1 00:00:45,073 --> 00:00:46,073 D'oh! 2 00:00:52,058 --> 00:00:56,058 ♪ The Simpsons 24x01 ♪ Moonshine River Original Air Date on September 30, 2012 3 00:00:56,126 --> 00:01:00,126 == sync, corrected by elderman == Resync for WEB-DL by Norther 4 00:01:32,881 --> 00:01:36,658 This is Kent Brockman at the 1st Annual Springfield Grand Prix, 5 00:01:36,685 --> 00:01:38,452 which, like all our town showcase events, 6 00:01:38,486 --> 00:01:42,042 is not only poorly planned, it's horribly executed. 7 00:01:47,193 --> 00:01:49,294 The Making of the Empire State Building, 8 00:01:49,328 --> 00:01:51,459 The Basement. 9 00:02:04,736 --> 00:02:05,903 Aw! 10 00:02:08,108 --> 00:02:09,302 Wait for the gap... 11 00:02:09,342 --> 00:02:10,860 Wait for the gap. 12 00:02:10,894 --> 00:02:13,475 Homer, we can buy Scotch tape tomorrow. 13 00:02:13,504 --> 00:02:14,754 There's the gap! 14 00:02:16,130 --> 00:02:17,537 Gap's too small! 15 00:02:18,294 --> 00:02:20,412 Huh? 16 00:02:20,479 --> 00:02:21,775 A peloton? 17 00:02:21,809 --> 00:02:23,765 Apparently, today is also the final stage 18 00:02:23,788 --> 00:02:25,903 of the Tour De Springfield bike race. 19 00:02:28,240 --> 00:02:29,974 Hey, that's some fancy riding. 20 00:02:38,949 --> 00:02:42,401 Truthfully, today, there were no losers and no winners 21 00:02:42,423 --> 00:02:46,193 since both finish lines were tangled up in this unholy mess. 22 00:02:47,132 --> 00:02:48,904 I hear tapping from inside. 23 00:02:48,990 --> 00:02:50,616 What's goin' on? 24 00:02:50,635 --> 00:02:54,439 Well, uh, let's, uh, all start tapping our toes 25 00:02:54,467 --> 00:02:58,755 to the sounds of Scab Calloway and his non-union band. 26 00:03:00,188 --> 00:03:01,607 Uh, keep it down in there. 27 00:03:06,848 --> 00:03:10,124 So, is this a "date" date or just a meaningless friend thing? 28 00:03:10,152 --> 00:03:12,102 - Meaningless friend thing. - True love super date! 29 00:03:12,136 --> 00:03:15,023 Well, if you two ever get serious and have a baby, 30 00:03:15,050 --> 00:03:17,067 it'll look something like this. 31 00:03:20,403 --> 00:03:21,937 Don't listen to Uncle Bart. 32 00:03:22,140 --> 00:03:25,226 Lisa and I will raise you in a house of love. 33 00:03:25,279 --> 00:03:27,414 We're not having a baby. 34 00:03:27,435 --> 00:03:28,647 Jimmy! 35 00:03:28,726 --> 00:03:29,757 Oh, brother. 36 00:03:29,789 --> 00:03:30,855 Let's dance. 37 00:03:35,580 --> 00:03:36,518 Geek leak! 38 00:03:38,510 --> 00:03:42,447 Hey, Bart, at least I've got a date. 39 00:03:43,075 --> 00:03:44,175 Dance with me, please. 40 00:03:44,199 --> 00:03:45,593 I need to zing my sister. 41 00:03:45,624 --> 00:03:47,887 Okay, but you have to do your homework. 44 00:03:50,316 --> 00:03:53,185 Just move your girdle, Yertle. 45 00:03:54,024 --> 00:03:55,374 Hey, Lise, your dance partner 46 00:03:55,398 --> 00:03:57,936 just made the cover Dorks Illustrated magazine. 47 00:03:57,971 --> 00:04:00,523 I know that's a zing, but still... 48 00:04:00,551 --> 00:04:01,659 the cover! 49 00:04:01,671 --> 00:04:03,168 Now, you listen to me, Bart. 50 00:04:03,201 --> 00:04:05,485 Milhouse may not be the perfect date. 51 00:04:05,612 --> 00:04:08,013 Please let there be a "but" coming, please! 52 00:04:08,101 --> 00:04:09,801 - But... - Landed it! 53 00:04:11,416 --> 00:04:14,371 At least I'm with someone who tries a little too hard 54 00:04:14,409 --> 00:04:16,277 because he really likes me. 55 00:04:16,335 --> 00:04:19,342 Hey, plenty of babes have docked in Porta de Barto. 