1 00:00:00,431 --> 00:00:02,370 She's been dead maybe ten minutes. 2 00:00:02,495 --> 00:00:03,839 Like head chopped off. 3 00:00:03,964 --> 00:00:05,240 No, she died of, like, natural causes. 4 00:00:05,365 --> 00:00:06,474 I'd do it, man. 5 00:00:06,599 --> 00:00:08,176 She was cute as hell in Commando. 6 00:00:08,301 --> 00:00:10,344 I'd show her who's the boss. Poison her Ivy. 7 00:00:10,510 --> 00:00:12,931 Whoa. Something's up. 8 00:00:13,097 --> 00:00:15,049 Guys, we've been boiler roomed. 9 00:00:15,174 --> 00:00:17,559 Telamericorp was just a shell of a company. 10 00:00:17,725 --> 00:00:20,896 Alice probably felt some heat from the feds, right? 11 00:00:21,062 --> 00:00:22,648 So she packed up in the middle of the night. 12 00:00:22,815 --> 00:00:25,359 That makes me Vin Diesel. 13 00:00:25,525 --> 00:00:26,996 Ooh, I'm Giovanni Ribisi. 14 00:00:27,121 --> 00:00:29,071 Oh, I'm like a Scott Cann-Jamie Kennedy Combo Doggie then. 15 00:00:29,237 --> 00:00:32,408 Jamie Kennedy, maybe. I feel that experience. 16 00:00:32,574 --> 00:00:35,637 [Cell phone rings] 17 00:00:35,762 --> 00:00:37,973 Hello? 18 00:00:38,098 --> 00:00:39,540 [Whispers] It's Alice. 19 00:00:40,371 --> 00:00:41,714 Okay, let's talk. 20 00:00:41,839 --> 00:00:43,794 What's the vig to get in on your game? 21 00:00:43,960 --> 00:00:45,146 Why aren't you here yet? [Snaps fingers] 22 00:00:45,271 --> 00:00:46,881 Why aren't we where yet? 23 00:00:47,006 --> 00:00:49,650 Oh, Christ, you're at the old offices, aren't you? 24 00:00:49,775 --> 00:00:52,219 We moved offices over the weekend. 25 00:00:52,344 --> 00:00:54,013 It's all I've talked about for weeks. 26 00:00:54,179 --> 00:00:56,223 Guys, we moved offices. 27 00:00:56,389 --> 00:00:58,893 - Oh, yeah, I totally forgot. - Yeah, um, Alice... 28 00:00:59,018 --> 00:01:00,595 Oh, wait, wait, let me... 29 00:01:00,720 --> 00:01:03,331 Hey, Alice, so we're done with the old office, right? 30 00:01:03,456 --> 00:01:04,982 We're never going back? 31 00:01:05,148 --> 00:01:07,151 Yeah, never. Now, get your asses over here 32 00:01:07,317 --> 00:01:08,302 and get to work, please. 33 00:01:08,427 --> 00:01:09,770 Okay, thanks, Alice. 34 00:01:09,895 --> 00:01:11,505 You sound like you're looking good today. 35 00:01:11,630 --> 00:01:13,865 [Pounding rock music] 36 00:01:14,031 --> 00:01:16,201 Oh, yeah! 37 00:01:19,371 --> 00:01:21,982 [All shouting] 38 00:01:22,107 --> 00:01:24,651 ♪ Destroy ♪ 39 00:01:24,776 --> 00:01:26,753 ♪ destroy ♪ 40 00:01:27,811 --> 00:01:29,455 I feel like I'm at a Garth Brooks show. 41 00:01:29,580 --> 00:01:32,125 Kick it. He's talented. 44 00:01:38,807 --> 00:01:41,852 [Cell phone rings] 45 00:01:42,018 --> 00:01:45,103 Hello? Oh, hey, Alice. 46 00:01:45,228 --> 00:01:46,871 How are you? What's up? 47 00:01:46,996 --> 00:01:48,706 Hey, if you're still at the office, 48 00:01:48,831 --> 00:01:50,975 can you let the inspector in? He's locked out. 49 00:01:51,100 --> 00:01:52,610 I don't want to piss him off 50 00:01:52,735 --> 00:01:54,531 and not get the $8,000 security deposit back. 51 00:01:54,697 --> 00:01:57,149 Um, no, no, no, no. 52 00:01:57,274 --> 00:01:59,078 You must have misunderstood us. 53 00:01:59,244 --> 00:02:00,586 We are not at the old office. 54 00:02:00,711 --> 00:02:02,888 We are watching the old Office, the TV show, 55 00:02:03,013 --> 00:02:06,558 on an iPad in the car on the way to the new office. 56 00:02:06,683 --> 00:02:08,754 What? Hello? 57 00:02:11,589 --> 00:02:18,097 Sync and correction by Mlmlte www.addic7ed.com 58 00:02:23,601 --> 00:02:27,344 Oh, hell no, bitch. These offices suck. 59 00:02:27,469 --> 00:02:28,941 Where the hell are we supposed to park? 60 00:02:29,107 --> 00:02:30,781 There's, like, no spots. 61 00:02:30,906 --> 00:02:32,283 Guess we gotta park on the street, 62 00:02:32,408 --> 00:02:34,154 even though there's extra handicap spots. 63 00:02:34,320 --> 00:02:36,454 What the heck? We have one handicapped dude 64 00:02:36,579 --> 00:02:37,955 at our office... Wheelchair Mike. 65 00:02:38,080 --> 00:02:40,157 Lucky bitch. I wish I were handicapped. 66 00:02:40,282 --> 00:02:41,704 Those guys are so lucky, dude. 67 00:02:41,870 --> 00:02:43,623 Human rabbits' feet. 68 00:02:43,789 --> 00:02:46,125 Alice, how many handicapped people 69 00:02:46,291 --> 00:02:47,964 - do we have in this office? - That a trick question? 70 00:02:48,089 --> 00:02:50,087 [Silly voice] We have but one. 71 00:02:50,253 --> 00:02:51,434 Ooh, I'm gonna talk like that too. 72 00:02:51,559 --> 00:02:54,870 Alas, there are but two handicap parking spots, 73 00:02:54,995 --> 00:02:57,305 which is arithmetic, milady. 74 00:02:57,593 --> 00:02:59,040 Yeah, you do the math. Hmm? 75 00:02:59,165 --> 00:03:00,264 Alice, what they're trying to say is that 76 00:03:00,430 --> 00:03:01,509 there's no spots out there 77 00:03:01,634 --> 00:03:03,010 for normal people like us, all right? 