1 00:00:05,494 --> 00:00:06,576 Good morning, Dwight. 2 00:00:09,687 --> 00:00:11,343 Who are you? 3 00:00:11,544 --> 00:00:13,010 Who am I? 4 00:00:13,187 --> 00:00:14,282 I'm Jim. 5 00:00:14,328 --> 00:00:16,584 We've been working together for 12 years. 6 00:00:16,833 --> 00:00:18,508 Weird joke, Dwight. 7 00:00:18,552 --> 00:00:19,414 You're not Jim. 8 00:00:19,445 --> 00:00:20,844 Jim's not Asian. 9 00:00:21,035 --> 00:00:22,501 You seriously never noticed? 10 00:00:22,521 --> 00:00:25,556 Hey, hats off to you for not seeing race. 11 00:00:27,941 --> 00:00:29,542 All right then, Jim. 12 00:00:29,912 --> 00:00:31,606 Uh, why don't you tell me about that sale 13 00:00:31,624 --> 00:00:33,569 that you made yesterday? 14 00:00:33,601 --> 00:00:35,201 Uh, Wellington Systems? 15 00:00:35,216 --> 00:00:37,875 Sold them ten cases of 24-pound letter stock. 16 00:00:37,981 --> 00:00:39,798 Or were you talking about Krieger-Murphy? 17 00:00:39,823 --> 00:00:41,104 Because I didn't close that one yet, 18 00:00:41,123 --> 00:00:43,719 but I'm hoping I've got a voicemail from Paul Krieger 19 00:00:43,758 --> 00:00:45,558 waiting for me. 20 00:00:46,425 --> 00:00:48,792 Please enter your password. 21 00:00:53,567 --> 00:00:55,399 You have one new message. 22 00:00:55,437 --> 00:00:56,376 How did you know? 23 00:00:56,410 --> 00:00:57,823 No! No, no. 24 00:00:57,872 --> 00:00:59,171 That is sensitive information. 25 00:00:59,173 --> 00:01:01,479 Only for employees, not outsiders! 26 00:01:01,497 --> 00:01:03,004 Dwight, cut it out. I'm trying to work. 27 00:01:03,054 --> 00:01:05,148 You don't work here! You're not Jim! 28 00:01:05,173 --> 00:01:07,204 Jim, I got us that dinner reservation. 29 00:01:07,256 --> 00:01:08,556 - Grico's, 7:30. - Oh, great. 30 00:01:08,576 --> 00:01:10,701 Can't wait. 31 00:01:13,021 --> 00:01:14,682 Jim's at the dentist this morning, 32 00:01:14,722 --> 00:01:17,056 and Steve is an actor friend of ours. 33 00:01:17,102 --> 00:01:19,015 I don't know who you are, 34 00:01:19,029 --> 00:01:20,962 but you are not Jim. 35 00:01:20,995 --> 00:01:23,696 This is Jim! 36 00:01:27,100 --> 00:01:29,068 Oh, my-- 37 00:01:29,070 --> 00:01:31,370 oh, d-- oh, how did-- 38 00:01:50,344 --> 00:01:52,953 Sync and corrections by n17t01 www.addic7ed.com Resync for WEB-DL by Norther 39 00:01:55,142 --> 00:01:57,517 Hey, study buddies! 40 00:01:57,581 --> 00:01:59,204 Oh. Okay. 41 00:01:59,293 --> 00:02:01,293 Getting things done. Awesome! 42 00:02:01,339 --> 00:02:03,983 It's all about finding ways to make yourself more efficient. 43 00:02:04,033 --> 00:02:05,249 Life hacking, baby. 44 00:02:05,289 --> 00:02:07,156 This morning, I brushed my teeth in the shower. 45 00:02:07,158 --> 00:02:08,991 Saved myself 90 seconds. 46 00:02:08,993 --> 00:02:10,576 Which I just used to explain this to you. 47 00:02:10,578 --> 00:02:11,911 Damn it. 48 00:02:11,913 --> 00:02:15,129 Since Andy promoted me to Assistant Regional Manager, 49 00:02:15,190 --> 00:02:16,522 I've been trying to step my game up. 50 00:02:16,561 --> 00:02:18,210 You know, be more productive. 51 00:02:18,278 --> 00:02:19,479 In fact, you know what? 52 00:02:19,513 --> 00:02:21,021 Let's knock out a few more of these sound bites 53 00:02:21,060 --> 00:02:23,008 while we're here. 54 00:02:23,507 --> 00:02:26,008 Whoa. That person has really 55 00:02:26,010 --> 00:02:30,095 gotten him-- or herself-- into quite a predicament. 56 00:02:30,097 --> 00:02:32,648 S'il vous plait... 57 00:02:32,650 --> 00:02:35,601 Dites-moi... 58 00:02:38,689 --> 00:02:40,973 Ah, French. 59 00:02:40,975 --> 00:02:42,825 It's a great language. 60 00:02:42,827 --> 00:02:45,361 If you're a chain-smoking acrobat. 61 00:02:45,363 --> 00:02:47,863 I'm just trying to fit in better with Andy's family. 62 00:02:47,865 --> 00:02:49,949 They all speak more than one language. 63 00:02:49,951 --> 00:02:51,533 Usually when I'm there. 64 00:02:51,535 --> 00:02:53,502 You want to learn a really impressive second language? 65 00:02:53,504 --> 00:02:54,753 Try Dothraki. 66 00:02:54,755 --> 00:02:56,205 Win over any man in my guild. 