1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:02,964
Greendale Community College
is represented by two separate,
2
00:00:02,965 --> 00:00:05,083
yet equally important
types of people:
3
00:00:05,084 --> 00:00:07,168
The goofballs that run around
stirring up trouble,
4
00:00:07,169 --> 00:00:10,420
and the eggheads that
make a big deal out of it.
5
00:00:10,421 --> 00:00:12,273
These are their stories.
6
00:00:12,274 --> 00:00:13,625
You'll be better off
without her.
7
00:00:13,626 --> 00:00:16,378
She was perfect.
Warm, smart, beautiful.
8
00:00:16,379 --> 00:00:19,848
I'm never gonna find another
dental hygienist like that.
9
00:00:19,849 --> 00:00:20,949
Well, you should
stop hitting on her.
10
00:00:20,950 --> 00:00:24,052
Hey, she's the one putting
her hands in my mouth.
11
00:00:24,053 --> 00:00:25,053
Hey!
12
00:00:25,054 --> 00:00:27,033
Over here.
13
00:00:29,592 --> 00:00:31,760
Move along,
nothing to see here.
14
00:00:31,761 --> 00:00:33,728
That's the first time those
words have actually been true.
15
00:00:33,729 --> 00:00:35,647
Ms. Edison, when you called me
down here at midnight,
16
00:00:35,648 --> 00:00:37,682
I expected more than a yam.
17
00:00:37,683 --> 00:00:39,317
Specifically since you said,
"There's been a murder."
18
00:00:39,318 --> 00:00:40,568
Our yam was murdered.
19
00:00:40,569 --> 00:00:42,153
If it's any consolation,
she got me here
20
00:00:42,154 --> 00:00:43,738
on a very misleading
text message.
21
00:00:43,739 --> 00:00:45,106
Jeff, technically,
you are about to be screwed
22
00:00:45,107 --> 00:00:46,574
in the biology room
because our final project
23
00:00:46,575 --> 00:00:47,742
has been destroyed.
24
00:00:47,743 --> 00:00:49,527
All right, look,
I'm sorry for your loss.
25
00:00:49,528 --> 00:00:52,330
I know you guys put the work in,
so you'll get a passing grade.
26
00:00:52,331 --> 00:00:53,581
A passing grade?
27
00:00:53,582 --> 00:00:54,999
Like a "C"?
28
00:00:55,000 --> 00:00:57,285
Why don't I just get pregnant
at a bus station?
29
00:00:57,286 --> 00:00:59,403
That was going to be
an A-plus yam.
30
00:00:59,404 --> 00:01:01,072
I can't give an A-plus
to everyone
31
00:01:01,073 --> 00:01:02,740
whose yam falls of a counter.
32
00:01:02,741 --> 00:01:04,592
Somebody did this to us.
33
00:01:04,593 --> 00:01:06,845
In science,
we call that a hypothesis.
34
00:01:06,846 --> 00:01:09,214
You find something
to back it up and we can talk.
35
00:01:09,215 --> 00:01:13,435
Now if you'll excuse me,
I was watching Mama's Family.
36
00:01:13,436 --> 00:01:14,636
What happened?
37
00:01:14,637 --> 00:01:15,937
Our yam was killed.
38
00:01:15,938 --> 00:01:17,255
But Professor Kane says
we can still get an "A"
39
00:01:17,256 --> 00:01:19,140
- if we figure out who did it.
- He did not say that.
40
00:01:19,141 --> 00:01:20,225
He basically did.
41
00:01:20,226 --> 00:01:21,476
You let me handle
the nitty gritty.
44
00:01:24,730 --> 00:01:26,698
I watch crime shows
when I'm bored.
45
00:01:26,699 --> 00:01:28,733
You boys, canvas for witnesses,
establish a time frame
46
00:01:28,734 --> 00:01:30,285
and motive and bring
me a suspect.
47
00:01:30,286 --> 00:01:32,120
You've got 48 hours before
the trail runs cold,
48
00:01:32,121 --> 00:01:33,738
so start with the last person
to see that yam alive.
49
00:01:33,739 --> 00:01:36,274
- Yes, ma'am.
- Understood.
50
00:01:36,275 --> 00:01:37,942
It's been a long 15 years.
51
00:01:37,943 --> 00:01:40,462
Looks like it's gonna
be a late night.
52
00:01:40,463 --> 00:01:41,796
How'd we manage
to pull the short straw?
53
00:01:41,797 --> 00:01:43,414
It's not a short straw.
54
00:01:43,415 --> 00:01:45,467
It's a hot potato.
55
00:01:45,468 --> 00:01:49,554
Yeah, well,
looks pretty cold to me.
56
00:01:49,555 --> 00:01:53,124
Cold?
Or dead?
57
00:01:53,125 --> 00:01:55,810
- Survey says...
- We can't both do the zinger.
58
00:01:55,811 --> 00:01:57,295
Sorry.
59
00:02:26,605 --> 00:02:29,628
Sync & Corrections by Elderfel
www.addic7ed.com
60
00:02:33,949 --> 00:02:38,019
Okay, okay, five-to-one
on the black guy.
61
00:02:38,020 --> 00:02:39,020
That's offensive.
62
00:02:39,021 --> 00:02:40,021
Fine, six-to-one.
63
00:02:40,022 --> 00:02:41,022
Hello, boys.
64
00:02:41,023 --> 00:02:44,342
Youth! Scatter!
65
00:02:44,343 --> 00:02:47,445
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
slow down, Pierce.
66
00:02:47,446 --> 00:02:49,513
Mind if we ask you
a couple of questions?
67
00:02:49,514 --> 00:02:51,449
Sure, I always say you guys
should ask me more questions.
