1 00:00:01,175 --> 00:00:03,410 Pierce, you made us all drive out to a warehouse 2 00:00:03,477 --> 00:00:04,912 in the middle of nowhere. 3 00:00:04,978 --> 00:00:06,080 You could at least tell us why. 4 00:00:06,146 --> 00:00:07,081 Hey, I know as much as you. 5 00:00:07,147 --> 00:00:08,315 I got a letter 6 00:00:08,382 --> 00:00:09,917 from the executor of my father's estate. 7 00:00:09,983 --> 00:00:11,919 It said to come out here with my seven closest friends. 8 00:00:11,985 --> 00:00:13,153 You brought six. 9 00:00:13,220 --> 00:00:14,388 Well, who else was he gonna bring? 10 00:00:14,455 --> 00:00:15,722 Levar Burton was a maybe. 11 00:00:15,789 --> 00:00:17,157 Mr. Hawthorne. 12 00:00:17,224 --> 00:00:18,759 I apologize. - Gilbert. 13 00:00:18,826 --> 00:00:20,828 Even from the grave, my father's got you 14 00:00:20,894 --> 00:00:23,097 by the short and curly salt and pepperies. 15 00:00:23,163 --> 00:00:25,399 My name is Gilbert Lawson. 16 00:00:25,466 --> 00:00:28,435 I was Cornelius Hawthorne's assistant for over 30 years, 17 00:00:28,502 --> 00:00:30,270 and before that, I was just the teenager 18 00:00:30,337 --> 00:00:32,005 who read the Bible to him in the bath. 19 00:00:32,072 --> 00:00:33,006 - ew. - All right, all right. 20 00:00:33,073 --> 00:00:34,141 It's inheritance time. 21 00:00:34,208 --> 00:00:36,310 How 'bout that check, soul brother? 22 00:00:36,376 --> 00:00:37,711 Your father did leave you something, 23 00:00:37,778 --> 00:00:39,446 but it's more of an activity. 24 00:00:39,513 --> 00:00:41,715 Thank you for keeping it as creepy as possible. 25 00:00:41,782 --> 00:00:43,383 This looks like a multi-Player gaming interface. 26 00:00:43,450 --> 00:00:44,418 I've heard enough. 27 00:00:44,485 --> 00:00:48,021 Oh, that diabolical old fossil face. 28 00:00:48,088 --> 00:00:50,424 I asked him for money to invest in video games 29 00:00:50,491 --> 00:00:51,959 back in 1979. 30 00:00:52,025 --> 00:00:54,461 Cornelius spent over 30 years developing a video game for you. 31 00:00:54,528 --> 00:00:56,563 It was his dying wish 32 00:00:56,630 --> 00:00:58,832 that you and seven of your closest friends would play it. 33 00:00:58,899 --> 00:01:00,434 Lavar Burton was a maybe. 34 00:01:00,501 --> 00:01:02,069 So, please, choose a seat. 35 00:01:02,136 --> 00:01:03,437 Cool. 36 00:01:03,504 --> 00:01:06,940 So a 100-year-Old man designed a 30-year-Old video game? 37 00:01:07,007 --> 00:01:08,208 This I've got to see. 38 00:01:08,275 --> 00:01:09,643 once you're seated behind your computers, 39 00:01:09,710 --> 00:01:10,878 a photograph of you will be taken 40 00:01:10,944 --> 00:01:13,580 and an avatar will be made from your likeness. 41 00:01:13,647 --> 00:01:14,982 I didn't bring my likeness. 44 00:01:27,561 --> 00:01:31,561 ?T× ?T× 45 00:01:54,254 --> 00:01:55,556 - Nice! - Cool. 46 00:01:55,622 --> 00:01:57,257 - Old school. - Cool, cool, cool. 47 00:01:57,324 --> 00:01:59,326 Which one is me? I assume nothing because I'm not racist. 48 00:01:59,393 --> 00:02:01,662 aww! We're adorable! 49 00:02:01,728 --> 00:02:03,130 Why did this thing take photos 50 00:02:03,197 --> 00:02:05,299 if it was going to completely fabricate random body shapes? 51 00:02:05,365 --> 00:02:07,568 That's what I'm saying! My hair looks good, though. 52 00:02:07,634 --> 00:02:09,636 Orange button is jump. 53 00:02:11,738 --> 00:02:13,107 Whee! 54 00:02:13,173 --> 00:02:14,475 Which guy am I? 55 00:02:14,541 --> 00:02:16,343 There's a door here. 56 00:02:17,444 --> 00:02:19,246 - Peace. Love. - What's that? 57 00:02:19,313 --> 00:02:20,647 - I think it's a hippie. - Peace. Love. 58 00:02:20,714 --> 00:02:21,682 aww! 59 00:02:21,749 --> 00:02:22,950 Annie, stop "Awing" everything. 60 00:02:23,016 --> 00:02:25,486 don't be jaded. He's saying "Peace." 61 00:02:25,552 --> 00:02:26,920 Hello. - Sex. 62 00:02:26,987 --> 00:02:28,889 - Did he say "Sex"? - Drugs. Sex. 63 00:02:28,956 --> 00:02:30,557 Oh, my god. 64 00:02:30,624 --> 00:02:31,558 hold on, I'm coming. 65 00:02:31,625 --> 00:02:33,894 - oh! Oh! Ow! Ow! - Darn! Shoot! 66 00:02:33,961 --> 00:02:36,330 Dang it. Um-- - Jeff, you just murdered Annie. 67 00:02:36,396 --> 00:02:37,798 Well, better than doing nothing! 