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00:00:03,568 --> 00:00:05,719
For a gentleman,
having a roommate presents
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00:00:05,721 --> 00:00:07,387
its own unique set
of challenges.
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00:00:07,389 --> 00:00:08,605
Bert, come on.
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00:00:08,607 --> 00:00:10,506
You've been in the shower
20 minutes.
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00:00:10,508 --> 00:00:12,526
You better not be using
my leave-in conditioner.
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00:00:12,528 --> 00:00:15,462
Dude.
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00:00:15,464 --> 00:00:17,514
Relax. I don't even use
conditioner.
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I use one bar of soap
for everything--
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Hair, body, dishes.
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00:00:21,537 --> 00:00:23,904
By the way, we're out of soap.
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Wait, wait, wait. If you're not
in the shower, who is?
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Girl I met in a bar.
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Her name's Candice.
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She's an astronaut.
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Or an artist.
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Something that starts
with an "A."
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I'll see you.
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00:00:35,384 --> 00:00:36,666
Uh, hold on.
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00:00:36,668 --> 00:00:37,867
Aren't you forgetting something?
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Oh, right.
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Thank you for breakfast.
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No, not that.
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You're welcome.
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You're just going
to leave Candice here?
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She'll find her way out.
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She's a smart girl.
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You got to be smart
to be an astronaut.
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Or an artist.
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Hang on.
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You just moved in,
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so we need to establish
some ground rules. First off,
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you do not have sex with a woman
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and then leave me here
to deal with her.
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Dude, ignore her.
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She'll realize it was a fling,
and she'll leave.
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00:01:03,111 --> 00:01:04,694
You should at least
offer her breakfast.
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00:01:04,696 --> 00:01:06,246
I mean, it is just
common decency.
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Look, you hired me
to be your life coach.
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Today's lesson-- You treat
a fling like a Band-Aid.
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Nobody gets hurt
if you rip it off quick.
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Ly.
Who?
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00:01:17,876 --> 00:01:19,859
The shower's off.
I got to go. Wait, Bert.
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You are putting me
in a very awkward position here.
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What am I supposed to say
to this woman?
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Nothing. Don't talk to her.
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This way
it won't become awkward.
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Ly.
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00:01:29,437 --> 00:01:30,920
I'll see you.
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00:01:32,758 --> 00:01:35,475
Bert?
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00:01:35,477 --> 00:01:37,611
Oh. Hi.
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I'm Candice.
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Don't talk to her.
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Don't talk to her.
Don't talk to her.
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So, I guess I'll just
let myself out?
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Smells good.
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I'm Andrew.
Bert had to go.
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May I offer you some breakfast?
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Sync and corrections by n17t01
www.addic7ed.com
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Hey, Bert.
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You remember my mom,
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00:02:12,702 --> 00:02:14,719
my sister Janet and
her husband, Mike?
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00:02:14,721 --> 00:02:16,103
Yeah, of course I do.
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Wait a second.
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Which one's your sister?
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Oh, I love when he does that.
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I do not.
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So the family saw the great work
you've done with Andrew.
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Really shredding him up.
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Now they all want
to join the gym.
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Bert, I want you
to consider my body yours.
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Thanks, Andrew's mom.
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00:02:34,790 --> 00:02:36,557
Ah, Janet, look.
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00:02:36,559 --> 00:02:38,342
He's put in a new rock wall.
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Reminds me of back home
in New Zealand.
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A lot of gyms there
with rock walls.
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Mm.
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Come on, let's climb it!
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00:02:47,402 --> 00:02:48,652
So Diane,
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what are your workout goals?
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To meet a man.
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I'll just put down "other."
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Mom, you told me you
wanted to tone your thighs.
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And then I said you
had nice thighs.
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Then we drove the rest
of the way in silence.
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Well, honey, you need the thighs
to get the guys.
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You see, my best friend
in the whole world--
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00:03:04,921 --> 00:03:06,337
Barbara Harris,
fantastic woman,
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00:03:06,339 --> 00:03:07,922
big drinker--
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00:03:07,924 --> 00:03:09,707
She met a man at her gym,
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00:03:09,709 --> 00:03:13,794
so, you know, I figure I might
as well give it a shot, as well.
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Well, you came
to the right place,
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'cause we got a lot of nice,
single guys your age.
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In their late...
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Mid... early...
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You know what, Diane?
Why don't you just
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00:03:23,556 --> 00:03:25,055
put the pearls in a locker,
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00:03:25,057 --> 00:03:27,358
and we'll get started?
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00:03:28,644 --> 00:03:30,177
What are you doing?
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00:03:30,179 --> 00:03:31,479
What is that?
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I smell rose petal, lavender
with a hint of vanilla.
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00:03:34,784 --> 00:03:37,017
Were you with a girl today?
