1 00:00:01,275 --> 00:00:03,830 Pierce, you made us all drive to a warehouse 2 00:00:03,831 --> 00:00:05,252 in the middle of nowhere. 3 00:00:05,253 --> 00:00:06,420 You could at least tell us why. 4 00:00:06,421 --> 00:00:07,405 Hey, I know as much as you. 5 00:00:07,406 --> 00:00:08,639 I got a letter 6 00:00:08,640 --> 00:00:10,257 from the executor of my father's estate. 7 00:00:10,258 --> 00:00:12,259 It said to come out here with my seven closest friends. 8 00:00:12,260 --> 00:00:13,477 You brought six. 9 00:00:13,478 --> 00:00:14,729 Well, who else was he gonna bring? 10 00:00:14,730 --> 00:00:16,063 Levar Burton was a maybe. 11 00:00:16,064 --> 00:00:17,481 Mr. Hawthorne. [All gasp] 12 00:00:17,482 --> 00:00:19,100 I apologize. Gilbert. 13 00:00:19,101 --> 00:00:21,185 Even from the grave, my father's got you 14 00:00:21,186 --> 00:00:23,470 by the short and curly salt and pepperies. 15 00:00:23,471 --> 00:00:25,773 My name is Gilbert Lawson. 16 00:00:25,774 --> 00:00:28,793 I was Cornelius Hawthorne's assistant for over 30 years, 17 00:00:28,794 --> 00:00:30,644 and before that, I was just the teenager 18 00:00:30,645 --> 00:00:32,363 who read the Bible to him in the bath. 19 00:00:32,364 --> 00:00:33,364 - Ew. - All right, all right. 20 00:00:33,365 --> 00:00:34,498 It's inheritance time. 21 00:00:34,499 --> 00:00:36,667 How 'bout that check, soul brother? 22 00:00:36,668 --> 00:00:38,085 Your father did leave you something, 23 00:00:38,086 --> 00:00:39,820 but it's more of an activity. 24 00:00:39,821 --> 00:00:42,089 Thank you for keeping it as creepy as possible. 25 00:00:42,090 --> 00:00:43,758 This looks like a multi-player gaming interface. 26 00:00:43,759 --> 00:00:44,792 I've heard enough. 27 00:00:44,793 --> 00:00:48,379 Oh, that diabolical old fossil face. 28 00:00:48,380 --> 00:00:50,798 I asked him for money to invest in video games 29 00:00:50,799 --> 00:00:52,332 back in 1979. 30 00:00:52,333 --> 00:00:54,835 Cornelius spent over 30 years developing a video game for you. 31 00:00:54,836 --> 00:00:56,921 It was his dying wish 32 00:00:56,922 --> 00:00:59,190 that you and seven of your closest friends would play it. 33 00:00:59,191 --> 00:01:00,808 Lavar Burton was a maybe. 34 00:01:00,809 --> 00:01:02,443 So, please, choose a seat. 35 00:01:02,444 --> 00:01:03,811 Cool. 36 00:01:03,812 --> 00:01:07,314 So a 100-year-old man designed a 30-year-old video game? 37 00:01:07,315 --> 00:01:08,566 This I've got to see. 38 00:01:08,567 --> 00:01:10,017 Once you're seated behind your computers, 39 00:01:10,018 --> 00:01:11,235 a photograph of you will be taken 40 00:01:11,236 --> 00:01:13,954 and an avatar will be made from your likeness. 41 00:01:13,955 --> 00:01:15,356 I didn't bring my likeness. 44 00:01:18,026 --> 00:01:22,663 All right, everyone, let's begin. 45 00:01:22,664 --> 00:01:24,849 [Typing] 46 00:01:50,412 --> 00:01:53,410 Sync and corrections by Elderfel www.addic7ed.com 47 00:01:53,411 --> 00:01:54,294 [Whizzing] 48 00:01:54,295 --> 00:01:55,491 - Nice! - Cool. 49 00:01:55,492 --> 00:01:56,782 - Old school. - Cool, cool, cool. 50 00:01:56,783 --> 00:01:57,761 Which one is me? 51 00:01:57,762 --> 00:01:59,906 I assume nothing because I'm not racist. 52 00:01:59,907 --> 00:02:02,019 Aww! We're adorable! 53 00:02:02,020 --> 00:02:03,487 Why did this thing take photos 54 00:02:03,488 --> 00:02:05,656 if it was going to completely fabricate random body shapes? 55 00:02:05,657 --> 00:02:07,942 That's what I'm saying! My hair looks good, though. 56 00:02:07,943 --> 00:02:10,010 Orange button is jump. 57 00:02:10,011 --> 00:02:12,046 [Boinging] 58 00:02:12,047 --> 00:02:13,464 Whee! 59 00:02:13,465 --> 00:02:14,849 Which guy am I? 60 00:02:14,850 --> 00:02:16,717 There's a door here. 61 00:02:16,718 --> 00:02:17,751 [Door clicks] 62 00:02:17,752 --> 00:02:19,603 - Peace. Love. - What's that? 63 00:02:19,604 --> 00:02:21,021 - I think it's a hippie. - Peace. Love. 64 00:02:21,022 --> 00:02:22,039 Aww! 65 00:02:22,040 --> 00:02:23,324 Annie, stop "awing" everything. 66 00:02:23,325 --> 00:02:25,860 Don't be jaded. He's saying "peace." 67 00:02:25,861 --> 00:02:27,294 - Hello. - Sex. 68 00:02:27,295 --> 00:02:29,246 - Did he say "sex"? - Drugs. Sex. 69 00:02:29,247 --> 00:02:30,915 Oh, my God. 70 00:02:30,916 --> 00:02:31,932 Hold on, I'm coming. 71 00:02:31,933 --> 00:02:34,268 - Oh! Oh! Ow! Ow! - Darn! Shoot! 72 00:02:34,269 --> 00:02:36,704 Dang it. Um... Jeff, you just murdered Annie. 73 00:02:36,705 --> 00:02:38,155 Well, better than doing nothing! 74 00:02:38,156 --> 00:02:39,523 - I'm not sure that's the case. - That's debatable. 75 00:02:39,524 --> 00:02:40,908 You guys, help me. 76 00:02:40,909 --> 00:02:42,828 - The way you helped Annie? - Sex. 77 00:02:42,829 --> 00:02:44,078 Before we engage, 78 00:02:44,079 --> 00:02:45,246 we should hang back and study their tactics. 