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00:00:49,160 --> 00:00:50,613
D'oh!
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00:01:28,100 --> 00:01:31,300
♪ The Simpsons 23x21 ♪
Ned 'n' Edna's Blend
Original Air Date on May 7, 2012
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00:01:31,301 --> 00:01:34,601
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther
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00:01:43,870 --> 00:01:45,769
Okay, people, we are trying
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00:01:45,792 --> 00:01:47,426
to depict
the sizzling final days
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of the Nathan Lane of
the New Testament, Jesus Christ.
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00:01:50,330 --> 00:01:51,955
Now remember, this is
the Passion Play,
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not The Phone It In Play.
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00:01:53,417 --> 00:01:56,102
Not the I Once Had Three Shows
on Broadway Simultaneously
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00:01:56,153 --> 00:01:58,921
But I Blew All My Money on Coke
and Now Here I Am Play,
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00:01:58,989 --> 00:02:00,189
so let's do this thing!
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Hi. My name is
Milhouse Van Houten,
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and I am auditioning for
the role of Child Who Points.
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Yeah, okay, point stage left.
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I prepared right!
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Well, I better get going.
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00:02:12,319 --> 00:02:14,420
This is starting to feel
a little churchy.
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00:02:14,488 --> 00:02:16,422
Why do we have to audition
for the stupid play,
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00:02:16,490 --> 00:02:17,590
and Dad gets to leave?
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00:02:17,658 --> 00:02:19,208
I already have my part.
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Man Who Buys Ticket,
But Doesn't Show Up.
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00:02:21,411 --> 00:02:24,563
Also, the Passion Play
isn't stupid.
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It's the greatest story
ever told.
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Maybe it was once,
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but now there's
lots of better stories.
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00:02:30,570 --> 00:02:31,837
Krusty vs. the F.D.A.
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00:02:31,905 --> 00:02:34,774
Game Six of
the 2011 World Series.
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00:02:34,841 --> 00:02:37,510
Hitler mashups!
And Lenny's story about Cancun.
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00:02:37,577 --> 00:02:39,745
Yeah, why aren't we
doing Lenny's story?
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00:02:39,813 --> 00:02:41,247
That thing's hilarious.
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00:02:41,314 --> 00:02:42,732
Not so hilarious for me.
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00:02:42,799 --> 00:02:43,899
I nearly lost a toe.
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00:02:43,967 --> 00:02:45,234
That's what you get
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00:02:45,318 --> 00:02:46,986
for having a monkey
give you a foot massage.
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My bucket list is my business.
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Next audition!
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Ah-ha-ha. Name's Ned Flanders.
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Credits include Jesus
in the Passion Play last year,
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Jesus in the Passion Play
the year before that,
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Jesus, Jesus, a kindly hobo
who turns out to be--
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you guessed it-- Saint Peter...
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to my two assistants here.
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You will be
a non-speaking Pharisee.
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But-but-but...
Jesus didn't stammer!
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His voice hit the back
of the theater!
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He was a god who
turned water into wine
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and did not wear shoes.
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Ooh!
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00:03:15,482 --> 00:03:16,982
He said simple things
that many followed.
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Just like me on Twitter!
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00:03:20,821 --> 00:03:23,122
And he was tragically killed
while still in his 30s...
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D'oh!
...after an all-night dinner.
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Woo-hoo!
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I'm your Jesus! Me!
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Boom. Done.
This guy's perfect!
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You understand why God
would have forsaken him.
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00:03:33,617 --> 00:03:35,584
Well, congratulations, Homer.
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00:03:35,669 --> 00:03:37,620
I guess this is just
my cross to bear.
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What's that a reference to?
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Oh!
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Ooh, nice and roomy.
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Our Lord sure knew
how to keep 'em cool.
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Dad?
Yes, sweetie?
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First of all,
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00:03:48,165 --> 00:03:49,932
congratulations on
getting the lead.
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Whee! Whee!
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00:03:53,737 --> 00:03:55,721
I just hope you're going
to take this seriously.
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00:03:55,789 --> 00:03:56,989
Oh, yes, Lisa.
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Very seriously. Whee!
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Dad, the story of the Passion
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is the cornerstone
of the Christian faith.
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00:04:02,863 --> 00:04:04,447
And although I personally follow
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00:04:04,514 --> 00:04:06,248
the enlightened teachings
of Lord Buddha,
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00:04:06,316 --> 00:04:09,001
messing with Jesus
really gets people mad.
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00:04:09,069 --> 00:04:11,053
It's like wearing
a Florida State jersey
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00:04:11,121 --> 00:04:12,321
to a Florida game.
