1 00:00:38,342 --> 00:00:39,342 D'oh! 2 00:00:45,495 --> 00:00:49,495 ♪ The Simpsons 24x01 ♪ Moonshine River Original Air Date on September 30, 2012 3 00:00:49,520 --> 00:00:53,520 == sync, corrected by elderman == 4 00:01:26,723 --> 00:01:30,092 This is Kent Brockman at the 1st Annual Springfield Grand Prix, 5 00:01:30,127 --> 00:01:31,894 which, like all our town showcase events, 6 00:01:31,929 --> 00:01:35,431 is not only poorly planned, it's horribly executed. 7 00:01:40,654 --> 00:01:42,755 The Making of the Empire State Building, 8 00:01:42,789 --> 00:01:45,057 Part One: The Basement. 9 00:01:58,472 --> 00:01:59,639 Aw! 10 00:02:01,475 --> 00:02:02,825 Wait for the gap... 11 00:02:02,859 --> 00:02:04,377 Wait for the gap. 12 00:02:04,411 --> 00:02:07,063 Homer, we can buy Scotch tape tomorrow. 13 00:02:07,097 --> 00:02:08,347 There's the gap! 14 00:02:09,766 --> 00:02:10,900 Gap's too small! 15 00:02:11,818 --> 00:02:13,936 Huh? 16 00:02:13,971 --> 00:02:15,354 A peloton? 17 00:02:15,389 --> 00:02:17,390 Apparently, today is also the final stage 18 00:02:17,424 --> 00:02:19,392 of the Tour De Springfield bike race. 19 00:02:21,895 --> 00:02:23,629 Hey, that's some fancy riding. 20 00:02:32,673 --> 00:02:36,125 Truthfully, today, there were no losers and no winners 21 00:02:36,159 --> 00:02:39,929 since both finish lines were tangled up in this unholy mess. 22 00:02:41,081 --> 00:02:42,548 I hear tapping from inside. 23 00:02:42,582 --> 00:02:44,150 What's goin' on? 24 00:02:44,184 --> 00:02:48,237 Well, uh, let's, uh, all start tapping our toes 25 00:02:48,271 --> 00:02:52,375 to the sounds of Scab Calloway and his non-union band. 26 00:02:53,443 --> 00:02:55,111 Uh, keep it down in there. 27 00:02:59,616 --> 00:03:03,786 So, is this a "date" date or just a meaningless friend thing? 28 00:03:03,820 --> 00:03:06,038 Meaningless friend thing. True love super date! 29 00:03:06,073 --> 00:03:08,607 Well, if you two ever get serious and have a baby, 30 00:03:08,642 --> 00:03:10,659 it'll look something like this. 31 00:03:14,264 --> 00:03:15,798 Don't listen to Uncle Bart. 32 00:03:15,832 --> 00:03:18,918 Lisa and I will raise you in a house of love. 33 00:03:18,952 --> 00:03:21,087 We're not having a baby. 34 00:03:21,121 --> 00:03:22,471 Jimmy! 35 00:03:22,506 --> 00:03:23,472 Oh, brother. 36 00:03:23,507 --> 00:03:24,573 Let's dance. 37 00:03:28,829 --> 00:03:30,112 Geek leak! 38 00:03:32,315 --> 00:03:36,252 Hey, Bart, at least I've got a date. 39 00:03:36,286 --> 00:03:37,920 Dance with me, please. 40 00:03:37,954 --> 00:03:39,221 I need to zing my sister. 41 00:03:39,256 --> 00:03:41,723 Okay, but you have to do your homework. 44 00:03:44,077 --> 00:03:46,946 Just move your girdle, Yertle. 45 00:03:46,997 --> 00:03:48,581 Hey, Lise, your dance partner 46 00:03:48,615 --> 00:03:51,667 just made the cover Dorks Illustrated magazine. 47 00:03:51,701 --> 00:03:54,253 I know that's a zing, but still... 48 00:03:54,287 --> 00:03:55,438 the cover! 49 00:03:55,472 --> 00:03:56,956 Now, you listen to me, Bart. 50 00:03:57,007 --> 00:03:59,291 Milhouse may not be the perfect date. 51 00:03:59,342 --> 00:04:01,743 Please let there be a "but" coming, please! 52 00:04:01,762 --> 00:04:03,462 But... Landed it! 53 00:04:05,065 --> 00:04:07,967 At least I'm with someone who tries a little too hard 54 00:04:08,001 --> 00:04:09,869 because he really likes me. 55 00:04:09,903 --> 00:04:12,972 Hey, plenty of babes have docked in Porta de Barto. 