79 00:02:45,247 --> 00:02:46,480 - What? - Group sex. 80 00:02:46,481 --> 00:02:47,882 Oh, my God! 81 00:02:47,883 --> 00:02:50,417 Oh, cool, I'm alive. 82 00:02:50,418 --> 00:02:52,987 - Pierce? - This game makes no sense. 83 00:02:52,988 --> 00:02:55,639 - What happened to you? - I don't want to talk about it. 84 00:02:55,640 --> 00:02:58,526 Pierce, point the joystick right. 85 00:02:58,527 --> 00:03:00,628 So I'm supposed to just guess that? 86 00:03:00,629 --> 00:03:02,179 Where are the instructions? 87 00:03:02,180 --> 00:03:03,931 [Overlapping chatter] 88 00:03:03,932 --> 00:03:06,383 Take that! Take that! Yeah, we rule! 89 00:03:06,384 --> 00:03:07,635 Oh, you guys are alive. 90 00:03:07,636 --> 00:03:09,119 You re-spawn in the study room when you die. 91 00:03:09,120 --> 00:03:10,287 Here, I'll show you. 92 00:03:10,288 --> 00:03:12,256 - Hey! - Jeffrey! Shame on you! 93 00:03:12,257 --> 00:03:14,525 "Hang back and study their tactics"? 94 00:03:14,526 --> 00:03:15,593 Let him get it out of his system. 95 00:03:15,594 --> 00:03:18,145 Ah, forget it. Let's just keep moving. 96 00:03:23,985 --> 00:03:25,486 [Dinging] 97 00:03:25,487 --> 00:03:26,754 [Electronic pulse] 98 00:03:28,456 --> 00:03:29,573 Now what? 99 00:03:29,574 --> 00:03:31,625 Welcome to Hawkthorne. 100 00:03:31,626 --> 00:03:33,878 That's dad's voice. Dad? 101 00:03:33,879 --> 00:03:36,063 [Electronic whoosh] Piercinald, in 1980, 102 00:03:36,064 --> 00:03:38,916 you said that video games, not moist towelettes, 103 00:03:38,917 --> 00:03:40,551 were the business of the future. 104 00:03:40,552 --> 00:03:44,088 Today, moist towelettes are stocked in every supermarket, 105 00:03:44,089 --> 00:03:46,557 while arcade after arcade closes. 106 00:03:46,558 --> 00:03:47,641 He's got a point. 107 00:03:47,642 --> 00:03:49,360 Nevertheless, I designed this game 108 00:03:49,361 --> 00:03:50,761 to be played upon my death 109 00:03:50,762 --> 00:03:52,813 by you and whatever cabal of fruits, 110 00:03:52,814 --> 00:03:54,648 junkies, and sluts you call your friends. 111 00:03:54,649 --> 00:03:55,900 Her name is Britta. 112 00:03:55,901 --> 00:03:57,718 Only one player can win... 113 00:03:57,719 --> 00:04:00,871 the first to reach my throne inside Castle Hawkthorne. 114 00:04:00,872 --> 00:04:04,525 Their reward, Pierce, will be your inheritance. 115 00:04:04,526 --> 00:04:05,776 - What? - His inheritance? What? 116 00:04:05,777 --> 00:04:08,412 So you see, Pierce, turns out you were right. 117 00:04:08,413 --> 00:04:10,581 Video games are important. 118 00:04:10,582 --> 00:04:12,950 [Laughs] 119 00:04:12,951 --> 00:04:15,302 Worst son ever! 120 00:04:15,303 --> 00:04:17,655 Well, great. How do I fight you guys? 121 00:04:17,656 --> 00:04:18,672 Which button fights? 122 00:04:18,673 --> 00:04:21,609 - Pierce, stop. - Pierce, relax. 123 00:04:21,610 --> 00:04:23,076 Pierce, stay in the game, stay in the game. 124 00:04:23,077 --> 00:04:24,244 Pierce, calm down. 125 00:04:24,245 --> 00:04:26,046 - Nobody's gonna fight you. - Why not? 126 00:04:26,047 --> 00:04:28,299 Because when you're friends with someone for three years, 127 00:04:28,300 --> 00:04:30,501 it's weird to steal their family's money. 128 00:04:30,502 --> 00:04:31,936 And there wouldn't be a lot of sport in beating you. 129 00:04:31,937 --> 00:04:33,837 - Look at yourself. - Yeah, he's right. 130 00:04:33,838 --> 00:04:35,839 You're playing the game wrong. [All scream] 131 00:04:35,840 --> 00:04:37,891 Why is Harry Belafonte in here? 132 00:04:37,892 --> 00:04:38,959 It's Gilbert. 133 00:04:38,960 --> 00:04:39,960 You're not supposed to cooperate, 134 00:04:39,961 --> 00:04:41,295 you're supposed to compete. 135 00:04:41,296 --> 00:04:42,529 Thanks for the advice, 136 00:04:42,530 --> 00:04:44,531 but I think we can choose how we want to play. 137 00:04:44,532 --> 00:04:46,483 - I suppose we can. - Is he being ominous? 138 00:04:46,484 --> 00:04:47,985 Why are you being ominous? 139 00:04:47,986 --> 00:04:49,486 [High-pitched beeps] 140 00:04:49,487 --> 00:04:50,888 Whoa. We can pick stuff up? 141 00:04:50,889 --> 00:04:52,957 This game is more complex than you can imagine. 142 00:04:52,958 --> 00:04:54,992 And aside from its programmers, 143 00:04:54,993 --> 00:04:56,660 who have all been deported back to China, 144 00:04:56,661 --> 00:04:59,229 I'm the one who knows how it works. 145 00:04:59,230 --> 00:05:00,414 [Screaming and overlapping chatter] 146 00:05:00,415 --> 00:05:01,615 Run, run! He's gonna throw a knife! 