1 00:00:09,801 --> 00:00:11,093 [LAUGHS] 2 00:00:13,054 --> 00:00:15,431 l wish you could all be inside my head. 3 00:00:16,433 --> 00:00:18,642 The conversation is sparkling. 4 00:00:20,979 --> 00:00:22,771 Fine, l'll tell you. 5 00:00:22,939 --> 00:00:27,276 A lichen is an organism made up of two separate species, fungi and algae. 6 00:00:27,485 --> 00:00:31,905 lf you could merge with another species, what species would you pick and why? 7 00:00:32,157 --> 00:00:34,324 Hint, there is a right answer. 8 00:00:36,077 --> 00:00:37,327 None of you will get it. 9 00:00:39,164 --> 00:00:42,624 Okay. Um, l'd pick swan because, uh, the resulting hybrid... 10 00:00:42,792 --> 00:00:45,878 ...would have the advanced industrial civilization of a human... 11 00:00:46,046 --> 00:00:49,298 ...and the long, graceful neck l've always dreamed of having. 12 00:00:51,384 --> 00:00:53,510 Wrong. Leonard? 13 00:00:53,720 --> 00:00:57,056 Horse. But mostly just for the height. 14 00:00:57,599 --> 00:01:00,059 A little bit for the genital girth. 15 00:01:01,478 --> 00:01:04,772 Wrong. And let's keep it clean, shall we? 16 00:01:05,190 --> 00:01:08,150 Kangaroo. Uh, l'd be a kangajew... 17 00:01:10,070 --> 00:01:12,780 ...the first of my people to dunk a basketball. 18 00:01:13,281 --> 00:01:17,910 Also, instead ofjust living in your mother's house, you could live inside her body. 19 00:01:18,328 --> 00:01:19,661 [LAUGHlNG] 20 00:01:21,498 --> 00:01:23,290 Clever, but also wrong. 21 00:01:23,541 --> 00:01:27,544 No. The best organism for human beings to merge with is the lichen itself. 22 00:01:27,754 --> 00:01:30,839 That way you'd be human, fungus and algae. 23 00:01:31,049 --> 00:01:32,549 Triple threat. 24 00:01:32,717 --> 00:01:34,343 Like three-bean salad. 25 00:01:35,637 --> 00:01:37,930 Give me one circumstance that would be useful. 26 00:01:38,181 --> 00:01:41,141 All right, picture this. A beautiful outdoor concert. 27 00:01:41,309 --> 00:01:43,936 Now, as a human, l appreciate Beethoven. 28 00:01:44,104 --> 00:01:48,649 As a fungus, l have a terrific view growing out of a towering maple tree. 29 00:01:48,858 --> 00:01:52,027 And no thank you expensive concessions because as an algae... 30 00:01:52,195 --> 00:01:54,321 ...l'll just snack on this sunlight. 31 00:01:55,406 --> 00:01:57,950 -He got us again. -No, he didn't. 32 00:01:58,368 --> 00:02:02,830 Anyway, if it's okay with you, we should talk about Howard's bachelor party. 33 00:02:04,082 --> 00:02:07,417 Seems like a bit of a letdown after our lichen conversation, but.... 34 00:02:07,585 --> 00:02:09,336 What do you know? You're half-swan. 35 00:02:11,005 --> 00:02:12,631 l did some research on strippers. 36 00:02:12,799 --> 00:02:15,092 One agency said they can get us a great price... 37 00:02:15,260 --> 00:02:18,679 ...if we're flexible on age range and number of limbs. 38 00:02:20,140 --> 00:02:23,725 Sounds like loads of fun, but l promised Bernadette no strippers. 39 00:02:23,893 --> 00:02:26,854 Heh, you don't want strippers? You're the king of strippers. 40 00:02:27,021 --> 00:02:30,232 That one club in North Hollywood named a pole after you. 41 00:02:31,317 --> 00:02:32,401 What can l tell you? 44 00:02:39,409 --> 00:02:42,035 Germans have an interesting pre-wedding custom-- 45 00:02:42,245 --> 00:02:44,413 lt's probably not for me. 46 00:02:47,834 --> 00:02:51,128 Maybe we can go up to, uh, Napa Valley. They've got that wine train.... 