68
00:02:51,450 --> 00:02:53,117
Did you water our
biology yam last night?
69
00:02:53,118 --> 00:02:54,285
Of course I watered it.
70
00:02:54,286 --> 00:02:55,519
It was my turn, wasn't it?
71
00:02:55,520 --> 00:02:56,821
I hold up my end.
72
00:02:56,822 --> 00:02:59,657
Did you hold it or drop it?
73
00:02:59,658 --> 00:03:01,826
Okay, whoa, I had
nothing to do with that.
74
00:03:01,827 --> 00:03:03,628
I-I couldn't even
get in the room.
75
00:03:03,629 --> 00:03:04,879
Make up your mind, Pierce.
76
00:03:04,880 --> 00:03:05,880
Did you water the yam
or weren't you there?
77
00:03:05,881 --> 00:03:09,500
Okay, I lied about watering it.
78
00:03:09,501 --> 00:03:11,002
I got there too late,
the doors were already locked.
79
00:03:11,003 --> 00:03:12,703
Why were you late?
80
00:03:12,704 --> 00:03:15,206
I... fell asleep
in a sunbeam.
81
00:03:15,207 --> 00:03:16,707
- Likely story.
- Actually it is.
82
00:03:16,708 --> 00:03:18,176
I used to live with him,
it's kind of adorable.
83
00:03:18,177 --> 00:03:19,894
Look, why are you
looking at me for this?
84
00:03:19,895 --> 00:03:21,813
It was my yam too.
85
00:03:21,814 --> 00:03:22,931
You should be talking
to somebody
86
00:03:22,932 --> 00:03:23,932
who would wanna hurt us.
87
00:03:23,933 --> 00:03:25,733
- And who's that?
- Duh-doy!
88
00:03:25,734 --> 00:03:26,911
Todd.
89
00:03:28,687 --> 00:03:31,105
Last night,
I was home by 9:15,
90
00:03:31,106 --> 00:03:33,691
helped Elly with her geography
and then went straight to bed.
91
00:03:33,692 --> 00:03:35,577
Sounds like you keep
a pretty tight schedule.
92
00:03:35,578 --> 00:03:38,079
A valuable side effect
of military service.
93
00:03:38,080 --> 00:03:41,666
In Iraq, keeping
a tight schedule saved lives.
94
00:03:41,667 --> 00:03:43,167
Ah, what happened, Todd?
95
00:03:43,168 --> 00:03:45,286
Cut yourself on an extra sharp
Oscar Wilde play?
96
00:03:45,287 --> 00:03:46,421
Oh, this?
It's a burn.
97
00:03:46,422 --> 00:03:48,089
Home ec class. Muffin.
98
00:03:48,090 --> 00:03:49,123
What kind of muffin?
99
00:03:49,124 --> 00:03:50,408
- Blueberry.
- Why not raisin?
100
00:03:50,409 --> 00:03:52,043
That wasn't the assignment.
101
00:03:52,044 --> 00:03:53,344
You can dance all day, Todd,
102
00:03:53,345 --> 00:03:54,762
but sooner or later,
the music's gonna change.
103
00:03:54,763 --> 00:03:58,516
Look, even if I wanted to hurt
your yam, I couldn't.
104
00:03:58,517 --> 00:04:01,252
I went by the bio room at 8:10
to chart my yam's growth.
105
00:04:01,253 --> 00:04:02,586
The door was already locked.
106
00:04:02,587 --> 00:04:03,771
There's a lot
of that going around.
107
00:04:03,772 --> 00:04:05,356
- Oh, yeah.
- It's true.
108
00:04:05,357 --> 00:04:07,725
I had to take a picture of my
yam through the door.
109
00:04:07,726 --> 00:04:08,776
See?
110
00:04:08,777 --> 00:04:11,646
Your yam was fine when I left.
111
00:04:13,682 --> 00:04:15,450
I transferred or "downloaded"
112
00:04:15,451 --> 00:04:17,268
Todd's photograph
to this computer
113
00:04:17,269 --> 00:04:19,787
and as you'll see, with
a few adjustments, I can make
114
00:04:19,788 --> 00:04:22,624
the entire image...
115
00:04:22,625 --> 00:04:26,044
old west color.
116
00:04:26,045 --> 00:04:27,495
I don't know.
I thought it was cool.
117
00:04:27,496 --> 00:04:28,963
Britta, zoom in there.
118
00:04:28,964 --> 00:04:30,715
There's a clock on the wall.
119
00:04:30,716 --> 00:04:33,084
- Eight plus two times five...
- Ten after 8:00.
120
00:04:33,085 --> 00:04:34,618
I'm gifted in other ways.
121
00:04:34,619 --> 00:04:36,254
That jibes with everyone
else we talked to.
122
00:04:36,255 --> 00:04:38,089
It seems like the classroom door
gets locked at 8:00.
123
00:04:38,090 --> 00:04:39,424
Which means whoever
did the crime...
124
00:04:39,425 --> 00:04:40,975
Got in there before
the doors were locked
125
00:04:40,976 --> 00:04:42,644
and stayed there for hours.
126
00:04:42,645 --> 00:04:43,978
I was gonna say,
"Had a key".
127
00:04:43,979 --> 00:04:45,480
Last year, I came in
after hours a couple of times
128
00:04:45,481 --> 00:04:47,965
to finish a piñata
for advanced Spanish.
129
00:04:47,966 --> 00:04:50,034
I had to borrow a key
from the front office.
130
00:04:50,035 --> 00:04:51,686
And sign a log.
131
00:04:51,687 --> 00:04:52,770
I can also help.
132
00:04:52,771 --> 00:04:54,355
As a psych major,
I could pr...
