1 00:00:01,593 --> 00:00:03,532 She's been dead maybe ten minutes. 2 00:00:03,583 --> 00:00:04,752 Like head chopped off. 3 00:00:04,783 --> 00:00:06,271 No, she died of, like, natural causes. 4 00:00:06,309 --> 00:00:07,547 I'd do it, man. 5 00:00:07,574 --> 00:00:09,151 She was cute as hell in Commando. 6 00:00:09,382 --> 00:00:11,963 I'd show her who's the boss. Poison her Ivy. 7 00:00:12,041 --> 00:00:14,185 Whoa. Something's up. 8 00:00:14,341 --> 00:00:16,593 Guys, we've been boiler roomed. 9 00:00:16,686 --> 00:00:18,924 Telamericorp was just a shell of a company. 10 00:00:18,969 --> 00:00:21,963 Alice probably felt some heat from the feds, right? 11 00:00:21,993 --> 00:00:23,924 So she packed up in the middle of the night. 12 00:00:23,972 --> 00:00:26,716 That makes me Vin Diesel. 13 00:00:26,769 --> 00:00:28,185 Ooh, I'm Giovanni Ribisi. 14 00:00:28,210 --> 00:00:30,816 Oh, I'm like a Scott Cann-Jamie Kennedy Combo Doggie then. 15 00:00:31,349 --> 00:00:33,780 Jamie Kennedy, maybe. I feel that experience. 16 00:00:33,818 --> 00:00:36,881 [Cell phone rings] 17 00:00:37,743 --> 00:00:39,954 Hello? 18 00:00:39,980 --> 00:00:41,422 [Whispers] It's Alice. 19 00:00:41,615 --> 00:00:42,958 Okay, let's talk. 20 00:00:43,083 --> 00:00:45,038 What's the vig to get in on your game? 21 00:00:45,204 --> 00:00:46,390 Why aren't you here yet? [Snaps fingers] 22 00:00:46,515 --> 00:00:48,125 Why aren't we where yet? 23 00:00:48,250 --> 00:00:50,894 Oh, Christ, you're at the old offices, aren't you? 24 00:00:51,019 --> 00:00:53,463 We moved offices over the weekend. 25 00:00:53,588 --> 00:00:55,257 It's all I've talked about for weeks. 26 00:00:55,423 --> 00:00:57,467 Guys, we moved offices. 27 00:00:57,633 --> 00:01:00,137 - Oh, yeah, I totally forgot. - Yeah, um, Alice... 28 00:01:00,262 --> 00:01:01,839 Oh, wait, wait, let me... 29 00:01:01,964 --> 00:01:04,575 Hey, Alice, so we're done with the old office, right? 30 00:01:04,700 --> 00:01:06,226 We're never going back? 31 00:01:06,392 --> 00:01:08,395 Yeah, never. Now, get your asses over here 32 00:01:08,561 --> 00:01:09,546 and get to work, please. 33 00:01:09,671 --> 00:01:11,014 Okay, thanks, Alice. 34 00:01:11,139 --> 00:01:12,749 You sound like you're looking good today. 35 00:01:12,874 --> 00:01:15,109 [Pounding rock music] 36 00:01:15,275 --> 00:01:17,445 Oh, yeah! 37 00:01:20,615 --> 00:01:23,226 [All shouting] 38 00:01:23,351 --> 00:01:25,895 ♪ Destroy ♪ 39 00:01:26,020 --> 00:01:27,997 ♪ Destroy ♪ 40 00:01:29,055 --> 00:01:30,699 I feel like I'm at a Garth Brooks show. 41 00:01:30,824 --> 00:01:33,369 Kick it. He's talented. 44 00:01:40,051 --> 00:01:43,096 [Cell phone rings] 45 00:01:43,262 --> 00:01:46,347 Hello? Oh, hey, Alice. 46 00:01:46,472 --> 00:01:48,115 How are you? What's up? 47 00:01:48,240 --> 00:01:49,950 Hey, if you're still at the office, 48 00:01:50,075 --> 00:01:52,219 can you let the inspector in? He's locked out. 49 00:01:52,344 --> 00:01:53,854 I don't want to piss him off 50 00:01:53,979 --> 00:01:55,775 and not get the $8,000 security deposit back. 51 00:01:55,941 --> 00:01:58,393 Um, no, no, no, no. 52 00:01:58,518 --> 00:02:00,322 You must have misunderstood us. 53 00:02:00,488 --> 00:02:01,830 We are not at the old office. 54 00:02:01,955 --> 00:02:04,132 We are watching the old Office, the TV show, 55 00:02:04,257 --> 00:02:07,802 on an iPad in the car on the way to the new office. 56 00:02:07,927 --> 00:02:09,998 What? Hello? 57 00:02:12,833 --> 00:02:19,341 Sync and correction by Mlmlte www.addic7ed.com Resync for WEB-DL by Norther 58 00:02:24,845 --> 00:02:28,776 Oh, hell no, bitch. These offices suck. 59 00:02:28,843 --> 00:02:30,327 Where the hell are we supposed to park? 60 00:02:30,351 --> 00:02:32,025 There's, like, no spots. 61 00:02:32,150 --> 00:02:33,527 Guess we gotta park on the street, 62 00:02:33,652 --> 00:02:35,398 even though there's extra handicap spots. 63 00:02:35,564 --> 00:02:37,698 What the heck? We have one handicapped dude 64 00:02:37,823 --> 00:02:39,199 at our office... Wheelchair Mike. 65 00:02:39,324 --> 00:02:41,401 Lucky bitch. I wish I were handicapped. 66 00:02:41,526 --> 00:02:42,948 Those guys are so lucky, dude. 67 00:02:43,114 --> 00:02:44,867 Human rabbits' feet. 68 00:02:45,033 --> 00:02:47,369 Alice, how many handicapped people 69 00:02:47,535 --> 00:02:49,208 - do we have in this office? - That a trick question? 70 00:02:49,333 --> 00:02:51,331 [Silly voice] We have but one. 71 00:02:51,497 --> 00:02:52,678 Ooh, I'm gonna talk like that too. 72 00:02:52,803 --> 00:02:56,114 Alas, there are but two handicap parking spots, 73 00:02:56,239 --> 00:02:58,808 which is arithmetic, milady. 