1
00:00:00,625 --> 00:00:03,712
God, Alice was being
such a dickhead today, huh?
2
00:00:03,878 --> 00:00:05,555
You give out
laser-pointer key chains,
3
00:00:05,680 --> 00:00:08,158
and you expect us to be adult
enough not to play with them?
4
00:00:08,283 --> 00:00:09,593
I mean, are you thick?
5
00:00:09,759 --> 00:00:11,628
You were just pointing 'em
at people's crotches.
6
00:00:11,753 --> 00:00:13,639
That's what they're there for.
That's fun.
7
00:00:13,805 --> 00:00:15,123
Dude, if she was here right now,
8
00:00:15,248 --> 00:00:16,283
I've drank enough, to the point
9
00:00:16,408 --> 00:00:17,584
where I would go right to her face,
10
00:00:17,709 --> 00:00:18,986
and I would say,
11
00:00:19,111 --> 00:00:20,821
"you're dumb and no one loves you."
12
00:00:20,946 --> 00:00:22,230
I'd say that to her.
13
00:00:22,396 --> 00:00:23,607
That was really good.
14
00:00:23,773 --> 00:00:24,942
You should tell that to her face.
15
00:00:25,108 --> 00:00:26,485
- Yeah, I totally would.
- Through her ear hole,
16
00:00:26,651 --> 00:00:27,627
which is in her face,
17
00:00:27,752 --> 00:00:29,196
'cause I just called her work phone.
18
00:00:29,362 --> 00:00:30,630
- What?
- Did you?
19
00:00:30,905 --> 00:00:31,865
- I did.
- It's her voicemail.
20
00:00:32,031 --> 00:00:33,200
Leave a voicemail.
21
00:00:33,366 --> 00:00:36,745
Hey, Alice, this is Blake.
22
00:00:36,911 --> 00:00:41,842
And I just thought
that maybe you should...
23
00:00:42,125 --> 00:00:43,343
Stick a fork up your butt
and eat poo,
24
00:00:43,468 --> 00:00:44,712
because you're a dickhead.
25
00:00:45,002 --> 00:00:47,114
- [Rap music]
- Oh, my God.
26
00:00:47,380 --> 00:00:49,583
It's so sad how much you love me
27
00:00:49,708 --> 00:00:53,053
and you look at me from a distance
28
00:00:53,219 --> 00:00:55,847
and you get all
♪ juicy
29
00:00:56,013 --> 00:00:58,016
in your pants.
30
00:00:58,182 --> 00:00:59,693
You might be the boss,
but you, ma'am,
31
00:00:59,818 --> 00:01:02,104
- are no leader.
- Yeah!
32
00:01:02,270 --> 00:01:04,064
And one time I heard you queef.
Slam!
33
00:01:06,274 --> 00:01:08,438
Get amped on Demamp!
34
00:01:08,563 --> 00:01:10,529
Cornhuskers [bleep] rule!
35
00:01:10,695 --> 00:01:12,005
Tits are rad!
36
00:01:12,130 --> 00:01:13,782
Not yours though.
I bet they're c-caved.
37
00:01:13,948 --> 00:01:15,275
You don't know how to delegate.
38
00:01:15,400 --> 00:01:16,868
You don't know how to motivate.
39
00:01:17,034 --> 00:01:17,911
And you sure as hell can't encourage
40
00:01:18,036 --> 00:01:18,979
any kind of innovation.
41
00:01:19,104 --> 00:01:21,498
Let the boys be boys.
Slam!
44
00:01:25,543 --> 00:01:26,920
Go shave your muff!
Suck it.
45
00:01:27,211 --> 00:01:29,256
Bitch, you got
too many teeth in your mouth.
46
00:01:29,422 --> 00:01:31,524
[Screams]
47
00:01:31,799 --> 00:01:33,894
Yo, you look like you smoke,
and I know that you don't.
48
00:01:34,019 --> 00:01:37,514
So that hits even closer to home.
49
00:01:37,680 --> 00:01:38,665
I hate you.
I hate you.
50
00:01:38,790 --> 00:01:39,933
- Yep, yep.
- I hate you.
51
00:01:40,058 --> 00:01:41,268
I hate you!
52
00:01:41,434 --> 00:01:43,070
I hate you!
I hate you!
53
00:01:43,195 --> 00:01:44,404
I hate you!
54
00:01:44,529 --> 00:01:47,107
I hate you!
55
00:01:47,232 --> 00:01:48,984
- I hate her.
- Yeah.
56
00:01:49,150 --> 00:01:50,144
[Birds chirping]
57
00:01:50,269 --> 00:01:54,215
[Cell phone buzzes]
58
00:01:58,326 --> 00:01:59,253
Oh, no.
59
00:01:59,378 --> 00:02:01,255
Dude.
Dude, the voicemails!
60
00:02:01,380 --> 00:02:02,581
- Wake up Demamp!
- Hmm?
61
00:02:02,747 --> 00:02:03,665
Where's Blake?
62
00:02:03,831 --> 00:02:05,592
- What?
- Blake!
63
00:02:05,717 --> 00:02:07,044
Yo.
64
00:02:10,622 --> 00:02:11,840
How did you...
65
00:02:12,927 --> 00:02:13,884
[Softly]
I don't know.
66
00:02:21,682 --> 00:02:23,435
Sync and correction by Mlmlte
www.addic7ed.com
67
00:02:26,062 --> 00:02:27,773
Blake, s'go.
68
00:02:27,939 --> 00:02:29,849
Alice gets to the office
five minutes early every day,
69
00:02:29,974 --> 00:02:31,885
which gives us 29 minutes
to beat her there
70
00:02:32,010 --> 00:02:33,153
and delete those messages.
71
00:02:33,319 --> 00:02:35,113
That's weird.
I don't even feel hungover.
72
00:02:35,279 --> 00:02:36,890
I drank, like, 17 beers,
73
00:02:37,015 --> 00:02:38,533
and I feel way better
than I normal do.
74
00:02:38,699 --> 00:02:39,993
Yeah, you know,
maybe as you get older
75
00:02:40,118 --> 00:02:41,244
you get better at hangovers.
76
00:02:41,410 --> 00:02:42,954
That has to be a fact.