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00:03:37,019 --> 00:03:38,586
You can smell a girl?
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00:03:38,588 --> 00:03:40,354
What are you, a werewolf?
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00:03:40,356 --> 00:03:41,688
I wish.
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00:03:41,690 --> 00:03:43,524
It's just one of those
skills I developed
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during an ill-fated stint
at Bath and Body Works.
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So, who's the girl?
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Actually, it was Candice.
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00:03:49,749 --> 00:03:50,998
Candice?
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00:03:51,000 --> 00:03:52,633
My fling Candice?
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00:03:52,635 --> 00:03:53,751
Did you talk to her?
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00:03:53,753 --> 00:03:54,885
You left me no choice!
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00:03:54,887 --> 00:03:56,036
Besides, what's the big deal?
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00:03:56,038 --> 00:03:58,088
I just whipped her up
a little breakfast.
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00:04:03,845 --> 00:04:05,546
Tell me you didn't
make her the cappuccino
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00:04:05,548 --> 00:04:07,565
with the picture
of the tree in the foam.
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00:04:07,567 --> 00:04:09,750
It's not breakfast
without the breakfast tree!
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Besides, I was just being nice.
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You don't feed a fling!
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Now she's gonna come back!
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She is not a stray cat.
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All you did was make her
breakfast, we may be safe.
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I also took her to a museum.
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00:04:24,734 --> 00:04:27,134
We may have to move.
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00:04:27,136 --> 00:04:29,270
There you go, Janet.
Looking good.
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00:04:29,272 --> 00:04:30,704
Graceful.
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00:04:30,706 --> 00:04:32,072
You're like a lizard.
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00:04:32,074 --> 00:04:33,924
Okay, what do I do here?
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00:04:33,926 --> 00:04:36,510
Well, you've climbed yourself
into a bit of a spot.
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00:04:36,512 --> 00:04:38,245
Now your only way out is really
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00:04:38,247 --> 00:04:40,831
to stretch your right foot
across to that tiny nub.
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00:04:40,833 --> 00:04:45,219
Or you could reach up and grab
the illuminated exit sign.
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00:04:46,621 --> 00:04:47,855
Hey.
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00:04:57,265 --> 00:04:58,432
Candice!
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00:04:58,434 --> 00:04:59,650
Hey, you came back.
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00:04:59,652 --> 00:05:01,435
Why?
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00:05:01,437 --> 00:05:03,454
I wanted to say thank you
for today,
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00:05:03,456 --> 00:05:06,257
so I got you a book on America's
love affair with neckties.
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00:05:06,259 --> 00:05:07,775
Although, you probably
already have it.
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00:05:07,777 --> 00:05:09,543
Not in paperback.
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00:05:09,545 --> 00:05:11,211
I had fun, too.
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Can I borrow your phone?
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00:05:12,331 --> 00:05:13,564
Mine died.
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00:05:13,566 --> 00:05:14,915
Actually, I think Bert
left the phone
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in his room,
which is right over...
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00:05:16,335 --> 00:05:18,218
Oh, well, you know where it is,
'cause you two...
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00:05:18,220 --> 00:05:20,070
Yeah.
Yeah.
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00:05:25,794 --> 00:05:27,745
Hey, man.
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00:05:30,249 --> 00:05:32,850
You've got to be kidding me.
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00:05:32,852 --> 00:05:34,852
It's not a big deal.
She just came back to thank me.
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00:05:34,854 --> 00:05:36,070
She brought me this book.
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She was a fling.
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She was supposed to leave,
but now because of you,
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she's back, which means
now I have to talk to her.
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00:05:41,978 --> 00:05:43,110
So, what's wrong
with talking to her?
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Because talking leads
to more talking,
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00:05:44,747 --> 00:05:46,614
which is a slippery slope
to listening.
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00:05:46,616 --> 00:05:47,981
And before you know it,
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I'm in a relationship,
and it's not my thing.
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00:05:50,219 --> 00:05:51,335
Why not?
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00:05:51,337 --> 00:05:53,203
I mean, she's a really smart,
cool girl.
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00:05:53,205 --> 00:05:54,872
She is kind of a great catch.
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Maybe for you,
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00:05:56,325 --> 00:05:58,392
but I'm more
into catch and release.
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00:06:05,167 --> 00:06:06,850
Good morning.
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00:06:06,852 --> 00:06:08,218
I thought
you were in the shower.
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00:06:08,220 --> 00:06:09,470
No, that's Candice.
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00:06:09,472 --> 00:06:10,804
She spent the night last night.
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Oh. So, you talked it out
like two adults?
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00:06:13,192 --> 00:06:14,975
Oh, we talked it out, all right.
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Twice last night
and once this morning.
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So what happened?
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00:06:18,814 --> 00:06:20,497
Well, it's crazy.