74 00:02:58,851 --> 00:03:00,321 Yeah, you do the math. Hmm? 75 00:03:00,340 --> 00:03:01,592 Alice, what they're trying to say is that 76 00:03:01,674 --> 00:03:02,847 there's no spots out there 77 00:03:02,878 --> 00:03:04,353 for normal people like us, all right? 78 00:03:04,379 --> 00:03:06,241 So I'm out there, parked on the street, 79 00:03:06,280 --> 00:03:07,741 and what, I'm supposed to, what, 80 00:03:07,776 --> 00:03:09,045 move my car every two hours? 81 00:03:09,084 --> 00:03:10,207 - That's stupid. - Get real. 82 00:03:10,233 --> 00:03:12,544 Act real, Alice, 'cause guess what. 83 00:03:12,620 --> 00:03:16,398 We're here every day at 10:00. Okay, maybe 10:02. 84 00:03:16,439 --> 00:03:18,668 But when we get here, the parking lot's all packed out, 85 00:03:18,692 --> 00:03:19,942 and we're S .O.O.L. 86 00:03:19,984 --> 00:03:21,949 So why don't you just scratch our butts a little bit 87 00:03:22,003 --> 00:03:24,966 and give us the bonus handicap parking spot, okay? 88 00:03:24,988 --> 00:03:27,450 First of all, work starts at 9:00. 89 00:03:27,616 --> 00:03:28,827 Yeah. And see this? 90 00:03:28,993 --> 00:03:30,279 This is me making a note 91 00:03:30,404 --> 00:03:33,382 of giving you that spot. 92 00:03:33,507 --> 00:03:38,753 "Give parking spot to idiots. Change tampon... kill self." 93 00:03:38,919 --> 00:03:41,089 Uhh, change tampon... Grody. 94 00:03:41,255 --> 00:03:42,507 That's not funny. Don't kill yourself. 95 00:03:42,673 --> 00:03:43,827 - Hey, Anders... - What? Hang on. 96 00:03:43,952 --> 00:03:45,162 If you're parked on the street, 97 00:03:45,287 --> 00:03:46,530 there's a guy out there writing tickets. 98 00:03:46,655 --> 00:03:48,766 - Move it! Move it! - See? 99 00:03:48,891 --> 00:03:50,402 - Great. - We were just kidding 100 00:03:50,527 --> 00:03:51,669 about that 10:00 thing. 101 00:03:51,794 --> 00:03:53,893 We get here every day at, uh... At... 102 00:03:54,059 --> 00:03:55,707 - 9:00. - 9:00! That's when we get... 103 00:03:55,832 --> 00:03:58,064 Because we're working. 104 00:03:58,230 --> 00:04:01,276 Hey, Wayman! Move! God... sorry! 105 00:04:03,819 --> 00:04:06,117 No, no, no, no, no, no! No! No! No! 106 00:04:06,242 --> 00:04:08,086 Hey, hey, hey. Halt! Stop! Buddy, hey... 107 00:04:08,211 --> 00:04:09,784 Buddy, buddy, buddy, come... 108 00:04:09,950 --> 00:04:11,577 You gotta be kidding me, man! 109 00:04:11,743 --> 00:04:15,248 Gotta be kidding me. What... no! 110 00:04:15,414 --> 00:04:17,561 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, you chill out, buddy. 111 00:04:17,686 --> 00:04:20,545 You're gonna bust a nut, and I'm not talking that good kind. 112 00:04:20,711 --> 00:04:22,499 Just throw it away, man. Pretend like you never got it. 113 00:04:22,624 --> 00:04:24,716 That's what I did with my std test. 114 00:04:24,882 --> 00:04:25,968 You can't do that. 115 00:04:26,093 --> 00:04:28,678 That's, like, socially dangerous. 116 00:04:35,936 --> 00:04:37,520 Ooh-hoo-hoo! 117 00:04:37,686 --> 00:04:40,130 We're surrounded by ghosts. The place is haunted. 118 00:04:40,161 --> 00:04:41,749 Built on a burial ground. I'm positive of it. 119 00:04:41,776 --> 00:04:43,652 It is so weird you said that, 120 00:04:43,818 --> 00:04:45,403 'cause right when you said that, I got chills. 121 00:04:45,569 --> 00:04:47,190 - Yeah, I'm freezing. - There's that... vent. 122 00:04:47,228 --> 00:04:48,615 There's a vent right there. 123 00:04:48,640 --> 00:04:50,650 - Yeah, there's a vent up there. - There's still ghosts. 124 00:04:50,674 --> 00:04:51,903 I don't think it's the vent, either... 125 00:04:52,054 --> 00:04:53,328 Hey, guys, shut the fuck up for a second. 126 00:04:53,494 --> 00:04:56,233 Ticket... 60 bucks for street cleaning. 127 00:04:56,358 --> 00:04:58,474 - 60 bucks? - What? 128 00:04:58,499 --> 00:05:00,355 You know how many corndogs we could buy with that? 129 00:05:00,386 --> 00:05:02,455 - Like, three boxes. - Yeah, a lot of corndogs. 130 00:05:02,483 --> 00:05:04,094 60. They're, like, going for a dollar. Yeah. 131 00:05:04,171 --> 00:05:05,658 I don't understand Alice. 132 00:05:05,764 --> 00:05:07,752 She clogs up the parking lot arteries 133 00:05:07,809 --> 00:05:09,126 with all these handicap spots, 134 00:05:09,174 --> 00:05:10,509 where regular people can't even park. 135 00:05:10,538 --> 00:05:11,895 It's all mutant parking. 136 00:05:11,920 --> 00:05:14,189 Who knew having a car was gonna be such a drag? 137 00:05:14,402 --> 00:05:16,062 Makes you wonder how somebody like Drake 138 00:05:16,091 --> 00:05:17,229 handles their entire fleet. 139 00:05:17,278 --> 00:05:18,690 Yeah, well, he's from a lawless country. 140 00:05:18,714 --> 00:05:20,355 There's no laws. Here in the U.S., 141 00:05:20,521 --> 00:05:22,024 you gotta work within the system. 