1
00:00:01,117 --> 00:00:03,815
So... cellular mitosis
is what?
2
00:00:03,816 --> 00:00:05,032
I miss Troy.
3
00:00:05,033 --> 00:00:06,667
Wrong, and stop guessing that.
4
00:00:06,668 --> 00:00:08,169
Annie.
I'm worried about Abed.
5
00:00:08,170 --> 00:00:10,087
He hasn't left the apartment
since Troy moved out.
6
00:00:10,088 --> 00:00:11,872
He won't even play
in the Dreamatorium.
7
00:00:11,873 --> 00:00:13,007
Sorry, not "play."
8
00:00:13,008 --> 00:00:14,308
"Render
imaginated dreamscapes."
9
00:00:14,309 --> 00:00:17,545
Guys, we just finished
retaking biology all summer,
10
00:00:17,546 --> 00:00:19,764
and if I don't pass this final,
it was for nothing.
11
00:00:19,765 --> 00:00:21,148
Can we stay on target?
12
00:00:21,149 --> 00:00:23,601
Did someone say
"sexy construction worker"?
13
00:00:23,602 --> 00:00:25,152
- Ooh!
- Stay... stay on target.
14
00:00:25,153 --> 00:00:26,554
I'm dressed like this
15
00:00:26,555 --> 00:00:30,024
because I'm building
to big news.
16
00:00:30,025 --> 00:00:32,994
Subway has officially ended
its agreement with Greendale,
17
00:00:32,995 --> 00:00:34,829
and the restaurant I've chosen
18
00:00:34,830 --> 00:00:38,583
to occupy the cafeteria
kiosk is...
19
00:00:38,584 --> 00:00:39,584
Shirley's Sandwiches!
20
00:00:39,585 --> 00:00:40,701
[Cheering]
21
00:00:40,702 --> 00:00:43,671
I just need one of you
to sign this
22
00:00:43,672 --> 00:00:45,256
as the official owner
of the business.
23
00:00:45,257 --> 00:00:47,416
Ooh, we should both sign it,
we're 50-50 partners.
24
00:00:47,423 --> 00:00:49,393
But there's only one
dotted line on the form, so...
25
00:00:49,411 --> 00:00:51,176
- Oh, well, Pierce can...
- Me.
26
00:00:51,213 --> 00:00:52,550
- Hey!
- I paid for it.
27
00:00:52,564 --> 00:00:53,843
Well, there'd be no "it"
to pay for
28
00:00:53,858 --> 00:00:55,109
if I hadn't done all the work.
29
00:00:55,130 --> 00:00:58,653
My goodness, this molehill
is becoming a mountain.
30
00:00:58,720 --> 00:00:59,804
You guys work it out,
31
00:00:59,805 --> 00:01:01,722
while I put together
an Alpine costume.
32
00:01:01,723 --> 00:01:03,941
I knew eventually
you'd try to box me out
33
00:01:03,942 --> 00:01:06,360
of my own business,
just like Hawthorne Wipes did.
34
00:01:06,361 --> 00:01:07,662
I'm not letting you guilt me
35
00:01:07,663 --> 00:01:10,031
into letting you call yourself
the owner of my company.
36
00:01:10,922 --> 00:01:12,704
Jeff! Hello?
37
00:01:12,734 --> 00:01:14,619
- Get involved.
- No.
38
00:01:14,620 --> 00:01:17,237
I am here to replace
my fake bachelor's
39
00:01:17,238 --> 00:01:19,624
so I can get back
to my life as a lawyer.
40
00:01:19,625 --> 00:01:21,542
Nobody else is sacrificing
their interests.
41
00:01:21,543 --> 00:01:22,710
Don't ask me to sacrifice mine.
44
00:01:28,770 --> 00:01:31,904
Okay, so name
the stages of mitosis.
45
00:01:31,928 --> 00:01:34,100
- Ooh, I gotta go.
- Unbelievable.
46
00:01:34,139 --> 00:01:36,057
Today is Abed's
first therapy session.
47
00:01:36,058 --> 00:01:36,808
His what?
48
00:01:36,829 --> 00:01:38,746
He's been feeling
extra vulnerable lately
49
00:01:38,777 --> 00:01:41,228
having lost Troy to the air
conditioning repair school,
50
00:01:41,229 --> 00:01:42,697
so he's finally gonna let me
51
00:01:42,698 --> 00:01:44,932
practice my psych skills
on him.
52
00:01:44,933 --> 00:01:46,317
Give me some credit, Winger.
53
00:01:46,318 --> 00:01:47,568
What's the worst
that could happen?
54
00:01:47,569 --> 00:01:48,836
Classic tee-up.
55
00:01:48,837 --> 00:01:50,988
Shut up, Leonard,
I know about your crooked wang.
56
00:01:50,989 --> 00:01:53,291
No such thing as bad press.
57
00:01:57,546 --> 00:02:00,498
Hey, Abed.
58
00:02:06,305 --> 00:02:07,788
This can't be good.
