1 00:00:05,143 --> 00:00:06,410 We are so screwed. 2 00:00:06,411 --> 00:00:07,578 How are we gonna memorize all this? 3 00:00:07,579 --> 00:00:08,812 Let's just go over it again. 4 00:00:08,813 --> 00:00:10,880 Kingdom, phylum, class... 5 00:00:10,881 --> 00:00:14,351 Order, family, genus, species. 6 00:00:14,352 --> 00:00:16,453 I use a mnemonic device. 7 00:00:16,454 --> 00:00:20,290 "Kevin, please come over for gay sex." 8 00:00:20,291 --> 00:00:22,792 Why wouldn't you use "Karen"? 9 00:00:22,793 --> 00:00:24,361 'Cause it's gay sex, dummy. 10 00:00:24,362 --> 00:00:25,928 So use "great". 11 00:00:25,929 --> 00:00:27,896 Now I can't remember anything. Thanks! 12 00:00:27,897 --> 00:00:29,865 God, why do we always wind up in this position? 13 00:00:29,866 --> 00:00:31,500 For all the time you spend here, you'd think we wouldn't 14 00:00:31,501 --> 00:00:32,801 have to cram so much. 15 00:00:32,802 --> 00:00:34,202 Maybe we never get any work done because we have 16 00:00:34,203 --> 00:00:35,685 so much fun hanging out together. 17 00:00:35,686 --> 00:00:38,622 Definitely, maybe that's why. 18 00:00:39,477 --> 00:00:44,812 Ah, the duali-Dean of man. 19 00:00:44,813 --> 00:00:47,448 I'm dressed this way because I have good news and bad news. 20 00:00:47,449 --> 00:00:49,450 You have got to be kidding me. 21 00:00:49,451 --> 00:00:52,420 The bad news is Professor Kane has the flu. 22 00:00:52,421 --> 00:00:54,922 The good news is biology class is canceled... 23 00:00:56,792 --> 00:00:57,858 After you. 24 00:00:57,859 --> 00:01:00,627 What a gentleman. 25 00:01:00,628 --> 00:01:03,297 Guys, we don't have to cram last minute anymore. 26 00:01:03,298 --> 00:01:05,332 Last minute got moved to tomorrow. 27 00:01:05,333 --> 00:01:07,334 Three-hour lunch? Three-hour lunch? Three-hour lunch? 28 00:01:07,335 --> 00:01:08,568 Three hours? 29 00:01:08,569 --> 00:01:10,304 I could watch the first half of three movies. 30 00:01:10,305 --> 00:01:11,638 Ooh, I don't have to go to the fast food 31 00:01:11,639 --> 00:01:12,773 restaurant across the street. 32 00:01:12,774 --> 00:01:14,174 I can go to the fancy one across town. 33 00:01:14,175 --> 00:01:15,408 Their manager wears a tie. 34 00:01:15,409 --> 00:01:16,842 If we don't eat, we can make-believe 35 00:01:16,843 --> 00:01:18,311 an whole episode's worth of Inspector Spacetime 36 00:01:18,312 --> 00:01:19,712 - in the Dreamatorium. - Word. 37 00:01:19,713 --> 00:01:21,547 Yeah. 38 00:01:21,548 --> 00:01:23,616 Maybe we should go to Señor Kevin's. 39 00:01:23,617 --> 00:01:25,618 Britta, didn't you want to try that new cage-free bean burrito? 40 00:01:25,619 --> 00:01:28,020 The tortillas are made with micro-financed flour. 41 00:01:28,021 --> 00:01:29,555 Troy, you could drive. 44 00:01:33,526 --> 00:01:35,660 I can't go to Señor Kevin's. The manager and I are enemies. 45 00:01:35,661 --> 00:01:36,994 He said Die Hard was bad. 46 00:01:36,995 --> 00:01:38,363 - He said Die Hard was bad. - I know, buddy. 47 00:01:38,364 --> 00:01:39,897 Well, how about this. 48 00:01:39,898 --> 00:01:43,167 This lunch is already a runaway train, no point in stopping it. 49 00:01:43,168 --> 00:01:45,437 Troy, Britta, you go to Señor Kevin's. 50 00:01:45,438 --> 00:01:47,304 Abed promised he'd show me how the Dreamatorium works. 51 00:01:47,305 --> 00:01:49,206 - Today's the perfect day for it. - But I want to... 52 00:01:49,207 --> 00:01:50,808 Abed, don't you think today's 53 00:01:50,809 --> 00:01:52,343 - the perfect day for it? - No. 54 00:01:52,344 --> 00:01:54,812 - Abed. - Is this a social cue? 55 00:01:54,813 --> 00:01:59,020 I left my Puttin' On the Ritz cane in here earlier. 56 00:01:59,984 --> 00:02:01,618 I know it probably has another name, 57 00:02:01,619 --> 00:02:04,887 but, um, can I be perfectly honest with you guys? 58 00:02:04,888 --> 00:02:06,789 I think I went too far with this one. 59 00:02:06,790 --> 00:02:11,060 I have to go to the bank today. 60 00:02:11,061 --> 00:02:12,762 What am I supposed to tell people in line? 61 00:02:12,763 --> 00:02:15,598 "I had good news and bad news"? 62 00:02:15,599 --> 00:02:17,567 Come on, Craig. 63 00:02:17,568 --> 00:02:19,835 Get you life together. 