1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:01,519 Previously on Weeds... 2 00:00:01,620 --> 00:00:02,784 Da fuck? 3 00:00:02,904 --> 00:00:04,380 What's the matter with you, man? Are you on drugs? 4 00:00:04,464 --> 00:00:06,943 My parents have been drugging me since I was 13. 5 00:00:07,063 --> 00:00:08,631 Just give me my plants, man. 6 00:00:08,665 --> 00:00:11,066 Um, do you have plans tonight? 7 00:00:11,101 --> 00:00:13,335 Are you asking me out while your hand is on my boob? 8 00:00:13,370 --> 00:00:14,924 If you can catch me, you can fuck me. 9 00:00:14,958 --> 00:00:16,708 Yeah, I'll get my skates. 10 00:00:16,743 --> 00:00:18,782 I was having sex with this woman at the derby rink. 11 00:00:18,817 --> 00:00:21,119 You broke up with me. 12 00:00:21,153 --> 00:00:22,187 Is this real-life? 13 00:00:22,221 --> 00:00:23,122 No. You're dreaming. 14 00:00:23,156 --> 00:00:24,458 Now go harder. 15 00:00:24,492 --> 00:00:25,831 What the fuck?! 16 00:00:25,866 --> 00:00:27,168 I guess we're even. 17 00:00:27,203 --> 00:00:28,869 Please go back to screwing Andy. 18 00:00:28,903 --> 00:00:30,603 We have no money. 19 00:00:30,638 --> 00:00:32,134 Doug's cash is all tied up in that fake charity, 20 00:00:32,168 --> 00:00:34,454 and, uh, you and Andy don't make dick. 21 00:00:34,488 --> 00:00:36,325 - We're really broke? - Yeah. 22 00:00:36,359 --> 00:00:37,891 Maybe it's the bullet? 23 00:00:37,925 --> 00:00:39,716 I don't know -- this just isn't me anymore. 24 00:00:39,750 --> 00:00:41,452 I'm gonna need you to buy me out. 25 00:00:41,487 --> 00:00:44,484 I can't keep making the same choices. 26 00:01:40,086 --> 00:01:45,818 Sync by honeybunny Corrections by gloriabg www.addic7ed.com 27 00:01:45,938 --> 00:01:50,894 Something that keeps me busy, maybe with flexible hours. 28 00:01:50,928 --> 00:01:52,029 I have a young son. 29 00:01:52,063 --> 00:01:55,700 - Mm. - But I'm open. I want to work. 30 00:01:55,734 --> 00:01:58,703 Wow. You really can't see a mark. 31 00:01:58,737 --> 00:01:59,797 Sorry? 32 00:01:59,917 --> 00:02:03,040 Oh, where you got shot. I just expected something bigger. 33 00:02:03,075 --> 00:02:05,389 I mean not, like, a huge, gaping hole, but I don't know. 34 00:02:05,509 --> 00:02:08,179 A dent, a spider crack. 35 00:02:08,213 --> 00:02:10,615 Oh, uh, my secretary found that article about you 36 00:02:10,649 --> 00:02:11,763 in the Old Sandwich Press. 37 00:02:11,883 --> 00:02:13,784 You know, we, uh -- we pre-screen everyone who -- 38 00:02:13,819 --> 00:02:15,642 who makes an appointment, so... 39 00:02:16,060 --> 00:02:18,490 I need a job, Mr. Burks. 40 00:02:20,225 --> 00:02:24,162 Listen, we're a high-level executive search firm, 41 00:02:24,197 --> 00:02:27,223 so we deal with C.E.O.s, C.F.O.s, C.O.O.-- 44 00:02:32,602 --> 00:02:35,141 I mean, I was -- you know, I was curious. 45 00:02:35,175 --> 00:02:38,077 It was a mistake. I'm sorry. Mea culpa. 46 00:02:38,111 --> 00:02:40,012 Then make it right. 47 00:02:40,047 --> 00:02:43,684 I've worked with C.E.O.s, C.F.O.s. 48 00:02:43,718 --> 00:02:48,055 I've led my own sales team, marketing, re-branding. 49 00:02:48,090 --> 00:02:49,657 I-I... 50 00:02:51,226 --> 00:02:52,793 Just tell me who to talk to. 51 00:02:52,828 --> 00:02:54,728 Just point me in the right direction. 52 00:02:54,763 --> 00:02:58,565 Hey, shake the trees, put yourself out there, 53 00:02:58,600 --> 00:03:01,970 and, uh, keep your head down. 54 00:03:09,379 --> 00:03:11,146 How long you been standing here? 55 00:03:11,181 --> 00:03:13,716 You always hum "Hava nagila" when you jerk off? 56 00:03:13,751 --> 00:03:14,717 Ha ha ha. 57 00:03:18,989 --> 00:03:21,791 You can't make me feel any guiltier about screwing Doug. 58 00:03:21,826 --> 00:03:23,627 It was weeks ago. 59 00:03:23,661 --> 00:03:25,729 And if you think it was bad for you, 60 00:03:25,763 --> 00:03:27,898 imagine what it was like for me. 61 00:03:27,932 --> 00:03:29,767 I'm pregnant. 62 00:03:35,908 --> 00:03:38,710 Well... I wish you both the best. 63 00:03:38,744 --> 00:03:40,345 I'm sure you and Doug will have a great baby 64 00:03:40,379 --> 00:03:41,813 and a great life together. 65 00:03:41,847 --> 00:03:44,149 Now I'm gonna go lay under a blanket. 66 00:03:44,183 --> 00:03:46,051 It's not Doug's. 67 00:03:46,085 --> 00:03:48,554 Andy? 68 00:03:48,588 --> 00:03:51,824 You're sweating. 69 00:03:51,858 --> 00:03:54,360 There's a very real lack of air flow in this hallway. 