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Subs created by: David Coleman.
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Guys, guess what?
The play I wrote is going to be produced!
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Oh, that's awesome. On Broadway?
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No, in your school auditorium!
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Which is just four subway
stops away from Broadway!
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Principal Johnson called
it "well-formatted".
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And "amazingly affordable".
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Try not to let that go to your head.
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Jessie, look, I'm on Mount Everest!
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(Chuckles nervously)
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And I am her fearless Sherpa Guide.
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Fearless? You cried all the way up.
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(Grunting)
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Look out!
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Luke! Watch out!
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Wow, that was close. Thanks.
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- Hiya, freckles!
- (Screams) Creepy Connie!
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I'd rather be smushed by the boulder!
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Connie, thank you so much for saving Luke.
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Now please don't hurt him. Or me.
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(Scoffs)
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Come on!
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Who hasn't broken into a boy's apartment,
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kidnapped his favorite
stuffed koala, and then..
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Accidentally decapitated him?
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Am I right, ladies?
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Aren't you supposed to have
a court-ordered companion?
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Not since yesterday!
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The 180 days are up!
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Great!
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Anyway, Luke, I am so sorry,
and I'm totally over you.
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So can't we just be friends?
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Why don't you ask Kenny the koala?
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Jessie sewed his head back on,
but it still looks like this!
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(Whimpers)
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- So! - (Chuckles nervously)
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Are we going back to your place?
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I could use some chicken
wings and a hot bath.
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Gee, I would love that!
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But we just moved.
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- We did?
- Yes, we did!
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A Luke hair!
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I'll add it to the doll.
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You're so handsome. Yes, you are!
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Dance for me!
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(Giggling)
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Come on, Lukey, let's go home.
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That is messed up!
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I know.
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Luke gets all the girls!
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Oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh, oh.
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Hey Jessie, hey Jessie.
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It feels like a party every day.
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Hey Jessie, hey Jessie.
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But they keep on pulling
me every which way.
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Hey Jessie, hey Jessie.
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My whole world is changing,
turning around.
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They got me going crazy, and
they're shaking the ground.
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But they took a chance on
the new girl in town.
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And I don't want to let
them down, down, down.
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Hey Jessie.
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Hey Jessie.
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It feels like a party every day.
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Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, Jessie.
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Congratulations, Bertram.
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For school, I need to write a
report on someone and their job.
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And I chose you.
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Well, of course you did.
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Because you have a deep respect for
the rich history of butlering.
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No, because you don't do anything.
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When Ravi first got here,
were a bean bag chair.
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He also thought the garbage
disposal was an angry God.
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He was new.
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Your gig is so easy, anyone could do it.
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Oh, that sounds like a challenge.
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I wouldn't call your job a challenge.
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But I'm down for a little
Butler competition.
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Fine. May the best Butler win!
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I'm gonna buttle your butt off!
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(Bones cracking) (Groaning)
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Hey, guys.
Are you gonna try out for the play?
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I've gotten the lead role every year
since my kindergarten health pageant.
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He played gingivitis.
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What can I say? I've got talent,
good looks, and charisma.
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And don't forget that weird egg smell.
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You smell it, too?
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And still he gets all the girls.
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Meanwhile, I douse myself
with manly cologne..
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And I get bupkis.
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Okay, I know you're all super-excited to
audition for my play, grenade to the heart.
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I'll take that loud breathing as a yes.
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Okay. Let me set the scene for you.
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Josie, a waitress in a Texas
Cantina, is crushed when Ben,
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the soldier she loves, dumps her,
destroying her young life.
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Sounds like the feel-good
play of the semester.
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Wait, wait, wait!
Did I mention there's a, uh, werewolf?
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(Students exclaim excitedly)
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That's gonna be an easy rewrite.
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Ooh, I hope I get picked to be in
this thinly-veiled dramatization,
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of yet another of Jessie's
romantic train wrecks.
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This play is not about
my pathetic love life!
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I'm writing a musical about that.
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Can I do the wardrobe?
