1
00:00:00,259 --> 00:00:01,558
Hey, there you are.
2
00:00:01,759 --> 00:00:03,559
- I miss you.
- I miss you, too.
3
00:00:04,061 --> 00:00:04,694
Where are you?
4
00:00:04,696 --> 00:00:06,529
I'm in my new city council office.
5
00:00:06,531 --> 00:00:08,030
- No way.
- I know, do you like it?
6
00:00:08,032 --> 00:00:09,031
I love it.
7
00:00:09,033 --> 00:00:10,766
I love it, too. Check this out.
8
00:00:11,268 --> 00:00:14,036
Here is my wall of inspirational women.
9
00:00:14,038 --> 00:00:15,271
Ah.
10
00:00:15,273 --> 00:00:16,539
Is that a picture of you?
11
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Yes. I am big enough to admit
12
00:00:18,076 --> 00:00:20,376
that I am often inspired by myself.
13
00:00:20,378 --> 00:00:23,545
Here are my clocks.
Pawnee and Washington D.C.
14
00:00:23,547 --> 00:00:24,613
Same time zone.
15
00:00:24,615 --> 00:00:25,848
Oh, this is the coolest part ever.
16
00:00:25,849 --> 00:00:28,348
I have my own private bathroom.
17
00:00:28,449 --> 00:00:29,348
Occupied!
18
00:00:29,349 --> 00:00:30,748
- Oh my God.
- Ugh.
19
00:00:32,249 --> 00:00:33,248
Councilman Jamm.
20
00:00:33,349 --> 00:00:34,748
What are you doing in my bathroom?
21
00:00:34,799 --> 00:00:36,748
I don't known if i would
call it your bathroom.
22
00:00:37,248 --> 00:00:39,447
Its only door is in my office.
23
00:00:39,448 --> 00:00:43,351
I think it is crazy that the
most junior city councilor
24
00:00:43,353 --> 00:00:46,388
gets a private bathroom
just because she is a girl.
25
00:00:46,390 --> 00:00:49,024
- Excuse me?
- Let's solve this.
26
00:00:49,026 --> 00:00:50,225
Tell you what I'm going to do.
27
00:00:50,227 --> 00:00:52,160
I'm going to drop my liquids in here,
28
00:00:52,162 --> 00:00:53,595
take my solids down the hall.
29
00:00:53,947 --> 00:00:56,080
- Deal?
- No. No deal.
30
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Fine. Your loss.
31
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How?
32
00:01:21,574 --> 00:01:22,840
Fun fact about me.
33
00:01:22,842 --> 00:01:26,511
I recently began
intensive psychotherapy.
34
00:01:26,663 --> 00:01:28,196
I may have mentioned
that to you already.
35
00:01:28,198 --> 00:01:29,664
Several times.
36
00:01:29,666 --> 00:01:30,866
Well, like my therapist says,
37
00:01:30,868 --> 00:01:33,101
"You can't share too much or too often."
38
00:01:33,103 --> 00:01:34,803
You know, Gayle and I,
we saw a couples therapist
39
00:01:34,805 --> 00:01:36,538
for a little while.
That's too much, Jerry.
40
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For real. Keep us out your bedroom.
41
00:01:37,574 --> 00:01:38,573
It used to be,
44
00:01:42,813 --> 00:01:45,647
And now, no matter what
emotion I'm feeling,
45
00:01:45,649 --> 00:01:48,583
I call one number--
my therapist.
46
00:01:48,585 --> 00:01:51,253
I want to do the same
thing for the city.
47
00:01:51,255 --> 00:01:53,255
A psychotherapist for the city.
48
00:01:53,257 --> 00:01:54,256
No, Andy.
49
00:01:54,258 --> 00:01:55,590
- No.
- A 311 line.
50
00:01:55,592 --> 00:01:59,828
Citizens will call 311 for
whatever problem they have.
51
00:01:59,830 --> 00:02:02,397
Uncollected garbage, broken streetlight,
52
00:02:02,399 --> 00:02:05,467
and we will direct them
to the proper department.
53
00:02:05,469 --> 00:02:06,935
Chris, great idea.
54
00:02:06,937 --> 00:02:08,169
Thank you, Andy. I agree.
55
00:02:08,171 --> 00:02:09,204
I love this idea.
56
00:02:09,206 --> 00:02:11,306
And I love me for thinking of it.
