1
00:00:02,650 --> 00:00:05,168
(phone rings)
2
00:00:06,486 --> 00:00:07,686
Howard Wolowitz.
3
00:00:07,688 --> 00:00:09,855
MAN: Hey, Howard.
Dave Roeger here at NASA.
4
00:00:09,857 --> 00:00:12,140
We need to talk
about your upcoming mission.
5
00:00:12,142 --> 00:00:16,161
Yes, yes, I've been doing
my push-ups.
6
00:00:16,163 --> 00:00:19,281
I'm still stuck at nine, but...
7
00:00:21,484 --> 00:00:25,287
that's going all the way down
with no one holding me.
8
00:00:25,289 --> 00:00:27,790
That's great, uh,
but that's not why I called.
9
00:00:27,792 --> 00:00:29,925
We've run into a bit of a snafu.
10
00:00:29,927 --> 00:00:32,427
Your Soyuz capsule failed
the pressurization test,
11
00:00:32,429 --> 00:00:36,014
so bottom line,
mission's been scrubbed.
12
00:00:37,767 --> 00:00:40,869
You're kidding.
So what does that mean?
13
00:00:40,871 --> 00:00:43,806
Uh-huh.
14
00:00:43,808 --> 00:00:45,557
Uh-huh. (laughs)
15
00:00:45,559 --> 00:00:47,576
Boy, I got to tell you,
16
00:00:47,578 --> 00:00:49,228
I'm really disappointed.
17
00:00:49,230 --> 00:00:50,696
This was my dream
18
00:00:50,698 --> 00:00:53,816
ever since I was a little kid.
19
00:00:53,818 --> 00:00:55,567
Okay, well, uh,
20
00:00:55,569 --> 00:00:57,603
thanks for the call.
21
00:00:57,605 --> 00:01:00,289
Yep, you, too.
22
00:01:00,291 --> 00:01:02,023
Yes! Thank you!
23
00:01:02,025 --> 00:01:05,527
(laughs):
Oh! Oh...
24
00:01:05,529 --> 00:01:07,880
I'm not gonna die in space!
25
00:01:07,882 --> 00:01:09,665
(chuckling)
26
00:01:09,667 --> 00:01:12,050
(exhales) I'm gonna die
the way God intended,
27
00:01:12,052 --> 00:01:15,420
in my late 50s,
with a heart full of pastrami.
28
00:01:16,506 --> 00:01:19,725
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
29
00:01:19,727 --> 00:01:23,529
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
30
00:01:23,531 --> 00:01:25,063
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
31
00:01:25,065 --> 00:01:28,000
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
32
00:01:28,002 --> 00:01:30,018
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
33
00:01:30,020 --> 00:01:32,771
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
34
00:01:32,773 --> 00:01:34,873
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
35
00:01:34,875 --> 00:01:36,172
♪ Bang! ♪
36
00:01:36,199 --> 00:01:39,233
The Big Bang Theory 5x23
The Launch Acceleration
Original Air Date on May 3, 2012
37
00:01:39,264 --> 00:01:42,460
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther
38
00:01:43,357 --> 00:01:46,326
SHELDON: I'm going to need
a larger shirt.
39
00:01:49,618 --> 00:01:51,986
This one's a little tight
under the arms.
40
00:01:51,988 --> 00:01:53,454
Okay.
41
00:01:53,456 --> 00:01:54,822
Do you think maybe it's tight
44
00:02:00,096 --> 00:02:01,750
All right, let me
rephrase the question.
45
00:02:01,808 --> 00:02:03,508
Why are you wearing
long underwear?
46
00:02:03,531 --> 00:02:04,897
You're kidding.
47
00:02:04,899 --> 00:02:07,933
Shouldn't the question be:
Why aren't you?
48
00:02:07,935 --> 00:02:12,421
No, it should be: Why are you?
(sighs)- Leonard,
49
00:02:12,423 --> 00:02:14,590
these rental tuxedos have been
50
00:02:14,592 --> 00:02:17,397
worn by hundreds
of sweaty strangers.
51
00:02:17,521 --> 00:02:19,705
I don't like my own sweat
touching my skin,
52
00:02:19,707 --> 00:02:21,857
how do you think
I feel about theirs?
53
00:02:22,312 --> 00:02:23,735
Why don't you slip this on?
54
00:02:23,757 --> 00:02:26,213
Said the hangman
offering a noose.
55
00:02:27,368 --> 00:02:29,085
Well, that wasn't
as entertaining
56
00:02:29,124 --> 00:02:30,824
as when he rents bowling shoes,
57
00:02:30,826 --> 00:02:32,743
but it was right up there.
58
00:02:33,159 --> 00:02:34,767
Well, that's it.
59
00:02:34,818 --> 00:02:36,479
My orders have been rescinded.
60
00:02:36,494 --> 00:02:38,861
I am officially "no go"
to space.
61
00:02:39,034 --> 00:02:41,251
I'm sorry, Howard,
but I got to tell you,
62
00:02:41,253 --> 00:02:43,220
I'm a little relieved
you're not going.
63
00:02:43,222 --> 00:02:44,185
Why?
64
00:02:44,207 --> 00:02:45,894
Come on, you were
gonna go up in a rocket
65
00:02:45,912 --> 00:02:48,046
designed in the 1960s
by the Russians.