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00:04:13,406 --> 00:04:15,174
O Lord, why have you placed
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00:04:15,242 --> 00:04:17,376
this fearsome burden
on my shoulders?
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It'll be fine.
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Just learn your lines.
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Does Jesus have a big part
in this thing?
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He's in every scene.
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What?
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00:04:28,138 --> 00:04:31,907
Why do I succeed at everything
I audition for?
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00:04:34,561 --> 00:04:36,712
Dear Lord, I know you see all,
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00:04:36,780 --> 00:04:39,465
but trust me,
You do not want to see this.
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00:04:40,934 --> 00:04:44,837
And so our Lord was brought
before Pontius Pilate.
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What's he in for?
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He calls himself
"King of the Jews."
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Oh, boy.
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Okay, be straight with me.
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00:04:51,695 --> 00:04:54,113
You can probably plead this
down to crucifixion.
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Do you call yourself
King of the Jews?
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Thou sayest it.
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He's good.
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00:05:01,154 --> 00:05:03,689
Wow, I'm so moved
I renounce science,
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00:05:03,757 --> 00:05:05,424
with the facts,
and the peer reviews,
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00:05:05,491 --> 00:05:08,210
and the hypotheses
tested by evidence.
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00:05:08,278 --> 00:05:10,813
What shall I do then with Jesus,
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which is called Christ?
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00:05:12,949 --> 00:05:14,550
Crucify him!
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00:05:14,618 --> 00:05:16,385
They cannot judge me.
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Only my father can judge me.
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Crucify him!
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I'll take you with me, old man!
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00:05:22,759 --> 00:05:25,194
Jesus was handed a heavy cross,
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00:05:25,262 --> 00:05:27,963
and upon his brow
was placed a crown...
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Ooh!
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Of thorns.
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00:05:30,600 --> 00:05:31,634
What the...?
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00:05:37,707 --> 00:05:39,475
Daughters of Jerusalem!
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00:05:39,543 --> 00:05:41,744
Weep not for me,
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00:05:41,811 --> 00:05:43,679
but weep for yourselves.
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00:05:43,747 --> 00:05:46,882
You know, Homer's giving it
the old Bible-college try.
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00:05:46,967 --> 00:05:50,069
Maybe I should've dialed down
the Doubting Thomas.
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Silence, Pharisee!
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00:06:01,731 --> 00:06:05,668
Looks like someone didn't
follow the underwear rule!
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00:06:06,920 --> 00:06:10,256
This man is totally
the Son of God.
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Tonight you shall be
at my right hand in heaven.
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All right!
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It pays to network
at these things.
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Jesus cried again
with a loud voice
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and yielded up his spirit.
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Lord, forgive me for my pride.
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All wise as always, you have
rightly raised Homer above me.
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Never again will I question...
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Out of my way, stupid Flanders!
Ow!
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Ah, I knew we should've done
Spamalot.
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I'm not licked.
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I'll just make them
think this was planned.
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♪ Who's to say ♪
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♪ This didn't happen ♪
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♪ Who's to say ♪
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♪ And curtain! ♪
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Diddily...
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00:07:01,491 --> 00:07:02,458
doodily...
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00:07:02,542 --> 00:07:04,093
No atheist blood, please.
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Sorry, ma'am, only members of
the immediate family allowed in.
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It's okay.
She's my wife.
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Ned and Edna, married?
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That's right. Ha!
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Wow!
Oh, my goodness.
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00:07:16,423 --> 00:07:17,823
Hey, Dad.
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00:07:17,891 --> 00:07:19,992
You remember when you said
if Flanders got remarried
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00:07:20,060 --> 00:07:21,126
you'd eat your hat?
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Uh-oh.
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00:07:25,298 --> 00:07:27,166
Ooh, licorice!
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00:07:28,668 --> 00:07:31,270
Mmm, historically inaccurate.
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00:07:36,303 --> 00:07:39,439
Well, it was nice having a
secret marriage while it lasted.
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Well, sir, now we'll
have an open marriage!
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Um...
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00:07:43,310 --> 00:07:45,344
you do know what that means?
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00:07:45,412 --> 00:07:48,398
No, but I'm sure Newt Gingrich
wouldn't steer us wrong.
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At least in the hospital
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00:07:49,800 --> 00:07:52,368
we can just enjoy a nice,
quiet moment together.
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Congratulations, you two!
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We're so, so happy for you.
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00:08:01,829 --> 00:08:03,763
Welcome to marriage.
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Another good man
bites the dust.
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Homer!
