1
00:00:02,306 --> 00:00:04,824
(phone rings)
2
00:00:06,160 --> 00:00:07,360
Howard Wolowitz.
3
00:00:07,362 --> 00:00:09,529
MAN: Hey, Howard.
Dave Roeger here at NASA.
4
00:00:09,531 --> 00:00:11,814
We need to talk
about your upcoming mission.
5
00:00:11,816 --> 00:00:15,835
Yes, yes, I've been doing
my push-ups.
6
00:00:15,837 --> 00:00:18,955
I'm still stuck at nine, but...
7
00:00:21,158 --> 00:00:24,961
...that's going all the way down
with no one holding me.
8
00:00:24,963 --> 00:00:27,464
That's great, uh,
but that's not why I called.
9
00:00:27,466 --> 00:00:29,599
We've run into a bit of a snafu.
10
00:00:29,601 --> 00:00:32,101
Your Soyuz capsule failed
the pressurization test,
11
00:00:32,103 --> 00:00:35,688
so bottom line,
mission's been scrubbed.
12
00:00:37,441 --> 00:00:40,543
You're kidding.
So what does that mean?
13
00:00:40,545 --> 00:00:43,480
Uh-huh.
14
00:00:43,482 --> 00:00:45,231
Uh-huh. (laughs)
15
00:00:45,233 --> 00:00:47,250
Boy, I got to tell you,
16
00:00:47,252 --> 00:00:48,902
I'm really disappointed.
17
00:00:48,904 --> 00:00:50,370
This was my dream
18
00:00:50,372 --> 00:00:53,490
ever since I was a little kid.
19
00:00:53,492 --> 00:00:55,241
Okay, well, uh,
20
00:00:55,243 --> 00:00:57,277
thanks for the call.
21
00:00:57,279 --> 00:00:59,963
Yep, you, too.
22
00:00:59,965 --> 00:01:01,697
Yes! Thank you!
23
00:01:01,699 --> 00:01:05,201
(laughs):
Oh! Oh...
24
00:01:05,203 --> 00:01:07,554
I'm not gonna die in space!
25
00:01:07,556 --> 00:01:09,339
(chuckling)
26
00:01:09,341 --> 00:01:11,724
(exhales) I'm gonna die
the way God intended,
27
00:01:11,726 --> 00:01:15,094
in my late 50s,
with a heart full of pastrami.
28
00:01:16,180 --> 00:01:19,399
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
29
00:01:19,401 --> 00:01:23,203
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
30
00:01:23,205 --> 00:01:24,737
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
31
00:01:24,739 --> 00:01:27,674
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
32
00:01:27,676 --> 00:01:29,692
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
33
00:01:29,694 --> 00:01:32,445
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
34
00:01:32,447 --> 00:01:34,547
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
35
00:01:34,549 --> 00:01:36,516
♪ Bang! ♪
36
00:01:36,517 --> 00:01:40,517
The Big Bang Theory 5x23
The Launch Acceleration
Original Air Date on May 3, 2012
37
00:01:40,518 --> 00:01:44,518
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
38
00:01:45,696 --> 00:01:48,665
SHELDON: I'm going to need
a larger shirt.
39
00:01:51,886 --> 00:01:54,254
This one's a little tight
under the arms.
40
00:01:54,256 --> 00:01:55,722
Okay.
41
00:01:55,724 --> 00:01:57,090
Do you think maybe it's tight
44
00:02:02,513 --> 00:02:03,980
All right, let me
rephrase the question.
45
00:02:03,982 --> 00:02:05,682
Why are you wearing
long underwear?
46
00:02:05,799 --> 00:02:07,165
You're kidding.
47
00:02:07,167 --> 00:02:10,201
Shouldn't the question be:
why aren't you?
48
00:02:10,203 --> 00:02:14,689
No, it should be: why are you?
(sighs) Leonard,
49
00:02:14,691 --> 00:02:16,858
these rental tuxedos have been
50
00:02:16,860 --> 00:02:18,993
worn by hundreds
of sweaty strangers.
51
00:02:19,789 --> 00:02:21,973
I don't like my own sweat
touching my skin,
52
00:02:21,975 --> 00:02:24,125
how do you think
I feel about theirs?
53
00:02:24,910 --> 00:02:26,828
Why don't you
slip this on?
54
00:02:26,830 --> 00:02:28,963
Said the hangman
offering a noose.
55
00:02:30,199 --> 00:02:31,916
Well, that wasn't
as entertaining
56
00:02:31,918 --> 00:02:33,618
as when he rents bowling shoes,
57
00:02:33,620 --> 00:02:35,537
but it was right up there.
58
00:02:35,539 --> 00:02:37,689
Well, that's it.
59
00:02:37,691 --> 00:02:39,457
My orders have been rescinded.
60
00:02:39,459 --> 00:02:41,826
I am officially "no go"
to space.
61
00:02:41,828 --> 00:02:44,045
I'm sorry, Howard,
but I got to tell you,
62
00:02:44,047 --> 00:02:46,014
I'm a little relieved
you're not going.
63
00:02:46,016 --> 00:02:47,164
Why?
64
00:02:47,166 --> 00:02:49,166
Come on, you were
gonna go up in a rocket
65
00:02:49,168 --> 00:02:51,302
designed in the 1960s
by the Russians.