66
00:02:48,392 --> 00:02:49,487
Yeah, so?
67
00:02:49,517 --> 00:02:51,203
When was the last time
you were at Best Buy
68
00:02:51,226 --> 00:02:53,548
and you heard someone say, "Ooh,
check out this Blu-ray player,
69
00:02:53,579 --> 00:02:55,963
it must be good,
it was built in Russia"?
70
00:02:58,050 --> 00:03:00,385
Well, their technology
isn't that bad.
71
00:03:00,606 --> 00:03:03,940
When you come back to Earth
in a Soyuz capsule, you free-fall
72
00:03:03,942 --> 00:03:05,909
from space
at 500 miles per hour,
73
00:03:05,911 --> 00:03:07,911
and the only thing
that slows you down
74
00:03:07,913 --> 00:03:09,696
is a little parachute
that pops out
75
00:03:09,698 --> 00:03:11,414
right before you crash
into the ground.
76
00:03:11,416 --> 00:03:12,899
And the whole thing
was designed
77
00:03:12,901 --> 00:03:15,452
by the same brilliant minds
who were unable to capture
78
00:03:15,454 --> 00:03:17,537
Rocky and Bullwinkle.
79
00:03:18,956 --> 00:03:20,573
All right, well, whatever.
80
00:03:20,575 --> 00:03:21,792
I wasn't worried.
81
00:03:21,794 --> 00:03:22,926
You weren't?
82
00:03:22,928 --> 00:03:26,546
Let me explain the difference
between you and me.
83
00:03:26,548 --> 00:03:27,771
(sighs) You watch
84
00:03:27,800 --> 00:03:30,384
Star Trek; I live it.
85
00:03:32,240 --> 00:03:34,552
Oh, please. I don't remember
the episode of Star Trek
86
00:03:34,569 --> 00:03:36,069
where the guy
never goes to space
87
00:03:36,100 --> 00:03:38,592
and brags about it
in a tuxedo store.
88
00:03:38,632 --> 00:03:40,015
Make all the jokes you want,
89
00:03:40,072 --> 00:03:42,188
but there's only
one of us here brave enough
90
00:03:42,236 --> 00:03:44,587
to almost do what I almost did.
91
00:03:44,746 --> 00:03:47,897
SHELDON:
Ah, much better.
92
00:03:50,284 --> 00:03:52,168
You must be burning up.
93
00:03:52,170 --> 00:03:54,671
A little. But not more
than your urethras
94
00:03:54,673 --> 00:03:57,624
will be after whatever's
in those pants swims up them.
95
00:04:00,127 --> 00:04:01,461
Well...
96
00:04:01,463 --> 00:04:05,181
I cut quite the dashing,
yet hygienic figure, don't I?
97
00:04:05,183 --> 00:04:09,435
I look like the Flash
about to get married.
98
00:04:11,472 --> 00:04:13,222
Oh! A tissue! A tissue!
99
00:04:13,224 --> 00:04:14,641
Oh, good Lord!
100
00:04:14,643 --> 00:04:16,859
Uh, where's he going?
101
00:04:16,861 --> 00:04:19,228
He keeps emergency
Purell in the car.
102
00:04:19,230 --> 00:04:20,780
Keys! Keys! Keys!
103
00:04:24,935 --> 00:04:26,486
Hey, you.
Before I come in,
104
00:04:26,488 --> 00:04:29,772
you should know, I have gas.
105
00:04:29,774 --> 00:04:33,126
For the record,
not your worst opening line.
106
00:04:33,128 --> 00:04:35,028
Check it out.
It's the gas I use
107
00:04:35,030 --> 00:04:37,296
in my free-electron laser
to support high voltages.
108
00:04:37,298 --> 00:04:40,583
But it also has an
interesting secondary use.
109
00:04:40,585 --> 00:04:42,168
(gas hissing)
110
00:04:42,170 --> 00:04:43,753
Here. Breathe this in.
111
00:04:43,755 --> 00:04:47,623
B-Before I do it, if you're
a cop you have tell me, right?
112
00:04:47,625 --> 00:04:49,642
Just try it.
113
00:04:49,644 --> 00:04:50,810
Okay.
114
00:04:50,812 --> 00:04:52,345
(inhales)
115
00:04:52,347 --> 00:04:54,647
(very deep voice):
What's it supposed to...
116
00:04:54,649 --> 00:04:56,632
Oh, my God, that's so freaky!
117
00:04:56,634 --> 00:04:58,601
(laughs)
118
00:04:58,603 --> 00:05:00,136
(inhales)
119
00:05:00,138 --> 00:05:02,438
(very deep voice):
♪ You're a mean one ♪
120
00:05:02,440 --> 00:05:04,741
♪ Mr. Grinch. ♪
(laughs)
121
00:05:04,743 --> 00:05:06,609
Okay. Me, me, me. Ready?
122
00:05:07,578 --> 00:05:10,413
(very deep voice):
Leonard, I am your father.
123
00:05:10,415 --> 00:05:12,982
(both laughing)
124
00:05:12,984 --> 00:05:14,917
I have never been
more attracted to a woman
125
00:05:14,919 --> 00:05:16,669
who sounds like a man
in my life.
126
00:05:16,671 --> 00:05:18,454
Oh... (laughs)
127
00:05:19,322 --> 00:05:20,540
Mm.
