time in a dream ♪
66
00:02:27,410 --> 00:02:30,846
♪ give me the hope
to run out of steam ♪
67
00:02:30,847 --> 00:02:34,015
♪ somebody said
we could be here ♪
68
00:02:34,016 --> 00:02:38,219
♪ we could be roped up,
tied up, dead in a year ♪
69
00:02:38,220 --> 00:02:43,124
♪ I can't count the reasons
I should stay ♪
70
00:02:43,125 --> 00:02:47,061
♪ one by one they all
just fade away ♪
71
00:02:47,062 --> 00:02:49,866
Sync & Corrections by Elderfel
www.addic7ed.com
72
00:02:51,833 --> 00:02:54,067
I am Inspector Spacetime.
73
00:02:54,068 --> 00:02:56,136
And I know that
which is unknown.
74
00:02:56,137 --> 00:03:00,040
Duty-bound to protect a universe
of innocent unremarkables,
75
00:03:00,041 --> 00:03:02,575
I patrol it
in the x7 Dimensionizer
76
00:03:02,576 --> 00:03:05,045
with my loyal constable,
Reggie.
77
00:03:05,046 --> 00:03:08,147
This week, however, Reggie has
been forced to go to lunch.
78
00:03:08,148 --> 00:03:11,450
So I'm aboard the much crappier
H.M.S. Spacetime 12,
79
00:03:11,451 --> 00:03:15,855
from the worst season ever, with
temporary constable, Geneva.
80
00:03:15,856 --> 00:03:18,958
Geneva, I need the quantum
spanner, the big one.
81
00:03:18,959 --> 00:03:22,894
Oi, gov'ner, quantum spammer,
up an' at 'em, in'it?
82
00:03:25,431 --> 00:03:26,731
If we can't get out
of orbital lock,
83
00:03:26,732 --> 00:03:28,366
the Blorgons may intercept.
84
00:03:28,367 --> 00:03:29,835
Tut tut, m'lord.
85
00:03:29,836 --> 00:03:33,738
Wouldn't give a tuppence for
that sticky wicket.
86
00:03:33,739 --> 00:03:35,573
Okay, stop simulation.
87
00:03:35,574 --> 00:03:36,741
More British?
88
00:03:36,742 --> 00:03:38,508
I can't do this anymore.
89
00:03:38,509 --> 00:03:40,677
But the Blo-gons might
intercept...
90
00:03:40,678 --> 00:03:42,112
It's Blorgons with an "r".
91
00:03:42,113 --> 00:03:43,513
Blo-gon means "thank you"
in blorgon.
92
00:03:43,514 --> 00:03:45,382
Can't we play something
I know about
93
00:03:45,383 --> 00:03:48,026
like hospital administration?
94
00:03:49,821 --> 00:03:53,457
You're mad at me for playing
matchmaker with Troy and Britta.
95
00:03:53,458 --> 00:03:55,058
You think you're
gonna lose Troy.
96
00:03:55,059 --> 00:03:56,092
I'm not petty, Annie.
97
00:03:56,093 --> 00:03:57,093
I'm mad at you because you
tampered
98
00:03:57,094 --> 00:03:58,394
with the fabric of the group.
99
00:03:58,395 --> 00:03:59,562
How do you know
Troy and Britta pairing up
100
00:03:59,563 --> 00:04:00,663
wouldn't destroy everything?
101
00:04:00,664 --> 00:04:01,965
I run the scenarios.
102
00:04:01,966 --> 00:04:03,199
I examine this stuff
from every conceivable angle.
103
00:04:03,200 --> 00:04:05,434
Oh, and you can do
that but I can't?
104
00:04:05,435 --> 00:04:07,871
You don't have a patent on being
a control freak, Abed.
105
00:04:07,872 --> 00:04:08,905
I kind of do.
106
00:04:08,906 --> 00:04:11,006
You think this is just a room
where Troy and I play dinosaurs
107
00:04:11,007 --> 00:04:12,374
versus river boat gamblers
together?
108
00:04:12,375 --> 00:04:13,976
Sure, it's how I got
the construction approved,
109
00:04:13,977 --> 00:04:15,310
but, much like myself,
110
00:04:15,311 --> 00:04:17,412
the Dreamatorium
has higher functions.
111
00:04:17,413 --> 00:04:19,409
Would you like me to show you
how your stunt
112
00:04:19,410 --> 00:04:20,349
with Troy and Britta
will play itself out?
113
00:04:20,350 --> 00:04:21,984
Why not?
114
00:04:21,985 --> 00:04:23,852
Execute simulation Troy/Britta.
115
00:04:23,853 --> 00:04:27,621
Render environment
Señor Kevin's.
116
00:04:27,622 --> 00:04:29,123
[As Troy]
Oh, those appetizers
117
00:04:29,124 --> 00:04:31,993
were dope and legit!
118
00:04:31,994 --> 00:04:33,327
[As Britta]
I don't usually support lunch
119
00:04:33,328 --> 00:04:36,097
because it's unfair
to breakfast.
120
00:04:36,098 --> 00:04:37,098
[As Troy]
I never thought about
121
00:04:37,099 --> 00:04:40,167
meals fighting each other.