67 00:02:56,207 --> 00:02:58,340 Dothraki is the native tongue of the nomadic, 68 00:02:58,342 --> 00:03:01,126 war-mongering horse lords of Essos, as featured 69 00:03:01,128 --> 00:03:04,630 in the superb Home Box Office series Game of Thrones. 70 00:03:04,632 --> 00:03:06,265 It has a lot of nudity. 71 00:03:06,267 --> 00:03:09,685 Which I fast-forward through to get to the chopped-off heads. 72 00:03:09,687 --> 00:03:11,854 I could teach you if you want, it's a lot easier than French. 73 00:03:11,856 --> 00:03:12,972 Yeah. Let's do it. 74 00:03:12,974 --> 00:03:14,723 - Athdavrazar! - Oh-- 75 00:03:14,725 --> 00:03:16,191 It means "excellent." 76 00:03:16,193 --> 00:03:17,192 And we have begun. 77 00:03:20,982 --> 00:03:22,014 Is everything okay? 78 00:03:22,016 --> 00:03:23,348 Hmm? 79 00:03:23,350 --> 00:03:24,650 Oh-- oh, yeah. 80 00:03:24,652 --> 00:03:26,235 Yeah, yeah, yeah, fine. 81 00:03:26,237 --> 00:03:28,020 Fine, fine, fine. 82 00:03:28,022 --> 00:03:30,239 I mean, I d-- I just don't want to burden you 83 00:03:30,241 --> 00:03:32,157 with my massive stress freak-outs. 84 00:03:32,159 --> 00:03:33,575 Great. 85 00:03:33,577 --> 00:03:36,328 It's just that I am taking my driver's license test 86 00:03:36,330 --> 00:03:38,714 in two days, and I need to practice 87 00:03:38,716 --> 00:03:40,299 with an experienced driver in the car. 88 00:03:40,301 --> 00:03:42,084 But I've had no time to do that, 89 00:03:42,086 --> 00:03:45,337 thanks to "Demandy." 90 00:03:45,339 --> 00:03:48,040 I just want to hit the open road 91 00:03:48,042 --> 00:03:51,376 and drive, man. But... 92 00:03:51,378 --> 00:03:52,561 in whose car? 93 00:03:52,563 --> 00:03:54,763 Nellie! 94 00:03:54,765 --> 00:03:57,683 Get your wrinkly old balls in here. 95 00:04:02,023 --> 00:04:05,157 Nellie, I could practice with you in my car at lunchtime. 96 00:04:05,159 --> 00:04:06,391 Oh, Pam, thank you. 97 00:04:06,393 --> 00:04:08,811 You are my savior. 98 00:04:10,230 --> 00:04:12,247 - Oh, my God-- - Ohh-- 99 00:04:13,918 --> 00:04:15,701 I'm sorry I'm leaving you alone for lunch. 100 00:04:15,703 --> 00:04:17,870 Don't worry about it. 101 00:04:17,872 --> 00:04:20,873 I have a thing. 102 00:04:20,875 --> 00:04:22,708 A thing of soup. 103 00:04:22,710 --> 00:04:27,129 Which I've been wanting to try. 104 00:04:27,131 --> 00:04:29,414 This is my research 105 00:04:29,416 --> 00:04:31,750 into how we might produce child-proof paper 106 00:04:31,752 --> 00:04:33,936 that doesn't give you paper cuts. 107 00:04:33,938 --> 00:04:35,104 We can't. 108 00:04:35,106 --> 00:04:38,891 And here is a printout of your genealogy 109 00:04:38,893 --> 00:04:40,442 from thisisyourfamilytree.com. 110 00:04:40,444 --> 00:04:42,561 Executive-summary me. Hit the highlights. 111 00:04:42,563 --> 00:04:44,096 Well, it turns out 112 00:04:44,098 --> 00:04:46,982 you are a distant blood relative 113 00:04:46,984 --> 00:04:50,069 of Michelle Obama. 114 00:04:50,071 --> 00:04:51,203 - As in-- - Wife of Barack, 115 00:04:51,205 --> 00:04:54,406 loves gardening, wants to wipe out fat children. 116 00:04:54,408 --> 00:04:56,325 Wow. 117 00:04:56,327 --> 00:04:58,744 This is super-flattering. 118 00:04:58,746 --> 00:05:02,831 She's the most popular person in America. 119 00:05:02,833 --> 00:05:05,067 This is a big day for both of us. 120 00:05:05,069 --> 00:05:06,752 My fellow Americans, 121 00:05:06,754 --> 00:05:08,670 I have a feeling my approval rating 122 00:05:08,672 --> 00:05:11,123 is about to go through the roof. 123 00:05:11,125 --> 00:05:16,461 Turns out, I am related to Michelle Obama. 124 00:05:16,463 --> 00:05:18,564 I was intimidated by Andy's family before. 125 00:05:18,566 --> 00:05:21,517 And now I have to see the First Lady at holidays? 126 00:05:21,519 --> 00:05:22,651 She's gonna be like, 127 00:05:22,653 --> 00:05:24,153 "what's your stance on politics?" 128 00:05:24,155 --> 00:05:26,605 Or, "what is the best war to do?" 129 00:05:26,607 --> 00:05:28,907 And I will just be like, 130 00:05:28,909 --> 00:05:30,526 "duh--" 131 00:05:30,528 --> 00:05:31,660 All right! 132 00:05:31,662 --> 00:05:34,079 We gotta get rid of all this junk food. 133 00:05:34,081 --> 00:05:35,697 Get fit, America! 134 00:05:35,699 --> 00:05:39,284 Not sure if the buzz has reached the annex yet, but, uh, 135 00:05:39,286 --> 00:05:42,671 I'm related to Michelle Obama. 