128
00:05:22,292 --> 00:05:24,844
Hey... you know
how we've been...
129
00:05:24,846 --> 00:05:27,714
taking things slow?
Mm-hmm.
130
00:05:27,716 --> 00:05:29,599
Well, I've been thinking, and...
131
00:05:29,601 --> 00:05:31,500
maybe I'm ready to...
132
00:05:31,502 --> 00:05:33,886
take things a little... faster.
133
00:05:33,888 --> 00:05:35,388
Oh...
134
00:05:35,390 --> 00:05:36,556
great.
Mm-hmm.
135
00:05:36,558 --> 00:05:38,641
And I promise,
after waiting four months,
136
00:05:38,643 --> 00:05:41,961
fast is what you're gonna get.
137
00:05:42,846 --> 00:05:44,513
You know, just-just one thing.
138
00:05:44,515 --> 00:05:46,399
Look, we're in a really
great place right now,
139
00:05:46,401 --> 00:05:47,700
and I don't want to do anything
140
00:05:47,702 --> 00:05:49,368
that will make stuff
all weird again.
141
00:05:49,370 --> 00:05:51,237
So we won't let it get weird.
142
00:05:51,239 --> 00:05:52,655
Okay. Oh, and just a heads-up...
143
00:05:52,657 --> 00:05:54,857
mm, since the last time
you saw me naked,
144
00:05:54,859 --> 00:05:56,492
I got a Cookie Monster tattoo.
145
00:05:56,493 --> 00:05:58,338
The acceptable responses
when you see it
146
00:05:58,372 --> 00:06:00,072
are "awesome" or nothing.
147
00:06:00,832 --> 00:06:02,999
What about...
148
00:06:03,001 --> 00:06:04,867
(very deep voice):
Cookies!
149
00:06:04,869 --> 00:06:06,052
(laughs)
150
00:06:06,887 --> 00:06:09,138
(balloon sputters)
151
00:06:10,190 --> 00:06:11,974
(knocking)
SHELDON: Amy?
152
00:06:11,976 --> 00:06:13,259
(knocking) Amy?
153
00:06:13,261 --> 00:06:15,511
(knocking) Amy?
154
00:06:17,047 --> 00:06:18,731
7:00, right on time.
155
00:06:18,733 --> 00:06:21,100
It's not an accident.
156
00:06:21,102 --> 00:06:23,719
I waited outside your door
for 20 minutes.
157
00:06:23,721 --> 00:06:25,905
Well, dinner's almost ready.
158
00:06:25,907 --> 00:06:27,323
I must say,
159
00:06:27,325 --> 00:06:28,891
I was surprised
you chose to spend
160
00:06:28,893 --> 00:06:30,409
our date night
in your apartment.
161
00:06:30,411 --> 00:06:31,778
As I mentioned,
162
00:06:31,780 --> 00:06:36,065
the Pasadena City Council is
debating longer crosswalk times,
163
00:06:36,067 --> 00:06:39,368
and later, the LEGO store is
having a midnight madness sale.
164
00:06:39,370 --> 00:06:40,736
You ask anyone,
165
00:06:40,738 --> 00:06:42,121
that's a hot date.
166
00:06:42,123 --> 00:06:45,174
Tempting choices,
but I have something special
167
00:06:45,176 --> 00:06:46,408
planned for tonight.
168
00:06:46,410 --> 00:06:48,077
What can be more special
than having
169
00:06:48,079 --> 00:06:50,379
an adequate amount of time
to cross the street
170
00:06:50,381 --> 00:06:53,916
on your way to buy
a tiny LEGO Indiana Jones?
171
00:06:53,918 --> 00:06:56,352
With our friends moving forward
in their relationships,
172
00:06:56,354 --> 00:06:59,555
I've decided that we should
make progress in ours as well.
173
00:06:59,557 --> 00:07:01,607
Oh, dear Lord.
174
00:07:01,609 --> 00:07:04,360
Two years ago,
we didn't even know each other,
175
00:07:04,362 --> 00:07:07,613
and now I'm
in your apartment after dark.
176
00:07:08,482 --> 00:07:11,433
How much faster
can this thing go?
177
00:07:11,435 --> 00:07:13,236
I had a feeling
you'd be reluctant,
178
00:07:13,238 --> 00:07:15,154
which is why I'm going to dip
179
00:07:15,156 --> 00:07:16,906
into my neurobiological
bag of tricks.
180
00:07:16,908 --> 00:07:20,476
(laughs): Oh, you brain monkeys
kill me. Dip away.
181
00:07:21,328 --> 00:07:22,611
I have devised
182
00:07:22,613 --> 00:07:24,497
an experiment that
I believe will increase
183
00:07:24,499 --> 00:07:27,049
your feelings for me
in an accelerated time frame.
184
00:07:27,051 --> 00:07:29,285
And how do you propose
to do that?
185
00:07:29,287 --> 00:07:30,586
Uh, hope you're not thinking
186
00:07:30,588 --> 00:07:33,172
about some sort
of LSD thought control.
187
00:07:33,174 --> 00:07:34,423
Because there's
188
00:07:34,425 --> 00:07:36,642
only one mind-expanding drug
that this man enjoys,
189
00:07:36,644 --> 00:07:38,627
and that's called school.
