1
00:00:02,038 --> 00:00:03,739
( Knocks on door )
Charlie, are you in there?
2
00:00:03,806 --> 00:00:07,075
- What? I'm in the shower.
- What?
3
00:00:07,143 --> 00:00:09,544
- What?
- What?
4
00:00:09,611 --> 00:00:12,646
- What?
- Ugh, damn it.
5
00:00:12,714 --> 00:00:14,248
What the hell?
I'm naked.
6
00:00:14,315 --> 00:00:16,716
You better have a fistful
of singles or get out.
7
00:00:16,784 --> 00:00:18,751
Yeah, whatever.
You couldn't hear me.
8
00:00:18,819 --> 00:00:21,087
Now don't look.
I gotta pee.
9
00:00:21,154 --> 00:00:23,489
There's two other bathrooms
in this house.
10
00:00:23,556 --> 00:00:26,979
Yeah, well, I'm in a hurry
and I've got to talk to you.
11
00:00:27,104 --> 00:00:29,641
Can you handle Sam's
sleepover this weekend?
12
00:00:29,659 --> 00:00:32,648
Ah, man. I really wish
I could. I have big plans...
13
00:00:32,716 --> 00:00:35,288
which I'm desperately trying to
come up with even as we speak.
14
00:00:37,060 --> 00:00:38,730
Well, I have actual plans.
15
00:00:38,798 --> 00:00:41,488
A guy invited me to Palm Springs
for the weekend to play golf.
16
00:00:41,555 --> 00:00:44,312
- You don't play golf.
- He's a cosmetic dentist.
17
00:00:44,379 --> 00:00:48,094
- He's rich. I play golf.
- Uh-uh. No way.
18
00:00:48,161 --> 00:00:49,708
This is why we have a schedule.
19
00:00:49,776 --> 00:00:53,054
Okay. I'm going to approach
this differently.
20
00:00:55,268 --> 00:00:56,956
- ( Toilet flushes )
- Ahh!
21
00:00:57,023 --> 00:01:00,342
- That's one.
- You're going to scald me into a sleepover?
22
00:01:00,410 --> 00:01:02,808
Let's ask the toilet.
23
00:01:02,876 --> 00:01:04,674
- ( Toilet flushes )
- Ahh!
24
00:01:04,742 --> 00:01:06,744
Okay! Okay!
Damn you. I'll do it.
25
00:01:06,812 --> 00:01:08,766
- ( Toilet flushes )
- Yow!
26
00:01:09,119 --> 00:01:11,560
- What the hell was that for?
- That's for covering up
27
00:01:11,627 --> 00:01:13,802
the tattoo of my name
on your butt.
28
00:01:14,170 --> 00:01:16,218
I didn't cover it.
I just added,
29
00:01:16,286 --> 00:01:18,365
"For a good time, call"
and your phone number.
30
00:01:18,433 --> 00:01:20,447
I don't know who I thought
was going to see it,
31
00:01:20,515 --> 00:01:22,654
but it seemed like
a funny idea at the time.
32
00:01:23,940 --> 00:01:25,932
- ( Toilet flushes )
- Ahh!
33
00:01:26,000 --> 00:01:27,777
( Theme music playing )
34
00:01:28,037 --> 00:01:30,551
Sync and corrections by Tony for
www.addic7ed.com
35
00:01:31,076 --> 00:01:34,286
I have a quick little topic I would
like to cover before we break.
36
00:01:34,353 --> 00:01:37,989
Somebody gave me
a negative review on Yelp.
37
00:01:38,034 --> 00:01:42,133
- What the hell is Yelp?
- It's the sound you make when you sit on your balls.
38
00:01:44,961 --> 00:01:47,085
Yes.
39
00:01:47,210 --> 00:01:49,272
It's also a site where anyone can
review anything anonymously.
40
00:01:49,320 --> 00:01:51,235
The complaint
was that I go off topic.
41
00:01:51,284 --> 00:01:53,514
Now, I'm not going to jump to any
conclusions or make a big deal about it.
44
00:01:57,913 --> 00:01:59,345
Actually, it wasn't,
45
00:01:59,412 --> 00:02:02,062
but I do think
you're going off topic.
46
00:02:02,130 --> 00:02:05,014
All right, forget the Yelp thing.
I'm just going to let it go.
47
00:02:05,082 --> 00:02:07,082
Anybody have any last things
they would like to discuss?
48
00:02:07,150 --> 00:02:09,084
I knew it was you!
49
00:02:09,152 --> 00:02:13,151
No. I'm a little nervous
about a date I got tonight.
50
00:02:14,091 --> 00:02:16,194
Oh, I'm sorry.
51
00:02:16,262 --> 00:02:18,449
I didn't realize your group
was still in session.
52
00:02:18,517 --> 00:02:20,102
- I'll go wait in the kitchen.
- That's all right, Kate. We're almost done.
53
00:02:20,170 --> 00:02:21,740
Oh, yeah.
We're all friends here.
54
00:02:21,808 --> 00:02:24,432
Come on, sit down
next to "Texas Thunder."
55
00:02:26,406 --> 00:02:28,312
Thanks. I'm just going
to grab some coffee
56
00:02:28,379 --> 00:02:30,033
and ride out the storm.