47 00:02:51,379 --> 00:02:54,965 Boo, wine. But, yay, trains. l'm in. 48 00:02:55,592 --> 00:02:58,010 Anyway, it's a beautiful time of year. 49 00:02:58,178 --> 00:03:02,514 You travel through the vineyards, there's a tasting on board, and all the wildflowers... 50 00:03:02,682 --> 00:03:05,100 ...are in bloom. lt's magic. 51 00:03:06,477 --> 00:03:10,647 Look at that. ln 30 seconds, we went from hiring women to being them. 52 00:03:37,967 --> 00:03:42,221 So l hear you and the lost boys are having a bachelor party tonight. 53 00:03:42,639 --> 00:03:46,808 Yeah. Just going to a restaurant, get some steaks, Scotch. Nothing to worry about. 54 00:03:46,976 --> 00:03:48,227 Why should l worry? 55 00:03:48,394 --> 00:03:51,939 lt's a bachelor party. There could be strippers. Wouldn't that make you jealous? 56 00:03:52,106 --> 00:03:55,108 Uh, come on, Leonard, it's you. What's gonna happen? 57 00:03:55,276 --> 00:03:57,236 lf there was a stripper, all you'd do... 58 00:03:57,403 --> 00:04:01,740 ...is avoid eye contact and maybe offer to help her kid with his homework. 59 00:04:02,325 --> 00:04:04,660 Hey, l'm a young man in his sexual prime. 60 00:04:04,869 --> 00:04:10,749 Under the right conditions, l am capable ofjust really crazy stuff. 61 00:04:10,917 --> 00:04:14,002 Really? What is the craziest thing you've ever done with a woman? 62 00:04:14,170 --> 00:04:16,505 The time we had sex in the ocean does not count. 63 00:04:16,673 --> 00:04:19,132 Oh, come on, that's gotta count. 64 00:04:19,300 --> 00:04:22,511 There was a really strong undertow. We could've died. 65 00:04:23,346 --> 00:04:24,680 Well, have fun tonight. 66 00:04:24,847 --> 00:04:29,810 Oh, l will. There is no telling what might happen. 67 00:04:30,687 --> 00:04:32,521 Yeah, there is, heh. 68 00:04:33,773 --> 00:04:38,360 You know, there's nothing wrong helping some woman's kid get through their SATs. 69 00:04:41,698 --> 00:04:45,492 l gotta hand it to Raj. He found a really nice spot to have a bachelor party. 70 00:04:45,910 --> 00:04:50,205 lt's not bad. Unless you compare it to a train. And then it stinks. 71 00:04:52,208 --> 00:04:54,668 -Are you drinking whiskey? -lndeed. 72 00:04:55,128 --> 00:04:59,006 lf l'm to participate in the social convention that is the stag night... 73 00:04:59,173 --> 00:05:01,466 ...then l must embrace all its components... 74 00:05:01,634 --> 00:05:06,430 ...including tobacco, swear words and, yes, alcohol. 75 00:05:08,224 --> 00:05:10,559 Jeepers, that's yucky. 76 00:05:12,645 --> 00:05:16,523 Whoa, it's a little early to start dropping J-bombs, don't you think? 77 00:05:17,942 --> 00:05:21,320 -Hey, you guys. -Hey. Nice of you to make it out for Howard. 78 00:05:21,487 --> 00:05:25,365 lt was either this or another hot tub party at George Takei's house. 79 00:05:25,742 --> 00:05:28,535 l'm confused. l thought since our reconciliation... 80 00:05:28,703 --> 00:05:30,412 ...l was your friend in this group. 81 00:05:30,580 --> 00:05:32,664 -Oh, l'm friends with Howard too. -Oh. 82 00:05:32,832 --> 00:05:35,042 l guess you're just friends with anybody. 