1
00:00:11,905 --> 00:00:13,072
(pilot screams)
2
00:00:16,727 --> 00:00:18,744
(exclaiming)
3
00:00:23,128 --> 00:00:25,079
(school bell ringing)
4
00:00:27,571 --> 00:00:28,654
(Barney belches)
5
00:00:28,688 --> 00:00:30,656
(whistle blows)
6
00:00:30,690 --> 00:00:32,691
(yells)
7
00:00:35,305 --> 00:00:40,893
(playing the blues)
8
00:00:41,822 --> 00:00:42,822
(tires screeching)
9
00:00:45,073 --> 00:00:46,073
D'oh!
10
00:00:47,785 --> 00:00:48,752
(grunts)
11
00:00:52,058 --> 00:00:56,058
♪ The Simpsons 24x01 ♪
Moonshine River
Original Air Date on September 30, 2012
12
00:00:56,126 --> 00:01:00,126
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther
13
00:01:32,881 --> 00:01:36,658
This is Kent Brockman at the 1st
Annual Springfield Grand Prix,
14
00:01:36,685 --> 00:01:38,452
which, like all our
town showcase events,
15
00:01:38,486 --> 00:01:42,042
is not only poorly planned,
it's horribly executed.
16
00:01:42,210 --> 00:01:44,412
(horns honking)
17
00:01:47,193 --> 00:01:49,294
BURNS: The Making of the Empire
State Building,
18
00:01:49,328 --> 00:01:51,459
Part One: The Basement.
19
00:01:51,481 --> 00:01:52,681
(horns beeping)
20
00:01:52,721 --> 00:01:55,690
(gibbering)
21
00:01:55,712 --> 00:01:57,697
(cat screeching)
22
00:01:57,742 --> 00:01:59,209
(tires screeching)
23
00:02:01,465 --> 00:02:03,466
(screaming)
24
00:02:04,736 --> 00:02:05,903
ALL:
Aw!
25
00:02:08,108 --> 00:02:09,302
Wait for the gap...
26
00:02:09,342 --> 00:02:10,860
Wait for the gap.
27
00:02:10,894 --> 00:02:13,475
Homer, we can buy
Scotch tape tomorrow.
28
00:02:13,504 --> 00:02:14,754
There's the gap!
29
00:02:14,780 --> 00:02:16,114
(all screaming)
30
00:02:16,130 --> 00:02:17,537
Gap's too small!
31
00:02:18,294 --> 00:02:20,412
(screaming)
LISA: Huh?
32
00:02:20,479 --> 00:02:21,775
(French accent):
A peloton?
33
00:02:21,809 --> 00:02:23,765
Apparently, today is
also the final stage
34
00:02:23,788 --> 00:02:25,903
of the Tour De Springfield
bike race.
35
00:02:28,240 --> 00:02:29,974
Hey, that's some fancy riding.
36
00:02:30,047 --> 00:02:30,913
(clattering)
37
00:02:31,147 --> 00:02:33,449
(yelling, grunting)
38
00:02:38,949 --> 00:02:42,401
Truthfully, today, there were
no losers and no winners
39
00:02:42,423 --> 00:02:46,193
since both finish lines were
tangled up in this unholy mess.
40
00:02:46,258 --> 00:02:47,100
(tapping)
41
00:02:47,132 --> 00:02:48,904
I hear tapping from inside.
44
00:02:54,467 --> 00:02:58,755
to the sounds of Scab Calloway
and his non-union band.
45
00:02:58,803 --> 00:02:59,803
(tapping)
46
00:03:00,188 --> 00:03:01,607
Uh, keep it down in there.
47
00:03:01,653 --> 00:03:03,888
(Taser crackling)
48
00:03:03,922 --> 00:03:06,090
(dance music plays)
49
00:03:06,848 --> 00:03:10,124
So, is this a "date" date or
just a meaningless friend thing?
50
00:03:10,152 --> 00:03:12,102
- Meaningless friend thing.
- True love super date!
51
00:03:12,136 --> 00:03:15,023
Well, if you two ever get
serious and have a baby,
52
00:03:15,050 --> 00:03:17,067
it'll look something like this.
53
00:03:20,403 --> 00:03:21,937
Don't listen to Uncle Bart.
54
00:03:22,140 --> 00:03:25,226
Lisa and I will raise
you in a house of love.
55
00:03:25,279 --> 00:03:27,414
We're not having a baby.
56
00:03:27,435 --> 00:03:28,647
Jimmy!
57
00:03:28,726 --> 00:03:29,757
Oh, brother.
58
00:03:29,789 --> 00:03:30,855
Let's dance.
59
00:03:35,580 --> 00:03:36,518
Geek leak!
60
00:03:36,542 --> 00:03:38,480
(laughing)
61
00:03:38,510 --> 00:03:42,447
Hey, Bart, at least
I've got a date.
62
00:03:43,075 --> 00:03:44,175
Dance with me, please.