78 00:03:03,135 --> 00:03:04,477 So I'm out there, parked on the street, 79 00:03:04,643 --> 00:03:06,213 and what, I'm supposed to, what, 80 00:03:06,338 --> 00:03:07,437 move my car every two hours? 81 00:03:07,603 --> 00:03:08,815 - That's stupid. - Get real. 82 00:03:08,940 --> 00:03:11,251 Act real, Alice, 'cause guess what. 83 00:03:11,376 --> 00:03:15,154 We're here every day at 10:00. Okay, maybe 10:02. 84 00:03:15,320 --> 00:03:16,789 But when we get here, the parking lot's all packed out, 85 00:03:16,914 --> 00:03:18,574 and we're s.O.O.L. 86 00:03:18,740 --> 00:03:20,459 So why don't you just scratch our butts a little bit 87 00:03:20,584 --> 00:03:23,578 and give us the bonus handicap parking spot, okay? 88 00:03:23,744 --> 00:03:26,206 First of all, work starts at 9:00. 89 00:03:26,372 --> 00:03:27,583 Yeah. And see this? 90 00:03:27,749 --> 00:03:29,035 This is me making a note 91 00:03:29,160 --> 00:03:32,138 of giving you that spot. 92 00:03:32,263 --> 00:03:37,509 "Give parking spot to idiots. Change tampon... kill self." 93 00:03:37,675 --> 00:03:39,845 Uhh, change tampon... Grody. 94 00:03:40,011 --> 00:03:41,263 That's not funny. Don't kill yourself. 95 00:03:41,429 --> 00:03:42,583 - Hey, Anders... - What? Hang on. 96 00:03:42,708 --> 00:03:43,918 If you're parked on the street, 97 00:03:44,043 --> 00:03:45,286 there's a guy out there writing tickets. 98 00:03:45,411 --> 00:03:47,522 - Move it! Move it! - See? 99 00:03:47,647 --> 00:03:49,158 - Great. - We were just kidding 100 00:03:49,283 --> 00:03:50,425 about that 10:00 thing. 101 00:03:50,550 --> 00:03:52,649 We get here every day at, uh... At... 102 00:03:52,815 --> 00:03:54,463 - 9:00. - 9:00! That's when we get... 103 00:03:54,588 --> 00:03:56,820 Because we're working. 104 00:03:56,986 --> 00:04:00,032 Hey, Wayman! Move! God... sorry! 105 00:04:02,575 --> 00:04:04,873 No, no, no, no, no, no! No! No! No! 106 00:04:04,998 --> 00:04:06,842 Hey, hey, hey. Halt! Stop! Buddy, hey... 107 00:04:06,967 --> 00:04:08,540 Buddy, buddy, buddy, come... 108 00:04:08,706 --> 00:04:10,333 You gotta be kidding me, man! 109 00:04:10,499 --> 00:04:14,004 Gotta be kidding me. What... no! 110 00:04:14,170 --> 00:04:16,317 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, you chill out, buddy. 111 00:04:16,442 --> 00:04:19,301 You're gonna bust a nut, and I'm not talking that good kind. 112 00:04:19,467 --> 00:04:21,255 Just throw it away, man. Pretend like you never got it. 113 00:04:21,380 --> 00:04:23,472 That's what I did with my std test. 114 00:04:23,638 --> 00:04:24,724 You can't do that. 115 00:04:24,849 --> 00:04:27,434 That's, like, socially dangerous. 116 00:04:34,692 --> 00:04:36,276 Ooh-hoo-hoo! 117 00:04:36,442 --> 00:04:38,988 We're surrounded by ghosts. The place is haunted. 118 00:04:39,154 --> 00:04:40,407 Built on a burial ground. I'm positive of it. 119 00:04:40,532 --> 00:04:42,408 It is so weird you said that, 120 00:04:42,574 --> 00:04:44,159 'cause right when you said that, I got chills. 121 00:04:44,325 --> 00:04:45,946 - Yeah, I'm freezing. - There's that... vent. 122 00:04:46,071 --> 00:04:47,619 There's a vent right there. 123 00:04:47,744 --> 00:04:49,290 - Yeah, there's a vent up there. - There's still ghosts. 124 00:04:49,456 --> 00:04:50,685 I don't think it's the vent, either... 125 00:04:50,810 --> 00:04:52,084 Hey, guys, shut the fuck up for a second. 126 00:04:52,250 --> 00:04:54,989 Ticket... 60 bucks for street cleaning. 127 00:04:55,114 --> 00:04:57,339 - 60 bucks? - What? 128 00:04:57,505 --> 00:04:58,892 You know how many corndogs we could buy with that? 129 00:04:59,017 --> 00:05:00,827 - Like, three boxes. - Yeah, a lot of corndogs. 130 00:05:00,952 --> 00:05:02,761 60. They're, like, going for a dollar. Yeah. 131 00:05:02,927 --> 00:05:04,164 I don't understand Alice. 132 00:05:04,289 --> 00:05:06,366 She clogs up the parking lot arteries 133 00:05:06,491 --> 00:05:07,808 with all these handicap spots, 134 00:05:07,974 --> 00:05:09,309 where regular people can't even park. 135 00:05:09,475 --> 00:05:10,853 It's all mutant parking. 136 00:05:11,019 --> 00:05:12,539 Who knew having a car was gonna be such a drag? 137 00:05:12,664 --> 00:05:14,541 Makes you wonder how somebody like Drake 138 00:05:14,666 --> 00:05:16,025 handles their entire fleet. 139 00:05:16,191 --> 00:05:17,345 Yeah, well, he's from a lawless country. 140 00:05:17,470 --> 00:05:19,111 There's no laws. Here in the U.S., 141 00:05:19,277 --> 00:05:20,780 you gotta work within the system. 142 00:05:20,946 --> 00:05:22,656 Okay, if you want a handicap parking pass, 143 00:05:22,822 --> 00:05:24,285 you gotta go out and get a handicap parking pass. 144 00:05:24,410 --> 00:05:26,287 You gotta beat the system up from the inside. 