1 00:00:03,179 --> 00:00:05,782 (quacking) ♪ The Simpsons. ♪ 2 00:00:06,337 --> 00:00:09,500 (grunting) 3 00:00:09,932 --> 00:00:11,932 (angry grunt) 4 00:00:12,202 --> 00:00:15,702 ♪ The Simpsons 23x22 ♪ Lisa Goes Gaga Original Air Date on May 20, 2012 5 00:00:15,773 --> 00:00:19,505 == sync, corrected by elderman == Resync for WEB-DL by Norther 6 00:00:21,522 --> 00:00:24,441 NARRATOR: See that town? Goes by the name of Springfield. 7 00:00:24,508 --> 00:00:26,693 Birthplace of the brass knuckle, 8 00:00:26,761 --> 00:00:28,447 the Nigerian Prince scam, 9 00:00:28,527 --> 00:00:31,029 and putting a tomato on your grilled cheese sandwich. 10 00:00:31,449 --> 00:00:33,883 (humming) 11 00:00:33,951 --> 00:00:38,321 Our story begins not long ago... 12 00:00:38,389 --> 00:00:40,757 on what seemed like a typical day. 13 00:00:40,825 --> 00:00:43,326 Ralphie, please. That's not for people, son. 14 00:00:43,394 --> 00:00:45,378 (barking) 15 00:00:45,446 --> 00:00:48,114 Aw, he's a dumb kid, but he's an above-average dog. 16 00:00:48,182 --> 00:00:49,616 Roll over, son. 17 00:00:49,683 --> 00:00:52,752 Yay! Aw, nobody saw. 18 00:00:52,820 --> 00:00:55,271 NARRATOR: But little did they know, a change was coming. 19 00:00:55,339 --> 00:00:57,574 First, the creatures of the Earth sensed it, 20 00:00:57,641 --> 00:00:59,692 then the fish of the deep. 21 00:00:59,777 --> 00:01:01,611 Then the Mormons got a heads-up. 22 00:01:03,964 --> 00:01:05,398 And then everybody else. 23 00:01:05,483 --> 00:01:07,311 Strange doin's, Mother. 24 00:01:07,349 --> 00:01:09,641 Horses are spooked, cows ain't milkin', 25 00:01:09,672 --> 00:01:11,157 and look what the chickens laid. 26 00:01:11,188 --> 00:01:12,872 FARMWIFE: Sparkle eggs?! 27 00:01:12,940 --> 00:01:14,713 (wind whistles) Storm's a-comin'. 28 00:01:14,796 --> 00:01:18,926 Ain't no storm, Pa. It's The Lady Gaga Express! 29 00:01:18,996 --> 00:01:20,863 (Lady Gaga's Poker Face plays) 30 00:01:23,607 --> 00:01:24,900 PISTONS (chanting): She's-a-star! She's-a-star! 31 00:01:24,926 --> 00:01:26,160 She's-a-star! She's-a-star! 32 00:01:28,839 --> 00:01:33,109 Presenting the Queen of the Hottieverse, 33 00:01:33,177 --> 00:01:40,900 appearing courtesy of Interscope Records, Lady Gaga! 34 00:01:40,968 --> 00:01:42,135 At ease. 35 00:01:54,081 --> 00:01:56,850 Conductor, you know the rules. Take off some clothes. 36 00:01:56,917 --> 00:01:59,202 Oh, uh, yes, ma'am. Sorry, ma'am. 37 00:01:59,270 --> 00:02:00,670 Now, what's our status? 38 00:02:00,737 --> 00:02:02,355 We are about to pass through... 39 00:02:02,423 --> 00:02:04,557 uh, Springfield. - Springfield? 40 00:02:04,625 --> 00:02:05,711 What's their deal? 41 00:02:05,744 --> 00:02:08,060 Hm, let's see, quiet suburb... 44 00:02:13,150 --> 00:02:14,584 Really? 45 00:02:14,652 --> 00:02:18,338 Aw... That's so sad. And as entertainers, 46 00:02:18,405 --> 00:02:21,107 it is our solemn duty to cheer them up for a little while. 47 00:02:21,192 --> 00:02:22,942 Gaga, it's my job to keep you away from 48 00:02:23,010 --> 00:02:24,477 ugly bumps on the map like Springfield. 49 00:02:24,562 --> 00:02:26,729 Don't worry, we'll get you right on a plane. 50 00:02:26,797 --> 00:02:29,682 No! Don't you remember what happened at LaGuardia? 51 00:02:33,320 --> 00:02:34,721 Ready. 52 00:02:34,788 --> 00:02:36,689 Yeah, well, uh, you missed your flight. 53 00:02:36,757 --> 00:02:39,159 Then we'll party on the boarding ramp! 54 00:02:39,226 --> 00:02:43,363 (party music playing) 55 00:02:43,430 --> 00:02:45,465 Wait! I quit! 56 00:02:45,533 --> 00:02:48,201 We spend 90 minutes training 'em and off they go. 57 00:02:51,488 --> 00:02:53,456 I just can't ignore a billboard in pain. 58 00:02:53,524 --> 00:02:55,058 - We're stopping in Springfield! - But... 59 00:02:55,125 --> 00:02:56,509 No buts! 60 00:03:00,548 --> 00:03:02,498 NARRATOR: Well, Lady Gaga couldn't arrive 61 00:03:02,566 --> 00:03:04,234 soon enough for one Lisa Simpson. 