66
00:02:51,304 --> 00:02:52,637
Yeah, so?
67
00:02:52,639 --> 00:02:54,639
When was the last time
you were at Best Buy
68
00:02:54,641 --> 00:02:56,841
and you heard someone say, "Ooh,
check out this Blu-ray player,
69
00:02:56,843 --> 00:02:59,227
it must be good,
it was built in Russia"?
70
00:03:01,063 --> 00:03:03,398
Well, their technology
isn't that bad.
71
00:03:03,400 --> 00:03:06,734
When you come back to Earth
in a Soyuz capsule, you free-fall
72
00:03:06,736 --> 00:03:08,703
from space
at 500 miles per hour,
73
00:03:08,705 --> 00:03:10,705
and the only thing
that slows you down
74
00:03:10,707 --> 00:03:12,490
is a little parachute
that pops out
75
00:03:12,492 --> 00:03:14,208
right before you crash
into the ground.
76
00:03:14,210 --> 00:03:15,693
And the whole thing
was designed
77
00:03:15,695 --> 00:03:18,246
by the same brilliant minds
who were unable to capture
78
00:03:18,248 --> 00:03:20,331
Rocky and Bullwinkle.
79
00:03:21,750 --> 00:03:23,367
All right, well, whatever.
80
00:03:23,369 --> 00:03:24,586
I wasn't worried.
81
00:03:24,588 --> 00:03:25,720
You weren't?
82
00:03:25,722 --> 00:03:29,340
Let me explain the difference
between you and me.
83
00:03:29,342 --> 00:03:30,725
(sighs)
You watch
84
00:03:30,727 --> 00:03:33,311
Star Trek; I live it.
85
00:03:35,230 --> 00:03:37,565
Oh, please. I don't remember
the episode of Star Trek
86
00:03:37,567 --> 00:03:39,183
where the guy
never goes to space
87
00:03:39,185 --> 00:03:41,886
and brags about it
in a tuxedo store.
88
00:03:41,888 --> 00:03:43,271
Make all the jokes you want,
89
00:03:43,273 --> 00:03:45,389
but there's only
one of us here brave enough
90
00:03:45,391 --> 00:03:47,742
to almost do
what I almost did.
91
00:03:47,744 --> 00:03:50,895
SHELDON:
Ah, much better.
92
00:03:53,282 --> 00:03:55,166
You must be burning up.
93
00:03:55,168 --> 00:03:57,669
A little. But not more
than your urethras
94
00:03:57,671 --> 00:04:00,622
will be after whatever's
in those pants swims up them.
95
00:04:03,125 --> 00:04:04,459
Well...
96
00:04:04,461 --> 00:04:08,179
I cut quite the dashing,
yet hygienic figure, don't I?
97
00:04:08,181 --> 00:04:12,433
I look like the Flash
about to get married.
98
00:04:14,470 --> 00:04:16,220
Oh! A tissue! A tissue!
99
00:04:16,222 --> 00:04:17,639
Oh, good Lord!
100
00:04:17,641 --> 00:04:19,857
Uh, where's he going?
101
00:04:19,859 --> 00:04:22,226
He keeps emergency
Purell in the car.
102
00:04:22,228 --> 00:04:23,778
Keys! Keys! Keys!
103
00:04:27,933 --> 00:04:29,484
Hey, you.
Before I come in,
104
00:04:29,486 --> 00:04:32,770
you should know, I have gas.
105
00:04:32,772 --> 00:04:36,124
For the record,
not your worst opening line.
106
00:04:36,126 --> 00:04:38,026
Check it out.
It's the gas I use
107
00:04:38,028 --> 00:04:40,294
in my free-electron laser
to support high voltages.
108
00:04:40,296 --> 00:04:43,581
But it also has an
interesting secondary use.
109
00:04:43,583 --> 00:04:45,166
(gas hissing)
110
00:04:45,168 --> 00:04:46,751
Here. Breathe this in.
111
00:04:46,753 --> 00:04:50,621
B-Before I do it, if you're
a cop you have tell me, right?
112
00:04:50,623 --> 00:04:52,640
Just try it.
113
00:04:52,642 --> 00:04:53,808
Okay.
114
00:04:53,810 --> 00:04:55,343
(inhales)
115
00:04:55,345 --> 00:04:57,645
(very deep voice):
What's it supposed to...
116
00:04:57,647 --> 00:04:59,630
Oh, my God, that's so freaky!
117
00:04:59,632 --> 00:05:01,599
(laughs)
118
00:05:01,601 --> 00:05:03,134
(inhales)
119
00:05:03,136 --> 00:05:05,436
(very deep voice):
♪ You're a mean one ♪
120
00:05:05,438 --> 00:05:07,739
♪ Mr. Grinch. ♪
(laughs)
121
00:05:07,741 --> 00:05:09,607
Okay. Me, me, me. Ready?
122
00:05:10,576 --> 00:05:13,411
(very deep voice):
Leonard, I am your father.
123
00:05:13,413 --> 00:05:15,980
(both laughing)
124
00:05:15,982 --> 00:05:17,915
I have never been
more attracted to a woman
125
00:05:17,917 --> 00:05:19,667
who sounds like a man
in my life.
126
00:05:19,669 --> 00:05:21,452
Oh... (laughs)
127
00:05:22,320 --> 00:05:23,538
Mm.