63
00:03:44,199 --> 00:03:45,593
I need to zing my sister.
64
00:03:45,624 --> 00:03:47,887
Okay, but you have
to do your homework.
65
00:03:47,956 --> 00:03:48,938
Just kidding.
66
00:03:48,963 --> 00:03:50,279
I've given up on that.
67
00:03:50,316 --> 00:03:53,185
Just move your girdle, Yertle.
68
00:03:54,024 --> 00:03:55,374
Hey, Lise, your dance partner
69
00:03:55,398 --> 00:03:57,936
just made the cover
Dorks Illustrated magazine.
70
00:03:57,971 --> 00:04:00,523
I know that's a zing,
but still...
71
00:04:00,551 --> 00:04:01,659
the cover!
72
00:04:01,671 --> 00:04:03,168
Now, you listen to me, Bart.
73
00:04:03,201 --> 00:04:05,485
Milhouse may not
be the perfect date.
74
00:04:05,612 --> 00:04:08,013
Please let there be a "but"
coming, please!
75
00:04:08,101 --> 00:04:09,801
- But...
- Landed it!
76
00:04:11,416 --> 00:04:14,371
At least I'm with someone
who tries a little too hard
77
00:04:14,409 --> 00:04:16,277
because he really likes me.
78
00:04:16,335 --> 00:04:19,342
Hey, plenty of babes have docked
in Porta de Barto.
79
00:04:19,393 --> 00:04:21,168
Yeah, for about a week.
80
00:04:21,201 --> 00:04:23,167
But as soon as they
get to know the real you,
81
00:04:23,201 --> 00:04:24,957
they departo de Barto.
82
00:04:25,101 --> 00:04:27,328
That's why you're
alone tonight.
83
00:04:28,241 --> 00:04:31,210
Oh my God, is that true?
84
00:04:31,313 --> 00:04:33,347
MOE: Yeah, I'm afraid
Lisa's right, son.
85
00:04:33,429 --> 00:04:37,192
If the late, great Nora Ephron
taught us anything, it's...
86
00:04:37,230 --> 00:04:39,782
Oh! What's my other
inflatable doll doing here?
87
00:04:42,650 --> 00:04:43,650
What? What?
88
00:04:43,673 --> 00:04:46,191
I ain't here with no one.
89
00:04:54,973 --> 00:04:56,587
Oh, man, Lisa's right.
90
00:04:56,606 --> 00:04:58,976
None of these relationships
lasted very long.
91
00:04:59,019 --> 00:05:00,063
BART:
Three days.
92
00:05:00,139 --> 00:05:01,239
One recess.
93
00:05:01,274 --> 00:05:02,287
Half a field trip.
94
00:05:02,334 --> 00:05:05,591
Why did I have to get so needy
at the planetarium?
95
00:05:05,889 --> 00:05:08,614
Boy, if anyone needs me,
I'll be taking a popcorn bath.
96
00:05:08,635 --> 00:05:10,923
It's a thing I read about in
a Men's Health magazine
97
00:05:10,948 --> 00:05:12,023
in a dream.
98
00:05:12,086 --> 00:05:13,887
Dad, can I ask you a question?
99
00:05:13,949 --> 00:05:16,885
How did you ever get a woman
like Mom to stay with you?
100
00:05:16,956 --> 00:05:19,491
(scoffs) Look in the mirror,
unplanned miracle.
101
00:05:19,525 --> 00:05:21,026
Is that the only reason?
102
00:05:21,060 --> 00:05:23,829
Well, I also keep
things interesting.
103
00:05:23,863 --> 00:05:25,931
MARGE: All right,
who took the microwave?
104
00:05:25,965 --> 00:05:27,365
(laughing):
You see?
105
00:05:27,400 --> 00:05:29,301
Hey, what are you looking at?
106
00:05:29,335 --> 00:05:30,769
My ex-girlfriends.
107
00:05:30,803 --> 00:05:32,622
Aw, boy, I feel for you.
108
00:05:32,661 --> 00:05:34,147
Nobody likes to be rejected
109
00:05:34,196 --> 00:05:37,092
and it never gets easier,
until you can drink.
110
00:05:37,113 --> 00:05:39,381
Because then you can express
your unfiltered feelings
111
00:05:39,428 --> 00:05:40,816
by drunk dialing.
112
00:05:40,934 --> 00:05:41,810
Observe.
113
00:05:41,883 --> 00:05:43,847
(slurring):
Hey, it's me again.
114
00:05:43,920 --> 00:05:45,526
He's there, isn't he?
115
00:05:45,579 --> 00:05:47,264
Well, I hope this
doesn't sound weird,
116
00:05:47,301 --> 00:05:49,268
but I'm inside your closet.
117
00:05:49,468 --> 00:05:52,954
Um, that's awesome, but I think
I'll visit my ex-girlfriends
118
00:05:53,009 --> 00:05:55,010
and prove they still like me.