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00:06:20,499 --> 00:06:23,150
She's not the kind of girl
I usually hook up with.
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She's classier.
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00:06:24,203 --> 00:06:25,369
Really? Classier than the girl
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00:06:25,371 --> 00:06:26,520
who wrote her phone number
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00:06:26,522 --> 00:06:28,238
in orange lipstick
on our front door?
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00:06:28,240 --> 00:06:31,158
Yeah, and not by a little.
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00:06:31,160 --> 00:06:33,994
Candice seems like the kind of
girl who'd want a relationship.
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00:06:33,996 --> 00:06:36,914
But it turns out, all she wants
is meaningless sex.
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00:06:36,916 --> 00:06:38,749
That's weird. She seemed
much deeper than that.
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00:06:38,751 --> 00:06:40,417
I mean,
we spent the day together,
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00:06:40,419 --> 00:06:42,753
and all she wanted
to do was go to museums
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00:06:42,755 --> 00:06:44,471
and bookstores
and talk about old movies.
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00:06:44,473 --> 00:06:46,557
We had sex
in front of the mirror.
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I'll see you later.
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00:06:50,311 --> 00:06:52,513
Oh, hey, Andrew.
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00:06:52,515 --> 00:06:53,931
Hey.
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00:06:53,933 --> 00:06:56,767
Oh, you know, there's a new, uh,
Picasso exhibit downtown.
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00:06:56,769 --> 00:06:58,552
You want to go after work?
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00:06:58,554 --> 00:06:59,670
Ah, I don't know.
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00:06:59,672 --> 00:07:01,071
I kind of find Picasso is...
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00:07:01,073 --> 00:07:02,823
Of course I want to go.
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00:07:02,825 --> 00:07:04,625
Yeah, I'll be there.
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00:07:35,273 --> 00:07:37,024
Oh, my gosh, Bert.
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00:07:37,026 --> 00:07:39,877
We were just watching
a really scary movie.
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00:07:39,879 --> 00:07:41,812
Oh!
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00:07:41,814 --> 00:07:45,249
Sometimes a scary movie
can be scary.
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00:07:55,660 --> 00:07:56,960
What happened to your foot?
203
00:07:56,962 --> 00:07:57,995
Your equipment broke,
204
00:07:57,997 --> 00:07:59,496
and I fell off
your climbing wall.
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00:07:59,498 --> 00:08:00,964
Here's the bill for my X-rays.
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00:08:00,966 --> 00:08:02,216
My equipment didn't break.
207
00:08:02,218 --> 00:08:03,817
That's impossible.
208
00:08:03,819 --> 00:08:06,003
Is it? I mean,
what's impossible.
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00:08:06,005 --> 00:08:08,088
Well, ask the zoo
in New Zealand.
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00:08:08,090 --> 00:08:10,457
They imported a koala,
mated it with a wallaby.
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00:08:10,459 --> 00:08:11,792
Called it the koalaby.
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00:08:11,794 --> 00:08:13,093
Said it couldn't be done.
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00:08:13,095 --> 00:08:15,996
But it was a monster.
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00:08:15,998 --> 00:08:19,933
I think the message here is,
don't play God.
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00:08:19,935 --> 00:08:22,803
There's no way
that equipment failed.
216
00:08:22,805 --> 00:08:24,655
That can hold 2,000 pounds.
217
00:08:24,657 --> 00:08:25,572
That's 20 of you.
218
00:08:25,574 --> 00:08:27,658
More like 18, but thank you.
219
00:08:27,660 --> 00:08:29,810
Why don't we just have
your insurance pay for it,
220
00:08:29,812 --> 00:08:31,812
and we'll just call it a day?
221
00:08:31,814 --> 00:08:34,782
Well, that would be a great idea
if I had insurance.
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00:08:34,784 --> 00:08:36,166
I don't.
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00:08:36,168 --> 00:08:38,118
But what I do have
is surveillance cameras.
224
00:08:38,120 --> 00:08:41,004
Oh, come on! What-What sort
of a guy has security cameras
225
00:08:41,006 --> 00:08:42,422
and doesn't have insurance?
226
00:08:42,424 --> 00:08:44,174
That's absolutely mental!
227
00:08:44,176 --> 00:08:45,592
Cameras came with the gym.
228
00:08:45,594 --> 00:08:46,777
The insurance did not.
229
00:08:46,779 --> 00:08:48,328
Let me get those tapes.
230
00:08:48,330 --> 00:08:50,347
We're gonna find out exactly
what happened.
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00:08:53,268 --> 00:08:55,219
Janet, before you see the tapes,
232
00:08:55,221 --> 00:08:57,471
there's something
you should know,
233
00:08:57,473 --> 00:08:59,256
and you're not going to like it.
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00:08:59,258 --> 00:09:01,275
Did the harness
give me a front butt?