59
00:02:10,291 --> 00:02:13,561
♪ Give me some rope
tie me to dream ♪
60
00:02:13,562 --> 00:02:16,797
♪ Give me the hope
to run out of steam ♪
61
00:02:16,798 --> 00:02:20,134
♪ Somebody said
it could be here ♪
62
00:02:20,135 --> 00:02:23,971
♪ We could be roped up,
tied up, dead in a year ♪
63
00:02:23,972 --> 00:02:29,026
♪ I can't count
the reasons I should stay ♪
64
00:02:29,027 --> 00:02:33,531
♪ One by one
they all just fade away ♪
65
00:02:33,532 --> 00:02:36,353
Sync and corrections by Elderfel
www.addic7ed.com
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther
66
00:02:36,354 --> 00:02:40,988
There are those who ask,
why connect the capillary tube
67
00:02:40,989 --> 00:02:43,624
directly to
the compressor valve?
68
00:02:43,625 --> 00:02:45,259
Oh, sure,
why not just attach it
69
00:02:45,260 --> 00:02:46,961
to the moisture accumulator?
70
00:02:46,962 --> 00:02:49,337
[Laughing]
Hey, Troy.
71
00:02:49,356 --> 00:02:51,590
We boring you?
I miss my friends.
72
00:02:51,629 --> 00:02:54,731
- He misses his friends.
- Aww.
73
00:02:54,936 --> 00:02:56,470
Mr. Barnes...
74
00:02:56,471 --> 00:02:59,678
Gather your things
and come with me.
75
00:03:00,576 --> 00:03:02,086
Now!
76
00:03:02,110 --> 00:03:04,862
The sun chamber.
A shameful relic
77
00:03:04,863 --> 00:03:07,181
from a savage chapter
of our history.
78
00:03:07,182 --> 00:03:09,617
Repairmen would duel
each other inside,
79
00:03:09,618 --> 00:03:13,360
losers succumbing
to heat exhaustion, or worse.
80
00:03:13,507 --> 00:03:17,499
- Troy, there is a prophesy.
- I miss Abed so much.
81
00:03:17,545 --> 00:03:21,050
I'm ashamed to confess
that I once thought
82
00:03:21,269 --> 00:03:23,824
that this might be me.
83
00:03:23,905 --> 00:03:26,610
Now I realize that it's you.
84
00:03:26,770 --> 00:03:28,738
You are
the true repairman, Troy.
85
00:03:29,012 --> 00:03:32,091
You fix not only
air conditioners...
86
00:03:32,242 --> 00:03:34,367
but the men who fix them.
87
00:03:35,267 --> 00:03:38,772
It's a trade school.
It's a two-year degree
88
00:03:38,832 --> 00:03:41,250
in boxes that make rooms cold.
89
00:03:41,251 --> 00:03:43,924
Sir, there's been a flow duct
rupture in quadrant four.
90
00:03:43,947 --> 00:03:45,114
I'll handle it.
91
00:03:45,155 --> 00:03:47,206
This is your destiny,
Mr. Barnes.
92
00:03:47,371 --> 00:03:51,925
The true repairman
will repair man.
93
00:03:56,735 --> 00:03:58,118
Abed.
94
00:03:58,168 --> 00:04:00,169
I'm not talking to you
because I'm not crazy.
95
00:04:00,170 --> 00:04:01,804
Think of it as inner dialogue.
96
00:04:01,805 --> 00:04:04,173
I'm reading the novelization
of Chronicles of Riddick.
97
00:04:04,174 --> 00:04:05,892
Can you honestly tell me
that's a saner decision?
98
00:04:05,893 --> 00:04:08,744
You're worried
you'll go crazy without Troy.
99
00:04:08,745 --> 00:04:10,980
That's why you're gonna
let Britta fix you, right?
100
00:04:10,981 --> 00:04:12,281
Because you think
you're broken,
101
00:04:12,282 --> 00:04:13,816
you're gonna get diagnosed
by someone who said
102
00:04:13,817 --> 00:04:15,651
her favorite superhero
was "x-man"?
103
00:04:15,652 --> 00:04:18,237
I'm a little scared.
Things are bad.
104
00:04:18,238 --> 00:04:19,488
When the world
gets bad enough, Abed,
105
00:04:19,489 --> 00:04:23,242
the good go crazy.
But the smart...
106
00:04:23,243 --> 00:04:25,962
They go bad.
107
00:04:25,963 --> 00:04:28,231
Come on in here,
let's talk about it.
108
00:04:28,232 --> 00:04:29,632
I think it's safer
if I talk to Britta.
109
00:04:29,633 --> 00:04:31,533
I think it's even safer
if I talk to her first.
110
00:04:33,270 --> 00:04:35,471
Hello.
111
00:04:35,472 --> 00:04:37,473
Are you here to help me
with biology,
112
00:04:37,474 --> 00:04:38,925
or get me to help you?
113
00:04:38,926 --> 00:04:41,894
- Bi-ol-o-gy.
- Are you lying?
114
00:04:41,895 --> 00:04:44,447
Hard to break the word "yes"
into lilting syllables, huh?
115
00:04:44,448 --> 00:04:46,715
Ye-es?
116
00:04:46,716 --> 00:04:48,351
Look, Pierce and I are so close
117
00:04:48,352 --> 00:04:49,652
to getting the sandwich
shop going.
118
00:04:49,653 --> 00:04:51,028
- I just need you to help...
- Look.
119
00:04:51,057 --> 00:04:52,637
You want one piece
of free advice?
