1
00:00:00,308 --> 00:00:02,938
Man, this summer kickoff
party's gonna be, like,
2
00:00:03,046 --> 00:00:05,615
mtv beach house
throwback status.
3
00:00:05,682 --> 00:00:07,884
Daisy Fuentes's butt-cheeks
are just gonna be flowing
4
00:00:07,951 --> 00:00:10,553
- in the wind.
- Ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay!
5
00:00:10,621 --> 00:00:11,854
- That wasn't racist, was it?
- She had s--that's a good one.
6
00:00:11,922 --> 00:00:13,523
- It was a little.
- Okay, well.
7
00:00:13,590 --> 00:00:15,424
- It was a little racist.
- Hey, uh, dirk to blaze.
8
00:00:15,492 --> 00:00:17,860
Any sign of what's clogging
the drain, my main man?
9
00:00:17,928 --> 00:00:19,595
Negative, dude.
10
00:00:19,663 --> 00:00:21,697
I do see a barbeque
down here, though,
11
00:00:21,765 --> 00:00:24,934
and a suitcase
full of your clothes.
12
00:00:25,002 --> 00:00:27,503
I'm almost to the drain.
It's 2 meters.
13
00:00:27,571 --> 00:00:29,372
How's the air quality
down there?
14
00:00:29,439 --> 00:00:31,374
It's okay, it's all right.
15
00:00:31,441 --> 00:00:34,510
But I could use
a blow of the dro, sir.
16
00:00:34,578 --> 00:00:37,380
Blowing dro.
17
00:00:37,447 --> 00:00:39,882
He's blowing
dro now. Over.
18
00:00:39,950 --> 00:00:43,319
I just blew the dro.
Blew the dro.
19
00:00:43,387 --> 00:00:45,354
Hey, blaze, come on, man.
20
00:00:45,422 --> 00:00:47,123
Any sign of what's clogging
the drain?
21
00:00:47,190 --> 00:00:49,892
That's affirmative.
There's something...
22
00:00:49,960 --> 00:00:54,730
Oh, my God, guys!
23
00:00:54,798 --> 00:00:59,468
You're not gonna believe this.
24
00:00:59,536 --> 00:01:03,606
[Beat-boxing]
25
00:01:03,674 --> 00:01:05,841
♪ I'm fresh
[Beat-boxing]
26
00:01:05,909 --> 00:01:07,510
♪ You gotta you gotta ♪
27
00:01:07,578 --> 00:01:11,480
- ♪ You gotta, gotta
- ♪ Gotta be fresh
28
00:01:11,548 --> 00:01:16,252
Gentledudes, before you lies
a fierce beast
29
00:01:16,320 --> 00:01:19,155
known to suck the brains
out of humans and goats,
30
00:01:19,222 --> 00:01:22,158
driven from their habitat
during the construction
31
00:01:22,225 --> 00:01:24,660
of the Rancho Garden Mall
in '98.
32
00:01:24,728 --> 00:01:26,862
Heck, the scientists
thought they moved up north.
33
00:01:26,930 --> 00:01:29,565
But I had
a different hypothesis.
34
00:01:29,633 --> 00:01:31,834
Looks like I was right.
35
00:01:31,902 --> 00:01:36,138
I give you...
The Rancho Chupacabraj.
36
00:01:36,206 --> 00:01:38,407
No, that is definitely
our neighbor mark's dog ambush.
37
00:01:38,475 --> 00:01:41,544
Covered in some of your hair
and possibly jizz.
38
00:01:41,612 --> 00:01:44,914
Not mine, though.
39
00:01:48,285 --> 00:01:50,086
It's a Chupacabraj.
40
00:01:50,153 --> 00:01:52,822
I can't believe you're
carrying around a dead animal.
41
00:01:52,889 --> 00:01:55,324
Well, I can't just leave
this priceless artifact at home.
44
00:01:59,730 --> 00:02:01,998
Whatever. Let's stick
to the mission, stromies.
45
00:02:02,065 --> 00:02:03,232
- We need some, like, pool toys.
- Yes.
46
00:02:03,300 --> 00:02:04,533
Chicks are like cats, dude.
47
00:02:04,601 --> 00:02:06,268
If you don't keep
their attention,
48
00:02:06,336 --> 00:02:09,338
they'll wait for--on--
on top of the refrigerator.
49
00:02:09,406 --> 00:02:10,906
- Yep.
- Welcome, gentlemen,
50
00:02:10,974 --> 00:02:13,709
to Tez's summer
blowout special.
51
00:02:13,777 --> 00:02:17,079
I got everything you need.
Games for the Dreamcast,
52
00:02:17,147 --> 00:02:19,915
Playstation One,
and free smoovies.
53
00:02:19,983 --> 00:02:22,251
'Cause white folks
love smoovies.
54
00:02:22,319 --> 00:02:23,519
- Smoovies?
- That's what I said.
55
00:02:23,587 --> 00:02:25,988
- Smoovies.
- With a "v"?
56
00:02:26,056 --> 00:02:28,057
Smoothies!
Wait, what do y'all want?
57
00:02:28,125 --> 00:02:30,660
We're actually looking
for pool toys and whatnot
58
00:02:30,727 --> 00:02:32,261
- and what have you.
- Pool toys.
59
00:02:32,329 --> 00:02:34,997
Let me check my inven--
you know what?
60
00:02:35,065 --> 00:02:37,500
Can I interest you boys
in some straw cowboy hats?
61
00:02:37,567 --> 00:02:38,734
Oh, that's a great idea.
62
00:02:38,802 --> 00:02:40,369
Whenever chicks
wear straw cowboy hats,
63
00:02:40,437 --> 00:02:43,706
they turn into sex cattle, man.
And cowgirl butts...
64
00:02:43,774 --> 00:02:47,276
- Just get my thing hard.
- Mm-hmm.
65
00:02:47,344 --> 00:02:49,078
Could you just show us
to the pool supplies?
66
00:02:49,146 --> 00:02:50,446
All right,
it's or this way, and--
67
00:02:50,514 --> 00:02:53,082
Waymond, you touch it,
you bought it.
