1
00:00:05,467 --> 00:00:07,117
Argh!
2
00:00:08,903 --> 00:00:10,070
D'oh!
3
00:00:10,138 --> 00:00:11,105
(tires screech)
4
00:00:11,172 --> 00:00:12,906
(grunts)
5
00:00:12,974 --> 00:00:15,776
ANNOUNCER:
Raise your cards now.
6
00:00:17,812 --> 00:00:19,680
Ooh...
7
00:00:19,747 --> 00:00:21,281
HOMER: Whoo-hoo!
(whistle blows)
8
00:00:21,282 --> 00:00:24,782
♪ The Simpsons 23x20 ♪
The Spy Who Learned Me
Original Air Date on May 6, 2012
9
00:00:24,783 --> 00:00:28,283
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
10
00:00:28,284 --> 00:00:32,570
(espionage-style music plays)
11
00:00:45,206 --> 00:00:48,792
HOMER: Now that's what I call
going for a spin!
12
00:00:49,727 --> 00:00:51,512
(grunts)
13
00:00:51,579 --> 00:00:54,781
Now that's what I call
a snappy retort!
14
00:00:54,849 --> 00:00:57,384
Stop saying
what you call things!
15
00:00:57,435 --> 00:00:58,869
I'm trying to
watch the movie!
16
00:00:58,937 --> 00:01:01,405
Welcome to annual conclave of
17
00:01:01,473 --> 00:01:03,307
International Brotherhood
of Evil.
18
00:01:03,374 --> 00:01:06,944
This year's theme: "Evil in the
Age of Social Media."
19
00:01:07,011 --> 00:01:08,912
We have prepared
three breakout rooms
20
00:01:08,980 --> 00:01:10,447
for small group discussion.
21
00:01:10,515 --> 00:01:12,082
CROWD:
(applauds) Here, here!
22
00:01:12,150 --> 00:01:15,018
These small rooms
are an excellent way
23
00:01:15,086 --> 00:01:17,321
for villains to mingle
with super-villains.
24
00:01:17,388 --> 00:01:19,623
But are you sure
we will not be bothered
25
00:01:19,691 --> 00:01:22,848
by the American master-spy
Stradivarius Cain?
26
00:01:22,873 --> 00:01:24,061
(gasps and murmuring)
27
00:01:24,062 --> 00:01:26,296
Do not worry about Doctor Cain.
28
00:01:26,364 --> 00:01:28,765
The last I saw him,
my beautiful mistress
29
00:01:28,850 --> 00:01:30,601
was about to finish him off.
30
00:01:30,685 --> 00:01:33,303
Yes, that's what I did.
31
00:01:33,388 --> 00:01:35,472
You killed him, right?
32
00:01:35,557 --> 00:01:37,574
Yes, he was
the perfect lover...
33
00:01:37,642 --> 00:01:39,810
of being killed!
34
00:01:39,878 --> 00:01:42,262
It's a weird sentence,
but let's move on.
35
00:01:42,330 --> 00:01:45,732
My baker has prepared an edible
monument to Cain's demise.
36
00:01:45,783 --> 00:01:47,784
(crowd chatters)
37
00:01:47,852 --> 00:01:49,636
Party's over, General.
38
00:01:49,704 --> 00:01:51,138
Stradivarius Cain?!
39
00:01:51,206 --> 00:01:53,156
No...!
40
00:01:53,224 --> 00:01:57,427
He turned that Russian guy
into Swiss cheese!
41
00:01:57,495 --> 00:01:58,929
Homer!
44
00:02:04,052 --> 00:02:06,336
Lucky you, Marge!
You get to hear 'em the loudest!
45
00:02:06,404 --> 00:02:08,171
You've ruined me
for other men!
46
00:02:08,256 --> 00:02:09,873
That's my hobby.
47
00:02:09,941 --> 00:02:13,110
This is my job.
48
00:02:13,177 --> 00:02:16,313
Looks like that guy's got
turret's syndrome!
49
00:02:16,381 --> 00:02:18,298
(both laugh)
50
00:02:18,366 --> 00:02:21,001
I couldn't have thought of that
in 10,000 lifetimes!
51
00:02:22,437 --> 00:02:24,037
(groans)
52
00:02:24,105 --> 00:02:28,041
(Homer chuckles)
53
00:02:28,109 --> 00:02:31,945
(chuckling continues)
54
00:02:36,117 --> 00:02:38,702
Swiss cheese...
55
00:02:38,770 --> 00:02:40,921
Marge, how come you're
not saying anything?
56
00:02:40,989 --> 00:02:43,390
There was enough talking
during the movie.
57
00:02:43,458 --> 00:02:45,659
This date night was even worse
than the date night
58
00:02:45,727 --> 00:02:47,928
we saw Date Night.
(grunts)
59
00:02:47,996 --> 00:02:50,297
Oh man, Marge is pissed.
60
00:02:50,348 --> 00:02:52,132
HOMER: Look at her...
flaring her nostrils...
61
00:02:52,183 --> 00:02:53,767
drumming her fingers...
