1
00:00:02,706 --> 00:00:05,224
(phone rings)
2
00:00:06,560 --> 00:00:07,760
Howard Wolowitz.
3
00:00:07,762 --> 00:00:09,929
MAN: Hey, Howard.
Dave Roeger here at NASA.
4
00:00:09,931 --> 00:00:12,214
We need to talk
about your upcoming mission.
5
00:00:12,216 --> 00:00:16,235
Yes, yes, I've been doing
my push-ups.
6
00:00:16,237 --> 00:00:19,355
I'm still stuck at nine, but...
7
00:00:21,558 --> 00:00:25,361
...that's going all the way down
with no one holding me.
8
00:00:25,363 --> 00:00:27,864
That's great, uh,
but that's not why I called.
9
00:00:27,866 --> 00:00:29,999
We've run into a bit of a snafu.
10
00:00:30,001 --> 00:00:32,501
Your Soyuz capsule failed
the pressurization test,
11
00:00:32,503 --> 00:00:36,088
so bottom line,
mission's been scrubbed.
12
00:00:37,841 --> 00:00:40,943
You're kidding.
So what does that mean?
13
00:00:40,945 --> 00:00:43,880
Uh-huh.
14
00:00:43,882 --> 00:00:45,631
Uh-huh. (laughs)
15
00:00:45,633 --> 00:00:47,650
Boy, I got to tell you,
16
00:00:47,652 --> 00:00:49,302
I'm really disappointed.
17
00:00:49,304 --> 00:00:50,770
This was my dream
18
00:00:50,772 --> 00:00:53,890
ever since I was a little kid.
19
00:00:53,892 --> 00:00:55,641
Okay, well, uh,
20
00:00:55,643 --> 00:00:57,677
thanks for the call.
21
00:00:57,679 --> 00:01:00,363
Yep, you, too.
22
00:01:00,365 --> 00:01:02,097
Yes! Thank you!
23
00:01:02,099 --> 00:01:05,601
(laughs):
Oh! Oh...
24
00:01:05,603 --> 00:01:07,954
I'm not gonna die in space!
25
00:01:07,956 --> 00:01:09,739
(chuckling)
26
00:01:09,741 --> 00:01:12,124
(exhales) I'm gonna die
the way God intended,
27
00:01:12,126 --> 00:01:15,494
in my late 50s,
with a heart full of pastrami.
28
00:01:16,580 --> 00:01:19,799
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
29
00:01:19,801 --> 00:01:23,603
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
30
00:01:23,605 --> 00:01:25,137
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
31
00:01:25,139 --> 00:01:28,074
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
32
00:01:28,076 --> 00:01:30,092
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
33
00:01:30,094 --> 00:01:32,845
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
34
00:01:32,847 --> 00:01:34,947
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
35
00:01:34,949 --> 00:01:36,916
♪ Bang! ♪
36
00:01:36,917 --> 00:01:40,217
The Big Bang Theory 5x23
The Launch Acceleration
Original Air Date on May 3, 2012
37
00:01:40,218 --> 00:01:43,418
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
38
00:01:43,482 --> 00:01:46,451
SHELDON: I'm going to need
a larger shirt.
39
00:01:49,672 --> 00:01:52,040
This one's a little tight
under the arms.
40
00:01:52,042 --> 00:01:53,508
Okay.
41
00:01:53,510 --> 00:01:54,876
Do you think maybe it's tight
44
00:02:00,299 --> 00:02:01,766
All right, let me
rephrase the question.
45
00:02:01,768 --> 00:02:03,468
Why are you wearing
long underwear?
46
00:02:03,585 --> 00:02:04,951
You're kidding.
47
00:02:04,953 --> 00:02:07,987
Shouldn't the question be:
why aren't you?
48
00:02:07,989 --> 00:02:12,475
No, it should be: why are you?
(sighs) Leonard,
49
00:02:12,477 --> 00:02:14,644
these rental tuxedos have been
50
00:02:14,646 --> 00:02:16,779
worn by hundreds
of sweaty strangers.
51
00:02:17,575 --> 00:02:19,759
I don't like my own sweat
touching my skin,
52
00:02:19,761 --> 00:02:21,911
how do you think
I feel about theirs?
53
00:02:22,696 --> 00:02:24,614
Why don't you
slip this on?
54
00:02:24,616 --> 00:02:26,749
Said the hangman
offering a noose.
55
00:02:27,985 --> 00:02:29,702
Well, that wasn't
as entertaining
56
00:02:29,704 --> 00:02:31,404
as when he rents bowling shoes,
57
00:02:31,406 --> 00:02:33,323
but it was right up there.
58
00:02:33,325 --> 00:02:35,475
Well, that's it.
59
00:02:35,477 --> 00:02:37,243
My orders have been rescinded.
60
00:02:37,245 --> 00:02:39,612
I am officially "no go"
to space.
61
00:02:39,614 --> 00:02:41,831
I'm sorry, Howard,
but I got to tell you,
62
00:02:41,833 --> 00:02:43,800
I'm a little relieved
you're not going.
63
00:02:43,802 --> 00:02:44,950
Why?
64
00:02:44,952 --> 00:02:46,952
Come on, you were
gonna go up in a rocket
65
00:02:46,954 --> 00:02:49,088
designed in the 1960s
by the Russians.