122
00:04:40,168 --> 00:04:41,602
I guess that explains
why you never
123
00:04:41,603 --> 00:04:43,870
see any two of them on
the same table.
124
00:04:43,871 --> 00:04:45,906
So I guess Annie's pretty hot
to get us together.
125
00:04:45,907 --> 00:04:48,875
She probably just doesn't
understand people.
126
00:04:48,876 --> 00:04:50,310
Well, the sooner
the food comes,
127
00:04:50,311 --> 00:04:52,478
the sooner this will be over.
128
00:04:52,479 --> 00:04:56,149
I'm afraid your food won't be
ready for another half hour.
129
00:04:56,150 --> 00:04:59,818
I'm too busy misunderstanding
the whole point of Die Hard.
130
00:04:59,819 --> 00:05:02,854
I can't wait to
get home to Abed.
131
00:05:02,855 --> 00:05:05,057
So you can dart back and forth
132
00:05:05,058 --> 00:05:06,558
doing impressions
of your friends.
133
00:05:06,559 --> 00:05:08,427
There's no science at work here.
134
00:05:08,428 --> 00:05:11,763
You're right.
135
00:05:11,764 --> 00:05:14,698
The science is at work in here.
136
00:05:16,501 --> 00:05:19,703
This is
the Dreamatorium's engine.
137
00:05:19,704 --> 00:05:21,105
My thoughts are collected
by this box
138
00:05:21,106 --> 00:05:23,408
and everything I know about my
friends is stored here.
139
00:05:23,409 --> 00:05:24,775
Both are distilled
by logic and then
140
00:05:24,776 --> 00:05:26,577
recombined into objective
observation.
141
00:05:26,578 --> 00:05:28,246
I'm able to simulate
any of the study group
142
00:05:28,247 --> 00:05:31,448
and even a half-accurate Chang
in over 7,000 unique situations.
143
00:05:31,449 --> 00:05:35,018
Abed, it's cardboard tubes
and a funnel.
144
00:05:35,019 --> 00:05:36,286
Well you see it that way
because it's calibrated
145
00:05:36,287 --> 00:05:37,854
to a specific level
of brain function.
146
00:05:37,855 --> 00:05:40,057
Right. I'm stupid.
147
00:05:40,058 --> 00:05:42,359
Not stupid, just less able to
see what I see.
148
00:05:42,360 --> 00:05:45,429
Gee, you've got it
all figured out.
149
00:05:45,430 --> 00:05:47,763
[Phone rings]
150
00:05:47,764 --> 00:05:50,532
King of toilet paper rolls
over here.
151
00:05:50,533 --> 00:05:54,303
Hey, Troy, I'm glad you called.
152
00:05:54,304 --> 00:05:55,438
Your lunch is going well, right?
153
00:05:55,439 --> 00:05:57,173
Yeah, just checking on Abed.
154
00:05:57,174 --> 00:05:59,075
Making sure he's okay.
155
00:05:59,076 --> 00:06:01,510
What? He's fine.
156
00:06:01,511 --> 00:06:03,411
He just implied I operate
on a lower level
157
00:06:03,412 --> 00:06:06,147
of brain function,
so business as usual.
158
00:06:06,148 --> 00:06:09,650
Great, um, just, you know,
make sure he stays comfortable.
159
00:06:09,651 --> 00:06:11,252
I worry about him
when I'm not around.
160
00:06:11,253 --> 00:06:15,390
Well, he's fine,
he always will be.
161
00:06:15,391 --> 00:06:17,359
People bend over backwards to
cater to him.
162
00:06:17,360 --> 00:06:20,060
He's just extra sensitive in
the Dreamatorium.
163
00:06:20,061 --> 00:06:22,129
It takes a lot out of
him to run that thing.
164
00:06:22,130 --> 00:06:23,630
I don't want you to
break his brain.
165
00:06:23,631 --> 00:06:24,931
Bye, Troy.
166
00:06:24,932 --> 00:06:28,002
- How is he?
- He'll be okay.
167
00:06:28,003 --> 00:06:29,636
It's so sweet how much you
care about him.
168
00:06:29,637 --> 00:06:32,806
And another thing
I hate about Die Hard,
169
00:06:32,807 --> 00:06:35,741
two FBI agents named Johnson.
170
00:06:37,511 --> 00:06:40,146
I've been thinking about our
Inspector Spacetime scenario.
171
00:06:40,147 --> 00:06:42,248
It might work better if instead
of playing Geneva,
172
00:06:42,249 --> 00:06:43,483
you played Rosamund.
173
00:06:43,484 --> 00:06:44,817
She was a constable
in season five
174
00:06:44,818 --> 00:06:46,986
and she only had three lines.
175
00:06:46,987 --> 00:06:48,587
I have a better idea.
176
00:06:48,588 --> 00:06:50,955
You know what would make your
scenarios a lot more realistic?
177
00:06:50,956 --> 00:06:52,124
If Troy weren't on a date.
178
00:06:52,125 --> 00:06:53,425
Why don't you take
all your thoughts
179
00:06:53,426 --> 00:06:56,761
and your logic and add one step
to the process.