64 00:02:24,439 --> 00:02:28,009 ♪ Give me some more, time in a dream ♪ 65 00:02:28,010 --> 00:02:31,446 ♪ give me the hope to run out of steam ♪ 66 00:02:31,447 --> 00:02:34,615 ♪ somebody said we could be here ♪ 67 00:02:34,616 --> 00:02:38,819 ♪ we could be roped up, tied up, dead in a year ♪ 68 00:02:38,820 --> 00:02:43,724 ♪ I can't count the reasons I should stay ♪ 69 00:02:43,725 --> 00:02:47,661 ♪ one by one they all just fade away ♪ 70 00:02:47,662 --> 00:02:50,466 Sync & Corrections by Elderfel www.addic7ed.com 71 00:02:52,433 --> 00:02:54,667 I am Inspector Spacetime. 72 00:02:54,668 --> 00:02:56,736 And I know that which is unknown. 73 00:02:56,737 --> 00:03:00,640 Duty-bound to protect a universe of innocent unremarkables, 74 00:03:00,641 --> 00:03:03,175 I patrol it in the x7 Dimensionizer 75 00:03:03,176 --> 00:03:05,645 with my loyal constable, Reggie. 76 00:03:05,646 --> 00:03:08,747 This week, however, Reggie has been forced to go to lunch. 77 00:03:08,748 --> 00:03:12,050 So I'm aboard the much crappier H.M.S. Spacetime 12, 78 00:03:12,051 --> 00:03:16,455 from the worst season ever, with temporary constable, Geneva. 79 00:03:16,456 --> 00:03:19,558 Geneva, I need the quantum spanner, the big one. 80 00:03:19,559 --> 00:03:23,494 Oi, gov'ner, quantum spammer, up an' at 'em, in'it? 81 00:03:26,031 --> 00:03:27,331 If we can't get out of orbital lock, 82 00:03:27,332 --> 00:03:28,966 the Blorgons may intercept. 83 00:03:28,967 --> 00:03:30,435 Tut tut, m'lord. 84 00:03:30,436 --> 00:03:34,338 Wouldn't give a tuppence for that sticky wicket. 85 00:03:34,339 --> 00:03:36,173 Okay, stop simulation. 86 00:03:36,174 --> 00:03:37,341 More British? 87 00:03:37,342 --> 00:03:39,108 I can't do this anymore. 88 00:03:39,109 --> 00:03:41,277 But the Blo-gons might intercept... 89 00:03:41,278 --> 00:03:42,712 It's Blorgons with an "r". 90 00:03:42,713 --> 00:03:44,113 Blo-gon means "thank you" in blorgon. 91 00:03:44,114 --> 00:03:45,982 Can't we play something I know about 92 00:03:45,983 --> 00:03:48,626 like hospital administration? 93 00:03:50,421 --> 00:03:54,057 You're mad at me for playing matchmaker with Troy and Britta. 94 00:03:54,058 --> 00:03:55,658 You think you're gonna lose Troy. 95 00:03:55,659 --> 00:03:56,692 I'm not petty, Annie. 96 00:03:56,693 --> 00:03:57,693 I'm mad at you because you tampered 97 00:03:57,694 --> 00:03:58,994 with the fabric of the group. 98 00:03:58,995 --> 00:04:00,162 How do you know Troy and Britta pairing up 99 00:04:00,163 --> 00:04:01,263 wouldn't destroy everything? 100 00:04:01,264 --> 00:04:02,565 I run the scenarios. 101 00:04:02,566 --> 00:04:03,799 I examine this stuff from every conceivable angle. 102 00:04:03,800 --> 00:04:06,034 Oh, and you can do that but I can't? 103 00:04:06,035 --> 00:04:08,471 You don't have a patent on being a control freak, Abed. 104 00:04:08,472 --> 00:04:09,505 I kind of do. 105 00:04:09,506 --> 00:04:11,606 You think this is just a room where Troy and I play dinosaurs 106 00:04:11,607 --> 00:04:12,974 versus river boat gamblers together? 107 00:04:12,975 --> 00:04:14,576 Sure, it's how I got the construction approved, 108 00:04:14,577 --> 00:04:15,910 but, much like myself, 109 00:04:15,911 --> 00:04:18,012 the Dreamatorium has higher functions. 110 00:04:18,013 --> 00:04:20,009 Would you like me to show you how your stunt 111 00:04:20,010 --> 00:04:20,949 with Troy and Britta will play itself out? 112 00:04:20,950 --> 00:04:22,584 Why not? 113 00:04:22,585 --> 00:04:24,452 Execute simulation Troy/Britta. 114 00:04:24,453 --> 00:04:28,221 Render environment Señor Kevin's. 115 00:04:28,222 --> 00:04:29,723 Oh, those appetizers 116 00:04:29,724 --> 00:04:32,593 were dope and legit! 117 00:04:32,594 --> 00:04:33,927 I don't usually support lunch 118 00:04:33,928 --> 00:04:36,697 because it's unfair to breakfast. 119 00:04:36,698 --> 00:04:37,698 I never thought about 120 00:04:37,699 --> 00:04:40,767 meals fighting each other. 121 00:04:40,768 --> 00:04:42,202 I guess that explains why you never 122 00:04:42,203 --> 00:04:44,470 see any two of them on the same table. 123 00:04:44,471 --> 00:04:46,506 So I guess Annie's pretty hot to get us together. 124 00:04:46,507 --> 00:04:49,475 She probably just doesn't understand people. 125 00:04:49,476 --> 00:04:50,910 Well, the sooner the food comes, 126 00:04:50,911 --> 00:04:53,078 the sooner this will be over. 127 00:04:53,079 --> 00:04:56,749 I'm afraid your food won't be ready for another half hour. 128 00:04:56,750 --> 00:05:00,418 I'm too busy misunderstanding the whole point of Die Hard. 129 00:05:00,419 --> 00:05:03,454 I can't wait to get home to Abed. 130 00:05:03,455 --> 00:05:05,657 So you can dart back and forth 131 00:05:05,658 --> 00:05:07,158 doing impressions of your friends. 