1
00:00:00,656 --> 00:00:01,952
I will certify the results
2
00:00:01,953 --> 00:00:04,052
after all the
precints have reported.
3
00:00:04,087 --> 00:00:05,971
A final tally within 1%
4
00:00:06,005 --> 00:00:07,723
would trigger
an automatic recount.
5
00:00:07,757 --> 00:00:09,591
In the event
of an exact tie,
6
00:00:09,625 --> 00:00:11,343
the seat is awarded
to the male candidate,
7
00:00:11,394 --> 00:00:13,712
and the female candidate
is put in jail.
8
00:00:13,746 --> 00:00:15,397
Once again,
I have to object.
9
00:00:15,431 --> 00:00:17,298
I don't think
it would hold up in court,
10
00:00:17,317 --> 00:00:18,984
but it is city law.
11
00:00:19,018 --> 00:00:20,652
- Any questions?
- Yes, actually.
12
00:00:20,687 --> 00:00:23,972
At the 11th hour the Newports
are trying to install
13
00:00:23,990 --> 00:00:26,307
these voting machines
at several precincts
14
00:00:26,326 --> 00:00:27,576
around town.
15
00:00:27,610 --> 00:00:31,413
Watch what happens
when I vote for Bobby Newport.
16
00:00:31,447 --> 00:00:32,998
[Computer voice]
Good choice.
17
00:00:33,032 --> 00:00:35,083
Enjoy a voucher
for a complimentary
18
00:00:35,118 --> 00:00:36,785
Sweetums candy bar.
19
00:00:36,819 --> 00:00:38,337
Shouldn't we be rewarding
our citizens for voting?
20
00:00:38,371 --> 00:00:40,372
I'm never against anyone
getting a candy bar,
21
00:00:40,423 --> 00:00:43,992
but watch what happens
when you vote for me.
22
00:00:44,010 --> 00:00:45,377
[Buzzer sounds]
23
00:00:45,428 --> 00:00:47,045
[Computer voice] Are you sure?
Take a second and think it over.
24
00:00:47,096 --> 00:00:49,514
Then you have
to press it again.
25
00:00:49,549 --> 00:00:52,851
[Baby crying]
26
00:00:52,885 --> 00:00:53,852
[Computer voice]
To cancel your vote and select
27
00:00:53,886 --> 00:00:56,538
someone better,
press the Sweetums logo.
28
00:00:56,572 --> 00:00:59,307
I'm sorry.
I just don't see the problem.
29
00:00:59,341 --> 00:01:02,310
[Triumphant music]
30
00:01:02,345 --> 00:01:07,945
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com
31
00:01:20,028 --> 00:01:21,329
Bobby Newport and I
are separated
32
00:01:21,363 --> 00:01:22,864
by a razor-thin margin.
33
00:01:22,882 --> 00:01:24,332
Could go either way.
34
00:01:24,366 --> 00:01:26,885
I've only slept nine hours
over the past four days,
35
00:01:26,919 --> 00:01:30,722
so I'm right on the verge
of a nervous breakdown.
36
00:01:30,757 --> 00:01:32,224
This isn't a bagel.
37
00:01:32,258 --> 00:01:33,892
Party starts at 7:00
38
00:01:33,926 --> 00:01:36,645
in the historic
Jermaine Jackson Ballroom
39
00:01:36,679 --> 00:01:38,063
at the Pawnee Supersuites.
40
00:01:38,097 --> 00:01:42,401
It is no longer
"A Pimps n' Hoes" pajama party.
41
00:01:42,435 --> 00:01:46,605
That idea was nixed
by a certain uptight nerd
44
00:01:51,444 --> 00:01:54,562
but more importantly,
tonight,
45
00:01:54,580 --> 00:01:56,031
Ann and I are
getting back together.
46
00:01:56,065 --> 00:01:58,333
Oh, right,
because of the dream you had?
47
00:01:58,367 --> 00:02:00,401
Last night
at approximately 2:30 A.M.,
48
00:02:00,420 --> 00:02:02,370
I woke up from
a dream that felt so real
49
00:02:02,404 --> 00:02:04,039
that it had to be
a premonition.
50
00:02:04,073 --> 00:02:05,874
Me, Drake,
and the T-mobile girl
51
00:02:05,908 --> 00:02:08,009
were playing baccarat
on a private jet.
52
00:02:08,044 --> 00:02:10,879
Ann Perkins walks up to me,
and she says,
53
00:02:10,913 --> 00:02:14,566
"Tommy, tomorrow night,
I'm taking you back."
54
00:02:14,600 --> 00:02:18,937
Then Blue Ivy Carter high-fived
me and gave me $40 million.
55
00:02:18,971 --> 00:02:21,840
It was all so real.
56
00:02:22,374 --> 00:02:24,392
The reason why Bobby and I
are appearing together
57
00:02:24,426 --> 00:02:27,062
is to send the message that
everyone should get out and vote
58
00:02:27,096 --> 00:02:28,396
no matter
who they're voting for.
59
00:02:28,430 --> 00:02:30,899
That's right.
Another awesome point by Leslie.
60
00:02:30,933 --> 00:02:32,484
That's why I'm voting for you.
61
00:02:32,535 --> 00:02:33,985
[Laughter]
62
00:02:34,036 --> 00:02:35,654
[Laughs]
What's so funny?
63
00:02:35,705 --> 00:02:36,955
They're laughing
at your joke.
64
00:02:36,989 --> 00:02:37,956
What joke?
65
00:02:37,990 --> 00:02:39,708
I am voting for you.
66
00:02:39,742 --> 00:02:41,209
You're not voting
for yourself?
67
00:02:41,244 --> 00:02:43,712
Leslie, you can't vote for
yourself, I don't think.
68
00:02:43,746 --> 00:02:46,465
I'm pretty sure that's illegal.
69
00:02:46,499 --> 00:02:47,632
Anything else?
70
00:02:47,667 --> 00:02:49,501
[Indistinct chatter]
71
00:02:49,552 --> 00:02:51,470
Hey,
you did an unbelievable job
72
00:02:51,504 --> 00:02:52,671
on this campaign, Ben.