62 00:03:04,301 --> 00:03:06,202 Now let's turn to the ever-unpopular 63 00:03:06,270 --> 00:03:08,872 "Popularity Awards," the awards voted by students, 64 00:03:08,939 --> 00:03:10,273 in judgment of their peers. 65 00:03:10,341 --> 00:03:14,477 No way that can go wrong. First up, Campus Clown. 66 00:03:14,545 --> 00:03:16,079 (laughing) 67 00:03:16,146 --> 00:03:18,198 Bart Simpson. 68 00:03:18,265 --> 00:03:22,402 (Simpsons theme plays) 69 00:03:22,469 --> 00:03:23,987 That's my brother. (chuckles) 70 00:03:24,054 --> 00:03:25,688 Four years out of four. 71 00:03:25,756 --> 00:03:27,407 (camera shutter clicks) 72 00:03:27,474 --> 00:03:29,342 Prank you! Prank you very much! 73 00:03:29,410 --> 00:03:30,577 (pops) 74 00:03:31,896 --> 00:03:33,496 (growls) (audience laughs) 75 00:03:33,564 --> 00:03:34,898 BART: Call back. 76 00:03:34,965 --> 00:03:36,883 I fail to see the honor in this. 77 00:03:36,951 --> 00:03:39,185 Aren't awards shows rather silly? 78 00:03:39,253 --> 00:03:41,704 What?! Without awards shows, how would I know what movie 79 00:03:41,772 --> 00:03:45,124 has the best beheading, or that Glee is a comedy? 80 00:03:45,192 --> 00:03:48,328 And now the award for Least Popular Student. 81 00:03:48,395 --> 00:03:49,963 Lisa Simpson! 82 00:03:50,030 --> 00:03:51,231 What? 83 00:03:51,298 --> 00:03:52,932 Least Popular? 84 00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:54,067 (sobbing) 85 00:03:54,134 --> 00:03:55,435 I gotta go. 86 00:03:55,502 --> 00:03:56,970 You probably should accept it, Lisa. 87 00:03:57,037 --> 00:03:58,504 They'll go easier on you if you do. 88 00:04:01,542 --> 00:04:03,176 (sobbing): Um... 89 00:04:03,244 --> 00:04:05,211 Thank you for noticing me. 90 00:04:05,279 --> 00:04:06,779 (all laughing) 91 00:04:06,847 --> 00:04:08,681 She actually accepted it! 92 00:04:08,749 --> 00:04:11,117 You said they'd take it easy on me. 93 00:04:11,185 --> 00:04:12,652 I know very little about children. 94 00:04:15,723 --> 00:04:17,724 We've got to cheer up a whole town. 95 00:04:17,791 --> 00:04:20,576 Where's the dress I wore when I met the Pope? 96 00:04:20,644 --> 00:04:24,147 It's nice, but I saw Jennifer Lopez wearing it. 97 00:04:24,214 --> 00:04:25,815 Burn it. Burn it now. 98 00:04:25,882 --> 00:04:27,033 MAN: Help! Help! 99 00:04:28,302 --> 00:04:29,836 I've been on here since Chicago! 100 00:04:29,903 --> 00:04:31,471 I just want my life back! 101 00:04:31,538 --> 00:04:33,623 - No negativity! - Oh, you're right. 102 00:04:33,691 --> 00:04:36,409 I'm missing a terrible winter! 103 00:04:38,145 --> 00:04:41,347 And that's how Berber carpet got its name according to some. 104 00:04:41,415 --> 00:04:43,016 Lisa, how was your day? 105 00:04:43,083 --> 00:04:45,385 Um, can I be excused from holding up 106 00:04:45,452 --> 00:04:46,919 my end of the conversation? 107 00:04:46,987 --> 00:04:48,221 What's wrong with her? 108 00:04:48,289 --> 00:04:50,056 She just found out no one likes her. 109 00:04:50,124 --> 00:04:51,557 (loud whisper): I thought she knew. 110 00:04:51,625 --> 00:04:54,294 Hey, Lisa, maybe you'd feel a little better 111 00:04:54,361 --> 00:04:58,064 if you read the Daily Fourth Gradian Message Board, huh? 112 00:04:58,132 --> 00:05:01,334 Let's see. "Uncensored Jump-rope Chants." 113 00:05:01,402 --> 00:05:05,438 Oh, there's a whole thread labeled "Lisa Simpson"! 114 00:05:05,506 --> 00:05:07,106 (muttering) 115 00:05:07,174 --> 00:05:08,825 - Wha...? - Ay carumba. 116 00:05:08,892 --> 00:05:10,226 Somebody's actually on your side! 117 00:05:10,294 --> 00:05:12,028 (chokes) 118 00:05:12,096 --> 00:05:14,364 "Lisa doesn't judge other people. 119 00:05:14,431 --> 00:05:17,633 Why should we judge her?" It's signed, "Truth Teller." 120 00:05:17,701 --> 00:05:20,770 Whoever this "Truth Teller" is, I'm a fan. 121 00:05:20,838 --> 00:05:24,207 It takes a lot of courage to post nice things anonymously. 