[Crash]
77
00:02:43,120 --> 00:02:44,372
All:
Whoa!
78
00:02:44,538 --> 00:02:46,416
- Jesus.
- What the...
79
00:02:46,582 --> 00:02:49,419
Guys, we're still drunk.
80
00:02:50,086 --> 00:02:51,963
We got to take the bus.
Let's go!
81
00:02:52,129 --> 00:02:54,216
- Yep, I'll meet you guys there.
- Wait, where are you going?
82
00:02:54,382 --> 00:02:56,134
- Inside. We need beers.
- Wait, no!
83
00:02:56,300 --> 00:02:57,219
Beers is what
got us in this situation.
84
00:02:57,385 --> 00:02:59,054
Yeah, and it's
what's gonna get us out.
85
00:02:59,271 --> 00:03:01,515
We're drunk right now,
and we feel great, right?
86
00:03:01,739 --> 00:03:03,750
If this hangover kicks in...
87
00:03:03,875 --> 00:03:06,420
- We're screwed.
- He's right, we have no choice.
88
00:03:06,545 --> 00:03:08,688
We have to stay drunk
till we get to the office.
89
00:03:08,854 --> 00:03:10,324
Oh, and I'll get
90
00:03:10,449 --> 00:03:11,732
my sharper image breathalyzer
key chain from the car.
91
00:03:11,857 --> 00:03:13,460
That way, we can monitor
our blood alcohol level, guys.
92
00:03:13,585 --> 00:03:14,778
Yeah! Blood alcohol level!
93
00:03:14,944 --> 00:03:16,263
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, Adam!
94
00:03:16,388 --> 00:03:18,573
Let me get tecates
and a couple of limes, okay?
95
00:03:18,739 --> 00:03:21,192
- You got it.
- Oh, and Adam?
96
00:03:21,492 --> 00:03:23,495
Thank you for being a true Braj.
97
00:03:23,661 --> 00:03:25,272
You're welcome, Braj.
98
00:03:25,397 --> 00:03:27,874
- Stay up.
- I will.
99
00:03:28,040 --> 00:03:29,443
Both:
Always.
100
00:03:29,568 --> 00:03:30,961
- Come on, let's go.
- Always, man.
101
00:03:31,127 --> 00:03:32,170
True soldiers, for real.
102
00:03:32,336 --> 00:03:34,214
- Dude!
- You're my best friend!
103
00:03:34,380 --> 00:03:35,298
- You're my best friend, dude!
- Come on!
104
00:03:35,464 --> 00:03:36,783
I love that guy, man!
105
00:03:36,908 --> 00:03:38,885
- Damn, I forgot a belt!
- Shhh.
106
00:03:39,051 --> 00:03:41,355
- [Cell phone rings]
- Yo-ba sayo.
107
00:03:41,480 --> 00:03:42,889
Jillian, it's Anders.
Listen to me.
108
00:03:43,055 --> 00:03:44,591
I need you
to go into Alice's voicemail
109
00:03:44,716 --> 00:03:46,560
and delete all her messages
before she gets in today.
110
00:03:46,784 --> 00:03:47,961
Oh, I would happily do that,
111
00:03:48,086 --> 00:03:49,479
but it's password-protected.
112
00:03:49,645 --> 00:03:50,558
What? You're her assistant.
113
00:03:50,683 --> 00:03:51,898
You don't access to her voicemails?
114
00:03:52,064 --> 00:03:54,968
Her mom kept leaving
these mean messages
115
00:03:55,093 --> 00:03:56,703
about how Alice was a bad daughter,
116
00:03:56,828 --> 00:03:58,571
so I couldn't take it,
and I finally just called her
117
00:03:58,696 --> 00:03:59,863
and I said, "look, lady,
118
00:04:00,197 --> 00:04:02,617
shut your mouth
and find a [bleep] hobby."
119
00:04:02,783 --> 00:04:05,212
[Techno music]
120
00:04:05,337 --> 00:04:07,914
♪ And I've had it up to here
121
00:04:08,039 --> 00:04:10,450
♪ with the static in the ocean
122
00:04:10,575 --> 00:04:13,253
♪ sweet and salty in the sky
123
00:04:13,378 --> 00:04:14,811
♪ it's a level of devotion...
124
00:04:15,129 --> 00:04:17,966
Ders, I'm fading!
Breathalyze me!
125
00:04:18,132 --> 00:04:19,134
- She's a grown adult...
- Here it is.
126
00:04:19,300 --> 00:04:20,135
That looks like a baby.
127
00:04:20,301 --> 00:04:23,763
[Music continues]
128
00:04:23,888 --> 00:04:25,223
♪
129
00:04:25,389 --> 00:04:30,687
♪ on a skateboard,
tattooing up your mind ♪
130
00:04:30,853 --> 00:04:35,775
coming through! Hustle.
Whoo!
131
00:04:40,154 --> 00:04:42,049
Jillian, I just need you
to figure out this password,
132
00:04:42,174 --> 00:04:43,517
get in there
and delete those voicemails.
133
00:04:43,642 --> 00:04:45,885
- Tell me you can do that.
- I'd say yeah...
134
00:04:46,010 --> 00:04:49,289
Considering I know Alice Murray
better than she knows herself.
135
00:04:49,548 --> 00:04:51,666
It's Alice Murphy, actually.
136
00:04:51,832 --> 00:04:54,252
Damn it!
I just blew a .09.
137
00:04:54,486 --> 00:04:56,963
Where is Adam with those beers?
Man, I can't get a hangover.
138
00:04:57,129 --> 00:04:58,698
You know how I am
when I have a hangover.
139
00:04:58,823 --> 00:05:00,508
I'm bitchy. I'm very bitchy.
[Device beeps]
140
00:05:00,674 --> 00:05:03,011
.10. We are dangerously close
to being hungover.
141
00:05:03,177 --> 00:05:04,596
- [Clock ticking]
- Oh, I feel a headache.
142
00:05:04,762 --> 00:05:06,223
Feel a headache.
143
00:05:06,389 --> 00:05:08,642
- Oh, here we go.
- Where are the beers?
144
00:05:08,808 --> 00:05:11,603
They're all gone, man.
They're all gone, man!
