1
00:00:00,792 --> 00:00:03,879
God, Alice was being
such a dickhead today, huh?
2
00:00:04,045 --> 00:00:05,722
You give out
laser-pointer key chains,
3
00:00:05,847 --> 00:00:08,325
and you expect us to be adult
enough not to play with them?
4
00:00:08,450 --> 00:00:09,759
I mean, are you thick?
5
00:00:09,926 --> 00:00:11,795
You were just pointing 'em
at people's crotches.
6
00:00:11,920 --> 00:00:13,805
That's what they're there for.
That's fun.
7
00:00:13,971 --> 00:00:15,290
Dude, if she was here right now,
8
00:00:15,415 --> 00:00:16,450
I've drank enough, to the point
9
00:00:16,575 --> 00:00:17,751
where I would go right to her face,
10
00:00:17,876 --> 00:00:19,153
and I would say,
11
00:00:19,278 --> 00:00:20,988
"you're dumb and no one loves you."
12
00:00:21,113 --> 00:00:22,397
I'd say that to her.
13
00:00:22,563 --> 00:00:23,774
That was really good.
14
00:00:23,940 --> 00:00:25,108
You should tell that to her face.
15
00:00:25,274 --> 00:00:26,652
- Yeah, I totally would.
- Through her ear hole,
16
00:00:26,818 --> 00:00:27,794
which is in her face,
17
00:00:27,919 --> 00:00:29,363
'cause I just called her work phone.
18
00:00:29,529 --> 00:00:30,797
- What?
- Did you?
19
00:00:31,072 --> 00:00:32,032
- I did.
- It's her voicemail.
20
00:00:32,198 --> 00:00:33,367
Leave a voicemail.
21
00:00:33,533 --> 00:00:36,912
Hey, Alice, this is Blake.
22
00:00:37,078 --> 00:00:42,009
And I just thought
that maybe you should...
23
00:00:42,291 --> 00:00:43,510
Stick a fork up your butt
and eat poo,
24
00:00:43,635 --> 00:00:44,879
because you're a dickhead.
25
00:00:45,169 --> 00:00:47,281
- [Rap music]
- Oh, my God.
26
00:00:47,547 --> 00:00:49,750
It's so sad how much you love me
27
00:00:49,875 --> 00:00:53,220
and you look at me from a distance
28
00:00:53,386 --> 00:00:56,014
and you get all
♪ juicy
29
00:00:56,180 --> 00:00:58,183
in your pants.
30
00:00:58,349 --> 00:00:59,860
You might be the boss,
but you, ma'am,
31
00:00:59,985 --> 00:01:02,270
- are no leader.
- Yeah!
32
00:01:02,436 --> 00:01:04,231
And one time I heard you queef.
Slam!
33
00:01:06,440 --> 00:01:08,605
Get amped on Demamp!
34
00:01:08,730 --> 00:01:10,696
Cornhuskers [bleep] rule!
35
00:01:10,862 --> 00:01:12,172
Tits are rad!
36
00:01:12,297 --> 00:01:13,949
Not yours though.
I bet they're c-caved.
37
00:01:14,115 --> 00:01:15,442
You don't know how to delegate.
38
00:01:15,567 --> 00:01:17,035
You don't know how to motivate.
39
00:01:17,201 --> 00:01:18,078
And you sure as hell can't encourage
40
00:01:18,203 --> 00:01:19,146
any kind of innovation.
41
00:01:19,271 --> 00:01:21,665
Let the boys be boys.
Slam!
44
00:01:25,710 --> 00:01:27,087
Go shave your muff!
Suck it.
45
00:01:27,378 --> 00:01:29,423
Bitch, you got
too many teeth in your mouth.
46
00:01:29,589 --> 00:01:31,691
[Screams]
47
00:01:31,966 --> 00:01:34,061
Yo, you look like you smoke,
and I know that you don't.
48
00:01:34,186 --> 00:01:37,681
So that hits even closer to home.
49
00:01:37,847 --> 00:01:38,832
I hate you.
I hate you.
50
00:01:38,957 --> 00:01:40,100
- Yep, yep.
- I hate you.
51
00:01:40,225 --> 00:01:41,435
I hate you!
52
00:01:41,601 --> 00:01:43,237
I hate you!
I hate you!
53
00:01:43,362 --> 00:01:44,571
I hate you!
54
00:01:44,696 --> 00:01:47,274
I hate you!
55
00:01:47,399 --> 00:01:49,151
- I hate her.
- Yeah.
56
00:01:49,317 --> 00:01:50,311
[Birds chirping]
57
00:01:50,436 --> 00:01:54,382
[Cell phone buzzes]
58
00:01:58,492 --> 00:01:59,420
Oh, no.
59
00:01:59,545 --> 00:02:01,422
Dude.
Dude, the voicemails!
60
00:02:01,547 --> 00:02:02,748
- Wake up Demamp!
- Hmm?
61
00:02:02,914 --> 00:02:03,832
Where's Blake?
62
00:02:03,998 --> 00:02:05,759
- What?
- Blake!
63
00:02:05,884 --> 00:02:07,210
Yo.
64
00:02:10,789 --> 00:02:12,007
How did you...
65
00:02:13,094 --> 00:02:14,051
[Softly]
I don't know.
66
00:02:21,849 --> 00:02:23,602
Sync and correction by Mlmlte
www.addic7ed.com
67
00:02:26,229 --> 00:02:27,939
Blake, s'go.
68
00:02:28,105 --> 00:02:30,016
Alice gets to the office
five minutes early every day,
69
00:02:30,141 --> 00:02:32,052
which gives us 29 minutes
to beat her there
70
00:02:32,177 --> 00:02:33,320
and delete those messages.
71
00:02:33,486 --> 00:02:35,280
That's weird.
I don't even feel hungover.
72
00:02:35,447 --> 00:02:37,057
I drank, like, 17 beers,
73
00:02:37,182 --> 00:02:38,700
and I feel way better
than I normal do.
74
00:02:38,866 --> 00:02:40,160
Yeah, you know,
maybe as you get older
75
00:02:40,285 --> 00:02:41,411
you get better at hangovers.
76
00:02:41,577 --> 00:02:43,121
That has to be a fact.