70 00:03:54,394 --> 00:03:56,762 There's, like, nothing coming out of these vents. 71 00:03:56,797 --> 00:03:57,863 Nothing. 72 00:03:57,898 --> 00:03:59,632 That's a return. 73 00:03:59,666 --> 00:04:00,933 Oh. 74 00:04:00,968 --> 00:04:02,969 Well, you've got it all figured out. 75 00:04:03,003 --> 00:04:04,571 I've got nothing figured out. 76 00:04:04,605 --> 00:04:05,805 And when I said it wasn't Doug's, 77 00:04:05,840 --> 00:04:08,108 that's just a guess -- a hope, really. 78 00:04:08,142 --> 00:04:13,280 But I'm... almost for sure pregnant. 79 00:04:13,314 --> 00:04:16,282 At least it feels that way. 80 00:04:16,317 --> 00:04:18,151 Mazel tov? 81 00:04:47,820 --> 00:04:52,457 Got to love organized chaos. 82 00:04:52,492 --> 00:04:56,661 Yeah. They're like molecules all bouncing around. 83 00:04:56,695 --> 00:05:00,125 Or tripping themselves, in the case of my son. 84 00:05:00,245 --> 00:05:02,233 Shake it off, champ! 85 00:05:02,268 --> 00:05:04,198 Uh, maybe there was a sprinkler head? 86 00:05:04,318 --> 00:05:06,603 If only. But thank you. 87 00:05:07,179 --> 00:05:08,346 I'm, uh -- I'm Terry. 88 00:05:08,380 --> 00:05:09,548 Nancy. 89 00:05:11,626 --> 00:05:14,153 Gonna have to make a citizen's arrest. 90 00:05:14,188 --> 00:05:15,930 Excuse me? 91 00:05:16,158 --> 00:05:17,523 The hand-off? 92 00:05:17,558 --> 00:05:20,427 - You should have hid it in the magazine. - Oh. 93 00:05:20,547 --> 00:05:21,828 That's what that looked like? 94 00:05:22,322 --> 00:05:23,289 Oh, boy. 95 00:05:23,323 --> 00:05:24,424 Oh, no. Relax. 96 00:05:24,458 --> 00:05:26,259 It's none of my business. 97 00:05:26,293 --> 00:05:27,927 No, no, no, no. No, no. 98 00:05:27,962 --> 00:05:29,596 It's... 99 00:05:29,630 --> 00:05:32,686 Frank's got a prostate the size of a V.W. 100 00:05:32,806 --> 00:05:35,717 The guy next to him, Rog, he's got a, uh, fungus 101 00:05:35,814 --> 00:05:38,501 that I shouldn't speak about in mixed company, 102 00:05:38,621 --> 00:05:39,653 but it's not good. 103 00:05:39,773 --> 00:05:43,666 Prostiflo for Frank, Zycopril for Rog. 104 00:05:43,786 --> 00:05:44,690 Oh, so it's Dr. Terry. 105 00:05:45,368 --> 00:05:47,659 Not exactly. 106 00:05:53,192 --> 00:05:54,964 You're the biggest drug dealer in town. 107 00:05:55,667 --> 00:05:58,034 Yeah. Legal one, anyway. 108 00:05:58,638 --> 00:06:00,839 Care for a juice box? 109 00:06:00,874 --> 00:06:03,877 Thank you. 110 00:06:18,694 --> 00:06:20,161 Jabberwocky! 111 00:06:20,195 --> 00:06:21,462 10.78 seconds. 112 00:06:22,831 --> 00:06:24,698 Oh, hey, Silas. Do you like sport stacking? 113 00:06:24,732 --> 00:06:26,399 What the fuck? 114 00:06:26,519 --> 00:06:28,535 Do you want to try a cycle? 115 00:06:28,570 --> 00:06:30,004 Want to try a cycle? 116 00:06:30,038 --> 00:06:32,873 I've been looking for you for three weeks. 117 00:06:32,908 --> 00:06:34,942 - I've been checking in on Foursquare. - Yeah, I got that. 118 00:06:34,976 --> 00:06:38,011 Now, nutballs, you stole my plants. 119 00:06:38,046 --> 00:06:39,680 And that's a total "my bad." 120 00:06:39,714 --> 00:06:41,148 But the good news is, I'm back on my meds, 121 00:06:41,182 --> 00:06:42,983 so that won't happen again. 122 00:06:43,017 --> 00:06:44,718 - Where are they? - They're, like, locked in a cabinet somewhere. 123 00:06:44,752 --> 00:06:46,219 The nurse distributes them twice a day, so -- 124 00:06:46,254 --> 00:06:47,554 My plants. 125 00:06:47,589 --> 00:06:48,756 Oh. 126 00:06:48,790 --> 00:06:50,557 They're in a closet at my parents' house. 127 00:06:50,592 --> 00:06:52,092 B-but they're fine. I left some lights on. 128 00:06:52,127 --> 00:06:53,928 Oh, you left a couple lights. 129 00:06:53,962 --> 00:06:55,229 Let's go. 130 00:06:55,264 --> 00:06:56,297 I'm still on psych hold. I can't go anywhere. 131 00:06:56,332 --> 00:06:57,599 Okay. 132 00:06:57,633 --> 00:06:59,567 Uh, why don't you tell me where your parents live, 133 00:06:59,601 --> 00:07:01,535 - and I'll go get them myself? - No way. 134 00:07:01,570 --> 00:07:03,371 My parents freak if one of my drug friends shows up. 135 00:07:05,073 --> 00:07:06,674 I need my plants. 136 00:07:06,708 --> 00:07:08,376 I don't know what to tell you. 137 00:07:08,410 --> 00:07:10,077 I'm really sorry, Silas. I-I wasn't myself. 138 00:07:10,112 --> 00:07:11,645 I mean I was myself. 139 00:07:11,680 --> 00:07:14,682 I just wasn't my -- my medicated self. I-I... 140 00:07:14,716 --> 00:07:17,385 Do you want to learn how to stack? 