120
00:04:52,659 --> 00:04:54,093
Let Pierce cool down.
121
00:04:54,103 --> 00:04:56,037
You know how crazy
and paranoid he can get.
122
00:04:56,038 --> 00:04:58,957
A-ha! Crazy?
Paranoid? Impotent?
123
00:04:58,958 --> 00:05:01,126
- Cellular...
- I knew you'd run to Jeff,
124
00:05:01,127 --> 00:05:03,545
and turn him against me.
- Mitosis.
125
00:05:03,546 --> 00:05:05,013
Guys, why are we yelling?
126
00:05:05,014 --> 00:05:07,332
- You sign that paper, I'll sue.
- Well, hold on.
127
00:05:07,333 --> 00:05:10,802
This will be settled
in Greendale court, 3:00 P.M.
128
00:05:10,803 --> 00:05:12,888
Obviously, Shirley
has her counsel,
129
00:05:12,889 --> 00:05:15,440
and I get to dress
like a judge.
130
00:05:15,441 --> 00:05:16,808
I was born in a courtroom,
131
00:05:16,809 --> 00:05:19,628
sued it for my own placenta,
and won.
132
00:05:19,629 --> 00:05:21,012
Now I'm calling my lawyer.
133
00:05:22,031 --> 00:05:27,035
My biology final
is at 5:00.
134
00:05:27,036 --> 00:05:30,238
I'm available
from 3:00 to 4:00.
135
00:05:30,239 --> 00:05:32,357
I'll see you in court.
136
00:05:32,358 --> 00:05:34,826
Hello, Abed?
Ready to get therapized?
137
00:05:34,827 --> 00:05:38,079
Abed?
138
00:05:46,205 --> 00:05:47,188
Hello, Britta.
139
00:05:50,343 --> 00:05:52,761
Come in.
140
00:05:53,614 --> 00:05:55,270
What's going on?
141
00:05:55,314 --> 00:05:58,066
Vice Dean Laybourne was
repairing a flow duct rupture,
142
00:05:58,067 --> 00:06:00,101
and he inhaled
a lethal dose of freon.
143
00:06:07,577 --> 00:06:10,946
May his breeze join the wind.
144
00:06:13,532 --> 00:06:16,418
Okay, so mitosis
is when cells divide...
145
00:06:16,419 --> 00:06:18,370
I wonder who Pierce is
gonna get to represent him.
146
00:06:18,371 --> 00:06:20,372
I promise,
whoever Pierce brings
147
00:06:20,373 --> 00:06:23,124
won't be prepared for me.
That's the Winger guaran...
148
00:06:23,125 --> 00:06:24,676
Is that the cold-blooded
former colleague
149
00:06:24,677 --> 00:06:26,177
that got you fired
from your old law firm
150
00:06:26,178 --> 00:06:27,762
by ratting on you
to the state bar?
151
00:06:27,763 --> 00:06:28,763
Tee.
152
00:06:35,006 --> 00:06:36,608
So is this a conflict of interest?
153
00:06:36,650 --> 00:06:38,800
You know, Alan working
at your former firm and all?
154
00:06:38,801 --> 00:06:41,002
Hey, Pierce just did you
the biggest favor of your life.
155
00:06:41,003 --> 00:06:43,421
He hired a guy I've spent
the last two years fantasizing
156
00:06:43,422 --> 00:06:44,723
about stabbing
in the... Sundance!
157
00:06:44,724 --> 00:06:46,474
- Tango!
- Hey.
158
00:06:46,475 --> 00:06:50,362
So... The case
of the sandwich signature.
159
00:06:50,363 --> 00:06:51,496
What are you doing here?
160
00:06:51,497 --> 00:06:52,781
I mean, me, I have to, but you?
161
00:06:52,782 --> 00:06:54,182
Hawthorne's a cash cow,
162
00:06:54,183 --> 00:06:56,935
and old a-con here
is tugging at that teat.
163
00:06:56,936 --> 00:06:59,771
[Milking noises] That's money.
164
00:06:59,772 --> 00:07:01,072
[Milking noise] Money.
165
00:07:01,073 --> 00:07:02,557
[Milking noise]
Please stop that.
166
00:07:02,558 --> 00:07:06,111
So full disclosure.
The firm would really like
167
00:07:06,112 --> 00:07:09,864
to keep vitamin "p"
in its medicine chest.
168
00:07:09,865 --> 00:07:10,882
Full disclosure.
169
00:07:10,898 --> 00:07:12,248
I really want to be
done by 4:00.
170
00:07:12,256 --> 00:07:14,881
Oh, that's the Jeff
wing basket I remember loving.
171
00:07:14,920 --> 00:07:16,303
Hey, just go easy on Shirley.
172
00:07:16,339 --> 00:07:17,922
Scout's honor, Sinead O'Connor.
173
00:07:17,923 --> 00:07:21,576
Oy-yay, oy-yay, the honorable
Craig Pelton presiding.
174
00:07:21,577 --> 00:07:24,912
[Laughing] First off,
there's one decision
175
00:07:24,913 --> 00:07:26,965
I'll need your help making.
176
00:07:26,966 --> 00:07:29,551
Judging Amy or Judge Judy?
177
00:07:29,552 --> 00:07:31,853
You say your name is Evil Abed,
178
00:07:31,854 --> 00:07:34,948
which does not throw me,
because I'm a therapist.