132 00:05:07,159 --> 00:05:09,027 There's no science at work here. 133 00:05:09,028 --> 00:05:12,363 You're right. 134 00:05:12,364 --> 00:05:15,298 The science is at work in here. 135 00:05:17,101 --> 00:05:20,303 This is the Dreamatorium's engine. 136 00:05:20,304 --> 00:05:21,705 My thoughts are collected by this box 137 00:05:21,706 --> 00:05:24,008 and everything I know about my friends is stored here. 138 00:05:24,009 --> 00:05:25,375 Both are distilled by logic and then 139 00:05:25,376 --> 00:05:27,177 recombined into objective observation. 140 00:05:27,178 --> 00:05:28,846 I'm able to simulate any of the study group 141 00:05:28,847 --> 00:05:32,048 and even a half-accurate Chang in over 7,000 unique situations. 142 00:05:32,049 --> 00:05:35,618 Abed, it's cardboard tubes and a funnel. 143 00:05:35,619 --> 00:05:36,886 Well you see it that way because it's calibrated 144 00:05:36,887 --> 00:05:38,454 to a specific level of brain function. 145 00:05:38,455 --> 00:05:40,657 Right. I'm stupid. 146 00:05:40,658 --> 00:05:42,959 Not stupid, just less able to see what I see. 147 00:05:42,960 --> 00:05:46,029 Gee, you've got it all figured out. 148 00:05:48,364 --> 00:05:51,132 King of toilet paper rolls over here. 149 00:05:51,133 --> 00:05:54,903 Hey, Troy, I'm glad you called. 150 00:05:54,904 --> 00:05:56,038 Your lunch is going well, right? 151 00:05:56,039 --> 00:05:57,773 Yeah, just checking on Abed. 152 00:05:57,774 --> 00:05:59,675 Making sure he's okay. 153 00:05:59,676 --> 00:06:02,110 What? He's fine. 154 00:06:02,111 --> 00:06:04,011 He just implied I operate on a lower level 155 00:06:04,012 --> 00:06:06,747 of brain function, so business as usual. 156 00:06:06,748 --> 00:06:10,250 Great, um, just, you know, make sure he stays comfortable. 157 00:06:10,251 --> 00:06:11,852 I worry about him when I'm not around. 158 00:06:11,853 --> 00:06:15,990 Well, he's fine, he always will be. 159 00:06:15,991 --> 00:06:17,959 People bend over backwards to cater to him. 160 00:06:17,960 --> 00:06:20,660 He's just extra sensitive in the Dreamatorium. 161 00:06:20,661 --> 00:06:22,729 It takes a lot out of him to run that thing. 162 00:06:22,730 --> 00:06:24,230 I don't want you to break his brain. 163 00:06:24,231 --> 00:06:25,531 Bye, Troy. 164 00:06:25,532 --> 00:06:28,602 - How is he? - He'll be okay. 165 00:06:28,603 --> 00:06:30,236 It's so sweet how much you care about him. 166 00:06:30,237 --> 00:06:33,406 And another thing I hate about Die Hard, 167 00:06:33,407 --> 00:06:36,341 two FBI agents named Johnson. 168 00:06:38,111 --> 00:06:40,746 I've been thinking about our Inspector Spacetime scenario. 169 00:06:40,747 --> 00:06:42,848 It might work better if instead of playing Geneva, 170 00:06:42,849 --> 00:06:44,083 you played Rosamund. 171 00:06:44,084 --> 00:06:45,417 She was a constable in season five 172 00:06:45,418 --> 00:06:47,586 and she only had three lines. 173 00:06:47,587 --> 00:06:49,187 I have a better idea. 174 00:06:49,188 --> 00:06:51,555 You know what would make your scenarios a lot more realistic? 175 00:06:51,556 --> 00:06:52,724 If Troy weren't on a date. 176 00:06:52,725 --> 00:06:54,025 Why don't you take all your thoughts 177 00:06:54,026 --> 00:06:57,361 and your logic and add one step to the process. 178 00:06:57,362 --> 00:06:58,896 - What are you doing? - From now on, 179 00:06:58,897 --> 00:07:00,798 before you do or say anything, 180 00:07:00,799 --> 00:07:03,701 you're gonna think about how it affects the people around you. 181 00:07:03,702 --> 00:07:06,237 We lower functioning brains call this "empathy". 182 00:07:09,774 --> 00:07:13,176 Abed? 183 00:07:13,177 --> 00:07:16,780 Abed? 184 00:07:16,781 --> 00:07:18,649 Oh, my God, I broke Abed. 185 00:07:21,858 --> 00:07:23,858 Abed? 186 00:07:23,859 --> 00:07:24,859 You know how you wanted me to tell you 187 00:07:24,860 --> 00:07:27,494 when you were being scary weird instead of cute weird? 188 00:07:27,495 --> 00:07:30,431 This is scary weird. 189 00:07:32,534 --> 00:07:35,235 Hello, Annie. 190 00:07:35,236 --> 00:07:37,438 What was I doing on the floor? 191 00:07:37,439 --> 00:07:39,773 Were we... doing it? 192 00:07:39,774 --> 00:07:42,008 Are you being Jeff? 193 00:07:42,009 --> 00:07:45,277 Well, I'm not being a Kardashian. 