145 00:05:26,412 --> 00:05:29,204 Like rappers with vaginas. Like, because they beat 'em. 146 00:05:29,370 --> 00:05:30,559 - Yeah. - Whatever it takes, man. 147 00:05:30,684 --> 00:05:31,874 I just don't want to get another ticket. 148 00:05:32,040 --> 00:05:33,219 I mean, is it weird 149 00:05:33,625 --> 00:05:35,464 if we made up a handicap, like, a disease? 150 00:05:35,752 --> 00:05:36,699 What's the disease that old people get 151 00:05:36,824 --> 00:05:37,838 where you start forgetting things? 152 00:05:38,004 --> 00:05:39,089 - What is that? - Old timers. 153 00:05:39,255 --> 00:05:40,503 Yeah, still, 154 00:05:40,628 --> 00:05:42,139 I don't know if that's a good idea. 155 00:05:42,264 --> 00:05:43,218 It's not cool to pretend you're handicapped. 156 00:05:43,384 --> 00:05:44,775 - Right? - Whoa! 157 00:05:44,900 --> 00:05:46,177 I got it. 158 00:05:46,302 --> 00:05:48,312 Telamericorp is hiring, right? 159 00:05:48,437 --> 00:05:50,647 We can ask our real-life handicapped cousin Devin 160 00:05:50,772 --> 00:05:53,312 to work here, and use his pass! 161 00:05:53,478 --> 00:05:55,051 - Yeah. That'll work. - All right. 162 00:05:55,176 --> 00:05:56,482 I haven't seen him in a while, though. 163 00:05:56,648 --> 00:05:57,653 I'm excited to see him. 164 00:05:57,778 --> 00:05:59,121 He couldn't come to Thanksgiving 165 00:05:59,246 --> 00:06:00,622 because my grandma's house has stairs, 166 00:06:00,747 --> 00:06:03,655 and he can't walk up stairs! [Laughing] 167 00:06:03,821 --> 00:06:06,128 Oh, man, that guy. 168 00:06:15,300 --> 00:06:17,335 Oh, jeez! 169 00:06:17,501 --> 00:06:19,963 Are there cats everywhere? [Cats meowing] 170 00:06:20,129 --> 00:06:22,020 [Whispers] Devin? 171 00:06:22,145 --> 00:06:24,301 - Some funky cold medina. - Adam? 172 00:06:24,467 --> 00:06:26,345 What's the story with this dude? 173 00:06:26,511 --> 00:06:29,306 His name was just Devin. Devin Demamp. 174 00:06:29,472 --> 00:06:35,145 He was just like us... Cool, handsome, gnar. 175 00:06:35,311 --> 00:06:37,904 Two years ago, he saw this little girl... 176 00:06:38,029 --> 00:06:40,140 Crossing the street. 177 00:06:40,265 --> 00:06:42,922 This fire truck was barreling towards her and just... 178 00:06:43,047 --> 00:06:44,613 Bam! Guys: Oh! 179 00:06:44,779 --> 00:06:47,447 - Jeez! - [Deranged laugh] 180 00:06:47,572 --> 00:06:51,078 Truck knocks me 40 feet straight into a brick wall. 181 00:06:51,244 --> 00:06:53,018 ♪ Now I'm ballin' off government checks ♪ 182 00:06:53,143 --> 00:06:54,387 ♪ like Obama bin laden ♪ 183 00:06:54,512 --> 00:06:56,708 - [Beatboxing] - Oh. Oh, sure. 184 00:06:56,874 --> 00:06:58,724 [Continues beatboxing] 185 00:06:58,849 --> 00:07:00,921 - Yeah! - All right. You remember. 186 00:07:01,087 --> 00:07:02,628 - He taught me that. - What's up? 187 00:07:02,753 --> 00:07:05,997 - What's going on? - What is going on, my hero? 188 00:07:06,122 --> 00:07:07,265 Nada mucho. 189 00:07:07,390 --> 00:07:09,680 Who are the, uh, butt[bleep] twins? 190 00:07:09,846 --> 00:07:11,569 - Oh, the butt[bleep] twins? - Yeah. 191 00:07:11,694 --> 00:07:13,770 This is Ders, and this is Blake. 192 00:07:13,895 --> 00:07:17,541 - This is my cousin Devin. - [Growls playfully] 193 00:07:17,666 --> 00:07:18,898 Please, call me big fat. 194 00:07:19,064 --> 00:07:20,144 - Right. - No, dummy. 195 00:07:20,269 --> 00:07:21,441 Hand me the churro plate behind you. 196 00:07:21,607 --> 00:07:24,414 - [Laughter] - He got you, dude. 197 00:07:24,539 --> 00:07:26,905 - Thank you so much. - He got you. He's funny. 198 00:07:27,071 --> 00:07:29,586 He's a funny dude. [Laughter] 199 00:07:29,711 --> 00:07:31,188 - You're looking good, man. - Oh, thank you. 200 00:07:31,313 --> 00:07:32,828 You dropped some lbs, huh? 201 00:07:32,994 --> 00:07:34,492 Yeah, I lost some weight. Where'd it go? 202 00:07:34,617 --> 00:07:36,361 - Oh, there it is. Get it back. - Oh, I'll get it. 203 00:07:36,486 --> 00:07:39,918 [Both shouting, laughing] 204 00:07:40,084 --> 00:07:43,669 - I love that. - Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! 205 00:07:43,794 --> 00:07:45,638 It feels like a real woman's boob, dude. 206 00:07:45,763 --> 00:07:46,800 - Tickles, bro. - Get in here. 207 00:07:46,966 --> 00:07:48,341 Blake, hit this, man. 208 00:07:48,466 --> 00:07:50,310 - You sure? - Yeah. Do it. 209 00:07:50,435 --> 00:07:51,764 - Oh! - Whoa! 210 00:07:51,930 --> 00:07:53,891 [Both grunting, laughing] 211 00:07:54,057 --> 00:07:56,116 - Hey, Ders, come try it, man. - I'm good, I'm good. 212 00:07:56,241 --> 00:07:58,103 I don't want to lose my watch, so you know.... 213 00:07:58,269 --> 00:08:00,856 Gay dudes... always worried about time. 214 00:08:01,022 --> 00:08:02,524 Is that true? I didn't know that. 215 00:08:02,690 --> 00:08:06,591 So you guys seem to be getting a pretty sweet dealio, 216 00:08:06,716 --> 00:08:09,573 - but what's in it for me? - Duh. You get to get out 217 00:08:09,739 --> 00:08:11,199 of this sorry basement, and you get a job. 218 00:08:11,365 --> 00:08:14,433 Duh, why would I want to do that, smart guy? 219 00:08:14,558 --> 00:08:15,734 Take a look around. 