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Washington, D.C.
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Take a deep breath, Andy.
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I mean, you can practically
smell the bills becoming laws.
4
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Yeah.
5
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You can taste the sweet
sugar of bureaucracy at work.
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That building looks like a boob.
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- Yeah, well, it's not.
- Oh, yeah, I know.
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- It's the White House.
- No. It's the Capitol.
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My amazing lover, Ben Wyatt, is here
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working on a congressional campaign.
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And he took April
with him as his intern.
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I'm here to visit, but
I am also here to work,
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because I have a very important meeting
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where I am going to try
to get federal funding
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so we can clean up the Pawnee river.
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It's a bit of a fixer-upper.
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Romantic reunions, government meetings,
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self-guided
museum tours--
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I mean, am I living
the dream? I don't know.
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Did I also just walk past a food truck
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and buy myself a waffle sundae? Yes.
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Now take out your guidebook.
23
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Oh, I didn't bring a guidebook.
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- Oh, I brought you one.
- You did?
25
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- Yeah.
- Thank you.
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Now throw it away, 'cause
Leslie Knope is your guidebook.
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I
didn't--
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I didn't mean literally.
There were some notes in it.
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Okay, grab the book, and
let's hit the National Mall.
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There's a mall? That's awesome.
31
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I need to get some flip-flops.
32
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Why are we having a
conference-room meeting?
33
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Leslie's gone.
34
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Ron has taken initiative,
and he is leading the meeting.
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He's not joking.
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I wanted to let you all
know that I will be throwing
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the annual Parks Department
employee-appreciation barbecue.
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You're going to throw the Leslie Knope
39
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Employment Enjoyment Summerslam
Grill Jam Fun-splosion?
40
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That's right.
41
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You are gonna oversee the
Popsicle-eating contest,
44
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and star in a one-woman show
45
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about parks rules and regulations?
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"Parks and Dolls."
47
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♪ I got your park right here,
its name is Ramsett Park. ♪
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♪ and its gates are open
from dawn till dark. ♪
49
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I am not doing any of
that, which is the point.
50
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Every summer Leslie throws a barbecue
51
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to thank the Parks
and Maintenance staff.
52
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It's horrifying.
53
00:02:14,060 --> 00:02:15,794
Barbecues should
be about one thing--
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good, shared meat.
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There will be no froofy desserts.
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There will be no
giant-soap-bubble guns.
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There will be no adult men in costumes.
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And most of all,
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there will be no bleeping vegetables.
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Well, Ron, can we at
least have corn on the cob?
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No.
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"In this temple,
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"As in the hearts of the people
for whom he saved the Union,
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the memory of Abraham
Lincoln is enshrined forever."
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Andy, what are you doing?
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Have you ever seen any of
the National Treasure movies?
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Everything in this city is a clue.
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Nothing in that movie is accurate.
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Aha! A clue!
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Check it out.
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I think that's just gum.
72
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How do I know this isn't a treasure map
73
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just waiting to be unfurled?
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- Because it's gum.
- That's gum.
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Yeah.
76
00:03:04,678 --> 00:03:05,944
So you can see that the color changes
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about 1/3 of the way up,
and it's when construction
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was actually
halted on the monu--
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00:03:09,449 --> 00:03:10,949
Leslie, this is a really cool penis,
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but Ben and April are meeting us
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at the Smithsonian in 10 minutes.
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Let's talk on the way.
1776, a nation was born.
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Which nation?
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I offered Ron a job last month,
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and he turned me down.
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And it literally broke my heart.
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But now I see that this
is truly where he belongs.
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Way to be, Ron!
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You're really getting it done, man!
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He can't hear me.
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Okay, let's begin the barbecue.
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Oh, hey, little guy.
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What are you doing? Oh, no.
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Everyone, meet your meat.
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No!
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Why are you doing this to us?
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Well, in my opinion, not enough people
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have looked their dinner in the eyes
99
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and considered the circle of life.
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This is your dinner. His name is Tom.
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Burn.
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Seriously?
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I understand that it's hilarious,
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but that is his given, Christian name.
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Tom is very smart and incredibly loyal.
106
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He's basically a dog.
107
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A dog we're going to
cook, chew, and swallow.
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Dude, there's kids around here.
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Good point.
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Which one of you youngsters
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wants to help me drain
the blood from this animal?
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If you do a good job,
I'll give you the bladder.
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You can blow it up for a fun play ball.
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Hey, Ron.
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You're not going to slaughter
that pig here, are you?
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Not to worry. I have a permit.
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This just says, "I can do what I want."
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I am the director of
the Parks Department,
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and this is a park.
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It's not a Parks thing.
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It's against, like, three
laws and a dozen health codes.
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Fine.
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Barbecue is postponed
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until I can go pick up some
meat from the Food 'n' Stuff.
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Let's go, Tom.
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No, pig Tom.
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So I want to see the
history of the girl scouts
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and then Lincoln's pocket watch
and the First Ladies exhibit
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00:05:00,260 --> 00:05:03,162
and everything-- I
want to see everything.