145
00:05:11,769 --> 00:05:13,647
- ♪ Living that blade life
- What are you talking about?
146
00:05:13,813 --> 00:05:14,773
I just saw you drink one right now.
147
00:05:14,939 --> 00:05:16,683
Yeah, the last one, Ders.
148
00:05:16,808 --> 00:05:18,068
Think, speak.
149
00:05:18,234 --> 00:05:20,570
Okay, well, I know we had more
than one beer in the house.
150
00:05:20,736 --> 00:05:21,889
- No, we had four.
- Uh-huh.
151
00:05:22,014 --> 00:05:23,031
But there's three of us.
152
00:05:23,197 --> 00:05:24,657
And 1 1/2 beers each...
153
00:05:24,782 --> 00:05:26,493
That's not enough
to get us kablamo-ed.
154
00:05:26,618 --> 00:05:27,861
But for one person,
155
00:05:27,986 --> 00:05:30,205
that might be enough
to take us to the level.
156
00:05:30,371 --> 00:05:32,832
Let me hit this,
'cause I'm feeling ripe.
157
00:05:32,998 --> 00:05:34,401
[Device beeps]
158
00:05:34,526 --> 00:05:37,470
Whoa. I'm level...
That's a .25.
159
00:05:37,595 --> 00:05:39,422
- Holy...
- I'm leveled!
160
00:05:39,588 --> 00:05:41,758
- Here we go, here we go.
- Hey, right here!
161
00:05:41,924 --> 00:05:42,801
- Come on.
- Whoa, front of the line.
162
00:05:42,967 --> 00:05:44,886
Excuse me, folks.
We got an emergency, here.
163
00:05:45,052 --> 00:05:46,846
Come on, come on.
164
00:05:46,971 --> 00:05:48,390
Hey, okay,
would you just be a bus angel
165
00:05:48,556 --> 00:05:50,417
and drive us right to Telamericorp,
166
00:05:50,542 --> 00:05:52,686
no stops or anything?
We've got a work emergency.
167
00:05:52,852 --> 00:05:54,587
You got some brats on the bus?
168
00:05:54,712 --> 00:05:56,523
Or a churro?
I'm starving right now.
169
00:05:56,689 --> 00:05:59,091
Guys, we're not going anywhere
till everyone's on the bus.
170
00:05:59,216 --> 00:06:02,237
So sit down.
171
00:06:02,403 --> 00:06:04,572
Let's go!
Come on!
172
00:06:04,738 --> 00:06:06,700
Time to go.
[Claps]
173
00:06:06,866 --> 00:06:08,326
Just follow this laser pointer.
174
00:06:08,492 --> 00:06:09,702
We got some open seats
right in the back,
175
00:06:09,827 --> 00:06:11,246
right down there,
if you want to see that.
176
00:06:11,412 --> 00:06:13,081
Adam, help this guy out
with his money, please.
177
00:06:13,247 --> 00:06:15,241
- You got money in here?
- Help him out.
178
00:06:15,366 --> 00:06:17,544
What are you doing?
Stop it.
179
00:06:17,669 --> 00:06:19,004
Handkerchief. Gross.
180
00:06:19,170 --> 00:06:20,613
Sir, you're never
gonna catch any fish
181
00:06:20,738 --> 00:06:21,923
if you take this long, come on.
182
00:06:22,206 --> 00:06:23,883
Tuck the pole.
Watch your eyes, everybody.
183
00:06:24,049 --> 00:06:26,469
- What are you doing?
- I'm skitching.
184
00:06:26,635 --> 00:06:27,679
No, you are not skitching.
Let's go.
185
00:06:27,946 --> 00:06:29,806
Adam, we will next time,
I promise. Come on.
186
00:06:29,972 --> 00:06:31,458
[Overlapping cheers, whistle]
187
00:06:31,583 --> 00:06:33,643
- We did it again.
- We did it!
188
00:06:33,809 --> 00:06:34,961
And I thought
we weren't gonna make it.
189
00:06:35,086 --> 00:06:36,104
We'll be fine now.
190
00:06:36,454 --> 00:06:37,564
Once again,
does anybody have any beer?
191
00:06:37,689 --> 00:06:39,566
Anybody?
Any kind of alcohol?
192
00:06:39,732 --> 00:06:41,484
- No?
- Thank you all for your help.
193
00:06:41,650 --> 00:06:43,611
- Yeah. Hey, what the heck?
- Good stuff.
194
00:06:43,777 --> 00:06:45,371
Excuse me, sir.
195
00:06:45,496 --> 00:06:47,574
You're not going straight
to the office like I asked you.
196
00:06:47,799 --> 00:06:50,643
- No, this isn't the Ders way.
- I love the Ders way.
197
00:06:50,910 --> 00:06:52,512
Why aren't we going the Ders way?
198
00:06:52,786 --> 00:06:54,247
- The Ders way's a good way.
- Triple-left, center, right.
199
00:06:54,413 --> 00:06:55,748
You guys never told me
you liked my way.
200
00:06:55,873 --> 00:06:57,116
I'm glad that you like it.
201
00:06:57,241 --> 00:06:58,168
It's a good...
Oh, my God! Get down!
202
00:06:58,334 --> 00:06:59,711
- What?
- Get down! It's Alice!
203
00:06:59,877 --> 00:07:01,387
Excuse me, sir!
204
00:07:01,512 --> 00:07:03,289
Listen, we're just
a couple of young bucks
205
00:07:03,414 --> 00:07:05,592
chasing the American dream,
and we made a big mistake.
206
00:07:05,717 --> 00:07:07,344
Behind the line.
207
00:07:07,510 --> 00:07:08,553
Okay, haven't you ever
screwed the pooch?
208
00:07:08,719 --> 00:07:09,804
You ever wanted a do-over?
209
00:07:09,970 --> 00:07:12,004
If so, I'm begging you to
go straight to 24th and Crocker
210
00:07:12,129 --> 00:07:13,900
- without any stops.
- 24th and Crocker?
211
00:07:14,025 --> 00:07:15,769
- Yeah.
- That's 11 stops.
212
00:07:15,935 --> 00:07:17,937
So what?
You're perfect?
213
00:07:18,062 --> 00:07:21,191
I'm looking at the goddamn
mom Teresa in front of me?