179
00:07:34,985 --> 00:07:37,149
So let's talk about evil.
180
00:07:40,910 --> 00:07:43,176
You know what? Maybe I should
talk to Good Abed instead.
181
00:07:43,199 --> 00:07:45,483
Where I come from,
his name is Lame Abed.
182
00:07:45,484 --> 00:07:47,969
- And you come from...
- The darkest timeline.
183
00:07:47,970 --> 00:07:49,571
You might call it
the Britta of timelines,
184
00:07:49,572 --> 00:07:50,739
where everything is the worst.
185
00:07:50,740 --> 00:07:53,153
Jeff has one arm there.
Annie shot Pierce.
186
00:07:53,176 --> 00:07:54,353
- Troy can't speak...
- Ah!
187
00:07:54,366 --> 00:07:57,805
Now we're getting somewhere.
I think lame Abed sent you
188
00:07:57,828 --> 00:08:01,010
to talk because you're more
equipped to deal with fear.
189
00:08:01,097 --> 00:08:03,074
That's the lame way
of seeing it, yes.
190
00:08:03,136 --> 00:08:04,784
Here's the truth.
191
00:08:04,804 --> 00:08:06,521
I've crossed
into your dark timeline,
192
00:08:06,522 --> 00:08:07,856
and now I'm going to darken it.
193
00:08:08,357 --> 00:08:09,557
How?
194
00:08:09,596 --> 00:08:11,280
Tell me about
your parents, Britta.
195
00:08:11,344 --> 00:08:14,780
Um... No?
196
00:08:16,632 --> 00:08:18,183
Barnes, you should be
in the chapel.
197
00:08:18,184 --> 00:08:19,801
We lost a great man today.
198
00:08:19,802 --> 00:08:21,236
Yeah, he was the best,
wasn't he?
199
00:08:21,237 --> 00:08:22,854
That's why I don't understand
200
00:08:22,855 --> 00:08:25,874
how he could rupture
a freon line.
201
00:08:25,875 --> 00:08:27,158
That's kind of
a rookie mistake.
202
00:08:27,159 --> 00:08:29,144
I'm sure it was just
a faulty valve.
203
00:08:29,145 --> 00:08:30,328
My first order as vice Dean,
204
00:08:30,329 --> 00:08:31,529
I'm gonna have them
all replaced.
205
00:08:31,530 --> 00:08:32,914
So you're vice Dean now?
206
00:08:32,915 --> 00:08:35,333
Why the sudden interest
in air conditioning repair?
207
00:08:35,334 --> 00:08:36,401
I thought you missed
your friends.
208
00:08:36,402 --> 00:08:38,253
- I do.
- Then go be with them.
209
00:08:38,254 --> 00:08:39,254
I'm releasing you.
210
00:08:39,255 --> 00:08:41,956
- But you...
- Goodbye, Troy.
211
00:08:46,762 --> 00:08:50,265
Miss Edison, do you recognize
the baby in that picture?
212
00:08:50,266 --> 00:08:52,300
That's Shirley's baby Ben.
213
00:08:52,301 --> 00:08:55,353
Would you think less
of Shirley Bennett
214
00:08:55,354 --> 00:08:58,973
if she offered
to sell Ben on craigslist
215
00:08:58,974 --> 00:09:01,893
for a chance
to bump it with Denzel?
216
00:09:01,894 --> 00:09:03,395
That was a joke for my cousin.
217
00:09:03,396 --> 00:09:05,346
Damn those Facebook
privacy settings.
218
00:09:05,347 --> 00:09:07,031
- Jeff, do something.
- He's got nothing.
219
00:09:07,032 --> 00:09:08,283
I'm sure she didn't mean that.
220
00:09:08,284 --> 00:09:12,654
Or perhaps she doesn't
even love that baby,
221
00:09:12,655 --> 00:09:16,408
because she spent most
of last year not even knowing
222
00:09:16,409 --> 00:09:18,243
who the father is.
- Objection.
223
00:09:18,244 --> 00:09:19,694
Establishing character,
your honor.
224
00:09:19,695 --> 00:09:21,696
This woman is clearly unfit
to own a sandwich shop.
225
00:09:21,697 --> 00:09:23,298
Alan, come on.
226
00:09:23,299 --> 00:09:24,999
No furths.
227
00:09:28,971 --> 00:09:30,338
I thought you said
you were gonna go easy.
228
00:09:30,339 --> 00:09:32,056
Felt easy to me.
229
00:09:33,709 --> 00:09:35,543
What was he wearing?
230
00:09:35,544 --> 00:09:37,312
He was dressed as a dinosaur.
231
00:09:37,313 --> 00:09:38,430
Is that why you dropped
out of High School?
232
00:09:38,431 --> 00:09:39,431
I don't know.
233
00:09:39,432 --> 00:09:41,483
- Are those even real glasses?
- No.
234
00:09:41,484 --> 00:09:43,318
Ah, do you feel that, Britta?
235
00:09:43,319 --> 00:09:47,105
- Your timeline's 10% darker now.
- This was 10%?
236
00:09:47,106 --> 00:09:49,507
Do you know what kind of person
becomes a psychologist, Britta?