133
00:04:56,458 --> 00:04:58,076
Any student can check out
a key as long as they're
134
00:04:58,077 --> 00:05:00,411
currently taking classes
and show school I.D.
135
00:05:00,412 --> 00:05:01,529
The guy we're looking
for had a key
136
00:05:01,530 --> 00:05:02,747
to the bio room Monday night.
137
00:05:02,748 --> 00:05:04,982
Monday night?
Rings a bell.
138
00:05:04,983 --> 00:05:06,868
I'll check the log.
139
00:05:06,869 --> 00:05:09,320
Sorry, this place is a mess.
140
00:05:09,321 --> 00:05:10,922
Is this about your yam?
141
00:05:10,923 --> 00:05:13,324
I heard about that.
It's a damn shame.
142
00:05:13,325 --> 00:05:17,211
- Mine just bloomed yesterday.
- Congratulations.
143
00:05:17,212 --> 00:05:21,632
Ooh, there she is.
144
00:05:21,633 --> 00:05:27,105
Monday night, one biology room
key checked out by...
145
00:05:27,106 --> 00:05:29,107
Magnitude.
146
00:05:31,076 --> 00:05:32,393
So you're saying you
did check out a key,
147
00:05:32,394 --> 00:05:34,228
but it was inside your backpack
when someone stole it
148
00:05:34,229 --> 00:05:36,447
off a table in the library while
you were using the bathroom
149
00:05:36,448 --> 00:05:37,815
and you haven't seen it since.
150
00:05:37,816 --> 00:05:41,352
Pop pop!
151
00:05:41,353 --> 00:05:43,521
Perfect, so now we gotta solve
a robbery too.
152
00:05:43,522 --> 00:05:45,123
Well, whoever did it
likes to steal backpacks
153
00:05:45,124 --> 00:05:46,324
off tables in the library.
154
00:05:46,325 --> 00:05:49,127
Only one way to catch
a dirtbag like that.
155
00:05:53,916 --> 00:05:56,918
Well, time to visit
the restroom.
156
00:06:18,390 --> 00:06:20,724
I found that backpack.
157
00:06:20,725 --> 00:06:23,727
Hey, idiot, guess what.
158
00:06:23,728 --> 00:06:26,364
We don't care about
the backpack.
159
00:06:26,365 --> 00:06:29,333
Dead yam, big deal.
160
00:06:29,334 --> 00:06:30,734
Order some ketchup.
161
00:06:30,735 --> 00:06:32,420
That doesn't make sense.
You don't order ketchup.
162
00:06:32,421 --> 00:06:33,421
It's a condiment!
163
00:06:33,422 --> 00:06:34,905
Troy, Troy, hey, walk it off!
164
00:06:34,906 --> 00:06:36,791
Troy, walk it off!
165
00:06:36,792 --> 00:06:37,959
Sorry, my friend,
he's a bad cop.
166
00:06:37,960 --> 00:06:39,210
- Yeah.
- I'm a good cop.
167
00:06:39,211 --> 00:06:40,428
- Oh, good.
- You can trust me.
168
00:06:40,429 --> 00:06:42,430
Okay, well... hey!
169
00:06:42,431 --> 00:06:43,965
I'm not falling for that.
170
00:06:43,966 --> 00:06:45,933
And you got nothing on me.
171
00:06:45,934 --> 00:06:48,219
And I don't have to stay here,
'cause you're not cops.
172
00:06:53,108 --> 00:06:54,776
He's right.
You're not cops.
173
00:06:54,777 --> 00:06:57,028
I'd say our hands are tied,
but we basically have no hands.
174
00:06:57,029 --> 00:06:58,229
But he's our man though, right?
175
00:06:58,230 --> 00:07:00,198
Well he ain't innocent.
176
00:07:00,199 --> 00:07:01,983
Look, I'll try
to keep him busy.
177
00:07:01,984 --> 00:07:04,402
You guys go to the lab,
see if they figured out
178
00:07:04,403 --> 00:07:05,987
how our yam met its masher.
179
00:07:05,988 --> 00:07:08,656
I can both see and hear you.
180
00:07:10,692 --> 00:07:13,444
The yam's vascular cylinder
is completely disintegrated.
181
00:07:13,445 --> 00:07:15,079
Any possibility
it happened naturally?
182
00:07:15,080 --> 00:07:17,131
Sure, if the gardener's
Joseph Mengele.
183
00:07:17,132 --> 00:07:18,216
Look at the root system.
184
00:07:18,217 --> 00:07:20,134
This level of smushing
is consistent
185
00:07:20,135 --> 00:07:22,786
with someone stepping on the yam
after it was dropped.
186
00:07:22,787 --> 00:07:24,455
So whoever did this was angry.
187
00:07:24,456 --> 00:07:25,623
Hey, I just cut 'em open.
188
00:07:25,624 --> 00:07:27,291
You want motive,
talk to a shrink.
189
00:07:27,292 --> 00:07:31,012
What I can tell you is that for
a raw yam to get it this bad,
190
00:07:31,013 --> 00:07:32,963
you need more than gravity.
191
00:07:32,964 --> 00:07:34,265
You need a boot.
192
00:07:37,736 --> 00:07:39,136
We have to tell Professor Kane.
193
00:07:39,137 --> 00:07:40,488
There's nothing here
to connect to Star-Burns.
194
00:07:40,489 --> 00:07:41,489
He'd have to confess.
195
00:07:41,490 --> 00:07:42,490
Oh, yeah, sure.
196
00:07:42,491 --> 00:07:43,608
Maybe if we ask him nice,
197
00:07:43,609 --> 00:07:44,909
he'll write us
a love letter too.