68 00:02:37,865 --> 00:02:39,166 - I'm not sure that's the case. - that's debatable. 69 00:02:39,233 --> 00:02:40,534 You guys, help me. 70 00:02:40,601 --> 00:02:42,469 - the way you helped Annie? - Sex. 71 00:02:42,536 --> 00:02:43,704 Before we engage, 72 00:02:43,771 --> 00:02:44,872 we should hang back and study their tactics. 73 00:02:44,938 --> 00:02:46,106 - What? - Group sex. 74 00:02:46,173 --> 00:02:47,508 Oh, my god! 75 00:02:47,574 --> 00:02:50,043 Oh, cool, I'm alive. 76 00:02:50,110 --> 00:02:52,613 Pierce? - This game makes no sense. 77 00:02:52,679 --> 00:02:53,714 What happened to you? 78 00:02:53,781 --> 00:02:55,282 I don't want to talk about it. 79 00:02:55,349 --> 00:02:58,118 Pierce, point the joystick right. 80 00:02:58,185 --> 00:03:00,220 So I'm supposed to just guess that? 81 00:03:00,287 --> 00:03:01,789 Where are the instructions? 82 00:03:03,590 --> 00:03:05,993 Take that! Take that! Yeah, we rule! 83 00:03:06,059 --> 00:03:07,227 Oh, you guys are alive. 84 00:03:07,294 --> 00:03:08,729 You re-Spawn in the study room when you die. 85 00:03:08,796 --> 00:03:09,897 Here, I'll show you. 86 00:03:09,963 --> 00:03:11,865 - Hey! - Jeffrey! Shame on you! 87 00:03:11,932 --> 00:03:14,134 "hang back and study their tactics"? 88 00:03:14,201 --> 00:03:15,202 Let him get it out of his system. 89 00:03:15,269 --> 00:03:17,805 Ah, forget it. Let's just keep moving. 90 00:03:28,115 --> 00:03:29,183 Now what? 91 00:03:29,249 --> 00:03:31,218 Welcome to hawkthorne. 92 00:03:31,285 --> 00:03:33,487 that's dad's voice. Dad? 93 00:03:33,554 --> 00:03:35,656 Piercinald, in 1980, 94 00:03:35,722 --> 00:03:38,525 you said that video games, not moist towelettes, 95 00:03:38,592 --> 00:03:40,160 were the business of the future. 96 00:03:40,227 --> 00:03:43,697 Today, moist towelettes are stocked in every supermarket, 97 00:03:43,764 --> 00:03:46,166 while arcade after arcade closes. 98 00:03:46,233 --> 00:03:47,234 He's got a point. 99 00:03:47,301 --> 00:03:48,969 nevertheless, I designed this game 100 00:03:49,036 --> 00:03:50,370 to be played upon my death 101 00:03:50,437 --> 00:03:52,406 by you and whatever cabal of fruits, 102 00:03:52,473 --> 00:03:54,241 junkies, and sluts you call your friends. 103 00:03:54,308 --> 00:03:55,509 Her name is Britta. 104 00:03:55,576 --> 00:03:57,311 Only one player can win-- 105 00:03:57,377 --> 00:04:00,481 The first to reach my throne Inside castle hawkthorne. 106 00:04:00,547 --> 00:04:04,118 Their reward, Pierce, will be your inheritance. 107 00:04:04,184 --> 00:04:05,385 - What? - His inheritance? What? 108 00:04:05,452 --> 00:04:08,021 So you see, Pierce, turns out you were right. 109 00:04:08,088 --> 00:04:10,190 Video games are important. 110 00:04:12,626 --> 00:04:14,895 Worst son ever! 111 00:04:14,962 --> 00:04:17,264 Well, great. How do I fight you guys? 112 00:04:17,331 --> 00:04:18,265 Which button fights? 113 00:04:18,332 --> 00:04:21,201 - Pierce, stop. - Pierce, relax. 114 00:04:21,268 --> 00:04:22,669 Pierce, stay in the game, stay in the game. 115 00:04:22,736 --> 00:04:23,837 Pierce, calm down. 116 00:04:23,904 --> 00:04:25,639 Nobody's gonna fight you. Why not? 117 00:04:25,706 --> 00:04:27,908 Because when you're friends with someone for three years, 118 00:04:27,975 --> 00:04:30,110 it's weird to steal their family's money. 119 00:04:30,177 --> 00:04:31,545 And there wouldn't be a lot of sport in beating you. 120 00:04:31,612 --> 00:04:33,447 Look at yourself. Yeah, he's right. 121 00:04:33,514 --> 00:04:35,449 You're playing the game wrong. 122 00:04:35,516 --> 00:04:37,484 Why is Harry belafonte in here? 123 00:04:37,551 --> 00:04:38,552 It's Gilbert. 124 00:04:38,619 --> 00:04:39,553 You're not supposed to cooperate, 125 00:04:39,620 --> 00:04:40,888 you're supposed to compete. 126 00:04:40,954 --> 00:04:42,122 Thanks for the advice, 127 00:04:42,189 --> 00:04:44,124 but I think we can choose how we want to play. 128 00:04:44,191 --> 00:04:46,093 - I suppose we can. - is he being ominous? 129 00:04:46,160 --> 00:04:47,594 Why are you being ominous? 130 00:04:49,163 --> 00:04:50,497 Whoa. We can pick stuff up? 131 00:04:50,564 --> 00:04:52,566 This game is more complex than you can imagine. 