Captioning sponsored
by THE CORPORATION FOR PUBLIC BROADCASTING
and VIEWERS LIKE YOU
WELCOME TO MOBIL MASTERPIECE THEATRE.
FOR NEARLY 30 YEARS, WE'VE BEEN PROUD TO PROVIDE
THE ENERGY THAT HELPS PUBLIC TELEVISION RUN.
THE EVIL-TEMPERED DR. RICHARD CRANE IS BACK WITH US TONIGHT.
WE MET HIM FIRST IN "RECKLESS"
THE STORY OF HOW HIS BADLY TREATED WIFE
WAS RESCUED FROM HIM
BY A CHEEKY AND IRRESISTIBLY CHARMING YOUNG DOCTOR
NAMED OWEN SPRINGER.
TONIGHT'S STORY IS A SEQUEL TO THAT TALE.
FOR THOSE WHO MISSED IT
A BRIEF RUNDOWN ON WHAT'S GONE BEFORE MAY BE HELPFUL.
MIDDLE AGE HAS COME TO DR. CRANE AND HIS BEAUTIFUL WIFE ANNA
AND CRANE HAS NOT TAKEN IT GRACEFULLY.
HE'S HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH A YOUNGER WOMAN.
SHE BECOMES PREGNANT.
INTO HIS COMPLICATED LOVE LIFE COMES YOUNG OWEN SPRINGER.
THOUGH SPRINGER IS A FINE DOCTOR
SOCIALLY HE'S EVERYTHING CRANE DESPISES:
A DOCTOR WITH A WORKING-CLASS BACKGROUND
A WORKING-CLASS ACCENT AND A WORKING-CLASS FATHER
WHO PLAYS THE HORSES AND HANGS OUT IN PUBS.
SPRINGER FALLS PASSIONATELY IN LOVE WITH ANNA CRANE
THOUGH SHE'S TEN OR 15 YEARS OLDER THAN HE IS
AND HE CUNNINGLY ENGINEERS A SCHEME
IN WHICH ANNA DISCOVERS HER HUSBAND IS DOING HER WRONG.
SHE'S OUTRAGED.
AFTER ALL, IN 25 YEARS OF MARRIAGE
SHE'S BEEN FAITHFUL TO HIM.
SUDDENLY, SHE'S WILLING TO LISTEN
TO OWEN'S DECLARATIONS OF LOVE
AND IN THE WORDS OF AN OLD NOEL COWARD SONG
"SHE DISCOVERS IN THE NICK OF TIME THAT LIFE IS FOR LIVING."
WHEN OUR SEQUEL OPENS, ANNA IS DIVORCED
AND HAS BEEN LIVING WITH OWEN FOR THE PAST YEAR.
DR. CRANE IS IN ICELAND, OUTWARDLY CALM
INWARDLY STEAMING ABOUT THE INJUSTICE OF IT ALL
AND HATING OWEN SPRINGER.
YES!
YES! YES!
YES!
♪ HOW MUCH IS THAT DOGGIE IN THE WINDOW? ♪
♪ THE ONE WITH THE WAGGLY TAIL
♪ ARF! ARF!
♪ HOW MUCH IS THAT DOGGIE IN THE WINDOW? ♪
♪ I DO HOPE THAT DOGGIE'S FOR SALE. ♪
♪ ARF! ARF!
CLEAN, SUTURE AND A DRY DRESSING.
SORRY.
AH, SO THIS IS THE CHAP, IS IT?
WE NEARLY STARTED WITHOUT YOU.
ONLY JOKING.
I GOT STUCK IN THEATER.
AH! NOW, I COME FROM A LONG LINE OF ACTORS.
WILL YOU MARRY ME?
DECENT JOB, REALLY, TIME SHE GAVE US.
I COULD LIVE HERE.
YEAH, SHE PREFERS THEM NEARER YOUR AGE THAN MINE.
JOIN A GYM.
YOU NEVER KNOW YOUR LUCK.
Registrar: THE REGISTRATION'S £35
PAYABLE NOW BY CHECK OR CREDIT CARD
OR SWITCH.
I'M SORRY.
I'M SORRY, WE... WE'LL COME BACK.
COME ON.
SORRY.
COME ON.
YES, WELL...
I CAN OFFER YOU SATURDAY THE 31st...
THE FOURTH, WEDNESDAY
OR MONDAY THE NINTH.
AH, NOW, ON THE FOURTH THERE'S A STUDENTS' RALLY
AND ON THE NINTH
THERE'S A MR. MEN SHOW AT THE HIPPODROME.
I'M THINKING ABOUT PARKING.
THE QUESTION IS, DO YOU WANT TO GET MARRIED
THIS WEEK OR NEXT MONTH?
ONE WILL NEED A LICENSE.
THIS WEEK. NEXT MONTH.
WHAT'S THE CRITERIA FOR A LICENSE?
45 POUNDS.
I CAN'T BELIEVE WE JUST DID THAT.
THAT'S LESS THAN A WEEK!
THIS IS MAD.
I'VE SPENT LONGER BOOKING A RESTAURANT!
IS IT TOO MAD? I MEAN, I'M IN SURGERY
YOU'RE IN MEETINGS.
IT'S MAD, ISN'T IT? IS IT TOO MAD?
YEAH.
WE DO IT! YES?
WHAT?
SOD IT- SATURDAY!
I'M LATE.
SEE YOU AT HOME, HMM?
WHAT DO WE SAY?
GET YOUR SUIT CLEANED.
I LOVE YOU.
BIG ONE?
YES.
HEY, OWEN.
JOHN!
SO... HOW ARE THE LITTLE PEOPLE?
GROWN-UPS ARE MORE EASILY SUBDUED.
HOW'S CRANE TREATING YOU?
MODEL OF DECENT MANAGEMENT
THE LAST FEW DAYS- HE'S AWAY.
REALLY?
REYKJAVIK- COLON AND RECTUM EXPO '98.
BROCHURE MADE IT SOUND LIKE A RADIO ONE ROAD SHOW.
TILL WHEN?
MMM, TUESDAY.
HOW YOU FIXED SATURDAY?
UH, THURSDAY, NO, FRIDAY, NO.
SATURDAY'S GOOD, YEAH, WHY?
I'M LOOKING FOR A BEST MAN.
MOTHER OF GOD, SHE'S NOT PREGNANT.
NO!
WELL, SO WHAT'S THE RUSH?
IT'S NOT A RUSH.
A WEEK'S NOTICE FOR A WEDDING ISN'T A RUSH?
OKAY.
IT'S COMING UP TO ST. VALENTINE'S - THERE'S A STAMPEDE.
WELL, DO IT NEXT MONTH.
I DON'T WANT TO DO IT NEXT MONTH.
WHAT, ARE YOU SCARED SHE'S GOING TO CHANGE HER MIND?
THAT'S A SOUND START TO A FRUITFUL UNION.
LOOK, NOTHING PERSONAL, BUT I'M GOING TO PASS ON THIS ONE.
I MEAN, ME WITNESSING YOUR MARRIAGE TO CRANE'S EX-WIFE-
THAT'D JUST ABOUT DO ME OUT OF A JOB.
I'M GOING TO LOVE YOU AND LEAVE YOU.
TITS AND TEETH HAS JUST COME IN.
OH, AND LET HERSELF DOWN, I THINK.
WHAT?
DOUBLE YOUR ODDS, DOUBLE YOUR SCORE
DOUBLE YOUR MONEY
AND WIPE THE FLOOR WITH ROSSENDALE!
AH, SHUT UP, WE LOST!
TWO LAGER AND LIMES AND IT WERE ALL OVER.
BLAME HIM.
BLAME HER BLEEDING POM-POMS.
THERE THEY ARE, FRED AND GINGER.
I SAW YOUR MOTOR OUTSIDE.
AND SINCE HE ONLY COMES DOWN THIS SWAMP
TO DWELLETH ON LIFE'S BIG CHANGES
I'D PUT FIVE ON KNOWING EXACTLY
WHAT YOU'RE GOING TO TELL ME
BUT I WON'T SPOIL YOUR FUN.
YEAH, WE'RE...
CONGRATULATIONS, I'M THRILLED TO BITS.
GET US A VODKA.
HOW DID YOU KNOW?
HE THINKS I'M CLUELESS.
HE CAME ROUND LOOKING FOR HIS BIRTH CERTIFICATE.
WELL, HE'S LUCKIER THAN HE DESERVES TO BE
BUT YOU'LL WANT YOUR HEAD TESTED.
VODKA!
HEY, WHERE'S IRMA?
TELL IRMA... IRMA!
DAD, NO.
WE'RE KEEPING IT DEAD SMALL.
WHAT?
NOTHING, MY LIPS ARE SEALED.
THEY'RE GETTING WED.
I KNEW IT, I KNEW IT!
WHO CALLED IT A DATE? DID I CALL IT A DATE?
I JUST NEED A FRIEND, PLATONIC OR OTHERWISE
TO ACCOMPANY ME TO AN EVENT.
A DRESS-UP DO?
WELL, YEAH, I MEAN, YOU KNOW
WHEN I SAY... WHEN I SAY "PUBLIC"
I MEAN SORT OF VAGUELY PUBLIC, UM...
RACHEL...
JUST... JUST SAY YES.
I PROMISE YOU I WILL NOT TRY TO KISS YOU.
I WILL NOT TRY TO PASS YOU OFF AS MY GIRLFRIEND.
I WILL SAY YOU'RE JUST A COLLEAGUE
IN A WAY THAT PEOPLE WILL BELIEVE ME.
OH, THANKS!
AND I'LL BUY YOU A DRESS.
YOU'D BUY ME A DRESS?
RACHEL, I WOULD BUY YOU A HOUSE.
WHY SHOULD I GO TO A DO
FOR SOMEBODY I DON'T KNOW
WITH A MAN I DON'T WANT
WEARING A DRESS I DON'T NEED?
ST. GREGORY'S HOSPITAL.
PUTTING YOU THROUGH.
I MEAN, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'M INTELLIGENT, I'M ATTRACTIVE, I'M WELL-OFF.
I DON'T LIKE YOUR HAIR, I DON'T LIKE YOUR CLASS
AND YOU WALK LIKE A PSYCHIATRIC PATIENT.
DR. PARETSKIAN, CALL, PLEASE.
OKAY, OKAY.
CAN YOU KEEP A SECRET?
It's a wedding.
WHOSE?
Owen Springer and Anna Crane.
YOU'RE HAVING ME ON.
SATURDAY.
2:00 P.M.- exclusive gathering.
I'M INVITED, WITH GUEST
WHICH COULD BE YOU, IF YOU PROMISE
not to tell a soul until after the event.
OKAY...
you're on.
Crane: MAY I SAY, ON BEHALF OF MY COLLEAGUES FROM MANCHESTER
AND INDEED ALL THE BRITISH DELEGATES
HOW GRATEFUL WE ARE FOR THE WARM WELCOME YOU'VE EXTENDED
AND OUR THANKS IN ANTICIPATION OF A FRUITFUL CONFERENCE.
LAPAROSCOPIC COLORECTAL SURGERY
HAS BEEN AN ENORMOUSLY IMPORTANT DEVELOPMENT
FOR WORKERS IN G.I. MEDICINE.