142 00:05:22,190 --> 00:05:23,962 Okay, if you want a handicap parking pass, 143 00:05:24,009 --> 00:05:25,628 you gotta go out and get a handicap parking pass. 144 00:05:25,654 --> 00:05:27,531 You gotta beat the system up from the inside. 145 00:05:27,656 --> 00:05:30,448 Like rappers with vaginas. Like, because they beat 'em. 146 00:05:30,614 --> 00:05:31,873 - Yeah. - Whatever it takes, man. 147 00:05:31,896 --> 00:05:33,289 I just don't want to get another ticket. 148 00:05:33,340 --> 00:05:34,034 I mean, is it weird 149 00:05:34,052 --> 00:05:36,316 if we made up a handicap, like, a disease? 150 00:05:36,358 --> 00:05:38,014 What's the disease that old people get 151 00:05:38,043 --> 00:05:39,301 where you start forgetting things? 152 00:05:39,347 --> 00:05:40,432 - What is that? - Old timers. 153 00:05:40,486 --> 00:05:41,734 Yeah, still, 154 00:05:41,778 --> 00:05:43,049 I don't know if that's a good idea. 155 00:05:43,068 --> 00:05:44,524 It's not cool to pretend you're handicapped. 156 00:05:44,547 --> 00:05:45,938 - Right? - Whoa! 157 00:05:46,144 --> 00:05:47,421 I got it. 158 00:05:47,546 --> 00:05:49,556 Telamericorp is hiring, right? 159 00:05:49,681 --> 00:05:51,891 We can ask our real-life handicapped cousin Devin 160 00:05:52,016 --> 00:05:54,556 to work here, and use his pass! 161 00:05:54,722 --> 00:05:56,295 - Yeah. That'll work. - All right. 162 00:05:56,420 --> 00:05:57,726 I haven't seen him in a while, though. 163 00:05:57,892 --> 00:05:58,897 I'm excited to see him. 164 00:05:59,022 --> 00:06:00,365 He couldn't come to Thanksgiving 165 00:06:00,490 --> 00:06:01,866 because my grandma's house has stairs, 166 00:06:01,991 --> 00:06:04,899 and he can't walk up stairs! [Laughing] 167 00:06:05,409 --> 00:06:07,716 Oh, man, that guy. 168 00:06:17,438 --> 00:06:19,473 Oh, jeez! 169 00:06:19,639 --> 00:06:22,101 Are there cats everywhere? [Cats meowing] 170 00:06:22,267 --> 00:06:24,158 [Whispers] Devin? 171 00:06:24,283 --> 00:06:26,439 - Some funky cold medina. - Adam? 172 00:06:26,605 --> 00:06:28,483 What's the story with this dude? 173 00:06:28,649 --> 00:06:31,444 His name was just Devin. Devin Demamp. 174 00:06:31,610 --> 00:06:37,283 He was just like us... Cool, handsome, gnar. 175 00:06:37,449 --> 00:06:40,042 Two years ago, he saw this little girl... 176 00:06:40,167 --> 00:06:42,278 Crossing the street. 177 00:06:42,403 --> 00:06:45,060 This fire truck was barreling towards her and just... 178 00:06:45,185 --> 00:06:46,751 Bam! Guys: Oh! 179 00:06:46,917 --> 00:06:49,585 - Jeez! - [Deranged laugh] 180 00:06:49,710 --> 00:06:53,216 Truck knocks me 40 feet straight into a brick wall. 181 00:06:53,382 --> 00:06:55,156 ♪ Now I'm ballin' off government checks ♪ 182 00:06:55,281 --> 00:06:56,525 ♪ Like Obama bin laden ♪ 183 00:06:56,650 --> 00:06:58,846 - [Beatboxing] - Oh. Oh, sure. 184 00:06:59,012 --> 00:07:00,862 [Continues beatboxing] 185 00:07:00,987 --> 00:07:03,059 - Yeah! - All right. You remember. 186 00:07:03,225 --> 00:07:04,766 - He taught me that. - What's up? 187 00:07:04,891 --> 00:07:08,135 - What's going on? - What is going on, my hero? 188 00:07:08,260 --> 00:07:09,403 Nada mucho. 189 00:07:09,528 --> 00:07:11,818 Who are the, uh, butt[bleep] twins? 190 00:07:11,984 --> 00:07:13,707 - Oh, the butt[bleep] twins? - Yeah. 191 00:07:13,832 --> 00:07:15,908 This is Ders, and this is Blake. 192 00:07:16,033 --> 00:07:19,679 - This is my cousin Devin. - [Growls playfully] 193 00:07:19,804 --> 00:07:21,036 Please, call me big fat. 194 00:07:21,202 --> 00:07:22,282 - Right. - No, dummy. 195 00:07:22,407 --> 00:07:23,579 Hand me the churro plate behind you. 196 00:07:23,745 --> 00:07:26,552 - [Laughter] - He got you, dude. 197 00:07:26,677 --> 00:07:29,043 - Thank you so much. - He got you. He's funny. 198 00:07:29,209 --> 00:07:31,724 He's a funny dude. [Laughter] 199 00:07:31,849 --> 00:07:33,326 - You're looking good, man. - Oh, thank you. 200 00:07:33,451 --> 00:07:34,966 You dropped some lbs, huh? 201 00:07:35,132 --> 00:07:36,630 Yeah, I lost some weight. Where'd it go? 202 00:07:36,755 --> 00:07:38,499 - Oh, there it is. Get it back. - Oh, I'll get it. 203 00:07:38,624 --> 00:07:42,056 [Both shouting, laughing] 204 00:07:42,222 --> 00:07:45,807 - I love that. - Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! 205 00:07:45,932 --> 00:07:47,776 It feels like a real woman's boob, dude. 206 00:07:47,901 --> 00:07:48,938 - Tickles, bro. - Get in here. 207 00:07:49,104 --> 00:07:50,479 Blake, hit this, man. 208 00:07:50,604 --> 00:07:52,448 - You sure? - Yeah. Do it. 209 00:07:52,573 --> 00:07:53,902 - Oh! - Whoa! 210 00:07:54,068 --> 00:07:56,029 [Both grunting, laughing] 211 00:07:56,195 --> 00:07:58,254 - Hey, Ders, come try it, man. - I'm good, I'm good. 212 00:07:58,379 --> 00:08:00,241 I don't want to lose my watch, so you know.... 213 00:08:00,407 --> 00:08:02,994 Gay dudes... always worried about time. 214 00:08:03,160 --> 00:08:04,662 Is that true? I didn't know that. 215 00:08:04,828 --> 00:08:08,729 So you guys seem to be getting a pretty sweet dealio, 216 00:08:08,854 --> 00:08:11,711 - but what's in it for me? - Duh. You get to get out 217 00:08:11,877 --> 00:08:13,337 of this sorry basement, and you get a job. 218 00:08:13,503 --> 00:08:16,571 Duh, why would I want to do that, smart guy? 219 00:08:16,696 --> 00:08:17,872 Take a look around. 