83 00:05:38,087 --> 00:05:39,713 Agh! 84 00:05:40,423 --> 00:05:45,177 Hey, uh, Leonard, things are a little tight at the comic book store. 85 00:05:45,345 --> 00:05:48,347 l might need some help covering my share of the check. 86 00:05:48,514 --> 00:05:50,015 Oh, yeah. No worries. 87 00:05:50,183 --> 00:05:52,934 -And maybe a few bucks for the valet. -Oh, all right. 88 00:05:53,102 --> 00:05:56,021 -And gas money to get home. -Yeah, sure. 89 00:05:58,107 --> 00:05:59,941 You know what, this is my grandfather's watch... 90 00:06:00,109 --> 00:06:01,360 -Oh. -...1 8-karat gold. 91 00:06:01,527 --> 00:06:04,071 -Got it in Europe during the war. -Wow, it's very nice. 92 00:06:04,238 --> 00:06:06,782 Mm-hm. A hundred bucks and it's yours. 93 00:06:08,076 --> 00:06:10,577 Hey, everybody, the bachelor boy has arrived. 94 00:06:10,745 --> 00:06:12,162 [ALL LAUGH] 95 00:06:12,330 --> 00:06:14,623 ALL [SlNGlNG]: For he's a jolly good fellow 96 00:06:14,791 --> 00:06:19,795 For he's a jolly good fellow 97 00:06:19,962 --> 00:06:21,630 Which nobody can deny 98 00:06:21,798 --> 00:06:26,635 Yes, yes, yes, he's a jolly good fellow. What time do the strippers arrive? 99 00:06:27,512 --> 00:06:30,222 Actually, Barry, we're not gonna have strippers tonight. 100 00:06:30,390 --> 00:06:33,642 Ugh, then what the frig did l get $200 in singles out for? 101 00:06:35,645 --> 00:06:37,646 You wanna buy a watch? 102 00:06:41,234 --> 00:06:43,318 This is maid of honor, Amy Farrah Fowler... 103 00:06:43,486 --> 00:06:47,322 ...bringing you the wedding activities just weeks out from the big day. 104 00:06:47,615 --> 00:06:50,992 Let's check in with a beautiful, radiant young woman... 105 00:06:51,160 --> 00:06:54,246 ...and her friend who's about to get married. 106 00:06:55,790 --> 00:06:57,666 Ladies, can you tell us what you're doing? 107 00:06:57,834 --> 00:07:01,753 Um, these are gift bags we're gonna put in the hotel rooms of our guests. 108 00:07:01,921 --> 00:07:05,173 This is a map of Pasadena, this is a list of local restaurants. 109 00:07:05,341 --> 00:07:08,343 Then for Howie's relatives, we have antihistamines, antacids... 110 00:07:08,511 --> 00:07:11,805 ...and medicine for diarrhea and constipation. 111 00:07:11,973 --> 00:07:15,350 Ha, we labeled them "stop" and "go." 112 00:07:16,811 --> 00:07:18,770 AMY: All right, pivoting to the big question. 113 00:07:18,938 --> 00:07:22,357 Bernadette, on your wedding night, you'll be consummating your marriage. 114 00:07:22,567 --> 00:07:26,862 What do you think your first sexual position will be as husband and wife? 115 00:07:27,780 --> 00:07:28,989 Amy, please. 116 00:07:29,157 --> 00:07:33,285 AMY: Keeping in mind that whoever's on top may set the tone for the marriage. 117 00:07:33,828 --> 00:07:35,495 Okay, show's over. 118 00:07:35,663 --> 00:07:38,498 Hey. They may conceive a child on their wedding night. 119 00:07:38,708 --> 00:07:42,294 Don't you think the kid might get a kick out of knowing how it happened? 120 00:07:42,712 --> 00:07:46,047 l don't care. Ask her things like, "Are you gonna take Howard's name?" 121 00:07:46,215 --> 00:07:48,383 Not "who's gonna sit on who?" 122 00:07:49,886 --> 00:07:51,887 l've been thinking l'm gonna hyphenate. 123 00:07:52,054 --> 00:07:55,724 Bernadette Maryann Rostenkowski-Wolowitz. 