190
00:07:38,629 --> 00:07:42,265
Human beings form emotional
attachments as they grow up.
191
00:07:42,267 --> 00:07:45,351
In your case, to your mother,
superheroes, et cetera.
192
00:07:45,353 --> 00:07:46,468
I'm going to attempt
193
00:07:46,470 --> 00:07:48,821
an experiment that will
get you to transfer
194
00:07:48,823 --> 00:07:50,489
those feelings to me.
195
00:07:50,491 --> 00:07:51,607
Well,
196
00:07:51,609 --> 00:07:53,242
seems what's on the menu tonight
197
00:07:53,244 --> 00:07:56,412
is malarkey with
a big side of poppycock.
198
00:07:56,414 --> 00:07:57,914
We'll see.
199
00:07:57,916 --> 00:08:01,500
Let's start with a little
romantic dinner music, shall we?
200
00:08:01,502 --> 00:08:04,620
(Super Mario Bros.
Video game music playing)
201
00:08:04,622 --> 00:08:06,989
Super Mario Bros. theme?
202
00:08:06,991 --> 00:08:08,174
Yes.
203
00:08:08,176 --> 00:08:10,826
I see what you're doing.
204
00:08:10,828 --> 00:08:12,461
You're attempting
to build on the work
205
00:08:12,463 --> 00:08:13,679
of Ebbinghaus by triggering
206
00:08:13,681 --> 00:08:16,632
an involuntary memory
of me playing that game--
207
00:08:16,634 --> 00:08:20,186
admittedly the happiest
600 hours of my childhood...
208
00:08:21,138 --> 00:08:22,271
but it won't work.
209
00:08:22,273 --> 00:08:24,106
Fine. There's no reason
we still can't have
210
00:08:24,108 --> 00:08:26,142
a lovely dinner.
Why don't you have a seat.
211
00:08:26,144 --> 00:08:28,828
(Sheldon humming along
with song)
212
00:08:28,830 --> 00:08:30,863
Boink! Boink!
213
00:08:32,316 --> 00:08:34,400
May I offer you
something to drink?
214
00:08:34,402 --> 00:08:35,985
You know I don't drink.
215
00:08:35,987 --> 00:08:37,236
Not even...
216
00:08:37,238 --> 00:08:38,487
strawberry Quik?
217
00:08:38,489 --> 00:08:40,289
(quiet gasp)
218
00:08:40,291 --> 00:08:42,742
I love strawberry Quik.
219
00:08:42,744 --> 00:08:45,912
It's my favorite pink fluid,
220
00:08:45,914 --> 00:08:48,998
narrowly beating out
Pepto-Bismol.
221
00:08:49,000 --> 00:08:51,167
Oh, I know.
222
00:08:51,169 --> 00:08:52,969
I think it will go nicely
223
00:08:52,971 --> 00:08:54,787
with what I have prepared...
224
00:08:54,789 --> 00:08:56,255
for dinner.
225
00:08:56,257 --> 00:09:00,259
(gasps) Spaghetti with little pieces
of hot dog cut up in it!
226
00:09:00,261 --> 00:09:01,431
Just like your mommy
used to make.
227
00:09:01,456 --> 00:09:02,479
Oh...
228
00:09:02,480 --> 00:09:05,147
yummy, yummy!
229
00:09:05,149 --> 00:09:08,150
We should do this more often.
230
00:09:14,691 --> 00:09:16,826
Uh-oh.
231
00:09:19,079 --> 00:09:20,229
LEONARD:
I'm sorry. I did,
232
00:09:20,231 --> 00:09:21,781
I crossed a line.
I didn't mean to!
233
00:09:21,783 --> 00:09:23,666
Who says something
like that right in the middle
234
00:09:23,668 --> 00:09:25,034
of sex?!
I don't know,
235
00:09:25,036 --> 00:09:27,069
it just came out.
People say weird things
236
00:09:27,071 --> 00:09:28,421
during sex all the time.
237
00:09:28,423 --> 00:09:30,790
Okay, well, they
sure as hell don't say that.
238
00:09:30,792 --> 00:09:32,458
It was the heat of the moment.
No,
239
00:09:32,460 --> 00:09:35,077
the heat of the moment is,
"Ooh, yeah, just like that,"
240
00:09:35,079 --> 00:09:37,863
not "will you marry me?"
241
00:09:38,748 --> 00:09:40,099
I'm sorry.
242
00:09:40,101 --> 00:09:41,801
Just-just give me
another chance.
243
00:09:41,803 --> 00:09:43,602
Why, so you can crawl
under the covers and go,
244
00:09:43,604 --> 00:09:45,104
"Hey, baby,
want to go look for houses
245
00:09:45,106 --> 00:09:47,890
in neighborhoods
with good schools?"
246
00:09:47,892 --> 00:09:50,109
Again, I'm sorry.
247
00:09:50,111 --> 00:09:52,361
You know, with Howard
and Bernadette getting married,
248
00:09:52,363 --> 00:09:54,763
I got caught up
in a little wedding fever.
249
00:09:54,765 --> 00:09:56,399
I take it back.
You can't
250
00:09:56,401 --> 00:09:57,650
take something like that back.
251
00:09:57,652 --> 00:10:00,102
I mean, what are we
even supposed to do now?
