1
00:00:04,138 --> 00:00:05,105
[ Thunder crashes ]
2
00:00:05,141 --> 00:00:07,913
[ Laughs evilly ]
3
00:00:07,948 --> 00:00:10,015
[ Sawing ]
4
00:00:15,190 --> 00:00:17,125
[ Electricity crackles ]
5
00:00:17,193 --> 00:00:18,928
It's alive!
6
00:00:19,183 --> 00:00:25,520
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
7
00:00:26,405 --> 00:00:27,506
[ Thunder crashes ]
8
00:00:27,575 --> 00:00:31,509
[ Laughs evilly ]
9
00:00:31,577 --> 00:00:33,509
[ Smooch! ]
10
00:00:33,578 --> 00:00:34,944
[ Laughs evilly ]
11
00:00:41,283 --> 00:00:45,568
Are you telling me it's
a world without cars?
12
00:00:45,688 --> 00:00:48,840
Cars are banned thanks to Obama.
13
00:00:51,230 --> 00:00:52,230
[ Tires squeal ]
14
00:00:52,265 --> 00:00:57,137
...from award-winning visionary
director Justin Lin... [ grunts ]
15
00:00:57,206 --> 00:01:00,876
...and the worst screenwriter
in the history of movies... Oh!
16
00:01:02,512 --> 00:01:04,680
[ Bicycle bell dings ]
17
00:01:10,962 --> 00:01:12,029
It's on.
18
00:01:12,451 --> 00:01:15,433
That would be a good line to
put at the end of a trailer.
19
00:01:15,468 --> 00:01:16,734
Yeah, clearly.
20
00:01:16,803 --> 00:01:18,070
For sure.
21
00:01:25,478 --> 00:01:29,448
Polly, are you ready to get
rid of your accessories?
22
00:01:29,484 --> 00:01:33,352
Because that's what they are--
accessories, not love.
23
00:01:33,420 --> 00:01:35,186
Y-yes.
24
00:01:37,656 --> 00:01:40,992
Oh, I don't know if you and a
camera crew are gonna be able to
25
00:01:41,061 --> 00:01:42,694
cure me in a single afternoon.
26
00:01:42,730 --> 00:01:44,930
It's a freak show either way, Polly.
27
00:01:44,999 --> 00:01:46,465
Oh. [ Chuckles ]
28
00:01:56,478 --> 00:01:58,746
[ Sighing ] Oh, well, that was sex.
29
00:01:58,815 --> 00:01:59,747
[ Exhales sharply ]
30
00:01:59,816 --> 00:02:01,282
I feel so close to you.
31
00:02:01,317 --> 00:02:03,751
I want you to know the truth about me.
32
00:02:03,819 --> 00:02:05,286
I'm not only Jem.
33
00:02:05,321 --> 00:02:07,355
I'm also... [ twinkle! ]
34
00:02:07,391 --> 00:02:08,757
...Jerrica Benton.
35
00:02:08,826 --> 00:02:10,659
Uh... that's great.
36
00:02:10,727 --> 00:02:14,029
How about switching back over to Jem?
37
00:02:14,098 --> 00:02:16,732
Thanks. Not big on Jerrica.
38
00:02:18,902 --> 00:02:22,205
No! Wilson!
39
00:02:22,240 --> 00:02:24,208
[ Sobs ]
40
00:02:31,416 --> 00:02:34,419
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Don't try to move. You're still very weak.
41
00:02:34,454 --> 00:02:37,222
Tell me -- who are you?
44
00:02:39,826 --> 00:02:40,959
Wait! Wait, my friend!
45
00:02:40,994 --> 00:02:42,594
We can help you!
46
00:02:45,665 --> 00:02:46,765
Hey, you bum!
47
00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:48,400
No loitering in the park.
48
00:02:48,436 --> 00:02:50,703
Come on. Let's see some I.D.
49
00:02:50,772 --> 00:02:53,406
Stand down, or I'll use force!
50
00:02:53,441 --> 00:02:55,041
Ow!
51
00:02:55,110 --> 00:02:59,780
All units -- we have a fleeing suspect
who's just attacked an officer.