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Andy, get down from there.
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Hey, Leslie. Is this the train
from Back to the Future III?
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- Get down from there.
- I think it is.
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Hey, buddy.
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Come on down from there for me, please.
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Sir, you protect our nation's history,
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and you're a hero.
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Yeah, a hero with something to hide,
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like probably a treasure map.
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Oh, hey. It's so good to see you.
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It's so great to see you too.
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Yeah.
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Yikes.
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Okay, uh, guys, let's motor.
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Guys. Guys.
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Let's go get some astronaut
ice cream or something.
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We were thinking
about maybe just--
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uh, we-- maybe we
were gonna go back to--
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We're gonna have sex.
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Okay. You look great, April.
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Sorry, hon. I actually have to go too.
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Oh, really? I thought maybe
we could sightsee together.
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I know. I have, like, 1,000 meetings.
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But I just wanted to come wish you luck
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before your presentation.
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Oh, but you know what you should see
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while you're here is
George Washington's fare--
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Farewell address candle stand.
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That was the first
thing I was going to see.
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God, I love you so much.
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Come to my office as
soon as you're done, okay?
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Okay.
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And it was nice to see you again.
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Are you talking to my butt?
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- Yes.
- Okay.
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Where is Swanson?
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Man, I'm hungry. My legs are tired.
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It feels like I just exercised.
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Just sit on the ground.
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No, Jerry.
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It's dirty, and I'm
wearing my summer linens.
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God, you're such a baby.
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Look, I brought a picnic
blanket from your house.
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That's not a picnic blanket.
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That's a Merino wool
throw for my Eames chair!
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Uh-oh. Do I sense trouble
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in the Haverford-Perkins household?
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No such luck, Donna.
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00:06:31,317 --> 00:06:34,653
Ann and Tom, aka Haverkins,
are stronger than ever.
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Everyone said it wouldn't last.
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And it didn't.
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Shocking that our drunken
plan to move in together
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wasn't a success.
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- Let's move in together.
- Totally.
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No take-backs when we
sober up, though, partner.
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00:06:46,733 --> 00:06:49,434
No take-backs, partner.
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After the first day, we realized
we had made a huge mistake.
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Huge.
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00:06:53,539 --> 00:06:56,275
However, everyone was
being so smug about it,
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saying there's no way it would last,
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so we're pretending
to still be together.
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That way, no one gets the
satisfaction of being right,
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00:07:02,315 --> 00:07:03,916
even though they are, but still.
193
00:07:03,983 --> 00:07:06,285
More importantly, I bet Donna $1,000
194
00:07:06,352 --> 00:07:07,853
that we'd be together for another month.
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00:07:07,921 --> 00:07:09,621
I can't stress this enough.
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If she finds out that we broke up,
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I'll go bankrupt.
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Oh, my God. Food. Food.
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Yes, I am returned.
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00:07:18,598 --> 00:07:20,532
No. Not so fast, Shirley.
201
00:07:20,600 --> 00:07:22,968
I just have to thaw the meat,
season it, and grill it up.
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00:07:23,036 --> 00:07:24,202
So it's going to be a few hours.
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00:07:24,270 --> 00:07:26,004
No, Ron.
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00:07:26,072 --> 00:07:28,807
My tummy's rumbling. It's scary.
205
00:07:28,875 --> 00:07:30,208
Tommy's got the tum-rums.
206
00:07:30,276 --> 00:07:32,210
Ron, Chris Traeger
feelings update--
207
00:07:32,278 --> 00:07:36,281
I'm now feeling that your guests
are getting a little antsy.
208
00:07:36,349 --> 00:07:38,884
Fine. I'll skip a few
steps and speed things up.
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00:07:38,952 --> 00:07:40,018
There you go.
210
00:07:40,086 --> 00:07:41,353
Is there at least something to drink?
211
00:07:41,421 --> 00:07:42,955
There's beer in the cooler.
212
00:07:43,022 --> 00:07:44,323
What about for the children?
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00:07:44,390 --> 00:07:46,224
You can get water from
that water fountain
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00:07:46,292 --> 00:07:47,659
and use it to water down the beer.
215
00:07:47,727 --> 00:07:49,628
Why don't you just give the kids water?
216
00:07:49,696 --> 00:07:50,629
I suppose you could do that.
217
00:07:50,697 --> 00:07:52,230
Now, would everyone please back off
218
00:07:52,298 --> 00:07:54,700
and just let me cook in peace?
219
00:07:54,767 --> 00:07:56,201
These people are soft.
220
00:07:56,269 --> 00:07:57,803
They're grill virgins.
221
00:07:57,870 --> 00:08:00,172
But by the time this day is over,
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00:08:00,239 --> 00:08:02,007
they'll have been taken by the grill
223
00:08:02,075 --> 00:08:04,676
and delicately and
tenderly shown the ways
224
00:08:04,744 --> 00:08:07,245
of flavorful meat love.
225
00:08:07,313 --> 00:08:08,914
Mmm...
226
00:08:08,982 --> 00:08:11,350
The first time is so beautiful.