136 00:05:45,592 --> 00:05:46,825 Yeah, we noticed early on 137 00:05:46,827 --> 00:05:48,794 Andy really appreciates enthusiasm. 138 00:05:48,796 --> 00:05:50,596 So we decided the best way to get ahead here 139 00:05:50,598 --> 00:05:51,880 is to be his cheerleaders. 140 00:05:51,882 --> 00:05:54,383 Ohh! 141 00:06:01,724 --> 00:06:03,559 It's starting to have this reverse effect, though, 142 00:06:03,561 --> 00:06:06,311 where I really do think the stuff he does is awesome. 143 00:06:06,313 --> 00:06:07,863 Yeah, me too. It's weird. 144 00:06:07,865 --> 00:06:09,648 Hard to remember what's real at this point. 145 00:06:09,650 --> 00:06:12,317 Just clap through it, man. 146 00:06:12,319 --> 00:06:15,237 You're logging sales at ten different times. 147 00:06:15,239 --> 00:06:18,123 If you log 'em all at once, you save a lot of time. 148 00:06:18,125 --> 00:06:19,124 It's called batching. 149 00:06:19,126 --> 00:06:20,242 This is really good, Darryl. 150 00:06:20,244 --> 00:06:21,794 Life hacking, man. 151 00:06:21,821 --> 00:06:22,803 There he is! 152 00:06:22,828 --> 00:06:24,134 Andy, you gotta check this out. He just-- 153 00:06:25,466 --> 00:06:28,417 Right now I need canned tuna, okay? 154 00:06:28,419 --> 00:06:31,303 Darryl, guess which talented individual 155 00:06:31,305 --> 00:06:33,472 who also has a killer singing voice 156 00:06:33,474 --> 00:06:35,641 is related to the First Lady. 157 00:06:35,643 --> 00:06:37,509 Tracee Ellis Ross. 158 00:06:37,511 --> 00:06:41,313 Daughter of the First Lady of Motown, Diana Ross. 159 00:06:41,315 --> 00:06:42,347 It's me! 160 00:06:42,349 --> 00:06:43,816 I'm related to Michelle Obama. 161 00:06:43,818 --> 00:06:45,517 What? Really? 162 00:06:45,519 --> 00:06:47,486 I mean, it's distant, but-- 163 00:06:47,488 --> 00:06:50,088 That's cool, man. 164 00:06:50,090 --> 00:06:51,323 Right? 165 00:06:51,325 --> 00:06:54,226 Darryl said, "cool, man." 166 00:06:54,228 --> 00:06:56,561 He called me a cool man. 167 00:06:59,232 --> 00:07:01,917 You know, I really do think it would be worth it to pull over 168 00:07:01,919 --> 00:07:03,502 and just take ten minutes to eat. 169 00:07:03,504 --> 00:07:05,838 Mm-- the thing is, Pam, 170 00:07:05,840 --> 00:07:07,589 I'm gonna be eating while I'm driving, 171 00:07:07,591 --> 00:07:09,041 so I might as well get good at it. 172 00:07:09,043 --> 00:07:11,543 Brake lights. Brake lights, brake lights, brake lights! 173 00:07:11,545 --> 00:07:13,378 Whoo! 174 00:07:13,380 --> 00:07:15,881 I'm just saying, what does it imply in this country 175 00:07:15,883 --> 00:07:18,550 when a white person shares an ancestor with a black person? 176 00:07:18,552 --> 00:07:21,186 You think that Andy's family owned slaves? 177 00:07:21,188 --> 00:07:23,588 Well, somebody owned somebody. 178 00:07:23,590 --> 00:07:27,192 And I don't think anybody would buy an Andy. 179 00:07:27,194 --> 00:07:28,277 I throat-rip. 180 00:07:28,279 --> 00:07:29,645 Foth aggendak. 181 00:07:29,647 --> 00:07:30,863 You throat-rip. 182 00:07:30,865 --> 00:07:32,097 Foth aggendi. 183 00:07:32,099 --> 00:07:33,649 He-she-it throat-rips. 184 00:07:33,651 --> 00:07:34,700 Foth aggenda. 185 00:07:34,702 --> 00:07:35,934 More of a barbaric growl. 186 00:07:35,936 --> 00:07:37,369 Foth aggenda. 187 00:07:37,371 --> 00:07:39,321 Louder. You're shouting it from the back of a horse. 188 00:07:39,323 --> 00:07:41,073 Foth aggenda! 189 00:07:41,075 --> 00:07:43,909 Pretty crazy about Andy and Michelle Obama, huh? 190 00:07:43,911 --> 00:07:46,211 Yeah. 191 00:07:46,213 --> 00:07:48,997 It's almost unbelievable. 192 00:07:48,999 --> 00:07:50,048 What? 193 00:07:50,050 --> 00:07:51,717 Well, do you know how Andy has been 194 00:07:51,719 --> 00:07:54,619 really salting my onions lately? 195 00:07:54,621 --> 00:07:55,888 Sure. 196 00:07:55,890 --> 00:07:58,056 Well, when he asked me to look up his ancestry online, 197 00:07:58,058 --> 00:08:00,058 I remembered that news story about Michelle Obama 198 00:08:00,060 --> 00:08:02,511 having white relatives, and I just knew 199 00:08:02,513 --> 00:08:04,963 he would eat that up. 200 00:08:04,965 --> 00:08:07,399 So he's not related to Michelle Obama? 