122 00:05:24,274 --> 00:05:27,276 You know, it seems like more than a coincidence 123 00:05:27,344 --> 00:05:30,346 that Milhouse brought it to our attention. Hm? 124 00:05:30,414 --> 00:05:33,016 (chuckles) Well, I certainly wish I was Truth Teller. 125 00:05:33,083 --> 00:05:36,552 But if I was, you'd know, because I can't keep a secret. 126 00:05:36,620 --> 00:05:39,255 I sleep under my bed every night 'cause I'm scared 127 00:05:39,323 --> 00:05:42,492 of the cars from Cars. If gasoline is their food, 128 00:05:42,559 --> 00:05:44,260 then why do they have teeth?! 129 00:05:48,115 --> 00:05:51,684 So, Lisa, I guess you're not as unpopular as we thought. 130 00:05:51,769 --> 00:05:53,953 Yep. Message boards are never wrong. 131 00:05:54,021 --> 00:05:57,023 Well, um, maybe we should skip rope together. 132 00:05:57,091 --> 00:05:58,858 - Dutch? BOTH:- Double Dutch. 133 00:05:58,926 --> 00:06:01,127 (gasps) Forgive a fool her tears. 134 00:06:01,195 --> 00:06:03,112 Hey, Lis, some fifth graders are having 135 00:06:03,180 --> 00:06:05,548 a make-your-own pizza party at Flesh-In-The-Pan Pizza, 136 00:06:05,616 --> 00:06:06,849 and wanted me to invite you. 137 00:06:06,917 --> 00:06:09,152 Fifth graders? Ooh-la-la! 138 00:06:09,219 --> 00:06:11,587 They get to put their desks in a circle! 139 00:06:11,655 --> 00:06:13,506 And read books where the parents are divorced. 140 00:06:13,574 --> 00:06:15,525 That joint is jumpin'. 141 00:06:15,592 --> 00:06:18,728 So, when's the party? (gasps) 142 00:06:18,796 --> 00:06:21,464 "Lisa rocks, and so does her rock collection." Huh? 143 00:06:21,532 --> 00:06:24,584 (gasps) That's mine! 144 00:06:24,651 --> 00:06:27,403 This notebook is full of things Truth Teller said. 145 00:06:27,471 --> 00:06:30,106 Give that back! This one says "post next Friday." 146 00:06:30,174 --> 00:06:32,508 (gasps) Oh, my God! 147 00:06:32,576 --> 00:06:34,043 You're Truth Teller! 148 00:06:34,111 --> 00:06:35,945 (kids gasp) 149 00:06:36,013 --> 00:06:38,514 Lisa, what you did is like my mom 150 00:06:38,582 --> 00:06:40,683 sticking ten bucks in her own G-string. 151 00:06:40,751 --> 00:06:42,018 Truth Teller? 152 00:06:42,086 --> 00:06:43,986 More like Lie Smeller! 153 00:06:44,054 --> 00:06:46,189 KIDS (chanting): Lie Smeller! Lie Smeller! 154 00:06:46,256 --> 00:06:48,057 Oh, great, it stuck! 155 00:06:48,125 --> 00:06:49,325 (sobbing) 156 00:06:54,548 --> 00:06:57,433 ♪ ♪ 157 00:06:57,501 --> 00:06:59,335 Take five. 158 00:06:59,403 --> 00:07:00,736 (soda can tabs pop) 159 00:07:00,804 --> 00:07:03,339 Hey, easy on the soda. 160 00:07:03,407 --> 00:07:05,591 I don't want gassy demons like last night. 161 00:07:05,676 --> 00:07:07,143 Jerry. 162 00:07:07,210 --> 00:07:09,061 (moans) Wait a minute... 163 00:07:09,146 --> 00:07:11,147 No! No, no! 164 00:07:11,214 --> 00:07:13,850 (moans) Brrr... Make it stop! 165 00:07:13,901 --> 00:07:15,485 Oh! 166 00:07:15,552 --> 00:07:17,103 ♪ Oh... ♪ 167 00:07:17,187 --> 00:07:20,273 Someone in Springfield needs my help. 168 00:07:20,357 --> 00:07:21,607 Light up the after-bras. 169 00:07:27,164 --> 00:07:30,266 That's it, I am off of this stuff. 170 00:07:30,334 --> 00:07:32,168 Me, too, sweetheart. 171 00:07:32,236 --> 00:07:33,269 Kids? 172 00:07:33,337 --> 00:07:35,538 Yes, Mama. 173 00:07:35,589 --> 00:07:37,457 No exceptions! 174 00:07:44,213 --> 00:07:47,082 Kent Brockman reporting live from the Springfield rail yards, 175 00:07:47,166 --> 00:07:49,267 where Lady Gaga's fabulous freighter 176 00:07:49,335 --> 00:07:52,387 has bumped and grinded its way into town. 177 00:07:52,455 --> 00:07:54,089 Suffice it to say, this is the most 178 00:07:54,156 --> 00:07:56,524 culturally significant train to stop here since 179 00:07:56,592 --> 00:08:00,195 the McKinley funeral cortege paused to pick up casket ice. 180 00:08:03,733 --> 00:08:06,801 Now, sweetie, don't make a big deal out of this. 181 00:08:06,869 --> 00:08:09,571 I stopped reading after "Top Student." 