237
00:09:49,508 --> 00:09:51,058
A person that wishes,
deep down,
238
00:09:51,059 --> 00:09:52,827
that everyone more special
than them was sick,
239
00:09:52,828 --> 00:09:55,497
because "healthy" sounds so much
more exciting than "boring."
240
00:09:55,498 --> 00:09:57,242
You're average, Britta Perry.
241
00:09:57,250 --> 00:09:58,565
You're every kid
on the playground
242
00:09:58,572 --> 00:09:59,917
that didn't get picked on.
243
00:10:00,041 --> 00:10:01,341
You're a business casual
potted plant,
244
00:10:01,342 --> 00:10:02,960
a human white sale.
245
00:10:02,961 --> 00:10:05,829
You're VH1, Robocop 2,
and Back to the Future 3.
246
00:10:05,830 --> 00:10:07,798
You're the center slice
of a square cheese pizza.
247
00:10:07,799 --> 00:10:09,149
Actually, that
sounds delicious.
248
00:10:09,150 --> 00:10:11,218
I'm the center slice
of a square cheese pizza.
249
00:10:11,219 --> 00:10:12,719
You're Jim Belushi.
[Gasping]
250
00:10:12,720 --> 00:10:15,739
Ah.
251
00:10:15,740 --> 00:10:18,225
12%
252
00:10:18,226 --> 00:10:20,611
Where are you going?
253
00:10:20,612 --> 00:10:22,446
To make this timeline
the darkest of all.
254
00:10:22,447 --> 00:10:24,715
Starting with your lame hero,
Jeff Winger.
255
00:10:24,716 --> 00:10:26,600
I don't suppose lame Abed
owns a bone saw.
256
00:10:26,601 --> 00:10:28,619
[Gasps]
257
00:10:31,039 --> 00:10:32,906
[Neck cracks]
258
00:10:44,502 --> 00:10:46,940
So, Pierce, you're seeking
full ownership
259
00:10:46,970 --> 00:10:48,271
of Shirley's Sandwiches.
260
00:10:48,311 --> 00:10:52,063
After all, you did provide
100% of the financing.
261
00:10:52,086 --> 00:10:52,913
Correct.
262
00:10:52,963 --> 00:10:56,033
You really did?
Oh, damn it.
263
00:10:56,091 --> 00:10:57,832
Jeez, I came to this
thing unprepared.
264
00:10:57,890 --> 00:11:01,676
I mean, I-I guess it's my job
to somehow tarnish you
265
00:11:01,684 --> 00:11:03,728
in the eyes of the court,
but, uh...
266
00:11:04,199 --> 00:11:06,638
- Let me check my notes.
- Take your time.
267
00:11:06,673 --> 00:11:07,848
Thanks.
268
00:11:07,892 --> 00:11:10,894
Hey, uh, while
I'm doing this...
269
00:11:10,895 --> 00:11:12,896
Does anybody know
any funny jokes?
270
00:11:12,897 --> 00:11:14,114
I do.
271
00:11:14,115 --> 00:11:18,029
An Irish and a Jew walk
into a Chinese laundry...
272
00:11:18,415 --> 00:11:19,663
With a gay duck.
273
00:11:20,405 --> 00:11:21,955
- All right, okay!
- Oh, right!
274
00:11:21,956 --> 00:11:23,957
So you're telling me they're
not good at basketball?
275
00:11:23,958 --> 00:11:25,459
I have no questions,
your honor.
276
00:11:25,460 --> 00:11:26,843
[Courtroom booing]
277
00:11:37,855 --> 00:11:39,556
Cruel.
Cruel, cruel, cruel.
278
00:11:39,557 --> 00:11:41,224
In the name
of the five winds...
279
00:11:41,225 --> 00:11:44,227
East, West, North,
280
00:11:44,228 --> 00:11:46,530
the one we keep secret,
and South,
281
00:11:46,531 --> 00:11:49,066
I hereby proclaim you...
282
00:11:49,067 --> 00:11:50,484
This ceremony is a lie.
283
00:11:50,485 --> 00:11:52,035
And having
a special room for it
284
00:11:52,036 --> 00:11:53,787
is a waste
of valuable floor space.
285
00:11:53,788 --> 00:11:55,789
You are no longer
a student here.
286
00:11:55,790 --> 00:11:58,625
And we use this room
for yoga on weekends.
287
00:11:58,626 --> 00:12:01,411
- Remove him.
- I am the truest repairman.
288
00:12:02,961 --> 00:12:05,000
And this man is a dishonor
289
00:12:05,049 --> 00:12:06,333
to making air conditioners
work good.
290
00:12:06,334 --> 00:12:07,918
And I have the right
to challenge him...
291
00:12:09,247 --> 00:12:11,021
In the sun chamber.
292
00:12:11,949 --> 00:12:13,825
Holy crap.
293
00:12:13,858 --> 00:12:16,259
Your less than honor,
can I call a recess?
294
00:12:16,260 --> 00:12:17,961
Ooh, yay, costume change.
295
00:12:17,962 --> 00:12:19,596
Court briefly adjourned.
296
00:12:19,597 --> 00:12:22,099
What are you trying
to do, Winger?
297
00:12:22,100 --> 00:12:24,351
Zealously represent
your client?
298
00:12:24,352 --> 00:12:27,521
Let me make things
a little easier for you.