180
00:06:56,762 --> 00:06:58,296
- What are you doing?
- From now on,
181
00:06:58,297 --> 00:07:00,198
before you do or say anything,
182
00:07:00,199 --> 00:07:03,101
you're gonna think about how it
affects the people around you.
183
00:07:03,102 --> 00:07:05,637
We lower functioning brains call
this "empathy".
184
00:07:05,638 --> 00:07:09,173
[High-pitched whimpering]
185
00:07:09,174 --> 00:07:12,576
- Abed?
- [Screams]
186
00:07:12,577 --> 00:07:16,180
Abed?
187
00:07:16,181 --> 00:07:18,049
Oh, my God, I broke Abed.
188
00:07:21,258 --> 00:07:23,258
Abed?
189
00:07:23,259 --> 00:07:24,259
You know how you wanted me to
tell you
190
00:07:24,260 --> 00:07:26,894
when you were being scary weird
instead of cute weird?
191
00:07:26,895 --> 00:07:29,831
This is scary weird.
192
00:07:31,934 --> 00:07:34,635
Hello, Annie.
193
00:07:34,636 --> 00:07:36,838
What was I doing on the floor?
194
00:07:36,839 --> 00:07:39,173
Were we... doing it?
195
00:07:39,174 --> 00:07:41,408
Are you being Jeff?
196
00:07:41,409 --> 00:07:44,677
Well, I'm not
being a Kardashian.
197
00:07:44,678 --> 00:07:45,846
So where are we now?
198
00:07:45,847 --> 00:07:49,049
We're in the doctor's lounge
of Greendale Hospital School.
199
00:07:49,050 --> 00:07:50,117
Hospital school?
200
00:07:50,118 --> 00:07:51,752
It's a sexy emotional school
201
00:07:51,753 --> 00:07:53,553
where doctors save
lives and make love,
202
00:07:53,554 --> 00:07:54,788
often simultaneously.
203
00:07:54,789 --> 00:07:57,190
Our stories,
ripped from the headlines.
204
00:07:57,191 --> 00:07:59,024
Our passions, unbridled.
205
00:07:59,025 --> 00:08:02,094
Our cafeteria, eh...
206
00:08:02,095 --> 00:08:03,462
Make love to me, Ann.
207
00:08:03,463 --> 00:08:04,730
I know I'm just a surgeon
208
00:08:04,731 --> 00:08:06,598
and you're a hotshot
upstart administrator,
209
00:08:06,599 --> 00:08:08,167
but damn the rules,
damn the system,
210
00:08:08,168 --> 00:08:10,870
damn our two foot height
disparity, I want you.
211
00:08:10,871 --> 00:08:14,306
Okay, Abed, I get it, we have
different sensibilities.
212
00:08:14,307 --> 00:08:16,241
Later.
213
00:08:19,111 --> 00:08:20,678
Bye.
214
00:08:20,679 --> 00:08:22,613
I'm leaving.
[Stomps feet]
215
00:08:31,555 --> 00:08:34,357
Okay, Dr. Jeff,
216
00:08:34,358 --> 00:08:36,894
can you please tell me
where I can find Abed?
217
00:08:36,895 --> 00:08:37,995
I owe him an apology.
218
00:08:37,996 --> 00:08:40,430
Abed? Never heard of him.
219
00:08:40,431 --> 00:08:44,567
Terrific.
220
00:08:44,568 --> 00:08:46,903
I asked you a question, doctor.
221
00:08:46,904 --> 00:08:47,870
I'm a surgeon!
222
00:08:47,871 --> 00:08:49,471
And I'm your administrator!
223
00:08:49,472 --> 00:08:51,373
I left my wife for you
and she was pregnant!
224
00:08:51,374 --> 00:08:53,609
Who do you think
inseminated her?
225
00:08:53,610 --> 00:08:56,112
Now tell me what I want to know
or God as my witness,
226
00:08:56,113 --> 00:08:57,446
I'll have your stethoscope.
227
00:08:57,447 --> 00:08:58,981
Fine.
228
00:08:58,982 --> 00:09:01,517
Dr. Perry might know.
229
00:09:01,518 --> 00:09:04,452
Render environment bio lab.
230
00:09:06,155 --> 00:09:08,990
Look, there's Britta and Troy
fooling around with each other.
231
00:09:08,991 --> 00:09:12,093
Look, there's Abed having
overcome his issues.
232
00:09:12,094 --> 00:09:13,461
Nice try.
233
00:09:13,462 --> 00:09:16,764
Dr. Barnes, Dr. Perry.
234
00:09:16,765 --> 00:09:19,834
We just saved an uninsured
homeless man's life.
235
00:09:19,835 --> 00:09:22,203
Using an unapproved procedure.
236
00:09:22,204 --> 00:09:25,139
Now, we're going to kiss.
237
00:09:30,912 --> 00:09:32,479
This is what you think I want?
238
00:09:32,480 --> 00:09:35,014
What do you want,
administrator?
239
00:09:35,015 --> 00:09:36,582
I want to talk to Abed.
240
00:09:36,583 --> 00:09:38,017
There's no one here
by that name.