194 00:07:45,278 --> 00:07:46,446 So where are we now? 195 00:07:46,447 --> 00:07:49,649 We're in the doctor's lounge of Greendale Hospital School. 196 00:07:49,650 --> 00:07:50,717 Hospital school? 197 00:07:50,718 --> 00:07:52,352 It's a sexy emotional school 198 00:07:52,353 --> 00:07:54,153 where doctors save lives and make love, 199 00:07:54,154 --> 00:07:55,388 often simultaneously. 200 00:07:55,389 --> 00:07:57,790 Our stories, ripped from the headlines. 201 00:07:57,791 --> 00:07:59,624 Our passions, unbridled. 202 00:07:59,625 --> 00:08:02,694 Our cafeteria, eh... 203 00:08:02,695 --> 00:08:04,062 Make love to me, Ann. 204 00:08:04,063 --> 00:08:05,330 I know I'm just a surgeon 205 00:08:05,331 --> 00:08:07,198 and you're a hotshot upstart administrator, 206 00:08:07,199 --> 00:08:08,767 but damn the rules, damn the system, 207 00:08:08,768 --> 00:08:11,470 damn our two foot height disparity, I want you. 208 00:08:11,471 --> 00:08:14,906 Okay, Abed, I get it, we have different sensibilities. 209 00:08:14,907 --> 00:08:16,841 Later. 210 00:08:19,711 --> 00:08:21,278 Bye. 211 00:08:21,279 --> 00:08:23,213 I'm leaving. 212 00:08:32,155 --> 00:08:34,957 Okay, Dr. Jeff, 213 00:08:34,958 --> 00:08:37,494 can you please tell me where I can find Abed? 214 00:08:37,495 --> 00:08:38,595 I owe him an apology. 215 00:08:38,596 --> 00:08:41,030 Abed? Never heard of him. 216 00:08:41,031 --> 00:08:45,167 Terrific. 217 00:08:45,168 --> 00:08:47,503 I asked you a question, doctor. 218 00:08:47,504 --> 00:08:48,470 I'm a surgeon! 219 00:08:48,471 --> 00:08:50,071 And I'm your administrator! 220 00:08:50,072 --> 00:08:51,973 I left my wife for you and she was pregnant! 221 00:08:51,974 --> 00:08:54,209 Who do you think inseminated her? 222 00:08:54,210 --> 00:08:56,712 Now tell me what I want to know or God as my witness, 223 00:08:56,713 --> 00:08:58,046 I'll have your stethoscope. 224 00:08:58,047 --> 00:08:59,581 Fine. 225 00:08:59,582 --> 00:09:02,117 Dr. Perry might know. 226 00:09:02,118 --> 00:09:05,052 Render environment bio lab. 227 00:09:06,755 --> 00:09:09,590 Look, there's Britta and Troy fooling around with each other. 228 00:09:09,591 --> 00:09:12,693 Look, there's Abed having overcome his issues. 229 00:09:12,694 --> 00:09:14,061 Nice try. 230 00:09:14,062 --> 00:09:17,364 Dr. Barnes, Dr. Perry. 231 00:09:17,365 --> 00:09:20,434 We just saved an uninsured homeless man's life. 232 00:09:20,435 --> 00:09:22,803 Using an unapproved procedure. 233 00:09:22,804 --> 00:09:25,739 Now, we're going to kiss. 234 00:09:31,512 --> 00:09:33,079 This is what you think I want? 235 00:09:33,080 --> 00:09:35,614 What do you want, administrator? 236 00:09:35,615 --> 00:09:37,182 I want to talk to Abed. 237 00:09:37,183 --> 00:09:38,617 There's no one here by that name. 238 00:09:38,618 --> 00:09:40,820 - You're lying. - Maybe I am, so what? 239 00:09:40,821 --> 00:09:42,855 I was raised on the mean streets of Harlem. 240 00:09:42,856 --> 00:09:44,056 I'm not scared of you. 241 00:09:44,057 --> 00:09:46,992 Well, be scared of this. 242 00:09:49,463 --> 00:09:53,397 Sodium pentothal, known commonly as truth serum. 243 00:09:55,033 --> 00:09:58,903 I saw Abed's name in the hospital school files, 244 00:09:58,904 --> 00:10:01,138 I love butt stuff, I hate spiders, 245 00:10:01,139 --> 00:10:03,207 I stole a pen from the bank, 246 00:10:03,208 --> 00:10:05,910 I cried during About a Boy... The soundtrack... 247 00:10:05,911 --> 00:10:08,479 I don't wash my hands before surgery. 248 00:10:08,480 --> 00:10:10,981 I can see why women find Clive Owen attractive to the point 249 00:10:10,982 --> 00:10:13,083 where I might just as well be attracted to him. 250 00:10:13,084 --> 00:10:15,886 I use comparisons to Hitler to win arguments on the Internet 251 00:10:15,887 --> 00:10:17,187 at the drop of a hat. 252 00:10:17,188 --> 00:10:18,956 I know nothing about wine. 253 00:10:18,957 --> 00:10:21,424 I'm more turned on by women in pajamas than lingerie. 254 00:10:21,425 --> 00:10:23,293 I just want to know they feel comfortable. 255 00:10:23,294 --> 00:10:27,029 I didn't get Inception. 256 00:10:27,030 --> 00:10:30,733 I didn't get Inception. 257 00:10:32,836 --> 00:10:34,403 You said you saw his name in the files. 258 00:10:34,404 --> 00:10:36,238 There's so many layers. 