[Crash]
77
00:02:43,287 --> 00:02:44,539
All:
Whoa!
78
00:02:44,705 --> 00:02:46,583
- Jesus.
- What the...
79
00:02:46,749 --> 00:02:49,586
Guys, we're still drunk.
80
00:02:50,253 --> 00:02:52,130
We got to take the bus.
Let's go!
81
00:02:52,296 --> 00:02:54,382
- Yep, I'll meet you guys there.
- Wait, where are you going?
82
00:02:54,548 --> 00:02:56,301
- Inside. We need beers.
- Wait, no!
83
00:02:56,467 --> 00:02:57,385
Beers is what
got us in this situation.
84
00:02:57,551 --> 00:02:59,221
Yeah, and it's
what's gonna get us out.
85
00:02:59,438 --> 00:03:01,681
We're drunk right now,
and we feel great, right?
86
00:03:01,906 --> 00:03:03,917
If this hangover kicks in...
87
00:03:04,042 --> 00:03:06,587
- We're screwed.
- He's right, we have no choice.
88
00:03:06,712 --> 00:03:08,855
We have to stay drunk
till we get to the office.
89
00:03:09,021 --> 00:03:10,491
Oh, and I'll get
90
00:03:10,616 --> 00:03:11,899
my sharper image breathalyzer
key chain from the car.
91
00:03:12,024 --> 00:03:13,627
That way, we can monitor
our blood alcohol level, guys.
92
00:03:13,752 --> 00:03:14,945
Yeah! Blood alcohol level!
93
00:03:15,111 --> 00:03:16,430
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, Adam!
94
00:03:16,555 --> 00:03:18,740
Let me get tecates
and a couple of limes, okay?
95
00:03:18,906 --> 00:03:21,359
- You got it.
- Oh, and Adam?
96
00:03:21,659 --> 00:03:23,662
Thank you for being a true Braj.
97
00:03:23,828 --> 00:03:25,439
You're welcome, Braj.
98
00:03:25,564 --> 00:03:28,041
- Stay up.
- I will.
99
00:03:28,207 --> 00:03:29,610
Both:
Always.
100
00:03:29,735 --> 00:03:31,128
- Come on, let's go.
- Always, man.
101
00:03:31,294 --> 00:03:32,337
True soldiers, for real.
102
00:03:32,503 --> 00:03:34,381
- Dude!
- You're my best friend!
103
00:03:34,547 --> 00:03:35,465
- You're my best friend, dude!
- Come on!
104
00:03:35,631 --> 00:03:36,950
I love that guy, man!
105
00:03:37,075 --> 00:03:39,052
- Damn, I forgot a belt!
- Shhh.
106
00:03:39,218 --> 00:03:41,522
- [Cell phone rings]
- Yo-ba sayo.
107
00:03:41,647 --> 00:03:43,056
Jillian, it's Anders.
Listen to me.
108
00:03:43,222 --> 00:03:44,758
I need you
to go into Alice's voicemail
109
00:03:44,883 --> 00:03:46,726
and delete all her messages
before she gets in today.
110
00:03:46,951 --> 00:03:48,128
Oh, I would happily do that,
111
00:03:48,253 --> 00:03:49,646
but it's password-protected.
112
00:03:49,812 --> 00:03:50,725
What? You're her assistant.
113
00:03:50,850 --> 00:03:52,065
You don't access to her voicemails?
114
00:03:52,231 --> 00:03:55,135
Her mom kept leaving
these mean messages
115
00:03:55,260 --> 00:03:56,870
about how Alice was a bad daughter,
116
00:03:56,995 --> 00:03:58,738
so I couldn't take it,
and I finally just called her
117
00:03:58,863 --> 00:04:00,030
and I said, "look, lady,
118
00:04:00,364 --> 00:04:02,784
shut your mouth
and find a [bleep] hobby."
119
00:04:02,950 --> 00:04:05,379
[Techno music]
120
00:04:05,504 --> 00:04:08,081
♪ And I've had it up to here
121
00:04:08,206 --> 00:04:10,617
♪ with the static in the ocean
122
00:04:10,742 --> 00:04:13,420
♪ sweet and salty in the sky
123
00:04:13,545 --> 00:04:14,978
♪ it's a level of devotion...
124
00:04:15,296 --> 00:04:18,133
Ders, I'm fading!
Breathalyze me!
125
00:04:18,299 --> 00:04:19,301
- She's a grown adult...
- Here it is.
126
00:04:19,467 --> 00:04:20,302
That looks like a baby.
127
00:04:20,468 --> 00:04:23,930
[Music continues]
128
00:04:24,055 --> 00:04:25,390
♪
129
00:04:25,556 --> 00:04:30,854
♪ on a skateboard,
tattooing up your mind ♪
130
00:04:31,020 --> 00:04:35,942
coming through! Hustle.
Whoo!
131
00:04:40,321 --> 00:04:42,216
Jillian, I just need you
to figure out this password,
132
00:04:42,341 --> 00:04:43,684
get in there
and delete those voicemails.
133
00:04:43,809 --> 00:04:46,052
- Tell me you can do that.
- I'd say yeah...
134
00:04:46,177 --> 00:04:49,456
Considering I know Alice Murray
better than she knows herself.
135
00:04:49,715 --> 00:04:51,833
It's Alice Murphy, actually.
136
00:04:51,999 --> 00:04:54,419
Damn it!
I just blew a .09.
137
00:04:54,653 --> 00:04:57,130
Where is Adam with those beers?
Man, I can't get a hangover.
138
00:04:57,296 --> 00:04:58,865
You know how I am
when I have a hangover.
139
00:04:58,990 --> 00:05:00,675
I'm bitchy. I'm very bitchy.
[Device beeps]
140
00:05:00,841 --> 00:05:03,178
.10. We are dangerously close
to being hungover.
141
00:05:03,344 --> 00:05:04,763
- [Clock ticking]
- Oh, I feel a headache.
142
00:05:04,929 --> 00:05:06,389
Feel a headache.
143
00:05:06,555 --> 00:05:08,808
- Oh, here we go.
- Where are the beers?
144
00:05:08,974 --> 00:05:11,770
They're all gone, man.
They're all gone, man!