56 00:04:19,393 --> 00:04:21,168 Yeah, for about a week. 57 00:04:21,201 --> 00:04:23,167 But as soon as they get to know the real you, 58 00:04:23,201 --> 00:04:24,957 they departo de Barto. 59 00:04:25,101 --> 00:04:27,328 That's why you're alone tonight. 60 00:04:28,241 --> 00:04:31,210 Oh my God, is that true? 61 00:04:31,313 --> 00:04:33,347 Yeah, I'm afraid Lisa's right, son. 62 00:04:33,429 --> 00:04:37,192 If the late, great Nora Ephron taught us anything, it's... 63 00:04:37,230 --> 00:04:39,782 Oh! What's my other inflatable doll doing here? 64 00:04:42,650 --> 00:04:43,650 What? What? 65 00:04:43,673 --> 00:04:46,191 I ain't here with no one. 66 00:04:54,973 --> 00:04:56,587 Oh, man, Lisa's right. 67 00:04:56,606 --> 00:04:58,976 None of these relationships lasted very long. 68 00:04:59,019 --> 00:05:00,063 Three days. 69 00:05:00,139 --> 00:05:01,239 One recess. 70 00:05:01,274 --> 00:05:02,287 Half a field trip. 71 00:05:02,334 --> 00:05:05,591 Why did I have to get so needy at the planetarium? 72 00:05:05,889 --> 00:05:08,614 Boy, if anyone needs me, I'll be taking a popcorn bath. 73 00:05:08,635 --> 00:05:10,923 It's a thing I read about in a Men's Health magazine 74 00:05:10,948 --> 00:05:12,023 in a dream. 75 00:05:12,086 --> 00:05:13,887 Dad, can I ask you a question? 76 00:05:13,949 --> 00:05:16,885 How did you ever get a woman like Mom to stay with you? 77 00:05:16,956 --> 00:05:19,491 Look in the mirror, unplanned miracle. 78 00:05:19,525 --> 00:05:21,026 Is that the only reason? 79 00:05:21,060 --> 00:05:23,829 Well, I also keep things interesting. 80 00:05:23,863 --> 00:05:25,931 All right, who took the microwave? 81 00:05:25,965 --> 00:05:27,365 You see? 82 00:05:27,400 --> 00:05:29,301 Hey, what are you looking at? 83 00:05:29,335 --> 00:05:30,769 My ex-girlfriends. 84 00:05:30,803 --> 00:05:32,622 Aw, boy, I feel for you. 85 00:05:32,661 --> 00:05:34,147 Nobody likes to be rejected 86 00:05:34,196 --> 00:05:37,092 and it never gets easier, until you can drink. 87 00:05:37,113 --> 00:05:39,381 Because then you can express your unfiltered feelings 88 00:05:39,428 --> 00:05:40,816 by drunk dialing. 89 00:05:40,934 --> 00:05:41,810 Observe. 90 00:05:41,883 --> 00:05:43,847 Hey, it's me again. 91 00:05:43,920 --> 00:05:45,526 He's there, isn't he? 92 00:05:45,579 --> 00:05:47,264 Well, I hope this doesn't sound weird, 93 00:05:47,301 --> 00:05:49,268 but I'm inside your closet. 94 00:05:49,468 --> 00:05:52,954 Um, that's awesome, but I think I'll visit my ex-girlfriends 95 00:05:53,009 --> 00:05:55,010 and prove they still like me. 96 00:05:57,751 --> 00:05:58,718 Hey. 97 00:05:58,752 --> 00:06:00,169 It's me. 98 00:06:00,249 --> 00:06:01,933 I was thinking about you. 99 00:06:02,041 --> 00:06:05,088 It's your birthday in like, three, four months? 100 00:06:05,228 --> 00:06:07,766 Would it be weird if I threw you a party? 101 00:06:09,567 --> 00:06:11,752 Eat my shorts! 102 00:06:11,861 --> 00:06:13,061 Drop dead. 103 00:06:13,457 --> 00:06:16,035 Eat fist, jerk. 104 00:06:16,469 --> 00:06:19,082 You've got a lot of nerve showing up here... 105 00:06:19,126 --> 00:06:21,461 and not giving me a kiss. 106 00:06:21,732 --> 00:06:23,333 Inappropriate! 107 00:06:23,392 --> 00:06:24,659 I miss you. 108 00:06:24,706 --> 00:06:26,273 Stalker! 109 00:06:26,420 --> 00:06:27,776 Save me. 110 00:06:31,258 --> 00:06:32,309 Mary Spuckler, 111 00:06:32,318 --> 00:06:33,952 you're my last chance. 