141 00:07:17,419 --> 00:07:20,688 Okay. Never mind. 142 00:07:22,257 --> 00:07:23,391 Spanked it. 143 00:07:23,425 --> 00:07:25,894 95%. Statutes are my bitch. 144 00:07:25,928 --> 00:07:27,529 97%. 145 00:07:27,563 --> 00:07:29,397 Spanked it, spanked you. 146 00:07:29,597 --> 00:07:30,797 Might even spank myself. I'm so good. 147 00:07:32,301 --> 00:07:33,969 Want to show me that tonight? 148 00:07:34,003 --> 00:07:35,770 I can bring over some burgers. 149 00:07:35,804 --> 00:07:37,772 Maybe your cheap ass should take me out to dinner. 150 00:07:37,806 --> 00:07:39,340 Attention, everyone. 151 00:07:39,374 --> 00:07:42,110 Well, except for a couple of you 152 00:07:42,144 --> 00:07:44,212 that fell outside the bell curve, 153 00:07:44,246 --> 00:07:46,948 I imagine you're all looking at your grades with disappointment. 154 00:07:46,982 --> 00:07:49,150 You're wondering why you're so stupid. 155 00:07:49,184 --> 00:07:51,952 I don't know. It is unfortunate. 156 00:07:51,987 --> 00:07:55,723 So, to help you combat that, I want you to write an essay. 157 00:07:55,757 --> 00:07:58,158 500 words due tomorrow morning -- 158 00:07:58,192 --> 00:08:00,594 "Why do I deserve to be a cop?" 159 00:08:00,628 --> 00:08:03,196 - Psst. - Yeah? 160 00:08:03,230 --> 00:08:06,899 Why you deserve to be a cop or I, like me? 161 00:08:06,934 --> 00:08:09,901 Whatever you think is best, Ronchetta. 162 00:08:09,936 --> 00:08:13,938 Now, I don't want to be here anymore. 163 00:08:17,943 --> 00:08:20,812 Bye, loser. 164 00:08:20,846 --> 00:08:22,346 Mets tickets down the drain. 165 00:08:22,380 --> 00:08:24,047 And it's Tejada bobblehead night. 166 00:08:24,082 --> 00:08:26,583 Man, I was gonna take my girl to B-Dubs. 167 00:08:26,617 --> 00:08:30,019 Something about eating hot wings just moves her juices. 168 00:08:31,487 --> 00:08:32,921 I'll write your essays. 169 00:08:34,223 --> 00:08:35,289 100 bucks each. 170 00:08:35,324 --> 00:08:37,625 100 bucks? 171 00:08:37,659 --> 00:08:39,359 Fuck off, Botwin. 172 00:08:39,394 --> 00:08:41,995 I'm just trying to help -- bobbleheads, juices. 173 00:08:43,596 --> 00:08:46,398 All right. 174 00:08:48,334 --> 00:08:50,268 Austin! Good! 175 00:08:50,302 --> 00:08:51,969 You won! Go out again, Ethan! 176 00:08:52,004 --> 00:08:54,805 They all hate me 'cause Stevie's so good. 177 00:08:54,840 --> 00:08:56,140 Mm-hmm. 178 00:08:56,175 --> 00:08:59,376 They hate me 'cause Kyle's so bad. 179 00:08:59,410 --> 00:09:01,378 That's why I give them the free samples -- 180 00:09:01,412 --> 00:09:02,879 so they'll play him. 181 00:09:02,914 --> 00:09:06,216 He's a born scientist like his dad. 182 00:09:06,250 --> 00:09:09,686 Yeah, well, we all have our talents. 183 00:09:09,721 --> 00:09:12,522 I used to be in the drug business, too -- sales. 184 00:09:12,557 --> 00:09:14,325 - Oh. With whom? - Uh-huh. 185 00:09:14,359 --> 00:09:18,328 A-a small company. It's not around anymore. 186 00:09:18,363 --> 00:09:21,198 But I'm -- I'm looking to get back into the field. 187 00:09:21,232 --> 00:09:23,233 Yeah? Did you do well there? 188 00:09:23,268 --> 00:09:24,568 Number one, year after year. 189 00:09:25,737 --> 00:09:28,673 Huh. 190 00:09:28,707 --> 00:09:31,576 Look at those guys. 191 00:09:31,610 --> 00:09:33,211 Look at that. They could be friends. 192 00:09:33,245 --> 00:09:36,581 Maybe. Uh, I also did marketing. 193 00:09:36,615 --> 00:09:39,250 Led this huge re-branding effort. 194 00:09:39,284 --> 00:09:42,253 Why -- why -- why don't they do a play-date thing? 195 00:09:42,287 --> 00:09:44,255 Like a sleepover or something? 196 00:09:44,289 --> 00:09:46,524 They should do a sleepover. 197 00:09:46,559 --> 00:09:49,694 They're not, uh, kittens. 198 00:09:49,729 --> 00:09:53,365 You can't just put them in a box and say "play." 199 00:09:53,400 --> 00:09:57,036 Why not? Please? Kyle needs a friend. 200 00:09:58,405 --> 00:10:00,706 My wife and I need Kyle to have a friend. 201 00:10:00,741 --> 00:10:04,042 We haven't had a night to ourselves in three years. 202 00:10:05,745 --> 00:10:08,714 You know that's what nannies and sitters are for. 203 00:10:08,748 --> 00:10:11,883 They all talk. 204 00:10:11,918 --> 00:10:13,652 It's like a secret, little club. 205 00:10:13,686 --> 00:10:17,756 Once you get blacklisted, you're screwed. 206 00:10:17,791 --> 00:10:21,594 So he's -- he's -- he's... He's got a few quirks. 