Good evening, ladies and gentlemen,
and welcome to tonight's program of boxing matches.
In this corner, for tonight's main event,
we have Steven Forbush,
and his opponent, Mrs. Steven Forbush.
As you know, these two are traditional rivals,
having met many times before for the middle-class championship of the world.
As you may have noticed, I am quite at home in the ring.
For me, boxing is very easy.
It's lifting my hand above my head after I've won that I find difficult.
It's much too strenuous.
But so much for the preliminaries. Now, for the main event.
Cindy?
I'm right here, darling.
Why the hat?
Oh, for laughs, mostly.
Arnold rented a little sailing boat from a high school boy.
Hardly bigger than a tub for two.
That's very cute.
Ever occur to you Arnold's no high school boy?
Really, Dave. Arnold's been very thoughtful and kind.
I know. Never mind the stupid things I say.
Have a nice sail.
Bye-bye, darling. Bye.
Cindy? Yes?
You'll be back for dinner? Of course.
I can't see you. Oh, I'm sorry.
I was just wondering. You know how...
You know how dull it gets here nights.
You wanna ask Arnold back?
For dinner?
Yeah, beachcombers have to eat, don't they?
Besides, I think the guy's got charm.
He has his fair share, if you must know.
I'll ask him. I think he'll be pleased.
Fix the mirror. Yes, sir.
Wait a minute. That's fine. Very good.
Not many sailing today.
No, not many sailing.
Mr. Ramey?
I was wondering if this might be a good time to take you out of the respirator.
Why?
Well, we managed seven minutes so easily yesterday.
Dr. Fabray told me on the phone we could increase it to eight or nine.
I'm not interested now.
Rather watch the boats.
Of course, Mr. Ramey.
I used to be pretty good with boats.
I was pretty good with women, too.
Well, come here, Lilacs.
You talking to me? Yeah, you.
You're shaking like a dollar tambourine.
Well, I'm cold. Give me the towel. The towel!
Yeah, I know.
Oh, that's better.
I've seen more cover on a loaf of bread.
Funny, aren't you? Yeah, I would be, but I haven't got time.
So?
Dave, dear...
This is no time for an interview.
But people are waiting for us back on the boat. Who owns the boat?
You do.
Well, there's your answer.
What?
Because when you own the boat, you pay for the liquor,
and you're the last guy anybody wants around. That make sense to you?
Mmm-hmm, I suppose so.
What are you going to buy next? You.
That surprise you? I don't suppose so either.
You gonna marry me and all that?
Yeah, I mean to marry you and all that.
Hey.
You never talked about marrying me before.
Well, excuse me for bringing it up now.
You know, Dave, you're taking a frightful chance.
I'm used to it.
It's the same as betting on horses or buying a block of real estate.
Well, Dave, no one ever owned me completely.
Well, I don't own Florida either.
Just a fair percentage.
I was a mug five years ago.
So what makes you think you've changed?
You.
And $6 million in the bank.
How is that, Mr. Ramey?
It's fine and dandy. Great.
Oh, Mr. Ramey. Yeah?
Mrs. Ramey mentioned that I might have this evening off.
That is, if it's all right with you.
Nobody asked me. I see.
Well, Mrs. Ramey said she'd be here herself,
but, naturally, if you want me to, I'll stay.
No, it's perfectly all right, Ms. Collins.
Dave, darling, it was so nice of you to have Max have everything set up.
It just looks lovely.
We stopped by the kitchen and the herring's marvelous.
Glad you liked it.
It was nice of you to ask me, Dave.
Nice of you to come.
Things get pretty dull here, nights.
How was the sailing?
It was fun.
Not much of a boat,
but I will say this, your wife certainly knows her way around.
Around what?
Why, around boats, of course.
I'll laugh later, show you how jolly I can get.
Arnold, would you please make Dave a martini? Double-dry.
Double-dry.
What's wrong, dear?
Nothing wrong, everything's as gay as bluebirds.
I hear you gave Ms. Collins a night off.
Well, I thought she deserved it.
You don't mind, do you, dear?
No.
I don't mind a bit. It's nice for Ms. Collins.
Nice for Arnold and nice for everybody.
I was hoping to get the 6:27 bus to town, Mrs. Ramey.
There's one at midnight that will bring me back.
Of course, Ms. Collins.
Arnold, would you mind driving Ms. Collins to the bus?
Please, if it's any bother... No bother at all.
I have to stop at my house anyway to change my clothes.
Just let me remind you, Ms. Collins,
there's a crooked bingo game at the firehouse
and everything costs a nickel at the penny arcade.
After that, you're on your own.
I usually find my way around, Mr. Barrett, but I'll be careful.
He's a gay one, isn't he?
Arnold?
I wasn't talking about the Prince of Monaco.
No, I guess you weren't.
But he does make a wonderful martini.
Yeah.
How many have you had already?
Four or five.
Where? His place?
A martini's a martini. Does it make any difference where it's consumed?
How long has he had that cottage?
Four or five weeks. I don't know. Here, try this.
Has he got any money?