112 00:06:34,126 --> 00:06:36,564 She's pretty cute for Cletus's daughter. 113 00:06:36,595 --> 00:06:39,147 Yeah, she liked to drink milk as a kid instead of white paint. 114 00:06:41,190 --> 00:06:42,991 Is you one of my kids? 115 00:06:43,081 --> 00:06:44,215 No, sir. 116 00:06:44,261 --> 00:06:44,884 Prove it. 117 00:06:44,903 --> 00:06:46,117 A, B, C... 118 00:06:46,174 --> 00:06:47,507 All right. All right. 119 00:06:47,530 --> 00:06:49,393 You convinced me, Einstein. 120 00:06:49,419 --> 00:06:50,293 What you want? 121 00:06:50,333 --> 00:06:51,427 Is Mary here? 122 00:06:51,446 --> 00:06:53,614 I'm afraid Mary done run off. 123 00:06:53,635 --> 00:06:55,569 We knows not where. 124 00:06:55,679 --> 00:06:56,880 Dadgummit. 125 00:06:56,970 --> 00:06:58,383 Do you think she still likes me? 126 00:06:58,437 --> 00:07:00,481 Um, hey, Brandine! 127 00:07:00,532 --> 00:07:02,716 Does Mary still like this boy? 128 00:07:02,778 --> 00:07:05,614 I don't know what that girl likes anymore. 129 00:07:05,648 --> 00:07:08,711 She ran away after we engaged her to Old Man Wellbottom. 130 00:07:08,755 --> 00:07:11,130 And I was gonna be a good husband, too! 131 00:07:11,161 --> 00:07:13,236 If'n I ever get out of this well. 132 00:07:13,258 --> 00:07:15,383 All right. All right now. 133 00:07:15,411 --> 00:07:17,089 That's enough out of you. 134 00:07:17,159 --> 00:07:18,459 But I just-- 135 00:07:19,110 --> 00:07:21,699 Oh, I can't believe she ran away. 136 00:07:21,728 --> 00:07:23,312 And this isn't helping. 137 00:07:23,378 --> 00:07:25,012 I better switch to the hard stuff. 138 00:07:25,390 --> 00:07:26,254 Hey, Dubya. 139 00:07:26,315 --> 00:07:28,610 I know where my sister run off to. 140 00:07:28,688 --> 00:07:30,422 New York City. 141 00:07:30,550 --> 00:07:31,575 New York? 142 00:07:31,596 --> 00:07:33,530 That's where Sesame Street is. 143 00:07:33,659 --> 00:07:36,962 Do you ever wonder what happens to Oscar on garbage day? 144 00:07:37,114 --> 00:07:39,034 Yup, New York. 145 00:07:39,060 --> 00:07:40,627 The big something. 146 00:07:40,800 --> 00:07:42,334 This here's her address. 147 00:07:42,474 --> 00:07:43,650 Good luck! 148 00:07:52,931 --> 00:07:55,842 I don't know if we should be up here, Bart Simpson. 149 00:07:55,873 --> 00:07:57,561 And why is that? 150 00:07:59,099 --> 00:08:00,780 'Cause the floor ain't finished. 151 00:08:00,824 --> 00:08:04,060 Daddy just covers things with hay and says they're done. 152 00:08:07,062 --> 00:08:10,409 Mom, can we go to New York to find this girl I used to know? 153 00:08:10,450 --> 00:08:11,556 Bart, that's sweet, 154 00:08:11,584 --> 00:08:14,589 but we'd need airplane money, hotel money... 155 00:08:14,614 --> 00:08:18,317 And $500 for Yankee tickets, which turn out to be bogus. 156 00:08:18,373 --> 00:08:19,729 Well, don't buy 'em. 157 00:08:19,749 --> 00:08:21,717 But they're playing the Purple Sox. 158 00:08:21,769 --> 00:08:24,054 Come on, Dad, you love New York. 159 00:08:24,132 --> 00:08:25,832 Now, that your two least favorite buildings 160 00:08:25,861 --> 00:08:28,682 Old Penn Station and Shea Stadium. 161 00:08:28,795 --> 00:08:30,994 Lousy, outdated relics! 162 00:08:31,026 --> 00:08:32,403 Boy, do you remember what happened 163 00:08:32,428 --> 00:08:34,712 the last time we went to New York? 164 00:08:39,945 --> 00:08:41,977 Keep your meat hooks off my sister Marge or my goons 165 00:08:42,001 --> 00:08:43,683 will do a soft show on your solar plexus. 