HOWEVER, FURTHER PROGRESS HAS BEEN HAMPERED
BY IMAGE QUALITY LONG DESCRIBED AS POOR, TO SAY THE LEAST.
"UP A HILL BACKWARDS"
IS HOW ONE OF MY COLLEAGUES DESCRIBES IT.
MR. CRAAN?
"UP A HILL BACKWARDS"
IT'S NOT GRAPHIC, IT'S METAPHOR-
SIGNIFIES STRAIN, EFFORT, ADVERSE OPPOSITION.
FINE, JUST PREWARN ME IF THINGS NEED EXPLAINING.
THEY DON'T, THEY JUST NEED TRANSLATING.
LISTEN, I WAS ASKED TO KEEP THIS RELATIVELY LIGHT
BECAUSE THE AMERICANS WERE SWAMPING THE CONFERENCE
WITH 15-SYLLABLE HORSE PISS...
AGAIN.
MR. KREIN?
Bellhop: MR. KRUNE?
EXCUSE ME.
Bellhop: MR. KREIN?
MR. KRUNE?
MISTER...
CRANE.
CAN I SEE THAT?
WHERE'S THIS FROM?
U.K.
GORDON.
WHERE'D YOU HEAR THIS?
WHEN?
WHO ELSE KNOWS?
I'M SORRY, ALL THE FLIGHTS ARE BOOKED
BUT THERE MAY BE SOMETHING TOMORROW NIGHT.
NO.
BUT IF THERE ARE NO SEATS, THAT WILL HAVE TO DO.
NO, THERE HAS TO BE A FLIGHT TONIGHT...
TODAY.
GET ME ON IT.
SORRY.
WE TOOK AN EMERGENCY FROM CASUALTY.
MMM, I JUST DREAMED THAT.
I HOPE YOU DREAMED A QUICK ONE.
THE FIRST ONE WAS A QUICK ONE.
WELL, THERE WAS A DEVELOPMENT TODAY.
DANNY GLASSMAN BLEW OUR COVER.
EVERYBODY KNOWS.
WHAT?!
I'VE ARRANGED TO HAVE HIS JAW WIRED FIRST THING.
I THOUGHT I HEARD YOU COME IN.
Anna: BARBARA, MY SISTER.
BARBARA, OWEN.
FINALLY.
CAN I GET INTO BED?
WHY?
I BET YOU DIDN'T GET WHERE YOU ARE
BY BEING SHY, DID YOU?
I'M COMPLETELY AWAKE NOW.
SO AM I.
SHALL I PUT SOME COFFEE ON?
WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?
I THOUGHT YOU'D SEEN THE BAGS.
SHE CALLED ME AT WORK
TO SAY SHE WAS ON HER WAY-
JUST FLOWN IN FROM NEW YORK.
SHE'S DIFFERENT.
WELL, SHE'S SPENT 20 YEARS
WORKING ON HER LIFESTYLE
SO SOMEONE WOULD EVENTUALLY SAY
"SHE'S JUST FLOWN IN FROM NEW YORK."
Barbara: UNCALLED FOR.
BUT TRUE.
DOES GORDON CROWTHER KNOW?
ABOUT THE WEDDING?
I THINK EVERYBODY KNOWS BY NOW.
THIS IS ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY, IS IT?
IT'S GOING TO BE MINUS 20.
THE DRIVER WILL TAKE YOU DOWN TO THE MAIN TRACK
WHERE THE SNOWBUS PICKS UP IN ONE HOUR.
YOU'LL TAKE A PRIVATE PLANE
TO KEFLAVIK AIRPORT
AND THEN THE FLIGHT TO MANCHESTER.
IT'S THE ONLY WAY.
FINE.
Crane: WHAT?
ARE WE GOING TO MEET THE BUS?
WAS THIS YOUR FLAT?
NO, WE BOUGHT IT TOGETHER.
YOU LIKE IT?
IF YOU HADN'T PROPOSED TO HER
DO YOU THINK SHE'D EVER HAVE PROPOSED TO YOU?
WELL, I'LL NEVER KNOW NOW, WILL I?
YOUR MUM'S DEAD, ISN'T SHE?
UH, DEAD, YES, BUT SHE'D HAVE BEEN 60-ODD NOT, 40-ODD.
I LOVE HER.
AND WHAT'S THE HARM IN GETTING MARRIED
IF IT STOPS ANNA THINKING I'M A FLY-BY-NIGHT?
SO YOU ONLY PROPOSED FOR HER SAKE.
WHY NOT?
I'VE NEVER BEEN A BEST MAN.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO ANYTHING.
YOU JUST HAVE TO WITNESS THE CEREMONY.
I'LL WITNESS IT FROM THE BACK.
YOU CAN'T ASK YOUR OWN FATHER
TO BE YOUR BEST MAN, YOU SOD BUGGER.
I THOUGHT YOU WERE PLEASED.
I AM.
WELL, I'M PLEASED YOU WANT TO.
IT'S NOT SAYING OWT NEW TO ANYBODY, IS IT?
YOU'VE JUST SIGNED UP FOR A MORTGAGE TOGETHER.
25 YEARS!
YOU DIDN'T THROW A PARTY FOR THAT, DID YOU?
NO, BUT NOW I WANT TO MARRY
THE WOMAN I BOUGHT THE FLAT WITH
TO TIE THE DEAL OFF
AND PUT IN FOR A TAX REBATE.
YOU CYNICAL OLD FART, I LOVE HER.
I WANT TO MARRY HER.
COME ON!
THE GEAR, THE CEREMONY, THE PARTY, THE HONEYMOON
AND THE AFTERMATH- WHAT'S IT SETTING YOU BACK?
I DON'T KNOW.
WELL, SPEND IT ON YOUR FLAT.
THERE'S ONLY YOU
WHO THINKS LIKE THAT.
AND YOUR MUM.
YOU... WHAT?
WE NEVER GOT MARRIED.
WE SAVED THE MONEY AND FINISHED THE BATHROOM.
Ol!
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
I WAS THERE WHEN YOU DIVORCED EACH OTHER.
NO, WE ONLY PRETENDED TO GET DIVORCED
BECAUSE WE'D PRETENDED WE WERE MARRIED
AND WE ONLY SPECIFICALLY REPEATED THAT TO YOU
BECAUSE WE WERE TRYING TO GET YOU INTO HOLY TRINITY.
WE TOLD THEM WE WERE CATHOLIC AND ALL.
YOU PUT ME THROUGH BLOODY AGONY
WHEN YOU PRETENDED TO GET DIVORCED.
THAT'S ME POINT.
PIECE OF PAPER MADE NO DIFFERENCE
TO THE HARDSHIP.
I DON'T SEE HOW IT MAKES ANY DIFFERENCE
TO ANYBODY'S HAPPINESS.
I'VE NEVER UNDERSTOOD THE LOGIC.
BUT DON'T LISTEN TO ME, BURN YOUR MONEY.
I BLOODY WILL.
DO, THEN.
I WILL!
YEAH, AND I WOULD AND ALL.
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF.
AND THIS IS YOUR FATHER.
I'LL BE RECHECKING THE PAPERWORK, DON'T WORRY.
HOW MANY KIDS GROW UP MISERABLE BECAUSE THEIR SO-CALLED PARENTS
CAN'T BE BOTHERED GETTING MARRIED?
OH, AND THEY THINK NOTHING
OF SWANNING OFF THROWING IT ABOUT.
IT MATTERS.
RUBBISH.
IF IT'S BROKE, IT'S BROKE.
IF IT'S NOT, IT'LL LAST.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
YOU'RE ON YOUR THIRD.
SO I'M AN EXPERT.
THERE'S NO OTHER JUDGE BUT GOD.
NOW, I DON'T CARE
IF IT'S BROKEN, SWINGING, OR WHAT-
IF IT'S NOT SANCTIFIED, IT IS NOT A MARRIAGE
AND IT'S GOT NO RIGHT CALLING ITSELF ONE.
AYE, AND YOU'VE HAD THAT EMPTY CUP OVER AN HOUR
SO YOU'VE NO RIGHT TO CALL YOURSELF A CUSTOMER- GET OUT.
CAN YOU NOT KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT AND LEAVE PEOPLE ALONE?
HELLO.
HELLO, MUM.
IT'S BARBARA.
HELLO.
IS SHE HAVING ME ON?
NO.
IT'D HELP IF YOU SAW HER MORE THAN TWICE A YEAR.
Owen Sorry we're not in to take your call
but if you leave your name, number and time you called
we'll get back to you as soon as we can.
YEAH, YEAH, BLOODY CREEP.
Crane: ANNA, I'VE JUST HEARD.
I THINK IT'S... I THINK IT'S... IT'S MARVELOUS.
I MEAN, WHAT CAN I SAY?
CONGRATULATIONS.
ARE YOU PLEASED?
IS HE PLEASED?
MARVELOUS.
I MEAN... I MEAN IT TRUE... NO, TRULY I MEAN IT.
IT WAS A BIT OF A SHOCK, BIT OF A SURPRISE AT FIRST
BUT I'M SO THRILLED FOR BOTH OF YOU.
AND WHEN IS IT?
OH, MARVELOUS.
MARVELOUS, MARVELOUS, MARVELOUS.
ABSOLUTELY BLOODY MARVELOUS.
NO, I'M HAPPY THAT YOU'RE HAPPY
AND IF YOU'RE CERTAIN IT'S WHAT YOU WANT
THERE'S ABSOLUTELY NO ROMANCE IN WAITING FOR IT
NOW, IS THERE?
WELL, IF YOU'RE NOT SURE
WE CAN TAKE IT BACK.
WELL, IT'S A BIT TIGHT ON THE BUM
BUT I QUITE LIKE THAT.
I'LL GET THAT.
THANK YOU, LINDA.
WELL, SAY NOW IF YOU DON'T.
WE CAN TAKE IT BACK.
YOU ARE TOTALLY, IRREDEEMABLY
BLOODY INSANE, ANNA!
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?
YOU ARE...
DON'T!
EXCUSE US, MUM.
BARBARA.
RICHARD.
MYRTLE.
OWEN.
RICHARD!
STAY WITH HIM, LIVE WITH HIM
LET HIM EXHAUST THE FANTASIES OF HIS OEDIPUS COMPLEX
OR WHATEVER THE GEORDIE EQUIVALENT OF THAT IS
BUT DON'T... PLEASE DON'T- FOR YOUR OWN DIGNITY-
GO MARRYING THE SILLY BUGGER.
YOU DIDN'T THINK WE'D LAST THIS LONG, DID YOU?
NO.
WHICH IS THE ONLY REASON
YOU CONSENTED TO A DIVORCE.
SOMETHING YOU "GAVE" ME
SO THAT I WOULD REMEMBER THAT GESTURE WHEN HE LEFT ME?
YES, WHICH HE WILL.
GET YOURSELF A LIFE, RICHARD.
AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE THE LOOK OF MINE
GO BACK TO WHERE YOU CAME FROM
UNTIL THE WEEKEND'S OVER AND KEEP OUT OF IT.
NO.
Woman: HELLO, DICK.
MOTHER.
ANNA RANG.