235
00:09:01,277 --> 00:09:02,543
I told you to tell me.
236
00:09:02,545 --> 00:09:04,344
No, not that.
237
00:09:04,346 --> 00:09:06,313
So much.
238
00:09:06,315 --> 00:09:11,051
This may come as a shock to you,
but it wasn't the mechanism.
239
00:09:11,053 --> 00:09:13,237
I accidentally
let go of the rope.
240
00:09:13,239 --> 00:09:14,521
Why didn't you tell me?
241
00:09:14,523 --> 00:09:18,024
Because there was a girl...
prancing with her legs, and...
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00:09:18,026 --> 00:09:20,544
I just... I looked
away for a second.
243
00:09:20,546 --> 00:09:21,628
I'm sorry, honey.
244
00:09:21,630 --> 00:09:22,963
You should have just told me.
245
00:09:22,965 --> 00:09:25,165
I don't care that you
were looking at a girl.
246
00:09:25,167 --> 00:09:27,201
You're the best wife ever!
247
00:09:27,203 --> 00:09:28,385
Why would I care anyway?
248
00:09:28,387 --> 00:09:29,720
I look at guys sometimes.
249
00:09:29,722 --> 00:09:31,922
What the hell?!
250
00:09:32,590 --> 00:09:33,757
Bad news.
251
00:09:33,759 --> 00:09:35,008
Cameras came with the gym.
252
00:09:35,010 --> 00:09:37,210
Tapes did not.
253
00:09:39,347 --> 00:09:41,215
Yeah. Yes, Candice.
254
00:09:41,217 --> 00:09:43,901
Look, but Robyn is
a jealous person.
255
00:09:43,903 --> 00:09:45,819
She's playing mind
games with you, and...
256
00:09:45,821 --> 00:09:47,321
Oh, I got to go.
257
00:09:47,323 --> 00:09:48,689
You're not fat.
Okay. Bye.
258
00:09:48,691 --> 00:09:50,908
Hey, Jerry. Sorry.
259
00:09:50,910 --> 00:09:53,927
Andrew, I'm your friend,
but I'm also your boss.
260
00:09:53,929 --> 00:09:56,446
So I guess it falls
to me to remind you
261
00:09:56,448 --> 00:09:59,933
that personal calls on office
time are against corporate...
262
00:09:59,935 --> 00:10:02,586
I can't, I'm sorry.
263
00:10:02,588 --> 00:10:04,504
I can't do it, okay?
I can't get through it.
264
00:10:05,507 --> 00:10:06,757
What do you want, Jerry?
265
00:10:06,759 --> 00:10:07,875
What do I always want?
266
00:10:07,877 --> 00:10:09,075
Lunch.
267
00:10:09,878 --> 00:10:11,128
What do you say
we get some lunch?
268
00:10:11,130 --> 00:10:12,095
We can go over your article
269
00:10:12,097 --> 00:10:14,014
about the etiquette
of pillow talk,
270
00:10:14,016 --> 00:10:17,117
you know, just enough to get
the magazine to pick up the tab.
271
00:10:17,119 --> 00:10:20,604
Oh, I'd love to, but I got to
take Candice's cat to the vet.
272
00:10:20,606 --> 00:10:24,107
Ah, Candice, is that
a, a girlfriend?
273
00:10:24,109 --> 00:10:25,726
It's a girl
Bert's sleeping with.
274
00:10:25,728 --> 00:10:30,314
Uh... so then why are you
taking her cat to the vet?
275
00:10:30,316 --> 00:10:33,166
Less of course
that's a euphemism.
276
00:10:33,168 --> 00:10:34,100
It's not.
277
00:10:34,102 --> 00:10:35,268
Candice is someone
I hang out with.
278
00:10:35,270 --> 00:10:36,186
We're friends.
279
00:10:36,188 --> 00:10:37,821
You know, we go
to museums and movies,
280
00:10:37,823 --> 00:10:39,740
and sometimes
I do errands for her.
281
00:10:39,742 --> 00:10:42,442
And then Bert sleeps with her?
282
00:10:42,444 --> 00:10:43,694
Sometimes.
283
00:10:43,696 --> 00:10:45,295
Often.
284
00:10:45,297 --> 00:10:46,847
All the time, yeah, about 100%.
285
00:10:47,632 --> 00:10:48,966
Wow,
286
00:10:48,968 --> 00:10:50,334
what a great deal.
287
00:10:50,336 --> 00:10:52,786
Hey, can I be your roommate?
288
00:10:52,788 --> 00:10:54,187
What are you saying, Jerry?
289
00:10:54,189 --> 00:10:57,357
Well, it just seems like you and
Bert are sharing a relationship,
290
00:10:57,359 --> 00:10:59,192
and he's getting the good part.