68
00:02:53,150 --> 00:02:56,352
Come on.
69
00:02:56,420 --> 00:02:58,788
He has the Space Jam
soundtrack.
70
00:02:58,855 --> 00:03:01,057
Whoa, dudes, check this out.
71
00:03:01,124 --> 00:03:04,193
All: Damn!
72
00:03:04,261 --> 00:03:05,895
- Aw, yeah.
- What?
73
00:03:05,962 --> 00:03:07,697
That's the hover beast
hovercraft.
74
00:03:07,764 --> 00:03:10,566
Colleen won that
in a Tropicana bikini contest.
75
00:03:10,634 --> 00:03:14,270
150 horsepower engine.
Four-blade warp drive prop.
76
00:03:14,337 --> 00:03:17,440
- And it's all yours for $500.
- Dude.
77
00:03:17,507 --> 00:03:19,942
If we get this thing, man,
it'll vault our party
78
00:03:20,010 --> 00:03:22,978
into the most awesomest maximus
event of the summer.
79
00:03:23,046 --> 00:03:24,647
- Ah, brain freeze.
- Montez Walker
80
00:03:24,715 --> 00:03:26,315
- on the invite list?
- Never.
81
00:03:26,383 --> 00:03:30,419
How about I give you $200?
82
00:03:30,487 --> 00:03:32,221
[Laughing]
Y'all talk about that.
83
00:03:32,289 --> 00:03:34,090
No, no, no, no, no.
We can't spend that much money,
84
00:03:34,157 --> 00:03:35,925
because then we won't
have enough money
85
00:03:35,992 --> 00:03:38,260
for the cowboy hats, and if
we don't have cowboy hats,
86
00:03:38,328 --> 00:03:40,329
how am I gonna
save a horse, ride a cowgirl?
87
00:03:40,397 --> 00:03:42,231
If we have a hovercraft,
we don't need cowboy hats.
88
00:03:42,299 --> 00:03:44,133
- Yeah.
- Hovercrafts are aphrodisiacs.
89
00:03:44,201 --> 00:03:45,634
They're basically...
oysters of the ocean.
90
00:03:45,702 --> 00:03:47,369
Yummy.
91
00:03:47,437 --> 00:03:49,238
Yeah, I guess you're right.
Plus, you know what?
92
00:03:49,306 --> 00:03:52,608
We could charge people money
to ride on the hovercraft
93
00:03:52,676 --> 00:03:55,578
and also money to take pictures
with the Chupacabraj.
94
00:03:55,645 --> 00:03:57,546
At this point now,
we're making money.
95
00:03:57,614 --> 00:03:59,115
We're making money
off our party.
96
00:03:59,182 --> 00:04:02,284
Guys, we could just buy it
and return it next week.
97
00:04:02,352 --> 00:04:06,455
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.
I heard that.
98
00:04:06,523 --> 00:04:08,758
No refunds around here.
99
00:04:08,825 --> 00:04:12,495
- All sales final.
- How did he hear that?
100
00:04:12,562 --> 00:04:15,498
$450, plus you throw in
101
00:04:15,565 --> 00:04:17,833
all the straw cowboy hats
we can eat, and that's a deal.
102
00:04:17,901 --> 00:04:21,637
And whatever's in arm's reach.
103
00:04:21,705 --> 00:04:24,140
- And this--this suit.
- Whoa, cool!
104
00:04:24,207 --> 00:04:25,407
- Sold!
- Okay!
105
00:04:25,475 --> 00:04:26,976
- Yes!
- But you be careful
106
00:04:27,043 --> 00:04:28,544
in that suit.
It's powerful.
107
00:04:28,612 --> 00:04:30,446
It makes women just... [Swooning].
108
00:04:30,514 --> 00:04:32,014
They just [Swooning]
109
00:04:32,082 --> 00:04:34,183
Waymond! Get over here
and get a sendoff picture
110
00:04:34,251 --> 00:04:36,185
- like we at the Saturn dealer.
- There we go.
111
00:04:36,253 --> 00:04:39,021
- All right.
- Charge that to the game.
112
00:04:39,089 --> 00:04:41,257
[Chirp] Cool.
113
00:04:41,324 --> 00:04:42,691
All right, Ders,
fire this puppy up.
114
00:04:42,759 --> 00:04:43,926
- Whoo!
- You got it!
115
00:04:43,994 --> 00:04:45,194
[Laughing] Here we go.
116
00:04:45,262 --> 00:04:47,663
- Land-ho!
- Ahoy!
117
00:04:47,731 --> 00:04:49,198
All: [Screaming]
118
00:04:49,266 --> 00:04:50,866
Oh, captain,
this is going down!
119
00:04:50,934 --> 00:04:52,301
I don't like
when your mom visits.
120
00:04:52,369 --> 00:04:53,702
She's always flirting with me.
121
00:04:53,770 --> 00:04:55,104
She's got those
big titties like you.
122
00:04:55,172 --> 00:04:58,541
- No sale!
- What in the [bleep] is going--
123
00:04:58,608 --> 00:05:01,010
We want our $450 back,
124
00:05:01,077 --> 00:05:02,444
because the hovercraft
you sold us
125
00:05:02,512 --> 00:05:04,313
catches fire way too easily.
126
00:05:04,381 --> 00:05:06,882
I told y'all no refunds.
127
00:05:06,950 --> 00:05:08,284
Ain't that right,
way-way?
128
00:05:08,351 --> 00:05:10,452
- He heard me.
- We don't want refunds.
129
00:05:10,520 --> 00:05:12,454
We want our money back
so we can buy a hovercraft
130
00:05:12,522 --> 00:05:13,689
that actually flies.
131
00:05:13,757 --> 00:05:14,957
- Mm-hmm.
- In the water.
132
00:05:15,025 --> 00:05:16,592
- Wat--water flight.
- Mm-hmm.
133
00:05:16,660 --> 00:05:18,460
Yeah, that's right.
Our pool party's ruined.
134
00:05:18,528 --> 00:05:20,162
Now it's just guys
with cowboy hats
135
00:05:20,230 --> 00:05:22,331
squirting each other.