SLIGHTLY SHOCKING, OF COURSE
AND IT'S NOT AS IF THERE'S MUCH YOU CAN DO
WITH THIS KIND OF NOTICE, BUT HERE WE ARE.
BACK BEDROOM?
YEAH, IT NEEDS MAKING UP
BUT IF YOU GIVE ME HALF A SECOND, I'LL GET...
OH, WE'LL DO THAT...
IF JOYCE PUTS THE KETTLE ON.
I SHOULD THINK WE COULD ALL DO WITH ONE.
WE THOUGHT YOU WERE IN SCANDINAVIA.
ICELAND.
IF... IF... YOU WEREN'T EXPECTING ME TO BE HERE
WHY ARE YOU HERE?
THE WEDDING.
WHAT?
SHE INVITED US.
WHAT DID YOU WANT US TO SAY?
I DON'T BELIEVE... I DON'T BLOODY BELIEVE THIS.
MY OWN PARENTS
STAYING IN MY HOUSE
FOR THE WEDDING OF MY EX-WIFE
TO SOME LITTLE PRICK FROM...
YOU SAY NO!
THAT'S WHAT YOU BLOODY WELL SAY- NO!
HOTEL, I THINK.
I NEED MY CAR KEYS.
MAKE THE TEA.
MIGHT BE THE ONLY FREEBIE WE GET
TILL SATURDAY.
PROFOUND... BLOODY... GROSS... BLOODY...
INSENSI-BLOODY-TIVITY...!
YOU DIVORCED HER.
SHE DIVORCED ME.
WE DIVORCED EACH OTHER.
BECAUSE SHE'D HAD AN AFFAIR.
YES.
BECAUSE YOU'D HAD AN AFFAIR.
YES.
WELL...
KICK ME IF MY LOGIC SPINS ON A DIFFERENT AXIS FROM YOURS
BUT, UH, DOESN'T THAT TELL YOUR MOTHER AND ME
THAT IT'S ALL FINITO BETWEEN YOU?
SO WOULDN'T IT ALSO BE DOWNRIGHT CHURLISH OF US
TO REFUSE AN INVITATION TO HER WEDDING?
YOU HAVEN'T EVEN MET HIM.
WE HAVEN'T COME FOR HIM.
ANNA WAS OUR DAUGHTER-IN-LAW FOR 25 YEARS, RICHARD.
IT WAS A VERY SHEEPISH INVITATION.
YOUR FATHER SUGGESTED...
Father: I ASKED
IF SHE WAS ASKING US TO BE THERE
TO WHICH SHE REPLIED, WELL, OBVIOUSLY...
"YES."
WE'VE DONE NOTHING WRONG.
WE CAN STAY IN A HOTEL.
Father: WE HADN'T SCHEDULED FOR THAT, OF COURSE
BECAUSE WE'RE LIVING ON A PENSION.
I'LL MAKE THE ROOM UP.
Father: THAT'S VERY KIND
BUT NONSENSE- WE'LL DO THAT.
JUST KICK THEM OUT.
JUST BLOODY KICK THEM OUT.
I BET THAT'S WHY HE'S NEVER SOLD THE HOUSE.
HE PROBABLY WANTS HER BACK.
I WOULDN'T PUT IT PAST HIM-
SELFISH LITTLE SOD.
SO I BOOKED A HOTEL FOR THE BIG DAY
IN CASE I GET LUCKY.
THEY SAID THEY'RE FULL.
I TOLD THEM IT'S FOR A WEDDING.
IT WAS VERY IMPORTANT
VITAL WE HAVE A ROOM.
THEY SAY, "OKAY, WE'LL CHECK THE BOOKS, GET BACK TO YOU."
I GO BACK TO THE OFFICE.
THERE WAS A FAX WAITING FOR ME- BINGO!
BRIDAL SUITE, CHAMPAGNE, FLOWERS AND CHOCOLATES-
HOPE WE HAVE A LOVELY DAY.
250 QUID.
YOU'D PAY 250 QUID TO GET RACHEL IN THE SACK?
THAT'S OVERPRICED CURB CRAWLING.
THAT IS A TYPICAL BLOODY IRISH RESPONSE, ISN'T IT, HMM?
YOU KNOW THE COST OF EVERYTHING AND THE VALUE OF NOTHING.
TO MISQUOTE AN IRISHMAN- TOSSER.
HMM!
OH, MY GOD.
OH, MY GOD, CRANE IS IN THE BUILDING.
CRANE IS IN THE BUILDING.
THAT'S GLASSMAN.
CRANE'S BACK.
OH, SHIT!
LOOK, IF YOU'RE FINISHED HERE
WHY DON'T YOU SHOOT OFF HOME?
RICHARD CRANE.
GET ME OWEN SPRINGER'S EXTENSION, PLEASE.
HE'S IN PEDIATRICS.
NO SURPRISES THERE.
DON'T BOTHER.
CRANE, LOOK-
NOBODY IS GETTING AT YOU.
DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT?
YOUR IDEA OR HERS?
I KNOW EXACTLY WHY YOU'VE COME BACK.
I'M TELLING YOU NOW, YOU FORGET IT.
YOU'RE WASTING YOUR TIME.
WELL, I DON'T THINK SO.
YOU BLOODY WELL
LEAVE ANNA ALONE, ALL RIGHT?!
SIR.
McGINLEY.
TURN UP FOR THE BOOKS?
HOW ARE YOU?
MOTIVATED- YOU?
LOOK, IF YOU WANT TO TALK OR SOMETHING
I'LL BE AROUND LATER ON.
THAT'S DECENT OF YOU.
YOU'VE GOT A NEW REGISTRAR.
SHE'LL BE ARRIVING LATE TODAY OR EARLY TOMORROW.
OH.
MAKE HER WELCOME.
RIGHT.
BANG GOES SIESTA.
JUST AVOID SNIPING.
THIS IS OBVIOUSLY VERY HARD ON HIM.
I'M USING VISUAL IMAGERY
FROM THE RELAXATION CLASSES
TO PUT MYSELF IN HIS SHOES.
THE ONLY IMAGE I CAN CONJURE UP
WITH ANY CLARITY IS "CAKE AND EAT IT"
OR "BED, YOU LIE IN IT."
AND NOW AND AGAIN, JUST "SO?"
THERE WE GO.
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?
MICHAEL JAMES RICHARD CRANE-REID, MY SON.
HE'S FIVE MONTHS OLD
UNCHRISTENED BUT FULLY IMMUNIZED.
MICHAEL, MY PARENTS.
WHOSE IS HE?
AS I SAID, MINE.
RICHARD!
HIS MOTHER'S VIVIEN.
VIVIEN REID, OBVIOUSLY.
SHE MOVED TO KNUTSFORE THE WEEK AFTER HE WAS BORN.
I SEE HIM ALTERNATE WEEKENDS.
THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS.
COULD YOU SHUT THE DOOR, PLEASE?
THERE'S A BIT OF A DRAFT.
I DON'T BELIEVE IT.
WHY IN GOD'S NAME WAIT TILL NOW?
SHE CONSIDERED MOVING TO GERMANY.
IF SHE'D TAKEN HIM THERE, I'D NEVER HAVE SEEN HIM
SO IT WOULD'VE BEEN POINTLESS TELLING YOU.
SO, WHERE HAVE YOU GOT THIS VIVIEN- IN THE GARAGE?
WELL, I ASKED HER IF SHE WANTED TO MEET YOU.
SHE DECLINED.
THERE.
Arnold: A- ONE, TWO... A- ONE-TWO-THREE-FOUR...
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, FREDA!
♪ NO GAL MADE HAS GOT THE SHADE ON... ♪
♪ SWEET GEORGIA BROWN
♪ TWO LEFT FEET, BUT, OH, SO NEAT AND... ♪
♪ SWEET GEORGIA BROWN
♪ THEY ALL SIGH AND WANNA DIE FOR... ♪
♪ SWEET GEORGIA BROWN
♪ I'LL TELL YOU JUST WHY
♪ YOU KNOW I DON'T LIE
♪ IT'S BEEN SAID SHE KNOCKS 'EM DEAD WHEN... ♪
♪ SHE LANDS IN TOWN
♪ SINCE SHE CAME, WHY, IT'S A SHAME HOW... ♪
♪ SHE COOLS 'EM DOWN
♪ FELLAS SHE CAN'T GET ARE
♪ FELLAS SHE AIN'T MET
♪ GEORGIA CLAIMED HER
♪ GEORGIA NAMED HER
♪ SWEET GEORGIA BROWN.
THAT'S ME WEDDING PRESENT.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
OH, ARNOLD, THAT'S FANTASTIC.
ARE WE ON?
YOU'RE ON.
YEAH?
HELLO.
ALISON?
JOHN McGINLEY?
HI.
THANKS FOR WAITING FOR ME.
MY CAR BROKE DOWN.
THAT'S NO PROBLEM.
UM...
WOULD YOU LIKE SOME COFFEE?
OH, YES, PLEASE, BLACK.
SO, UH...
YOU WEREN'T EXPECTING TO START
UNTIL NEXT MONTH, WERE YOU?
I HAD A HOLIDAY BOOKED FOR NEXT WEEK.
SO WHY SPOIL IT?
I THOUGHT YOU'D TELL ME.
MR. CRANE SENT ME AN URGENT FAX
SAYING THE OFFER WAS OFF
UNLESS I COULD START IMMEDIATELY.
HE OBVIOUSLY KNOWS SOMETHING I DON'T.
THANKS.
SO ARE YOU SORTED WITH SOMEWHERE TO STAY?
NO... HOMELESS.
I TRIED RINGING A FRIEND TO PUT ME UP TEMPORARILY.
WELL, YOU CAN STAY IN ONE OF THE NIGHT CALL ROOMS
TILL YOU GET SORTED.
I'LL LET EVERYBODY KNOW YOU'RE NOT AVAILABLE FOR DUTY.
WELL, THAT'LL BE GREAT.
BUT CAN I TRY MY FRIEND, IN CASE?
WELL, YEAH, SURE.
THERE YOU GO.
THANKS.
HELLO, CAN I SPEAK TO OWEN SPRINGER, PLEASE?
WELL, IF YOU SEE HIM
COULD YOU TELL HIM ALISON D'ARBY RANG?
I'M AT ST. GREGORY'S ON...
2616.
EXTENSION 2616.
THANKS- BYE.
THANKS.
YOU KNOW SPRINGER?
INSIDE OUT.
Anna: SHE ASKED ME
IF I'D EVER HAVE PROPOSED TO YOU.
Owen: SHE ASKED ME THAT AS WELL.
OH, YEAH?
WHAT DID YOU SAY?
WHAT DO YOU THINK I SAID?
PLEASE, GIVE US A BREAK.
LOOK, I'VE DONE FOUR MEETINGS THIS AFTERNOON
TO TRY AND CLEAR NEXT WEEK OFF.
NEXT WEEK?
FOR THE HONEYMOON.
WHOA... WE HAVEN'T TALKED ABOUT A HONEYMOON.
I CAN'T TAKE NEXT WEEK OFF.
OWEN!
I'VE GOT A THEATER LIST AS LONG AS ME ARM.