119
00:05:55,044 --> 00:05:57,312
(cell phone rings)
120
00:05:57,751 --> 00:05:58,718
HOMER:
Hey.
121
00:05:58,752 --> 00:06:00,169
It's me.
122
00:06:00,249 --> 00:06:01,933
I was thinking about you.
123
00:06:02,041 --> 00:06:05,088
It's your birthday in like,
three, four months?
124
00:06:05,228 --> 00:06:07,766
Would it be weird
if I threw you a party?
125
00:06:07,796 --> 00:06:08,763
(knocking)
126
00:06:09,567 --> 00:06:11,752
Eat my shorts!
127
00:06:11,861 --> 00:06:13,061
Drop dead.
128
00:06:13,457 --> 00:06:16,035
Eat fist, jerk.
129
00:06:16,469 --> 00:06:19,082
You've got a lot of nerve
showing up here...
130
00:06:19,126 --> 00:06:21,461
and not giving me a kiss.
131
00:06:21,732 --> 00:06:23,333
Inappropriate!
132
00:06:23,392 --> 00:06:24,659
I miss you.
133
00:06:24,706 --> 00:06:26,273
Stalker!
134
00:06:26,420 --> 00:06:27,776
Save me.
135
00:06:27,844 --> 00:06:30,512
(rooster crowing)
136
00:06:31,258 --> 00:06:32,309
Mary Spuckler,
137
00:06:32,318 --> 00:06:33,952
you're my last chance.
138
00:06:34,126 --> 00:06:36,564
She's pretty cute
for Cletus's daughter.
139
00:06:36,595 --> 00:06:39,147
Yeah, she liked to drink milk
as a kid instead of white paint.
140
00:06:41,190 --> 00:06:42,991
Is you one of my kids?
141
00:06:43,081 --> 00:06:44,215
No, sir.
142
00:06:44,261 --> 00:06:44,884
Prove it.
143
00:06:44,903 --> 00:06:46,117
A, B, C...
144
00:06:46,174 --> 00:06:47,507
All right.
All right.
145
00:06:47,530 --> 00:06:49,393
You convinced me, Einstein.
146
00:06:49,419 --> 00:06:50,293
What you want?
147
00:06:50,333 --> 00:06:51,427
Is Mary here?
148
00:06:51,446 --> 00:06:53,614
I'm afraid Mary done run off.
149
00:06:53,635 --> 00:06:55,569
We knows not where.
150
00:06:55,679 --> 00:06:56,880
Dadgummit.
151
00:06:56,970 --> 00:06:58,383
Do you think she still likes me?
152
00:06:58,437 --> 00:07:00,481
Um, hey, Brandine!
153
00:07:00,532 --> 00:07:02,716
Does Mary still like this boy?
154
00:07:02,778 --> 00:07:05,614
I don't know what
that girl likes anymore.
155
00:07:05,648 --> 00:07:08,711
She ran away after we engaged
her to Old Man Wellbottom.
156
00:07:08,755 --> 00:07:11,130
WELLBOTTOM: And I was gonna be
a good husband, too!
157
00:07:11,161 --> 00:07:13,236
If'n I ever get
out of this well.
158
00:07:13,258 --> 00:07:15,383
All right.
All right now.
159
00:07:15,411 --> 00:07:17,089
That's enough out of you.
160
00:07:17,159 --> 00:07:18,459
WELLBOTTOM:
But I just--
161
00:07:19,110 --> 00:07:21,699
Oh, I can't believe
she ran away.
162
00:07:21,728 --> 00:07:23,312
And this isn't helping.
163
00:07:23,378 --> 00:07:25,012
I better switch
to the hard stuff.
164
00:07:25,390 --> 00:07:26,254
Hey, Dubya.
165
00:07:26,315 --> 00:07:28,610
I know where
my sister run off to.
166
00:07:28,688 --> 00:07:30,422
New York City.
167
00:07:30,550 --> 00:07:31,575
New York?
168
00:07:31,596 --> 00:07:33,530
That's where Sesame Street is.
169
00:07:33,659 --> 00:07:36,962
Do you ever wonder what happens
to Oscar on garbage day?
170
00:07:37,114 --> 00:07:39,034
Yup, New York.
171
00:07:39,060 --> 00:07:40,627
The big something.
172
00:07:40,800 --> 00:07:42,334
This here's her address.
173
00:07:42,474 --> 00:07:43,650
Good luck!
174
00:07:52,931 --> 00:07:55,842
I don't know if we
should be up here, Bart Simpson.
175
00:07:55,873 --> 00:07:57,561
BART:
And why is that?
176
00:07:57,610 --> 00:07:59,077
(wood cracks, Bart yells)
177
00:07:59,099 --> 00:08:00,780
'Cause the floor ain't finished.
178
00:08:00,824 --> 00:08:04,060
Daddy just covers things with
hay and says they're done.
179
00:08:07,062 --> 00:08:10,409
Mom, can we go to New York to
find this girl I used to know?
