1 00:00:00,593 --> 00:00:02,532 She's been dead maybe ten minutes. 2 00:00:02,583 --> 00:00:03,752 Like head chopped off. 3 00:00:03,783 --> 00:00:05,271 No, she died of, like, natural causes. 4 00:00:05,309 --> 00:00:06,547 I'd do it, man. 5 00:00:06,574 --> 00:00:08,151 She was cute as hell in Commando. 6 00:00:08,382 --> 00:00:10,963 I'd show her who's the boss. Poison her Ivy. 7 00:00:11,041 --> 00:00:13,185 Whoa. Something's up. 8 00:00:13,341 --> 00:00:15,593 Guys, we've been boiler roomed. 9 00:00:15,686 --> 00:00:17,924 Telamericorp was just a shell of a company. 10 00:00:17,969 --> 00:00:20,963 Alice probably felt some heat from the feds, right? 11 00:00:20,993 --> 00:00:22,924 So she packed up in the middle of the night. 12 00:00:22,972 --> 00:00:25,716 That makes me Vin Diesel. 13 00:00:25,769 --> 00:00:27,185 Ooh, I'm Giovanni Ribisi. 14 00:00:27,210 --> 00:00:29,816 Oh, I'm like a Scott Cann-Jamie Kennedy Combo Doggie then. 15 00:00:30,349 --> 00:00:32,780 Jamie Kennedy, maybe. I feel that experience. 16 00:00:36,743 --> 00:00:38,954 Hello? 17 00:00:38,980 --> 00:00:40,422 It's Alice. 18 00:00:40,615 --> 00:00:41,958 Okay, let's talk. 19 00:00:42,083 --> 00:00:44,038 What's the vig to get in on your game? 20 00:00:44,204 --> 00:00:45,390 Why aren't you here yet? 21 00:00:45,515 --> 00:00:47,125 Why aren't we where yet? 22 00:00:47,250 --> 00:00:49,894 Oh, Christ, you're at the old offices, aren't you? 23 00:00:50,019 --> 00:00:52,463 We moved offices over the weekend. 24 00:00:52,588 --> 00:00:54,257 It's all I've talked about for weeks. 25 00:00:54,423 --> 00:00:56,467 Guys, we moved offices. 26 00:00:56,633 --> 00:00:59,137 - Oh, yeah, I totally forgot. - Yeah, um, Alice... 27 00:00:59,262 --> 00:01:00,839 Oh, wait, wait, let me... 28 00:01:00,964 --> 00:01:03,575 Hey, Alice, so we're done with the old office, right? 29 00:01:03,700 --> 00:01:05,226 We're never going back? 30 00:01:05,392 --> 00:01:07,395 Yeah, never. Now, get your asses over here 31 00:01:07,561 --> 00:01:08,546 and get to work, please. 32 00:01:08,671 --> 00:01:10,014 Okay, thanks, Alice. 33 00:01:10,139 --> 00:01:11,749 You sound like you're looking good today. 34 00:01:14,275 --> 00:01:16,445 Oh, yeah! 35 00:01:22,351 --> 00:01:24,895 ♪ Destroy ♪ 36 00:01:25,020 --> 00:01:26,997 ♪ Destroy ♪ 37 00:01:28,055 --> 00:01:29,699 I feel like I'm at a Garth Brooks show. 38 00:01:29,824 --> 00:01:32,369 Kick it. He's talented. 39 00:01:42,262 --> 00:01:45,347 Hello? Oh, hey, Alice. 40 00:01:45,472 --> 00:01:47,115 How are you? What's up? 41 00:01:47,240 --> 00:01:48,950 Hey, if you're still at the office, 42 00:01:52,979 --> 00:01:54,775 and not get the $8,000 security deposit back. 43 00:01:54,941 --> 00:01:57,393 Um, no, no, no, no. 44 00:01:57,518 --> 00:01:59,322 You must have misunderstood us. 45 00:01:59,488 --> 00:02:00,830 We are not at the old office. 46 00:02:00,955 --> 00:02:03,132 We are watching the old Office, the TV show, 47 00:02:03,257 --> 00:02:06,802 on an iPad in the car on the way to the new office. 48 00:02:06,927 --> 00:02:08,998 What? Hello? 49 00:02:11,833 --> 00:02:18,341 Sync and correction by Mlmlte www.addic7ed.com Resync for DEMAND by antibio 50 00:02:23,845 --> 00:02:27,776 Oh, hell no, bitch. These offices suck. 51 00:02:27,843 --> 00:02:29,327 Where the hell are we supposed to park? 52 00:02:29,351 --> 00:02:31,025 There's, like, no spots. 53 00:02:31,150 --> 00:02:32,527 Guess we gotta park on the street, 54 00:02:32,652 --> 00:02:34,398 even though there's extra handicap spots. 55 00:02:34,564 --> 00:02:36,698 What the heck? We have one handicapped dude 56 00:02:36,823 --> 00:02:38,199 at our office... Wheelchair Mike. 57 00:02:38,324 --> 00:02:40,401 Lucky bitch. I wish I were handicapped. 58 00:02:40,526 --> 00:02:41,948 Those guys are so lucky, dude. 59 00:02:42,114 --> 00:02:43,867 Human rabbits' feet. 60 00:02:44,033 --> 00:02:46,369 Alice, how many handicapped people 61 00:02:46,535 --> 00:02:48,208 - do we have in this office? - That a trick question? 62 00:02:48,333 --> 00:02:50,331 We have but one. 63 00:02:50,497 --> 00:02:51,678 Ooh, I'm gonna talk like that too. 64 00:02:51,803 --> 00:02:55,114 Alas, there are but two handicap parking spots, 65 00:02:55,239 --> 00:02:57,808 which is arithmetic, milady. 66 00:02:57,851 --> 00:02:59,321 Yeah, you do the math. Hmm? 67 00:02:59,340 --> 00:03:00,592 Alice, what they're trying to say is that 68 00:03:00,674 --> 00:03:01,847 there's no spots out there 69 00:03:01,878 --> 00:03:03,353 for normal people like us, all right? 