66
00:02:49,090 --> 00:02:50,423
Yeah, so?
67
00:02:50,425 --> 00:02:52,425
When was the last time
you were at Best Buy
68
00:02:52,427 --> 00:02:54,627
and you heard someone say, "Ooh,
check out this Blu-ray player,
69
00:02:54,629 --> 00:02:57,013
it must be good,
it was built in Russia"?
70
00:02:58,849 --> 00:03:01,184
Well, their technology
isn't that bad.
71
00:03:01,186 --> 00:03:04,520
When you come back to Earth
in a Soyuz capsule, you free-fall
72
00:03:04,522 --> 00:03:06,489
from space
at 500 miles per hour,
73
00:03:06,491 --> 00:03:08,491
and the only thing
that slows you down
74
00:03:08,493 --> 00:03:10,276
is a little parachute
that pops out
75
00:03:10,278 --> 00:03:11,994
right before you crash
into the ground.
76
00:03:11,996 --> 00:03:13,479
And the whole thing
was designed
77
00:03:13,481 --> 00:03:16,032
by the same brilliant minds
who were unable to capture
78
00:03:16,034 --> 00:03:18,117
Rocky and Bullwinkle.
79
00:03:19,536 --> 00:03:21,153
All right, well, whatever.
80
00:03:21,155 --> 00:03:22,372
I wasn't worried.
81
00:03:22,374 --> 00:03:23,506
You weren't?
82
00:03:23,508 --> 00:03:27,126
Let me explain the difference
between you and me.
83
00:03:27,128 --> 00:03:28,511
(sighs)
You watch
84
00:03:28,513 --> 00:03:31,097
Star Trek; I live it.
85
00:03:33,016 --> 00:03:35,351
Oh, please. I don't remember
the episode of Star Trek
86
00:03:35,353 --> 00:03:36,969
where the guy
never goes to space
87
00:03:36,971 --> 00:03:39,672
and brags about it
in a tuxedo store.
88
00:03:39,674 --> 00:03:41,057
Make all the jokes you want,
89
00:03:41,059 --> 00:03:43,175
but there's only
one of us here brave enough
90
00:03:43,177 --> 00:03:45,528
to almost do
what I almost did.
91
00:03:45,530 --> 00:03:48,681
SHELDON:
Ah, much better.
92
00:03:51,068 --> 00:03:52,952
You must be burning up.
93
00:03:52,954 --> 00:03:55,455
A little. But not more
than your urethras
94
00:03:55,457 --> 00:03:58,408
will be after whatever's
in those pants swims up them.
95
00:04:00,911 --> 00:04:02,245
Well...
96
00:04:02,247 --> 00:04:05,965
I cut quite the dashing,
yet hygienic figure, don't I?
97
00:04:05,967 --> 00:04:10,219
I look like the Flash
about to get married.
98
00:04:12,256 --> 00:04:14,006
Oh! A tissue! A tissue!
99
00:04:14,008 --> 00:04:15,425
Oh, good Lord!
100
00:04:15,427 --> 00:04:17,643
Uh, where's he going?
101
00:04:17,645 --> 00:04:20,012
He keeps emergency
Purell in the car.
102
00:04:20,014 --> 00:04:21,564
Keys! Keys! Keys!
103
00:04:25,719 --> 00:04:27,270
Hey, you.
Before I come in,
104
00:04:27,272 --> 00:04:30,556
you should know, I have gas.
105
00:04:30,558 --> 00:04:33,910
For the record,
not your worst opening line.
106
00:04:33,912 --> 00:04:35,812
Check it out.
It's the gas I use
107
00:04:35,814 --> 00:04:38,080
in my free-electron laser
to support high voltages.
108
00:04:38,082 --> 00:04:41,367
But it also has an
interesting secondary use.
109
00:04:41,369 --> 00:04:42,952
(gas hissing)
110
00:04:42,954 --> 00:04:44,537
Here. Breathe this in.
111
00:04:44,539 --> 00:04:48,407
B-Before I do it, if you're
a cop you have tell me, right?
112
00:04:48,409 --> 00:04:50,426
Just try it.
113
00:04:50,428 --> 00:04:51,594
Okay.
114
00:04:51,596 --> 00:04:53,129
(inhales)
115
00:04:53,131 --> 00:04:55,431
(very deep voice):
What's it supposed to...
116
00:04:55,433 --> 00:04:57,416
Oh, my God, that's so freaky!
117
00:04:57,418 --> 00:04:59,385
(laughs)
118
00:04:59,387 --> 00:05:00,920
(inhales)
119
00:05:00,922 --> 00:05:03,222
(very deep voice):
♪ You're a mean one ♪
120
00:05:03,224 --> 00:05:05,525
♪ Mr. Grinch. ♪
(laughs)
121
00:05:05,527 --> 00:05:07,393
Okay. Me, me, me. Ready?
122
00:05:08,362 --> 00:05:11,197
(very deep voice):
Leonard, I am your father.
123
00:05:11,199 --> 00:05:13,766
(both laughing)
124
00:05:13,768 --> 00:05:15,701
I have never been
more attracted to a woman
125
00:05:15,703 --> 00:05:17,453
who sounds like a man
in my life.
126
00:05:17,455 --> 00:05:19,238
Oh... (laughs)
127
00:05:20,106 --> 00:05:21,324
Mm.