62
00:02:53,834 --> 00:02:55,185
making small noises like
63
00:02:55,270 --> 00:02:56,670
she's yelling at me
inside her head...
64
00:02:56,721 --> 00:02:58,605
(short multiple grunts)
65
00:02:58,673 --> 00:03:00,507
Just take me home!
66
00:03:00,575 --> 00:03:02,109
That's what she said!
67
00:03:03,895 --> 00:03:06,446
LENNY: Another good one!
CARL: You're on fire...!
68
00:03:07,632 --> 00:03:09,099
(whines)
69
00:03:09,167 --> 00:03:11,768
(tires screech)
70
00:03:11,836 --> 00:03:13,170
SKINNER (megaphone):
Attention, students:
71
00:03:13,237 --> 00:03:15,322
In order to cut down
on the rash of
72
00:03:15,390 --> 00:03:17,457
embarrassing YouTube videos
of our teachers,
73
00:03:17,525 --> 00:03:20,460
we will be scanning you and
taking away your smartphones.
74
00:03:20,528 --> 00:03:23,981
(kids grumbling)
75
00:03:24,048 --> 00:03:25,415
KID: Make sure
I get this back.
76
00:03:28,536 --> 00:03:30,203
A new low.
(sighs)
77
00:03:30,254 --> 00:03:33,140
I should've taken that
superintendent job in Honduras.
78
00:03:33,207 --> 00:03:36,059
My own donkey, all the sugarcane
I could suck...
79
00:03:36,127 --> 00:03:39,296
if only I could stomach the
upside-down question marks.
80
00:03:41,099 --> 00:03:42,683
Hm... Hm?!
81
00:03:43,835 --> 00:03:45,102
(humming)
82
00:03:45,169 --> 00:03:47,270
Hey Simpson. Let me
save you the trouble
83
00:03:47,338 --> 00:03:50,173
of putting that money
back in your pocket.
84
00:03:50,241 --> 00:03:51,124
NELSON:
Haw-haw!
85
00:03:53,478 --> 00:03:56,213
Stupid Nelson!
I hate that guy.
86
00:03:56,280 --> 00:03:59,950
My mom says bullies only bully
'cause they're scared.
87
00:04:00,034 --> 00:04:01,101
NELSON:
Your mom's next!
88
00:04:01,169 --> 00:04:03,704
You make dumb kids, lady.
89
00:04:03,771 --> 00:04:05,272
Hm?
90
00:04:05,340 --> 00:04:08,008
Hm.
91
00:04:10,311 --> 00:04:11,645
(crow caws)
92
00:04:11,713 --> 00:04:13,947
(electricity buzzing)
Boy, Homer, I gotta say,
93
00:04:14,015 --> 00:04:15,849
Marge looked pretty easy
on the eyes last night.
94
00:04:15,917 --> 00:04:17,818
And I know eye-ease!
95
00:04:17,885 --> 00:04:19,252
Yeah.
Uh-oh.
96
00:04:19,320 --> 00:04:20,554
Trouble in paradise?
97
00:04:20,621 --> 00:04:22,789
No, just my marriage.
98
00:04:22,857 --> 00:04:24,091
BOTH: Woo...
99
00:04:24,158 --> 00:04:25,392
(whines)
100
00:04:25,460 --> 00:04:28,929
Honey, it's me again.
101
00:04:28,996 --> 00:04:31,798
I can't work knowing
that you're mad at me.
102
00:04:31,866 --> 00:04:33,567
I just wanna hear
your voice.
103
00:04:33,634 --> 00:04:36,403
And I'm counting the minutes
till the whistle blows,
104
00:04:36,471 --> 00:04:39,322
then I go to Moe's,
then I rush home to you.
105
00:04:39,390 --> 00:04:43,076
(tires screech) Ooh! Explain this
infernal wheel to me again.
106
00:04:43,127 --> 00:04:45,112
Left for left,
right for right!
107
00:04:45,179 --> 00:04:46,680
Enough of your double-talk!
108
00:04:48,700 --> 00:04:50,384
(yelling)
109
00:04:50,451 --> 00:04:51,334
(grunting)
110
00:04:51,419 --> 00:04:52,486
(shouting, grunts)
111
00:04:55,590 --> 00:04:57,657
Excellent.
He's alive.
112
00:04:57,725 --> 00:05:00,527
Smithers, give this man
one Ibuprofen,
113
00:05:00,595 --> 00:05:03,230
uncoated, and send him back
to his workstation.
114
00:05:03,297 --> 00:05:06,233
Sir, Simpson has sustained a
serious concussion.
115
00:05:06,300 --> 00:05:09,169
Recent research says you must
give him time off to recover.
116
00:05:09,237 --> 00:05:10,837
Oh, pish.
117
00:05:10,905 --> 00:05:13,106
When I was in Africa, I had my
skull cracked open
118
00:05:13,174 --> 00:05:14,775
by cannibals,
and I'm still kicking!
119
00:05:14,842 --> 00:05:16,510
Sir, that was your partner.
120
00:05:16,577 --> 00:05:18,211
You betrayed him
to the cannibals.