124 00:07:55,892 --> 00:08:00,228 Nice. You should totally get Bernadette Maryann Rostenkowski-wolowitz.com... 125 00:08:00,396 --> 00:08:02,856 ...before someone snaps it up. 126 00:08:04,066 --> 00:08:06,693 Howard already took care of it. 127 00:08:07,361 --> 00:08:10,238 He set up our beautiful wedding website with cute facts... 128 00:08:10,406 --> 00:08:12,032 ...about our family histories. 129 00:08:12,200 --> 00:08:15,994 For a while in Poland, my family and his family were neighbors. 130 00:08:16,162 --> 00:08:20,081 -Oh, that's cool. -No, it's not. l'll explain it to you later. 131 00:08:23,503 --> 00:08:24,920 [ALL LAUGHlNG AND BELL RlNGlNG] 132 00:08:25,087 --> 00:08:27,506 May l have your attention, please? 133 00:08:27,715 --> 00:08:32,219 We are here tonight to celebrate the upcoming nuptials of my best friend... 134 00:08:32,512 --> 00:08:33,595 ...Howard Wolowitz. 135 00:08:33,846 --> 00:08:35,639 ALL: Hear, hear. 136 00:08:35,848 --> 00:08:39,017 And apparently Wil wheaton's best friend. 137 00:08:39,185 --> 00:08:42,103 -Sheldon. -Talk to the hand. 138 00:08:43,940 --> 00:08:48,026 Does anyone have any words they'd like to say about our man of the evening? 139 00:08:48,194 --> 00:08:49,444 l do. 140 00:08:49,612 --> 00:08:51,071 [ALL GROAN] 141 00:08:51,239 --> 00:08:56,618 As is the tradition, l've prepared a series of disrespectful jokes which generate humor... 142 00:08:56,786 --> 00:08:59,788 ...at Howard's expense. Prepare to have your ribs tickled. 143 00:08:59,956 --> 00:09:01,039 [CLEARS THROAT] 144 00:09:01,207 --> 00:09:06,127 Howard, l always thought you'd be the last one of us to ever get married... 145 00:09:06,295 --> 00:09:09,464 ...because you are so short and unappealing, am l right? 146 00:09:10,967 --> 00:09:13,134 Let's see here. Oh, seriously, though.... 147 00:09:13,302 --> 00:09:17,430 Howard, you're actually one of the most intelligent people l know. 148 00:09:17,598 --> 00:09:20,183 And that's a zinger because you're not. 149 00:09:22,186 --> 00:09:26,189 l've always thought that you'd make someone a fine husband someday. 150 00:09:26,399 --> 00:09:29,568 Assuming you'd get the parts and develop the engineering skills... 151 00:09:29,735 --> 00:09:32,654 ...to assemble them, which l don't see as likely. Hot-cha! 152 00:09:32,822 --> 00:09:34,656 [LAUGHlNG] 153 00:09:34,824 --> 00:09:38,159 Okay, let me see. Okay, kidding aside. 154 00:09:38,327 --> 00:09:42,163 Howard, you are a good friend and l wish you nothing but happiness. 155 00:09:42,832 --> 00:09:45,208 Buzzinga, l don't. 156 00:09:45,710 --> 00:09:48,587 -Sheldon. -Double buzzinga. l do. 157 00:09:49,505 --> 00:09:51,423 Good luck following that. 158 00:09:54,010 --> 00:09:57,095 So Howard Wolowitz tying the knot. Ha, ha. 159 00:09:57,263 --> 00:10:00,599 Leaving his crazy bachelor days behind. He was a wild one. 160 00:10:02,310 --> 00:10:04,728 But l guess we all kind of were. 161 00:10:05,855 --> 00:10:11,192 l remember this one time, l was with this girl at the beach. 162 00:10:11,611 --> 00:10:15,196 We were in the ocean and we started making out. 163 00:10:16,949 --> 00:10:19,034 l know, it was crazy. 164 00:10:20,453 --> 00:10:22,537 l wasn't even wearing my aqua socks. 165 00:10:23,956 --> 00:10:26,791 -Then.... -Nobody cares, Hofstadter, wrap it up. 166 00:10:27,168 --> 00:10:29,044 Right. To Howard. 