252
00:10:00,104 --> 00:10:02,822
Okay, at some point,
we'll look back
253
00:10:02,824 --> 00:10:05,992
and this is going
to be a funny story.
254
00:10:05,994 --> 00:10:08,444
Why don't we just
start doing that now?
255
00:10:08,446 --> 00:10:10,296
You're kidding.
No.
256
00:10:10,298 --> 00:10:13,466
Hey, do you remember...
257
00:10:14,584 --> 00:10:17,219
that time when I proposed
258
00:10:17,221 --> 00:10:20,089
to you in bed?
(laughs)
259
00:10:20,091 --> 00:10:23,592
And you were all, like,
"What are you doing?"
260
00:10:23,594 --> 00:10:24,560
(laughs)
261
00:10:24,562 --> 00:10:26,729
That was so funny.
262
00:10:27,614 --> 00:10:30,800
So funny.
263
00:10:30,802 --> 00:10:32,101
It's not funny.
264
00:10:32,969 --> 00:10:35,087
Give it a minute.
265
00:10:35,889 --> 00:10:38,774
Is that a little smile
I see there?
266
00:10:39,476 --> 00:10:42,261
I should go.
267
00:10:43,480 --> 00:10:45,197
Hey, I was thinking.
268
00:10:45,199 --> 00:10:47,149
For our first dance
at the wedding,
269
00:10:47,151 --> 00:10:51,037
what if we learn the final number
from Dirty Dancing?
270
00:10:51,039 --> 00:10:53,456
You're kidding.
No,
271
00:10:53,458 --> 00:10:54,823
come on.
272
00:10:54,825 --> 00:10:56,275
How cool would that be?
273
00:10:56,277 --> 00:11:00,196
Me running into your arms...
274
00:11:00,198 --> 00:11:02,498
you lifting me up into the air.
275
00:11:03,833 --> 00:11:06,268
Oh, you're in a good mood.
276
00:11:06,270 --> 00:11:07,636
Yeah, well, why wouldn't I be?
277
00:11:07,638 --> 00:11:10,056
You know, I'm marrying
the girl of my dreams,
278
00:11:10,058 --> 00:11:11,807
and I finally got
my mother to agree
279
00:11:11,809 --> 00:11:14,226
not to come on our honeymoon.
280
00:11:15,011 --> 00:11:17,346
(phone rings) Oh, hang on.
281
00:11:18,198 --> 00:11:19,398
Oh, it's NASA.
282
00:11:20,567 --> 00:11:21,901
Wolowitz.
283
00:11:21,903 --> 00:11:24,804
Oh! Hi, Dave.
What's up?
284
00:11:26,323 --> 00:11:28,874
No kidding. Really?
285
00:11:28,876 --> 00:11:30,025
Well,
286
00:11:30,027 --> 00:11:33,662
that's... great news.
287
00:11:33,664 --> 00:11:36,532
Great, great news.
288
00:11:36,534 --> 00:11:38,918
All right, I'll watch my e-mail
289
00:11:38,920 --> 00:11:41,303
for the details.
290
00:11:41,305 --> 00:11:43,472
Okay, talk soon.
291
00:11:44,908 --> 00:11:46,008
What's so great?
292
00:11:46,010 --> 00:11:49,311
It looks like I'm going
into space after all.
293
00:11:49,313 --> 00:11:50,596
(nervous chuckle)
294
00:11:50,598 --> 00:11:53,182
Oh, Howie, that's wonderful!
295
00:11:53,184 --> 00:11:55,351
Uh-huh, wonderful.
296
00:11:56,338 --> 00:11:59,841
(shakily):
Yay...
297
00:12:03,484 --> 00:12:04,898
What happened?
I thought
298
00:12:04,929 --> 00:12:07,213
they canceled your mission.
Th-They did.
299
00:12:07,239 --> 00:12:09,439
But NASA really wants
300
00:12:09,441 --> 00:12:11,825
my telescope up
on the space station,
301
00:12:11,827 --> 00:12:14,694
so they're putting me
on an earlier launch.
302
00:12:14,696 --> 00:12:16,696
When?
A...
303
00:12:16,698 --> 00:12:18,998
week from Friday.
304
00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:21,868
What? We're getting
married that Sunday.
305
00:12:22,937 --> 00:12:24,103
You're right!
306
00:12:24,105 --> 00:12:25,738
I-I can't go to space.
307
00:12:25,740 --> 00:12:28,241
I have to get married,
and no one can say
308
00:12:28,243 --> 00:12:30,593
that's not a good reason.
I'll call him back.
309
00:12:32,630 --> 00:12:34,264
Wait. I don't want to be
310
00:12:34,266 --> 00:12:36,082
the one who stands in your way.
311
00:12:36,084 --> 00:12:37,917
Well, too bad, you already did.
It's a done deal.
312
00:12:37,919 --> 00:12:40,019
Oh, well.
But I forgive you.
313
00:12:40,021 --> 00:12:42,255
No. That's not how I want
to start our marriage,
314
00:12:42,257 --> 00:12:43,640
killing your dream?
315
00:12:43,642 --> 00:12:45,558
We'll have the wedding
when you get back.
316
00:12:45,560 --> 00:12:47,060
But wh-what about
317
00:12:47,062 --> 00:12:50,129
all the plans and the guests?
318
00:12:50,131 --> 00:12:51,231
We'll call them.