128
00:05:23,076 --> 00:05:25,628
Hey... you know
how we've been...
129
00:05:25,630 --> 00:05:28,498
taking things slow?
Mm-hmm.
130
00:05:28,500 --> 00:05:30,383
Well, I've been thinking, and...
131
00:05:30,385 --> 00:05:32,284
maybe I'm ready to...
132
00:05:32,286 --> 00:05:34,670
take things a little... faster.
133
00:05:34,672 --> 00:05:36,172
Oh...
134
00:05:36,174 --> 00:05:37,340
great.
Mm-hmm.
135
00:05:37,342 --> 00:05:39,425
And I promise,
after waiting four months,
136
00:05:39,427 --> 00:05:42,745
fast is what you're gonna get.
137
00:05:43,630 --> 00:05:45,297
You know, just-just one thing.
138
00:05:45,299 --> 00:05:47,183
Look, we're in a really
great place right now,
139
00:05:47,185 --> 00:05:48,484
and I don't want to do anything
140
00:05:48,486 --> 00:05:50,152
that will make stuff
all weird again.
141
00:05:50,154 --> 00:05:52,021
So we won't let it get weird.
142
00:05:52,023 --> 00:05:53,439
Okay. Oh, and just a heads-up...
143
00:05:53,441 --> 00:05:55,641
mm, since the last time
you saw me naked,
144
00:05:55,643 --> 00:05:57,276
I got a Cookie Monster tattoo.
145
00:05:57,278 --> 00:05:59,912
The acceptable responses
when you see it
146
00:05:59,914 --> 00:06:01,614
are "awesome" or nothing.
147
00:06:01,616 --> 00:06:03,783
What about...
148
00:06:03,785 --> 00:06:05,651
(very deep voice):
Cookies!
149
00:06:05,653 --> 00:06:06,836
(laughs)
150
00:06:07,671 --> 00:06:09,922
(balloon sputters)
151
00:06:10,974 --> 00:06:12,758
(knocking)
SHELDON: Amy?
152
00:06:12,760 --> 00:06:14,043
(knocking)
Amy?
153
00:06:14,045 --> 00:06:16,295
(knocking)
Amy?
154
00:06:17,831 --> 00:06:19,515
7:00, right on time.
155
00:06:19,517 --> 00:06:21,884
It's not an accident.
156
00:06:21,886 --> 00:06:24,503
I waited outside your door
for 20 minutes.
157
00:06:24,505 --> 00:06:26,689
Well, dinner's almost ready.
158
00:06:26,691 --> 00:06:28,107
I must say,
159
00:06:28,109 --> 00:06:29,675
I was surprised
you chose to spend
160
00:06:29,677 --> 00:06:31,193
our date night
in your apartment.
161
00:06:31,195 --> 00:06:32,562
As I mentioned,
162
00:06:32,564 --> 00:06:36,849
the Pasadena City Council is
debating longer crosswalk times,
163
00:06:36,851 --> 00:06:40,152
and later, the LEGO store is
having a midnight madness sale.
164
00:06:40,154 --> 00:06:41,520
You ask anyone,
165
00:06:41,522 --> 00:06:42,905
that's a hot date.
166
00:06:42,907 --> 00:06:45,958
Tempting choices,
but I have something special
167
00:06:45,960 --> 00:06:47,192
planned for tonight.
168
00:06:47,194 --> 00:06:48,861
What can be more special
than having
169
00:06:48,863 --> 00:06:51,163
an adequate amount of time
to cross the street
170
00:06:51,165 --> 00:06:54,700
on your way to buy
a tiny LEGO Indiana Jones?
171
00:06:54,702 --> 00:06:57,136
With our friends moving forward
in their relationships,
172
00:06:57,138 --> 00:07:00,339
I've decided that we should
make progress in ours as well.
173
00:07:00,341 --> 00:07:02,391
Oh, dear Lord.
174
00:07:02,393 --> 00:07:05,144
Two years ago,
we didn't even know each other,
175
00:07:05,146 --> 00:07:08,397
and now I'm
in your apartment after dark.
176
00:07:09,266 --> 00:07:12,217
How much faster
can this thing go?
177
00:07:12,219 --> 00:07:14,020
I had a feeling
you'd be reluctant,
178
00:07:14,022 --> 00:07:15,938
which is why
I'm going to dip
179
00:07:15,940 --> 00:07:17,690
into my neurobiological
bag of tricks.
180
00:07:17,692 --> 00:07:21,260
(laughs): Oh, you brain monkeys
kill me. Dip away.
181
00:07:22,112 --> 00:07:23,395
I have devised
182
00:07:23,397 --> 00:07:25,281
an experiment that
I believe will increase
183
00:07:25,283 --> 00:07:27,833
your feelings for me
in an accelerated time frame.
184
00:07:27,835 --> 00:07:30,069
And how do you propose
to do that?
185
00:07:30,071 --> 00:07:31,370
Uh, hope you're not thinking
186
00:07:31,372 --> 00:07:33,956
about some sort
of LSD thought control.
187
00:07:33,958 --> 00:07:35,207
Because there's
188
00:07:35,209 --> 00:07:37,426
only one mind-expanding drug
that this man enjoys,
189
00:07:37,428 --> 00:07:39,411
and that's called school.
190
00:07:39,413 --> 00:07:43,049
Human beings form emotional
attachments as they grow up.