73
00:02:52,722 --> 00:02:55,006
My partners back in Washington
think so too.
74
00:02:55,057 --> 00:02:57,625
Well, Leslie gets the credit.
Not me.
75
00:02:57,643 --> 00:02:58,727
Look.
76
00:02:58,761 --> 00:03:00,896
Your opponent
is legendarily stupid
77
00:03:00,930 --> 00:03:03,431
and I phoned it in pretty hard,
but you have a knack for this.
78
00:03:03,965 --> 00:03:05,984
I'm running congressman Murray's
reelection bid.
79
00:03:06,018 --> 00:03:07,519
Ohio, 19.
80
00:03:07,570 --> 00:03:09,604
I need someone
to coordinate out of D.C.
81
00:03:09,638 --> 00:03:11,857
You want to do it?
82
00:03:11,908 --> 00:03:14,359
Yeah, that sounds great,
but the Pacers called,
83
00:03:14,410 --> 00:03:16,278
and they're asking me to be
their starting point guard.
84
00:03:16,312 --> 00:03:17,579
I'm being serious, Ben.
85
00:03:17,613 --> 00:03:20,165
What?
86
00:03:20,199 --> 00:03:22,534
What, you trust me with
a congressional campaign?
87
00:03:22,585 --> 00:03:24,419
Is this a trick?
88
00:03:24,453 --> 00:03:25,921
No.
This is a job offer.
89
00:03:25,955 --> 00:03:27,255
Give me your answer soon.
90
00:03:27,290 --> 00:03:31,009
I need you in Washington
in two days.
91
00:03:31,043 --> 00:03:33,295
[Chuckling]
92
00:03:33,329 --> 00:03:36,097
Look at that thing.
What is that?
93
00:03:36,132 --> 00:03:37,215
Don't touch it.
94
00:03:38,467 --> 00:03:39,768
Ann Perkins.
95
00:03:39,802 --> 00:03:41,052
Can I ask your
advice on something?
96
00:03:41,103 --> 00:03:42,053
Sure.
97
00:03:42,104 --> 00:03:43,355
Recently
in a moment of weakness,
98
00:03:43,389 --> 00:03:45,941
I had sex with Bobby Newport's
campaign manager
99
00:03:45,975 --> 00:03:47,058
Jennifer Barkley.
100
00:03:47,109 --> 00:03:48,059
Seriously?
101
00:03:48,110 --> 00:03:49,778
Yes. Several times.
102
00:03:49,812 --> 00:03:50,896
And then several more times.
103
00:03:50,947 --> 00:03:53,732
And then
a couple more times.
104
00:03:53,783 --> 00:03:54,950
And then one more time.
105
00:03:54,984 --> 00:03:56,517
How has this been going on?
106
00:03:56,536 --> 00:03:57,652
Oh, it was just last night.
107
00:03:57,686 --> 00:03:59,905
Now, I know
it's a one-night stand
108
00:03:59,956 --> 00:04:01,189
and that she's leaving town,
109
00:04:01,207 --> 00:04:03,792
but our ferocious
sexual decathlon
110
00:04:03,826 --> 00:04:05,493
did radically improve my mood.
111
00:04:05,527 --> 00:04:08,296
And I kind of like to see
her again before she leaves.
112
00:04:08,331 --> 00:04:10,799
Good idea? Bad idea?
113
00:04:10,833 --> 00:04:12,200
I don't know.
114
00:04:12,218 --> 00:04:14,419
I guess
the campaign's over, so...
115
00:04:14,470 --> 00:04:16,087
I suppose it couldn't hurt.
116
00:04:16,638 --> 00:04:18,224
Ann Perkins.
117
00:04:20,643 --> 00:04:23,395
April!
Got your message.
118
00:04:23,429 --> 00:04:24,429
Where are you?
119
00:04:24,480 --> 00:04:25,730
Under the table.
120
00:04:25,765 --> 00:04:26,764
[Chuckles]
121
00:04:26,765 --> 00:04:28,984
Why are you hiding?
122
00:04:29,018 --> 00:04:31,269
Should I hide too?
What's going on?
123
00:04:31,320 --> 00:04:33,188
I was supposed to copy
all the department files
124
00:04:33,222 --> 00:04:34,889
onto a thumb drive,
and it kept freezing,
125
00:04:34,907 --> 00:04:36,608
and I got annoyed,
and I don't know what happened,
126
00:04:36,659 --> 00:04:39,411
but all the files are gone
on every computer.
127
00:04:39,445 --> 00:04:40,996
They're all gone.
Babe, they're all gone.
128
00:04:41,030 --> 00:04:42,030
Okay, okay.
Calm down.
129
00:04:42,064 --> 00:04:43,782
First of all,
you did the right thing
130
00:04:43,833 --> 00:04:45,450
by hiding under this table.
131
00:04:45,501 --> 00:04:47,953
Secondly, your man is here.
132
00:04:48,004 --> 00:04:49,838
I'm gonna take care
of this for us.
133
00:04:49,872 --> 00:04:52,040
I've been playing Xbox
for years.
134
00:04:52,574 --> 00:04:54,876
I'm really good at fixing it
when it freezes.
135
00:04:54,910 --> 00:04:56,177
I know exactly what to do.
136
00:04:56,212 --> 00:04:58,430
[Blows air]
137
00:04:59,682 --> 00:05:00,882
[Crash]
138
00:05:02,418 --> 00:05:04,135
Try it now.
139
00:05:04,986 --> 00:05:05,753
I don't know.
140
00:05:05,771 --> 00:05:06,972
I feel like
I'm forgetting something.
141
00:05:07,023 --> 00:05:08,440
What about my speeches?
142
00:05:08,474 --> 00:05:09,474
Finished both of them
last night.
143
00:05:09,525 --> 00:05:10,976
One if you win,
one if you lose.
144
00:05:11,027 --> 00:05:12,110
What if I tie?
145
00:05:12,144 --> 00:05:13,612
You need to write
a tie-speech for me,
146
00:05:13,646 --> 00:05:16,114
something about
the poetic nature of democracy
147
00:05:16,148 --> 00:05:17,866
and how I'm going fight
this thing from my prison cell--
148
00:05:17,900 --> 00:05:19,284
Leslie, relax.
