1 00:00:02,228 --> 00:00:04,783 Pierce, you made us all drive to a warehouse 2 00:00:04,784 --> 00:00:06,205 in the middle of nowhere. 3 00:00:06,206 --> 00:00:07,373 You could at least tell us why. 4 00:00:07,374 --> 00:00:08,667 Hey, I know as much as you. 5 00:00:08,686 --> 00:00:09,337 I got a letter 6 00:00:09,360 --> 00:00:11,376 from the executor of my father's estate. 7 00:00:11,398 --> 00:00:13,493 It said to come out here with my seven closest friends. 8 00:00:13,510 --> 00:00:14,407 You brought six. 9 00:00:14,431 --> 00:00:15,682 Well, who else was he gonna bring? 10 00:00:15,683 --> 00:00:17,016 Levar Burton was a maybe. 11 00:00:17,017 --> 00:00:18,434 Mr. Hawthorne. 12 00:00:18,435 --> 00:00:20,053 I apologize. Gilbert. 13 00:00:20,054 --> 00:00:22,138 Even from the grave, my father's got you 14 00:00:22,139 --> 00:00:24,423 by the short and curly salt and pepperies. 15 00:00:24,424 --> 00:00:26,726 My name is Gilbert Lawson. 16 00:00:26,727 --> 00:00:29,746 I was Cornelius Hawthorne's assistant for over 30 years, 17 00:00:29,747 --> 00:00:31,597 and before that, I was just the teenager 18 00:00:31,598 --> 00:00:33,316 who read the Bible to him in the bath. 19 00:00:33,317 --> 00:00:34,317 - Ew. - All right, all right. 20 00:00:34,318 --> 00:00:35,451 It's inheritance time. 21 00:00:35,452 --> 00:00:37,620 How 'bout that check, soul brother? 22 00:00:37,621 --> 00:00:39,038 Your father did leave you something, 23 00:00:39,039 --> 00:00:40,773 but it's more of an activity. 24 00:00:40,774 --> 00:00:43,042 Thank you for keeping it as creepy as possible. 25 00:00:43,043 --> 00:00:44,711 This looks like a multi-player gaming interface. 26 00:00:44,712 --> 00:00:45,745 I've heard enough. 27 00:00:45,746 --> 00:00:49,332 Oh, that diabolical old fossil face. 28 00:00:49,333 --> 00:00:51,751 I asked him for money to invest in video games 29 00:00:51,752 --> 00:00:53,285 back in 1979. 30 00:00:53,286 --> 00:00:55,788 Cornelius spent over 30 years developing a video game for you. 31 00:00:55,789 --> 00:00:57,874 It was his dying wish 32 00:00:57,875 --> 00:01:00,143 that you and seven of your closest friends would play it. 33 00:01:00,144 --> 00:01:01,761 Lavar Burton was a maybe. 34 00:01:01,762 --> 00:01:03,396 So, please, choose a seat. 35 00:01:03,397 --> 00:01:04,764 Cool. 36 00:01:04,765 --> 00:01:08,267 So a 100-year-old man designed a 30-year-old video game? 37 00:01:08,268 --> 00:01:09,519 This I've got to see. 38 00:01:09,520 --> 00:01:10,970 Once you're seated behind your computers, 39 00:01:10,971 --> 00:01:12,188 a photograph of you will be taken 40 00:01:12,189 --> 00:01:14,907 and an avatar will be made from your likeness. 41 00:01:14,908 --> 00:01:16,309 I didn't bring my likeness. 44 00:01:51,365 --> 00:01:54,363 Sync and corrections by Elderfel www.addic7ed.com Resync for WEB-DL by Norther 45 00:01:55,248 --> 00:01:56,444 - Nice! - Cool. 46 00:01:56,445 --> 00:01:57,735 - Old school. - Cool, cool, cool. 47 00:01:57,736 --> 00:01:58,714 Which one is me? 48 00:01:58,715 --> 00:02:00,859 I assume nothing because I'm not racist. 49 00:02:00,860 --> 00:02:02,972 Aww! We're adorable! 50 00:02:02,973 --> 00:02:04,440 Why did this thing take photos 51 00:02:04,441 --> 00:02:06,609 if it was going to completely fabricate random body shapes? 52 00:02:06,610 --> 00:02:08,895 That's what I'm saying! My hair looks good, though. 53 00:02:08,896 --> 00:02:10,963 Orange button is jump. 54 00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:14,417 Whee! 55 00:02:14,418 --> 00:02:15,802 Which guy am I? 56 00:02:15,803 --> 00:02:17,670 There's a door here. 57 00:02:18,705 --> 00:02:20,556 - Peace. Love. - What's that? 58 00:02:20,557 --> 00:02:21,974 - I think it's a hippie. - Peace. Love. 59 00:02:21,975 --> 00:02:22,992 Aww! 60 00:02:22,993 --> 00:02:24,277 Annie, stop "awing" everything. 61 00:02:24,278 --> 00:02:26,813 Don't be jaded. He's saying "peace." 62 00:02:26,814 --> 00:02:28,247 - Hello. - Sex. 63 00:02:28,248 --> 00:02:30,199 - Did he say "sex"? - Drugs. Sex. 64 00:02:30,200 --> 00:02:31,868 Oh, my God. 65 00:02:31,869 --> 00:02:32,885 Hold on, I'm coming. 66 00:02:32,886 --> 00:02:35,221 - Oh! Oh! Ow! Ow! - Darn! Shoot! 