198
00:07:44,910 --> 00:07:48,646
Well, whoever did do this does
owe you guys a letter.
199
00:07:48,647 --> 00:07:50,648
An "A."
200
00:07:52,584 --> 00:07:56,320
This yam was about to bloom.
201
00:07:56,321 --> 00:07:57,672
Damn.
202
00:07:57,673 --> 00:08:01,292
We named the yam "Pam."
203
00:08:01,293 --> 00:08:02,293
It rhymed.
204
00:08:08,324 --> 00:08:09,411
Even if we could prove
205
00:08:09,412 --> 00:08:10,912
that Star-Burns stole
Magnitude's key,
206
00:08:10,913 --> 00:08:11,913
it's not enough.
207
00:08:11,914 --> 00:08:12,914
But we know Star-Burns
did it.
208
00:08:12,915 --> 00:08:15,250
Keep the change, Garret.
209
00:08:15,251 --> 00:08:16,817
You know what?
Keep the hot dog.
210
00:08:16,818 --> 00:08:17,836
You're telling me
after all this,
211
00:08:17,837 --> 00:08:19,087
our suspect's gonna slip away
212
00:08:19,088 --> 00:08:20,421
on the technicality
that we're not police?
213
00:08:20,422 --> 00:08:21,739
Okay, look,
you don't need authority
214
00:08:21,740 --> 00:08:22,974
to get a confession.
215
00:08:22,975 --> 00:08:24,909
You need leverage.
Something to hold over his head.
216
00:08:24,910 --> 00:08:26,344
- Like what?
- He's Star-Burns.
217
00:08:26,345 --> 00:08:27,428
Break into his locker.
218
00:08:27,429 --> 00:08:28,713
You'll find enough dirt
to bury him.
219
00:08:28,714 --> 00:08:30,465
Jeff, that's not ethical.
220
00:08:30,466 --> 00:08:33,501
Oh, so now you're
finding your softness?
221
00:08:33,502 --> 00:08:34,636
I say do what you have to do.
222
00:08:34,637 --> 00:08:36,003
It's too late
to get compassionate.
223
00:08:36,004 --> 00:08:38,806
We only have time
to get justice.
224
00:08:38,807 --> 00:08:40,475
I really shouldn't
be doing this.
225
00:08:40,476 --> 00:08:42,527
And you're sure you heard
a kitten meowing in here?
226
00:08:42,528 --> 00:08:45,063
Not anymore, so hurry up.
227
00:08:46,115 --> 00:08:48,116
Whoa, Nelly!
228
00:08:52,204 --> 00:08:55,206
Clean up on aisle "busted."
229
00:08:58,294 --> 00:08:59,827
Why do they always r...
230
00:08:59,828 --> 00:09:00,828
Why do they always...
231
00:09:00,829 --> 00:09:02,163
- You go ahead.
- Why do they always run?
232
00:09:02,164 --> 00:09:05,366
There you go.
233
00:09:05,367 --> 00:09:06,384
Move!
234
00:09:06,385 --> 00:09:08,219
Not police business!
235
00:09:08,220 --> 00:09:11,706
Hey, knock much?
236
00:09:11,707 --> 00:09:12,707
- Kiss me!
- What?
237
00:09:12,708 --> 00:09:13,708
I'll explain later.
238
00:09:13,709 --> 00:09:14,875
- No.
- I'll explain later.
239
00:09:14,876 --> 00:09:16,561
The explanation
isn't the issue.
240
00:09:16,562 --> 00:09:18,212
Aah!
241
00:09:18,213 --> 00:09:19,847
Oh, all right, all right.
242
00:09:19,848 --> 00:09:23,017
Look, I-I swiped some
beakers for the meth lab
243
00:09:23,018 --> 00:09:25,019
that I'm building
in the trunk of my car.
244
00:09:25,020 --> 00:09:26,404
But that's it.
245
00:09:26,405 --> 00:09:27,989
I didn't kill any yam.
246
00:09:27,990 --> 00:09:29,407
Tell it
to the biology Professor.
247
00:09:29,408 --> 00:09:30,608
Oh, now wait!
248
00:09:30,609 --> 00:09:31,943
I know who did it.
249
00:09:31,944 --> 00:09:34,061
I left the door open
and someone came in.
250
00:09:34,062 --> 00:09:35,747
He dropped your yam.
251
00:09:35,748 --> 00:09:37,565
Will you tell
our teacher who it was?
252
00:09:37,566 --> 00:09:39,033
If you promise
I won't get in trouble
253
00:09:39,034 --> 00:09:40,585
for stealing that
meth lab stuff.
254
00:09:40,586 --> 00:09:42,069
- Sure, whatever.
- Fine.
255
00:09:42,070 --> 00:09:44,071
Pinky swear?
256
00:09:46,342 --> 00:09:48,409
It was the guy with
the weird head.
257
00:09:48,410 --> 00:09:49,427
The army guy.
258
00:09:49,428 --> 00:09:50,762
I heard the jar break and then
259
00:09:50,763 --> 00:09:53,431
I saw him running out
of the room holding his hand.
260
00:09:53,432 --> 00:09:58,436
Looked like he cut himself.
261
00:09:58,437 --> 00:10:00,638
Well, well, well.
262
00:10:00,639 --> 00:10:01,689
Look at this, Abed.
263
00:10:01,690 --> 00:10:03,758
He weaves baskets and lies.
264
00:10:03,759 --> 00:10:04,759
What's this about?
265
00:10:04,760 --> 00:10:06,761
It's about the killing
of our biology yam.
266
00:10:06,762 --> 00:10:07,946
Will you please come with us?
267
00:10:07,947 --> 00:10:09,397
But I'm in the middle
of making a handle.
268
00:10:09,398 --> 00:10:11,599
He wants it the hard way.
Tell him what Shirley said.
269
00:10:11,600 --> 00:10:13,768
Todd Jacobson, you have the
right to do whatever you want.
270
00:10:13,769 --> 00:10:16,270
Nothing you say or do can be
used against you by anyone,
271
00:10:16,271 --> 00:10:17,739
but we'd really like it
if you came with us.
272
00:10:17,740 --> 00:10:19,841
Please and thank you.
273
00:10:20,926 --> 00:10:21,926
Make it quick, folks.
274
00:10:21,927 --> 00:10:24,612
I have a class in five minutes
and none of you guys are in it.
275
00:10:24,613 --> 00:10:26,781
After conducting
a full investigation,
276
00:10:26,782 --> 00:10:29,884
my study group now has
definitive proof that Todd,
277
00:10:29,885 --> 00:10:32,503
with malice of forethought,
smashed our yam.
278
00:10:32,504 --> 00:10:34,889
That's a serious allegation.
I hope you can back it up.
279
00:10:34,890 --> 00:10:36,624
We can place him
in the building Monday night.
280
00:10:36,625 --> 00:10:39,260
He has a mysterious
bandage on his hand,
281
00:10:39,261 --> 00:10:41,462
and we have and eyewitness who
saw Todd drop the jar and flee.
282
00:10:41,463 --> 00:10:42,963
Well, Todd, what do you
have to say?
283
00:10:42,964 --> 00:10:46,184
- I just wanna...
- Don't answer that, soldier!
284
00:10:46,185 --> 00:10:48,736
- This man is an American hero.
- And who are you?
285
00:10:48,737 --> 00:10:51,439
I'm Lieutenant Colonel Archwood,
United States Army.
286
00:10:51,440 --> 00:10:53,974
I had the pleasure of commanding
this young man in Iraq.
287
00:10:53,975 --> 00:10:55,360
I'm staying on his couch
this weekend
288
00:10:55,361 --> 00:10:56,861
while I'm in town
for a wedding.
289
00:10:56,862 --> 00:10:59,947
I am a licensed attorney,
a veteran of two wars,
290
00:10:59,948 --> 00:11:04,168
and I'd like to know why in hell
he's being harassed.
291
00:11:04,169 --> 00:11:06,487
Mr. Winger,
what is the intention here?
292
00:11:06,488 --> 00:11:09,957
Simple. When Todd smashed our
yam, he stole an "A" from us.
293
00:11:09,958 --> 00:11:11,092
We want it back.
294
00:11:11,093 --> 00:11:13,044
You mean if he smashed the yam.
295
00:11:13,045 --> 00:11:15,346
All you have is the word
of this Mr. Star-Burns,
296
00:11:15,347 --> 00:11:18,132
who offers up no explanation
as to why he was at the scene.
297
00:11:18,133 --> 00:11:19,333
How about it, Jeffrey?
298
00:11:19,334 --> 00:11:21,502
What was Star-Burns
doing there?
299
00:11:21,503 --> 00:11:22,887
We agreed to withhold
that information
300
00:11:22,888 --> 00:11:25,339
as part of a pinky swear
with the witness.
301
00:11:25,340 --> 00:11:26,691
A pinky swear?
302
00:11:26,692 --> 00:11:29,394
This is ludicrous.
This whole school is ludicrous.
303
00:11:29,395 --> 00:11:31,679
Who honors the pinky swear
of a degenerate
304
00:11:31,680 --> 00:11:33,231
over the word
of a decorated soldier?
305
00:11:33,232 --> 00:11:35,867
I'm inclined to agree
with the man in uniform.
306
00:11:35,868 --> 00:11:37,402
- Shocker.
- Jeffrey.
307
00:11:37,403 --> 00:11:40,371
Tell us what Star-Burns
was doing in that classroom,
308
00:11:40,372 --> 00:11:42,523
or your group can take an "F."
309
00:11:42,524 --> 00:11:44,191
Hold up, hold up, hold up.
310
00:11:44,192 --> 00:11:45,827
I grade my students.
311
00:11:45,828 --> 00:11:48,162
Now, what Star-Face was doing
there is irrelevant.
312
00:11:48,163 --> 00:11:49,997
What matters is what he saw.
313
00:11:49,998 --> 00:11:51,499
I'm upholding the pinky swear.
314
00:11:51,500 --> 00:11:52,700
What?
315
00:11:52,701 --> 00:11:54,969
Yo, man, you spent
your life in the army.
316
00:11:54,970 --> 00:11:56,587
I spent mine in prison.
317
00:11:56,588 --> 00:11:59,974
Two places where a man's word
is only as good as his uniform.
318
00:11:59,975 --> 00:12:02,143
Now out here,
it's supposed to be different.
319
00:12:02,144 --> 00:12:04,562
And in my class, it will be.
320
00:12:04,563 --> 00:12:06,147
You two can plead
your case to the class
321
00:12:06,148 --> 00:12:09,484
and let them
decide your grades.
322
00:12:09,485 --> 00:12:12,270
Professor...
Thank you.
323
00:12:12,271 --> 00:12:14,655
It's not a favor,
Mr. Winger.
324
00:12:14,656 --> 00:12:15,940
A man's gotta have a code.
325
00:12:15,941 --> 00:12:17,725
Awesome.
326
00:12:17,726 --> 00:12:20,111
See you in class.
327
00:12:24,533 --> 00:12:25,950
- Uniform.
- Oh!
328
00:12:25,951 --> 00:12:26,951
Jeez.
329
00:12:26,952 --> 00:12:28,953
Yeah.
330
00:12:28,954 --> 00:12:30,288
Shirley did some more digging.
331
00:12:30,289 --> 00:12:32,440
Turns out Todd's yam
never even sprouted.
332
00:12:32,441 --> 00:12:33,758
Goes to motive.
333
00:12:33,759 --> 00:12:36,627
And Star-Burns puts Todd
in the classroom at 8:10.
334
00:12:36,628 --> 00:12:37,628
Opportunity.
335
00:12:37,629 --> 00:12:38,930
Add to that a cut on the hand
336
00:12:38,931 --> 00:12:41,799
and the Winger charm,
we might get an A-plus-plus.
337
00:12:41,800 --> 00:12:43,050
We still have
a lot of work to do.
338
00:12:43,051 --> 00:12:44,635
Oh, I think you've done enough.
339
00:12:44,636 --> 00:12:46,420
Colonel Archwood
got to Star-Burns.
340
00:12:46,421 --> 00:12:47,922
Threatened to involve
the real cops.
341
00:12:47,923 --> 00:12:50,591
Now Star-Burns is in the wind.
342
00:12:50,592 --> 00:12:52,193
He's our only witness.
343
00:12:52,194 --> 00:12:53,194
That what you guys do in here?
344
00:12:53,195 --> 00:12:54,195
You push your little papers
345
00:12:54,196 --> 00:12:55,530
and you make your
little speeches,
346
00:12:55,531 --> 00:12:57,264
and in the end another
dirtbag walks?
347
00:12:57,265 --> 00:12:59,567
Huh?
Huh?!
348
00:12:59,568 --> 00:13:01,702
Abed! Abed!
349
00:13:01,703 --> 00:13:03,604
Abed! Walk it off!
350
00:13:03,605 --> 00:13:06,207
Walk it off!
351
00:13:06,208 --> 00:13:07,992
I'm sorry about my partner.
352
00:13:07,993 --> 00:13:13,614
He... he's been on edge
ever since we switched.
353
00:13:13,615 --> 00:13:15,800
You.
354
00:13:15,801 --> 00:13:18,118
Annie, that class
already hates us.
355
00:13:18,119 --> 00:13:20,221
If we go in there without
a case, they'll fail us.
356
00:13:20,222 --> 00:13:21,889
We have proof
our yam was murdered
357
00:13:21,890 --> 00:13:23,641
and now you find your softness?
358
00:13:23,642 --> 00:13:25,793
It's eat or be eaten
when that's convenient,
359
00:13:25,794 --> 00:13:28,146
but when the going gets tough,
Winger gets nervous, huh?
360
00:13:28,147 --> 00:13:29,814
We have no case, Annie.
361
00:13:29,815 --> 00:13:31,649
It's too late to get one, Jeff.
362
00:13:31,650 --> 00:13:34,382
We only have time
to get justice.
363
00:13:39,966 --> 00:13:42,065
Tell us what happened next,
Todd.
364
00:13:42,066 --> 00:13:44,368
I disarmed the I.E.D.
365
00:13:44,369 --> 00:13:46,620
and returned the child
to his mother.
366
00:13:46,621 --> 00:13:49,790
She offered to give me her only
possession... a wooden chair...
367
00:13:49,791 --> 00:13:51,008
but I refused.
368
00:13:51,009 --> 00:13:54,077
I was only doing my duty
and we had
369
00:13:54,078 --> 00:13:55,796
plenty of chairs at the base.
370
00:13:55,797 --> 00:13:57,964
And for your valor,
you were awarded a bronze star.
371
00:13:57,965 --> 00:14:00,517
In fact, you have an absolutely
glowing service record.
372
00:14:00,518 --> 00:14:02,386
- Don't you, private?
- I do my best.
373
00:14:02,387 --> 00:14:04,721
You do more than that, soldier.
374
00:14:04,722 --> 00:14:07,024
Certainly more
than this witness
375
00:14:07,025 --> 00:14:08,591
who supposedly saw you
kill the yam.
376
00:14:08,592 --> 00:14:10,977
A man who for all we know
377
00:14:10,978 --> 00:14:13,230
is a holocaust-denying,
9/11 pedophile.
378
00:14:13,231 --> 00:14:15,782
- Objection.
- Withdrawn.
379
00:14:15,783 --> 00:14:17,067
One last question.
380
00:14:17,068 --> 00:14:18,902
Did you intentionally
break into
381
00:14:18,903 --> 00:14:21,371
the biology room
with the express purpose
382
00:14:21,372 --> 00:14:23,773
of killing
the study group's yam?
383
00:14:23,774 --> 00:14:26,043
- No, sir, I did not.
- Thank you, soldier.
384
00:14:26,044 --> 00:14:29,830
And God bless your testimony.
385
00:14:29,831 --> 00:14:31,832
Your witness.
386
00:14:34,385 --> 00:14:38,221
Tell me, Todd, do you
consider yourself a hero?
387
00:14:38,222 --> 00:14:39,256
Oh, no.
388
00:14:39,257 --> 00:14:40,307
Of course not.
389
00:14:40,308 --> 00:14:42,542
A hero doesn't call
himself a hero.
390
00:14:42,543 --> 00:14:44,928
A hero gets called a hero
because of what he does.
391
00:14:44,929 --> 00:14:46,179
And with your
impressive record,
392
00:14:46,180 --> 00:14:47,597
not even I could
deny you the title.
393
00:14:47,598 --> 00:14:49,933
Objection, she's clearly
ramping up to something.
394
00:14:49,934 --> 00:14:51,518
Objection, that's not
a real objection.
395
00:14:51,519 --> 00:14:53,320
Objection, I hate
the both of you.
396
00:14:53,321 --> 00:14:55,756
You may proceed, Ms. Edison,
but do so with caution.
397
00:14:55,757 --> 00:14:58,241
Need I remind you
this is not a courtroom?
398
00:14:58,242 --> 00:14:59,943
I spent the majority
of last night
399
00:14:59,944 --> 00:15:01,361
going over your records
with Mr. Winger,
400
00:15:01,362 --> 00:15:05,832
scouring them for the slightest
mistake, the tiniest slip up.
401
00:15:05,833 --> 00:15:09,252
And I gotta tell you, Todd.
Couldn't find a thing.
402
00:15:09,253 --> 00:15:12,205
Not one little smudge.
403
00:15:12,206 --> 00:15:16,993
Except, of course, for one pesky
yam that just wouldn't grow.
404
00:15:16,994 --> 00:15:18,879
That had to weigh on your soul,
didn't it, Todd?
405
00:15:18,880 --> 00:15:20,997
- Maybe a little.
- A little?
406
00:15:20,998 --> 00:15:24,768
A big orange splotch
on your perfect record?
407
00:15:24,769 --> 00:15:27,137
I bet that pissed you
right off, didn't it?
408
00:15:27,138 --> 00:15:28,722
Is that why you hit your wife?
409
00:15:28,723 --> 00:15:30,190
Withdrawn.
410
00:15:30,191 --> 00:15:31,641
Is that why you drink
and pop pills?
411
00:15:31,642 --> 00:15:32,642
Withdrawn.
412
00:15:32,643 --> 00:15:34,227
Are you a virgin?
Withdrawn.
413
00:15:34,228 --> 00:15:35,526
Did you...
414
00:15:37,148 --> 00:15:40,700
kill our yam to settle
the score, huh?
415
00:15:40,701 --> 00:15:43,686
Did stomping on its roots
make you feel like a big man?
416
00:15:43,687 --> 00:15:44,871
No, it didn't.
417
00:15:44,872 --> 00:15:46,356
I mean, I didn't...
418
00:15:46,357 --> 00:15:48,024
Todd, zip it.
419
00:15:48,025 --> 00:15:50,577
No, you zip it,
Uncle Knobby.
420
00:15:50,578 --> 00:15:52,496
I'm not fighting
your wars anymore.
421
00:15:52,497 --> 00:15:53,830
Listen to me, Todd.
422
00:15:53,831 --> 00:15:57,167
I know how scary
a failing grade can be,
423
00:15:57,168 --> 00:16:00,036
but this one dead yam
won't tarnish your record.
424
00:16:00,037 --> 00:16:04,374
What will tarnish it
is lying to your class,
425
00:16:04,375 --> 00:16:06,092
to your teacher, and to me.
426
00:16:06,093 --> 00:16:08,878
The American citizen
you've sworn to protect.
427
00:16:08,879 --> 00:16:11,548
Come on, Todd.
428
00:16:11,549 --> 00:16:13,600
Stop disappointing me.
429
00:16:13,601 --> 00:16:17,387
Defuse the I.E.D.
of dishonesty.
430
00:16:19,818 --> 00:16:21,107
It was an accident.
431
00:16:22,160 --> 00:16:23,860
I just wanted
to look at your yam,
432
00:16:23,861 --> 00:16:27,497
but when I picked up the jar,
it burnt me and I dropped it.
433
00:16:27,498 --> 00:16:29,449
Booyah!
434
00:16:29,450 --> 00:16:32,536
That's how it's done!
435
00:16:32,537 --> 00:16:36,039
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh,
ah, ah, ah, ah ♪
436
00:16:36,040 --> 00:16:38,925
- Todd...
- Woo-hoo!
437
00:16:38,926 --> 00:16:40,177
I'm telling your mother.
438
00:16:40,178 --> 00:16:41,261
That's right.
439
00:16:41,262 --> 00:16:44,581
Always have an exit strategy.
440
00:16:46,851 --> 00:16:49,252
I think I've heard enough.
441
00:16:49,253 --> 00:16:52,255
Professor Kane, may we have
a sidebar in your office?
442
00:16:56,143 --> 00:16:57,427
I want a mistrial.
443
00:16:57,428 --> 00:16:59,229
Just give us a "C,"
give Todd a "C."
444
00:16:59,230 --> 00:17:00,930
- Excuse me?
- What?
445
00:17:00,931 --> 00:17:03,867
Can we take a sidebar
in this sidebar?
446
00:17:03,868 --> 00:17:06,152
Jeff, we're about
to get our "A."
447
00:17:06,153 --> 00:17:08,771
- Todd didn't do it.
- Um, he just confessed, dummy.
448
00:17:08,772 --> 00:17:10,740
He said the jar burned him?
449
00:17:10,741 --> 00:17:11,875
It doesn't make any sense.
450
00:17:11,876 --> 00:17:13,543
People don't half-confess
to crimes.
451
00:17:13,544 --> 00:17:16,613
Look, when we started this,
you were after the truth.
452
00:17:16,614 --> 00:17:20,116
And then I convinced you
it was more important to win.
453
00:17:20,117 --> 00:17:22,052
Don't be like me.
454
00:17:22,053 --> 00:17:23,953
A man's got to have a code.
455
00:17:23,954 --> 00:17:27,307
I can only assume there is
a female equivalent to that.
456
00:17:27,308 --> 00:17:29,392
- A "codette" or something.
- But...
457
00:17:29,393 --> 00:17:31,011
It's not worth getting an "A"
458
00:17:31,012 --> 00:17:34,014
if an innocent man
might get an "F."
459
00:17:36,017 --> 00:17:38,068
Okay, I heard
all of that and I accept.
460
00:17:39,854 --> 00:17:41,938
All right.