180
00:08:10,450 --> 00:08:11,556
Bart, that's sweet,
181
00:08:11,584 --> 00:08:14,589
but we'd need
airplane money, hotel money...
182
00:08:14,614 --> 00:08:18,317
And $500 for Yankee tickets,
which turn out to be bogus.
183
00:08:18,373 --> 00:08:19,729
Well, don't buy 'em.
184
00:08:19,749 --> 00:08:21,717
But they're playing
the Purple Sox.
185
00:08:21,769 --> 00:08:24,054
Come on, Dad,
you love New York.
186
00:08:24,132 --> 00:08:25,832
Now, that your two least
favorite buildings
187
00:08:25,861 --> 00:08:28,682
have been obliterated: Old Penn
Station and Shea Stadium.
188
00:08:28,795 --> 00:08:30,994
Lousy, outdated relics!
189
00:08:31,026 --> 00:08:32,403
Boy, do you remember
what happened
190
00:08:32,428 --> 00:08:34,712
the last time
we went to New York?
191
00:08:34,859 --> 00:08:36,259
(cool jazz playing)
192
00:08:39,945 --> 00:08:41,977
Keep your meat hooks off
my sister Marge or my goons
193
00:08:42,001 --> 00:08:43,683
will do a soft show
on your solar plexus.
194
00:08:43,758 --> 00:08:45,876
You're dead, J.J.
Get yourself buried.
195
00:08:45,952 --> 00:08:47,919
Tough cookie, huh, well, watch
me take a bite out of ya.
196
00:08:47,942 --> 00:08:50,098
I'm about to go out shooting
and you just said who.
197
00:08:50,127 --> 00:08:51,246
That's some lip you got on you.
198
00:08:51,271 --> 00:08:52,834
How'd you like me to stretch it
like a rubber band
199
00:08:52,847 --> 00:08:54,065
and snap you into last week?
200
00:08:54,083 --> 00:08:57,721
You're selling milk, J.J.,
and I got a sour stomach.
201
00:08:59,558 --> 00:09:02,703
Homer, that sounds like
The Sweet Smell of Success.
202
00:09:02,734 --> 00:09:04,865
It didn't feel like success.
203
00:09:09,830 --> 00:09:12,157
Why, ladies? Why?!
204
00:09:12,276 --> 00:09:14,782
Son, you can
dial down the crazy.
205
00:09:14,856 --> 00:09:16,543
Your mother and I talked
about it,
206
00:09:16,562 --> 00:09:18,419
and we found a way
to get to New York.
207
00:09:18,473 --> 00:09:20,117
It's all set, boy.
208
00:09:20,152 --> 00:09:23,021
To save money,
we're swapping houses.
209
00:09:23,349 --> 00:09:25,769
But don't the people wreck your
house when they stay in it?
210
00:09:25,822 --> 00:09:27,790
I didn't say
I swapped our house.
211
00:09:28,967 --> 00:09:29,929
Yeah, how ya doing?
212
00:09:29,947 --> 00:09:31,463
We're staying here
for two weeks.
213
00:09:31,494 --> 00:09:33,539
Lord, you're testing me,
aren't you?
214
00:09:33,557 --> 00:09:34,989
Yeah, keep talking
to your friend up there.
215
00:09:35,016 --> 00:09:36,250
We'll be doing it on your bed.
216
00:09:36,396 --> 00:09:38,547
New York style.
217
00:09:50,415 --> 00:09:51,999
Look at this place.
218
00:09:52,050 --> 00:09:53,523
Things have certainly changed
219
00:09:53,548 --> 00:09:56,083
since our ancestor
Fievel came here.
220
00:09:56,105 --> 00:09:57,872
Fievel was a mouse in a movie.
221
00:09:57,887 --> 00:09:59,905
Yes, and now look at us.
222
00:09:59,957 --> 00:10:01,294
Only in America.
223
00:10:01,367 --> 00:10:03,473
MAN: Khlav Kalash!
Get your Khlav Kalash!
224
00:10:03,503 --> 00:10:07,473
Oh, geez, not this guy with
his stupid little pushcart.
225
00:10:07,543 --> 00:10:10,411
50,000 square feet, huh?
All Khlav Kalash!
226
00:10:10,535 --> 00:10:11,594
Used to be bookstore.
227
00:10:11,622 --> 00:10:12,655
(laughs)
228
00:10:13,057 --> 00:10:13,910
Books.
229
00:10:13,970 --> 00:10:15,501
Come on, let's go find Mary.
230
00:10:15,532 --> 00:10:17,299
This is the address
her brother gave me.
231
00:10:17,689 --> 00:10:20,092
Can't Dad take Bart while
we seek out culture?
232
00:10:20,119 --> 00:10:21,549
You do that.
233
00:10:21,805 --> 00:10:24,474
You know you're
missing your clothes?
234
00:10:24,502 --> 00:10:26,036
I thought this was
just a dream.
235
00:10:26,176 --> 00:10:28,109
Oh, man!