145
00:05:11,936 --> 00:05:13,813
- ♪ Living that blade life
- What are you talking about?
146
00:05:13,979 --> 00:05:14,940
I just saw you drink one right now.
147
00:05:15,106 --> 00:05:16,850
Yeah, the last one, Ders.
148
00:05:16,975 --> 00:05:18,235
Think, speak.
149
00:05:18,401 --> 00:05:20,737
Okay, well, I know we had more
than one beer in the house.
150
00:05:20,903 --> 00:05:22,056
- No, we had four.
- Uh-huh.
151
00:05:22,181 --> 00:05:23,198
But there's three of us.
152
00:05:23,364 --> 00:05:24,824
And 1 1/2 beers each...
153
00:05:24,949 --> 00:05:26,660
That's not enough
to get us kablamo-ed.
154
00:05:26,785 --> 00:05:28,028
But for one person,
155
00:05:28,153 --> 00:05:30,372
that might be enough
to take us to the level.
156
00:05:30,538 --> 00:05:32,999
Let me hit this,
'cause I'm feeling ripe.
157
00:05:33,165 --> 00:05:34,568
[Device beeps]
158
00:05:34,693 --> 00:05:37,637
Whoa. I'm level...
That's a .25.
159
00:05:37,762 --> 00:05:39,589
- Holy...
- I'm leveled!
160
00:05:39,755 --> 00:05:41,925
- Here we go, here we go.
- Hey, right here!
161
00:05:42,091 --> 00:05:42,968
- Come on.
- Whoa, front of the line.
162
00:05:43,134 --> 00:05:45,053
Excuse me, folks.
We got an emergency, here.
163
00:05:45,219 --> 00:05:47,013
Come on, come on.
164
00:05:47,138 --> 00:05:48,556
Hey, okay,
would you just be a bus angel
165
00:05:48,722 --> 00:05:50,584
and drive us right to Telamericorp,
166
00:05:50,709 --> 00:05:52,852
no stops or anything?
We've got a work emergency.
167
00:05:53,018 --> 00:05:54,754
You got some brats on the bus?
168
00:05:54,879 --> 00:05:56,690
Or a churro?
I'm starving right now.
169
00:05:56,856 --> 00:05:59,258
Guys, we're not going anywhere
till everyone's on the bus.
170
00:05:59,383 --> 00:06:02,404
So sit down.
171
00:06:02,570 --> 00:06:04,739
Let's go!
Come on!
172
00:06:04,905 --> 00:06:06,866
Time to go.
[Claps]
173
00:06:07,032 --> 00:06:08,493
Just follow this laser pointer.
174
00:06:08,659 --> 00:06:09,869
We got some open seats
right in the back,
175
00:06:09,994 --> 00:06:11,413
right down there,
if you want to see that.
176
00:06:11,579 --> 00:06:13,248
Adam, help this guy out
with his money, please.
177
00:06:13,414 --> 00:06:15,408
- You got money in here?
- Help him out.
178
00:06:15,533 --> 00:06:17,711
What are you doing?
Stop it.
179
00:06:17,836 --> 00:06:19,170
Handkerchief. Gross.
180
00:06:19,336 --> 00:06:20,780
Sir, you're never
gonna catch any fish
181
00:06:20,905 --> 00:06:22,090
if you take this long, come on.
182
00:06:22,373 --> 00:06:24,050
Tuck the pole.
Watch your eyes, everybody.
183
00:06:24,216 --> 00:06:26,636
- What are you doing?
- I'm skitching.
184
00:06:26,802 --> 00:06:27,846
No, you are not skitching.
Let's go.
185
00:06:28,113 --> 00:06:29,973
Adam, we will next time,
I promise. Come on.
186
00:06:30,139 --> 00:06:31,625
[Overlapping cheers, whistle]
187
00:06:31,750 --> 00:06:33,810
- We did it again.
- We did it!
188
00:06:33,976 --> 00:06:35,128
And I thought
we weren't gonna make it.
189
00:06:35,253 --> 00:06:36,271
We'll be fine now.
190
00:06:36,621 --> 00:06:37,731
Once again,
does anybody have any beer?
191
00:06:37,856 --> 00:06:39,733
Anybody?
Any kind of alcohol?
192
00:06:39,899 --> 00:06:41,651
- No?
- Thank you all for your help.
193
00:06:41,817 --> 00:06:43,778
- Yeah. Hey, what the heck?
- Good stuff.
194
00:06:43,944 --> 00:06:45,538
Excuse me, sir.
195
00:06:45,663 --> 00:06:47,741
You're not going straight
to the office like I asked you.
196
00:06:47,966 --> 00:06:50,810
- No, this isn't the Ders way.
- I love the Ders way.
197
00:06:51,076 --> 00:06:52,679
Why aren't we going the Ders way?
198
00:06:52,953 --> 00:06:54,414
- The Ders way's a good way.
- Triple-left, center, right.
199
00:06:54,580 --> 00:06:55,915
You guys never told me
you liked my way.
200
00:06:56,040 --> 00:06:57,283
I'm glad that you like it.
201
00:06:57,408 --> 00:06:58,335
It's a good...
Oh, my God! Get down!
202
00:06:58,501 --> 00:06:59,878
- What?
- Get down! It's Alice!
203
00:07:00,044 --> 00:07:01,554
Excuse me, sir!
204
00:07:01,679 --> 00:07:03,456
Listen, we're just
a couple of young bucks
205
00:07:03,581 --> 00:07:05,759
chasing the American dream,
and we made a big mistake.
206
00:07:05,884 --> 00:07:07,510
Behind the line.
207
00:07:07,676 --> 00:07:08,720
Okay, haven't you ever
screwed the pooch?
208
00:07:08,886 --> 00:07:09,971
You ever wanted a do-over?
209
00:07:10,137 --> 00:07:12,171
If so, I'm begging you to
go straight to 24th and Crocker
210
00:07:12,296 --> 00:07:14,067
- without any stops.
- 24th and Crocker?
211
00:07:14,192 --> 00:07:15,935
- Yeah.
- That's 11 stops.
212
00:07:16,101 --> 00:07:18,104
So what?
You're perfect?
213
00:07:18,229 --> 00:07:21,358
I'm looking at the goddamn
mom Teresa in front of me?