201 00:08:07,401 --> 00:08:08,767 Pam, 202 00:08:08,769 --> 00:08:13,739 I barely know how to turn on my computer. 203 00:08:13,741 --> 00:08:15,991 Nellie's pretty fearless. 204 00:08:15,993 --> 00:08:19,828 And I think she might be maybe even almost sort of fun. 205 00:08:19,830 --> 00:08:21,163 Pam! 206 00:08:24,817 --> 00:08:26,335 Well, if there's another explanation, 207 00:08:26,337 --> 00:08:28,870 I don't really see what it could possibly be. 208 00:08:28,872 --> 00:08:30,255 I-- 209 00:08:30,257 --> 00:08:32,257 What's going on here? 210 00:08:32,259 --> 00:08:34,343 I'm related to the First Lady, okay? 211 00:08:34,345 --> 00:08:36,128 Get over it. 212 00:08:36,130 --> 00:08:38,297 I still need weekly status reports from most of you. 213 00:08:38,299 --> 00:08:41,383 So can we get back to work, please? 214 00:08:41,385 --> 00:08:42,551 Get back to work. 215 00:08:45,856 --> 00:08:47,222 Andy-- 216 00:08:47,224 --> 00:08:48,273 Andy, no! 217 00:08:48,275 --> 00:08:50,175 I would be very polite today. 218 00:08:50,177 --> 00:08:51,843 Why, is it employees' day or something? 219 00:08:51,845 --> 00:08:53,946 I cannot keep track of these BS holidays. 220 00:08:53,948 --> 00:08:55,847 Your connection to Michelle Obama 221 00:08:55,849 --> 00:08:59,351 has certain negative connotations. 222 00:08:59,353 --> 00:09:01,853 Most likely, your family were... 223 00:09:01,855 --> 00:09:04,039 slave owners. 224 00:09:04,041 --> 00:09:05,574 Does anyone else think it's possible 225 00:09:05,576 --> 00:09:08,627 that I come from slave owners? 226 00:09:11,998 --> 00:09:14,499 Whoa. That person has really 227 00:09:14,501 --> 00:09:17,052 gotten him-- or herself-- into quite a predicament. 228 00:09:18,485 --> 00:09:20,025 Hey, mom, it's Andy. Give me a call 229 00:09:20,044 --> 00:09:21,857 when you get a chance. Got a quick question for you. 230 00:09:21,891 --> 00:09:24,054 Uh, no big deal, just about America's national shame. 231 00:09:24,079 --> 00:09:26,235 Thanks, bye. 232 00:09:27,122 --> 00:09:28,154 Where were we? 233 00:09:28,197 --> 00:09:29,730 Uh-- yes, okay. 234 00:09:29,768 --> 00:09:32,060 Your... productivity thing. 235 00:09:32,082 --> 00:09:33,399 Yes, yes, yes. 236 00:09:33,423 --> 00:09:34,380 Great. 237 00:09:34,411 --> 00:09:36,728 Ooh, spreadsheets. Yum, yum. 238 00:09:36,987 --> 00:09:38,270 I included some time-saving ideas. 239 00:09:38,295 --> 00:09:39,114 Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. 240 00:09:39,139 --> 00:09:40,202 Look, I'm not gonna lie to you. 241 00:09:40,223 --> 00:09:42,293 I'm a teensy bit distracted right now. 242 00:09:42,365 --> 00:09:44,398 Look, Andy, even if your ancestors 243 00:09:44,594 --> 00:09:47,512 did own slaves, it wouldn't be your fault. 244 00:09:47,514 --> 00:09:50,177 This is only weird if you make it weird. 245 00:09:50,406 --> 00:09:52,073 Right on, brother. 246 00:09:52,147 --> 00:09:53,146 Word dat. 247 00:09:53,167 --> 00:09:54,333 Mm-- 248 00:09:54,891 --> 00:09:58,148 - Ador! - Daras. 249 00:09:58,656 --> 00:09:59,469 Qazer! 250 00:09:59,503 --> 00:10:01,086 Daras. 251 00:10:01,137 --> 00:10:03,421 Does anyone here have fermented mare's milk? 252 00:10:08,373 --> 00:10:09,540 Hey, Erin. 253 00:10:09,542 --> 00:10:11,092 Atchomar chomakaan! 254 00:10:11,332 --> 00:10:13,050 Oh-- okay. 255 00:10:13,146 --> 00:10:14,863 Sorry. 256 00:10:15,181 --> 00:10:17,300 Oh, still, it must be great to have something else going on 257 00:10:17,318 --> 00:10:18,388 outside of work. 258 00:10:18,421 --> 00:10:20,221 Yeah-- turn signal. 259 00:10:20,236 --> 00:10:21,735 It's exciting to be painting again-- 260 00:10:21,737 --> 00:10:22,770 those are the wipers. 261 00:10:22,772 --> 00:10:24,647 So the-- it's just-- 262 00:10:24,715 --> 00:10:25,831 there you go. Yeah. 263 00:10:27,226 --> 00:10:28,909 Yeah, things get so busy with the kids-- 264 00:10:28,911 --> 00:10:31,412 red light-- that it's nice to have that creative outlet-- 265 00:10:31,414 --> 00:10:32,746 red light, red light, red, red-- 266 00:10:36,168 --> 00:10:38,169 That is brilliant, Pam. 267 00:10:38,171 --> 00:10:39,703 I'd love to see some of your work. 268 00:10:39,705 --> 00:10:41,372 Well, since we're stopped at a light... 