167 00:10:29,211 --> 00:10:30,545 ALL: To Howard! 168 00:10:31,047 --> 00:10:33,214 l totally had sex in the ocean. 169 00:10:35,134 --> 00:10:38,678 Okay, l'll go. 170 00:10:39,722 --> 00:10:44,517 Howard, when l think about you and Bernadette... 171 00:10:44,685 --> 00:10:47,812 ...starting this wonderful life together... 172 00:10:48,230 --> 00:10:51,399 ...l can't help but get a little choked up. l mean... 173 00:10:51,567 --> 00:10:55,070 ...look at you, you have everything. 174 00:10:55,655 --> 00:10:58,365 Look at me. l'm 37... 175 00:10:58,532 --> 00:11:00,742 ...l sleep in the back of a comic book store... 176 00:11:00,910 --> 00:11:04,496 ...and l have the bone density of an 80-year-old man. 177 00:11:07,583 --> 00:11:09,167 [WHlSPERS] To Howard. 178 00:11:10,544 --> 00:11:12,587 ALL: To Howard. -Yes. 179 00:11:12,755 --> 00:11:15,173 -Uh, who's next? -l'll go. 180 00:11:16,759 --> 00:11:20,178 Howard, l'm gonna say something to you that everybody is thinking... 181 00:11:20,346 --> 00:11:22,555 ...but no one has the courage to say out loud. 182 00:11:23,599 --> 00:11:28,103 When you invite a man to a bachelor party, the implication is there will be strippers. 183 00:11:29,438 --> 00:11:30,772 Maybe not completely nude... 184 00:11:30,940 --> 00:11:34,401 ...but at least pasties and G-strings, that's not unreasonable. 185 00:11:35,111 --> 00:11:36,903 -Hear, hear! ALL: Hear, hear! 186 00:11:37,613 --> 00:11:40,073 Okay, uh, anybody else? Huh? 187 00:11:40,241 --> 00:11:42,409 No? Okay. 188 00:11:42,576 --> 00:11:46,871 lt all comes down to me as the best man. Ha-ha-ha. 189 00:11:47,790 --> 00:11:51,418 Ooh, this grasshopper is kicking my ass-hopper. Ha-ha-ha. 190 00:11:52,211 --> 00:11:57,298 Okay, when l first came to this country, l didn't know how to behave... 191 00:11:57,466 --> 00:12:00,051 ...or how to dress, or what was cool. 192 00:12:00,219 --> 00:12:05,640 l was pretty lonely. But then l met Howard, and suddenly my life changed... 193 00:12:05,850 --> 00:12:08,768 ...because we could be lonely together. 194 00:12:12,481 --> 00:12:14,899 This man became my whole world. 195 00:12:16,485 --> 00:12:19,279 Yeah. Nice speech, Francine. 196 00:12:22,491 --> 00:12:25,326 l'm not done, but thank you. 197 00:12:25,828 --> 00:12:27,912 l think back... 198 00:12:30,624 --> 00:12:33,752 ...to all the good times we had, like, uh, when we went camping... 199 00:12:33,919 --> 00:12:36,963 ...and spent that night telling each other all our secrets. 200 00:12:37,131 --> 00:12:39,632 l told him l'm addicted to pedicures... 201 00:12:39,800 --> 00:12:42,844 ...and he told me he lost his virginity to his cousin. 202 00:12:44,513 --> 00:12:46,014 [ALL LAUGHlNG] 203 00:12:46,515 --> 00:12:48,892 She was my second cousin. 204 00:12:49,143 --> 00:12:52,270 And the first woman you ever disappointed sexually. Bada-buzzinga! 205 00:12:54,690 --> 00:12:59,778 Oh, yeah. And then there was the time when Leonard and l took Howard to Las Vegas... 206 00:12:59,945 --> 00:13:02,864 ...and paid a hooker to pretend she was Jewish... 207 00:13:03,032 --> 00:13:06,910 ...and that she wanted his little kosher pickle. 208 00:13:08,537 --> 00:13:13,124 Of all the "Howard humping hooker" stories, that one's my favorite. 