132 00:04:52,633 --> 00:04:54,601 And aside from its programmers, 133 00:04:54,668 --> 00:04:56,270 who have all been deported back to China, 134 00:04:56,336 --> 00:04:58,839 I'm the one who knows how it works. 135 00:05:00,074 --> 00:05:01,208 Run, run! He's gonna throw a knife! 136 00:05:01,275 --> 00:05:02,409 He's gonna throw a knife! Go! 137 00:05:02,476 --> 00:05:03,410 Jump! Jump! 138 00:05:05,379 --> 00:05:06,313 Wah! 139 00:05:09,116 --> 00:05:10,384 Wait! What are you--? 140 00:05:11,618 --> 00:05:13,554 he's a psychopath! He's suffo-- 141 00:05:16,457 --> 00:05:17,991 Yeah. 142 00:05:18,058 --> 00:05:19,893 Hey, look, Buddy, I know it must have sucked 143 00:05:19,960 --> 00:05:22,196 being colonel Sanders' manservant and all, 144 00:05:22,262 --> 00:05:23,564 but Pierce is technically our friend, 145 00:05:23,630 --> 00:05:25,466 and we're not gonna watch you screw him over. 146 00:05:25,532 --> 00:05:26,733 Perhaps you should be asking yourselves 147 00:05:26,800 --> 00:05:28,469 how you intend to stop me. 148 00:05:28,535 --> 00:05:31,004 How about if we come over there and kick your ass? 149 00:05:31,071 --> 00:05:32,406 Go get him, Troy. 150 00:05:32,473 --> 00:05:33,507 Be my guest. 151 00:05:33,574 --> 00:05:35,342 But 30 seconds after you leave your chairs, 152 00:05:35,409 --> 00:05:37,144 the weight sensors will recognize it 153 00:05:37,211 --> 00:05:38,479 as an automatic forfeit. 154 00:05:38,545 --> 00:05:40,147 Weight sensors? 155 00:05:41,882 --> 00:05:43,150 That's it. Let's get that jag! 156 00:05:43,217 --> 00:05:44,451 - Yeah! - Get him! 157 00:05:44,518 --> 00:05:47,755 - Kick that hippie's ass! - Yeah, yeah, yeah! 158 00:05:47,821 --> 00:05:50,424 Let's go! Move, move, move! 159 00:05:52,993 --> 00:05:55,929 - I think he left a note. - What? 160 00:05:55,996 --> 00:05:57,798 "after you've squandered the last of your savings, 161 00:05:57,865 --> 00:05:59,266 "I'll watch you writhe, penniless, in the gutter, 162 00:05:59,333 --> 00:06:00,400 "through a telescope in the penthouse office 163 00:06:00,467 --> 00:06:01,401 of Hawthorne tower." 164 00:06:02,603 --> 00:06:05,839 you can leave notes. This game is incredible. 165 00:06:05,906 --> 00:06:07,441 Pierce? 166 00:06:08,509 --> 00:06:09,443 - No, Pierce! - Please, no! 167 00:06:09,510 --> 00:06:10,544 We need you! 168 00:06:10,611 --> 00:06:11,879 Just let me die. 169 00:06:11,945 --> 00:06:14,214 Pierce, so Gilbert knows a couple tricks. 170 00:06:14,281 --> 00:06:16,450 Big deal. We outnumber him. 171 00:06:16,517 --> 00:06:19,119 And most importantly, while he's fighting for greed, 172 00:06:19,186 --> 00:06:20,854 we're fighting for friendship, 173 00:06:20,921 --> 00:06:23,157 which means we can't lose, okay? 174 00:06:23,223 --> 00:06:26,226 - Okay. - Okay! 175 00:06:28,228 --> 00:06:30,564 I guess there's no hug button. 176 00:06:33,542 --> 00:06:36,278 Everybody keep Pierce protected. 177 00:06:36,345 --> 00:06:39,114 We have to get him to the throne of hawkthorne before Gilbert. 178 00:06:39,181 --> 00:06:40,649 And don't forget, when you die, 179 00:06:40,716 --> 00:06:42,718 you go all the way back to the study room. 180 00:06:42,784 --> 00:06:44,686 So...don't die. 181 00:06:44,753 --> 00:06:46,388 Good pep talk, Jeff. 182 00:06:46,455 --> 00:06:47,889 Yeah, I used to love dying, 183 00:06:47,956 --> 00:06:49,558 but that speech really turned me around. 184 00:06:49,625 --> 00:06:50,892 Whatever. 185 00:06:52,928 --> 00:06:54,730 What's that? Kill it! 186 00:06:54,796 --> 00:06:56,365 It's a girl milking a cow, Pierce. 187 00:06:56,431 --> 00:06:57,566 I'll check it out. I owe Jeff that. 188 00:06:57,633 --> 00:07:00,068 I wasn't gonna say it. 189 00:07:00,135 --> 00:07:02,471 I am Hilda. I live in the village. 190 00:07:02,537 --> 00:07:04,106 - Lesbian. - Shh! 191 00:07:06,508 --> 00:07:07,442 I can help with that. 192 00:07:07,509 --> 00:07:10,279 I have information on many topics. 193 00:07:10,345 --> 00:07:12,047 Cool. 194 00:07:13,582 --> 00:07:16,051 The throne is in castle hawkthorne, north of here. 195 00:07:16,118 --> 00:07:19,021 You unlock the castle with the white crystal of discipline, 196 00:07:19,087 --> 00:07:20,956 which you must free from the black caverns. 197 00:07:21,023 --> 00:07:22,791 I'm picking up on some hidden symbolism. 