241
00:09:38,018 --> 00:09:40,220
- You're lying.
- Maybe I am, so what?
242
00:09:40,221 --> 00:09:42,255
I was raised on
the mean streets of Harlem.
243
00:09:42,256 --> 00:09:43,456
I'm not scared of you.
244
00:09:43,457 --> 00:09:46,392
Well, be scared of this.
245
00:09:48,863 --> 00:09:52,797
Sodium pentothal, known commonly
as truth serum.
246
00:09:54,433 --> 00:09:58,303
I saw Abed's name
in the hospital school files,
247
00:09:58,304 --> 00:10:00,538
I love butt stuff,
I hate spiders,
248
00:10:00,539 --> 00:10:02,607
I stole a pen from the bank,
249
00:10:02,608 --> 00:10:05,310
I cried during About a Boy...
The soundtrack...
250
00:10:05,311 --> 00:10:07,879
I don't wash my hands
before surgery.
251
00:10:07,880 --> 00:10:10,381
I can see why women find
Clive Owen attractive to the point
252
00:10:10,382 --> 00:10:12,483
where I might just as well be
attracted to him.
253
00:10:12,484 --> 00:10:15,286
I use comparisons to Hitler to
win arguments on the Internet
254
00:10:15,287 --> 00:10:16,587
at the drop of a hat.
255
00:10:16,588 --> 00:10:18,356
I know nothing about wine.
256
00:10:18,357 --> 00:10:20,824
I'm more turned on by women
in pajamas than lingerie.
257
00:10:20,825 --> 00:10:22,693
I just want to know
they feel comfortable.
258
00:10:22,694 --> 00:10:26,429
I didn't get Inception.
259
00:10:26,430 --> 00:10:30,133
[Sobbing] I didn't
get Inception.
260
00:10:30,134 --> 00:10:32,235
[Sobbing continues]
261
00:10:32,236 --> 00:10:33,803
You said you saw
his name in the files.
262
00:10:33,804 --> 00:10:35,638
There's so many layers.
263
00:10:35,639 --> 00:10:39,574
Right, render environment
medical study room.
264
00:10:39,575 --> 00:10:40,876
There's head nurse, Shirley,
265
00:10:40,877 --> 00:10:42,912
talking to tragic,
heart-wrenching Alzheimer's
266
00:10:42,913 --> 00:10:45,347
patient and Emmy-contender,
Pierce Hawthorne.
267
00:10:45,348 --> 00:10:49,351
Mr. Hawthorne,
you're out of your bed again.
268
00:10:49,352 --> 00:10:50,819
'Cause I think I'm on a train.
269
00:10:50,820 --> 00:10:52,554
Oh! Oh!
270
00:10:52,555 --> 00:10:54,790
Shirley, get me
the file on Abed.
271
00:10:54,791 --> 00:10:56,490
Abed doesn't exist, young lady.
272
00:10:56,491 --> 00:10:57,926
He exists if I say so.
273
00:10:57,927 --> 00:10:59,260
This is my hospital school.
274
00:10:59,261 --> 00:11:01,262
Your hospital school,
young lady, is a simulation
275
00:11:01,263 --> 00:11:03,264
being run through a filter of
other people's needs.
276
00:11:03,265 --> 00:11:07,101
Abed's been filtered out
because nobody needs him.
277
00:11:07,102 --> 00:11:08,102
I need him.
278
00:11:08,103 --> 00:11:09,237
Well you're not simulated.
279
00:11:09,238 --> 00:11:10,538
No, but this is!
280
00:11:10,539 --> 00:11:11,604
[Slap sound]
281
00:11:11,605 --> 00:11:13,006
Ooh!
282
00:11:13,007 --> 00:11:14,408
And there's more where that
didn't come from.
283
00:11:14,409 --> 00:11:16,209
This is a private compartment.
284
00:11:16,210 --> 00:11:18,378
- Jeff, get the files.
- Why me?
285
00:11:18,379 --> 00:11:21,214
Because you can see
the cabinets.
286
00:11:21,215 --> 00:11:22,416
And I'll make love to you.
287
00:11:22,417 --> 00:11:24,451
Jackpot.
288
00:11:27,487 --> 00:11:29,888
There is an Abed in this
hospital school,
289
00:11:29,889 --> 00:11:33,125
but he's not a doctor.
290
00:11:33,126 --> 00:11:34,693
He's a patient.
291
00:11:34,694 --> 00:11:36,795
- Notify security!
- Conductor!
292
00:11:36,796 --> 00:11:38,130
Jeff, take me to Abed.
293
00:11:38,131 --> 00:11:39,365
Where is that?
294
00:11:39,366 --> 00:11:42,134
Enough games, just take me
where I wanna go.
295
00:11:42,135 --> 00:11:43,724
Follow me.
296
00:11:45,097 --> 00:11:45,971
Are we close?
297
00:11:45,972 --> 00:11:48,373
Almost there, although you
should probably run in place
298
00:11:48,374 --> 00:11:51,309
and let the hall
move around you.
299
00:11:56,548 --> 00:11:58,916
- Here we are.
- Where?
300
00:11:58,917 --> 00:12:00,717
Where you wanted to go.