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00:08:08,469 --> 00:08:09,519
I'm talking about this guy!
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Oh, I sure envy him.
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Homer!
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00:08:15,292 --> 00:08:16,692
I mean, I envy Flanders,
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00:08:16,760 --> 00:08:18,795
once again enjoying
the joys of marriage.
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Let's put it to
a vote, America.
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00:08:20,514 --> 00:08:22,181
Enough with the voting.
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Ned, Edna,
why didn't you tell us?
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00:08:24,551 --> 00:08:26,052
'Cause everyone in this town
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makes such a big heckabaloo
out of everything.
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Nedding bells are ringing.
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00:08:29,640 --> 00:08:32,375
See what happens
when Teachy met Preachy
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on Channel 6,
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your source for news-based puns.
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00:08:36,480 --> 00:08:38,881
I was just down the hall
getting some very bad news,
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00:08:38,949 --> 00:08:40,716
and I saw there was
a party going on.
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00:08:40,784 --> 00:08:42,735
Congratulations from the Mayor.
Vote Quimby.
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00:08:42,803 --> 00:08:45,371
Many happy returns!
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00:08:45,422 --> 00:08:46,989
Hope you're both happy.
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00:08:47,057 --> 00:08:49,058
Edna, as the runner-up
in the race for your heart,
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00:08:49,126 --> 00:08:51,060
I would like to make a toast.
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00:08:51,128 --> 00:08:53,713
My Dearest, let me be
the first to offer you
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00:08:53,781 --> 00:08:56,182
the hearty handshake
that would've climaxed
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00:08:56,250 --> 00:08:57,850
our own wedding day...
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00:08:57,918 --> 00:09:01,387
Seymour, did you use my wig glue
to patch your shoes again?
188
00:09:01,438 --> 00:09:04,157
I tied them together
with used dental floss,
189
00:09:04,224 --> 00:09:05,408
as per your memo!
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00:09:05,476 --> 00:09:07,310
Everybody out. Now!
191
00:09:10,447 --> 00:09:12,782
Not you.
Mmm.
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00:09:14,418 --> 00:09:17,653
O Lord, please bless
our blended family.
193
00:09:17,721 --> 00:09:20,523
And thank you
for "cigarette mommy."
194
00:09:20,591 --> 00:09:22,325
Oh, honey, please don't
call me that.
195
00:09:22,392 --> 00:09:24,327
Okay, "do-over mommy."
196
00:09:24,394 --> 00:09:26,612
Boys, you will please
call your new mother
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00:09:26,680 --> 00:09:28,431
whatever she feels
comfortable with.
198
00:09:28,499 --> 00:09:29,499
How about "Edna?"
199
00:09:29,566 --> 00:09:31,167
It's disrespectful
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to call a grown-up
by their first name.
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00:09:33,070 --> 00:09:34,403
Yo, Homer,
202
00:09:34,471 --> 00:09:36,739
Mom says get your fat ass
over to the Flanders'.
203
00:09:36,807 --> 00:09:38,808
Bart! Don't call me that!
204
00:09:38,876 --> 00:09:40,977
Which one?
"Homer" or "fat ass"?
205
00:09:41,044 --> 00:09:42,311
Why, you little...
206
00:09:42,379 --> 00:09:45,815
They're both bad, and
I suspect you know it!
207
00:09:45,883 --> 00:09:49,018
Get your hands off of me,
you fat ass!
208
00:09:51,088 --> 00:09:52,355
Ned, Edna.
209
00:09:52,422 --> 00:09:54,357
We just want to apologize...
210
00:09:54,424 --> 00:09:55,941
for the commotion in your room.
211
00:09:55,993 --> 00:09:58,661
People here do not
respect boundaries.
212
00:09:58,745 --> 00:10:00,997
Homer, did you just buckle
your belt through my loop?
213
00:10:01,782 --> 00:10:03,249
Sorry.
214
00:10:03,317 --> 00:10:05,751
Well, we're here to offer
to throw you a little party
215
00:10:05,819 --> 00:10:06,886
in your honor.
216
00:10:06,954 --> 00:10:08,287
A little party might be fun.
217
00:10:08,355 --> 00:10:10,957
The only guests at our wedding
were Ned's parents.
218
00:10:11,024 --> 00:10:12,992
Look at those squares,
219
00:10:13,060 --> 00:10:14,727
makin' it nice and legal.
220
00:10:14,795 --> 00:10:16,796
We didn't need a piece of paper!
221
00:10:16,864 --> 00:10:18,664
We had a paper, Nedward.
222
00:10:18,732 --> 00:10:20,867
We just rolled it
and smoked it.