52
00:02:59,848 --> 00:03:01,314
Aah! Oh! Don't hurt me!
53
00:03:01,350 --> 00:03:03,617
I'll take you wherever you need to go!
54
00:03:03,685 --> 00:03:04,884
[ Engine turns over ]
55
00:03:04,953 --> 00:03:06,853
Why are the police after you?
56
00:03:06,888 --> 00:03:07,954
[ Sirens wail ]
57
00:03:07,989 --> 00:03:08,788
Oh, you're right.
58
00:03:08,857 --> 00:03:09,689
I do talk too much.
59
00:03:09,758 --> 00:03:11,057
[ Tires squeal ]
60
00:03:11,092 --> 00:03:12,225
I can't lose them.
61
00:03:12,260 --> 00:03:14,393
Take the wheel!
62
00:03:14,429 --> 00:03:15,695
[ Water splashes ]
63
00:03:15,763 --> 00:03:16,696
Stop!
64
00:03:16,764 --> 00:03:19,031
Ah! They're getting away!
65
00:03:19,066 --> 00:03:20,966
You did it. You're amazing.
66
00:03:21,001 --> 00:03:22,334
Oh [bleep] you cops!
67
00:03:22,369 --> 00:03:23,969
I've never felt so alive.
68
00:03:24,004 --> 00:03:25,437
[ Grunts ]
69
00:03:25,506 --> 00:03:30,443
This is my brother's place, but
he's on vacation right now.
70
00:03:30,478 --> 00:03:31,778
[ Screams ]
71
00:03:31,813 --> 00:03:32,979
Save us!
72
00:03:33,014 --> 00:03:34,614
[ Grunts ]
73
00:03:34,649 --> 00:03:35,949
I got it. I got it!
74
00:03:35,984 --> 00:03:37,250
Oh, get it off me!
75
00:03:37,286 --> 00:03:38,151
Get it off me!
76
00:03:38,186 --> 00:03:39,586
Stay back! Stay back!
77
00:03:39,621 --> 00:03:40,353
Stay back!
78
00:03:40,389 --> 00:03:41,088
[ Screams ]
79
00:03:41,156 --> 00:03:43,624
Look out!
80
00:03:43,659 --> 00:03:45,826
Everyone thought you were dead.
81
00:03:45,895 --> 00:03:48,162
I love you, but I have a family now.
82
00:03:48,231 --> 00:03:48,696
Ow!
83
00:03:48,731 --> 00:03:49,630
[ Grunts ]
84
00:03:49,699 --> 00:03:50,631
Wilson!
85
00:03:50,667 --> 00:03:52,600
I thought I'd lost you forever!
86
00:03:52,635 --> 00:03:54,969
Did you just hit me in the face?
87
00:03:55,004 --> 00:03:56,437
I am calling the cops!
88
00:03:56,472 --> 00:03:57,739
Ow.
89
00:03:57,774 --> 00:03:59,907
[ Distorted ] No witnesses.
90
00:03:59,976 --> 00:04:02,276
No witnesses.
91
00:04:02,312 --> 00:04:04,912
[ Gasps ]
92
00:04:04,981 --> 00:04:06,747
[ Wind blows ]
93
00:04:06,816 --> 00:04:08,449
[ "Benny Hill" music plays ]
94
00:04:08,484 --> 00:04:10,618
[ Metal clanks ]
95
00:04:10,653 --> 00:04:13,287
Aah! My dog!
96
00:04:13,323 --> 00:04:14,922
Perseus!
97
00:04:14,991 --> 00:04:17,925
Hey!
98
00:04:17,994 --> 00:04:19,627
[ Screams ]
99
00:04:19,662 --> 00:04:21,095
[ Screams ]
100
00:04:28,003 --> 00:04:29,571
Make us proud, Sabib.
101
00:04:29,639 --> 00:04:30,438
I will!
102
00:04:30,474 --> 00:04:31,539
Guys! Guys!
103
00:04:31,575 --> 00:04:36,545
The western dogs [Spits] they're pulling
their military bases from our soil!