67 00:02:35,222 --> 00:02:37,657 Dang it. Um... Jeff, you just murdered Annie. 68 00:02:37,658 --> 00:02:39,108 Well, better than doing nothing! 69 00:02:39,124 --> 00:02:40,718 - I'm not sure that's the case. - That's debatable. 70 00:02:40,765 --> 00:02:42,149 You guys, help me. 71 00:02:42,190 --> 00:02:44,109 - The way you helped Annie? - Sex. 72 00:02:44,157 --> 00:02:45,000 Before we engage, 73 00:02:45,032 --> 00:02:46,438 we should hang back and study their tactics. 74 00:02:46,457 --> 00:02:47,690 - What? - Group sex. 75 00:02:47,714 --> 00:02:49,115 Oh, my God! 76 00:02:49,289 --> 00:02:51,306 Oh, cool, I'm alive. 77 00:02:51,371 --> 00:02:53,940 - Pierce? - This game makes no sense. 78 00:02:53,941 --> 00:02:56,592 - What happened to you? - I don't want to talk about it. 79 00:02:56,593 --> 00:02:59,479 Pierce, point the joystick right. 80 00:02:59,480 --> 00:03:01,581 So I'm supposed to just guess that? 81 00:03:01,582 --> 00:03:03,132 Where are the instructions? 82 00:03:04,885 --> 00:03:07,336 Take that! Take that! Yeah, we rule! 83 00:03:07,337 --> 00:03:08,588 Oh, you guys are alive. 84 00:03:08,589 --> 00:03:10,072 You re-spawn in the study room when you die. 85 00:03:10,073 --> 00:03:11,240 Here, I'll show you. 86 00:03:11,241 --> 00:03:13,209 - Hey! - Jeffrey! Shame on you! 87 00:03:13,210 --> 00:03:15,478 "Hang back and study their tactics"? 88 00:03:15,479 --> 00:03:16,546 Let him get it out of his system. 89 00:03:16,547 --> 00:03:19,098 Ah, forget it. Let's just keep moving. 90 00:03:29,409 --> 00:03:30,526 Now what? 91 00:03:30,527 --> 00:03:32,578 Welcome to Hawkthorne. 92 00:03:32,579 --> 00:03:34,831 That's dad's voice. Dad? 93 00:03:34,832 --> 00:03:37,016 Piercinald, in 1980, 94 00:03:37,017 --> 00:03:39,869 you said that video games, not moist towelettes, 95 00:03:39,870 --> 00:03:41,504 were the business of the future. 96 00:03:41,505 --> 00:03:45,041 Today, moist towelettes are stocked in every supermarket, 97 00:03:45,042 --> 00:03:47,510 while arcade after arcade closes. 98 00:03:47,511 --> 00:03:48,594 He's got a point. 99 00:03:48,595 --> 00:03:50,313 Nevertheless, I designed this game 100 00:03:50,314 --> 00:03:51,714 to be played upon my death 101 00:03:51,715 --> 00:03:53,766 by you and whatever cabal of fruits, 102 00:03:53,767 --> 00:03:55,601 junkies, and sluts you call your friends. 103 00:03:55,602 --> 00:03:56,853 Her name is Britta. 104 00:03:56,854 --> 00:03:58,671 Only one player can win... 105 00:03:58,672 --> 00:04:01,824 the first to reach my throne inside Castle Hawkthorne. 106 00:04:01,825 --> 00:04:05,478 Their reward, Pierce, will be your inheritance. 107 00:04:05,479 --> 00:04:06,729 - What? - His inheritance? What? 108 00:04:06,730 --> 00:04:09,365 So you see, Pierce, turns out you were right. 109 00:04:09,366 --> 00:04:11,534 Video games are important. 110 00:04:13,904 --> 00:04:16,255 Worst son ever! 111 00:04:16,256 --> 00:04:18,608 Well, great. How do I fight you guys? 112 00:04:18,609 --> 00:04:19,625 Which button fights? 113 00:04:19,626 --> 00:04:22,562 - Pierce, stop. - Pierce, relax. 114 00:04:22,563 --> 00:04:24,029 Pierce, stay in the game, stay in the game. 115 00:04:24,030 --> 00:04:25,197 Pierce, calm down. 116 00:04:25,198 --> 00:04:26,999 - Nobody's gonna fight you. - Why not? 117 00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:29,252 Because when you're friends with someone for three years, 118 00:04:29,253 --> 00:04:31,454 it's weird to steal their family's money. 119 00:04:31,455 --> 00:04:33,119 And there wouldn't be a lot of sport in beating you. 120 00:04:33,148 --> 00:04:34,760 - Look at yourself. - Yeah, he's right. 121 00:04:34,791 --> 00:04:36,792 You're playing the game wrong. 122 00:04:36,793 --> 00:04:38,844 Why is Harry Belafonte in here? 123 00:04:38,845 --> 00:04:39,912 It's Gilbert. 124 00:04:39,913 --> 00:04:40,913 You're not supposed to cooperate, 125 00:04:40,914 --> 00:04:42,248 you're supposed to compete. 126 00:04:42,249 --> 00:04:43,482 Thanks for the advice, 127 00:04:43,483 --> 00:04:45,484 but I think we can choose how we want to play. 128 00:04:45,485 --> 00:04:47,436 - I suppose we can. - Is he being ominous? 129 00:04:47,437 --> 00:04:48,938 Why are you being ominous? 