57
00:02:11,308 --> 00:02:13,108
My therapist said that
I need to be more vocal
58
00:02:13,110 --> 00:02:14,109
about appreciating myself.
59
00:02:14,111 --> 00:02:15,644
Thank you, Chris.
60
00:02:15,646 --> 00:02:17,712
You're welcome, Chris.
61
00:02:17,714 --> 00:02:19,447
I sound insane.
62
00:02:19,449 --> 00:02:20,715
I'm going to go talk to my therapist.
63
00:02:20,717 --> 00:02:22,450
Welcome to Pawnee Today.
64
00:02:22,452 --> 00:02:25,453
I am first-rate
newswoman Joan Callamezzo.
65
00:02:25,455 --> 00:02:30,191
Pawnee's City Council approval
rate is at a dismal 3%.
66
00:02:30,193 --> 00:02:32,294
That's an all-time low. Yuck.
67
00:02:32,296 --> 00:02:35,163
Leslie, the city council
has done very little
68
00:02:35,165 --> 00:02:36,698
over the past few years,
69
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and what they have accomplished,
70
00:02:38,669 --> 00:02:40,902
in my opinion, has been embarrassing.
71
00:02:40,904 --> 00:02:41,903
And that is a fact.
72
00:02:41,905 --> 00:02:43,805
No, that's your opinion.
73
00:02:43,807 --> 00:02:45,040
That's the definition of an opinion.
74
00:02:45,042 --> 00:02:47,676
Well, that's your opinion.
75
00:02:47,678 --> 00:02:50,512
The city council has
some political gridlock
76
00:02:50,514 --> 00:02:51,746
and some partisan bickering,
77
00:02:51,748 --> 00:02:53,581
but we're actually
about to pass a bill--
78
00:02:53,583 --> 00:02:54,582
my
bill--
79
00:02:54,584 --> 00:02:56,184
the Leslie Knope Fun In The Sun Act,
80
00:02:56,186 --> 00:02:59,187
which will extend public
pool hours citywide.
81
00:03:00,989 --> 00:03:02,457
Can you say, "big whoop"?
82
00:03:02,459 --> 00:03:05,193
Recently, the Captain of the
Pawnee Porpoises swim team
83
00:03:05,195 --> 00:03:07,896
asked me if we could keep
the public pools open longer
84
00:03:07,898 --> 00:03:09,698
so they could log more practice time,
85
00:03:09,700 --> 00:03:11,666
and I said, "Absolutely."
86
00:03:11,668 --> 00:03:13,668
Because not only am I a city councilor.
87
00:03:13,670 --> 00:03:16,171
I'm a city councilor with porpoise.
88
00:03:17,407 --> 00:03:20,575
By passing the bill,
and extending pool hours,
89
00:03:20,577 --> 00:03:23,778
we are saying to our citizens
that this City Council
90
00:03:23,780 --> 00:03:26,247
is determined to better our town.
91
00:03:26,249 --> 00:03:28,483
Okay, Pawnee Porpoises youth swim team,
92
00:03:28,485 --> 00:03:29,484
I have a question for you.
93
00:03:29,486 --> 00:03:30,852
What is your greatest accomplishment?
94
00:03:30,854 --> 00:03:32,487
We came in fourth
95
00:03:32,489 --> 00:03:33,722
in the County swim meet last year.
96
00:03:33,724 --> 00:03:35,390
Wrong, your greatest accomplishment
97
00:03:35,392 --> 00:03:38,326
is happening in two hours
when this bill becomes law.
98
00:03:38,328 --> 00:03:39,861
Yay.
99
00:03:39,863 --> 00:03:41,129
I just want you to be
very proud of yourselves,
100
00:03:41,131 --> 00:03:44,165
because this bill is going
to start a long romance
101
00:03:44,167 --> 00:03:45,467
between the city and its government.
102
00:03:45,469 --> 00:03:49,137
Porpoise call!
103
00:03:52,843 --> 00:03:54,342
What are you doing?
104
00:03:54,344 --> 00:03:55,710
I'm doing a porpoise
call, which we used to do
105
00:03:55,712 --> 00:03:56,878
when I was part of your group,
106
00:03:56,880 --> 00:03:57,946
but it seems like you
don't do it any more
107
00:03:57,948 --> 00:03:59,080
and that's fine.
108
00:03:59,082 --> 00:04:00,382
I'm not weird. Okay, everybody leave.
109
00:04:00,384 --> 00:04:03,118
I'll see you at the
city council meeting.