301
00:12:00,718 --> 00:12:03,854
The last night of school,
first year.
302
00:12:03,855 --> 00:12:05,689
The night we kissed.
303
00:12:05,690 --> 00:12:09,159
Ababed wasn't there,
so whose memory is this?
304
00:12:09,160 --> 00:12:10,461
Maybe it's yours.
305
00:12:10,462 --> 00:12:12,863
Maybe the Dreamatorium
really works.
306
00:12:12,864 --> 00:12:14,998
Or maybe Leonard was watching
from the bushes
307
00:12:14,999 --> 00:12:16,732
and told Abed about it.
308
00:12:16,733 --> 00:12:19,202
I don't have cable.
309
00:12:19,203 --> 00:12:20,936
Knock it off, Abed.
310
00:12:20,937 --> 00:12:22,005
I'm not Abed.
311
00:12:22,006 --> 00:12:24,640
You're confused,
so was I.
312
00:12:24,641 --> 00:12:26,142
But not anymore.
313
00:12:26,143 --> 00:12:28,777
Jeff...
Abed, stop!
314
00:12:28,778 --> 00:12:29,979
I don't wanna do this.
315
00:12:29,980 --> 00:12:33,148
I want to talk to Abed.
316
00:12:33,149 --> 00:12:37,185
I'm taking the file.
317
00:12:37,186 --> 00:12:40,822
Oh, it says Abed
is in the recovery parlor.
318
00:12:40,823 --> 00:12:43,492
Condition... never better.
319
00:12:43,493 --> 00:12:46,728
You're not holding anything.
320
00:12:46,729 --> 00:12:49,696
This is the file.
321
00:12:49,697 --> 00:12:53,234
Abed Nadir,
psychiatric patient 1373,
322
00:12:53,235 --> 00:12:55,336
control freak with no empathy.
323
00:12:55,337 --> 00:12:58,972
People bend over backwards
to cater to him.
324
00:12:58,973 --> 00:13:03,443
Signed, healthcare administrator
Annie Edison.
325
00:13:03,444 --> 00:13:05,678
That's out of context.
326
00:13:05,679 --> 00:13:06,846
Shh.
327
00:13:06,847 --> 00:13:08,848
You've thought
of everything, Annie.
328
00:13:08,849 --> 00:13:11,484
With Abed gone
and Troy and Britta together,
329
00:13:11,485 --> 00:13:13,386
there's nothing standing
in the way of us.
330
00:13:13,387 --> 00:13:14,587
Wait, what?
331
00:13:14,588 --> 00:13:15,855
Come on.
332
00:13:15,856 --> 00:13:16,923
This is you dream.
333
00:13:16,924 --> 00:13:19,858
This is why you
played matchmaker.
334
00:13:19,859 --> 00:13:22,494
This is what's important to you.
335
00:13:22,495 --> 00:13:24,963
You are not Jeff.
336
00:13:24,964 --> 00:13:27,966
Because Jeff cares about Abed.
337
00:13:27,967 --> 00:13:29,601
And I did not push
Troy and Britta together
338
00:13:29,602 --> 00:13:30,869
so this would happen.
339
00:13:30,870 --> 00:13:32,538
I did it because I thought
they were cute together
340
00:13:32,539 --> 00:13:34,540
and this would
have been a bonus.
341
00:13:34,541 --> 00:13:36,441
And we are not here.
342
00:13:36,442 --> 00:13:39,843
And I'm not staying here because
I hate whoever you are.
343
00:13:39,844 --> 00:13:41,845
You should probably
storm off in...
344
00:13:41,846 --> 00:13:43,247
Oh!
345
00:13:43,248 --> 00:13:45,183
In place.
346
00:13:54,243 --> 00:13:55,410
Where do you wanna go next?
347
00:13:55,411 --> 00:13:57,712
I wanna be alone.
348
00:13:57,713 --> 00:13:59,547
Sounds good to me.
349
00:13:59,548 --> 00:14:02,483
Execute simulation,
Annie/Annie.
350
00:14:04,954 --> 00:14:06,854
There.
351
00:14:06,855 --> 00:14:08,222
Now we're alone.
352
00:14:08,223 --> 00:14:10,825
Great, so you're me now.
353
00:14:10,826 --> 00:14:13,227
Why are you blowing
our magic moment with Jeff?
354
00:14:13,228 --> 00:14:14,361
It's not magic.
355
00:14:14,362 --> 00:14:15,495
It's not even real.
356
00:14:15,496 --> 00:14:17,998
But we love Jeff.
357
00:14:17,999 --> 00:14:20,734
No, we don't.
358
00:14:20,735 --> 00:14:23,903
We're just in love
with the idea of being loved.
359
00:14:23,904 --> 00:14:25,872
And if we can teach a guy
like Jeff to do it,
360
00:14:25,873 --> 00:14:27,874
we'll never be unloved.
361
00:14:27,875 --> 00:14:30,576
So we keep running the same
scenario over and over
362
00:14:30,577 --> 00:14:32,078
hoping for a different result.
363
00:14:32,079 --> 00:14:33,779
Running scenarios.