56 00:04:13,023 --> 00:04:14,990 Yeah, for about a week. 57 00:04:15,025 --> 00:04:16,659 But as soon as they get to know the real you, 58 00:04:16,693 --> 00:04:18,928 they departo de Barto. 59 00:04:18,962 --> 00:04:20,312 That's why you're alone tonight. 60 00:04:22,065 --> 00:04:25,034 Oh my God, is that true? 61 00:04:25,068 --> 00:04:27,102 Yeah, I'm afraid Lisa's right, son. 62 00:04:27,120 --> 00:04:30,456 If the late, great Nora Ephron taught us anything, it's... 63 00:04:30,490 --> 00:04:33,042 Oh! What's my other inflatable doll doing here? 64 00:04:36,129 --> 00:04:37,129 What? What? 65 00:04:37,164 --> 00:04:39,682 I ain't here with no one. 66 00:04:48,358 --> 00:04:50,326 Oh, man, Lisa's right. 67 00:04:50,360 --> 00:04:52,595 None of these relationships lasted very long. 68 00:04:52,629 --> 00:04:53,796 Three days. 69 00:04:53,830 --> 00:04:54,930 One recess. 70 00:04:54,965 --> 00:04:56,565 Half a field trip. 71 00:04:56,600 --> 00:04:59,101 Why did I have to get so needy at the planetarium? 72 00:04:59,136 --> 00:05:02,204 Boy, if anyone needs me, I'll be taking a popcorn bath. 73 00:05:02,239 --> 00:05:04,473 It's a thing I read about in a Men's Health magazine 74 00:05:04,508 --> 00:05:05,674 in a dream. 75 00:05:05,709 --> 00:05:07,643 Dad, can I ask you a question? 76 00:05:07,677 --> 00:05:10,613 How did you ever get a woman like Mom to stay with you? 77 00:05:10,647 --> 00:05:13,182 Look in the mirror, unplanned miracle. 78 00:05:13,216 --> 00:05:14,717 Is that the only reason? 79 00:05:14,751 --> 00:05:17,520 Well, I also keep things interesting. 80 00:05:17,554 --> 00:05:19,622 All right, who took the microwave? 81 00:05:19,656 --> 00:05:21,056 You see? 82 00:05:21,091 --> 00:05:22,992 Hey, what are you looking at? 83 00:05:23,026 --> 00:05:24,460 My ex-girlfriends. 84 00:05:24,494 --> 00:05:26,362 Aw, boy, I feel for you. 85 00:05:26,396 --> 00:05:27,830 Nobody likes to be rejected 86 00:05:27,864 --> 00:05:30,733 and it never gets easier, until you can drink. 87 00:05:30,767 --> 00:05:32,835 Because then you can express your unfiltered feelings 88 00:05:32,869 --> 00:05:34,904 by drunk dialing. 89 00:05:34,938 --> 00:05:35,971 Observe. 90 00:05:36,006 --> 00:05:37,139 Hey, it's me again. 91 00:05:37,174 --> 00:05:39,341 He's there, isn't he? 92 00:05:39,376 --> 00:05:41,143 Well, I hope this doesn't sound weird, 93 00:05:41,178 --> 00:05:43,145 but I'm inside your closet. 94 00:05:43,179 --> 00:05:46,665 Um, that's awesome, but I think I'll visit my ex-girlfriends 95 00:05:46,700 --> 00:05:48,701 and prove they still like me. 96 00:05:51,037 --> 00:05:52,004 Hey. 97 00:05:52,038 --> 00:05:53,455 It's me. 98 00:05:53,490 --> 00:05:55,174 I was thinking about you. 99 00:05:55,208 --> 00:05:58,460 It's your birthday in like, three, four months? 100 00:05:58,495 --> 00:06:01,497 Would it be weird if I threw you a party? 101 00:06:03,333 --> 00:06:05,518 Eat my shorts! 102 00:06:05,552 --> 00:06:06,752 Drop dead. 103 00:06:06,786 --> 00:06:09,838 Eat fist, jerk. 104 00:06:09,873 --> 00:06:12,708 You've got a lot of nerve showing up here... 105 00:06:12,742 --> 00:06:15,077 and not giving me a kiss. 106 00:06:15,111 --> 00:06:16,712 Inappropriate! 107 00:06:16,746 --> 00:06:18,013 I miss you. 108 00:06:18,048 --> 00:06:19,615 Stalker! 109 00:06:19,649 --> 00:06:21,500 Save me. 110 00:06:24,237 --> 00:06:25,888 Mary Spuckler, 111 00:06:25,922 --> 00:06:27,556 you're my last chance. 