198 00:07:22,858 --> 00:07:24,559 right, "White Crystal." 199 00:07:24,626 --> 00:07:25,994 You think dad was into meth? 200 00:07:26,061 --> 00:07:28,163 You can usually get supplies in a town like this. 201 00:07:28,230 --> 00:07:29,631 Man, why can't my mom be here? 202 00:07:29,698 --> 00:07:31,566 She always said my video game Knowledge would come in handy. 203 00:07:31,633 --> 00:07:33,302 I never believed her. 204 00:07:33,368 --> 00:07:34,670 Everybody split up and take a hut. 205 00:07:34,736 --> 00:07:38,736 Our only chance of beating Gilbert is to cover more ground. 206 00:07:41,643 --> 00:07:44,313 I have information on the following topics. 207 00:07:46,381 --> 00:07:47,349 Holy crap. 208 00:07:47,416 --> 00:07:49,318 Where have you been my whole life? 209 00:07:51,386 --> 00:07:53,522 I buy and sell weapons and armor. 210 00:07:54,590 --> 00:07:56,024 Cool. We need weapons. 211 00:07:57,092 --> 00:07:59,761 ooh. Well, what's free? 212 00:07:59,828 --> 00:08:00,796 Can we have a torch? 213 00:08:00,862 --> 00:08:02,531 - Thief! Thief! - Annie, put it back. 214 00:08:02,598 --> 00:08:04,866 Sorry. Sorry. 215 00:08:04,933 --> 00:08:06,201 Arr! Arr! 216 00:08:06,268 --> 00:08:07,202 Sorry, sorry, sorry. 217 00:08:07,269 --> 00:08:08,403 Oh, my god. - Oh, oh! Oh, no! 218 00:08:08,470 --> 00:08:10,439 What are you doing? - It was an accident! 219 00:08:10,505 --> 00:08:11,773 - Arrr! - He's dying! 220 00:08:11,840 --> 00:08:13,075 - Arrrrrr! - All right, hold on, hold on! 221 00:08:13,141 --> 00:08:14,876 Arrr! Arrr! 222 00:08:14,943 --> 00:08:16,445 Now what are you doing? 223 00:08:16,511 --> 00:08:17,846 He was suffering! 224 00:08:17,913 --> 00:08:20,148 Yeah, from axe wounds! 225 00:08:20,215 --> 00:08:22,284 Well, if this isn't worth any points, what is? 226 00:08:22,351 --> 00:08:25,454 You're asking me? I'm still looking for a pong paddle. 227 00:08:25,520 --> 00:08:29,291 - Let's play poker. - Oh, now we're talking. 228 00:08:29,358 --> 00:08:31,126 Check the desk. I'll check the dresser. 229 00:08:31,193 --> 00:08:32,394 How do I straighten that painting? 230 00:08:32,461 --> 00:08:35,230 You can't. Stop playing like a girl. 231 00:08:37,532 --> 00:08:38,800 Stop playing like a girl? 232 00:08:38,867 --> 00:08:40,769 Here's the thing about women, Jeff. 233 00:08:40,836 --> 00:08:42,904 We don't Hack and slash our way through life 234 00:08:42,971 --> 00:08:45,140 because we're one with life. 235 00:08:45,207 --> 00:08:48,043 - Help me hide the body. - Oh, my lord. Oh, my lord. 236 00:08:48,110 --> 00:08:50,345 Shirley, these things happen in video games. 237 00:08:50,412 --> 00:08:51,513 - They do? - Yes. 238 00:08:51,580 --> 00:08:52,514 We can't get hung up 239 00:08:52,581 --> 00:08:53,849 on Real world morality. 240 00:08:53,916 --> 00:08:55,350 We need to survive and win. 241 00:08:55,417 --> 00:08:58,353 Hello, I'm the blacksmith's wife--Aah! Help! 242 00:08:58,420 --> 00:09:00,289 - Oh, crap! - Guard the door. 243 00:09:00,355 --> 00:09:01,723 What? 244 00:09:01,790 --> 00:09:02,724 Shirley! 245 00:09:02,791 --> 00:09:04,426 No witnesses! 246 00:09:04,493 --> 00:09:05,761 Grab everything you can carry. 247 00:09:05,827 --> 00:09:07,296 I'll check upstairs for any more family. 248 00:09:07,362 --> 00:09:09,064 Don't give me that look. These are your loose ends. 249 00:09:09,131 --> 00:09:10,632 I'm just tying 'em up. 250 00:09:10,699 --> 00:09:12,401 This is so cool. 251 00:09:12,467 --> 00:09:13,635 Where are your clothes? 252 00:09:13,702 --> 00:09:14,870 Pierce taught me poker. 253 00:09:14,937 --> 00:09:16,405 I'm not good at it. 254 00:09:16,471 --> 00:09:17,439 You still talking to this girl? 255 00:09:17,506 --> 00:09:18,840 Yeah, she only has three moves 256 00:09:18,907 --> 00:09:20,676 that you activate with basic patterns of stimulus. 257 00:09:20,742 --> 00:09:22,110 I've never felt this way before. 258 00:09:22,177 --> 00:09:23,845 - Abed, don't get weird. - Oh, I won't. 259 00:09:23,912 --> 00:09:24,980 She's not ready for anything serious, 260 00:09:25,047 --> 00:09:26,548 but she wants me to meet her family. 261 00:09:26,615 --> 00:09:29,017 - My father is the blacksmith. - her father's a blacksmith. 262 00:09:29,084 --> 00:09:31,486 - Hello! - Everybody go shopping? 