128
00:05:25,290 --> 00:05:27,842
Hey... you know
how we've been...
129
00:05:27,844 --> 00:05:30,712
taking things slow?
Mm-hmm.
130
00:05:30,714 --> 00:05:32,597
Well, I've been thinking, and...
131
00:05:32,599 --> 00:05:34,498
maybe I'm ready to...
132
00:05:34,500 --> 00:05:36,884
take things a little... faster.
133
00:05:36,886 --> 00:05:38,386
Oh...
134
00:05:38,388 --> 00:05:39,554
great.
Mm-hmm.
135
00:05:39,556 --> 00:05:41,639
And I promise,
after waiting four months,
136
00:05:41,641 --> 00:05:44,959
fast is what you're gonna get.
137
00:05:45,844 --> 00:05:47,511
You know, just-just one thing.
138
00:05:47,513 --> 00:05:49,397
Look, we're in a really
great place right now,
139
00:05:49,399 --> 00:05:50,698
and I don't want to do anything
140
00:05:50,700 --> 00:05:52,366
that will make stuff
all weird again.
141
00:05:52,368 --> 00:05:54,235
So we won't let it get weird.
142
00:05:54,237 --> 00:05:55,653
Okay. Oh, and just a heads-up...
143
00:05:55,655 --> 00:05:57,855
mm, since the last time
you saw me naked,
144
00:05:57,857 --> 00:05:59,490
I got a Cookie Monster tattoo.
145
00:05:59,492 --> 00:06:02,126
The acceptable responses
when you see it
146
00:06:02,128 --> 00:06:03,828
are "awesome" or nothing.
147
00:06:03,830 --> 00:06:05,997
What about...
148
00:06:05,999 --> 00:06:07,865
(very deep voice):
Cookies!
149
00:06:07,867 --> 00:06:09,050
(laughs)
150
00:06:09,885 --> 00:06:12,136
(balloon sputters)
151
00:06:13,188 --> 00:06:14,972
(knocking)
SHELDON: Amy?
152
00:06:14,974 --> 00:06:16,257
(knocking)
Amy?
153
00:06:16,259 --> 00:06:18,509
(knocking)
Amy?
154
00:06:20,045 --> 00:06:21,729
7:00, right on time.
155
00:06:21,731 --> 00:06:24,098
It's not an accident.
156
00:06:24,100 --> 00:06:26,717
I waited outside your door
for 20 minutes.
157
00:06:26,719 --> 00:06:28,903
Well, dinner's almost ready.
158
00:06:28,905 --> 00:06:30,321
I must say,
159
00:06:30,323 --> 00:06:31,889
I was surprised
you chose to spend
160
00:06:31,891 --> 00:06:33,407
our date night
in your apartment.
161
00:06:33,409 --> 00:06:34,776
As I mentioned,
162
00:06:34,778 --> 00:06:39,063
the Pasadena City Council is
debating longer crosswalk times,
163
00:06:39,065 --> 00:06:42,366
and later, the LEGO store is
having a midnight madness sale.
164
00:06:42,368 --> 00:06:43,734
You ask anyone,
165
00:06:43,736 --> 00:06:45,119
that's a hot date.
166
00:06:45,121 --> 00:06:48,172
Tempting choices,
but I have something special
167
00:06:48,174 --> 00:06:49,406
planned for tonight.
168
00:06:49,408 --> 00:06:51,075
What can be more special
than having
169
00:06:51,077 --> 00:06:53,377
an adequate amount of time
to cross the street
170
00:06:53,379 --> 00:06:56,914
on your way to buy
a tiny LEGO Indiana Jones?
171
00:06:56,916 --> 00:06:59,350
With our friends moving forward
in their relationships,
172
00:06:59,352 --> 00:07:02,553
I've decided that we should
make progress in ours as well.
173
00:07:02,555 --> 00:07:04,605
Oh, dear Lord.
174
00:07:04,607 --> 00:07:07,358
Two years ago,
we didn't even know each other,
175
00:07:07,360 --> 00:07:10,611
and now I'm
in your apartment after dark.
176
00:07:11,480 --> 00:07:14,431
How much faster
can this thing go?
177
00:07:14,433 --> 00:07:16,234
I had a feeling
you'd be reluctant,
178
00:07:16,236 --> 00:07:18,152
which is why
I'm going to dip
179
00:07:18,154 --> 00:07:19,904
into my neurobiological
bag of tricks.
180
00:07:19,906 --> 00:07:23,474
(laughs): Oh, you brain monkeys
kill me. Dip away.
181
00:07:24,326 --> 00:07:25,609
I have devised
182
00:07:25,611 --> 00:07:27,495
an experiment that
I believe will increase
183
00:07:27,497 --> 00:07:30,047
your feelings for me
in an accelerated time frame.
184
00:07:30,049 --> 00:07:32,283
And how do you propose
to do that?
185
00:07:32,285 --> 00:07:33,584
Uh, hope you're not thinking
186
00:07:33,586 --> 00:07:36,170
about some sort
of LSD thought control.
187
00:07:36,172 --> 00:07:37,421
Because there's
188
00:07:37,423 --> 00:07:39,640
only one mind-expanding drug
that this man enjoys,
189
00:07:39,642 --> 00:07:41,625
and that's called school.