209 00:13:13,709 --> 00:13:15,710 Okay, buddy, that's it. Sit down. 210 00:13:15,878 --> 00:13:16,961 Oh! Oh. 211 00:13:17,129 --> 00:13:21,007 Oh, what about that tubby girl in the Sailor Moon costume at Comic-Con? 212 00:13:22,468 --> 00:13:24,219 Don't remember. Please sit down. 213 00:13:24,512 --> 00:13:26,846 The only threesome l've ever had in my life... 214 00:13:27,014 --> 00:13:30,308 ...and l'm proud to say it was with this man right here! 215 00:13:30,476 --> 00:13:32,644 [ALL LAUGHlNG] 216 00:13:34,230 --> 00:13:35,897 -Please shut up. -Oh, oh. 217 00:13:36,065 --> 00:13:38,983 Don't get me wrong, nothing happened with me and Howard. 218 00:13:39,151 --> 00:13:43,905 There was about 200 pounds of Sailor Moon between us. 219 00:13:46,659 --> 00:13:51,496 Oh, lnternet, this is so going all over you. 220 00:13:52,331 --> 00:13:54,666 Jeepers, l'm drunk. 221 00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:02,298 Thank you for picking us up. 222 00:14:02,466 --> 00:14:05,134 There's a warning right there on the Scotch bottle. 223 00:14:05,302 --> 00:14:07,762 [lN SCOTTlSH ACCENT] You cannot be operating heavy machinery... 224 00:14:07,930 --> 00:14:10,765 ...after you've had a snootful of this, laddie. 225 00:14:10,891 --> 00:14:13,142 [LAUGHlNG] 226 00:14:16,230 --> 00:14:19,232 Funny. You boys have a nice time? 227 00:14:19,441 --> 00:14:21,109 [lN NORMAL VOlCE] Yeah, it was great. 228 00:14:21,360 --> 00:14:23,027 Low-key, like l promised. 229 00:14:23,195 --> 00:14:28,074 No hanky-panky, no strippers. Just the guys telling jokes. 230 00:14:28,576 --> 00:14:30,410 That's nice. 231 00:14:31,745 --> 00:14:33,872 How about you? Did you have a fun night? 232 00:14:34,081 --> 00:14:36,916 Yeah. We, uh, made gift bags, had wine... 233 00:14:37,084 --> 00:14:39,627 ...and then went online and saw this. 234 00:14:40,754 --> 00:14:43,339 RAJ [ON PHONE]: Of all the "Howard humping hooker" stories... 235 00:14:43,507 --> 00:14:44,883 ...that one's my favorite. 236 00:14:50,389 --> 00:14:52,599 You know, we're not that far from my apartment. 237 00:14:52,766 --> 00:14:55,476 lf you stop the car, l can walk from here. 238 00:14:56,395 --> 00:14:59,272 You ain't going anywhere, Threeway. 239 00:15:00,399 --> 00:15:01,441 Bernadette, listen-- 240 00:15:01,609 --> 00:15:04,986 You lied. You said you told me about all the girls you've been with... 241 00:15:05,154 --> 00:15:09,616 ...but you never mentioned your cousin, the prostitute or Raj. 242 00:15:10,743 --> 00:15:13,119 Seriously, you don't even have to stop the car. 243 00:15:13,287 --> 00:15:16,623 Anything under 1 0 miles an hour and l can combat-roll into the street. 244 00:15:19,293 --> 00:15:21,294 Okay, just to set the record straight... 245 00:15:21,462 --> 00:15:25,798 ...l didn't hire the prostitute, she was a gift from him. 246 00:15:25,966 --> 00:15:29,594 Shame on you, Raj. That is not how we treat women in this country. 247 00:15:31,639 --> 00:15:33,431 Don't you try and blame this on him. 248 00:15:33,599 --> 00:15:35,433 -Thank you. -Zip it, pervert! 249 00:15:39,146 --> 00:15:40,980 l don't know what l'm gonna do. 250 00:15:41,148 --> 00:15:43,483 l'm supposed to marry Howard in a couple weeks... 251 00:15:43,651 --> 00:15:46,444 ...and l'm not sure l even know who the man is anymore. 