That's bad.
136
00:05:22,399 --> 00:05:24,500
- And?
- Well...
137
00:05:24,568 --> 00:05:28,337
We'll sue you. We'll take
everything you've got.
138
00:05:28,405 --> 00:05:30,072
- That's a really good idea.
- Thanks.
139
00:05:30,140 --> 00:05:31,507
That's why he's the brains
of the operation.
140
00:05:31,575 --> 00:05:33,309
You want to get
judge Joe brown on it?
141
00:05:33,376 --> 00:05:35,077
You want some judge Judy
up your booty?
142
00:05:35,145 --> 00:05:36,612
You better lawyer up.
143
00:05:36,680 --> 00:05:38,981
- You better lawyer up.
- ♪ Lawyer up
144
00:05:39,049 --> 00:05:41,851
- ♪ You better lawyer up!
- There's no lawyers
145
00:05:41,918 --> 00:05:43,652
- in small claims court.
- What?
146
00:05:43,720 --> 00:05:46,088
- Then lawyer down, okay?
- Yeah, so lawyer down.
147
00:05:46,156 --> 00:05:48,357
You know what? We're gonna
see you in court, man.
148
00:05:48,425 --> 00:05:50,092
- See you there.
- No, we will.
149
00:05:50,160 --> 00:05:51,727
- We'll see you in court.
- Oh, well, bring it.
150
00:05:51,795 --> 00:05:52,995
Yeah, fine, we will bring it.
151
00:05:53,063 --> 00:05:54,430
- Fine, then.
- Mm.
152
00:05:54,497 --> 00:05:56,198
Yo, what the [bleep]
you did right there?
153
00:05:56,266 --> 00:05:57,666
That's my cactus!
154
00:05:57,734 --> 00:05:59,335
You want to go
in the [bleep] garbage can?
155
00:05:59,402 --> 00:06:00,870
- Sorry.
- Sorry, jet set.
156
00:06:00,937 --> 00:06:02,605
We thought it was his cactus.
We didn't know.
157
00:06:02,672 --> 00:06:04,406
Now y'all get out of my house.
158
00:06:04,474 --> 00:06:05,708
Have a good day.
159
00:06:05,775 --> 00:06:13,751
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
160
00:06:13,871 --> 00:06:15,105
Move it along, people.
161
00:06:15,172 --> 00:06:17,007
We got a big-time lawyer
coming through.
162
00:06:17,074 --> 00:06:18,441
Guys, I applied to law school.
163
00:06:18,509 --> 00:06:20,143
I didn't even
get accepted anywhere.
164
00:06:20,211 --> 00:06:22,579
Well, that's not true.
You got accepted in our hearts.
165
00:06:22,646 --> 00:06:25,615
No homo, pro bono.
That's a lawyer term, right?
166
00:06:25,683 --> 00:06:27,617
I'm gonna say it again.
I have no idea.
167
00:06:27,685 --> 00:06:29,352
I don't know.
I don't know.
168
00:06:29,420 --> 00:06:31,187
I don't understand
how you don't know,
169
00:06:31,255 --> 00:06:33,823
because you've seen every
episode of Franklin & Bash.
170
00:06:33,891 --> 00:06:35,325
- Who hasn't?
- That's true.
171
00:06:35,393 --> 00:06:36,760
That's a good show.
Really good show.
172
00:06:36,827 --> 00:06:39,829
Ders, you have a briefcase.
Use that.
173
00:06:39,897 --> 00:06:41,498
I do have a briefcase.
174
00:06:41,565 --> 00:06:44,267
We bought a hovercraft
for a party that we can't have.
175
00:06:44,335 --> 00:06:45,769
You know how sad that makes me?
176
00:06:45,836 --> 00:06:49,739
- Lawyer the sadness away.
- I will, man.
177
00:06:49,807 --> 00:06:53,109
- This your bag?
- Uh, yes, sir, it is.
178
00:06:53,177 --> 00:06:54,677
- That was salty.
- I'm gonna have to search it.
179
00:06:54,745 --> 00:06:57,247
Oh, uh, yeah, go ahead.
180
00:06:57,314 --> 00:06:59,516
- Sure, yeah, of course.
- Oh, damn!
181
00:06:59,583 --> 00:07:01,584
Yeah, pretty freaky, right?
It's a, uh--
182
00:07:01,652 --> 00:07:03,920
It's actually
a Rancho Chupacabraj.
183
00:07:03,988 --> 00:07:06,656
Uh, but I have to take it
with me. It's evidence in a...
184
00:07:06,724 --> 00:07:12,195
Uh...well, a--a dude having sex
with a Chupacabraj case, so...
185
00:07:12,263 --> 00:07:14,097
- Get out of here.
- All right.
186
00:07:14,165 --> 00:07:16,099
- Thanks, sir.
- He found it covered in jizz.
187
00:07:16,167 --> 00:07:18,935
We're not sure what--animal jizz
or human jizz, we're not sure.
188
00:07:19,003 --> 00:07:23,506
[Rapping gavel]
189
00:07:23,574 --> 00:07:25,041
You've all been sworn in.
190
00:07:25,109 --> 00:07:26,776
Gentlemen, I've read
your complaint.
191
00:07:26,844 --> 00:07:29,345
Do you have anything to add
other than your claim
192
00:07:29,413 --> 00:07:30,980
of boat fraud
in the first degree,
193
00:07:31,048 --> 00:07:33,750
which I'd like to point out
is not real thing?
194
00:07:33,818 --> 00:07:35,685
Well, we're here to prove
that it is, your honor.
195
00:07:35,753 --> 00:07:38,421
If I may, I'm gonna stand.
196
00:07:38,489 --> 00:07:40,490
I'd like to, uh,
address the jury here.
197
00:07:40,558 --> 00:07:43,793
Uh, plaintiff, uh,
this isn't a jury trial.
198
00:07:43,861 --> 00:07:45,095
They're here
awaiting their cases.
199
00:07:45,162 --> 00:07:47,197
- These people?