227
00:08:12,417 --> 00:08:13,986
Ben and I are a power couple,
228
00:08:14,053 --> 00:08:15,921
like the Roosevelts or the Clintons.
229
00:08:15,989 --> 00:08:17,489
I've got a big meeting here.
230
00:08:17,557 --> 00:08:20,025
Ben is off running a
congressional campaign.
231
00:08:20,093 --> 00:08:22,327
I mean, the only way
we could be more awesome
232
00:08:22,395 --> 00:08:24,663
is if we had our own
signature dance move.
233
00:08:24,731 --> 00:08:25,831
Oh, wait. We do.
234
00:08:25,898 --> 00:08:29,101
Three, four.
235
00:08:32,472 --> 00:08:35,707
I'm Leslie Knope. I have
a 3:00 with Mr. Jepson.
236
00:08:35,775 --> 00:08:36,942
What's this in reference to?
237
00:08:37,010 --> 00:08:38,643
I'm here to present my application
238
00:08:38,711 --> 00:08:40,545
for the Federal Riverbed
Preservation Grant.
239
00:08:40,613 --> 00:08:42,848
Oh. Most people just mail
their applications in.
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00:08:42,915 --> 00:08:44,783
I'm not most people.
241
00:08:44,851 --> 00:08:46,885
Mr. Jepson actually had
to step out for the day.
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00:08:46,953 --> 00:08:51,556
You can just add your
proposal to that pile there.
243
00:08:51,624 --> 00:08:52,824
Oh, uh, I'm sorry.
244
00:08:52,892 --> 00:08:55,193
I was told I would have a
face-to-face meeting with him
245
00:08:55,261 --> 00:08:57,596
so I could make my case for my town.
246
00:08:57,663 --> 00:08:58,897
Does he have office hours?
247
00:08:58,965 --> 00:09:00,232
He's unavailable for
the rest of the week.
248
00:09:00,299 --> 00:09:01,867
But you can just add the proposal.
249
00:09:01,934 --> 00:09:04,903
- He'll get to it.
- Oh...
250
00:09:04,971 --> 00:09:06,738
Okay.
251
00:09:09,675 --> 00:09:11,643
It's kind of a special application.
252
00:09:11,711 --> 00:09:14,679
Uh, you know, there's a-a CD inside
253
00:09:14,747 --> 00:09:18,083
that, uh, plays the
sound of a babbling river,
254
00:09:18,151 --> 00:09:21,319
and I was going to play that
while I gave my presentation.
255
00:09:21,387 --> 00:09:23,388
I was also going to show a DVD
256
00:09:23,456 --> 00:09:26,158
that had some images of
frolicking river otters.
257
00:09:26,225 --> 00:09:28,160
You know what? I-I'll
make sure he reads it.
258
00:09:28,227 --> 00:09:29,761
What city is it for?
259
00:09:29,829 --> 00:09:31,229
Pawnee.
260
00:09:31,297 --> 00:09:33,932
Is that Pawnee, Illinois, Indiana, Iowa,
261
00:09:34,000 --> 00:09:35,834
Kansas, Missouri, Nebraska, Oklahoma,
262
00:09:35,902 --> 00:09:37,569
or Texas?
263
00:09:37,637 --> 00:09:39,538
- Indiana.
- Okay.
264
00:09:41,206 --> 00:09:42,639
This is amazing.
265
00:09:42,706 --> 00:09:43,639
Look at this.
266
00:09:43,707 --> 00:09:45,708
This whole place is your office.
267
00:09:45,776 --> 00:09:47,710
Nope. This is my office.
268
00:09:47,778 --> 00:09:49,412
Ben, you're fired. It's my office now.
269
00:09:49,479 --> 00:09:50,880
Boom. You heard the boss.
270
00:09:50,947 --> 00:09:51,981
Scram, Wyatt.
271
00:09:52,049 --> 00:09:54,083
- Hey.
- Hey. How'd it go?
272
00:09:54,151 --> 00:09:55,751
Um, I think okay.
273
00:09:55,819 --> 00:09:57,353
- Yeah?
- Okay, I think.
274
00:09:57,421 --> 00:09:59,355
Well, I have a surprise for you.
275
00:09:59,423 --> 00:10:03,392
Uh, there's a swanky D.C.
Cocktail party at the Hay-Adams,
276
00:10:03,460 --> 00:10:05,728
and I got us all on the list.
277
00:10:05,796 --> 00:10:09,098
Wow, look at you. You're a big shot.
278
00:10:09,166 --> 00:10:11,067
Hey, uh, Benjamin, how
fancy is this party tonight?
279
00:10:11,134 --> 00:10:14,937
I mean, is this, like, a
shorts or a pants kind of gala?
280
00:10:15,505 --> 00:10:17,206
- Pants.
- Great.
281
00:10:17,274 --> 00:10:18,841
Could we just real quick
stop at the nearest place
282
00:10:18,909 --> 00:10:20,042
that has free pants?