166 00:08:43,758 --> 00:08:45,876 You're dead, J.J. Get yourself buried. 167 00:08:45,952 --> 00:08:47,919 Tough cookie, huh, well, watch me take a bite out of ya. 168 00:08:47,942 --> 00:08:50,098 I'm about to go out shooting and you just said who. 169 00:08:50,127 --> 00:08:51,246 That's some lip you got on you. 170 00:08:51,271 --> 00:08:52,834 How'd you like me to stretch it like a rubber band 171 00:08:52,847 --> 00:08:54,065 and snap you into last week? 172 00:08:54,083 --> 00:08:57,721 You're selling milk, J.J., and I got a sour stomach. 173 00:08:59,558 --> 00:09:02,703 Homer, that sounds like The Sweet Smell of Success. 174 00:09:02,734 --> 00:09:04,865 It didn't feel like success. 175 00:09:09,830 --> 00:09:12,157 Why, ladies? Why?! 176 00:09:12,276 --> 00:09:14,782 Son, you can dial down the crazy. 177 00:09:14,856 --> 00:09:16,543 Your mother and I talked about it, 178 00:09:16,562 --> 00:09:18,419 and we found a way to get to New York. 179 00:09:18,473 --> 00:09:20,117 It's all set, boy. 180 00:09:20,152 --> 00:09:23,021 To save money, we're swapping houses. 181 00:09:23,349 --> 00:09:25,769 But don't the people wreck your house when they stay in it? 182 00:09:25,822 --> 00:09:27,790 I didn't say I swapped our house. 183 00:09:28,967 --> 00:09:29,929 Yeah, how ya doing? 184 00:09:29,947 --> 00:09:31,463 We're staying here for two weeks. 185 00:09:31,494 --> 00:09:33,539 Lord, you're testing me, aren't you? 186 00:09:33,557 --> 00:09:34,989 Yeah, keep talking to your friend up there. 187 00:09:35,016 --> 00:09:36,250 We'll be doing it on your bed. 188 00:09:36,396 --> 00:09:38,547 New York style. 189 00:09:50,415 --> 00:09:51,999 Look at this place. 190 00:09:52,050 --> 00:09:53,523 Things have certainly changed 191 00:09:53,548 --> 00:09:56,083 since our ancestor Fievel came here. 192 00:09:56,105 --> 00:09:57,872 Fievel was a mouse in a movie. 193 00:09:57,887 --> 00:09:59,905 Yes, and now look at us. 194 00:09:59,957 --> 00:10:01,294 Only in America. 195 00:10:01,367 --> 00:10:03,473 Khlav Kalash! Get your Khlav Kalash! 196 00:10:03,503 --> 00:10:07,473 Oh, geez, not this guy with his stupid little pushcart. 197 00:10:07,543 --> 00:10:10,411 50,000 square feet, huh? All Khlav Kalash! 198 00:10:10,535 --> 00:10:11,594 Used to be bookstore. 199 00:10:13,057 --> 00:10:13,910 Books. 200 00:10:13,970 --> 00:10:15,501 Come on, let's go find Mary. 201 00:10:15,532 --> 00:10:17,299 This is the address her brother gave me. 202 00:10:17,689 --> 00:10:20,092 Can't Dad take Bart while we seek out culture? 203 00:10:20,119 --> 00:10:21,549 You do that. 204 00:10:21,805 --> 00:10:24,474 You know you're missing your clothes? 205 00:10:24,502 --> 00:10:26,036 I thought this was just a dream. 206 00:10:26,176 --> 00:10:28,109 Oh, man! 207 00:10:36,195 --> 00:10:38,196 All right, I'll spring for a cab. 208 00:10:38,708 --> 00:10:40,969 Much better. 209 00:10:41,716 --> 00:10:42,891 Here we are. 210 00:10:42,912 --> 00:10:45,297 Anything you leave in a cab you'll never see again. 211 00:10:50,105 --> 00:10:50,862 Hey! 212 00:10:50,887 --> 00:10:54,469 Oh, uh, oh, thank God you woke up. 213 00:10:59,271 --> 00:11:02,439 Oh, I guess my search for true love is doomed. 214 00:11:02,543 --> 00:11:05,287 You've learned a very valuable life lesson, boy. 215 00:11:05,306 --> 00:11:07,137 Which is that love doesn't exist, 216 00:11:07,165 --> 00:11:10,935 except briefly between a man and a woman before marriage. 