236
00:10:36,195 --> 00:10:38,196
All right, I'll spring
for a cab.
237
00:10:38,708 --> 00:10:40,969
Much better.
238
00:10:41,716 --> 00:10:42,891
CABBIE:
Here we are.
239
00:10:42,912 --> 00:10:45,297
Anything you leave in a cab
you'll never see again.
240
00:10:46,366 --> 00:10:48,334
(snoring quietly)
241
00:10:50,105 --> 00:10:50,862
Hey!
242
00:10:50,887 --> 00:10:54,469
Oh, uh, oh, thank God
you woke up.
243
00:10:55,357 --> 00:10:56,490
(doorbell buzzing)
244
00:10:59,271 --> 00:11:02,439
Oh, I guess my search
for true love is doomed.
245
00:11:02,543 --> 00:11:05,287
You've learned a very
valuable life lesson, boy.
246
00:11:05,306 --> 00:11:07,137
Which is that love
doesn't exist,
247
00:11:07,165 --> 00:11:10,935
except briefly between a man
and a woman before marriage.
248
00:11:11,045 --> 00:11:13,980
After that, it's just hanging
out with someone who kind of
249
00:11:14,015 --> 00:11:17,017
hates you but you can't get it
together to leave.
250
00:11:18,025 --> 00:11:20,493
I'll get us some ice cream.
251
00:11:22,148 --> 00:11:23,882
What's the matter, darling?
252
00:11:24,058 --> 00:11:25,631
Thanks for asking, Duchess.
253
00:11:25,649 --> 00:11:28,601
I'm sitting here waiting for a
girl that's never gonna show up.
254
00:11:28,700 --> 00:11:30,179
What makes you so sure?
255
00:11:30,257 --> 00:11:31,456
Girls don't like me.
256
00:11:31,499 --> 00:11:33,967
I don't really like them yet
either, but I think I'm gonna.
257
00:11:34,001 --> 00:11:35,845
There's a storm
a-brewing down there.
258
00:11:35,872 --> 00:11:38,274
Well, there's a girl
a-standin' right here.
259
00:11:38,339 --> 00:11:39,840
It's me, Mary.
260
00:11:39,874 --> 00:11:42,509
Wow, what are you
doing for money?
261
00:11:42,543 --> 00:11:46,046
Well, it's not very steady
and I'm kind of ashamed.
262
00:11:46,080 --> 00:11:48,248
I'm a featured player on
Saturday Night Live.
263
00:11:48,538 --> 00:11:51,173
DON PARDO:
Mary Spuckler!
264
00:11:51,202 --> 00:11:52,621
Aw, I'm lying.
265
00:11:52,654 --> 00:11:54,655
My whole life here
is a bunch of lies.
266
00:11:54,739 --> 00:11:56,973
I'm just a writer
with a performing option.
267
00:11:57,989 --> 00:11:59,721
Let's talk about something else.
268
00:11:59,747 --> 00:12:01,422
Something nice.
269
00:12:04,146 --> 00:12:06,965
So, this is basically
what we can afford.
270
00:12:06,992 --> 00:12:09,933
Okay, second balcony, partially
obstructed view,
271
00:12:09,964 --> 00:12:12,328
no bathroom privileges
and you must stipulate that,
272
00:12:12,346 --> 00:12:14,407
in emergencies, you can
change a spotlight shell.
273
00:12:14,444 --> 00:12:17,413
Well, at least I'll be able to
say I went to a Broadway show.
274
00:12:17,471 --> 00:12:18,838
You're not allowed to say that.
275
00:12:18,892 --> 00:12:20,693
Oh, forget it.
276
00:12:21,021 --> 00:12:24,173
So, Bart Simpson,
did you really come
277
00:12:24,197 --> 00:12:26,173
all the way here
just to see me?
278
00:12:26,220 --> 00:12:27,077
Yeah.
279
00:12:27,102 --> 00:12:28,127
Plus, I thought I might get
280
00:12:28,152 --> 00:12:29,971
to see an air conditioner
fall on someone's head.
281
00:12:30,024 --> 00:12:31,568
But I guess that
never really...
282
00:12:31,599 --> 00:12:32,310
HOMER:
D'oh!
283
00:12:32,330 --> 00:12:34,349
- Ow! What was that?!
- Is that your father?
284
00:12:34,382 --> 00:12:35,988
Bart, I want to see you again,
285
00:12:36,010 --> 00:12:38,248
but I don't want a grownup
taking me back.
286
00:12:38,320 --> 00:12:40,377
Meet me at the high line
tomorrow.
287
00:12:40,936 --> 00:12:42,854
Keep my secret!
288
00:12:43,594 --> 00:12:44,761
You little!
289
00:12:44,783 --> 00:12:46,817
Where's that ice cream?!
290
00:12:46,836 --> 00:12:48,642
Just once, I'd like your father
291
00:12:48,676 --> 00:12:51,087
to be on a jumbotron
for something good.