291
00:10:59,194 --> 00:11:01,762
I mean, you're doing
all the grunt work so he can...
292
00:11:01,764 --> 00:11:03,947
do the grunt work.
293
00:11:05,233 --> 00:11:07,150
You and I have a problem.
294
00:11:07,152 --> 00:11:09,403
We are sharing a
relationship with Candice.
295
00:11:09,405 --> 00:11:11,304
I do all the boyfriend-y
stuff you won't do
296
00:11:11,306 --> 00:11:12,906
and then you come home
and have sex with her.
297
00:11:12,908 --> 00:11:15,325
I don't see the problem.
298
00:11:15,327 --> 00:11:16,944
The problem is, she's
the kind of girl
299
00:11:16,946 --> 00:11:18,695
I could see myself having
a relationship with,
300
00:11:18,697 --> 00:11:19,813
except for one little thing.
301
00:11:19,815 --> 00:11:20,747
Which is?
302
00:11:20,749 --> 00:11:22,950
You're sleeping with her...
303
00:11:22,952 --> 00:11:25,369
and I will never, ever date
someone you've slept with.
304
00:11:27,489 --> 00:11:30,791
You might want to move
out of Chicago.
305
00:11:30,793 --> 00:11:31,925
I can't do this anymore.
306
00:11:31,927 --> 00:11:35,262
I am done splitting
this relationship.
307
00:11:35,264 --> 00:11:37,497
So, what do I care?
308
00:11:37,499 --> 00:11:39,883
Uh, well,
you're gonna care, okay,
309
00:11:39,885 --> 00:11:42,519
because the only reason you're
getting what you want at night
310
00:11:42,521 --> 00:11:44,354
is 'cause I'm giving her
what she needs in the day.
311
00:11:44,356 --> 00:11:45,806
Are you kidding me?
312
00:11:45,808 --> 00:11:47,107
You're just a babysitter.
313
00:11:47,109 --> 00:11:48,108
I don't need you.
314
00:11:48,110 --> 00:11:49,059
Oh, yeah?
315
00:11:49,061 --> 00:11:50,677
Well, good luck
having sex without me.
316
00:11:50,679 --> 00:11:52,396
Hey, Mom.
317
00:12:00,537 --> 00:12:01,754
Good morning.
318
00:12:01,756 --> 00:12:02,788
Morning.
319
00:12:04,041 --> 00:12:05,491
Hey, Andrew,
I was thinking we could...
320
00:12:05,493 --> 00:12:09,545
Oh, hey, Bert, I didn't realize
you were still here.
321
00:12:09,547 --> 00:12:10,913
Well, why wouldn't I be here?
322
00:12:10,915 --> 00:12:13,165
Because you're never here
when I get out of the shower.
323
00:12:13,167 --> 00:12:15,250
Well, I'm a little freaked
out by the sound of a shower.
324
00:12:15,252 --> 00:12:17,586
That's how my aunt
killed herself.
325
00:12:17,588 --> 00:12:18,720
Oh, my God.
326
00:12:18,722 --> 00:12:20,506
No, I'm kidding.
327
00:12:20,508 --> 00:12:22,374
That's not how she
killed herself.
328
00:12:22,376 --> 00:12:26,211
Well, I'd love to stick around
for this badinage,
329
00:12:26,213 --> 00:12:28,713
but I have to go to work.
330
00:12:34,521 --> 00:12:38,257
So Andrew tells
me you like food.
331
00:12:38,259 --> 00:12:40,659
Uh, yeah, I guess so.
332
00:12:40,661 --> 00:12:42,611
Prepare to be blown away.
333
00:12:47,550 --> 00:12:49,952
Bam!
334
00:12:49,954 --> 00:12:51,753
Just as good as Andrew, right?
335
00:12:51,755 --> 00:12:53,589
You know, you don't have
to compete with him.
336
00:12:53,591 --> 00:12:55,924
You guys are totally different.
337
00:12:55,926 --> 00:12:57,709
He's a gentleman and you're...
338
00:12:57,711 --> 00:13:00,462
Should we discuss this
in my room?
339
00:13:00,464 --> 00:13:01,847
And you're that.
340
00:13:01,849 --> 00:13:04,416
Anything you could do with
Andrew you could do with me.
341
00:13:04,418 --> 00:13:06,201
Like, what would you
guys be doing right now?
342
00:13:06,203 --> 00:13:09,021
Normally we would just
hang out and talk.
343
00:13:09,023 --> 00:13:13,425
I feel like we kind of
just did that, but okay.
344
00:13:19,350 --> 00:13:23,402
Oh, sorry, ah, it's Candice.
345
00:13:23,404 --> 00:13:24,586
She won't stop texting me.
346
00:13:24,588 --> 00:13:26,104
Is that the girl who
isn't your girlfriend
347
00:13:26,106 --> 00:13:28,240
but seems like she is?