121
00:05:18,279 --> 00:05:19,546
(chuckling):
Oh, that's right.
122
00:05:19,614 --> 00:05:22,516
I have his memories
because I ate his brain.
123
00:05:22,583 --> 00:05:24,267
Mr. Burns, you have to
give this man something.
124
00:05:24,335 --> 00:05:27,904
He could sue us for all we've got!
Mm...
125
00:05:27,972 --> 00:05:30,657
Fine. Eight weeks off
with pay.
126
00:05:30,725 --> 00:05:32,826
(shrieks)
That's a good thing.
127
00:05:32,894 --> 00:05:35,095
But you said it so mean.
128
00:05:35,163 --> 00:05:36,863
(tires screech)
129
00:05:36,931 --> 00:05:37,998
(chuckles)
130
00:05:38,065 --> 00:05:39,633
Eight weeks paid vacation,
131
00:05:39,684 --> 00:05:41,885
and all because of
a little bump on the noggin.
132
00:05:41,953 --> 00:05:42,786
(liquid trickling)
133
00:05:42,854 --> 00:05:44,621
(grunts)
134
00:05:46,290 --> 00:05:48,725
Hey, Marge, here's something
that'll make you happy!
135
00:05:48,810 --> 00:05:49,826
Not in the mood!
136
00:05:49,894 --> 00:05:51,478
No, this is really good.
I...
137
00:05:51,546 --> 00:05:53,613
Nelson took
my lunch money again.
138
00:05:53,681 --> 00:05:55,132
Now, listen, Lisa...
(saxophone playing)
139
00:05:55,199 --> 00:05:57,734
Hold that thought.
I'm tuning my saxophone.
140
00:05:57,802 --> 00:06:00,070
(blows note) Sharp.
(blows note) Flat.
141
00:06:00,138 --> 00:06:02,439
(blows note) Sharp. (blows note) Flat.
No one will tell me if
142
00:06:02,507 --> 00:06:05,475
I'm a ghost or not!
Well, I just got...
143
00:06:11,582 --> 00:06:13,550
(heart beating)
144
00:06:13,634 --> 00:06:15,402
Got what, Homer?
145
00:06:15,470 --> 00:06:17,370
Uh...
I got...
146
00:06:17,438 --> 00:06:20,474
Shelbyville radio
in my car for a few minutes.
147
00:06:20,541 --> 00:06:22,993
(groans) Homer,
I'm a single mother
148
00:06:23,060 --> 00:06:24,744
trying to raise a family here.
149
00:06:24,812 --> 00:06:26,797
But you're not...
Just zip it!
150
00:06:26,864 --> 00:06:31,501
(all complaining)
151
00:06:31,569 --> 00:06:34,070
I have eight weeks
paid vacation,
152
00:06:34,155 --> 00:06:35,405
and my family doesn't know.
153
00:06:35,490 --> 00:06:36,573
Whoo-hoo.
154
00:06:40,900 --> 00:06:43,535
Honey, I'm off to work!
155
00:06:44,279 --> 00:06:45,779
You know...
156
00:06:45,847 --> 00:06:47,314
maybe I should call in sick.
157
00:06:47,382 --> 00:06:50,217
We could visit all
our old romantic haunts
158
00:06:50,285 --> 00:06:53,487
that have closed and turned into
temporary Halloween stores.
159
00:06:53,555 --> 00:06:55,756
I have to take Maggie
for her checkup.
160
00:06:55,824 --> 00:06:58,876
And a guy's coming to see what
the smell is under the house.
161
00:06:58,944 --> 00:07:01,111
I get it. You need
your Marge time.
162
00:07:01,179 --> 00:07:05,950
(sighs) Well, I'm...
off to work.
163
00:07:06,017 --> 00:07:09,219
(giggling)
164
00:07:09,287 --> 00:07:10,304
(grunts)
165
00:07:10,372 --> 00:07:11,805
FLANDERS:
Ow! Ow!
166
00:07:11,873 --> 00:07:13,791
My feet hurt,
and my neck is cold.
167
00:07:13,858 --> 00:07:15,342
(grunts)
168
00:07:15,410 --> 00:07:16,577
KRABAPPEL:
(yawns) Children,
169
00:07:16,645 --> 00:07:19,079
I didn't get
much sleep last night,
170
00:07:19,147 --> 00:07:22,449
because I was up late again,
lamenting the choices I've made.
171
00:07:22,517 --> 00:07:25,552
Haw-haw!
You can't change the past.
172
00:07:25,620 --> 00:07:28,222
Just for that, you can go
to the principal's office,
173
00:07:28,289 --> 00:07:30,858
while the rest of the class
enjoys... a movie day.
174
00:07:30,925 --> 00:07:32,693
(cheering, gunfire)
175
00:07:34,496 --> 00:07:37,665
Krustyburger: Every day
thousands of people
176
00:07:37,732 --> 00:07:40,634
wolf down his "kwazy cuisine"
177
00:07:40,702 --> 00:07:42,636
thinking they're getting
the nutrients
178
00:07:42,687 --> 00:07:45,472
a human being needs to live.