259 00:10:36,239 --> 00:10:40,174 Right, render environment medical study room. 260 00:10:40,175 --> 00:10:41,476 There's head nurse, Shirley, 261 00:10:41,477 --> 00:10:43,512 talking to tragic, heart-wrenching Alzheimer's 262 00:10:43,513 --> 00:10:45,947 patient and Emmy-contender, Pierce Hawthorne. 263 00:10:45,948 --> 00:10:49,951 Mr. Hawthorne, you're out of your bed again. 264 00:10:49,952 --> 00:10:51,419 'Cause I think I'm on a train. 265 00:10:51,420 --> 00:10:53,154 Oh! Oh! 266 00:10:53,155 --> 00:10:55,390 Shirley, get me the file on Abed. 267 00:10:55,391 --> 00:10:57,090 Abed doesn't exist, young lady. 268 00:10:57,091 --> 00:10:58,526 He exists if I say so. 269 00:10:58,527 --> 00:10:59,860 This is my hospital school. 270 00:10:59,861 --> 00:11:01,862 Your hospital school, young lady, is a simulation 271 00:11:01,863 --> 00:11:03,864 being run through a filter of other people's needs. 272 00:11:03,865 --> 00:11:07,701 Abed's been filtered out because nobody needs him. 273 00:11:07,702 --> 00:11:08,702 I need him. 274 00:11:08,703 --> 00:11:09,837 Well you're not simulated. 275 00:11:09,838 --> 00:11:11,138 No, but this is! 276 00:11:12,205 --> 00:11:13,606 Ooh! 277 00:11:13,607 --> 00:11:15,008 And there's more where that didn't come from. 278 00:11:15,009 --> 00:11:16,809 This is a private compartment. 279 00:11:16,810 --> 00:11:18,978 - Jeff, get the files. - Why me? 280 00:11:18,979 --> 00:11:21,814 Because you can see the cabinets. 281 00:11:21,815 --> 00:11:23,016 And I'll make love to you. 282 00:11:23,017 --> 00:11:25,051 Jackpot. 283 00:11:28,087 --> 00:11:30,488 There is an Abed in this hospital school, 284 00:11:30,489 --> 00:11:33,725 but he's not a doctor. 285 00:11:33,726 --> 00:11:35,293 He's a patient. 286 00:11:35,294 --> 00:11:37,395 - Notify security! - Conductor! 287 00:11:37,396 --> 00:11:38,730 Jeff, take me to Abed. 288 00:11:38,731 --> 00:11:39,965 Where is that? 289 00:11:39,966 --> 00:11:42,734 Enough games, just take me where I wanna go. 290 00:11:42,735 --> 00:11:44,324 Follow me. 291 00:11:45,697 --> 00:11:46,571 Are we close? 292 00:11:46,572 --> 00:11:48,973 Almost there, although you should probably run in place 293 00:11:48,974 --> 00:11:51,909 and let the hall move around you. 294 00:11:57,148 --> 00:11:59,516 - Here we are. - Where? 295 00:11:59,517 --> 00:12:01,317 Where you wanted to go. 296 00:12:01,318 --> 00:12:04,454 The last night of school, first year. 297 00:12:04,455 --> 00:12:06,289 The night we kissed. 298 00:12:06,290 --> 00:12:09,759 Ababed wasn't there, so whose memory is this? 299 00:12:09,760 --> 00:12:11,061 Maybe it's yours. 300 00:12:11,062 --> 00:12:13,463 Maybe the Dreamatorium really works. 301 00:12:13,464 --> 00:12:15,598 Or maybe Leonard was watching from the bushes 302 00:12:15,599 --> 00:12:17,332 and told Abed about it. 303 00:12:17,333 --> 00:12:19,802 I don't have cable. 304 00:12:19,803 --> 00:12:21,536 Knock it off, Abed. 305 00:12:21,537 --> 00:12:22,605 I'm not Abed. 306 00:12:22,606 --> 00:12:25,240 You're confused, so was I. 307 00:12:25,241 --> 00:12:26,742 But not anymore. 308 00:12:26,743 --> 00:12:29,377 Jeff... Abed, stop! 309 00:12:29,378 --> 00:12:30,579 I don't wanna do this. 310 00:12:30,580 --> 00:12:33,748 I want to talk to Abed. 311 00:12:33,749 --> 00:12:37,785 I'm taking the file. 312 00:12:37,786 --> 00:12:41,422 Oh, it says Abed is in the recovery parlor. 313 00:12:41,423 --> 00:12:44,092 Condition... never better. 314 00:12:44,093 --> 00:12:47,328 You're not holding anything. 315 00:12:47,329 --> 00:12:50,296 This is the file. 316 00:12:50,297 --> 00:12:53,834 Abed Nadir, psychiatric patient 1373, 317 00:12:53,835 --> 00:12:55,936 control freak with no empathy. 318 00:12:55,937 --> 00:12:59,572 People bend over backwards to cater to him. 319 00:12:59,573 --> 00:13:04,043 Signed, healthcare administrator Annie Edison. 320 00:13:04,044 --> 00:13:06,278 That's out of context. 321 00:13:06,279 --> 00:13:07,446 Shh. 322 00:13:07,447 --> 00:13:09,448 You've thought of everything, Annie. 323 00:13:09,449 --> 00:13:12,084 With Abed gone and Troy and Britta together, 324 00:13:12,085 --> 00:13:13,986 there's nothing standing in the way of us. 325 00:13:13,987 --> 00:13:15,187 Wait, what? 326 00:13:15,188 --> 00:13:16,455 Come on. 327 00:13:16,456 --> 00:13:17,523 This is you dream. 328 00:13:17,524 --> 00:13:20,458 This is why you played matchmaker. 