70 00:03:03,379 --> 00:03:05,241 So I'm out there, parked on the street, 71 00:03:05,280 --> 00:03:06,741 and what, I'm supposed to, what, 72 00:03:06,776 --> 00:03:08,045 move my car every two hours? 73 00:03:08,084 --> 00:03:09,207 - That's stupid. - Get real. 74 00:03:09,233 --> 00:03:11,544 Act real, Alice, 'cause guess what. 75 00:03:11,620 --> 00:03:15,398 We're here every day at 10:00. Okay, maybe 10:02. 76 00:03:15,439 --> 00:03:17,668 But when we get here, the parking lot's all packed out, 77 00:03:17,692 --> 00:03:18,942 and we're S .O.O.L. 78 00:03:18,984 --> 00:03:20,949 So why don't you just scratch our butts a little bit 79 00:03:21,003 --> 00:03:23,966 and give us the bonus handicap parking spot, okay? 80 00:03:23,988 --> 00:03:26,450 First of all, work starts at 9:00. 81 00:03:26,616 --> 00:03:27,827 Yeah. And see this? 82 00:03:27,993 --> 00:03:29,279 This is me making a note 83 00:03:29,404 --> 00:03:32,382 of giving you that spot. 84 00:03:32,507 --> 00:03:37,753 "Give parking spot to idiots. Change tampon... kill self." 85 00:03:37,919 --> 00:03:40,089 Uhh, change tampon... Grody. 86 00:03:40,255 --> 00:03:41,507 That's not funny. Don't kill yourself. 87 00:03:41,673 --> 00:03:42,827 - Hey, Anders... - What? Hang on. 88 00:03:42,952 --> 00:03:44,162 If you're parked on the street, 89 00:03:44,287 --> 00:03:45,530 there's a guy out there writing tickets. 90 00:03:45,655 --> 00:03:47,766 - Move it! Move it! - See? 91 00:03:47,891 --> 00:03:49,402 - Great. - We were just kidding 92 00:03:49,527 --> 00:03:50,669 about that 10:00 thing. 93 00:03:50,794 --> 00:03:52,893 We get here every day at, uh... At... 94 00:03:53,059 --> 00:03:54,707 - 9:00. - 9:00! That's when we get... 95 00:03:54,832 --> 00:03:57,064 Because we're working. 96 00:03:57,230 --> 00:04:00,276 Hey, Wayman! Move! God... sorry! 97 00:04:02,819 --> 00:04:05,117 No, no, no, no, no, no! No! No! No! 98 00:04:05,242 --> 00:04:07,086 Hey, hey, hey. Halt! Stop! Buddy, hey... 99 00:04:07,211 --> 00:04:08,784 Buddy, buddy, buddy, come... 100 00:04:08,950 --> 00:04:10,577 You gotta be kidding me, man! 101 00:04:10,743 --> 00:04:14,248 Gotta be kidding me. What... no! 102 00:04:14,414 --> 00:04:16,561 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, you chill out, buddy. 103 00:04:16,686 --> 00:04:19,545 You're gonna bust a nut, and I'm not talking that good kind. 104 00:04:19,711 --> 00:04:21,499 Just throw it away, man. Pretend like you never got it. 105 00:04:21,624 --> 00:04:23,716 That's what I did with my std test. 106 00:04:23,882 --> 00:04:24,968 You can't do that. 107 00:04:25,093 --> 00:04:27,678 That's, like, socially dangerous. 108 00:04:34,936 --> 00:04:36,520 Ooh-hoo-hoo! 109 00:04:36,686 --> 00:04:39,130 We're surrounded by ghosts. The place is haunted. 110 00:04:39,161 --> 00:04:40,749 Built on a burial ground. I'm positive of it. 111 00:04:40,776 --> 00:04:42,652 It is so weird you said that, 112 00:04:42,818 --> 00:04:44,403 'cause right when you said that, I got chills. 113 00:04:44,569 --> 00:04:46,190 - Yeah, I'm freezing. - There's that... vent. 114 00:04:46,228 --> 00:04:47,615 There's a vent right there. 115 00:04:47,640 --> 00:04:49,650 - Yeah, there's a vent up there. - There's still ghosts. 116 00:04:49,674 --> 00:04:50,903 I don't think it's the vent, either... 117 00:04:51,054 --> 00:04:52,328 Hey, guys, shut the fuck up for a second. 118 00:04:52,494 --> 00:04:55,233 Ticket... 60 bucks for street cleaning. 119 00:04:55,358 --> 00:04:57,474 - 60 bucks? - What? 120 00:04:57,499 --> 00:04:59,355 You know how many corndogs we could buy with that? 121 00:04:59,386 --> 00:05:01,455 - Like, three boxes. - Yeah, a lot of corndogs. 122 00:05:01,483 --> 00:05:03,094 60. They're, like, going for a dollar. Yeah. 123 00:05:03,171 --> 00:05:04,658 I don't understand Alice. 124 00:05:04,764 --> 00:05:06,752 She clogs up the parking lot arteries 125 00:05:06,809 --> 00:05:08,126 with all these handicap spots, 126 00:05:08,174 --> 00:05:09,509 where regular people can't even park. 127 00:05:09,538 --> 00:05:10,895 It's all mutant parking. 128 00:05:10,920 --> 00:05:13,189 Who knew having a car was gonna be such a drag? 129 00:05:13,402 --> 00:05:15,062 Makes you wonder how somebody like Drake 130 00:05:15,091 --> 00:05:16,229 handles their entire fleet. 131 00:05:16,278 --> 00:05:17,690 Yeah, well, he's from a lawless country. 132 00:05:17,714 --> 00:05:19,355 There's no laws. Here in the U.S., 133 00:05:19,521 --> 00:05:21,024 you gotta work within the system. 