217 00:11:11,045 --> 00:11:13,980 After that, it's just hanging out with someone who kind of 218 00:11:14,015 --> 00:11:17,017 hates you but you can't get it together to leave. 219 00:11:18,025 --> 00:11:20,493 I'll get us some ice cream. 220 00:11:22,148 --> 00:11:23,882 What's the matter, darling? 221 00:11:24,058 --> 00:11:25,631 Thanks for asking, Duchess. 222 00:11:25,649 --> 00:11:28,601 I'm sitting here waiting for a girl that's never gonna show up. 223 00:11:28,700 --> 00:11:30,179 What makes you so sure? 224 00:11:30,257 --> 00:11:31,456 Girls don't like me. 225 00:11:31,499 --> 00:11:33,967 I don't really like them yet either, but I think I'm gonna. 226 00:11:34,001 --> 00:11:35,845 There's a storm a-brewing down there. 227 00:11:35,872 --> 00:11:38,274 Well, there's a girl a-standin' right here. 228 00:11:38,339 --> 00:11:39,840 It's me, Mary. 229 00:11:39,874 --> 00:11:42,509 Wow, what are you doing for money? 230 00:11:42,543 --> 00:11:46,046 Well, it's not very steady and I'm kind of ashamed. 231 00:11:46,080 --> 00:11:48,248 I'm a featured player on Saturday Night Live. 232 00:11:48,538 --> 00:11:51,173 Mary Spuckler! 233 00:11:51,202 --> 00:11:52,621 Aw, I'm lying. 234 00:11:52,654 --> 00:11:54,655 My whole life here is a bunch of lies. 235 00:11:54,739 --> 00:11:56,973 I'm just a writer with a performing option. 236 00:11:57,989 --> 00:11:59,721 Let's talk about something else. 237 00:11:59,747 --> 00:12:01,422 Something nice. 238 00:12:04,146 --> 00:12:06,965 So, this is basically what we can afford. 239 00:12:06,992 --> 00:12:09,933 Okay, second balcony, partially obstructed view, 240 00:12:09,964 --> 00:12:12,328 no bathroom privileges and you must stipulate that, 241 00:12:12,346 --> 00:12:14,407 in emergencies, you can change a spotlight shell. 242 00:12:14,444 --> 00:12:17,413 Well, at least I'll be able to say I went to a Broadway show. 243 00:12:17,471 --> 00:12:18,838 You're not allowed to say that. 244 00:12:18,892 --> 00:12:20,693 Oh, forget it. 245 00:12:21,021 --> 00:12:24,173 So, Bart Simpson, did you really come 246 00:12:24,197 --> 00:12:26,173 all the way here just to see me? 247 00:12:26,220 --> 00:12:27,077 Yeah. 248 00:12:27,102 --> 00:12:28,127 Plus, I thought I might get 249 00:12:28,152 --> 00:12:29,971 to see an air conditioner fall on someone's head. 250 00:12:30,024 --> 00:12:31,568 But I guess that never really... 251 00:12:31,599 --> 00:12:32,310 D'oh! 252 00:12:32,330 --> 00:12:34,349 - Ow! What was that?! - Is that your father? 253 00:12:34,382 --> 00:12:35,988 Bart, I want to see you again, 254 00:12:36,010 --> 00:12:38,248 but I don't want a grownup taking me back. 255 00:12:38,320 --> 00:12:40,377 Meet me at the high line tomorrow. 256 00:12:40,936 --> 00:12:42,854 Keep my secret! 257 00:12:43,594 --> 00:12:44,761 You little! 258 00:12:44,783 --> 00:12:46,817 Where's that ice cream?! 259 00:12:46,836 --> 00:12:48,642 Just once, I'd like your father 260 00:12:48,676 --> 00:12:51,087 to be on a jumbotron for something good. 261 00:12:51,128 --> 00:12:53,149 Damn you and your fluted neck! 262 00:12:59,034 --> 00:13:01,022 So, what did you do with your dad? 263 00:13:01,084 --> 00:13:03,751 We're safe because you have to climb steps to get up here. 264 00:13:05,728 --> 00:13:06,762 Can't move? 265 00:13:06,995 --> 00:13:08,745 No. 266 00:13:10,053 --> 00:13:12,591 I thought there was no crime in New York anymore. 