269 00:10:41,374 --> 00:10:44,842 uh, here is... 270 00:10:44,844 --> 00:10:47,845 the mural I did for Angela's baby. 271 00:10:47,847 --> 00:10:50,581 That is amazing, Pam. 272 00:10:50,583 --> 00:10:53,934 Oh, I love the lion in the tuxedo. 273 00:10:53,936 --> 00:10:58,589 Angela insisted that all the animals be fully clothed. 274 00:10:58,591 --> 00:11:02,943 Hey, has anyone turned in their status reports up here? 275 00:11:02,945 --> 00:11:05,362 Vos. 276 00:11:05,364 --> 00:11:08,098 So no? 277 00:11:08,100 --> 00:11:09,783 Do you think maybe you could remind people? 278 00:11:09,785 --> 00:11:12,036 I'm trying to downplay the whole bossy-boss thing today. 279 00:11:12,038 --> 00:11:13,070 Because of your slaves. 280 00:11:13,072 --> 00:11:16,574 Not my slaves, my ancestors'. 281 00:11:16,576 --> 00:11:19,109 Maybe. Probably not. 282 00:11:19,111 --> 00:11:21,045 Well, if it makes you feel any better, 283 00:11:21,047 --> 00:11:23,280 the Dothraki word for "slave master," 284 00:11:23,282 --> 00:11:27,551 azzafrok, is a term of respect. 285 00:11:27,553 --> 00:11:29,553 I'm learning how to speak Dothraki. 286 00:11:29,555 --> 00:11:30,787 Color you impressed? 287 00:11:30,789 --> 00:11:32,590 - That you're learning a made-up language 288 00:11:32,592 --> 00:11:35,009 from HBO's Game of Thrones? 289 00:11:35,011 --> 00:11:38,479 I have a lot going on today, 290 00:11:38,481 --> 00:11:42,466 but this was a great nerd-out. 291 00:11:42,468 --> 00:11:43,974 Dwight, you didn't tell me you were teaching me 292 00:11:43,993 --> 00:11:45,049 a fake language. 293 00:11:45,148 --> 00:11:46,554 People laughed at Klingon at first, 294 00:11:46,606 --> 00:11:49,337 and now you can major in it. 295 00:11:52,644 --> 00:11:53,644 Hi, guys. 296 00:11:53,646 --> 00:11:55,829 Hey, boss. I am so thirsty, 297 00:11:55,831 --> 00:11:57,915 can I have a scoop of water? 298 00:11:57,917 --> 00:12:00,034 Yeah. You don't have to ask me-- 299 00:12:03,489 --> 00:12:05,005 Ha ha. Okay, great. 300 00:12:05,007 --> 00:12:06,173 Very funny. I get it. 301 00:12:06,175 --> 00:12:08,008 Just because my ancestors happened to be-- 302 00:12:16,935 --> 00:12:18,719 Very funny, Kevin changed my ringtone. 303 00:12:18,721 --> 00:12:20,003 Very funny. 304 00:12:20,005 --> 00:12:22,473 I liked the original song on my ringtone. 305 00:12:22,475 --> 00:12:24,108 Which, you may remember, 306 00:12:24,110 --> 00:12:26,360 was Diamonds on the Soles of Her Shoes by Paul Simon, 307 00:12:26,362 --> 00:12:28,011 featuring, 308 00:12:28,013 --> 00:12:32,516 Ladysmith African-American Mombazo. 309 00:12:34,452 --> 00:12:38,455 Good. Very good. 310 00:12:38,457 --> 00:12:41,041 Oh-- no. 311 00:12:41,043 --> 00:12:43,193 Here, it's, uh, a text from Andy. 312 00:12:43,195 --> 00:12:46,580 "New special proj. Need fam. Tree for evbody. 313 00:12:46,582 --> 00:12:49,216 "Really dig up dirt. ASAP." 314 00:12:49,218 --> 00:12:50,301 And then in parentheses 315 00:12:50,303 --> 00:12:51,802 he wrote out, "as soon as possible." 316 00:12:51,804 --> 00:12:52,970 Mm. 317 00:12:52,972 --> 00:12:57,241 Ugh, looks like it's pretendy time again. 318 00:12:57,243 --> 00:12:58,809 Write back, 319 00:12:58,811 --> 00:13:00,694 "looking for dirt." 320 00:13:00,696 --> 00:13:02,496 Oh, can I help? 321 00:13:02,498 --> 00:13:05,148 We could say someone is related to, um, 322 00:13:05,150 --> 00:13:07,201 Tonya Harding. 323 00:13:07,203 --> 00:13:10,487 Pam, I'm related to Tonya Harding. 324 00:13:10,489 --> 00:13:11,589 Oh-- gee, I'm-- 325 00:13:11,591 --> 00:13:14,675 No, I'm just practicing my lying. 326 00:13:14,677 --> 00:13:16,827 - I love it. - Brilliant. 327 00:13:16,829 --> 00:13:18,963 What should we say about Jim? 328 00:13:18,965 --> 00:13:22,266 Um, oh-- uh, say he's related to Richard Nixon. 329 00:13:22,268 --> 00:13:23,384 It's an inside joke. 330 00:13:23,386 --> 00:13:25,269 He looks really Nixony when he wakes up. 331 00:13:25,271 --> 00:13:27,438 My ex behaved like Nixon. 332 00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:31,725 All of the lying, none of the sexual charisma. 