We're done.
149
00:05:19,318 --> 00:05:20,568
All that's left
is the waiting.
150
00:05:20,602 --> 00:05:21,703
Okay?
151
00:05:21,737 --> 00:05:23,488
What were you talking
to Jen about?
152
00:05:24,740 --> 00:05:25,907
Oh, nothing.
153
00:05:26,441 --> 00:05:29,628
No, I just-- yeah, nothing.
She-- she's--
154
00:05:29,662 --> 00:05:31,546
nothing. Nothing.
It's nothing.
155
00:05:31,580 --> 00:05:33,548
Hey, what's a good place
to buy jeans?
156
00:05:33,582 --> 00:05:35,550
You have plenty of jeans.
157
00:05:35,584 --> 00:05:37,618
What were you talking about?
158
00:05:37,637 --> 00:05:41,506
Jen offered me a job working
on a congressional campaign...
159
00:05:41,557 --> 00:05:42,891
Oh, my God,
that's amazing.
160
00:05:42,925 --> 00:05:43,925
In Washington.
161
00:05:43,959 --> 00:05:45,477
What?
162
00:05:45,511 --> 00:05:47,962
Are you happy or angry?
163
00:05:47,980 --> 00:05:49,981
I don't know.
I don't know.
164
00:05:50,516 --> 00:05:52,183
What did you say?
Did you say, "yes?"
165
00:05:52,234 --> 00:05:53,768
I haven't had a chance
to think about it.
166
00:05:53,802 --> 00:05:55,854
I mean, it sounds amazing,
167
00:05:55,905 --> 00:05:58,990
but you know, six months
in Washington, D.C.
168
00:05:59,525 --> 00:06:02,861
Away from you, but you know,
we should talk about it.
169
00:06:02,912 --> 00:06:03,912
Yeah.
We'll just talk about it.
170
00:06:03,946 --> 00:06:04,913
You know,
we'll mull it over,
171
00:06:04,947 --> 00:06:06,314
we'll look at it
from every side.
172
00:06:06,332 --> 00:06:07,532
Et cetera, et cetera.
Just--
173
00:06:07,583 --> 00:06:08,533
I'm going to go vote,
174
00:06:08,584 --> 00:06:10,585
just fulfill
a lifelong dream of mine
175
00:06:10,619 --> 00:06:12,153
and achieve one of
my all-time happiest moments
176
00:06:12,171 --> 00:06:14,589
real quick,
and then we will talk about it.
177
00:06:15,373 --> 00:06:16,708
Cool.
178
00:06:20,162 --> 00:06:21,680
[Sighs]
179
00:06:31,057 --> 00:06:33,725
[Crying]
180
00:06:33,776 --> 00:06:35,393
Leslie, I can't figure
this thing out.
181
00:06:35,444 --> 00:06:36,695
Can you help me?
182
00:06:36,729 --> 00:06:37,812
Yeah, just hang on a second,
Bobby.
183
00:06:37,846 --> 00:06:38,846
Ink all over my hands,
184
00:06:38,864 --> 00:06:41,566
and the pen thing-y came
off the chain.
185
00:06:42,617 --> 00:06:43,992
I don't get it!
186
00:06:48,475 --> 00:06:50,160
The polls have just closed,
187
00:06:50,194 --> 00:06:52,529
and now we're getting results
in the race for city council.
188
00:06:52,580 --> 00:06:54,664
With just 1%
of the precincts reporting,
189
00:06:54,699 --> 00:06:58,034
adult film star Brandi Maxxxx
has a commanding lead.
190
00:06:58,085 --> 00:06:59,369
Oh, my God.
That's it.
191
00:06:59,420 --> 00:07:01,054
It's not Bobby Newport
who's going to beat me,
192
00:07:01,088 --> 00:07:02,572
it's Brandi Maxxxx,
the porn star.
193
00:07:02,607 --> 00:07:03,757
What is this? Italy?
194
00:07:03,791 --> 00:07:05,108
Listen,
I know you're stressed out,
195
00:07:05,142 --> 00:07:06,543
and I figured you would be,
196
00:07:06,577 --> 00:07:08,161
so I took the liberty
of arranging
197
00:07:08,179 --> 00:07:09,679
a fun little activity for us.
198
00:07:09,714 --> 00:07:10,847
- You did?
- Mm-hmm.
199
00:07:10,882 --> 00:07:11,998
Oh, Ann.
Thank you so much.
200
00:07:12,016 --> 00:07:13,300
I've said this to you before,
201
00:07:13,334 --> 00:07:14,301
and I know it makes you
uncomfortable...
202
00:07:14,335 --> 00:07:15,602
Oh, boy.
203
00:07:15,636 --> 00:07:17,187
But you're thoughtful,
and you're brilliant,
204
00:07:17,221 --> 00:07:19,505
and your ambiguous ethnic blend
perfectly represents
205
00:07:19,524 --> 00:07:21,975
the dream
of the American melting pot.
206
00:07:22,009 --> 00:07:24,177
Okay, let's go.
207
00:07:26,531 --> 00:07:28,949
Another, Dana,
please and thank you.
208
00:07:28,983 --> 00:07:31,535
Ron, I handed out
1,000 leaflets today.
209
00:07:31,569 --> 00:07:34,120
That is a personal best.
Now I'm off to vote.
210
00:07:34,655 --> 00:07:35,972
The polls are closed.
211
00:07:36,423 --> 00:07:37,407
What?
No, no, no.
212
00:07:37,458 --> 00:07:38,908
I thought that
they close at 8:00.
213
00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:41,044
6:00.
214
00:07:41,328 --> 00:07:42,745
Oh, my God.
215
00:07:42,779 --> 00:07:44,247
Ron, I didn't get
to vote for Leslie.
216
00:07:44,281 --> 00:07:45,548
Oh, my God,
what do I do?
217
00:07:45,583 --> 00:07:46,833
Nothing you can do.