- Uh-huh.
200
00:07:47,264 --> 00:07:49,199
Thank you, judge Tibbles.
201
00:07:49,266 --> 00:07:51,101
Ladies and gentlemen
of the esteemed court,
202
00:07:51,168 --> 00:07:54,037
two dudes with some
bodacious ponytails.
203
00:07:54,105 --> 00:07:56,773
- 22 inches and counting.
- Dude.
204
00:07:56,841 --> 00:07:58,808
This is 19 inches.
It's longer than yours.
205
00:07:58,876 --> 00:08:00,110
- No, it's not.
- I measured it
206
00:08:00,177 --> 00:08:01,544
- from the base up here.
- I measured it
207
00:08:01,612 --> 00:08:03,012
from the top of my forehead.
208
00:08:03,080 --> 00:08:06,816
I have but one word:
209
00:08:06,884 --> 00:08:10,286
"Justice."
Right?
210
00:08:10,354 --> 00:08:12,388
Just. Us.
211
00:08:12,456 --> 00:08:14,524
It's just us
on this planet earth.
212
00:08:14,592 --> 00:08:16,526
We're alone, so...
213
00:08:16,594 --> 00:08:18,795
We need to trust each other.
214
00:08:18,863 --> 00:08:22,365
Trust. Us.
215
00:08:22,433 --> 00:08:24,634
Rhymes, so you know
that it's real.
216
00:08:24,702 --> 00:08:28,338
Which brings me
to the question...
217
00:08:28,405 --> 00:08:31,007
Are we human...
218
00:08:31,075 --> 00:08:34,144
Or are we dancers?
219
00:08:34,211 --> 00:08:35,979
Plaintiff, is there any
additional evidence
220
00:08:36,046 --> 00:08:37,847
besides
the defective hovercraft?
221
00:08:37,915 --> 00:08:39,549
No, but look,
I was having a good time.
222
00:08:39,617 --> 00:08:41,718
The problem is that this guy
sold us a bunk hovercraft,
223
00:08:41,785 --> 00:08:43,486
and now we're gonna have
a sausage fest
224
00:08:43,554 --> 00:08:45,488
with no bikinis
and no straw cowboy hats,
225
00:08:45,556 --> 00:08:47,056
and I don't think
you're being fair.
226
00:08:47,124 --> 00:08:48,625
This isn't fair.
227
00:08:48,692 --> 00:08:51,161
Mr. Walker, how do you respond
to the accusation?
228
00:08:51,228 --> 00:08:55,665
Your honor, I know your time
is valuable, so I will be brief.
229
00:08:55,733 --> 00:08:58,701
Um, this here
is a textbook witch hunt--
230
00:08:58,769 --> 00:09:01,971
- How's he sound so real?
- That will clearly exonerate me
231
00:09:02,039 --> 00:09:05,475
from all these prejudicious
and unfair charges.
232
00:09:05,543 --> 00:09:07,110
This isn't a race thing, sir.
233
00:09:07,178 --> 00:09:08,778
- May I approach the bench?
- Proceed.
234
00:09:08,846 --> 00:09:10,547
- He knows exactly...
- You're dumb.
235
00:09:10,614 --> 00:09:13,716
Your honor, as you can see,
in nine separate locations,
236
00:09:13,784 --> 00:09:17,187
in accordance with
our great law, is my signs.
237
00:09:17,254 --> 00:09:19,689
Ders, why aren't you
using the briefcase?
238
00:09:19,757 --> 00:09:21,224
There's nothing
inside the briefcase
239
00:09:21,292 --> 00:09:23,560
except for golf pencils
and baseball cards,
240
00:09:23,627 --> 00:09:25,228
and slim Jim dare.
241
00:09:25,296 --> 00:09:27,063
Slim Jim dare really
freaking hot beef jerky,
242
00:09:27,131 --> 00:09:28,798
and you didn't
give us any of that.
243
00:09:28,866 --> 00:09:30,300
This is the jalapeno kind,
and you didn't give--
244
00:09:30,367 --> 00:09:31,968
- You didn't even think--
- Gentlemen, please.
245
00:09:32,036 --> 00:09:35,305
This is a court of law.
It's not a feeding trough.
246
00:09:35,372 --> 00:09:37,874
I had one.
I had--this one was out.
247
00:09:37,942 --> 00:09:40,376
- I just--okay.
- No, no, dude, dude, come on.
248
00:09:40,444 --> 00:09:41,878
I think you're making
a very good case here.
249
00:09:41,946 --> 00:09:43,913
Okay, Ders's lawyering
didn't work,
250
00:09:43,981 --> 00:09:47,150
so it's time for me
to do some liar-ing.
251
00:09:47,218 --> 00:09:50,019
- I'm gonna lie.
- Oh, cool.
252
00:09:50,087 --> 00:09:51,921
[Southern accent] Your honor,
253
00:09:51,989 --> 00:09:56,025
I do declare
that we have a star witness
254
00:09:56,093 --> 00:09:59,662
that we would like
to call to the stand.
255
00:09:59,730 --> 00:10:03,533
- To the what?
- To the stand.
256
00:10:03,601 --> 00:10:04,767
I don't understand
the word you're saying.
257
00:10:04,835 --> 00:10:07,237
To the stand, to the stand.
258
00:10:07,304 --> 00:10:09,572
And we all were just
screaming, "Montez, stop,"
259
00:10:09,640 --> 00:10:12,775
and he just continued
to squeeze the life
260
00:10:12,843 --> 00:10:15,044
out of the poor little
girl scout's dalmatian.
261
00:10:15,112 --> 00:10:18,281
- It was--it was disgusting.
- What?
262
00:10:18,349 --> 00:10:20,516
- Can we get back to the case?
- Your honor.
263
00:10:20,584 --> 00:10:22,852
We are just here to tell
the truth, the whole truth,
264
00:10:22,920 --> 00:10:25,021
and nothing but the truth
about a vile
265
00:10:25,089 --> 00:10:28,524
and disgusting man who
was trying to ruin our party.
266
00:10:28,592 --> 00:10:30,693
Could you use
your regular voice, please?