220 00:08:15,859 --> 00:08:19,374 Xbox Live, Howard TV, My Cat Circus. 221 00:08:19,540 --> 00:08:20,772 You are a gangster, man. You're like... 222 00:08:20,897 --> 00:08:22,419 Rick Ross with extra sauce. 223 00:08:22,585 --> 00:08:24,630 Yeah, you're like a one-man G Unit! 224 00:08:24,796 --> 00:08:26,112 Come on, ask him. 225 00:08:26,237 --> 00:08:28,967 Actually, we really do need that pass, man. 226 00:08:29,133 --> 00:08:31,651 Unfortunately, Ders' micro-machine penis 227 00:08:31,776 --> 00:08:33,320 doesn't classify him as handicapped. 228 00:08:33,445 --> 00:08:34,754 [Laughter] It should, though. 229 00:08:34,879 --> 00:08:37,726 It should, though, it's so small. 230 00:08:37,892 --> 00:08:39,726 You wanna see it? You keep calling it small? 231 00:08:39,851 --> 00:08:41,105 Might as well just show it to you. 232 00:08:41,271 --> 00:08:42,328 [As cat] Wait, I wanna see it. 233 00:08:42,453 --> 00:08:43,796 I got front-row seats over here. 234 00:08:43,921 --> 00:08:46,860 My dick's bigger than yours. [Laughter] 235 00:08:47,026 --> 00:08:48,701 - You wanna see it? - I've seen it. I've seen it! 236 00:08:48,826 --> 00:08:50,281 - Whoa, slow down. - I've seen it. 237 00:08:50,447 --> 00:08:52,905 Keep your grub worm in its hole, okay? 238 00:08:53,030 --> 00:08:55,368 I can tell you it's bigger than a cat's dick. 239 00:08:55,534 --> 00:08:58,077 - Yeah. - I'm sorry about that, dude. 240 00:08:58,202 --> 00:09:01,248 But will you help a brother that's actually a cousin out, 241 00:09:01,373 --> 00:09:04,461 just 'cause... my brother? 242 00:09:04,627 --> 00:09:05,986 We get it, dude. We get it. 243 00:09:06,253 --> 00:09:07,631 Sit in your chair, chub up. 244 00:09:07,797 --> 00:09:09,591 But all we're asking for is a parking pass. 245 00:09:09,757 --> 00:09:11,718 - That's it. - Yeah. 246 00:09:11,884 --> 00:09:13,846 All right, you guys can have the pass. 247 00:09:14,012 --> 00:09:15,529 - It's cool. - What'd I say? What'd I say? 248 00:09:15,654 --> 00:09:17,557 Now, get on out of here. I'm about to watch 249 00:09:17,723 --> 00:09:20,227 a chick masturbate with a summer sausage on the Internet. 250 00:09:20,393 --> 00:09:22,896 Oh, no, you don't. Devin. 251 00:09:23,062 --> 00:09:24,565 These boys just offered you a job, 252 00:09:24,731 --> 00:09:25,873 and you are taking it. 253 00:09:25,998 --> 00:09:28,861 Mom, I'm not taking some stupid job! 254 00:09:29,027 --> 00:09:30,610 Can we not do this again? 255 00:09:30,735 --> 00:09:32,530 Your disability is about to run out, 256 00:09:32,696 --> 00:09:33,746 and I am not footing the bill 257 00:09:33,871 --> 00:09:35,415 while you masturbate your life away! 258 00:09:35,540 --> 00:09:38,078 - Mama! - Dude, it's cool. 259 00:09:38,244 --> 00:09:39,746 You can just come and try it out... I work there. 260 00:09:39,912 --> 00:09:41,555 - No! - Devin Demamp! 261 00:09:41,680 --> 00:09:44,418 I will call animal services to come for your cats. 262 00:09:44,584 --> 00:09:48,463 Someone get me a bucket and soap. 263 00:09:48,588 --> 00:09:51,258 Big fat's about to get a job. 264 00:09:51,424 --> 00:09:53,469 - Here we are. - Yeah. 265 00:09:53,594 --> 00:09:55,738 [All talking at once] 266 00:09:55,863 --> 00:09:57,139 - Oh, yeah. - Like a glove. 267 00:09:57,264 --> 00:09:59,341 Livin' that handicap life! 268 00:09:59,466 --> 00:10:01,560 - This... is parking. - There we go. 269 00:10:01,726 --> 00:10:04,613 - Yeah, mama! - There you go, big buddy. 270 00:10:04,738 --> 00:10:06,048 I don't want to sound arrogant, 271 00:10:06,173 --> 00:10:07,733 but I feel like I was always meant to park 272 00:10:07,858 --> 00:10:09,117 in handicap spots. 273 00:10:09,242 --> 00:10:10,986 You're basically a handicapped dude, my brother. 274 00:10:11,111 --> 00:10:14,030 - Don't I know it. - Now, this is parking! 275 00:10:14,196 --> 00:10:15,423 I just said that. This is parking. 276 00:10:15,548 --> 00:10:16,491 There's no other way to say it, though. 277 00:10:16,616 --> 00:10:18,744 - This is parking. - Hey, guys! 278 00:10:18,910 --> 00:10:21,496 I'm stuck! [Beatboxing] 279 00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:24,541 Yo! Seriously, I'm stuck. 