179
00:07:45,523 --> 00:07:47,825
But for 30 days,
this reporter
180
00:07:47,892 --> 00:07:51,395
ate nothing but this
joker's deck of carbs.
181
00:07:51,463 --> 00:07:52,913
And I say:
182
00:07:52,981 --> 00:07:55,916
(thunder rumbles)
183
00:07:55,984 --> 00:07:58,552
Do you want lies with that?
184
00:08:03,725 --> 00:08:07,544
Oh great. Another documentary
making me look like a scuzzbag.
185
00:08:07,612 --> 00:08:09,079
What is it this time?
186
00:08:09,147 --> 00:08:11,749
That the town I sponsor in
Africa doesn't exist?
187
00:08:11,833 --> 00:08:14,251
Prove it!
Film all of Africa!
188
00:08:15,820 --> 00:08:18,589
Day 12:
I've gained 20 pounds.
189
00:08:18,656 --> 00:08:20,407
As for my cholesterol...
190
00:08:20,475 --> 00:08:22,726
It's bad. You can just
scrape it right off.
191
00:08:25,680 --> 00:08:30,217
But still I soldier on
with my "Laffy Meal."
192
00:08:30,285 --> 00:08:33,253
(grunting and gagging)
193
00:08:33,321 --> 00:08:37,157
(humming)
194
00:08:37,225 --> 00:08:39,593
Hey, this is all
above-board.
195
00:08:42,330 --> 00:08:43,797
DESMOND:
One month
196
00:08:43,865 --> 00:08:45,999
of eating Krustyburger
197
00:08:46,067 --> 00:08:49,153
and nothing else
has transformed me
198
00:08:49,220 --> 00:08:53,257
into a morbidly obese,
toilet-busting American.
199
00:08:53,324 --> 00:08:55,075
If I don't have
some kind of nugget
200
00:08:55,143 --> 00:08:57,461
every five minutes, I'll die.
201
00:08:59,631 --> 00:09:01,432
I'm so weak...
202
00:09:01,499 --> 00:09:04,051
I can't even fill out
this application
203
00:09:04,102 --> 00:09:06,403
for "Documentary Film Oscar."
204
00:09:09,674 --> 00:09:11,075
DESMOND:
But it'll be worth it
205
00:09:11,142 --> 00:09:16,830
if my suffering teaches Krusty
the value of proper nutrition.
206
00:09:16,898 --> 00:09:19,917
You're gonna be my
breakfast English sausage!
207
00:09:19,984 --> 00:09:21,585
(crazy laugh)
208
00:09:21,653 --> 00:09:30,227
(Erik Satie's
Gymnopedies 3 For Piano plays)
209
00:09:30,295 --> 00:09:32,996
Hm...
210
00:09:34,182 --> 00:09:36,950
(Bart chuckles)
211
00:09:37,018 --> 00:09:38,969
Man, when you're not at work,
212
00:09:39,053 --> 00:09:42,322
you see so many
beautiful things.
213
00:09:42,390 --> 00:09:48,395
(Irlandaise - Claude Bolling
Suite For Flute & Jazz Piano Trio)
214
00:09:53,434 --> 00:09:54,568
(snoring)
215
00:09:54,636 --> 00:09:57,271
(choking)
216
00:09:57,338 --> 00:09:59,173
(snoring)
217
00:09:59,240 --> 00:10:02,509
(Homer chuckles) And now,
because it's afternoon,
218
00:10:02,577 --> 00:10:07,481
I can go to Moe's without having
a "drinking problem." (chuckles)
219
00:10:07,549 --> 00:10:08,682
(beer pouring)
220
00:10:08,750 --> 00:10:10,317
Hey, Homer.
I could hear your
221
00:10:10,385 --> 00:10:12,386
pathetic rationalizing
through the door.
222
00:10:12,453 --> 00:10:14,922
Well, why can't I
hang out at the bar all day?
223
00:10:14,989 --> 00:10:16,623
My wife doesn't want to
be with me.
224
00:10:16,691 --> 00:10:18,358
Look, I'd love to discuss
your problems,
225
00:10:18,426 --> 00:10:20,627
but a pack of raccoons
took over my back room
226
00:10:20,695 --> 00:10:22,813
and today's the day
I make my stand.
227
00:10:22,881 --> 00:10:24,464
(wild screaming,
raccoons chittering)
228
00:10:24,532 --> 00:10:26,667
MOE: Aah! Aah!
There's more than I thought!
229
00:10:36,010 --> 00:10:38,278
I wish I could
pull down my zipper
230
00:10:38,346 --> 00:10:39,746
and that guy would come out.
231
00:10:39,814 --> 00:10:41,949
CAIN: Stranger things
have happened, Homer.
232
00:10:42,016 --> 00:10:42,933
(screams)
233
00:10:43,001 --> 00:10:45,235
Stradivarius Cain!
234
00:10:45,303 --> 00:10:48,438
What the...?
Am I losing my marbles?
235
00:10:48,506 --> 00:10:50,274
No, I'm just
an illusion caused by
236
00:10:50,341 --> 00:10:52,075
the concussion you suffered
at the plant.