130 00:04:50,440 --> 00:04:51,841 Whoa. We can pick stuff up? 131 00:04:51,842 --> 00:04:53,910 This game is more complex than you can imagine. 132 00:04:53,911 --> 00:04:55,945 And aside from its programmers, 133 00:04:55,946 --> 00:04:57,613 who have all been deported back to China, 134 00:04:57,614 --> 00:05:00,182 I'm the one who knows how it works. 135 00:05:01,368 --> 00:05:02,568 Run, run! He's gonna throw a knife! 136 00:05:02,569 --> 00:05:03,753 He's gonna throw a knife! Go! 137 00:05:03,754 --> 00:05:04,754 Jump! Jump! 138 00:05:06,657 --> 00:05:07,657 Wah! 139 00:05:10,410 --> 00:05:11,744 Wait! What are you...? 140 00:05:12,913 --> 00:05:14,914 He's a psychopath! He's suffo... 141 00:05:17,751 --> 00:05:19,352 Yeah. 142 00:05:19,353 --> 00:05:21,253 Hey, look, buddy, I know it must have sucked 143 00:05:21,254 --> 00:05:23,556 being colonel Sanders' manservant and all, 144 00:05:23,557 --> 00:05:24,923 but Pierce is technically our friend, 145 00:05:24,924 --> 00:05:26,809 and we're not gonna watch you screw him over. 146 00:05:26,810 --> 00:05:28,077 Perhaps you should be asking yourselves 147 00:05:28,078 --> 00:05:29,829 how you intend to stop me. 148 00:05:29,830 --> 00:05:32,365 How about if we come over there and kick your ass? 149 00:05:32,366 --> 00:05:33,766 Go get him, Troy. 150 00:05:33,767 --> 00:05:34,867 Be my guest. 151 00:05:34,868 --> 00:05:36,702 But 30 seconds after you leave your chairs, 152 00:05:36,703 --> 00:05:38,487 the weight sensors will recognize it 153 00:05:38,488 --> 00:05:39,822 as an automatic forfeit. 154 00:05:39,823 --> 00:05:41,490 Weight sensors? 155 00:05:43,160 --> 00:05:44,493 That's it. Let's get that jag! 156 00:05:44,494 --> 00:05:45,795 - Yeah! - Get him! 157 00:05:45,796 --> 00:05:49,114 - Kick that hippie's ass! - Yeah, yeah, yeah! 158 00:05:49,115 --> 00:05:51,717 Let's go! Move, move, move! 159 00:05:54,271 --> 00:05:57,273 - I think he left a note. - What? 160 00:05:57,274 --> 00:05:59,141 "After you've squandered the last of your savings, 161 00:05:59,142 --> 00:06:00,609 "I'll watch you writhe, penniless, in the gutter, 162 00:06:00,610 --> 00:06:01,744 "through a telescope in the penthouse office 163 00:06:01,745 --> 00:06:02,745 of Hawthorne Tower." 164 00:06:03,880 --> 00:06:07,199 You can leave notes. This game is incredible. 165 00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:08,801 Pierce? 166 00:06:09,803 --> 00:06:10,803 - No, Pierce! - Please, no! 167 00:06:10,804 --> 00:06:11,904 We need you! 168 00:06:11,905 --> 00:06:13,239 Just let me die. 169 00:06:13,240 --> 00:06:15,558 Pierce, so Gilbert knows a couple tricks. 170 00:06:15,559 --> 00:06:17,793 Big deal. We outnumber him. 171 00:06:17,794 --> 00:06:20,463 And most importantly, while he's fighting for greed, 172 00:06:20,464 --> 00:06:22,198 we're fighting for friendship, 173 00:06:22,199 --> 00:06:24,500 which means we can't lose, okay? 174 00:06:24,501 --> 00:06:27,570 - Okay. - Okay! 175 00:06:29,998 --> 00:06:32,333 I guess there's no hug button. 176 00:06:34,939 --> 00:06:37,072 Everybody keep Pierce protected. 177 00:06:37,101 --> 00:06:40,203 We have to get him to the Throne of Hawkthorne before Gilbert. 178 00:06:40,313 --> 00:06:41,863 And don't forget, when you die, 179 00:06:41,864 --> 00:06:43,931 you go all the way back to the study room. 180 00:06:43,932 --> 00:06:45,900 So... Don't die. 181 00:06:45,901 --> 00:06:47,602 Good pep talk, Jeff. 182 00:06:47,603 --> 00:06:49,103 Yeah, I used to love dying, 183 00:06:49,104 --> 00:06:50,772 but that speech really turned me around. 184 00:06:50,773 --> 00:06:52,106 Whatever. 185 00:06:54,076 --> 00:06:55,927 What's that? Kill it! 186 00:06:55,928 --> 00:06:57,579 It's a girl milking a cow, Pierce. 187 00:06:57,580 --> 00:06:58,780 I'll check it out. I owe Jeff that. 188 00:06:58,781 --> 00:07:01,266 I wasn't gonna say it. 189 00:07:01,267 --> 00:07:03,685 I am Hilda. I live in the village. 190 00:07:03,686 --> 00:07:05,303 - Lesbian. - Shh! 191 00:07:08,512 --> 00:07:09,828 I can help with that. 192 00:07:09,829 --> 00:07:11,877 I have information on many topics. 