191
00:07:43,051 --> 00:07:46,135
In your case, to your mother,
superheroes, et cetera.
192
00:07:46,137 --> 00:07:47,252
I'm going to attempt
193
00:07:47,254 --> 00:07:49,605
an experiment that will
get you to transfer
194
00:07:49,607 --> 00:07:51,273
those feelings to me.
195
00:07:51,275 --> 00:07:52,391
Well,
196
00:07:52,393 --> 00:07:54,026
seems what's on the menu tonight
197
00:07:54,028 --> 00:07:57,196
is malarkey with
a big side of poppycock.
198
00:07:57,198 --> 00:07:58,698
We'll see.
199
00:07:58,700 --> 00:08:02,284
Let's start with a little
romantic dinner music, shall we?
200
00:08:02,286 --> 00:08:05,404
(Super Mario Bros.
video game music playing)
201
00:08:05,406 --> 00:08:07,773
Super Mario Bros. theme?
202
00:08:07,775 --> 00:08:08,958
Yes.
203
00:08:08,960 --> 00:08:11,610
I see what you're doing.
204
00:08:11,612 --> 00:08:13,245
You're attempting
to build on the work
205
00:08:13,247 --> 00:08:14,463
of Ebbinghaus by triggering
206
00:08:14,465 --> 00:08:17,416
an involuntary memory
of me playing that game--
207
00:08:17,418 --> 00:08:20,970
admittedly the happiest
600 hours of my childhood...
208
00:08:21,922 --> 00:08:23,055
...but it won't work.
209
00:08:23,057 --> 00:08:24,890
Fine. There's no reason
we still can't have
210
00:08:24,892 --> 00:08:26,926
a lovely dinner.
Why don't you have a seat.
211
00:08:26,928 --> 00:08:29,612
(Sheldon humming along
with song)
212
00:08:29,614 --> 00:08:31,647
Boink! Boink!
213
00:08:33,100 --> 00:08:35,184
May I offer you
something to drink?
214
00:08:35,186 --> 00:08:36,769
You know I don't drink.
215
00:08:36,771 --> 00:08:38,020
Not even...
216
00:08:38,022 --> 00:08:39,271
strawberry Quik?
217
00:08:39,273 --> 00:08:41,073
(quiet gasp)
218
00:08:41,075 --> 00:08:43,526
I love strawberry Quik.
219
00:08:43,528 --> 00:08:46,696
It's my favorite
pink fluid,
220
00:08:46,698 --> 00:08:49,782
narrowly beating out
Pepto-Bismol.
221
00:08:49,784 --> 00:08:51,951
Oh, I know.
222
00:08:51,953 --> 00:08:53,753
I think it will go nicely
223
00:08:53,755 --> 00:08:55,571
with what I have prepared...
224
00:08:55,573 --> 00:08:57,039
for dinner.
225
00:08:57,041 --> 00:09:01,043
(gasps) Spaghetti with little pieces
of hot dog cut up in it!
226
00:09:01,045 --> 00:09:02,215
Just like your mommy
used to make.
227
00:09:02,240 --> 00:09:03,263
Oh...
228
00:09:03,264 --> 00:09:05,931
yummy, yummy!
229
00:09:05,933 --> 00:09:08,934
We should do this more often.
230
00:09:15,475 --> 00:09:17,610
Uh-oh.
231
00:09:19,863 --> 00:09:21,013
LEONARD:
I'm sorry. I did,
232
00:09:21,015 --> 00:09:22,565
I crossed a line.
I didn't mean to!
233
00:09:22,567 --> 00:09:24,450
Who says something
like that right in the middle
234
00:09:24,452 --> 00:09:25,818
of sex?!
I don't know,
235
00:09:25,820 --> 00:09:27,853
it just came out.
People say weird things
236
00:09:27,855 --> 00:09:29,205
during sex all the time.
237
00:09:29,207 --> 00:09:31,574
Okay, well, they
sure as hell don't say that.
238
00:09:31,576 --> 00:09:33,242
It was the heat of the moment.
No,
239
00:09:33,244 --> 00:09:35,861
the heat of the moment is,
"Ooh, yeah, just like that,"
240
00:09:35,863 --> 00:09:38,647
not "will you marry me?"
241
00:09:39,532 --> 00:09:40,883
I'm sorry.
242
00:09:40,885 --> 00:09:42,585
Just-just give me
another chance.
243
00:09:42,587 --> 00:09:44,386
Why, so you can crawl
under the covers and go,
244
00:09:44,388 --> 00:09:45,888
"Hey, baby,
want to go look for houses
245
00:09:45,890 --> 00:09:48,674
in neighborhoods
with good schools?"
246
00:09:48,676 --> 00:09:50,893
Again, I'm sorry.
247
00:09:50,895 --> 00:09:53,145
You know, with Howard
and Bernadette getting married,
248
00:09:53,147 --> 00:09:55,547
I got caught up
in a little wedding fever.
249
00:09:55,549 --> 00:09:57,183
I take it back.
You can't
250
00:09:57,185 --> 00:09:58,434
take something like that back.
251
00:09:58,436 --> 00:10:00,886
I mean, what are we
even supposed to do now?
252
00:10:00,888 --> 00:10:03,606
Okay, at some point,
we'll look back
253
00:10:03,608 --> 00:10:06,776
and this is going
to be a funny story.