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The story of your failed
love may be the same,
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but at least the clothes won't be tragic.
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Hello, fellow thespians!
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Hark, doth I see a sign-up sheet?
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A little Shakespeare for ya there.
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Uh, Connie, you've never tried
out for the school play before.
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I know, but I just
suddenly felt the urge to
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be on stage, feel the lights on my face..
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Didn't you get enough of that
during your police line-up?
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But officer Turner said I had star quality.
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Anyway, all the parts are taken.
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Right, Jessie?
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Jessie, your play is so brilliant.
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It's pure poetry.
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Auditions start right now.
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Break a leg! (Chuckles)
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Oh, don't give her any ideas!
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Round one, introducing a guest.
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(Elevator dings)
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Introducing Mister Kipling,
of the Ranjapooni Kiplings.
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Thank you, good Sir.
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An extra dead mouse will
be on your pillow tonight.
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Boring. That's not an introduction.
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This is an introduction.
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(Upbeat music playing)
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And now!
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Introducing!
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Your main monitor!
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Mr. Kipling!
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(Music stops)
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I think that music made me deaf.
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Aw! Does that mean you can't hear this?
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(Shouting) Point, Zuri!
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(Music playing)
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All right, I'm posting the cast list.
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Whoa! Ow! Ow!
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Look, someone's selling a used clarinet.
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Yes! I got the male lead.
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Of course.
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I am the werewolf? Thank you, Jessie!
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What clinched it, my bad boy
reputation, or my animal magnetism?
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The fact that you were the only other
boy who wanted to be in the play.
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Works for me!
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I wonder who's going to play Josie.
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Me, I hope!
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What?
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I'm playing a tumbleweed?
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Tumbleweed number one!
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You are the lead weed!
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You roll across the stage twice!
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You're okay with that, right?
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Sure.
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Not everyone can be the star, right?
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I'm just happy to be a part of the cast.
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Great!
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So, Luke, looks like you'll be doing the
kissing scene with Charlotte Dunbar.
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Lucky her.
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Lucky me! She must be a great kisser.
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I've seen the way she plays the trumpet.
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(Blowing raspberry)
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I just couldn't be happier for Charlotte.
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(Screaming)
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(Shouting) What are you staring at?
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Jessie: Welcome to our first rehearsal.
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I want you all to feel free
to explore your characters.
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But if you change one word of my
dialogue, you're going to detention.
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Wow, somebody went through
puberty awful fast.
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It is makeup.
It will help me get into character.
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And if you get lost,
into the animal shelter!
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(Snarls)
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Ravi, I appreciate your dedication..
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Good. Because I have many questions.
When was I first bitten?
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Oh! When I kill, do I feel remorse?
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How do I keep my fur shiny and manageable?
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I don't know, I don't
care, and conditioner!
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Jessie, what do you think of
this for Luke's character?
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You know, army uniforms shouldn't sparkle.
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It kinda undercuts the
whole camouflage thing.
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Now, where's the actress playing me?
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I mean, Josie?
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- Haven't you heard?
- Oh!
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Poor Charlotte was coming
down the stairs and slipped
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on a limited edition
tickle me Voldemort doll.
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Well, that's odd.
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Voldemort doesn't strike me as a giggler.
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So sadly, the only cast Charlotte's going
to be in is a full-body cast. (Laughing)
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I mean, aw.
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So you love Harry Potter,
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and the dark lord just happened to
end up taking out your competition?
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How do you explain that?
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Death Eaters are everywhere.
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Jessie, don't you see what's going on here?
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Creepy Connie wants to play
Josie so she can kiss me!
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And who can blame her? But help me!
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Maybe she's just excited to be a part of
such a groundbreaking piece of theater.
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You are aware we're all doing this
just to get out of Home EC, right?
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Well, actually, I was not aware of that.
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That explains your attitude and
why you can't work a blender.
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Anyway, Becky Greenberg is
next in line for the part.
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Becky Greenberg?
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She is the understudy.