190
00:07:41,627 --> 00:07:45,263
Human beings form emotional
attachments as they grow up.
191
00:07:45,265 --> 00:07:48,349
In your case, to your mother,
superheroes, et cetera.
192
00:07:48,351 --> 00:07:49,466
I'm going to attempt
193
00:07:49,468 --> 00:07:51,819
an experiment that will
get you to transfer
194
00:07:51,821 --> 00:07:53,487
those feelings to me.
195
00:07:53,489 --> 00:07:54,605
Well,
196
00:07:54,607 --> 00:07:56,240
seems what's on the menu tonight
197
00:07:56,242 --> 00:07:59,410
is malarkey with
a big side of poppycock.
198
00:07:59,412 --> 00:08:00,912
We'll see.
199
00:08:00,914 --> 00:08:04,498
Let's start with a little
romantic dinner music, shall we?
200
00:08:04,500 --> 00:08:07,618
(Super Mario Bros.
video game music playing)
201
00:08:07,620 --> 00:08:09,987
Super Mario Bros. theme?
202
00:08:09,989 --> 00:08:11,172
Yes.
203
00:08:11,174 --> 00:08:13,824
I see what you're doing.
204
00:08:13,826 --> 00:08:15,459
You're attempting
to build on the work
205
00:08:15,461 --> 00:08:16,677
of Ebbinghaus by triggering
206
00:08:16,679 --> 00:08:19,630
an involuntary memory
of me playing that game--
207
00:08:19,632 --> 00:08:23,184
admittedly the happiest
600 hours of my childhood...
208
00:08:24,136 --> 00:08:25,269
...but it won't work.
209
00:08:25,271 --> 00:08:27,104
Fine. There's no reason
we still can't have
210
00:08:27,106 --> 00:08:29,140
a lovely dinner.
Why don't you have a seat.
211
00:08:29,142 --> 00:08:31,826
(Sheldon humming along
with song)
212
00:08:31,828 --> 00:08:33,861
Boink! Boink!
213
00:08:35,314 --> 00:08:37,398
May I offer you
something to drink?
214
00:08:37,400 --> 00:08:38,983
You know I don't drink.
215
00:08:38,985 --> 00:08:40,234
Not even...
216
00:08:40,236 --> 00:08:41,485
strawberry Quik?
217
00:08:41,487 --> 00:08:43,287
(quiet gasp)
218
00:08:43,289 --> 00:08:45,740
I love strawberry Quik.
219
00:08:45,742 --> 00:08:48,910
It's my favorite
pink fluid,
220
00:08:48,912 --> 00:08:51,996
narrowly beating out
Pepto-Bismol.
221
00:08:51,998 --> 00:08:54,165
Oh, I know.
222
00:08:54,167 --> 00:08:55,967
I think it will go nicely
223
00:08:55,969 --> 00:08:57,785
with what I have prepared...
224
00:08:57,787 --> 00:08:59,253
for dinner.
225
00:08:59,255 --> 00:09:03,257
(gasps) Spaghetti with little pieces
of hot dog cut up in it!
226
00:09:03,259 --> 00:09:04,429
Just like your mommy
used to make.
227
00:09:04,454 --> 00:09:05,477
Oh...
228
00:09:05,478 --> 00:09:08,145
yummy, yummy!
229
00:09:08,147 --> 00:09:11,148
We should do this more often.
230
00:09:17,689 --> 00:09:19,824
Uh-oh.
231
00:09:22,077 --> 00:09:23,227
LEONARD:
I'm sorry. I did,
232
00:09:23,229 --> 00:09:24,779
I crossed a line.
I didn't mean to!
233
00:09:24,781 --> 00:09:26,664
Who says something
like that right in the middle
234
00:09:26,666 --> 00:09:28,032
of sex?!
I don't know,
235
00:09:28,034 --> 00:09:30,067
it just came out.
People say weird things
236
00:09:30,069 --> 00:09:31,419
during sex all the time.
237
00:09:31,421 --> 00:09:33,788
Okay, well, they
sure as hell don't say that.
238
00:09:33,790 --> 00:09:35,456
It was the heat of the moment.
No,
239
00:09:35,458 --> 00:09:38,075
the heat of the moment is,
"Ooh, yeah, just like that,"
240
00:09:38,077 --> 00:09:40,861
not "will you marry me?"
241
00:09:41,746 --> 00:09:43,097
I'm sorry.
242
00:09:43,099 --> 00:09:44,799
Just-just give me
another chance.
243
00:09:44,801 --> 00:09:46,600
Why, so you can crawl
under the covers and go,
244
00:09:46,602 --> 00:09:48,102
"Hey, baby,
want to go look for houses
245
00:09:48,104 --> 00:09:50,888
in neighborhoods
with good schools?"
246
00:09:50,890 --> 00:09:53,107
Again, I'm sorry.
247
00:09:53,109 --> 00:09:55,359
You know, with Howard
and Bernadette getting married,
248
00:09:55,361 --> 00:09:57,761
I got caught up
in a little wedding fever.
249
00:09:57,763 --> 00:09:59,397
I take it back.
You can't
250
00:09:59,399 --> 00:10:00,648
take something like that back.
251
00:10:00,650 --> 00:10:03,100
I mean, what are we
even supposed to do now?