283
00:10:23,447 --> 00:10:25,414
I know that Ron doesn't
want us to eat anything
284
00:10:25,482 --> 00:10:27,216
before the meat, but I
smuggled in some candy.
285
00:10:27,284 --> 00:10:28,584
Oh, thank God. I'm starving.
286
00:10:29,652 --> 00:10:30,519
Raisins?
287
00:10:31,087 --> 00:10:32,054
It's nature's candy.
288
00:10:32,122 --> 00:10:33,589
Now, they're basically grapes.
289
00:10:33,657 --> 00:10:35,891
So remember to pace yourself.
290
00:10:37,594 --> 00:10:39,395
I can't even follow my own advice.
291
00:10:39,463 --> 00:10:41,397
It's too delicious.
292
00:10:42,799 --> 00:10:43,966
Oh, my God.
293
00:10:44,034 --> 00:10:45,568
Did you put glitter in
the laundry detergent?
294
00:10:45,635 --> 00:10:47,069
Oh, yeah.
295
00:10:47,137 --> 00:10:48,804
I'm experimenting with some
new entrepreneurial ideas.
296
00:10:48,872 --> 00:10:50,806
That one's called "Sparkle Suds."
297
00:10:50,874 --> 00:10:51,974
Dress loud.
298
00:10:52,042 --> 00:10:53,876
Will you stop putting
glitter in everything?
299
00:10:53,944 --> 00:10:55,277
This morning you put
glitter in the butter.
300
00:10:55,345 --> 00:10:57,179
"Disco Dairy." Spread the party.
301
00:10:57,247 --> 00:10:59,648
No, that's not a good
idea. That's terrible.
302
00:10:59,716 --> 00:11:02,418
Well, the target demographic
isn't angry, middle-aged nurses.
303
00:11:02,486 --> 00:11:04,186
- Oh--shh, stop
it--hey. - Wait--
304
00:11:04,254 --> 00:11:05,287
Hey.
305
00:11:05,355 --> 00:11:06,689
I'm going to get in line for some food.
306
00:11:06,757 --> 00:11:07,857
Y'all want anything?
307
00:11:07,924 --> 00:11:09,558
- We're good. We're really good.
- Nope.
308
00:11:09,626 --> 00:11:10,993
Just spending a little
time with my baby girl.
309
00:11:11,561 --> 00:11:12,595
Ew.
310
00:11:13,162 --> 00:11:14,530
Get off me.
311
00:11:16,566 --> 00:11:18,734
There's so much free
food at this party, honey.
312
00:11:18,802 --> 00:11:22,438
I love politics. Look,
I made a shrimp claw.
313
00:11:22,506 --> 00:11:23,706
I'm really proud of you, babe.
314
00:11:23,774 --> 00:11:25,307
Now put your used plate in my purse.
315
00:11:25,375 --> 00:11:26,842
I almost have a complete set.
316
00:11:26,910 --> 00:11:28,978
Really? Oh, my God. You're so smart.
317
00:11:29,045 --> 00:11:31,347
They say it will pass, but
we'll only get $400 million
318
00:11:31,414 --> 00:11:32,748
instead of $900 million.
319
00:11:32,816 --> 00:11:37,253
Kate works at the Pentagon and
Lacey works for Eric Cantor.
320
00:11:37,320 --> 00:11:38,621
What do you do, Leslie?
321
00:11:38,688 --> 00:11:40,890
I was just recently
elected. I'm a councilwoman.
322
00:11:40,957 --> 00:11:42,992
Local government is so important.
323
00:11:43,059 --> 00:11:44,894
My grandma's on the
city council in her town.
324
00:11:44,961 --> 00:11:46,529
Gives her a reason to leave the house.
325
00:11:46,596 --> 00:11:47,897
Oh.
326
00:11:47,964 --> 00:11:49,632
Where did you say you were from?
327
00:11:49,699 --> 00:11:51,167
It's called Pawnee.
328
00:11:51,234 --> 00:11:52,301
Pawnee, Missouri?
329
00:11:52,369 --> 00:11:54,670
Oh, my-- that
is so random.
330
00:11:54,738 --> 00:11:57,006
I've been there--
totally cute.
331
00:11:57,073 --> 00:11:58,107
Pawnee, Indiana.
332
00:11:58,175 --> 00:12:00,643
Pawnee, Missouri, is a total craphole.
333
00:12:00,710 --> 00:12:03,779
Ben and I both did some
amazing things today.
334
00:12:03,847 --> 00:12:05,848
He scored a victory for
the congressional campaign
335
00:12:05,916 --> 00:12:07,016
he's working on.
336
00:12:07,083 --> 00:12:10,219
And I was mistaken for Beverly D'Angelo
337
00:12:10,287 --> 00:12:11,921
by a Japanese tourist.
338
00:12:11,988 --> 00:12:16,625
So, pretty big day for both of us.
339
00:12:16,693 --> 00:12:19,829
Ron, can I have a burger? I'm hungry.
340
00:12:19,896 --> 00:12:21,564
For the last time, no burgers yet.
341
00:12:21,631 --> 00:12:23,566
I've got ribs, and I've got beef cheek.