223
00:10:20,934 --> 00:10:22,168
Oh, yeah.
224
00:10:22,236 --> 00:10:24,837
We got high-diddily-high
on that reeferino.
225
00:10:24,905 --> 00:10:27,240
Less news from the pews.
226
00:10:27,307 --> 00:10:28,407
Okay, Simpsons.
227
00:10:28,475 --> 00:10:29,909
Well, call me
a cock-eyed optimist
228
00:10:29,977 --> 00:10:32,645
'cause I think some sort
of celebration party
229
00:10:32,713 --> 00:10:33,813
might possibly be fun!
230
00:10:33,881 --> 00:10:34,981
Great!
231
00:10:35,048 --> 00:10:36,349
We'll take care of everything.
232
00:10:36,416 --> 00:10:38,484
We'll just need to
borrow your punch bowl,
233
00:10:38,552 --> 00:10:40,820
17 chairs,
your portable dance floor,
234
00:10:40,888 --> 00:10:42,755
your banner printer,
banner ink,
235
00:10:42,823 --> 00:10:45,291
and a ream of blank banners.
236
00:10:47,127 --> 00:10:48,961
Okay, there's no school;
237
00:10:49,029 --> 00:10:50,162
Your dad's at work;
238
00:10:50,230 --> 00:10:51,831
And it's really coming down.
239
00:10:51,899 --> 00:10:53,099
Anyone for Scrabble?
240
00:10:53,166 --> 00:10:55,568
Only God can make words.
241
00:10:55,636 --> 00:10:57,503
Right, right. Yahtzee?
242
00:10:57,571 --> 00:10:59,272
Dice are Satan's bones.
243
00:10:59,339 --> 00:11:00,907
What the hey, Mrs. K?
244
00:11:00,974 --> 00:11:02,642
Thank God, a real kid.
245
00:11:02,709 --> 00:11:04,510
You want my advice
on dealing with the Hardly Boys?
246
00:11:04,578 --> 00:11:05,878
Why do you care?
247
00:11:05,946 --> 00:11:08,648
I don't. I'm just bored
watching worms drown.
248
00:11:08,715 --> 00:11:10,116
Okay, what do you got?
249
00:11:10,183 --> 00:11:13,586
Well, what you got to do
is get them into the real world.
250
00:11:13,654 --> 00:11:14,887
Skipping is cool!
251
00:11:14,955 --> 00:11:16,055
Especially when
252
00:11:16,123 --> 00:11:17,890
you're holding hands
with your brother.
253
00:11:17,958 --> 00:11:20,092
If you don't act now,
when they grow up,
254
00:11:20,160 --> 00:11:21,494
people like me are gonna take
255
00:11:21,561 --> 00:11:23,312
all their money
and girlfriends.
256
00:11:23,380 --> 00:11:25,448
Oh, come on. They're
not that hopeless.
257
00:11:25,515 --> 00:11:27,450
I'm doing it!
I'm doing it!
258
00:11:32,089 --> 00:11:34,890
This is my third-favorite
wedding supply store.
259
00:11:34,958 --> 00:11:36,659
Whoo! Look at these.
260
00:11:36,727 --> 00:11:38,027
"Extreme weddings.
261
00:11:38,095 --> 00:11:39,228
"Triathlon...
262
00:11:39,296 --> 00:11:40,529
"Zero-G...
263
00:11:40,597 --> 00:11:43,149
Tie the knot
at the top of Mount Everest"?
264
00:11:48,171 --> 00:11:49,538
It's extreme enough for me
265
00:11:49,606 --> 00:11:52,642
when they smear the wedding cake
on each other's faces.
266
00:11:52,709 --> 00:11:54,660
So, Marge, the rumors are true.
267
00:11:54,728 --> 00:11:56,329
Why did you get
to throw a party
268
00:11:56,396 --> 00:11:58,564
for Ned and Edna and not me?
269
00:11:58,632 --> 00:12:01,701
Well, you're all invited so you
can make your snippy comments
270
00:12:01,752 --> 00:12:03,869
while you eat
my hors d'oeuvres.
271
00:12:03,920 --> 00:12:06,505
Snippy? How can you say that
in those shoes?
272
00:12:08,125 --> 00:12:09,959
They have Itchy and Scratchy
weddings?
273
00:12:21,438 --> 00:12:23,022
Ready to go home, Ned?
274
00:12:23,090 --> 00:12:24,824
I'm sorry, honey, but I'm
stuck in this meeting
275
00:12:24,891 --> 00:12:26,492
of the Springfield LGBT.