220 00:08:17,997 --> 00:08:21,512 Xbox Live, Howard TV, My Cat Circus. 221 00:08:21,678 --> 00:08:22,910 You are a gangster, man. You're like... 222 00:08:23,035 --> 00:08:24,557 Rick Ross with extra sauce. 223 00:08:24,723 --> 00:08:26,768 Yeah, you're like a one-man G Unit! 224 00:08:26,934 --> 00:08:28,250 Come on, ask him. 225 00:08:28,375 --> 00:08:31,105 Actually, we really do need that pass, man. 226 00:08:31,271 --> 00:08:33,789 Unfortunately, Ders' micro-machine penis 227 00:08:33,914 --> 00:08:35,458 doesn't classify him as handicapped. 228 00:08:35,583 --> 00:08:36,892 [Laughter] It should, though. 229 00:08:37,017 --> 00:08:39,864 It should, though, it's so small. 230 00:08:40,030 --> 00:08:41,864 You wanna see it? You keep calling it small? 231 00:08:41,989 --> 00:08:43,243 Might as well just show it to you. 232 00:08:43,409 --> 00:08:44,466 [As cat] Wait, I wanna see it. 233 00:08:44,591 --> 00:08:45,934 I got front-row seats over here. 234 00:08:46,059 --> 00:08:48,998 My dick's bigger than yours. [Laughter] 235 00:08:49,164 --> 00:08:50,839 - You wanna see it? - I've seen it. I've seen it! 236 00:08:50,964 --> 00:08:52,419 - Whoa, slow down. - I've seen it. 237 00:08:52,585 --> 00:08:55,043 Keep your grub worm in its hole, okay? 238 00:08:55,168 --> 00:08:57,506 I can tell you it's bigger than a cat's dick. 239 00:08:57,672 --> 00:09:00,215 - Yeah. - I'm sorry about that, dude. 240 00:09:00,340 --> 00:09:03,386 But will you help a brother that's actually a cousin out, 241 00:09:03,511 --> 00:09:06,599 just 'cause... my brother? 242 00:09:06,765 --> 00:09:08,124 We get it, dude. We get it. 243 00:09:08,391 --> 00:09:09,769 Sit in your chair, chub up. 244 00:09:09,935 --> 00:09:11,729 But all we're asking for is a parking pass. 245 00:09:11,895 --> 00:09:13,856 - That's it. - Yeah. 246 00:09:14,022 --> 00:09:15,984 All right, you guys can have the pass. 247 00:09:16,150 --> 00:09:17,667 - It's cool. - What'd I say? What'd I say? 248 00:09:17,792 --> 00:09:19,695 Now, get on out of here. I'm about to watch 249 00:09:19,861 --> 00:09:22,365 a chick masturbate with a summer sausage on the Internet. 250 00:09:22,531 --> 00:09:25,034 Oh, no, you don't. Devin. 251 00:09:25,200 --> 00:09:26,703 These boys just offered you a job, 252 00:09:26,869 --> 00:09:28,011 and you are taking it. 253 00:09:28,136 --> 00:09:30,999 Mom, I'm not taking some stupid job! 254 00:09:31,165 --> 00:09:32,748 Can we not do this again? 255 00:09:32,873 --> 00:09:34,668 Your disability is about to run out, 256 00:09:34,834 --> 00:09:35,884 and I am not footing the bill 257 00:09:36,009 --> 00:09:37,553 while you masturbate your life away! 258 00:09:37,678 --> 00:09:40,216 - Mama! - Dude, it's cool. 259 00:09:40,382 --> 00:09:41,884 You can just come and try it out... I work there. 260 00:09:42,050 --> 00:09:43,693 - No! - Devin Demamp! 261 00:09:43,818 --> 00:09:46,556 I will call animal services to come for your cats. 262 00:09:46,722 --> 00:09:50,601 Someone get me a bucket and soap. 263 00:09:50,726 --> 00:09:53,396 Big fat's about to get a job. 264 00:09:53,562 --> 00:09:55,607 - Here we are. - Yeah. 265 00:09:55,732 --> 00:09:57,876 [All talking at once] 266 00:09:58,001 --> 00:09:59,277 - Oh, yeah. - Like a glove. 267 00:09:59,402 --> 00:10:01,479 Livin' that handicap life! 268 00:10:01,604 --> 00:10:03,698 - This... is parking. - There we go. 269 00:10:03,864 --> 00:10:06,751 - Yeah, mama! - There you go, big buddy. 270 00:10:06,876 --> 00:10:08,186 I don't want to sound arrogant, 271 00:10:08,311 --> 00:10:10,346 but I feel like I was always meant to park 272 00:10:10,371 --> 00:10:11,215 in handicap spots. 273 00:10:11,255 --> 00:10:13,499 You're basically a handicapped dude, my brother. 274 00:10:13,511 --> 00:10:16,093 - Don't I know it. - Now, this is parking! 275 00:10:16,115 --> 00:10:17,548 I just said that. This is parking. 276 00:10:17,567 --> 00:10:18,792 There's no other way to say it, though. 277 00:10:18,823 --> 00:10:20,951 - This is parking. - Hey, guys! 278 00:10:21,048 --> 00:10:23,634 I'm stuck! [Beatboxing] 279 00:10:23,759 --> 00:10:26,679 Yo! Seriously, I'm stuck. 