207 00:10:21,628 --> 00:10:23,863 He's 5. 208 00:10:23,897 --> 00:10:25,865 One sleepover -- tonight. 209 00:10:25,899 --> 00:10:27,633 And I will call my colleague in sales -- 210 00:10:27,667 --> 00:10:29,535 recommend he hire a new sales rep. 211 00:10:29,570 --> 00:10:32,539 Sales rep? Yeah? One sleepover? 212 00:10:32,573 --> 00:10:33,540 Okay. 213 00:10:33,574 --> 00:10:34,874 Yes. Yes. 214 00:10:34,909 --> 00:10:37,043 My wife -- I'm gonna call her right now. 215 00:10:37,078 --> 00:10:38,344 Oh! 216 00:10:38,379 --> 00:10:40,580 I should hit the liquor store on the way home. 217 00:10:45,953 --> 00:10:49,356 Ugh. Shit. 218 00:10:50,124 --> 00:10:53,426 All right. Enough of this faggy silent treatment. 219 00:10:53,460 --> 00:10:55,628 Let's get it out in the open. 220 00:10:55,662 --> 00:10:58,131 Yes, I fucked the shit out of Jill. 221 00:10:58,165 --> 00:10:59,966 That was probably not cool. 222 00:11:00,000 --> 00:11:01,634 She might be pregnant. 223 00:11:02,937 --> 00:11:04,470 Well, that is definitely not cool. 224 00:11:04,505 --> 00:11:06,239 You're definitely not cool. 225 00:11:06,273 --> 00:11:08,341 And what do you care? It's probably not yours. 226 00:11:08,375 --> 00:11:10,176 It could be mine. 227 00:11:10,211 --> 00:11:11,778 It could be mine. Shit. 228 00:11:11,812 --> 00:11:16,583 Shit, shit, shit, sh-h-h-h-it. 229 00:11:16,617 --> 00:11:20,586 Shit, shit, shit, shit. 230 00:11:20,621 --> 00:11:21,854 Shit. 231 00:11:21,889 --> 00:11:24,524 Want to play to see whose kid it is? 232 00:11:24,558 --> 00:11:28,428 That takes a crystal ball, Doug, not an eight ball. 233 00:11:28,462 --> 00:11:31,497 No, I mean for who takes it all on. 234 00:11:31,532 --> 00:11:34,834 Nice. Real nice. 235 00:11:36,203 --> 00:11:38,137 I suck at pool. Darts? No. No dartboard. 236 00:11:38,172 --> 00:11:40,973 Fuck! We don't even know if she's pregnant yet. 237 00:11:41,008 --> 00:11:42,975 Yes, we do. 238 00:11:44,411 --> 00:11:46,711 So, does the winner get me and the kid 239 00:11:46,746 --> 00:11:49,047 or is that the loser? 240 00:11:49,082 --> 00:11:50,716 Assholes. 241 00:11:55,755 --> 00:11:57,722 I'll rack. 242 00:12:39,433 --> 00:12:41,268 Surprise! Surprise! Surprise! Surprise! 243 00:12:42,603 --> 00:12:44,905 Who the fuck? 244 00:12:44,939 --> 00:12:46,173 Really, Suze? 245 00:12:46,207 --> 00:12:47,908 Does every occasion need a stripper? 246 00:12:47,942 --> 00:12:50,844 He was supposed to be a cop. 247 00:12:50,878 --> 00:12:55,282 Uh, it's a whole thing that we do. 248 00:12:55,316 --> 00:12:57,017 Bring in a robber. Less talking. 249 00:12:57,052 --> 00:12:58,685 Wh-- 250 00:12:58,720 --> 00:13:00,286 Surprise! Surprise! Surprise! Surprise! 251 00:13:00,321 --> 00:13:00,954 Shit, it's ruined. 252 00:13:00,988 --> 00:13:02,522 Happy Birthday, Trace. 253 00:13:02,557 --> 00:13:04,258 Start the music, guys. 254 00:13:08,630 --> 00:13:10,564 Whoo! 255 00:13:12,166 --> 00:13:13,366 Lose the shirt. 256 00:13:14,468 --> 00:13:17,570 Lose the shirt! 257 00:13:17,605 --> 00:13:20,741 This is the best birthday ever! 258 00:13:20,775 --> 00:13:22,776 That castle sucks. 259 00:13:22,810 --> 00:13:25,479 This is where the king and queen live. 260 00:13:25,513 --> 00:13:28,315 My allosaurus will eat them in a second. 261 00:13:28,349 --> 00:13:32,219 No, no. Play together, boys, or it's bedtime, all right? 262 00:13:32,253 --> 00:13:34,655 Fine. We can build the tower. 263 00:13:34,689 --> 00:13:37,992 And I'll get a bug and I'll put it on the tower 264 00:13:38,026 --> 00:13:39,493 and torture it. 265 00:13:39,528 --> 00:13:43,130 No. No torture. Happy kings and queens, okay? 266 00:13:43,164 --> 00:13:46,133 Plant-eating dinosaurs. 267 00:13:46,167 --> 00:13:49,103 Jesus, they're multiplying. 268 00:13:49,137 --> 00:13:51,738 That's Kyle. 269 00:13:51,773 --> 00:13:53,607 - He's a little shit. - Eh. Be grateful. 270 00:13:53,641 --> 00:13:56,142 Boys are little shits when it doesn't matter. 271 00:13:56,177 --> 00:13:58,145 Girls wait till they're older, 272 00:13:58,179 --> 00:14:00,313 till they can get piercings and STDs 273 00:14:00,347 --> 00:14:03,182 and call their mom a bag of cunts. 274 00:14:03,217 --> 00:14:07,119 On the bright side, I'm getting a job. 275 00:14:07,153 --> 00:14:09,922 It's a real banner-fucking-day. 276 00:14:11,357 --> 00:14:16,594 Allosaurus, crush castle! 