134 00:05:21,190 --> 00:05:22,962 Okay, if you want a handicap parking pass, 135 00:05:23,009 --> 00:05:24,628 you gotta go out and get a handicap parking pass. 136 00:05:24,654 --> 00:05:26,531 You gotta beat the system up from the inside. 137 00:05:26,656 --> 00:05:29,448 Like rappers with vaginas. Like, because they beat 'em. 138 00:05:29,614 --> 00:05:30,873 - Yeah. - Whatever it takes, man. 139 00:05:30,896 --> 00:05:32,289 I just don't want to get another ticket. 140 00:05:32,340 --> 00:05:33,034 I mean, is it weird 141 00:05:33,052 --> 00:05:35,316 if we made up a handicap, like, a disease? 142 00:05:35,358 --> 00:05:37,014 What's the disease that old people get 143 00:05:37,043 --> 00:05:38,301 where you start forgetting things? 144 00:05:38,347 --> 00:05:39,432 - What is that? - Old timers. 145 00:05:39,486 --> 00:05:40,734 Yeah, still, 146 00:05:40,778 --> 00:05:42,049 I don't know if that's a good idea. 147 00:05:42,068 --> 00:05:43,524 It's not cool to pretend you're handicapped. 148 00:05:43,547 --> 00:05:44,938 - Right? - Whoa! 149 00:05:45,144 --> 00:05:46,421 I got it. 150 00:05:46,546 --> 00:05:48,556 Telamericorp is hiring, right? 151 00:05:48,681 --> 00:05:50,891 We can ask our real-life handicapped cousin Devin 152 00:05:51,016 --> 00:05:53,556 to work here, and use his pass! 153 00:05:53,722 --> 00:05:55,295 - Yeah. That'll work. - All right. 154 00:05:55,420 --> 00:05:56,726 I haven't seen him in a while, though. 155 00:05:56,892 --> 00:05:57,897 I'm excited to see him. 156 00:05:58,022 --> 00:05:59,365 He couldn't come to Thanksgiving 157 00:05:59,490 --> 00:06:00,866 because my grandma's house has stairs, 158 00:06:00,991 --> 00:06:03,899 and he can't walk up stairs! 159 00:06:04,409 --> 00:06:06,716 Oh, man, that guy. 160 00:06:16,438 --> 00:06:18,473 Oh, jeez! 161 00:06:18,639 --> 00:06:21,101 Are there cats everywhere? 162 00:06:21,267 --> 00:06:23,158 Devin? 163 00:06:23,283 --> 00:06:25,439 - Some funky cold medina. - Adam? 164 00:06:25,605 --> 00:06:27,483 What's the story with this dude? 165 00:06:27,649 --> 00:06:30,444 His name was just Devin. Devin Demamp. 166 00:06:30,610 --> 00:06:36,283 He was just like us... Cool, handsome, gnar. 167 00:06:36,449 --> 00:06:39,042 Two years ago, he saw this little girl... 168 00:06:39,167 --> 00:06:41,278 Crossing the street. 169 00:06:41,403 --> 00:06:44,060 This fire truck was barreling towards her and just... 170 00:06:44,185 --> 00:06:45,751 - Bam! - Oh! 171 00:06:45,917 --> 00:06:48,585 Jeez! 172 00:06:48,710 --> 00:06:52,216 Truck knocks me 40 feet straight into a brick wall. 173 00:06:52,382 --> 00:06:54,156 ♪ Now I'm ballin' off government checks ♪ 174 00:06:54,281 --> 00:06:55,525 ♪ Like Obama bin laden ♪ 175 00:06:55,650 --> 00:06:57,846 Oh. Oh, sure. 176 00:06:59,987 --> 00:07:02,059 - Yeah! - All right. You remember. 177 00:07:02,225 --> 00:07:03,766 - He taught me that. - What's up? 178 00:07:03,891 --> 00:07:07,135 - What's going on? - What is going on, my hero? 179 00:07:07,260 --> 00:07:08,403 Nada mucho. 180 00:07:08,528 --> 00:07:10,818 Who are the, uh, butt twins? 181 00:07:10,984 --> 00:07:12,707 - Oh, the butt twins? - Yeah. 182 00:07:12,832 --> 00:07:14,908 This is Ders, and this is Blake. 183 00:07:15,033 --> 00:07:18,679 This is my cousin Devin. 184 00:07:18,804 --> 00:07:20,036 Please, call me big fat. 185 00:07:20,202 --> 00:07:21,282 - Right. - No, dummy. 186 00:07:21,407 --> 00:07:22,579 Hand me the churro plate behind you. 187 00:07:22,745 --> 00:07:25,552 He got you, dude. 188 00:07:25,677 --> 00:07:28,043 - Thank you so much. - He got you. He's funny. 189 00:07:28,209 --> 00:07:30,724 He's a funny dude. 190 00:07:30,849 --> 00:07:32,326 - You're looking good, man. - Oh, thank you. 191 00:07:32,451 --> 00:07:33,966 You dropped some lbs, huh? 192 00:07:34,132 --> 00:07:35,630 Yeah, I lost some weight. Where'd it go? 193 00:07:35,755 --> 00:07:37,499 - Oh, there it is. Get it back. - Oh, I'll get it. 194 00:07:41,222 --> 00:07:44,807 - I love that. - Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! 195 00:07:44,932 --> 00:07:46,776 It feels like a real woman's boob, dude. 196 00:07:46,901 --> 00:07:47,938 - Tickles, bro. - Get in here. 197 00:07:48,104 --> 00:07:49,479 Blake, hit this, man. 198 00:07:49,604 --> 00:07:51,448 - You sure? - Yeah. Do it. 199 00:07:51,573 --> 00:07:52,902 - Oh! - Whoa! 200 00:07:55,195 --> 00:07:57,254 - Hey, Ders, come try it, man. - I'm good, I'm good. 201 00:07:57,379 --> 00:07:59,241 I don't want to lose my watch, so you know.... 202 00:07:59,407 --> 00:08:01,994 Gay dudes... always worried about time. 203 00:08:02,160 --> 00:08:03,662 Is that true? I didn't know that. 204 00:08:03,828 --> 00:08:07,729 So you guys seem to be getting a pretty sweet dealio, 205 00:08:07,854 --> 00:08:10,711 - but what's in it for me? - Duh. You get to get out 206 00:08:10,877 --> 00:08:12,337 of this sorry basement, and you get a job. 207 00:08:12,503 --> 00:08:15,571 Duh, why would I want to do that, smart guy? 208 00:08:15,696 --> 00:08:16,872 Take a look around. 