193 00:07:11,878 --> 00:07:13,261 Cool. 194 00:07:14,714 --> 00:07:17,248 The throne is in Castle Hawkthorne, north of here. 195 00:07:17,249 --> 00:07:20,235 You unlock the castle with the white crystal of discipline, 196 00:07:20,236 --> 00:07:22,170 which you must free from the black caverns. 197 00:07:22,171 --> 00:07:23,988 I'm picking up on some hidden symbolism. 198 00:07:23,989 --> 00:07:25,774 Right, "white crystal." 199 00:07:25,775 --> 00:07:27,192 You think dad was into meth? 200 00:07:27,193 --> 00:07:29,377 You can usually get supplies in a town like this. 201 00:07:29,378 --> 00:07:30,845 Man, why can't my mom be here? 202 00:07:30,846 --> 00:07:32,781 She always said my video game knowledge would come in handy. 203 00:07:32,782 --> 00:07:34,516 I never believed her. 204 00:07:34,517 --> 00:07:35,867 Everybody split up and take a hut. 205 00:07:35,868 --> 00:07:40,455 Our only chance of beating Gilbert is to cover more ground. 206 00:07:42,792 --> 00:07:45,510 I have information on the following topics. 207 00:07:47,513 --> 00:07:48,546 Holy crap. 208 00:07:48,547 --> 00:07:50,515 Where have you been my whole life? 209 00:07:52,535 --> 00:07:54,736 I buy and sell weapons and armor. 210 00:07:55,721 --> 00:07:57,238 Cool. We need weapons. 211 00:07:58,240 --> 00:08:00,959 Ooh. Well, what's free? 212 00:08:00,960 --> 00:08:02,009 Can we have a torch? 213 00:08:02,010 --> 00:08:03,728 - Thief! Thief! - Annie, put it back. 214 00:08:03,729 --> 00:08:06,064 Sorry. Sorry. 215 00:08:06,065 --> 00:08:07,399 Arr! Arr! 216 00:08:07,400 --> 00:08:08,400 Sorry, sorry, sorry. 217 00:08:08,401 --> 00:08:09,617 - Oh, my God. - Oh, oh! Oh, no! 218 00:08:09,618 --> 00:08:11,653 - What are you doing? - It was an accident! 219 00:08:11,654 --> 00:08:12,987 - Arrr! - He's dying! 220 00:08:12,988 --> 00:08:14,289 - Arrrrrr! - All right, hold on, hold on! 221 00:08:14,290 --> 00:08:16,074 Arrr! Arrr! 222 00:08:16,075 --> 00:08:17,659 Now what are you doing? 223 00:08:17,660 --> 00:08:19,060 He was suffering! 224 00:08:19,061 --> 00:08:21,362 Yeah, from axe wounds! 225 00:08:21,363 --> 00:08:23,498 Well, if this isn't worth any points, what is? 226 00:08:23,499 --> 00:08:26,668 You're asking me? I'm still looking for a pong paddle. 227 00:08:26,669 --> 00:08:30,505 - Let's play poker. - Oh, now we're talking. 228 00:08:30,506 --> 00:08:32,323 Check the desk. I'll check the dresser. 229 00:08:32,324 --> 00:08:33,608 How do I straighten that painting? 230 00:08:33,609 --> 00:08:36,428 You can't. Stop playing like a girl. 231 00:08:38,681 --> 00:08:40,014 Stop playing like a girl? 232 00:08:40,015 --> 00:08:41,966 Here's the thing about women, Jeff. 233 00:08:41,967 --> 00:08:44,102 We don't hack and slash our way through life 234 00:08:44,103 --> 00:08:46,354 because we're one with life. 235 00:08:46,355 --> 00:08:49,240 - Help me hide the body. - Oh, my lord. Oh, my lord. 236 00:08:49,241 --> 00:08:51,559 Shirley, these things happen in video games. 237 00:08:51,560 --> 00:08:52,727 - They do? - Yes. 238 00:08:52,728 --> 00:08:55,062 We can't get hung up on real world morality. 239 00:08:55,063 --> 00:08:56,564 We need to survive and win. 240 00:08:56,565 --> 00:08:59,567 Hello, I'm the blacksmith's wife... Aah! Help! 241 00:08:59,568 --> 00:09:01,503 - Oh, crap! - Guard the door. 242 00:09:01,504 --> 00:09:02,921 What? 243 00:09:02,922 --> 00:09:03,938 Shirley! 244 00:09:03,939 --> 00:09:05,623 No witnesses! 245 00:09:05,624 --> 00:09:06,958 Grab everything you can carry. 246 00:09:06,959 --> 00:09:08,510 I'll check upstairs for any more family. 247 00:09:08,511 --> 00:09:10,261 Don't give me that look. These are your loose ends. 248 00:09:10,262 --> 00:09:11,830 I'm just tying 'em up. 249 00:09:11,831 --> 00:09:13,598 This is so cool. 250 00:09:13,599 --> 00:09:14,849 Where are your clothes? 251 00:09:14,850 --> 00:09:17,602 Pierce taught me poker. I'm not good at it. 252 00:09:17,603 --> 00:09:18,636 You still talking to this girl? 253 00:09:18,637 --> 00:09:20,054 Yeah, she only has three moves 254 00:09:20,055 --> 00:09:21,890 that you activate with basic patterns of stimulus. 255 00:09:21,891 --> 00:09:23,308 I've never felt this way before. 