280 00:10:26,845 --> 00:10:28,972 Yeah, I forgot how fat you were, bud. 281 00:10:29,097 --> 00:10:30,516 Can't get out of the car. 282 00:10:38,081 --> 00:10:40,202 So welcome to the dragon's lair. 283 00:10:40,327 --> 00:10:42,037 That's what I call the break room. 284 00:10:42,162 --> 00:10:43,338 - It's pretty sick. - Yeah. 285 00:10:43,369 --> 00:10:44,379 We're gonna go talk to Alice, 286 00:10:44,397 --> 00:10:45,644 get you a job! 287 00:10:45,666 --> 00:10:47,207 Whoa, whoa. 288 00:10:47,243 --> 00:10:48,451 Pump the brakes, fellas. 289 00:10:48,480 --> 00:10:49,896 You guys already have the parking spot, 290 00:10:49,919 --> 00:10:51,058 you're good to go. 291 00:10:51,083 --> 00:10:52,998 And as long as my mom thinks I have a job here, 292 00:10:53,028 --> 00:10:54,004 I'm good to go. 293 00:10:54,054 --> 00:10:55,741 But there ain't a chance in hell 294 00:10:55,840 --> 00:10:57,718 that I'm clocking in to this fart factory. 295 00:10:57,736 --> 00:10:58,828 - Not happening. - All right. 296 00:10:59,101 --> 00:11:02,147 All right, well, hey, here is the TV. 297 00:11:02,313 --> 00:11:05,626 So enjoy The View. The show. The show The View. 298 00:11:05,899 --> 00:11:07,595 All right, guys, let's go. We got work to do. 299 00:11:07,720 --> 00:11:10,113 Uh, we make the world turn, unlike you. 300 00:11:10,279 --> 00:11:12,534 That and my stomach. 301 00:11:12,659 --> 00:11:14,284 [Laughter] 302 00:11:14,450 --> 00:11:16,118 Stay fat, bro. 303 00:11:16,284 --> 00:11:18,074 Ow! [Laughing] 304 00:11:18,199 --> 00:11:21,833 - All right. Love you, bro. - Love you too, dude. 305 00:11:21,999 --> 00:11:27,255 Don't mind if I squeeze... Yes. 306 00:11:27,421 --> 00:11:30,175 How you doing? 307 00:11:33,113 --> 00:11:36,555 Some butt you got there. Yeah. 308 00:11:36,721 --> 00:11:37,682 Do you wipe it? 309 00:11:37,848 --> 00:11:40,351 [Laughs] I'm kidding. 310 00:11:40,517 --> 00:11:41,936 But seriously, can I? 311 00:11:42,102 --> 00:11:43,980 I don't appreciate you talking to me like that. 312 00:11:44,146 --> 00:11:47,441 Okay. I'm being selfish. 313 00:11:47,607 --> 00:11:48,818 How 'bout I start over? 314 00:11:48,984 --> 00:11:51,862 Do you, uh, wanna suck my tits? 315 00:11:52,028 --> 00:11:54,366 [Laughs] Come here. 316 00:11:54,532 --> 00:11:56,599 This is called a floor fan. 317 00:11:57,090 --> 00:11:59,275 It goes on a floor, and... 318 00:11:59,744 --> 00:12:00,815 [Whispers indistinctly] 319 00:12:00,940 --> 00:12:02,283 What? My yogurt? 320 00:12:02,408 --> 00:12:04,264 In the break room? Oh, my go... 321 00:12:04,291 --> 00:12:06,248 I gotta call you back. About to catch me a case. 322 00:12:06,266 --> 00:12:07,618 Yo, let's go! 323 00:12:07,995 --> 00:12:09,923 You don't eat a man's yogurt. That's all I can eat. 324 00:12:09,949 --> 00:12:11,255 You know what I'm saying? I'm on a diet. 325 00:12:11,284 --> 00:12:12,361 This is unbelievable. 326 00:12:12,486 --> 00:12:13,842 - Someone eatin' my yogurt. - Fight? 327 00:12:13,906 --> 00:12:15,450 I will kill a man right now. 328 00:12:15,481 --> 00:12:16,965 Who's fighting? Is someone fighting? 329 00:12:16,994 --> 00:12:19,276 Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! 330 00:12:19,300 --> 00:12:21,035 You can't be snackin' on my snacks like that! 331 00:12:21,073 --> 00:12:23,105 Gimme the news, not the dick breath, ya butt slug! 332 00:12:23,130 --> 00:12:24,876 - I'll eat what I want! - You got no respect 333 00:12:24,889 --> 00:12:26,301 for another man's live cultures. 334 00:12:26,330 --> 00:12:27,444 We about to get it on! 335 00:12:27,465 --> 00:12:28,980 Okay, let's go! 336 00:12:29,315 --> 00:12:30,545 [All shouting at once] 337 00:12:30,588 --> 00:12:32,031 Get off my cousin! 338 00:12:32,238 --> 00:12:34,715 - Get off me! Get off me! - Watch it, dude. 339 00:12:34,840 --> 00:12:36,428 Okay, what the hell is going on in here? 340 00:12:36,486 --> 00:12:38,662 Listen, lady, why don't you just... 341 00:12:38,677 --> 00:12:41,120 [Charming muzak plays] 342 00:12:41,286 --> 00:12:46,056 Why don't I apologize to everyone in this room 343 00:12:46,181 --> 00:12:48,463 for what I just did... Totally uncalled for. 344 00:12:48,588 --> 00:12:49,795 I'm sorry, everyone. 345 00:12:49,961 --> 00:12:52,382 Sure. Great. What are you? 346 00:12:52,548 --> 00:12:55,134 He's my cousin! [Laughter] 347 00:12:55,300 --> 00:12:57,163 Of course he is. 348 00:12:57,196 --> 00:12:58,771 And since we're hiring, I figured he'd be 349 00:12:58,798 --> 00:13:00,842 a great member of the sales team, right? 350 00:13:00,967 --> 00:13:03,851 - Plus, he's a local hero. - Yeah. He sure is. 351 00:13:04,017 --> 00:13:06,186 Jumped in front of a fire truck, saved a little girl's life. 352 00:13:06,352 --> 00:13:09,148 Miss, I promise you I will give you my best, 353 00:13:09,314 --> 00:13:10,524 and I will deliver. 