104
00:04:36,580 --> 00:04:37,212
We won!
105
00:04:37,248 --> 00:04:39,215
We did it! We did it!
106
00:04:39,250 --> 00:04:40,550
That is a close one!
107
00:04:40,585 --> 00:04:42,351
Oh, yeah. Sorry, Sabib.
108
00:04:42,387 --> 00:04:44,854
There's no way to remove the vest.
109
00:04:44,889 --> 00:04:45,588
What?
110
00:04:45,656 --> 00:04:48,657
Hey guys, you're all coming to
my super bowl party, right?
111
00:04:48,725 --> 00:04:49,457
Oh, yeah!
112
00:04:49,493 --> 00:04:51,660
Hey, what kind of chips should I bring?
113
00:04:51,728 --> 00:04:55,930
Cool ranch or -- ooh, sorry, Sabib,
my wife kind of doesn't want your
114
00:04:55,999 --> 00:04:57,131
suicide vest around the kids.
115
00:04:57,167 --> 00:04:58,266
But... that's not fair!
116
00:04:58,301 --> 00:05:00,635
I was prepared to martyr
myself for the good of us all!
117
00:05:00,670 --> 00:05:01,770
So, my wife's a bitch?
118
00:05:01,805 --> 00:05:02,937
Is that what you're saying?
119
00:05:03,006 --> 00:05:07,642
No! I-I... [ sighs ]
120
00:05:07,677 --> 00:05:09,310
Bro, your wife is a bitch.
121
00:05:09,345 --> 00:05:10,845
"Avengers 2" is sold out.
122
00:05:10,880 --> 00:05:15,382
Plenty of tickets left for the movie
where Kevin James gets pregnant, though.
123
00:05:15,418 --> 00:05:16,383
[ Sighs ]
124
00:05:16,419 --> 00:05:18,852
My water's breaking!
125
00:05:18,921 --> 00:05:20,054
[ Water splashes ]
126
00:05:20,089 --> 00:05:22,857
It is in your power to end this.
127
00:05:22,925 --> 00:05:25,059
We'll do it together.
128
00:05:31,266 --> 00:05:34,702
Ladies and gentlemen, the greatest
super-weapon ever created!
129
00:05:34,737 --> 00:05:36,503
I give you Astro Boy!
130
00:05:36,572 --> 00:05:37,504
[ Crowd gasps ]
131
00:05:37,573 --> 00:05:40,240
You know what would have
made a greater super-weapon?
132
00:05:40,309 --> 00:05:43,743
A full-grown man robot with a
[bleep] shirt, you sick son of a
133
00:05:43,779 --> 00:05:44,244
bitch!
134
00:05:44,279 --> 00:05:46,145
Shall I show him my cannon, sir?
135
00:05:46,181 --> 00:05:48,147
Uh, no, no, no, no, no.
136
00:05:48,183 --> 00:05:50,950
[ Doorbell rings ]
137
00:05:50,986 --> 00:05:54,220
"I am required by law to
notify you that I am a
138
00:05:54,255 --> 00:05:58,525
registered s-sex offender."
139
00:05:58,593 --> 00:05:59,225
Hi, there.
140
00:05:59,261 --> 00:06:00,894
May I help you with anything today?
141
00:06:00,929 --> 00:06:01,595
Yeah.
142
00:06:01,630 --> 00:06:05,599
I'm looking for a lotion that'll
really soften up human skin.
143
00:06:05,667 --> 00:06:08,234
Well, our signature series
uses sea-kelp extract.
144
00:06:08,270 --> 00:06:09,169
Here! Try it out!
145
00:06:09,237 --> 00:06:10,703
Oh, this nice.
146
00:06:10,739 --> 00:06:12,405
Um, is there a gift with purchase?
147
00:06:12,441 --> 00:06:15,075
If you buy the whole set, it
comes in this cute basket!
148
00:06:15,110 --> 00:06:16,509
I do need a basket.
149
00:06:16,545 --> 00:06:18,311
Put the lotion in the basket.
150
00:06:18,346 --> 00:06:19,546
I'm taking the set.
