1
00:00:00,321 --> 00:00:03,019
So... cellular mitosis
is what?
2
00:00:03,020 --> 00:00:04,236
I miss Troy.
3
00:00:04,237 --> 00:00:05,871
Wrong, and stop guessing that.
4
00:00:05,872 --> 00:00:07,373
Annie.
I'm worried about Abed.
5
00:00:07,374 --> 00:00:09,291
He hasn't left the apartment
since Troy moved out.
6
00:00:09,292 --> 00:00:11,076
He won't even play
in the Dreamatorium.
7
00:00:11,077 --> 00:00:12,211
Sorry, not "play."
8
00:00:12,212 --> 00:00:13,512
"Render
imaginated dreamscapes."
9
00:00:13,513 --> 00:00:16,749
Guys, we just finished
retaking biology all summer,
10
00:00:16,750 --> 00:00:18,968
and if I don't pass this final,
it was for nothing.
11
00:00:18,969 --> 00:00:20,352
Can we stay on target?
12
00:00:20,353 --> 00:00:22,805
Did someone say
"sexy construction worker"?
13
00:00:22,806 --> 00:00:24,356
- Ooh!
- Stay... stay on target.
14
00:00:24,357 --> 00:00:25,758
I'm dressed like this
15
00:00:25,759 --> 00:00:29,228
because I'm building
to big news.
16
00:00:29,229 --> 00:00:32,198
Subway has officially ended
its agreement with Greendale,
17
00:00:32,199 --> 00:00:34,033
and the restaurant I've chosen
18
00:00:34,034 --> 00:00:37,787
to occupy the cafeteria
kiosk is...
19
00:00:37,788 --> 00:00:38,788
Shirley's Sandwiches!
20
00:00:39,906 --> 00:00:42,875
I just need one of you
to sign this
21
00:00:42,876 --> 00:00:44,460
as the official owner
of the business.
22
00:00:44,461 --> 00:00:46,879
Ooh, we should both sign it,
we're 50-50 partners.
23
00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:48,380
But there's only one
dotted line on the form, so...
24
00:00:48,381 --> 00:00:50,416
- Oh, well, Pierce can...
- Me.
25
00:00:50,417 --> 00:00:51,917
- Hey!
- I paid for it.
26
00:00:51,918 --> 00:00:52,918
Well, there'd be no "it"
to pay for
27
00:00:52,919 --> 00:00:54,170
if I hadn't done all the work.
28
00:00:54,171 --> 00:00:57,923
My goodness, this molehill
is becoming a mountain.
29
00:00:57,924 --> 00:00:59,008
You guys work it out,
30
00:00:59,009 --> 00:01:00,926
while I put together
an Alpine costume.
31
00:01:00,927 --> 00:01:03,145
I knew eventually
you'd try to box me out
32
00:01:03,146 --> 00:01:05,564
of my own business,
just like Hawthorne Wipes did.
33
00:01:05,565 --> 00:01:06,866
I'm not letting you guilt me
34
00:01:06,867 --> 00:01:09,235
into letting you call yourself
the owner of my company.
35
00:01:09,236 --> 00:01:11,937
Jeff! Hello?
36
00:01:11,938 --> 00:01:13,823
Get involved.
No.
37
00:01:13,824 --> 00:01:16,441
I am here to replace
my fake bachelor's
38
00:01:16,442 --> 00:01:18,828
so I can get back
to my life as a lawyer.
39
00:01:18,829 --> 00:01:20,746
Nobody else is sacrificing
their interests.
40
00:01:20,747 --> 00:01:21,914
Don't ask me to sacrifice mine.
41
00:01:21,915 --> 00:01:24,616
Don't ask me
to sacrifice mine.
44
00:01:31,007 --> 00:01:33,342
- Ooh, I gotta go.
- Unbelievable.
45
00:01:33,343 --> 00:01:35,261
Today is Abed's
first therapy session.
46
00:01:35,262 --> 00:01:36,595
His what?
47
00:01:36,596 --> 00:01:37,980
He's been feeling
extra vulnerable lately
48
00:01:37,981 --> 00:01:40,432
having lost Troy to the air
conditioning repair school,
49
00:01:40,433 --> 00:01:41,901
so he's finally gonna let me
50
00:01:41,902 --> 00:01:44,136
practice my psych skills
on him.
51
00:01:44,137 --> 00:01:45,521
Give me some credit, Winger.
52
00:01:45,522 --> 00:01:46,772
What's the worst
that could happen?
53
00:01:46,773 --> 00:01:48,040
Classic tee-up.
54
00:01:48,041 --> 00:01:50,192
Shut up, Leonard,
I know about your crooked wang.
55
00:01:50,193 --> 00:01:52,495
No such thing as bad press.
56
00:01:56,750 --> 00:01:59,702
Hey, Abed.
57
00:02:05,509 --> 00:02:06,992
This can't be good.