209 00:08:16,997 --> 00:08:20,512 Xbox Live, Howard TV, My Cat Circus. 210 00:08:20,678 --> 00:08:21,910 You are a gangster, man. You're like... 211 00:08:22,035 --> 00:08:23,557 Rick Ross with extra sauce. 212 00:08:23,723 --> 00:08:25,768 Yeah, you're like a one-man G Unit! 213 00:08:25,934 --> 00:08:27,250 Come on, ask him. 214 00:08:27,375 --> 00:08:30,105 Actually, we really do need that pass, man. 215 00:08:30,271 --> 00:08:32,789 Unfortunately, Ders' micro-machine penis 216 00:08:32,914 --> 00:08:34,458 doesn't classify him as handicapped. 217 00:08:34,583 --> 00:08:35,892 It should, though. 218 00:08:36,017 --> 00:08:38,864 It should, though, it's so small. 219 00:08:39,030 --> 00:08:40,864 You wanna see it? You keep calling it small? 220 00:08:40,989 --> 00:08:42,243 Might as well just show it to you. 221 00:08:42,409 --> 00:08:43,466 Wait, I wanna see it. 222 00:08:43,591 --> 00:08:44,934 I got front-row seats over here. 223 00:08:45,059 --> 00:08:47,998 My dick's bigger than yours. 224 00:08:48,164 --> 00:08:49,839 - You wanna see it? - I've seen it. I've seen it! 225 00:08:49,964 --> 00:08:51,419 - Whoa, slow down. - I've seen it. 226 00:08:51,585 --> 00:08:54,043 Keep your grub worm in its hole, okay? 227 00:08:54,168 --> 00:08:56,506 I can tell you it's bigger than a cat's dick. 228 00:08:56,672 --> 00:08:59,215 - Yeah. - I'm sorry about that, dude. 229 00:08:59,340 --> 00:09:02,386 But will you help a brother that's actually a cousin out, 230 00:09:02,511 --> 00:09:05,599 just 'cause... my brother? 231 00:09:05,765 --> 00:09:07,124 We get it, dude. We get it. 232 00:09:07,391 --> 00:09:08,769 Sit in your chair, chub up. 233 00:09:08,935 --> 00:09:10,729 But all we're asking for is a parking pass. 234 00:09:10,895 --> 00:09:12,856 - That's it. - Yeah. 235 00:09:13,022 --> 00:09:14,984 All right, you guys can have the pass. 236 00:09:15,150 --> 00:09:16,667 - It's cool. - What'd I say? What'd I say? 237 00:09:16,792 --> 00:09:18,695 Now, get on out of here. I'm about to watch 238 00:09:18,861 --> 00:09:21,365 a chick masturbate with a summer sausage on the Internet. 239 00:09:21,531 --> 00:09:24,034 Oh, no, you don't. Devin. 240 00:09:24,200 --> 00:09:25,703 These boys just offered you a job, 241 00:09:25,869 --> 00:09:27,011 and you are taking it. 242 00:09:27,136 --> 00:09:29,999 Mom, I'm not taking some stupid job! 243 00:09:30,165 --> 00:09:31,748 Can we not do this again? 244 00:09:31,873 --> 00:09:33,668 Your disability is about to run out, 245 00:09:33,834 --> 00:09:34,884 and I am not footing the bill 246 00:09:35,009 --> 00:09:36,553 while you masturbate your life away! 247 00:09:36,678 --> 00:09:39,216 - Mama! - Dude, it's cool. 248 00:09:39,382 --> 00:09:40,884 You can just come and try it out... I work there. 249 00:09:41,050 --> 00:09:42,693 - No! - Devin Demamp! 250 00:09:42,818 --> 00:09:45,556 I will call animal services to come for your cats. 251 00:09:45,722 --> 00:09:49,601 Someone get me a bucket and soap. 252 00:09:49,726 --> 00:09:52,396 Big fat's about to get a job. 253 00:09:52,562 --> 00:09:54,607 - Here we are. - Yeah. 254 00:09:57,001 --> 00:09:58,277 - Oh, yeah. - Like a glove. 255 00:09:58,402 --> 00:10:00,479 Livin' that handicap life! 256 00:10:00,604 --> 00:10:02,698 - This... is parking. - There we go. 257 00:10:02,864 --> 00:10:05,751 - Yeah, mama! - There you go, big buddy. 258 00:10:05,876 --> 00:10:07,186 I don't want to sound arrogant, 259 00:10:07,311 --> 00:10:09,346 but I feel like I was always meant to park 260 00:10:09,371 --> 00:10:10,215 in handicap spots. 261 00:10:10,255 --> 00:10:12,499 You're basically a handicapped dude, my brother. 262 00:10:12,511 --> 00:10:15,093 - Don't I know it. - Now, this is parking! 263 00:10:15,115 --> 00:10:16,548 I just said that. This is parking. 264 00:10:16,567 --> 00:10:17,792 There's no other way to say it, though. 265 00:10:17,823 --> 00:10:19,951 - This is parking. - Hey, guys! 266 00:10:20,048 --> 00:10:22,634 I'm stuck! 267 00:10:22,759 --> 00:10:25,679 Yo! Seriously, I'm stuck. 