214
00:07:21,524 --> 00:07:23,009
I've told my boss I wanted
to cover her
215
00:07:23,134 --> 00:07:26,237
in cinnamon toast crunch dust
and then suck her...
216
00:07:26,403 --> 00:07:28,281
I'm warning you,
if you don't sit down,
217
00:07:28,406 --> 00:07:30,992
I will have you removed
from this bus.
218
00:07:31,158 --> 00:07:33,119
I'm okay with that, considering...
219
00:07:33,285 --> 00:07:35,588
There's a bomb on the bus!
220
00:07:35,713 --> 00:07:37,657
If we go below 50 Miles per hour
221
00:07:37,782 --> 00:07:40,502
or don't go directly to Telamericorp,
222
00:07:40,668 --> 00:07:43,004
- we're all going to explode!
- What did you say?
223
00:07:43,170 --> 00:07:47,133
I said, "there's a bomb on this bus!"
224
00:07:47,299 --> 00:07:50,053
- Son, I need to know...
- Oh! Watch out!
225
00:07:53,222 --> 00:07:54,516
Oh! Whoa!
226
00:07:54,682 --> 00:07:57,276
Cans! It was just cans.
227
00:07:57,560 --> 00:07:58,978
It was a Mexi-can.
228
00:07:59,144 --> 00:08:01,189
Oh, oh, man.
229
00:08:01,355 --> 00:08:02,565
Oh, he's fine.
230
00:08:02,731 --> 00:08:04,567
- Oh.
- Hey, he's all good.
231
00:08:04,733 --> 00:08:05,885
Don't move! Don't move!
232
00:08:06,010 --> 00:08:07,946
You were just hit by a bus,
buddy. Suck it up.
233
00:08:08,112 --> 00:08:10,389
Oh, oh, man.
No, I can't do this.
234
00:08:10,514 --> 00:08:11,533
I can't take it.
235
00:08:11,749 --> 00:08:13,259
[Device beeps]
236
00:08:13,534 --> 00:08:14,728
- [Coughs]
- .06.
237
00:08:14,853 --> 00:08:16,796
I've never been so not drunk
in my life, man.
238
00:08:16,921 --> 00:08:19,416
- I'm about to be hungover, dude!
- No!
239
00:08:19,582 --> 00:08:20,967
We are not giving up! Okay?
240
00:08:21,092 --> 00:08:22,919
We're gonna go in that liquor store,
241
00:08:23,085 --> 00:08:24,861
and I will buy us some booze
242
00:08:24,986 --> 00:08:26,439
to replenish our body with liquor.
243
00:08:26,564 --> 00:08:27,941
- Yeah.
- Cool.
244
00:08:28,066 --> 00:08:29,508
Ders, I might need
to borrow a dollar or two.
245
00:08:29,633 --> 00:08:30,510
- What do you mean?
- I'm not...
246
00:08:30,676 --> 00:08:32,971
- Feeling...
- Oh, he's passing out!
247
00:08:33,137 --> 00:08:35,281
- He's wasted!
- I don't feel good.
248
00:08:35,406 --> 00:08:38,150
- Are you okay?
- S'go... without me.
249
00:08:38,275 --> 00:08:39,652
- Go without you?
- Yes.
250
00:08:39,777 --> 00:08:40,954
- Both: Okay.
- We'll be right back.
251
00:08:41,079 --> 00:08:42,321
- [Car horn honks]
- Actually, carry me.
252
00:08:42,446 --> 00:08:43,481
It's very dangerous out here.
253
00:08:43,647 --> 00:08:45,108
Yeah. We're so close, we're so close.
254
00:08:45,274 --> 00:08:47,526
[Car horn honking]
All right, thank you, ma'am.
255
00:08:47,693 --> 00:08:49,629
Don't act like you never
passed out in the street
256
00:08:49,754 --> 00:08:51,156
with rollerblades before!
257
00:08:57,661 --> 00:08:58,788
{pub}Come on.
258
00:08:58,954 --> 00:08:59,914
Energy drinks and beer! Where?
259
00:09:00,080 --> 00:09:02,417
All over the store.
Everywhere.
260
00:09:02,583 --> 00:09:05,245
- Hurry up, dude.
- Feel good, then not so good.
261
00:09:05,370 --> 00:09:07,338
This rock star needs a monster
can of red bull. Now.
262
00:09:07,504 --> 00:09:10,800
- Oh, God. Oh!
- Just sit down.
263
00:09:10,966 --> 00:09:12,677
You're good.
Let's get this.
264
00:09:12,843 --> 00:09:17,390
- Come on.
- Tap it, and there it is.
265
00:09:17,556 --> 00:09:19,476
Remember that?
It's all natural.
266
00:09:19,642 --> 00:09:22,061
- What do you need?
- Burrito.
267
00:09:22,227 --> 00:09:24,197
- Handle that, okay?
- Burrito? Yes, yes.
268
00:09:24,322 --> 00:09:26,332
A little more of the medicine.
There it is.
269
00:09:26,457 --> 00:09:28,768
The doctor ordered some go juice.
270
00:09:28,893 --> 00:09:31,237
The doctor prescribed some go juice!
271
00:09:31,403 --> 00:09:32,305
There you go.
Drink up.
272
00:09:32,430 --> 00:09:33,740
What a good little baby.
273
00:09:34,065 --> 00:09:36,575
- Burritos.
- Check it out... painkillers.
274
00:09:36,742 --> 00:09:38,995
Let's kill the pain.
Kill the pain in my brain, man.
275
00:09:39,161 --> 00:09:40,538
Jillian, what's the haps
on the craps?
276
00:09:40,771 --> 00:09:42,790
It's all taken care of.
277
00:09:42,956 --> 00:09:44,250
What?
You deleted the voicemails?
278
00:09:44,416 --> 00:09:45,835
Yep. I did a great job.
279
00:09:46,001 --> 00:09:48,988
- [Titters]
- Who is this?
280
00:09:49,113 --> 00:09:50,798
This is Anders.
281
00:09:50,964 --> 00:09:53,760
Oh, Ders!
No, I have not started yet.
282
00:09:53,926 --> 00:09:55,518
- What?
- I'm starting right now.
283
00:09:55,928 --> 00:09:57,030
I swear.