OWEN, THERE IS NO WAY
THAT WE'RE THROWING THIS PARTY ON SATURDAY
TO GO BACK INTO WORK ON MONDAY.
DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHERE WE'RE GOING?
BABAY-BABAY-BAY...
OH, BARBADOS!
IT'S A BIT COOLER THAN THAT.
BAY-BAY-BAY...
BALI? BADEN?
BASINGSTOKE!
MORE THAN YOUR BLOODY LIFE'S WORTH.
YOU BLOODY COWARD.
WE PAID £1,500 FOR THAT BED.
YEAH, AND THERE'S ABOUT A FOOT
BETWEEN US AND THAT INSOMNIAC SISTER OF YOURS.
PEOPLE WALK DOWN HERE, YOU KNOW.
HEY, IF YOU'RE TOO OLD FOR THIS, JUST SAY.
I'LL GET A STAIRLIFT FITTED.
DON'T "AGE GAP" ME, YOU AMATEUR.
YOU'D NEVER DONE IT OUTSIDE TILL YOU MET ME.
SHE BELIEVED ME- HA!
I BELIEVED YOU BECAUSE YOU WERE SO BLOODY LOUSY AT IT.
WELL...
YOU'RE JUST NOT FAST ENOUGH FOR ME.
WE WORKED TOGETHER AT U.C.H. FROM '92 TO '96.
HOW WELL DO YOU KNOW HIM?
WELL, I'VE SEEN HIM AT HIS BEST AND I'VE SEEN HIM AT HIS WORST.
AH, SO YOU KNOW WE'RE NOT EXACTLY TALKING MR. RELIABLE.
GO ON.
WELL, THE LAST FOUR WORDS HE EVER SAID TO ME IN A GOOD MOOD
WERE "WILL YOU MARRY ME?"
REALLY?
DANNY GLASSMAN.
WELCOME, WELCOME, WELCOME.
PLEASED TO MEET YOU.
SLEEP ALL RIGHT?
YES, THANKS.
AH, YOU'VE ALL MET.
THAT'S GOOD.
YOUR ENTHUSIASM IS
VERY MUCH APPRECIATED, MISS D'ARBY.
THIS WAY, PLEASE.
GLASSMAN, FINISH ABLUTING
BEFORE YOU COME INTO CONTACT
WITH PATIENTS, WILL YOU?
OH, MY GOD.
SHE'S GORGEOUS.
SHE'S... SHE'S GORGEOUS.
IS SHE OURS?
SHE'S FROM U.C.H.
DO YOU KNOW ANYONE AT U.C.H.?
YEAH, YEAH.
WHO STILL LIKES YOU.
DON'T MISUNDERSTAND.
I'M HAPPY TO START SOONER THAN LATER.
IT'S JUST UNCLEAR WHY...
HOW MANY SPLENECTOMIES HAVE YOU SEEN?
WELL, TWO.
NOT WITH THE BEST WILL IN THE WORLD
A TARGET FIGURE, IS IT?
WELL, I DON'T...
NO, TRUST ME - THERE'S A SPLENECTOMY IN THEATER SIX
STARTING IN TEN MINUTES.
SISTER BENEDICT'S EXPECTING YOU.
TAKE A LIFT TO THE FIRST FLOOR
LEFT, LEFT AGAIN
FOLLOW THE RED LINE.
LOOK FOR SIX.
FINE.
LOOK AT HER C.V.
WERE YOU AWARE THEY'D INTERVIEWED FOR REGISTRAR?
BECAUSE I WASN'T.
I SAW THE APPLICATIONS, AND SHE WAS
WAY DOWN THE LIST.
DO YOU CARE?
I MEAN, SHE'S GORGEOUS.
SHE TOLD ME SHE'D BEEN HEADHUNTED.
CRANE ASKED HER TO APPLY.
SHE USED TO LIVE WITH SPRINGER.
PHONE YOUR FRIEND IN U.C.H.
I'M MOBILIZING THE SPLEEN CAREFULLY
BECAUSE THE PERISPLENIC TISSUES
ARE INFLAMED AND ADHERENT AS A RESULT
OF A RECENT SPLENIC INFARCTION.
NOW, I NEED TO PROTECT THE SURROUNDING STRUCTURES CAREFULLY
IN ORDER TO AVOID WHAT?
AND THAT'S A QUESTION TO THE NEWCOMER.
MASSIVE HEMORRHAGE
ACUTE PANCREATITIS
PANCREATIC, GASTRIC OR COLONIC FISTULA
OR YOU LOSING YOUR JOB.
CORRECT.
ANY QUESTIONS?
YES.
WHERE'D YOU PUT THE KEY
TO THE BATHROOM CABINET?
AND WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO
WITH THE REST OF YOUR CLOTHES?
ANSWERS ON A POSTCARD, PLEASE.
ALISON, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?
WORKING.
FOR CRANE?
SUDDENLY.
STEPPING INTO YOUR SHOES, I BELIEVE.
WELL, THAT'S... THAT'S GREAT.
WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO WITH YOUR CLOTHES?
OH, OXFAM.
NO, THAT'S PROBABLY WHERE THEY CAME FROM.
OBVIOUSLY NOT THESE DAYS.
SO... WHAT ARE YOU UP TO?
OH, YOU KNOW.
ANY CHANCE OF PUTTING ME UP FOR A WEEK OR SO?
OR WOULD YOUR WIFE-TO-BE OBJECT?
OLD ONES ARE ALWAYS THE BEST.
JOKES OR WOMEN?
SIR...
ALISON D'ARBY.
I MEAN, AS FAR AS I CAN TELL
THE COMMITTEE HAVEN'T RATIFIED THAT APPOINTMENT.
AND THIS HAS KEPT YOU AWAKE, HAS IT?
WELL, YOU'VE GIVEN HER THE IMPRESSION
SHE'S ON A YEAR'S CONTRACT.
WHICH ISN'T VALID UNTIL THE COMMITTEE SAYS IT'S VALID.
WHICH THEY WILL.
WELL, WHAT IF THEY DON'T?
YOU'VE GOT 20 PEOPLE SITTING IN OUTPATIENTS
WONDERING WHY THEY'VE ALL GOT 10:00 APPOINTMENTS.
DID YOU KNOW SHE WAS ENGAGED TO SPRINGER?
WAS SHE? BUGGER ME!
HOW WOULD I KNOW THAT?
MARRIED BEFORE, OWEN?
NO... FIRST TIME.
SO...
WHY REGISTER OFFICE?
UH... WELL, UH...
I ASK BECAUSE JOYCE AND I WENT DOWN
TO SEE THE PLACE THIS MORNING.
YOU WON'T EXACTLY FIND
THE ARCHITECT'S NAME ON THERE, WILL YOU?
THOUGHT ABOUT CHURCH?
Joyce: ROBERT...
THEY'VE PROBABLY BEEN THROUGH ALL THIS.
I'M NOT RELIGIOUS.
NEITHER AM I.
WITH RESPECT, ROBERT
NO VICAR IN TOWN IS GOING TO COUNTENANCE A MARRIAGE
PLANNED AND EXECUTED IN FOUR DAYS
BY A PAIR OF AGNOSTICS.
THEY'LL DO ANYTHING FOR THE MONEY AT THIS TIME OF YEAR.
JOYCE'S BROTHER'S A VICAR.
HE'S GIVEN ME A LIST.
LOCAL NAMES
CHURCHES SYMPATHETIC TO...
MM-HMM.
CALLS IT HIS EDWARD-AND-MRS. SIMPSON LIST.
I'M NOT INTERFERING.
TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT, REALLY.
THANK YOU.
DOES HE NEED FLUID?
GIVE HIM HERE IF YOU LIKE, JOYCE.
Joyce: WE'RE JUST SYNCHRONIZING.
Anna: IT'S ALL RIGHT.
I'LL TAKE HIM.
HELLO.
YOU OKAY?
FINE.
MISS D'ARBY, GOOD.
MR. McGINLEY-
SHOULDN'T YOU BE DOING
A WARD ROUND?
MISS D'ARBY-
COME TO THE OFFICE, PLEASE.
EXCUSE ME.
Woman: YES, LOVE.
I ARRANGED TO MEET AN ARNOLD SPRINGER HERE.
ROBERT?
OVER HERE, MATE.
PLEASED TO MEET YOU.
CERTAINLY GOT AN ATMOSPHERE, HASN'T IT?
OH, AYE, AND IT'S CHEAP ENOUGH.
NOT THE RITZ
BUT YOU TAKE US OR LEAVE US.
RIGHT.
HEY.
AND THE CHURCH ISSUE ISN'T A GOD THING.
IT'S A PHOTOGRAPHY THING.
WHO WANTS TO WASTE A £400 CAMERA
TAKING PICTURES OF THE HAPPY COUPLE
STEPPING OUT OF A NISSEN HUT?
I MET YOUR SON TODAY.
NICE LAD... HONEST FACE.
I WORKED HARD ON THAT.
YOU DON'T GET MANY SURGEONS FROM ROUND HERE, YOU KNOW.
WELL, WHERE I LIVE.
HE'S A CREDIT TO YOU.
MET MY SON, RICHARD?
NO, BUT I'VE PICKED UP THE ODD THING.
CAN WE SMOKE HERE?
NO.
RIGHT.
SILLY QUESTION
BUT ISN'T IT STABBING HIM IN THE BACK A BIT
YOU COMING UP FOR THE WEDDING?
ANNA'S A GREAT GIRL.
WHY SHOULD I LOSE HER FRIENDSHIP BECAUSE OF HIM?
OH, GOOD ON YOU, BUT I COULDN'T DO IT TO MY SON.
THAT'S BECAUSE YOU HAVEN'T GOT A SON LIKE RICHARD.
SPENT THE CORE OF HIS ADULT LIFE
BEING THOROUGHLY REPULSIVE TO ME.
INSISTED ON "SPEAKING HIS MIND."
YOU RETURN THE COMPLIMENT, HE TRIES TO LOOK VICTIMIZED.
WELL, BOLLOCKS TO THAT.
WILL I FIND THE TOILETS DOWN HERE?
Waiter: STRAIGHT AHEAD, SIR.
JESUS.
WHY DIDN'T YOU RING ME WHEN YOU GOT THE JOB?
NONE OF YOUR OLD NUMBERS WORK
AND YOUR SECRETARY SOUNDS A BIT TOO MENACING.
THAT'S ME DAD.
WHAT?
I DON'T KNOW.
YOU LOOK DIFFERENT.
WELL, I'M 18 MONTHS OLDER.
THINNER? FATTER?
MORE SMUG? LESS SMUG?
WAS I EVER SMUG?
I KNOW YOU'RE THERE.
I ONLY WANT TO TALK- PLEASE?
OH, DEAR.
RICHARD.
ANNA... GET OUT.
GET OUT!
ANNA, I'M SORRY.
I NEEDED TO SAY SOMETHING TO YOU.
LOOK, LOOK.
THANK YOU.
LISTEN... LISTEN TO THIS.
Reference: www/divorce
/OLDER WOMEN.COM.
I GOT HUNDREDS...
I got thousands of responses from...
FROM PEOPLE WHO...