254
00:10:06,778 --> 00:10:09,228
Why don't we just
start doing that now?
255
00:10:09,230 --> 00:10:11,080
You're kidding.
No.
256
00:10:11,082 --> 00:10:14,250
Hey, do you remember...
257
00:10:15,368 --> 00:10:18,003
...that time when I proposed
258
00:10:18,005 --> 00:10:20,873
to you in bed?
(laughs)
259
00:10:20,875 --> 00:10:24,376
And you were all, like,
"What are you doing?"
260
00:10:24,378 --> 00:10:25,344
(laughs)
261
00:10:25,346 --> 00:10:27,513
That was so funny.
262
00:10:28,398 --> 00:10:31,584
So funny.
263
00:10:31,586 --> 00:10:32,885
It's not funny.
264
00:10:33,753 --> 00:10:35,871
Give it a minute.
265
00:10:36,673 --> 00:10:39,558
Is that a little smile
I see there?
266
00:10:40,260 --> 00:10:43,045
I should go.
267
00:10:44,264 --> 00:10:45,981
Hey, I was thinking.
268
00:10:45,983 --> 00:10:47,933
For our first dance
at the wedding,
269
00:10:47,935 --> 00:10:51,821
what if we learn the final number
from Dirty Dancing?
270
00:10:51,823 --> 00:10:54,240
You're kidding.
No,
271
00:10:54,242 --> 00:10:55,607
come on.
272
00:10:55,609 --> 00:10:57,059
How cool would that be?
273
00:10:57,061 --> 00:11:00,980
Me running
into your arms...
274
00:11:00,982 --> 00:11:03,282
you lifting me up
into the air.
275
00:11:04,617 --> 00:11:07,052
Oh, you're in a good mood.
276
00:11:07,054 --> 00:11:08,420
Yeah, well, why
wouldn't I be?
277
00:11:08,422 --> 00:11:10,840
You know, I'm marrying
the girl of my dreams,
278
00:11:10,842 --> 00:11:12,591
and I finally got
my mother to agree
279
00:11:12,593 --> 00:11:15,010
not to come on
our honeymoon.
280
00:11:15,795 --> 00:11:18,130
(phone rings)
Oh, hang on.
281
00:11:18,982 --> 00:11:20,182
Oh, it's NASA.
282
00:11:21,351 --> 00:11:22,685
Wolowitz.
283
00:11:22,687 --> 00:11:25,588
Oh! Hi, Dave.
What's up?
284
00:11:27,107 --> 00:11:29,658
No kidding. Really?
285
00:11:29,660 --> 00:11:30,809
Well,
286
00:11:30,811 --> 00:11:34,446
that's... great news.
287
00:11:34,448 --> 00:11:37,316
Great, great news.
288
00:11:37,318 --> 00:11:39,702
All right, I'll watch my e-mail
289
00:11:39,704 --> 00:11:42,087
for the details.
290
00:11:42,089 --> 00:11:44,256
Okay, talk soon.
291
00:11:45,692 --> 00:11:46,792
What's so great?
292
00:11:46,794 --> 00:11:50,095
It looks like I'm going
into space after all.
293
00:11:50,097 --> 00:11:51,380
(nervous chuckle)
294
00:11:51,382 --> 00:11:53,966
Oh, Howie,
that's wonderful!
295
00:11:53,968 --> 00:11:56,135
Uh-huh, wonderful.
296
00:11:57,053 --> 00:12:00,556
(shakily):
Yay...
297
00:12:03,637 --> 00:12:05,221
What happened?
I thought
298
00:12:05,223 --> 00:12:07,390
they canceled your mission.
Th-They did.
299
00:12:07,392 --> 00:12:09,592
But NASA really wants
300
00:12:09,594 --> 00:12:11,978
my telescope up
on the space station,
301
00:12:11,980 --> 00:12:14,847
so they're putting me
on an earlier launch.
302
00:12:14,849 --> 00:12:16,849
When?
A...
303
00:12:16,851 --> 00:12:19,151
week from Friday.
304
00:12:19,153 --> 00:12:22,021
What? We're getting
married that Sunday.
305
00:12:23,090 --> 00:12:24,256
You're right!
306
00:12:24,258 --> 00:12:25,891
I-I can't go to space.
307
00:12:25,893 --> 00:12:28,394
I have to get married,
and no one can say
308
00:12:28,396 --> 00:12:30,746
that's not a good reason.
I'll call him back.
309
00:12:32,783 --> 00:12:34,417
Wait. I don't want to be
310
00:12:34,419 --> 00:12:36,235
the one who stands
in your way.
311
00:12:36,237 --> 00:12:38,070
Well, too bad, you already did.
It's a done deal.
312
00:12:38,072 --> 00:12:40,172
Oh, well.
But I forgive you.
313
00:12:40,174 --> 00:12:42,408
No. That's not how I want
to start our marriage,
314
00:12:42,410 --> 00:12:43,793
killing your dream?
315
00:12:43,795 --> 00:12:45,711
We'll have the wedding
when you get back.
316
00:12:45,713 --> 00:12:47,213
But wh-what about
317
00:12:47,215 --> 00:12:50,282
all the plans
and the guests?
318
00:12:50,284 --> 00:12:51,384
We'll call them.