112 00:06:27,574 --> 00:06:30,359 She's pretty cute for Cletus's daughter. 113 00:06:30,393 --> 00:06:32,945 Yeah, she liked to drink milk as a kid instead of white paint. 114 00:06:34,881 --> 00:06:36,682 Is you one of my kids? 115 00:06:36,716 --> 00:06:37,850 No, sir. 116 00:06:37,884 --> 00:06:38,884 Prove it. 117 00:06:38,919 --> 00:06:39,919 A, B, C... 118 00:06:39,953 --> 00:06:41,186 All right. All right. 119 00:06:41,221 --> 00:06:42,888 You convinced me, Einstein. 120 00:06:42,923 --> 00:06:43,889 What you want? 121 00:06:43,924 --> 00:06:45,190 Is Mary here? 122 00:06:45,225 --> 00:06:47,393 I'm afraid Mary done run off. 123 00:06:47,427 --> 00:06:49,361 We knows not where. 124 00:06:49,396 --> 00:06:50,396 Dadgummit. 125 00:06:50,430 --> 00:06:51,964 Do you think she still likes me? 126 00:06:51,998 --> 00:06:54,133 Um, hey, Brandine! 127 00:06:54,167 --> 00:06:56,435 Does Mary still like this boy? 128 00:06:56,469 --> 00:06:59,305 I don't know what that girl likes anymore. 129 00:06:59,339 --> 00:07:02,575 She ran away after we engaged her to Old Man Wellbottom. 130 00:07:02,609 --> 00:07:04,743 And I was gonna be a good husband, too! 131 00:07:04,778 --> 00:07:06,979 If'n I ever get out of this well. 132 00:07:07,013 --> 00:07:08,881 All right. All right now. 133 00:07:08,915 --> 00:07:10,215 That's enough out of you. 134 00:07:10,250 --> 00:07:11,550 But I just-- 135 00:07:12,652 --> 00:07:15,454 Oh, I can't believe she ran away. 136 00:07:15,488 --> 00:07:17,072 And this isn't helping. 137 00:07:17,107 --> 00:07:18,741 I better switch to the hard stuff. 138 00:07:18,775 --> 00:07:19,942 Hey, Dubya. 139 00:07:19,976 --> 00:07:22,344 I know where my sister run off to. 140 00:07:22,379 --> 00:07:24,113 New York City. 141 00:07:24,147 --> 00:07:25,347 New York? 142 00:07:25,382 --> 00:07:27,316 That's where Sesame Street is. 143 00:07:27,350 --> 00:07:30,653 Do you ever wonder what happens to Oscar on garbage day? 144 00:07:30,687 --> 00:07:32,855 Yup, New York. 145 00:07:32,889 --> 00:07:34,456 The big something. 146 00:07:34,491 --> 00:07:36,025 This here's her address. 147 00:07:36,059 --> 00:07:37,109 Good luck! 148 00:07:44,270 --> 00:07:47,005 I don't know if we should be up here, Bart Simpson. 149 00:07:47,039 --> 00:07:48,840 And why is that? 150 00:07:50,376 --> 00:07:52,176 'Cause the floor ain't finished. 151 00:07:52,194 --> 00:07:55,430 Daddy just covers things with hay and says they're done. 152 00:07:58,551 --> 00:08:01,786 Mom, can we go to New York to find this girl I used to know? 153 00:08:01,820 --> 00:08:03,371 Bart, that's sweet, 154 00:08:03,405 --> 00:08:06,574 but we'd need airplane money, hotel money... 155 00:08:06,609 --> 00:08:09,677 And $500 for Yankee tickets, which turn out to be bogus. 156 00:08:09,712 --> 00:08:11,179 Well, don't buy 'em. 157 00:08:11,213 --> 00:08:13,181 But they're playing the Purple Sox. 158 00:08:13,215 --> 00:08:15,500 Come on, Dad, you love New York. 159 00:08:15,534 --> 00:08:17,418 Now, that your two least favorite buildings 160 00:08:17,469 --> 00:08:20,038 Old Penn Station and Shea Stadium. 161 00:08:20,072 --> 00:08:21,856 Lousy, outdated relics! 162 00:08:21,891 --> 00:08:24,225 Boy, do you remember what happened 163 00:08:24,260 --> 00:08:26,544 the last time we went to New York? 164 00:08:31,216 --> 00:08:33,384 Keep your meat hooks off my sister Marge or my goons 165 00:08:33,402 --> 00:08:35,186 will do a soft show on your solar plexus. 