277 00:14:16,629 --> 00:14:18,429 No, no, no! 278 00:14:20,232 --> 00:14:21,699 Oh, God. 279 00:14:21,733 --> 00:14:25,002 It's okay! It's okay! You're okay. 280 00:14:25,037 --> 00:14:26,604 Let me see. Let me see. Let me see. 281 00:14:26,638 --> 00:14:28,272 Oh, it's just a bump. 282 00:14:28,306 --> 00:14:31,875 It's just an itty-bitty, itty-bitty, little bump. 283 00:14:31,910 --> 00:14:35,712 He hit me. I'm calling my dad. 284 00:14:38,683 --> 00:14:40,150 We get a horse. 285 00:14:40,184 --> 00:14:41,818 - What? - A horse. 286 00:14:41,853 --> 00:14:44,321 We take her riding, make it look like an accident. 287 00:14:44,355 --> 00:14:47,157 You're not acci-borting my baby. 288 00:14:47,191 --> 00:14:51,328 Or mine. Nothing's proven yet. 289 00:14:51,363 --> 00:14:52,930 This is a weird office. 290 00:14:52,964 --> 00:14:55,933 That sitar was George Harrison's. 291 00:14:55,967 --> 00:14:57,868 It's amazing how much you can buy at an auction 292 00:14:57,903 --> 00:15:00,771 with a shitload of charity money. 293 00:15:00,806 --> 00:15:02,940 Not sure where that mattress came from. 294 00:15:02,975 --> 00:15:04,108 Pass the bottle. 295 00:15:04,142 --> 00:15:06,344 Mm. 296 00:15:06,378 --> 00:15:08,846 Used up all my good karma. 297 00:15:08,880 --> 00:15:11,482 Damn you, derby sex goddess. 298 00:15:11,516 --> 00:15:12,983 It's my fault, really. 299 00:15:13,017 --> 00:15:14,418 I usually make a go for the poop chute. 300 00:15:14,452 --> 00:15:15,986 It was late. I didn't even try. 301 00:15:16,021 --> 00:15:17,888 Or is this good karma? 302 00:15:17,922 --> 00:15:20,557 Depends on me. Me. It was me. 303 00:15:20,591 --> 00:15:22,325 I'm too old to run out on another kid. 304 00:15:22,360 --> 00:15:26,329 Andy Botwin, glue of the Botwin family, 305 00:15:26,363 --> 00:15:29,832 uncle, brother, mentor... 306 00:15:29,866 --> 00:15:31,567 Father. 307 00:15:31,601 --> 00:15:33,402 Maybe this is another chance to do it right. 308 00:15:33,436 --> 00:15:36,271 Raise a good kid -- not gay. 309 00:15:36,306 --> 00:15:38,774 Father, father. Actual father. 310 00:15:38,808 --> 00:15:41,811 Birth through whatever, me and the kid. 311 00:15:41,845 --> 00:15:44,380 Ballgames and science projects. 312 00:15:44,414 --> 00:15:46,616 I should have come on her tits. 313 00:15:46,650 --> 00:15:52,121 Report cards and lectures and yelling for no real reason, 314 00:15:52,156 --> 00:15:56,893 failed expectations, false expectations -- love? 315 00:15:56,927 --> 00:15:59,729 Oh, you'd never know it. I can't do it. Shit. 316 00:15:59,764 --> 00:16:01,565 Right this way. 317 00:16:01,599 --> 00:16:05,068 Uh, hey, guys. 318 00:16:05,102 --> 00:16:06,937 Uh, what's going on? 319 00:16:06,971 --> 00:16:09,205 Unwanted pregnancy. 320 00:16:09,240 --> 00:16:11,775 You got a horse? 321 00:16:11,809 --> 00:16:14,445 I'm calling my daddy. 322 00:16:14,479 --> 00:16:16,046 Uh... 323 00:16:16,081 --> 00:16:17,815 What about those, um... 324 00:16:17,849 --> 00:16:20,117 Japanese cards with the weird animals? 325 00:16:20,151 --> 00:16:22,886 Do you like those? I think we have some of those. 326 00:16:22,921 --> 00:16:24,722 Pokémon. I hate pokémon. 327 00:16:24,756 --> 00:16:26,991 Okay. 328 00:16:27,025 --> 00:16:29,226 Um, what about, um, a book? No, a movie. 329 00:16:29,261 --> 00:16:31,963 You want to watch a movie? Let's watch a movie. 330 00:16:31,997 --> 00:16:34,966 I'm telling my dad, and he's going to hate you. 331 00:16:35,000 --> 00:16:36,334 Kyle. 332 00:16:36,368 --> 00:16:37,735 Hey. 333 00:16:37,770 --> 00:16:41,740 Sit down before I microwave your allosaurus! 334 00:16:41,774 --> 00:16:43,008 Okay? 335 00:16:48,348 --> 00:16:52,919 You're into bugs and dinosaurs 336 00:16:52,953 --> 00:16:54,587 and not so into sports, 337 00:16:54,621 --> 00:16:58,191 so I'm thinking you're pretty smart, right? 338 00:16:58,225 --> 00:17:00,593 And inexplicably mature. 339 00:17:00,628 --> 00:17:03,329 Do you know what "mature" means? 340 00:17:03,363 --> 00:17:05,831 No? 341 00:17:05,866 --> 00:17:07,667 Grownup, 342 00:17:07,701 --> 00:17:11,838 able to handle things, like the truth, 343 00:17:11,872 --> 00:17:13,907 and getting hit with blocks. 344 00:17:13,941 --> 00:17:18,745 Lots of blocks are gonna come your way in life, Kyle. 345 00:17:18,779 --> 00:17:19,979 Lots. 346 00:17:20,014 --> 00:17:22,415 Especially if you go on acting like this. 347 00:17:22,450 --> 00:17:27,087 You're gonna grow up, and people are gonna hate you -- 348 00:17:27,121 --> 00:17:30,290 really not like you at all. 349 00:17:30,324 --> 00:17:32,158 Forget girls. 