151
00:06:19,614 --> 00:06:20,513
Excellent!
152
00:06:20,548 --> 00:06:23,048
And your total is $635.
153
00:06:23,084 --> 00:06:24,717
Yikes. That is pricy.
154
00:06:24,752 --> 00:06:26,685
Well, you pay for quality.
155
00:06:26,721 --> 00:06:30,455
I guess you can't put a price
on beautiful human skin.
156
00:06:30,524 --> 00:06:32,157
[ Both laugh ]
157
00:06:32,192 --> 00:06:32,824
True.
158
00:06:32,893 --> 00:06:34,359
No! Please, mister!
159
00:06:34,394 --> 00:06:35,159
Let me go!
160
00:06:35,228 --> 00:06:38,863
It puts the moisturizer,
refining serum and body buffer
161
00:06:38,898 --> 00:06:41,732
on its skin, or else it
gets the hose again.
162
00:06:41,801 --> 00:06:43,701
Oh -- wow! Crème de la mer?
163
00:06:43,736 --> 00:06:45,703
This stuff's insanely expensive.
164
00:06:45,738 --> 00:06:49,606
You're telling me, but obviously,
people are willing to pay.
165
00:06:49,642 --> 00:06:50,808
Guilty as charged.
166
00:06:50,843 --> 00:06:52,276
[ Both laugh ]
167
00:06:52,345 --> 00:06:55,546
Seriously, put the [bleep]
lotion on your skin.
168
00:06:55,581 --> 00:06:56,547
Who is she?
169
00:06:56,582 --> 00:06:57,915
What does she want?
170
00:06:57,983 --> 00:06:59,083
Ooh! Oh, dear.
171
00:06:59,118 --> 00:06:59,717
Oh, my!
172
00:06:59,752 --> 00:07:01,452
It's -- it's $10 each or $100
173
00:07:01,521 --> 00:07:02,553
for all at once.
174
00:07:02,589 --> 00:07:05,223
Well, that sounds perfectly reasonable.
175
00:07:05,258 --> 00:07:09,094
Mr. Gargamel, how do you plead to the
charges of kidnapping, murder, and
176
00:07:09,162 --> 00:07:11,296
consumption of 182 smurfs?
177
00:07:11,331 --> 00:07:12,631
Guilty, your honor.
178
00:07:12,666 --> 00:07:13,932
They were delicious.
179
00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:18,738
Then you are hereby sentenced to 50 years
for racially motivated hate crimes.
180
00:07:18,806 --> 00:07:20,073
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
181
00:07:20,108 --> 00:07:21,107
I'm no racist!
182
00:07:21,142 --> 00:07:25,011
All I was trying to do was round
up every last smurf on earth and
183
00:07:25,046 --> 00:07:26,712
eradicate their entire species.
184
00:07:26,747 --> 00:07:29,948
You just gave the textbook
definition of genocide.
185
00:07:30,017 --> 00:07:31,283
Whoops.
186
00:07:31,351 --> 00:07:33,919
So, me and Hitler, then.
187
00:07:33,954 --> 00:07:34,719
Hmm.
188
00:07:34,755 --> 00:07:37,856
Why would a contractor need
glow-in-the-dark paint?
189
00:07:37,924 --> 00:07:40,858
I wonder if this has to do
with the glowing ghost?
190
00:07:40,927 --> 00:07:41,559
[ Sighs ]
191
00:07:41,628 --> 00:07:45,296
I put my parents $100,000 in
debt for that criminal science
192
00:07:45,365 --> 00:07:45,930
degree.
193
00:07:45,965 --> 00:07:47,498
I need to rethink my life.
194
00:07:47,534 --> 00:07:48,299
Zoinks!
195
00:07:48,368 --> 00:07:49,200
[ Gasps ]
196
00:07:49,269 --> 00:07:49,867
Shaggy!
197
00:07:49,936 --> 00:07:51,136
Oh!
198
00:07:51,171 --> 00:07:54,206
Oh, my glasses.
199
00:07:54,274 --> 00:07:55,908
Oh! Jinkies!