237
00:10:52,143 --> 00:10:54,611
Can I put my hand
through you?
238
00:10:54,679 --> 00:10:55,946
If you want.
239
00:10:56,014 --> 00:10:57,748
C'mon... really?
240
00:10:57,815 --> 00:10:59,349
Show a little class.
241
00:10:59,417 --> 00:11:00,884
Sorry.
242
00:11:00,952 --> 00:11:03,904
Now I'm about to undertake
my toughest mission ever:
243
00:11:03,972 --> 00:11:07,007
to make you into a man
your wife can't resist.
244
00:11:11,362 --> 00:11:12,713
What the...?
No one can see you!
245
00:11:12,780 --> 00:11:15,148
Other people's imaginary
friends can see me.
246
00:11:15,216 --> 00:11:17,201
(groans)
247
00:11:17,268 --> 00:11:20,070
Hello, Dr. Cain.
248
00:11:20,138 --> 00:11:22,189
Hello, Hufnpuffalus.
249
00:11:22,257 --> 00:11:25,959
Sorry I slept
with your girlfriend.
250
00:11:26,027 --> 00:11:27,828
You did me
a favor, man.
251
00:11:27,896 --> 00:11:29,580
(Nelson humming)
252
00:11:29,664 --> 00:11:32,616
Lunch money, lunch money,
lunch money.
253
00:11:32,700 --> 00:11:33,717
Hey, Lis.
254
00:11:33,785 --> 00:11:35,786
Nelson, don't you want
my lunch money?
255
00:11:35,870 --> 00:11:38,805
Nah. Chicks wind up
getting all your money anyway.
256
00:11:38,873 --> 00:11:41,008
That's sexist,
but thank you.
257
00:11:41,075 --> 00:11:43,293
Now I gotta go liberate some
cash from your brother.
258
00:11:43,378 --> 00:11:44,645
Well, if you must.
259
00:11:44,712 --> 00:11:47,297
See if you can find out
where my dolls are.
260
00:11:47,365 --> 00:11:48,882
You might not like
the answer.
261
00:11:48,950 --> 00:11:50,484
I just want closure.
262
00:11:52,103 --> 00:11:54,371
Simpson, you know
why I'm here.
263
00:11:54,439 --> 00:11:57,708
Nelson, I could give you
my lunch money...
264
00:11:57,775 --> 00:12:00,143
or I could give you...
265
00:12:00,211 --> 00:12:01,745
Lunch?
266
00:12:01,813 --> 00:12:03,547
Actual lunch?!
267
00:12:03,615 --> 00:12:05,582
Look at all them burgers
and fries.
268
00:12:05,650 --> 00:12:07,818
I didn't know they served
these things warm!
269
00:12:07,885 --> 00:12:11,121
Aw... they feel
like a baby's head.
270
00:12:11,189 --> 00:12:14,791
I just thank God you didn't take
my coupons.
271
00:12:14,859 --> 00:12:16,159
Got enough for a month.
272
00:12:16,227 --> 00:12:18,795
Free hamburger?!
Mmm-mmm-mmm!
273
00:12:18,863 --> 00:12:20,330
No, you give them
the coupon,
274
00:12:20,398 --> 00:12:21,765
and they give you
the hamburger.
275
00:12:21,833 --> 00:12:23,267
I knew that.
276
00:12:23,334 --> 00:12:24,935
(chuckles)
277
00:12:31,476 --> 00:12:33,577
I must say,
whoever installed
278
00:12:33,645 --> 00:12:37,547
your car's secret weapons
did a great job hiding them.
279
00:12:37,615 --> 00:12:40,817
Yeah, Dr. Cain, the thing
about that is...
280
00:12:40,885 --> 00:12:43,320
uh, there aren't any weapons.
281
00:12:43,404 --> 00:12:47,157
What?! Well, does your car at
least turn into something else?
282
00:12:47,241 --> 00:12:50,360
Sometimes Marge says I turn it
into a trashcan.
283
00:12:50,445 --> 00:12:52,713
Hmm... (groans).
284
00:12:52,780 --> 00:12:54,581
Homer, you are going
to clean up this car,
285
00:12:54,649 --> 00:12:57,784
put on cologne, and become
a sparkling conversationalist.
286
00:12:57,835 --> 00:12:59,636
Sounds like you're turning
into wife number two.
287
00:12:59,704 --> 00:13:00,987
I can do that.
288
00:13:01,873 --> 00:13:03,924
So, stick with Marge!
289
00:13:03,992 --> 00:13:05,258
(Homer gasping)
290
00:13:05,326 --> 00:13:07,594
Whoa, what's going on
there, Lou?
291
00:13:07,662 --> 00:13:09,196
Well, if you ask me,
Chief...
292
00:13:09,263 --> 00:13:10,731
(low groan)
293
00:13:10,798 --> 00:13:12,332
All right,
what does this mean?
294
00:13:13,701 --> 00:13:15,802
Childhood obesity...
295
00:13:15,870 --> 00:13:17,604
(chuckles)
it's not funny anymore!