268 00:10:25,845 --> 00:10:27,972 Yeah, I forgot how fat you were, bud. 269 00:10:28,097 --> 00:10:29,516 Can't get out of the car. 270 00:10:37,081 --> 00:10:39,202 So welcome to the dragon's lair. 271 00:10:39,327 --> 00:10:41,037 That's what I call the break room. 272 00:10:41,162 --> 00:10:42,338 - It's pretty sick. - Yeah. 273 00:10:42,369 --> 00:10:43,379 We're gonna go talk to Alice, 274 00:10:43,397 --> 00:10:44,644 get you a job! 275 00:10:44,666 --> 00:10:46,207 Whoa, whoa. 276 00:10:46,243 --> 00:10:47,451 Pump the brakes, fellas. 277 00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:48,896 You guys already have the parking spot, 278 00:10:48,919 --> 00:10:50,058 you're good to go. 279 00:10:50,083 --> 00:10:51,998 And as long as my mom thinks I have a job here, 280 00:10:52,028 --> 00:10:53,004 I'm good to go. 281 00:10:53,054 --> 00:10:54,741 But there ain't a chance in hell 282 00:10:54,840 --> 00:10:56,718 that I'm clocking in to this fart factory. 283 00:10:56,736 --> 00:10:57,828 - Not happening. - All right. 284 00:10:58,101 --> 00:11:01,147 All right, well, hey, here is the TV. 285 00:11:01,313 --> 00:11:04,626 So enjoy The View. The show. The show The View. 286 00:11:04,899 --> 00:11:06,595 All right, guys, let's go. We got work to do. 287 00:11:06,720 --> 00:11:09,113 Uh, we make the world turn, unlike you. 288 00:11:09,279 --> 00:11:11,534 That and my stomach. 289 00:11:13,450 --> 00:11:15,118 Stay fat, bro. 290 00:11:15,284 --> 00:11:17,074 Ow! 291 00:11:17,199 --> 00:11:20,833 - All right. Love you, bro. - Love you too, dude. 292 00:11:20,999 --> 00:11:26,255 Don't mind if I squeeze... Yes. 293 00:11:26,421 --> 00:11:29,175 How you doing? 294 00:11:32,113 --> 00:11:35,555 Some butt you got there. Yeah. 295 00:11:35,721 --> 00:11:36,682 Do you wipe it? 296 00:11:36,848 --> 00:11:39,351 I'm kidding. 297 00:11:39,517 --> 00:11:40,936 But seriously, can I? 298 00:11:41,102 --> 00:11:42,980 I don't appreciate you talking to me like that. 299 00:11:43,146 --> 00:11:46,441 Okay. I'm being selfish. 300 00:11:46,607 --> 00:11:47,818 How 'bout I start over? 301 00:11:47,984 --> 00:11:50,862 Do you, uh, wanna suck my tits? 302 00:11:51,028 --> 00:11:53,366 Come here. 303 00:11:53,532 --> 00:11:55,599 This is called a floor fan. 304 00:11:56,090 --> 00:11:58,275 It goes on a floor, and... 305 00:11:59,940 --> 00:12:01,283 What? My yogurt? 306 00:12:01,408 --> 00:12:03,264 In the break room? Oh, my go... 307 00:12:03,291 --> 00:12:05,248 I gotta call you back. About to catch me a case. 308 00:12:05,266 --> 00:12:06,618 Yo, let's go! 309 00:12:06,995 --> 00:12:08,923 You don't eat a man's yogurt. That's all I can eat. 310 00:12:08,949 --> 00:12:10,255 You know what I'm saying? I'm on a diet. 311 00:12:10,284 --> 00:12:11,361 This is unbelievable. 312 00:12:11,486 --> 00:12:12,842 - Someone eatin' my yogurt. - Fight? 313 00:12:12,906 --> 00:12:14,450 I will kill a man right now. 314 00:12:14,481 --> 00:12:15,965 Who's fighting? Is someone fighting? 315 00:12:15,994 --> 00:12:18,276 Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! 316 00:12:18,300 --> 00:12:20,035 You can't be snackin' on my snacks like that! 317 00:12:20,073 --> 00:12:22,105 Gimme the news, not the dick breath, ya butt slug! 318 00:12:22,130 --> 00:12:23,876 - I'll eat what I want! - You got no respect 319 00:12:23,889 --> 00:12:25,301 for another man's live cultures. 320 00:12:25,330 --> 00:12:26,444 We about to get it on! 321 00:12:26,465 --> 00:12:27,980 Okay, let's go! 322 00:12:29,588 --> 00:12:31,031 Get off my cousin! 323 00:12:31,238 --> 00:12:33,715 - Get off me! Get off me! - Watch it, dude. 324 00:12:33,840 --> 00:12:35,428 Okay, what the hell is going on in here? 325 00:12:35,486 --> 00:12:37,662 Listen, lady, why don't you just... 326 00:12:40,286 --> 00:12:45,056 Why don't I apologize to everyone in this room 327 00:12:45,181 --> 00:12:47,463 for what I just did... Totally uncalled for. 328 00:12:47,588 --> 00:12:48,795 I'm sorry, everyone. 329 00:12:48,961 --> 00:12:51,382 Sure. Great. What are you? 330 00:12:51,548 --> 00:12:54,134 He's my cousin! 331 00:12:54,300 --> 00:12:56,163 Of course he is. 332 00:12:56,196 --> 00:12:57,771 And since we're hiring, I figured he'd be 333 00:12:57,798 --> 00:12:59,842 a great member of the sales team, right? 334 00:12:59,967 --> 00:13:02,851 - Plus, he's a local hero. - Yeah. He sure is. 335 00:13:03,017 --> 00:13:05,186 Jumped in front of a fire truck, saved a little girl's life. 336 00:13:05,352 --> 00:13:08,148 Miss, I promise you I will give you my best, 337 00:13:08,314 --> 00:13:09,524 and I will deliver. 