280 00:10:24,707 --> 00:10:26,834 Yeah, I forgot how fat you were, bud. 281 00:10:26,959 --> 00:10:28,378 Can't get out of the car. 282 00:10:34,468 --> 00:10:36,589 So welcome to the dragon's lair. 283 00:10:36,714 --> 00:10:38,424 That's what I call the break room. 284 00:10:38,549 --> 00:10:39,725 - It's pretty sick. - Yeah. 285 00:10:39,850 --> 00:10:40,860 We're gonna go talk to Alice, 286 00:10:40,985 --> 00:10:42,028 get you a job! 287 00:10:42,153 --> 00:10:43,562 Whoa, whoa. 288 00:10:43,687 --> 00:10:44,895 Pump the brakes, fellas. 289 00:10:45,061 --> 00:10:46,231 You guys already have the parking spot, 290 00:10:46,356 --> 00:10:47,732 you're good to go. 291 00:10:47,857 --> 00:10:49,434 And as long as my mom thinks I have a job here, 292 00:10:49,559 --> 00:10:50,535 I'm good to go. 293 00:10:50,660 --> 00:10:52,102 But there ain't a chance in hell 294 00:10:52,227 --> 00:10:54,105 that I'm clocking in to this fart factory. 295 00:10:54,230 --> 00:10:55,322 - Not happening. - All right. 296 00:10:55,488 --> 00:10:58,534 All right, well, hey, here is the TV. 297 00:10:58,700 --> 00:11:02,013 So enjoy The View. The show. The show The View. 298 00:11:02,286 --> 00:11:03,982 All right, guys, let's go. We got work to do. 299 00:11:04,107 --> 00:11:06,500 Uh, we make the world turn, unlike you. 300 00:11:06,666 --> 00:11:08,921 That and my stomach. 301 00:11:09,046 --> 00:11:10,671 [Laughter] 302 00:11:10,837 --> 00:11:12,505 Stay fat, bro. 303 00:11:12,671 --> 00:11:14,461 Ow! [Laughing] 304 00:11:14,586 --> 00:11:18,220 - All right. Love you, bro. - Love you too, dude. 305 00:11:18,386 --> 00:11:23,642 Don't mind if I squeeze... Yes. 306 00:11:23,808 --> 00:11:26,562 How you doing? 307 00:11:29,500 --> 00:11:32,942 Some butt you got there. Yeah. 308 00:11:33,108 --> 00:11:34,069 Do you wipe it? 309 00:11:34,235 --> 00:11:36,738 [Laughs] I'm kidding. 310 00:11:36,904 --> 00:11:38,323 But seriously, can I? 311 00:11:38,489 --> 00:11:40,367 I don't appreciate you talking to me like that. 312 00:11:40,533 --> 00:11:43,828 Okay. I'm being selfish. 313 00:11:43,994 --> 00:11:45,205 How 'bout I start over? 314 00:11:45,371 --> 00:11:48,249 Do you, uh, wanna suck my tits? 315 00:11:48,415 --> 00:11:50,753 [Laughs] Come here. 316 00:11:50,919 --> 00:11:52,986 This is called a floor fan. 317 00:11:53,477 --> 00:11:55,662 It goes on a floor, and... 318 00:11:56,131 --> 00:11:57,202 [Whispers indistinctly] 319 00:11:57,327 --> 00:11:58,670 What? My yogurt? 320 00:11:58,795 --> 00:12:00,512 In the break room? Oh, my go... 321 00:12:00,678 --> 00:12:02,741 I gotta call you back. About to catch me a case. 322 00:12:02,866 --> 00:12:04,576 Yo, let's go! 323 00:12:04,701 --> 00:12:06,211 You don't eat a man's yogurt. That's all I can eat. 324 00:12:06,336 --> 00:12:07,546 You know what I'm saying? I'm on a diet. 325 00:12:07,671 --> 00:12:08,748 This is unbelievable. 326 00:12:08,873 --> 00:12:10,149 - Someone eatin' my yogurt. - Fight? 327 00:12:10,274 --> 00:12:11,818 I will kill a man right now. 328 00:12:11,943 --> 00:12:13,319 Who's fighting? Is someone fighting? 329 00:12:13,444 --> 00:12:15,788 Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! 330 00:12:15,913 --> 00:12:17,423 You can't be snackin' on my snacks like that! 331 00:12:17,548 --> 00:12:19,392 Gimme the news, not the dick breath, ya butt slug! 332 00:12:19,517 --> 00:12:21,324 - I'll eat what I want! - You got no respect 333 00:12:21,490 --> 00:12:22,761 for another man's live cultures. 334 00:12:22,886 --> 00:12:23,896 We about to get it on! 335 00:12:24,021 --> 00:12:25,536 Okay, let's go! 336 00:12:25,702 --> 00:12:26,932 [All shouting at once] 337 00:12:27,057 --> 00:12:28,500 Get off my cousin! 338 00:12:28,625 --> 00:12:31,102 - Get off me! Get off me! - Watch it, dude. 339 00:12:31,227 --> 00:12:32,536 Okay, what the hell is going on in here? 340 00:12:32,661 --> 00:12:34,939 Listen, lady, why don't you just... 341 00:12:35,064 --> 00:12:37,507 [Charming muzak plays] 342 00:12:37,673 --> 00:12:42,443 Why don't I apologize to everyone in this room 343 00:12:42,568 --> 00:12:44,850 for what I just did... Totally uncalled for. 344 00:12:44,975 --> 00:12:46,182 I'm sorry, everyone. 345 00:12:46,348 --> 00:12:48,769 Sure. Great. What are you? 346 00:12:48,935 --> 00:12:51,521 He's my cousin! [Laughter] 347 00:12:51,687 --> 00:12:53,649 Of course he is. 348 00:12:53,815 --> 00:12:55,060 And since we're hiring, I figured he'd be 349 00:12:55,185 --> 00:12:57,229 a great member of the sales team, right? 350 00:12:57,354 --> 00:13:00,238 - Plus, he's a local hero. - Yeah. He sure is. 351 00:13:00,404 --> 00:13:02,573 Jumped in front of a fire truck, saved a little girl's life. 352 00:13:02,739 --> 00:13:05,535 Miss, I promise you I will give you my best, 353 00:13:05,701 --> 00:13:06,911 and I will deliver. 354 00:13:07,077 --> 00:13:08,405 All right, whatever, but you three 355 00:13:08,530 --> 00:13:09,940 are responsible for training him. 356 00:13:10,065 --> 00:13:12,626 And if he doesn't deliver, it's on you. 357 00:13:12,792 --> 00:13:14,611 What are you looking at? Come on, let's go! 358 00:13:14,736 --> 00:13:17,147 - He ate my yogurt. - Team Demamp! 