214
00:07:21,357 --> 00:07:22,842
I've told my boss I wanted
to cover her
215
00:07:22,967 --> 00:07:26,071
in cinnamon toast crunch dust
and then suck her...
216
00:07:26,237 --> 00:07:28,114
I'm warning you,
if you don't sit down,
217
00:07:28,239 --> 00:07:30,825
I will have you removed
from this bus.
218
00:07:30,991 --> 00:07:32,952
I'm okay with that, considering...
219
00:07:33,118 --> 00:07:35,421
There's a bomb on the bus!
220
00:07:35,546 --> 00:07:37,490
If we go below 50 Miles per hour
221
00:07:37,615 --> 00:07:40,335
or don't go directly to Telamericorp,
222
00:07:40,501 --> 00:07:42,837
- we're all going to explode!
- What did you say?
223
00:07:43,003 --> 00:07:46,966
I said, "there's a bomb on this bus!"
224
00:07:47,132 --> 00:07:49,886
- Son, I need to know...
- Oh! Watch out!
225
00:07:53,055 --> 00:07:54,349
Oh! Whoa!
226
00:07:54,515 --> 00:07:57,109
Cans! It was just cans.
227
00:07:57,393 --> 00:07:58,812
It was a Mexi-can.
228
00:07:58,978 --> 00:08:01,022
Oh, oh, man.
229
00:08:01,188 --> 00:08:02,399
Oh, he's fine.
230
00:08:02,565 --> 00:08:04,401
- Oh.
- Hey, he's all good.
231
00:08:04,567 --> 00:08:05,718
Don't move! Don't move!
232
00:08:05,843 --> 00:08:07,779
You were just hit by a bus,
buddy. Suck it up.
233
00:08:07,945 --> 00:08:10,222
Oh, oh, man.
No, I can't do this.
234
00:08:10,347 --> 00:08:11,366
I can't take it.
235
00:08:11,582 --> 00:08:13,092
[Device beeps]
236
00:08:13,367 --> 00:08:14,561
- [Coughs]
- .06.
237
00:08:14,686 --> 00:08:16,629
I've never been so not drunk
in my life, man.
238
00:08:16,754 --> 00:08:19,249
- I'm about to be hungover, dude!
- No!
239
00:08:19,415 --> 00:08:20,800
We are not giving up! Okay?
240
00:08:20,925 --> 00:08:22,752
We're gonna go in that liquor store,
241
00:08:22,918 --> 00:08:24,694
and I will buy us some booze
242
00:08:24,819 --> 00:08:26,272
to replenish our body with liquor.
243
00:08:26,397 --> 00:08:27,774
- Yeah.
- Cool.
244
00:08:27,899 --> 00:08:29,341
Ders, I might need
to borrow a dollar or two.
245
00:08:29,466 --> 00:08:30,343
- What do you mean?
- I'm not...
246
00:08:30,509 --> 00:08:32,804
- Feeling...
- Oh, he's passing out!
247
00:08:32,970 --> 00:08:35,114
- He's wasted!
- I don't feel good.
248
00:08:35,239 --> 00:08:37,983
- Are you okay?
- S'go... without me.
249
00:08:38,108 --> 00:08:39,485
- Go without you?
- Yes.
250
00:08:39,610 --> 00:08:40,787
- Both: Okay.
- We'll be right back.
251
00:08:40,912 --> 00:08:42,154
- [Car horn honks]
- Actually, carry me.
252
00:08:42,279 --> 00:08:43,314
It's very dangerous out here.
253
00:08:43,480 --> 00:08:44,941
Yeah. We're so close, we're so close.
254
00:08:45,107 --> 00:08:47,360
[Car horn honking]
All right, thank you, ma'am.
255
00:08:47,526 --> 00:08:49,462
Don't act like you never
passed out in the street
256
00:08:49,587 --> 00:08:50,989
with rollerblades before!
257
00:08:57,494 --> 00:08:58,621
{pub}Come on.
258
00:08:58,787 --> 00:08:59,747
Energy drinks and beer! Where?
259
00:08:59,913 --> 00:09:02,250
All over the store.
Everywhere.
260
00:09:02,416 --> 00:09:05,078
- Hurry up, dude.
- Feel good, then not so good.
261
00:09:05,203 --> 00:09:07,172
This rock star needs a monster
can of red bull. Now.
262
00:09:07,338 --> 00:09:10,633
- Oh, God. Oh!
- Just sit down.
263
00:09:10,799 --> 00:09:12,510
You're good.
Let's get this.
264
00:09:12,676 --> 00:09:17,223
- Come on.
- Tap it, and there it is.
265
00:09:17,389 --> 00:09:19,309
Remember that?
It's all natural.
266
00:09:19,475 --> 00:09:21,895
- What do you need?
- Burrito.
267
00:09:22,061 --> 00:09:24,030
- Handle that, okay?
- Burrito? Yes, yes.
268
00:09:24,155 --> 00:09:26,165
A little more of the medicine.
There it is.
269
00:09:26,290 --> 00:09:28,601
The doctor ordered some go juice.
270
00:09:28,726 --> 00:09:31,070
The doctor prescribed some go juice!
271
00:09:31,236 --> 00:09:32,138
There you go.
Drink up.
272
00:09:32,263 --> 00:09:33,573
What a good little baby.
273
00:09:33,898 --> 00:09:36,409
- Burritos.
- Check it out... painkillers.
274
00:09:36,575 --> 00:09:38,828
Let's kill the pain.
Kill the pain in my brain, man.
275
00:09:38,994 --> 00:09:40,371
Jillian, what's the haps
on the craps?
276
00:09:40,604 --> 00:09:42,624
It's all taken care of.
277
00:09:42,790 --> 00:09:44,083
What?
You deleted the voicemails?
278
00:09:44,249 --> 00:09:45,668
Yep. I did a great job.
279
00:09:45,834 --> 00:09:48,821
- [Titters]
- Who is this?
280
00:09:48,946 --> 00:09:50,632
This is Anders.
281
00:09:50,798 --> 00:09:53,593
Oh, Ders!
No, I have not started yet.
282
00:09:53,759 --> 00:09:55,351
- What?
- I'm starting right now.
283
00:09:55,761 --> 00:09:56,863
I swear.