348
00:13:28,242 --> 00:13:30,659
Yes-- Well, I'm not hanging out
with her anymore.
349
00:13:30,661 --> 00:13:31,994
I haven't told her that.
350
00:13:31,996 --> 00:13:33,462
I mean, what am I
supposed to say?
351
00:13:33,464 --> 00:13:36,465
"I'm no longer interested
in being your half boyfriend"?
352
00:13:36,467 --> 00:13:37,782
She's not gonna end
this on her own.
353
00:13:37,784 --> 00:13:38,934
She's got the best
of both worlds--
354
00:13:38,936 --> 00:13:41,587
The guy who loans her a
sweater during the day
355
00:13:41,589 --> 00:13:44,006
and the guy who rips
her pants off at night.
356
00:13:44,008 --> 00:13:45,591
That's Bert.
357
00:13:47,460 --> 00:13:49,811
Janet, could you please pass
the chicken thighs,
358
00:13:49,813 --> 00:13:52,648
which I'm sure you've been
eye-humping behind my back.
359
00:13:53,566 --> 00:13:55,100
Okay, I know what you're doing.
360
00:13:55,102 --> 00:13:56,568
I was not flirting
with the chicken.
361
00:13:56,570 --> 00:13:59,404
Trust me, when I flirt with
the chicken, you'll know.
362
00:13:59,406 --> 00:14:01,106
I'm guessing
this is not about chicken.
363
00:14:01,108 --> 00:14:02,858
No, Mike told me he
looks at other women,
364
00:14:02,860 --> 00:14:05,277
and when I happened to mention
that I occasionally notice
365
00:14:05,279 --> 00:14:07,262
other men, he
completely freaked out.
366
00:14:07,264 --> 00:14:08,580
It's called a double standard.
367
00:14:08,582 --> 00:14:11,583
I'm a seven at best--
Six without the accent--
368
00:14:11,585 --> 00:14:12,718
But you,
you're the most beautiful,
369
00:14:12,720 --> 00:14:14,303
graceful woman in the world.
370
00:14:15,439 --> 00:14:18,657
Shut up, dumbass, I am
beautiful and graceful.
371
00:14:19,442 --> 00:14:21,543
You are, and I suppose
I get jealous.
372
00:14:21,545 --> 00:14:23,312
I feel like you could have
any man you want.
373
00:14:23,314 --> 00:14:24,546
Oh, are you kidding?
374
00:14:24,548 --> 00:14:25,714
Mike, you're like a 12
375
00:14:25,716 --> 00:14:27,783
compared to some of the trolls
she used to date.
376
00:14:27,785 --> 00:14:30,552
What was the name of that guy
who had the eczema on his lip?
377
00:14:30,554 --> 00:14:32,854
Hey, Crustache was a good guy.
378
00:14:33,623 --> 00:14:34,640
He was better than that freak
379
00:14:34,642 --> 00:14:36,108
you dated with the umbrella.
380
00:14:36,110 --> 00:14:39,861
That was a parasol, and she did
not have pigment in her face.
381
00:14:39,863 --> 00:14:42,514
I once dated a woman
who had no lower lip.
382
00:14:42,516 --> 00:14:45,367
It was difficult
watching her eat soup.
383
00:14:46,336 --> 00:14:48,270
Listen, I promise you
don't have to worry.
384
00:14:48,272 --> 00:14:49,988
I'm never gonna look
at another guy again,
385
00:14:49,990 --> 00:14:51,340
and by the way,
386
00:14:51,342 --> 00:14:53,858
I think you're a solid eight,
even without the accent.
387
00:14:53,860 --> 00:14:56,078
Well, I could lose the accent.
388
00:14:56,080 --> 00:14:58,213
Yeah, don't do that.
389
00:15:04,220 --> 00:15:08,974
Hey, buddy, you're up late.
390
00:15:08,976 --> 00:15:12,877
Hey, can I, uh, get you some
herbal tea or something?
391
00:15:12,879 --> 00:15:17,232
You can't handle the
relationship stuff, can you?
392
00:15:17,234 --> 00:15:18,867
No, I need your help.
393
00:15:18,869 --> 00:15:20,269
She's in there
talking like crazy
394
00:15:20,271 --> 00:15:21,703
about how her friend
Robyn is sick
395
00:15:21,705 --> 00:15:23,388
and Eric keeps calling her fat.
396
00:15:23,390 --> 00:15:25,240
No, no, no,
397
00:15:25,242 --> 00:15:26,525
Eric is her cat who is sick
398
00:15:26,527 --> 00:15:27,743
and Robyn is her best friend
399
00:15:27,745 --> 00:15:30,395
who makes herself feel better
by putting Candice down.