166 00:08:35,220 --> 00:08:37,338 You're dead, J.J. Get yourself buried. 167 00:08:37,373 --> 00:08:39,340 Tough cookie, huh, well, watch me take a bite out of ya. 168 00:08:39,375 --> 00:08:41,476 I'm about to go out shooting and you just said who. 169 00:08:41,510 --> 00:08:42,810 That's some lip you got on you. 170 00:08:42,845 --> 00:08:44,078 How'd you like me to stretch it like a rubber band 171 00:08:44,113 --> 00:08:45,480 and snap you into last week? 172 00:08:45,514 --> 00:08:48,800 You're selling milk, J.J., and I got a sour stomach. 173 00:08:50,686 --> 00:08:54,188 Homer, that sounds like The Sweet Smell of Success. 174 00:08:54,223 --> 00:08:56,124 It didn't feel like success. 175 00:09:00,613 --> 00:09:03,331 Why, ladies? Why?! 176 00:09:03,365 --> 00:09:06,267 Son, you can dial down the crazy. 177 00:09:06,302 --> 00:09:07,885 Your mother and I talked about it, 178 00:09:07,920 --> 00:09:09,554 and we found a way to get to New York. 179 00:09:09,588 --> 00:09:11,389 It's all set, boy. 180 00:09:11,423 --> 00:09:14,292 To save money, we're swapping houses. 181 00:09:14,326 --> 00:09:16,928 But don't the people wreck your house when they stay in it? 182 00:09:16,962 --> 00:09:18,930 I didn't say I swapped our house. 183 00:09:20,532 --> 00:09:21,733 Yeah, how ya doing? 184 00:09:21,767 --> 00:09:23,167 We're staying here for two weeks. 185 00:09:23,202 --> 00:09:24,969 Lord, you're testing me, aren't you? 186 00:09:25,004 --> 00:09:26,371 Yeah, keep talking to your friend up there. 187 00:09:26,405 --> 00:09:27,639 We'll be doing it on your bed. 188 00:09:27,673 --> 00:09:29,824 New York style. 189 00:09:41,754 --> 00:09:43,338 Look at this place. 190 00:09:43,389 --> 00:09:44,522 Things have certainly changed 191 00:09:44,556 --> 00:09:47,091 since our ancestor Fievel came here. 192 00:09:47,126 --> 00:09:48,893 Fievel was a mouse in a movie. 193 00:09:48,927 --> 00:09:51,262 Yes, and now look at us. 194 00:09:51,296 --> 00:09:52,497 Only in America. 195 00:09:52,531 --> 00:09:55,133 Khlav Kalash! Get your Khlav Kalash! 196 00:09:55,167 --> 00:09:59,137 Oh, geez, not this guy with his stupid little pushcart. 197 00:09:59,139 --> 00:10:01,839 50,000 square feet, huh? All Khlav Kalash! 198 00:10:01,874 --> 00:10:03,107 Used to be bookstore. 199 00:10:04,209 --> 00:10:05,176 Books. 200 00:10:05,210 --> 00:10:07,011 Come on, let's go find Mary. 201 00:10:07,046 --> 00:10:08,813 This is the address her brother gave me. 202 00:10:08,847 --> 00:10:11,149 Can't Dad take Bart while we seek out culture? 203 00:10:11,183 --> 00:10:12,917 You do that. 204 00:10:12,951 --> 00:10:15,620 You know you're missing your clothes? 205 00:10:15,654 --> 00:10:17,188 I thought this was just a dream. 206 00:10:17,190 --> 00:10:19,123 , man! 207 00:10:27,966 --> 00:10:29,600 All right, I'll spring for a cab. 208 00:10:29,635 --> 00:10:32,670 Much better. 209 00:10:32,705 --> 00:10:34,171 Here we are. 210 00:10:34,189 --> 00:10:36,574 Anything you leave in a cab you'll never see again. 211 00:10:41,313 --> 00:10:42,480 Hey! 212 00:10:42,514 --> 00:10:45,299 Oh, uh, oh, thank God you woke up. 213 00:10:51,073 --> 00:10:53,941 Oh, I guess my search for true love is doomed. 214 00:10:53,976 --> 00:10:56,611 You've learned a very valuable life lesson, boy. 215 00:10:56,645 --> 00:10:58,546 Which is that love doesn't exist, 216 00:10:58,580 --> 00:11:02,350 except briefly between a man and a woman before marriage. 