256 00:09:23,309 --> 00:09:25,059 - Abed, don't get weird. - Oh, I won't. 257 00:09:25,060 --> 00:09:26,194 She's not ready for anything serious, 258 00:09:26,195 --> 00:09:27,762 but she wants me to meet her family. 259 00:09:27,763 --> 00:09:30,215 - My father is the blacksmith. - Her father's a blacksmith. 260 00:09:30,216 --> 00:09:32,700 - Hello! - Everybody go shopping? 261 00:09:32,701 --> 00:09:34,619 That's all we did. 262 00:09:34,620 --> 00:09:35,737 Is that hut on fire? 263 00:09:35,738 --> 00:09:38,957 Oh, my. What an unexplained tragedy. 264 00:09:38,958 --> 00:09:41,576 Don't we look comfy at a cauldron. 265 00:09:41,577 --> 00:09:43,178 Check it out. 266 00:09:44,914 --> 00:09:46,831 Ooh, see, I'll put all of this in here, 267 00:09:46,832 --> 00:09:48,950 and then that, and then I'll hit this. 268 00:09:48,951 --> 00:09:50,618 What is it? 269 00:09:50,619 --> 00:09:52,287 I assume, like, a strength potion. 270 00:09:52,288 --> 00:09:53,838 Then I assume it's poison. 271 00:09:53,839 --> 00:09:55,473 You're just jealous because we found a world 272 00:09:55,474 --> 00:09:56,774 where I know what I'm doing. 273 00:09:56,775 --> 00:09:59,160 This place is 20 cat turds and a pixies poster 274 00:09:59,161 --> 00:10:00,828 from being your apartment. 275 00:10:03,165 --> 00:10:04,632 What's with the St. Pauli girl? 276 00:10:04,633 --> 00:10:06,968 Hilda's parents lived there. Now she has no family. 277 00:10:06,969 --> 00:10:08,369 She'll be forced to marry a male villager 278 00:10:08,370 --> 00:10:10,939 or take her chances in the wilderness. 279 00:10:10,940 --> 00:10:13,508 What kind of game is this? 280 00:10:13,509 --> 00:10:15,710 - Oh, crap, it's Gilbert. - Well, well, well. 281 00:10:15,711 --> 00:10:17,462 Looks like someone's one step behind. 282 00:10:17,463 --> 00:10:19,881 Yeah, if you're looking for equipment, tough luck. 283 00:10:19,882 --> 00:10:22,517 The store was lost in a freak accident. 284 00:10:22,518 --> 00:10:23,918 I hardly need equipment, young lady. 285 00:10:23,919 --> 00:10:27,055 While you were shopping, I gained enough levels to do this. 286 00:10:27,056 --> 00:10:28,957 Uh-huh, come on and bring it! 287 00:10:28,958 --> 00:10:30,375 He's shooting lightning and I'm naked! 288 00:10:30,376 --> 00:10:31,659 Get behind us! We have armor! 289 00:10:31,660 --> 00:10:33,160 Oh! Whoa! 290 00:10:33,161 --> 00:10:35,964 Aah! 291 00:10:35,965 --> 00:10:37,899 Oh, great! Gilbert! 292 00:10:37,900 --> 00:10:40,451 Oh, great! Evil Jedi lightning Gilbert! 293 00:10:40,452 --> 00:10:42,053 Oh! 294 00:10:42,054 --> 00:10:45,340 Britta, drink that super strength potion you made. 295 00:10:45,341 --> 00:10:46,474 Oh, right, right, right, right. 296 00:10:46,475 --> 00:10:47,675 Hurry up, Britta! 297 00:10:47,676 --> 00:10:49,193 I'm trying, I'm trying! Aah! 298 00:10:49,194 --> 00:10:51,279 Damn it, I thought we could count on Britta 299 00:10:51,280 --> 00:10:53,231 to not screw up drinking. 300 00:10:53,232 --> 00:10:54,616 This'll be fun. 301 00:10:56,185 --> 00:10:58,219 What the hell? 302 00:10:58,220 --> 00:10:59,587 Here's hoping we can count on her 303 00:10:59,588 --> 00:11:01,522 to screw up making potions. 304 00:11:09,081 --> 00:11:10,648 Unbelievable. 305 00:11:10,649 --> 00:11:13,368 Jeff bet all our lives on Britta and won, 306 00:11:13,369 --> 00:11:16,638 and I lost my pants to a pair of nines. 307 00:11:21,010 --> 00:11:23,595 Very well. 308 00:11:23,596 --> 00:11:26,397 Let's play. 309 00:11:35,866 --> 00:11:37,865 Abed, are you sure about this? 310 00:11:37,866 --> 00:11:39,793 Yeah. It just feels like the right thing to do. 311 00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:41,884 Hey, I made it back. 312 00:11:41,948 --> 00:11:44,116 You guys never died. How did you beat Gilbert? 313 00:11:44,163 --> 00:11:45,685 Oh, you know. Teamwork. 314 00:11:45,717 --> 00:11:47,135 We were headed for the black caves 315 00:11:47,157 --> 00:11:48,342 to find the white crystal. 316 00:11:48,357 --> 00:11:49,724 We were just saying goodbye to Abed. 317 00:11:49,748 --> 00:11:51,118 I'm gonna stay here in the village with Hilda 318 00:11:51,148 --> 00:11:52,123 and help her rebuild her life. 319 00:11:52,157 --> 00:11:53,791 Abed, she's a program. 