319
00:12:51,233 --> 00:12:53,199
Although my dad's
gonna go a little nutso
320
00:12:53,201 --> 00:12:55,285
over losing his deposits.
321
00:12:55,287 --> 00:12:59,205
You're right, he is!
322
00:12:59,207 --> 00:13:00,957
Your dad's gonna be furious.
323
00:13:00,959 --> 00:13:03,793
(chuckling): There's no way he's
gonna let us postpone this wedding.
324
00:13:03,795 --> 00:13:05,228
Well, we tried.
325
00:13:06,630 --> 00:13:07,881
I'll talk to him.
326
00:13:07,883 --> 00:13:10,449
He won't say no to his little girl.
No!
327
00:13:10,451 --> 00:13:13,286
I-I should talk to him,
328
00:13:13,288 --> 00:13:14,754
man to man.
(sighs)
329
00:13:14,756 --> 00:13:16,589
But, Howie, my dad
can be a bully.
330
00:13:16,591 --> 00:13:18,591
He's gonna make you cancel
your space flight.
331
00:13:18,593 --> 00:13:19,926
(chuckles) We can only hope...
332
00:13:19,928 --> 00:13:22,045
that he doesn't.
333
00:13:23,264 --> 00:13:27,466
Bishop to queen four,
334
00:13:27,468 --> 00:13:29,168
level two.
335
00:13:29,170 --> 00:13:31,104
Check.
336
00:13:31,106 --> 00:13:32,772
Sheldon...
337
00:13:32,774 --> 00:13:34,407
knight takes bishop.
338
00:13:34,992 --> 00:13:36,276
You all right?
339
00:13:36,278 --> 00:13:38,444
I'm fine.
340
00:13:39,446 --> 00:13:40,580
Are you?
341
00:13:40,582 --> 00:13:42,815
You left your queen
exposed from above,
342
00:13:42,817 --> 00:13:44,534
you trapped your
knight in the corner,
343
00:13:44,536 --> 00:13:48,054
and you keep sighing
and saying, "Why me?"
344
00:13:48,056 --> 00:13:49,706
(sighs)
345
00:13:49,708 --> 00:13:51,207
Very well.
346
00:13:51,209 --> 00:13:54,327
Can I ask you
a question about women?
347
00:13:55,296 --> 00:13:57,630
We got you that book last year.
348
00:13:57,632 --> 00:13:59,515
Wasn't everything in there?
349
00:13:59,517 --> 00:14:03,469
No, I'm having
a relationship problem with Amy.
350
00:14:03,471 --> 00:14:04,437
And by the way,
351
00:14:04,439 --> 00:14:06,756
that book gave me nightmares.
352
00:14:06,758 --> 00:14:09,559
Well, if it makes you
feel any better,
353
00:14:09,561 --> 00:14:12,312
I screwed things up
pretty good with Penny.
354
00:14:12,314 --> 00:14:14,814
Look at us, Leonard...
355
00:14:14,816 --> 00:14:17,617
engaging in the social
convention of men bellyaching
356
00:14:17,619 --> 00:14:19,736
about their ol' ladies.
357
00:14:19,738 --> 00:14:21,871
I guess we are.
358
00:14:21,873 --> 00:14:24,707
So, what's going on?
359
00:14:24,709 --> 00:14:26,359
Believe it or not,
360
00:14:26,361 --> 00:14:28,795
Amy has embarked on a campaign
361
00:14:28,797 --> 00:14:34,700
to increase my feelings
for her by making me happy.
362
00:14:34,702 --> 00:14:38,755
I'm sorry, that must be very
difficult for you.
363
00:14:38,757 --> 00:14:40,757
It's awful.
364
00:14:40,759 --> 00:14:42,759
This morning,
she arranged for me
365
00:14:42,761 --> 00:14:45,378
to be an Amtrak junior conductor
for the day.
366
00:14:45,380 --> 00:14:46,512
It-It's usually
367
00:14:46,514 --> 00:14:47,730
only open to children.
368
00:14:47,732 --> 00:14:50,733
She got them
to make an exception.
369
00:14:50,735 --> 00:14:53,152
Shame on her.
370
00:14:53,154 --> 00:14:56,105
They let me
blow the whistle, Leonard.
371
00:14:56,107 --> 00:14:59,225
She's good.
372
00:14:59,227 --> 00:15:00,159
I know.
373
00:15:00,161 --> 00:15:01,861
And it gets worse.
374
00:15:01,863 --> 00:15:03,746
Her efforts are causing me
375
00:15:03,748 --> 00:15:06,065
to have affectionate
feelings for her
376
00:15:06,067 --> 00:15:09,202
at inappropriate times.
377
00:15:10,337 --> 00:15:14,007
You mean, like in bed
or in the shower?
378
00:15:14,009 --> 00:15:15,341
No!
379
00:15:15,343 --> 00:15:18,796
Would you please stop
referencing that infernal book?
380
00:15:19,747 --> 00:15:21,714
For example, this morning,
381
00:15:21,716 --> 00:15:23,966
I was calculating
the random motion
382
00:15:23,968 --> 00:15:25,935
of virtual particles
in a vacuum,
383
00:15:25,937 --> 00:15:28,771
when suddenly
the particles morphed
384
00:15:28,773 --> 00:15:32,308
into an image
of Amy's dandruff...