350 00:17:32,193 --> 00:17:35,161 Forget friends. 351 00:17:35,195 --> 00:17:38,831 Sure, some might act like your friends, but really, 352 00:17:38,866 --> 00:17:44,338 they just want something from you -- money, sex, drugs. 353 00:17:44,372 --> 00:17:46,507 You're an asshole, and it gets you to the top. 354 00:17:46,541 --> 00:17:49,343 And guess what. There's nobody else there. 355 00:17:49,377 --> 00:17:52,346 So you double down and keep working. 356 00:17:52,380 --> 00:17:54,181 And before you know it, 357 00:17:54,216 --> 00:17:59,687 any family you had is long gone, too. 358 00:18:03,225 --> 00:18:06,094 But... 359 00:18:06,129 --> 00:18:09,498 I'm thinking it's not too late 360 00:18:09,532 --> 00:18:12,401 for you to do things differently. 361 00:18:14,137 --> 00:18:17,106 Is this 'cause you got shot in the head? 362 00:18:19,476 --> 00:18:21,310 Hey. 363 00:18:21,344 --> 00:18:28,049 Um, Kyle, you're gonna play with Shane for a while, okay? 364 00:18:29,652 --> 00:18:31,486 I owe you one. 365 00:18:34,891 --> 00:18:37,626 Silas? Silas? 366 00:18:37,660 --> 00:18:41,529 Oh, hi, mom. Just doing a little cleaning up. 367 00:18:41,564 --> 00:18:45,200 I think I pimped out both your brothers tonight. 368 00:18:45,234 --> 00:18:48,737 Oh, well, if you're trying to go for the trifecta, sorry, 369 00:18:48,771 --> 00:18:50,405 'cause I already pimped myself out. 370 00:18:52,408 --> 00:18:55,544 You're drunk and dressed like a ninja. 371 00:18:55,578 --> 00:18:58,214 And what... Where are your plants? 372 00:18:59,816 --> 00:19:02,952 Oh, those? They got stolen weeks ago. 373 00:19:02,986 --> 00:19:04,720 But I had a plan. 374 00:19:04,755 --> 00:19:08,091 All I had to do was sneak into the house when nobody was home 375 00:19:08,125 --> 00:19:09,592 and get them back. 376 00:19:09,627 --> 00:19:11,227 Is it technically robbery 377 00:19:11,262 --> 00:19:13,429 if you're stealing stuff that's already yours? 378 00:19:13,464 --> 00:19:14,731 Whose home? 379 00:19:14,765 --> 00:19:18,100 You know, I don't even know their names. 380 00:19:18,135 --> 00:19:20,670 Well, I mean, there's Tracy, of course. 381 00:19:20,705 --> 00:19:22,939 She turned 50 today. 382 00:19:22,974 --> 00:19:25,309 But really, they're just strangers. 383 00:19:25,343 --> 00:19:27,144 Never did anything to me. 384 00:19:27,178 --> 00:19:29,547 I just let myself right in. 385 00:19:29,581 --> 00:19:30,748 Oh, but wait. 386 00:19:30,783 --> 00:19:32,417 I'm not a burglar. 387 00:19:32,451 --> 00:19:35,821 I'm... a burglar stripper. 388 00:19:35,855 --> 00:19:39,491 Wow. Not a single piece of that made sense. 389 00:19:39,525 --> 00:19:43,495 When -- what -- 390 00:19:43,529 --> 00:19:48,066 You got freaking robbed, and you didn't say anything. 391 00:19:54,305 --> 00:19:57,440 I was handling it. 392 00:19:58,575 --> 00:20:01,377 God, we got to stop doing this. 393 00:20:01,411 --> 00:20:05,047 No shit. 394 00:20:05,082 --> 00:20:06,349 But what? 395 00:20:06,383 --> 00:20:09,319 We just throw our jobs in the wood chipper 396 00:20:09,353 --> 00:20:11,087 and stare at each other all day? 397 00:20:13,791 --> 00:20:17,860 I'm trying, Silas. 398 00:20:17,895 --> 00:20:21,030 Well, good for you. 399 00:20:21,065 --> 00:20:22,865 And what do I do? 400 00:20:22,900 --> 00:20:24,300 What about my work? 401 00:20:24,335 --> 00:20:26,203 It just -- it isn't worth it anymore. 402 00:20:26,237 --> 00:20:28,872 This is what I'm good at. 403 00:20:28,906 --> 00:20:31,908 - I mean, maybe not. I don't know anymore. - No, yes. 404 00:20:31,942 --> 00:20:34,243 The growing, yes. The growing, it -- 405 00:20:34,277 --> 00:20:37,913 it's just the -- the business part of it. 406 00:20:37,947 --> 00:20:40,716 Maybe... not your forte. 407 00:20:42,686 --> 00:20:45,354 I'm gonna make coffee. Please come inside. 408 00:20:47,925 --> 00:20:50,226 I'm gonna finish cleaning up here. 409 00:20:50,260 --> 00:20:51,894 I think I can get some seeds on consignment, 410 00:20:51,929 --> 00:20:54,197 start a new cycle. 411 00:20:54,232 --> 00:20:57,000 I mean, that or practice my dance moves. 412 00:20:57,035 --> 00:20:58,669 I'm very hot. 413 00:20:58,703 --> 00:21:01,605 Just ask Tracy and her friends. 414 00:21:01,639 --> 00:21:03,107 Go, stripper. 415 00:21:03,141 --> 00:21:04,775 Go, stripper. Go, stripper. 