284
00:09:57,155 --> 00:09:58,864
I just had to send out
this e-vite to my landlord.
285
00:09:58,989 --> 00:10:00,867
And then Montez sent out
this funny video
286
00:10:00,992 --> 00:10:02,401
of just dads sneezing.
287
00:10:02,526 --> 00:10:04,145
It's hysterical.
288
00:10:04,311 --> 00:10:05,730
[Laughs]
289
00:10:05,896 --> 00:10:07,732
It's funny, 'cause it's dads.
290
00:10:07,898 --> 00:10:09,809
Jillian, turn it off,
and get to it, okay?
291
00:10:09,934 --> 00:10:11,444
We need you.
[Beep]
292
00:10:11,610 --> 00:10:14,280
- She... what are those?
- They're headache pills.
293
00:10:14,405 --> 00:10:15,882
We're taking 'em just
in case the beer wears off.
294
00:10:16,007 --> 00:10:17,909
- Pretty smart, huh?
- Yeah, but that's P.M.
295
00:10:18,075 --> 00:10:19,869
Yeah, "P.M."
that's "power medicine," man.
296
00:10:20,035 --> 00:10:23,706
You take it to gain more power
in oneself.
297
00:10:23,872 --> 00:10:27,377
Guys, those are sleeping pills.
298
00:10:27,543 --> 00:10:29,195
Whatever, dude.
299
00:10:29,320 --> 00:10:31,464
I'm gonna go nuke this 'rito.
Cheers.
300
00:10:31,689 --> 00:10:32,674
Thanks for saving my life.
301
00:10:32,840 --> 00:10:34,092
Ders, check it out!
302
00:10:34,299 --> 00:10:35,969
Yo, Ders.
Ders!
303
00:10:36,135 --> 00:10:38,637
I think I just found our ride
to work.
304
00:10:38,804 --> 00:10:40,806
You think you can handle
those future babes?
305
00:10:40,973 --> 00:10:43,276
Dude, get with it, okay?
They're gonna act all bitchy,
306
00:10:43,401 --> 00:10:44,577
because they know they're gonna
grow up and be hot.
307
00:10:44,702 --> 00:10:46,187
We can't take a run at 'em yet.
308
00:10:46,504 --> 00:10:49,515
All I'm saying is, I wouldn't
mind riding that mongoose.
309
00:10:49,640 --> 00:10:52,618
Come on, dude.
They're like 15, tops.
310
00:10:52,743 --> 00:10:56,189
I'm talking about the bike,
you sick freak.
311
00:10:56,314 --> 00:10:58,157
I'm sorry.
You know I'm a Bianchi guy.
312
00:10:58,323 --> 00:10:59,534
Adam, come on! Let's ride!
313
00:10:59,700 --> 00:11:01,703
- [Microwave beeps]
- 90 seconds.
314
00:11:01,869 --> 00:11:03,288
Come on.
We need to go now!
315
00:11:03,454 --> 00:11:04,956
No.
I'm starving!
316
00:11:05,122 --> 00:11:07,166
Dude, we're 15 minutes
from losing everything.
317
00:11:07,332 --> 00:11:09,468
I'm gonna buy this burrito, Ders.
318
00:11:09,593 --> 00:11:11,087
And then I'm gonna eat it!
319
00:11:11,253 --> 00:11:13,840
It's just bean and cheese, man.
320
00:11:14,006 --> 00:11:15,008
Still a burrito, man!
321
00:11:15,174 --> 00:11:17,743
I hope you know
what you're doing, man.
322
00:11:17,868 --> 00:11:20,263
Here, come on.
Let's go.
323
00:11:20,429 --> 00:11:23,308
Oh, I know
exactly what I'm doing, man.
324
00:11:23,474 --> 00:11:25,252
Hey-hey, young ladies.
325
00:11:25,377 --> 00:11:26,769
How are you guys doing?
326
00:11:26,935 --> 00:11:28,955
- Choco tacos. Nice.
- A choco taco, it's perfect.
327
00:11:29,080 --> 00:11:31,857
It's, like... it's something
that was perfect... a taco...
328
00:11:31,982 --> 00:11:33,151
And then got more perfecter.
329
00:11:33,384 --> 00:11:35,236
So, yes, wise selection.
330
00:11:35,402 --> 00:11:38,531
Whoa, man!
Look at these cool bikes!
331
00:11:38,697 --> 00:11:40,300
What do you say?
Uh, we're all young adults.
332
00:11:40,425 --> 00:11:42,785
Want to let us hop on
for a little ride?
333
00:11:42,951 --> 00:11:44,495
Why don't you guys
go ride each other?
334
00:11:44,662 --> 00:11:48,541
Yeah? And you should fricking
roll up your pant leg.
335
00:11:48,707 --> 00:11:50,376
Why?
336
00:11:50,542 --> 00:11:53,980
Because you can't ride a bike
in jeans.
337
00:11:54,105 --> 00:11:57,967
- Yah! Yeah!
- [Screams]
338
00:11:58,133 --> 00:11:59,594
[Laughs] Boys rule!
339
00:11:59,810 --> 00:12:02,555
Well, yeah, I don't know, mom.
340
00:12:02,680 --> 00:12:03,848
Well, I'm not a vet.
341
00:12:04,014 --> 00:12:05,975
[Vocal electronic music]
342
00:12:06,141 --> 00:12:08,394
♪
343
00:12:08,619 --> 00:12:10,120
[entrance bell rings]
344
00:12:10,395 --> 00:12:11,597
Doesn't want to talk to you every day
345
00:12:11,722 --> 00:12:13,548
- because you drive him crazy.
- Oh, the dickhead.
346
00:12:23,534 --> 00:12:24,878
{pub}Where are they?
347
00:12:25,003 --> 00:12:26,245
Whoa!
348
00:12:26,411 --> 00:12:27,288
- What?
- Uh-oh.
349
00:12:27,505 --> 00:12:28,915
- What?
- Future babes.
350
00:12:29,081 --> 00:12:29,916
They never give up, man.
351
00:12:30,082 --> 00:12:31,918
They remind me a lot of myself
when I was a future babe.
352
00:12:32,084 --> 00:12:34,045
You know, my manager at Togo's
always said,
353
00:12:34,211 --> 00:12:35,855
"you'll never amount to anything."