359 00:13:17,272 --> 00:13:21,952 Yes. Aw, dude, we just got you a job. Team Demamp. 360 00:13:22,077 --> 00:13:24,137 - Oh, hi. - Cat lover? 361 00:13:24,303 --> 00:13:26,690 Oh, yes. Uh, it's actually the anniversary 362 00:13:26,815 --> 00:13:28,659 of my cat Brent Hoffman's death. 363 00:13:28,784 --> 00:13:31,019 I miss my dead, dead cat. 364 00:13:31,185 --> 00:13:33,230 - I am so sorry to hear that. - Thank you. 365 00:13:33,396 --> 00:13:35,033 Now I'm the proud owner of seven, 366 00:13:35,158 --> 00:13:37,484 which some people think is weird. 367 00:13:37,650 --> 00:13:39,611 You know, I think it's weird if you don't have more. 368 00:13:39,777 --> 00:13:41,507 Well, I did until this one died. 369 00:13:41,632 --> 00:13:43,508 [Both laughing] 370 00:13:43,633 --> 00:13:46,611 You know, I have a dozen cats myself. 371 00:13:46,736 --> 00:13:48,495 You should come over and breed. 372 00:13:48,661 --> 00:13:50,747 With my cats. 373 00:13:50,913 --> 00:13:52,583 - Oh. - Cats. 374 00:13:52,708 --> 00:13:53,959 You should breed with my cats. 375 00:13:54,125 --> 00:13:55,668 Well, yeah, that would be nice. 376 00:13:55,834 --> 00:13:57,086 - Yeah. Okay. - But I should... 377 00:13:57,252 --> 00:13:58,690 - I should go. - Totally. 378 00:13:58,815 --> 00:14:00,158 - It was nice to meet you. - So nice meeting you. 379 00:14:00,283 --> 00:14:02,801 - Yeah. - Okay. We'll see ya. 380 00:14:02,967 --> 00:14:04,429 - Okay... - Damn. 381 00:14:04,554 --> 00:14:08,765 Move over, Ms. Quiznos, big fat's got a new chick. 382 00:14:08,931 --> 00:14:10,402 [Laughter] 383 00:14:10,527 --> 00:14:12,004 If you really wanted to make a good joke, 384 00:14:12,129 --> 00:14:15,104 you could have said "move over miss Wendy's," 385 00:14:15,270 --> 00:14:17,042 - 'cause it's a woman. - You see this? 386 00:14:17,167 --> 00:14:19,026 It means not Wendy's. 387 00:14:19,192 --> 00:14:20,646 - Mmm, toasty! - Okay. 388 00:14:20,771 --> 00:14:22,180 - Yeah, that's hardcore. - That gets me hungry, dude! 389 00:14:22,305 --> 00:14:23,238 That's hardcore. 390 00:14:30,077 --> 00:14:33,356 Telamericorp's sales techniques could be summarized 391 00:14:33,481 --> 00:14:35,584 as, I don't know, I guess the... 392 00:14:35,750 --> 00:14:38,045 All right, you're gonna want to listen to this. 393 00:14:38,211 --> 00:14:40,396 Shh. I'm kinda in the middle 394 00:14:40,521 --> 00:14:42,198 of being in love here, Ders. 395 00:14:42,323 --> 00:14:44,166 Just listen to Ders. He's the best in the biz. 396 00:14:44,291 --> 00:14:46,536 We'll get you on the phone. You'll be stacking cash, man. 397 00:14:46,661 --> 00:14:48,405 Yeah, man, you could make it rain 398 00:14:48,530 --> 00:14:50,349 on Jillian's nude sleeping self. 399 00:14:50,515 --> 00:14:51,975 Hey, you know what? I got a better idea. 400 00:14:52,141 --> 00:14:53,510 You wanna hear a song I wrote, guys? 401 00:14:53,635 --> 00:14:56,312 - Sure. - [Flatulence] Ooh... 402 00:14:56,478 --> 00:14:58,148 [Laughter] 403 00:14:58,314 --> 00:15:00,108 - I gotta let this one fly, boys. - Oh, that's foul. 404 00:15:00,275 --> 00:15:03,487 [All talking at once] 405 00:15:03,612 --> 00:15:05,222 Smells like waffles. 406 00:15:05,347 --> 00:15:07,425 No, it doesn't smell like anything from this planet. 407 00:15:07,550 --> 00:15:08,927 How many waffles have you been eating? 408 00:15:09,052 --> 00:15:11,162 We're trying to help you, big fat. 409 00:15:11,287 --> 00:15:12,864 I mean, yes, we want your parking pass, 410 00:15:12,989 --> 00:15:15,000 but don't you want to do anything with your life? 411 00:15:15,125 --> 00:15:16,416 This is what you call a life? 412 00:15:16,582 --> 00:15:17,970 Is this your legacy? 413 00:15:18,095 --> 00:15:20,606 Is this your Sistine chapel? 414 00:15:20,731 --> 00:15:22,775 Here lies Ders, the Telameridork, 415 00:15:22,900 --> 00:15:24,591 father of two broke gays. 416 00:15:24,757 --> 00:15:27,845 I saved a little girl's life, bro. 417 00:15:27,970 --> 00:15:29,388 I'm a hero. 418 00:15:29,554 --> 00:15:31,449 You are not a hero. You're human mold 419 00:15:31,574 --> 00:15:32,682 in breakaway sweatpants. 420 00:15:32,848 --> 00:15:33,951 You're the kind of stain 421 00:15:34,076 --> 00:15:35,752 that makes Adam throw out his underwear. 422 00:15:35,877 --> 00:15:38,155 Get him! Wait, what? 423 00:15:38,280 --> 00:15:39,564 How 'bout I just take my parking pass 424 00:15:39,730 --> 00:15:41,274 and get on outta here? 425 00:15:41,440 --> 00:15:42,626 - Go. - Okay, I'm going. 426 00:15:42,751 --> 00:15:44,068 - I can't take this. - Hey, honey. 427 00:15:44,234 --> 00:15:45,361 You wanna roll with me, 428 00:15:45,527 --> 00:15:47,029 grab some lunch, rule the world? 