218
00:07:46,884 --> 00:07:49,219
Except hope Leslie
doesn't lose by one vote.
219
00:07:49,753 --> 00:07:53,089
9% of precincts reporting,
and it's razor-thin
220
00:07:53,123 --> 00:07:54,974
and getting razor-thinner.
221
00:07:55,009 --> 00:07:56,392
Oh, boy.
222
00:07:56,427 --> 00:07:58,011
No. No.
223
00:07:58,062 --> 00:07:59,429
Jen Barkley.
224
00:07:59,463 --> 00:08:02,732
Hey.
What are you doing here?
225
00:08:02,766 --> 00:08:05,652
That was fun last night,
you old screamer.
226
00:08:05,686 --> 00:08:08,137
There were moments that
I didn't fully understand
227
00:08:08,155 --> 00:08:09,472
some of the physical shapes
that we were making...
228
00:08:09,490 --> 00:08:10,523
Mm.
229
00:08:10,574 --> 00:08:11,991
But the sensations
were amazing.
230
00:08:12,026 --> 00:08:13,860
- So I just went with it.
- Great.
231
00:08:13,911 --> 00:08:15,278
Well, I thought
that we could just talk
232
00:08:15,312 --> 00:08:17,030
before you left town
if that's okay.
233
00:08:17,081 --> 00:08:19,365
No, but there's a supply room
over there with a futon.
234
00:08:19,416 --> 00:08:21,034
Great.
235
00:08:21,085 --> 00:08:24,170
Not yet. Just wait--
we're just getting supplies.
236
00:08:24,205 --> 00:08:27,340
Anybody need anything?
Pushpins-- okay, good.
237
00:08:27,374 --> 00:08:29,175
Please hurry.
[Phone clicks]
238
00:08:29,210 --> 00:08:31,094
I told her it's a matter
of life and death.
239
00:08:31,128 --> 00:08:32,495
Honey,
Donna's been here forever.
240
00:08:32,513 --> 00:08:33,496
She's going
to know what to do.
241
00:08:33,514 --> 00:08:34,664
What if she doesn't?
242
00:08:34,682 --> 00:08:36,182
I could get fired.
243
00:08:36,217 --> 00:08:38,668
Or even worse,
Leslie might give me a lecture
244
00:08:38,686 --> 00:08:40,503
on responsibility again,
I can't do it.
245
00:08:40,521 --> 00:08:41,771
I'll tell you what, honey.
246
00:08:41,805 --> 00:08:44,390
Here's the deal.
You get fired, I'll quit.
247
00:08:44,441 --> 00:08:45,508
We'll leave together.
248
00:08:45,526 --> 00:08:47,277
I'm serious.
Move to a new city.
249
00:08:47,311 --> 00:08:48,645
Change our names,
250
00:08:48,679 --> 00:08:50,947
burn our fingertips off
with acid,
251
00:08:50,981 --> 00:08:52,232
swap faces.
252
00:08:52,283 --> 00:08:54,200
- What?
- If we have to.
253
00:08:54,235 --> 00:08:55,702
Good.
254
00:08:55,736 --> 00:08:57,954
Yes. Nice.
Keep punching.
255
00:08:57,988 --> 00:08:59,122
- Did I hit your boob?
- No.
256
00:08:59,156 --> 00:09:00,373
Sorry.
257
00:09:00,407 --> 00:09:01,374
Great form.
258
00:09:01,408 --> 00:09:03,293
Maybe.
I have no idea actually.
259
00:09:03,327 --> 00:09:05,211
- I don't know what I'm doing.
- Yeah!
260
00:09:05,246 --> 00:09:06,529
That was good.
I'm exhausted.
261
00:09:06,547 --> 00:09:07,630
How long was that?
262
00:09:07,665 --> 00:09:08,715
22 seconds.
263
00:09:09,249 --> 00:09:10,550
Boy,
that's disappointing.
264
00:09:11,084 --> 00:09:12,919
What are you going
to do about Ben?
265
00:09:12,970 --> 00:09:14,921
I just-- I've been running
for office the entire time
266
00:09:14,972 --> 00:09:16,055
we've been dating.
267
00:09:16,090 --> 00:09:18,558
We're just about
to get our lives back.
268
00:09:18,592 --> 00:09:20,209
It would kill me if he left.
269
00:09:20,227 --> 00:09:21,344
Then tell him that.
270
00:09:21,378 --> 00:09:23,897
Go find him
and tell him how you feel.
271
00:09:23,931 --> 00:09:25,881
And then the two of you could
work it out together.
272
00:09:25,900 --> 00:09:28,484
[Cell phone rings]
273
00:09:28,519 --> 00:09:29,736
Election results, Ann.
274
00:09:29,770 --> 00:09:31,571
Ann, Ann, I can't read it.
275
00:09:31,605 --> 00:09:33,156
- Okay.
- Ann, my hands. My hands, Ann.
276
00:09:33,190 --> 00:09:34,157
- Here.
- They're in these round gloves.
277
00:09:34,191 --> 00:09:35,992
Here. Okay.
278
00:09:36,026 --> 00:09:37,327
20% of the precincts reporting.
279
00:09:37,361 --> 00:09:40,914
Bobby Newport
is up by 140 votes.
280
00:09:40,948 --> 00:09:43,082
Okay.
Let's get your hands back up.
281
00:09:43,117 --> 00:09:45,084
- Okay.
- Go another eight seconds.
282
00:09:45,119 --> 00:09:46,085
[Grunts]
283
00:09:46,120 --> 00:09:47,253
Oh, God, I'm so tired.
284
00:09:48,288 --> 00:09:49,756
Gin and tonic, please.
285
00:09:49,790 --> 00:09:53,576
Belay that order, Dana.
Lagavulin, neat.
286
00:09:54,094 --> 00:09:56,798
Clear alcohols are
for rich women on diets.
287
00:09:58,849 --> 00:10:00,767
What's on your mind, son?
288
00:10:00,801 --> 00:10:05,438
Well, Jen Barkley offered me
a job in Washington.
289
00:10:05,472 --> 00:10:10,526
A great job, but I think
Leslie wants me to stay.