58
00:02:09,495 --> 00:02:12,765
♪ Give me some rope
tie me to dream ♪
59
00:02:12,766 --> 00:02:16,001
♪ give me the hope
to run out of steam ♪
60
00:02:16,002 --> 00:02:19,338
♪ somebody said
it could be here ♪
61
00:02:19,339 --> 00:02:23,175
♪ we could be roped up,
tied up, dead in a year ♪
62
00:02:23,176 --> 00:02:28,230
♪ I can't count
the reasons I should stay ♪
63
00:02:28,231 --> 00:02:32,735
♪ one by one
they all just fade away ♪
64
00:02:32,736 --> 00:02:35,557
Sync and corrections by Elderfel
www.addic7ed.com
65
00:02:35,558 --> 00:02:40,192
There are those who ask,
why connect the capillary tube
66
00:02:40,193 --> 00:02:42,828
directly to
the compressor valve?
67
00:02:42,829 --> 00:02:44,463
Oh, sure,
why not just attach it
68
00:02:44,464 --> 00:02:46,165
to the moisture accumulator?
69
00:02:46,166 --> 00:02:48,200
Hey, Troy.
70
00:02:48,201 --> 00:02:51,036
We boring you?
I miss my friends.
71
00:02:51,037 --> 00:02:54,139
- He misses his friends.
- Aww.
72
00:02:54,140 --> 00:02:55,674
Mr. Barnes...
73
00:02:55,675 --> 00:02:59,311
Gather your things
and come with me.
74
00:02:59,312 --> 00:03:01,313
Now!
75
00:03:01,314 --> 00:03:04,066
The sun chamber.
A shameful relic
76
00:03:04,067 --> 00:03:06,385
from a savage chapter
of our history.
77
00:03:06,386 --> 00:03:08,821
Repairmen would duel
each other inside,
78
00:03:08,822 --> 00:03:12,024
losers succumbing
to heat exhaustion, or worse.
79
00:03:12,025 --> 00:03:16,662
Troy, there is a prophesy.
I miss Abed so much.
80
00:03:16,663 --> 00:03:20,332
I'm ashamed to confess
that I once thought
81
00:03:20,333 --> 00:03:23,335
that this might be me.
82
00:03:23,336 --> 00:03:25,871
Now I realize that it's you.
83
00:03:25,872 --> 00:03:27,840
You are
the true repairman, Troy.
84
00:03:27,841 --> 00:03:31,343
You fix not only
air conditioners...
85
00:03:31,344 --> 00:03:32,962
but the men who fix them.
86
00:03:32,963 --> 00:03:37,933
It's a trade school.
It's a two-year degree
87
00:03:37,934 --> 00:03:40,352
in boxes that make rooms cold.
88
00:03:40,353 --> 00:03:43,088
Sir, there's been a flow duct
rupture in quadrant four.
89
00:03:43,089 --> 00:03:44,256
I'll handle it.
90
00:03:44,257 --> 00:03:46,308
This is your destiny,
Mr. Barnes.
91
00:03:46,309 --> 00:03:50,863
The true repairman
will repair man.
92
00:03:53,900 --> 00:03:57,269
Abed.
93
00:03:57,270 --> 00:03:59,271
I'm not talking to you
because I'm not crazy.
94
00:03:59,272 --> 00:04:00,906
Think of it as inner dialogue.
95
00:04:00,907 --> 00:04:03,275
I'm reading the novelization
of Chronicles of Riddick.
96
00:04:03,276 --> 00:04:04,994
Can you honestly tell me
that's a saner decision?
97
00:04:04,995 --> 00:04:07,846
You're worried
you'll go crazy without Troy.
98
00:04:07,847 --> 00:04:10,082
That's why you're gonna
let Britta fix you, right?
99
00:04:10,083 --> 00:04:11,383
Because you think
you're broken,
100
00:04:11,384 --> 00:04:12,918
you're gonna get diagnosed
by someone who said
101
00:04:12,919 --> 00:04:14,753
her favorite superhero
was "x-man"?
102
00:04:14,754 --> 00:04:17,339
I'm a little scared.
Things are bad.
103
00:04:17,340 --> 00:04:18,590
When the world
gets bad enough, Abed,
104
00:04:18,591 --> 00:04:22,344
the good go crazy.
But the smart...
105
00:04:22,345 --> 00:04:25,064
They go bad.
106
00:04:25,065 --> 00:04:27,333
Come on in here,
let's talk about it.
107
00:04:27,334 --> 00:04:28,734
I think it's safer
if I talk to Britta.
108
00:04:28,735 --> 00:04:30,635
I think it's even safer
if I talk to her first.
109
00:04:32,372 --> 00:04:34,573
Hello.
110
00:04:34,574 --> 00:04:36,575
Are you here to help me
with biology,
111
00:04:36,576 --> 00:04:38,027
or get me to help you?
112
00:04:38,028 --> 00:04:40,996
- Bi-ol-o-gy.
- Are you lying?
113
00:04:40,997 --> 00:04:43,549
Hard to break the word "yes"
into lilting syllables, huh?
114
00:04:43,550 --> 00:04:45,817
Ye-es?
115
00:04:45,818 --> 00:04:47,453
Look, Pierce and I are so close
116
00:04:47,454 --> 00:04:48,754
to getting the sandwich
shop going.
117
00:04:48,755 --> 00:04:50,205
I just need you to help...