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Right. Uh-huh.
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Yeah, the six feet understudy.
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- Excuse me?
- Nothing.
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That's fine. You're the Director.
You know best.
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(Chuckling)
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(Yelling) Ow!
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Ravi, that was fabulous, but
save it for show night.
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(Vacuum whirring)
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Done! Ha!
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Vacuumed all 14 stairs in
two minutes, six seconds!
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00:12:06,883 --> 00:12:08,539
Now that's fast!
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00:12:08,540 --> 00:12:11,042
Zuri: No, this is fast!
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(Tires screeching) (Whirring)
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- Where did you get that?
- Tony knows a guy.
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He pimped my ride.
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(Music playing)
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Woo!
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Emma, my Dad sent this flamethrower
for Ben to use in the play.
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00:12:45,802 --> 00:12:49,341
Your Dad had a flamethrower
just lying around the house?
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Yeah. He's too cheap to buy a barbecue.
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Okay, BTW, do not push that button.
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All right!
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Okay, let's start rehearsal.
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Where is my actress playing Josie?
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Haven't you heard?
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Unfortunately, poor Becky had a
terrible mishap in shop class today.
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Somehow, and this is a weird one..
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Her braces got welded to a crescent wrench.
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How did that happen?
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I have to believe basic
safety rules were violated.
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But poor Becky can't even say who
did it, because she can't talk.
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(Screaming)
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But I'm available.
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Pucker up, Luke.
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Jessie! Sidebar?
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Open your eyes! Can't you see Connie
is bumping off the competition?
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Luke, we open tomorrow.
I don't have time for your paranoia!
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So, what are we talking about?
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We're talking about how Dina Papadakis
is going to be our new Josie!
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Oh, congratulations, Dina!
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I am so happy for you.
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00:14:09,063 --> 00:14:14,103
And you deserve everything
that's coming to you.
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Run!
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00:14:18,927 --> 00:14:21,489
Dina! Dina, wait!
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00:14:21,490 --> 00:14:22,963
Now what am I gonna do?
250
00:14:22,964 --> 00:14:25,773
Unless I can find an actress who
can learn that part in one day,
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my New York debut is ruined!
252
00:14:28,512 --> 00:14:31,317
Lucky for you, I know the part forwards.
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00:14:31,318 --> 00:14:34,306
"Ben, you know you are
the only one for me".
254
00:14:34,307 --> 00:14:39,847
And backwards, "me for one
the only you know you, Ben".
255
00:14:39,848 --> 00:14:43,028
Part the got you, wow!
256
00:14:43,416 --> 00:14:44,797
You're my new Josie!
257
00:14:44,798 --> 00:14:47,174
Oh, my gosh! This is so exciting!
258
00:14:47,175 --> 00:14:51,135
I've got to go scrape my tongue.
259
00:14:52,749 --> 00:14:55,434
What is on her tongue?
260
00:14:55,435 --> 00:14:59,875
And why does she have to scrape it off?
261
00:15:03,818 --> 00:15:05,504
Ta-da!
262
00:15:05,505 --> 00:15:08,451
My souffle! (Chuckles)
263
00:15:08,452 --> 00:15:11,076
Prepare to taste a culinary feat.
264
00:15:11,077 --> 00:15:16,274
If your dessert tastes like
feet, you don't stand a chance.
265
00:15:16,275 --> 00:15:17,616
(Bell dings)
266
00:15:17,617 --> 00:15:20,586
My Queasy Bake Brownies are done!
267
00:15:20,587 --> 00:15:23,306
Yay! They came out perfect!
268
00:15:23,307 --> 00:15:25,351
(Snickers)
269
00:15:25,352 --> 00:15:29,085
Okay, let's see what Mr. Kipling thinks.
270
00:15:29,086 --> 00:15:32,566
Bertram: He'll choose mine.
271
00:15:34,701 --> 00:15:35,961
Yes!
272
00:15:35,962 --> 00:15:37,762
No!
273
00:15:38,287 --> 00:15:41,033
Hey, you put crickets in your brownies?