182 00:08:09,638 --> 00:08:11,906 Want to honk your jazz tube? 183 00:08:11,974 --> 00:08:14,476 Oh, what is the point? 184 00:08:14,543 --> 00:08:16,778 I think this is the end of me. 185 00:08:16,846 --> 00:08:18,847 All I had was my integrity. 186 00:08:18,914 --> 00:08:20,381 And now that's gone. 187 00:08:20,449 --> 00:08:24,119 (sobbing): I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. 188 00:08:24,186 --> 00:08:27,522 I try not to cry till you're asleep. 189 00:08:27,590 --> 00:08:30,425 I appreciate that. (groans) 190 00:08:30,493 --> 00:08:33,495 (sobbing): Look, if I could just spend a few days 191 00:08:33,562 --> 00:08:36,364 in my room without anyone trying to cheer me up, 192 00:08:36,432 --> 00:08:38,950 I think I might have a chance to... 193 00:08:39,018 --> 00:08:40,785 Hey, why don't we go see Lady Gaga? 194 00:08:40,853 --> 00:08:42,787 That'll turn your frown upside down. 195 00:08:42,855 --> 00:08:46,191 It's not a frown. It is a straight line of resignation. 196 00:08:46,258 --> 00:08:48,493 Looks just the same upside down. 197 00:08:48,561 --> 00:08:51,396 What are you talking about? Y-You're right! 198 00:08:51,464 --> 00:08:53,965 Voop! Voop! Voop! Voop! 199 00:08:54,033 --> 00:08:57,635 Dad, if you really want to help, please stop trying to help. 200 00:08:57,703 --> 00:09:00,472 I will, but you know me and my crazy number thing 201 00:09:00,539 --> 00:09:02,640 where I always have to get to 17. 202 00:09:02,708 --> 00:09:04,709 Voop! Voop! Voop! Voop! Voop! Voop! Voop! Voop! Voop! 203 00:09:04,777 --> 00:09:06,027 Voop! Voop! Voop! 204 00:09:06,095 --> 00:09:08,062 Whoops, I lost count. Better start again. 205 00:09:08,130 --> 00:09:09,347 Voop! Voop! Voop! Voop! 206 00:09:09,415 --> 00:09:10,849 (sighs) 207 00:09:12,384 --> 00:09:16,821 CROWD (chanting): Gaga-oo-la-la. Gaga-ra-ma-ma. 208 00:09:16,889 --> 00:09:18,890 Come on, Lisa, come on. 209 00:09:18,958 --> 00:09:21,125 I'm sorry, I don't really want to be here. 210 00:09:24,930 --> 00:09:27,182 Claws up, Springfield! 211 00:09:27,249 --> 00:09:30,351 Never forget, you're all my Little Monsters! 212 00:09:30,419 --> 00:09:32,353 Uh, actually, I'm half monster, half Armenian. 213 00:09:32,438 --> 00:09:34,172 Pick your poison. 214 00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:35,607 And you should love yourselves as much 215 00:09:35,674 --> 00:09:38,443 as I love you, because... 216 00:09:38,494 --> 00:09:40,328 Tell us in song. ♪ Because... ♪ 217 00:09:40,396 --> 00:09:43,064 With theatricality. Come on, I woke up for this. 218 00:09:43,132 --> 00:09:44,432 ♪ ♪ 219 00:09:45,317 --> 00:09:46,584 CROWD: Four! 220 00:09:46,652 --> 00:09:47,719 Three! 221 00:09:47,786 --> 00:09:48,670 Two! 222 00:09:48,754 --> 00:09:50,104 Where are they going with this? 223 00:09:50,172 --> 00:09:51,422 CROWD: One! 224 00:09:51,490 --> 00:09:52,457 (gasps) 225 00:10:00,132 --> 00:10:01,699 (sighs) 226 00:10:03,319 --> 00:10:04,285 Ah! 227 00:10:04,353 --> 00:10:05,820 ♪ When they're young ♪ 228 00:10:05,888 --> 00:10:11,943 ♪ All little monsters learn that they are scary ♪ 229 00:10:12,011 --> 00:10:20,635 ♪ Ugly, stupid, shunned by cupid, overweight and hairy ♪ 230 00:10:20,703 --> 00:10:27,292 ♪ But every monster needs to find that secret deep inside ♪ 231 00:10:27,359 --> 00:10:34,883 ♪ That transforms Dr. Jekyll into sexy Mr. Hyde ♪ 232 00:10:40,322 --> 00:10:44,058 ♪ All my monsters are beautiful ♪ 233 00:10:44,143 --> 00:10:45,677 ♪ Disco Stu-tiful ♪ 234 00:10:45,744 --> 00:10:47,612 ♪ Square root-iful...