364
00:14:33,780 --> 00:14:35,048
Careful now.
365
00:14:35,049 --> 00:14:38,317
You're starting
to sound like Abed.
366
00:14:38,318 --> 00:14:42,087
So... I probably shouldn't say
things like "Star Wars.
367
00:14:42,088 --> 00:14:44,589
Zardoz, Cougar Town,
cool, cool, cool."
368
00:14:44,590 --> 00:14:46,225
- Stop it.
- Pop culture, pop culture.
369
00:14:46,226 --> 00:14:49,228
- I'm on a TV show.
- You're gonna get in trouble.
370
00:14:49,229 --> 00:14:50,996
Meta, meta.
371
00:14:50,997 --> 00:14:52,197
It's Abed!
372
00:14:52,198 --> 00:14:53,765
I got an Abed here!
373
00:14:53,766 --> 00:14:54,999
Get him!
374
00:14:55,000 --> 00:14:56,000
That's it.
375
00:14:56,001 --> 00:14:57,601
I find you guilty of being Abed.
376
00:14:57,602 --> 00:14:59,036
You're under arrest!
377
00:14:59,037 --> 00:15:00,304
Can I just interject and say
378
00:15:00,305 --> 00:15:03,241
I don't know what
the hell's going on?
379
00:15:09,314 --> 00:15:12,082
This time you'll never get out.
380
00:15:12,083 --> 00:15:14,017
Abed?
381
00:15:16,754 --> 00:15:17,754
Abed.
382
00:15:17,755 --> 00:15:18,989
[Annie's voice]
Yeah.
383
00:15:18,990 --> 00:15:20,623
I found you by turning into you,
how cool is that?
384
00:15:20,624 --> 00:15:22,225
Cool.
Cool, cool, cool.
385
00:15:22,226 --> 00:15:23,826
Tell me where we are
so I can pretend to see it.
386
00:15:23,827 --> 00:15:25,495
We're inside a locker.
387
00:15:25,496 --> 00:15:28,430
It's where I spent a lot of time
in junior high.
388
00:15:28,431 --> 00:15:29,965
You think this is
where we'd put you?
389
00:15:29,966 --> 00:15:32,734
- You know that's absurd, right?
- Well, I'm not stupid.
390
00:15:32,735 --> 00:15:34,904
You can see I've increased
the square footage.
391
00:15:34,905 --> 00:15:36,571
It's a metaphorical locker.
392
00:15:36,572 --> 00:15:37,839
It's a place where
people like me get put
393
00:15:37,840 --> 00:15:39,174
when everyone's finally
fed up with us.
394
00:15:39,175 --> 00:15:42,310
Abed, so maudlin.
395
00:15:42,311 --> 00:15:44,312
If you start turning
into a vampire...
396
00:15:44,313 --> 00:15:45,479
I've run the simulations,
Annie.
397
00:15:45,480 --> 00:15:46,814
I don't get married,
I don't invent
398
00:15:46,815 --> 00:15:48,316
a billion dollar website
that helps people have sex.
399
00:15:48,317 --> 00:15:50,551
I don't make in into Sundance,
Slamdance or Dance Pants.
400
00:15:50,552 --> 00:15:52,486
Troy invents Dance Pants
in 2019.
401
00:15:52,487 --> 00:15:53,988
Don't tell him, he needs to
stumble onto it.
402
00:15:53,989 --> 00:15:55,189
All right, listen.
403
00:15:55,190 --> 00:15:56,757
The scenarios you run in here
404
00:15:56,758 --> 00:16:00,160
are like...
great science fiction.
405
00:16:00,161 --> 00:16:03,797
They're impressive and detailed
and insightful,
406
00:16:03,798 --> 00:16:05,966
but they're not
accurate for crap.
407
00:16:05,967 --> 00:16:07,767
Science fiction never has been.
408
00:16:07,768 --> 00:16:09,269
Look at 2001.
409
00:16:09,270 --> 00:16:11,071
Did we have a space odyssey?
410
00:16:11,072 --> 00:16:13,407
No, we got snowboarding
in the Olympics
411
00:16:13,408 --> 00:16:15,041
and we over-validated
Carson Daily.
412
00:16:15,042 --> 00:16:17,410
- That poor guy.
- Yeah, cry me a river.
413
00:16:17,411 --> 00:16:18,978
My point is, your simulations
414
00:16:18,979 --> 00:16:20,879
are nothing more
than anxieties.
415
00:16:20,880 --> 00:16:22,348
You're afraid you don't fit in.
416
00:16:22,349 --> 00:16:23,950
You're afraid you'll be alone.
417
00:16:23,951 --> 00:16:26,819
Great news... you share
that with all of us,
418
00:16:26,820 --> 00:16:30,355
so you'll never be alone
and you'll always fit in.
419
00:16:30,356 --> 00:16:33,425
And, yes, that's why I meddled
with Troy and Britta.
420
00:16:33,426 --> 00:16:34,426
You caught me.
421
00:16:34,427 --> 00:16:35,860
I was trying to make life go
422
00:16:35,861 --> 00:16:37,228
according to some script.
423
00:16:37,229 --> 00:16:38,763
I can't.