299
00:12:27,522 --> 00:12:29,406
Figure out a way
to throw this case,
300
00:12:29,407 --> 00:12:31,358
or figure out
where you're gonna work
301
00:12:31,359 --> 00:12:33,143
when you get out of here,
because I don't know
302
00:12:33,144 --> 00:12:34,778
where it's gonna be
if it's not for us.
303
00:12:34,779 --> 00:12:36,780
That's right, Jeff.
I went there.
304
00:12:36,781 --> 00:12:40,417
You drove me there.
Miss Daisy's in the house,
305
00:12:40,418 --> 00:12:42,502
thanks for the ride,
sorry about slavery.
306
00:12:42,503 --> 00:12:43,704
Don't oversell
your clout, Alan.
307
00:12:43,705 --> 00:12:45,455
You're partner
because I sold you to Ted.
308
00:12:45,456 --> 00:12:47,424
- Ted respects me...
- Ted's gone.
309
00:12:47,425 --> 00:12:50,660
He got too old, couldn't swim
with the sharks, and got eaten.
310
00:12:50,661 --> 00:12:52,328
That makes no sense.
He started the firm.
311
00:12:52,329 --> 00:12:54,347
- You can't lose your own firm.
- You can if you're dead.
312
00:12:54,348 --> 00:12:56,850
That shark thing
was not a metaphor.
313
00:12:56,851 --> 00:12:58,018
I'm the big dog now.
314
00:12:58,019 --> 00:13:01,171
So you want
the last three years
315
00:13:01,172 --> 00:13:03,557
in this toilet to have a point?
316
00:13:03,558 --> 00:13:05,892
Then I'm the guy
you got to make happy.
317
00:13:05,893 --> 00:13:07,694
Or, you know, you could
finish up your big win here.
318
00:13:07,695 --> 00:13:09,396
Court is in session.
319
00:13:09,397 --> 00:13:13,650
Blind Justice presiding...
aah! Oh, my God!
320
00:13:13,651 --> 00:13:17,070
Ahh!
Oh, one more recess.
321
00:13:17,071 --> 00:13:19,522
I hit the corner
right on a fresh tattoo.
322
00:13:21,318 --> 00:13:23,670
Well boys and girls...
323
00:13:23,718 --> 00:13:27,230
I hope you brought
your popsicles,
324
00:13:27,249 --> 00:13:31,569
because it's about
to get scalding hot
325
00:13:31,593 --> 00:13:34,601
in the sun chamber.
326
00:13:34,638 --> 00:13:37,387
You already know the rules...
327
00:13:37,432 --> 00:13:41,330
Because there aren't any!
328
00:13:41,372 --> 00:13:43,669
Jeez, Dennis, are you on coke?
329
00:13:43,831 --> 00:13:46,105
Take that crap off
and sit down.
330
00:13:47,525 --> 00:13:50,561
Sorry about that.
Of course there are rules.
331
00:13:50,562 --> 00:13:52,613
Two men are sealed
in the chamber,
332
00:13:52,614 --> 00:13:54,005
each with a broken unit.
333
00:13:54,041 --> 00:13:56,375
The heat will increase
until one man yields...
334
00:13:56,517 --> 00:13:57,517
or dies.
335
00:13:57,518 --> 00:14:00,154
Begin!
[Cheering]
336
00:14:10,982 --> 00:14:13,717
You're just in time
for Jeff's closing statements.
337
00:14:13,718 --> 00:14:15,703
Who cares?
Everything is terrible.
338
00:14:15,704 --> 00:14:18,205
Oh, no. Have you been
watching Dance Moms again?
339
00:14:18,206 --> 00:14:19,757
I'm thinking of dyeing my hair.
340
00:14:19,758 --> 00:14:22,376
[Humming]
341
00:14:22,377 --> 00:14:23,644
Evil Abed, what are you doing?
342
00:14:23,645 --> 00:14:24,878
I'm going to cut off
Jeff Winger's arm.
343
00:14:24,879 --> 00:14:26,096
I won't let you.
That's horrible.
344
00:14:26,097 --> 00:14:29,483
Don't you mean dark?
Welcome to my world.
345
00:14:35,824 --> 00:14:38,108
Psst! Jeff! Winger!
346
00:14:42,364 --> 00:14:44,331
Jeffrey, this is a...
a terrible situation
347
00:14:44,332 --> 00:14:45,699
for me to have put you in.
348
00:14:45,700 --> 00:14:48,402
A guy like Alan isn't above
making trouble for you
349
00:14:48,403 --> 00:14:50,337
at your old firm.
- Shirley, I...
350
00:14:50,338 --> 00:14:52,840
It's not worth your career.
351
00:14:52,841 --> 00:14:55,281
I want you to have
what you want.
352
00:14:56,712 --> 00:14:58,630
- Thank you, Shirley.
- Settle down.
353
00:14:58,647 --> 00:15:02,006
Okay, Jeffrey, let's have
your closing statement.
354
00:15:05,186 --> 00:15:07,604
[Repairmen cheering]
355
00:15:33,164 --> 00:15:34,698
Your honor...
356
00:15:34,699 --> 00:15:37,301
I have no closing statement,
because I'm throwing the case.
357
00:15:37,302 --> 00:15:39,053
[Gasping]
- No, no, it's okay.