354
00:12:35,980 --> 00:12:37,590
But look at me now!
355
00:12:37,715 --> 00:12:39,175
Look at me now!
356
00:12:39,341 --> 00:12:40,259
- Hey, Blake.
- What?
357
00:12:40,384 --> 00:12:42,011
- No one asked!
- [Screams]
358
00:12:42,177 --> 00:12:44,755
Get off me.
Oh, my God. We lose 'em?
359
00:12:45,138 --> 00:12:47,350
I think so.
Clutch driving, Ders.
360
00:12:47,516 --> 00:12:49,018
Whoa!
361
00:12:49,184 --> 00:12:50,870
- Whoa!
- Oh, my God!
362
00:12:50,995 --> 00:12:52,738
Both:
That was awesome!
363
00:12:52,863 --> 00:12:54,981
- There's more of them.
- The juice!
364
00:12:55,106 --> 00:12:56,734
- How'd they find us?
- Ahh...
365
00:12:56,900 --> 00:12:59,378
Hey, clerk.
[Paper crinkles] Down here.
366
00:12:59,503 --> 00:13:00,738
What are you doing?
367
00:13:00,904 --> 00:13:02,907
You see that lady over there?
368
00:13:03,073 --> 00:13:07,419
She's a shoplifter.
She's stealing.
369
00:13:07,544 --> 00:13:10,415
Tampons.
She's a tampon thief.
370
00:13:10,581 --> 00:13:12,792
You should interrogate her
for, like, an hour.
371
00:13:12,958 --> 00:13:14,293
Oh, who am I, you might wonder?
372
00:13:14,418 --> 00:13:15,586
I'm a citizen-hero.
373
00:13:15,752 --> 00:13:17,588
Watch this.
374
00:13:17,754 --> 00:13:19,598
Hi, good morning.
Just the coffee please.
375
00:13:19,723 --> 00:13:21,050
Just the coffee?
376
00:13:21,216 --> 00:13:24,679
Why don't you show me your tampons?
377
00:13:24,845 --> 00:13:25,888
I'm sorry?
378
00:13:26,054 --> 00:13:27,890
Open the bag and show me the tampons.
379
00:13:28,056 --> 00:13:30,435
Actually I don't have any,
ass[bleep],
380
00:13:30,601 --> 00:13:32,019
because I don't get
my period anymore.
381
00:13:32,185 --> 00:13:34,605
Why? Why don't you get
your period anymore?
382
00:13:34,771 --> 00:13:36,274
Uhh...
383
00:13:36,440 --> 00:13:38,117
I cant see!
Your hair!
384
00:13:38,242 --> 00:13:39,986
Eat booze, little baby girls.
385
00:13:40,152 --> 00:13:41,946
All right, I'm gonna turn around!
386
00:13:42,112 --> 00:13:44,699
- What? What do you mean?
- Keep pedaling! Aah!
387
00:13:44,865 --> 00:13:46,033
- [Gasps]
- Whoo!
388
00:13:46,199 --> 00:13:47,960
Both:
Hi.
389
00:13:48,085 --> 00:13:51,080
I hope these future babes
brought their tongues.
390
00:13:51,246 --> 00:13:52,999
Why, dude?
391
00:13:53,165 --> 00:13:55,601
Because they're about to taste laser.
392
00:13:55,726 --> 00:13:57,469
Come on, get your mind out
of the gutter, you sick freak.
393
00:13:57,594 --> 00:13:59,213
I don't know.
394
00:13:59,379 --> 00:14:02,467
- [Screams]
- [Laughs] I got one!
395
00:14:02,633 --> 00:14:04,218
Eat laser, scummies!
396
00:14:04,384 --> 00:14:06,379
- Yeah!
- [Screams]
397
00:14:06,504 --> 00:14:07,346
Sorry, chica.
398
00:14:07,914 --> 00:14:10,016
Your ass is about to get kick-assed.
399
00:14:10,182 --> 00:14:11,476
[Laughs]
400
00:14:11,642 --> 00:14:12,985
- Oh, no!
- What?
401
00:14:13,110 --> 00:14:14,753
She put her little thing down.
402
00:14:14,878 --> 00:14:18,024
Oh, she just flipped me off.
That wasn't nice.
403
00:14:18,190 --> 00:14:21,694
[Slurps]
404
00:14:21,860 --> 00:14:23,196
[Mumbling]
Good morning.
405
00:14:23,362 --> 00:14:24,572
[Heavy metal music]
406
00:14:24,788 --> 00:14:26,632
[Entrance bell rings]
407
00:14:26,907 --> 00:14:29,660
♪
408
00:14:45,217 --> 00:14:46,969
Who this?
409
00:14:47,135 --> 00:14:50,139
Ders-ie, guess who's about
to be skitching?
410
00:14:50,305 --> 00:14:55,019
- What?
- Oh! Ow!
411
00:14:55,185 --> 00:14:57,791
- Ow! I slipped a disk.
- Adam? Adam?
412
00:14:57,916 --> 00:15:00,071
- Yeah.
- What are you doing?
413
00:15:00,196 --> 00:15:01,317
Are you okay?
414
00:15:01,483 --> 00:15:04,837
Pfft! Yeah.
Just blading on into work.
415
00:15:04,962 --> 00:15:06,372
Going green.
416
00:15:06,497 --> 00:15:08,574
Lot of people without cars,
they blade all the time.
417
00:15:08,740 --> 00:15:12,255
Jason Bateman blades.
Uh, Shaq doesn't own a car.
418
00:15:12,380 --> 00:15:13,663
- He blades a lot.
- Yeah, uh...
419
00:15:13,829 --> 00:15:15,481
Look, why don't you get
in my car, okay?
420
00:15:15,606 --> 00:15:17,583
I'll give you a ride to work.
You don't look so good.
421
00:15:17,749 --> 00:15:19,710
[Scoffs] Doubt it.
422
00:15:19,876 --> 00:15:21,170
Hey, give me back my bike!
423
00:15:21,336 --> 00:15:23,297
Hey, suck my di... ass!
424
00:15:23,463 --> 00:15:24,799
- Suck my ass.
- Yeah, he said, "ass"!