284
00:09:56,988 --> 00:09:58,697
I just had to send out
this e-vite to my landlord.
285
00:09:58,822 --> 00:10:00,700
And then Montez sent out
this funny video
286
00:10:00,825 --> 00:10:02,234
of just dads sneezing.
287
00:10:02,359 --> 00:10:03,978
It's hysterical.
288
00:10:04,144 --> 00:10:05,563
[Laughs]
289
00:10:05,729 --> 00:10:07,565
It's funny, 'cause it's dads.
290
00:10:07,731 --> 00:10:09,642
Jillian, turn it off,
and get to it, okay?
291
00:10:09,767 --> 00:10:11,277
We need you.
[Beep]
292
00:10:11,443 --> 00:10:14,113
- She... what are those?
- They're headache pills.
293
00:10:14,238 --> 00:10:15,715
We're taking 'em just
in case the beer wears off.
294
00:10:15,840 --> 00:10:17,742
- Pretty smart, huh?
- Yeah, but that's P.M.
295
00:10:17,908 --> 00:10:19,702
Yeah, "P.M."
that's "power medicine," man.
296
00:10:19,868 --> 00:10:23,540
You take it to gain more power
in oneself.
297
00:10:23,706 --> 00:10:27,210
Guys, those are sleeping pills.
298
00:10:27,376 --> 00:10:29,028
Whatever, dude.
299
00:10:29,153 --> 00:10:31,297
I'm gonna go nuke this 'rito.
Cheers.
300
00:10:31,522 --> 00:10:32,507
Thanks for saving my life.
301
00:10:32,673 --> 00:10:33,925
Ders, check it out!
302
00:10:34,133 --> 00:10:35,802
Yo, Ders.
Ders!
303
00:10:35,968 --> 00:10:38,471
I think I just found our ride
to work.
304
00:10:38,637 --> 00:10:40,640
You think you can handle
those future babes?
305
00:10:40,806 --> 00:10:43,109
Dude, get with it, okay?
They're gonna act all bitchy,
306
00:10:43,234 --> 00:10:44,410
because they know they're gonna
grow up and be hot.
307
00:10:44,535 --> 00:10:46,020
We can't take a run at 'em yet.
308
00:10:46,337 --> 00:10:49,348
All I'm saying is, I wouldn't
mind riding that mongoose.
309
00:10:49,473 --> 00:10:52,451
Come on, dude.
They're like 15, tops.
310
00:10:52,576 --> 00:10:56,022
I'm talking about the bike,
you sick freak.
311
00:10:56,147 --> 00:10:57,991
I'm sorry.
You know I'm a Bianchi guy.
312
00:10:58,157 --> 00:10:59,367
Adam, come on! Let's ride!
313
00:10:59,533 --> 00:11:01,536
- [Microwave beeps]
- 90 seconds.
314
00:11:01,702 --> 00:11:03,121
Come on.
We need to go now!
315
00:11:03,287 --> 00:11:04,789
No.
I'm starving!
316
00:11:04,955 --> 00:11:07,000
Dude, we're 15 minutes
from losing everything.
317
00:11:07,166 --> 00:11:09,301
I'm gonna buy this burrito, Ders.
318
00:11:09,426 --> 00:11:10,920
And then I'm gonna eat it!
319
00:11:11,086 --> 00:11:13,673
It's just bean and cheese, man.
320
00:11:13,839 --> 00:11:14,841
Still a burrito, man!
321
00:11:15,007 --> 00:11:17,576
I hope you know
what you're doing, man.
322
00:11:17,701 --> 00:11:20,096
Here, come on.
Let's go.
323
00:11:20,262 --> 00:11:23,141
Oh, I know
exactly what I'm doing, man.
324
00:11:23,307 --> 00:11:25,085
Hey-hey, young ladies.
325
00:11:25,210 --> 00:11:26,603
How are you guys doing?
326
00:11:26,769 --> 00:11:28,788
- Choco tacos. Nice.
- A choco taco, it's perfect.
327
00:11:28,913 --> 00:11:31,690
It's, like... it's something
that was perfect... a taco...
328
00:11:31,815 --> 00:11:32,984
And then got more perfecter.
329
00:11:33,217 --> 00:11:35,069
So, yes, wise selection.
330
00:11:35,235 --> 00:11:38,364
Whoa, man!
Look at these cool bikes!
331
00:11:38,530 --> 00:11:40,133
What do you say?
Uh, we're all young adults.
332
00:11:40,258 --> 00:11:42,619
Want to let us hop on
for a little ride?
333
00:11:42,785 --> 00:11:44,329
Why don't you guys
go ride each other?
334
00:11:44,495 --> 00:11:48,374
Yeah? And you should fricking
roll up your pant leg.
335
00:11:48,540 --> 00:11:50,209
Why?
336
00:11:50,375 --> 00:11:53,813
Because you can't ride a bike
in jeans.
337
00:11:53,938 --> 00:11:57,800
- Yah! Yeah!
- [Screams]
338
00:11:57,966 --> 00:11:59,427
[Laughs] Boys rule!
339
00:11:59,643 --> 00:12:02,388
Well, yeah, I don't know, mom.
340
00:12:02,513 --> 00:12:03,681
Well, I'm not a vet.
341
00:12:03,847 --> 00:12:05,808
[Vocal electronic music]
342
00:12:05,974 --> 00:12:08,227
♪
343
00:12:08,452 --> 00:12:09,953
[entrance bell rings]
344
00:12:10,229 --> 00:12:11,430
Doesn't want to talk to you every day
345
00:12:11,555 --> 00:12:13,381
- because you drive him crazy.
- Oh, the dickhead.
346
00:12:23,492 --> 00:12:24,836
{pub}Where are they?
347
00:12:24,961 --> 00:12:26,204
Whoa!
348
00:12:26,370 --> 00:12:27,246
- What?
- Uh-oh.
349
00:12:27,463 --> 00:12:28,873
- What?
- Future babes.
350
00:12:29,039 --> 00:12:29,874
They never give up, man.
351
00:12:30,040 --> 00:12:31,876
They remind me a lot of myself
when I was a future babe.
352
00:12:32,042 --> 00:12:34,003
You know, my manager at Togo's
always said,
353
00:12:34,169 --> 00:12:35,813
"you'll never amount to anything."