252
00:10:03,102 --> 00:10:05,820
Okay, at some point,
we'll look back
253
00:10:05,822 --> 00:10:08,990
and this is going
to be a funny story.
254
00:10:08,992 --> 00:10:11,442
Why don't we just
start doing that now?
255
00:10:11,444 --> 00:10:13,294
You're kidding.
No.
256
00:10:13,296 --> 00:10:16,464
Hey, do you remember...
257
00:10:17,582 --> 00:10:20,217
...that time when I proposed
258
00:10:20,219 --> 00:10:23,087
to you in bed?
(laughs)
259
00:10:23,089 --> 00:10:26,590
And you were all, like,
"What are you doing?"
260
00:10:26,592 --> 00:10:27,558
(laughs)
261
00:10:27,560 --> 00:10:29,727
That was so funny.
262
00:10:30,612 --> 00:10:33,798
So funny.
263
00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:35,099
It's not funny.
264
00:10:35,967 --> 00:10:38,085
Give it a minute.
265
00:10:38,887 --> 00:10:41,772
Is that a little smile
I see there?
266
00:10:42,474 --> 00:10:45,259
I should go.
267
00:10:46,478 --> 00:10:48,195
Hey, I was thinking.
268
00:10:48,197 --> 00:10:50,147
For our first dance
at the wedding,
269
00:10:50,149 --> 00:10:54,035
what if we learn the final number
from Dirty Dancing?
270
00:10:54,037 --> 00:10:56,454
You're kidding.
No,
271
00:10:56,456 --> 00:10:57,821
come on.
272
00:10:57,823 --> 00:10:59,273
How cool would that be?
273
00:10:59,275 --> 00:11:03,194
Me running
into your arms...
274
00:11:03,196 --> 00:11:05,496
you lifting me up
into the air.
275
00:11:06,831 --> 00:11:09,266
Oh, you're in a good mood.
276
00:11:09,268 --> 00:11:10,634
Yeah, well, why
wouldn't I be?
277
00:11:10,636 --> 00:11:13,054
You know, I'm marrying
the girl of my dreams,
278
00:11:13,056 --> 00:11:14,805
and I finally got
my mother to agree
279
00:11:14,807 --> 00:11:17,224
not to come on
our honeymoon.
280
00:11:18,009 --> 00:11:20,344
(phone rings)
Oh, hang on.
281
00:11:21,196 --> 00:11:22,396
Oh, it's NASA.
282
00:11:23,565 --> 00:11:24,899
Wolowitz.
283
00:11:24,901 --> 00:11:27,802
Oh! Hi, Dave.
What's up?
284
00:11:29,321 --> 00:11:31,872
No kidding. Really?
285
00:11:31,874 --> 00:11:33,023
Well,
286
00:11:33,025 --> 00:11:36,660
that's... great news.
287
00:11:36,662 --> 00:11:39,530
Great, great news.
288
00:11:39,532 --> 00:11:41,916
All right, I'll watch my e-mail
289
00:11:41,918 --> 00:11:44,301
for the details.
290
00:11:44,303 --> 00:11:46,470
Okay, talk soon.
291
00:11:47,906 --> 00:11:49,006
What's so great?
292
00:11:49,008 --> 00:11:52,309
It looks like I'm going
into space after all.
293
00:11:52,311 --> 00:11:53,594
(nervous chuckle)
294
00:11:53,596 --> 00:11:56,180
Oh, Howie,
that's wonderful!
295
00:11:56,182 --> 00:11:58,349
Uh-huh, wonderful.
296
00:11:59,267 --> 00:12:02,770
(shakily):
Yay...
297
00:12:08,552 --> 00:12:10,136
What happened?
I thought
298
00:12:10,138 --> 00:12:12,305
they canceled your mission.
Th-They did.
299
00:12:12,307 --> 00:12:14,507
But NASA really wants
300
00:12:14,509 --> 00:12:16,893
my telescope up
on the space station,
301
00:12:16,895 --> 00:12:19,762
so they're putting me
on an earlier launch.
302
00:12:19,764 --> 00:12:21,764
When?
A...
303
00:12:21,766 --> 00:12:24,066
week from Friday.
304
00:12:24,068 --> 00:12:26,936
What? We're getting
married that Sunday.
305
00:12:28,005 --> 00:12:29,171
You're right!
306
00:12:29,173 --> 00:12:30,806
I-I can't go to space.
307
00:12:30,808 --> 00:12:33,309
I have to get married,
and no one can say
308
00:12:33,311 --> 00:12:35,661
that's not a good reason.
I'll call him back.
309
00:12:37,698 --> 00:12:39,332
Wait. I don't want to be
310
00:12:39,334 --> 00:12:41,150
the one who stands
in your way.
311
00:12:41,152 --> 00:12:42,985
Well, too bad, you already did.
It's a done deal.
312
00:12:42,987 --> 00:12:45,087
Oh, well.
But I forgive you.
313
00:12:45,089 --> 00:12:47,323
No. That's not how I want
to start our marriage,
314
00:12:47,325 --> 00:12:48,708
killing your dream?
315
00:12:48,710 --> 00:12:50,626
We'll have the wedding
when you get back.
316
00:12:50,628 --> 00:12:52,128
But wh-what about
317
00:12:52,130 --> 00:12:55,197
all the plans
and the guests?
318
00:12:55,199 --> 00:12:56,299
We'll call them.