329 00:13:20,459 --> 00:13:23,094 This is what's important to you. 330 00:13:23,095 --> 00:13:25,563 You are not Jeff. 331 00:13:25,564 --> 00:13:28,566 Because Jeff cares about Abed. 332 00:13:28,567 --> 00:13:30,201 And I did not push Troy and Britta together 333 00:13:30,202 --> 00:13:31,469 so this would happen. 334 00:13:31,470 --> 00:13:33,138 I did it because I thought they were cute together 335 00:13:33,139 --> 00:13:35,140 and this would have been a bonus. 336 00:13:35,141 --> 00:13:37,041 And we are not here. 337 00:13:37,042 --> 00:13:40,443 And I'm not staying here because I hate whoever you are. 338 00:13:40,444 --> 00:13:42,445 You should probably storm off in... 339 00:13:42,446 --> 00:13:43,847 Oh! 340 00:13:43,848 --> 00:13:45,783 In place. 341 00:13:54,843 --> 00:13:56,010 Where do you wanna go next? 342 00:13:56,011 --> 00:13:58,312 I wanna be alone. 343 00:13:58,313 --> 00:14:00,147 Sounds good to me. 344 00:14:00,148 --> 00:14:03,083 Execute simulation, Annie/Annie. 345 00:14:05,554 --> 00:14:07,454 There. 346 00:14:07,455 --> 00:14:08,822 Now we're alone. 347 00:14:08,823 --> 00:14:11,425 Great, so you're me now. 348 00:14:11,426 --> 00:14:13,827 Why are you blowing our magic moment with Jeff? 349 00:14:13,828 --> 00:14:14,961 It's not magic. 350 00:14:14,962 --> 00:14:16,095 It's not even real. 351 00:14:16,096 --> 00:14:18,598 But we love Jeff. 352 00:14:18,599 --> 00:14:21,334 No, we don't. 353 00:14:21,335 --> 00:14:24,503 We're just in love with the idea of being loved. 354 00:14:24,504 --> 00:14:26,472 And if we can teach a guy like Jeff to do it, 355 00:14:26,473 --> 00:14:28,474 we'll never be unloved. 356 00:14:28,475 --> 00:14:31,176 So we keep running the same scenario over and over 357 00:14:31,177 --> 00:14:32,678 hoping for a different result. 358 00:14:32,679 --> 00:14:34,379 Running scenarios. 359 00:14:34,380 --> 00:14:35,648 Careful now. 360 00:14:35,649 --> 00:14:38,917 You're starting to sound like Abed. 361 00:14:38,918 --> 00:14:42,687 So... I probably shouldn't say things like "Star Wars. 362 00:14:42,688 --> 00:14:45,189 Zardoz, Cougar Town, cool, cool, cool." 363 00:14:45,190 --> 00:14:46,825 - Stop it. - Pop culture, pop culture. 364 00:14:46,826 --> 00:14:49,828 - I'm on a TV show. - You're gonna get in trouble. 365 00:14:49,829 --> 00:14:51,596 Meta, meta. 366 00:14:51,597 --> 00:14:52,797 It's Abed! 367 00:14:52,798 --> 00:14:54,365 I got an Abed here! 368 00:14:54,366 --> 00:14:55,599 Get him! 369 00:14:55,600 --> 00:14:56,600 That's it. 370 00:14:56,601 --> 00:14:58,201 I find you guilty of being Abed. 371 00:14:58,202 --> 00:14:59,636 You're under arrest! 372 00:14:59,637 --> 00:15:00,904 Can I just interject and say 373 00:15:00,905 --> 00:15:03,841 I don't know what the hell's going on? 374 00:15:09,914 --> 00:15:12,682 This time you'll never get out. 375 00:15:13,483 --> 00:15:15,417 Abed? 376 00:15:18,154 --> 00:15:19,154 Abed. 377 00:15:19,155 --> 00:15:20,389 Yeah. 378 00:15:20,390 --> 00:15:22,023 I found you by turning into you, how cool is that? 379 00:15:22,024 --> 00:15:23,625 Cool. Cool, cool, cool. 380 00:15:23,626 --> 00:15:25,226 Tell me where we are so I can pretend to see it. 381 00:15:25,227 --> 00:15:26,895 We're inside a locker. 382 00:15:26,896 --> 00:15:29,830 It's where I spent a lot of time in junior high. 383 00:15:29,831 --> 00:15:31,365 You think this is where we'd put you? 384 00:15:31,366 --> 00:15:34,134 - You know that's absurd, right? - Well, I'm not stupid. 385 00:15:34,135 --> 00:15:36,304 You can see I've increased the square footage. 386 00:15:36,305 --> 00:15:37,971 It's a metaphorical locker. 387 00:15:37,972 --> 00:15:39,239 It's a place where people like me get put 388 00:15:39,240 --> 00:15:40,574 when everyone's finally fed up with us. 389 00:15:40,575 --> 00:15:43,710 Abed, so maudlin. 390 00:15:43,711 --> 00:15:45,712 If you start turning into a vampire... 391 00:15:45,713 --> 00:15:46,879 I've run the simulations, Annie. 392 00:15:46,880 --> 00:15:48,214 I don't get married, I don't invent 393 00:15:48,215 --> 00:15:49,716 a billion dollar website that helps people have sex. 394 00:15:49,717 --> 00:15:51,951 I don't make in into Sundance, Slamdance or Dance Pants. 395 00:15:51,952 --> 00:15:53,886 Troy invents Dance Pants in 2019. 396 00:15:53,887 --> 00:15:55,388 Don't tell him, he needs to stumble onto it. 397 00:15:55,389 --> 00:15:56,589 All right, listen. 398 00:15:56,590 --> 00:15:58,157 The scenarios you run in here 399 00:15:58,158 --> 00:16:01,560 are like... great science fiction. 