400
00:15:30,397 --> 00:15:31,947
It's a different kind of sick.
401
00:15:31,949 --> 00:15:32,914
Hey, that's great stuff.
402
00:15:32,916 --> 00:15:33,932
Don't waste that on me.
403
00:15:33,934 --> 00:15:35,200
Go in there.
404
00:15:35,202 --> 00:15:38,003
She misses you.
405
00:15:38,005 --> 00:15:39,571
We both do.
406
00:15:39,573 --> 00:15:40,572
Good night, Bert.
407
00:15:40,574 --> 00:15:41,923
Wait, wait.
408
00:15:41,925 --> 00:15:43,725
Look, look, you were right,
you were right.
409
00:15:43,727 --> 00:15:45,243
I can't handle this stuff.
410
00:15:45,245 --> 00:15:49,431
She's a better girlfriend for
you, so I'm gonna pass her off.
411
00:15:49,433 --> 00:15:52,017
No, if you don't want to be with
her anymore, break up with her.
412
00:15:52,019 --> 00:15:52,851
I can't.
413
00:15:52,853 --> 00:15:53,852
I don't like emotion.
414
00:15:53,854 --> 00:15:55,604
I can tell she's a crier.
415
00:15:56,406 --> 00:15:57,439
You should break up with her.
416
00:15:57,441 --> 00:15:58,807
Why would I break up with her?
417
00:15:58,809 --> 00:16:00,425
Because this is all your fault.
418
00:16:00,427 --> 00:16:03,612
I was training you, and
you failed by taking her out.
419
00:16:03,614 --> 00:16:06,064
Oh, is it my fault that
you kept sleeping with her?
420
00:16:06,066 --> 00:16:09,801
I was trying to make
it a teachable moment.
421
00:16:09,803 --> 00:16:10,935
That is bull.
422
00:16:10,937 --> 00:16:12,070
You're her boyfriend,
you break up with her.
423
00:16:12,072 --> 00:16:13,104
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
424
00:16:13,106 --> 00:16:14,323
maybe you're her boyfriend.
425
00:16:14,325 --> 00:16:15,457
I mean, think about it.
426
00:16:15,459 --> 00:16:16,458
I mean, what is a boyfriend?
427
00:16:16,460 --> 00:16:18,076
The guy who remembers
her birthday
428
00:16:18,078 --> 00:16:19,328
and what college she went to,
429
00:16:19,330 --> 00:16:21,496
what her favorite flavor
of ice cream is.
430
00:16:21,498 --> 00:16:23,615
She doesn't eat ice cream;
it makes her teeth cold.
431
00:16:23,617 --> 00:16:24,583
See?
432
00:16:24,585 --> 00:16:26,935
Now get in there
and break up with her.
433
00:16:28,421 --> 00:16:30,605
My grandma just died.
434
00:16:31,441 --> 00:16:33,642
Andrew wants
to tell you something.
435
00:16:35,428 --> 00:16:38,180
"We'll go to the wake,
we'll be supportive."
436
00:16:38,182 --> 00:16:39,398
Why couldn't you
just have told her?
437
00:16:39,400 --> 00:16:41,066
Why couldn't you have just
kept it in your pants?
438
00:16:41,068 --> 00:16:43,268
So sorry for your loss.
439
00:16:45,571 --> 00:16:48,090
Losing a loved one can be
very difficult,
440
00:16:48,092 --> 00:16:49,991
but losing weight
doesn't have to be.
441
00:16:49,993 --> 00:16:51,743
I'm a personal trainer.
442
00:16:51,745 --> 00:16:52,844
Mention this wake
and I'll give you
443
00:16:52,846 --> 00:16:56,898
a bereavement discount.
444
00:16:56,900 --> 00:16:59,418
Seriously, you're trying
to sign up new clients?
445
00:16:59,420 --> 00:17:01,536
Hey, Nana's diabetes
was a real wake-up call
446
00:17:01,538 --> 00:17:03,321
for some of these people.
447
00:17:03,323 --> 00:17:06,541
All right, look,
I have an idea.
448
00:17:06,543 --> 00:17:09,211
Neither of us wants to have to
break up with Candice, right?
449
00:17:09,213 --> 00:17:11,329
Correct, so you'll do it?
450
00:17:11,331 --> 00:17:13,131
No, here's my idea.
451
00:17:13,133 --> 00:17:16,218
Robyn over there
is her best friend.
452
00:17:16,220 --> 00:17:17,719
Now, she'll be able to identify
453
00:17:17,721 --> 00:17:20,338
which one of us Candice
considers her boyfriend.
454
00:17:20,340 --> 00:17:21,857
Now, can we agree
that whoever she names
455
00:17:21,859 --> 00:17:23,525
is the one who has
to break up with her?