110
00:04:03,120 --> 00:04:04,753
Hey, are you busy?
111
00:04:04,755 --> 00:04:06,955
And writing Star Trek fan
fiction does not count.
112
00:04:06,957 --> 00:04:08,156
Ha ha ha.
113
00:04:08,158 --> 00:04:10,825
I... finished it last
week. What's going on?
114
00:04:10,827 --> 00:04:12,994
Um, I miss Andy.
115
00:04:12,996 --> 00:04:15,030
And you probably miss your lover, Chris.
116
00:04:15,032 --> 00:04:16,131
Leslie.
117
00:04:16,133 --> 00:04:17,298
I had an idea. It's Friday.
118
00:04:17,300 --> 00:04:19,267
Pawnee's only a ten-hour
drive. Road trip?
119
00:04:19,269 --> 00:04:21,236
Oh, I don't know, I was
going to try to get a jump
120
00:04:21,238 --> 00:04:22,871
on some work this weekend.
121
00:04:22,873 --> 00:04:24,372
Dude, 30 years from now,
122
00:04:24,374 --> 00:04:26,274
when you're on your deathbed,
what are you going to remember?
123
00:04:26,276 --> 00:04:28,543
Organizing files or taking
a spontaneous road trip
124
00:04:28,545 --> 00:04:29,778
to surprise Leslie?
125
00:04:29,780 --> 00:04:32,280
Yeah, you know what? All right, I'm in.
126
00:04:32,282 --> 00:04:35,250
You know, we might be
able to sneak out early.
127
00:04:35,252 --> 00:04:37,085
You get snacks. I'll bring music.
128
00:04:37,087 --> 00:04:38,653
We'll jam out to some sweet tunage.
129
00:04:38,655 --> 00:04:39,854
You know what? This is awesome.
130
00:04:39,856 --> 00:04:41,890
Actually, no. I don't
want to go any more.
131
00:04:41,892 --> 00:04:43,892
Oh. Okay.
132
00:04:43,894 --> 00:04:45,326
Just kidding. See you in ten minutes.
133
00:04:45,328 --> 00:04:46,327
Okay.
134
00:04:46,329 --> 00:04:49,064
Just kidding. We're not going.
135
00:04:49,066 --> 00:04:50,065
Road trip!
136
00:04:50,067 --> 00:04:51,066
So we're going?
137
00:04:51,068 --> 00:04:52,534
Yes!
138
00:04:52,536 --> 00:04:54,903
Oh, I'm excited to bond
a little with April.
139
00:04:54,905 --> 00:04:56,571
She's like the little
sister I never had.
140
00:04:56,573 --> 00:04:58,973
Because the little sister I do have
141
00:04:58,975 --> 00:05:02,010
is normal and not terrifying.
142
00:05:07,349 --> 00:05:10,418
- 311.
- Well, Diane, for potholes,
143
00:05:10,420 --> 00:05:11,753
you want to speak with Public Works.
144
00:05:13,156 --> 00:05:15,323
I understand you've
tried them four times.
145
00:05:15,325 --> 00:05:17,826
Government is inefficient
and should be dissolved.
146
00:05:17,828 --> 00:05:19,794
Please hold while I transfer you.
147
00:05:19,796 --> 00:05:21,129
Donna, can you help me?
148
00:05:21,131 --> 00:05:23,898
I got a 311 call, but it was all static.
149
00:05:23,900 --> 00:05:25,433
That sounds like an I.T. problem.
150
00:05:25,435 --> 00:05:26,701
Well, how do I get I.T. here?
151
00:05:26,703 --> 00:05:28,870
Call 311.
152
00:05:29,372 --> 00:05:32,207
311, how
can I--
153
00:05:32,209 --> 00:05:34,309
Oh, hello again, Diane.
154
00:05:34,311 --> 00:05:36,778
Nobody answered?
155
00:05:36,780 --> 00:05:37,779
Okay, you know what?
156
00:05:37,781 --> 00:05:40,014
Someone will be there shortly.
157
00:05:40,016 --> 00:05:42,183
Andrew, get your lunch, some water,
158
00:05:42,185 --> 00:05:44,052
and a 40-pound bag of asphalt.
159
00:05:44,054 --> 00:05:45,286
Okay, boss. What are we doing?
160
00:05:45,288 --> 00:05:46,454
- We're fixing a pothole.
- Hey!
161
00:05:49,392 --> 00:05:52,527
Pawnee 311.