276
00:12:26,560 --> 00:12:28,944
The left-gifted
bidextrous
277
00:12:29,012 --> 00:12:30,112
and transhanded community.
278
00:12:30,180 --> 00:12:31,947
We're trying to decide
on the theme
279
00:12:32,015 --> 00:12:33,449
for our Left is Right parade.
280
00:12:33,533 --> 00:12:35,434
"Ourcissors, Ourselves."
281
00:12:35,485 --> 00:12:36,602
How about, "Death to Righties"?
282
00:12:36,653 --> 00:12:38,504
We have to live among them.
283
00:12:38,572 --> 00:12:40,256
To live among them is to die.
284
00:12:41,625 --> 00:12:43,442
Oh, this could go late.
285
00:12:43,493 --> 00:12:45,294
We haven't even ordered
pizzas and pop yet.
286
00:12:45,379 --> 00:12:47,112
Could you handle Rod and Todd's
287
00:12:47,164 --> 00:12:48,631
parent-teacher
conference for me?
288
00:12:48,699 --> 00:12:50,483
Sure, I'd love
to be the parent for once.
289
00:12:50,550 --> 00:12:52,218
Now I can bring a latte
290
00:12:52,285 --> 00:12:53,786
and leave the cup
on the desk. Ha!
291
00:12:55,122 --> 00:12:59,158
Sorry. I'm still
a pre-op transhander.
292
00:12:59,226 --> 00:13:01,060
Well, I must say at this school
293
00:13:01,128 --> 00:13:03,462
we've never seen
a step-parent before.
294
00:13:03,530 --> 00:13:05,798
Look, I'm a chalk jockey, too,
295
00:13:05,849 --> 00:13:07,283
so don't slap ketchup on bread
296
00:13:07,351 --> 00:13:09,151
and tell me it's Pizza Friday.
297
00:13:09,219 --> 00:13:11,404
You teach with that mouth?
298
00:13:11,471 --> 00:13:14,740
Yes. I teach at
Springfield Elementary,
299
00:13:14,808 --> 00:13:15,975
and we believe that...
300
00:13:16,043 --> 00:13:17,410
Public school?
301
00:13:17,477 --> 00:13:19,762
Well, I'll be a monkey's
unrelated creature.
302
00:13:19,830 --> 00:13:22,898
Well, we'll fit you
into our school prayers.
303
00:13:22,966 --> 00:13:24,934
You do have science
here, right?
304
00:13:25,001 --> 00:13:27,520
We sure do.
305
00:13:27,587 --> 00:13:29,939
Behold advanced astronomy.
306
00:13:31,675 --> 00:13:33,976
You pulled the boys
out of school?
307
00:13:34,044 --> 00:13:36,145
Ned, I know I should have
consulted you,
308
00:13:36,213 --> 00:13:38,013
but that school is
beneath them.
309
00:13:38,081 --> 00:13:40,182
Take my word as a teacher
of 15 years.
310
00:13:40,250 --> 00:13:41,884
Well, sir, when we got married,
311
00:13:41,952 --> 00:13:43,853
I knew I'd find some spices
in my chili.
312
00:13:43,920 --> 00:13:46,922
I guess they can go
to Springfield Hellementary.
313
00:13:46,990 --> 00:13:48,557
Oh!
Mm-hmm.
314
00:14:00,931 --> 00:14:03,033
Why are we here, Neddy?
315
00:14:03,073 --> 00:14:04,932
Well, first of all,
I think talking dogs
316
00:14:04,954 --> 00:14:06,290
are the spawn of the devil.
Yeah, but...
317
00:14:06,305 --> 00:14:07,532
Secondly, we're watching
318
00:14:07,561 --> 00:14:09,705
my little Toddy
graduate from college.
319
00:14:09,747 --> 00:14:13,233
Oh, now aren't you glad
you let Edna take charge
320
00:14:13,256 --> 00:14:14,749
of the boys' education?
321
00:14:14,784 --> 00:14:16,749
Yep, it's lucky
she's not in my taxes
322
00:14:16,770 --> 00:14:18,404
'cause I underestimated her.
323
00:14:18,425 --> 00:14:19,458
Wait a minute.
324
00:14:19,472 --> 00:14:20,723
Liberal professors,
325
00:14:20,757 --> 00:14:22,124
feminist workshops,
326
00:14:22,192 --> 00:14:23,626
abstract sculptures.
327
00:14:23,693 --> 00:14:25,638
This isn't a Midwestern
Bible college.
328
00:14:25,655 --> 00:14:28,523
This is an elite
East Coast university.