267 00:13:12,673 --> 00:13:15,218 Giuliani! 268 00:13:15,350 --> 00:13:17,138 Gimme some news of Springfield. 269 00:13:17,178 --> 00:13:19,136 They let Sideshow Bob out of prison again. 270 00:13:20,641 --> 00:13:23,209 Huh, didn't know they still ran those trains. 271 00:13:23,228 --> 00:13:24,962 How's your momma and your sister? 272 00:13:25,030 --> 00:13:27,418 Trying to find high culture at low prices. 273 00:13:27,723 --> 00:13:28,915 No, Lisa! 274 00:13:28,934 --> 00:13:31,872 If you click that turnstile, it'll blow our budget! 275 00:13:31,915 --> 00:13:33,649 - Aah! - Whaah! 276 00:13:34,665 --> 00:13:36,200 Well, without them around, 277 00:13:36,234 --> 00:13:38,540 you and I can walk through the city holding hands, 278 00:13:38,574 --> 00:13:40,008 just like the menfolk do. 279 00:13:40,111 --> 00:13:42,174 I could listen to your twang all day. 280 00:13:42,222 --> 00:13:43,822 Would you care to hear it in song? 281 00:13:43,854 --> 00:13:45,387 'Cause I wrote one 'bout you. 282 00:13:45,517 --> 00:13:47,084 Can I do a rap in the middle of it? 283 00:13:47,162 --> 00:13:49,368 Or you could just listen. 284 00:13:49,999 --> 00:13:52,092 Sir, may I borrow your guitar? 285 00:13:52,115 --> 00:13:54,299 Sure, sure. It's the case that makes money. 286 00:14:00,198 --> 00:14:04,168 ♪ A boy I knew turned up again ♪ 287 00:14:04,221 --> 00:14:07,423 ♪ Kind of liked him way back when ♪ 288 00:14:07,464 --> 00:14:10,548 ♪ Chased him round the livestock bend... ♪ 289 00:14:10,575 --> 00:14:11,731 Rolling on my skateboard, 290 00:14:11,753 --> 00:14:13,022 pimping like a drug lord... 291 00:14:13,061 --> 00:14:15,903 ♪ Well I'm on the cusp of womanhood ♪ 292 00:14:15,926 --> 00:14:17,393 ♪ And I like a boy ♪ 293 00:14:17,566 --> 00:14:19,900 ♪ That ain't no good at nothin' ♪ 294 00:14:20,076 --> 00:14:22,811 ♪ 'Cept making me smile ♪ 295 00:14:22,838 --> 00:14:24,407 ♪ That's Bart. ♪ 296 00:14:24,468 --> 00:14:27,142 ♪ I thought my old ways I had shed ♪ 297 00:14:27,258 --> 00:14:29,760 ♪ But I sure missed his cylinder head ♪ 298 00:14:29,993 --> 00:14:33,663 ♪ Now that boy has a-come to me, oh, yes ♪ 299 00:14:35,331 --> 00:14:38,082 ♪ B-A-R, now where's that T? ♪ 300 00:14:38,121 --> 00:14:40,640 ♪ Where is it? I don't know ♪ 301 00:14:40,691 --> 00:14:45,061 ♪ Oh, that's Bart. ♪ 302 00:14:46,244 --> 00:14:49,647 I really like you, Bart Simpson. 303 00:14:51,533 --> 00:14:54,033 I've come to take you back, Mary. 304 00:14:54,070 --> 00:14:54,989 Daddy? 305 00:14:55,048 --> 00:14:59,170 Sorry, honey, your mother misses you but she just can't say it. 306 00:14:59,224 --> 00:15:01,759 That's 'cause the donkey busted her jaw. 307 00:15:01,793 --> 00:15:02,926 She'll be fine. 308 00:15:03,085 --> 00:15:04,759 Your mother too. 309 00:15:09,396 --> 00:15:11,296 All right, Broadway's too expensive, 310 00:15:11,315 --> 00:15:13,074 the museums are over-curated, 311 00:15:13,114 --> 00:15:14,772 But Shakespeare in the Park is tonight 312 00:15:14,793 --> 00:15:16,288 and the tickets are free. 313 00:15:29,764 --> 00:15:33,350 Get your cuckold's horns, neck ruffles, Yorik skulls! 314 00:15:33,384 --> 00:15:35,302 I'll take a cuckold's horn! 315 00:15:39,875 --> 00:15:40,995 It works! 316 00:15:41,019 --> 00:15:43,320 Ladies and gentlemen, I have an announcement. 317 00:15:43,347 --> 00:15:46,797 Lad-ies and gen-tle-men, I have an an-nounce-ment-- 318 00:15:46,827 --> 00:15:49,546 That's not iambic pentameter! 