Look.
118
00:04:50,206 --> 00:04:51,840
You want one piece
of free advice?
119
00:04:51,841 --> 00:04:53,275
Let Pierce cool down.
120
00:04:53,276 --> 00:04:55,210
You know how crazy
and paranoid he can get.
121
00:04:55,211 --> 00:04:58,130
A-ha! Crazy?
Paranoid? Impotent?
122
00:04:58,131 --> 00:05:00,299
- Cellular...
- I knew you'd run to Jeff,
123
00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:02,718
and turn him against me.
Mitosis.
124
00:05:02,719 --> 00:05:04,186
Guys, why are we yelling?
125
00:05:04,187 --> 00:05:06,505
You sign that paper, I'll sue.
Well, hold on.
126
00:05:06,506 --> 00:05:09,975
This will be settled
in Greendale court, 3:00 P.M.
127
00:05:09,976 --> 00:05:12,061
Obviously, Shirley
has her counsel,
128
00:05:12,062 --> 00:05:14,613
and I get to dress
like a judge.
129
00:05:14,614 --> 00:05:15,981
I was born in a courtroom,
130
00:05:15,982 --> 00:05:18,801
sued it for my own placenta,
and won.
131
00:05:18,802 --> 00:05:20,185
Now I'm calling my lawyer.
132
00:05:21,204 --> 00:05:26,208
My biology final
is at 5:00.
133
00:05:26,209 --> 00:05:29,411
I'm available
from 3:00 to 4:00.
134
00:05:29,412 --> 00:05:31,530
I'll see you in court.
135
00:05:31,531 --> 00:05:33,999
Hello, Abed?
Ready to get therapized?
136
00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:37,252
Abed?
137
00:05:45,378 --> 00:05:46,361
Hello, Britta.
138
00:05:49,516 --> 00:05:51,934
Come in.
139
00:05:51,935 --> 00:05:54,486
What's going on?
140
00:05:54,487 --> 00:05:57,239
Vice Dean Laybourne was
repairing a flow duct rupture,
141
00:05:57,240 --> 00:05:59,274
and he inhaled
a lethal dose of freon.
142
00:06:06,750 --> 00:06:10,119
May his breeze join the wind.
143
00:06:12,705 --> 00:06:15,591
Okay, so mitosis
is when cells divide...
144
00:06:15,592 --> 00:06:17,543
I wonder who Pierce is
gonna get to represent him.
145
00:06:17,544 --> 00:06:19,545
I promise,
whoever Pierce brings
146
00:06:19,546 --> 00:06:22,297
won't be prepared for me.
That's the Winger guaran...
147
00:06:22,298 --> 00:06:23,849
Is that the cold-blooded
former colleague
148
00:06:23,850 --> 00:06:25,350
that got you fired
from your old law firm
149
00:06:25,351 --> 00:06:26,935
by ratting on you
to the state bar?
150
00:06:26,936 --> 00:06:27,936
Tee.
151
00:06:35,331 --> 00:06:37,481
You know, Alan working
at your former firm and all?
152
00:06:37,482 --> 00:06:39,683
Hey, Pierce just did you
the biggest favor of your life.
153
00:06:39,684 --> 00:06:42,102
He hired a guy I've spent
the last two years fantasizing
154
00:06:42,103 --> 00:06:43,404
about stabbing
in the... Sundance!
155
00:06:43,405 --> 00:06:45,155
- Tango!
- Hey.
156
00:06:45,156 --> 00:06:49,043
So... The case
of the sandwich signature.
157
00:06:49,044 --> 00:06:50,177
What are you doing here?
158
00:06:50,178 --> 00:06:51,462
I mean, me, I have to, but you?
159
00:06:51,463 --> 00:06:52,863
Hawthorne's a cash cow,
160
00:06:52,864 --> 00:06:55,616
and old a-con here
is tugging at that teat.
161
00:06:55,617 --> 00:06:58,452
That's money.
162
00:06:58,453 --> 00:06:59,753
Money.
163
00:06:59,754 --> 00:07:01,238
Please stop that.
164
00:07:01,239 --> 00:07:04,792
So full disclosure.
The firm would really like
165
00:07:04,793 --> 00:07:08,545
to keep vitamin "p"
in its medicine chest.
166
00:07:08,546 --> 00:07:09,797
Full disclosure.
167
00:07:09,798 --> 00:07:11,248
I really want to be
done by 4:00.
168
00:07:11,249 --> 00:07:13,250
Oh, that's the Jeff
wing basket I remember loving.
169
00:07:13,251 --> 00:07:15,019
Hey, just go easy on Shirley.
170
00:07:15,020 --> 00:07:16,603
Scout's honor,
Sinead O'Connor.
171
00:07:16,604 --> 00:07:20,257
Oy-yay, oy-yay, the honorable
Craig Pelton presiding.
172
00:07:20,258 --> 00:07:23,593
First off,
there's one decision
173
00:07:23,594 --> 00:07:25,646
I'll need your help making.
174
00:07:25,647 --> 00:07:28,232
Judging Amy
or Judge Judy?