400 00:16:01,561 --> 00:16:05,197 They're impressive and detailed and insightful, 401 00:16:05,198 --> 00:16:07,366 but they're not accurate for crap. 402 00:16:07,367 --> 00:16:09,167 Science fiction never has been. 403 00:16:09,168 --> 00:16:10,669 Look at 2001. 404 00:16:10,670 --> 00:16:12,471 Did we have a space odyssey? 405 00:16:12,472 --> 00:16:14,807 No, we got snowboarding in the Olympics 406 00:16:14,808 --> 00:16:16,441 and we over-validated Carson Daily. 407 00:16:16,442 --> 00:16:18,810 - That poor guy. - Yeah, cry me a river. 408 00:16:18,811 --> 00:16:20,378 My point is, your simulations 409 00:16:20,379 --> 00:16:22,279 are nothing more than anxieties. 410 00:16:22,280 --> 00:16:23,748 You're afraid you don't fit in. 411 00:16:23,749 --> 00:16:25,350 You're afraid you'll be alone. 412 00:16:25,351 --> 00:16:28,219 Great news... you share that with all of us, 413 00:16:28,220 --> 00:16:31,755 so you'll never be alone and you'll always fit in. 414 00:16:31,756 --> 00:16:34,825 And, yes, that's why I meddled with Troy and Britta. 415 00:16:34,826 --> 00:16:35,826 You caught me. 416 00:16:35,827 --> 00:16:37,260 I was trying to make life go 417 00:16:37,261 --> 00:16:38,628 according to some script. 418 00:16:38,629 --> 00:16:40,163 I can't. 419 00:16:40,164 --> 00:16:42,165 You can't. 420 00:16:42,166 --> 00:16:45,435 We both need to get more comfortable winging it. 421 00:16:45,436 --> 00:16:46,903 At least it'll be less work. 422 00:16:46,904 --> 00:16:48,337 It would cut down my Dreamatorium time 423 00:16:48,338 --> 00:16:49,739 by 18 hours a week. 424 00:16:49,740 --> 00:16:50,740 I could take up yoga. 425 00:16:50,741 --> 00:16:52,641 You've got the body type. 426 00:16:52,642 --> 00:16:54,477 Now let's get you out of here. 427 00:16:54,478 --> 00:16:55,711 I don't know how. 428 00:16:55,712 --> 00:16:57,446 These fake shackles don't have a fake key. 429 00:16:57,447 --> 00:17:00,449 Isn't that what a... quantum spanner's for? 430 00:17:00,450 --> 00:17:02,985 Technically, no. 431 00:17:02,986 --> 00:17:06,087 But that's fine. 432 00:17:10,726 --> 00:17:12,827 So should we get back to lunch? 433 00:17:12,828 --> 00:17:13,828 I guess so. 434 00:17:13,829 --> 00:17:14,829 A little more anticlimactic 435 00:17:14,830 --> 00:17:15,830 than I would have simulated it, 436 00:17:15,831 --> 00:17:18,633 - but whatever. - Anticlimactic? 437 00:17:18,634 --> 00:17:20,601 Render environment observo-deck, 438 00:17:20,602 --> 00:17:25,105 H.M.S. Spacetime 12. 439 00:17:25,106 --> 00:17:28,341 Inspector, set the tachyon drive to hyperjump. 440 00:17:28,342 --> 00:17:30,343 We must get to the other side of this star field 441 00:17:30,344 --> 00:17:33,079 before the Blorgons intercept. 442 00:17:33,080 --> 00:17:35,348 Blorgons in this sector? 443 00:17:35,349 --> 00:17:37,950 Well, this mission has gone pear-shaped, indeed. 444 00:17:37,951 --> 00:17:40,119 Prepare to hyperjump on my mark. 445 00:17:40,120 --> 00:17:42,488 Bugger the dovecoats, inspector. 446 00:17:42,489 --> 00:17:44,290 We're too late! Blorgons! 447 00:17:44,291 --> 00:17:46,859 Eradicate! Eradicate! 448 00:17:46,860 --> 00:17:50,463 Our quantum blasters are useless against their armor. 449 00:17:50,464 --> 00:17:52,831 We're as cooked as Lord Nelson's mutton, we are. 450 00:17:52,832 --> 00:17:54,365 Not if I can help it. 451 00:17:54,366 --> 00:17:58,837 I'll see you on the other side inspector... Wherever that is. 452 00:17:58,838 --> 00:18:02,206 Don't you mean "whenever that is"? 453 00:18:05,545 --> 00:18:07,611 Take that, Blorgon scum! 454 00:18:07,612 --> 00:18:10,748 You'll blo-gon me for this later. 455 00:18:10,749 --> 00:18:12,349 Ow, Annie! 456 00:18:12,350 --> 00:18:13,751 Oh, oh, my God! 457 00:18:13,752 --> 00:18:15,853 Abed, I'm so sorry. 458 00:18:15,854 --> 00:18:17,254 No, no, you're committing. 459 00:18:17,255 --> 00:18:18,422 This is good stuff. 460 00:18:18,423 --> 00:18:21,024 Thanks. 461 00:18:21,025 --> 00:18:23,160 I am Abed Nadir... 462 00:18:23,161 --> 00:18:25,328 And I don't know a lot of things everyone else knows. 463 00:18:25,329 --> 00:18:27,363 I wander the universe with my friend, Troy, 464 00:18:27,364 --> 00:18:28,865 doing whatever I want. 465 00:18:28,866 --> 00:18:32,268 Sometimes accidentally hurting innocent unremarkables. 466 00:18:32,269 --> 00:18:35,705 This week, however, Troy went to lunch and I adapted. 467 00:18:35,706 --> 00:18:38,775 I now have the ability to enter the minds of others. 