147 00:05:01,616 --> 00:05:02,800 He's gonna throw a knife! Go! 148 00:05:02,801 --> 00:05:03,801 Jump! Jump! 149 00:05:03,802 --> 00:05:05,703 [Screaming and yelling] 150 00:05:05,704 --> 00:05:06,704 Wah! 151 00:05:06,705 --> 00:05:08,088 [Descending electronic tone] 152 00:05:08,089 --> 00:05:09,456 [Fast-paced music] 153 00:05:09,457 --> 00:05:10,791 Wait! What are you...? 154 00:05:10,792 --> 00:05:11,959 [Beeps] 155 00:05:11,960 --> 00:05:13,961 He's a psychopath! He's suffo... 156 00:05:13,962 --> 00:05:15,129 [electronic tones] 157 00:05:15,130 --> 00:05:16,797 [Descending tone] 158 00:05:16,798 --> 00:05:18,399 [Laughs] Yeah. 159 00:05:18,400 --> 00:05:20,300 Hey, look, buddy, I know it must have sucked 160 00:05:20,301 --> 00:05:22,603 being colonel Sanders' manservant and all, 161 00:05:22,604 --> 00:05:23,970 but Pierce is technically our friend, 162 00:05:23,971 --> 00:05:25,856 and we're not gonna watch you screw him over. 163 00:05:25,857 --> 00:05:27,124 Perhaps you should be asking yourselves 164 00:05:27,125 --> 00:05:28,876 how you intend to stop me. 165 00:05:28,877 --> 00:05:31,412 How about if we come over there and kick your ass? 166 00:05:31,413 --> 00:05:32,813 Go get him, Troy. 167 00:05:32,814 --> 00:05:33,914 Be my guest. 168 00:05:33,915 --> 00:05:35,749 But 30 seconds after you leave your chairs, 169 00:05:35,750 --> 00:05:37,534 the weight sensors will recognize it 170 00:05:37,535 --> 00:05:38,869 as an automatic forfeit. 171 00:05:38,870 --> 00:05:40,537 Weight sensors? 172 00:05:40,538 --> 00:05:42,206 [Whizzing] 173 00:05:42,207 --> 00:05:43,540 That's it. Let's get that jag! 174 00:05:43,541 --> 00:05:44,842 - Yeah! - Get him! 175 00:05:44,843 --> 00:05:48,161 - Kick that hippie's ass! - Yeah, yeah, yeah! 176 00:05:48,162 --> 00:05:50,764 Let's go! Move, move, move! 177 00:05:53,318 --> 00:05:56,320 - I think he left a note. - What? 178 00:05:56,321 --> 00:05:58,188 "After you've squandered the last of your savings, 179 00:05:58,189 --> 00:05:59,656 "I'll watch you writhe, penniless, in the gutter, 180 00:05:59,657 --> 00:06:00,791 "through a telescope in the penthouse office 181 00:06:00,792 --> 00:06:01,792 of Hawthorne Tower." 182 00:06:01,793 --> 00:06:02,926 [Musical tones] 183 00:06:02,927 --> 00:06:06,246 You can leave notes. This game is incredible. 184 00:06:06,247 --> 00:06:07,848 Pierce? 185 00:06:07,849 --> 00:06:08,849 [Electronic pulse] 186 00:06:08,850 --> 00:06:09,850 - No, Pierce! - Please, no! 187 00:06:09,851 --> 00:06:10,951 We need you! 188 00:06:10,952 --> 00:06:12,286 Just let me die. 189 00:06:12,287 --> 00:06:14,605 Pierce, so Gilbert knows a couple tricks. 190 00:06:14,606 --> 00:06:16,840 Big deal. We outnumber him. 191 00:06:16,841 --> 00:06:19,510 And most importantly, while he's fighting for greed, 192 00:06:19,511 --> 00:06:21,245 we're fighting for friendship, 193 00:06:21,246 --> 00:06:23,547 which means we can't lose, okay? 194 00:06:23,548 --> 00:06:26,617 - Okay. - Okay! 195 00:06:26,618 --> 00:06:28,552 [Descending tone] 196 00:06:28,553 --> 00:06:30,888 I guess there's no hug button. 197 00:06:33,572 --> 00:06:36,108 Everybody keep Pierce protected. 198 00:06:36,109 --> 00:06:38,945 We have to get him to the Throne of Hawkthorne before Gilbert. 199 00:06:38,946 --> 00:06:40,496 And don't forget, when you die, 200 00:06:40,497 --> 00:06:42,564 you go all the way back to the study room. 201 00:06:42,565 --> 00:06:44,533 So... Don't die. 202 00:06:44,534 --> 00:06:46,235 Good pep talk, Jeff. 203 00:06:46,236 --> 00:06:47,736 Yeah, I used to love dying, 204 00:06:47,737 --> 00:06:49,405 but that speech really turned me around. 205 00:06:49,406 --> 00:06:50,739 Whatever. 206 00:06:50,740 --> 00:06:52,708 [Peaceful music playing] 207 00:06:52,709 --> 00:06:54,560 What's that? Kill it! 208 00:06:54,561 --> 00:06:56,212 It's a girl milking a cow, Pierce. 209 00:06:56,213 --> 00:06:57,413 I'll check it out. I owe Jeff that. 210 00:06:57,414 --> 00:06:59,899 I wasn't gonna say it. 211 00:06:59,900 --> 00:07:02,318 I am Hilda. I live in the village. 212 00:07:02,319 --> 00:07:03,936 - Lesbian. - Shh! 213 00:07:03,937 --> 00:07:05,271 [Electronic tones] 214 00:07:05,272 --> 00:07:07,144 [Beeps] 215 00:07:07,145 --> 00:07:08,461 I can help with that. 216 00:07:08,462 --> 00:07:10,510 I have information on many topics. 217 00:07:10,511 --> 00:07:11,894 Cool. 218 00:07:11,895 --> 00:07:13,346 [Beep] 219 00:07:13,347 --> 00:07:15,881 The throne is in Castle Hawkthorne, north of here. 220 00:07:15,882 --> 00:07:18,868 You unlock the castle with the white crystal of discipline, 221 00:07:18,869 --> 00:07:20,803 which you must free from the black caverns. 222 00:07:20,804 --> 00:07:22,621 I'm picking up on some hidden symbolism. 223 00:07:22,622 --> 00:07:24,407 Right, "white crystal." 