217 00:11:02,384 --> 00:11:05,319 After that, it's just hanging out with someone who kind of 218 00:11:05,354 --> 00:11:08,356 hates you but you can't get it together to leave. 219 00:11:08,390 --> 00:11:10,858 I'll get us some ice cream. 220 00:11:13,362 --> 00:11:15,096 What's the matter, darling? 221 00:11:15,147 --> 00:11:17,081 Thanks for asking, Duchess. 222 00:11:17,116 --> 00:11:20,068 I'm sitting here waiting for a girl that's never gonna show up. 223 00:11:20,102 --> 00:11:21,069 What makes you so sure? 224 00:11:21,103 --> 00:11:22,804 Girls don't like me. 225 00:11:22,838 --> 00:11:25,306 I don't really like them yet either, but I think I'm gonna. 226 00:11:25,340 --> 00:11:27,208 There's a storm a-brewing down there. 227 00:11:27,242 --> 00:11:29,644 Well, there's a girl a-standin' right here. 228 00:11:29,678 --> 00:11:31,179 It's me, Mary. 229 00:11:31,213 --> 00:11:33,848 Wow, what are you doing for money? 230 00:11:33,882 --> 00:11:37,385 Well, it's not very steady and I'm kind of ashamed. 231 00:11:37,419 --> 00:11:39,587 I'm a featured player on Saturday Night Live. 232 00:11:39,621 --> 00:11:42,256 Mary Spuckler! 233 00:11:42,291 --> 00:11:44,058 Aw, I'm lying. 234 00:11:44,093 --> 00:11:46,094 My whole life here is a bunch of lies. 235 00:11:46,128 --> 00:11:48,362 I'm just a writer with a performing option. 236 00:11:48,397 --> 00:11:50,865 Let's talk about something else. 237 00:11:50,899 --> 00:11:52,900 Something nice. 238 00:11:55,404 --> 00:11:58,372 So, this is basically what we can afford. 239 00:11:58,407 --> 00:12:01,375 Okay, second balcony, partially obstructed view, 240 00:12:01,410 --> 00:12:03,444 no bathroom privileges and you must stipulate that, 241 00:12:03,479 --> 00:12:05,880 in emergencies, you can change a spotlight shell. 242 00:12:05,914 --> 00:12:08,883 Well, at least I'll be able to say I went to a Broadway show. 243 00:12:08,917 --> 00:12:10,284 You're not allowed to say that. 244 00:12:10,319 --> 00:12:12,120 Oh, forget it. 245 00:12:12,154 --> 00:12:14,021 So, Bart Simpson, did you really come 246 00:12:14,056 --> 00:12:17,525 all the way here just to see me? 247 00:12:17,559 --> 00:12:18,526 Yeah. 248 00:12:18,560 --> 00:12:19,927 Plus, I thought I might get 249 00:12:19,962 --> 00:12:21,329 to see an air conditioner fall on someone's head. 250 00:12:21,363 --> 00:12:22,530 But I guess that never really... 251 00:12:22,564 --> 00:12:23,898 D'oh! 252 00:12:23,932 --> 00:12:25,800 Ow! What was that?! Is that your father? 253 00:12:25,834 --> 00:12:27,485 Bart, I want to see you again, 254 00:12:27,519 --> 00:12:29,887 but I don't want a grownup taking me back. 255 00:12:29,922 --> 00:12:32,273 Meet me at the high line tomorrow. 256 00:12:32,307 --> 00:12:34,225 Keep my secret! 257 00:12:34,259 --> 00:12:35,426 You little! 258 00:12:35,460 --> 00:12:37,979 Where's that ice cream?! 259 00:12:38,013 --> 00:12:39,981 Just once, I'd like your father 260 00:12:40,015 --> 00:12:42,183 to be on a jumbotron for something good. 261 00:12:42,217 --> 00:12:44,051 Damn you and your fluted neck! 262 00:12:48,210 --> 00:12:50,044 So, what did you do with your dad? 263 00:12:50,079 --> 00:12:52,163 We're safe because you have to climb steps to get up here. 264 00:12:54,366 --> 00:12:55,400 Can't move? 265 00:12:55,434 --> 00:12:58,570 No. 266 00:12:58,604 --> 00:13:01,489 I thought there was no crime in New York anymore. 