292
00:12:51,128 --> 00:12:53,149
HOMER: Damn you
and your fluted neck!
293
00:12:59,034 --> 00:13:01,022
So, what did you do
with your dad?
294
00:13:01,084 --> 00:13:03,751
We're safe because you have
to climb steps to get up here.
295
00:13:03,865 --> 00:13:05,426
(Homer groans)
296
00:13:05,728 --> 00:13:06,762
Can't move?
297
00:13:06,995 --> 00:13:08,745
No.
298
00:13:10,053 --> 00:13:12,591
I thought there was no crime
in New York anymore.
299
00:13:12,673 --> 00:13:15,218
Giuliani!
300
00:13:15,350 --> 00:13:17,138
Gimme some news of Springfield.
301
00:13:17,178 --> 00:13:19,136
They let Sideshow Bob out
of prison again.
302
00:13:19,416 --> 00:13:20,622
(train horn blows)
303
00:13:20,641 --> 00:13:23,209
Huh, didn't know they
still ran those trains.
304
00:13:23,228 --> 00:13:24,962
How's your momma
and your sister?
305
00:13:25,030 --> 00:13:27,418
Trying to find high culture
at low prices.
306
00:13:27,723 --> 00:13:28,915
No, Lisa!
307
00:13:28,934 --> 00:13:31,872
If you click that turnstile,
it'll blow our budget!
308
00:13:31,915 --> 00:13:33,649
- Aah!
- Whaah!
309
00:13:34,665 --> 00:13:36,200
Well, without them around,
310
00:13:36,234 --> 00:13:38,540
you and I can walk through
the city holding hands,
311
00:13:38,574 --> 00:13:40,008
just like the menfolk do.
312
00:13:40,111 --> 00:13:42,174
I could listen
to your twang all day.
313
00:13:42,222 --> 00:13:43,822
Would you care
to hear it in song?
314
00:13:43,854 --> 00:13:45,387
'Cause I wrote one 'bout you.
315
00:13:45,517 --> 00:13:47,084
Can I do a rap
in the middle of it?
316
00:13:47,162 --> 00:13:49,368
Or you could just listen.
317
00:13:49,999 --> 00:13:52,092
Sir, may I borrow your guitar?
318
00:13:52,115 --> 00:13:54,299
Sure, sure. It's the case
that makes money.
319
00:14:00,198 --> 00:14:04,168
♪ A boy I knew
turned up again ♪
320
00:14:04,221 --> 00:14:07,423
♪ Kind of liked him
way back when ♪
321
00:14:07,464 --> 00:14:10,548
♪ Chased him round
the livestock bend... ♪
322
00:14:10,575 --> 00:14:11,731
(rapping):
Rolling on my skateboard,
323
00:14:11,753 --> 00:14:13,022
pimping like a drug lord...
324
00:14:13,061 --> 00:14:15,903
♪ Well I'm on the cusp
of womanhood ♪
325
00:14:15,926 --> 00:14:17,393
♪ And I like a boy ♪
326
00:14:17,566 --> 00:14:19,900
♪ That ain't no good
at nothin' ♪
327
00:14:20,076 --> 00:14:22,811
♪ 'Cept making me smile ♪
328
00:14:22,838 --> 00:14:24,407
♪ That's Bart. ♪
329
00:14:24,468 --> 00:14:27,142
♪ I thought my old ways
I had shed ♪
330
00:14:27,258 --> 00:14:29,760
♪ But I sure missed
his cylinder head ♪
331
00:14:29,993 --> 00:14:33,663
♪ Now that boy
has a-come to me, oh, yes ♪
332
00:14:35,331 --> 00:14:38,082
♪ B-A-R, now where's that T? ♪
333
00:14:38,121 --> 00:14:40,640
♪ Where is it?
I don't know ♪
334
00:14:40,691 --> 00:14:45,061
♪ Oh, that's Bart. ♪
335
00:14:46,244 --> 00:14:49,647
I really like you,
Bart Simpson.
336
00:14:51,533 --> 00:14:54,033
CLETUS: I've come
to take you back, Mary.
337
00:14:54,070 --> 00:14:54,989
Daddy?
338
00:14:55,048 --> 00:14:59,170
Sorry, honey, your mother misses
you but she just can't say it.
339
00:14:59,224 --> 00:15:01,759
That's 'cause the donkey
busted her jaw.
340
00:15:01,793 --> 00:15:02,926
She'll be fine.
341
00:15:03,085 --> 00:15:04,759
Your mother too.
342
00:15:09,396 --> 00:15:11,296
All right,
Broadway's too expensive,
343
00:15:11,315 --> 00:15:13,074
the museums are over-curated,
344
00:15:13,114 --> 00:15:14,772
But Shakespeare in the Park
is tonight
345
00:15:14,793 --> 00:15:16,288
and the tickets are free.
346
00:15:25,223 --> 00:15:27,080
(sighs)
347
00:15:29,764 --> 00:15:33,350
Get your cuckold's horns,
neck ruffles, Yorik skulls!