274
00:15:41,034 --> 00:15:42,390
That's cheating!
275
00:15:42,391 --> 00:15:45,224
No, that's good butlering.
276
00:15:45,225 --> 00:15:48,681
Mr. Kipling's eating, but
you just got served.
277
00:15:48,682 --> 00:15:51,142
You're mean.
278
00:15:51,718 --> 00:15:54,647
Well, Josie, I should be
getting back to the base.
279
00:15:54,648 --> 00:15:59,413
But Ben, every time we
say goodbye, it's like a..
280
00:15:59,414 --> 00:16:02,432
(Mouthing) Grenade to the heart.
281
00:16:02,433 --> 00:16:04,697
(Ravi howling)
282
00:16:04,698 --> 00:16:08,718
The moon is full and I must feed!
283
00:16:09,636 --> 00:16:13,721
I think I integrated that pretty well.
284
00:16:13,722 --> 00:16:15,816
Stay away from that girl!
285
00:16:15,817 --> 00:16:20,071
Mortal fool.
Only silver can kill a werewolf.
286
00:16:20,072 --> 00:16:23,312
Oh, thanks for the tip.
287
00:16:23,583 --> 00:16:26,163
Oh! Silverware!
288
00:16:26,239 --> 00:16:28,459
The pain!
289
00:16:28,982 --> 00:16:30,782
Ah!
290
00:16:31,852 --> 00:16:34,893
(Groaning dramatically)
291
00:16:34,894 --> 00:16:38,374
Zip it, fido! You're dead!
292
00:16:40,149 --> 00:16:42,129
This is torture.
293
00:16:42,130 --> 00:16:47,290
Oh, Ben, how can I ever
thank you for saving me?
294
00:16:55,715 --> 00:16:58,235
Ooh.. Up top!
295
00:17:02,368 --> 00:17:03,892
This is where we're supposed to kiss!
296
00:17:03,893 --> 00:17:08,782
Yeah, not gonna happen.
You were lucky I gave you a high-five.
297
00:17:08,783 --> 00:17:10,529
Wait a minute, that's not in my script.
298
00:17:10,530 --> 00:17:12,503
I am not leaving without a kiss.
299
00:17:12,504 --> 00:17:15,133
That's not a good idea, Josie. (Coughs)
300
00:17:15,134 --> 00:17:17,072
I think I'm coming down with something.
(Coughs)
301
00:17:17,073 --> 00:17:19,059
I'll risk it, Ben!
302
00:17:19,060 --> 00:17:22,945
Luckily, I have a very
strong immune system.
303
00:17:22,946 --> 00:17:24,746
Ah!
304
00:17:26,259 --> 00:17:30,039
Kiss me, kiss me, kiss me now!
305
00:17:34,840 --> 00:17:37,917
I'm starting to think
maybe Connie was lying
306
00:17:37,918 --> 00:17:41,232
about the whole "being over Luke" thing.
307
00:17:41,233 --> 00:17:43,166
(Grunts)
308
00:17:43,167 --> 00:17:46,948
Now, you can kiss me, or
you can kiss the cactus!
309
00:17:46,949 --> 00:17:48,938
I pick the cactus!
310
00:17:48,939 --> 00:17:50,859
Whoa!
311
00:17:51,979 --> 00:17:54,259
(Screaming)
312
00:17:56,643 --> 00:17:59,763
Kiss me! Kiss me! Kiss me!
313
00:17:59,764 --> 00:18:01,045
Bertram, wake up.
314
00:18:01,046 --> 00:18:03,140
It's finally getting good.
315
00:18:03,141 --> 00:18:05,901
Luke: Connie, no!
316
00:18:06,686 --> 00:18:11,173
Oh, Jessie, help!
I told you Connie was still creepy!
317
00:18:11,174 --> 00:18:13,611
You know, Ben..
318
00:18:13,612 --> 00:18:17,967
I'm tired of being the one
who always gets burned.