319
00:12:51,386 --> 00:12:53,352
Although my dad's
gonna go a little nutso
320
00:12:53,354 --> 00:12:55,438
over losing his deposits.
321
00:12:55,440 --> 00:12:59,358
You're right, he is!
322
00:12:59,360 --> 00:13:01,110
Your dad's gonna be furious.
323
00:13:01,112 --> 00:13:03,946
(chuckling): There's no way he's
gonna let us postpone this wedding.
324
00:13:03,948 --> 00:13:05,381
Well, we tried.
325
00:13:06,783 --> 00:13:08,034
I'll talk to him.
326
00:13:08,036 --> 00:13:10,602
He won't say no to his little girl.
No!
327
00:13:10,604 --> 00:13:13,439
I-I should talk to him,
328
00:13:13,441 --> 00:13:14,907
man to man.
(sighs)
329
00:13:14,909 --> 00:13:16,742
But, Howie, my dad
can be a bully.
330
00:13:16,744 --> 00:13:18,744
He's gonna make you cancel
your space flight.
331
00:13:18,746 --> 00:13:20,079
(chuckles)
We can only hope...
332
00:13:20,081 --> 00:13:22,198
that he doesn't.
333
00:13:23,417 --> 00:13:27,619
Bishop to queen four,
334
00:13:27,621 --> 00:13:29,321
level two.
335
00:13:29,323 --> 00:13:31,257
Check.
336
00:13:31,259 --> 00:13:32,925
Sheldon...
337
00:13:32,927 --> 00:13:34,560
knight takes bishop.
338
00:13:35,145 --> 00:13:36,429
You all right?
339
00:13:36,431 --> 00:13:38,597
I'm fine.
340
00:13:39,599 --> 00:13:40,733
Are you?
341
00:13:40,735 --> 00:13:42,968
You left your queen
exposed from above,
342
00:13:42,970 --> 00:13:44,687
you trapped your
knight in the corner,
343
00:13:44,689 --> 00:13:48,207
and you keep sighing
and saying, "Why me?"
344
00:13:48,209 --> 00:13:49,859
(sighs)
345
00:13:49,861 --> 00:13:51,360
Very well.
346
00:13:51,362 --> 00:13:54,480
Can I ask you
a question about women?
347
00:13:55,449 --> 00:13:57,783
We got you that book last year.
348
00:13:57,785 --> 00:13:59,668
Wasn't everything in there?
349
00:13:59,670 --> 00:14:03,622
No, I'm having
a relationship problem with Amy.
350
00:14:03,624 --> 00:14:04,590
And by the way,
351
00:14:04,592 --> 00:14:06,909
that book gave me nightmares.
352
00:14:06,911 --> 00:14:09,712
Well, if it makes you
feel any better,
353
00:14:09,714 --> 00:14:12,465
I screwed things up
pretty good with Penny.
354
00:14:12,467 --> 00:14:14,967
Look at us,
Leonard...
355
00:14:14,969 --> 00:14:17,770
engaging in the social
convention of men bellyaching
356
00:14:17,772 --> 00:14:19,889
about their ol' ladies.
357
00:14:19,891 --> 00:14:22,024
I guess we are.
358
00:14:22,026 --> 00:14:24,860
So, what's going on?
359
00:14:24,862 --> 00:14:26,512
Believe it or not,
360
00:14:26,514 --> 00:14:28,948
Amy has embarked on a campaign
361
00:14:28,950 --> 00:14:34,853
to increase my feelings
for her by making me happy.
362
00:14:34,855 --> 00:14:38,908
I'm sorry, that must be very
difficult for you.
363
00:14:38,910 --> 00:14:40,910
It's awful.
364
00:14:40,912 --> 00:14:42,912
This morning,
she arranged for me
365
00:14:42,914 --> 00:14:45,531
to be an Amtrak junior conductor
for the day.
366
00:14:45,533 --> 00:14:46,665
It-It's usually
367
00:14:46,667 --> 00:14:47,883
only open to children.
368
00:14:47,885 --> 00:14:50,886
She got them
to make an exception.
369
00:14:50,888 --> 00:14:53,305
Shame on her.
370
00:14:53,307 --> 00:14:56,258
They let me
blow the whistle, Leonard.
371
00:14:56,260 --> 00:14:59,378
She's good.
372
00:14:59,380 --> 00:15:00,312
I know.
373
00:15:00,314 --> 00:15:02,014
And it gets worse.
374
00:15:02,016 --> 00:15:03,899
Her efforts are causing me
375
00:15:03,901 --> 00:15:06,218
to have affectionate
feelings for her
376
00:15:06,220 --> 00:15:09,355
at inappropriate times.
377
00:15:10,490 --> 00:15:14,160
You mean, like in bed
or in the shower?
378
00:15:14,162 --> 00:15:15,494
No!
379
00:15:15,496 --> 00:15:18,747
Would you please stop
referencing that infernal book?
380
00:15:19,900 --> 00:15:21,867
For example, this morning,
381
00:15:21,869 --> 00:15:24,119
I was calculating
the random motion
382
00:15:24,121 --> 00:15:26,088
of virtual particles
in a vacuum,
383
00:15:26,090 --> 00:15:28,924
when suddenly
the particles morphed
384
00:15:28,926 --> 00:15:32,461
into an image
of Amy's dandruff...