342
00:12:23,633 --> 00:12:26,368
Ron, where are my vegan soy patties?
343
00:12:26,436 --> 00:12:28,137
Oh, I gave them to the
kids. They love them.
344
00:12:28,205 --> 00:12:30,372
They're skipping them across the pond.
345
00:12:30,440 --> 00:12:31,707
Donna, I got to go to the boys' room.
346
00:12:31,775 --> 00:12:33,709
- Can I have a ride in your car?
- Absolutely not.
347
00:12:33,777 --> 00:12:36,846
This barbecue stinks.
I'm saying it. It stinks.
348
00:12:36,913 --> 00:12:38,113
Do you have any plates or anything?
349
00:12:38,181 --> 00:12:39,582
I mean, how are we
supposed to eat these rumps?
350
00:12:39,649 --> 00:12:41,083
Ron, if no one takes me to the bathroom,
351
00:12:41,151 --> 00:12:43,252
I'm just going to have
to go in the trees.
352
00:12:43,320 --> 00:12:45,387
All right. Forget it.
353
00:12:46,455 --> 00:12:48,090
You have ruined a
perfectly good barbecue
354
00:12:48,158 --> 00:12:51,927
with your demands and chatter.
355
00:12:51,995 --> 00:12:53,829
Enjoy the rest of your evening.
356
00:13:05,475 --> 00:13:07,743
Does anybody feel like
they can't breathe?
357
00:13:07,811 --> 00:13:10,079
- I think I need some fresh air.
- We're outside.
358
00:13:10,146 --> 00:13:11,380
God, these
women--
359
00:13:11,448 --> 00:13:14,083
they're so smart and
accomplished and pretty.
360
00:13:14,650 --> 00:13:15,851
And they're tall.
361
00:13:16,018 --> 00:13:17,253
Why are they all so tall?
362
00:13:17,320 --> 00:13:19,488
It's like C-Span and
Neiman Marcus had kids
363
00:13:19,555 --> 00:13:20,456
or something.
364
00:13:20,523 --> 00:13:22,524
Hey, so there's a couple more
people I want you to meet.
365
00:13:22,592 --> 00:13:25,094
Great. I can't wait to meet,
like, five more tall women.
366
00:13:25,161 --> 00:13:27,229
Excuse me, Senators?
367
00:13:27,297 --> 00:13:29,031
Ben Wyatt, from Congressman
Murray's campaign.
368
00:13:29,099 --> 00:13:30,900
Ben, I remember you
from the Kennedy Center.
369
00:13:30,967 --> 00:13:32,034
- That's right.
- Yeah.
370
00:13:32,102 --> 00:13:33,903
I wanted to introduce
my friend Leslie Knope--
371
00:13:33,970 --> 00:13:36,605
Senators Barbara Boxer and Olympia Snow.
372
00:13:36,673 --> 00:13:38,540
- A pleasure to meet you.
- How do you do?
373
00:13:38,608 --> 00:13:39,808
So, Leslie, what do you do?
374
00:13:39,876 --> 00:13:42,711
I am a city councilwoman
from Pawnee, Indiana.
375
00:13:42,779 --> 00:13:44,280
But you've probably never heard of us.
376
00:13:44,347 --> 00:13:45,547
We're small and unimportant.
377
00:13:45,615 --> 00:13:48,083
- I'm sure that's not true.
- But it is.
378
00:13:48,151 --> 00:13:49,818
We've got tons of problems.
379
00:13:49,886 --> 00:13:52,855
We're overrun with
raccoons and obese toddlers.
380
00:13:52,923 --> 00:13:54,123
Anyway, I'm probably boring you.
381
00:13:54,190 --> 00:13:57,526
I just wanted to say that
you are my role models,
382
00:13:57,594 --> 00:14:00,763
and, uh, you are
incredibly amazing women,
383
00:14:00,830 --> 00:14:02,031
and it is an honor to meet you,
384
00:14:02,098 --> 00:14:04,166
and I really respect
your grace under pressure,
385
00:14:04,234 --> 00:14:06,936
and thank you for your time.
386
00:14:09,538 --> 00:14:11,307
Excuse me, Senators.
387
00:14:14,577 --> 00:14:16,512
Uh, Leslie?
388
00:14:16,579 --> 00:14:17,513
Hello?
389
00:14:18,080 --> 00:14:20,182
- What's going on?
- Nothing.
390
00:14:20,250 --> 00:14:21,450
I'm just tired, okay?
391
00:14:21,518 --> 00:14:23,752
I saw 24 historical sights in a day,
392
00:14:23,820 --> 00:14:26,555
and it's 120 degrees
out with 200% humidity,
393
00:14:26,623 --> 00:14:28,090
'cause this is a stupid swamp town.
394
00:14:28,158 --> 00:14:29,959
Okay, that would make anyone cranky.
395
00:14:30,026 --> 00:14:31,627
- I'm not cranky.
- Okay.