319
00:18:17,968 --> 00:18:19,882
Does she know about the button?
320
00:18:19,883 --> 00:18:22,523
(Luke screaming)
321
00:18:23,073 --> 00:18:27,150
She knows about the button!
She knows about the button!
322
00:18:27,151 --> 00:18:28,515
I'm going in!
323
00:18:28,516 --> 00:18:29,991
Wait!
324
00:18:29,992 --> 00:18:31,577
Here!
325
00:18:31,578 --> 00:18:32,961
Is this flame retardant?
326
00:18:32,962 --> 00:18:36,322
No, but it's super cute.
327
00:18:38,371 --> 00:18:41,311
Are you okay.. Ben?
328
00:18:42,470 --> 00:18:46,910
I am an oddly dressed MP, here to help.
329
00:18:48,052 --> 00:18:52,410
I don't know what's worse,
her writing or her acting.
330
00:18:52,411 --> 00:18:56,245
This is more confusing than Inception.
331
00:18:56,246 --> 00:18:59,246
What is the problem?
332
00:18:59,358 --> 00:19:01,110
For starters, your outfit!
333
00:19:01,111 --> 00:19:02,220
(Gasps)
334
00:19:02,221 --> 00:19:04,921
That was snippy.
335
00:19:05,052 --> 00:19:07,891
You have to learn to accept it if
a guy is not interested in you.
336
00:19:07,892 --> 00:19:09,658
Well, how do you know he's not interested?
337
00:19:09,659 --> 00:19:12,959
All: He's not interested!
338
00:19:12,960 --> 00:19:14,946
Nobody asked you!
339
00:19:14,947 --> 00:19:18,886
Look, you need to find someone else.
340
00:19:18,887 --> 00:19:20,335
But no one likes me.
341
00:19:20,336 --> 00:19:22,303
Oh, gee, I wonder why.
342
00:19:22,304 --> 00:19:26,973
Maybe it's because you're
creepy, and you cook people!
343
00:19:26,974 --> 00:19:30,214
Connie.. I mean, Josie..
344
00:19:30,760 --> 00:19:34,294
Look, you are a beautiful,
smart girl, okay?
345
00:19:34,295 --> 00:19:36,229
Forget Ben!
346
00:19:36,230 --> 00:19:40,105
Somewhere out there is a guy
who's gonna appreciate you.
347
00:19:40,106 --> 00:19:42,446
Or a wolf!
348
00:19:43,056 --> 00:19:44,450
I thought you were dead.
349
00:19:44,451 --> 00:19:45,590
Uh..
350
00:19:45,591 --> 00:19:48,662
That silverware was not real silver.
351
00:19:48,663 --> 00:19:52,083
Just cheap stainless steel.
352
00:19:52,544 --> 00:19:54,409
The point is..
353
00:19:54,410 --> 00:19:59,005
I find your fiery nature and lack
of stability quite alluring.
354
00:19:59,006 --> 00:20:01,106
You do?
355
00:20:03,110 --> 00:20:04,640
Oh, what the heck?
356
00:20:04,641 --> 00:20:05,890
Come here, wolfie!
357
00:20:05,891 --> 00:20:08,367
Yes! I have me a woman!
358
00:20:08,368 --> 00:20:09,475
(Bones cracking)
359
00:20:09,476 --> 00:20:14,396
With the crushing strength
of a Burmese python!
360
00:20:16,957 --> 00:20:19,402
Everyone bow!
361
00:20:19,403 --> 00:20:22,643
Emma, lower the curtain!
362
00:20:23,016 --> 00:20:24,592
No! Not that rope!
363
00:20:24,593 --> 00:20:26,873
(Screaming)
364
00:20:28,747 --> 00:20:34,647
Yes, this UFO would've made a lot more
sense if we had gotten to act three.
365
00:20:37,881 --> 00:20:42,114
Hey, Bertram, wanna read my
report on you and your job?
366
00:20:42,115 --> 00:20:45,329
No. If I wanted to read mean
things, I'd check the comments
367
00:20:45,330 --> 00:20:50,433
on that video you kids posted
of me farting in my sleep.