385
00:15:35,732 --> 00:15:37,349
...gently cascading down
386
00:15:37,351 --> 00:15:41,086
onto her pale,
slightly hunched shoulders.
387
00:15:41,088 --> 00:15:42,571
(groans)
388
00:15:42,573 --> 00:15:45,691
What has that vixen
done to me, Leonard?
389
00:15:45,693 --> 00:15:47,459
And how do I make it stop?
390
00:15:47,461 --> 00:15:49,828
Well, if you had
a physical relationship,
391
00:15:49,830 --> 00:15:51,697
I'd say propose during sex.
392
00:15:51,699 --> 00:15:55,017
Turns out that's
a real mood kill.
393
00:15:55,019 --> 00:15:56,785
I assume we're talking
about you now?
394
00:15:56,787 --> 00:15:57,770
Yeah.
395
00:15:57,772 --> 00:15:58,937
So, that's
how this works?
396
00:15:58,939 --> 00:16:01,273
I complain,
and then you complain,
397
00:16:01,275 --> 00:16:03,942
and no one offers any solutions?
398
00:16:03,944 --> 00:16:06,779
Pretty much.
399
00:16:06,781 --> 00:16:09,948
Well, no wonder
the women are winning.
400
00:16:12,118 --> 00:16:13,419
(knock)
401
00:16:13,421 --> 00:16:15,921
Mr. Rostenkowski,
are you busy?
402
00:16:15,923 --> 00:16:18,624
Oh, just looking at some
old pictures. Come on in.
403
00:16:18,626 --> 00:16:20,175
Family pictures,
or...?
404
00:16:20,177 --> 00:16:23,462
H-Holy crap, that's
a dead person.
405
00:16:23,464 --> 00:16:26,649
Last murder case
before I retired.
406
00:16:26,651 --> 00:16:28,684
How many bodies
do you see there?
407
00:16:28,686 --> 00:16:29,802
Careful,
408
00:16:29,804 --> 00:16:32,171
it's a trick question.
409
00:16:32,173 --> 00:16:34,356
I'm not sure.
410
00:16:34,358 --> 00:16:35,741
Nah, you'll never get it.
411
00:16:35,743 --> 00:16:38,527
It's a fraction.
412
00:16:38,529 --> 00:16:40,696
How about that.
413
00:16:40,698 --> 00:16:41,830
Anyway,
414
00:16:41,832 --> 00:16:44,316
sir, I need to talk
to you about something.
415
00:16:44,318 --> 00:16:45,417
(cracking)
416
00:16:45,419 --> 00:16:47,086
Walnut?
417
00:16:47,088 --> 00:16:48,787
No, thank you.
418
00:16:48,789 --> 00:16:50,122
I'm allergic.
419
00:16:50,124 --> 00:16:51,823
Oh, sure.
420
00:16:51,825 --> 00:16:54,176
My partner used to have that.
421
00:16:54,178 --> 00:16:55,827
He's dead now.
422
00:16:57,380 --> 00:16:58,847
From nuts?
423
00:16:58,849 --> 00:17:00,532
Nah, his wife shot him.
424
00:17:01,351 --> 00:17:05,287
But she was nuts,
so in a way...
425
00:17:06,273 --> 00:17:07,556
Nice story.
426
00:17:07,558 --> 00:17:09,224
Anyway,
427
00:17:09,226 --> 00:17:11,677
the reason I wanted
to talk to you is
428
00:17:11,679 --> 00:17:14,363
NASA has moved up
my launch
429
00:17:14,365 --> 00:17:16,615
to the International
Space Station.
430
00:17:16,617 --> 00:17:18,450
Yeah, so?
So...
431
00:17:18,452 --> 00:17:20,953
the date is going
to conflict
432
00:17:20,955 --> 00:17:22,988
with me marrying
your daughter.
433
00:17:22,990 --> 00:17:25,190
Now, I know what you're
going to say-- I made
434
00:17:25,192 --> 00:17:27,209
a commitment to Bernadette
and to your family
435
00:17:27,211 --> 00:17:29,194
and I've got a hell
of a lot of nerve
436
00:17:29,196 --> 00:17:31,413
coming in here and demanding
that we postpone this thing.
437
00:17:31,415 --> 00:17:33,082
Well, message heard
and understood.
438
00:17:33,084 --> 00:17:34,717
Mission canceled.
Thank you.
439
00:17:36,202 --> 00:17:37,336
Where are you going?
440
00:17:37,338 --> 00:17:39,138
I'm sorry.
441
00:17:39,140 --> 00:17:41,674
May I be excused?
442
00:17:41,676 --> 00:17:43,175
No, you may not.
443
00:17:43,177 --> 00:17:44,560
Let me tell you something.
444
00:17:44,562 --> 00:17:46,478
When I first met you...
445
00:17:46,480 --> 00:17:47,879
You just gonna stand there?
446
00:17:47,881 --> 00:17:51,734
I'm sorry, I didn't know,
is this going to...
447
00:17:51,736 --> 00:17:52,851
Well, I should sit...
448
00:17:52,853 --> 00:17:54,570
May I be seat...
Well, I'll just sit.
449
00:17:56,523 --> 00:17:59,041
When I first met you,
450
00:17:59,043 --> 00:18:00,592
I didn't like you.