396
00:14:31,695 --> 00:14:34,630
I thought you'd enjoy
meeting numbers 4 and 26
397
00:14:34,698 --> 00:14:36,432
on Leslie's list of amazing women.
398
00:14:36,499 --> 00:14:38,767
I do. I did.
399
00:14:38,835 --> 00:14:40,703
You're the most amazing boyfriend ever.
400
00:14:40,770 --> 00:14:42,371
And if you don't get out of here soon,
401
00:14:42,439 --> 00:14:44,139
I'm going to punch you in the face.
402
00:14:44,207 --> 00:14:47,843
Journal needs a quote for the profile.
403
00:14:48,411 --> 00:14:50,112
It's fine. Just go.
404
00:14:50,180 --> 00:14:53,983
I'll see you at your apartment later.
405
00:14:54,050 --> 00:14:56,085
This is Ben Wyatt.
406
00:14:58,722 --> 00:15:01,190
Excuse me. I just need
to get my coat here.
407
00:15:01,257 --> 00:15:03,659
Could you give me a minute here, please?
408
00:15:03,727 --> 00:15:05,060
Are you--
are you okay?
409
00:15:05,128 --> 00:15:06,261
Can I get you anything?
410
00:15:06,329 --> 00:15:07,629
I-I would like you to just leave
411
00:15:07,697 --> 00:15:09,298
and give me a little
privacy here, please.
412
00:15:09,366 --> 00:15:10,499
All right.
413
00:15:10,567 --> 00:15:13,602
I'm sorry. I hope everything's okay.
414
00:15:14,938 --> 00:15:17,940
Nosy people have no
respect for personal space.
415
00:15:21,389 --> 00:15:23,358
Ann... what the hell?
416
00:15:24,689 --> 00:15:27,358
I put glitter in all your
moisturizers and lotions.
417
00:15:27,426 --> 00:15:29,794
I'm calling it "Sparkle Skin", by Annie.
418
00:15:29,862 --> 00:15:32,163
Twinkle, twinkle, big star.
419
00:15:32,231 --> 00:15:33,865
Ann! That is an amazing idea,
420
00:15:33,932 --> 00:15:35,800
and I will buy it from you,
but never do that again.
421
00:15:35,868 --> 00:15:37,568
That was really expensive moisturizer.
422
00:15:37,636 --> 00:15:39,670
Yeah, well, you ruined
all of my clothes.
423
00:15:39,738 --> 00:15:42,140
Well, then, I did you a huge
favor, 'cause they stink.
424
00:15:42,207 --> 00:15:44,142
- Are you serious?
- Yes.
425
00:15:44,209 --> 00:15:46,177
Oh, hello, lovers.
426
00:15:46,245 --> 00:15:47,812
- Oh.
- Tom!
427
00:15:47,880 --> 00:15:50,314
You're amazing! Kiss me more!
428
00:15:50,382 --> 00:15:51,716
- Uh-huh. - All
right. Enough of this.
429
00:15:51,784 --> 00:15:54,052
Y'all broke up a long
time ago, didn't you?
430
00:15:54,119 --> 00:15:56,087
No. We're stronger than ever, so...
431
00:15:56,155 --> 00:15:57,422
It's all right.
432
00:15:57,489 --> 00:15:58,756
I'ma let y'all have this one.
433
00:15:58,824 --> 00:16:00,324
As someone who has lied a lot
434
00:16:00,392 --> 00:16:03,594
about various aspects of
a myriad of relationships,
435
00:16:03,662 --> 00:16:05,596
I respect the effort you've gone to.
436
00:16:05,664 --> 00:16:07,031
Let's call off the bet.
437
00:16:07,099 --> 00:16:08,533
Thanks, Donna.
438
00:16:08,600 --> 00:16:09,834
No problem.
439
00:16:09,902 --> 00:16:12,403
- I guess that's it.
- Yep.
440
00:16:12,471 --> 00:16:14,172
The end of a relationship.
441
00:16:14,239 --> 00:16:16,808
And the beginning of a partnership.
442
00:16:16,875 --> 00:16:17,942
Let's talk "Sparkle Skin."
443
00:16:18,010 --> 00:16:19,077
Do we know anyone
444
00:16:19,144 --> 00:16:20,745
in product development over at Sephora?
445
00:16:20,813 --> 00:16:22,380
Good-bye, Tom.
446
00:16:22,448 --> 00:16:23,815
Here's a picture of me and April
447
00:16:23,882 --> 00:16:25,183
making out in her apartment.
448
00:16:25,250 --> 00:16:26,451
- Oh.
- Here's a picture of us
449
00:16:26,518 --> 00:16:29,120
making out in Ben's office.
450
00:16:29,188 --> 00:16:31,556
This is a picture-- oh,
this is us making out--
451
00:16:31,623 --> 00:16:32,790
I don't know where that is,
452
00:16:32,858 --> 00:16:34,292
but you can tell that
she's sucking on my lip.
453
00:16:35,795 --> 00:16:37,094
Traveling.
454
00:16:37,662 --> 00:16:38,796
Making out-- are
you okay, boss?