456
00:17:23,527 --> 00:17:24,676
Brilliant-- Now
I see why you're
457
00:17:24,678 --> 00:17:26,445
the brains in
this relationship.
458
00:17:28,398 --> 00:17:30,715
Excuse me, Robyn,
459
00:17:30,717 --> 00:17:32,667
I'm Bert and this is Andrew.
460
00:17:32,669 --> 00:17:36,555
Look, we have a concern
that involves Candice.
461
00:17:36,557 --> 00:17:38,457
Is it her weight?
462
00:17:38,459 --> 00:17:40,325
Oh, my God, that is so Robyn.
463
00:17:40,327 --> 00:17:42,127
Hey, can you tell us
who her boyfriend is?
464
00:17:42,129 --> 00:17:43,128
Of course.
465
00:17:43,130 --> 00:17:44,713
Great, who is he?
466
00:17:44,715 --> 00:17:47,382
"Boyfriend" is such
an old-fashioned term.
467
00:17:47,384 --> 00:17:49,801
Okay, but, if you
had to use a term...
468
00:17:49,803 --> 00:17:51,636
Well, I don't feel
like I have to.
469
00:17:51,638 --> 00:17:52,921
Well, you kind of do.
470
00:17:52,923 --> 00:17:54,039
Well, I don't feel
comfortable...
471
00:17:54,041 --> 00:17:55,757
Robyn, will you stop being
so Robyn right now
472
00:17:55,759 --> 00:17:58,977
and tell us
who Candice's boyfriend is?
473
00:17:58,979 --> 00:18:01,179
Who the hell is Matthew?
474
00:18:02,548 --> 00:18:05,517
And why didn't he care enough
to go to Nana's wake?
475
00:18:05,519 --> 00:18:07,652
I don't know,
probably some bad boy.
476
00:18:07,654 --> 00:18:09,070
She never mentioned
a Matthew to me,
477
00:18:09,072 --> 00:18:11,323
and we had long conversations.
478
00:18:11,325 --> 00:18:14,759
Yeah, me neither,
and we had a ton of sex.
479
00:18:14,761 --> 00:18:17,145
I feel like I've been
used, I feel terrible.
480
00:18:17,147 --> 00:18:19,981
I feel like I've been used.
481
00:18:19,983 --> 00:18:23,335
I feel pretty good.
482
00:18:23,337 --> 00:18:24,953
How do you do that?
483
00:18:24,955 --> 00:18:26,455
How do you not care?
484
00:18:26,457 --> 00:18:28,757
When I find
the right girl, I'll care.
485
00:18:28,759 --> 00:18:30,442
Right now
I just want to have fun.
486
00:18:30,444 --> 00:18:32,594
I wish I could just have fun.
487
00:18:32,596 --> 00:18:33,795
I wish I wasn't so worried
488
00:18:33,797 --> 00:18:36,715
about doing the right
thing all the time.
489
00:18:36,717 --> 00:18:40,001
I'd like to be
50% more like you.
490
00:18:40,003 --> 00:18:42,838
Hey, you have the ability
to connect with women
491
00:18:42,840 --> 00:18:44,940
on a much deeper level
than I do.
492
00:18:44,942 --> 00:18:48,610
You experience real intimacy.
493
00:18:48,612 --> 00:18:52,447
I'd like to be
one percent more like you.
494
00:18:52,449 --> 00:18:54,032
Cheers.
495
00:18:54,034 --> 00:18:56,117
Cheers.
496
00:18:56,119 --> 00:18:57,869
You know, as
annoying as she was,
497
00:18:57,871 --> 00:19:01,873
that Robyn girl
was pretty cute.
498
00:19:01,875 --> 00:19:02,791
Who's Robyn?
499
00:19:02,793 --> 00:19:04,993
Okay, good night.
500
00:19:09,932 --> 00:19:11,065
This is terrifying.
501
00:19:11,333 --> 00:19:12,834
Jerry, you're fine.
502
00:19:12,836 --> 00:19:16,004
All right, let's go,
this isn't a 24-hour gym.
503
00:19:16,006 --> 00:19:17,272
Get up that mountain.
504
00:19:17,274 --> 00:19:18,640
All right, fine.
505
00:19:20,444 --> 00:19:22,027
Oh, God, this harness
is so tight.
506
00:19:22,029 --> 00:19:23,361
What does my butt look like?
507
00:19:23,363 --> 00:19:24,946
Montana.
508
00:19:24,948 --> 00:19:26,231
Go.
509
00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:29,684
You're doing great,
you're doing great.
510
00:19:29,686 --> 00:19:30,952
Whoa.
511
00:19:32,128 --> 00:19:33,550
Aah!
512
00:19:34,274 --> 00:19:36,239
I have got to get insurance.
513
00:19:37,068 --> 00:19:41,052
Sync and corrections by n17t01
www.addic7ed.com