296
00:13:17,672 --> 00:13:20,941
Breakfast cereals where the
surprise inside is diabetes
297
00:13:21,009 --> 00:13:23,310
and soda cups the size
of hot tubs
298
00:13:23,361 --> 00:13:26,713
have made every state
Mississippi-fat.
299
00:13:26,781 --> 00:13:28,382
Mmm-mmm!
300
00:13:28,449 --> 00:13:30,751
(gasps) That's Nelson!
301
00:13:30,818 --> 00:13:33,787
No, you're imagining
things.
302
00:13:33,855 --> 00:13:35,522
What else you got?
303
00:13:35,590 --> 00:13:37,424
Just bubbling oil.
304
00:13:37,492 --> 00:13:39,693
Stand back
and give me a straw.
305
00:13:39,761 --> 00:13:42,129
(gasps)
306
00:13:42,196 --> 00:13:44,798
Now, the ultimate test:
307
00:13:44,866 --> 00:13:48,502
I want you to convince...
that woman
308
00:13:48,569 --> 00:13:51,605
to give herself to you
body and soul.
309
00:13:51,672 --> 00:13:53,740
But I'm a married man.
310
00:13:53,808 --> 00:13:56,243
Yeah, I know.
A married man is never attracted
311
00:13:56,310 --> 00:13:58,311
to a beautiful woman
he doesn't even know,
312
00:13:58,379 --> 00:14:01,648
but this will give you the
confidence you need with Marge.
313
00:14:01,716 --> 00:14:05,419
Okay, I'll make
a stranger love me forever.
314
00:14:05,486 --> 00:14:07,387
And Homer, remember:
315
00:14:07,455 --> 00:14:08,889
it doesn't matter
what you say
316
00:14:08,956 --> 00:14:11,892
as long as you say it
with confidence.
317
00:14:11,959 --> 00:14:13,193
Mm-hmm!
318
00:14:13,261 --> 00:14:17,013
My dear, did you just
fall from heaven?
319
00:14:17,081 --> 00:14:20,000
'Cause your hair looks
really messed up.
320
00:14:20,068 --> 00:14:21,518
Okay, it matters
a little what you say.
321
00:14:21,586 --> 00:14:22,903
Moving on...
322
00:14:22,970 --> 00:14:24,621
You know what wood
makes the best
323
00:14:24,689 --> 00:14:26,690
ventriloquist dummy?
Maple.
324
00:14:29,527 --> 00:14:32,929
How many hardboiled eggs
do you think I can eat?
325
00:14:32,997 --> 00:14:36,483
(groans)
Look, just say this:
326
00:14:36,551 --> 00:14:38,585
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Mm!
327
00:14:38,636 --> 00:14:40,253
When I was in special ops,
328
00:14:40,321 --> 00:14:42,255
they held me in
an Afghan prison
329
00:14:42,323 --> 00:14:45,525
where all I could see
was a patch of blue sky.
330
00:14:45,593 --> 00:14:47,260
But that blue was
nothing compared
331
00:14:47,328 --> 00:14:50,330
to the blue
of your eyes.
332
00:14:50,398 --> 00:14:53,900
Oh... I am a sucker
for articulate fatsos.
333
00:14:53,968 --> 00:14:55,836
Homer looks over at Cain, who
smiles and nods.
334
00:14:55,903 --> 00:14:56,903
(giggles)
335
00:14:56,971 --> 00:14:58,572
MAN:
What is this?
336
00:14:58,639 --> 00:15:01,208
I leave for two seconds
to get chocolate martinis,
337
00:15:01,275 --> 00:15:04,811
and my wife is expertly seduced
by this pork empanada!
338
00:15:04,879 --> 00:15:06,446
(gasps)
What do I do?
339
00:15:06,514 --> 00:15:08,582
Squirt that lemon
in his eye!
340
00:15:08,649 --> 00:15:10,784
You think a lemon
will stop me?!
341
00:15:13,020 --> 00:15:14,621
A lime! No...!
342
00:15:14,689 --> 00:15:16,122
(laughing)
343
00:15:17,875 --> 00:15:20,110
Did you see the guy?
344
00:15:21,913 --> 00:15:23,613
(humming)
345
00:15:23,681 --> 00:15:25,649
Marge, what brings you
to the S.N.P.P.?
346
00:15:25,716 --> 00:15:27,818
Homie's been working
so hard.
347
00:15:27,885 --> 00:15:29,820
I thought I'd bring him
a special lunch.
348
00:15:29,887 --> 00:15:31,455
Marge, you're a blue angel.
349
00:15:31,522 --> 00:15:33,423
And I'm not talking ' about
those pilots that hot dog in
350
00:15:33,491 --> 00:15:35,358
an air show while the real men
are in combat.
351
00:15:35,426 --> 00:15:37,661
But I gotta ask:
where's Homer working?
352
00:15:37,728 --> 00:15:39,529
Here, right?
353
00:15:39,597 --> 00:15:41,698
Not since Burns gave him
that time off.
354
00:15:41,766 --> 00:15:43,667
What is this? Week six?
What?!