338 00:13:09,690 --> 00:13:11,018 All right, whatever, but you three 339 00:13:11,143 --> 00:13:12,553 are responsible for training him. 340 00:13:12,678 --> 00:13:15,239 And if he doesn't deliver, it's on you. 341 00:13:15,405 --> 00:13:17,224 What are you looking at? Come on, let's go! 342 00:13:17,349 --> 00:13:19,760 - He ate my yogurt. - Team Demamp! 343 00:13:19,885 --> 00:13:24,565 Yes. Aw, dude, we just got you a job. Team Demamp. 344 00:13:24,690 --> 00:13:26,750 - Oh, hi. - Cat lover? 345 00:13:26,916 --> 00:13:29,303 Oh, yes. Uh, it's actually the anniversary 346 00:13:29,428 --> 00:13:31,272 of my cat Brent Hoffman's death. 347 00:13:31,397 --> 00:13:33,632 I miss my dead, dead cat. 348 00:13:33,798 --> 00:13:35,843 - I am so sorry to hear that. - Thank you. 349 00:13:36,009 --> 00:13:37,646 Now I'm the proud owner of seven, 350 00:13:37,771 --> 00:13:40,097 which some people think is weird. 351 00:13:40,263 --> 00:13:42,224 You know, I think it's weird if you don't have more. 352 00:13:42,390 --> 00:13:44,120 Well, I did until this one died. 353 00:13:46,246 --> 00:13:49,224 You know, I have a dozen cats myself. 354 00:13:49,349 --> 00:13:51,108 You should come over and breed. 355 00:13:51,274 --> 00:13:53,360 With my cats. 356 00:13:53,526 --> 00:13:55,196 - Oh. - Cats. 357 00:13:55,321 --> 00:13:56,572 You should breed with my cats. 358 00:13:56,738 --> 00:13:58,281 Well, yeah, that would be nice. 359 00:13:58,447 --> 00:13:59,699 - Yeah. Okay. - But I should... 360 00:13:59,771 --> 00:14:00,964 - I should go. - Totally. 361 00:14:00,970 --> 00:14:02,634 - It was nice to meet you. - So nice meeting you. 362 00:14:02,658 --> 00:14:05,378 - Yeah. - Okay. We'll see ya. 363 00:14:05,580 --> 00:14:07,374 - Okay... - Damn. 364 00:14:07,404 --> 00:14:11,382 Move over, Ms. Quiznos, big fat's got a new chick. 365 00:14:13,008 --> 00:14:14,641 If you really wanted to make a good joke, 366 00:14:14,698 --> 00:14:17,304 you could have said "move over miss Wendy's," 367 00:14:17,357 --> 00:14:19,566 - 'cause it's a woman. - You see this? 368 00:14:19,780 --> 00:14:21,542 It means not Wendy's. 369 00:14:21,561 --> 00:14:23,124 - Mmm, toasty! - Okay. 370 00:14:23,146 --> 00:14:24,815 - Yeah, that's hardcore. - That gets me hungry, dude! 371 00:14:24,843 --> 00:14:25,776 That's hardcore. 372 00:14:33,496 --> 00:14:37,004 Telamericorp's sales techniques could be summarized 373 00:14:37,034 --> 00:14:39,137 as, I don't know, I guess the... 374 00:14:39,169 --> 00:14:41,464 All right, you're gonna want to listen to this. 375 00:14:41,518 --> 00:14:43,911 Shh. I'm kinda in the middle 376 00:14:43,940 --> 00:14:45,617 of being in love here, Ders. 377 00:14:45,742 --> 00:14:47,585 Just listen to Ders. He's the best in the biz. 378 00:14:47,710 --> 00:14:49,955 We'll get you on the phone. You'll be stacking cash, man. 379 00:14:50,080 --> 00:14:51,824 Yeah, man, you could make it rain 380 00:14:51,949 --> 00:14:53,768 on Jillian's nude sleeping self. 381 00:14:53,934 --> 00:14:55,394 Hey, you know what? I got a better idea. 382 00:14:55,560 --> 00:14:56,929 You wanna hear a song I wrote, guys? 383 00:14:57,054 --> 00:14:59,731 - Sure. - Ooh... 384 00:15:01,733 --> 00:15:03,527 - I gotta let this one fly, boys. - Oh, that's foul. 385 00:15:07,031 --> 00:15:08,641 Smells like waffles. 386 00:15:08,766 --> 00:15:10,844 No, it doesn't smell like anything from this planet. 387 00:15:10,969 --> 00:15:12,346 How many waffles have you been eating? 388 00:15:12,471 --> 00:15:14,581 We're trying to help you, big fat. 389 00:15:14,706 --> 00:15:16,283 I mean, yes, we want your parking pass, 390 00:15:16,408 --> 00:15:18,419 but don't you want to do anything with your life? 391 00:15:18,544 --> 00:15:19,835 This is what you call a life? 392 00:15:20,001 --> 00:15:21,389 Is this your legacy? 393 00:15:21,514 --> 00:15:24,025 Is this your Sistine chapel? 394 00:15:24,150 --> 00:15:26,194 Here lies Ders, the Telameridork, 395 00:15:26,319 --> 00:15:28,010 father of two broke gays. 396 00:15:28,176 --> 00:15:31,264 I saved a little girl's life, bro. 397 00:15:31,389 --> 00:15:32,807 I'm a hero. 398 00:15:32,973 --> 00:15:34,868 You are not a hero. You're human mold 399 00:15:34,993 --> 00:15:36,101 in breakaway sweatpants. 400 00:15:36,267 --> 00:15:37,370 You're the kind of stain 401 00:15:37,495 --> 00:15:39,171 that makes Adam throw out his underwear. 402 00:15:39,296 --> 00:15:41,574 Get him! Wait, what? 403 00:15:41,699 --> 00:15:42,983 How 'bout I just take my parking pass 404 00:15:43,149 --> 00:15:44,693 and get on outta here? 405 00:15:44,859 --> 00:15:46,045 - Go. - Okay, I'm going. 406 00:15:46,170 --> 00:15:47,487 - I can't take this. - Hey, honey. 