57
00:02:30,600 --> 00:02:33,523
Anyway, I've been dating
this girl
58
00:02:33,574 --> 00:02:35,126
from work
for about a month now...
59
00:02:35,194 --> 00:02:37,586
You do know that accidentally
walking next to someone
60
00:02:37,654 --> 00:02:40,390
on the way to the
bathroom isn't dating?
61
00:02:40,457 --> 00:02:44,074
That is how we met,
but now it's real.
62
00:02:44,141 --> 00:02:47,306
Tonight is our fourth date and
we're in that awkward phase...
63
00:02:47,374 --> 00:02:50,726
right before she gets weirded out
and doesn't want a fifth date.
64
00:02:50,793 --> 00:02:53,758
Nolan, why so negative? Things
don't have to work out that way.
65
00:02:53,826 --> 00:02:55,770
Have some confidence in yourself.
You're a great guy.
66
00:02:55,837 --> 00:02:59,493
We're not taking opposing
views yet, Patrick.
67
00:02:59,561 --> 00:03:02,227
I just wish I was better
at liking myself.
68
00:03:02,295 --> 00:03:05,007
That's one of the
things I hate about me.
69
00:03:06,820 --> 00:03:08,765
I really just want
this one to work out.
70
00:03:08,832 --> 00:03:11,634
I mean, Athena, she's different
than the girls I usually date.
71
00:03:11,702 --> 00:03:13,158
When you say different,
you mean...
72
00:03:13,225 --> 00:03:15,304
no angry voice mails,
no drunken tirades,
73
00:03:15,372 --> 00:03:17,875
no stealing your car and using
it in a liquor store robbery?
74
00:03:17,942 --> 00:03:21,536
Yeah.
Debbie was great,
75
00:03:21,603 --> 00:03:24,441
but Athena
is different than that.
76
00:03:24,509 --> 00:03:27,290
And she's
a gentle lover in bed.
77
00:03:27,348 --> 00:03:30,388
- That's right. We did it.
- Sick.
78
00:03:32,145 --> 00:03:34,683
If for some reason
you make it to a fifth date,
79
00:03:34,750 --> 00:03:36,731
I would love to meet
this "woman"
80
00:03:36,799 --> 00:03:38,514
and see if she actually exists.
81
00:03:38,581 --> 00:03:41,321
Yeah. Untie her from the
radiator and bring her in.
82
00:03:42,480 --> 00:03:44,172
No.
83
00:03:44,230 --> 00:03:47,270
I haven't told her
I'm in anger therapy yet.
84
00:03:47,338 --> 00:03:49,621
I wouldn't really be comfortable
introducing her to the group.
85
00:03:49,688 --> 00:03:51,938
Oh, we'll be nice.
86
00:03:52,006 --> 00:03:55,173
We'll just put her up here on the table,
turn her around a couple of times,
87
00:03:55,241 --> 00:03:57,257
see if she's
a good breeding filly.
88
00:04:00,235 --> 00:04:03,880
Because I believe that's the nicest thing
that is going to happen to her here,
89
00:04:03,948 --> 00:04:06,096
I'm going to nip
this in the bud.
90
00:04:06,164 --> 00:04:09,080
Nolan, I think you should focus on your
date tonight. Where are you taking her?
91
00:04:09,205 --> 00:04:11,104
Well, there's
a discount sushi truck
92
00:04:11,172 --> 00:04:13,639
I've been trying
to catch up with.
93
00:04:13,764 --> 00:04:15,927
Or else just the Merry
Peasant for drinks.
94
00:04:15,991 --> 00:04:17,957
I'd go with the Peasant.
95
00:04:18,023 --> 00:04:19,554
I mean, unless you're
going to propose,
96
00:04:19,622 --> 00:04:21,551
then definitely
go with the poison sushi.
97
00:04:23,616 --> 00:04:27,375
- You're not really going to do that, right?
- Do what?
98
00:04:27,843 --> 00:04:31,271
Show up to the bar to help Nolan get
to the fifth date with that girl.
99
00:04:31,339 --> 00:04:34,173
- What are you talking about?
- Oh, please, Charlie.
100
00:04:34,241 --> 00:04:36,477
Why else would you ask him
where he's going on his date?
101
00:04:36,545 --> 00:04:39,019
It's for a research paper.
102
00:04:39,087 --> 00:04:41,866
"Places Patients
Go On Dates."
103
00:04:41,934 --> 00:04:43,474
It's a follow-up
to my earlier work,
104
00:04:43,541 --> 00:04:46,015
"Bipolar's Guide
to Amusement Parks."
105
00:04:46,083 --> 00:04:49,186
You're overly involved in your patients'
lives and it's a big problem.
106
00:04:49,254 --> 00:04:51,221
Look, I'm just gonna pretend
I'm an old buddy
107
00:04:51,289 --> 00:04:53,157
and chat the guy up
in front of his date.
108
00:04:53,224 --> 00:04:56,928
Tell her he's solid,
dependable, charismatic.
109
00:04:56,995 --> 00:05:00,765
I happen to be a very
persuasive, you know... liar.