♪ 235 00:10:47,680 --> 00:10:49,480 ♪ Old coot-iful ♪ 236 00:10:49,548 --> 00:10:51,583 I love you, Lady Zsa Zsa! 237 00:10:51,650 --> 00:10:55,336 ♪ Monsters don't need implants or a bitchin' monster car ♪ 238 00:10:55,404 --> 00:10:59,741 ♪ Monsters only need to love the monster that they are ♪ 239 00:11:01,810 --> 00:11:02,994 ♪ Oh, yeah ♪ 240 00:11:03,062 --> 00:11:03,962 ♪ Gaga ♪ 241 00:11:04,029 --> 00:11:04,996 ♪ Dada ♪ 242 00:11:05,064 --> 00:11:05,947 ♪ Jawa ♪ 243 00:11:06,015 --> 00:11:06,965 ♪ Peace! ♪ 244 00:11:07,032 --> 00:11:08,266 (crowd cheers) 245 00:11:08,334 --> 00:11:09,250 Ew. 246 00:11:09,318 --> 00:11:10,251 Whoo-hoo! Whoo! 247 00:11:10,319 --> 00:11:11,152 Whoo! Whoo! (whistles) 248 00:11:11,220 --> 00:11:12,220 BART: All right! 249 00:11:13,422 --> 00:11:16,207 Lie Smeller! Lie Smeller! 250 00:11:16,258 --> 00:11:18,426 (sobbing) 251 00:11:18,494 --> 00:11:20,545 Does everyone love themselves? 252 00:11:20,596 --> 00:11:22,797 (crowd cheers) 253 00:11:22,881 --> 00:11:25,767 That kind of thing sounds hollow from anyone but you! 254 00:11:28,554 --> 00:11:30,371 Now, we have to get going. 255 00:11:30,439 --> 00:11:32,273 Wait a minute. No. 256 00:11:32,341 --> 00:11:34,225 No, no! (moans) 257 00:11:34,293 --> 00:11:35,560 (sings powerful melody) 258 00:11:40,065 --> 00:11:41,833 GAGA: You! 259 00:11:41,900 --> 00:11:43,184 What's wrong, honey? 260 00:11:43,252 --> 00:11:46,955 Please, I've had enough attention for one day! 261 00:11:47,022 --> 00:11:50,625 Yo, lighting! I can't see the girl who's had enough attention. 262 00:11:53,595 --> 00:11:55,630 We should go to your house and talk. 263 00:11:55,698 --> 00:11:57,398 Incognito! 264 00:11:57,466 --> 00:11:58,299 Oh, God. 265 00:11:59,702 --> 00:12:02,437 Psst! It's me, Gaga. 266 00:12:02,504 --> 00:12:04,322 But no one must know. 267 00:12:04,390 --> 00:12:06,724 HOODIE VOICE CHIP (monotone): Gaga. Gaga. Gaga. 268 00:12:06,792 --> 00:12:11,195 So peaceful. Just the buzzing of the paparazzi. 269 00:12:11,263 --> 00:12:13,297 (cameras snapping) 270 00:12:13,349 --> 00:12:15,066 Hey, Gary. How's your wife and kids? 271 00:12:15,134 --> 00:12:17,335 Still ashamed of me. Big smile! 272 00:12:17,403 --> 00:12:19,103 This is where I live. 273 00:12:19,171 --> 00:12:21,239 Well, hello. 274 00:12:21,306 --> 00:12:23,374 It's one of those music industry superstars 275 00:12:23,442 --> 00:12:26,134 who's turning our innocent children into ladies of the night. 276 00:12:26,135 --> 00:12:28,205 What sweater drawer did you crawl out of? 277 00:12:28,280 --> 00:12:31,015 (chuckles): Name's Ned Flanders, I've heard of you. 278 00:12:31,083 --> 00:12:34,285 Haven't seen so much skin since shedding season on a snake farm. 279 00:12:34,353 --> 00:12:36,854 But all I'm saying is that everyone is beautiful... 280 00:12:36,922 --> 00:12:39,223 Yes, but Jesus said that... 281 00:12:39,291 --> 00:12:41,092 pretty much the same thing. 282 00:12:41,160 --> 00:12:43,561 Darn it, the Bible said the Devil would be attractive. 283 00:12:43,629 --> 00:12:45,530 What makes you think I'm the Devil? 284 00:12:48,217 --> 00:12:51,135 Unless you're gonna slap some wieners on those, turn 'em off. 285 00:12:52,237 --> 00:12:54,572 Joke's on you; I needed a trim. 286 00:12:55,674 --> 00:13:02,380 (Gaga groaning) 287 00:13:02,448 --> 00:13:03,715 Bastards! 288 00:13:03,782 --> 00:13:06,617 Lisa, look at me. 289 00:13:06,685 --> 00:13:09,704 So what if your number one supporter is you. 290 00:13:09,772 --> 00:13:11,222 That's how it should be. 291 00:13:11,290 --> 00:13:13,624 I had some very tough times myself 292 00:13:13,692 --> 00:13:16,160 before I became a superstar at age 22. 293 00:13:16,228 --> 00:13:19,330 Everything is gonna be fine. You better yet? 294 00:13:19,398 --> 00:13:22,667 (phone chimes) Sorry, gotta answer this text. 295 00:13:22,820 --> 00:13:24,751 Please, take your time. 296 00:13:26,071 --> 00:13:27,605 You know what you need? 297 00:13:27,673 --> 00:13:29,974 - Solitude? - Flash mob! 298 00:13:33,345 --> 00:13:36,347 Now, Lisa, if that didn't fundamentally change 299 00:13:36,415 --> 00:13:39,984 who you are, I don't know what. 300 00:13:45,124 --> 00:13:47,592 You idiots! She meant we should disperse. 