354
00:12:35,938 --> 00:12:37,548
But look at me now!
355
00:12:37,673 --> 00:12:39,133
Look at me now!
356
00:12:39,299 --> 00:12:40,217
- Hey, Blake.
- What?
357
00:12:40,342 --> 00:12:41,969
- No one asked!
- [Screams]
358
00:12:42,135 --> 00:12:44,713
Get off me.
Oh, my God. We lose 'em?
359
00:12:45,097 --> 00:12:47,308
I think so.
Clutch driving, Ders.
360
00:12:47,474 --> 00:12:48,976
Whoa!
361
00:12:49,142 --> 00:12:50,828
- Whoa!
- Oh, my God!
362
00:12:50,953 --> 00:12:52,696
Both:
That was awesome!
363
00:12:52,821 --> 00:12:54,939
- There's more of them.
- The juice!
364
00:12:55,064 --> 00:12:56,693
- How'd they find us?
- Ahh...
365
00:12:56,859 --> 00:12:59,336
Hey, clerk.
[Paper crinkles] Down here.
366
00:12:59,461 --> 00:13:00,697
What are you doing?
367
00:13:00,863 --> 00:13:02,865
You see that lady over there?
368
00:13:03,031 --> 00:13:07,377
She's a shoplifter.
She's stealing.
369
00:13:07,502 --> 00:13:10,373
Tampons.
She's a tampon thief.
370
00:13:10,539 --> 00:13:12,750
You should interrogate her
for, like, an hour.
371
00:13:12,916 --> 00:13:14,251
Oh, who am I, you might wonder?
372
00:13:14,376 --> 00:13:15,545
I'm a citizen-hero.
373
00:13:15,711 --> 00:13:17,547
Watch this.
374
00:13:17,713 --> 00:13:19,556
Hi, good morning.
Just the coffee please.
375
00:13:19,681 --> 00:13:21,008
Just the coffee?
376
00:13:21,174 --> 00:13:24,637
Why don't you show me your tampons?
377
00:13:24,803 --> 00:13:25,847
I'm sorry?
378
00:13:26,013 --> 00:13:27,849
Open the bag and show me the tampons.
379
00:13:28,015 --> 00:13:30,393
Actually I don't have any,
ass[bleep],
380
00:13:30,559 --> 00:13:31,978
because I don't get
my period anymore.
381
00:13:32,144 --> 00:13:34,564
Why? Why don't you get
your period anymore?
382
00:13:34,730 --> 00:13:36,232
Uhh...
383
00:13:36,398 --> 00:13:38,075
I cant see!
Your hair!
384
00:13:38,200 --> 00:13:39,944
Eat booze, little baby girls.
385
00:13:40,110 --> 00:13:41,904
All right, I'm gonna turn around!
386
00:13:42,070 --> 00:13:44,657
- What? What do you mean?
- Keep pedaling! Aah!
387
00:13:44,823 --> 00:13:45,992
- [Gasps]
- Whoo!
388
00:13:46,158 --> 00:13:47,918
Both:
Hi.
389
00:13:48,043 --> 00:13:51,038
I hope these future babes
brought their tongues.
390
00:13:51,204 --> 00:13:52,957
Why, dude?
391
00:13:53,123 --> 00:13:55,559
Because they're about to taste laser.
392
00:13:55,684 --> 00:13:57,427
Come on, get your mind out
of the gutter, you sick freak.
393
00:13:57,552 --> 00:13:59,172
I don't know.
394
00:13:59,338 --> 00:14:02,425
- [Screams]
- [Laughs] I got one!
395
00:14:02,591 --> 00:14:04,177
Eat laser, scummies!
396
00:14:04,343 --> 00:14:06,337
- Yeah!
- [Screams]
397
00:14:06,462 --> 00:14:07,305
Sorry, chica.
398
00:14:07,872 --> 00:14:09,974
Your ass is about to get kick-assed.
399
00:14:10,140 --> 00:14:11,434
[Laughs]
400
00:14:11,600 --> 00:14:12,943
- Oh, no!
- What?
401
00:14:13,068 --> 00:14:14,711
She put her little thing down.
402
00:14:14,836 --> 00:14:17,982
Oh, she just flipped me off.
That wasn't nice.
403
00:14:18,148 --> 00:14:21,652
[Slurps]
404
00:14:21,818 --> 00:14:23,154
[Mumbling]
Good morning.
405
00:14:23,320 --> 00:14:24,530
[Heavy metal music]
406
00:14:24,746 --> 00:14:26,590
[Entrance bell rings]
407
00:14:26,865 --> 00:14:29,619
♪
408
00:14:45,175 --> 00:14:46,928
Who this?
409
00:14:47,094 --> 00:14:50,097
Ders-ie, guess who's about
to be skitching?
410
00:14:50,263 --> 00:14:54,977
- What?
- Oh! Ow!
411
00:14:55,143 --> 00:14:57,749
- Ow! I slipped a disk.
- Adam? Adam?
412
00:14:57,874 --> 00:15:00,029
- Yeah.
- What are you doing?
413
00:15:00,154 --> 00:15:01,275
Are you okay?
414
00:15:01,441 --> 00:15:04,795
Pfft! Yeah.
Just blading on into work.
415
00:15:04,920 --> 00:15:06,330
Going green.
416
00:15:06,455 --> 00:15:08,533
Lot of people without cars,
they blade all the time.
417
00:15:08,699 --> 00:15:12,213
Jason Bateman blades.
Uh, Shaq doesn't own a car.
418
00:15:12,338 --> 00:15:13,621
- He blades a lot.
- Yeah, uh...
419
00:15:13,787 --> 00:15:15,439
Look, why don't you get
in my car, okay?
420
00:15:15,564 --> 00:15:17,542
I'll give you a ride to work.
You don't look so good.
421
00:15:17,708 --> 00:15:19,669
[Scoffs] Doubt it.
422
00:15:19,835 --> 00:15:21,128
Hey, give me back my bike!
423
00:15:21,294 --> 00:15:23,256
Hey, suck my di... ass!
424
00:15:23,422 --> 00:15:24,757
- Suck my ass.
- Yeah, he said, "ass"!