429 00:15:47,195 --> 00:15:49,032 I'm sorry, I'm on the phone... just one second. 430 00:15:49,198 --> 00:15:50,826 Fuck this. I'm outta here. 431 00:15:50,992 --> 00:15:53,037 All right. [Grunting] 432 00:15:53,162 --> 00:15:54,972 Big fat, my man, chill out. 433 00:15:55,097 --> 00:15:57,374 We're all a little worked up, probably from that fart. 434 00:15:57,540 --> 00:15:59,610 Dude, that was a barn burner! 435 00:15:59,735 --> 00:16:01,461 Hey, come on, let's be feasible or whatever. 436 00:16:01,627 --> 00:16:02,679 Slow down. Give us a few days, okay? 437 00:16:02,804 --> 00:16:04,114 We're gonna figure this out. 438 00:16:04,239 --> 00:16:05,424 We don't need to figure anything out. 439 00:16:05,590 --> 00:16:07,184 I'm gonna go park the car on the street. 440 00:16:07,309 --> 00:16:08,318 We'll take the bus. 441 00:16:08,443 --> 00:16:09,761 Do our part. Save the planet! 442 00:16:09,927 --> 00:16:12,489 Okay, I give up. We need that pass 443 00:16:12,614 --> 00:16:13,990 because I cannot ride the bus. 444 00:16:14,115 --> 00:16:15,893 Homeless people wipe their hands off in my hair. 445 00:16:16,018 --> 00:16:18,102 So once again, it is arithmetic, man. 446 00:16:18,268 --> 00:16:20,980 And if I'm being real, I'm worried about you, man. 447 00:16:21,146 --> 00:16:22,691 What are you gonna do when your disability runs out? 448 00:16:22,857 --> 00:16:25,359 - Huh? - Really? You too? 449 00:16:25,525 --> 00:16:26,939 Hey, your cuz, he's right. 450 00:16:27,064 --> 00:16:28,274 That horrific accident you were in, 451 00:16:28,399 --> 00:16:29,809 that was lucky. 452 00:16:29,934 --> 00:16:32,345 And we can't make lightning strike luck twice. 453 00:16:32,470 --> 00:16:33,660 We can't. 454 00:16:33,826 --> 00:16:35,620 Or can we? 455 00:16:35,786 --> 00:16:38,084 Make lightning do what Blake... 456 00:16:38,209 --> 00:16:40,541 Said it doesn't do. 457 00:16:40,707 --> 00:16:43,289 Workman's comp. You get hurt at work, 458 00:16:43,414 --> 00:16:45,505 the checks don't stop. 459 00:16:45,671 --> 00:16:47,924 How do we even know this is something that's real? 460 00:16:48,090 --> 00:16:49,361 Oh, come on, sad dads across America 461 00:16:49,486 --> 00:16:50,528 do it all the time. 462 00:16:50,653 --> 00:16:52,053 Probably one doing it right now. 463 00:16:52,219 --> 00:16:55,032 Guys, I'm just gonna think about this. 464 00:16:55,157 --> 00:16:58,185 I didn't know a hero could be such a big pussy. 465 00:16:58,351 --> 00:17:00,037 Suit me up. 466 00:17:00,162 --> 00:17:01,239 - Yes! - All right! 467 00:17:01,364 --> 00:17:02,840 - Yeah! - It's gonna be cool! 468 00:17:02,965 --> 00:17:06,859 That's what I'm talking about, brother. 469 00:17:07,025 --> 00:17:08,881 - Ready? - Throw! 470 00:17:09,006 --> 00:17:11,083 [Bleep] [Grunting, groaning] 471 00:17:11,208 --> 00:17:12,852 [Bleep] 472 00:17:12,977 --> 00:17:14,117 [Chuckles] 473 00:17:14,283 --> 00:17:16,956 All: Whoa! 474 00:17:17,081 --> 00:17:19,158 You got some air! You got some air! 475 00:17:19,283 --> 00:17:21,708 - Did you break anything? - Nope. 476 00:17:21,874 --> 00:17:24,163 - Unh! - Nothin'. 477 00:17:24,288 --> 00:17:27,213 - What? - What are you doing, Devin? 478 00:17:27,379 --> 00:17:30,174 I... fell. 479 00:17:30,340 --> 00:17:32,238 No, we pushed him, okay? 480 00:17:32,363 --> 00:17:35,097 This guy wants to go back to living in his basement, 481 00:17:35,263 --> 00:17:36,375 so we're giving him workman's comp 482 00:17:36,500 --> 00:17:37,974 in exchange for a handicap parking pass. 483 00:17:38,140 --> 00:17:39,645 I wish somebody would have told me 484 00:17:39,770 --> 00:17:41,915 that I was working on Saturday, 485 00:17:42,040 --> 00:17:43,355 'cause this is just sad. 486 00:17:43,521 --> 00:17:46,753 All of this on the day that would have been 487 00:17:46,878 --> 00:17:49,861 my cat Brent's 27th birthday in human years. 488 00:17:50,027 --> 00:17:53,322 He never even got to ride a roller coaster. 489 00:17:53,488 --> 00:17:55,116 Sorry about your cat, but don't blame big fat. 490 00:17:55,282 --> 00:17:57,499 - [All beatboxing] - Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. 491 00:17:57,624 --> 00:17:59,996 You guys are just as sad. 492 00:18:00,162 --> 00:18:01,437 I... I shouldn't even say this, 493 00:18:01,562 --> 00:18:02,905 but I was coming in here to tell you 494 00:18:03,030 --> 00:18:04,774 - you're getting another ticket. - What? 495 00:18:04,899 --> 00:18:07,420 I just moved it! 496 00:18:07,586 --> 00:18:09,312 Hey, we'll see you later, big dude. 497 00:18:09,437 --> 00:18:10,613 - Thanks anyways. - Later. 498 00:18:10,738 --> 00:18:11,847 I'll come over in a few weeks, 499 00:18:11,972 --> 00:18:13,783 eat some tortas. Tell Aunt Holly hi. 500 00:18:13,908 --> 00:18:16,052 This can't be happening. I just want a fair shake! 