329
00:14:30,117 --> 00:14:31,350
It's okay, Daddy.
330
00:14:31,418 --> 00:14:33,486
I majored in religious studies.
331
00:14:33,553 --> 00:14:34,420
Whew!
332
00:14:34,488 --> 00:14:37,323
Comparative religious studies.
333
00:14:46,140 --> 00:14:47,673
Give me your keys!
334
00:14:47,741 --> 00:14:50,243
Maybe I'll just park it myself.
335
00:14:50,309 --> 00:14:53,329
Why are you parking yourself?
Why are you parking yourself?
336
00:14:53,406 --> 00:14:56,291
We haven't taken in
one car all day.
337
00:15:00,220 --> 00:15:02,388
You really put on
a great reception, Marge.
338
00:15:02,456 --> 00:15:04,090
It's like the happy flashback
339
00:15:04,158 --> 00:15:05,725
in a gritty cop thriller.
340
00:15:05,793 --> 00:15:10,129
Thank you.
Everyone's having a great time.
341
00:15:10,197 --> 00:15:11,264
Uh-oh.
342
00:15:12,299 --> 00:15:14,283
Helen, have a canapé.
343
00:15:14,351 --> 00:15:16,219
There's enough for everyone.
344
00:15:16,286 --> 00:15:18,488
But not too much.
345
00:15:21,525 --> 00:15:22,892
Yar...
346
00:15:22,960 --> 00:15:24,510
No weird hookups!
347
00:15:24,578 --> 00:15:26,212
Call me!
348
00:15:26,280 --> 00:15:27,713
I'm married to the sea,
349
00:15:27,781 --> 00:15:30,116
and I'm seeing two of
the Great Lakes on the side.
350
00:15:30,184 --> 00:15:31,367
I won't say which ones,
351
00:15:31,435 --> 00:15:35,021
but it's eerie
how superior they are.
352
00:15:36,757 --> 00:15:40,493
So how do the boys like
Springfield Elementary?
353
00:15:40,561 --> 00:15:42,328
Marge, it's wonderful.
354
00:15:42,396 --> 00:15:45,281
They're opening up,
they've seen a wider world.
355
00:15:45,349 --> 00:15:47,416
I wrote with a Flair pen.
356
00:15:47,484 --> 00:15:49,485
Well, that's just great, boys.
357
00:15:49,553 --> 00:15:52,388
Now come over here so
Mrs. Simpson can take a photo.
358
00:15:52,456 --> 00:15:54,824
Make sure our temporary tats
are in the picture.
359
00:15:54,892 --> 00:15:57,176
Mine's a sassy princess
who speaks her mind.
360
00:15:57,244 --> 00:15:58,277
Oh!
361
00:15:58,345 --> 00:16:00,062
Mine's a duck with no pants.
362
00:16:00,130 --> 00:16:01,747
What if we were
raptured right now?
363
00:16:01,815 --> 00:16:04,183
Ned, I said it was okay.
364
00:16:04,268 --> 00:16:06,018
Yeah, chillax, Daddy.
365
00:16:06,086 --> 00:16:08,154
Chillax? Young man
in the Flanders' house
366
00:16:08,222 --> 00:16:09,689
we speak the King's diddily.
367
00:16:09,756 --> 00:16:10,923
Time for cake!
368
00:16:10,991 --> 00:16:12,725
Let's finish this sucker up.
369
00:16:12,793 --> 00:16:15,428
You get my boys tattoos,
you change their school,
370
00:16:15,496 --> 00:16:19,065
you buy Rod sneakers that light
up like Times Square.
371
00:16:19,133 --> 00:16:20,833
Shoes are shoes
and lights are lights.
372
00:16:20,901 --> 00:16:22,768
Now just when do I get a say
373
00:16:22,836 --> 00:16:24,003
in how my boys are raised?!
374
00:16:24,071 --> 00:16:25,888
This marriage isn't perfect!
375
00:16:27,608 --> 00:16:29,542
No video! Party over!
376
00:16:29,626 --> 00:16:31,727
Cake!
377
00:16:31,795 --> 00:16:33,229
Too late, Marge.
378
00:16:33,297 --> 00:16:35,381
Mm!
379
00:16:35,449 --> 00:16:38,117
Ned, these boys trust me
to be their mother.
380
00:16:38,185 --> 00:16:40,520
You'd better decide
whether you do.
381
00:16:44,408 --> 00:16:46,509
And that's that.
Another story in the classic,
382
00:16:46,577 --> 00:16:48,544
infallible three-act
structure.