267 00:13:01,524 --> 00:13:03,591 Giuliani! 268 00:13:03,626 --> 00:13:05,827 Gimme some news of Springfield. 269 00:13:05,861 --> 00:13:07,595 They let Sideshow Bob out of prison again. 270 00:13:09,265 --> 00:13:11,833 Huh, didn't know they still ran those trains. 271 00:13:11,867 --> 00:13:13,601 How's your momma and your sister? 272 00:13:13,636 --> 00:13:15,770 Trying to find high culture at low prices. 273 00:13:15,805 --> 00:13:17,505 No, Lisa! 274 00:13:17,540 --> 00:13:20,575 If you click that turnstile, it'll blow our budget! 275 00:13:20,609 --> 00:13:22,343 Aah! Whaah! 276 00:13:22,378 --> 00:13:24,712 Well, without them around, 277 00:13:24,747 --> 00:13:27,215 you and I can walk through the city holding hands, 278 00:13:27,249 --> 00:13:28,683 just like the menfolk do. 279 00:13:28,717 --> 00:13:30,718 I could listen to your twang all day. 280 00:13:30,753 --> 00:13:32,520 Would you care to hear it in song? 281 00:13:32,555 --> 00:13:34,088 'Cause I wrote one 'bout you. 282 00:13:34,123 --> 00:13:35,690 Can I do a rap in the middle of it? 283 00:13:35,724 --> 00:13:38,526 Or you could just listen. 284 00:13:38,561 --> 00:13:40,762 Sir, may I borrow your guitar? 285 00:13:40,796 --> 00:13:42,797 Sure, sure. It's the case that makes money. 286 00:13:48,604 --> 00:13:52,574 ♪ A boy I knew turned up again ♪ 287 00:13:52,608 --> 00:13:55,810 ♪ Kind of liked him way back when ♪ 288 00:13:55,845 --> 00:13:59,147 ♪ Chased him round the livestock bend... ♪ 289 00:13:59,181 --> 00:14:00,131 Rolling on my skateboard, 290 00:14:00,166 --> 00:14:01,633 pimping like a drug lord... 291 00:14:01,667 --> 00:14:04,636 ♪ Well I'm on the cusp of womanhood ♪ 292 00:14:04,670 --> 00:14:06,137 ♪ And I like a boy ♪ 293 00:14:06,172 --> 00:14:08,173 ♪ That ain't no good at nothin' ♪ 294 00:14:08,207 --> 00:14:10,942 ♪ 'Cept making me smile ♪ 295 00:14:10,976 --> 00:14:12,827 ♪ That's Bart. ♪ 296 00:14:12,862 --> 00:14:15,730 ♪ I thought my old ways I had shed ♪ 297 00:14:15,764 --> 00:14:18,266 ♪ But I sure missed his cylinder head ♪ 298 00:14:18,300 --> 00:14:21,970 ♪ Now that boy has a-come to me, oh, yes ♪ 299 00:14:23,706 --> 00:14:26,774 ♪ B-A-R, now where's that T? ♪ 300 00:14:26,809 --> 00:14:29,444 ♪ Where is it? I don't know ♪ 301 00:14:29,478 --> 00:14:33,848 ♪ Oh, that's Bart. ♪ 302 00:14:34,850 --> 00:14:38,253 I really like you, Bart Simpson. 303 00:14:40,139 --> 00:14:41,422 I've come to take you back, Mary. 304 00:14:41,457 --> 00:14:43,458 Daddy? 305 00:14:43,492 --> 00:14:47,795 Sorry, honey, your mother misses you but she just can't say it. 306 00:14:47,830 --> 00:14:50,365 That's 'cause the donkey busted her jaw. 307 00:14:50,399 --> 00:14:51,532 She'll be fine. 308 00:14:51,567 --> 00:14:52,867 Your mother too. 309 00:14:56,271 --> 00:14:58,171 All right, Broadway's too expensive, 310 00:14:58,190 --> 00:14:59,523 the museums are over-curated, 311 00:14:59,558 --> 00:15:01,358 But Shakespeare in the Park is tonight 312 00:15:01,393 --> 00:15:02,693 and the tickets are free. 313 00:15:16,508 --> 00:15:20,094 Get your cuckold's horns, neck ruffles, Yorik skulls! 314 00:15:20,128 --> 00:15:22,046 I'll take a cuckold's horn! 315 00:15:25,951 --> 00:15:27,384 It works! 316 00:15:27,419 --> 00:15:29,720 Ladies and gentlemen, I have an announcement. 317 00:15:29,754 --> 00:15:33,373 Lad-ies and gen-tle-men, I have an an-nounce-ment-- 318 00:15:33,391 --> 00:15:35,993 That's not iambic pentameter! 