263 00:09:31,553 --> 00:09:33,422 That's all we did. 264 00:09:33,488 --> 00:09:34,523 Is that hut on fire? 265 00:09:34,590 --> 00:09:37,759 Oh, my. What an unexplained tragedy. 266 00:09:37,826 --> 00:09:40,362 don't we look comfy at a cauldron. 267 00:09:40,429 --> 00:09:41,964 check it out. 268 00:09:43,765 --> 00:09:45,634 Ooh, see, I'll put all of this in here, 269 00:09:45,701 --> 00:09:47,736 and then that, and then I'll hit this. 270 00:09:47,803 --> 00:09:49,404 What is it? 271 00:09:49,471 --> 00:09:51,073 I assume, like, a strength potion. 272 00:09:51,139 --> 00:09:52,641 Then I assume it's poison. 273 00:09:52,708 --> 00:09:54,276 You're just jealous because we found a world 274 00:09:54,343 --> 00:09:55,577 where I know what I'm doing. 275 00:09:55,644 --> 00:09:57,946 This place is 20 cat turds and a pixies poster 276 00:09:58,013 --> 00:09:59,615 from being your apartment. 277 00:10:02,017 --> 00:10:03,418 What's with the st. Pauli girl? 278 00:10:03,485 --> 00:10:04,486 Hilda's parents lived there. 279 00:10:04,553 --> 00:10:05,754 Now she has no family. 280 00:10:05,821 --> 00:10:07,155 She'll be forced to marry a male villager 281 00:10:07,222 --> 00:10:09,725 or take her chances in the wilderness. 282 00:10:09,791 --> 00:10:12,294 What kind of game is this? 283 00:10:12,361 --> 00:10:14,496 Oh, crap, it's Gilbert. Well, well, well. 284 00:10:14,563 --> 00:10:16,265 Looks like someone's one step behind. 285 00:10:16,331 --> 00:10:18,667 Yeah, if you're looking for equipment, tough luck. 286 00:10:18,734 --> 00:10:21,303 The store was lost in a freak accident. 287 00:10:21,370 --> 00:10:22,704 I hardly need equipment, young lady. 288 00:10:22,771 --> 00:10:25,841 While you were shopping, I gained enough levels to do this. 289 00:10:25,907 --> 00:10:27,743 Uh-Huh, come on and bring it! 290 00:10:27,809 --> 00:10:29,177 He's shooting lightning and I'm naked! 291 00:10:29,244 --> 00:10:30,445 Get behind us! We have armor! 292 00:10:30,512 --> 00:10:31,947 Oh! Whoa! 293 00:10:32,014 --> 00:10:34,750 Aah! 294 00:10:34,816 --> 00:10:36,685 Oh, great! Gilbert! 295 00:10:36,752 --> 00:10:39,254 Oh, great! Evil Jedi lightning Gilbert! 296 00:10:39,321 --> 00:10:40,856 oh! 297 00:10:40,923 --> 00:10:44,126 Britta, drink that super strength potion you made. 298 00:10:44,192 --> 00:10:45,260 Oh, right, right, right, right. 299 00:10:45,327 --> 00:10:46,461 Hurry up, Britta! 300 00:10:46,528 --> 00:10:47,996 I'm trying, I'm trying! Aah! 301 00:10:48,063 --> 00:10:50,065 Damn it, I thought we could count on Britta 302 00:10:50,132 --> 00:10:52,034 to not screw up drinking. 303 00:10:52,100 --> 00:10:53,402 This'll be fun. 304 00:10:55,037 --> 00:10:57,005 what the hell? 305 00:10:57,072 --> 00:10:58,373 Here's hoping we can count on her 306 00:10:58,440 --> 00:11:00,309 to screw up making potions. 307 00:11:07,950 --> 00:11:09,451 Unbelievable. 308 00:11:09,518 --> 00:11:12,154 Jeff bet all our lives on Britta and won, 309 00:11:12,220 --> 00:11:15,424 and I lost my pants to a pair of nines. 310 00:11:19,861 --> 00:11:22,397 very well. 311 00:11:22,464 --> 00:11:25,200 Let's play. 312 00:11:34,067 --> 00:11:35,802 Abed, are you sure about this? 313 00:11:35,868 --> 00:11:38,071 Yeah. It just feels like the right thing to do. 314 00:11:38,137 --> 00:11:39,772 Hey, I made it back. 315 00:11:39,839 --> 00:11:41,941 You guys never died. How did you beat Gilbert? 316 00:11:42,008 --> 00:11:44,010 Oh, you know. Teamwork. 317 00:11:44,077 --> 00:11:45,044 We were headed for the black caves 318 00:11:45,111 --> 00:11:46,446 to find the white crystal. 319 00:11:46,512 --> 00:11:47,814 We were just saying good-Bye to abed. 320 00:11:47,880 --> 00:11:48,982 I'm gonna stay here in the village with Hilda 321 00:11:49,048 --> 00:11:50,083 and help her rebuild her life. 322 00:11:50,149 --> 00:11:51,718 Abed, she's a program. 323 00:11:51,784 --> 00:11:53,519 People have said similar things about me. 324 00:11:53,586 --> 00:11:55,154 Uh-Oh. He's playing the rain man card. 325 00:11:55,221 --> 00:11:56,155 Let's bounce. 326 00:11:56,222 --> 00:11:57,757 I've got an inheritance to win. 327 00:12:00,827 --> 00:12:02,161 ?T× ?T× 328 00:12:03,763 --> 00:12:05,265 Offensive. Called it. 329 00:12:05,331 --> 00:12:06,266 Shut up, Britta. 