175
00:07:28,233 --> 00:07:30,534
You say your name is Evil Abed,
176
00:07:30,535 --> 00:07:33,470
which does not throw me,
because I'm a therapist.
177
00:07:33,471 --> 00:07:35,239
So let's talk about evil.
178
00:07:39,044 --> 00:07:41,879
You know what? Maybe I should
talk to Good Abed instead.
179
00:07:41,880 --> 00:07:44,164
Where I come from,
his name is Lame Abed.
180
00:07:44,165 --> 00:07:46,650
- And you come from...
- The darkest timeline.
181
00:07:46,651 --> 00:07:48,252
You might call it
the Britta of timelines,
182
00:07:48,253 --> 00:07:49,420
where everything is the worst.
183
00:07:49,421 --> 00:07:51,288
Jeff has one arm there.
Annie shot Pierce.
184
00:07:51,289 --> 00:07:53,390
Troy can't speak...
Ah!
185
00:07:53,391 --> 00:07:56,393
Now we're getting somewhere.
I think lame Abed sent you
186
00:07:56,394 --> 00:07:59,146
to talk because you're more
equipped to deal with fear.
187
00:07:59,147 --> 00:08:01,582
That's the lame way
of seeing it, yes.
188
00:08:01,583 --> 00:08:03,484
Here's the truth.
189
00:08:03,485 --> 00:08:05,202
I've crossed
into your dark timeline,
190
00:08:05,203 --> 00:08:06,537
and now I'm going to darken it.
191
00:08:06,538 --> 00:08:07,738
How?
192
00:08:07,739 --> 00:08:09,423
Tell me about
your parents, Britta.
193
00:08:09,424 --> 00:08:12,860
Um... No?
194
00:08:15,313 --> 00:08:16,864
Barnes, you should be
in the chapel.
195
00:08:16,865 --> 00:08:18,482
We lost a great man today.
196
00:08:18,483 --> 00:08:19,917
Yeah, he was the best,
wasn't he?
197
00:08:19,918 --> 00:08:21,535
That's why I don't understand
198
00:08:21,536 --> 00:08:24,555
how he could rupture
a freon line.
199
00:08:24,556 --> 00:08:25,839
That's kind of
a rookie mistake.
200
00:08:25,840 --> 00:08:27,825
I'm sure it was just
a faulty valve.
201
00:08:27,826 --> 00:08:29,009
My first order as vice Dean,
202
00:08:29,010 --> 00:08:30,210
I'm gonna have them
all replaced.
203
00:08:30,211 --> 00:08:31,595
So you're vice Dean now?
204
00:08:31,596 --> 00:08:34,014
Why the sudden interest
in air conditioning repair?
205
00:08:34,015 --> 00:08:35,082
I thought you missed
your friends.
206
00:08:35,083 --> 00:08:36,934
- I do.
- Then go be with them.
207
00:08:36,935 --> 00:08:37,935
I'm releasing you.
208
00:08:37,936 --> 00:08:40,637
- But you...
- Goodbye, Troy.
209
00:08:45,443 --> 00:08:48,946
Miss Edison, do you recognize
the baby in that picture?
210
00:08:48,947 --> 00:08:50,981
That's Shirley's baby Ben.
211
00:08:50,982 --> 00:08:54,034
Would you think less
of Shirley Bennett
212
00:08:54,035 --> 00:08:57,654
if she offered
to sell Ben on craigslist
213
00:08:57,655 --> 00:09:00,574
for a chance
to bump it with Denzel?
214
00:09:00,575 --> 00:09:02,076
That was a joke for my cousin.
215
00:09:02,077 --> 00:09:04,027
Damn those Facebook
privacy settings.
216
00:09:04,028 --> 00:09:05,712
Jeff, do something.
He's got nothing.
217
00:09:05,713 --> 00:09:06,964
I'm sure she didn't mean that.
218
00:09:06,965 --> 00:09:11,335
Or perhaps she doesn't
even love that baby,
219
00:09:11,336 --> 00:09:15,089
because she spent most
of last year not even knowing
220
00:09:15,090 --> 00:09:16,924
who the father is.
Objection.
221
00:09:16,925 --> 00:09:18,375
Establishing character,
your honor.
222
00:09:18,376 --> 00:09:20,377
This woman is clearly unfit
to own a sandwich shop.
223
00:09:20,378 --> 00:09:21,979
Alan, come on.
224
00:09:21,980 --> 00:09:23,680
No furths.
225
00:09:27,652 --> 00:09:29,019
I thought you said
you were gonna go easy.
226
00:09:29,020 --> 00:09:30,737
Felt easy to me.
227
00:09:32,390 --> 00:09:34,224
What was he wearing?
228
00:09:34,225 --> 00:09:35,993
He was dressed as a dinosaur.
229
00:09:35,994 --> 00:09:37,111
Is that why you dropped
out of High School?
230
00:09:37,112 --> 00:09:38,112
I don't know.
231
00:09:38,113 --> 00:09:40,164
Are those even real glasses?
No.
232
00:09:40,165 --> 00:09:41,999
Ah, do you feel that, Britta?