348
00:15:33,384 --> 00:15:35,302
I'll take a cuckold's horn!
349
00:15:39,875 --> 00:15:40,995
It works!
350
00:15:41,019 --> 00:15:43,320
Ladies and gentlemen,
I have an announcement.
351
00:15:43,347 --> 00:15:46,797
Lad-ies and gen-tle-men,
I have an an-nounce-ment--
352
00:15:46,827 --> 00:15:49,546
(gasps)
That's not iambic pentameter!
353
00:15:49,614 --> 00:15:51,849
I'm afraid that tonight's
show has been cancelled.
354
00:15:51,907 --> 00:15:53,635
- Huh? - Why?
- Wherefore?
355
00:15:53,674 --> 00:15:56,666
The Baldwin brothers, who were,
uh, playing the Monague family
356
00:15:56,685 --> 00:15:57,901
and the Sheen/Estevez clan,
357
00:15:57,922 --> 00:15:59,791
our Capulets, have quit
the production.
358
00:15:59,921 --> 00:16:02,415
You guys suck at acting and you
ate all the potato salad.
359
00:16:02,444 --> 00:16:05,200
No, you suck at acting and
it's first come, first serve!
360
00:16:05,222 --> 00:16:06,553
I made that potato salad!
361
00:16:06,643 --> 00:16:09,278
Well, uh, idiot, it says
Zaybar's on the package!
362
00:16:09,307 --> 00:16:10,804
He works at Zaybar's.
363
00:16:10,823 --> 00:16:12,357
We all work at Zaybar's.
364
00:16:12,462 --> 00:16:13,867
I'm so sorry.
365
00:16:13,929 --> 00:16:16,742
You came to see Romeo and
Juliet, not feuding families.
366
00:16:16,858 --> 00:16:19,873
Uh, the long, slow line to leave
the theatre forms on the left.
367
00:16:19,915 --> 00:16:20,878
(crowd grumbling)
368
00:16:20,898 --> 00:16:24,123
Aw, and we have to
walk by a drum circle!
369
00:16:25,269 --> 00:16:27,563
Faster, man!
More annoying!
370
00:16:28,663 --> 00:16:29,801
Not so fast!
371
00:16:29,817 --> 00:16:32,510
We came for Shakespeare and
we're gonna see Shakespeare.
372
00:16:32,603 --> 00:16:33,985
Anyone who wants to be in this,
373
00:16:34,045 --> 00:16:36,280
grab a doublet
and meet me backstage!
374
00:16:36,351 --> 00:16:39,310
Is there, mayhaps, a bit
of business for me?
375
00:16:39,389 --> 00:16:41,302
I was thinking amateurs only.
376
00:16:41,341 --> 00:16:44,376
Well, my only
professional job was playing
377
00:16:44,448 --> 00:16:47,389
a nefarious hot dog
in an ad for Taco Bueno.
378
00:16:47,420 --> 00:16:50,264
(sniffs)
You fresh-made tacos will never
379
00:16:50,289 --> 00:16:52,336
defeat pre-boiled hot dogs!
380
00:16:52,444 --> 00:16:53,611
(laughing)
381
00:16:54,095 --> 00:16:57,576
Please, I owe
Yale Drama School $200,000.
382
00:16:57,638 --> 00:16:59,119
They keep calling my mother.
383
00:16:59,173 --> 00:17:00,367
Fine! You're in.
384
00:17:00,401 --> 00:17:03,303
I must warn you, I have
crippling stage fright.
385
00:17:03,325 --> 00:17:05,419
Oh, for the love of God!
386
00:17:08,056 --> 00:17:10,706
MARGE: For never was
a story of more woe
387
00:17:10,762 --> 00:17:13,831
than this of Juliet
and her Romeo.
388
00:17:14,802 --> 00:17:17,808
Our search for culture
is thus concluded,
389
00:17:17,888 --> 00:17:20,437
For the Bard of Avon
is well suited
390
00:17:20,579 --> 00:17:23,316
to a crowd
with every cell phone muted.
391
00:17:23,357 --> 00:17:25,758
Geez, I can't stop
talking like this.
392
00:17:26,067 --> 00:17:27,534
Hey, don't ever stop!
393
00:17:27,575 --> 00:17:30,073
Because, tonight,
we made it in New York.
394
00:17:30,141 --> 00:17:32,076
Those the people who
took over the theatre?
395
00:17:32,105 --> 00:17:35,353
Pepper spray and power wash--
the New York hug and kiss.
396
00:17:42,819 --> 00:17:44,573
Now, Mary, you listen to me.
397
00:17:44,600 --> 00:17:47,397
I'm one-third your father and
you're gonna come back.
398
00:17:47,552 --> 00:17:48,948
If y'all will excuse me,
399
00:17:48,967 --> 00:17:51,139
I gotta freshen up
for the ride home.