110
00:05:00,833 --> 00:05:03,802
Charlie, you have
a distant mother
111
00:05:03,870 --> 00:05:06,572
and a critical father, and that is
why you have an overwhelming need
112
00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:09,408
to be loved by everyone...
including your patients.
113
00:05:09,476 --> 00:05:11,343
Or I just want to help my
patients have a healthier life.
114
00:05:11,411 --> 00:05:13,412
I guess you don't.
115
00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:17,183
My God, how do you look at
yourself in the mirror?
116
00:05:17,251 --> 00:05:19,452
Except for the fact that
you're very, very pretty.
117
00:05:22,122 --> 00:05:23,589
So I was thinking,
118
00:05:23,656 --> 00:05:25,824
maybe we could go to the
Renaissance Faire this weekend.
119
00:05:25,892 --> 00:05:28,326
- Are you free?
- Yeah.
120
00:05:28,394 --> 00:05:31,262
That would be our
fifth date, methinks.
121
00:05:31,329 --> 00:05:32,963
But thy would have to drive.
122
00:05:33,031 --> 00:05:36,266
As my car needeth
a new belt of timing.
123
00:05:38,537 --> 00:05:40,238
Hey, Nolan.
124
00:05:40,305 --> 00:05:42,740
Charlie, what are you doing here?
125
00:05:42,808 --> 00:05:45,276
I just stopped by for a drink.
Hi, I'm Charlie.
126
00:05:45,344 --> 00:05:47,812
This is Athena.
Athena, this is Charlie.
127
00:05:47,880 --> 00:05:49,747
- Hi, Charlie.
- Hi.
128
00:05:49,815 --> 00:05:52,283
I don't want to bother you two.
Looks like you're having fun.
129
00:05:52,350 --> 00:05:54,451
Obviously, everybody
has fun with Nolan.
130
00:05:54,519 --> 00:05:57,454
Solid, dependable,
charismatic Nolan.
131
00:05:57,522 --> 00:05:59,456
We have a great time
whenever we're hanging out.
132
00:05:59,524 --> 00:06:02,226
- How do you guys know each other?
- Charlie's my, eh...
133
00:06:02,293 --> 00:06:05,162
- urologist.
- Really?
134
00:06:05,229 --> 00:06:08,432
- You're his penis doctor?
- Yes.
135
00:06:08,500 --> 00:06:10,568
Because that's
what an urologist is.
136
00:06:12,170 --> 00:06:15,206
Oh. So my penis
is fine, right?
137
00:06:15,273 --> 00:06:17,141
It's delightful.
138
00:06:19,011 --> 00:06:21,946
Excuse me. There's a guy
at the bar who's really lit,
139
00:06:22,014 --> 00:06:23,848
and he's pissed because
I had to cut him off.
140
00:06:23,916 --> 00:06:26,726
- I think I need your professional skills.
- Oh, my God.
141
00:06:26,851 --> 00:06:29,653
- Is something wrong with his penis?
- I'm off the clock, Brett.
142
00:06:29,721 --> 00:06:31,622
Maybe you should call the cops
so they'll handle it.
143
00:06:31,689 --> 00:06:34,763
No. You're an anger management
therapist and you're right here.
144
00:06:34,831 --> 00:06:38,068
Wait. Is that
how you know him?
145
00:06:38,136 --> 00:06:41,742
Were you just lying to me?
Are you in anger therapy?
146
00:06:41,810 --> 00:06:44,946
Well, maybe.
Kind of. Yeah.
147
00:06:46,716 --> 00:06:49,518
I'm just going to handle
this myself.
148
00:06:51,921 --> 00:06:53,989
- I can't believe this.
- Athena, it's not what you think.
149
00:06:54,056 --> 00:06:57,392
It is exactly what I think. Someone
lied to me, right to my face.
150
00:06:57,460 --> 00:07:00,228
Don't call me. Don't come over.
We're done.
151
00:07:05,001 --> 00:07:07,236
Okay. Before you say
anything, let me just say...
152
00:07:07,304 --> 00:07:09,071
dinner's on me.
153
00:07:13,272 --> 00:07:15,974
Whatever plans you have
today, break them.
154
00:07:16,042 --> 00:07:19,778
That's a problem because my plan
today was to break all my plans.
155
00:07:19,846 --> 00:07:23,248
- Now I'm confused.
- Here.
156
00:07:23,316 --> 00:07:26,351
- What are these?
- Spaces available for your new office.
157
00:07:26,419 --> 00:07:27,953
Why? Are they bulldozing
my living room
158
00:07:28,020 --> 00:07:30,354
and putting in
a new shopping mall?
159
00:07:30,422 --> 00:07:31,756
You know how you're
not supposed to work
160
00:07:31,823 --> 00:07:33,624
in your bed because
it's where you sleep?
161
00:07:33,692 --> 00:07:36,394
I don't know if I agree. I think I
do some of my best work in bed.
162
00:07:36,461 --> 00:07:38,596
Yes, you do.
163
00:07:38,664 --> 00:07:40,464
You show up whenever
you're supposed to
164
00:07:40,532 --> 00:07:42,100
and you keep a tidy work space
165
00:07:42,167 --> 00:07:45,670
and you've gone 110 days
without an accident.