425
00:15:24,965 --> 00:15:26,125
Uh-oh, blazer, hold on!
426
00:15:26,250 --> 00:15:27,844
We're about to bunny hop this muh...
427
00:15:28,010 --> 00:15:29,611
Y'all ain't gonna be able to make it!
428
00:15:29,736 --> 00:15:31,013
Oh, Ders, be careful!
429
00:15:31,179 --> 00:15:33,224
I'm sick and tired of being careful!
430
00:15:33,390 --> 00:15:37,026
But... aah!
431
00:15:39,062 --> 00:15:41,107
[Bleep] you!
432
00:15:41,232 --> 00:15:43,568
My stepdad's gonna find you
and beat your ass!
433
00:15:43,734 --> 00:15:45,945
Jillian, hey, how are
we doing with those codes?
434
00:15:46,111 --> 00:15:47,546
Not good.
I messed up,
435
00:15:47,671 --> 00:15:50,182
and I accidentally deleted
Alice's outgoing message,
436
00:15:50,307 --> 00:15:51,317
and now I have to record a new one.
437
00:15:51,442 --> 00:15:53,019
How does this sound?
438
00:15:53,144 --> 00:15:55,254
Hi, you've reached Alice.
439
00:15:55,379 --> 00:15:57,723
I'm Alice, and this is my voice,
440
00:15:57,848 --> 00:16:00,126
and I'm the boss.
Leave a message.
441
00:16:00,417 --> 00:16:03,921
Are you sure you're okay?
'Cause you seem really tired.
442
00:16:04,087 --> 00:16:07,258
Hmm? Aah!
443
00:16:07,424 --> 00:16:09,051
I'm ready for work.
444
00:16:09,217 --> 00:16:11,126
I just took a bunch
of power medicine,
445
00:16:11,251 --> 00:16:14,573
so I'm... ready for action.
446
00:16:14,698 --> 00:16:16,208
Actually, you know what?
447
00:16:16,333 --> 00:16:17,743
You might want to go this direction
448
00:16:17,868 --> 00:16:20,012
instead of directly that way.
449
00:16:20,137 --> 00:16:21,780
It's a quicker route.
450
00:16:21,905 --> 00:16:23,782
Yeah, that's the complete
opposite direction
451
00:16:23,907 --> 00:16:24,917
of the office.
452
00:16:25,042 --> 00:16:26,252
Yeah, I know, I know that.
453
00:16:26,377 --> 00:16:28,754
It's the scenic.
Do you like beauty?
454
00:16:29,029 --> 00:16:31,282
There's a volcano over there.
455
00:16:31,448 --> 00:16:33,868
It's a new one.
It just sprouted.
456
00:16:34,034 --> 00:16:36,078
In Rancho Cucamonga?
457
00:16:36,244 --> 00:16:38,030
Yeah, I don't know
if you know our new catchphrase,
458
00:16:38,155 --> 00:16:43,302
but it's "Rancho Cucamonga,
let's get prehistoric."
459
00:16:43,427 --> 00:16:47,924
[Imitates truck horn, cougar snarl]
460
00:16:48,090 --> 00:16:50,301
Hello, you've reached Alice.
I'm the boss,
461
00:16:50,467 --> 00:16:52,511
and I'm very angry most of the time.
462
00:16:52,636 --> 00:16:54,547
I can't answer, 'cause I'm the boss.
463
00:16:54,672 --> 00:16:56,782
Did I mention that?
I'm Alice.
464
00:16:57,057 --> 00:16:58,935
How was that, Blake?
465
00:16:59,101 --> 00:17:00,686
Jillian, you're the best.
[Sighs]
466
00:17:00,852 --> 00:17:02,063
- [Over phone] Blake!
- Blake! Whoa, dude!
467
00:17:02,229 --> 00:17:03,981
- What, man? I'm here.
- Dude, wake up!
468
00:17:04,147 --> 00:17:05,608
- Come on, man.
- The pills...
469
00:17:05,774 --> 00:17:08,694
So I know I was really tough
on you guys yesterday,
470
00:17:08,819 --> 00:17:10,963
and I just wanted
to say how sorry I was.
471
00:17:11,088 --> 00:17:13,299
It's just been kind
of a nightmare of a week.
472
00:17:13,573 --> 00:17:16,335
My sister just found out
these test results,
473
00:17:16,460 --> 00:17:20,956
and it could be really serious.
474
00:17:21,122 --> 00:17:22,208
Dude, wake up!
475
00:17:22,374 --> 00:17:23,918
I can't see!
476
00:17:24,084 --> 00:17:25,252
Move your hair!
I can't see!
477
00:17:25,418 --> 00:17:26,170
- Move your hair.
- Move your hair!
478
00:17:26,336 --> 00:17:27,630
[Tires screech]
479
00:17:27,838 --> 00:17:29,648
Oh, [bleep]!
Blake?
480
00:17:29,773 --> 00:17:31,817
Are you o...
481
00:17:32,092 --> 00:17:32,918
Ders, where are you going?
482
00:17:33,043 --> 00:17:34,253
Where are you go...
483
00:17:34,378 --> 00:17:35,763
Okay, Blake, I'm gonna call someone.
484
00:17:35,929 --> 00:17:38,391
Ders!
Ders, where are you? Okay.
485
00:17:38,557 --> 00:17:39,934
All right, what are we doing?
486
00:17:40,217 --> 00:17:41,827
What are we doing!
487
00:17:42,102 --> 00:17:44,021
- Jillian!
- I'm close.
488
00:17:44,187 --> 00:17:46,273
I've got her birthday,
social security number,
489
00:17:46,439 --> 00:17:47,525
ATM, height, weight,
skull circumference.
490
00:17:47,691 --> 00:17:48,776
- Move!
- What are you doing?
491
00:17:48,942 --> 00:17:50,277
- The only thing I can do.
- Holmvik!
492
00:17:50,443 --> 00:17:51,988
Put it down.
493
00:17:52,154 --> 00:17:55,531
Put it...
I said...!
494
00:17:55,866 --> 00:17:56,701
Zzz!
495
00:17:57,492 --> 00:17:58,619
Hup!
496
00:18:01,361 --> 00:18:02,248
Aah!