233
00:09:42,000 --> 00:09:45,786
Your timeline's 10% darker now.
This was 10%?
234
00:09:45,787 --> 00:09:48,188
Do you know what kind of person
becomes a psychologist, Britta?
235
00:09:48,189 --> 00:09:49,739
A person that wishes,
deep down,
236
00:09:49,740 --> 00:09:51,508
that everyone more special
than them was sick,
237
00:09:51,509 --> 00:09:54,178
because "healthy" sounds so much
more exciting than "boring."
238
00:09:54,179 --> 00:09:56,096
You're average, Britta Perry.
239
00:09:56,097 --> 00:09:57,097
You're every kid
on the playground
240
00:09:57,098 --> 00:09:58,632
that didn't get picked on.
241
00:09:58,633 --> 00:09:59,933
You're a business casual
potted plant,
242
00:09:59,934 --> 00:10:01,552
a human white sale.
243
00:10:01,553 --> 00:10:04,421
You're VH1, Robocop 2,
and Back to the Future 3.
244
00:10:04,422 --> 00:10:06,390
You're the center slice
of a square cheese pizza.
245
00:10:06,391 --> 00:10:07,741
Actually, that
sounds delicious.
246
00:10:07,742 --> 00:10:09,810
I'm the center slice
of a square cheese pizza.
247
00:10:09,811 --> 00:10:11,311
You're Jim Belushi.
248
00:10:11,312 --> 00:10:14,331
Ah.
249
00:10:14,332 --> 00:10:16,817
12%
250
00:10:16,818 --> 00:10:19,203
Where are you going?
251
00:10:19,204 --> 00:10:21,038
To make this timeline
the darkest of all.
252
00:10:21,039 --> 00:10:23,307
Starting with your lame hero,
Jeff Winger.
253
00:10:23,308 --> 00:10:25,192
I don't suppose lame Abed
owns a bone saw.
254
00:10:43,094 --> 00:10:45,295
So, Pierce, you're seeking
full ownership
255
00:10:45,296 --> 00:10:46,597
of Shirley's Sandwiches.
256
00:10:46,598 --> 00:10:50,350
After all, you did provide
100% of the financing.
257
00:10:50,351 --> 00:10:51,351
Correct.
258
00:10:51,352 --> 00:10:54,238
You really did?
Oh, damn it.
259
00:10:54,239 --> 00:10:56,356
Jeez, I came to this
thing unprepared.
260
00:10:56,357 --> 00:11:00,143
I mean, I-I guess it's my job
to somehow tarnish you
261
00:11:00,144 --> 00:11:01,978
in the eyes of the court,
but, uh...
262
00:11:01,979 --> 00:11:04,781
Let me check my notes.
Take your time.
263
00:11:04,782 --> 00:11:06,483
Thanks.
264
00:11:06,484 --> 00:11:09,486
Hey, uh, while
I'm doing this...
265
00:11:09,487 --> 00:11:11,488
Does anybody know
any funny jokes?
266
00:11:11,489 --> 00:11:12,706
I do.
267
00:11:12,707 --> 00:11:16,944
An Irish and a Jew walk
into a Chinese laundry...
268
00:11:16,945 --> 00:11:17,978
With a gay duck.
269
00:11:18,997 --> 00:11:20,547
- All right, okay!
- Oh, right!
270
00:11:20,548 --> 00:11:22,549
So you're telling me they're
not good at basketball?
271
00:11:22,550 --> 00:11:24,051
I have no questions,
your honor.
272
00:11:36,447 --> 00:11:38,148
Cruel.
Cruel, cruel, cruel.
273
00:11:38,149 --> 00:11:39,816
In the name
of the five winds...
274
00:11:39,817 --> 00:11:42,819
East, West, North,
275
00:11:42,820 --> 00:11:45,122
the one we keep secret,
and South,
276
00:11:45,123 --> 00:11:47,658
I hereby proclaim you...
277
00:11:47,659 --> 00:11:49,076
This ceremony is a lie.
278
00:11:49,077 --> 00:11:50,627
And having
a special room for it
279
00:11:50,628 --> 00:11:52,379
is a waste
of valuable floor space.
280
00:11:52,380 --> 00:11:54,381
You are no longer
a student here.
281
00:11:54,382 --> 00:11:57,217
And we use this room
for yoga on weekends.
282
00:11:57,218 --> 00:12:00,003
Remove him.
I am the truest repairman.
283
00:12:01,139 --> 00:12:03,640
And this man is a dishonor
284
00:12:03,641 --> 00:12:04,925
to making air conditioners
work good.
285
00:12:04,926 --> 00:12:06,510
And I have the right
to challenge him...
286
00:12:06,511 --> 00:12:10,063
In the sun chamber.
287
00:12:10,064 --> 00:12:12,449
Holy crap.
288
00:12:12,450 --> 00:12:14,851
Your less than honor,
can I call a recess?
289
00:12:14,852 --> 00:12:16,553
Ooh, yay, costume change.
290
00:12:16,554 --> 00:12:18,188
Court briefly adjourned.
291
00:12:18,189 --> 00:12:20,691
What are you trying
to do, Winger?
292
00:12:20,692 --> 00:12:22,943
Zealously represent
your client?
293
00:12:22,944 --> 00:12:26,113
Let me make things
a little easier for you.
294
00:12:26,114 --> 00:12:27,998
Figure out a way
to throw this case,
295
00:12:27,999 --> 00:12:29,950
or figure out
where you're gonna work
296
00:12:29,951 --> 00:12:31,735
when you get out of here,
because I don't know
297
00:12:31,736 --> 00:12:33,370
where it's gonna be
if it's not for us.
298
00:12:33,371 --> 00:12:35,372
That's right, Jeff.
I went there.
299
00:12:35,373 --> 00:12:39,009
You drove me there.
Miss Daisy's in the house,
300
00:12:39,010 --> 00:12:41,094
thanks for the ride,
sorry about slavery.
301
00:12:41,095 --> 00:12:42,296
Don't oversell
your clout, Alan.
302
00:12:42,297 --> 00:12:44,047
You're partner
because I sold you to Ted.
303
00:12:44,048 --> 00:12:46,016
Ted respects me...
Ted's gone.
304
00:12:46,017 --> 00:12:49,252
He got too old, couldn't swim
with the sharks, and got eaten.
305
00:12:49,253 --> 00:12:50,920
That makes no sense.
He started the firm.
306
00:12:50,921 --> 00:12:52,939
You can't lose your own firm.
You can if you're dead.
307
00:12:52,940 --> 00:12:55,442
That shark thing
was not a metaphor.
308
00:12:55,443 --> 00:12:56,610
I'm the big dog now.
309
00:12:56,611 --> 00:12:59,763
So you want
the last three years
310
00:12:59,764 --> 00:13:02,149
in this toilet to have a point?
311
00:13:02,150 --> 00:13:04,484
Then I'm the guy
you got to make happy.
312
00:13:04,485 --> 00:13:06,286
Or, you know, you could
finish up your big win here.
313
00:13:06,287 --> 00:13:07,988
Court is in session.
314
00:13:07,989 --> 00:13:12,242
Blind Justice presiding...
aah! Oh, my God!
315
00:13:12,243 --> 00:13:15,662
Ahh!
Oh, one more recess.
316
00:13:15,663 --> 00:13:18,114
I hit the corner
right on a fresh tattoo.
317
00:13:19,590 --> 00:13:19,840
Well boys and girls...
318
00:13:19,841 --> 00:13:25,260
I hope you brought
your popsicles,
319
00:13:25,261 --> 00:13:29,931
because it's about
to get scalding hot
320
00:13:29,932 --> 00:13:32,500
in the sun chamber.
321
00:13:32,501 --> 00:13:35,770
You already know the rules...
322
00:13:35,771 --> 00:13:38,890
Because there aren't any!
323
00:13:38,891 --> 00:13:42,060
Jeez, Dennis, are you on coke?
324
00:13:42,061 --> 00:13:43,945
Take that crap off
and sit down.
325
00:13:45,864 --> 00:13:48,900
Sorry about that.
Of course there are rules.
326
00:13:48,901 --> 00:13:50,952
Two men are sealed
in the chamber,
327
00:13:50,953 --> 00:13:52,520
each with a broken unit.
328
00:13:52,521 --> 00:13:54,855
The heat will increase
until one man yields...
329
00:13:54,856 --> 00:13:55,856
or dies.
330
00:13:55,857 --> 00:13:58,493
Begin!
331
00:14:09,321 --> 00:14:12,056
You're just in time
for Jeff's closing statements.
332
00:14:12,057 --> 00:14:14,042
Who cares?
Everything is terrible.
333
00:14:14,043 --> 00:14:16,544
Oh, no. Have you been
watching Dance Moms again?
334
00:14:16,545 --> 00:14:18,096
I'm thinking of dyeing my hair.
335
00:14:20,716 --> 00:14:21,983
Evil Abed, what are you doing?
336
00:14:21,984 --> 00:14:23,217
I'm going to cut off
Jeff Winger's arm.
337
00:14:23,218 --> 00:14:24,435
I won't let you.
That's horrible.
338
00:14:24,436 --> 00:14:27,822
Don't you mean dark?
Welcome to my world.
339
00:14:34,163 --> 00:14:36,447
Psst! Jeff! Winger!
340
00:14:40,703 --> 00:14:42,670
Jeffrey, this is a...
a terrible situation
341
00:14:42,671 --> 00:14:44,038
for me to have put you in.
342
00:14:44,039 --> 00:14:46,741
A guy like Alan isn't above
making trouble for you
343
00:14:46,742 --> 00:14:48,676
at your old firm.
Shirley, I...
344
00:14:48,677 --> 00:14:51,179
It's not worth your career.
345
00:14:51,180 --> 00:14:52,714
I want you to have
what you want.
346
00:14:52,715 --> 00:14:56,985
- Thank you, Shirley.
- Settle down.
347
00:14:56,986 --> 00:14:59,687
Okay, Jeffrey, let's have
your closing statement.
348
00:15:31,503 --> 00:15:33,037
Your honor...
349
00:15:33,038 --> 00:15:35,640
I have no closing statement,
because I'm throwing the case.
350
00:15:35,641 --> 00:15:37,392
No, no, it's okay.
351
00:15:37,393 --> 00:15:38,760
It's fine, don't worry.
352
00:15:38,761 --> 00:15:41,312
My client, Shirley Bennett,
my friend of three years,
353
00:15:41,313 --> 00:15:42,897
she told me that it was okay.
354
00:15:42,898 --> 00:15:46,984
She said what I want
was more important.
355
00:15:46,985 --> 00:15:49,887
She's right, right?
356
00:15:49,888 --> 00:15:51,706
I mean, guys like me,
357
00:15:51,707 --> 00:15:53,324
we'll tell you
there's no right or wrong.
358
00:15:53,325 --> 00:15:55,610
There's no real truth.
359
00:15:56,612 --> 00:15:57,695
I'll kill you.
360
00:15:57,696 --> 00:16:00,498
I'll kill you
just like I killed him.
361
00:16:00,499 --> 00:16:03,367
And as long as
we all believe that,
362
00:16:03,368 --> 00:16:05,620
guys like me can never lose.
363
00:16:05,621 --> 00:16:07,371
Was that out loud?
364
00:16:07,372 --> 00:16:09,874
Because the truth is...
365
00:16:09,875 --> 00:16:13,044
I'm lying when I say
there is no truth.
366
00:16:13,045 --> 00:16:17,265
The truth is...
the pathetically, stupidly,
367
00:16:17,266 --> 00:16:20,935
inconveniently obvious
truth is...
368
00:16:20,936 --> 00:16:25,690
Helping only ourselves is bad,
and helping each other is good.
369
00:16:25,691 --> 00:16:29,060
Now I just wanted
to get out of here,
370
00:16:29,061 --> 00:16:31,145
pass biology,
and be a lawyer again
371
00:16:31,146 --> 00:16:32,447
instead of helping Shirley.
372
00:16:32,448 --> 00:16:33,648
That was bad.
373
00:16:33,649 --> 00:16:35,233
And my former colleague
374
00:16:35,234 --> 00:16:38,736
wanted so badly
to keep his rich client
375
00:16:38,737 --> 00:16:41,038
that he just asked me
to roll over
376
00:16:41,039 --> 00:16:42,657
in exchange for my old job.
377
00:16:44,159 --> 00:16:47,445
So I guess we all walked
in here pretty bad.
378
00:16:47,446 --> 00:16:49,964
But now...
379
00:16:49,965 --> 00:16:51,799
Shirley's gone good.
380
00:16:51,800 --> 00:16:52,950
Shirley's helping me.
381
00:16:52,951 --> 00:16:54,719
It's that easy.
382
00:16:54,720 --> 00:16:58,089
You just stop thinking
about what's good for you,
383
00:16:58,090 --> 00:17:01,142
and start thinking about
what's good for someone else.
384
00:17:08,967 --> 00:17:12,653
And you can change
the whole game
385
00:17:12,654 --> 00:17:14,272
with one move.
386
00:17:19,528 --> 00:17:23,164
Now if you like this idea,
you can make it true
387
00:17:23,165 --> 00:17:26,167
by doing something good
for everyone here.
388
00:17:26,168 --> 00:17:29,954
Throw this case out of court.
It's dumb.
389
00:17:29,955 --> 00:17:32,406
That is all.
390
00:17:32,407 --> 00:17:34,509
I withdraw my case.
391
00:17:34,510 --> 00:17:36,093
Why didn't you just do some
392
00:17:36,094 --> 00:17:37,795
inspirational speech
about friendship?
393
00:17:37,796 --> 00:17:39,847
You're fired.
394
00:17:46,188 --> 00:17:48,523
Way to go, soft serve.
You're finished.
395
00:17:48,524 --> 00:17:51,425
By the way, never got a chance
to tell you this,
396
00:17:51,426 --> 00:17:53,528
but it was me who turned you
in to the state bar.
397
00:17:53,529 --> 00:17:55,229
I know.
398
00:17:56,431 --> 00:17:57,932
And I never got
a chance to thank you.
399
00:17:57,933 --> 00:18:00,284
This place has made you so gay.
400
00:18:00,285 --> 00:18:03,704
Hey! Don't use "gay"
as a derogatory term.
401
00:18:03,705 --> 00:18:04,939
Booyah, good person.
402
00:18:07,609 --> 00:18:09,043
Gentlemen, take this man
403
00:18:09,044 --> 00:18:11,546
to the infinite labyrinth
of eternal ice.
404
00:18:11,547 --> 00:18:13,297
- Yes!
- No!
405
00:18:13,298 --> 00:18:16,868
No, take him to the police.
406
00:18:16,869 --> 00:18:20,304
He murdered someone.
Take him to jail.
407
00:18:20,305 --> 00:18:22,306
You guys are weird.
408
00:18:22,307 --> 00:18:24,058
Jeff, that was great.
409
00:18:24,059 --> 00:18:25,810
You were like
a white Blair Underwood.
410
00:18:25,811 --> 00:18:26,978
Shirley,
if you're willing, I think
411
00:18:26,979 --> 00:18:28,679
we should let Jeff sign
the sandwich shop form.
412
00:18:28,680 --> 00:18:29,680
Yeah, you could represent
both of us.
413
00:18:29,681 --> 00:18:30,965
You know, like our attorney.
414
00:18:30,966 --> 00:18:34,101
My God, Pierce!
You had your first good idea.
415
00:18:34,102 --> 00:18:36,971
- Thank you.
- Britta, I'm so sorry.
416
00:18:36,972 --> 00:18:38,439
It doesn't matter, Abed.
417
00:18:38,440 --> 00:18:40,274
I should've never
played therapist with you.
418
00:18:40,275 --> 00:18:42,142
I'll change my major
just one more time.
419
00:18:42,143 --> 00:18:43,578
But you can't.
You cured me.
420
00:18:43,579 --> 00:18:44,829
I mean, I'm not cured.
I'm willing to admit
421
00:18:44,830 --> 00:18:46,314
I definitely need therapy.
422
00:18:46,315 --> 00:18:48,032
You're the only kind
of shrink I could ever trust.
423
00:18:48,033 --> 00:18:49,867
The kind with as little control
over my mind as me.
424
00:18:52,621 --> 00:18:53,704
Mind if I cut in?
425
00:18:53,705 --> 00:18:57,258
Troy!
426
00:18:57,259 --> 00:18:58,292
You're back.
427
00:18:58,293 --> 00:19:00,878
Yeah, I made a new rule
428
00:19:00,879 --> 00:19:02,162
that the air conditioning
repair school
429
00:19:02,163 --> 00:19:03,764
has to act like
a regular school.
430
00:19:03,765 --> 00:19:05,383
I can do that
because I'm their messiah.
431
00:19:05,384 --> 00:19:07,802
Cool. I went crazy and
I wanted to cut off Jeff's arm.
432
00:19:07,803 --> 00:19:09,887
I missed you so much, buddy.
433
00:19:14,309 --> 00:19:16,227
So, Jeff,
we still best friends?
434
00:19:20,015 --> 00:19:23,517
All right.
435
00:19:23,518 --> 00:19:26,687
Cellular mitosis.
What is it?
436
00:19:26,688 --> 00:19:29,040
♪ Give me some rope ♪
437
00:19:29,041 --> 00:19:30,741
♪ tie me to dream ♪
438
00:19:30,742 --> 00:19:32,209
♪ give me the hope ♪
439
00:19:32,210 --> 00:19:33,961
♪ to run out of steam ♪
440
00:19:33,962 --> 00:19:35,579
♪ somebody said ♪
441
00:19:35,580 --> 00:19:37,364
♪ it could be here ♪
442
00:19:37,365 --> 00:19:41,201
♪ we could be roped up,
tied up, dead in a year ♪
443
00:19:41,202 --> 00:19:47,925
♪ but I love you more
than words can say ♪
444
00:19:47,926 --> 00:19:54,598
♪ I can't count the reasons
I should stay ♪
445
00:19:54,599 --> 00:20:00,304
♪ one by one
they all just fade away ♪
446
00:20:00,305 --> 00:20:03,658
♪ I'm tired
of the wait and sees ♪
447
00:20:03,659 --> 00:20:07,061
♪ I'm tired of that
part of me ♪
448
00:20:07,062 --> 00:20:10,230
♪ that makes up a perfect lie ♪
449
00:20:10,231 --> 00:20:13,668
♪ to keep us between ♪
450
00:20:13,669 --> 00:20:16,620
♪ but hours turn into days ♪
451
00:20:16,621 --> 00:20:20,207
♪ so watch
what you throw away ♪
452
00:20:20,208 --> 00:20:23,928
♪ and be here to recognize ♪
453
00:20:23,929 --> 00:20:26,213
♪ there's another way ♪
454
00:20:36,074 --> 00:20:38,058
Hello, everybody.
I'm Leonard.
455
00:20:38,059 --> 00:20:42,178
And I'm here today to review
Let's Potato Chips.
456
00:20:42,179 --> 00:20:44,964
$1.79 at Kroger's.
457
00:20:44,965 --> 00:20:46,566
Ah.
458
00:20:46,567 --> 00:20:48,101
Get this sucker open...
459
00:20:48,102 --> 00:20:49,986
Ah, there we are.
460
00:20:49,987 --> 00:20:52,822
Now, I've already had
some of these,
461
00:20:52,823 --> 00:20:55,525
but let's see.
462
00:20:55,526 --> 00:20:58,745
Mmm! Crispy. Mm-hmm.
463
00:20:58,746 --> 00:21:00,330
Salty, not too greasy.
464
00:21:01,799 --> 00:21:04,367
That one's shaped
like a duck.
465
00:21:04,368 --> 00:21:07,871
Well, I guess
that's definitely a buy.
466
00:21:07,872 --> 00:21:09,506
That's it.
467
00:21:09,507 --> 00:21:13,686
Let's Potato Chips are good,
and they're a buy.
468
00:21:13,687 --> 00:21:16,394
♪ I'm as high as hell,
you're about to get shot ♪