501 00:18:16,177 --> 00:18:19,182 Can I just get a... You! 502 00:18:19,348 --> 00:18:22,258 This is your fault. I'm gonna rip your tits off 503 00:18:22,383 --> 00:18:24,770 and use 'em as cereal bowls! You get me? 504 00:18:24,936 --> 00:18:29,359 [Audio slowed] The cleaners! 505 00:18:35,698 --> 00:18:37,909 Holy [bleep]! 506 00:18:38,075 --> 00:18:40,478 - Are you okay? That was insane! - That was a close call. 507 00:18:40,603 --> 00:18:43,206 - That was insane! - Oh, we thought we lost you. 508 00:18:43,372 --> 00:18:45,709 I don't think that's gonna happen, buddy. 509 00:18:45,875 --> 00:18:47,251 Oh, my God! [Guys gasp] 510 00:18:47,417 --> 00:18:49,587 Who needs a leg when all you wanna do is 511 00:18:49,712 --> 00:18:52,883 eat doritos and watch Brazzers all day? 512 00:18:53,049 --> 00:18:54,884 - We did it! - Yeah! 513 00:18:55,050 --> 00:18:57,261 - Oh, damn, we kinda did. - Just... yeah. 514 00:18:57,386 --> 00:18:59,013 The city's gonna owe you millions. 515 00:18:59,179 --> 00:19:00,531 If not thousands. 516 00:19:00,656 --> 00:19:02,099 Hey, now, somebody tie something around my leg 517 00:19:02,224 --> 00:19:04,568 before I croak out here, you hand jobs! 518 00:19:04,693 --> 00:19:06,671 No, I got it. I gotcha. I'll belt you up. 519 00:19:06,796 --> 00:19:09,316 Devin, I saw the whole thing from the window. 520 00:19:09,482 --> 00:19:11,025 - Are you okay? - Oh, Jillian, yeah. 521 00:19:11,191 --> 00:19:12,985 - I'll be fine. - Good, 'cause look at me. 522 00:19:13,151 --> 00:19:15,571 We are definitely gonna have our cats [bleep]. 523 00:19:15,738 --> 00:19:17,148 You know, you don't want to get mixed up 524 00:19:17,273 --> 00:19:18,849 with a guy like me. 525 00:19:18,974 --> 00:19:22,520 - I'm just a big ol' fat... - Hero. 526 00:19:22,645 --> 00:19:24,955 You're a big ol' fat hero. 527 00:19:25,080 --> 00:19:27,224 I was wrong about you, man. You deserve every cent 528 00:19:27,349 --> 00:19:29,794 - coming to you for this. - No, bro. 529 00:19:29,960 --> 00:19:33,757 I was wrong about you. You're not gay at all. 530 00:19:33,923 --> 00:19:35,508 You're probably bi, though. [Laughter] 531 00:19:35,674 --> 00:19:37,235 - He's definitely bi. - Oh, God! 532 00:19:37,360 --> 00:19:39,512 - That's cool. - That's cheating, I feel. 533 00:19:39,678 --> 00:19:41,639 - [Humming beat] - Yeah. Yeah. 534 00:19:41,865 --> 00:19:43,266 There it is. 535 00:19:43,433 --> 00:19:45,143 Ah, good movie. 536 00:19:45,268 --> 00:19:46,678 - That's a good movie. - Great movie. 537 00:19:46,803 --> 00:19:48,980 Look at all these suckers in regular parking. 538 00:19:49,105 --> 00:19:51,216 You're a bitch! We're handicapped! 539 00:19:51,341 --> 00:19:53,693 Dude, your cousin big fat is the man! 540 00:19:53,943 --> 00:19:57,072 Yeah, us Demamps are pretty raw dog as a people. 541 00:19:57,238 --> 00:19:59,458 Didn't like the guy at first, but he came through. 542 00:19:59,583 --> 00:20:01,701 And here we ar... 543 00:20:07,039 --> 00:20:10,585 W-t [bleep]? 544 00:20:10,751 --> 00:20:13,272 Alice, I Demamp to know what you did 545 00:20:13,397 --> 00:20:16,091 with that bonus handicap parking space. Hmm? 546 00:20:16,257 --> 00:20:19,145 - Why do you care? - Come on, we are advocates 547 00:20:19,270 --> 00:20:20,746 for the Handi-Captains, 548 00:20:20,871 --> 00:20:22,471 and that's the one thing you should know about us. 549 00:20:22,637 --> 00:20:23,807 You should know that about us. 550 00:20:23,973 --> 00:20:26,017 Look, you came in here the other day, 551 00:20:26,142 --> 00:20:27,352 said we didn't need it. 552 00:20:27,477 --> 00:20:29,521 I thought about it, and you were right. 553 00:20:29,646 --> 00:20:31,223 - No. Alice. - No. 554 00:20:31,348 --> 00:20:32,758 - What? - We were right? 555 00:20:32,883 --> 00:20:35,260 Let's look at history. We're never right. 556 00:20:35,385 --> 00:20:37,429 Does this guy... Do I look right? 557 00:20:37,554 --> 00:20:39,072 Does this look right? 558 00:20:39,238 --> 00:20:40,766 Look, please just go back to the phones, okay? 559 00:20:40,891 --> 00:20:42,450 I am not in the mood for this today. 560 00:20:42,616 --> 00:20:45,338 Apparently, some homeless people broke into the old offices 561 00:20:45,463 --> 00:20:46,704 and destroyed everything. 562 00:20:46,870 --> 00:20:49,509 Homeless people. Can't trust 'em. 563 00:20:49,634 --> 00:20:51,544 Know what I mean? They're a foul, foul breed! 564 00:20:51,669 --> 00:20:54,087 - Thanks for, uh... - Ecch! Gross! 565 00:20:56,255 --> 00:20:59,968 Sync and correction by Mlmlte www.addic7ed.com 566 00:21:05,282 --> 00:21:08,775 Your honor, he have a witness that we would like to call. 567 00:21:08,900 --> 00:21:09,936 To the stand. 568 00:21:10,102 --> 00:21:12,480 - To the what? - To the stand, to the stand.