290
00:10:10,561 --> 00:10:11,978
What would you do?
291
00:10:12,529 --> 00:10:14,948
Well, I've never been one
for meeting new people
292
00:10:14,982 --> 00:10:19,235
or doing new things
or eating new types of food
293
00:10:19,269 --> 00:10:21,904
or traveling outside
of southern Indiana.
294
00:10:21,938 --> 00:10:24,707
I've had the same haircut
since 1978,
295
00:10:24,742 --> 00:10:27,460
and I've driven
the same car since 1991.
296
00:10:27,494 --> 00:10:31,414
I've used the same wooden comb
for three decades.
297
00:10:31,448 --> 00:10:33,049
I have one bowl.
298
00:10:33,083 --> 00:10:35,218
I still get my milk
delivered by horse.
299
00:10:35,252 --> 00:10:36,502
You do?
300
00:10:36,553 --> 00:10:38,504
But you and Leslie
like to hold hands
301
00:10:38,555 --> 00:10:42,508
and jump off of cliffs together
into the great unknown.
302
00:10:42,559 --> 00:10:44,427
[Shudders]
303
00:10:45,211 --> 00:10:48,097
You two have
a good relationship.
304
00:10:48,131 --> 00:10:50,817
I don't personally know
what that's like,
305
00:10:50,851 --> 00:10:53,686
but I'm given to understand
that means you're going to land
306
00:10:53,721 --> 00:10:55,154
on your feet.
307
00:10:55,189 --> 00:11:00,660
So you really want things
to just stay exactly the same?
308
00:11:00,694 --> 00:11:02,912
But if Leslie wins,
you get my old job,
309
00:11:02,946 --> 00:11:04,530
assistant city manager, right?
310
00:11:04,581 --> 00:11:06,115
Seems that way.
311
00:11:06,149 --> 00:11:08,668
Then good luck
to the both of us.
312
00:11:08,702 --> 00:11:09,702
[Clink]
313
00:11:13,873 --> 00:11:14,540
Hey--uh!
314
00:11:14,591 --> 00:11:15,591
Hmm!
315
00:11:17,928 --> 00:11:20,546
I have an update that
contains new information.
316
00:11:20,597 --> 00:11:23,466
With 74%
of the precincts reporting,
317
00:11:23,500 --> 00:11:26,853
Leslie Knope is now winning
by 192 votes.
318
00:11:26,887 --> 00:11:28,021
[Crowd cheering]
Oh, thank God.
319
00:11:28,055 --> 00:11:30,139
Oh, lord, please, please.
Let her win.
320
00:11:30,173 --> 00:11:31,307
Please, lord.
Please, lord, let her win.
321
00:11:31,341 --> 00:11:32,842
Please let her win.
322
00:11:32,860 --> 00:11:35,228
I'm just going to say this.
323
00:11:35,262 --> 00:11:37,597
And I realize this after
speaking with my best friend
324
00:11:37,631 --> 00:11:38,931
and relationship advisor
Ann Perkins
325
00:11:38,966 --> 00:11:39,949
from the department of health.
326
00:11:39,983 --> 00:11:41,701
Yes, I know Ann.
327
00:11:41,735 --> 00:11:43,369
I don't want you
to go to Washington.
328
00:11:43,404 --> 00:11:45,955
I know
it's an amazing opportunity,
329
00:11:45,989 --> 00:11:47,990
but in just a few minutes,
all this craziness
330
00:11:48,024 --> 00:11:48,991
is going to be over,
331
00:11:49,025 --> 00:11:52,412
and I just want
to have dinner with you.
332
00:11:52,463 --> 00:11:54,213
Like normal people.
333
00:11:54,248 --> 00:11:55,798
Yeah, then I won't go.
334
00:11:56,433 --> 00:11:57,133
Really?
335
00:11:57,167 --> 00:11:58,868
Yeah. Easy.
336
00:11:58,886 --> 00:12:00,470
I mean, I was on the fence
about it anyway.
337
00:12:00,504 --> 00:12:02,755
Washington's really far away,
338
00:12:02,806 --> 00:12:04,474
and I don't know
if I want to work with Jen.
339
00:12:04,508 --> 00:12:06,476
I mean, this just seals
the deal. I'll stay.
340
00:12:06,510 --> 00:12:08,594
[Sighs]
Oh, thank God.
341
00:12:08,645 --> 00:12:11,013
What a relief.
342
00:12:11,047 --> 00:12:13,566
Guys.
343
00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:15,902
It's been neck-in-neck,
too close to call all night,
344
00:12:15,936 --> 00:12:17,437
but now we're ready
to make a call
345
00:12:17,488 --> 00:12:18,988
in the race for city council.
346
00:12:19,022 --> 00:12:19,989
Bobby Newport...
347
00:12:20,023 --> 00:12:21,074
Oh, no.
348
00:12:21,108 --> 00:12:22,575
Scion of the Sweetums
candy empire
349
00:12:22,609 --> 00:12:25,528
and amateur go-kart champion
has won the race.
350
00:12:25,562 --> 00:12:28,247
[Laughing hysterically]
351
00:12:28,282 --> 00:12:29,582
Why are you laughing?
352
00:12:29,616 --> 00:12:32,034
[Laughs]
Because my dream is dead.
353
00:12:33,403 --> 00:12:35,404
Oh, oh.
354
00:12:35,422 --> 00:12:36,906
Oh, [Bleep].
355
00:12:39,816 --> 00:12:41,385
Recount!
There's a recount.
356
00:12:41,386 --> 00:12:43,216
Oh, come on.
It's over.
357
00:12:43,234 --> 00:12:44,234
Just concede.
358
00:12:44,268 --> 00:12:45,552
Newport won by 21 votes.
359
00:12:45,570 --> 00:12:47,571
That's well within
the margin for a recount.
360
00:12:47,605 --> 00:12:50,023
Please don't do this. I
really want to get out of here.
361
00:12:50,057 --> 00:12:52,609
How about this-- why don't I
make you guys a deal?