How can I help--
162
00:05:52,529 --> 00:05:53,995
Oh, no. No, this is not 911.
163
00:05:53,997 --> 00:05:55,130
No, no. This is 311.
164
00:05:55,132 --> 00:05:57,765
Donna, they switched my phone with 911.
165
00:05:57,767 --> 00:05:58,967
What do I do?
166
00:05:58,969 --> 00:06:00,201
I don't know. Try to help.
167
00:06:00,203 --> 00:06:01,202
Now hush.
168
00:06:01,204 --> 00:06:03,371
It is heating up in this piece.
169
00:06:03,373 --> 00:06:04,539
Oh, that sounds awful.
170
00:06:04,541 --> 00:06:07,208
Good lord, it is hot.
171
00:06:07,210 --> 00:06:08,610
Yes, mercy me.
172
00:06:08,612 --> 00:06:09,978
Living in this town's like living
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00:06:09,980 --> 00:06:11,146
in the devil's butt crack.
174
00:06:11,148 --> 00:06:13,214
Almost out of gas.
175
00:06:13,216 --> 00:06:15,316
I'll wait till we're on the highway.
176
00:06:15,318 --> 00:06:20,221
Now, the GPS says we
should take 495 to 270,
177
00:06:20,223 --> 00:06:21,456
but check out this cool
alternate route I fou--
178
00:06:21,458 --> 00:06:23,258
Oh, my God, that is so interesting to me
179
00:06:23,260 --> 00:06:25,093
because I'm a map salesman.
180
00:06:25,095 --> 00:06:26,594
Why aren't we moving?
181
00:06:26,596 --> 00:06:28,663
Because. Other cars.
182
00:06:29,766 --> 00:06:30,899
Will you not do that? Please don't.
183
00:06:30,901 --> 00:06:32,233
That's what you
do when you--
184
00:06:32,235 --> 00:06:34,435
Please don't do-- Oh,
great, here comes a guy.
185
00:06:34,437 --> 00:06:36,171
- Excuse
me. - Mm-hmm?
186
00:06:36,173 --> 00:06:37,672
- Why aren't we moving?
- Exit's closed for a bit.
187
00:06:37,674 --> 00:06:38,973
Presidential motorcade.
188
00:06:38,975 --> 00:06:43,745
I'll just shut off the
car till it opens up.
189
00:06:47,483 --> 00:06:49,317
Holy [Bleep], it's hot.
190
00:06:51,654 --> 00:06:53,421
Oh, yeah, yeah.
191
00:06:53,423 --> 00:06:55,190
Beautiful, Tom. Beautiful.
192
00:06:55,192 --> 00:06:57,458
- Dynamite gums.
- Aw, thanks.
193
00:06:57,460 --> 00:07:00,128
Tom, do you want to know
why I moved to Pawnee?
194
00:07:00,130 --> 00:07:01,396
Sure.
195
00:07:01,398 --> 00:07:02,897
It's because the two
leading industries here
196
00:07:02,899 --> 00:07:05,099
are corn syrup and rubber nipples.
197
00:07:05,101 --> 00:07:08,636
It is a dentistry jackpot.
It's genius, right?
198
00:07:08,638 --> 00:07:10,638
Well, D.D.S. doesn't stand
for "dumb, dumb, stupid."
199
00:07:12,240 --> 00:07:13,875
I like that.
200
00:07:13,877 --> 00:07:15,510
I'm going to steal it. That's mine now.
201
00:07:15,512 --> 00:07:16,811
All right. Cool.
202
00:07:16,813 --> 00:07:18,846
Councilman Jamm and I
have gotten pretty tight.
203
00:07:18,848 --> 00:07:21,182
And I'm hoping to parlay
this into a membership
204
00:07:21,184 --> 00:07:22,517
at the Pawnee Smokehouse,
205
00:07:22,519 --> 00:07:25,687
Pawnee's most exclusive cigar club.
206
00:07:25,689 --> 00:07:28,356
Overstuffed leather
chairs, top-shelf brandies.
207
00:07:28,358 --> 00:07:31,626
And that stale tobacco stench that says,
208
00:07:31,628 --> 00:07:33,528
"Welcome to the top."
209
00:07:33,530 --> 00:07:36,231
You're a member of the
Pawnee Smokehouse, right?
210
00:07:36,233 --> 00:07:38,499
- Oh, yeah.
- Man, I love a good stogie.