385
00:15:35,579 --> 00:15:37,196
gently cascading down
386
00:15:37,198 --> 00:15:40,933
onto her pale,
slightly hunched shoulders.
387
00:15:40,935 --> 00:15:42,418
(groans)
388
00:15:42,420 --> 00:15:45,538
What has that vixen
done to me, Leonard?
389
00:15:45,540 --> 00:15:47,306
And how do I make it stop?
390
00:15:47,308 --> 00:15:49,675
Well, if you had
a physical relationship,
391
00:15:49,677 --> 00:15:51,544
I'd say propose during sex.
392
00:15:51,546 --> 00:15:54,864
Turns out that's
a real mood kill.
393
00:15:54,866 --> 00:15:56,632
I assume we're talking
about you now?
394
00:15:56,634 --> 00:15:57,617
Yeah.
395
00:15:57,619 --> 00:15:58,784
So, that's how this works?
396
00:15:58,786 --> 00:16:01,120
I complain,
and then you complain,
397
00:16:01,122 --> 00:16:03,789
and no one offers any solutions?
398
00:16:03,791 --> 00:16:06,626
Pretty much.
399
00:16:06,628 --> 00:16:09,795
Well, no wonder
the women are winning.
400
00:16:11,965 --> 00:16:13,266
(knock)
401
00:16:13,268 --> 00:16:15,768
Mr. Rostenkowski,
are you busy?
402
00:16:15,770 --> 00:16:18,471
Oh, just looking at some
old pictures. Come on in.
403
00:16:18,473 --> 00:16:20,022
Family pictures, or...?
404
00:16:20,024 --> 00:16:23,309
H-Holy crap, that's
a dead person.
405
00:16:23,311 --> 00:16:26,496
Last murder case
before I retired.
406
00:16:26,498 --> 00:16:28,531
How many bodies
do you see there?
407
00:16:28,533 --> 00:16:29,649
Careful,
408
00:16:29,651 --> 00:16:32,018
it's a trick question.
409
00:16:32,020 --> 00:16:34,203
I'm not sure.
410
00:16:34,205 --> 00:16:35,588
Nah, you'll never get it.
411
00:16:35,590 --> 00:16:38,374
It's a fraction.
412
00:16:38,376 --> 00:16:40,543
How about that.
413
00:16:40,545 --> 00:16:41,677
Anyway,
414
00:16:41,679 --> 00:16:44,163
sir, I need to talk
to you about something.
415
00:16:44,165 --> 00:16:45,264
(cracking)
416
00:16:45,266 --> 00:16:46,933
Walnut?
417
00:16:46,935 --> 00:16:48,634
No, thank you.
418
00:16:48,636 --> 00:16:49,969
I'm allergic.
419
00:16:49,971 --> 00:16:51,670
Oh, sure.
420
00:16:51,672 --> 00:16:54,023
My partner used to have that.
421
00:16:54,025 --> 00:16:55,674
He's dead now.
422
00:16:57,227 --> 00:16:58,694
From nuts?
423
00:16:58,696 --> 00:17:00,379
Nah, his wife shot him.
424
00:17:01,198 --> 00:17:05,134
But she was nuts,
so in a way...
425
00:17:06,120 --> 00:17:07,403
Nice story.
426
00:17:07,405 --> 00:17:09,071
Anyway,
427
00:17:09,073 --> 00:17:11,524
the reason I wanted
to talk to you is
428
00:17:11,526 --> 00:17:14,210
NASA has moved up my launch
429
00:17:14,212 --> 00:17:16,462
to the International
Space Station.
430
00:17:16,464 --> 00:17:18,297
Yeah, so?
So...
431
00:17:18,299 --> 00:17:20,800
the date is going to conflict
432
00:17:20,802 --> 00:17:22,835
with me marrying your daughter.
433
00:17:22,837 --> 00:17:25,037
Now, I know what you're
going to say-- I made
434
00:17:25,039 --> 00:17:27,056
a commitment to Bernadette
and to your family
435
00:17:27,058 --> 00:17:29,041
and I've got a hell
of a lot of nerve
436
00:17:29,043 --> 00:17:31,260
coming in here and demanding
that we postpone this thing.
437
00:17:31,262 --> 00:17:32,929
Well, message heard
and understood.
438
00:17:32,931 --> 00:17:34,564
Mission canceled.
Thank you.
439
00:17:36,049 --> 00:17:37,183
Where are you going?
440
00:17:37,185 --> 00:17:38,985
I'm sorry.
441
00:17:38,987 --> 00:17:41,521
May I be excused?
442
00:17:41,523 --> 00:17:43,022
No, you may not.
443
00:17:43,024 --> 00:17:44,407
Let me tell you something.
444
00:17:44,409 --> 00:17:46,325
When I first met you...
445
00:17:46,327 --> 00:17:47,726
You just gonna stand there?
446
00:17:47,728 --> 00:17:51,581
I'm sorry, I didn't know,
is this going to...
447
00:17:51,583 --> 00:17:52,698
Well, I should sit...
448
00:17:52,700 --> 00:17:54,417
May I be seat...
Well, I'll just sit.
449
00:17:56,370 --> 00:17:58,888
When I first met you,
450
00:17:58,890 --> 00:18:00,439
I didn't like you.