319
00:12:56,301 --> 00:12:58,267
Although my dad's
gonna go a little nutso
320
00:12:58,269 --> 00:13:00,353
over losing his deposits.
321
00:13:00,355 --> 00:13:04,273
You're right, he is!
322
00:13:04,275 --> 00:13:06,025
Your dad's gonna be furious.
323
00:13:06,027 --> 00:13:08,861
(chuckling): There's no way he's
gonna let us postpone this wedding.
324
00:13:08,863 --> 00:13:10,296
Well, we tried.
325
00:13:11,698 --> 00:13:12,949
I'll talk to him.
326
00:13:12,951 --> 00:13:15,517
He won't say no to his little girl.
No!
327
00:13:15,519 --> 00:13:18,354
I-I should talk to him,
328
00:13:18,356 --> 00:13:19,822
man to man.
(sighs)
329
00:13:19,824 --> 00:13:21,657
But, Howie, my dad
can be a bully.
330
00:13:21,659 --> 00:13:23,659
He's gonna make you cancel
your space flight.
331
00:13:23,661 --> 00:13:24,994
(chuckles)
We can only hope...
332
00:13:24,996 --> 00:13:27,113
that he doesn't.
333
00:13:28,332 --> 00:13:32,534
Bishop to queen four,
334
00:13:32,536 --> 00:13:34,236
level two.
335
00:13:34,238 --> 00:13:36,172
Check.
336
00:13:36,174 --> 00:13:37,840
Sheldon...
337
00:13:37,842 --> 00:13:39,475
knight takes bishop.
338
00:13:40,060 --> 00:13:41,344
You all right?
339
00:13:41,346 --> 00:13:43,512
I'm fine.
340
00:13:44,514 --> 00:13:45,648
Are you?
341
00:13:45,650 --> 00:13:47,883
You left your queen
exposed from above,
342
00:13:47,885 --> 00:13:49,602
you trapped your
knight in the corner,
343
00:13:49,604 --> 00:13:53,122
and you keep sighing
and saying, "Why me?"
344
00:13:53,124 --> 00:13:54,774
(sighs)
345
00:13:54,776 --> 00:13:56,275
Very well.
346
00:13:56,277 --> 00:13:59,395
Can I ask you
a question about women?
347
00:14:00,364 --> 00:14:02,698
We got you that book last year.
348
00:14:02,700 --> 00:14:04,583
Wasn't everything in there?
349
00:14:04,585 --> 00:14:08,537
No, I'm having
a relationship problem with Amy.
350
00:14:08,539 --> 00:14:09,505
And by the way,
351
00:14:09,507 --> 00:14:11,824
that book gave me nightmares.
352
00:14:11,826 --> 00:14:14,627
Well, if it makes you
feel any better,
353
00:14:14,629 --> 00:14:17,380
I screwed things up
pretty good with Penny.
354
00:14:17,382 --> 00:14:19,882
Look at us,
Leonard...
355
00:14:19,884 --> 00:14:22,685
engaging in the social
convention of men bellyaching
356
00:14:22,687 --> 00:14:24,804
about their ol' ladies.
357
00:14:24,806 --> 00:14:26,939
I guess we are.
358
00:14:26,941 --> 00:14:29,775
So, what's going on?
359
00:14:29,777 --> 00:14:31,427
Believe it or not,
360
00:14:31,429 --> 00:14:33,863
Amy has embarked on a campaign
361
00:14:33,865 --> 00:14:39,768
to increase my feelings
for her by making me happy.
362
00:14:39,770 --> 00:14:43,823
I'm sorry, that must be very
difficult for you.
363
00:14:43,825 --> 00:14:45,825
It's awful.
364
00:14:45,827 --> 00:14:47,827
This morning,
she arranged for me
365
00:14:47,829 --> 00:14:50,446
to be an Amtrak junior conductor
for the day.
366
00:14:50,448 --> 00:14:51,580
It-It's usually
367
00:14:51,582 --> 00:14:52,798
only open to children.
368
00:14:52,800 --> 00:14:55,801
She got them
to make an exception.
369
00:14:55,803 --> 00:14:58,220
Shame on her.
370
00:14:58,222 --> 00:15:01,173
They let me
blow the whistle, Leonard.
371
00:15:01,175 --> 00:15:04,293
She's good.
372
00:15:04,295 --> 00:15:05,227
I know.
373
00:15:05,229 --> 00:15:06,929
And it gets worse.
374
00:15:06,931 --> 00:15:08,814
Her efforts are causing me
375
00:15:08,816 --> 00:15:11,133
to have affectionate
feelings for her
376
00:15:11,135 --> 00:15:14,270
at inappropriate times.
377
00:15:15,405 --> 00:15:19,075
You mean, like in bed
or in the shower?
378
00:15:19,077 --> 00:15:20,409
No!
379
00:15:20,411 --> 00:15:23,662
Would you please stop
referencing that infernal book?
380
00:15:24,815 --> 00:15:26,782
For example, this morning,
381
00:15:26,784 --> 00:15:29,034
I was calculating
the random motion
382
00:15:29,036 --> 00:15:31,003
of virtual particles
in a vacuum,
383
00:15:31,005 --> 00:15:33,839
when suddenly
the particles morphed
384
00:15:33,841 --> 00:15:37,376
into an image
of Amy's dandruff...
385
00:15:40,647 --> 00:15:42,264
...gently cascading down
386
00:15:42,266 --> 00:15:46,001
onto her pale,
slightly hunched shoulders.
387
00:15:46,003 --> 00:15:47,486
(groans)
388
00:15:47,488 --> 00:15:50,606
What has that vixen
done to me, Leonard?
389
00:15:50,608 --> 00:15:52,374
And how do I make it stop?
390
00:15:52,376 --> 00:15:54,743
Well, if you had
a physical relationship,
391
00:15:54,745 --> 00:15:56,612
I'd say propose during sex.
392
00:15:56,614 --> 00:15:59,932
Turns out that's
a real mood killer.
393
00:15:59,934 --> 00:16:01,700
I assume we're talking
about you now?
394
00:16:01,702 --> 00:16:02,685
Yeah.
395
00:16:02,687 --> 00:16:03,852
So, that's
how this works?
396
00:16:03,854 --> 00:16:06,188
I complain,
and then you complain,
397
00:16:06,190 --> 00:16:08,857
and no one offers any solutions?
398
00:16:08,859 --> 00:16:11,694
Pretty much.
399
00:16:11,696 --> 00:16:14,863
Well, no wonder
the women are winning.
400
00:16:17,033 --> 00:16:18,334
(knock)
401
00:16:18,336 --> 00:16:20,836
Mr. Rostenkowski,
are you busy?
402
00:16:20,838 --> 00:16:23,539
Oh, just looking at some
old pictures. Come on in.
403
00:16:23,541 --> 00:16:25,090
Family pictures,
or...?
404
00:16:25,092 --> 00:16:28,377
H-Holy crap, that's
a dead person.
405
00:16:28,379 --> 00:16:31,564
Last murder case
before I retired.
406
00:16:31,566 --> 00:16:33,599
How many bodies
do you see there?
407
00:16:33,601 --> 00:16:34,717
Careful,
408
00:16:34,719 --> 00:16:37,086
it's a trick question.
409
00:16:37,088 --> 00:16:39,271
I'm not sure.
410
00:16:39,273 --> 00:16:40,656
Nah, you'll never get it.
411
00:16:40,658 --> 00:16:43,442
It's a fraction.
412
00:16:43,444 --> 00:16:45,611
How about that.
413
00:16:45,613 --> 00:16:46,745
Anyway,
414
00:16:46,747 --> 00:16:49,231
sir, I need to talk
to you about something.
415
00:16:49,233 --> 00:16:50,332
(cracking)
416
00:16:50,334 --> 00:16:52,001
Walnut?
417
00:16:52,003 --> 00:16:53,702
No, thank you.
418
00:16:53,704 --> 00:16:55,037
I'm allergic.
419
00:16:55,039 --> 00:16:56,738
Oh, sure.
420
00:16:56,740 --> 00:16:59,091
My partner used to have that.
421
00:16:59,093 --> 00:17:00,742
He's dead now.
422
00:17:02,295 --> 00:17:03,762
From nuts?
423
00:17:03,764 --> 00:17:05,447
Nah, his wife shot him.
424
00:17:06,266 --> 00:17:10,202
But she was nuts,
so in a way...
425
00:17:11,188 --> 00:17:12,471
Nice story.
426
00:17:12,473 --> 00:17:14,139
Anyway,
427
00:17:14,141 --> 00:17:16,592
the reason I wanted
to talk to you is
428
00:17:16,594 --> 00:17:19,278
NASA has moved up
my launch
429
00:17:19,280 --> 00:17:21,530
to the International
Space Station.
430
00:17:21,532 --> 00:17:23,365
Yeah, so?
So...
431
00:17:23,367 --> 00:17:25,868
the date is going
to conflict
432
00:17:25,870 --> 00:17:27,903
with me marrying
your daughter.
433
00:17:27,905 --> 00:17:30,105
Now, I know what you're
going to say-- I made
434
00:17:30,107 --> 00:17:32,124
a commitment to Bernadette
and to your family
435
00:17:32,126 --> 00:17:34,109
and I've got a hell
of a lot of nerve
436
00:17:34,111 --> 00:17:36,328
coming in here and demanding
that we postpone this thing.
437
00:17:36,330 --> 00:17:37,997
Well, message heard
and understood.
438
00:17:37,999 --> 00:17:39,632
Mission canceled.
Thank you.
439
00:17:41,117 --> 00:17:42,251
Where are you going?
440
00:17:42,253 --> 00:17:44,053
I'm sorry.
441
00:17:44,055 --> 00:17:46,589
May I be excused?
442
00:17:46,591 --> 00:17:48,090
No, you may not.
443
00:17:48,092 --> 00:17:49,475
Let me tell you something.
444
00:17:49,477 --> 00:17:51,393
When I first met you...
445
00:17:51,395 --> 00:17:52,794
You just gonna stand there?
446
00:17:52,796 --> 00:17:56,649
I'm sorry, I didn't know,
is this going to...
447
00:17:56,651 --> 00:17:57,766
Well, I should sit...
448
00:17:57,768 --> 00:17:59,485
May I be seat...
Well, I'll just sit.
449
00:18:01,438 --> 00:18:03,956
When I first met you,
450
00:18:03,958 --> 00:18:05,507
I didn't like you.