301 00:13:50,913 --> 00:13:53,831 Lisa, you un-tattooed little miracle, 302 00:13:53,899 --> 00:13:58,102 I'm not leaving here until I restore your sense of hope. 303 00:13:58,170 --> 00:14:02,106 Let me explain. I have a chance for a grim but tolerable life, 304 00:14:02,174 --> 00:14:04,242 but only if I give up hope. 305 00:14:04,309 --> 00:14:07,111 Now if you don't mind, and with all due worship, 306 00:14:07,179 --> 00:14:09,213 I would like to be alone. 307 00:14:09,281 --> 00:14:12,283 Lady Gaga, meet your biggest threat: Baby Googoo. 308 00:14:14,970 --> 00:14:16,838 Can I please be alone? 309 00:14:27,800 --> 00:14:30,785 Well, it worked once. 310 00:14:37,294 --> 00:14:39,895 So, any ideas about Lisa? (sighs) 311 00:14:39,963 --> 00:14:43,015 I never have any idea what to do for Lisa. 312 00:14:43,083 --> 00:14:45,851 To be the mother of someone who's so smart 313 00:14:45,919 --> 00:14:50,005 and so sensitive and who beautifully plays an instrument 314 00:14:50,073 --> 00:14:52,441 (sotto voice): I don't really care for, 315 00:14:52,509 --> 00:14:54,710 (sobbing): it's so hard. 316 00:14:55,879 --> 00:14:57,580 I wish I was one of those 317 00:14:57,647 --> 00:14:59,749 young women who could just wave their hands 318 00:14:59,816 --> 00:15:01,617 in front of their eyes and not cry, 319 00:15:01,685 --> 00:15:03,519 because it doesn't work for me. 320 00:15:03,587 --> 00:15:04,987 (yells) Marge... 321 00:15:05,055 --> 00:15:06,422 (yells) Ah... 322 00:15:06,490 --> 00:15:08,190 - Ooh! Aah! Ooh! - Marge. Marge. 323 00:15:08,258 --> 00:15:09,158 - Marge. - Hm... 324 00:15:09,226 --> 00:15:11,127 Marge, take it easy. (groans) 325 00:15:11,194 --> 00:15:12,962 It's just human contact. 326 00:15:13,029 --> 00:15:16,432 I'm afraid handholding isn't going to cheer me up. 327 00:15:16,500 --> 00:15:18,200 Well, maybe this will. 328 00:15:21,621 --> 00:15:23,389 Homer! 329 00:15:23,457 --> 00:15:24,990 Wow. Wow. 330 00:15:25,058 --> 00:15:28,494 This is like the night Hillary won the New Hampshire Primary. 331 00:15:30,997 --> 00:15:32,865 Lisa snuck out. 332 00:15:32,933 --> 00:15:34,733 I'm going after her. (Homer grunting) 333 00:15:34,801 --> 00:15:37,470 - What are you gonna say? HOMER:- Whoo! Mm. 334 00:15:37,537 --> 00:15:39,355 I'll just tell her that... 335 00:15:39,423 --> 00:15:41,023 Stop it, Homer! 336 00:15:41,091 --> 00:15:43,642 - Some of that meat is me. - Can I just trim the hem? 337 00:15:43,710 --> 00:15:45,310 (groans) It's yours. 338 00:15:49,533 --> 00:15:51,567 Oh, good. She's playing. 339 00:15:51,635 --> 00:15:54,470 Not so good. It's "Lisa Roulette." 340 00:15:54,538 --> 00:15:56,272 (kids shouting) Don't let her get you! 341 00:15:57,607 --> 00:16:00,209 Her eyes shoot loser lasers! 342 00:16:00,293 --> 00:16:01,493 (feigns gasping last breath) 343 00:16:04,714 --> 00:16:06,165 (chanting): There is no over-the-top. 344 00:16:06,216 --> 00:16:07,633 There is no over-the-top. 345 00:16:07,684 --> 00:16:09,318 Run! 346 00:16:09,386 --> 00:16:13,189 With an egg that big, there's gotta be an even bigger chicken! 347 00:16:14,991 --> 00:16:16,909 Lisa? 348 00:16:16,977 --> 00:16:19,845 Lisa, listen to me. 349 00:16:19,913 --> 00:16:23,454 This pity party's being shut down by the smile police. 350 00:16:23,516 --> 00:16:24,805 Here's what you're gonna do. 351 00:16:24,851 --> 00:16:27,187 Why do you keep telling me what I'm gonna do? 352 00:16:27,280 --> 00:16:28,687 This isn't about me. 353 00:16:28,715 --> 00:16:30,305 Well, who else would it be about? 354 00:16:30,370 --> 00:16:31,290 You! 355 00:16:31,291 --> 00:16:34,727 It's about "Hello, hello, Springfield." 356 00:16:34,794 --> 00:16:36,829 "It's me, Gaga!" 357 00:16:36,897 --> 00:16:39,965 "Why is everyone looking at my purple hair 358 00:16:40,033 --> 00:16:41,467 full of bluebirds?" 