267
00:10:30,761 --> 00:10:32,195
[Continues accent]
This young lady
268
00:10:32,263 --> 00:10:33,963
knows where I'm coming from,
269
00:10:34,031 --> 00:10:36,599
- don't you, doll?
- Huh?
270
00:10:36,667 --> 00:10:38,268
Do you like pool parties, miss?
271
00:10:38,335 --> 00:10:39,602
Yeah.
272
00:10:39,670 --> 00:10:41,704
And are you available
this Saturday,
273
00:10:41,772 --> 00:10:45,942
and may I remind you
you are under oath?
274
00:10:46,010 --> 00:10:49,045
I guess I don't have any plans.
275
00:10:49,113 --> 00:10:50,647
Can we get back
to the case please?
276
00:10:50,714 --> 00:10:52,315
Your honor,
I'm just making sure
277
00:10:52,383 --> 00:10:55,852
that everybody in here
is being truthful,
278
00:10:55,919 --> 00:11:00,323
such as myself holding on
to my nine-inch lap-hog,
279
00:11:00,391 --> 00:11:05,028
which must be a true thing
since I am also under oath.
280
00:11:05,095 --> 00:11:07,096
Uh, yeah, we all
have really big dongs.
281
00:11:07,164 --> 00:11:08,998
- I swear on a stack of bibles.
- My dick's big.
282
00:11:09,066 --> 00:11:12,268
I believe we've had enough
lap-hog talk for one lifetime.
283
00:11:12,336 --> 00:11:14,003
I'm sorry, your honor.
Did you guys see
284
00:11:14,071 --> 00:11:17,173
the "No refund" signs
at the garage sale, or no?
285
00:11:17,241 --> 00:11:18,708
I certainly
did not see a sign--
286
00:11:18,776 --> 00:11:21,844
- That is a lie!
- I should warn you gentlemen
287
00:11:21,912 --> 00:11:24,514
that perjury laws
are swift and severe.
288
00:11:24,581 --> 00:11:27,884
Mm-hmm, swift willy style,
all in there.
289
00:11:27,951 --> 00:11:29,619
You may sit down.
290
00:11:29,687 --> 00:11:31,521
Does the defense
have any response?
291
00:11:31,588 --> 00:11:34,457
Yes, I do.
I also have a star witness
292
00:11:34,525 --> 00:11:35,892
who can prove
beyond a reasonable doubt
293
00:11:35,959 --> 00:11:37,727
that these sucker-necks
are lying.
294
00:11:37,795 --> 00:11:41,731
Defense calls Waymond Womano.
295
00:11:41,799 --> 00:11:43,333
Oh, [bleep], this is bad.
296
00:11:43,400 --> 00:11:45,001
He saw everything.
We can't let him testify.
297
00:11:45,069 --> 00:11:46,703
If he testifies, we're gonna go
to jail for perjury.
298
00:11:46,770 --> 00:11:49,739
- You should've told me that.
- I thought you knew.
299
00:11:49,807 --> 00:11:52,308
I choose to accept
this mission.
300
00:11:52,376 --> 00:11:54,210
Uh...
301
00:11:58,649 --> 00:12:01,050
State your name
for the court record, please.
302
00:12:01,118 --> 00:12:02,985
What the heck's that?
303
00:12:05,689 --> 00:12:07,023
- What the...
- [Whimpering]
304
00:12:07,091 --> 00:12:08,257
What the hell?
305
00:12:08,325 --> 00:12:10,059
Court is adjourned
till tomorrow.
306
00:12:10,127 --> 00:12:11,994
- [Rapping gavel]
- Yeah.
307
00:12:12,062 --> 00:12:14,764
Adjourning's the best.
Obviously we're adjourning
308
00:12:14,832 --> 00:12:16,766
'cause you have rats
in your vents.
309
00:12:16,834 --> 00:12:18,067
That's the first smart thing
you done all day.
310
00:12:18,135 --> 00:12:19,502
You're at the courthouse.
311
00:12:19,570 --> 00:12:21,371
Y'all slick, you're real slick.
312
00:12:21,438 --> 00:12:22,939
I know y'all threw
that dookie bag.
313
00:12:23,006 --> 00:12:25,441
But we back tomorrow,
and Waymond is pissed.
314
00:12:25,509 --> 00:12:27,510
You messed up his church shoes,
and look at my good suit.
315
00:12:27,578 --> 00:12:29,078
How about we settle
out of court?
316
00:12:29,146 --> 00:12:30,580
You know, we'll take you
to Ruby Tuesday's,
317
00:12:30,647 --> 00:12:32,382
we'll buy you
a root-beer and a burger.
318
00:12:32,449 --> 00:12:34,484
The only thing y'all
gonna be eating is ass salad.
319
00:12:34,551 --> 00:12:37,720
Talking about prison
for in and around 30 days.
320
00:12:37,788 --> 00:12:39,255
Good luck.
321
00:12:39,323 --> 00:12:41,057
Oh, man, we're going to jail,
322
00:12:41,125 --> 00:12:44,060
and I never got to Eiffel Tower
a chick with one of you guys.
323
00:12:44,128 --> 00:12:45,628
We're not gonna go to jail
if Waymond doesn't testify.
324
00:12:45,696 --> 00:12:46,996
Oh, we're eating
ass salad, man.
325
00:12:47,064 --> 00:12:49,732
I'm gonna ha
a big bowl of ass salad.
326
00:12:49,800 --> 00:12:52,268
You heard Tez.
Waymond's snitching tomorrow.
327
00:12:52,336 --> 00:12:54,771
Not we get to him tonight.
328
00:13:07,184 --> 00:13:08,718
Shut up, stay right there!
329
00:13:08,786 --> 00:13:10,987
- And drive!
- Whoops! Hey!
330
00:13:11,054 --> 00:13:13,022
Don't talk though.
Don't talk though.
331
00:13:18,348 --> 00:13:21,083
Waymond Womano,
we can't be responsible
332
00:13:21,151 --> 00:13:23,290
for what happens if you show up
in court tomorrow.