455
00:16:38,864 --> 00:16:40,598
No. Not really.
456
00:16:40,666 --> 00:16:42,467
I know I should be focusing
on this river cleanup,
457
00:16:42,534 --> 00:16:45,103
but all I keep thinking about
is Ben laughing in a helicopter
458
00:16:45,170 --> 00:16:46,537
with Hot Rebecca.
459
00:16:46,605 --> 00:16:48,439
Who's Hot Rebecca?
460
00:16:48,507 --> 00:16:51,242
She's just this jealousy
amalgam I created.
461
00:16:52,945 --> 00:16:55,046
I combined all of the
giant, dark-haired,
462
00:16:55,114 --> 00:16:57,615
smartphone power
goddesses into one woman
463
00:16:57,683 --> 00:16:59,117
called Hot Rebecca.
464
00:16:59,184 --> 00:17:01,319
- Ah.
- I mean, Ben's life is filled
465
00:17:01,386 --> 00:17:03,287
with senators and
briefings and Super PACs.
466
00:17:03,355 --> 00:17:06,157
I can't even get a meeting
with some bureaucrat.
467
00:17:06,225 --> 00:17:08,759
I don't even know what a bureaucrat is.
468
00:17:08,827 --> 00:17:11,996
Everything's going to
be fine with you and Ben,
469
00:17:12,064 --> 00:17:16,134
because if I know Ben,
he, too, is an amalgam.
470
00:17:16,201 --> 00:17:17,502
- No.
- Yeah.
471
00:17:17,569 --> 00:17:20,838
Point is, you're
better than Hot Rebecca.
472
00:17:20,906 --> 00:17:22,006
You're kickass Leslie.
473
00:17:22,074 --> 00:17:25,810
Long-distance relationships
are never easy,
474
00:17:25,878 --> 00:17:27,745
but you never, ever give up on stuff.
475
00:17:27,813 --> 00:17:29,680
Thanks.
476
00:17:29,748 --> 00:17:31,849
- That's what makes you...
- Nope.
477
00:17:31,917 --> 00:17:34,485
An amalgam. Nailed it.
478
00:17:35,754 --> 00:17:38,523
Ron, a word?
479
00:17:38,590 --> 00:17:40,958
Are you aware of what's going
on out in your department?
480
00:17:41,026 --> 00:17:41,959
I am.
481
00:17:42,027 --> 00:17:43,194
My department is pouting
482
00:17:43,262 --> 00:17:45,129
because I didn't put on a puppet show
483
00:17:45,197 --> 00:17:47,965
based on the funniest
email chain of the year.
484
00:17:48,033 --> 00:17:49,233
I would have liked to
have seen that show.
485
00:17:49,301 --> 00:17:50,635
My nomination was
486
00:17:50,702 --> 00:17:54,138
Jerry accidentally forwards
his bank statement to everyone.
487
00:17:54,206 --> 00:17:56,307
Classic...
488
00:17:56,375 --> 00:17:57,675
And depressing.
489
00:17:57,743 --> 00:17:59,577
The point of a barbecue is not to do
490
00:17:59,645 --> 00:18:03,281
hokey, office joke
theater. The point is--
491
00:18:03,348 --> 00:18:06,184
The point of the barbecue
was to thank the department.
492
00:18:06,251 --> 00:18:08,786
It was an
employee-appreciation barbecue.
493
00:18:09,354 --> 00:18:11,422
Ron, I gave you the chance
494
00:18:11,490 --> 00:18:13,758
to become assistant city manager.
495
00:18:13,825 --> 00:18:16,627
And you chose to stay
here, which is fine.
496
00:18:16,695 --> 00:18:18,930
But if you're going
to lead the department,
497
00:18:18,997 --> 00:18:21,499
you occasionally have
to lead the department.
498
00:18:21,567 --> 00:18:25,203
And I say that as one of
your closest colleagues
499
00:18:25,270 --> 00:18:27,738
and dearest friends...
500
00:18:27,806 --> 00:18:29,373
But also as your boss.
501
00:18:32,110 --> 00:18:34,946
I went to our nation's
capital this weekend
502
00:18:35,013 --> 00:18:36,814
in order to apply for a federal grant
503
00:18:36,882 --> 00:18:38,983
to clean up our city's river.
504
00:18:39,051 --> 00:18:41,886
But things move pretty
slow in Washington,
505
00:18:41,954 --> 00:18:43,254
and I'm not going to wait around.
506
00:18:43,322 --> 00:18:45,756
Now, I was recently reminded by someone
507
00:18:45,824 --> 00:18:50,228
that I'm not the type of person
to shy away from hard work.
508
00:18:51,163 --> 00:18:52,230
What?
Did I--
509
00:18:52,797 --> 00:18:53,998
Do you need something from me right now?
510
00:18:54,066 --> 00:18:55,399
No, no, no. Never mind.
511
00:18:55,467 --> 00:18:59,270
Point is, I'm going to clean
up this river by myself.
512
00:18:59,338 --> 00:19:01,505
Every Saturday from
8:00 a.m. to 10:00 a.m.,
513
00:19:01,573 --> 00:19:02,506
I will be here.