333 00:13:31,727 --> 00:13:33,844 I just made a joke then. 334 00:13:33,846 --> 00:13:34,945 I'm sorry. 335 00:13:34,947 --> 00:13:36,530 It's just, um-- 336 00:13:36,532 --> 00:13:38,048 I actually do have this weird feeling 337 00:13:38,050 --> 00:13:39,683 that there's something Jim isn't telling me. 338 00:13:39,685 --> 00:13:41,568 Oh, no. 339 00:13:41,570 --> 00:13:43,103 Ugh, an affair. 340 00:13:43,105 --> 00:13:45,356 It is always an affair. 341 00:13:45,358 --> 00:13:47,191 Jim? No. 342 00:13:47,193 --> 00:13:49,326 How can you be sure? 343 00:13:49,328 --> 00:13:53,280 Because he just loves me too much. 344 00:13:53,282 --> 00:13:56,500 You're a cocky little thing, aren't you, Pam? 345 00:13:56,502 --> 00:14:00,537 I have done a little genealogy research of my own. 346 00:14:00,539 --> 00:14:03,207 Turns out I'm not the only one with a few skeletons 347 00:14:03,209 --> 00:14:05,342 in the ol' family closet. 348 00:14:05,344 --> 00:14:07,911 For example, 349 00:14:07,913 --> 00:14:09,546 Phyllis' great-great-grandmother 350 00:14:09,548 --> 00:14:12,850 was responsible for spreading cholera to the United States. 351 00:14:12,852 --> 00:14:13,934 Ew. 352 00:14:13,936 --> 00:14:16,720 Kevin is related to both John Wayne Gacy 353 00:14:16,722 --> 00:14:18,389 and John Wayne Bobbitt. 354 00:14:18,391 --> 00:14:20,858 And John Wayne? 355 00:14:20,860 --> 00:14:22,359 No. Not that I see here. 356 00:14:22,361 --> 00:14:25,145 Wayne Johnson? The Rock? 357 00:14:25,147 --> 00:14:28,232 You mean Dwayne, and no. 358 00:14:28,234 --> 00:14:30,067 What about Jim Halpert? Uh-oh. 359 00:14:30,069 --> 00:14:32,936 Turns out, distant relative of the reviled 360 00:14:32,938 --> 00:14:34,822 Richard Nixon. 361 00:14:34,824 --> 00:14:36,907 Pam always says I look like Nixon. 362 00:14:36,909 --> 00:14:38,709 That's crazy, right? 363 00:14:38,711 --> 00:14:41,295 I mean, there's nothing there. 364 00:14:41,297 --> 00:14:46,116 Tru-- 365 00:14:46,118 --> 00:14:48,535 Oh, no. 366 00:14:48,537 --> 00:14:49,636 Dwight's grandfather-- 367 00:14:49,638 --> 00:14:51,422 Was a member of the Bund, 368 00:14:51,424 --> 00:14:53,474 which is not technically the same thing 369 00:14:53,476 --> 00:14:54,508 as the Nazi party. 370 00:14:54,510 --> 00:14:57,177 So-- 371 00:14:57,179 --> 00:14:59,313 I was gonna say he was a tax evader. 372 00:14:59,315 --> 00:15:01,315 Oh. 373 00:15:01,317 --> 00:15:03,400 I was joking about that whole Bund thing. 374 00:15:03,402 --> 00:15:05,235 Oh-ho, the look on your faces. 375 00:15:08,491 --> 00:15:09,940 And Meredith is a blood relative 376 00:15:09,942 --> 00:15:11,024 of Lizzie Borden. 377 00:15:11,081 --> 00:15:12,020 Cool. 378 00:15:13,175 --> 00:15:14,601 Stop it! Stop it, you're frightening me. 379 00:15:14,648 --> 00:15:16,597 Andy, did you call this meeting 380 00:15:16,634 --> 00:15:18,553 just to talk junk about our families? 381 00:15:18,584 --> 00:15:20,650 Yeah, that-- you're being really mean. 382 00:15:20,652 --> 00:15:22,986 No, I'm proving a point, okay? 383 00:15:22,988 --> 00:15:24,654 We all have ancestors who may have 384 00:15:24,656 --> 00:15:26,823 done horrible things in the past. 385 00:15:26,825 --> 00:15:29,259 But it's in the past, and it's not our fault. 386 00:15:29,261 --> 00:15:31,161 So we don't have to talk about it. 387 00:15:31,163 --> 00:15:33,514 The difference is, Andy, that you're the only one here 388 00:15:33,516 --> 00:15:36,350 still benefitting from the terrible things 389 00:15:36,352 --> 00:15:37,501 your ancestors did. 390 00:15:37,503 --> 00:15:40,304 Might have done, and how do you figure? 391 00:15:40,306 --> 00:15:41,972 Your family's rich. 392 00:15:41,974 --> 00:15:43,357 I have to believe that a big part 393 00:15:43,359 --> 00:15:46,009 of the Bernard fortune was earned on the backs of slaves. 394 00:15:46,011 --> 00:15:47,144 You know, there's nothing wrong 395 00:15:47,146 --> 00:15:48,845 with being successful in America, Oscar. 396 00:15:48,847 --> 00:15:51,231 I'm not gonna apologize for my family's wealth. 397 00:15:51,233 --> 00:15:54,684 That wealth could one day benefit society, 398 00:15:54,686 --> 00:15:56,670 if capital gains are ever taxed at the same rate 399 00:15:56,672 --> 00:15:57,721 as earned income. 