333
00:13:23,420 --> 00:13:27,790
But we can be very responsible
if you--
334
00:13:27,858 --> 00:13:29,826
if you don't...do that.
335
00:13:29,893 --> 00:13:33,029
Yeah, stick your hand
in this bag.
336
00:13:33,097 --> 00:13:36,933
Do it! You feel that?
Those are the eyeballs of kids
337
00:13:37,000 --> 00:13:38,601
that we plucked
out of their heads!
338
00:13:38,669 --> 00:13:40,803
And this?
This is intestines.
339
00:13:40,871 --> 00:13:42,371
No, Blake.
We're, uh--
340
00:13:42,439 --> 00:13:45,475
Dude #1, we told you
he's not blindfolded.
341
00:13:45,542 --> 00:13:48,377
He's not blindfolded.
He can see that it's spaghetti.
342
00:13:48,445 --> 00:13:52,949
Well, this is spaghetti
that a dude was eating,
343
00:13:53,016 --> 00:13:55,384
but we killed him.
All: Yeah!
344
00:13:55,452 --> 00:13:56,986
And we'll kill you too.
345
00:13:57,054 --> 00:13:59,789
- Yeah, we killed his ass.
- Are you ready to die?
346
00:13:59,857 --> 00:14:01,157
Oh, that's the game
you want to play?
347
00:14:01,225 --> 00:14:02,959
- Oh, okay.
- Dig your own grave, bud.
348
00:14:03,026 --> 00:14:04,594
Yeah, dig the fricking grave,
349
00:14:04,661 --> 00:14:07,130
you marshmallow-looking
mother[bleep].
350
00:14:07,197 --> 00:14:10,433
All: [Chuckling evilly]
351
00:14:10,501 --> 00:14:12,635
- What?
- Heh, heh...
352
00:14:12,703 --> 00:14:14,937
- Little help?
- Oh.
353
00:14:15,005 --> 00:14:16,339
- Just throw--hurry up.
- Yeah.
354
00:14:16,406 --> 00:14:18,174
- Go falcons!
- Thank you.
355
00:14:18,242 --> 00:14:20,243
Hey, nice arm.
356
00:14:20,310 --> 00:14:23,179
It's a shovel, not a broom.
357
00:14:23,247 --> 00:14:25,114
- Come on, jeez.
- That's what you got?
358
00:14:25,182 --> 00:14:27,950
Harder. He's throwing it
on his shoe--shoes.
359
00:14:28,018 --> 00:14:30,786
You really suck at this.
He sucks at this.
360
00:14:30,854 --> 00:14:32,655
Jesus Christ, you're horrible.
361
00:14:32,723 --> 00:14:34,090
I'm actually
not very good either.
362
00:14:34,158 --> 00:14:35,324
Well, you're holding
the spaghetti.
363
00:14:35,392 --> 00:14:37,260
We told you not
to bring the spaghetti.
364
00:14:37,327 --> 00:14:38,461
I'm gonna go
get some more shovels.
365
00:14:38,529 --> 00:14:39,962
Yeah.
366
00:14:40,030 --> 00:14:41,664
I'm actually really proud
of us, guys.
367
00:14:41,732 --> 00:14:43,099
This hole
is freaking impressive.
368
00:14:43,167 --> 00:14:45,601
- It's crazy.
- Whoa, dude, look,
369
00:14:45,669 --> 00:14:47,470
you're gonna kill yourself
if you don't start lifting
370
00:14:47,538 --> 00:14:49,105
with your body
instead of your arm muscles.
371
00:14:49,173 --> 00:14:51,107
Well, my arm muscles
are my body, Ders.
372
00:14:51,175 --> 00:14:53,075
In fact, I think
they're most of it.
373
00:14:53,143 --> 00:14:55,111
I think we can all agree
that the most important thing
374
00:14:55,179 --> 00:14:56,846
to do is come
from the top here.
375
00:14:56,914 --> 00:14:58,147
- Yeah.
- Because all the leverage
376
00:14:58,215 --> 00:14:59,415
when you're going--ow!
377
00:14:59,483 --> 00:15:00,483
- Aah!
- Wait, what happened?
378
00:15:00,551 --> 00:15:02,251
- I think...
- What happened?
379
00:15:02,319 --> 00:15:04,153
- Splinter.
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
380
00:15:04,221 --> 00:15:06,189
That's painful, that's painful,
that's very painful.
381
00:15:06,256 --> 00:15:08,090
Waymond? Waymond?
Wait, Waymond!
382
00:15:08,158 --> 00:15:09,825
- Waymond!
- Waymond!
383
00:15:09,893 --> 00:15:13,796
Waymond, wait, wait!
Maybe we went too far!
384
00:15:13,864 --> 00:15:16,032
Uh, we were just trying
to scare you out of testifying.
385
00:15:16,099 --> 00:15:17,500
It's us, the bull[bleep] boys!
386
00:15:17,568 --> 00:15:19,769
Well, we shouldn't have
let him wait
387
00:15:19,836 --> 00:15:22,505
- in the car to get warm.
- Really boner move on our part.
388
00:15:22,573 --> 00:15:24,340
Yeah, now we're gonna
go to prison for perjury.
389
00:15:24,408 --> 00:15:26,142
- And liar-ing even.
- Oh, man.
390
00:15:26,210 --> 00:15:30,479
Hot dudes like us do not do well
in prison, guys.
391
00:15:30,547 --> 00:15:34,150
We are like three fresh meat
butt sticks just waiting
392
00:15:34,218 --> 00:15:37,587
- for a dry rub.
- Oh, God, Blake's right.
393
00:15:37,654 --> 00:15:39,922
His American Idol hairdo,
your norse-ness.
394
00:15:39,990 --> 00:15:43,459
My pecs, my hammies.
My gluts, man!
395
00:15:43,527 --> 00:15:45,261
They're just waiting
for a good dicking.
396
00:15:45,329 --> 00:15:47,196
- Oh, we're gonna get pounded.
- Maybe, like,
397
00:15:47,264 --> 00:15:48,831
over time, it, like--
it gets okay.