166
00:07:45,737 --> 00:07:48,439
My point is, having
patients in your home
167
00:07:48,507 --> 00:07:50,308
makes you feel
like they're your family.
168
00:07:50,376 --> 00:07:53,078
That just encourages you to get
overinvolved in their lives.
169
00:07:53,146 --> 00:07:55,814
Will you stop worrying about that? I'm
telling you, it's not a problem for me.
170
00:07:55,881 --> 00:07:59,450
It is. You almost went
to the bar last night
171
00:07:59,518 --> 00:08:01,586
to make sure your patient
had a good date.
172
00:08:01,653 --> 00:08:05,056
- I didn't almost go to the bar.
- So you went to the bar?
173
00:08:05,124 --> 00:08:08,593
- Yes.
- And it went badly?
174
00:08:09,161 --> 00:08:11,995
- No.
- It went horribly?
175
00:08:12,063 --> 00:08:15,698
- Yes.
- ( Knocks on door )
176
00:08:15,766 --> 00:08:18,368
That's Nolan and Athena. I'm going
to help them get back together.
177
00:08:18,436 --> 00:08:22,072
- You are in complete denial.
- Well, maybe, but it's better than partial denial.
178
00:08:22,140 --> 00:08:24,408
That's so wishy-washy.
I say go big or go home.
179
00:08:27,446 --> 00:08:29,947
I'm so sorry.
I overreacted.
180
00:08:30,015 --> 00:08:31,749
- I do that a lot.
- That's okay.
181
00:08:31,817 --> 00:08:34,685
Most people think you have to be
angry to be in anger therapy,
182
00:08:34,753 --> 00:08:36,721
but there are lots of other related issues.
Like Nolan's.
183
00:08:36,788 --> 00:08:38,456
You can't lump people together.
184
00:08:38,523 --> 00:08:40,891
Not all the Vikings
raped and pillaged.
185
00:08:40,959 --> 00:08:42,559
Some of them
just liked sailing.
186
00:08:44,728 --> 00:08:46,963
You know what, Nolan? Those rape
analogies don't always work,
187
00:08:47,031 --> 00:08:48,865
but that one is on the money.
188
00:08:48,933 --> 00:08:52,469
I just want you to know that I'm
here for you on your journey.
189
00:08:52,536 --> 00:08:54,938
- Our journey.
- I feel so much better.
190
00:08:55,006 --> 00:08:57,774
Now I don't have to hide anything.
Thank you, Charlie.
191
00:08:58,455 --> 00:09:00,072
I love you, man.
192
00:09:02,183 --> 00:09:05,514
I may get a little emotional.
I'll be right back.
193
00:09:07,953 --> 00:09:11,289
- Are we done?
- Eh, as soon as Nolan
194
00:09:11,357 --> 00:09:13,511
gets back from the bathroom.
I guess you can go.
195
00:09:13,636 --> 00:09:15,153
Really? Thanks.
196
00:09:17,230 --> 00:09:20,100
- Did I say something wrong?
- No, you're a therapist. You're God.
197
00:09:22,572 --> 00:09:24,573
Well, we better go.
If we leave now,
198
00:09:24,641 --> 00:09:27,088
we can still make
the Renaissance Faire.
199
00:09:28,191 --> 00:09:30,426
Thanks again for taking the time
to explain everything to me
200
00:09:30,493 --> 00:09:33,061
so that Nolan and I
could get back together.
201
00:09:33,129 --> 00:09:34,797
I won't forget this.
202
00:09:36,232 --> 00:09:38,668
Do you blink?
I don't think you blink.
203
00:09:39,970 --> 00:09:41,871
I don't want to miss
anything. See ya.
204
00:09:48,692 --> 00:09:50,526
- Hey, Nolan.
- Hey.
205
00:09:50,594 --> 00:09:52,826
Sent you a couple of emails, didn't hear anything back.
Is everything all right?
206
00:09:52,951 --> 00:09:55,531
Yeah. I was over at Athena's
and I went to the bathroom,
207
00:09:55,599 --> 00:09:58,300
and when I came back, my computer
was smashed on the floor.
208
00:09:58,368 --> 00:10:00,320
Athena said her cat did it.
209
00:10:01,337 --> 00:10:04,439
- Her cat?
- Yeah. I mean, her cat is real crazy.
210
00:10:04,507 --> 00:10:07,976
I guess he was playing with my phone and
erased all my old girlfriends' numbers.
211
00:10:08,044 --> 00:10:10,112
Nolan, I've never had a cat,
212
00:10:10,179 --> 00:10:12,915
so maybe I'm alarmed
for nothing.
213
00:10:12,983 --> 00:10:15,351
It sounds like you, me, and Athena
need to have another session.
214
00:10:15,419 --> 00:10:18,821
Not necessary. I actually want to
talk about Athena in group today.
215
00:10:18,889 --> 00:10:22,358
That's very healthy.
Let's get started.
216
00:10:22,426 --> 00:10:25,595
- Okay.
- Wait. Where's Ed?
217
00:10:25,662 --> 00:10:28,831
Turns out he was the one who
complained about me on Yelp.
218
00:10:28,899 --> 00:10:30,932
Apparently, he also complained
about the Patriot Act.