400 00:15:58,707 --> 00:16:01,375 Okay, Kevin did that. 401 00:16:01,377 --> 00:16:04,044 I do not wish I was in Dixie. 402 00:16:04,046 --> 00:16:05,295 Hey, mom. How are you? 403 00:16:05,297 --> 00:16:08,215 Did any Bernards ever own 404 00:16:08,217 --> 00:16:11,552 a plantation in the South? 405 00:16:11,554 --> 00:16:13,137 She said no. Take that! 406 00:16:13,139 --> 00:16:15,439 Follow-up question, did any Bernards 407 00:16:15,441 --> 00:16:18,475 ever make money in an unsavory way? 408 00:16:23,398 --> 00:16:24,615 I just asked you-- 409 00:16:24,617 --> 00:16:26,533 why didn't you used to say that? 410 00:16:26,535 --> 00:16:28,235 Okay, stop, stop. 411 00:16:28,237 --> 00:16:29,486 Stop talking. Stop talking. 412 00:16:29,488 --> 00:16:32,489 That's-- no. I don't want to know that. 413 00:16:32,491 --> 00:16:33,874 Okay, you're interrupting a meeting. 414 00:16:33,876 --> 00:16:34,908 I have to go. 415 00:16:34,910 --> 00:16:37,661 Love you. Bye. 416 00:16:37,663 --> 00:16:41,048 Well, turns out the Bernards of yore did not own slaves. 417 00:16:41,050 --> 00:16:42,299 Really. 418 00:16:42,301 --> 00:16:43,884 We merely transported them. 419 00:16:43,886 --> 00:16:47,721 Which, at worst, makes us amoral middlemen. 420 00:16:54,275 --> 00:16:56,087 Yo, D-Dog. I need your help. 421 00:16:56,111 --> 00:16:57,718 I'm trying to think of things I can say that make it 422 00:16:57,723 --> 00:16:59,222 sound like I had a sore difficult childhood 423 00:16:59,243 --> 00:17:00,078 than I actually had. 424 00:17:00,103 --> 00:17:01,596 - You gonna po' mouth. - Exactly. 425 00:17:01,609 --> 00:17:03,051 Help me po' mouth, Darryl. 426 00:17:03,080 --> 00:17:05,196 Actually, Andy, you promised me five minutes 427 00:17:05,314 --> 00:17:06,908 to talk about productivity suggestions-- 428 00:17:06,939 --> 00:17:09,027 What if I said that my dad beat me, 429 00:17:09,201 --> 00:17:11,652 and I just left out the croquet of it all? 430 00:17:11,991 --> 00:17:14,129 Or, I could just go all the way 431 00:17:14,164 --> 00:17:15,552 and say I grew up in an apartment. 432 00:17:15,591 --> 00:17:17,324 Or is that too crazy? 433 00:17:17,326 --> 00:17:19,276 That could work. 434 00:17:19,278 --> 00:17:20,994 You know, Darryl, this is 435 00:17:20,996 --> 00:17:23,463 textbook assistant regional manager stuff here, 436 00:17:23,465 --> 00:17:26,299 and I feel like I'm doing all the heavy lifting. 437 00:17:26,301 --> 00:17:28,702 I'm coming up with all the ideas here. 438 00:17:28,704 --> 00:17:30,721 I'm going for a walk. 439 00:17:30,723 --> 00:17:32,756 Okay. 440 00:17:38,179 --> 00:17:39,846 Good... 441 00:17:39,848 --> 00:17:40,981 Good, and-- 442 00:17:53,578 --> 00:17:55,112 You doing all right, man? 443 00:17:55,114 --> 00:17:57,447 I'm done. 444 00:17:57,449 --> 00:17:59,583 I gotta get out of here. 445 00:17:59,585 --> 00:18:01,084 Yeah. 446 00:18:01,086 --> 00:18:04,037 Not the easiest day to be Assistant Regional Manager. 447 00:18:04,039 --> 00:18:06,840 It's not just today, it's every day. 448 00:18:06,842 --> 00:18:08,759 Seems like the better title I have, 449 00:18:08,761 --> 00:18:10,577 the stupider my job gets. 450 00:18:10,579 --> 00:18:14,097 Aw, come on, it can always get better, right? 451 00:18:14,099 --> 00:18:16,967 Hmm. Yeah, right. 452 00:18:16,969 --> 00:18:18,051 No, I'm serious. 453 00:18:18,053 --> 00:18:20,554 There's always something better. 454 00:18:20,556 --> 00:18:21,772 Like what? 455 00:18:21,774 --> 00:18:24,641 Like, hypothetically, 456 00:18:24,643 --> 00:18:27,811 if I said that there was another job 457 00:18:27,813 --> 00:18:30,263 that you and I could both have. 458 00:18:30,265 --> 00:18:32,098 What kind of job? 459 00:18:32,100 --> 00:18:37,404 Something cool, like sports marketing, or-- 460 00:18:37,406 --> 00:18:38,905 does that sound like something you'd be into? 461 00:18:38,907 --> 00:18:40,073 - Hell yeah. - Right? 462 00:18:40,075 --> 00:18:41,124 That sounds awesome. 463 00:18:41,126 --> 00:18:42,242 Okay, but wait. What if I told you 464 00:18:42,244 --> 00:18:43,293 that it was in Philly? 465 00:18:43,295 --> 00:18:44,995 - So you'd have to-- - I love Philly. 466 00:18:44,997 --> 00:18:46,379 Right? 