358
00:15:39,054 --> 00:15:40,421
It's fine, don't worry.
359
00:15:40,422 --> 00:15:42,973
My client, Shirley Bennett,
my friend of three years,
360
00:15:42,974 --> 00:15:44,558
she told me that it was okay.
361
00:15:44,559 --> 00:15:48,645
She said what I want
was more important.
362
00:15:48,646 --> 00:15:51,548
She's right, right?
363
00:15:51,549 --> 00:15:53,367
I mean, guys like me,
364
00:15:53,368 --> 00:15:54,985
we'll tell you
there's no right or wrong.
365
00:15:54,986 --> 00:15:57,271
There's no real truth.
366
00:15:58,273 --> 00:15:59,356
I'll kill you.
367
00:15:59,357 --> 00:16:02,159
I'll kill you
just like I killed him.
368
00:16:02,160 --> 00:16:05,028
And as long as
we all believe that,
369
00:16:05,029 --> 00:16:07,281
guys like me can never lose.
370
00:16:07,282 --> 00:16:09,032
Was that out loud?
371
00:16:09,033 --> 00:16:11,535
Because the truth is...
372
00:16:11,536 --> 00:16:14,705
I'm lying when I say
there is no truth.
373
00:16:14,706 --> 00:16:18,926
The truth is...
the pathetically, stupidly,
374
00:16:18,927 --> 00:16:22,596
inconveniently obvious
truth is...
375
00:16:22,597 --> 00:16:27,351
Helping only ourselves is bad,
and helping each other is good.
376
00:16:27,352 --> 00:16:30,721
Now I just wanted
to get out of here,
377
00:16:30,722 --> 00:16:32,806
pass biology,
and be a lawyer again
378
00:16:32,807 --> 00:16:34,108
instead of helping Shirley.
379
00:16:34,109 --> 00:16:35,309
That was bad.
380
00:16:35,310 --> 00:16:36,894
And my former colleague
381
00:16:36,895 --> 00:16:40,397
wanted so badly
to keep his rich client
382
00:16:40,398 --> 00:16:42,699
that he just asked me
to roll over
383
00:16:42,700 --> 00:16:44,318
in exchange for my old job.
384
00:16:44,319 --> 00:16:45,819
[All gasp]
385
00:16:45,820 --> 00:16:49,106
So I guess we all walked
in here pretty bad.
386
00:16:49,107 --> 00:16:51,625
But now...
387
00:16:51,626 --> 00:16:53,460
Shirley's gone good.
388
00:16:53,461 --> 00:16:54,611
Shirley's helping me.
389
00:16:54,612 --> 00:16:56,380
It's that easy.
390
00:16:56,381 --> 00:16:59,750
You just stop thinking
about what's good for you,
391
00:16:59,751 --> 00:17:02,803
and start thinking about
what's good for someone else.
392
00:17:08,176 --> 00:17:10,627
[Repairmen cheering]
393
00:17:10,628 --> 00:17:14,314
And you can change
the whole game
394
00:17:14,315 --> 00:17:15,933
with one move.
395
00:17:21,189 --> 00:17:24,825
Now if you like this idea,
you can make it true
396
00:17:24,826 --> 00:17:27,828
by doing something good
for everyone here.
397
00:17:27,829 --> 00:17:31,615
Throw this case out of court.
It's dumb.
398
00:17:31,616 --> 00:17:34,067
That is all.
399
00:17:34,068 --> 00:17:36,170
I withdraw my case.
400
00:17:36,171 --> 00:17:37,754
Why didn't you just do some
401
00:17:37,755 --> 00:17:39,671
inspirational speech
about friendship?
402
00:17:39,698 --> 00:17:41,749
You're fired.
403
00:17:47,849 --> 00:17:50,184
Way to go, soft serve.
You're finished.
404
00:17:50,185 --> 00:17:53,086
By the way, never got a chance
to tell you this,
405
00:17:53,087 --> 00:17:55,189
but it was me who turned you
in to the state bar.
406
00:17:55,190 --> 00:17:56,890
I know.
407
00:17:58,092 --> 00:17:59,593
And I never got
a chance to thank you.
408
00:17:59,594 --> 00:18:01,945
This place has made you so gay.
409
00:18:01,946 --> 00:18:05,365
Hey! Don't use "gay"
as a derogatory term.
410
00:18:05,366 --> 00:18:06,600
Booyah, good person.
411
00:18:06,601 --> 00:18:09,269
[All cheering]
412
00:18:09,270 --> 00:18:10,704
Gentlemen, take this man
413
00:18:10,705 --> 00:18:13,207
to the infinite labyrinth
of eternal ice.
414
00:18:13,208 --> 00:18:14,958
- Yes!
- No!
415
00:18:14,959 --> 00:18:18,529
No, take him to the police.
416
00:18:18,530 --> 00:18:21,965
He murdered someone.
Take him to jail.
417
00:18:21,966 --> 00:18:23,967
You guys are weird.
418
00:18:23,968 --> 00:18:25,719
Jeff, that was great.
419
00:18:25,720 --> 00:18:27,471
You were like
a white Blair Underwood.
420
00:18:27,472 --> 00:18:28,639
Shirley,
if you're willing, I think
421
00:18:28,640 --> 00:18:30,252
we should let Jeff sign
the sandwich shop form.