398
00:15:48,899 --> 00:15:50,833
It's just skin
after all, right?
399
00:15:50,901 --> 00:15:52,501
- What?
- I don't know.
400
00:15:52,569 --> 00:15:54,503
I'm just trying to be, like,
a "glass half full" guy.
401
00:15:54,571 --> 00:15:57,406
You're gonna have an ass
half full of prison [bleep].
402
00:15:57,474 --> 00:15:58,641
So what should we do right now?
403
00:15:58,709 --> 00:16:00,109
Should we go get hamburgers?
404
00:16:00,177 --> 00:16:02,111
Eat a bunch of hamburgers
right now and get fat?
405
00:16:02,179 --> 00:16:04,380
So the dudes won't want
to butt-fun us?
406
00:16:04,448 --> 00:16:05,948
- We'll get fat, we'll get ugly.
- We have to beat the pretty
407
00:16:06,016 --> 00:16:07,516
out of each other.
408
00:16:07,584 --> 00:16:09,652
All right, well,
how do we go about doing that?
409
00:16:09,720 --> 00:16:12,321
I don't know. What do you say,
we count to three,
410
00:16:12,389 --> 00:16:14,824
and all, like, just punch
each other, same time?
411
00:16:14,891 --> 00:16:16,325
- To the right?
- Yeah, to the right.
412
00:16:16,393 --> 00:16:18,066
I don't want
to call you guys bitches,
413
00:16:18,186 --> 00:16:20,957
but you guys are bitches.
414
00:16:21,077 --> 00:16:22,377
You're bitches.
415
00:16:22,497 --> 00:16:25,027
You guys wouldn't be able to
hurt me, my face is very hard.
416
00:16:25,147 --> 00:16:28,584
Growing up, all the bullies
were, like, "Holy [bleep], man.
417
00:16:28,651 --> 00:16:29,985
- Your face so hard."
- Right.
418
00:16:30,053 --> 00:16:31,291
"It hurts my hand
when I punch."
419
00:16:31,411 --> 00:16:33,153
I need something
much harder to hit it.
420
00:16:33,273 --> 00:16:36,791
- Whoa! Uh...
- Dude, whoa.
421
00:16:36,911 --> 00:16:38,627
- You want me to blast you?
- No, no, no.
422
00:16:38,672 --> 00:16:40,406
Let's just, uh,
we'll tell him we fought.
423
00:16:40,474 --> 00:16:41,640
- No, yeah, good--good call.
- You all right, man?
424
00:16:41,708 --> 00:16:42,908
- Adam, Adam, you okay?
- [Moaning]
425
00:16:42,976 --> 00:16:44,343
- Adam.
- Sorry.
426
00:16:44,411 --> 00:16:47,313
- [Moaning]
- Come on, okay, oh...
427
00:16:47,381 --> 00:16:48,681
Did I get you?
Did I get you good?
428
00:16:48,749 --> 00:16:50,116
- Did I get you good?
- Uh, no.
429
00:16:50,183 --> 00:16:52,651
But Ders got me a--
a cracked rib for sure.
430
00:16:52,719 --> 00:16:54,620
We fought, and, uh,
Blake curbed me.
431
00:16:54,688 --> 00:16:55,855
- Just destroyed my face.
- Yeah, twice.
432
00:16:55,922 --> 00:16:58,090
I can see that.
I can see that.
433
00:16:58,158 --> 00:16:59,592
You look bad, dude.
You look bad.
434
00:16:59,659 --> 00:17:01,193
- Okay, let's--
- You look bad, dude.
435
00:17:01,261 --> 00:17:02,828
- This way.
- This--yeah.
436
00:17:02,896 --> 00:17:04,738
- Let's go home.
- Whoo!
437
00:17:04,858 --> 00:17:06,851
Oh, great,
the sun's coming up soon.
438
00:17:06,971 --> 00:17:09,220
Guess we'll be walking
straight to the courthouse.
439
00:17:09,836 --> 00:17:13,072
[Beat-boxing]
440
00:17:17,156 --> 00:17:19,057
Hey, guys, when the judge
reads our sentences,
441
00:17:19,125 --> 00:17:21,226
- just don't cry.
- Yeah, definitely.
442
00:17:21,293 --> 00:17:22,727
Band of brajs, we got this.
443
00:17:22,795 --> 00:17:24,304
Does it smell
like burnt tires in here?
444
00:17:24,580 --> 00:17:25,847
Smell, like, a little
like something's burning?
445
00:17:25,915 --> 00:17:27,315
- No.
- Nice of you
446
00:17:27,383 --> 00:17:29,317
- to join us, gentlemen.
- Sorry, your honor,
447
00:17:29,385 --> 00:17:32,487
but took a one-and-a-half
in my pants on the elevator.
448
00:17:32,555 --> 00:17:34,656
Yes, that, uh,
definitely happened,
449
00:17:34,724 --> 00:17:36,658
but we won't bother you
with our whole morning.
450
00:17:36,726 --> 00:17:38,360
- No, uh...
- That's why we're late,
451
00:17:38,428 --> 00:17:39,828
'cause I-I-I [bleep]
and pissed my pants--
452
00:17:39,896 --> 00:17:42,297
- Adam, don't.
453
00:17:42,365 --> 00:17:43,665
We're ready
to take responsibility
454
00:17:43,733 --> 00:17:46,301
for whatever Waymond
told you we did.
455
00:17:46,369 --> 00:17:48,804
Before Mr. Womano testifies,
I understand that he has
456
00:17:48,871 --> 00:17:52,240
some physical evidence that may
be pertinent to this case.
457
00:17:52,308 --> 00:17:54,376
I got pictures of y'all
in front of my signs.
458
00:17:54,444 --> 00:17:57,045
You gonna fry.
Some ass salad.
459
00:17:57,113 --> 00:17:58,947
[Gobbling]
460
00:18:03,119 --> 00:18:07,756
[Laughing] I mean...
461
00:18:07,824 --> 00:18:11,526
Whoo, wow, I'm hairy.