320 00:11:53,869 --> 00:11:55,447 People have said similar things about me. 321 00:11:55,461 --> 00:11:57,095 Uh-oh. He's playing the rain man card. 322 00:11:57,127 --> 00:11:58,002 Let's bounce. 323 00:11:58,027 --> 00:11:59,628 I've got an inheritance to win. 324 00:12:05,420 --> 00:12:06,987 Offensive. Called it. 325 00:12:06,988 --> 00:12:07,988 Shut up, Britta. 326 00:12:11,493 --> 00:12:13,193 You did great in there, Jeff. 327 00:12:13,194 --> 00:12:14,328 Shut up, Pierce. 328 00:12:18,917 --> 00:12:21,535 Okay, duck. Stay ducked. 329 00:12:21,536 --> 00:12:23,236 Okay, unduck. 330 00:12:23,237 --> 00:12:25,039 Okay, now jump. 331 00:12:25,040 --> 00:12:26,290 I think we're almost there. 332 00:12:26,291 --> 00:12:28,742 Thank God. This cave is the worst. 333 00:12:28,743 --> 00:12:30,410 I know, I don't know what's more offensive... 334 00:12:30,411 --> 00:12:32,846 the actual racism or the insulting notion 335 00:12:32,847 --> 00:12:34,515 that it might somehow rub off on us. 336 00:12:35,517 --> 00:12:36,767 Look out! Jive turkeys! 337 00:12:36,768 --> 00:12:38,552 Kill them before they start multiplying! 338 00:12:40,438 --> 00:12:43,590 - Yeah, suck on this! - Take that, jive turkey! 339 00:12:50,398 --> 00:12:51,682 All right! The white crystal! 340 00:12:51,683 --> 00:12:52,700 - Whoo! - Yeah! 341 00:12:52,701 --> 00:12:53,701 - Get it! - Get it! 342 00:12:53,702 --> 00:12:54,768 I'll take it. 343 00:12:54,769 --> 00:12:58,105 I've earned it by having friends. 344 00:13:00,292 --> 00:13:01,308 This is it. 345 00:13:02,294 --> 00:13:03,310 It certainly is. 346 00:13:03,311 --> 00:13:04,828 - No, man! - You again? 347 00:13:04,829 --> 00:13:05,829 Now I'll have that crystal. 348 00:13:05,830 --> 00:13:06,830 I think you'll have this. 349 00:13:07,832 --> 00:13:08,866 Whoops. 350 00:13:08,867 --> 00:13:10,217 Arrows! 351 00:13:11,586 --> 00:13:13,137 What? Come on! 352 00:13:15,423 --> 00:13:16,507 Where'd you get all that stuff? 353 00:13:16,508 --> 00:13:18,375 You've only been alive for an hour. 354 00:13:23,882 --> 00:13:24,898 Well, that was not fair. 355 00:13:24,899 --> 00:13:26,133 What the hell, Gilbert? 356 00:13:26,134 --> 00:13:28,819 You're cheating, which I have no problem with, 357 00:13:28,820 --> 00:13:30,771 but you're getting caught, and that's not cool! 358 00:13:30,772 --> 00:13:31,772 Yeah, don't be a knob. 359 00:13:31,773 --> 00:13:34,467 That inheritance is rightfully mine! 360 00:13:34,513 --> 00:13:35,350 Rightfully? 361 00:13:35,378 --> 00:13:36,527 I'm his son. 362 00:13:36,552 --> 00:13:40,910 - So am I. - Oh. 363 00:13:40,982 --> 00:13:44,063 What? That can't be true. 364 00:13:44,205 --> 00:13:47,162 - You're half... white. - Nice save. 365 00:13:47,205 --> 00:13:49,539 Do you remember your childhood nanny, Etta? 366 00:13:50,047 --> 00:13:52,323 Well, Etta had a hot cousin. 367 00:13:52,666 --> 00:13:54,333 My mother. 368 00:13:54,648 --> 00:13:57,200 So you see, Pierce, 369 00:13:57,202 --> 00:13:59,803 I am your half-brother, 370 00:13:59,804 --> 00:14:02,573 and I am more your father's son than you ever were, 371 00:14:02,574 --> 00:14:05,242 so shut up and play the game. 372 00:14:05,243 --> 00:14:08,328 - Why you... - Let's go, Pierce. 373 00:14:10,164 --> 00:14:12,472 Okay, look, I know things seem hopeless 374 00:14:12,493 --> 00:14:14,595 because he's all the way to the castle with the crystal 375 00:14:14,628 --> 00:14:15,815 and we're starting over, 376 00:14:15,837 --> 00:14:17,271 but here's the thing... 377 00:14:17,272 --> 00:14:18,874 we're better at this game now. 378 00:14:18,895 --> 00:14:21,786 We've died and been reborn, and that makes us heroes. 379 00:14:22,576 --> 00:14:23,844 - Charge! - Let's get him! 380 00:14:43,031 --> 00:14:44,364 I guess the fact that we're still playing 381 00:14:44,365 --> 00:14:45,699 means he hasn't won yet. 382 00:14:45,700 --> 00:14:47,234 Yeah, but what's the point? 383 00:14:47,235 --> 00:14:49,736 He'll just keep cheating until he wins. 384 00:14:49,737 --> 00:14:52,572 Why are all the trees cut down? 385 00:14:52,573 --> 00:14:57,261 Isn't this where Abed's village was? 386 00:14:57,262 --> 00:14:59,279 - Hello, old friends. - Abed! 387 00:14:59,280 --> 00:15:00,330 You remember Hilda. 