359 00:16:42,903 --> 00:16:45,337 - Well, I denounce thee! - Wha...? 360 00:16:45,405 --> 00:16:47,514 I denounce thee for giving people ambitions 361 00:16:47,540 --> 00:16:48,662 they cannot fulfill. 362 00:16:48,705 --> 00:16:50,426 And I denounce thee for positing a world 363 00:16:50,443 --> 00:16:53,946 where social acceptance and walking on heels are easy! 364 00:16:54,014 --> 00:16:56,549 Please, may we kill the kid? 365 00:16:56,616 --> 00:16:58,834 I denounce thee! I denounce thee! 366 00:16:58,902 --> 00:17:00,252 I denounce thee! 367 00:17:00,320 --> 00:17:02,955 Whoa, easy, little monster. 368 00:17:03,023 --> 00:17:05,391 Don't "monster" me. 369 00:17:05,458 --> 00:17:06,392 (all gasp) 370 00:17:07,427 --> 00:17:08,661 Whatever you say. 371 00:17:08,728 --> 00:17:10,029 (sobbing) 372 00:17:13,133 --> 00:17:14,733 Are you crying... glitter? 373 00:17:14,784 --> 00:17:16,185 Tiny diamonds. (sobs) 374 00:17:16,253 --> 00:17:18,087 Hurts like hell. 375 00:17:18,154 --> 00:17:21,156 (chanting): Gaga, Gaga, Gaga, Gaga... 376 00:17:25,351 --> 00:17:29,342 HOMER: Okay Lisa, coming up to make things better! 377 00:17:29,668 --> 00:17:31,966 (grunting): Okay, I'm almost there. 378 00:17:31,988 --> 00:17:34,055 Upward, ever upward. 379 00:17:34,123 --> 00:17:35,824 (panting): Stay hydrated... 380 00:17:35,891 --> 00:17:37,922 Oh, I'm on the wrong tree! 381 00:17:37,953 --> 00:17:40,289 (grunts) Okay, try again. 382 00:17:40,363 --> 00:17:42,297 Here we go, okay. 383 00:17:42,450 --> 00:17:45,823 (grunting and panting): Oh... Lisa, can you come down? 384 00:17:48,134 --> 00:17:49,551 Sweetie, I've been thinking. 385 00:17:49,587 --> 00:17:52,806 Now, this all started because you used a fake name 386 00:17:52,828 --> 00:17:54,189 to defend yourself. 387 00:17:54,259 --> 00:17:57,320 The problem's not that you were cheating. 388 00:17:57,951 --> 00:18:00,153 It's that you got caught. 389 00:18:01,586 --> 00:18:04,955 I cheat on my diet, but nobody knows 390 00:18:05,022 --> 00:18:07,524 'cause the damage is on the inside, 391 00:18:07,592 --> 00:18:10,026 and the first warning sign is sudden death. 392 00:18:10,094 --> 00:18:11,895 So, honey, what do you say? 393 00:18:11,963 --> 00:18:13,663 Dad, thank you! 394 00:18:13,694 --> 00:18:16,351 Like always, the fact that I could tune you out 395 00:18:16,385 --> 00:18:18,469 without fearing I'd miss out on something 396 00:18:18,515 --> 00:18:20,846 gave me the time to take stock and realize 397 00:18:20,872 --> 00:18:22,939 how ungrateful I have been. 398 00:18:23,007 --> 00:18:25,942 Which means, I've got a train to catch. 399 00:18:26,010 --> 00:18:28,461 (chuckling): Parenting. 400 00:18:28,529 --> 00:18:32,499 It's the one job you know you're always doing right. 401 00:18:32,567 --> 00:18:36,269 So long, Springfield. You are my Waterloo. 402 00:18:36,337 --> 00:18:38,138 (crowd cheers) 403 00:18:38,206 --> 00:18:41,875 And now I'm just going to lie in bed and eat Fruit Roll-Ups. 404 00:18:41,943 --> 00:18:44,444 Why is she doing in defeat what I do in victory? 405 00:18:44,512 --> 00:18:45,879 (whistle blowing) 406 00:18:45,947 --> 00:18:47,781 (chugging) 407 00:18:49,233 --> 00:18:50,267 Gaga! 408 00:18:50,334 --> 00:18:51,268 Lisa? 409 00:18:51,335 --> 00:18:52,602 Why are you here? 410 00:18:52,653 --> 00:18:53,937 To thank you. 411 00:18:53,988 --> 00:18:54,971 For what? 412 00:18:55,022 --> 00:18:56,973 Look at me! You did help me 413 00:18:57,024 --> 00:18:59,326 by allowing me to inappropriately focus 414 00:18:59,410 --> 00:19:02,112 eight years of rage and rejection on you. 415 00:19:02,163 --> 00:19:04,397 It was like a great sneeze. 416 00:19:04,465 --> 00:19:06,366 And now I can say what's good about me. 417 00:19:06,434 --> 00:19:08,802 And I can say it as Lisa Simpson! 418 00:19:08,869 --> 00:19:11,004 (gently):- Just not that loud. - Go ahead. 