354 00:13:10,690 --> 00:13:12,018 All right, whatever, but you three 355 00:13:12,143 --> 00:13:13,553 are responsible for training him. 356 00:13:13,678 --> 00:13:16,239 And if he doesn't deliver, it's on you. 357 00:13:16,405 --> 00:13:18,224 What are you looking at? Come on, let's go! 358 00:13:18,349 --> 00:13:20,760 - He ate my yogurt. - Team Demamp! 359 00:13:20,885 --> 00:13:25,565 Yes. Aw, dude, we just got you a job. Team Demamp. 360 00:13:25,690 --> 00:13:27,750 - Oh, hi. - Cat lover? 361 00:13:27,916 --> 00:13:30,303 Oh, yes. Uh, it's actually the anniversary 362 00:13:30,428 --> 00:13:32,272 of my cat Brent Hoffman's death. 363 00:13:32,397 --> 00:13:34,632 I miss my dead, dead cat. 364 00:13:34,798 --> 00:13:36,843 - I am so sorry to hear that. - Thank you. 365 00:13:37,009 --> 00:13:38,646 Now I'm the proud owner of seven, 366 00:13:38,771 --> 00:13:41,097 which some people think is weird. 367 00:13:41,263 --> 00:13:43,224 You know, I think it's weird if you don't have more. 368 00:13:43,390 --> 00:13:45,120 Well, I did until this one died. 369 00:13:45,245 --> 00:13:47,121 [Both laughing] 370 00:13:47,246 --> 00:13:50,224 You know, I have a dozen cats myself. 371 00:13:50,349 --> 00:13:52,108 You should come over and breed. 372 00:13:52,274 --> 00:13:54,360 With my cats. 373 00:13:54,526 --> 00:13:56,196 - Oh. - Cats. 374 00:13:56,321 --> 00:13:57,572 You should breed with my cats. 375 00:13:57,738 --> 00:13:59,281 Well, yeah, that would be nice. 376 00:13:59,447 --> 00:14:00,699 - Yeah. Okay. - But I should... 377 00:14:00,771 --> 00:14:01,964 - I should go. - Totally. 378 00:14:01,970 --> 00:14:03,634 - It was nice to meet you. - So nice meeting you. 379 00:14:03,658 --> 00:14:06,378 - Yeah. - Okay. We'll see ya. 380 00:14:06,580 --> 00:14:08,374 - Okay... - Damn. 381 00:14:08,404 --> 00:14:12,382 Move over, Ms. Quiznos, big fat's got a new chick. 382 00:14:12,412 --> 00:14:13,883 [Laughter] 383 00:14:14,008 --> 00:14:15,641 If you really wanted to make a good joke, 384 00:14:15,698 --> 00:14:18,304 you could have said "move over miss Wendy's," 385 00:14:18,357 --> 00:14:20,566 - 'cause it's a woman. - You see this? 386 00:14:20,780 --> 00:14:22,542 It means not Wendy's. 387 00:14:22,561 --> 00:14:24,124 - Mmm, toasty! - Okay. 388 00:14:24,146 --> 00:14:25,815 - Yeah, that's hardcore. - That gets me hungry, dude! 389 00:14:25,843 --> 00:14:26,776 That's hardcore. 390 00:14:34,496 --> 00:14:38,004 Telamericorp's sales techniques could be summarized 391 00:14:38,034 --> 00:14:40,137 as, I don't know, I guess the... 392 00:14:40,169 --> 00:14:42,464 All right, you're gonna want to listen to this. 393 00:14:42,518 --> 00:14:44,911 Shh. I'm kinda in the middle 394 00:14:44,940 --> 00:14:46,617 of being in love here, Ders. 395 00:14:46,742 --> 00:14:48,585 Just listen to Ders. He's the best in the biz. 396 00:14:48,710 --> 00:14:50,955 We'll get you on the phone. You'll be stacking cash, man. 397 00:14:51,080 --> 00:14:52,824 Yeah, man, you could make it rain 398 00:14:52,949 --> 00:14:54,768 on Jillian's nude sleeping self. 399 00:14:54,934 --> 00:14:56,394 Hey, you know what? I got a better idea. 400 00:14:56,560 --> 00:14:57,929 You wanna hear a song I wrote, guys? 401 00:14:58,054 --> 00:15:00,731 - Sure. - [Flatulence] Ooh... 402 00:15:00,897 --> 00:15:02,567 [Laughter] 403 00:15:02,733 --> 00:15:04,527 - I gotta let this one fly, boys. - Oh, that's foul. 404 00:15:04,694 --> 00:15:07,906 [All talking at once] 405 00:15:08,031 --> 00:15:09,641 Smells like waffles. 406 00:15:09,766 --> 00:15:11,844 No, it doesn't smell like anything from this planet. 407 00:15:11,969 --> 00:15:13,346 How many waffles have you been eating? 408 00:15:13,471 --> 00:15:15,581 We're trying to help you, big fat. 409 00:15:15,706 --> 00:15:17,283 I mean, yes, we want your parking pass, 410 00:15:17,408 --> 00:15:19,419 but don't you want to do anything with your life? 411 00:15:19,544 --> 00:15:20,835 This is what you call a life? 412 00:15:21,001 --> 00:15:22,389 Is this your legacy? 413 00:15:22,514 --> 00:15:25,025 Is this your Sistine chapel? 414 00:15:25,150 --> 00:15:27,194 Here lies Ders, the Telameridork, 415 00:15:27,319 --> 00:15:29,010 father of two broke gays. 416 00:15:29,176 --> 00:15:32,264 I saved a little girl's life, bro. 417 00:15:32,389 --> 00:15:33,807 I'm a hero. 418 00:15:33,973 --> 00:15:35,868 You are not a hero. You're human mold 419 00:15:35,993 --> 00:15:37,101 in breakaway sweatpants. 420 00:15:37,267 --> 00:15:38,370 You're the kind of stain 421 00:15:38,495 --> 00:15:40,171 that makes Adam throw out his underwear. 422 00:15:40,296 --> 00:15:42,574 Get him! Wait, what? 423 00:15:42,699 --> 00:15:43,983 How 'bout I just take my parking pass 424 00:15:44,149 --> 00:15:45,693 and get on outta here? 425 00:15:45,859 --> 00:15:47,045 - Go. - Okay, I'm going. 