467 00:18:46,381 --> 00:18:48,248 - It's not even a thought-- - Not even a thought. 468 00:18:48,250 --> 00:18:52,002 It's not even that far away, I could still commute-- exactly. 469 00:18:52,004 --> 00:18:53,670 Exactly. 470 00:18:53,672 --> 00:18:55,622 All right. 471 00:18:55,624 --> 00:18:56,723 What? Wait, wait, wait. 472 00:18:56,725 --> 00:18:58,188 So what, is this happening? 473 00:18:58,267 --> 00:19:00,101 Oh, it's happening. 474 00:19:00,134 --> 00:19:01,466 Let's just keep it between you and me 475 00:19:01,487 --> 00:19:03,125 - for right now, all right? - Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 476 00:19:03,143 --> 00:19:04,100 For sure, for sure, for sure. 477 00:19:04,132 --> 00:19:06,682 Man. And Pam's into it? 478 00:19:06,912 --> 00:19:08,124 We gotta have a talk about it, 479 00:19:08,157 --> 00:19:09,540 but I think that she's-- 480 00:19:09,655 --> 00:19:10,821 I think she understands... 481 00:19:10,823 --> 00:19:12,155 - Aw, come on, man. - ...what this is. 482 00:19:12,157 --> 00:19:13,287 I thought you had something real. 483 00:19:13,318 --> 00:19:14,518 What? No, no, no. 484 00:19:14,572 --> 00:19:15,871 Come on. This is real. 485 00:19:16,142 --> 00:19:17,867 It's not real 486 00:19:18,102 --> 00:19:22,155 until your wife is on board. 487 00:19:23,439 --> 00:19:25,256 So what did you want to show me? 488 00:19:25,320 --> 00:19:28,183 That is quite an ugly wall, isn't it? 489 00:19:28,336 --> 00:19:30,403 Yeah. It's really ugly. 490 00:19:30,436 --> 00:19:32,236 Needs something, doesn't it? 491 00:19:32,262 --> 00:19:33,478 I'm thinking, 492 00:19:33,512 --> 00:19:35,993 a mural. 493 00:19:36,365 --> 00:19:37,234 You mean me? 494 00:19:37,272 --> 00:19:38,652 Yes, you. 495 00:19:38,700 --> 00:19:41,275 You are so talented. 496 00:19:41,386 --> 00:19:43,220 It's going to be my next special project. 497 00:19:43,222 --> 00:19:45,806 Hiring Scranton's most dangerous young muralist 498 00:19:45,845 --> 00:19:47,689 to paint the warehouse wall. 499 00:19:47,729 --> 00:19:49,195 Oh, my God, I love it! 500 00:19:49,240 --> 00:19:50,656 Uh-- I-- Nellie, 501 00:19:50,696 --> 00:19:52,445 this is brilliant! 502 00:19:52,747 --> 00:19:53,753 - Hey! - Hey. 503 00:19:53,783 --> 00:19:55,366 Can I talk to you for a second? 504 00:19:55,418 --> 00:19:58,787 Anything you have to say to her, 505 00:19:58,821 --> 00:19:59,853 you can say to me. 506 00:19:59,855 --> 00:20:00,904 She never loved you. 507 00:20:00,906 --> 00:20:02,656 What? No, I-- I got this. 508 00:20:02,658 --> 00:20:03,857 Okay. 509 00:20:03,859 --> 00:20:05,024 Okay. This is his fault. 510 00:20:05,026 --> 00:20:06,507 It is not your fault. 511 00:20:06,534 --> 00:20:10,169 I am gonna find you someone better, and rich. 512 00:20:10,340 --> 00:20:12,065 And Filipino. 513 00:20:12,111 --> 00:20:15,430 But we'll break that to her later. 514 00:20:16,082 --> 00:20:17,865 You know what this is all about? 515 00:20:17,923 --> 00:20:19,639 Yeah. 516 00:20:19,641 --> 00:20:20,707 You too, huh? 517 00:20:20,709 --> 00:20:24,210 Yeah. 518 00:20:24,212 --> 00:20:27,314 Go on, spill it. 519 00:20:27,316 --> 00:20:31,151 Tell her all the gory details, you snake. 520 00:20:31,153 --> 00:20:32,485 Hey. 521 00:20:32,487 --> 00:20:34,170 He deserves this. 522 00:20:34,172 --> 00:20:38,024 And he said I could get in on it too. 523 00:20:38,026 --> 00:20:40,861 Yeah. 524 00:20:40,863 --> 00:20:43,613 Oh, Pam, no. 525 00:20:43,615 --> 00:20:45,498 Oh, I can't bear to watch this. 526 00:20:45,500 --> 00:20:47,667 I don't know what I was so worried about. 527 00:20:47,669 --> 00:20:51,338 I have the best wife in the world. 528 00:20:51,340 --> 00:20:54,357 I still can't believe he didn't tell me. 529 00:21:02,380 --> 00:21:03,692 I was helping Nellie drive-- 530 00:21:03,722 --> 00:21:06,557 Do not care. 531 00:21:11,136 --> 00:21:13,437 Fonas chek! 532 00:21:13,701 --> 00:21:15,739 Dothras chek! 533 00:21:19,212 --> 00:21:21,119 I like that guy. 534 00:21:21,198 --> 00:21:23,249 We should hook him up with Meredith. 535 00:21:23,402 --> 00:21:24,317 Hmm-- 536 00:21:28,737 --> 00:21:33,250 Sync and corrections by n17t01 www.addic7ed.com Resync for WEB-DL by Norther