362
00:12:52,660 --> 00:12:53,610
Okay,
there's no deal in the world
363
00:12:53,661 --> 00:12:54,911
that we would ever possibly--
364
00:12:54,946 --> 00:12:56,029
I'll give you
Joe Biden's home phone number.
365
00:12:56,063 --> 00:12:57,414
Now, hang on.
That's interesting.
366
00:12:57,448 --> 00:12:58,832
No, no,
you're not thinking clearly.
367
00:12:58,866 --> 00:12:59,916
Mr. Commissioner,
368
00:12:59,951 --> 00:13:01,701
the recount
has to start immediately.
369
00:13:01,735 --> 00:13:02,902
It's the law.
370
00:13:02,920 --> 00:13:04,421
Now I'm not leaving
until you make the call.
371
00:13:04,455 --> 00:13:06,957
He's right, Ms. Barkley.
It'll start right away.
372
00:13:07,008 --> 00:13:09,793
- Keep your phones on.
- Terrence!
373
00:13:09,844 --> 00:13:13,096
I just want to go home.
374
00:13:13,130 --> 00:13:14,464
Hey, any news?
375
00:13:14,515 --> 00:13:17,601
They said the recount could take
two hours, but who knows.
376
00:13:17,635 --> 00:13:18,768
Man, this is stressful.
377
00:13:18,803 --> 00:13:20,270
I picked the wrong week
to do a juice cleanse.
378
00:13:20,304 --> 00:13:22,088
Okay, I think Leslie
should say something
379
00:13:22,106 --> 00:13:24,057
to the troops just to get
everyone's spirits up.
380
00:13:24,091 --> 00:13:25,108
- Where is she?
- I don't know.
381
00:13:25,142 --> 00:13:27,361
She's not answering her phone.
382
00:13:28,396 --> 00:13:30,480
What?
No one knows where she is?
383
00:13:32,766 --> 00:13:34,734
[Door closes]
384
00:13:36,320 --> 00:13:37,954
That's a nice chair.
385
00:13:37,989 --> 00:13:41,491
Corinthian leather,
solid mahogany frame
386
00:13:41,542 --> 00:13:44,444
with what I believe are hand-cut
mortise and tenon joints
387
00:13:44,462 --> 00:13:45,962
pinned with oak.
388
00:13:45,997 --> 00:13:48,164
I was really looking forward
to sitting in it.
389
00:13:48,215 --> 00:13:50,216
Figured this might be
my last chance.
390
00:13:50,251 --> 00:13:52,002
You don't know that.
391
00:13:52,053 --> 00:13:53,970
Ron,
for the last six months,
392
00:13:54,005 --> 00:13:55,722
my friends have worked so hard.
393
00:13:55,756 --> 00:13:57,891
Every five-minute coffee break
at work,
394
00:13:57,925 --> 00:14:00,260
every night, every weekend,
395
00:14:00,294 --> 00:14:02,062
every spare moment
of their lives,
396
00:14:02,096 --> 00:14:03,513
they gave to me.
397
00:14:03,564 --> 00:14:07,334
If I lose,
I'll never forgive myself.
398
00:14:07,368 --> 00:14:09,235
You deserve to win.
399
00:14:09,770 --> 00:14:12,188
We didn't volunteer
to help you
400
00:14:12,239 --> 00:14:15,575
because we wanted to wrap
ourselves in personal glory.
401
00:14:15,610 --> 00:14:20,080
We did it because
we...care about you.
402
00:14:20,114 --> 00:14:23,316
You had a dream, and we
wanted to support your dream.
403
00:14:23,834 --> 00:14:26,419
That's what you do
when you care about someone.
404
00:14:26,454 --> 00:14:29,039
You support them,
win, lose, or draw.
405
00:14:29,840 --> 00:14:31,508
Let's go back to the party.
406
00:14:31,542 --> 00:14:34,095
You drive.
I've had 11 whiskeys.
407
00:14:35,129 --> 00:14:37,297
Okay.
That's good on places to live.
408
00:14:37,331 --> 00:14:39,432
Let's go back to dream jobs.
409
00:14:39,467 --> 00:14:41,551
If we had to start
a new life,
410
00:14:41,602 --> 00:14:44,721
I have Detective, FBI agent,
policeman, CIA agent.
411
00:14:44,772 --> 00:14:46,339
So we need more for you.
Let's go.
412
00:14:46,357 --> 00:14:47,941
- Andy, I--
- It's fun.
413
00:14:47,975 --> 00:14:49,109
I'm trying to help you
414
00:14:49,143 --> 00:14:51,511
take your mind off
of this horrible mistake
415
00:14:51,529 --> 00:14:53,513
you made
deleting all these files,
416
00:14:53,531 --> 00:14:55,198
probably the worst thing
to ever happen
417
00:14:55,232 --> 00:14:56,566
in Parks and Rec history.
418
00:14:56,617 --> 00:14:59,069
You will certainly get fired,
and I'm trying to help.
419
00:14:59,120 --> 00:15:00,286
God.
420
00:15:00,321 --> 00:15:02,372
So dream jobs, go.
Dream big, kid!
421
00:15:02,406 --> 00:15:03,573
Fine.
422
00:15:03,624 --> 00:15:06,359
Uh, dental hygienist
who's also a medium,
423
00:15:06,377 --> 00:15:07,661
so I can clean people's teeth
424
00:15:07,695 --> 00:15:09,195
and tell them
when they're going to die.
425
00:15:09,213 --> 00:15:10,747
That's brilliant.
426
00:15:10,798 --> 00:15:11,965
Let's make this fast.
427
00:15:11,999 --> 00:15:13,533
I almost made it
with Councilman Howser
428
00:15:13,551 --> 00:15:14,551
before you interrupted us.
429
00:15:14,585 --> 00:15:15,752
Which files did you delete?
430
00:15:15,803 --> 00:15:16,869
All of them.
431
00:15:16,887 --> 00:15:19,089
I just put
the stupid flash drive in,
432
00:15:19,140 --> 00:15:20,306
and then I tried to drag
everything over, and--
433
00:15:20,341 --> 00:15:21,324
Fixed it.
434
00:15:21,359 --> 00:15:22,592
- What?