CLINT, CLEVELAND, OHIO- "SHE WAS EVERYTHING I WANTED.
"SEXY, SEXUAL, EXPERIENCED.
"TEN YEARS OLDER THAN ME.
"IT WAS A MATCH MADE IN HEAVEN.
HOW WAS I TO KNOW IT WAS DOOMED?"
Brett, New Jersey- "I was 24, she was 38.
"The age gap started mattering more and more.
"ONE MORNING, I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED, BUT I WOKE UP
I stared at her, and suddenly she looked... "
YOU'RE PUSHING YOUR BLOODY LUCK, CRANE.
Harvey...
BALTIMORE- AND THIS IS A CORKER.
"NEARLY 50 AND NOT SO MUCH AS A WRINKLE.
"IT GOT TOTALLY UNREAL.
"She lifted her face, she tightened her breasts.
"She spent $20,000 on surgery
"NOT INCLUDING ORTHODONTISTRY
"AND SUDDENLY I'M WITH A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT WOMAN
AND I STARTED TO LOOK AROUND."
Anna, please don't give yourself this kind of future.
WHAT BAFFLES ME IS WHY EVERYONE ASSUMES
I'M THE ONLY ONE THAT AGES IN THIS PROCESS.
I'M MARRYING A DECADE DOWN- FINE.
He might lose his hair, put on weight
start sounding like the men I've been lumbered with before
AND I MIGHT TRADE HIM IN FOR A YOUNGER MODEL, BUT I WON'T
because I love him.
WHAT THE HELL DO YOU EXPECT ME TO DO?
DO YOU THINK I'M DOING THIS BECAUSE I HATE YOU?
IT'S 12 MONTHS.
I WORRY ABOUT WHERE YOU'RE FINDING THE TIME.
ANNA, DON'T PATRONIZE ME.
ME, PATRONIZE YOU?
ANNA, THIS IS RIDICULOUS.
LOOK AT THE STATE OF YOU.
WHAT?
WELL, FOR A WOMAN WHO'S HAPPY WITH THE DIVORCE
YOU'RE TAKING A BLOODY LONG TIME
GETTING OUT OF YOUR BATTLE DRESS.
Barbara, thank you
BUT I DON'T NEED YOUR ASSISTANCE.
I'M NOT INTERESTED IN YOU.
SOME... SOME OF WHAT HE SAYS MAKES SENSE.
AND I'M NOT INTERESTED IN YOUR OPINIONS.
OH, I HAVEN'T OFFERED ANY.
IF HE STILL LOVES YOU
AND ALL HE WANTS TO KNOW IS WHY YOU LOVE SOMEONE ELSE
GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK.
TEN MINUTES TO PUT HIM OUT OF HIS MISERY
INSTEAD OF THIS BLOODY SNIPING AT EACH OTHER.
YOU'RE RIGHT.
YOU'RE BOTH RIGHT.
I MUST BE INSANE.
I PLAYED THE WHOLE THING DOWN FOR YOUR BENEFIT.
I DIDN'T INVITE FRIENDS BECAUSE OF YOU.
I WENT FOR A REGISTRY OFFICE
BECAUSE I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE LESS THREATENING FOR YOU.
IT'S NOT MY FAULT YOU FOUND OUT.
SOD YOU, SOD HER, SOD ALL OF YOU.
I'M GOING TO DO THIS MARRIAGE
EXACTLY AS I WANT IT DONE
AND IF THAT TAKES A FULL PAGE IN THE EVENING NEWS
THAT'S TOUGH SHIT ON THE PAIR OF YOU.
AND TAKE YOUR TOILET PAPER WITH YOU.
COME ON THEN, LET'S HEAR IT
FROM THE WOMAN WITH EVERYTHING.
YOU'RE HAPPY?
LIVING HERE?
OH, YOU DON'T LIKE IT?
WELL, THAT'S GREAT
BECAUSE WE DIDN'T BUY IT FOR YOU.
I JUST DON'T BELIEVE IT.
YOU'RE GOING OUT OF YOUR WAY TO BE SOMEONE ELSE
WHICH ISN'T THE MOST STABLE THING YOU'VE EVER DONE.
I DON'T KNOW, BARBARA.
HOW STABLE'S A MOCK-GEORGIAN BUNGALOW IN FULHAM?
WHEN YOU HAD AN AFFAIR
YOU DIVED ON THE NEAREST THING AVAILABLE.
YOU DIVORCED HIM TOO FAST.
YOU'RE MARRYING OWEN TOO FAST
AND I THINK YOU'RE GOING TO STOP RUNNING SOON
AND LOOK AROUND YOU THINKING
"OH, MY GOD! WHAT THE HELL HAVE I DONE?"
OH, YOU'D RATHER I LIVED LIKE YOU?
WITH A 40-INCH WAIST, 20-INCH NECK?
THE DEBONAIR ROY
WHO'S SO INTERESTING YOU'D RATHER SLEEP WITH HIS MATES?
DON'T LECTURE ME ON MARRIAGE, BARBARA
TILL YOU SHOW ME ONE YOU BELIEVE IN.
THE ONLY REASON YOU MARRIED HIM IN THE FIRST PLACE
WAS BECAUSE HE HAD MORE PROPERTY
MORE MONEY, MORE FRONT
THAN ANYONE I'D EVER MEET.
AND WHAT YOU SACRIFICED
WAS CHARM OR CLASS OR DIGNITY
AND DEFINITELY BLOODY LEAST OF ALL
INTELLIGENCE.
WELL, WHAT DO YOU EXPECT?
YOU NEVER LEARN, DO YOU?
CAN'T TAKE IT, DON'T GIVE IT.
I'VE LEFT HIM.
HE'S HAD AN AFFAIR, SO I'VE LEFT HIM.
TELL ME NOW I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT FEELS LIKE.
DON'T LEAVE, THAT'S JUST CHILDISH.
TALK TO ME.
BEFORE HE KNEW I KNEW
I CLEARED THE COMPANY ACCOUNTS
AND THEN I RANG
AND REPORTED HIS CREDIT CARDS STOLEN.
WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO NOW?
HE'LL HAVE RUNG THE POLICE
BUT THE LAST PLACE HE'LL LOOK IS HERE.
I WAS COMING TO YOU FOR HELP.
BIG SISTER'S HELP.
THIS SHOULD BE A RITE OF PASSAGE FOR ME
BECAUSE I'M LOOKING AT YOU
AND FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE, I'M THINKING
"SHE HASN'T GOT A CLUE.
SHE DOESN'T KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN REVENGE AND SUICIDE."
THAT'S REVENGE, ANNA.
LOOK AND LEARN.
HIS NAME'S PETE.
HE WORKS IN PLASTICS AT HAMMERSMITH.
IS HE AS FUNNY AS ME?
CONSULTANT.
SEXY AS ME, OR JUST A CONSULTANT?
HE'S RELIABLE ENOUGH.
HE'S JUST A CONSULTANT.
THAT'S NOT ROMANCE, THAT'S ECONOMICS.
AND YOU TOOK A JOB 250 MILES AWAY.
YOU'RE THAT HAPPY?
LEAST HE DOESN'T WANT CHILDREN.
WELL, THAT'S THE ONLY REASON WE SPLIT UP.
YOU WANTED KIDS, I DIDN'T.
NO, NO, IF MY MEMORY SERVES ME RIGHT...
YOU SURE YOU WANT TO GO INTO THIS?
OH, YEAH.
YOU CAME HOME LATE
SMELLING OF AFTERSHAVE.
THAT'S NOT WHAT...
YOU'D BEEN CLUBBING WITH MATES.
THAT GUY RINGING THE FLAT... BUT THAT'S NOT WHAT...
SAYING HE WAS YOUR BROTHER.
AND I GOT RID OF HIM.
BUT THAT'S NOT WHAT THE ROW WAS ABOUT.
YOU WANTED KIDS, I DIDN'T.
THAT'S THE ONLY REASON WE CALLED IT OFF.
AND YOUR WIFE'S GOING TO BE, WHAT, LATE 40s BEFORE YOU'RE 35.
I'M NO OBSTETRICIAN
BUT EVEN A LAB MONKEY COULD TELL
YOU'VE BLOWN YOUR COVER ON THAT ISSUE.
SO GO ON, THEN- WHAT'S THE REAL REASON?
Man: 35-MILLIMETER, FIVE FRAMES, FULL COLOR.
TWO QUID EACH.
YOUR WORST TIMING YET, MATE- PISS OFF!
Alison: NO, DON'T - TWO QUID EACH?
DO YOU DO KEY RINGS?
KEY RINGS, NECK FOBS, AND FROM TUESDAY WEEK, MOUSE MATS.
MOMENT WORTH CHERISHING, DON'T YOU RECKON?
FUNNY HOW THE BLOKES
ARE ALWAYS CAMERA-SHY.
STICK YOUR NAME AND ADDRESS DOWN ON HERE, LOVE.
KEEP THE PICTURES.
OKAY.
AH, DICK.
FRIEND OF MINE.
I WON'T DISTURB YOU.
WELL, I'D BETTER GO.
NONSENSE.
HE'S GONE TO BED.
FINISH YOUR DRINK.
HELLO?
HELLO.
IS THAT OWEN SPRINGER'S PHONE?
YEAH.
ARE YOU HIS FATHER?
NO.
YEAH.
NOTHING PERSONAL, I'M SURE
BUT WOULD YOU KINDLY LEAVE MY HOUSE?
YOU KNOW, IF I'VE CHANGED
AND THAT'S DISAPPOINTING, I'M SORRY.
YOU SOUND OLDER THAN YOU SHOULD.
YOU WOULDN'T BE SAYING THAT
IF I WAS GOING TO MARRY A 19-YEAR-OLD.
IF YOU WERE MARRYING A 19-YEAR-OLD
YOU WOULDN'T HAVE CHANGED THE WAY YOU HAVE.
WHAT DO YOU CARE?
YOU'VE GOT YOUR CLIFF RICHARDS.
HE'LL LOOK AFTER YOU.
AREN'T YOU CURIOUS?
ABOUT WHAT?
ME.
THE ONE THING YOU'D NEVER CALL ME IS A LOUDMOUTH.
NOBODY WOULD KNOW.
THANKS.
IT WAS A SILLY MISTAKE
AND YOUR FATHER'S SORRY.
THE NAPPY'S CLEAN.
HE'S GOT A RASH ON HIS SHOULDERS.
THERE'S CREAM ON THE BEDSIDE TABLE.
I'LL BE TWO HOURS.
I'VE, UH... LEFT THE BAG IN.
THANK YOU... THANKS.
HOW HAVE YOU BEEN?
VERY WELL.
GOOD.
STOMACH ALL RIGHT?
YES.
DO YOU GET A BIT OF WIND SOMETIMES?
YES.
BLOOD PRESSURE?
OH... I DON'T KNOW.
DO YOU GET A SORT OF TIGHTNESS IN YOUR CHEST?
MM-HMM.
THAT WORRIES YOU?
YES.
Crane: BLOOD PRESSURE HOURLY, BOOK AN ECHOCARDIOGRAM
GET A CARDIOLOGIST TO SEE HER.
WE'LL TAKE IT FROM THERE.
YOU ALL RIGHT?