497
00:18:07,627 --> 00:18:09,805
{pub}So I know all this
might sound weird to you,
498
00:18:09,930 --> 00:18:12,907
but to me it's just OCD, you know.
499
00:18:13,032 --> 00:18:16,345
And I'm not suffering from it,
Alice, I'm living with it.
500
00:18:16,511 --> 00:18:17,746
Right.
501
00:18:17,871 --> 00:18:22,351
So your OCD makes you weigh
people's phones?
502
00:18:22,517 --> 00:18:23,885
Yeah.
And that's what I was doing.
503
00:18:24,010 --> 00:18:26,480
Yours is about, uh,
12 fluid ounces, give or take.
504
00:18:26,646 --> 00:18:28,189
That's fascinating.
505
00:18:28,314 --> 00:18:30,024
Hey, why don't you go out
into the parking lot
506
00:18:30,149 --> 00:18:31,493
and take care of your dumbass friends
507
00:18:31,618 --> 00:18:32,903
who are asleep there.
508
00:18:33,069 --> 00:18:36,449
- That'd be great, champs, okay?
- Very good. Thank you.
509
00:18:36,615 --> 00:18:37,916
If you catch me weighing
anybody else's,
510
00:18:38,041 --> 00:18:39,451
just give me like a...
We'll figure it out.
511
00:18:39,618 --> 00:18:41,120
Hey, wait!
512
00:18:41,286 --> 00:18:44,623
Were you trying
to listen to my messages?
513
00:18:44,789 --> 00:18:47,460
This is saying I'm locked
out of the system for 24 hours
514
00:18:47,626 --> 00:18:48,860
for entering the wrong password
too many times.
515
00:18:48,985 --> 00:18:51,663
No, I was, uh, weighing your phone.
516
00:18:51,788 --> 00:18:53,257
That was me.
517
00:18:53,523 --> 00:18:57,511
Uh, I was just trying to be
the best assistant I could be.
518
00:18:57,677 --> 00:18:59,597
Jillian, it's your birthday.
519
00:18:59,763 --> 00:19:01,140
Really? Today?
520
00:19:01,306 --> 00:19:03,225
No, my password is your birthday.
521
00:19:03,391 --> 00:19:04,876
Well, color me flattered.
522
00:19:05,001 --> 00:19:08,814
Jillian, you set it up, remember?
523
00:19:08,980 --> 00:19:10,515
Oh, now I do.
524
00:19:10,640 --> 00:19:12,234
But you never changed it.
525
00:19:12,400 --> 00:19:13,985
Could've changed it.
526
00:19:14,152 --> 00:19:16,245
Didn't.
527
00:19:16,529 --> 00:19:17,956
Jillian, I thought telling you
528
00:19:18,081 --> 00:19:21,183
to stay the eff away from it
[bleep] would be enough,
529
00:19:21,534 --> 00:19:23,018
but apparently it's not.
530
00:19:23,286 --> 00:19:25,530
So I'm just gonna tell you,
if you go near my phone again,
531
00:19:25,655 --> 00:19:28,626
you'll be back washing dishes
at Shakey's.
532
00:19:28,792 --> 00:19:32,738
I watched dishes.
533
00:19:32,863 --> 00:19:34,397
I didn't wash them.
534
00:19:34,714 --> 00:19:36,541
There should be a warning
right on the label.
535
00:19:36,666 --> 00:19:38,010
"It's not power medicine.
536
00:19:38,502 --> 00:19:40,379
You're not gonna gain strength.
You're gonna go to sleep."
537
00:19:40,504 --> 00:19:42,598
- It's P.M.
- Who woulda thunk.
538
00:19:42,764 --> 00:19:45,741
Dude, how hard did Alice snap
on us today?
539
00:19:46,017 --> 00:19:46,936
Crazy, right?
540
00:19:47,102 --> 00:19:48,771
- Somebody needs to get twirked.
- Yeah.
541
00:19:48,937 --> 00:19:50,455
I'm not gonna be the one
twirking her,
542
00:19:50,580 --> 00:19:52,831
if she treats me like that,
and I'm a good twirker.
543
00:19:52,956 --> 00:19:54,485
- We know. We hear you.
- You're a great twirker.
544
00:19:54,651 --> 00:19:57,162
She doesn't even deserve
one ounce of your twirk.
545
00:19:57,287 --> 00:19:59,298
You got to move your hips
like a figure eight. Damn.
546
00:19:59,572 --> 00:20:01,033
Yep, there it is.
547
00:20:01,199 --> 00:20:03,001
She's a freaking trick-ass b-yotch.
548
00:20:03,126 --> 00:20:04,436
She is, yeah.
549
00:20:04,561 --> 00:20:05,870
And I almost feel like
calling her up again
550
00:20:05,995 --> 00:20:08,499
and giving her a piece of my mind.
551
00:20:08,665 --> 00:20:10,209
Been there, huh?
552
00:20:10,375 --> 00:20:11,743
I thought of the best one today.
553
00:20:11,868 --> 00:20:13,378
I was like...
You know how you're always like,
554
00:20:13,503 --> 00:20:15,113
"oh, man, I wish
I could have said that,"
555
00:20:15,238 --> 00:20:16,481
after some stuff just happened?
556
00:20:16,606 --> 00:20:18,175
- Always.
- That's what happened.
557
00:20:18,341 --> 00:20:19,301
- What was it?
- Do it.
558
00:20:19,467 --> 00:20:21,252
No, I don't think I...
559
00:20:21,377 --> 00:20:22,954
You got to, man, if it's that good.
560
00:20:23,079 --> 00:20:24,682
It's ringing, it's ringing.
561
00:20:24,848 --> 00:20:26,600
- Shhh, shhh, shhh.
- I can't wait to hear it.
562
00:20:26,766 --> 00:20:28,960
Hello? Alice?
563
00:20:29,085 --> 00:20:31,863
Uh, this is, uh, not Adam.
564
00:20:31,988 --> 00:20:34,483
You are a [bleep].
565
00:20:34,649 --> 00:20:37,703
You're a [bleep].
You're a dumb [bleep].
566
00:20:37,828 --> 00:20:39,738
- You thought of that today?
- Yeah, earlier.
567
00:20:39,904 --> 00:20:43,826
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