- What? How?
435
00:15:22,626 --> 00:15:24,678
Jerry accidentally
deletes things all the time.
436
00:15:24,712 --> 00:15:26,880
Ten years ago, I installed
my own secret backup.
437
00:15:26,914 --> 00:15:29,432
- You saved us, Donna.
- Oh.
438
00:15:29,467 --> 00:15:30,433
- I love you.
- Oh.
439
00:15:30,468 --> 00:15:31,968
Okay.
Bring it in, boy.
440
00:15:32,019 --> 00:15:33,553
[Giggles]
441
00:15:33,587 --> 00:15:35,105
[Door opens]
442
00:15:35,139 --> 00:15:36,606
There you are.
Thank God.
443
00:15:36,640 --> 00:15:38,591
We're going to get
the final results any minute.
444
00:15:38,609 --> 00:15:41,394
I know.
Do you have both my speeches?
445
00:15:41,428 --> 00:15:42,562
Yes.
446
00:15:42,596 --> 00:15:45,065
You seem calmer
than I expected you'd be.
447
00:15:45,099 --> 00:15:46,701
I got you something.
448
00:15:47,735 --> 00:15:49,237
Let me open it for you.
449
00:15:55,442 --> 00:15:56,960
You have to go to Washington.
450
00:15:56,994 --> 00:15:59,379
I told you
I'm turning it down.
451
00:15:59,413 --> 00:16:01,214
I was being selfish.
452
00:16:01,248 --> 00:16:04,050
You put your whole life
on hold for me.
453
00:16:04,085 --> 00:16:07,721
The very least I can do
is try to return the favor.
454
00:16:07,755 --> 00:16:09,672
Are you sure about this?
455
00:16:09,724 --> 00:16:11,474
We can make it work.
456
00:16:11,509 --> 00:16:13,843
I will visit you,
then you come visit me.
457
00:16:13,894 --> 00:16:15,228
And then I go visit you again.
458
00:16:15,262 --> 00:16:17,731
And then we make out
in the Lincoln bedroom...
459
00:16:17,765 --> 00:16:19,516
- [Laughs]
- And the Jefferson Memorial
460
00:16:19,567 --> 00:16:21,518
and the Supreme Court gallery.
461
00:16:21,569 --> 00:16:23,486
We'll do it all over Washington.
462
00:16:23,521 --> 00:16:26,072
Thank you.
463
00:16:27,808 --> 00:16:30,076
Where did you get
a Washington Monument figurine
464
00:16:30,111 --> 00:16:31,911
at midnight on a Tuesday?
465
00:16:32,446 --> 00:16:35,198
From my office.
I have, like, 50 of them.
466
00:16:35,249 --> 00:16:36,750
Right.
467
00:16:37,168 --> 00:16:38,868
The recount's over.
468
00:16:38,919 --> 00:16:40,086
They just called the race.
469
00:16:40,121 --> 00:16:41,623
Oh, God.
470
00:16:43,958 --> 00:16:46,995
It's still 21 votes.
471
00:16:50,013 --> 00:16:52,067
But you won.
472
00:16:54,685 --> 00:16:57,504
You won, Leslie.
You won by 21 votes.
473
00:16:58,522 --> 00:17:00,691
It's confirmed.
It's over.
474
00:17:00,725 --> 00:17:02,025
You won.
475
00:17:02,960 --> 00:17:04,727
- That was really sneaky, Ann.
- [Laughs]
476
00:17:04,779 --> 00:17:06,396
I know. I couldn't resist.
477
00:17:06,447 --> 00:17:09,399
[Playing upbeat music]
478
00:17:09,450 --> 00:17:13,653
[Cheering]
479
00:17:13,687 --> 00:17:16,372
[Singing under
crowd noise]
480
00:17:16,407 --> 00:17:19,709
Honestly, I've never been more
relieved in my entire life.
481
00:17:19,743 --> 00:17:21,411
[Crying]
I didn't ruin it.
482
00:17:21,462 --> 00:17:23,913
I thought I ruined it,
but I didn't ruin it.
483
00:17:23,964 --> 00:17:25,531
You're kind of ruining it now.
484
00:17:25,549 --> 00:17:27,467
Great.
That is great news.
485
00:17:27,501 --> 00:17:29,302
I'm going to see you in D.C.
486
00:17:29,336 --> 00:17:30,837
- Yeah, I guess you will.
- Yeah.
487
00:17:30,871 --> 00:17:32,639
Oh, damn it.
488
00:17:32,673 --> 00:17:34,390
Didn't get a chance
to say good-bye to Chris.
489
00:17:34,425 --> 00:17:37,143
Oh, he's just
right over there.
490
00:17:37,178 --> 00:17:38,561
Eh.
He seems really busy.
491
00:17:38,596 --> 00:17:40,063
Anyway, would you tell him
I said good-bye?
492
00:17:40,097 --> 00:17:41,231
Great! Thank you.
493
00:17:41,265 --> 00:17:42,398
Sorry we didn't get
a chance to meet.
494
00:17:42,433 --> 00:17:43,900
- I'm Ann.
- That doesn't matter.
495
00:17:43,934 --> 00:17:44,934
I'm leaving.
496
00:17:46,187 --> 00:17:49,155
[Continue singing]
497
00:17:49,190 --> 00:17:53,743
Congratulations,
Mr. Assistant City Manager.
498
00:17:53,777 --> 00:17:55,028
I'm very grateful, Chris,
499
00:17:55,062 --> 00:17:57,780
but I think I'm going
to turn down the job.
500
00:17:57,832 --> 00:17:58,781
Really? Why?
501
00:17:59,533 --> 00:18:01,501
I like where I am.
502
00:18:03,087 --> 00:18:04,254
Uh-oh, uh-oh.
503
00:18:04,288 --> 00:18:06,072
Did someone just talk
about a job opening?
504
00:18:06,090 --> 00:18:08,091
Because guess
who's got two thumbs
505
00:18:08,125 --> 00:18:11,077
and was just cleared
from insurance fraud?
506
00:18:11,095 --> 00:18:14,180
This guy, you know?