219
00:10:31,000 --> 00:10:32,567
So now he's down at the Federal
Building trying to prove
220
00:10:32,635 --> 00:10:35,070
he's not a Honduran national.
221
00:10:35,137 --> 00:10:37,439
Now, I think Nolan has
something he'd like to share.
222
00:10:37,507 --> 00:10:39,474
Thanks, Charlie.
223
00:10:39,542 --> 00:10:42,444
I'm leaving the group.
Bye, everybody.
224
00:10:42,512 --> 00:10:46,014
- Okay, cool. My turn.
- Charlie: Hold on. Hold on, Patrick.
225
00:10:46,582 --> 00:10:48,149
What do you mean
you're leaving, Nolan?
226
00:10:48,217 --> 00:10:50,684
Well, last night,
Athena was explaining to me
227
00:10:50,752 --> 00:10:52,987
how inappropriate
it is for my therapist
228
00:10:53,055 --> 00:10:54,889
to be meddling in a
patient's personal life.
229
00:10:54,957 --> 00:10:58,259
She really knows because she's
been in therapy a bunch of times.
230
00:10:58,327 --> 00:11:01,162
I mean, a lot.
231
00:11:01,229 --> 00:11:02,963
What was she in therapy for?
232
00:11:03,031 --> 00:11:05,065
She said it's very complicated
233
00:11:05,133 --> 00:11:08,903
and that records were burned in an
unexplained fire in her foster home.
234
00:11:08,971 --> 00:11:10,371
It's weird, huh?
235
00:11:11,840 --> 00:11:14,142
Here's the good news.
236
00:11:14,209 --> 00:11:16,744
We're moving in together.
237
00:11:16,812 --> 00:11:20,215
- Bye, everybody.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
238
00:11:20,283 --> 00:11:22,350
At the risk of being too
involved in your personal life,
239
00:11:22,418 --> 00:11:24,819
do you really feel you know her
well enough to move in with her?
240
00:11:24,887 --> 00:11:27,255
Athena said you would
say the exact same thing.
241
00:11:27,323 --> 00:11:29,123
She's pretty much right
about everything.
242
00:11:29,191 --> 00:11:31,225
She said I don't need
to go to therapy any more
243
00:11:31,293 --> 00:11:33,995
because she can tell me
what to do.
244
00:11:34,062 --> 00:11:37,397
- ( Giggles )
- Nolan, from what I'm hearing, we need to keep talking.
245
00:11:37,465 --> 00:11:39,566
This is a terrible time
for you to leave therapy,
246
00:11:39,634 --> 00:11:41,735
but this is group. Why don't we
hear what the group has to say?
247
00:11:41,803 --> 00:11:43,671
Okay. I'll go first.
248
00:11:43,738 --> 00:11:45,940
Nolan, there are
so many issues,
249
00:11:46,007 --> 00:11:47,775
I don't even know
where to start.
250
00:11:47,843 --> 00:11:50,711
One. I'm amazed you even know
how to get here by yourself.
251
00:11:52,647 --> 00:11:55,616
Two. Who would want you
with that hair?
252
00:11:55,684 --> 00:11:58,719
Three. Think with your head,
not with your wiener.
253
00:11:58,787 --> 00:12:00,654
Four. Who would want you
with that shirt?
254
00:12:03,157 --> 00:12:04,924
- Five.
- All right, Lacey.
255
00:12:08,163 --> 00:12:10,698
- But you did say something in there that made sense.
- The wiener thing?
256
00:12:10,765 --> 00:12:13,200
- Yes.
- I knew it.
257
00:12:13,268 --> 00:12:15,269
Nolan, I think
your feelings for Athena
258
00:12:15,337 --> 00:12:17,105
may be clouding your judgment.
259
00:12:17,173 --> 00:12:18,873
She didn't push me
into anything.
260
00:12:18,941 --> 00:12:21,809
She said to take my time
and really think about it.
261
00:12:21,877 --> 00:12:24,413
( Car horn honking )
262
00:12:27,183 --> 00:12:30,486
That's Athena.
She misses me.
263
00:12:30,553 --> 00:12:34,289
- ( Horn continues honking )
- I gotta go get her stuff from her ex-boyfriend's place
264
00:12:34,357 --> 00:12:36,224
while he's still at work.
265
00:12:40,529 --> 00:12:42,597
You've got to help him,
Charlie.
266
00:12:42,665 --> 00:12:45,934
It's like watching a baby possum
crossing the road at night.
267
00:12:46,002 --> 00:12:48,770
I've hit so many.
I can't watch another one die.
268
00:12:50,506 --> 00:12:52,774
Well, then you might want
to rinse off your bumper
269
00:12:52,842 --> 00:12:54,943
'cause here comes a big one.
270
00:12:57,514 --> 00:13:00,583
Hey, Charlie. I felt bad about
bailing on you this weekend,
271
00:13:00,651 --> 00:13:03,054
so I brought over
some snacks for the sleepover.
272
00:13:03,122 --> 00:13:05,854
Thanks. I would have done it myself,
but I got a lot of crap going on.
273
00:13:07,591 --> 00:13:09,358
Condoms?