424
00:16:38,764 --> 00:16:40,765
You can't.
425
00:16:40,766 --> 00:16:44,035
We both need to get more
comfortable winging it.
426
00:16:44,036 --> 00:16:45,503
At least it'll be less work.
427
00:16:45,504 --> 00:16:46,937
It would cut down my
Dreamatorium time
428
00:16:46,938 --> 00:16:48,339
by 18 hours a week.
429
00:16:48,340 --> 00:16:49,340
I could take up yoga.
430
00:16:49,341 --> 00:16:51,241
You've got the body type.
431
00:16:51,242 --> 00:16:53,077
Now let's get you out of here.
432
00:16:53,078 --> 00:16:54,311
I don't know how.
433
00:16:54,312 --> 00:16:56,046
These fake shackles
don't have a fake key.
434
00:16:56,047 --> 00:16:59,049
Isn't that what a...
quantum spanner's for?
435
00:16:59,050 --> 00:17:01,585
Technically, no.
436
00:17:01,586 --> 00:17:04,687
But that's fine.
437
00:17:04,688 --> 00:17:06,622
[Electricity crackles]
438
00:17:09,326 --> 00:17:11,427
So should we get back to lunch?
439
00:17:11,428 --> 00:17:12,428
I guess so.
440
00:17:12,429 --> 00:17:13,429
A little more anticlimactic
441
00:17:13,430 --> 00:17:14,430
than I would have simulated it,
442
00:17:14,431 --> 00:17:17,233
- but whatever.
- Anticlimactic?
443
00:17:17,234 --> 00:17:19,201
Render environment
observo-deck,
444
00:17:19,202 --> 00:17:23,705
H.M.S. Spacetime 12.
445
00:17:23,706 --> 00:17:26,941
Inspector, set the tachyon drive
to hyperjump.
446
00:17:26,942 --> 00:17:28,943
We must get to the other side of
this star field
447
00:17:28,944 --> 00:17:31,679
before the Blorgons intercept.
448
00:17:31,680 --> 00:17:33,948
Blorgons in this sector?
449
00:17:33,949 --> 00:17:36,550
Well, this mission has gone
pear-shaped, indeed.
450
00:17:36,551 --> 00:17:38,719
Prepare to hyperjump
on my mark.
451
00:17:38,720 --> 00:17:41,088
Bugger the dovecoats,
inspector.
452
00:17:41,089 --> 00:17:42,890
We're too late! Blorgons!
453
00:17:42,891 --> 00:17:45,459
Eradicate! Eradicate!
454
00:17:45,460 --> 00:17:49,063
Our quantum blasters are
useless against their armor.
455
00:17:49,064 --> 00:17:51,431
We're as cooked as Lord Nelson's
mutton, we are.
456
00:17:51,432 --> 00:17:52,965
Not if I can help it.
457
00:17:52,966 --> 00:17:57,437
I'll see you on the other side
inspector... Wherever that is.
458
00:17:57,438 --> 00:18:00,806
Don't you mean
"whenever that is"?
459
00:18:00,807 --> 00:18:04,144
[Battlecry]
460
00:18:04,145 --> 00:18:06,211
Take that, Blorgon scum!
461
00:18:06,212 --> 00:18:09,348
You'll blo-gon me
for this later.
462
00:18:09,349 --> 00:18:10,949
Ow, Annie!
463
00:18:10,950 --> 00:18:12,351
Oh, oh, my God!
464
00:18:12,352 --> 00:18:14,453
Abed, I'm so sorry.
465
00:18:14,454 --> 00:18:15,854
No, no, you're committing.
466
00:18:15,855 --> 00:18:17,022
This is good stuff.
467
00:18:17,023 --> 00:18:19,624
Thanks.
468
00:18:19,625 --> 00:18:21,760
I am Abed Nadir...
469
00:18:21,761 --> 00:18:23,928
And I don't know a lot of things
everyone else knows.
470
00:18:23,929 --> 00:18:25,963
I wander the universe
with my friend, Troy,
471
00:18:25,964 --> 00:18:27,465
doing whatever I want.
472
00:18:27,466 --> 00:18:30,868
Sometimes accidentally hurting
innocent unremarkables.
473
00:18:30,869 --> 00:18:34,305
This week, however, Troy went
to lunch and I adapted.
474
00:18:34,306 --> 00:18:37,375
I now have the ability
to enter the minds of others.
475
00:18:37,376 --> 00:18:39,576
- I'm hungry, are you hungry?
- Yeah.
476
00:18:39,577 --> 00:18:41,144
I'll make us buttered noodles.
477
00:18:41,145 --> 00:18:44,581
Using an elusive new
technique known as "empathy".
478
00:18:46,617 --> 00:18:48,718
So was the other fast food
place worth the drive, Shirley?
479
00:18:48,719 --> 00:18:50,620
You know, half way there I
thought, "What am I doing?
480
00:18:50,621 --> 00:18:52,655
It's the same fast food place
in a different location.
481
00:18:52,656 --> 00:18:55,124
Have the margins of my life
become so narrow?"
482
00:18:55,125 --> 00:18:56,825
So I went to the mall
and had pizza.