224 00:07:24,408 --> 00:07:25,825 You think dad was into meth? 225 00:07:25,826 --> 00:07:28,010 You can usually get supplies in a town like this. 226 00:07:28,011 --> 00:07:29,478 Man, why can't my mom be here? 227 00:07:29,479 --> 00:07:31,414 She always said my video game knowledge would come in handy. 228 00:07:31,415 --> 00:07:33,149 I never believed her. 229 00:07:33,150 --> 00:07:34,500 Everybody split up and take a hut. 230 00:07:34,501 --> 00:07:39,088 Our only chance of beating Gilbert is to cover more ground. 231 00:07:39,089 --> 00:07:41,424 [Beeps] 232 00:07:41,425 --> 00:07:44,143 I have information on the following topics. 233 00:07:44,144 --> 00:07:45,144 [Electronic tones] 234 00:07:45,145 --> 00:07:46,145 [Beeps] 235 00:07:46,146 --> 00:07:47,179 Holy crap. 236 00:07:47,180 --> 00:07:49,148 Where have you been my whole life? 237 00:07:49,149 --> 00:07:51,167 [Hammering tones] 238 00:07:51,168 --> 00:07:53,369 I buy and sell weapons and armor. 239 00:07:53,370 --> 00:07:54,353 [Electronic tones] 240 00:07:54,354 --> 00:07:55,871 Cool. We need weapons. 241 00:07:55,872 --> 00:07:56,872 [Beeps] 242 00:07:56,873 --> 00:07:59,592 Ooh. Well, what's free? 243 00:07:59,593 --> 00:08:00,642 Can we have a torch? 244 00:08:00,643 --> 00:08:02,361 - Thief! Thief! - Annie, put it back. 245 00:08:02,362 --> 00:08:04,697 Sorry. Sorry. 246 00:08:04,698 --> 00:08:06,032 Arr! Arr! 247 00:08:06,033 --> 00:08:07,033 Sorry, sorry, sorry. 248 00:08:07,034 --> 00:08:08,250 Oh, my God. Oh, oh! Oh, no! 249 00:08:08,251 --> 00:08:10,286 What are you doing? It was an accident! 250 00:08:10,287 --> 00:08:11,620 - Arrr! - He's dying! 251 00:08:11,621 --> 00:08:12,922 - Arrrrrr! - All right, hold on, hold on! 252 00:08:12,923 --> 00:08:14,707 Arrr! Arrr! 253 00:08:14,708 --> 00:08:16,292 Now what are you doing? 254 00:08:16,293 --> 00:08:17,693 He was suffering! 255 00:08:17,694 --> 00:08:19,995 Yeah, from axe wounds! 256 00:08:19,996 --> 00:08:22,131 Well, if this isn't worth any points, what is? 257 00:08:22,132 --> 00:08:25,301 You're asking me? I'm still looking for a pong paddle. 258 00:08:25,302 --> 00:08:29,138 - Let's play poker. - Oh, now we're talking. 259 00:08:29,139 --> 00:08:30,956 Check the desk. I'll check the dresser. 260 00:08:30,957 --> 00:08:32,241 How do I straighten that painting? 261 00:08:32,242 --> 00:08:35,061 You can't. Stop playing like a girl. 262 00:08:35,062 --> 00:08:36,295 [Electronic tones] 263 00:08:36,296 --> 00:08:37,313 [Beep] 264 00:08:37,314 --> 00:08:38,647 Stop playing like a girl? 265 00:08:38,648 --> 00:08:40,599 Here's the thing about women, Jeff. 266 00:08:40,600 --> 00:08:42,735 We don't hack and slash our way through life 267 00:08:42,736 --> 00:08:44,987 because we're one with life. 268 00:08:44,988 --> 00:08:47,873 - Help me hide the body. - Oh, my lord. Oh, my lord. 269 00:08:47,874 --> 00:08:50,192 Shirley, these things happen in video games. 270 00:08:50,193 --> 00:08:51,360 - They do? - Yes. 271 00:08:51,361 --> 00:08:53,695 We can't get hung up on real world morality. 272 00:08:53,696 --> 00:08:55,197 We need to survive and win. 273 00:08:55,198 --> 00:08:58,200 Hello, I'm the blacksmith's wife... Aah! Help! 274 00:08:58,201 --> 00:09:00,136 - Oh, crap! - Guard the door. 275 00:09:00,137 --> 00:09:01,554 What? [Beeps] 276 00:09:01,555 --> 00:09:02,571 Shirley! 277 00:09:02,572 --> 00:09:04,256 No witnesses! 278 00:09:04,257 --> 00:09:05,591 Grab everything you can carry. 279 00:09:05,592 --> 00:09:07,143 I'll check upstairs for any more family. 280 00:09:07,144 --> 00:09:08,894 Don't give me that look. These are your loose ends. 281 00:09:08,895 --> 00:09:10,463 I'm just tying 'em up. 282 00:09:10,464 --> 00:09:12,231 This is so cool. 283 00:09:12,232 --> 00:09:13,482 Where are your clothes? 284 00:09:13,483 --> 00:09:16,235 Pierce taught me poker. I'm not good at it. 285 00:09:16,236 --> 00:09:17,269 You still talking to this girl? 286 00:09:17,270 --> 00:09:18,687 Yeah, she only has three moves 287 00:09:18,688 --> 00:09:20,523 that you activate with basic patterns of stimulus. 288 00:09:20,524 --> 00:09:21,941 I've never felt this way before. 289 00:09:21,942 --> 00:09:23,692 - Abed, don't get weird. - Oh, I won't. 290 00:09:23,693 --> 00:09:24,827 She's not ready for anything serious, 291 00:09:24,828 --> 00:09:26,395 but she wants me to meet her family. 292 00:09:26,396 --> 00:09:28,848 - My father is the blacksmith. - Her father's a blacksmith. 293 00:09:28,849 --> 00:09:31,333 - Hello! - Everybody go shopping? 294 00:09:31,334 --> 00:09:33,252 That's all we did. 295 00:09:33,253 --> 00:09:34,370 Is that hut on fire? 296 00:09:34,371 --> 00:09:37,590 Oh, my. What an unexplained tragedy. 297 00:09:37,591 --> 00:09:40,209 Don't we look comfy at a cauldron. 