330 00:12:06,332 --> 00:12:08,468 ?T× ?T× 331 00:12:09,836 --> 00:12:11,471 You did great in there, Jeff. 332 00:12:11,537 --> 00:12:12,605 Shut up, Pierce. 333 00:12:15,942 --> 00:12:17,210 ?T× ?T× 334 00:12:17,277 --> 00:12:19,812 Okay, duck. Stay ducked. 335 00:12:19,879 --> 00:12:21,514 Okay, unduck. 336 00:12:21,581 --> 00:12:23,316 Okay, now jump. 337 00:12:23,383 --> 00:12:24,584 I think we're almost there. 338 00:12:24,651 --> 00:12:27,020 Thank god. This cave is the worst. 339 00:12:27,086 --> 00:12:28,688 I know, I don't know what's more offensive-- 340 00:12:28,755 --> 00:12:31,124 The actual racism or the insulting notion 341 00:12:31,190 --> 00:12:32,792 that it might somehow rub off on us. 342 00:12:33,860 --> 00:12:35,061 look out! Jive turkeys! 343 00:12:35,128 --> 00:12:36,829 Kill them before they start multiplying! 344 00:12:38,798 --> 00:12:41,868 - Yeah, suck on this! - Take that, jive turkey! 345 00:12:48,741 --> 00:12:49,976 All right! The White crystal! 346 00:12:50,043 --> 00:12:50,977 - Whoo! - Yeah! 347 00:12:51,044 --> 00:12:51,978 - Get it! - Get it! 348 00:12:52,045 --> 00:12:53,046 I'll take it. 349 00:12:53,112 --> 00:12:56,382 I've earned it by having friends. 350 00:12:58,651 --> 00:12:59,585 This is it. 351 00:13:00,653 --> 00:13:01,587 It certainly is. 352 00:13:01,654 --> 00:13:03,122 - No, man! - You again? 353 00:13:03,189 --> 00:13:04,123 Now I'll have that crystal. 354 00:13:04,190 --> 00:13:05,124 I think you'll have this. 355 00:13:06,192 --> 00:13:07,160 whoops. 356 00:13:07,226 --> 00:13:08,494 Arrows! 357 00:13:09,929 --> 00:13:11,431 What? Come on! 358 00:13:13,766 --> 00:13:14,801 Where'd you get all that stuff? 359 00:13:14,867 --> 00:13:16,669 You've only been alive for an hour. 360 00:13:22,241 --> 00:13:23,176 Well, that was not fair. 361 00:13:23,242 --> 00:13:24,410 What the hell, Gilbert? 362 00:13:24,477 --> 00:13:27,113 You're cheating, which I have no problem with, 363 00:13:27,180 --> 00:13:29,048 but you're getting caught, and that's not cool! 364 00:13:29,115 --> 00:13:30,049 Yeah, don't be a knob. 365 00:13:30,116 --> 00:13:31,951 That inheritance is rightfully mine! 366 00:13:32,018 --> 00:13:33,453 Rightfully? 367 00:13:33,519 --> 00:13:34,587 I'm his son. 368 00:13:34,654 --> 00:13:39,258 - So am I. - Oh. 369 00:13:39,325 --> 00:13:42,028 What? That can't be True. 370 00:13:42,095 --> 00:13:45,231 You're half...white. - Nice save. 371 00:13:45,298 --> 00:13:47,567 Do you remember your childhood nanny, Etta? 372 00:13:47,634 --> 00:13:51,037 Well, Etta had a hot cousin. 373 00:13:51,104 --> 00:13:52,705 My mother. 374 00:13:52,772 --> 00:13:55,275 So you see, Pierce, 375 00:13:55,341 --> 00:13:57,877 I am your half-Brother, 376 00:13:57,944 --> 00:14:00,647 and I am more your father's son than you ever were, 377 00:14:00,713 --> 00:14:03,316 so shut up and play the game. 378 00:14:03,383 --> 00:14:06,386 Why you-- - Let's go, Pierce. 379 00:14:08,288 --> 00:14:10,223 Okay, look, I know things seem hopeless 380 00:14:10,290 --> 00:14:12,325 because he's all the way to the castle with the crystal 381 00:14:12,392 --> 00:14:13,893 and we're starting over, 382 00:14:13,960 --> 00:14:15,328 but here's the thing-- 383 00:14:15,395 --> 00:14:16,829 We're better at this game now. 384 00:14:16,896 --> 00:14:19,632 We've died and been reborn, and that makes us heroes. 385 00:14:20,700 --> 00:14:21,901 - Charge! - Let's get him! 386 00:14:29,976 --> 00:14:33,976 ?T× ?T× 387 00:14:41,154 --> 00:14:42,422 I guess the fact that we're still playing 388 00:14:42,488 --> 00:14:43,756 means he hasn't won yet. 389 00:14:43,823 --> 00:14:45,291 Yeah, but what's the point? 390 00:14:45,358 --> 00:14:47,794 He'll just keep cheating until he wins. 391 00:14:47,860 --> 00:14:50,630 Why are all the trees cut down? 392 00:14:50,697 --> 00:14:55,335 Isn't this where abed's village was? 393 00:14:55,401 --> 00:14:57,337 - Hello, old friends. - abed! 394 00:14:57,403 --> 00:14:58,404 You remember Hilda. 395 00:14:58,471 --> 00:15:00,974 I live in the village. I love abed. 396 00:15:01,040 --> 00:15:02,542 Did she just say your name? 397 00:15:02,609 --> 00:15:04,043 Yeah, if you Max out a character's trust 398 00:15:04,110 --> 00:15:05,345 and affection levels, you can gain access 399 00:15:05,411 --> 00:15:06,446 to a front-End scripting language. 400 00:15:06,512 --> 00:15:07,447 Watch. 401 00:15:10,149 --> 00:15:11,651 Cool cool cool! 402 00:15:11,718 --> 00:15:13,019 She can make babies for me. 403 00:15:13,086 --> 00:15:14,020 Oh, and I can't? 404 00:15:14,087 --> 00:15:15,688 I can't. 405 00:15:15,755 --> 00:15:16,823 Come on inside. 406 00:15:16,889 --> 00:15:17,824 I built this from scratch. 407 00:15:17,890 --> 00:15:18,825 Check out my castle. 408 00:15:18,891 --> 00:15:19,826 - Oh, it's nice. - Wow. 409 00:15:19,892 --> 00:15:21,027 I hope this isn't blood gold. 410 00:15:21,094 --> 00:15:22,328 This is my family. 411 00:15:22,395 --> 00:15:24,097 Baby abed has my eyes and her bonnet. 412 00:15:24,163 --> 00:15:25,898 Each baby is capable of executing custom code, 413 00:15:25,965 --> 00:15:27,200 which means you can write a code 414 00:15:27,267 --> 00:15:29,035 that makes one baby tell another baby what to do, 415 00:15:29,102 --> 00:15:30,670 much like real children on a playground. 416 00:15:30,737 --> 00:15:32,038 Oh, abed, but-- 417 00:15:32,105 --> 00:15:33,706 Annie, let's find the tin man's heart later. 418 00:15:33,773 --> 00:15:35,608 Abed, how much stuff do you have here 419 00:15:35,675 --> 00:15:36,676 and what can we make with it? 420 00:15:36,743 --> 00:15:38,645 - That depends. - on? 421 00:15:38,711 --> 00:15:40,446 On what you can imagine. 422 00:15:40,513 --> 00:15:42,515 Baby abeds: Cool. Cool, cool, cool. 423 00:15:46,052 --> 00:15:47,387 Welcome. 424 00:15:47,453 --> 00:15:50,623 You are the first to make it to the throne of hawkthorne. 425 00:15:50,690 --> 00:15:53,092 Let me take a look at you. 426 00:15:53,159 --> 00:15:55,228 According to your complexion, 427 00:15:55,295 --> 00:15:58,197 I think you might be Gilbert Lawson. 428 00:15:58,264 --> 00:16:00,233 Is this True? 429 00:16:00,300 --> 00:16:01,234 Just a moment. 430 00:16:01,301 --> 00:16:02,335 Hello, Gilbert. 431 00:16:02,402 --> 00:16:04,570 Due to the nature of our relationship, 432 00:16:04,637 --> 00:16:06,639 I'll need your electronic signature 433 00:16:06,706 --> 00:16:08,741 on this legally-Binding agreement. 434 00:16:09,809 --> 00:16:11,978 it dictates that you will never, ever 435 00:16:12,045 --> 00:16:13,413 besmirch the Hawthorne name 436 00:16:13,479 --> 00:16:15,348 with Any outlandish notions 437 00:16:15,415 --> 00:16:18,017 regarding you genealogical origins. 438 00:16:18,084 --> 00:16:19,552 You are the bastard offspring 439 00:16:19,619 --> 00:16:21,120 of a colored seductress 440 00:16:21,187 --> 00:16:23,589 and an unknown, weak-Willed miscegenist... 441 00:16:31,297 --> 00:16:34,434 it's a simple question, Gilbert. 442 00:16:34,500 --> 00:16:37,537 Do you agree? 443 00:16:38,972 --> 00:16:42,508 Thank you for being honest, Gilbert. 444 00:16:42,575 --> 00:16:44,744 No! 445 00:16:44,811 --> 00:16:47,280 I'm your son! 446 00:16:47,347 --> 00:16:48,581 I'm sorry, Gilbert. 447 00:16:48,648 --> 00:16:51,217 I always knew you'd disappoint me. 448 00:16:51,284 --> 00:16:52,752 Baby abeds: Cool cool cool! Cool Cool cool! 449 00:16:52,819 --> 00:16:53,820 Cool Cool cool! 450 00:16:53,886 --> 00:16:56,789 Ah, I see you've chosen teamwork. 451 00:16:56,856 --> 00:16:58,858 A coward's strategy. 452 00:16:58,925 --> 00:17:01,961 I will upgrade your challenge accordingly. 453 00:17:06,666 --> 00:17:07,867 ?T× ?T× 454 00:17:07,934 --> 00:17:12,071 I bequeath my fortune to no inferiors. 455 00:17:12,138 --> 00:17:13,072 ?T× ?T× 456 00:17:14,974 --> 00:17:16,643 - Yeah! - Attack! 457 00:17:16,709 --> 00:17:18,911 What's this now? 458 00:17:18,978 --> 00:17:20,613 Whoo hoo hoo hoo! Here we go! 459 00:17:20,680 --> 00:17:23,416 Get him! Aim for the joints! 460 00:17:23,483 --> 00:17:24,417 Baby ABEDS: Cool cool cool! Cool Cool cool! 461 00:17:24,484 --> 00:17:25,585 - Take that! - Get him! 462 00:17:25,652 --> 00:17:27,453 Die, racism! 463 00:17:30,223 --> 00:17:31,758 Troy and ABED: ?T× Troy and abed shooting lava ?T× 464 00:17:31,824 --> 00:17:33,960 Yeah! 465 00:17:37,864 --> 00:17:39,299 Take that! 466 00:17:39,365 --> 00:17:42,335 - Aah! - Aah! Oh, no! Aah! 467 00:17:43,937 --> 00:17:47,937 Hey! Look at me now, dad! 468 00:17:50,109 --> 00:17:52,078 Aah! 469 00:18:03,323 --> 00:18:06,225 I suppose you're wondering, player, 470 00:18:06,292 --> 00:18:10,292 why record myself breathing weird 471 00:18:10,964 --> 00:18:14,567 and letting you destroy me. 472 00:18:14,634 --> 00:18:18,938 Because I am a man of honor. 473 00:18:19,005 --> 00:18:23,005 So you've earned the pleasure of my death. 474 00:18:23,643 --> 00:18:25,144 But I didn't. 475 00:18:25,211 --> 00:18:26,846 I'm not the one that beat you. 476 00:18:26,913 --> 00:18:29,248 Yes, you are. 477 00:18:29,315 --> 00:18:31,384 We're forfeiting. 478 00:18:31,451 --> 00:18:33,353 Stations one through seven abandoned. 479 00:18:33,419 --> 00:18:34,454 Players disqualified. 480 00:18:34,520 --> 00:18:35,555 Gilbert, you're right. 481 00:18:35,622 --> 00:18:37,156 You were more his son than me. 482 00:18:37,223 --> 00:18:38,825 You took all his crap 483 00:18:38,891 --> 00:18:40,526 and you didn't even get to take his name. 484 00:18:40,593 --> 00:18:45,064 He once sat on me in church just so he could see better. 485 00:18:45,131 --> 00:18:47,567 We've only been playing this game a couple of hours. 486 00:18:47,634 --> 00:18:50,169 You've been playing it your whole life, 487 00:18:50,236 --> 00:18:53,439 and now it's time for your reward, brother. 488 00:18:53,506 --> 00:18:56,376 So get in there and kill our dad. 489 00:18:56,442 --> 00:18:59,879 Thank you, Pierce. 490 00:18:59,946 --> 00:19:02,148 Wait a second. Here, take this. 491 00:19:02,215 --> 00:19:03,149 - oh! - Whoa! 492 00:19:03,216 --> 00:19:04,717 - You may need it. - Oh, Pierce. 493 00:19:04,784 --> 00:19:07,186 You really don't know how this works, do you? 494 00:19:07,253 --> 00:19:08,955 Are you always carrying that? 495 00:19:09,022 --> 00:19:10,256 Not in the shower. 496 00:19:21,968 --> 00:19:23,803 I'd like to thank you again for today 497 00:19:23,870 --> 00:19:26,272 and offer my apologies for my conduct. 498 00:19:26,339 --> 00:19:27,707 I wasn't myself. 499 00:19:27,774 --> 00:19:30,777 Family can make a person do a lot of crazy things. 500 00:19:30,843 --> 00:19:33,613 I understand. I have an uncle who makes his own pizza. 501 00:19:33,680 --> 00:19:35,315 - don't worry about it. - Yeah, totally. 502 00:19:35,381 --> 00:19:37,583 if it would make it up to any of you in any way, 503 00:19:37,650 --> 00:19:39,118 there's a bar in town called skeepers, 504 00:19:39,185 --> 00:19:40,887 and I hear they make a specialty drink-- 505 00:19:40,954 --> 00:19:44,123 a Margarita, in fact, and it's served in a glass 506 00:19:44,190 --> 00:19:46,259 an entire yard long. 507 00:19:46,326 --> 00:19:48,261 My treat. - Score. 508 00:19:48,328 --> 00:19:50,563 This is the greatest day of my life. 509 00:19:50,630 --> 00:19:52,732 I've always wanted to have a brother. 510 00:19:52,799 --> 00:19:55,368 Hey, Hey, settle a bet. 511 00:19:55,435 --> 00:19:59,672 The word "Mulatto, " is it okay or just borderline? 512 00:19:59,739 --> 00:20:02,709 - We apologize for him. - Oh, that's okay. He's family. 513 00:20:13,319 --> 00:20:16,589 Hilda, my love, I said I'd come back for you. 514 00:20:21,850 --> 00:20:22,884 I don't know. 515 00:20:22,951 --> 00:20:23,885 I just think that in a parallel universe, 516 00:20:23,952 --> 00:20:24,953 blorgons are-- - hold on. 517 00:20:25,019 --> 00:20:29,390 a baby. I wasn't expecting this. 518 00:20:29,457 --> 00:20:30,758 guess we'll have to support it. 519 00:20:30,825 --> 00:20:32,160 I guess I could get some kind of job, 520 00:20:32,227 --> 00:20:33,461 maybe at beans and more. 521 00:20:33,528 --> 00:20:34,629 I'll probably have to work double shifts, but-- 522 00:20:34,696 --> 00:20:36,464 Oh, I see. 523 00:20:36,531 --> 00:20:38,499 While you're off, climbing the ladder at beans and more, 524 00:20:38,566 --> 00:20:39,868 I'll just stay home and raise him alone. 525 00:20:39,934 --> 00:20:41,369 That's fine. I'll just give up on my dreams. 526 00:20:41,436 --> 00:20:42,871 - Here we go. - What? 527 00:20:42,937 --> 00:20:45,840 He needs to learn a strong man can cry. 528 00:20:53,081 --> 00:20:54,749 So, what were you saying about blorgons? 529 00:20:56,618 --> 00:20:58,319 They're actually called glorbons.