422
00:18:30,275 --> 00:18:31,550
Yeah, you could represent
both of us.
423
00:18:31,556 --> 00:18:32,605
You know, like our attorney.
424
00:18:32,627 --> 00:18:35,762
My God, Pierce!
You had your first good idea.
425
00:18:35,763 --> 00:18:38,632
- Thank you.
- Britta, I'm so sorry.
426
00:18:38,633 --> 00:18:40,100
It doesn't matter, Abed.
427
00:18:40,101 --> 00:18:41,935
I should've never
played therapist with you.
428
00:18:41,936 --> 00:18:43,803
I'll change my major
just one more time.
429
00:18:43,804 --> 00:18:45,239
But you can't.
You cured me.
430
00:18:45,240 --> 00:18:46,710
I mean, I'm not cured.
I'm willing to admit
431
00:18:46,732 --> 00:18:47,961
I definitely need therapy.
432
00:18:47,976 --> 00:18:49,693
You're the only kind
of shrink I could ever trust.
433
00:18:49,694 --> 00:18:51,528
The kind with as little control
over my mind as me.
434
00:18:54,282 --> 00:18:55,365
Mind if I cut in?
435
00:18:55,366 --> 00:18:58,919
Troy!
436
00:18:58,920 --> 00:18:59,953
You're back.
437
00:18:59,954 --> 00:19:02,539
Yeah, I made a new rule
438
00:19:02,540 --> 00:19:03,823
that the air conditioning
repair school
439
00:19:03,824 --> 00:19:05,425
has to act like
a regular school.
440
00:19:05,426 --> 00:19:07,044
I can do that
because I'm their messiah.
441
00:19:07,045 --> 00:19:09,463
Cool. I went crazy and
I wanted to cut off Jeff's arm.
442
00:19:09,464 --> 00:19:11,548
I missed you so much, buddy.
443
00:19:11,549 --> 00:19:12,966
[Clearing throat]
444
00:19:15,970 --> 00:19:17,888
So, Jeff,
we still best friends?
445
00:19:21,676 --> 00:19:25,178
All right.
446
00:19:25,179 --> 00:19:28,348
Cellular mitosis.
What is it?
447
00:19:28,349 --> 00:19:30,701
♪ Give me some rope ♪
448
00:19:30,702 --> 00:19:32,402
♪ Tie me to dream ♪
449
00:19:32,403 --> 00:19:33,870
♪ Give me the hope ♪
450
00:19:33,871 --> 00:19:35,622
♪ To run out of steam ♪
451
00:19:35,623 --> 00:19:37,240
♪ Somebody said ♪
452
00:19:37,241 --> 00:19:39,025
♪ It could be here ♪
453
00:19:39,026 --> 00:19:42,862
♪ We could be roped up,
tied up, dead in a year ♪
454
00:19:42,863 --> 00:19:49,586
♪ But I love you more
than words can say ♪
455
00:19:49,587 --> 00:19:56,259
♪ I can't count the reasons
I should stay ♪
456
00:19:56,260 --> 00:20:01,965
♪ One by one
they all just fade away ♪
457
00:20:01,966 --> 00:20:05,319
♪ I'm tired
of the wait and sees ♪
458
00:20:05,320 --> 00:20:08,722
♪ I'm tired of that
part of me ♪
459
00:20:08,723 --> 00:20:11,891
♪ That makes up a perfect lie ♪
460
00:20:11,892 --> 00:20:15,329
♪ To keep us between ♪
461
00:20:15,330 --> 00:20:18,281
♪ But hours turn into days ♪
462
00:20:18,282 --> 00:20:21,868
♪ So watch
what you throw away ♪
463
00:20:21,869 --> 00:20:25,589
♪ And be here to recognize ♪
464
00:20:25,590 --> 00:20:27,874
♪ There's another way ♪
465
00:20:37,719 --> 00:20:39,703
Hello, everybody.
I'm Leonard.
466
00:20:39,720 --> 00:20:44,157
And I'm here today to review
Let's Potato Chips.
467
00:20:44,723 --> 00:20:46,792
$1.79 at Kroger's.
468
00:20:47,454 --> 00:20:48,641
Ah.
469
00:20:49,063 --> 00:20:50,597
Get this sucker open...
470
00:20:50,622 --> 00:20:52,506
Ah, there we are.
471
00:20:52,534 --> 00:20:55,369
Now, I've already had
some of these,
472
00:20:55,370 --> 00:20:58,072
but let's see.
473
00:20:58,073 --> 00:21:00,932
Mmm! Crispy. Mm-hmm.
474
00:21:01,121 --> 00:21:02,818
Salty, not too greasy.
475
00:21:02,878 --> 00:21:04,345
[Chuckling]
476
00:21:04,346 --> 00:21:06,914
That one's shaped like a duck.
477
00:21:06,915 --> 00:21:10,418
Well, I guess
that's definitely a buy.
478
00:21:10,419 --> 00:21:12,053
That's it.
[Whirring in background]
479
00:21:12,054 --> 00:21:15,765
Let's Potato Chips are good,
and they're a buy.
480
00:21:15,796 --> 00:21:19,678
♪ I'm as high as hell,
you're about to get shot ♪