419 00:19:11,072 --> 00:19:14,190 Well, I am smart, nice, tolerant, funny 420 00:19:14,258 --> 00:19:16,259 but not "mean funny," and I never forget a birthday, 421 00:19:16,327 --> 00:19:18,061 even for kids who move away. 422 00:19:18,129 --> 00:19:19,763 Now, Lisa, there's only one last thing 423 00:19:19,830 --> 00:19:21,848 you have to do to be a Little Monster. 424 00:19:21,933 --> 00:19:24,167 I'll do anything but sing. 425 00:19:24,218 --> 00:19:27,237 You are gonna sing! 426 00:19:27,305 --> 00:19:28,321 ♪ ♪ 427 00:19:33,494 --> 00:19:35,929 ♪ I used to think that I was stupid ♪ 428 00:19:35,997 --> 00:19:37,814 ♪ Worthless, weak and wrong ♪ 429 00:19:37,865 --> 00:19:41,184 ♪ A mockingbird without a song ♪ 430 00:19:41,235 --> 00:19:45,121 ♪ I was small inside and lacking pride ♪ 431 00:19:45,189 --> 00:19:47,941 ♪ On a one-way train to be Milhouse's bride ♪ 432 00:19:48,009 --> 00:19:51,094 End the song! End it right here! 433 00:19:51,162 --> 00:19:53,346 ♪ I love NPR and Jazz guitar ♪ 434 00:19:53,414 --> 00:19:55,365 ♪ Someday I'll design a solar car ♪ 435 00:19:55,416 --> 00:19:58,601 ♪ That's right, I'm Lisa Simpson, superstar! ♪ 436 00:19:58,669 --> 00:20:01,154 ♪ You've got a great big heart ♪ 437 00:20:01,222 --> 00:20:04,824 ♪ It's at the top of my chart ♪ 438 00:20:04,892 --> 00:20:08,695 BOTH: ♪ Lisa Simpson, Lisa Simpson ♪ 439 00:20:08,763 --> 00:20:11,564 ♪ Lisa Simpson Superstar ♪ 440 00:20:11,632 --> 00:20:16,386 ♪ Lisa Simpson, Lisa Simpson ♪ 441 00:20:16,454 --> 00:20:19,122 ♪ Lisa Simpson Superstar ♪ 442 00:20:19,190 --> 00:20:21,641 ♪ You're a superstar ♪ 443 00:20:21,709 --> 00:20:23,410 Wait, wait! Wait...! 444 00:20:23,494 --> 00:20:25,478 (brakes screeching) 445 00:20:25,546 --> 00:20:26,946 (crowd gasps) 446 00:20:27,031 --> 00:20:28,748 Can you help me with my self-esteem? 447 00:20:28,833 --> 00:20:29,849 I'm not that good. 448 00:20:29,917 --> 00:20:31,251 Right, gotcha. 449 00:20:31,319 --> 00:20:32,168 (train horn blades) 450 00:20:34,755 --> 00:20:36,856 LISA: And the best thing is, (giggles) 451 00:20:36,924 --> 00:20:40,076 even if they weren't waving, it would be okay. 452 00:20:40,144 --> 00:20:41,911 NARRATOR: I bet a lot of folks are wondering, 453 00:20:41,979 --> 00:20:43,380 did this story really happen? 454 00:20:43,431 --> 00:20:45,498 Well, it did. 455 00:20:45,566 --> 00:20:47,917 And I know because I was one of Gaga's dancers. 456 00:20:47,985 --> 00:20:49,886 The one with the spangliest crotch. 457 00:20:49,954 --> 00:20:52,188 (yelling) 458 00:20:52,256 --> 00:20:54,224 Higher! 459 00:20:54,274 --> 00:20:56,244 (laughing) 460 00:20:56,392 --> 00:20:58,252 NARRATOR: I'm speaking fast because I'm so excited. 461 00:20:58,278 --> 00:21:00,125 See Maggie Simpson in her first starring role 462 00:21:00,148 --> 00:21:01,930 in The Longest Daycare in 3D 463 00:21:01,967 --> 00:21:04,141 before Ice Age Continental Drift only in theaters. 464 00:21:04,190 --> 00:21:06,891 We've already done the hardest part making the poster. 465 00:21:07,384 --> 00:21:11,529 == sync, corrected by elderman == Resync for WEB-DL by Norther 466 00:21:11,601 --> 00:21:13,390 HOMER (improvises to "Poker Face"): ♪ I love my Homer face ♪ 467 00:21:13,422 --> 00:21:15,290 ♪ Yeah, that's what I said ♪ 468 00:21:15,662 --> 00:21:19,098 ♪ Right where it should be on the front of my head ♪ 469 00:21:19,751 --> 00:21:23,579 ♪ Stubble, muzzle, overbite, two eyes that really bug ♪ 470 00:21:23,705 --> 00:21:27,768 ♪ These are the components of my Homer-riffic mug ♪ 471 00:21:27,796 --> 00:21:31,944 ♪ D'oh-d'oh-e-d'oh-d'oh-d'oh, ohhh ♪ 472 00:21:31,973 --> 00:21:35,375 ♪ I shave it close, trim hairs from my nose ♪ 473 00:21:35,844 --> 00:21:40,047 ♪ D'oh-d'oh-e-d'oh-d'oh-d'oh, ohhh ♪ 474 00:21:40,114 --> 00:21:44,117 ♪ I clean my ears, 'cause that's how I hears ♪ 475 00:21:44,153 --> 00:21:46,121 ♪ I like my, I like my ♪ 476 00:21:46,173 --> 00:21:50,016 ♪ I really like my Homer face. ♪ 477 00:21:51,621 --> 00:21:52,521 (murmuring) 478 00:21:52,588 --> 00:21:53,455 Shh!