468 00:18:38,776 --> 00:18:40,976 - I'm hungry, are you hungry? - Yeah. 469 00:18:40,977 --> 00:18:42,544 I'll make us buttered noodles. 470 00:18:42,545 --> 00:18:45,981 Using an elusive new technique known as "empathy". 471 00:18:48,017 --> 00:18:50,118 So was the other fast food place worth the drive, Shirley? 472 00:18:50,119 --> 00:18:52,020 You know, half way there I thought, "What am I doing? 473 00:18:52,021 --> 00:18:54,055 It's the same fast food place in a different location. 474 00:18:54,056 --> 00:18:56,524 Have the margins of my life become so narrow?" 475 00:18:56,525 --> 00:18:58,225 So I went to the mall and had pizza. 476 00:19:00,061 --> 00:19:02,930 Sounds like this has been a game-changing day for all of us. 477 00:19:02,931 --> 00:19:04,699 I almost sat on my balls, 478 00:19:04,700 --> 00:19:08,202 but at the last second, I made an adjustment. 479 00:19:08,203 --> 00:19:10,104 - Good job! - Good work. 480 00:19:10,105 --> 00:19:11,538 Good job, man. 481 00:19:11,539 --> 00:19:12,772 Well, we had a good lunch, too. 482 00:19:12,773 --> 00:19:15,074 Yeah. 483 00:19:15,075 --> 00:19:16,643 I spoke to the manager about Die Hard, 484 00:19:16,644 --> 00:19:18,211 and I told him he should be ashamed of himself. 485 00:19:18,212 --> 00:19:19,579 Thanks. 486 00:19:19,580 --> 00:19:21,715 Sorry I bailed on the Dreamatorium. 487 00:19:21,716 --> 00:19:25,719 It's okay, Annie did pretty good in a pinch. 488 00:19:25,720 --> 00:19:29,187 All right, back to cramming? 489 00:19:29,188 --> 00:19:32,424 The people at the bank loved my outfit. 490 00:19:32,425 --> 00:19:34,793 And they had all kinds of questions about it 491 00:19:34,794 --> 00:19:36,294 and my answers seemed to amuse 492 00:19:36,295 --> 00:19:38,931 and... and even liberate them a little. 493 00:19:38,932 --> 00:19:40,499 A few of us went to lunch 494 00:19:40,500 --> 00:19:44,468 and I had the deepest conversation of my life. 495 00:19:44,469 --> 00:19:48,439 I gotta go, I'm telling everybody. 496 00:19:48,440 --> 00:19:51,042 Hmm, maybe after a long, dark night, 497 00:19:51,043 --> 00:19:52,644 the sun is starting to rise on Greendale. 498 00:19:52,645 --> 00:19:55,647 Maybe. Maybe not. 499 00:19:55,648 --> 00:19:58,315 You never can tell what kind of day you're gonna have. 500 00:19:58,316 --> 00:20:00,250 Okay, I didn't really avoid sitting on them. 501 00:20:00,251 --> 00:20:02,085 I sat right on them. 502 00:20:02,086 --> 00:20:03,654 - Oh. - Aw. 503 00:20:03,655 --> 00:20:04,955 - I'm sorry. - Pierce, I'm sorry. 504 00:20:04,956 --> 00:20:06,256 Hurt like hell. 505 00:20:06,257 --> 00:20:08,191 I saw eagles. 506 00:20:12,342 --> 00:20:14,437 ♪ Troy and Abed in the morning ♪ 507 00:20:14,438 --> 00:20:15,839 Today we're joined by Annie Edison... 508 00:20:15,840 --> 00:20:17,106 - Hi! - Who's gonna show us how 509 00:20:17,107 --> 00:20:18,541 to spruce up your apartment on a budget. 510 00:20:18,542 --> 00:20:19,943 So, Annie, what inspired this throw? 511 00:20:19,944 --> 00:20:22,378 Well, I just thought that I'd cover up the stain 512 00:20:22,379 --> 00:20:24,546 where Abed spilled code red on the couch last week. 513 00:20:24,547 --> 00:20:25,881 Oops. Crafty. 514 00:20:25,882 --> 00:20:27,483 And you have some tips on entertaining. 515 00:20:27,484 --> 00:20:29,317 Yes, if you're expecting company, 516 00:20:29,318 --> 00:20:31,620 but you don't have enough chairs, you can bring out 517 00:20:31,621 --> 00:20:34,222 pillows from your bedroom and use them on the floor 518 00:20:34,223 --> 00:20:35,657 for a Moroccan feel. 519 00:20:35,658 --> 00:20:37,759 - Ooh, a taste of the Orient. - Ooh! 520 00:20:37,760 --> 00:20:40,427 Actually, boys, I have a little surprise for you. 521 00:20:40,428 --> 00:20:41,462 - Uh-oh. - While you two were out 522 00:20:41,463 --> 00:20:42,630 playing blazer tag... 523 00:20:42,631 --> 00:20:44,398 That's laser tag with sport coats. 524 00:20:44,399 --> 00:20:48,002 I did a little extreme bedroom makeover! 525 00:20:48,003 --> 00:20:51,338 I unbunked your beds and got scrap fabric and... 526 00:20:51,339 --> 00:20:54,241 It's okay, buddy. 527 00:20:54,242 --> 00:20:55,241 We can put it back. 528 00:20:55,242 --> 00:20:56,442 We can put it back the way it was. 529 00:20:56,443 --> 00:20:57,711 - I'm so sorry. - It's okay. 530 00:20:57,712 --> 00:21:00,313 It's... cut, Garrett. 531 00:21:00,314 --> 00:21:01,615 Sorry!