425
00:15:24,923 --> 00:15:26,083
Uh-oh, blazer, hold on!
426
00:15:26,208 --> 00:15:27,802
We're about to bunny hop this muh...
427
00:15:27,968 --> 00:15:29,569
Y'all ain't gonna be able to make it!
428
00:15:29,694 --> 00:15:30,972
Oh, Ders, be careful!
429
00:15:31,138 --> 00:15:33,182
I'm sick and tired of being careful!
430
00:15:33,348 --> 00:15:36,984
But... aah!
431
00:15:39,021 --> 00:15:41,065
[Bleep] you!
432
00:15:41,190 --> 00:15:43,526
My stepdad's gonna find you
and beat your ass!
433
00:15:43,692 --> 00:15:45,903
Jillian, hey, how are
we doing with those codes?
434
00:15:46,069 --> 00:15:47,504
Not good.
I messed up,
435
00:15:47,629 --> 00:15:50,140
and I accidentally deleted
Alice's outgoing message,
436
00:15:50,265 --> 00:15:51,275
and now I have to record a new one.
437
00:15:51,400 --> 00:15:52,977
How does this sound?
438
00:15:53,102 --> 00:15:55,212
Hi, you've reached Alice.
439
00:15:55,337 --> 00:15:57,681
I'm Alice, and this is my voice,
440
00:15:57,806 --> 00:16:00,084
and I'm the boss.
Leave a message.
441
00:16:00,375 --> 00:16:03,880
Are you sure you're okay?
'Cause you seem really tired.
442
00:16:04,046 --> 00:16:07,216
Hmm? Aah!
443
00:16:07,382 --> 00:16:09,010
I'm ready for work.
444
00:16:09,176 --> 00:16:11,084
I just took a bunch
of power medicine,
445
00:16:11,209 --> 00:16:14,531
so I'm... ready for action.
446
00:16:14,656 --> 00:16:16,166
Actually, you know what?
447
00:16:16,291 --> 00:16:17,701
You might want to go this direction
448
00:16:17,826 --> 00:16:19,970
instead of directly that way.
449
00:16:20,095 --> 00:16:21,738
It's a quicker route.
450
00:16:21,863 --> 00:16:23,740
Yeah, that's the complete
opposite direction
451
00:16:23,865 --> 00:16:24,875
of the office.
452
00:16:25,000 --> 00:16:26,210
Yeah, I know, I know that.
453
00:16:26,335 --> 00:16:28,712
It's the scenic.
Do you like beauty?
454
00:16:28,987 --> 00:16:31,240
There's a volcano over there.
455
00:16:31,406 --> 00:16:33,826
It's a new one.
It just sprouted.
456
00:16:33,992 --> 00:16:36,037
In Rancho Cucamonga?
457
00:16:36,203 --> 00:16:37,988
Yeah, I don't know
if you know our new catchphrase,
458
00:16:38,113 --> 00:16:43,260
but it's "Rancho Cucamonga,
let's get prehistoric."
459
00:16:43,385 --> 00:16:47,882
[Imitates truck horn, cougar snarl]
460
00:16:48,048 --> 00:16:50,259
Hello, you've reached Alice.
I'm the boss,
461
00:16:50,425 --> 00:16:52,469
and I'm very angry most of the time.
462
00:16:52,594 --> 00:16:54,505
I can't answer, 'cause I'm the boss.
463
00:16:54,630 --> 00:16:56,740
Did I mention that?
I'm Alice.
464
00:16:57,015 --> 00:16:58,893
How was that, Blake?
465
00:16:59,059 --> 00:17:00,645
Jillian, you're the best.
[Sighs]
466
00:17:00,811 --> 00:17:02,021
- [Over phone] Blake!
- Blake! Whoa, dude!
467
00:17:02,187 --> 00:17:03,940
- What, man? I'm here.
- Dude, wake up!
468
00:17:04,106 --> 00:17:05,566
- Come on, man.
- The pills...
469
00:17:05,732 --> 00:17:08,652
So I know I was really tough
on you guys yesterday,
470
00:17:08,777 --> 00:17:10,921
and I just wanted
to say how sorry I was.
471
00:17:11,046 --> 00:17:13,257
It's just been kind
of a nightmare of a week.
472
00:17:13,532 --> 00:17:16,293
My sister just found out
these test results,
473
00:17:16,418 --> 00:17:20,915
and it could be really serious.
474
00:17:21,081 --> 00:17:22,166
Dude, wake up!
475
00:17:22,332 --> 00:17:23,876
I can't see!
476
00:17:24,042 --> 00:17:25,211
Move your hair!
I can't see!
477
00:17:25,377 --> 00:17:26,129
- Move your hair.
- Move your hair!
478
00:17:26,294 --> 00:17:27,588
[Tires screech]
479
00:17:27,796 --> 00:17:29,606
Oh, [bleep]!
Blake?
480
00:17:29,731 --> 00:17:31,775
Are you o...
481
00:17:32,050 --> 00:17:32,876
Ders, where are you going?
482
00:17:33,001 --> 00:17:34,211
Where are you go...
483
00:17:34,336 --> 00:17:35,721
Okay, Blake, I'm gonna call someone.
484
00:17:35,887 --> 00:17:38,349
Ders!
Ders, where are you? Okay.
485
00:17:38,515 --> 00:17:39,892
All right, what are we doing?
486
00:17:40,175 --> 00:17:41,785
What are we doing!
487
00:17:42,060 --> 00:17:43,980
- Jillian!
- I'm close.
488
00:17:44,146 --> 00:17:46,232
I've got her birthday,
social security number,
489
00:17:46,398 --> 00:17:47,483
ATM, height, weight,
skull circumference.
490
00:17:47,649 --> 00:17:48,734
- Move!
- What are you doing?
491
00:17:48,900 --> 00:17:50,236
- The only thing I can do.
- Holmvik!
492
00:17:50,402 --> 00:17:51,946
Put it down.
493
00:17:52,112 --> 00:17:55,489
Put it...
I said...!
494
00:17:55,824 --> 00:17:56,659
Zzz!
495
00:17:57,450 --> 00:17:58,577
Hup!
496
00:18:01,319 --> 00:18:02,206
Aah!