383
00:16:48,612 --> 00:16:49,812
Good enough for Aristotle,
384
00:16:49,880 --> 00:16:51,180
good enough for the Simpsons.
385
00:16:51,248 --> 00:16:53,282
Mr. Syzslak, I have
a feeling
386
00:16:53,350 --> 00:16:55,484
there's gonna be one more act
to this story.
387
00:16:55,552 --> 00:16:57,186
Well, I'm not hanging
around for that.
388
00:16:57,269 --> 00:16:58,379
Four acts...
389
00:17:03,468 --> 00:17:05,211
Ned, how did you sleep?
390
00:17:05,228 --> 00:17:06,279
Fine, I guess.
391
00:17:06,297 --> 00:17:07,764
Thanks for loaning me
your pajamas, Homer.
392
00:17:07,832 --> 00:17:11,317
And Marge, thank you for those
helpful chip bag clips.
393
00:17:14,488 --> 00:17:16,227
I just felt so ashamed,
394
00:17:16,249 --> 00:17:17,415
I couldn't go home.
395
00:17:17,475 --> 00:17:19,576
Yesterday
I gave in to the one thing
396
00:17:19,643 --> 00:17:24,180
I vowed I would never have
strong feeling.
397
00:17:24,248 --> 00:17:26,683
Here's your lunches...
with some cake.
398
00:17:26,750 --> 00:17:30,353
You'll be having cake
for a long, long time.
399
00:17:30,421 --> 00:17:32,188
Bart, aren't you
gonna tell Mom and Dad
400
00:17:32,256 --> 00:17:33,690
about the problem you have?
401
00:17:33,757 --> 00:17:34,791
Shut up!
402
00:17:34,859 --> 00:17:36,559
I'm just saying
it won't get better
403
00:17:36,627 --> 00:17:38,294
unless you talk to an adult.
404
00:17:38,362 --> 00:17:40,029
Maggie knows how
to keep a secret.
405
00:17:40,097 --> 00:17:41,231
Why can't you?
406
00:17:43,751 --> 00:17:45,819
Bart, is there something
you want to tell us?
407
00:17:45,886 --> 00:17:47,287
Oh, Marge, let the kid have
408
00:17:47,354 --> 00:17:50,240
his embarrassing secrets
and lies.
409
00:17:50,324 --> 00:17:52,242
That is totally
irresponsible parenting.
410
00:17:52,326 --> 00:17:54,227
Not according to the Internet.
411
00:17:54,295 --> 00:17:55,812
Where on the Internet?
412
00:17:55,880 --> 00:17:59,215
I'm sure some idiot somewhere
agrees with me.
413
00:17:59,283 --> 00:18:00,967
Why would you believe him?
414
00:18:01,035 --> 00:18:03,236
Because his avatar
is Darth Maul,
415
00:18:03,304 --> 00:18:05,839
the second-coolest Darth.
416
00:18:05,906 --> 00:18:09,075
And what he says is true
because it's in all caps.
417
00:18:09,143 --> 00:18:10,944
Are you gonna argue with caps?
418
00:18:11,011 --> 00:18:12,362
Why does that make it right?
419
00:18:12,429 --> 00:18:15,331
He took the time to press
the shift key, Marge.
420
00:18:15,399 --> 00:18:17,417
I think he knows
what he's talking about.
421
00:18:17,484 --> 00:18:18,685
So after all this time together
422
00:18:18,752 --> 00:18:20,019
you two still haven't agreed
423
00:18:20,087 --> 00:18:21,554
on how to raise your kids?
424
00:18:21,622 --> 00:18:24,123
Ned, I realized long ago
there are some things
425
00:18:24,191 --> 00:18:27,360
Homer and I will never
completely agree on.
426
00:18:27,428 --> 00:18:29,362
Yeah, but we make sure
427
00:18:29,430 --> 00:18:31,164
never to go to bed hungry.
428
00:18:31,232 --> 00:18:32,198
It's "angry."
429
00:18:32,266 --> 00:18:34,100
Don't tell me
what our thing is!
430
00:18:34,168 --> 00:18:36,202
It's about not
agreeing on something.
431
00:18:36,270 --> 00:18:37,837
I've always said hungry!
432
00:18:37,905 --> 00:18:40,306
Bart, just tell us the problem.
433
00:18:42,610 --> 00:18:45,345
I'm keeping a dolphin
in my bathtub!
434
00:18:45,412 --> 00:18:47,714
I thought I heard
clicks and pops!
435
00:18:49,250 --> 00:18:50,884
Children, your test scores
are down
436
00:18:50,951 --> 00:18:52,518
because we've been having
so many assemblies,
437
00:18:52,586 --> 00:18:54,387
you haven't had time to study.