FINE.
SHOULD BE A FEW DAYS AT MOST.
SHOULDN'T WE WAIT FOR RELATIVE'S CONSENT?
SO WHAT AM I, THE PLUMBER?
YOU'RE NOT LEGALLY...
NEXT OF KIN HAVE BEEN INFORMED.
WHAT'S HAPPENED?
I'M JUST DOING MY JOB.
THE REFERRAL SAYS SHORTNESS OF BREATH, CHEST AND EPIGASTRIC PAINS
AND QUESTIONS THE BLOOD PRESSURE.
Owen: WHO REFERRED HER?
HAVE YOU FOUND ANYTHING?
NO, NOT YET.
WE'RE WAITING ON CARDIAC ENZYMES.
OWEN, DON'T BLOODY COMPROMISE ME.
COME ON, MYRTLE, WE'LL GET YOU HOME.
I'M HAVING A SCAN.
NO, THAT'S SCAN WITH AN "M."
NO, YOU'RE NOT.
WHAT'S BETTING THE TEST RESULTS
DON'T GET BACK TILL AFTER THE WEEKEND?
THAT IS NOT UNCOMMON.
IF SHE IS HYPERTENSIVE
IT'S BECAUSE SHE'S 77 WITH PHLEBITIS
FOR WHICH SHE'S ALREADY GETTING TREATMENT.
THIS IS A BLOODY JOKE, JOHN!
IT'S NOT MY BLOODY JOKE.
I'M NOT PREPARED TO TAKE THE RISK.
WHERE'S RICHARD?
HE'D BE IN HIS OFFICE.
ANNA WILL SIGN THE RELEASE FORM
WON'T YOU?
ARE YOU SURE?
YES!
RICHARD!
Owen: I DO NOT BELIEVE THAT GUY.
THAT... THAT IS TECHNICALLY, ETHICALLY ASSAULT.
NOW, YOU DO HIM FOR ASSAULT!
THE HARD- FACED BASTARD
TAKES A 77- YEAR-OLD WOMAN
AND PUTS HER THROUGH THAT.
WILL YOU STOP THAT!
WILL YOU JUST STOP IT!
BARGING IN LIKE THAT
WITHOUT EVEN THINKING.
YOU JUST BARGED IN THERE, CALLING THE SHOTS
UNPLUGGING THE EQUIPMENT.
"THAT'S ASSAULT- DO HIM FOR ASSAULT!"
WHAT IF SHE...
WHAT IF SHE NEEDED TO BE IN THERE?
WELL, IF SHE NEEDS TO BE IN THERE, WE SHOULD TAKE HER BACK.
IF YOU DON'T TRUST ME, TAKE HER BACK.
YOU THINK SHE NEEDS TO BE IN THERE, ANNA?
NO.
SO, DID I BARGE IN WHEN I ASKED YOU TO MARRY ME?
NOPE.
NO...
REALLY.
JOHN McGINLEY?
THERE'S A VAGOTOMY LISTED TOMORROW MORNING.
DO YOU WANT TO DO IT?
YOU SATISFIED?
NOW, YOU COMPROMISE ME ONE MORE TIME
AND I SWEAR I WON'T GO UPSTAIRS REPORTING YOU.
I WILL MEET YOU SOMEWHERE DARK
WHERE NO ONE CAN SEE ME, AND I WILL SMACK YOU ONE.
LOOK, DO US BOTH A FAVOR
IN FUTURE, ALL RIGHT?
DON'T ASSUME WE'RE MATES
AND DON'T PRETEND
WE'RE PISSING IN THE SAME POT BECAUSE WE'RE DIVORCEES
BECAUSE I AM WALKING TESTAMENT TO THE WAY YOU TREAT PEOPLE.
THE ONLY PERSON YOU EVER THINK ABOUT
IS YOURSELF, AND FROM NOW ON, SAME HERE.
GOOD, IT'LL HELP YOUR PROSPECTS ENORMOUSLY
TO TAKE THE CASE.
I'LL NEED TO KNOW BY 8:00 TONIGHT.
I FEEL SILLY... I'M...
I'M PUSHING HIM OUT.
LOOK, I CAN STAY AT MUM'S HOUSE.
IT'S FINE.
I'LL GO TO ME DAD'S- NO ONE HAS TO SLEEP ON THE COUCH.
OKAY?
I WAS GOING TO MOVE IN THERE TOMORROW ANYWAY.
HIYA.
WE'LL BRING ALL YOUR THINGS
FOR THE WEDDING HERE.
THEN EVERYTHING YOU NEED ON SATURDAY
WILL BE HERE FOR YOU.
OKAY? ANNA?
IS YOUR MOBILE OFF?
YEAH.
IT'S MICHELLE FROM WORK.
CAN YOU SWITCH IT ON?
WHY DON'T YOU JUST GIVE ME THE PHONE
AND I CAN TALK TO HER THAT WAY?
OH, SHE'S JUST COMING.
RIGHT, YOU'RE OUT OF WINDOLENE
AND THE VAC'S GOT A SPLIT IN THE PIPING.
LET'S MAKE A LIST SO WE DON'T FORGET ANYTHING, OKAY?
NO, NO, I HAVEN'T GIVEN PERMISSION
FOR AN EXTENSION
AND IF THAT ACCOUNT
ISN'T SETTLED BY TOMORROW
WE START COURT PROCEEDINGS.
JUST A SECOND- RING ME.
I'M SORRY.
Owen: IRMA.
Crane: SPRINGER!
SERIOUSLY, HOW LONG DO YOU THINK IT CAN LAST-
SERIOUSLY, HMM?
HOW MANY YEARS BETWEEN YOU?
LOOK...
70% OF ALL MARRIAGES WITH THIS SORT OF AGE GAP
END IN DIVORCE.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE BLOODY SOCRATES-
WHICH YOU'RE PALPABLY NOT-
TO SEE SHE'S DESPERATELY FLATTERED.
BUT SHE'LL BE 50 BEFORE YOU KNOW IT
AND BEFORE YOU'RE 35
AND THE OLDER SHE GETS AND THE YOUNGER YOU SEEM
THE BIGGER THE STRAIN IT'LL BE FOR HER.
YOU WALK DOWN THE STREET, PRETTY GIRL FLOATS BY
YOUR HEAD TURNS, SHE'LL SEE THAT.
SHE SEES YOU AT WORK
SHE SEES THE AVERAGE AGE OF A STAFF NURSE-
SHE CAN'T COMPETE.
SHE TELLS HERSELF SHE DOESN'T CARE
BECAUSE SHE'S THE ONE YOU GO HOME TO
BUT YOU SPEND LONG HOURS AT WORK.
SHE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING
SHE CAN'T SEE WHERE YOU'RE LOOKING
AND SHE'S DEFENSELESS.
NEITHER TIME NOR GRAVITY ON HER SIDE
SHE'LL CONVINCE HERSELF THE GAP IS IRRETRIEVABLE.
AND DON'T CONTRADICT ME, BECAUSE I KNOW THE WOMAN.
OPEN THE BLOODY DOOR!
COME OUT AND SPEAK TO ME, YOU GUTLESS BASTARD.
AND SHE...
YEAH, SHE'LL START MAKING JOKES ABOUT YOU
RUNNING OFF WITH YOUNGER WOMEN
AND SHE'LL START WANTING TO KNOW WHAT YOU'VE BEEN DOING:
WHO DID YOU SEE TODAY?
WHAT DID YOU DO TODAY?
AND THE ROWS WILL START.
YOU MAKE UP, BUT THEY WON'T GO AWAY.
NEXT NIGHT, NEXT WEEK, NEXT MONTH
AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN, THEY KEEP COMING BACK
BECAUSE SHE CONSTANTLY NEEDS TELLING
THAT YOU'RE NOT LOOKING ELSEWHERE
AND SHE'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO BELIEVE YOU
EVEN THOUGH YOU MIGHT NOT BE.
BUT YOU WON'T BE RUSHING HOME TO DINNER, WILL YOU?
YOU WON'T BE TURNING OVERTIME DOWN, WILL YOU?
WOULD YOU ENJOY A HOLIDAY SITTING ON A BEACH WITH HER?
OF COURSE YOU WOULDN'T...
...100% SELF-FULFILLING BLOODY PROPHECY.
THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE LOOKING AT, SPRINGER.
ALL RIGHT, I'M GOING, I'M GOING.
Woman: WHAT DID I TELL YOU?
I DON'T KNOW HIM FROM ADAM.
I'M... I'M VERY... GOD...
Arnold: ♪ ALL OF ME
♪ WHY NOT TAKE ALL OF ME? ♪
Radio announcer: 9:00 here on BBC-GMR.
Let's find out what the weather has in store for us today.
Good morning, Alan...
HELLO?
Man: Parcel for Anna Fairley.
Woman MR. SPRINGER?
HERE.
JUST TESTING THE SPEAKERS.
LEFT CUTS OUT IF I'M TALKING AT THE BACK.
RIGHT CUTS OUT IF I'M TALKING AT THE FRONT.
I SHOULD JUST STAY AT THE FRONT
AND PUT ALL THE DEAF ONES OVER THERE.
IS YOUR FRIEND HERE?
NO.
YES.
OH, I'M SORRY.
ANNA FAIRLEY.
THANKS FOR SEEING US.
I KNOW IT'S SHORT NOTICE.
YOUR UNCLE IN CHIPPING NORTON SAID
YOU'VE ALREADY BOOKED A CIVIL CEREMONY.
FOR SATURDAY.
IS IT GOING TO BOTHER YOU
IF WE HAVE TO MOVE THAT?
THERE'S BEEN A CANCELLATION FOR 2:00 SATURDAY
BUT I CAN'T CONFIRM THAT
UNTIL I'VE COUNSELED THE COUPLE
WHICH I'M EXPECTING TO DO AT...
YOU CAN SOD OFF!
TOMORROW'S FINE.
HELLO, BEVERLY.
JUST GO DOWN TO THE VESTRY-
I'LL BE WITH YOU IN FIVE MINUTES.
UM... DID HE TELL YOU WE'RE NOT THAT RELIGIOUS?
HE SAID ATHEISTS-
WHICH IS FINE, SO LONG AS PEOPLE ARE HONEST.
YOU GET THE LANDSCAPE, WE GET THE MONEY.
THERE'S A DONATION OF YOUR CHOICE-
NOT LESS THAN 100.
SECOND DONATION TO THE NIGHT SHELTER-
NOT LESS THAN 50.
TWO HUNDRED?
OH, THAT'S FINE.
JUST GIVE NOTICE TO THE REGISTRAR.
WE'LL CHUCK IN A COUPLE OF BELL RINGERS.
WHO KNOWS? YOU MIGHT COME OUT OF THIS EVENT SPIRITUALLY TRANSFORMED.
OKAY, SEE YOU SATURDAY.
DO SIT DOWN.
TELL HER.
WHAT'S GOING ON?
TELL HER, OR I WILL.
FORGIVE ME, I GOT YOU HERE UNDER FALSE PRETENSES.
YOU WERE INVITED TO APPLY FOR THE JOB
FOR ONE REASON AND ONE REASON ONLY- OWEN SPRINGER.