461
00:17:41,939 --> 00:17:45,659
After speaking to the wronged
parties, I've decided to...
462
00:17:45,660 --> 00:17:48,194
Uh, if it pleases
the bio class,
463
00:17:48,195 --> 00:17:49,696
I have closing arguments.
464
00:17:49,697 --> 00:17:52,115
Of course you do.
465
00:17:52,116 --> 00:17:57,754
Why was it so hard
for all of us to grow a yam?
466
00:17:57,755 --> 00:18:02,042
It's just a stupid yam
in a stupid jar.
467
00:18:02,043 --> 00:18:06,496
We're all fully-grown adults
failing a kindergarten project.
468
00:18:06,497 --> 00:18:08,331
- Can I object?
- I'll allow it.
469
00:18:08,332 --> 00:18:09,349
Sustained.
470
00:18:09,350 --> 00:18:12,335
And all this time we assumed
our yam was targeted,
471
00:18:12,336 --> 00:18:15,555
that someone had stomped
its roots maliciously.
472
00:18:15,556 --> 00:18:18,508
But what if...
what if our yam's roots
473
00:18:18,509 --> 00:18:21,344
were dead before
they hit the ground?
474
00:18:23,064 --> 00:18:24,397
- Hey, that's mine!
- Look at it.
475
00:18:24,398 --> 00:18:25,732
Everyone look.
476
00:18:25,733 --> 00:18:28,401
Smushed without
being stepped on.
477
00:18:29,620 --> 00:18:31,121
Because it didn't
have to be stepped on.
478
00:18:31,122 --> 00:18:33,823
Because it was boiled.
479
00:18:33,824 --> 00:18:38,411
Someone has been pouring boiling
water into our jars at night.
480
00:18:38,412 --> 00:18:41,364
No one noticed because the water
cooled off by morning.
481
00:18:41,365 --> 00:18:45,085
Boiling water is the icicle
stabbing of yam killing.
482
00:18:47,004 --> 00:18:48,421
Ooh, but that didn't...
483
00:18:48,422 --> 00:18:50,423
Hmm.
484
00:18:50,424 --> 00:18:52,709
This yam isn't boiled.
485
00:18:52,710 --> 00:18:53,843
Vicki?
486
00:18:53,844 --> 00:18:56,096
I don't... I didn't
do it, I swear!
487
00:18:56,097 --> 00:18:57,097
I boiled the yams.
488
00:18:57,098 --> 00:18:58,982
Vicki's yam never sprouted
489
00:18:58,983 --> 00:19:01,017
and I didn't want her to fail,
so I threw off the grading curve
490
00:19:01,018 --> 00:19:02,435
so she wouldn't have
to go to summer school
491
00:19:02,436 --> 00:19:05,555
and we can finally have
sex in my parents' cabin.
492
00:19:05,556 --> 00:19:06,856
God forgive me,
I did it for love!
493
00:19:06,857 --> 00:19:10,727
Holy crap.
494
00:19:10,728 --> 00:19:14,030
We are definitely dissecting
pine cones next year.
495
00:19:14,031 --> 00:19:17,400
Neil has agreed to retake
biology over the summer
496
00:19:17,401 --> 00:19:20,069
and his status as
keymaster has been revoked.
497
00:19:20,070 --> 00:19:22,739
After all the politics
and procedure, in the end,
498
00:19:22,740 --> 00:19:24,874
the case really
was about biology.
499
00:19:24,875 --> 00:19:27,177
Told you it was
an important subject.
500
00:19:29,513 --> 00:19:31,514
Hello?
501
00:19:36,354 --> 00:19:41,274
I understand.
502
00:19:41,275 --> 00:19:43,226
Star-Burns got rear-ended
503
00:19:43,227 --> 00:19:46,946
and the meth lab
in his trunk exploded.
504
00:19:46,947 --> 00:19:48,948
He's dead.
505
00:20:05,038 --> 00:20:07,689
- Abed?
- Yeah?
506
00:20:07,690 --> 00:20:09,641
Why don't we have
bunk bed conversations?
507
00:20:09,642 --> 00:20:11,309
I don't know.
508
00:20:11,310 --> 00:20:13,411
We're best friends,
we share a bunk bed.
509
00:20:13,412 --> 00:20:15,113
Seems like we should be
having them all the time.
510
00:20:15,114 --> 00:20:16,414
You start.
511
00:20:16,415 --> 00:20:19,634
Okay. Why do you think
they call them "bunk beds"?
512
00:20:19,635 --> 00:20:21,403
Where's the word "bunk"
come from?
513
00:20:21,404 --> 00:20:22,437
I don't know.
514
00:20:22,438 --> 00:20:24,738
I think it comes
from the word "bunker."
515
00:20:24,739 --> 00:20:28,176
So when is your apartment
done being fumigated?
516
00:20:28,177 --> 00:20:29,611
Oh, it was done
about a week ago.
517
00:20:29,612 --> 00:20:30,996
Then why are you still here?
518
00:20:30,997 --> 00:20:34,349
- I brought you some warm milk.
- Oh.
519
00:20:34,350 --> 00:20:35,798
There you go.
520
00:20:35,799 --> 00:20:39,654
♪ Troy and Abed,
off to Dreamland ♪
521
00:20:39,655 --> 00:20:43,725
♪ catching the train
to Sleepytown ♪
522
00:20:43,726 --> 00:20:44,759
♪ and when they wake up ♪
523
00:20:44,760 --> 00:20:46,661
♪ the Dean'll be here ♪
524
00:20:46,662 --> 00:20:49,297
♪ staring at you ♪
525
00:20:49,298 --> 00:20:51,116
Sweet deans.
526
00:20:51,117 --> 00:20:53,902
That's nice... I guess.