451
00:18:00,441 --> 00:18:03,876
I'm aware of that, sir.
452
00:18:03,878 --> 00:18:06,879
But then you and I
had some time together.
453
00:18:06,881 --> 00:18:07,913
Uh-huh.
454
00:18:07,915 --> 00:18:10,766
It did not get better.
455
00:18:10,768 --> 00:18:13,119
Right, right.
456
00:18:13,121 --> 00:18:15,221
That silly Beatle haircut
457
00:18:15,223 --> 00:18:16,422
and...
458
00:18:16,424 --> 00:18:18,474
you riding around
on a red Vespa,
459
00:18:18,476 --> 00:18:21,360
and you're still living
at home with your mother.
460
00:18:21,362 --> 00:18:24,397
To be honest, I thought
Bernadette chose you
461
00:18:24,399 --> 00:18:26,199
to punish me.
462
00:18:27,701 --> 00:18:30,603
But then I heard about
your astronaut thing,
463
00:18:30,605 --> 00:18:32,205
and I realized
464
00:18:32,207 --> 00:18:34,407
I judged you too fast.
465
00:18:34,409 --> 00:18:35,741
Maybe you are
466
00:18:35,743 --> 00:18:37,660
the right guy
for my little girl.
467
00:18:37,662 --> 00:18:39,996
Oh, I am.
And just so you know,
468
00:18:39,998 --> 00:18:43,165
I'd still be an astronaut,
even if I didn't go to space.
469
00:18:43,167 --> 00:18:47,220
I've got an I.D. card
and a NASA golf shirt.
470
00:18:47,222 --> 00:18:48,638
No, no, you got to go.
471
00:18:48,640 --> 00:18:50,923
You can't turn down
an opportunity like this.
472
00:18:50,925 --> 00:18:53,292
B-But what about the wedding
473
00:18:53,294 --> 00:18:56,012
and all the money you put
down for the reception?
474
00:18:56,014 --> 00:18:57,897
You let me worry about that.
475
00:18:57,899 --> 00:18:59,715
You go up to that
space station,
476
00:18:59,717 --> 00:19:01,918
and you make me proud.
477
00:19:06,356 --> 00:19:07,590
Um, okay.
478
00:19:07,592 --> 00:19:08,691
(laughs)
479
00:19:08,693 --> 00:19:10,643
You got a problem with that?
480
00:19:10,645 --> 00:19:13,145
All right, look, I'm
gonna level with you.
481
00:19:13,147 --> 00:19:16,482
I'm terrified about
going into space.
482
00:19:16,484 --> 00:19:20,086
What if I don't make it back?
483
00:19:20,088 --> 00:19:23,673
It's gonna be okay, son.
484
00:19:23,675 --> 00:19:26,075
You really think so?
485
00:19:26,077 --> 00:19:27,977
Of course.
486
00:19:27,979 --> 00:19:30,613
A pretty girl like Bernadette...
487
00:19:30,615 --> 00:19:33,082
she'll find a new guy.
488
00:19:42,135 --> 00:19:43,065
Hey.
489
00:19:43,101 --> 00:19:44,401
Hey.
490
00:19:44,528 --> 00:19:45,567
Off to work?
491
00:19:45,596 --> 00:19:46,729
Yeah.
492
00:19:46,762 --> 00:19:48,094
Have a nice night.
493
00:19:48,292 --> 00:19:49,992
Okay, you, too.
494
00:19:50,248 --> 00:19:51,764
Penny, just, wait.
495
00:19:52,329 --> 00:19:54,213
I've been thinking
about what I said
496
00:19:54,215 --> 00:19:55,957
when we were in bed
the other night.
497
00:19:55,994 --> 00:19:58,094
Yeah, I've been
thinking about it, too.
498
00:19:58,565 --> 00:20:00,999
I noticed you never answered me.
499
00:20:01,931 --> 00:20:04,099
You're right.
500
00:20:08,983 --> 00:20:11,151
No.
501
00:20:12,732 --> 00:20:14,561
Uh, follow-up.
Are we still dating?
502
00:20:14,595 --> 00:20:15,960
PENNY:
Yep.
503
00:20:16,001 --> 00:20:17,718
Is it still weird
'cause I proposed?
504
00:20:17,751 --> 00:20:19,451
Yep.
505
00:20:19,586 --> 00:20:21,519
I have a couple more
quick questions.
506
00:20:21,537 --> 00:20:22,672
Do you want to call me
from the car?
507
00:20:22,713 --> 00:20:24,713
No!
508
00:20:26,516 --> 00:20:29,151
Think I played that
pretty well.
509
00:20:30,300 --> 00:20:32,534
(electronic whirring)
510
00:20:32,536 --> 00:20:35,337
(electronic whirring continues)
511
00:20:39,092 --> 00:20:40,676
(whirring stops)
512
00:20:41,451 --> 00:20:43,468
Hello, Leonard.
513
00:20:43,470 --> 00:20:44,603
What are you doing?
514
00:20:44,605 --> 00:20:47,005
We're playing doctor.
515
00:20:47,540 --> 00:20:50,892
Star Trek style.
516
00:20:51,711 --> 00:20:55,147
I'm in hell, Leonard.
517
00:20:56,289 --> 00:20:57,788
Don't stop.
518
00:21:00,275 --> 00:21:06,423
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther