1 00:00:08,768 --> 00:00:10,736 The Illusionistblows it out of the water. 2 00:00:10,770 --> 00:00:12,871 You're kidding. Ed Norton sucks. 3 00:00:12,905 --> 00:00:15,207 - I'm not defending ed Norton. - What about the title? 4 00:00:15,241 --> 00:00:17,508 He's not even a real magician. He's an illusionist? 5 00:00:17,543 --> 00:00:21,379 You watch your mouth. 6 00:00:21,413 --> 00:00:25,650 "Adam 'Dwaynethe rock roommate demamp'"? 7 00:00:25,684 --> 00:00:28,153 All right. 8 00:00:30,089 --> 00:00:32,624 Aah, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Whoa, no, no, no. 9 00:00:32,658 --> 00:00:35,560 I am so sorry. I was not expecting anybody. 10 00:00:35,594 --> 00:00:37,462 - It's move-in day. - Oh, wow, okay. 11 00:00:37,496 --> 00:00:39,064 Pointing fingers already. 12 00:00:39,098 --> 00:00:40,932 Not a good start to our relationship. 13 00:00:40,967 --> 00:00:42,234 Hope you don't mind, I already kinda 14 00:00:42,268 --> 00:00:44,402 laid claim to this squadrent. 15 00:00:44,436 --> 00:00:46,704 That's great, 'cause I got the microwave, 16 00:00:46,739 --> 00:00:48,206 and I'll just put it there, so... 17 00:00:48,241 --> 00:00:52,610 Sick. I love popcorn, so... [Knock on door] 18 00:00:52,645 --> 00:00:53,779 Hey. Greetings, earthlings. 19 00:00:53,813 --> 00:00:55,947 Anders Holmvik, resident advisor. 20 00:00:55,982 --> 00:00:58,150 - Hi, I'm Blake. - Blake. 21 00:00:58,184 --> 00:01:00,886 What's up? I'm Adam. Demamp. 22 00:01:00,920 --> 00:01:02,754 Uh, you play sports. 23 00:01:02,789 --> 00:01:04,355 - Swim team. - So no? 24 00:01:04,390 --> 00:01:06,124 [Laughs] Sorry, that was... 25 00:01:06,159 --> 00:01:08,226 that was a funny one. - Oh, yeah? That's funny? 26 00:01:08,261 --> 00:01:10,395 You know what's not funny? Burning alive 27 00:01:10,429 --> 00:01:11,663 in the middle of the night because you don't know 28 00:01:11,697 --> 00:01:13,064 your microwave just caught on fire. 29 00:01:13,099 --> 00:01:14,800 Microwaves, not allowed in the dorm. 30 00:01:14,834 --> 00:01:16,802 So I'll be taking this, because I'm your R.A. 31 00:01:16,836 --> 00:01:18,069 Hey, no, I didn't mean all that. 32 00:01:18,104 --> 00:01:19,370 Come on, man, just gimme a break. 33 00:01:19,405 --> 00:01:21,306 There are no breaks in college! 34 00:01:21,340 --> 00:01:24,142 Oh, hey, hey, hey! Cut it out! Pull those up! 35 00:01:24,177 --> 00:01:26,444 I'm sorry, I was so close to finishing 36 00:01:26,478 --> 00:01:27,979 when you came in, initially. 37 00:01:28,014 --> 00:01:29,214 You're lucky I don't write you up. 38 00:01:29,248 --> 00:01:31,349 All right, you two are 39 00:01:31,383 --> 00:01:33,484 on my s-[Bleep]-[Bleep]-t list. 40 00:01:33,519 --> 00:01:34,652 And it's a short list. 41 00:01:34,687 --> 00:01:39,691 It's too long. T-o-o long. 44 00:01:45,331 --> 00:01:46,932 Greetings, earthlings. 45 00:01:46,966 --> 00:01:48,967 Anders Holmvik, resident advisor. 46 00:01:49,001 --> 00:01:51,236 So are you gonna be turned around for a while, 47 00:01:51,270 --> 00:01:52,938 or... 48 00:01:52,972 --> 00:01:55,941 [Vanessa Carlton's a thousand miles] 49 00:01:55,975 --> 00:01:57,976 ♪ 50 00:01:58,010 --> 00:02:00,545 ♪ it's always times like these when I think of you ♪ 51 00:02:00,579 --> 00:02:05,083 ♪ and I wonder if you ever think of me ♪ 52 00:02:05,117 --> 00:02:08,286 what to do to die today at a minute or two to two. 53 00:02:08,321 --> 00:02:11,756 Hey, dude, they give you pudding, man. 54 00:02:11,790 --> 00:02:13,524 - Hey, dude. - You go in the cafeteria, 55 00:02:13,559 --> 00:02:14,960 and you just swipe a card, and they give you 56 00:02:14,994 --> 00:02:16,627 as much pudding as you want. Oh, cool. 57 00:02:16,662 --> 00:02:18,129 - What's this, your schedule? - Yeah, yeah. 58 00:02:18,164 --> 00:02:21,699 What's up with all this theater, man? 59 00:02:21,734 --> 00:02:24,936 Well, I'm a theater major, so... 60 00:02:24,971 --> 00:02:27,572 yeah, I caught the acting bug pretty bad. 61 00:02:27,606 --> 00:02:30,275 But yeah, I already auditioned for the fall production... 62 00:02:30,309 --> 00:02:32,143 les miserables. - That's cool. 63 00:02:32,178 --> 00:02:34,379 So can you, like, cry on command and stuff? 64 00:02:34,413 --> 00:02:36,114 Oh, yeah, it's easy. 65 00:02:36,148 --> 00:02:38,149 Think of something really sad real quick. 66 00:02:38,184 --> 00:02:39,784 Like, a bundle of babies exploding, 67 00:02:39,818 --> 00:02:41,486 or, like, dogs exploding. 68 00:02:41,520 --> 00:02:43,654 Or, like... like, maybe your mom's really sick, 69 00:02:43,689 --> 00:02:46,958 or you, like, walked in on, like... on her rape 70 00:02:46,993 --> 00:02:49,060 you now, stop him... you can't stop him 71 00:02:49,095 --> 00:02:50,428 because he's bigger than you. 72 00:02:50,462 --> 00:02:53,631 Like, you just think of that... 73 00:02:57,303 --> 00:03:01,907 Oh, that hit so close to home for me. 74 00:03:01,941 --> 00:03:04,575 My dog actually exploded when I was a kid. 75 00:03:04,610 --> 00:03:06,177 - I'm sorry, I didn't mean to... - It's okay. 76 00:03:06,212 --> 00:03:08,746 You are a really good actor. Thank you. 77 00:03:08,781 --> 00:03:10,248 You're like Seann Williams Scott. 78 00:03:10,283 --> 00:03:11,582 You're at a Seann Williams Scott level. 79 00:03:11,617 --> 00:03:13,018 Thank you. Thank you. 80 00:03:13,052 --> 00:03:14,585 Well, you know, it's just living truthfully 81 00:03:14,620 --> 00:03:17,355 in imaginary circumstances, and whatever. 82 00:03:17,390 --> 00:03:19,824 Enough about me. What's... what's on your schedule? 83 00:03:19,858 --> 00:03:23,194 Oh, me... Women's sexuality, 84 00:03:23,229 --> 00:03:26,564 sexual revolution, the human body, 85 00:03:26,598 --> 00:03:28,967 remedial math... 86 00:03:29,001 --> 00:03:30,969 The Bible as literature. 87 00:03:31,003 --> 00:03:32,737 I'm doing that for my gf. 88 00:03:32,771 --> 00:03:35,606 Get the heck out of here. You already scored a girlfriend? 89 00:03:35,641 --> 00:03:37,142 Oh, no, she's back in high school. 90 00:03:37,176 --> 00:03:38,910 We're, like, crazy religious, though. 91 00:03:38,945 --> 00:03:41,512 We always get on our knees... And pray to Jesus. 92 00:03:41,547 --> 00:03:43,348 Not orally, please. Oh. 93 00:03:43,382 --> 00:03:45,250 You know, she's actually coming next weekend. 94 00:03:45,284 --> 00:03:47,585 We'll go see you act the [Bleep] out of that play, dude. 95 00:03:47,619 --> 00:03:49,187 Uh, that's not for a while. 96 00:03:49,221 --> 00:03:52,023 Plus, I already got cast as, like, a police officer. 97 00:03:52,058 --> 00:03:54,326 I'm just in the background. I don't even have lines. 98 00:03:54,360 --> 00:03:55,626 - What? - Yeah, I know. 99 00:03:55,661 --> 00:03:57,028 It's just a popularity contest 100 00:03:57,063 --> 00:03:58,196 when you get down to it. 101 00:03:58,230 --> 00:03:59,965 Whoa, man. 102 00:03:59,999 --> 00:04:02,000 I'm, like, the most popular dude in my high school 103 00:04:02,034 --> 00:04:03,534 now that I've graduated high school, 104 00:04:03,569 --> 00:04:07,472 and I am throwing you... A party, bro, 105 00:04:07,506 --> 00:04:09,807 so you can infiltrate that theater-nerd crew. 106 00:04:09,842 --> 00:04:11,176 Like inmean girls. 107 00:04:11,210 --> 00:04:12,643 - Yes! - [Laughs] 108 00:04:12,678 --> 00:04:15,013 You know,Mean girlsis my favorite movie. 109 00:04:15,047 --> 00:04:16,614 It's mine too. 110 00:04:16,648 --> 00:04:18,116 Both: The DVD special commentary... 111 00:04:18,150 --> 00:04:19,784 - Oh! - Oh, my God. Oh, my... 112 00:04:19,818 --> 00:04:21,819 - listen to it. Lindsay just tells all. 113 00:04:21,854 --> 00:04:22,954 Oh, yeah. 114 00:04:22,989 --> 00:04:24,755 Tina fey. 115 00:04:24,790 --> 00:04:26,791 You growing your hair out forJesus Christ superstar? 116 00:04:26,825 --> 00:04:28,126 That's really cool. It looks great. 117 00:04:28,160 --> 00:04:29,660 That's dedication. I love it. 118 00:04:29,695 --> 00:04:31,963 How about we celebrate my first night in college 119 00:04:31,998 --> 00:04:34,399 with a little... Finger sinning? 120 00:04:34,433 --> 00:04:35,566 You're so bad. 121 00:04:35,601 --> 00:04:36,634 - We could try for two. - Stop. 122 00:04:36,668 --> 00:04:37,935 I wanna try two. 123 00:04:37,970 --> 00:04:39,971 You wanna try two? Oh, my gosh. 124 00:04:40,006 --> 00:04:41,572 Adam. Adam. 125 00:04:41,607 --> 00:04:43,441 The student director of les mis, he's here. 126 00:04:43,476 --> 00:04:45,510 He actually came. Yes! 127 00:04:45,544 --> 00:04:47,745 Cranium? The children's game? 128 00:04:47,779 --> 00:04:48,846 No, thank you. 129 00:04:48,881 --> 00:04:50,148 This is great, dude. 130 00:04:50,182 --> 00:04:51,682 This is exactly why we threw the party. 131 00:04:51,717 --> 00:04:53,118 Oh, no, I can't do it, man. 132 00:04:53,152 --> 00:04:54,919 I'm gonna blow it again. I'm too nervous. 133 00:04:54,953 --> 00:04:56,121 Don't get nervous. 134 00:04:56,155 --> 00:04:58,523 Smoke a little chron-chron, my baby. 135 00:04:58,557 --> 00:05:00,191 I've never tried it. 136 00:05:00,226 --> 00:05:03,495 I have a bevy of mixers off-campus to attend. 137 00:05:03,529 --> 00:05:05,497 Do you know about off-campus? 138 00:05:05,531 --> 00:05:06,564 Or are you only aware of the world 139 00:05:06,598 --> 00:05:07,999 immediately in front of you? 140 00:05:08,034 --> 00:05:10,068 Yes, look at that, it's time for me to go. 141 00:05:10,102 --> 00:05:11,403 It's showtime, bro-time. 142 00:05:11,437 --> 00:05:14,939 Uh, actually, wait right here. 143 00:05:14,973 --> 00:05:16,674 [Knock on door] Uhoh, guys, 144 00:05:16,708 --> 00:05:19,411 I wonder who's knick-knocking on our door. 145 00:05:19,445 --> 00:05:21,712 Who's here right now? This is weird, because 146 00:05:21,747 --> 00:05:23,748 all my friends are here. Is it... 147 00:05:23,782 --> 00:05:27,352 [Gasps] The Napoleon dynamite? 148 00:05:27,386 --> 00:05:30,755 [Imitating Napoleon dynamite] Gosh! Gosh... 149 00:05:30,789 --> 00:05:33,358 Gosh. 150 00:05:33,392 --> 00:05:34,559 Gosh! [Door shuts] 151 00:05:34,593 --> 00:05:36,961 Wow, he is a true talent. 152 00:05:36,995 --> 00:05:38,663 You should probably cast him 153 00:05:38,697 --> 00:05:39,730 in the miserable lesbian play you're doing. 154 00:05:39,765 --> 00:05:40,731 Mm, no. 155 00:05:40,766 --> 00:05:42,700 Come on, Tina, eat your dinner, 156 00:05:42,734 --> 00:05:44,635 you fat tub of lard! 157 00:05:44,670 --> 00:05:46,304 From the movie! Tina, from the mo... 158 00:05:46,338 --> 00:05:48,706 [applause] - Thanks. Vote for Pedro. 159 00:05:48,740 --> 00:05:49,974 That was a funny part... "liger." 160 00:05:50,008 --> 00:05:51,042 What the hell is going on in here? 161 00:05:51,077 --> 00:05:52,743 Why is everyone clapping? 162 00:05:52,778 --> 00:05:54,546 Is that music? Chill out, man. 163 00:05:54,580 --> 00:05:56,914 Take a seat, grab a beer. You know what? It's 9:30, 164 00:05:56,949 --> 00:05:58,649 and you live on the swim team floor. 165 00:05:58,684 --> 00:06:01,219 We hit the water at 6:00 A.M. for an 800 skip 'em. 166 00:06:01,253 --> 00:06:03,221 Which means lights out at 10:00. 167 00:06:03,255 --> 00:06:05,056 Which tells me you need to brush your teeth 168 00:06:05,091 --> 00:06:06,291 and get on your jammy-jams. 169 00:06:06,325 --> 00:06:08,093 Hey, come on, man. 170 00:06:08,127 --> 00:06:09,660 [A LA Napoleon dynamite] You're being a frikkin' idiot! 171 00:06:09,695 --> 00:06:10,962 I'm not an idiot. I'm a smart person. 172 00:06:10,996 --> 00:06:12,097 Everybody out of here. Come on! 173 00:06:12,131 --> 00:06:13,364 See you at class tomorrow. 174 00:06:13,399 --> 00:06:15,333 I'm remembering all your faces. 175 00:06:15,367 --> 00:06:17,569 Scanning them now. 176 00:06:17,603 --> 00:06:19,404 Hey, babe. 177 00:06:19,438 --> 00:06:21,872 Um, I'll just drive home and come back next weekend. 178 00:06:21,907 --> 00:06:24,442 I swear to you, next weekend... 179 00:06:24,477 --> 00:06:28,012 I'm gonna finger bang you so good... I swear to God. 180 00:06:28,046 --> 00:06:30,081 Or other stuff, you know. It depen... 181 00:06:30,116 --> 00:06:32,049 whatever you want to... okay. How do you feel? 182 00:06:32,084 --> 00:06:33,684 That girl's probably gonna kill herself 183 00:06:33,719 --> 00:06:34,952 because I don't get to finger bang her. 184 00:06:34,987 --> 00:06:36,821 - Sure. - Yeah, what the heck, man! 185 00:06:36,855 --> 00:06:38,456 I was just about to do the tetherball scene! 186 00:06:38,491 --> 00:06:39,690 And then you came in and made me look like 187 00:06:39,725 --> 00:06:41,326 an amateur in front of my director. 188 00:06:41,360 --> 00:06:42,760 Yeah, you're crampin' our stees. 189 00:06:42,794 --> 00:06:44,295 You know what's amateur? 190 00:06:44,330 --> 00:06:45,896 Doing a Napoleon dynamite impression 191 00:06:45,931 --> 00:06:48,199 and not wearing moon boots. Oh... 192 00:06:48,234 --> 00:06:49,767 Welcome to college... Again. 193 00:06:49,801 --> 00:06:51,603 Lights out, girls. 194 00:06:51,637 --> 00:06:53,838 Lights out. Holmvik. 195 00:06:53,872 --> 00:06:56,807 You shut down that party? Oh, hey, Lance, yeah. 196 00:06:56,842 --> 00:06:58,376 Dude, I went in there, and I was, like, 197 00:06:58,410 --> 00:06:59,910 [imitates explosion] "Who's clapping? 198 00:06:59,945 --> 00:07:01,812 Why are you clapping?" Then I heard music, 199 00:07:01,847 --> 00:07:03,214 and I couldn't find it at first, but then I found it... 200 00:07:03,249 --> 00:07:05,082 I shut it off, so we can hit the hay. 201 00:07:05,117 --> 00:07:06,618 Actually, me and the distance guys are 202 00:07:06,652 --> 00:07:07,918 getting in there first thing in the morning, 203 00:07:07,953 --> 00:07:09,154 so you need to run down to the pool 204 00:07:09,188 --> 00:07:10,721 and change the lanes to short course. 205 00:07:10,756 --> 00:07:12,056 Wait, what if... 206 00:07:12,090 --> 00:07:13,724 what if we woke up some of the freshmen 207 00:07:13,759 --> 00:07:15,326 and made them do it? Freak 'em out, right? 208 00:07:15,361 --> 00:07:17,495 And go, "you gotta go change the Lane lines now!" 209 00:07:17,530 --> 00:07:19,764 - Is that a joke? - No. 210 00:07:19,798 --> 00:07:21,098 Dude, you know that hazing is a really serious offense? 211 00:07:21,133 --> 00:07:22,967 - Right. - If I wanted a joke, 212 00:07:23,001 --> 00:07:24,602 I would turn on mind of mencia, 213 00:07:24,637 --> 00:07:26,638 and I would just laugh my shaft off. 214 00:07:26,672 --> 00:07:29,174 All right, well, I'll just, uh... 215 00:07:29,208 --> 00:07:30,308 I'll go change those Lane lines. 216 00:07:30,342 --> 00:07:31,409 Yeah. Thanks, man. Oh-ho! 217 00:07:31,443 --> 00:07:32,877 - Ow. - And you know what? 218 00:07:32,911 --> 00:07:33,978 You should probably lay off the enchiladas 219 00:07:34,012 --> 00:07:36,247 in the caf. Oh, okay. 220 00:07:36,282 --> 00:07:39,284 I will... If you do. 221 00:07:39,318 --> 00:07:40,451 'Cause I think you need to lay off 222 00:07:40,486 --> 00:07:42,387 the enchiladas in the caf. 223 00:07:42,421 --> 00:07:44,322 No, Holmvik, I'm not joking. 224 00:07:44,356 --> 00:07:47,825 You're growing tits. 225 00:07:47,859 --> 00:07:50,161 Oh, all right... 226 00:07:50,196 --> 00:07:52,263 I'll lay off. 227 00:07:58,215 --> 00:08:02,336 Guy totally ruined my dynamite Napoleon impression. 228 00:08:02,585 --> 00:08:04,453 [Sighs] Now what? 229 00:08:04,487 --> 00:08:06,355 I'm working on Shrek, but... 230 00:08:06,389 --> 00:08:09,292 [Imitating Shrek's brogue] It's years away, donkey. 231 00:08:09,326 --> 00:08:13,342 Jesus Christ... You ooze talent. 232 00:08:13,748 --> 00:08:15,516 That was disgusting. 233 00:08:15,550 --> 00:08:17,217 And I can't even concentrate on that 234 00:08:17,251 --> 00:08:19,085 because I'm too busy hating that dude. 235 00:08:19,120 --> 00:08:20,654 I don't blame the guy, though. 236 00:08:20,688 --> 00:08:22,455 He's cranky 'cause he has to wake up so early 237 00:08:22,490 --> 00:08:23,857 for swim practice. 238 00:08:23,892 --> 00:08:25,878 You know what? 239 00:08:26,174 --> 00:08:29,344 Maybe we need to make it so that he never, ever wakes up 240 00:08:29,378 --> 00:08:31,011 for swim practice again. 241 00:08:31,046 --> 00:08:34,882 One time I went swimming in, like, the neighbor's pool 242 00:08:34,916 --> 00:08:36,684 when they had just shocked it with chlorine. 243 00:08:36,719 --> 00:08:38,620 My skin got all fiery red, 244 00:08:38,654 --> 00:08:40,521 and my hair straightened out for, like, a month. 245 00:08:40,556 --> 00:08:42,523 When I was a toddler, I actually fell 246 00:08:42,558 --> 00:08:44,559 into a washing machine full of bleach, 247 00:08:44,593 --> 00:08:45,993 and I didn't get itchy at all. 248 00:08:46,027 --> 00:08:49,297 I did die, though... For, like, four minutes. 249 00:08:49,331 --> 00:08:50,965 The doctors said they couldn't believe 250 00:08:50,999 --> 00:08:52,700 how much brain damage I didn't get. 251 00:08:52,735 --> 00:08:54,669 They were, like, really impressed. 252 00:08:54,703 --> 00:08:57,305 That was fun. You wanna do another story battle? 253 00:08:57,339 --> 00:08:59,574 I kicked your ass. 254 00:08:59,608 --> 00:09:00,908 No. I just brought that up because I thought 255 00:09:00,942 --> 00:09:03,344 we could maybe shock this pool. 256 00:09:03,379 --> 00:09:05,580 Good ide... you should have just said that. 257 00:09:05,614 --> 00:09:06,814 Now we're talking. 258 00:09:06,848 --> 00:09:08,983 One of these has got to do the trick. 259 00:09:09,017 --> 00:09:12,587 There's, like, 60 more back there, man. 260 00:09:12,621 --> 00:09:13,888 All right. 261 00:09:13,922 --> 00:09:15,523 You think this is funny? 262 00:09:15,557 --> 00:09:18,225 I just send you down to change the lanes, 263 00:09:18,260 --> 00:09:19,527 and you poison the whole team? 264 00:09:19,561 --> 00:09:21,362 Look at Freddy. 265 00:09:21,397 --> 00:09:23,431 I didn't do this. I swear. 266 00:09:23,465 --> 00:09:24,666 And you know what, I'm not ready to lose 267 00:09:24,700 --> 00:09:26,066 to another [Bleep] vanderkaay, 268 00:09:26,101 --> 00:09:27,602 so, Anders... 269 00:09:27,636 --> 00:09:29,837 There's a chain of command in swimming, 270 00:09:29,871 --> 00:09:32,373 and you are off the chain. Thank you. 271 00:09:32,408 --> 00:09:35,743 No, I mean that you're off the team. 272 00:09:35,778 --> 00:09:38,913 - What? Coach? - Empty out your locker. 273 00:09:38,947 --> 00:09:41,416 You're gone! 274 00:09:41,450 --> 00:09:43,318 Get your tits off this deck! 275 00:09:43,352 --> 00:09:46,086 - Softy. The big softy. - Mm-hmm. 276 00:09:46,121 --> 00:09:48,690 Hey, there. What's the matter? 277 00:09:48,724 --> 00:09:50,792 Swim practice canceled? 278 00:09:50,826 --> 00:09:53,160 Uh, yeah. 279 00:09:53,195 --> 00:09:55,330 That's cool. At least you get to sleep in, right? 280 00:09:55,364 --> 00:09:58,633 Actually, they, um... They kicked me off the team 281 00:09:58,667 --> 00:10:01,803 and took my scholarship, so... 282 00:10:01,837 --> 00:10:03,237 I'm kinda screwed since my dad's making me 283 00:10:03,271 --> 00:10:05,906 pay my way through school. Whatever. 284 00:10:05,941 --> 00:10:09,510 Ex-jock coming through. Heads up. 285 00:10:09,545 --> 00:10:11,612 [Knock on door] 286 00:10:11,647 --> 00:10:14,014 Hey, we just wanted to check on you 287 00:10:14,049 --> 00:10:15,783 because you were crying pretty hard in the shower. 288 00:10:15,818 --> 00:10:17,852 Frosh dogs, get in here and help me 289 00:10:17,886 --> 00:10:19,420 Polish off this case, 290 00:10:19,455 --> 00:10:21,422 seeing as that I'm not even your R.A. Anymore. 291 00:10:21,457 --> 00:10:23,057 - All right. - Yeah, come on in. 292 00:10:23,091 --> 00:10:25,526 These were actually our beers from before, so... 293 00:10:25,561 --> 00:10:27,061 - oh, these are yours? - Yeah, these are ours. 294 00:10:27,095 --> 00:10:28,596 Sorry. 295 00:10:28,630 --> 00:10:31,065 So you guys wanna make a toast or something? 296 00:10:31,099 --> 00:10:33,868 To... Uh... Let's get drunk! 297 00:10:33,902 --> 00:10:35,903 - Yeah! - Now we're talkin'. 298 00:10:35,937 --> 00:10:37,238 All right! 299 00:10:37,272 --> 00:10:38,272 One, two, three, chug race. 300 00:10:38,306 --> 00:10:40,508 All: Chug race! 301 00:10:40,542 --> 00:10:42,677 You chug it, boy. Chug it! 302 00:10:42,711 --> 00:10:45,380 This is a wrestling figure-four, baby! 303 00:10:45,414 --> 00:10:48,883 Oh... Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. 304 00:10:48,917 --> 00:10:52,687 ♪ You work at a smile and you go for a ride ♪ 305 00:10:52,721 --> 00:10:56,991 ♪ you had a bad day, the camera don't lie ♪ 306 00:10:57,025 --> 00:10:58,593 ♪ you're coming back down 307 00:10:58,627 --> 00:11:00,194 ♪ and you really don't mind. [Belches] 308 00:11:00,228 --> 00:11:03,330 ♪ You had a bad day [Laughter] 309 00:11:03,365 --> 00:11:05,466 ♪ You had a bad day 310 00:11:05,501 --> 00:11:08,035 yeah, I just... you know, I gotta go. 311 00:11:08,069 --> 00:11:12,840 I gotta get going, so... Um... Thanks... 312 00:11:12,875 --> 00:11:14,208 And good-bye forever. 313 00:11:14,242 --> 00:11:16,210 Yeah, bye forever. 314 00:11:16,244 --> 00:11:17,545 Bye forever. 315 00:11:17,579 --> 00:11:18,880 Yep. 316 00:11:18,914 --> 00:11:22,016 [Sighs] Pbbbbbbb... 317 00:11:22,050 --> 00:11:23,684 So that guy's gonna kill himself, right? 318 00:11:23,719 --> 00:11:25,019 - Yeah. Mm-hmm. - All right. 319 00:11:25,053 --> 00:11:27,722 We're throwing you a party. What? 320 00:11:27,756 --> 00:11:28,989 Yeah, we're throwing you a massive party 321 00:11:29,024 --> 00:11:30,324 that everybody's gonna come to. 322 00:11:30,358 --> 00:11:31,459 And we're gonna make enough money 323 00:11:31,493 --> 00:11:33,093 to keep you in school for now. 324 00:11:33,128 --> 00:11:35,129 - Like van Wilder? - Yeah, like a lot of movies. 325 00:11:35,163 --> 00:11:38,165 - I'm Teck. - All we need is beer... 326 00:11:38,199 --> 00:11:40,334 And drugs... And titties. 327 00:11:40,368 --> 00:11:42,503 You gots ta have some titties, baby. 328 00:11:42,538 --> 00:11:45,306 Well, I got one of those covered. 329 00:11:45,340 --> 00:11:47,007 Yeah, what is up with your moobs? 330 00:11:47,042 --> 00:11:50,478 What? Oh, no, I'm talking about booze. 331 00:11:52,247 --> 00:11:53,581 Confiscated. 332 00:11:53,615 --> 00:11:54,949 Seriously, though, about those titties... 333 00:11:54,983 --> 00:11:56,150 can I feel them? 334 00:11:56,184 --> 00:11:57,217 You know, a lot of people try 335 00:11:57,252 --> 00:11:58,252 and suck their own [Bleep]. 336 00:11:58,286 --> 00:11:59,954 I could titty [Bleep] myself. 337 00:12:06,265 --> 00:12:08,600 ♪ Chick do what? 338 00:12:08,634 --> 00:12:11,469 [Hip-hop music] 339 00:12:11,504 --> 00:12:13,104 ♪ 340 00:12:17,577 --> 00:12:20,012 party police. There's still another party. 341 00:12:20,046 --> 00:12:22,081 Whoa, check it out, man, it's gonna be cool. 342 00:12:22,115 --> 00:12:25,117 - Party police! - Gonna party tonight. 343 00:12:25,151 --> 00:12:26,985 Party police! Everybody stop... 344 00:12:27,020 --> 00:12:28,220 give me that smirnoff ice! 345 00:12:28,254 --> 00:12:30,022 If you guys want to party, 346 00:12:30,056 --> 00:12:31,323 there will be a school-sanctioned rager. 347 00:12:31,357 --> 00:12:35,327 $5. You can get all your booze back. 348 00:12:35,361 --> 00:12:37,329 We're party policemen! Give us your booze! 349 00:12:37,363 --> 00:12:39,364 So what now? I mean, why are we here? 350 00:12:39,398 --> 00:12:41,333 Oh, we're looking for a drug dealer. 351 00:12:41,367 --> 00:12:43,335 You know, my theater department colleagues, 352 00:12:43,369 --> 00:12:44,870 they swear by this guy. Cool. 353 00:12:44,904 --> 00:12:46,671 - All right. - Let's do it. 354 00:12:46,706 --> 00:12:47,773 We'll probably have to get really high 355 00:12:47,807 --> 00:12:49,790 just to get through the day. 356 00:12:49,910 --> 00:12:52,010 Hey! Hey, what are you doing? 357 00:12:52,045 --> 00:12:53,712 Sorry. I'm sorry. 358 00:12:53,747 --> 00:12:55,614 That's people's work. You can't graffiti here. 359 00:12:55,648 --> 00:12:58,016 - Hey, [Bleep] You! - Oh, we got a clever one. 360 00:12:58,051 --> 00:12:59,517 Hey, what's your name? 361 00:12:59,552 --> 00:13:02,087 Look out, I'll get him. 362 00:13:04,157 --> 00:13:06,591 Looks about right. 363 00:13:08,561 --> 00:13:10,595 You mean genius. 364 00:13:10,630 --> 00:13:13,165 - Hey, wait. - Wait! 365 00:13:13,199 --> 00:13:14,299 We just want to buy some weed. 366 00:13:14,333 --> 00:13:15,968 Weed? 367 00:13:16,002 --> 00:13:18,403 Oh, hell, yeah, bitch. 368 00:13:18,437 --> 00:13:20,973 I'll attack you with my butterfly kisses. 369 00:13:21,007 --> 00:13:22,908 You guys, we've already got a couple thousand bucks. 370 00:13:22,942 --> 00:13:24,209 This party's going great! 371 00:13:24,244 --> 00:13:26,245 Whoa, nice. 372 00:13:26,279 --> 00:13:28,446 - I need a drink. - Awesome. I love you so much. 373 00:13:28,481 --> 00:13:30,149 Get me a beer, woman! 374 00:13:30,183 --> 00:13:32,918 I'm like my dad. He talks that way to my mom. 375 00:13:32,952 --> 00:13:35,254 - Your dad talks like that? - Yeah. 376 00:13:35,288 --> 00:13:38,690 Oh! Guys, I'm not gonna lie, I am so nervous. 377 00:13:38,724 --> 00:13:40,159 I invited Fritz here and, you know, 378 00:13:40,193 --> 00:13:42,494 he's already seen that I can do comedy, 379 00:13:42,528 --> 00:13:44,629 so I prepared a dramatic piece for him. 380 00:13:44,664 --> 00:13:47,132 So I'm gonna do this stirring monologue 381 00:13:47,167 --> 00:13:51,170 from Tim curry in the quintessential film Congo. 382 00:13:51,204 --> 00:13:52,776 It's an American classic. Mmhmm. 383 00:13:52,794 --> 00:13:54,334 You have no reason to be nervous. 384 00:13:54,353 --> 00:13:56,741 I'm the one who's about to propose to my girlfriend. 385 00:13:56,776 --> 00:13:58,944 - What? - A lifelong commitment. 386 00:13:58,978 --> 00:14:00,245 You're joking, right? 387 00:14:00,280 --> 00:14:03,115 I don't joke about love, Anders. 388 00:14:03,149 --> 00:14:04,035 [Correcting] On-ders. 389 00:14:04,097 --> 00:14:05,097 I used to cut myself 390 00:14:05,132 --> 00:14:06,165 to dashboard confessional. 391 00:14:06,200 --> 00:14:07,967 I love love, okay? 392 00:14:08,001 --> 00:14:09,369 Um, here's a joke. 393 00:14:09,403 --> 00:14:11,738 What did three girls say to the one dude? 394 00:14:11,772 --> 00:14:15,342 So you, like, really love her. That's cool. 395 00:14:15,376 --> 00:14:17,544 Ehh, well, she's really the only chick 396 00:14:17,578 --> 00:14:19,646 that lets me make out with her until my tongue hurts. 397 00:14:19,680 --> 00:14:24,517 She's kind of my last shot at lifelong happiness. 398 00:14:24,552 --> 00:14:26,118 Wish me luck. 399 00:14:26,153 --> 00:14:28,888 All right. Don't blow it. [Chuckles] 400 00:14:28,922 --> 00:14:32,492 Don't blow it like I'm about to. 401 00:14:32,526 --> 00:14:34,961 Hey, buddy, I couldn't help but overhear 402 00:14:34,995 --> 00:14:37,230 you're being a little nervous Nelly Furtado. 403 00:14:37,264 --> 00:14:38,832 Yeah, I guess. 404 00:14:38,866 --> 00:14:41,434 - You need a friend? - Oh, nah. 405 00:14:41,469 --> 00:14:43,269 Bleh! No. Don't do it. 406 00:14:43,303 --> 00:14:45,505 Blake, try it once, man. Look at me, man. 407 00:14:45,539 --> 00:14:46,873 I got it all figured out, buddy. 408 00:14:46,907 --> 00:14:49,476 Did it cause your eye to do that, or... 409 00:14:49,510 --> 00:14:50,810 - no, I was born with that. - Oh, okay. 410 00:14:50,845 --> 00:14:52,278 Then, yeah, I'll give it a shot. 411 00:14:52,312 --> 00:14:53,980 Doesn't help, I'll tell you that much. 412 00:14:54,014 --> 00:14:57,417 - Where are my beers? - Oh! 413 00:14:57,451 --> 00:14:59,652 I was just looking for some cranberry juice. 414 00:14:59,687 --> 00:15:02,856 Well... Look no further. 415 00:15:06,126 --> 00:15:07,460 Will you marry me? 416 00:15:07,495 --> 00:15:10,397 Adam, are you... are you kidding? 417 00:15:10,431 --> 00:15:11,998 I'm 16. 418 00:15:12,032 --> 00:15:14,501 Debatably the sexiest age. 419 00:15:14,535 --> 00:15:16,736 We doing this or are you gonna pussy out on me? 420 00:15:16,771 --> 00:15:18,204 Chicken. 421 00:15:18,238 --> 00:15:21,508 Adam, no, I... I don't understand what... 422 00:15:21,542 --> 00:15:22,942 - or, I don't know, 423 00:15:22,976 --> 00:15:25,779 you can knock off all that God stuff, right? 424 00:15:25,813 --> 00:15:29,148 And just, pbbbbb... Fug me hard. 425 00:15:29,182 --> 00:15:31,384 - Well... - Hit that caboose. 426 00:15:31,419 --> 00:15:34,554 No, Adam, my faith means everything to me. 427 00:15:34,588 --> 00:15:36,188 Forever? 428 00:15:36,223 --> 00:15:38,491 I am not having sex until I'm married. 429 00:15:38,526 --> 00:15:42,495 Yeah, duh. You thick? 430 00:15:42,530 --> 00:15:44,063 You dumb-dumb. 431 00:15:44,097 --> 00:15:45,398 Obviously, that's why I'm proposing to you. 432 00:15:45,433 --> 00:15:46,933 You know what, Adam, 433 00:15:46,967 --> 00:15:48,601 I think we should take some time off. 434 00:15:48,636 --> 00:15:49,702 And I'll pray for you. 435 00:15:49,737 --> 00:15:52,004 You'll be in my prayers. 436 00:15:52,039 --> 00:15:53,773 You still want me to call you out of class on Tuesday? 437 00:15:53,808 --> 00:15:55,274 I'll take you to sonic. 438 00:15:55,309 --> 00:15:57,877 Wow, okay, you give your heart to someone, right? 439 00:15:57,912 --> 00:15:59,378 And they just rip it out 440 00:15:59,413 --> 00:16:01,581 and [Bleep] in the heart cavity area. 441 00:16:01,615 --> 00:16:03,783 College sucks. It's stupid. 442 00:16:03,818 --> 00:16:05,919 - Really? - Yeah. 443 00:16:05,953 --> 00:16:07,887 I'm having a really great time. 444 00:16:07,922 --> 00:16:09,489 Really? 445 00:16:09,523 --> 00:16:11,591 Of course, I'm from a boring small town 446 00:16:11,625 --> 00:16:15,628 with one stoplight, so this is... this is fun for me. 447 00:16:15,663 --> 00:16:19,098 How religious are you? 448 00:16:19,132 --> 00:16:21,434 I wish this was real. [Pistol clicks] 449 00:16:21,469 --> 00:16:23,570 [Laughter] He would have murdered her. 450 00:16:23,604 --> 00:16:25,505 Hey, it's Blake, right? 451 00:16:25,539 --> 00:16:27,874 Oh, [Bleep] Look at this. 452 00:16:27,908 --> 00:16:29,943 I saw you on campus earlier, and I've gotta say, 453 00:16:29,977 --> 00:16:32,846 pretty convincing French police officer. 454 00:16:32,880 --> 00:16:34,180 - Thank you. - How would you like to be 455 00:16:34,214 --> 00:16:36,082 the understudy of Javert 456 00:16:36,116 --> 00:16:39,452 in this year's production of les mis? 457 00:16:39,487 --> 00:16:40,887 Understudy. 458 00:16:40,921 --> 00:16:44,290 How 'bout, uh, you study under my nut sack? 459 00:16:44,324 --> 00:16:45,658 Oh! [Laughter] 460 00:16:45,693 --> 00:16:47,527 - Right under there. - There it is. 461 00:16:47,561 --> 00:16:49,929 - There it is. - Sorry, is that a no? 462 00:16:49,964 --> 00:16:54,033 Fritz, life... Is a stage. 463 00:16:54,067 --> 00:16:57,303 Smoke weed until you die. That's right. That's right. 464 00:16:57,337 --> 00:16:59,739 Now, why don't you go direct yourself over 465 00:16:59,773 --> 00:17:03,075 to the snack shack and get daddy some airheads? 466 00:17:03,110 --> 00:17:04,511 Bounce, man. 467 00:17:04,545 --> 00:17:06,513 Okay, I will bounce, thank you. 468 00:17:06,547 --> 00:17:07,947 - Bye. - That was good, man. 469 00:17:07,982 --> 00:17:09,849 Acting's for chicks, anyways. 470 00:17:09,884 --> 00:17:11,250 Yo, dudes, check it out. 471 00:17:11,284 --> 00:17:14,286 One semester in cash. We did it. 472 00:17:14,321 --> 00:17:15,922 Oh, man, that is so awesome 473 00:17:15,956 --> 00:17:19,091 because I was feeling very guilty about that. 474 00:17:19,126 --> 00:17:20,760 Why are you feeling guilty, man? 475 00:17:20,794 --> 00:17:23,897 - Well... - Poon! Poon! 476 00:17:23,931 --> 00:17:26,499 Whoo! I'm on the sex train! 477 00:17:26,534 --> 00:17:28,801 Oh, he's pounding the beef out of her. 478 00:17:28,836 --> 00:17:31,470 This is my life! This is my life right now! 479 00:17:31,505 --> 00:17:32,805 - Don't stop. - Whoo! 480 00:17:32,840 --> 00:17:35,207 - Welcome to college. - Pooooon! 481 00:17:35,242 --> 00:17:38,344 Oh! Aah! 482 00:17:38,378 --> 00:17:40,312 Oh, doin' her doggy... good night! 483 00:17:40,347 --> 00:17:46,385 My bad. Yo, guys, check me out. 484 00:17:46,420 --> 00:17:49,522 [Cheers, laughter] Dude... Yeah! 485 00:17:49,557 --> 00:17:51,123 [Laughs] 486 00:17:51,158 --> 00:17:53,960 You see that? That's my guy. 487 00:17:53,994 --> 00:17:56,295 This is everything I've ever wanted. 488 00:17:56,329 --> 00:17:57,730 That's it, I gotta do it. I'm next. 489 00:17:57,765 --> 00:17:59,331 I'm jumping off that thing next. Do it. 490 00:17:59,366 --> 00:18:02,134 No, you're not. This party's over. 491 00:18:02,169 --> 00:18:04,971 This pool is ours, and you guys all gotta get out of here. 492 00:18:05,005 --> 00:18:06,606 No, we're not going anywhere, okay. 493 00:18:06,640 --> 00:18:08,240 This party's gonna go all night, right? 494 00:18:08,275 --> 00:18:10,743 [All cheer] 495 00:18:10,778 --> 00:18:14,113 Yeah, all right, I could let the party ride out. 496 00:18:14,147 --> 00:18:15,582 Cool. Thanks. 497 00:18:15,616 --> 00:18:17,383 - If you pay me. - Hey! 498 00:18:17,417 --> 00:18:19,686 Oh, no, no, no, no. That's his money. 499 00:18:19,720 --> 00:18:21,287 We... we earned that. 500 00:18:21,321 --> 00:18:22,956 Lance, I'm not your bitch any more, all right? 501 00:18:22,990 --> 00:18:27,060 Give it back. Take it from me. 502 00:18:27,094 --> 00:18:28,962 I got a better idea. 503 00:18:28,996 --> 00:18:33,666 Why don't we settle this like men... And swim for it? 504 00:18:33,701 --> 00:18:35,234 Whoa! 505 00:18:39,873 --> 00:18:42,675 Whooooah... It that, like, a swimmer thing? 506 00:18:42,710 --> 00:18:44,811 No, I didn't expect him to do that also. 507 00:18:44,845 --> 00:18:45,979 Damn it. 508 00:18:46,013 --> 00:18:47,914 ♪ Skinny boy's in the place 509 00:18:52,867 --> 00:18:56,103 that's it, Holmvik, you're about to get lapped. 510 00:18:56,137 --> 00:18:57,405 Suck my wake. 511 00:18:57,439 --> 00:18:59,840 God, swimming trash talk is horrible. 512 00:18:59,874 --> 00:19:03,644 Okay, now we're gonna, uh, do the swim race. 513 00:19:03,679 --> 00:19:07,080 In three, two... 514 00:19:07,115 --> 00:19:08,416 Go, start swimming now! 515 00:19:08,450 --> 00:19:10,250 - Yeah. - Yeah! 516 00:19:10,285 --> 00:19:13,321 [Cheers and applause] 517 00:19:13,355 --> 00:19:15,289 Swimming! Yeah. 518 00:19:15,324 --> 00:19:20,494 Go, Anders. Go, Anders! 519 00:19:20,529 --> 00:19:21,995 Go, Anders! 520 00:19:22,030 --> 00:19:23,831 Come on, Anders! 521 00:19:28,770 --> 00:19:30,538 I thought that was gonna be it. 522 00:19:30,572 --> 00:19:32,039 This is a lot of swimming. Yeah, I mean... 523 00:19:32,073 --> 00:19:34,074 - how much longer do we have to watch this? 524 00:19:34,108 --> 00:19:37,177 This is boring. Wanna smoke some weed? 525 00:19:37,212 --> 00:19:38,546 Yes, I will do anything 526 00:19:38,580 --> 00:19:40,348 besides watch these two naked dudes swim. 527 00:19:40,382 --> 00:19:43,116 All right, everybody stay right where you are. 528 00:19:43,151 --> 00:19:47,020 - Oh... No... no running. - Stop! 529 00:19:47,055 --> 00:19:48,556 No running. 530 00:19:48,590 --> 00:19:50,524 Hey, tell everybody that we threw this party. 531 00:19:50,559 --> 00:19:52,426 All right, let's go, Anders, you got this. 532 00:19:52,461 --> 00:19:53,594 You versus you. 533 00:19:53,628 --> 00:19:55,563 Oh, all right. Hey. Ow. 534 00:19:55,597 --> 00:19:58,699 - Okay. Jesus. - Did I win? 535 00:19:58,734 --> 00:20:01,369 Kicked off campus. 536 00:20:01,403 --> 00:20:03,070 Wow, I did not see that coming. 537 00:20:03,104 --> 00:20:05,539 Whatever, man. Who wants to live in the dorms anyways? 538 00:20:05,574 --> 00:20:08,509 It sucks. Now we can party like last night every night. 539 00:20:08,543 --> 00:20:10,277 I'm gonna drink and have sex so much 540 00:20:10,311 --> 00:20:12,380 I'm probably gonna puke out my dick! 541 00:20:12,414 --> 00:20:13,947 - Yeah. - Yeah! 542 00:20:13,982 --> 00:20:16,684 Yeah, okay, well, living off-campus is expensive. 543 00:20:16,718 --> 00:20:17,951 We might as well check out one of these jobs. 544 00:20:17,986 --> 00:20:19,420 Hello. Hello. 545 00:20:19,454 --> 00:20:20,855 Oh, hi, guys. 546 00:20:20,889 --> 00:20:23,791 I hope you'll consider applying to Telamericorp. 547 00:20:23,825 --> 00:20:26,627 You know, telemarketing can be a very lucrative 548 00:20:26,661 --> 00:20:28,696 part-time job for a student. 549 00:20:28,730 --> 00:20:30,598 - Ha ha, no, thanks. - Yeah. 550 00:20:30,632 --> 00:20:32,299 I don't think we need to be on the phones, 551 00:20:32,333 --> 00:20:34,535 cold-calling strangers and selling steak knives or... 552 00:20:34,569 --> 00:20:35,770 I don't know what you do. - Yeah. 553 00:20:35,804 --> 00:20:37,705 We have our whole lives ahead of us, 554 00:20:37,739 --> 00:20:41,041 which are more than likely gonna be sick! 555 00:20:41,075 --> 00:20:42,309 Yeah. [Laughter] 556 00:20:42,343 --> 00:20:43,778 Do you guys drug test? 557 00:20:43,812 --> 00:20:45,012 - Yeah. - Of course. 558 00:20:45,046 --> 00:20:46,647 Oh! [Laughter] 559 00:20:46,681 --> 00:20:48,516 Oh, hey! That was... 560 00:20:48,550 --> 00:20:51,118 see, I told you that would happen if you wore that. 561 00:20:51,152 --> 00:20:53,353 Is it cool if I just hang out with you guys here? 562 00:20:53,388 --> 00:20:55,322 Nice! 563 00:20:55,356 --> 00:20:57,458 [Snorting, party horn blows] 564 00:20:57,460 --> 00:21:02,460 Sync and corrections by Sp8ky for www.Addic7ed.Com