298 00:09:40,210 --> 00:09:41,811 Check it out. [Electronic tones] 299 00:09:41,812 --> 00:09:43,546 [Beeps] 300 00:09:43,547 --> 00:09:45,464 Ooh, see, I'll put all of this in here, 301 00:09:45,465 --> 00:09:47,583 and then that, and then I'll hit this. 302 00:09:47,584 --> 00:09:49,251 [Electronic pulses] What is it? 303 00:09:49,252 --> 00:09:50,920 I assume, like, a strength potion. 304 00:09:50,921 --> 00:09:52,471 Then I assume it's poison. 305 00:09:52,472 --> 00:09:54,106 You're just jealous because we found a world 306 00:09:54,107 --> 00:09:55,407 where I know what I'm doing. 307 00:09:55,408 --> 00:09:57,793 This place is 20 cat turds and a pixies poster 308 00:09:57,794 --> 00:09:59,461 from being your apartment. 309 00:09:59,462 --> 00:10:01,797 [Crying] 310 00:10:01,798 --> 00:10:03,265 What's with the St. Pauli girl? 311 00:10:03,266 --> 00:10:05,601 Hilda's parents lived there. Now she has no family. 312 00:10:05,602 --> 00:10:07,002 She'll be forced to marry a male villager 313 00:10:07,003 --> 00:10:09,572 or take her chances in the wilderness. 314 00:10:09,573 --> 00:10:12,141 What kind of game is this? 315 00:10:12,142 --> 00:10:14,343 - Oh, crap, it's Gilbert. - Well, well, well. 316 00:10:14,344 --> 00:10:16,095 Looks like someone's one step behind. 317 00:10:16,096 --> 00:10:18,514 Yeah, if you're looking for equipment, tough luck. 318 00:10:18,515 --> 00:10:21,150 The store was lost in a freak accident. 319 00:10:21,151 --> 00:10:22,551 I hardly need equipment, young lady. 320 00:10:22,552 --> 00:10:25,688 While you were shopping, I gained enough levels to do this. 321 00:10:25,689 --> 00:10:27,590 Uh-huh, come on and bring it! 322 00:10:27,591 --> 00:10:29,008 He's shooting lightning and I'm naked! 323 00:10:29,009 --> 00:10:30,292 Get behind us! We have armor! 324 00:10:30,293 --> 00:10:31,793 Oh! Whoa! 325 00:10:31,794 --> 00:10:34,597 Aah! 326 00:10:34,598 --> 00:10:36,532 Oh, great! Gilbert! 327 00:10:36,533 --> 00:10:39,084 Oh, great! Evil Jedi lightning Gilbert! 328 00:10:39,085 --> 00:10:40,686 [Groans] Oh! 329 00:10:40,687 --> 00:10:43,973 Britta, drink that super strength potion you made. 330 00:10:43,974 --> 00:10:45,107 Oh, right, right, right, right. 331 00:10:45,108 --> 00:10:46,308 Hurry up, Britta! 332 00:10:46,309 --> 00:10:47,826 I'm trying, I'm trying! Aah! 333 00:10:47,827 --> 00:10:49,912 Damn it, I thought we could count on Britta 334 00:10:49,913 --> 00:10:51,864 to not screw up drinking. 335 00:10:51,865 --> 00:10:53,249 This'll be fun. 336 00:10:53,250 --> 00:10:54,817 [Electronic pulses] 337 00:10:54,818 --> 00:10:56,852 What the hell? 338 00:10:56,853 --> 00:10:58,220 Here's hoping we can count on her 339 00:10:58,221 --> 00:11:00,155 to screw up making potions. 340 00:11:00,156 --> 00:11:01,140 [Music playing] 341 00:11:01,141 --> 00:11:04,276 [Groans] 342 00:11:04,277 --> 00:11:06,178 [Descending tone] 343 00:11:06,179 --> 00:11:07,713 [Cheering] 344 00:11:07,714 --> 00:11:09,281 Unbelievable. 345 00:11:09,282 --> 00:11:12,001 Jeff bet all our lives on Britta and won, 346 00:11:12,002 --> 00:11:15,271 and I lost my pants to a pair of nines. 347 00:11:15,272 --> 00:11:17,323 [Whiz] 348 00:11:17,324 --> 00:11:19,642 [Sighs] 349 00:11:19,643 --> 00:11:22,228 Very well. 350 00:11:22,229 --> 00:11:25,030 Let's play. 351 00:11:25,031 --> 00:11:29,518 [Typing] 352 00:11:34,499 --> 00:11:36,498 Abed, are you sure about this? 353 00:11:36,499 --> 00:11:38,426 Yeah. It just feels like the right thing to do. 354 00:11:38,427 --> 00:11:40,111 Hey, I made it back. 355 00:11:40,112 --> 00:11:42,280 You guys never died. How did you beat Gilbert? 356 00:11:42,281 --> 00:11:44,349 Oh, you know. Teamwork. 357 00:11:44,350 --> 00:11:45,383 We were headed for the black caves 358 00:11:45,384 --> 00:11:46,785 to find the white crystal. 359 00:11:46,786 --> 00:11:48,153 We were just saying goodbye to Abed. 360 00:11:48,154 --> 00:11:49,321 I'm gonna stay here in the village with Hilda 361 00:11:49,322 --> 00:11:50,422 and help her rebuild her life. 362 00:11:50,423 --> 00:11:52,057 Abed, she's a program. 363 00:11:52,058 --> 00:11:53,859 People have said similar things about me. 364 00:11:53,860 --> 00:11:55,494 Uh-oh. He's playing the rain man card. 365 00:11:55,495 --> 00:11:56,511 Let's bounce. 366 00:11:56,512 --> 00:11:58,113 I've got an inheritance to win. 367 00:11:58,114 --> 00:12:01,116 [Music playing] 368 00:12:01,117 --> 00:12:02,517 ♪ ♪ 369 00:12:02,518 --> 00:12:04,052 [Swooping tone] 370 00:12:04,053 --> 00:12:05,620 Offensive. Called it. 371 00:12:05,621 --> 00:12:06,621 Shut up, Britta. 372 00:12:06,622 --> 00:12:08,807 ♪ ♪ 373 00:12:08,808 --> 00:12:10,125 [Swooping tone] 374 00:12:10,126 --> 00:12:11,826 You did great in there, Jeff. 375 00:12:11,827 --> 00:12:12,961 Shut up, Pierce. 376 00:12:12,962 --> 00:12:14,296 [Beep] 377 00:12:14,297 --> 00:12:16,214 [Musical tones] 378 00:12:16,215 --> 00:12:17,549 ♪ ♪ 379 00:12:17,550 --> 00:12:20,168 Okay, duck. Stay ducked. 