I WAS AWARE YOU'D BEEN CLOSE.
I HOPED YOU MIGHT REKINDLE SOMETHING.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
HAVE I GOT A JOB OR NOT?
WELL, I WAS NEGLIGENT IN OFFERING YOU THE POST
BECAUSE IT HASN'T BEEN SANCTIONED BY THE BOARD
AND MAY NEVER BE.
HOWEVER...
I...
SENT YOU THIS FAX CLEARLY OUTLINING 12 MONTHS' WORK
WHICH BY ANY DIMENSION OF THE LAW CONSTITUTES A CONTRACT.
SO EITHER YOU GET THE JOB AND MAKE IT WORK
OR YOU GET 12 MONTHS' PAY WITH 12 MONTHS' HOLIDAY.
HOW MUCH CAN YOU HATE ME?
REALLY?
WHAT'S GOING ON?
OH, SHIT.
YOU PAID THE DEPOSIT ON THAT HOTEL YET, DANNY?
OBVIOUSLY A GOOD SIGN.
CRANE'S GOT A FACE LIKE SHIT.
WEDDING'S ON.
SO, UH... LET'S GO AND BUY THAT DRESS, SHALL WE?
WHAT HOTEL?
YOU LOVED HIM ONCE.
I LOVE HIM NOW.
DID HE KNOW YOU'D HAD AFFAIRS?
OH, NO, HE THINKS HE'S THE FIRST.
THAT'S WHAT REALLY CRUCIFIES ME.
IF I WAS OLD-FASHIONED
I WOULDN'T BE HERE FOR THIS WEDDING.
BUT HOW CAN YOU SLEEP AROUND
AND SAY YOU LOVE HIM?
Barbara: THOUSANDS OF MARRIAGES GO BELLY UP EVERY YEAR
BECAUSE SOMEBODY HAD SEX WITH A THIRD PARTY.
YOU'RE MEANT TO PHYSICALLY DEVOTE YOURSELF
TO ONE PERSON FOR A LIFETIME?
IT'S ABSURD.
YOU CAN'T KEEP IT FRESH.
MOST OF THEM CAN'T KEEP IT FRESH FOR THREE MINUTES.
AND THAT'S PUSHING IT.
IT'S PATHETIC YOU TREATED RICHARD LIKE THAT
FOR ONE EXCURSION.
YOU'VE JUST DESERTED YOUR HUSBAND
RIPPED HIM OFF FOR EXACTLY THAT REASON.
SO?
I'LL GO BACK TO HIM.
WILL YOU?
YES.
SEX ISN'T SPIRITUALLY DAMAGING.
HE'LL GET HIS MONEY BACK, BUT HE'LL KNOW HE HURT ME.
AND HE ONLY HURT ME
BECAUSE HE WAS STUPID ENOUGH
TO LET ME FIND OUT.
THE ONLY MEN I SLEEP WITH
FEEL LUCKY ENOUGH TO KEEP THEIR MOUTHS SHUT.
THAT'S THE ONLY DAMAGE, ANNA, AND THAT'S TO DO WITH PRIDE.
YOU'RE TALKING ABSOLUTE BLOODY GIBBERISH.
OKAY...
CLOCK THIS AND TELL ME WHAT YOU'RE THINKING-
DON'T LOOK NOW.
NOT YET.
NOW.
HE WOULDN'T TELL A SOUL.
YOU'D BE IN AND OUT OF A HOTEL ROOM IN AN HOUR
AND YOUR LIFE WOULD BE TRANSFORMED.
THEN YOU'D HAVE TO GO HOME
AND STARE AT THE SAME BUMPTIOUS ARSEHOLE
YOU'VE DEVOTED YOUR LIFE TO- WELL, I WOULD.
IT'S A QUESTION OF HOW YOU COPE WITH TRANSFORMATION
AND I THINK THAT MOST PEOPLE WOULD SAY THAT THEY CAN'T.
THEY DIDN'T NECESSARILY MARRY
THE BUMPTIOUS ARSEHOLE THEY'RE WITH
FOR LOVE, DEVOTION OR SEX EVEN.
WHEN I MARRIED MY BUMPTIOUS ARSEHOLE
HE WASN'T PARTICULARLY GOOD IN BED.
IT GAVE ME MORE READING TIME
WHICH IS WHY I'M MORE QUALIFIED THAN HE IS...
WHICH HAS ITS JOYS.
CHEERS!
OKAY, PETE, RAY, STEPHEN, YOU'RE IN GILLESPIE'S CAR.
COLIN AND MITCH, YOU'RE MAKING YOUR OWN WAY THERE.
SEAN, THOMAS, TWO DAVIDS, WELLS AND KAHN
YOU'RE IN THE MINIBUS, AND THAT'S A TENNER EACH.
PICKUP'S AT 8:00 FROM THE MAIN GATES
COLLECTS YOU FROM THE NIGHTCLUB AT 2:00 A.M., RIGHT.
NOW, IF YOU'RE LATE, YOU'RE LEFT.
DON'T DRESS LIKE SCUM OR YOU WON'T GET IN, ALL RIGHTY?
AND IF YOU'RE ON DUTY IN THE MORNING, YOU STAY SOBER... ISH.
OKAY, SEE YOU LATER.
HIYA.
HI.
I THOUGHT OWEN WOULD BE HERE.
I'M UNDERQUALIFIED FOR THIS JOB, AREN'T I?
MM-HMM.
BUT IF I KNOW THAT
AND I WORK ON THE BOARD AT THE INTERVIEW
DO YOU THINK I STAND A CHANCE OF GETTING IT?
THEY'RE GOING TO LISTEN TO WHAT CRANE WANTS.
THE JOB MEANS MORE TO ME THAN THE SALARY.
LOOK, I'M REALLY SORRY YOU GOT SHAFTED
BUT OWEN DOESN'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ALL OF THIS.
I THOUGHT HE'D BE HERE.
LOOK, DO US A FAVOR- DON'T.
I MEAN, IF HIM AND CRANE START SCRAPPING AGAIN
AND THE WEDDING GETS POSTPONED
THAT MEANS THAT CRANE GETS EXACTLY WHAT HE WANTED.
YOU'RE A GOOD FRIEND TO OWEN.
WELL, I'VE BLOWN HOT AND COLD.
WHY ME?
I'M NOT INVITED.
IT'S A STAG DO.
I'M NOT INVITED TO THE HEN PARTY EITHER.
SHE'S NOT HAVING ONE.
COURSE SHE IS.
I CAN CLEAN HER FLAT, I CAN BABY-SIT HER MUM
BUT AM I FIT TO DRINK WITH?
WELL, NOT IN COMPANY.
WELL, YOU BARELY KNOW HER.
I'VE HAD ME HAND DOWN HER TOILET.
WELL, THERE'S YOUR ANSWER.
YOU READY?
AND YOU ARE NOT GETTING PISSED.
I AM.
YOU'RE NOT.
I AM.
Woman ♪ EVERYBODY... YEAH
♪ EVERYBODY... COME ON
♪ EVERYBODY... YEAH
♪ EVERYBODY.
HEY.
PACKET OF THREE.
FINAL FLING- IF YOU'VE GOT THE STAMINA.
YOU WOULDN'T GET YOUR JACKET OFF
WITH HALF THIS LOT.
WHOO, PARDON ME, MADAM, BROTHER SUPERIOR.
IF THIS IS WHAT MARRIAGE DOES TO YOU
I'M GOING TO STICK TO ME SERIAL SPORADICS.
YOU'RE ACTUALLY SOUNDING LIKE JOHN PEEL NOW.
Owen: SHE'S PICKED UP ON YOUR PHEROMONES, DANNY.
Deejay: CAN WE HAVE A BIG MANCHESTER WELCOME FOR THE PARTY OF GIRLS
FROM DOBSON'S ELECTRONICS IN OLDHAM?
AND THE STAG PARTY FOR OWEN SPRINGER
FROM ST. GREGORY'S HOSPITAL.
ANY OF YOU GIRLS SUFFERING HOT SWEATS, RAPID PULSES
AND WITHDRAWAL SYMPTOMS
COULD DO A LOST WORSE THAN THIS LOT
BECAUSE THEY'RE ALL DOCTORS!
Woman: ♪ YEAH...
♪ EVERYBODY, COME ON...
YOU MADE IT.
YEAH, I MADE IT.
DID YOU GET YOUR BEST MAN YET?
YOU OFFERING?
YEAH.
IF YOU'RE JUST FILLING IN THE SPACE FOR MY SAKE
YOU FORGET IT.
NO... I WANT TO.
YOU'RE ON.
Myrtle: ANNA, 15
AND BARBARA, 8½.
CORRECT. CORRECT.
SHE GOT CHICKEN POX THAT YEAR.
VERY POORLY.
SHE'D JUST STARTED THIS NEW SCHOOL
AND SHE WAS REALLY UPSET
WHEN I HAD TO KEEP HER AT HOME.
AND YOU BOUGHT HER SOMETHING.
CAN YOU REMEMBER WHAT?
YEAH...
PUPPY WITH A RED COLLAR.
SPOT, YOU CALLED IT SPOT.
YES, I CALLED IT A LOT WORSE NAMES THAN THAT.
HE BARKED AND BARKED AND BARKED.
OH, AND THEN...
THEN IT SHAT ON YOUR FATHER'S CHAIR.
SO I JUST OPENED THE FRONT DOOR AND LET IT ESCAPE.
NO, YOU SENT IT TO A FARM.
NO... NO, IT GOT RUN OVER.
Joyce: OH, DEAR.
WHEN YOU'RE CLEAR, YOU'RE CLEAR, AREN'T YOU?
ISN'T THERE A PICTURE OF ME SOMEWHERE
DRESSED AS MORGAN LE FAY?
I WANT TO SEND IT TO ROY
WITH A MARBELLA STAMP.
IT'S IN THE OTHER SET.
MUM, PASS ME THE PHOTOS.
THESE, YEAH?
NO, THE WALLET.
WHY HAVE YOU DONE THIS?
ME? I HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING.
IT'S YOUR HANDWRITING.
I DIDN'T INVENT THE SITUATION.
I JUST TOOK ADVANTAGE OF IT.
DON'T SHOOT THE MESSENGER.
THAT'S NOT A MESSAGE.
THAT'S HIM OUT FOR A DRINK WITH A WOMAN HE MIGHT HARDLY KNOW.
NO, THAT'S ALISON D'ARBY.
SHE'S HIS WIFE.
CORRECTION.
HE BETROTHED HIMSELF
AND THEN CALLED THE WEDDING OFF.
THAT WAS LAST YEAR, ONLY FIVE MONTHS BEFORE HE MET YOU
AND YET HERE HE IS JUST 24 HOURS AGO.
I'M JUST ASKING THE QUESTION:
WHAT IS IT HE REALLY WANTS?
YOU PAID SOMEONE TO TAKE THESE PICTURES?
YOU BLOODY DISGUST ME.
BUT IT'S WHY
HE DIDN'T MARRY HER
THAT'S REALLY INTERESTING.
HE WANTED CHILDREN, SHE DIDN'T.
YOU'VE DONE YOUR WORST, RICHARD.