274
00:13:09,426 --> 00:13:12,695
Am I expected to provide sex
partners for all these girls?
275
00:13:12,762 --> 00:13:15,965
- Those are mine.
- Strawberry-flavored?
276
00:13:16,032 --> 00:13:18,467
Your rich cosmetic dentist is not
going to like the sugar in these.
277
00:13:18,535 --> 00:13:20,469
- Charlie!
- You know four out of five dentists
278
00:13:20,537 --> 00:13:22,838
recommend sugarless condoms for
their patients who chew condoms.
279
00:13:25,008 --> 00:13:27,509
Don't give me crap about
going away with this guy.
280
00:13:27,577 --> 00:13:30,245
I already feel bad enough
missing Sam's sleepover.
281
00:13:30,313 --> 00:13:32,314
Tell me about guilt.
282
00:13:32,381 --> 00:13:34,949
I tried to help a patient with his
girlfriend and I broke them up.
283
00:13:35,017 --> 00:13:37,419
Then I get them back together and
it turns out she's unstable.
284
00:13:37,586 --> 00:13:40,021
You know, this feels
really nice, like old times.
285
00:13:40,089 --> 00:13:42,057
Talking about your problems,
286
00:13:42,124 --> 00:13:44,358
and if I wasn't on my way to
screw some guy in Palm Desert,
287
00:13:44,426 --> 00:13:46,260
I would so stay
and help you work it out.
288
00:13:46,328 --> 00:13:49,630
I understand. You have to
trap a man into loving you.
289
00:13:49,698 --> 00:13:52,634
- I get it.
- Thank you.
290
00:13:55,004 --> 00:13:56,872
Hey, how's it going?
291
00:13:56,939 --> 00:13:59,308
They're texting
about how lame this is.
292
00:13:59,375 --> 00:14:01,744
- How do you know?
- They're texting me.
293
00:14:03,513 --> 00:14:05,281
Is there anything
I can do to help?
294
00:14:05,348 --> 00:14:07,983
- How about some Pictionary?
- No, no.
295
00:14:08,051 --> 00:14:11,153
- Fun stuff is supposed to happen spontaneously.
- Oh.
296
00:14:12,604 --> 00:14:14,856
Oh, my God, look. It's
Pictionary for no reason.
297
00:14:16,893 --> 00:14:19,428
Katelyn with a K wants you to
leave because you're annoying.
298
00:14:21,465 --> 00:14:25,034
And Caitlyn with a C says you're
not annoying, just boring.
299
00:14:25,102 --> 00:14:27,069
I think I know why
she spells it with a C.
300
00:14:31,276 --> 00:14:33,610
Hello? Nolan,
how are you?
301
00:14:34,813 --> 00:14:37,747
- Are you okay?
- Pretty good.
302
00:14:37,815 --> 00:14:41,651
I'm at the Sun Valley
Battered Women's Shelter.
303
00:14:41,719 --> 00:14:44,787
- You're what?!
- It was the nearest place they could take me.
304
00:14:44,855 --> 00:14:46,923
Turns out Athena
has anger issues.
305
00:14:46,991 --> 00:14:49,459
Could have used
a heads-up on that.
306
00:14:49,526 --> 00:14:52,757
I am so sorry, Nolan.
Where's Athena now?
307
00:14:52,825 --> 00:14:54,389
She took off. The police
are looking for her.
308
00:14:54,456 --> 00:14:56,390
Can you please pick me up?
309
00:14:56,458 --> 00:14:58,493
Be kind of hard
for me right now,
310
00:14:58,560 --> 00:15:00,662
and I'm not sure it would be
appropriate, Nolan.
311
00:15:00,730 --> 00:15:02,331
Isn't there anybody else
you can call?
312
00:15:02,398 --> 00:15:04,433
I tried Lacey,
but she didn't pick up.
313
00:15:04,501 --> 00:15:07,736
Is there anybody you can call
that actually cares about you?
314
00:15:07,804 --> 00:15:09,496
That's why I called you.
315
00:15:09,621 --> 00:15:13,142
Look, I can't go back to my house.
I gave a key to Athena.
316
00:15:13,210 --> 00:15:15,978
It's kind of ironic because
she stuck it in my eye.
317
00:15:16,046 --> 00:15:18,714
- Look, Nolan...
- I need a ride quick!
318
00:15:21,282 --> 00:15:24,249
They're not exactly
pro-dude here.
319
00:15:24,317 --> 00:15:27,253
Of course I'll be there. You
just hang tight at the shelter.
320
00:15:27,320 --> 00:15:30,256
- I'm on my way.
- What the hell is going on?
321
00:15:30,324 --> 00:15:32,825
Why is somebody at a shelter?
And why is there no pizza?
322
00:15:32,893 --> 00:15:34,861
I thought this was a sleepover.
323
00:15:35,960 --> 00:15:38,865
One of my patients
got beat up by his girlfriend.
324
00:15:38,933 --> 00:15:41,901
Look, I'm in a bind here. I need you
to do me a favor and watch the girls...
325
00:15:41,969 --> 00:15:43,369
- No.
- I can't bring
326
00:15:43,437 --> 00:15:45,571
all these girls to
a battered women's shelter.