416 00:21:04,809 --> 00:21:06,777 Go, stripper. Go, stripper. 417 00:21:06,811 --> 00:21:08,946 Go, stripper. Go, stripper. 418 00:21:08,980 --> 00:21:11,982 Go, stripper. Go, stripper. 419 00:21:13,785 --> 00:21:14,885 Security! Move! 420 00:21:14,919 --> 00:21:16,286 No, I'm protesting! 421 00:21:16,321 --> 00:21:17,421 Tear gas! 422 00:21:17,455 --> 00:21:18,955 I'm the 99%! 423 00:21:18,990 --> 00:21:20,290 1%! 1%! 424 00:21:20,324 --> 00:21:21,791 I'm 99%! Aah! 425 00:21:21,826 --> 00:21:23,459 Get a job! Get a job! 426 00:21:23,494 --> 00:21:25,294 1%! 1%! 427 00:21:25,329 --> 00:21:28,797 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%! 428 00:21:28,832 --> 00:21:32,001 Get a job! Get a job! 1%, 1%! 429 00:21:44,946 --> 00:21:47,748 All right. 430 00:22:02,431 --> 00:22:04,199 You wanted to see me? 431 00:22:07,970 --> 00:22:09,770 Great essay, Botwin. 432 00:22:09,805 --> 00:22:11,439 Thanks. I guess the topic just -- 433 00:22:11,473 --> 00:22:13,941 Great essay, Botwin. 434 00:22:13,976 --> 00:22:15,610 Great essay, Botwin. 435 00:22:15,645 --> 00:22:17,679 I sound like a damn broken record. 436 00:22:19,349 --> 00:22:22,651 How much did Ronchetta and Bondi pay you? 437 00:22:22,685 --> 00:22:24,453 I don't know what you're talking about, sir. 438 00:22:24,488 --> 00:22:27,590 And I thought you were a smart one. 439 00:22:27,625 --> 00:22:29,326 Fork it over. 440 00:22:29,360 --> 00:22:31,762 And I'll see fit to forget all about this. 441 00:22:31,796 --> 00:22:33,430 Can't we work something out? 442 00:22:33,465 --> 00:22:35,566 I mean, this isn't the last assignment 443 00:22:35,600 --> 00:22:37,134 you're gonna give, is it? 444 00:22:40,639 --> 00:22:43,941 Well, you're gonna do just fine in the N.Y.P.D., aren't you? 445 00:22:46,211 --> 00:22:50,815 Nancy! Come on in. 446 00:22:50,849 --> 00:22:52,917 Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. 447 00:22:52,951 --> 00:22:54,818 Oh. Thank you, thank you, thank you. 448 00:22:54,852 --> 00:22:56,986 Last night was amazing. It was like a dam breaking. 449 00:22:57,020 --> 00:22:58,855 I'd forgotten Amy could even -- 450 00:22:58,889 --> 00:23:01,023 Oh, that's great. 451 00:23:01,223 --> 00:23:02,423 You know, we had a great time too. 452 00:23:03,025 --> 00:23:07,329 Hey, um, Kyle has this bruise. 453 00:23:09,465 --> 00:23:11,600 Well, we were playing Twister. 454 00:23:11,635 --> 00:23:12,702 Mm-hmm. 455 00:23:12,736 --> 00:23:14,237 The kid is a klutz. 456 00:23:15,739 --> 00:23:18,708 Um, you were gonna make a call for me. 457 00:23:18,742 --> 00:23:22,044 Yes, yes. Already made. 458 00:23:22,079 --> 00:23:24,213 You're all set up. I said you're a perfect fit. 459 00:23:24,248 --> 00:23:27,050 Sociable, attractive, motivated, good with assholes. 460 00:23:27,084 --> 00:23:28,084 Am I right? 461 00:23:28,118 --> 00:23:30,853 On all counts. 462 00:23:33,056 --> 00:23:36,860 Um, so, uh, this is what your company makes. 463 00:23:36,894 --> 00:23:40,530 Complete S.J. Family, head to toe -- 464 00:23:40,564 --> 00:23:42,866 and everything in between. 465 00:23:42,900 --> 00:23:45,235 - Adia? - Asthma. 466 00:23:45,269 --> 00:23:46,303 - Brialta? - Arthritis. 467 00:23:46,337 --> 00:23:48,205 - Celimax? - Heart. 468 00:23:48,239 --> 00:23:49,373 - Celitrex. - Heart. 469 00:23:49,407 --> 00:23:50,707 - Diotrex. - Bowels. 470 00:23:50,742 --> 00:23:52,042 - Flopene. - Gas. 471 00:23:52,077 --> 00:23:54,045 - Helipram. - Asthma. 472 00:23:54,079 --> 00:23:55,279 - Livatera. - Cholesterol. 473 00:23:55,314 --> 00:23:56,247 - Livatrope. - Cholesterol. 474 00:23:56,281 --> 00:23:58,249 - Livapro. - Cholesterol. 475 00:23:58,283 --> 00:24:00,084 Something for everything. 476 00:24:00,118 --> 00:24:02,253 And, uh, Maritor. 477 00:24:02,287 --> 00:24:05,889 Maritor's an -- an underperformer. 478 00:24:05,924 --> 00:24:08,324 Frankly, a dud. 479 00:24:08,359 --> 00:24:09,792 Really? 480 00:24:09,827 --> 00:24:12,628 It's synthetic pot. Like drinking near beer. 481 00:24:12,663 --> 00:24:14,430 - The marijuana pill. - Yes. 482 00:24:14,464 --> 00:24:16,365 But when Washington flips the switch and it's legal, 483 00:24:16,399 --> 00:24:18,300 my department's gonna be ready. 484 00:24:18,334 --> 00:24:20,869 We've got a whole raft of new products we're working on 485 00:24:20,904 --> 00:24:22,538 with real THC. 486 00:24:22,572 --> 00:24:23,739 Very N.G. 487 00:24:23,773 --> 00:24:25,307 N.G.? 488 00:24:25,341 --> 00:24:26,642 Next generation. 