319 00:15:49,614 --> 00:15:51,849 I'm afraid that tonight's show has been cancelled. 320 00:15:51,907 --> 00:15:53,635 - Huh? - Why? - Wherefore? 321 00:15:53,674 --> 00:15:56,666 The Baldwin brothers, who were, uh, playing the Monague family 322 00:15:56,685 --> 00:15:57,901 and the Sheen/Estevez clan, 323 00:15:57,922 --> 00:15:59,791 our Capulets, have quit the production. 324 00:15:59,921 --> 00:16:02,415 You guys suck at acting and you ate all the potato salad. 325 00:16:02,444 --> 00:16:05,200 No, you suck at acting and it's first come, first serve! 326 00:16:05,222 --> 00:16:06,553 I made that potato salad! 327 00:16:06,643 --> 00:16:09,278 Well, uh, idiot, it says Zaybar's on the package! 328 00:16:09,307 --> 00:16:10,804 He works at Zaybar's. 329 00:16:10,823 --> 00:16:12,357 We all work at Zaybar's. 330 00:16:12,462 --> 00:16:13,867 I'm so sorry. 331 00:16:13,929 --> 00:16:16,742 You came to see Romeo and Juliet, not feuding families. 332 00:16:16,858 --> 00:16:19,873 Uh, the long, slow line to leave the theatre forms on the left. 333 00:16:20,898 --> 00:16:24,123 Aw, and we have to walk by a drum circle! 334 00:16:25,269 --> 00:16:27,563 Faster, man! More annoying! 335 00:16:28,663 --> 00:16:29,801 Not so fast! 336 00:16:29,817 --> 00:16:32,510 We came for Shakespeare and we're gonna see Shakespeare. 337 00:16:32,603 --> 00:16:33,985 Anyone who wants to be in this, 338 00:16:34,045 --> 00:16:36,280 grab a doublet and meet me backstage! 339 00:16:36,351 --> 00:16:39,310 Is there, mayhaps, a bit of business for me? 340 00:16:39,389 --> 00:16:41,302 I was thinking amateurs only. 341 00:16:41,341 --> 00:16:44,376 Well, my only professional job was playing 342 00:16:44,448 --> 00:16:47,389 a nefarious hot dog in an ad for Taco Bueno. 343 00:16:47,420 --> 00:16:50,264 You fresh-made tacos will never 344 00:16:50,289 --> 00:16:52,336 defeat pre-boiled hot dogs! 345 00:16:54,095 --> 00:16:57,576 Please, I owe Yale Drama School $200,000. 346 00:16:57,638 --> 00:16:59,119 They keep calling my mother. 347 00:16:59,173 --> 00:17:00,367 Fine! You're in. 348 00:17:00,401 --> 00:17:03,303 I must warn you, I have crippling stage fright. 349 00:17:03,325 --> 00:17:05,419 Oh, for the love of God! 350 00:17:08,056 --> 00:17:10,706 For never was a story of more woe 351 00:17:10,762 --> 00:17:13,831 than this of Juliet and her Romeo. 352 00:17:14,802 --> 00:17:17,808 Our search for culture is thus concluded, 353 00:17:17,888 --> 00:17:20,437 For the Bard of Avon is well suited 354 00:17:20,579 --> 00:17:23,316 to a crowd with every cell phone muted. 355 00:17:23,357 --> 00:17:25,758 Geez, I can't stop talking like this. 356 00:17:26,067 --> 00:17:27,534 Hey, don't ever stop! 357 00:17:27,575 --> 00:17:30,073 Because, tonight, we made it in New York. 358 00:17:30,141 --> 00:17:32,076 Those the people who took over the theatre? 359 00:17:32,105 --> 00:17:35,353 Pepper spray and power wash-- the New York hug and kiss. 360 00:17:42,819 --> 00:17:44,573 Now, Mary, you listen to me. 361 00:17:44,600 --> 00:17:47,397 I'm one-third your father and you're gonna come back. 362 00:17:47,552 --> 00:17:48,948 If y'all will excuse me, 363 00:17:48,967 --> 00:17:51,139 I gotta freshen up for the ride home. 364 00:17:51,205 --> 00:17:55,665 Enjoy your fancy-schmancy in-house for the last time. 365 00:17:57,255 --> 00:17:58,722 Psst! 366 00:17:58,818 --> 00:18:00,593 Um, I've got to go. 367 00:18:00,609 --> 00:18:01,456 Go where? 