400
00:17:51,205 --> 00:17:55,665
Enjoy your fancy-schmancy
in-house for the last time.
401
00:17:57,255 --> 00:17:58,722
Psst!
402
00:17:58,818 --> 00:18:00,593
Um, I've got to go.
403
00:18:00,609 --> 00:18:01,456
Go where?
404
00:18:01,482 --> 00:18:03,408
Uh, well, since we're here,
405
00:18:03,445 --> 00:18:05,689
I'm gonna go try to get
Al Roker's autograph.
406
00:18:05,729 --> 00:18:07,310
Here you go, little fan.
407
00:18:07,449 --> 00:18:08,916
Killer storm on the way.
408
00:18:09,051 --> 00:18:12,345
(nervous laugh)
Um, I gonna go try to sell this.
409
00:18:12,399 --> 00:18:13,599
I'll buy it back.
410
00:18:13,664 --> 00:18:14,764
(groans)
411
00:18:17,934 --> 00:18:19,907
Goodbye, Bart, and don't worry,
412
00:18:19,963 --> 00:18:21,551
there'll be other
Mary Spucklers,
413
00:18:21,585 --> 00:18:25,857
including my sisters Mary Zeke
and Mary Not Quite Right.
414
00:18:25,982 --> 00:18:27,382
CROWD:
Aw!
415
00:18:31,312 --> 00:18:33,730
(train horn blows)
416
00:18:33,970 --> 00:18:37,164
Bart, if any girl tries
to fix you, let 'em,
417
00:18:37,233 --> 00:18:39,182
because you got a couple
of big problems.
418
00:18:39,210 --> 00:18:41,511
But mostly, you're great!
419
00:18:45,602 --> 00:18:48,226
Boy, you tell me
where Mary's gone!
420
00:18:48,276 --> 00:18:49,137
I can't.
421
00:18:49,173 --> 00:18:52,823
Boy, you squeal like a piggy
for the hillbilly man.
422
00:18:52,842 --> 00:18:54,212
I can't because Mary's the girl
423
00:18:54,237 --> 00:18:55,871
that proves that girls
can like me.
424
00:18:55,903 --> 00:18:58,029
And she wouldn't like me
anymore if I gave her up.
425
00:18:58,074 --> 00:18:59,798
So I won't,
even if you torture me
426
00:18:59,823 --> 00:19:01,210
like you do
the English language.
427
00:19:01,285 --> 00:19:03,691
Well, if that ain't
aren't the isn't.
428
00:19:04,029 --> 00:19:08,366
(sighs) I guess I just gotta
let Mary find her own way.
429
00:19:08,595 --> 00:19:11,370
Come on, let's head on back
to Springfield.
430
00:19:11,412 --> 00:19:15,215
Uh, one on-getter for the
clickity clack, please.
431
00:19:20,177 --> 00:19:22,646
You miss her, don't you, son?
432
00:19:22,980 --> 00:19:25,782
You want a picture of her
for your wallet?
433
00:19:26,491 --> 00:19:29,787
Oh, she's somewhere
in B-3.
434
00:19:29,869 --> 00:19:31,903
Thanks, man.
435
00:19:31,964 --> 00:19:33,582
Aw, look at that.
436
00:19:33,613 --> 00:19:35,866
My little guy's
finally realizing
437
00:19:35,891 --> 00:19:38,959
how complicated grownup
feelings can be.
438
00:19:39,060 --> 00:19:42,229
Well, at least it didn't end
as bad as Romeo and Juliet.
439
00:19:42,612 --> 00:19:43,571
No kidding.
440
00:19:43,609 --> 00:19:45,087
I saw your reviews.
441
00:19:45,125 --> 00:19:46,633
(snickering)
Hey!
442
00:19:46,664 --> 00:19:48,402
I specifically said,
no critics!
443
00:19:48,436 --> 00:19:50,203
This is outrageous!
444
00:19:50,222 --> 00:19:52,790
(gasps)
Ooh, but they like.
445
00:19:52,857 --> 00:19:58,857
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther
446
00:19:59,770 --> 00:20:01,403
I hope you enjoyed
the show tonight.
447
00:20:01,421 --> 00:20:03,572
And if you're worried about
when the air conditioner
448
00:20:03,590 --> 00:20:06,709
fell on my head,
rest assured it was a stunt man,
449
00:20:06,931 --> 00:20:09,674
and his family is being
well taken care of.
450
00:20:09,763 --> 00:20:13,632
But we're here to ask if you
have an idea for a couch gag.
451
00:20:13,683 --> 00:20:16,552
The best submission will be
animated and appear on the show.
452
00:20:16,586 --> 00:20:18,649
Do we screw them on the credit?
453
00:20:18,676 --> 00:20:22,979
No! For details,
log on to TheSimpsons.com.
454
00:20:23,076 --> 00:20:24,897
I'm submitting mine now.
455
00:20:26,592 --> 00:20:27,909
(all laughing)
456
00:21:08,905 --> 00:21:10,022
Shh!