200
00:07:55,943 --> 00:07:58,310
G-g-g-glowing ghost!
201
00:07:58,345 --> 00:07:59,311
Ohh!
202
00:07:59,380 --> 00:07:59,945
Velma!
203
00:08:00,014 --> 00:08:00,846
Oh, my God.
204
00:08:00,881 --> 00:08:01,547
[ Gags ]
205
00:08:01,582 --> 00:08:03,849
Oh, I just puked right
in my [bleep] mask!
206
00:08:03,885 --> 00:08:06,419
Velma faces 12 to 18 months
of physical therapy with no
207
00:08:06,487 --> 00:08:07,019
insurance.
208
00:08:07,054 --> 00:08:09,655
While she's on that fun journey,
we need someone to fill her
209
00:08:09,690 --> 00:08:10,055
role.
210
00:08:10,124 --> 00:08:13,392
Like, dude, me and Scoob already
put an ad on Craigslist.
211
00:08:13,428 --> 00:08:14,761
Reah! Raigs-rist!
212
00:08:14,796 --> 00:08:15,695
[ Laughs ]
213
00:08:15,764 --> 00:08:17,196
Like, here she is now!
214
00:08:17,232 --> 00:08:18,031
[ Engine revs ]
215
00:08:18,066 --> 00:08:20,700
[ Tires screech ]
216
00:08:20,736 --> 00:08:22,302
I am Lisbeth Salander.
217
00:08:22,337 --> 00:08:25,939
I know we need a team nerd,
but do they always have to be
218
00:08:25,974 --> 00:08:27,207
such boner killers?
219
00:08:27,242 --> 00:08:29,042
♪ Ba-da-da, ba ♪
220
00:08:29,077 --> 00:08:29,976
Hey, Lisbeth!
221
00:08:30,012 --> 00:08:32,746
I really like your, uh...
[thinking ] hair, eyebrows,
222
00:08:32,781 --> 00:08:38,152
makeup, piercings, tattoos, outfit,
hygiene, manners, smile, accent...
223
00:08:38,187 --> 00:08:41,154
Hey, Fred, turn up the radio.
224
00:08:41,190 --> 00:08:43,624
The owner of this amusement
park says a ghost is scaring
225
00:08:43,693 --> 00:08:44,692
away all his customers.
226
00:08:44,727 --> 00:08:46,160
My plan is we split up.
227
00:08:46,229 --> 00:08:47,262
You are incompetent.
228
00:08:47,330 --> 00:08:47,762
Huh?
229
00:08:47,797 --> 00:08:49,597
The owner of this park is bankrupt.
230
00:08:49,633 --> 00:08:51,065
These are his financial records.
231
00:08:51,134 --> 00:08:53,267
Don't implicate me in
whatever you're doing.
232
00:08:53,336 --> 00:08:55,703
Lots of honest people
file chapter 11, Lisbeth.
233
00:08:55,772 --> 00:08:57,605
Here are his personal e-mails.
234
00:08:57,640 --> 00:08:59,440
He has $50,000 in gambling debts.
235
00:08:59,509 --> 00:09:01,609
Well, gambling is a deplorable vice.
236
00:09:01,644 --> 00:09:04,345
Here are receipts for a ghost
costume, a one-way ticket to
237
00:09:04,380 --> 00:09:07,515
Brazil, and 12 drums of acetone --
the most common arson accelerant.
238
00:09:07,550 --> 00:09:10,318
He is planning to burn the park
for the insurance money, blame
239
00:09:10,353 --> 00:09:12,720
it on a ghost, and flee the country.
240
00:09:12,789 --> 00:09:13,421
[ Blink! ]
241
00:09:13,456 --> 00:09:14,622
I say we split up.
242
00:09:14,658 --> 00:09:15,790
[ Moans ]
243
00:09:15,825 --> 00:09:16,357
Look out!
244
00:09:16,426 --> 00:09:16,891
Zoinks!
245
00:09:16,927 --> 00:09:17,459
Ruh-roh!
246
00:09:17,494 --> 00:09:23,065
That is Phillip W. Anderson, the president
and C.E.O. of this -- like, run!