407 00:15:47,653 --> 00:15:48,780 You wanna roll with me, 408 00:15:48,946 --> 00:15:50,448 grab some lunch, rule the world? 409 00:15:50,614 --> 00:15:52,451 I'm sorry, I'm on the phone... just one second. 410 00:15:52,617 --> 00:15:54,245 Fuck this. I'm outta here. 411 00:15:54,411 --> 00:15:56,456 All right. 412 00:15:56,581 --> 00:15:58,481 Big fat, my man, chill out. 413 00:15:58,516 --> 00:16:00,793 We're all a little worked up, probably from that fart. 414 00:16:00,827 --> 00:16:02,897 Dude, that was a barn burner! 415 00:16:02,935 --> 00:16:04,661 Hey, come on, let's be feasible or whatever. 416 00:16:04,696 --> 00:16:06,192 Slow down. Give us a few days, okay? 417 00:16:06,223 --> 00:16:07,533 We're gonna figure this out. 418 00:16:07,658 --> 00:16:08,889 We don't need to figure anything out. 419 00:16:08,926 --> 00:16:10,446 I'm gonna go park the car on the street. 420 00:16:10,472 --> 00:16:11,576 We'll take the bus. 421 00:16:11,611 --> 00:16:13,572 Do our part. Save the planet! 422 00:16:13,639 --> 00:16:15,964 Okay, I give up. We need that pass 423 00:16:16,033 --> 00:16:17,409 because I cannot ride the bus. 424 00:16:17,465 --> 00:16:19,243 Homeless people wipe their hands off in my hair. 425 00:16:19,437 --> 00:16:21,521 So once again, it is arithmetic, man. 426 00:16:21,687 --> 00:16:24,304 And if I'm being real, I'm worried about you, man. 427 00:16:24,378 --> 00:16:26,116 What are you gonna do when your disability runs out? 428 00:16:26,163 --> 00:16:28,665 - Huh? - Really? You too? 429 00:16:28,725 --> 00:16:30,326 Hey, your cuz, he's right. 430 00:16:30,483 --> 00:16:31,877 That horrific accident you were in, 431 00:16:31,906 --> 00:16:33,037 that was lucky. 432 00:16:33,072 --> 00:16:35,483 And we can't make lightning strike luck twice. 433 00:16:35,889 --> 00:16:37,079 We can't. 434 00:16:37,245 --> 00:16:39,039 Or can we? 435 00:16:39,205 --> 00:16:41,503 Make lightning do what Blake... 436 00:16:41,628 --> 00:16:43,960 Said it doesn't do. 437 00:16:44,126 --> 00:16:46,708 Workman's comp. You get hurt at work, 438 00:16:46,833 --> 00:16:48,924 the checks don't stop. 439 00:16:49,090 --> 00:16:51,343 How do we even know this is something that's real? 440 00:16:51,509 --> 00:16:52,780 Oh, come on, sad dads across America 441 00:16:52,905 --> 00:16:53,947 do it all the time. 442 00:16:54,072 --> 00:16:55,472 Probably one doing it right now. 443 00:16:55,638 --> 00:16:58,451 Guys, I'm just gonna think about this. 444 00:16:58,576 --> 00:17:01,604 I didn't know a hero could be such a big pussy. 445 00:17:01,770 --> 00:17:03,456 Suit me up. 446 00:17:03,581 --> 00:17:04,658 - Yes! - All right! 447 00:17:04,783 --> 00:17:06,259 - Yeah! - It's gonna be cool! 448 00:17:06,384 --> 00:17:10,278 That's what I'm talking about, brother. 449 00:17:10,444 --> 00:17:12,300 - Ready? - Throw! 450 00:17:17,702 --> 00:17:20,375 Whoa! 451 00:17:20,500 --> 00:17:22,577 You got some air! You got some air! 452 00:17:22,702 --> 00:17:25,127 - Did you break anything? - Nope. 453 00:17:25,293 --> 00:17:27,582 - Unh! - Nothin'. 454 00:17:27,707 --> 00:17:30,632 - What? - What are you doing, Devin? 455 00:17:30,798 --> 00:17:33,593 I... fell. 456 00:17:33,759 --> 00:17:35,657 No, we pushed him, okay? 457 00:17:35,782 --> 00:17:38,038 This guy wants to go back to living in his basement, 458 00:17:38,082 --> 00:17:39,676 so we're giving him workman's comp 459 00:17:39,707 --> 00:17:41,394 in exchange for a handicap parking pass. 460 00:17:41,559 --> 00:17:43,064 I wish somebody would have told me 461 00:17:43,189 --> 00:17:45,334 that I was working on Saturday, 462 00:17:45,459 --> 00:17:46,774 'cause this is just sad. 463 00:17:47,440 --> 00:17:50,271 All of this on the day that would have been 464 00:17:50,297 --> 00:17:53,280 my cat Brent's 27th birthday in human years. 465 00:17:53,757 --> 00:17:56,052 He never even got to ride a roller coaster. 466 00:17:56,075 --> 00:17:58,566 Sorry about your cat, but don't blame big fat. 467 00:17:58,607 --> 00:18:00,824 Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. 468 00:18:00,899 --> 00:18:03,271 You guys are just as sad. 469 00:18:03,581 --> 00:18:04,949 I... I shouldn't even say this, 470 00:18:04,981 --> 00:18:06,253 but I was coming in here to tell you 471 00:18:06,272 --> 00:18:07,902 - you're getting another ticket. - What? 472 00:18:07,916 --> 00:18:10,437 I just moved it! 473 00:18:11,005 --> 00:18:12,731 Hey, we'll see you later, big dude. 474 00:18:12,756 --> 00:18:13,962 - Thanks anyways. - Later. 475 00:18:13,974 --> 00:18:15,078 I'll come over in a few weeks, 476 00:18:15,091 --> 00:18:16,410 eat some tortas. 