451
00:18:00,594 --> 00:18:04,029
I'm aware of that, sir.
452
00:18:04,031 --> 00:18:07,032
But then you and I
had some time together.
453
00:18:07,034 --> 00:18:08,066
Uh-huh.
454
00:18:08,068 --> 00:18:10,919
It did not get better.
455
00:18:10,921 --> 00:18:13,272
Right, right.
456
00:18:13,274 --> 00:18:15,374
That silly Beatle haircut
457
00:18:15,376 --> 00:18:16,575
and...
458
00:18:16,577 --> 00:18:18,627
you riding around
on a red Vespa,
459
00:18:18,629 --> 00:18:21,513
and you're still living
at home with your mother.
460
00:18:21,515 --> 00:18:24,550
To be honest, I thought
Bernadette chose you
461
00:18:24,552 --> 00:18:26,352
to punish me.
462
00:18:27,854 --> 00:18:30,756
But then I heard about
your astronaut thing,
463
00:18:30,758 --> 00:18:32,358
and I realized
464
00:18:32,360 --> 00:18:34,560
I judged you too fast.
465
00:18:34,562 --> 00:18:35,894
Maybe you are
466
00:18:35,896 --> 00:18:37,813
the right guy
for my little girl.
467
00:18:37,815 --> 00:18:40,149
Oh, I am.
And just so you know,
468
00:18:40,151 --> 00:18:43,318
I'd still be an astronaut,
even if I didn't go to space.
469
00:18:43,320 --> 00:18:47,373
I've got an I.D. card
and a NASA golf shirt.
470
00:18:47,375 --> 00:18:48,791
No, no, you got to go.
471
00:18:48,793 --> 00:18:51,076
You can't turn down
an opportunity like this.
472
00:18:51,078 --> 00:18:53,445
B-But what about the wedding
473
00:18:53,447 --> 00:18:56,165
and all the money you put
down for the reception?
474
00:18:56,167 --> 00:18:58,050
You let me worry about that.
475
00:18:58,052 --> 00:18:59,868
You go up to that
space station,
476
00:18:59,870 --> 00:19:02,071
and you make me proud.
477
00:19:06,509 --> 00:19:07,743
Um, okay.
478
00:19:07,745 --> 00:19:08,844
(laughs)
479
00:19:08,846 --> 00:19:10,796
You got a problem with that?
480
00:19:10,798 --> 00:19:13,298
All right, look, I'm
gonna level with you.
481
00:19:13,300 --> 00:19:16,635
I'm terrified about
going into space.
482
00:19:16,637 --> 00:19:20,239
What if I don't
make it back?
483
00:19:20,241 --> 00:19:23,826
It's gonna be okay, son.
484
00:19:23,828 --> 00:19:26,228
You really think so?
485
00:19:26,230 --> 00:19:28,130
Of course.
486
00:19:28,132 --> 00:19:30,766
A pretty girl like Bernadette...
487
00:19:30,768 --> 00:19:33,235
she'll find a new guy.
488
00:19:42,127 --> 00:19:43,310
Hey.
489
00:19:43,312 --> 00:19:44,612
Hey.
490
00:19:44,614 --> 00:19:45,813
Off to work?
491
00:19:45,815 --> 00:19:46,948
Yeah.
492
00:19:46,950 --> 00:19:48,282
Have a nice night.
493
00:19:48,284 --> 00:19:49,984
Okay, you, too.
494
00:19:50,803 --> 00:19:52,319
Penny, just, wait.
495
00:19:52,321 --> 00:19:54,205
I've been thinking
about what I said
496
00:19:54,207 --> 00:19:56,274
when we were in bed
the other night.
497
00:19:56,276 --> 00:19:58,376
Yeah, I've been
thinking about it, too.
498
00:19:58,378 --> 00:20:00,812
I noticed you never answered me.
499
00:20:02,431 --> 00:20:04,599
You're right.
500
00:20:08,437 --> 00:20:10,605
No.
501
00:20:12,858 --> 00:20:14,976
Uh, follow-up.
Are we still dating?
502
00:20:14,978 --> 00:20:16,343
PENNY:
Yep.
503
00:20:16,345 --> 00:20:18,062
Is it still weird
'cause I proposed?
504
00:20:18,064 --> 00:20:19,764
Yep.
505
00:20:19,766 --> 00:20:21,699
I have a couple more
quick questions.
506
00:20:21,701 --> 00:20:22,923
Do you want to call me
from the car?
507
00:20:22,948 --> 00:20:24,948
No!
508
00:20:26,321 --> 00:20:28,956
Think I played that
pretty well.
509
00:20:30,292 --> 00:20:32,526
(electronic whirring)
510
00:20:32,528 --> 00:20:35,329
(electronic whirring continues)
511
00:20:39,084 --> 00:20:40,668
(whirring stops)
512
00:20:41,854 --> 00:20:43,871
Hello, Leonard.
513
00:20:43,873 --> 00:20:45,006
What are you doing?
514
00:20:45,008 --> 00:20:47,408
We're playing doctor.
515
00:20:47,943 --> 00:20:51,295
Star Trek style.
516
00:20:52,114 --> 00:20:55,550
I'm in hell, Leonard.
517
00:20:56,199 --> 00:20:57,698
Don't stop.
518
00:20:57,700 --> 00:21:01,700
== sync, corrected by elderman ==