497
00:18:07,502 --> 00:18:09,680
{pub}So I know all this
might sound weird to you,
498
00:18:09,805 --> 00:18:12,782
but to me it's just OCD, you know.
499
00:18:12,907 --> 00:18:16,220
And I'm not suffering from it,
Alice, I'm living with it.
500
00:18:16,386 --> 00:18:17,621
Right.
501
00:18:17,746 --> 00:18:22,226
So your OCD makes you weigh
people's phones?
502
00:18:22,392 --> 00:18:23,760
Yeah.
And that's what I was doing.
503
00:18:23,885 --> 00:18:26,355
Yours is about, uh,
12 fluid ounces, give or take.
504
00:18:26,521 --> 00:18:28,064
That's fascinating.
505
00:18:28,189 --> 00:18:29,899
Hey, why don't you go out
into the parking lot
506
00:18:30,024 --> 00:18:31,368
and take care of your dumbass friends
507
00:18:31,493 --> 00:18:32,778
who are asleep there.
508
00:18:32,944 --> 00:18:36,323
- That'd be great, champs, okay?
- Very good. Thank you.
509
00:18:36,489 --> 00:18:37,791
If you catch me weighing
anybody else's,
510
00:18:37,916 --> 00:18:39,326
just give me like a...
We'll figure it out.
511
00:18:39,492 --> 00:18:40,995
Hey, wait!
512
00:18:41,161 --> 00:18:44,498
Were you trying
to listen to my messages?
513
00:18:44,664 --> 00:18:47,334
This is saying I'm locked
out of the system for 24 hours
514
00:18:47,500 --> 00:18:48,735
for entering the wrong password
too many times.
515
00:18:48,860 --> 00:18:51,538
No, I was, uh, weighing your phone.
516
00:18:51,663 --> 00:18:53,132
That was me.
517
00:18:53,398 --> 00:18:57,386
Uh, I was just trying to be
the best assistant I could be.
518
00:18:57,552 --> 00:18:59,472
Jillian, it's your birthday.
519
00:18:59,638 --> 00:19:01,015
Really? Today?
520
00:19:01,181 --> 00:19:03,100
No, my password is your birthday.
521
00:19:03,266 --> 00:19:04,751
Well, color me flattered.
522
00:19:04,876 --> 00:19:08,689
Jillian, you set it up, remember?
523
00:19:08,855 --> 00:19:10,390
Oh, now I do.
524
00:19:10,515 --> 00:19:12,109
But you never changed it.
525
00:19:12,275 --> 00:19:13,861
Could've changed it.
526
00:19:14,027 --> 00:19:16,120
Didn't.
527
00:19:16,404 --> 00:19:17,831
Jillian, I thought telling you
528
00:19:17,956 --> 00:19:21,058
to stay the eff away from it
[bleep] would be enough,
529
00:19:21,409 --> 00:19:22,893
but apparently it's not.
530
00:19:23,161 --> 00:19:25,405
So I'm just gonna tell you,
if you go near my phone again,
531
00:19:25,530 --> 00:19:28,501
you'll be back washing dishes
at Shakey's.
532
00:19:28,667 --> 00:19:32,613
I watched dishes.
533
00:19:32,738 --> 00:19:34,272
I didn't wash them.
534
00:19:34,589 --> 00:19:36,416
There should be a warning
right on the label.
535
00:19:36,541 --> 00:19:37,885
"It's not power medicine.
536
00:19:38,377 --> 00:19:40,254
You're not gonna gain strength.
You're gonna go to sleep."
537
00:19:40,379 --> 00:19:42,473
- It's P.M.
- Who woulda thunk.
538
00:19:42,639 --> 00:19:45,616
Dude, how hard did Alice snap
on us today?
539
00:19:45,892 --> 00:19:46,811
Crazy, right?
540
00:19:46,977 --> 00:19:48,646
- Somebody needs to get twirked.
- Yeah.
541
00:19:48,812 --> 00:19:50,330
I'm not gonna be the one
twirking her,
542
00:19:50,455 --> 00:19:52,706
if she treats me like that,
and I'm a good twirker.
543
00:19:52,831 --> 00:19:54,360
- We know. We hear you.
- You're a great twirker.
544
00:19:54,526 --> 00:19:57,037
She doesn't even deserve
one ounce of your twirk.
545
00:19:57,162 --> 00:19:59,173
You got to move your hips
like a figure eight. Damn.
546
00:19:59,447 --> 00:20:00,908
Yep, there it is.
547
00:20:01,074 --> 00:20:02,876
She's a freaking trick-ass b-yotch.
548
00:20:03,001 --> 00:20:04,311
She is, yeah.
549
00:20:04,436 --> 00:20:05,745
And I almost feel like
calling her up again
550
00:20:05,870 --> 00:20:08,374
and giving her a piece of my mind.
551
00:20:08,540 --> 00:20:10,084
Been there, huh?
552
00:20:10,250 --> 00:20:11,618
I thought of the best one today.
553
00:20:11,743 --> 00:20:13,253
I was like...
You know how you're always like,
554
00:20:13,378 --> 00:20:14,988
"oh, man, I wish
I could have said that,"
555
00:20:15,113 --> 00:20:16,356
after some stuff just happened?
556
00:20:16,481 --> 00:20:18,050
- Always.
- That's what happened.
557
00:20:18,216 --> 00:20:19,176
- What was it?
- Do it.
558
00:20:19,342 --> 00:20:21,127
No, I don't think I...
559
00:20:21,252 --> 00:20:22,829
You got to, man, if it's that good.
560
00:20:22,954 --> 00:20:24,598
It's ringing, it's ringing.
561
00:20:24,764 --> 00:20:26,517
- Shhh, shhh, shhh.
- I can't wait to hear it.
562
00:20:26,683 --> 00:20:28,835
Hello? Alice?
563
00:20:28,960 --> 00:20:31,738
Uh, this is, uh, not Adam.
564
00:20:31,863 --> 00:20:34,400
You are a [bleep].
565
00:20:34,566 --> 00:20:37,578
You're a [bleep].
You're a dumb [bleep].
566
00:20:37,703 --> 00:20:39,655
- You thought of that today?
- Yeah, earlier.
567
00:20:39,821 --> 00:20:43,701
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