247
00:09:24,134 --> 00:09:25,467
You wear too much purple.
248
00:09:25,536 --> 00:09:27,002
I know! It matches my eyes.
249
00:09:27,038 --> 00:09:30,072
The only humans with naturally
purple eyes are albinos.
250
00:09:30,108 --> 00:09:31,374
Fine! They're contacts.
251
00:09:31,409 --> 00:09:31,741
God!
252
00:09:31,809 --> 00:09:33,643
You think you know everything, huh?
253
00:09:33,678 --> 00:09:34,878
You think you're cool.
254
00:09:34,913 --> 00:09:38,615
You know, you're not the only
one with a bad-ass tattoo.
255
00:09:38,651 --> 00:09:41,552
I think a tumbleweed just
blew through my vagina.
256
00:09:41,587 --> 00:09:42,886
I know! It sucks!
257
00:09:42,922 --> 00:09:43,721
Fred sucks!
258
00:09:43,756 --> 00:09:46,357
I have the worst
boyfriend in the world!
259
00:09:46,392 --> 00:09:48,926
Maybe you could try
handcuffing him to your bed.
260
00:09:48,961 --> 00:09:51,094
Oh, I guess that could spice things up.
261
00:09:51,163 --> 00:09:51,628
Yes!
262
00:09:51,696 --> 00:09:55,999
And then [ bleep ] him with a
stainless-steel revenge [bleep]!
263
00:09:56,034 --> 00:09:58,535
[ Both grunting ]
264
00:09:58,570 --> 00:09:59,369
Oh!
265
00:09:59,438 --> 00:10:02,205
So that's how these girls play.
266
00:10:02,240 --> 00:10:03,206
[ Zip! ]
267
00:10:03,242 --> 00:10:03,907
Ohh.
268
00:10:03,942 --> 00:10:07,177
This whole park smells like sex
all of a sudden, and I get
269
00:10:07,212 --> 00:10:09,479
stuck with a four-legged
tang repellant.
270
00:10:09,515 --> 00:10:10,580
Rang re-rellent?
271
00:10:10,649 --> 00:10:12,582
Ray-re rit's rhe roul ratch.
272
00:10:12,651 --> 00:10:16,119
Did you just diss the soul patch?
273
00:10:16,154 --> 00:10:17,554
Rit's rhe rhost!
274
00:10:17,589 --> 00:10:18,755
Like, zoinks!
275
00:10:18,824 --> 00:10:20,123
[ Laughs ]
276
00:10:20,159 --> 00:10:22,126
[ Grunts ]
277
00:10:22,161 --> 00:10:22,860
Look!
278
00:10:22,895 --> 00:10:25,763
It was the amusement
park owner after all!
279
00:10:25,798 --> 00:10:26,731
Imbecile.
280
00:10:26,766 --> 00:10:30,000
We actually solved the
mystery without Velma.
281
00:10:30,036 --> 00:10:34,105
And without a tacked-on car chase
and explosion, unlike
282
00:10:34,140 --> 00:10:35,273
"The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo."
283
00:10:35,308 --> 00:10:36,140
Ohh!
284
00:10:36,176 --> 00:10:38,676
Thanks for the critique, guys.
285
00:10:38,745 --> 00:10:41,946
All: Stieg Larsson, author of "The
Girl With the Dragon Tattoo"?!
286
00:10:42,015 --> 00:10:45,049
Maybe I would have done a second
draft if I hadn't died of
287
00:10:45,118 --> 00:10:46,317
a [bleep] heart attack!
288
00:10:46,810 --> 00:10:48,010
Like, hey, old dude.
289
00:10:48,045 --> 00:10:49,478
Did you lose a contact lens?
290
00:10:49,513 --> 00:10:51,513
I just took a hammer to the skull.
291
00:10:51,548 --> 00:10:53,415
I think my [bleep] retina flew off.
292
00:10:53,484 --> 00:10:55,214
[ All laugh ]
293
00:10:55,334 --> 00:10:58,220
Rooby-Rooby-Roo!
294
00:10:58,222 --> 00:11:08,468
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com