489 00:24:26,676 --> 00:24:29,811 We're gonna kill it. Through the roof. 490 00:24:29,846 --> 00:24:32,548 Hmm. 491 00:24:34,084 --> 00:24:36,119 What's up, king Andy? Ready to hold court? 492 00:24:36,153 --> 00:24:38,454 Why, yes, I am. I decree it so. 493 00:24:38,488 --> 00:24:42,791 Ah, decree me a flagon of mead and a wench. 494 00:24:42,825 --> 00:24:45,326 This is my castle, bitches... 495 00:24:45,360 --> 00:24:47,995 What's up? I'm just helping Stevie out here. 496 00:24:48,029 --> 00:24:51,465 Stevie? That kid is so quick. 497 00:24:51,499 --> 00:24:52,932 I have to go to the doctor. 498 00:24:52,967 --> 00:24:54,300 I can see you're in the middle 499 00:24:54,335 --> 00:24:55,969 of something very important here, 500 00:24:56,003 --> 00:24:57,636 so I'll let you know how it turns out. 501 00:24:59,105 --> 00:25:00,906 Let's do this. Let's have a baby. 502 00:25:00,941 --> 00:25:02,642 What if it's Doug's? 503 00:25:02,676 --> 00:25:05,812 Doesn't matter -- a little bit. Ugh. 504 00:25:05,846 --> 00:25:08,314 Cross that moat later. 505 00:25:08,349 --> 00:25:12,418 The point is, I'm ready. Let's go. 506 00:25:12,453 --> 00:25:14,754 "I'm ready. Let's go"? 507 00:25:14,788 --> 00:25:16,356 What? Should I, um, 508 00:25:16,390 --> 00:25:19,860 cross my arms and wink and wiggle my nose and then, 509 00:25:19,894 --> 00:25:22,696 boom, nine months later, do you have the stirrups ready? 510 00:25:22,731 --> 00:25:24,064 Shush, shush! 511 00:25:24,099 --> 00:25:25,833 I did some thinking. I did some soul-searching. 512 00:25:25,867 --> 00:25:27,268 Thank you, Kentucky. 513 00:25:27,302 --> 00:25:29,203 You've perfected bourbon, if nothing else. 514 00:25:29,238 --> 00:25:30,871 Okay. Uh... 515 00:25:30,906 --> 00:25:33,874 It's been easy, relatively speaking, 516 00:25:33,909 --> 00:25:36,377 being "uncle Andy," "brother Andy," 517 00:25:36,412 --> 00:25:38,079 "amazing-lover Andy." 518 00:25:38,114 --> 00:25:41,950 "Father Andy" -- horse of a different color. 519 00:25:41,984 --> 00:25:44,286 Scary, not just 'cause it sounds like I joined the priesthood. 520 00:25:44,320 --> 00:25:45,720 Why did it scare me? 521 00:25:45,755 --> 00:25:47,788 'Cause I've been thinking of it all wrong. 522 00:25:47,823 --> 00:25:52,460 "Father Andy" is not Andy's father. 523 00:25:52,495 --> 00:25:54,463 See? Andy's father being Lenny, 524 00:25:54,497 --> 00:25:56,798 with all his bullshit, spiteful yiddish epithets. 525 00:25:56,832 --> 00:25:59,300 You think he ever built a castle with me? 526 00:25:59,335 --> 00:26:00,968 These things are awesome. 527 00:26:01,003 --> 00:26:02,971 There's drawbridges and horses and shit. 528 00:26:03,005 --> 00:26:05,707 We should also get the king's battle chariot set. 529 00:26:05,741 --> 00:26:10,378 Anyway, I can -- no, I want to do these things with him, 530 00:26:10,412 --> 00:26:12,046 Lee Marvin Botwin. 531 00:26:12,080 --> 00:26:14,715 Or her. Lynda Carter Botwin. 532 00:26:14,749 --> 00:26:17,050 Too soon for that? I'm flexible. 533 00:26:17,084 --> 00:26:19,486 We'll call him Little Ziggy Stardust for now. 534 00:26:19,520 --> 00:26:23,123 Placeholder, unless you like that one. 535 00:26:25,759 --> 00:26:28,561 Do you know how much these sets cost? 536 00:26:28,595 --> 00:26:31,330 Well, we could get, like, China knockoffs, 537 00:26:31,365 --> 00:26:33,733 although that's a total Lenny move. 538 00:26:36,504 --> 00:26:39,005 Get a job. 539 00:26:41,609 --> 00:26:45,279 Or I could do that. 540 00:26:47,048 --> 00:26:49,349 We developed Prazilax right here, 541 00:26:49,383 --> 00:26:51,184 this -- this very building. 542 00:26:51,219 --> 00:26:53,420 I don't have to tell you what that did for the enzyme world. 543 00:26:53,454 --> 00:26:56,556 You'll have access to this whole wing -- if you're hired. 544 00:26:56,591 --> 00:26:58,392 Got to show me you got the goods. 545 00:26:58,426 --> 00:27:00,561 Can't justify two new hires on sleepovers alone. 546 00:27:00,596 --> 00:27:03,064 Won't be a problem. 547 00:27:03,098 --> 00:27:06,025 Sleepovers? Plural? 548 00:27:06,145 --> 00:27:08,296 Amy went shopping at the Pleasure Palace yesterday. 549 00:27:08,416 --> 00:27:10,236 Holy shit. 550 00:27:10,356 --> 00:27:13,107 Uh, I'm getting a-a company car, right? 551 00:27:13,141 --> 00:27:14,695 Everyone gets their toys. 552 00:27:37,630 --> 00:27:48,361 Sync by honeybunny Corrections by gloriabg www.addic7ed.com