514
00:19:02,574 --> 00:19:04,442
Those are my office hours.
515
00:19:04,509 --> 00:19:06,077
If you want to come and talk to me
516
00:19:06,144 --> 00:19:08,179
or ask me questions or raise an issue,
517
00:19:08,247 --> 00:19:09,614
this is where I'll be.
518
00:19:09,681 --> 00:19:10,948
Let's get to work, Pawnee.
519
00:19:12,516 --> 00:19:13,584
Oh, my God.
520
00:19:13,652 --> 00:19:15,386
The smell is so much worse
when you get up close.
521
00:19:15,454 --> 00:19:17,888
Yeah. Oh, look, a handgun.
522
00:19:17,956 --> 00:19:18,889
I call it.
523
00:19:18,957 --> 00:19:20,791
- Holy--
- Whoa!
524
00:19:21,359 --> 00:19:24,228
Everyone, get in here now!
525
00:19:26,665 --> 00:19:29,100
Your work is appreciated.
526
00:19:29,167 --> 00:19:30,134
Eat some corn.
527
00:19:30,202 --> 00:19:32,136
- Wow. Thank you, Ron.
- Thanks, boss.
528
00:19:32,204 --> 00:19:33,771
- Thanks, Ron.
- Thanks, Ron.
529
00:19:33,839 --> 00:19:35,406
Also, here's Tom.
530
00:19:35,474 --> 00:19:36,941
Aah!
531
00:19:38,377 --> 00:19:40,645
It actually smells really delicious.
532
00:19:40,712 --> 00:19:41,912
It really does.
533
00:19:41,980 --> 00:19:43,648
Give me some of Tommy's ribs.
534
00:19:43,715 --> 00:19:45,950
- Oh, heck, yeah.
- Sorry, Tom.
535
00:19:46,018 --> 00:19:47,485
Oh, my God. That's good.
536
00:19:47,552 --> 00:19:49,620
I mean, if I'd known it didn't go well
537
00:19:49,688 --> 00:19:51,322
with the guy
from Interior, I--
538
00:19:51,390 --> 00:19:53,157
No, no, no. You did nothing wrong.
539
00:19:53,225 --> 00:19:54,625
I'm so happy for you
540
00:19:54,693 --> 00:19:57,662
and how much everyone loves
you and how great you're doing.
541
00:19:57,729 --> 00:19:59,263
I just freaked out. I'm sorry.
542
00:19:59,831 --> 00:20:01,165
Long distance sucks.
543
00:20:01,233 --> 00:20:04,769
It does. But we can do this, right?
544
00:20:04,836 --> 00:20:06,570
Yeah, definitely.
545
00:20:06,638 --> 00:20:08,072
Can you come visit next month?
546
00:20:08,140 --> 00:20:09,940
We can take a proper tour of the sights.
547
00:20:10,508 --> 00:20:12,843
There's only one sight
I want to see right now.
548
00:20:12,911 --> 00:20:14,945
All right, I mean,
this is getting weird,
549
00:20:15,013 --> 00:20:17,148
but, uh, there it is.
550
00:20:17,215 --> 00:20:19,083
I meant the Jefferson Memorial,
551
00:20:19,151 --> 00:20:20,084
you perv.
552
00:20:20,152 --> 00:20:21,185
Right. Sorry.
553
00:20:21,253 --> 00:20:23,087
Sorry, I-I
don't, uh--
554
00:20:23,155 --> 00:20:25,456
I'm--I'm
just--
555
00:20:25,524 --> 00:20:26,457
Wait. No, you didn't.
556
00:20:26,525 --> 00:20:28,526
No, I didn't.
557
00:20:28,825 --> 00:20:30,926
- Spin it around and back it on up.
- All right.
558
00:20:32,615 --> 00:20:35,615
The White House-- America's
most whitest house--
559
00:20:36,083 --> 00:20:38,251
most notably is where Sinbad lived
560
00:20:38,319 --> 00:20:39,453
in the film First Kid.
561
00:20:39,520 --> 00:20:40,921
Sinbad, wow.
562
00:20:40,988 --> 00:20:43,557
The other tour guide never
said anything about that.
563
00:20:43,624 --> 00:20:46,426
Do you know why it's
called the Oval Office?
564
00:20:46,494 --> 00:20:47,994
No.
565
00:20:48,062 --> 00:20:49,996
Because of a man--
Oval Redenbacher...
566
00:20:50,064 --> 00:20:51,498
- What?
- Popcorn inventor.
567
00:20:51,566 --> 00:20:53,500
He used to hang out
with John F. Kennedy.
568
00:20:53,568 --> 00:20:55,368
Excuse me. Attention, everyone.
569
00:20:55,436 --> 00:20:56,703
This tour guide
570
00:20:56,771 --> 00:20:58,805
is the most amazing tour
guide there ever was.
571
00:20:58,873 --> 00:21:01,208
Please, step up.
572
00:21:01,275 --> 00:21:03,476
$200 cash up front.