YOU'VE DONE YOUR BLOODY WORST AND IT HASN'T WORKED
SO JUST LEAVE ME ALONE AND GO TO HELL!
OH, MY GOD!
GOD!
I AM GOING TO KILL THE BASTARD.
CALM DOWN, JUST CALM DOWN.
YOU'RE BEHAVING LIKE A LUNATIC.
GET OUT OF MY WAY, PLEASE.
YOU ARE GOING NOWHERE.
WELL, THAT'D BE THE ONLY THING WE HAD IN COMMON.
OH, SHIT.
OWEN! OWEN!
Danny: OWEN!
THAT FELT PRETTY GOOD.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I REALLY WANTED TO DO THAT.
I THINK TOMORROW'S A BAD IDEA.
Crane OH, GOD.
OH, GOD, NOT AGAIN.
TWO SHILLINGS A WEEK FOR 15 WEEKS.
15 WEEKS.
IT WAS IN THE TOY SHOP WINDOW-
A PRECISION SCALE MODEL OF DONALD CAMPBELL'S BLUEBIRD.
MY FATHER REFUSED TO PAY FOR IT
ON THE GROUNDS THAT IT WASN'T EDUCATIONAL.
I WASHED HIS CAR, I MOWED THE LAWN
I WENT SHOPPING, I DID MY HOMEWORK
I DID OTHER PEOPLE'S HOMEWORK AND CHARGED FOR IT
AND I WENT TO SEE IT EVERY SINGLE DAY.
THE SUN HAD BLEACHED THE BOX AND THE WRITING WAS FADING
AND I REMEMBER THINKING, "I HAVE GOT TO GET 30 SHILLINGS
BEFORE THE WHOLE BLOODY THING DISAPPEARS."
THEN D-DAY- DONALD DAY.
I PUT THE 30 BOB ON THE COUNTER
AND IT FELT LIKE THE BIGGEST ACHIEVEMENT IN MY LIFE
AND THAT NIGHT I SAT IN BED, I STARED AT IT
AND FELT THE BIGGEST BLOODY FOOL.
2½ OUNCES OF PLASTIC.
I'D DEGRADED MYSELF FOR 15 WEEKS FOR PLASTIC.
I LOOKED AT THE BOX- IT SAID IT ALL.
ANNA!
WHAT HAVE I DONE?
THIS IS...
SO? SHE'S A FRIEND.
SHE WAS GOING TO BE YOUR WIFE.
ONCE.
LOOK, I HARDLY THINK SHE'S THE END OF THE WORLD
BUT I THINK WE SHOULD SPEND SOME TIME
THINKING THIS OVER.
ARE YOU NOT GOING TO MARRY ME?
WE JUST NEED TO...
ARE YOU GOING TO MARRY ME?
NO!
NOTHING HAPPENED.
YOU CALLED THE WEDDING OFF.
WHY WAS THAT?
IT WAS DIFFERENT OPINIONS ON THE FUTURE.
WHAT HAS THAT GOT TO DO WITH US?
LIKE?
IT DOESN'T MATTER.
LIKE?
I WANTED KIDS, SHE WANTED PROMOTION.
BUT YOU KNOW I DON'T.
I DON'T CARE.
YOU CARED THEN.
IT MATTERED THEN.
WELL, "THEN" WAS ONLY FIVE MONTHS BEFORE YOU MET ME.
I MEAN, HOW DO YOU CHANGE YOUR FEELINGS
ABOUT SOMETHING LIKE THAT?
YOU ARE NOT ALISON.
YOU ABANDONED A WEDDING BECAUSE OF CHILDREN
TO PURSUE A MARRIAGE WITH NO HOPE OF CHILDREN?
I MEAN, DOES THAT SOUND CONSISTENT?
IT DOESN'T HAVE TO SOUND CONSISTENT.
AND WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, "WITHOUT HOPE OF CHILDREN"?
I'M A BLOODY DOCTOR, FOR CHRIST'S SAKES.
I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE CAPABLE OF.
WOMEN A LOT OLDER THAN YOU HAVE DONE IT.
YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD CHANGE MY MIND?
I DIDN'T THINK ANYTHING.
WE'D GET MARRIED, YOU'D GIVE IT A YEAR
AND THEN YOU'D START PUTTING ON THE PRESSURE?
I DIDN'T...
YOU'RE WRONG.
I DIDN'T THINK ANYTHING.
I KNOW I'M NOT TOO OLD
BUT I'M NOT YOUNG ENOUGH TO SAIL THROUGH IT AND...
I'M TOO SCARED TO FAIL NOW.
ANNA, LOOK AT ME.
I JUST WANT YOU.
HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU?
I WANT WHAT YOU WANT.
YOU DON'T, OWEN.
YOU KNOW, YOU HAVE BEEN TELLING ME FOR A YEAR
YOU WANT TO BURY YOUR MISTAKES
BUT YOU'RE STILL SUCKING UP TO CRANE LIKE HE OWNS YOU!
WELL, I AM NOT CRANE!
AND YOU ARE NOT ALISON!
I THINK HE DOES OWN YOU.
AND IF ANYBODY BARGES IN, HE DOES
AND YOU LET HIM DO IT EVERY TIME!
YOU'VE LET HIM OWN YOU, ANNA
BECAUSE YOU ARE SCARED TO DEATH OF MAKING YOUR OWN DECISIONS!
AND THAT MAKES TWO OF US.
WELL, I'M MAKING ONE NOW.
WHAT?
I'D LIKE TO SAY THIS
and you won't see me again.
GO TO HELL.
If I truly believed your marriage was going to fall apart
I'D SIMPLY WAIT AND BE THERE WHEN IT ENDED, BUT I DON'T.
YOU'RE HAPPY AND I'VE KNOWN THAT.
YOU'VE HAD A YEAR OF BEING SOMEBODY ELSE
AND IT SUITS YOU, ACTUALLY.
AND I COULDN'T LIVE WITH YOU NOW ANY MORE THAN YOU'D WANT ME TO.
IF I HAD TO SPEND THE NIGHT IN THE SAME ROOM AS YOU
I'D BE BLOODY TERRIFIED.
I DON'T SEEM ABLE TO CHANGE.
I DON'T SEEM TO BE ABLE TO ADAPT LIKE OTHER PEOPLE
AND IF I'VE BEEN HURTING YOU
IT'S ONLY BECAUSE I'VE HAD 25 YEARS OF KNOWING HOW TO-
WASTE OF OXYGEN, YOURS AND MINE.
AND WHATEVER I'VE BEEN FIGHTING YOU FOR, IT ISN'T YOU
BUT AT LEAST...
WHAT AM I DOING?
THE AMERICANS HAVE A WORD FOR IT-
only two syllables, believe it or not- closure.
I've achieved
CLOSURE.
I HAVE A CHILD NOW
ADMITTEDLY TO A WOMAN WHO'D REMIX THE DNA
GIVEN HALF A CHANCE-
RIGHT TRACK, WRONG HORSE.
But I don't care, I have a child now
WHO CAN OPEN ME UP JUST LIKE THAT
AND WHO ABSOLUTELY CRIPPLES ME SOMETIMES
BECAUSE HE'S HOLDING THE MIRROR UP
AND ALL I SEE IS MY BLOODY FATHER...
which scares me because it makes me see how much I've got to do.
MICHAEL JAMES RICHARD CRANE-REID IS BEAUTIFUL.
HE CAN FART AND SMILE AT THE SAME TIME
WHICH MAKES ME VERY JEALOUS
BECAUSE I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY WANT TO BE LIKE THAT.
RICHARD, COME UP.
NO, THANK YOU.
I DON'T WANT TO.
RICHARD!
THERE, IT'S FINISHED.
HELLO.
Anna: I'm sorry.
WHICH WAY DOES THAT SWING?
AM I POLISHING ME SHOES OR NOT?
I'd understand if you said no
but would you like to see me tomorrow?
Or today?
WHAT TIME ARE WE TALKING ABOUT, ANNA?
2:00?
Two-ish?
I'D LOVE THAT.
Good.
That's good...
because I love you, Owen.
I LOVE YOU, TOO.
SO NICE TO SEE YOU.
DO GO IN.
SO GLAD YOU WERE ABLE TO COME.
OH...
OH, SO GLAD YOU WERE ABLE TO COME.
OH...
I'M THE BEST MAN.
HE SAID YOU TURNED HIM DOWN.
NO, SO DID YOU, BECAUSE HE ASKED ME.
LOOK, IT TOOK ME SEVEN HOURS TO WRITE THE SPEECH
18 HOURS TO FIND A SUIT AND NEARLY 12 BLOODY MONTHS
TO GET THE WOMAN THAT I BROUGHT WITH ME
SO PLEASE... PLEASE.
WELL, WHO'S GOT THE RINGS?
OWEN HAS.
WRONG.
MORNING.
YOU LOOK GORGEOUS.
RELAX.
WE HAVE COME TOGETHER IN THE PRESENCE OF GOD
TO WITNESS THE MARRIAGE
OF ANNA AND OWEN...
CHARLES AND MYRTLE.
TO ASK HIS BLESSING ON THEM AND TO SHARE IN THEIR JOY.
THE VOWS YOU'RE ABOUT TO TAKE
ARE TO BE MADE IN THE NAME OF GOD...
WHO'S THE JUDGE OF ALL AND KNOWS ALL THE SECRETS
OF OUR HEARTS.
THEREFORE
IF EITHER OF YOU KNOW
ANY REASON WHY YOU MAY NOT LAWFULLY MARRY...
GIVE HIM TO ME.
YOU MUST DECLARE IT NOW.
NO.
REPEAT AFTER ME.
HE SOUNDS HUNGRY.
Vicar: I, OWEN, TAKE YOU, ANNA, TO BE MY WIFE.
HE CAN'T BE HUNGRY, RICHARD FED HIM.
Owen: I, OWEN, TAKE YOU, ANNA, TO BE MY WIFE...
Vicar: TO HAVE AND TO HOLD, TO LOVE AND TO CHERISH...
TO HAVE AND TO HOLD
TO LOVE AND TO CHERISH...
TILL DEATH DO US PART, AND THIS IS
MY SOLEMN VOW.
AMEN.
MUM!
I'M FINE.
TILL DEATH DO US PART
AND THIS IS MY SOLEMN VOW.
SHE'S FINE.
I, ANNA...
TAKE YOU, OWEN, TO BE MY HUSBAND...
ROY!
I, ANNA, TAKE YOU, OWEN, TO BE MY HUSBAND...
TO HAVE AND TO HOLD
TO LOVE AND TO CHERISH...
TO HAVE AND TO HOLD, TO LOVE AND TO CHERISH...
FROM THIS DAY FORWARD TILL DEATH DO US PART
AND THIS IS MY SOLEMN VOW.
FROM THIS DAY FORWARD TILL DEATH DO US PART.
THIS IS MY SOLEMN VOW.
WE HOPE YOU'VE ENJOYED MOBIL MASTERPIECE THEATRE.
FOR NEARLY 30 YEARS, WE'VE BEEN PROUD TO PROVIDE
THE ENERGY THAT HELPS PUBLIC TELEVISION RUN.
Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access. wgbh. org
A PRESENTATION OF WGBH BOSTON