319 00:15:36,027 --> 00:15:38,262 I'm afraid that tonight's show has been cancelled. 320 00:15:38,296 --> 00:15:40,097 Huh? Why? Wherefore? 321 00:15:40,131 --> 00:15:43,200 The Baldwin brothers, who were, uh, playing the Monague family 322 00:15:43,235 --> 00:15:44,451 and the Sheen/Estevez clan, 323 00:15:44,486 --> 00:15:46,270 our Capulets, have quit the production. 324 00:15:46,304 --> 00:15:48,873 You guys suck at acting and you ate all the potato salad. 325 00:15:48,907 --> 00:15:51,625 No, you suck at acting and it's first come, first serve! 326 00:15:51,660 --> 00:15:53,060 I made that potato salad! 327 00:15:53,094 --> 00:15:55,729 Well, uh, idiot, it says Zaybar's on the package! 328 00:15:55,764 --> 00:15:57,298 He works at Zaybar's. 329 00:15:57,332 --> 00:15:58,866 We all work at Zaybar's. 330 00:15:58,900 --> 00:16:00,601 I'm so sorry. 331 00:16:00,635 --> 00:16:03,137 You came to see Romeo and Juliet, not feuding families. 332 00:16:03,171 --> 00:16:06,206 Uh, the long, slow line to leave the theatre forms on the left. 333 00:16:07,642 --> 00:16:10,611 Aw, and we have to walk by a drum circle! 334 00:16:12,013 --> 00:16:14,198 Faster, man! More annoying! 335 00:16:14,232 --> 00:16:16,083 Not so fast! 336 00:16:16,117 --> 00:16:18,953 We came for Shakespeare and we're gonna see Shakespeare. 337 00:16:18,987 --> 00:16:20,754 Anyone who wants to be in this, 338 00:16:20,789 --> 00:16:22,806 grab a doublet and meet me backstage! 339 00:16:22,857 --> 00:16:25,643 Is there, mayhaps, a bit of business for me? 340 00:16:25,677 --> 00:16:27,745 I was thinking amateurs only. 341 00:16:27,779 --> 00:16:30,814 Well, my only professional job was playing 342 00:16:30,849 --> 00:16:33,601 a nefarious hot dog in an ad for Taco Bueno. 343 00:16:33,635 --> 00:16:35,469 You fresh-made tacos will never 344 00:16:35,503 --> 00:16:38,772 defeat pre-boiled hot dogs! 345 00:16:40,008 --> 00:16:43,243 Please, I owe Yale Drama School $200,000. 346 00:16:43,278 --> 00:16:44,378 They keep calling my mother. 347 00:16:44,412 --> 00:16:45,930 Fine! You're in. 348 00:16:45,964 --> 00:16:48,866 I must warn you, I have crippling stage fright. 349 00:16:48,900 --> 00:16:51,235 Oh, for the love of God! 350 00:16:54,606 --> 00:16:57,141 For never was a story of more woe 351 00:16:57,175 --> 00:17:00,244 than this of Juliet and her Romeo. 352 00:17:01,546 --> 00:17:04,248 Our search for culture is thus concluded, 353 00:17:04,282 --> 00:17:07,001 For the Bard of Avon is well suited 354 00:17:07,035 --> 00:17:10,104 to a crowd with every cell phone muted. 355 00:17:10,138 --> 00:17:12,539 Geez, I can't stop talking like this. 356 00:17:12,574 --> 00:17:14,041 Hey, don't ever stop! 357 00:17:14,075 --> 00:17:16,677 Because, tonight, we made it in New York. 358 00:17:16,711 --> 00:17:18,646 Those the people who took over the theatre? 359 00:17:18,680 --> 00:17:21,982 Pepper spray and power wash-- the New York hug and kiss. 360 00:17:29,207 --> 00:17:31,041 Now, Mary, you listen to me. 361 00:17:31,076 --> 00:17:33,644 I'm one-third your father and you're gonna come back. 362 00:17:33,678 --> 00:17:35,145 If y'all will excuse me, 363 00:17:35,180 --> 00:17:37,715 I gotta freshen up for the ride home. 364 00:17:37,749 --> 00:17:41,952 Enjoy your fancy-schmancy in-house for the last time. 365 00:17:43,655 --> 00:17:45,122 Psst! 366 00:17:45,156 --> 00:17:46,557 Um, I've got to go. 367 00:17:46,591 --> 00:17:47,791 Go where? 