388 00:15:00,331 --> 00:15:02,899 I live in the village. I love Abed. 389 00:15:02,900 --> 00:15:04,484 Did she just say your name? 390 00:15:04,485 --> 00:15:05,969 Yeah, if you max out a character's trust 391 00:15:05,970 --> 00:15:07,287 and affection levels, you can gain access 392 00:15:07,288 --> 00:15:08,388 to a front-end scripting language. 393 00:15:08,389 --> 00:15:09,373 Watch. 394 00:15:12,026 --> 00:15:13,593 Cool cool cool! 395 00:15:13,594 --> 00:15:14,962 She can make babies for me. 396 00:15:14,963 --> 00:15:15,963 Oh, and I can't? 397 00:15:15,964 --> 00:15:17,631 I can't. 398 00:15:17,632 --> 00:15:18,765 Come on inside. 399 00:15:18,766 --> 00:15:19,766 I built this from scratch. 400 00:15:19,767 --> 00:15:20,767 Check out my castle. 401 00:15:20,768 --> 00:15:21,768 - Oh, it's nice. - Wow. 402 00:15:21,769 --> 00:15:22,969 I hope this isn't blood gold. 403 00:15:22,970 --> 00:15:24,271 This is my family. 404 00:15:24,272 --> 00:15:26,023 Baby Abed has my eyes and her bonnet. 405 00:15:26,024 --> 00:15:27,824 Each baby is capable of executing custom code, 406 00:15:27,825 --> 00:15:29,142 which means you can write a code 407 00:15:29,143 --> 00:15:30,977 that makes one baby tell another baby what to do, 408 00:15:30,978 --> 00:15:32,612 much like real children on a playground. 409 00:15:32,613 --> 00:15:33,980 Oh, Abed, but... 410 00:15:33,981 --> 00:15:35,648 Annie, let's find the tin man's heart later. 411 00:15:35,649 --> 00:15:37,534 Abed, how much stuff do you have here 412 00:15:37,535 --> 00:15:38,618 and what can we make with it? 413 00:15:38,619 --> 00:15:40,587 - That depends. - On? 414 00:15:40,588 --> 00:15:42,372 On what you can imagine. 415 00:15:42,373 --> 00:15:44,374 Cool, cool, cool. 416 00:15:47,929 --> 00:15:49,313 Welcome, 417 00:15:49,314 --> 00:15:52,549 you are the first to make it to the Throne of Hawkthorne. 418 00:15:52,550 --> 00:15:55,035 Let me take a look at you. 419 00:15:55,036 --> 00:15:57,170 According to your complexion, 420 00:15:57,171 --> 00:16:00,140 I think you might be Gilbert Lawson. 421 00:16:00,141 --> 00:16:02,175 Is this true? 422 00:16:02,176 --> 00:16:03,176 Just a moment. 423 00:16:03,177 --> 00:16:04,277 Hello, Gilbert. 424 00:16:04,278 --> 00:16:06,513 Due to the nature of our relationship, 425 00:16:06,514 --> 00:16:08,582 I'll need your electronic signature 426 00:16:08,583 --> 00:16:10,684 on this legally-binding agreement. 427 00:16:11,686 --> 00:16:13,920 It dictates that you will never, ever 428 00:16:13,921 --> 00:16:17,290 besmirch the Hawthorne name with any outlandish notions 429 00:16:17,291 --> 00:16:19,960 regarding you genealogical origins. 430 00:16:19,961 --> 00:16:23,063 You are the bastard offspring of a colored seductress 431 00:16:23,064 --> 00:16:25,449 and an unknown, weak-willed miscegenist... 432 00:16:33,157 --> 00:16:36,360 It's a simple question, Gilbert. 433 00:16:36,361 --> 00:16:39,396 Do you agree? 434 00:16:40,848 --> 00:16:44,434 Thank you for being honest, Gilbert. 435 00:16:44,435 --> 00:16:46,670 No! 436 00:16:46,671 --> 00:16:49,206 I'm your son! 437 00:16:49,207 --> 00:16:50,524 I'm sorry, Gilbert. 438 00:16:50,525 --> 00:16:53,160 I always knew you'd disappoint me. 439 00:16:53,161 --> 00:16:55,746 Cool cool cool! Cool cool cool! 440 00:16:55,747 --> 00:16:58,732 Ah, I see you've chosen teamwork. 441 00:16:58,733 --> 00:17:00,801 A coward's strategy. 442 00:17:00,802 --> 00:17:03,904 I will upgrade your challenge accordingly. 443 00:17:09,794 --> 00:17:13,997 I bequeath my fortune to no inferiors. 444 00:17:16,851 --> 00:17:18,585 - Yeah! - Attack! 445 00:17:18,586 --> 00:17:20,837 What's this now? 446 00:17:20,838 --> 00:17:22,556 Whoo hoo hoo hoo! Here we go! 447 00:17:22,557 --> 00:17:25,358 Get him! Aim for the joints! 448 00:17:25,359 --> 00:17:26,359 Cool cool cool! Cool cool cool! 449 00:17:26,360 --> 00:17:27,527 - Take that! - Get him! 450 00:17:27,528 --> 00:17:29,396 Die, racism! 