252 00:15:46,612 --> 00:15:48,696 l'm curious what's bothering you most... 253 00:15:48,906 --> 00:15:51,282 ...the borderline incest, the prostitute... 254 00:15:51,450 --> 00:15:54,661 ...or group sex with the girl dressed as the children's cartoon. 255 00:15:55,955 --> 00:15:59,916 Remember when we went over things that would be helpful and things that wouldn't? 256 00:16:00,292 --> 00:16:01,542 Right. 257 00:16:01,710 --> 00:16:03,544 -And that was...? -Not. 258 00:16:05,631 --> 00:16:08,174 When l first met Howard, he seemed so innocent to me. 259 00:16:08,342 --> 00:16:10,677 Just a sweet little guy who lives with his mother. 260 00:16:11,178 --> 00:16:15,932 lf that's what you like, l'll take you to the comic book store. The place is full of them. 261 00:16:17,685 --> 00:16:18,851 Wait a minute. 262 00:16:19,019 --> 00:16:20,520 You set me up with Howard. 263 00:16:21,522 --> 00:16:24,023 Did you know about all the creepy stuff he was into? 264 00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:27,151 Oh, a little. You hear stuff. 265 00:16:29,196 --> 00:16:30,405 Why didn't you tell me? 266 00:16:30,572 --> 00:16:33,825 l was gonna but l didn't think it would go past the first date. 267 00:16:33,993 --> 00:16:37,161 When it did, l thought it wouldn't go past you meeting his mother. 268 00:16:37,329 --> 00:16:40,373 Definitely not past sleeping together. Warning signs were there. 269 00:16:40,541 --> 00:16:42,041 This is really on you. 270 00:16:43,711 --> 00:16:46,963 My God, l though you were my friend! 271 00:16:47,131 --> 00:16:48,506 [CRYlNG] 272 00:16:49,550 --> 00:16:50,550 [SlGHS] 273 00:16:50,718 --> 00:16:51,968 [DOOR SLAMS] 274 00:16:52,386 --> 00:16:53,886 l don't think that was helpful. 275 00:16:57,224 --> 00:17:01,060 Hi, Bernie, it's me again. Please call me back. 276 00:17:01,729 --> 00:17:03,604 Dude, l'm so sorry. 277 00:17:04,064 --> 00:17:08,359 lt's not your fault, it's mine. l did all that stuff, not you. 278 00:17:08,569 --> 00:17:11,070 Actually, you did do one of them together. 279 00:17:13,198 --> 00:17:15,116 -Here. -What is this? 280 00:17:15,409 --> 00:17:18,911 You're upset. The convention is to bring an upset person a hot beverage. 281 00:17:19,079 --> 00:17:20,538 No, but what is it? 282 00:17:20,706 --> 00:17:21,748 Chicken broth. 283 00:17:21,915 --> 00:17:23,708 lt seemed culturally appropriate. 284 00:17:24,585 --> 00:17:28,379 There was a single cube of chicken bouillon in the cupboard when l moved in. 285 00:17:28,547 --> 00:17:31,299 And it's been bothering me for the last eight years. 286 00:17:32,134 --> 00:17:34,010 So as they say, two birds. 287 00:17:35,929 --> 00:17:38,389 l don't know what my next move is. 288 00:17:38,599 --> 00:17:40,933 Well, Howard, l don't know much about women. 289 00:17:41,393 --> 00:17:43,770 -Yeah? -No, that's it. 290 00:17:43,937 --> 00:17:45,438 l don't know much about women. 291 00:17:47,441 --> 00:17:48,649 Raj, you got anything? 292 00:17:48,901 --> 00:17:52,779 l've got the phone number of the tubby girl from Comic-Con. 293 00:17:54,114 --> 00:17:56,657 l'm not calling the girl from Comic-Con. 294 00:17:56,825 --> 00:18:00,244 All right, more Sailor Moon for me. 295 00:18:02,956 --> 00:18:04,791 l just threw up the bachelor party. 