355
00:15:43,734 --> 00:15:46,770
I knew there was a reason
he was leaving on time!
356
00:15:46,838 --> 00:15:49,005
Oh, I can't believe this!
357
00:15:50,775 --> 00:15:51,908
(tires squeal)
358
00:15:51,976 --> 00:15:53,276
What'd you say to her?
359
00:15:53,344 --> 00:15:54,611
I don't know.
360
00:15:54,679 --> 00:15:56,480
I thought I was
making small talk.
361
00:15:56,547 --> 00:15:58,715
But it turned out
to be big talk.
362
00:16:03,197 --> 00:16:06,065
(Krusty, chimpanzee
grunting loudly)
363
00:16:08,636 --> 00:16:09,836
What?!
Krusty!
364
00:16:09,904 --> 00:16:11,438
This once-vibrant
young bully
365
00:16:11,505 --> 00:16:14,307
won't even live to pick on kids
in junior high!
366
00:16:14,375 --> 00:16:16,409
Because he's been eating
nothing but your food!
367
00:16:16,477 --> 00:16:18,294
Atta boy!
368
00:16:18,362 --> 00:16:19,829
(coughs)
369
00:16:19,897 --> 00:16:22,031
Got any fries, man?
I just need a couple.
370
00:16:22,099 --> 00:16:24,067
Not my responsibility.
371
00:16:24,135 --> 00:16:26,169
He didn't have
to order that crap.
372
00:16:26,237 --> 00:16:28,705
We've got yogurt
and salad on the menu!
373
00:16:28,772 --> 00:16:31,040
Do you actually serve
those items?
374
00:16:31,108 --> 00:16:34,978
No. Mmm...
375
00:16:35,045 --> 00:16:36,830
All right, kid,
to make this right,
376
00:16:36,897 --> 00:16:39,833
I'm gonna hook you up
with my personal trainer.
377
00:16:39,900 --> 00:16:44,020
Billy, get this kid
into superhero shape!
378
00:16:44,088 --> 00:16:45,655
Hugh Jackman Wolverine?
379
00:16:45,723 --> 00:16:47,157
I'm not made of money.
380
00:16:47,224 --> 00:16:49,392
Alicia Silverstone Batgirl?
381
00:16:49,460 --> 00:16:51,694
He's that now.
382
00:16:51,762 --> 00:16:53,463
(tires screech)
383
00:16:53,531 --> 00:16:56,182
(humming)
384
00:16:56,267 --> 00:16:58,351
(gasps)
385
00:16:58,419 --> 00:17:00,270
Busy day at work?
386
00:17:00,337 --> 00:17:03,506
Did you get a lot
of work done, workerman?
387
00:17:03,574 --> 00:17:05,458
What do I do?
What do I do?!
388
00:17:05,526 --> 00:17:07,410
Take her by those shoulders
she never covers
389
00:17:07,478 --> 00:17:09,245
and tell her the truth.
390
00:17:09,313 --> 00:17:11,447
You're right, Marge,
I lied.
391
00:17:11,515 --> 00:17:13,766
Don't give me
that load of... Huh?
392
00:17:13,834 --> 00:17:15,518
I got a head injury
at work,
393
00:17:15,586 --> 00:17:17,120
and they gave me eight
weeks paid vacation.
394
00:17:17,171 --> 00:17:20,190
Head injury?!
Why didn't you tell me?
395
00:17:20,257 --> 00:17:22,091
And I spent all
that time learning
396
00:17:22,159 --> 00:17:24,294
how to be a
better husband.
397
00:17:24,361 --> 00:17:25,995
The kind of husband you deserve.
398
00:17:26,063 --> 00:17:28,598
Wha...?
399
00:17:28,666 --> 00:17:30,767
Kiss her.
Kiss her while I watch.
400
00:17:30,834 --> 00:17:32,402
(gasps)
401
00:17:32,469 --> 00:17:33,903
(both moaning)
402
00:17:36,540 --> 00:17:37,974
Mmm...
403
00:17:38,042 --> 00:17:39,526
HOMER:
The three of us are going
404
00:17:39,610 --> 00:17:42,395
to the most romantic restaurant
in town.
405
00:17:44,565 --> 00:17:45,732
This car's so clean!
406
00:17:45,799 --> 00:17:49,052
I'm not getting flea bites
on my ankles!
407
00:17:49,119 --> 00:17:51,771
I have bug-bombed
the car for m'lady.
408
00:17:51,839 --> 00:17:53,189
(giggles)
409
00:17:54,725 --> 00:17:55,592
MARGE:
Whoo!
410
00:17:55,659 --> 00:17:56,526
Whoo!
411
00:17:57,878 --> 00:17:58,895
(grunts)
412
00:17:58,963 --> 00:17:59,979
(gasps)
413
00:18:00,047 --> 00:18:01,931
(groans)
414
00:18:01,999 --> 00:18:04,717
We meet again!
415
00:18:04,785 --> 00:18:06,352
Looking for this?
416
00:18:14,647 --> 00:18:17,599
He won't be out for long.
Flee, my love!