380 00:12:20,169 --> 00:12:21,869 Okay, unduck. 381 00:12:21,870 --> 00:12:23,672 Okay, now jump. 382 00:12:23,673 --> 00:12:24,923 I think we're almost there. 383 00:12:24,924 --> 00:12:27,375 Thank God. This cave is the worst. 384 00:12:27,376 --> 00:12:29,043 I know, I don't know what's more offensive... 385 00:12:29,044 --> 00:12:31,479 the actual racism or the insulting notion 386 00:12:31,480 --> 00:12:33,148 that it might somehow rub off on us. 387 00:12:33,149 --> 00:12:34,149 [Turkey gobbling] 388 00:12:34,150 --> 00:12:35,400 Look out! Jive turkeys! 389 00:12:35,401 --> 00:12:37,185 Kill them before they start multiplying! 390 00:12:37,186 --> 00:12:39,070 [Overlapping grunts, groans, and chatter] 391 00:12:39,071 --> 00:12:42,223 - Yeah, suck on this! - Take that, jive turkey! 392 00:12:42,224 --> 00:12:43,224 [Groans] 393 00:12:43,225 --> 00:12:48,029 [Turkey gobbling] 394 00:12:48,030 --> 00:12:49,030 [Swooping tone] 395 00:12:49,031 --> 00:12:50,315 All right! The white crystal! 396 00:12:50,316 --> 00:12:51,333 - Whoo! - Yeah! 397 00:12:51,334 --> 00:12:52,334 - Get it! - Get it! 398 00:12:52,335 --> 00:12:53,401 I'll take it. 399 00:12:53,402 --> 00:12:56,738 I've earned it by having friends. 400 00:12:56,739 --> 00:12:58,924 [Music playing] 401 00:12:58,925 --> 00:12:59,941 This is it. 402 00:12:59,942 --> 00:13:00,926 [Cheering] 403 00:13:00,927 --> 00:13:01,943 It certainly is. 404 00:13:01,944 --> 00:13:03,461 - No, man! - You again? 405 00:13:03,462 --> 00:13:04,462 Now I'll have that crystal. 406 00:13:04,463 --> 00:13:05,463 I think you'll have this. 407 00:13:05,464 --> 00:13:06,464 [Zapping] 408 00:13:06,465 --> 00:13:07,499 Whoops. 409 00:13:07,500 --> 00:13:08,850 Arrows! [Dinging] 410 00:13:08,851 --> 00:13:10,218 [Electronic pulses] 411 00:13:10,219 --> 00:13:11,770 What? Come on! 412 00:13:11,771 --> 00:13:13,021 [Electronic tones] 413 00:13:13,022 --> 00:13:14,055 [Beeps] 414 00:13:14,056 --> 00:13:15,140 Where'd you get all that stuff? 415 00:13:15,141 --> 00:13:17,008 You've only been alive for an hour. 416 00:13:17,009 --> 00:13:18,393 [Swooping tone] 417 00:13:18,394 --> 00:13:19,394 [All screaming] 418 00:13:19,395 --> 00:13:20,395 [Swooping tone] 419 00:13:20,396 --> 00:13:21,413 [All screaming] 420 00:13:21,414 --> 00:13:22,514 [Electronic tones] 421 00:13:22,515 --> 00:13:23,531 Well, that was not fair. 422 00:13:23,532 --> 00:13:24,766 What the hell, Gilbert? 423 00:13:24,767 --> 00:13:27,452 You're cheating, which I have no problem with, 424 00:13:27,453 --> 00:13:29,404 but you're getting caught, and that's not cool! 425 00:13:29,405 --> 00:13:30,405 Yeah, don't be a knob. 426 00:13:30,406 --> 00:13:32,290 That inheritance is rightfully mine! 427 00:13:32,291 --> 00:13:33,792 Rightfully? 428 00:13:33,793 --> 00:13:34,942 I'm his son. 429 00:13:34,943 --> 00:13:39,614 - So am I. - Oh. 430 00:13:39,615 --> 00:13:42,384 What? That can't be true. 431 00:13:42,385 --> 00:13:45,587 - You're half... white. - Nice save. 432 00:13:45,588 --> 00:13:47,922 Do you remember your childhood nanny, Etta? 433 00:13:47,923 --> 00:13:51,393 Well, Etta had a hot cousin. 434 00:13:51,394 --> 00:13:53,061 My mother. 435 00:13:53,062 --> 00:13:55,614 So you see, Pierce, 436 00:13:55,615 --> 00:13:58,216 I am your half-brother, 437 00:13:58,217 --> 00:14:00,986 and I am more your father's son than you ever were, 438 00:14:00,987 --> 00:14:03,655 so shut up and play the game. 439 00:14:03,656 --> 00:14:06,741 - Why you... - Let's go, Pierce. 440 00:14:06,742 --> 00:14:08,576 [Whizzing] 441 00:14:08,577 --> 00:14:10,578 Okay, look, I know things seem hopeless 442 00:14:10,579 --> 00:14:12,681 because he's all the way to the castle with the crystal 443 00:14:12,682 --> 00:14:14,249 and we're starting over, 444 00:14:14,250 --> 00:14:15,684 but here's the thing... 445 00:14:15,685 --> 00:14:17,168 we're better at this game now. 446 00:14:17,169 --> 00:14:19,988 We've died and been reborn, and that makes us heroes. 447 00:14:19,989 --> 00:14:20,988 [Cheering] 448 00:14:20,989 --> 00:14:22,257 - Charge! - Let's get him! 449 00:14:22,258 --> 00:14:25,043 [All screaming] 450 00:14:25,044 --> 00:14:27,262 [Descending tone] 451 00:14:27,263 --> 00:14:30,265 [Foreboding music] 452 00:14:30,266 --> 00:14:31,866 ♪ ♪ 453 00:14:41,444 --> 00:14:42,777 I guess the fact that we're still playing 454 00:14:42,778 --> 00:14:44,112 means he hasn't won yet. 455 00:14:44,113 --> 00:14:45,647 Yeah, but what's the point? 456 00:14:45,648 --> 00:14:48,149 He'll just keep cheating until he wins. 457 00:14:48,150 --> 00:14:50,985 Why are all the trees cut down? 458 00:14:50,986 --> 00:14:55,674 Isn't this where Abed's village was? 459 00:14:55,675 --> 00:14:57,692 - Hello, old friends. - Abed! 460 00:14:57,693 --> 00:14:58,743 You remember Hilda. 461 00:14:58,744 --> 00:15:01,312 I live in the village. I love Abed. 462 00:15:01,313 --> 00:15:02,897 Did she just say your name? 463 00:15:02,898 --> 00:15:04,382 Yeah, if you max out a character's trust 464 00:15:04,383 --> 00:15:05,700 and affection levels, you can gain access 465 00:15:05,701 --> 00:15:06,801 to a front-end scripting language. 466 00:15:06,802 --> 00:15:07,786 Watch. 467 00:15:07,787 --> 00:15:10,438 [Beeps] 468 00:15:10,439 --> 00:15:12,006 Cool cool cool! 469 00:15:12,007 --> 00:15:13,375 She can make babies for me. 470 00:15:13,376 --> 00:15:14,376 Oh, and I can't? 471 00:15:14,377 --> 00:15:16,044 I can't. 472 00:15:16,045 --> 00:15:17,178 Come on inside. 473 00:15:17,179 --> 00:15:18,179 I built this from scratch. 474 00:15:18,180 --> 00:15:19,180 Check out my castle. 475 00:15:19,181 --> 00:15:20,181 - Oh, it's nice. - Wow. 476 00:15:20,182 --> 00:15:21,382 I hope this isn't blood gold. 477 00:15:21,383 --> 00:15:22,684 This is my family. 478 00:15:22,685 --> 00:15:24,436 Baby Abed has my eyes and her bonnet. 479 00:15:24,437 --> 00:15:26,237 Each baby is capable of executing custom code, 480 00:15:26,238 --> 00:15:27,555 which means you can write a code 481 00:15:27,556 --> 00:15:29,390 that makes one baby tell another baby what to do, 482 00:15:29,391 --> 00:15:31,025 much like real children on a playground. 483 00:15:31,026 --> 00:15:32,393 Oh, Abed, but... 484 00:15:32,394 --> 00:15:34,061 Annie, let's find the tin man's heart later. 485 00:15:34,062 --> 00:15:35,947 Abed, how much stuff do you have here 486 00:15:35,948 --> 00:15:37,031 and what can we make with it? 487 00:15:37,032 --> 00:15:39,000 - That depends. - On? 488 00:15:39,001 --> 00:15:40,785 On what you can imagine. 489 00:15:40,786 --> 00:15:42,787 Cool, cool, cool. 490 00:15:46,342 --> 00:15:47,726 Welcome, 491 00:15:47,727 --> 00:15:50,962 you are the first to make it to the Throne of Hawkthorne. 492 00:15:50,963 --> 00:15:53,448 Let me take a look at you. 493 00:15:53,449 --> 00:15:55,583 According to your complexion, 494 00:15:55,584 --> 00:15:58,553 I think you might be Gilbert Lawson. 495 00:15:58,554 --> 00:16:00,588 Is this true? 496 00:16:00,589 --> 00:16:01,589 Just a moment. 497 00:16:01,590 --> 00:16:02,690 Hello, Gilbert. 498 00:16:02,691 --> 00:16:04,926 Due to the nature of our relationship, 499 00:16:04,927 --> 00:16:06,995 I'll need your electronic signature 500 00:16:06,996 --> 00:16:09,097 on this legally-binding agreement. 501 00:16:09,098 --> 00:16:10,098 [Musical tones] 502 00:16:10,099 --> 00:16:12,333 It dictates that you will never, ever 503 00:16:12,334 --> 00:16:15,703 besmirch the Hawthorne name with any outlandish notions 504 00:16:15,704 --> 00:16:18,373 regarding you genealogical origins. 505 00:16:18,374 --> 00:16:21,476 You are the bastard offspring of a colored seductress 506 00:16:21,477 --> 00:16:23,862 and an unknown, weak-willed miscegenist... 507 00:16:31,570 --> 00:16:34,773 It's a simple question, Gilbert. 508 00:16:34,774 --> 00:16:37,809 Do you agree? 509 00:16:39,261 --> 00:16:42,847 Thank you for being honest, Gilbert. 510 00:16:42,848 --> 00:16:45,083 No! 511 00:16:45,084 --> 00:16:47,619 I'm your son! 512 00:16:47,620 --> 00:16:48,937 I'm sorry, Gilbert. 513 00:16:48,938 --> 00:16:51,573 I always knew you'd disappoint me. 514 00:16:51,574 --> 00:16:54,159 Cool cool cool! Cool cool cool! 515 00:16:54,160 --> 00:16:57,145 Ah, I see you've chosen teamwork. 516 00:16:57,146 --> 00:16:59,214 A coward's strategy. 517 00:16:59,215 --> 00:17:02,317 I will upgrade your challenge accordingly. 518 00:17:02,318 --> 00:17:03,317 [Grunts] 519 00:17:03,318 --> 00:17:06,955 [Electronic whooshing] 520 00:17:06,956 --> 00:17:08,206 ♪ ♪ 521 00:17:08,207 --> 00:17:12,410 I bequeath my fortune to no inferiors. 522 00:17:12,411 --> 00:17:13,428 ♪ ♪ 523 00:17:13,429 --> 00:17:15,263 [Electronic gunfire] 524 00:17:15,264 --> 00:17:16,998 - Yeah! - Attack! 525 00:17:16,999 --> 00:17:19,250 What's this now? [Laughs] 526 00:17:19,251 --> 00:17:20,969 Whoo hoo hoo hoo! Here we go! 527 00:17:20,970 --> 00:17:23,771 Get him! Aim for the joints! 528 00:17:23,772 --> 00:17:24,772 Cool cool cool! Cool cool cool! 529 00:17:24,773 --> 00:17:25,940 - Take that! - Get him! 530 00:17:25,941 --> 00:17:27,809 Die, racism! 531 00:17:27,810 --> 00:17:29,077 [Groans] 532 00:17:29,078 --> 00:17:30,511 [Electronic gunfire] 533 00:17:30,512 --> 00:17:32,113 ♪ Troy and Abed shooting lava ♪ 534 00:17:32,114 --> 00:17:34,315 [Laughter] Yeah! 535 00:17:34,316 --> 00:17:38,152 [Groaning] 536 00:17:38,153 --> 00:17:39,654 Take that! [Laughs] 537 00:17:39,655 --> 00:17:42,690 - Aah! - Aah! Oh, no! Aah! 538 00:17:42,691 --> 00:17:44,209 [Laughs] 539 00:17:44,210 --> 00:17:49,047 Hey! Look at me now, dad! 540 00:17:49,048 --> 00:17:50,381 [Thunk] 541 00:17:50,382 --> 00:17:52,417 Aah! 542 00:17:52,418 --> 00:17:56,087 [Groans] 543 00:17:56,088 --> 00:17:58,089 [Boulders crashing] 544 00:18:01,143 --> 00:18:03,611 [Labored breathing] 545 00:18:03,612 --> 00:18:06,564 I suppose you're wondering, player, 546 00:18:06,565 --> 00:18:11,252 why record myself breathing weird 547 00:18:11,253 --> 00:18:14,923 and letting you destroy me. 548 00:18:14,924 --> 00:18:19,294 Because I am a man of honor. 549 00:18:19,295 --> 00:18:23,932 So you've earned the pleasure of my death. 550 00:18:23,933 --> 00:18:25,500 But I didn't. 551 00:18:25,501 --> 00:18:27,201 I'm not the one that beat you. 552 00:18:27,202 --> 00:18:29,587 Yes, you are. 553 00:18:29,588 --> 00:18:31,739 We're forfeiting. 554 00:18:31,740 --> 00:18:34,792 Warning. Player forfeit in 30. 555 00:18:34,793 --> 00:18:35,910 Gilbert, you're right. 556 00:18:35,911 --> 00:18:37,512 You were more his son than me. 557 00:18:37,513 --> 00:18:39,180 You took all his crap 558 00:18:39,181 --> 00:18:40,882 and you didn't even get to take his name. 559 00:18:40,883 --> 00:18:45,419 He once sat on me in church just so he could see better. 560 00:18:45,420 --> 00:18:47,922 We've only been playing this game a couple of hours. 561 00:18:47,923 --> 00:18:50,525 You've been playing it your whole life, 562 00:18:50,526 --> 00:18:53,778 and now it's time for your reward, brother. 563 00:18:53,779 --> 00:18:56,731 So get in there and kill our dad. 564 00:18:56,732 --> 00:19:00,234 Thank you, Pierce. 565 00:19:00,235 --> 00:19:02,487 Wait a second. Here, take this. 566 00:19:02,488 --> 00:19:03,488 - Oh! - Whoa! 567 00:19:03,489 --> 00:19:05,073 - You may need it. - Oh, Pierce. 568 00:19:05,074 --> 00:19:07,542 You really don't know how this works, do you? 569 00:19:07,543 --> 00:19:09,294 Are you always carrying that? 570 00:19:09,295 --> 00:19:10,611 Not in the shower. 571 00:19:10,612 --> 00:19:12,279 [Sighs] 572 00:19:13,399 --> 00:19:15,049 [Click, explosion] 573 00:19:15,050 --> 00:19:16,501 [Electronic beeps] 574 00:19:16,502 --> 00:19:18,670 [Winning music playing] 575 00:19:18,671 --> 00:19:22,256 [Fireworks exploding] 576 00:19:22,257 --> 00:19:24,142 I'd like to thank you again for today 577 00:19:24,143 --> 00:19:26,627 and offer my apologies for my conduct. 578 00:19:26,628 --> 00:19:28,062 I wasn't myself. 579 00:19:28,063 --> 00:19:31,132 Family can make a person do a lot of crazy things. 580 00:19:31,133 --> 00:19:33,968 I understand. I have an uncle who makes his own pizza. 581 00:19:33,969 --> 00:19:35,653 - Don't worry about it. - Yeah, totally. 582 00:19:35,654 --> 00:19:37,939 If it would make it up to any of you in any way, 583 00:19:37,940 --> 00:19:39,473 there's a bar in town called Skeepers, 584 00:19:39,474 --> 00:19:41,242 and I hear they make a specialty drink... 585 00:19:41,243 --> 00:19:44,478 a Margarita, in fact, and it's served in a glass 586 00:19:44,479 --> 00:19:46,614 an entire yard long. 587 00:19:46,615 --> 00:19:48,616 - My treat. - Score. 588 00:19:48,617 --> 00:19:50,918 This is the greatest day of my life. 589 00:19:50,919 --> 00:19:53,087 I've always wanted to have a brother. 590 00:19:53,088 --> 00:19:55,707 Hey, hey, settle a bet. 591 00:19:55,708 --> 00:20:00,011 The word "mulatto," is it okay or just borderline? 592 00:20:00,012 --> 00:20:02,997 - We apologize for him. - Oh, that's okay. He's family. 593 00:20:10,005 --> 00:20:12,006 [Typing] 594 00:20:13,609 --> 00:20:16,861 Hilda, my love, I said I'd come back for you. 595 00:20:22,187 --> 00:20:23,787 I just think that in a parallel universe, 596 00:20:23,788 --> 00:20:24,872 - Blorgons are... - Hold on. 597 00:20:24,873 --> 00:20:29,293 A baby. I wasn't expecting this. 598 00:20:29,294 --> 00:20:30,678 Guess we'll have to support it. 599 00:20:30,679 --> 00:20:32,079 I guess I could get some kind of job, 600 00:20:32,080 --> 00:20:33,380 maybe at Beans and More. 601 00:20:33,381 --> 00:20:34,548 I'll probably have to work double shifts, but... 602 00:20:34,549 --> 00:20:36,383 oh, I see. 603 00:20:36,384 --> 00:20:38,418 While you're off, climbing the ladder at Beans and More, 604 00:20:38,419 --> 00:20:39,787 I'll just stay home and raise him alone. 605 00:20:39,788 --> 00:20:41,271 That's fine. I'll just give up on my dreams. 606 00:20:41,272 --> 00:20:42,773 - Here we go. - What? 607 00:20:42,774 --> 00:20:45,676 He needs to learn a strong man can cry. 608 00:20:52,934 --> 00:20:54,652 So, what were you saying about Blorgons? 609 00:20:54,653 --> 00:20:56,453 Blorgons... in this other universe, 610 00:20:56,454 --> 00:20:57,954 they're actually called Glorbons.