368 00:17:47,826 --> 00:17:49,293 Uh, well, since we're here, 369 00:17:49,327 --> 00:17:51,795 I'm gonna go try to get Al Roker's autograph. 370 00:17:51,830 --> 00:17:53,297 Here you go, little fan. 371 00:17:53,331 --> 00:17:54,798 Killer storm on the way. 372 00:17:54,833 --> 00:17:58,902 Um, I gonna go try to sell this. 373 00:17:58,937 --> 00:18:00,137 I'll buy it back. 374 00:18:04,409 --> 00:18:06,210 Goodbye, Bart, and don't worry, 375 00:18:06,244 --> 00:18:08,045 there'll be other Mary Spucklers, 376 00:18:08,079 --> 00:18:12,816 including my sisters Mary Zeke and Mary Not Quite Right. 377 00:18:12,851 --> 00:18:14,251 Aw! 378 00:18:20,508 --> 00:18:23,444 Bart, if any girl tries to fix you, let 'em, 379 00:18:23,478 --> 00:18:25,646 because you got a couple of big problems. 380 00:18:25,680 --> 00:18:27,981 But mostly, you're great! 381 00:18:32,103 --> 00:18:33,604 Boy, you tell me where Mary's gone! 382 00:18:33,638 --> 00:18:35,239 I can't. 383 00:18:35,273 --> 00:18:39,209 Boy, you squeal like a piggy for the hillbilly man. 384 00:18:39,244 --> 00:18:40,644 I can't because Mary's the girl 385 00:18:40,678 --> 00:18:42,312 that proves that girls can like me. 386 00:18:42,347 --> 00:18:44,615 And she wouldn't like me anymore if I gave her up. 387 00:18:44,649 --> 00:18:46,316 So I won't, even if you torture me 388 00:18:46,351 --> 00:18:47,901 like you do the English language. 389 00:18:47,936 --> 00:18:50,571 Well, if that ain't aren't the isn't. 390 00:18:50,605 --> 00:18:54,942 I guess I just gotta let Mary find her own way. 391 00:18:54,976 --> 00:18:57,828 Come on, let's head on back to Springfield. 392 00:18:57,862 --> 00:19:01,665 Uh, one on-getter for the clickity clack, please. 393 00:19:06,921 --> 00:19:09,690 You miss her, don't you, son? 394 00:19:09,724 --> 00:19:12,526 You want a picture of her for your wallet? 395 00:19:12,560 --> 00:19:16,029 Oh, she's somewhere in B-3. 396 00:19:16,064 --> 00:19:18,098 Thanks, man. 397 00:19:18,133 --> 00:19:19,967 Aw, look at that. 398 00:19:20,001 --> 00:19:22,469 My little guy's finally realizing 399 00:19:22,504 --> 00:19:25,572 how complicated grownup feelings can be. 400 00:19:25,607 --> 00:19:28,776 Well, at least it didn't end as bad as Romeo and Juliet. 401 00:19:28,810 --> 00:19:29,810 No kidding. 402 00:19:29,844 --> 00:19:31,445 I saw your reviews. 403 00:19:31,479 --> 00:19:33,113 Hey! 404 00:19:33,131 --> 00:19:34,948 I specifically said, no critics! 405 00:19:34,983 --> 00:19:36,783 This is outrageous! 406 00:19:36,801 --> 00:19:39,369 Ooh, but they like . 407 00:19:39,404 --> 00:19:43,404 == sync, corrected by elderman == 408 00:19:46,661 --> 00:19:48,294 I hope you enjoyed the show tonight. 409 00:19:48,312 --> 00:19:50,463 And if you're worried about when the air conditioner 410 00:19:50,481 --> 00:19:53,600 fell on my head, rest assured it was a stunt man, 411 00:19:53,634 --> 00:19:56,620 and his family is being well taken care of. 412 00:19:56,654 --> 00:20:00,523 But we're here to ask if you have an idea for a couch gag. 413 00:20:00,574 --> 00:20:03,443 The best submission will be animated and appear on the show. 414 00:20:03,477 --> 00:20:05,595 Do we screw them on the credit? 415 00:20:05,630 --> 00:20:09,933 No! For details, log on to TheSimpsons.com. 416 00:20:09,967 --> 00:20:11,584 I'm submitting mine now. 417 00:20:55,796 --> 00:20:56,913 Shh!