417
00:18:17,650 --> 00:18:18,900
(panting)
418
00:18:18,967 --> 00:18:20,635
Why is he trying
to kill you,
419
00:18:20,686 --> 00:18:22,654
and why did she call
you her love?
420
00:18:22,738 --> 00:18:23,971
It was all
a training exercise
421
00:18:24,023 --> 00:18:25,490
to make me smooth
for you.
422
00:18:25,574 --> 00:18:26,658
Of course, she fell for me,
423
00:18:26,742 --> 00:18:28,142
and of course,
I wanted no part of her.
424
00:18:28,194 --> 00:18:31,262
Now the only one who can help us
is Stradivarius Cain.
425
00:18:31,330 --> 00:18:32,497
The guy from the movie?
426
00:18:32,565 --> 00:18:33,598
I'll explain later.
427
00:18:33,666 --> 00:18:35,433
Strad, come back!
428
00:18:35,501 --> 00:18:36,868
I know you're in there!
429
00:18:36,936 --> 00:18:37,919
No.
430
00:18:37,987 --> 00:18:39,154
Not you.
431
00:18:39,221 --> 00:18:41,089
Big fan, but no.
432
00:18:41,157 --> 00:18:43,391
Cleatus the football robot,
you're my only hope!
433
00:18:43,459 --> 00:18:45,460
(Fox NFL theme plays)
434
00:18:51,934 --> 00:18:52,734
No one likes you!
435
00:18:52,802 --> 00:18:54,169
(machinery whirs)
436
00:18:54,236 --> 00:18:56,821
DRUG LORD: How can a
fat man hide so well?
437
00:18:58,924 --> 00:19:01,209
(hushed):
Strad, where are you?
438
00:19:03,512 --> 00:19:05,246
You can handle him, Homer.
439
00:19:05,314 --> 00:19:08,950
Just remember
what I taught you.
440
00:19:09,018 --> 00:19:10,852
When I was in special ops,
441
00:19:10,920 --> 00:19:12,387
they held me in
an Afghan prison
442
00:19:12,455 --> 00:19:15,356
where all I could see was
a patch of blue sky.
443
00:19:15,424 --> 00:19:16,891
But that blue was
nothing compared
444
00:19:16,959 --> 00:19:20,128
with the blue of your eyes.
445
00:19:20,196 --> 00:19:22,864
I cannot kill
a poet like you.
446
00:19:22,932 --> 00:19:25,200
And you are
a very lucky woman.
447
00:19:25,267 --> 00:19:28,069
This is why I always say
"mingle at parties."
448
00:19:28,137 --> 00:19:30,305
It's how I met
Greg Kinnear.
449
00:19:30,372 --> 00:19:32,207
Ay! With the
Greg Kinnear again.
450
00:19:32,274 --> 00:19:33,608
Can't friends talk
about friends?
451
00:19:33,676 --> 00:19:35,109
He is not
your friend!
452
00:19:35,177 --> 00:19:37,629
Then why did he say he'd call me
when he comes to Bolivia?
453
00:19:37,696 --> 00:19:39,664
(sighs)
454
00:19:39,732 --> 00:19:41,299
We used to be like them.
455
00:19:41,367 --> 00:19:42,634
Mmm.
456
00:19:44,320 --> 00:19:46,571
So, how many more weeks
do you have off?
457
00:19:46,655 --> 00:19:48,823
Actually, I was supposed
to be back last week.
458
00:19:48,891 --> 00:19:50,241
(laughs)
459
00:19:50,326 --> 00:19:53,427
We'll just wait for the call
from Human Resources.
460
00:19:53,452 --> 00:19:57,452
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
461
00:19:59,612 --> 00:20:02,131
I guess my work here is done.
462
00:20:02,198 --> 00:20:08,320
But Stradivarius Cain will
return in "Lisa Gets a B Plus."
463
00:20:08,405 --> 00:20:10,205
(gunshot)
464
00:20:10,273 --> 00:20:13,075
I knew you were mad at me.
465
00:20:13,143 --> 00:20:16,378
At the risk
of inflaming Sister Fate,
466
00:20:16,446 --> 00:20:19,381
this bully-free period
has been an Arcadian idyll!
467
00:20:19,449 --> 00:20:20,883
Here, here!
Idyll!
468
00:20:20,950 --> 00:20:22,317
(gasping)
469
00:20:22,385 --> 00:20:23,535
Ha-ha!
470
00:20:23,603 --> 00:20:24,553
(grunts)
471
00:20:24,620 --> 00:20:27,740
(gasping, clamoring)
472
00:20:27,807 --> 00:20:29,775
(Nelson, kids grunting)
473
00:20:36,196 --> 00:20:38,196
I administer with this nose.
474
00:20:38,679 --> 00:20:40,764
This is a happy ending?
475
00:20:40,848 --> 00:20:43,666
Well, he's tough on nerds,
but easy on the eyes.
476
00:20:43,734 --> 00:20:45,001
What'd you just say?
477
00:20:45,069 --> 00:20:46,853
Nothing.
478
00:20:46,921 --> 00:20:50,921
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
479
00:21:32,783 --> 00:21:34,617
Shh!