426 00:15:47,170 --> 00:15:48,487 - I can't take this. - Hey, honey. 427 00:15:48,653 --> 00:15:49,780 You wanna roll with me, 428 00:15:49,946 --> 00:15:51,448 grab some lunch, rule the world? 429 00:15:51,614 --> 00:15:53,451 I'm sorry, I'm on the phone... just one second. 430 00:15:53,617 --> 00:15:55,245 Fuck this. I'm outta here. 431 00:15:55,411 --> 00:15:57,456 All right. [Grunting] 432 00:15:57,581 --> 00:15:59,481 Big fat, my man, chill out. 433 00:15:59,516 --> 00:16:01,793 We're all a little worked up, probably from that fart. 434 00:16:01,827 --> 00:16:03,897 Dude, that was a barn burner! 435 00:16:03,935 --> 00:16:05,661 Hey, come on, let's be feasible or whatever. 436 00:16:05,696 --> 00:16:07,192 Slow down. Give us a few days, okay? 437 00:16:07,223 --> 00:16:08,533 We're gonna figure this out. 438 00:16:08,658 --> 00:16:09,889 We don't need to figure anything out. 439 00:16:09,926 --> 00:16:11,446 I'm gonna go park the car on the street. 440 00:16:11,472 --> 00:16:12,576 We'll take the bus. 441 00:16:12,611 --> 00:16:14,572 Do our part. Save the planet! 442 00:16:14,639 --> 00:16:16,964 Okay, I give up. We need that pass 443 00:16:17,033 --> 00:16:18,409 because I cannot ride the bus. 444 00:16:18,465 --> 00:16:20,243 Homeless people wipe their hands off in my hair. 445 00:16:20,437 --> 00:16:22,521 So once again, it is arithmetic, man. 446 00:16:22,687 --> 00:16:25,304 And if I'm being real, I'm worried about you, man. 447 00:16:25,378 --> 00:16:27,116 What are you gonna do when your disability runs out? 448 00:16:27,163 --> 00:16:29,665 - Huh? - Really? You too? 449 00:16:29,725 --> 00:16:31,326 Hey, your cuz, he's right. 450 00:16:31,483 --> 00:16:32,877 That horrific accident you were in, 451 00:16:32,906 --> 00:16:34,037 that was lucky. 452 00:16:34,072 --> 00:16:36,483 And we can't make lightning strike luck twice. 453 00:16:36,889 --> 00:16:38,079 We can't. 454 00:16:38,245 --> 00:16:40,039 Or can we? 455 00:16:40,205 --> 00:16:42,503 Make lightning do what Blake... 456 00:16:42,628 --> 00:16:44,960 Said it doesn't do. 457 00:16:45,126 --> 00:16:47,708 Workman's comp. You get hurt at work, 458 00:16:47,833 --> 00:16:49,924 the checks don't stop. 459 00:16:50,090 --> 00:16:52,343 How do we even know this is something that's real? 460 00:16:52,509 --> 00:16:53,780 Oh, come on, sad dads across America 461 00:16:53,905 --> 00:16:54,947 do it all the time. 462 00:16:55,072 --> 00:16:56,472 Probably one doing it right now. 463 00:16:56,638 --> 00:16:59,451 Guys, I'm just gonna think about this. 464 00:16:59,576 --> 00:17:02,604 I didn't know a hero could be such a big pussy. 465 00:17:02,770 --> 00:17:04,456 Suit me up. 466 00:17:04,581 --> 00:17:05,658 - Yes! - All right! 467 00:17:05,783 --> 00:17:07,259 - Yeah! - It's gonna be cool! 468 00:17:07,384 --> 00:17:11,278 That's what I'm talking about, brother. 469 00:17:11,444 --> 00:17:13,300 - Ready? - Throw! 470 00:17:13,425 --> 00:17:15,502 [Bleep] [Grunting, groaning] 471 00:17:15,627 --> 00:17:17,271 [Bleep] 472 00:17:17,396 --> 00:17:18,536 [Chuckles] 473 00:17:18,702 --> 00:17:21,375 All: Whoa! 474 00:17:21,500 --> 00:17:23,577 You got some air! You got some air! 475 00:17:23,702 --> 00:17:26,127 - Did you break anything? - Nope. 476 00:17:26,293 --> 00:17:28,582 - Unh! - Nothin'. 477 00:17:28,707 --> 00:17:31,632 - What? - What are you doing, Devin? 478 00:17:31,798 --> 00:17:34,593 I... fell. 479 00:17:34,759 --> 00:17:36,657 No, we pushed him, okay? 480 00:17:36,782 --> 00:17:39,038 This guy wants to go back to living in his basement, 481 00:17:39,082 --> 00:17:40,676 so we're giving him workman's comp 482 00:17:40,707 --> 00:17:42,394 in exchange for a handicap parking pass. 483 00:17:42,559 --> 00:17:44,064 I wish somebody would have told me 484 00:17:44,189 --> 00:17:46,334 that I was working on Saturday, 485 00:17:46,459 --> 00:17:47,774 'cause this is just sad. 486 00:17:48,440 --> 00:17:51,271 All of this on the day that would have been 487 00:17:51,297 --> 00:17:54,280 my cat Brent's 27th birthday in human years. 488 00:17:54,757 --> 00:17:57,052 He never even got to ride a roller coaster. 489 00:17:57,075 --> 00:17:59,566 Sorry about your cat, but don't blame big fat. 490 00:17:59,607 --> 00:18:01,824 - [All beatboxing] - Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. 491 00:18:01,899 --> 00:18:04,271 You guys are just as sad. 492 00:18:04,581 --> 00:18:05,949 I... I shouldn't even say this, 493 00:18:05,981 --> 00:18:07,253 but I was coming in here to tell you 494 00:18:07,272 --> 00:18:08,902 - you're getting another ticket. - What? 495 00:18:08,916 --> 00:18:11,437 I just moved it! 496 00:18:12,005 --> 00:18:13,731 Hey, we'll see you later, big dude. 497 00:18:13,756 --> 00:18:14,962 - Thanks anyways. - Later. 