451 00:17:32,099 --> 00:17:33,700 ♪ Troy and Abed shooting lava ♪ 452 00:17:33,701 --> 00:17:35,902 Yeah! 453 00:17:39,740 --> 00:17:41,241 Take that! 454 00:17:41,242 --> 00:17:44,277 - Aah! - Aah! Oh, no! Aah! 455 00:17:45,797 --> 00:17:50,634 Hey! Look at me now, dad! 456 00:17:51,969 --> 00:17:54,004 Aah! 457 00:18:05,199 --> 00:18:08,151 I suppose you're wondering, player, 458 00:18:08,152 --> 00:18:12,839 why record myself breathing weird 459 00:18:12,840 --> 00:18:16,510 and letting you destroy me. 460 00:18:16,511 --> 00:18:20,881 Because I am a man of honor. 461 00:18:20,882 --> 00:18:25,519 So you've earned the pleasure of my death. 462 00:18:25,520 --> 00:18:27,087 But I didn't. 463 00:18:27,088 --> 00:18:28,788 I'm not the one that beat you. 464 00:18:28,789 --> 00:18:31,174 Yes, you are. 465 00:18:31,175 --> 00:18:33,326 We're forfeiting. 466 00:18:33,327 --> 00:18:36,379 Warning. Player forfeit in 30. 467 00:18:36,380 --> 00:18:37,497 Gilbert, you're right. 468 00:18:37,498 --> 00:18:39,099 You were more his son than me. 469 00:18:39,100 --> 00:18:40,767 You took all his crap 470 00:18:40,768 --> 00:18:42,469 and you didn't even get to take his name. 471 00:18:42,470 --> 00:18:47,006 He once sat on me in church just so he could see better. 472 00:18:47,007 --> 00:18:49,509 We've only been playing this game a couple of hours. 473 00:18:49,510 --> 00:18:52,112 You've been playing it your whole life, 474 00:18:52,113 --> 00:18:55,365 and now it's time for your reward, brother. 475 00:18:55,366 --> 00:18:58,318 So get in there and kill our dad. 476 00:18:58,319 --> 00:19:01,821 Thank you, Pierce. 477 00:19:01,822 --> 00:19:04,074 Wait a second. Here, take this. 478 00:19:04,075 --> 00:19:05,075 - Oh! - Whoa! 479 00:19:05,076 --> 00:19:06,660 - You may need it. - Oh, Pierce. 480 00:19:06,661 --> 00:19:09,129 You really don't know how this works, do you? 481 00:19:09,130 --> 00:19:10,881 Are you always carrying that? 482 00:19:10,882 --> 00:19:12,198 Not in the shower. 483 00:19:23,844 --> 00:19:25,729 I'd like to thank you again for today 484 00:19:25,730 --> 00:19:28,214 and offer my apologies for my conduct. 485 00:19:28,215 --> 00:19:29,649 I wasn't myself. 486 00:19:29,650 --> 00:19:32,719 Family can make a person do a lot of crazy things. 487 00:19:32,720 --> 00:19:35,555 I understand. I have an uncle who makes his own pizza. 488 00:19:35,556 --> 00:19:37,240 - Don't worry about it. - Yeah, totally. 489 00:19:37,241 --> 00:19:39,526 If it would make it up to any of you in any way, 490 00:19:39,527 --> 00:19:41,060 there's a bar in town called Skeepers, 491 00:19:41,061 --> 00:19:42,829 and I hear they make a specialty drink... 492 00:19:42,830 --> 00:19:46,065 a Margarita, in fact, and it's served in a glass 493 00:19:46,066 --> 00:19:48,201 an entire yard long. 494 00:19:48,202 --> 00:19:50,203 - My treat. - Score. 495 00:19:50,204 --> 00:19:52,505 This is the greatest day of my life. 496 00:19:52,506 --> 00:19:54,674 I've always wanted to have a brother. 497 00:19:54,675 --> 00:19:57,294 Hey, hey, settle a bet. 498 00:19:57,295 --> 00:20:01,598 The word "mulatto," is it okay or just borderline? 499 00:20:01,599 --> 00:20:04,584 - We apologize for him. - Oh, that's okay. He's family. 500 00:20:15,547 --> 00:20:18,799 Hilda, my love, I said I'd come back for you. 501 00:20:25,321 --> 00:20:26,921 I just think that in a parallel universe, 502 00:20:26,922 --> 00:20:28,656 - Blorgons are... - Hold on. 503 00:20:29,209 --> 00:20:32,239 A baby. I wasn't expecting this. 504 00:20:33,053 --> 00:20:34,541 Guess we'll have to support it. 505 00:20:34,602 --> 00:20:36,002 I guess I could get some kind of job, 506 00:20:36,003 --> 00:20:36,942 maybe at Beans and More. 507 00:20:36,981 --> 00:20:38,450 I'll probably have to work double shifts, but... 508 00:20:38,487 --> 00:20:40,164 oh, I see. 509 00:20:40,307 --> 00:20:42,341 While you're off, climbing the ladder at Beans and More, 510 00:20:42,342 --> 00:20:43,569 I'll just stay home and raise him alone. 511 00:20:43,601 --> 00:20:45,084 That's fine. I'll just give up on my dreams. 512 00:20:45,195 --> 00:20:46,696 - Here we go. - What? 513 00:20:46,697 --> 00:20:49,599 He needs to learn a strong man can cry. 514 00:20:56,802 --> 00:20:58,305 So, what were you saying about Blorgons? 515 00:20:58,317 --> 00:21:00,002 Blorgons... in this other universe, 516 00:21:00,041 --> 00:21:02,186 they're actually called Glorbons.