211
00:07:38,501 --> 00:07:42,036
I actually just had this
personalized cigar cutter made.
212
00:07:42,038 --> 00:07:43,304
Whoa.
213
00:07:43,306 --> 00:07:44,539
Real nice.
214
00:07:44,541 --> 00:07:47,408
Not my initials, but thank you so much.
215
00:07:47,410 --> 00:07:48,810
Oh, well,
it's not--
216
00:07:48,812 --> 00:07:50,378
Okay.
217
00:07:50,380 --> 00:07:51,913
Hey, so, uh, we're still all good
218
00:07:51,915 --> 00:07:53,147
on Leslie's bill, right?
219
00:07:53,649 --> 00:07:56,918
Actually, Tommy, we need to talk.
220
00:07:56,920 --> 00:07:59,053
I have wanted this perm
since middle school.
221
00:07:59,055 --> 00:08:00,421
I could not be more excited about this.
222
00:08:00,423 --> 00:08:02,657
- Are you excited, Autumn?
- Yeah, definitely.
223
00:08:02,659 --> 00:08:06,027
Do you ever give a perm to
someone and ever regret it?
224
00:08:06,029 --> 00:08:07,895
Uh...
225
00:08:07,897 --> 00:08:10,565
Ann has told me repeatedly
not to get a perm.
226
00:08:10,567 --> 00:08:11,766
But Ann's not here.
227
00:08:11,768 --> 00:08:15,670
So when the Ann's away,
the mice get perms.
228
00:08:16,905 --> 00:08:19,340
Councilman Jamm changed his vote.
229
00:08:19,342 --> 00:08:20,642
He's voting no on Fun in the Sun.
230
00:08:20,644 --> 00:08:22,777
What? Why? He promised me.
231
00:08:22,779 --> 00:08:24,646
He just said that he changed his mind.
232
00:08:24,648 --> 00:08:26,781
Then he told me some veneers
could really make my smile pop.
233
00:08:26,783 --> 00:08:28,082
Thoughts?
234
00:08:28,084 --> 00:08:29,350
Oh, my God. The vote is in an hour.
235
00:08:29,352 --> 00:08:32,053
Okay, we need to have an
emergency strategy session now.
236
00:08:32,055 --> 00:08:34,889
- What about the perm?
- The perm must wait, Autumn!
237
00:08:34,891 --> 00:08:37,892
The perm must wait.
238
00:08:40,080 --> 00:08:42,181
Wait... So this means the
bill isn't going to pass?
239
00:08:42,283 --> 00:08:44,782
My parents said that you
guys can't get anything done.
240
00:08:45,084 --> 00:08:46,150
Now, wait, okay, hold on.
241
00:08:46,152 --> 00:08:47,718
This isn't over by a long shot.
242
00:08:47,720 --> 00:08:49,554
But it's three to two against us.
243
00:08:49,556 --> 00:08:50,588
Yeah, I know how to do math, Mason.
244
00:08:50,590 --> 00:08:52,290
Okay, don't be an alarmist.
245
00:08:52,292 --> 00:08:53,791
It's very important
that we stay positive.
246
00:08:53,793 --> 00:08:56,060
Our positive attitude
is our greatest asset.
247
00:08:56,062 --> 00:08:57,295
- Tom, a word,
please. - Mm-hmm.
248
00:08:57,297 --> 00:08:58,763
The bill is dead, the
Porpoises are doomed,
249
00:08:58,815 --> 00:09:00,915
and democracy is over. Oh, my God.
250
00:09:00,917 --> 00:09:03,184
I can't believe I decided to get a perm.
251
00:09:03,186 --> 00:09:05,053
Ann should have never let me do this.
252
00:09:05,055 --> 00:09:06,654
Look, Jamm saw you on Pawnee Today.
253
00:09:06,656 --> 00:09:08,156
He knows how much you want this.
254
00:09:08,158 --> 00:09:09,524
He's just trying to
get something in return.
255
00:09:09,526 --> 00:09:10,858
This is a bargaining tool.
256
00:09:10,860 --> 00:09:12,427
You know, this is why
people hate the government.
257
00:09:12,429 --> 00:09:15,096
'Cause just when we're about
to do something really good,
258
00:09:15,098 --> 00:09:17,098
it all falls apart due to some stupid,
259
00:09:17,100 --> 00:09:18,933
selfish jerk butt.
260
00:09:18,935 --> 00:09:21,236
You know, screw Jamm. Screw Jamm.