438
00:18:54,455 --> 00:18:56,088
This assembly will remedy that.
439
00:18:56,140 --> 00:18:57,240
We've invited
a few friends over
440
00:18:57,308 --> 00:18:59,930
to give you some musical cues.
441
00:19:01,652 --> 00:19:04,231
I'm Sally Scantron Sheet.
442
00:19:04,261 --> 00:19:05,454
And I'm Peter Pencil.
443
00:19:05,488 --> 00:19:07,155
Now, you didn't hear it
from us,
444
00:19:07,223 --> 00:19:09,925
but the answers
to the test are...
445
00:19:09,992 --> 00:19:13,969
♪ A, B, D, D, C, A, B... ♪
446
00:19:13,989 --> 00:19:15,864
Are you just giving
them the answers?
447
00:19:15,913 --> 00:19:17,547
They still have
to sign their names properly,
448
00:19:17,568 --> 00:19:19,550
so we're not totally
out of woods.
449
00:19:19,586 --> 00:19:21,654
Pause the assembly!
450
00:19:21,887 --> 00:19:23,741
I have to talk to my wife.
451
00:19:23,798 --> 00:19:24,564
Ned?
452
00:19:24,694 --> 00:19:25,703
My rival.
453
00:19:25,725 --> 00:19:26,803
Some rivalry.
454
00:19:26,873 --> 00:19:29,925
It's like Secretariat
versus a can of dog food.
455
00:19:29,993 --> 00:19:31,076
Edna, I'm sorry
456
00:19:31,144 --> 00:19:32,594
and I'll say it in front of God
457
00:19:32,662 --> 00:19:33,829
or groundskeeper Willie.
458
00:19:33,897 --> 00:19:35,230
Oh, Ned, I'm sorry, too.
459
00:19:35,298 --> 00:19:36,782
I overstepped your boundaries.
460
00:19:36,850 --> 00:19:40,636
I guess I never really truly
cared about children before.
461
00:19:41,671 --> 00:19:43,038
Oh, get over it.
462
00:19:43,106 --> 00:19:44,506
And Ned, I'll be exactly
463
00:19:44,574 --> 00:19:46,742
as much mom as you
want me to be.
464
00:19:46,810 --> 00:19:48,811
Hey, the Simpsons
make it up as they go along,
465
00:19:48,878 --> 00:19:50,829
and they're as happy
as a ribbon in a Bible.
466
00:19:50,897 --> 00:19:52,080
What do you say, sweetie?
467
00:19:52,148 --> 00:19:53,215
Ha!
468
00:19:53,283 --> 00:19:54,650
Mmm...
Mmm...
469
00:19:56,986 --> 00:19:59,354
Now in our 50th location
in Springfield.
470
00:19:59,422 --> 00:20:01,523
Sleazy Sam would like
to welcome our special
471
00:20:01,591 --> 00:20:05,544
grand-opening star,
Jesus.
472
00:20:05,612 --> 00:20:08,113
Welcome, money changers.
473
00:20:08,181 --> 00:20:09,581
You can trust Sleazy Sam
474
00:20:09,649 --> 00:20:14,319
for the best rates,
or my name isn't Jesus H...
475
00:20:14,387 --> 00:20:15,521
Ow!
476
00:20:15,588 --> 00:20:17,089
Are you gonna do that
477
00:20:17,157 --> 00:20:19,074
every time I open one of these?
478
00:20:19,142 --> 00:20:23,142
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther
479
00:20:24,681 --> 00:20:26,782
♪ Hens love roosters,
geese love ganders ♪
480
00:20:26,850 --> 00:20:29,413
♪ Everyone else loves
Ned Flanders ♪
481
00:20:30,226 --> 00:20:32,725
♪ My mustache is bristly,
my letters are epistly ♪
482
00:20:32,756 --> 00:20:34,256
♪ And I don't want
to mislead you ♪
483
00:20:34,324 --> 00:20:36,002
♪ I like to hug and kissly ♪
Ha!
484
00:20:36,038 --> 00:20:38,291
♪ First base, yo,
I like Christian rap ♪
485
00:20:38,328 --> 00:20:39,829
♪ A Bible on my lap ♪
486
00:20:39,896 --> 00:20:41,497
♪ Will you stop
this stupid crap? ♪
487
00:20:41,565 --> 00:20:42,901
♪ I want to take a nap. ♪
488
00:20:42,948 --> 00:20:44,115
Okely-dokely.
489
00:21:04,824 --> 00:21:06,692
Shh!