462
00:18:11,594 --> 00:18:13,195
I fail to see the relevance
of any of this.
463
00:18:13,262 --> 00:18:15,697
Sir, my wife Colleen
is taking a photography class
464
00:18:15,765 --> 00:18:18,667
at the learning annex and
she needed a sexy model, so...
465
00:18:18,734 --> 00:18:20,102
Just move ahead
at your discretion.
466
00:18:20,169 --> 00:18:23,338
Oh, bam!
There it is!
467
00:18:23,406 --> 00:18:26,108
Well, would you look at that?
Seems like Mr. Walker's
468
00:18:26,175 --> 00:18:28,009
been telling the truth
the whole time.
469
00:18:28,077 --> 00:18:30,612
Oh, this one has a little
"play" icon in the corner.
470
00:18:30,680 --> 00:18:32,981
Shall I play it and see
what we can surmise from this?
471
00:18:35,685 --> 00:18:39,254
Did you see Monteezy
work his magic?
472
00:18:39,322 --> 00:18:41,389
I sold these fools
a broke-ass hovercraft.
473
00:18:41,457 --> 00:18:44,292
That's what they get for never
inviting me to their parties.
474
00:18:44,360 --> 00:18:46,895
Now let's go get
some tacos and free smoothies.
475
00:18:46,963 --> 00:18:48,363
You're killing me, Waymond!
476
00:18:48,431 --> 00:18:50,799
After reviewing the evidence,
477
00:18:50,867 --> 00:18:53,969
the court finds
in favor of the plaintiffs.
478
00:18:54,036 --> 00:18:56,471
The defendant is ordered
to pay repair costs
479
00:18:56,539 --> 00:18:58,039
in their entirety.
[Rapping gavel]
480
00:18:58,107 --> 00:19:00,275
Did you just see the video?
481
00:19:00,343 --> 00:19:02,477
You won, gentlemen.
482
00:19:02,545 --> 00:19:05,280
- What? Oh!
- We won?
483
00:19:05,348 --> 00:19:06,548
- Whoo!
- We did it!
484
00:19:06,616 --> 00:19:09,317
Whoo, we [bleep] won!
We won!
485
00:19:09,385 --> 00:19:12,554
- Whoo, this party sucks!
- [Laughing]
486
00:19:12,622 --> 00:19:16,124
All right, a maniac,
I like it, very cool.
487
00:19:16,192 --> 00:19:19,127
Hey, don't be shy, dudes.
Come on up and take a picture
488
00:19:19,195 --> 00:19:22,731
with the picture
of the Rancho Chupacabraj.
489
00:19:22,798 --> 00:19:24,466
Come on, we got one picture
for $10,
490
00:19:24,534 --> 00:19:27,402
two pictures for $5, so....
491
00:19:27,470 --> 00:19:30,405
Just take two. Two.
It's a cheaper deal.
492
00:19:30,473 --> 00:19:32,841
Yo, blaze, any day now.
493
00:19:32,909 --> 00:19:34,476
- Oh, yeah.
- Hey, guys,
494
00:19:34,544 --> 00:19:36,278
I just want to, uh,
take this opportunity
495
00:19:36,345 --> 00:19:39,648
to say welcome to our premier
beach house party of the summer!
496
00:19:39,715 --> 00:19:42,284
Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!
497
00:19:42,351 --> 00:19:44,019
Okay, you guys don't
seem amped, and I get that.
498
00:19:44,086 --> 00:19:46,254
It's about 98%
to 99% dudes here.
499
00:19:46,322 --> 00:19:48,290
- It's mostly dudes.
- Yeah.
500
00:19:48,357 --> 00:19:51,626
That's okay, though, 'cause
once this bitch gets soaring,
501
00:19:51,694 --> 00:19:53,662
- it's gonna be a chick stampede.
- That's right.
502
00:19:53,729 --> 00:19:55,430
Let's take off those straw
cowboy hats, though,
503
00:19:55,498 --> 00:19:56,831
'cause those
are for the chicks.
504
00:19:56,899 --> 00:19:58,333
- Hey, look!
- Oh! Oh!
505
00:19:58,401 --> 00:20:00,202
- Hey, come in!
- No, no.
506
00:20:00,269 --> 00:20:02,537
- Yeah, yeah, she's with me.
- Let's go, let's go.
507
00:20:02,605 --> 00:20:05,106
[Bleep] this.
508
00:20:05,174 --> 00:20:08,076
[Rock music]
509
00:20:08,144 --> 00:20:15,684
♪
510
00:20:15,751 --> 00:20:17,619
- Aah!
- Oh...
511
00:20:17,687 --> 00:20:19,287
That was not our fault.
512
00:20:19,355 --> 00:20:20,722
- Oh, fudge.
- That's not our fault.
513
00:20:20,790 --> 00:20:22,791
Oh, my God.
Are you--are you boys okay?
514
00:20:22,858 --> 00:20:24,826
Yeah, if you mean
almost getting decapitated
515
00:20:24,894 --> 00:20:28,129
by your sharp-ass fence,
then yeah. Ow! Ow!
516
00:20:28,197 --> 00:20:30,198
Why is your fence
so sharp, dude?
517
00:20:30,266 --> 00:20:33,635
Are you kidding? You just
drove a boat through my yard.
518
00:20:33,703 --> 00:20:35,670
Well, we'll just have to see
how that holds up
519
00:20:35,738 --> 00:20:37,572
-in small claims court.
- Whoo!
520
00:20:37,640 --> 00:20:42,010
Yeah, that's right.
You better lawyer down, sir.
521
00:20:42,078 --> 00:20:44,045
I am a lawyer.
And with this kind of damage,
522
00:20:44,113 --> 00:20:45,782
I'm gonna bring you
to big boy court.
523
00:20:46,107 --> 00:20:49,417
Well, then, [bleep], sir.
524
00:20:49,485 --> 00:20:51,319
Nice.
525
00:20:51,387 --> 00:20:52,320
[Snorting sounds]
526
00:20:52,388 --> 00:20:53,388
[Party horn blows]
527
00:20:55,668 --> 00:21:05,962
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com