498 00:18:14,974 --> 00:18:16,078 I'll come over in a few weeks, 499 00:18:16,091 --> 00:18:17,410 eat some tortas. 500 00:18:17,459 --> 00:18:20,354 This can't be happening. I just want a fair shake! 501 00:18:20,383 --> 00:18:23,388 Can I just get a... You! 502 00:18:23,767 --> 00:18:26,677 This is your fault. I'm gonna rip your tits off 503 00:18:26,708 --> 00:18:29,095 and use 'em as cereal bowls! You get me? 504 00:18:29,355 --> 00:18:33,778 [Audio slowed] The cleaners! 505 00:18:40,117 --> 00:18:42,328 Holy [bleep]! 506 00:18:42,387 --> 00:18:45,732 - Are you okay? That was insane! - That was a close call. 507 00:18:45,750 --> 00:18:48,020 - That was insane! - Oh, we thought we lost you. 508 00:18:48,032 --> 00:18:49,837 I don't think that's gonna happen, buddy. 509 00:18:49,855 --> 00:18:51,624 Oh, my God! Dude look at his leg! [Guys gasp] 510 00:18:51,917 --> 00:18:54,087 Who needs a leg when all you wanna do is 511 00:18:54,131 --> 00:18:57,302 eat doritos and watch Brazzers all day? 512 00:18:57,362 --> 00:18:59,197 - We did it! - Yeah! 513 00:18:59,469 --> 00:19:01,680 - Oh, damn, we kinda did. - Just... yeah. 514 00:19:01,805 --> 00:19:03,405 The city's gonna owe you millions. 515 00:19:03,429 --> 00:19:04,781 If not thousands. 516 00:19:04,981 --> 00:19:06,612 Hey, now, somebody tie something around my leg 517 00:19:06,643 --> 00:19:08,987 before I croak out here, you hand jobs! 518 00:19:09,050 --> 00:19:11,156 No, I got it. I gotcha. I'll belt you up. 519 00:19:11,708 --> 00:19:13,521 Devin, I saw the whole thing from the window. 520 00:19:13,533 --> 00:19:15,533 - Are you okay? - Oh, Jillian, yeah. 521 00:19:15,553 --> 00:19:17,347 - I'll be fine. - Good, 'cause look at me. 522 00:19:17,370 --> 00:19:20,110 We are definitely gonna have our cats [bleep]. 523 00:19:20,157 --> 00:19:21,870 You know, you don't want to get mixed up 524 00:19:21,888 --> 00:19:23,464 with a guy like me. 525 00:19:23,549 --> 00:19:26,769 - I'm just a big ol' fat... - Hero. 526 00:19:27,046 --> 00:19:29,356 You're a big ol' fat hero. 527 00:19:29,424 --> 00:19:31,652 I was wrong about you, man. You deserve every cent 528 00:19:31,667 --> 00:19:33,700 - coming to you for this. - No, bro. 529 00:19:33,737 --> 00:19:37,534 I was wrong about you. You're not gay at all. 530 00:19:38,135 --> 00:19:40,035 You're probably bi, though. [Laughter] 531 00:19:40,093 --> 00:19:41,737 - He's definitely bi. - Oh, God! 532 00:19:41,768 --> 00:19:43,931 - That's cool. - That's cheating, I feel. 533 00:19:44,097 --> 00:19:46,058 - [Humming beat] - Yeah. Yeah. 534 00:19:46,284 --> 00:19:47,685 There it is. 535 00:19:47,852 --> 00:19:49,562 Ah, good movie. 536 00:19:49,687 --> 00:19:51,097 - That's a good movie. - Great movie. 537 00:19:51,222 --> 00:19:53,399 Look at all these suckers in regular parking. 538 00:19:53,524 --> 00:19:55,635 You're a bitch! We're handicapped! 539 00:19:55,760 --> 00:19:58,112 Dude, your cousin big fat is the man! 540 00:19:58,362 --> 00:20:01,491 Yeah, us Demamps are pretty raw dog as a people. 541 00:20:01,657 --> 00:20:03,877 Didn't like the guy at first, but he came through. 542 00:20:04,002 --> 00:20:06,120 And here we ar... 543 00:20:11,458 --> 00:20:15,004 W-t [bleep]? 544 00:20:15,170 --> 00:20:17,691 Alice, I Demamp to know what you did 545 00:20:17,816 --> 00:20:20,510 with that bonus handicap parking space. Hmm? 546 00:20:20,676 --> 00:20:23,564 - Why do you care? - Come on, we are advocates 547 00:20:23,689 --> 00:20:25,165 for the Handi-Captains, 548 00:20:25,290 --> 00:20:26,890 and that's the one thing you should know about us. 549 00:20:27,056 --> 00:20:28,226 You should know that about us. 550 00:20:28,392 --> 00:20:30,436 Look, you came in here the other day, 551 00:20:30,561 --> 00:20:31,771 said we didn't need it. 552 00:20:31,896 --> 00:20:33,940 I thought about it, and you were right. 553 00:20:34,065 --> 00:20:35,642 - No. Alice. - No. 554 00:20:35,767 --> 00:20:37,177 - What? - We were right? 555 00:20:37,302 --> 00:20:39,679 Let's look at history. We're never right. 556 00:20:39,804 --> 00:20:41,848 Does this guy... Do I look right? 557 00:20:41,973 --> 00:20:43,491 Does this look right? 558 00:20:43,657 --> 00:20:45,185 Look, please just go back to the phones, okay? 559 00:20:45,310 --> 00:20:46,869 I am not in the mood for this today. 560 00:20:47,035 --> 00:20:49,757 Apparently, some homeless people broke into the old offices 561 00:20:49,882 --> 00:20:51,123 and destroyed everything. 562 00:20:51,289 --> 00:20:53,928 Homeless people. Can't trust 'em. 563 00:20:54,053 --> 00:20:55,963 Know what I mean? They're a foul, foul breed! 564 00:20:56,088 --> 00:20:58,506 - Thanks for, uh... - Ecch! Gross! 565 00:21:00,674 --> 00:21:04,387 Sync and correction by Mlmlte www.addic7ed.com Resync for WEB-DL by Norther