327
00:15:45,639 --> 00:15:49,008
- Their parents will crucify me.
- But you can leave them with the beer-drinking neighbor
328
00:15:49,075 --> 00:15:51,776
who had a pot brownie about an hour
ago and is still feeling pretty good?
329
00:15:52,912 --> 00:15:55,013
Okay, Cheech.
330
00:15:55,081 --> 00:15:57,082
Just hang here and help yourself
to anything in the fridge.
331
00:15:57,150 --> 00:15:58,650
There's egg salad
and leftover sloppy joes.
332
00:15:58,718 --> 00:16:02,087
Awesome. I'm going to make
myself an eggy joe.
333
00:16:04,824 --> 00:16:07,159
Would you guys mind if I left for
about an hour to run an errand?
334
00:16:07,227 --> 00:16:09,728
I don't know. I don't trust
myself with liquor in the house.
335
00:16:11,530 --> 00:16:14,965
- Okay. Who wants to go to In-N-Out Burger?
- ( All exclaim )
336
00:16:15,033 --> 00:16:17,668
- Mike: I want to go.
- Eat your eggy joe.
337
00:16:17,736 --> 00:16:21,572
All right. On the way back, I have to make
a quick stop to pick up a buddy of mine.
338
00:16:21,640 --> 00:16:23,841
All I ask is that you don't tell your
parents about this little detour.
339
00:16:23,909 --> 00:16:27,478
- Are we going on a drug run?
- No. We're not going on a drug run.
340
00:16:27,546 --> 00:16:29,647
- Mike: I want to go.
- I said we're not going on a drug run!
341
00:16:29,714 --> 00:16:31,816
Eat your goddamn eggy joe!
342
00:16:35,522 --> 00:16:37,356
Sorry about that.
343
00:16:43,037 --> 00:16:46,139
- What happened to your face?
- I'll answer that, Nolan.
344
00:16:46,207 --> 00:16:48,575
He had an accident
giving his cat a bath.
345
00:16:48,643 --> 00:16:52,245
Yeah, Whiskers can be pretty
ferocious when she's been drinking.
346
00:16:54,315 --> 00:16:56,473
Why were you
at a women's shelter?
347
00:16:57,652 --> 00:16:59,987
Okay. I think it's time
to tell them the truth
348
00:17:00,055 --> 00:17:03,124
about what really
happened to you.
349
00:17:03,192 --> 00:17:07,029
Nolan is a reporter
for "Time Magazine"...
350
00:17:07,097 --> 00:17:10,533
doing an exposé on what it's like to
be a man living in a women's shelter.
351
00:17:10,601 --> 00:17:12,736
Then he walked into a door.
352
00:17:14,005 --> 00:17:16,473
You must be
a pretty crappy therapist
353
00:17:16,541 --> 00:17:18,642
if you don't know
domestic abuse when you see it.
354
00:17:22,313 --> 00:17:25,315
Ruby's right. Nolan is a
victim of domestic abuse.
355
00:17:25,383 --> 00:17:28,419
I'm really sorry everybody
had to be involved in this.
356
00:17:28,487 --> 00:17:30,688
It's all my fault.
I should have known...
357
00:17:30,756 --> 00:17:33,458
you don't unload a dishwasher
while someone's on the phone.
358
00:17:38,164 --> 00:17:39,764
Check it out.
359
00:17:39,832 --> 00:17:42,293
Your daughter and her friends
did some makeup on me.
360
00:17:42,418 --> 00:17:44,502
Turns out
I have combination skin.
361
00:17:46,505 --> 00:17:50,159
- Lacey. What are you doing here?
- You texted me.
362
00:17:50,456 --> 00:17:52,242
Oh, you mean, why do I care?
363
00:17:52,310 --> 00:17:54,778
You know, Charlie's always saying we
should give a crap about each other.
364
00:17:54,846 --> 00:17:56,780
I'm touched, Lacey.
365
00:17:56,848 --> 00:18:00,284
Yeah, well, I figured I'd try
it once to get you off my ass.
366
00:18:01,006 --> 00:18:02,740
So where's the bitch
that hit you?
367
00:18:02,808 --> 00:18:05,309
I don't know. She hasn't
texted me back yet.
368
00:18:05,377 --> 00:18:07,912
Wha... you texted her?
369
00:18:07,979 --> 00:18:10,681
I didn't want her to worry.
370
00:18:10,749 --> 00:18:13,385
Dad, there's some woman outside
the house yelling for Nolan.
371
00:18:13,452 --> 00:18:15,120
- I think she's drunk.
- How do you know that?
372
00:18:15,188 --> 00:18:17,490
She keeps yelling,
"I'm drunk."
373
00:18:17,558 --> 00:18:20,960
Holy crap. All right.
Take all your friends upstairs.
374
00:18:21,028 --> 00:18:23,128
Tell them there's $20 in it for every
kid who doesn't text their parents.
375
00:18:23,196 --> 00:18:25,463
If they give you any lip,
go to $30.
376
00:18:27,600 --> 00:18:29,969
Okay, okay. Just wait here.
I'm going to go out there
377
00:18:30,036 --> 00:18:32,538
and try and talk her down before this
thing gets any further out of control.