483
00:18:58,661 --> 00:19:01,530
Sounds like this has been a
game-changing day for all of us.
484
00:19:01,531 --> 00:19:03,299
I almost sat on my balls,
485
00:19:03,300 --> 00:19:06,802
but at the last second,
I made an adjustment.
486
00:19:06,803 --> 00:19:08,704
- Good job!
- Good work.
487
00:19:08,705 --> 00:19:10,138
Good job, man.
488
00:19:10,139 --> 00:19:11,372
Well, we had a good lunch, too.
489
00:19:11,373 --> 00:19:13,674
Yeah.
490
00:19:13,675 --> 00:19:15,243
I spoke to the manager
about Die Hard,
491
00:19:15,244 --> 00:19:16,811
and I told him he should be
ashamed of himself.
492
00:19:16,812 --> 00:19:18,179
Thanks.
493
00:19:18,180 --> 00:19:20,315
Sorry I bailed
on the Dreamatorium.
494
00:19:20,316 --> 00:19:24,319
It's okay, Annie did pretty
good in a pinch.
495
00:19:24,320 --> 00:19:27,787
All right, back to cramming?
496
00:19:27,788 --> 00:19:31,024
The people at the bank loved
my outfit.
497
00:19:31,025 --> 00:19:33,393
And they had all kinds of
questions about it
498
00:19:33,394 --> 00:19:34,894
and my answers seemed to amuse
499
00:19:34,895 --> 00:19:37,531
and... and even liberate
them a little.
500
00:19:37,532 --> 00:19:39,099
A few of us went to lunch
501
00:19:39,100 --> 00:19:43,068
and I had the deepest
conversation of my life.
502
00:19:43,069 --> 00:19:47,039
I gotta go,
I'm telling everybody.
503
00:19:47,040 --> 00:19:49,642
Hmm, maybe after
a long, dark night,
504
00:19:49,643 --> 00:19:51,244
the sun is starting
to rise on Greendale.
505
00:19:51,245 --> 00:19:54,247
Maybe. Maybe not.
506
00:19:54,248 --> 00:19:56,915
You never can tell what kind
of day you're gonna have.
507
00:19:56,916 --> 00:19:58,850
Okay, I didn't really avoid
sitting on them.
508
00:19:58,851 --> 00:20:00,685
I sat right on them.
509
00:20:00,686 --> 00:20:02,254
- Oh.
- Aw.
510
00:20:02,255 --> 00:20:03,555
- I'm sorry.
- Pierce, I'm sorry.
511
00:20:03,556 --> 00:20:04,856
Hurt like hell.
512
00:20:04,857 --> 00:20:06,791
I saw eagles.
513
00:20:17,442 --> 00:20:19,537
Both: ♪ Troy and Abed
in the morning ♪
514
00:20:19,538 --> 00:20:20,939
Today we're joined
by Annie Edison...
515
00:20:20,940 --> 00:20:22,206
- Hi!
- Who's gonna show us how
516
00:20:22,207 --> 00:20:23,641
to spruce up your
apartment on a budget.
517
00:20:23,642 --> 00:20:25,043
So, Annie, what
inspired this throw?
518
00:20:25,044 --> 00:20:27,478
Well, I just thought
that I'd cover up the stain
519
00:20:27,479 --> 00:20:29,646
where Abed spilled code red
on the couch last week.
520
00:20:29,647 --> 00:20:30,981
Oops. Crafty.
521
00:20:30,982 --> 00:20:32,583
And you have some tips
on entertaining.
522
00:20:32,584 --> 00:20:34,417
Yes, if you're
expecting company,
523
00:20:34,418 --> 00:20:36,720
but you don't have enough
chairs, you can bring out
524
00:20:36,721 --> 00:20:39,322
pillows from your bedroom and
use them on the floor
525
00:20:39,323 --> 00:20:40,757
for a Moroccan feel.
526
00:20:40,758 --> 00:20:42,859
- Ooh, a taste of the Orient.
- Ooh!
527
00:20:42,860 --> 00:20:45,527
Actually, boys, I have
a little surprise for you.
528
00:20:45,528 --> 00:20:46,562
- Uh-oh.
- While you two were out
529
00:20:46,563 --> 00:20:47,730
playing blazer tag...
530
00:20:47,731 --> 00:20:49,498
That's laser tag
with sport coats.
531
00:20:49,499 --> 00:20:53,102
I did a little extreme
bedroom makeover!
532
00:20:53,103 --> 00:20:56,438
I unbunked your beds and got
scrap fabric and...
533
00:20:56,439 --> 00:20:59,341
- [High-pitched whine]
- It's okay, buddy.
534
00:20:59,342 --> 00:21:00,341
We can put it back.
535
00:21:00,342 --> 00:21:01,542
We can put it back
the way it was.
536
00:21:01,543 --> 00:21:02,811
- I'm so sorry.
- It's okay.
537
00:21:02,812 --> 00:21:05,413
- [Whining continues]
- It's... cut, Garrett.
538
00:21:05,414 --> 00:21:06,715
Sorry!
539
00:21:06,716 --> 00:21:08,650
[Stuttering whine]