477 00:18:16,459 --> 00:18:19,354 This can't be happening. I just want a fair shake! 478 00:18:19,383 --> 00:18:22,388 Can I just get a... You! 479 00:18:22,767 --> 00:18:25,677 This is your fault. I'm gonna rip your tits off 480 00:18:25,708 --> 00:18:28,095 and use 'em as cereal bowls! You get me? 481 00:18:28,355 --> 00:18:32,778 The cleaners! 482 00:18:39,117 --> 00:18:41,328 Holy! 483 00:18:41,387 --> 00:18:44,732 - Are you okay? That was insane! - That was a close call. 484 00:18:44,750 --> 00:18:47,020 - That was insane! - Oh, we thought we lost you. 485 00:18:47,032 --> 00:18:48,837 I don't think that's gonna happen, buddy. 486 00:18:48,855 --> 00:18:50,624 Oh, my God! Dude look at his leg! 487 00:18:50,917 --> 00:18:53,087 Who needs a leg when all you wanna do is 488 00:18:53,131 --> 00:18:56,302 eat doritos and watch Brazzers all day? 489 00:18:56,362 --> 00:18:58,197 - We did it! - Yeah! 490 00:18:58,469 --> 00:19:00,680 - Oh, damn, we kinda did. - Just... yeah. 491 00:19:00,805 --> 00:19:02,405 The city's gonna owe you millions. 492 00:19:02,429 --> 00:19:03,781 If not thousands. 493 00:19:03,981 --> 00:19:05,612 Hey, now, somebody tie something around my leg 494 00:19:05,643 --> 00:19:07,987 before I croak out here, you hand jobs! 495 00:19:08,050 --> 00:19:10,156 No, I got it. I gotcha. I'll belt you up. 496 00:19:10,708 --> 00:19:12,521 Devin, I saw the whole thing from the window. 497 00:19:12,533 --> 00:19:14,533 - Are you okay? - Oh, Jillian, yeah. 498 00:19:14,553 --> 00:19:16,347 - I'll be fine. - Good, 'cause look at me. 499 00:19:16,370 --> 00:19:19,110 We are definitely gonna have our cats. 500 00:19:19,157 --> 00:19:20,870 You know, you don't want to get mixed up 501 00:19:20,888 --> 00:19:22,464 with a guy like me. 502 00:19:22,549 --> 00:19:25,769 - I'm just a big ol' fat... - Hero. 503 00:19:26,046 --> 00:19:28,356 You're a big ol' fat hero. 504 00:19:28,424 --> 00:19:30,652 I was wrong about you, man. You deserve every cent 505 00:19:30,667 --> 00:19:32,700 - coming to you for this. - No, bro. 506 00:19:32,737 --> 00:19:36,534 I was wrong about you. You're not gay at all. 507 00:19:37,135 --> 00:19:39,035 You're probably bi, though. 508 00:19:39,093 --> 00:19:40,737 - He's definitely bi. - Oh, God! 509 00:19:40,768 --> 00:19:42,931 - That's cool. - That's cheating, I feel. 510 00:19:43,097 --> 00:19:45,058 Yeah. Yeah. 511 00:19:45,284 --> 00:19:46,685 There it is. 512 00:19:46,852 --> 00:19:48,562 Ah, good movie. 513 00:19:48,687 --> 00:19:50,097 - That's a good movie. - Great movie. 514 00:19:50,222 --> 00:19:52,399 Look at all these suckers in regular parking. 515 00:19:52,524 --> 00:19:54,635 You're a bitch! We're handicapped! 516 00:19:54,760 --> 00:19:57,112 Dude, your cousin big fat is the man! 517 00:19:57,362 --> 00:20:00,491 Yeah, us Demamps are pretty raw dog as a people. 518 00:20:00,657 --> 00:20:02,877 Didn't like the guy at first, but he came through. 519 00:20:03,002 --> 00:20:05,120 And here we ar... 520 00:20:10,458 --> 00:20:14,004 W-t? 521 00:20:14,170 --> 00:20:16,691 Alice, I Demamp to know what you did 522 00:20:16,816 --> 00:20:19,510 with that bonus handicap parking space. Hmm? 523 00:20:19,676 --> 00:20:22,564 - Why do you care? - Come on, we are advocates 524 00:20:22,689 --> 00:20:24,165 for the Handi-Captains, 525 00:20:24,290 --> 00:20:25,890 and that's the one thing you should know about us. 526 00:20:26,056 --> 00:20:27,226 You should know that about us. 527 00:20:27,392 --> 00:20:29,436 Look, you came in here the other day, 528 00:20:29,561 --> 00:20:30,771 said we didn't need it. 529 00:20:30,896 --> 00:20:32,940 I thought about it, and you were right. 530 00:20:33,065 --> 00:20:34,642 - No. Alice. - No. 531 00:20:34,767 --> 00:20:36,177 - What? - We were right? 532 00:20:36,302 --> 00:20:38,679 Let's look at history. We're never right. 533 00:20:38,804 --> 00:20:40,848 Does this guy... Do I look right? 534 00:20:40,973 --> 00:20:42,491 Does this look right? 535 00:20:42,657 --> 00:20:44,185 Look, please just go back to the phones, okay? 536 00:20:44,310 --> 00:20:45,869 I am not in the mood for this today. 537 00:20:46,035 --> 00:20:48,757 Apparently, some homeless people broke into the old offices 538 00:20:48,882 --> 00:20:50,123 and destroyed everything. 539 00:20:50,289 --> 00:20:52,928 Homeless people. Can't trust 'em. 540 00:20:53,053 --> 00:20:54,963 Know what I mean? They're a foul, foul breed! 541 00:20:55,088 --> 00:20:57,506 - Thanks for, uh... - Ecch! Gross! 542 00:20:59,474 --> 00:21:03,187 Sync and correction by Mlmlte www.addic7ed.com Resync for DEMAND by antibio