378
00:18:32,605 --> 00:18:35,007
- I got this.
- Lacey...
379
00:18:35,075 --> 00:18:36,876
Charlie: Lacey!
380
00:18:36,944 --> 00:18:39,478
Athena: Nolan, come outside.
I just want to talk to you!
381
00:18:39,546 --> 00:18:42,415
- Yeah, well, I want to talk to you, too!
- Whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow down.
382
00:18:42,482 --> 00:18:45,685
Nothing was ever solved by hitting
someone with a giant spoon.
383
00:18:45,752 --> 00:18:47,620
I'm responsible for this.
384
00:18:47,687 --> 00:18:49,555
I'm the one who has to
do something about it.
385
00:18:49,623 --> 00:18:51,824
- Athena: Get out here!
- You're right. You should be doing something.
386
00:18:51,892 --> 00:18:55,695
- Here, hold my earrings.
- Lacey. You don't understand how mean she is.
387
00:18:55,763 --> 00:18:58,531
She's drunk. She'll kill you.
Take the big fork, too.
388
00:19:00,702 --> 00:19:03,370
- Lacey, sit down.
- Athena: Baby, I just wanna see you!
389
00:19:03,438 --> 00:19:05,405
Nolan, listen to me.
I get it now.
390
00:19:05,473 --> 00:19:08,108
I don't care if you
like me or hate me any more.
391
00:19:08,176 --> 00:19:11,245
Watching you stand here, ready to let Lacey
go out and fight for you with cutlery...
392
00:19:11,312 --> 00:19:14,981
no matter how big...
is the last straw.
393
00:19:15,049 --> 00:19:17,951
I have failed you
as a therapist.
394
00:19:18,019 --> 00:19:20,620
- I'm going to go out there, get rid of Athena...
- Athena: Nolan.
395
00:19:20,688 --> 00:19:23,257
...then you're going to find a
new therapist who can help you.
396
00:19:23,324 --> 00:19:26,293
- Wait. Give me the spoon.
- Athena: Nolan, come out!
397
00:19:26,361 --> 00:19:28,962
You're not going out there.
Charlie's not going out there.
398
00:19:29,030 --> 00:19:31,131
I'm the only one
going out there,
399
00:19:31,199 --> 00:19:32,766
and I can only be stopped
with a kiss.
400
00:19:34,669 --> 00:19:36,670
I'm not going to kiss him.
Charlie, are you?
401
00:19:36,737 --> 00:19:39,139
I... I think it would send
the wrong message.
402
00:19:40,474 --> 00:19:42,141
Okay.
403
00:19:42,209 --> 00:19:44,043
Here I go.
404
00:19:46,547 --> 00:19:49,282
- Atena: Baby, I miss you.
- You're really going to let him go out there alone?
405
00:19:49,350 --> 00:19:51,318
You know what?
He really needs to do this.
406
00:19:55,589 --> 00:19:58,358
See? They're talking.
407
00:19:58,426 --> 00:20:00,660
She's turning around.
408
00:20:00,728 --> 00:20:02,963
Walking to her car.
409
00:20:03,031 --> 00:20:04,632
She's getting in.
410
00:20:04,700 --> 00:20:06,734
Now she's driving away.
411
00:20:06,802 --> 00:20:09,771
- ( Tires screeching )
- Now she's turning around...
412
00:20:11,206 --> 00:20:13,041
Now she's chasing Nolan.
413
00:20:13,108 --> 00:20:14,742
Call the cops.
I've got to go.
414
00:20:16,678 --> 00:20:18,947
Drop the spoon and run, man!
415
00:20:24,821 --> 00:20:27,423
Hey. I'm not getting
strawberry.
416
00:20:27,491 --> 00:20:29,225
They're like Otter Pops.
417
00:20:29,293 --> 00:20:31,027
They all taste the same.
418
00:20:33,164 --> 00:20:36,533
So anyway,
419
00:20:36,601 --> 00:20:38,769
Lacey grabs a giant spoon
to go after Athena,
420
00:20:38,836 --> 00:20:40,737
but Nolan stopped her
and went outside
421
00:20:40,805 --> 00:20:43,740
and got chased up a tree
by a Toyota 4Runner.
422
00:20:43,808 --> 00:20:46,277
This all happened in front of a
bunch of screaming little girls.
423
00:20:46,344 --> 00:20:49,046
Well, I think I know what
the giant spoon represents.
424
00:20:49,113 --> 00:20:52,282
No, no, no. This wasn't a dream.
It actually happened.
425
00:20:52,350 --> 00:20:54,551
So what was the final outcome?
426
00:20:54,619 --> 00:20:56,754
Well, you were right
and I was right.
427
00:20:56,821 --> 00:20:59,790
I inspired Lacey with my methods,
but I inspired Nolan with yours.
428
00:20:59,858 --> 00:21:03,461
But by using your methods, I made them mine.
So it was a total victory for me.
429
00:21:05,130 --> 00:21:08,232
Good for you. Now, if you
want another victory tonight,
430
00:21:08,300 --> 00:21:10,534
you're going to have to
give it to yourself.
431
00:21:10,602 --> 00:21:13,203
Here's banana.
Tastes like strawberry.