368
00:20:50,434 --> 00:20:53,245
"Beddytime Butler boom booms".
369
00:20:53,246 --> 00:20:56,186
That one's classic.
370
00:20:57,188 --> 00:21:00,488
Will you just read this?
371
00:21:00,522 --> 00:21:02,101
(Sighs)
372
00:21:02,102 --> 00:21:05,593
"For my job report, I
followed around my Butler".
373
00:21:05,594 --> 00:21:07,705
"He does lots of stuff around our home,"
374
00:21:07,706 --> 00:21:12,837
"like introducing guests, cooking, and
putting up with the 'mini monsters'".
375
00:21:12,838 --> 00:21:16,648
"That's his pet name for us kids".
376
00:21:16,649 --> 00:21:22,549
"He has tea parties with me, and always
rearranges my dolls so they can mingle".
377
00:21:22,634 --> 00:21:25,065
"But Bertram is not just our Butler,"
378
00:21:25,066 --> 00:21:28,306
"he's my friend, and"..
379
00:21:28,844 --> 00:21:31,194
"I love him".
380
00:21:31,195 --> 00:21:33,475
"The end".
381
00:21:35,625 --> 00:21:37,709
That is so beautiful! I love it!
382
00:21:37,710 --> 00:21:39,843
(Sobbing)
383
00:21:39,844 --> 00:21:41,573
I'm glad.
384
00:21:41,574 --> 00:21:42,598
(Bones cracking)
385
00:21:42,599 --> 00:21:45,599
Room. Becoming. Dark.
386
00:21:45,916 --> 00:21:48,196
Oh! Sorry.
387
00:21:52,328 --> 00:21:54,086
What are you guys looking at?
388
00:21:54,087 --> 00:21:56,155
The review of your play
on the school website.
389
00:21:56,156 --> 00:22:00,192
They said it was my best
performance since gingivitis.
390
00:22:00,193 --> 00:22:03,195
What did they say about
my writing and directing?
391
00:22:03,196 --> 00:22:04,548
Huh!
392
00:22:04,549 --> 00:22:09,235
I'm surprised they're allowed to use
words like that on a school website.
393
00:22:09,236 --> 00:22:11,777
Well, at least one good
thing came out of it.
394
00:22:11,778 --> 00:22:15,975
You realized the only Tony you're
ever gonna get is our doorman?
395
00:22:15,976 --> 00:22:17,488
No..
396
00:22:17,489 --> 00:22:20,980
I mean Ravi and Connie
made a love connection.
397
00:22:20,981 --> 00:22:23,621
(Elevator dings)
398
00:22:23,756 --> 00:22:27,845
She's choking him! I'm coming, Ravi!
399
00:22:27,846 --> 00:22:29,646
Oh!
400
00:22:31,261 --> 00:22:33,918
Jessie, compose yourself.
401
00:22:33,919 --> 00:22:38,097
Connie was not trying to Garrote
me like a thuggee assassin.
402
00:22:38,098 --> 00:22:40,706
Yeah. I was just giving him
a friendship necklace.
403
00:22:40,707 --> 00:22:43,969
See the little heart says
"property of Connie".
404
00:22:43,970 --> 00:22:45,510
She wanted to brand me.
405
00:22:45,511 --> 00:22:48,751
This was our compromise.
406
00:22:48,980 --> 00:22:53,560
Ah, well I'm so glad my play brought
you two crazy kids together.
407
00:22:53,561 --> 00:22:56,876
Now, could somebody pop my
shoulder back in to it's socket?
408
00:22:56,877 --> 00:22:58,677
Ow!
409
00:22:59,081 --> 00:23:01,429
My Connie has the face of an Angel,
410
00:23:01,430 --> 00:23:04,822
and the biceps of a longshoreman.
411
00:23:04,823 --> 00:23:10,723
Sync & corrections by P2Pfiend.
www.Addic7ed.Com.