368 00:18:01,482 --> 00:18:03,408 Uh, well, since we're here, 369 00:18:03,445 --> 00:18:05,689 I'm gonna go try to get Al Roker's autograph. 370 00:18:05,729 --> 00:18:07,310 Here you go, little fan. 371 00:18:07,449 --> 00:18:08,916 Killer storm on the way. 372 00:18:09,051 --> 00:18:12,345 Um, I gonna go try to sell this. 373 00:18:12,399 --> 00:18:13,599 I'll buy it back. 374 00:18:17,934 --> 00:18:19,907 Goodbye, Bart, and don't worry, 375 00:18:19,963 --> 00:18:21,551 there'll be other Mary Spucklers, 376 00:18:21,585 --> 00:18:25,857 including my sisters Mary Zeke and Mary Not Quite Right. 377 00:18:25,982 --> 00:18:27,382 Aw! 378 00:18:33,970 --> 00:18:37,164 Bart, if any girl tries to fix you, let 'em, 379 00:18:37,233 --> 00:18:39,182 because you got a couple of big problems. 380 00:18:39,210 --> 00:18:41,511 But mostly, you're great! 381 00:18:45,602 --> 00:18:48,226 Boy, you tell me where Mary's gone! 382 00:18:48,276 --> 00:18:49,137 I can't. 383 00:18:49,173 --> 00:18:52,823 Boy, you squeal like a piggy for the hillbilly man. 384 00:18:52,842 --> 00:18:54,212 I can't because Mary's the girl 385 00:18:54,237 --> 00:18:55,871 that proves that girls can like me. 386 00:18:55,903 --> 00:18:58,029 And she wouldn't like me anymore if I gave her up. 387 00:18:58,074 --> 00:18:59,798 So I won't, even if you torture me 388 00:18:59,823 --> 00:19:01,210 like you do the English language. 389 00:19:01,285 --> 00:19:03,691 Well, if that ain't aren't the isn't. 390 00:19:04,029 --> 00:19:08,366 I guess I just gotta let Mary find her own way. 391 00:19:08,595 --> 00:19:11,370 Come on, let's head on back to Springfield. 392 00:19:11,412 --> 00:19:15,215 Uh, one on-getter for the clickity clack, please. 393 00:19:20,177 --> 00:19:22,646 You miss her, don't you, son? 394 00:19:22,980 --> 00:19:25,782 You want a picture of her for your wallet? 395 00:19:26,491 --> 00:19:29,787 Oh, she's somewhere in B-3. 396 00:19:29,869 --> 00:19:31,903 Thanks, man. 397 00:19:31,964 --> 00:19:33,582 Aw, look at that. 398 00:19:33,613 --> 00:19:35,866 My little guy's finally realizing 399 00:19:35,891 --> 00:19:38,959 how complicated grownup feelings can be. 400 00:19:39,060 --> 00:19:42,229 Well, at least it didn't end as bad as Romeo and Juliet. 401 00:19:42,612 --> 00:19:43,571 No kidding. 402 00:19:43,609 --> 00:19:45,087 I saw your reviews. 403 00:19:45,125 --> 00:19:46,633 Hey! 404 00:19:46,664 --> 00:19:48,402 I specifically said, no critics! 405 00:19:48,436 --> 00:19:50,203 This is outrageous! 406 00:19:50,222 --> 00:19:52,790 Ooh, but they like. 407 00:19:52,857 --> 00:19:58,857 == sync, corrected by elderman == Resync for WEB-DL by Norther 408 00:19:59,770 --> 00:20:01,403 I hope you enjoyed the show tonight. 409 00:20:01,421 --> 00:20:03,572 And if you're worried about when the air conditioner 410 00:20:03,590 --> 00:20:06,709 fell on my head, rest assured it was a stunt man, 411 00:20:06,931 --> 00:20:09,674 and his family is being well taken care of. 412 00:20:09,763 --> 00:20:13,632 But we're here to ask if you have an idea for a couch gag. 413 00:20:13,683 --> 00:20:16,552 The best submission will be animated and appear on the show. 414 00:20:16,586 --> 00:20:18,649 Do we screw them on the credit? 415 00:20:18,676 --> 00:20:22,979 No! For details, log on to TheSimpsons.com. 416 00:20:23,076 --> 00:20:24,897 I'm submitting mine now. 417 00:21:08,905 --> 00:21:10,022 Shh!