296 00:18:08,295 --> 00:18:11,255 Please come out, Bernadette. Let's talk through this. 297 00:18:11,423 --> 00:18:13,966 BERNADETTE: No, leave me alone. 298 00:18:14,134 --> 00:18:18,262 You should give him a taste of his own medicine. Have a cousin you find attractive? 299 00:18:19,139 --> 00:18:20,223 [KNOCKlNG ON DOOR] 300 00:18:20,390 --> 00:18:21,474 Amy. 301 00:18:21,642 --> 00:18:25,603 Hey, you introduced her to the sleazebag. l'm just trying to clean up your mess. 302 00:18:27,815 --> 00:18:30,066 -Oh, hi. -Hi. 303 00:18:30,818 --> 00:18:32,276 l need to talk to Bernadette. 304 00:18:32,653 --> 00:18:35,488 Well, l don't think she wants to talk to anyone right now. 305 00:18:35,948 --> 00:18:39,826 All right. well, could you at least give her a message? 306 00:18:39,993 --> 00:18:41,619 Yeah, sure, l guess. 307 00:18:42,579 --> 00:18:45,540 Tell her l'm really sorry. 308 00:18:45,707 --> 00:18:50,795 And if she doesn't want to marry me, l get it. 309 00:18:51,004 --> 00:18:55,466 But what l really want her to know is that the guy that she's disgusted by... 310 00:18:55,634 --> 00:18:59,804 ...is the guy that l'm disgusted by too, but that guy doesn't exist anymore. 311 00:19:00,013 --> 00:19:01,514 He's gone. 312 00:19:01,682 --> 00:19:06,394 And the reason is because of her. 313 00:19:06,562 --> 00:19:08,187 So... 314 00:19:08,355 --> 00:19:11,816 ...if this relationship is over... 315 00:19:11,984 --> 00:19:16,154 ...let her know that she made me a better man... 316 00:19:16,321 --> 00:19:19,866 ...and tell her thank you. 317 00:19:21,034 --> 00:19:23,661 Oh, my God, Howard. 318 00:19:25,038 --> 00:19:28,374 That's the most beautiful thing l've ever heard. 319 00:19:28,542 --> 00:19:31,711 And it came out of you. 320 00:19:34,673 --> 00:19:35,882 Howie. 321 00:19:36,925 --> 00:19:39,218 Penny has a message for you. 322 00:19:39,678 --> 00:19:40,928 l heard. 323 00:19:41,138 --> 00:19:44,682 Your voice, not unlike your mother's, travels through walls. 324 00:19:45,934 --> 00:19:47,185 Do you want me to go? 325 00:19:47,769 --> 00:19:49,228 No. 326 00:19:49,563 --> 00:19:51,355 Come here. 327 00:19:56,570 --> 00:19:59,572 -l'm still really mad at you. -l get that. 328 00:19:59,740 --> 00:20:02,241 Anything else about your past l should know? 329 00:20:02,910 --> 00:20:07,038 Couple of things, but most of them happened overseas. l'll tell you later. 330 00:20:09,082 --> 00:20:10,374 Okay. 331 00:20:10,542 --> 00:20:12,752 So is the wedding still on? 332 00:20:13,921 --> 00:20:15,922 Yeah, the wedding's still on. 333 00:20:17,049 --> 00:20:18,382 [LAUGHlNG] 334 00:20:18,550 --> 00:20:22,970 Thank God, l'm still a maid of honor. 335 00:20:24,306 --> 00:20:26,599 Oh, what the hell? 336 00:20:28,227 --> 00:20:30,061 AMY: This is kind of hot. 337 00:20:36,276 --> 00:20:37,985 Hello. 338 00:20:39,196 --> 00:20:40,363 What's with the robe? 339 00:20:40,530 --> 00:20:45,910 l'm going to have sex with you right here right now on that washing machine. 340 00:20:48,455 --> 00:20:49,622 No, you're not. 341 00:20:51,208 --> 00:20:52,500 Come on, please? 342 00:20:54,544 --> 00:20:57,797 You wanna do something, you can help me fold this sheet. 343 00:20:59,299 --> 00:21:01,133 Folding a sheet in my underwear... 344 00:21:01,301 --> 00:21:02,969 ...still pretty crazy. 345 00:21:30,539 --> 00:21:32,540 [English - US - SDH]