507
00:18:14,215 --> 00:18:17,383
♪ Got off on a technicality ♪
508
00:18:17,417 --> 00:18:19,135
What's the gig?
I'm in.
509
00:18:19,186 --> 00:18:20,136
There's no job for you.
510
00:18:20,187 --> 00:18:21,304
Smart move.
Go with your gut.
511
00:18:21,355 --> 00:18:24,057
All right?
I'll talk to you guys soon.
512
00:18:24,791 --> 00:18:27,894
Your victory speech,
Councilwoman Knope.
513
00:18:27,928 --> 00:18:30,813
Some day, when I'm
more emotionally stable,
514
00:18:30,865 --> 00:18:32,815
I want to read the concession
speech you wrote for me.
515
00:18:33,617 --> 00:18:35,985
I never wrote it.
516
00:18:36,036 --> 00:18:37,871
And I know all of you know
517
00:18:37,905 --> 00:18:39,873
how hard she worked to get here.
518
00:18:39,907 --> 00:18:41,607
She is
the next city councilwoman
519
00:18:41,625 --> 00:18:43,793
from the great city of Pawnee,
ladies and gentlemen,
520
00:18:43,827 --> 00:18:46,579
my best friend in the world,
Leslie Knope.
521
00:18:46,613 --> 00:18:50,967
[Cheers and applause]
522
00:18:51,001 --> 00:18:53,386
The idea behind this campaign
was a simple one:
523
00:18:53,420 --> 00:18:56,339
That with hard work
and positivity,
524
00:18:56,390 --> 00:18:59,175
a group of people can make
a difference
525
00:18:59,226 --> 00:19:02,178
during my term
as your city councilor...
526
00:19:02,229 --> 00:19:03,263
[Cheers and applause]
527
00:19:03,297 --> 00:19:05,014
Thank you.
528
00:19:05,065 --> 00:19:07,483
I want to focus on your hopes
and not your fears.
529
00:19:07,518 --> 00:19:11,187
I want to solve problems
instead of creating friction.
530
00:19:11,238 --> 00:19:14,657
And I will work hard
every hour of every day
531
00:19:14,692 --> 00:19:17,243
to make Pawnee
a better place to live
532
00:19:17,278 --> 00:19:20,098
because I love this city.
533
00:19:22,032 --> 00:19:27,320
And I know firsthand,
how very special
534
00:19:27,338 --> 00:19:29,155
the people of this city are.
535
00:19:29,189 --> 00:19:31,708
I owe this victory,
all of it,
536
00:19:31,759 --> 00:19:33,927
to my friends
and my supporters.
537
00:19:33,961 --> 00:19:36,763
No one achieves
anything alone.
538
00:19:36,797 --> 00:19:39,632
So let's embark
on a new journey together.
539
00:19:39,666 --> 00:19:42,218
Let's break out a map.
540
00:19:42,269 --> 00:19:45,471
Not the old, out-of-date one
that shows where we've been,
541
00:19:45,505 --> 00:19:49,526
but a crisp new one that shows
where we might go.
542
00:19:50,561 --> 00:19:53,314
Let's embark
on a new journey together
543
00:19:54,848 --> 00:19:57,183
and see where it takes us.
544
00:19:57,201 --> 00:20:00,036
[Cheers and applause]
545
00:20:02,670 --> 00:20:04,103
Tommy!
546
00:20:04,137 --> 00:20:05,939
This party was amazing,
547
00:20:05,973 --> 00:20:06,940
you're amazing.
548
00:20:06,974 --> 00:20:09,909
You are ridiculous,
but I like you,
549
00:20:09,944 --> 00:20:11,327
and I think that
we should date--all of it.
550
00:20:11,362 --> 00:20:12,862
Let's do it.
Let's date.
551
00:20:12,913 --> 00:20:16,866
- This is my dream.
Nostra-Thomas is happening.
552
00:20:16,917 --> 00:20:19,335
- Awesome.
- Hey, let's move in together.
553
00:20:19,470 --> 00:20:20,803
Phhhht!
Totally.
554
00:20:20,854 --> 00:20:22,605
- Really?
- Yeah.
555
00:20:22,640 --> 00:20:25,108
All right, no take-backs when
we sober up, little partner.
556
00:20:25,142 --> 00:20:28,394
No take-backs, partner.
[Laughing]
557
00:20:28,428 --> 00:20:29,395
We're cowboys.
558
00:20:29,429 --> 00:20:31,364
Great win, great night.
559
00:20:31,398 --> 00:20:33,616
Great year.
Hot wife.
560
00:20:34,051 --> 00:20:34,984
Jackpot.
561
00:20:35,035 --> 00:20:37,704
[Laughs]
562
00:20:37,738 --> 00:20:39,706
Good job, me.
563
00:20:39,740 --> 00:20:40,873
Oh, my God.
Babe.
564
00:20:40,908 --> 00:20:42,041
You know what?
565
00:20:42,076 --> 00:20:43,442
Almost everything
you wrote on that board
566
00:20:43,460 --> 00:20:45,244
as a dream job was
some type of police officer.
567
00:20:45,278 --> 00:20:47,747
Yeah.
You ready to go?
568
00:20:47,781 --> 00:20:48,998
No, listen to me.
569
00:20:49,049 --> 00:20:49,999
- Mm-hmm.
- How does this sound?
570
00:20:50,050 --> 00:20:52,970
"Officer Dwyer, Pawnee PD."
571
00:20:54,004 --> 00:20:56,172
Guys, we're going to JJ's
for victory waffles,
572
00:20:56,223 --> 00:20:57,590
and then we're staying up
all night
573
00:20:57,624 --> 00:20:59,092
talking about our lives
and our feelings.
574
00:20:59,126 --> 00:21:01,010
Nonnegotiable.
Let's go!
575
00:21:01,045 --> 00:21:03,429
City council, bitches!
576
00:21:03,463 --> 00:21:04,597
[Cheers and applause]
577
00:21:04,631 --> 00:21:07,684
- Jerry forgot to vote.
- Damn it, Jerry.
578
00:21:07,772 --> 00:21:13,723
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com