$4.60.
Told me that this afternoon. Here.
But he's got prospects.
Yeah, I know.
I hope it'll be painless.
Painless?
However you planned it for tonight.
The killing, I mean.
When did you first suspect?
Not a matter of suspecting. It's simple logic.
I figured the odds, knowing the way your mind works.
Do you have to be so clinical about it?
You wouldn't think I enjoy having to do it.
You want one of your own this time? Or shall we share the glass again?
Cindy?
Cindy!
Is it happening now?
Is this the time?
Of course not, darling. I wouldn't be that clumsy or cruel.
Turn it back on.
What are you doing now?
Nothing more than the doctor prescribed.
Ms. Collins said you could be out with perfect safety for 10 minutes.
It's 6:50.
That's much better, isn't it? We can talk more comfortably.
You're taking it very well, darling, honest you are.
Wasn't my fault this horrible thing had to hit you.
Hmm?
Well, was it?
No, it's not your fault, Cindy.
We had a few good years.
You bet we did.
They were fine, Dave.
Really fine.
Too tough for you now, though.
Too tough the way things stand?
Dave, let's not kid ourselves.
You're more dead than alive.
And you know me.
I was never meant for those nobler forms of solitaire.
Arnold can fix that, huh?
What difference does it make if it's Arnold?
If it's the mailman?
Or somebody's Uncle Joe?
What can you be there?
You lying there day in and day out,
like an airtight pound of coffee
in a can.
Well?
Thanks.
You put it so sweetly.
I'm not being mean.
Only practical.
Seriously, Dave,
remembering how you used to be,
fighting and forcing your way up from the shadier side of things
to the legitimate power you managed to attain.
Seeing you now, I think you'd want to die.
I'm sorry, Cindy.
I'm not that cooperative.
Could it be any worse than this?
It's bad enough, but it's not that bad.
I'll hang on to what I can keep.
What can you keep? Plenty.
My mind's not paralyzed.
I can think.
I can read with help.
I can count my money without any help.
I haven't figured out yet why a man with $6 million would want to die.
Not when he had to fight for it the way I did.
I can't stand all this moralizing.
Put me back in the lung.
Seriously, Dave,
I wonder if you know how unfair this whole thing is to me.
Really.
Just try to see my point of view.
I gave as much of myself to you
as I could possibly give to anyone.
And it was wonderful. It was great.
I'm admitting that.
It gets hot in here.
Now to get back to what I was saying.
What else is there left for me to do?
You mean, short of murder?
I wish you wouldn't use that word right out.
I couldn't up and divorce you, heavens knows.
First thing anybody would say, "Look at her.
"Man's lying there flat on his back and she runs off as gaily as you please.
"What kind of woman is she?"
Now, they do have those reactions.
Isn't that true?
Just put me back in the lung.
I told you, darling, it would not be now.
Where's Arnold?
He went to change his clothes
after taking Ms. Collins to the bus.
You depend on him a lot, don't you?
Let's not talk about Arnold.
I thought you liked him so much.
Well?
I adore him, if you must know.
Sit down.
I don't want to sit down. I feel steadier standing.
Come back here, you hear me?
I'll be back in just a minute.
I feel like a mess and I must look like one, too.
Cindy.
No need to be upset, darling.
Put me back.
You're half drunk.
I'm two thirds and I'm doing better all the time.
Just put me back in the lung.
Just like I said, darling.
Cindy.
Hmm?
Oh, of course, darling.
How many drinks did you have?
I've been under a strain, Arnold.
He knows. I just told him. All right.
He knows! All right.
Did you have anything to eat?
Now, how could I be expected to eat and drink at the same time?
What you need is some air.
We could still go for a swim, couldn't we?
A what?
A swim, I said. Sober you up, and then have some dinner.
I'd like that, Arnold. You're just so calm and dependable.
That's what all the girls say, Cindy.
They say it's nice to know they're dealing with an old dependable firm.
Oh, I hope you don't think it too cheeky of me, old boy,
but I'll have to borrow your trunks.
How'd it go?
It's all over, Dave.
They'll find her body tomorrow with the early change of tide.
You sure?
I checked the currents, just the way you told me to.
It was a nice, clean job.
No pain?
No pain at all.
Well, thanks, Arnold. You were always good at these things.
Best in the trade.
Just like old times, huh, Dave?
I'm glad you came when you got my call.
You'll get your dough in a couple of weeks.
Fifty grand.
Fair enough.
Now, I think I'll have that drink.
Arnold.
She make you any better offers?
Well, I can't say I wasn't tempted, Dave,
but as you might have heard me tell her earlier,
I'm an old reliable firm.
And as Cindy's body slowly sinks into the bay,
we take leave of the lovely seaside setting for our story.
Of course, as it must to all men,
the law caught up with Arnold and Dave.
As for our boxing match,
it turned out to be the shortest fight on record.
They met in the center of the ring,
and it was over faster than you could say,
"Who was that lady I seen you with last night?"
I think this should be a lesson to all of us.
Next time, we shall be back with another story.
Until then, good night.