451
00:18:05,509 --> 00:18:08,944
I'm aware of that, sir.
452
00:18:08,946 --> 00:18:11,947
But then you and I
had some time together.
453
00:18:11,949 --> 00:18:12,981
Uh-huh.
454
00:18:12,983 --> 00:18:15,834
It did not get better.
455
00:18:15,836 --> 00:18:18,187
Right, right.
456
00:18:18,189 --> 00:18:20,289
That silly Beatle haircut
457
00:18:20,291 --> 00:18:21,490
and...
458
00:18:21,492 --> 00:18:23,542
you riding around
on a red Vespa,
459
00:18:23,544 --> 00:18:26,428
and you're still living
at home with your mother.
460
00:18:26,430 --> 00:18:29,465
To be honest, I thought
Bernadette chose you
461
00:18:29,467 --> 00:18:31,267
to punish me.
462
00:18:32,769 --> 00:18:35,671
But then I heard about
your astronaut thing,
463
00:18:35,673 --> 00:18:37,273
and I realized
464
00:18:37,275 --> 00:18:39,475
I judged you too fast.
465
00:18:39,477 --> 00:18:40,809
Maybe you are
466
00:18:40,811 --> 00:18:42,728
the right guy
for my little girl.
467
00:18:42,730 --> 00:18:45,064
Oh, I am.
And just so you know,
468
00:18:45,066 --> 00:18:48,233
I'd still be an astronaut,
even if I didn't go to space.
469
00:18:48,235 --> 00:18:52,288
I've got an I.D. card
and a NASA golf shirt.
470
00:18:52,290 --> 00:18:53,706
No, no, you got to go.
471
00:18:53,708 --> 00:18:55,991
You can't turn down
an opportunity like this.
472
00:18:55,993 --> 00:18:58,360
B-But what about the wedding
473
00:18:58,362 --> 00:19:01,080
and all the money you put
down for the reception?
474
00:19:01,082 --> 00:19:02,965
You let me worry about that.
475
00:19:02,967 --> 00:19:04,783
You go up to that
space station,
476
00:19:04,785 --> 00:19:06,986
and you make me proud.
477
00:19:11,424 --> 00:19:12,658
Um, okay.
478
00:19:12,660 --> 00:19:13,759
(laughs)
479
00:19:13,761 --> 00:19:15,711
You got a problem with that?
480
00:19:15,713 --> 00:19:18,213
All right, look, I'm
gonna level with you.
481
00:19:18,215 --> 00:19:21,550
I'm terrified about
going into space.
482
00:19:21,552 --> 00:19:25,154
What if I don't
make it back?
483
00:19:25,156 --> 00:19:28,741
It's gonna be okay, son.
484
00:19:28,743 --> 00:19:31,143
You really think so?
485
00:19:31,145 --> 00:19:33,045
Of course.
486
00:19:33,047 --> 00:19:35,681
A pretty girl like Bernadette...
487
00:19:35,683 --> 00:19:38,150
she'll find a new guy.
488
00:19:50,031 --> 00:19:51,214
Hey.
489
00:19:51,216 --> 00:19:52,516
Hey.
490
00:19:52,518 --> 00:19:53,717
Off to work?
491
00:19:53,719 --> 00:19:54,852
Yeah.
492
00:19:54,854 --> 00:19:56,186
Have a nice night.
493
00:19:56,188 --> 00:19:57,888
Okay, you, too.
494
00:19:58,707 --> 00:20:00,223
Penny, just, wait.
495
00:20:00,225 --> 00:20:02,109
I've been thinking
about what I said
496
00:20:02,111 --> 00:20:04,178
when we were in bed
the other night.
497
00:20:04,180 --> 00:20:06,280
Yeah, I've been
thinking about it, too.
498
00:20:06,282 --> 00:20:08,716
I noticed you never answered me.
499
00:20:10,335 --> 00:20:12,503
You're right.
500
00:20:16,341 --> 00:20:18,509
No.
501
00:20:20,762 --> 00:20:22,880
Uh, follow-up.
Are we still dating?
502
00:20:22,882 --> 00:20:24,247
PENNY:
Yep.
503
00:20:24,249 --> 00:20:25,966
Is it still weird
'cause I proposed?
504
00:20:25,968 --> 00:20:27,668
Yep.
505
00:20:27,670 --> 00:20:29,603
I have a couple more
quick questions.
506
00:20:29,605 --> 00:20:30,827
Do you want to call me
from the car?
507
00:20:30,852 --> 00:20:32,852
No!
508
00:20:34,225 --> 00:20:36,860
Think I played that
pretty well.
509
00:20:38,196 --> 00:20:40,430
(electronic whirring)
510
00:20:40,432 --> 00:20:43,233
(electronic whirring continues)
511
00:20:46,988 --> 00:20:48,572
(whirring stops)
512
00:20:49,758 --> 00:20:51,775
Hello, Leonard.
513
00:20:51,777 --> 00:20:52,910
What are you doing?
514
00:20:52,912 --> 00:20:55,312
We're playing doctor.
515
00:20:55,847 --> 00:20:59,199
Star Trek style.
516
00:21:00,018 --> 00:21:03,454
I'm in hell, Leonard.
517
00:21:03,456 --> 00:21:04,955
Don't stop.
518
00:21:04,957 --> 00:21:08,957
== sync, corrected by elderman ==