261
00:09:21,238 --> 00:09:23,104
I'm just going to try to
get Councilman Milton's vote.
262
00:09:23,106 --> 00:09:24,872
Milton? He's, like, 150 years old.
263
00:09:24,874 --> 00:09:26,674
Yeah. He's got grandkids, okay?
264
00:09:26,676 --> 00:09:27,976
And--and kids
love to swim.
265
00:09:27,978 --> 00:09:28,977
And he'll give us his vote.
266
00:09:28,979 --> 00:09:30,078
He's an old person,
267
00:09:30,080 --> 00:09:31,212
and I'll talk to him really slowly.
268
00:09:31,214 --> 00:09:32,280
He won't even know what he's doing.
269
00:09:32,282 --> 00:09:35,350
I just need to hurry up. How do I look?
270
00:09:35,352 --> 00:09:37,852
I don't know how to answer that.
271
00:09:40,222 --> 00:09:42,123
Hi, I'm Andy. I really like your dress.
272
00:09:42,125 --> 00:09:44,726
- I'm a princess.
- I'm a mermaid.
273
00:09:44,728 --> 00:09:46,861
I'm the director of
Parks and Recreation.
274
00:09:46,863 --> 00:09:48,463
I'm here to fix that hole.
275
00:09:48,465 --> 00:09:51,132
This is our kingdom. You
have to ask permission.
276
00:09:51,134 --> 00:09:52,700
Excuse me?
277
00:09:52,702 --> 00:09:54,535
Your highnesses,
278
00:09:54,537 --> 00:09:58,072
we do humbly request thine permission
279
00:09:58,074 --> 00:10:00,475
to befix doth holes yonder.
280
00:10:00,477 --> 00:10:01,976
Only if you can tag us.
281
00:10:01,978 --> 00:10:02,977
Come here.
282
00:10:04,747 --> 00:10:07,749
Your tax dollars at work.
283
00:10:08,751 --> 00:10:10,952
Soundtrack to Pulp Fiction,
284
00:10:10,954 --> 00:10:12,654
soundtrack to Singles,
285
00:10:12,656 --> 00:10:14,489
soundtrack to Grosse Pointe Blank.
286
00:10:14,491 --> 00:10:15,556
Why do you have so many soundtracks?
287
00:10:15,558 --> 00:10:16,557
Oh, well, uh,
288
00:10:16,559 --> 00:10:17,992
I kind of look at it like
289
00:10:17,994 --> 00:10:19,027
it's your favorite directors
290
00:10:19,029 --> 00:10:20,495
making a mix tape just for you.
291
00:10:20,497 --> 00:10:22,397
Eww.
292
00:10:23,149 --> 00:10:23,998
Oh, here's something.
293
00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:27,602
"Benji's Cool Times Summer Jamz Mix."
294
00:10:27,604 --> 00:10:29,504
Oh, no, I--you probably don't
want to listen to that...
295
00:10:29,506 --> 00:10:30,938
- Yes, I want to listen to it.
- Just 'cause--no, listen, it--
296
00:10:30,940 --> 00:10:32,373
- I want to listen to
it. - We don't--we don't--
297
00:10:32,375 --> 00:10:33,374
- I wanna hear what's on
it. - We don't need to--
298
00:10:33,376 --> 00:10:34,909
April...
299
00:10:34,911 --> 00:10:37,412
♪ Shoop
300
00:10:37,414 --> 00:10:39,881
♪ Ooh, how you doin'?
301
00:10:39,883 --> 00:10:42,150
♪ Here I go, here I
go, here I go again ♪
302
00:10:42,152 --> 00:10:43,217
♪ girl, what's my weakness? Really?
303
00:10:43,219 --> 00:10:45,019
Don't judge me.
304
00:10:45,021 --> 00:10:46,187
Councilman, I'd like to talk to you
305
00:10:46,189 --> 00:10:47,789
about the Fun In The Sun bill,
306
00:10:47,791 --> 00:10:50,024
and I don't mean to rush you,
but the vote is in an hour.
307
00:10:50,026 --> 00:10:53,194
When I'm done eating, we'll talk.
308
00:10:53,196 --> 00:10:55,296
I've eaten the same lunch for 58 years.
309
00:10:55,298 --> 00:10:58,733
Caesar salad, extra dressing,
310
00:10:58,735 --> 00:11:02,670
extra croutons, and extra anchovies.
311
00:11:02,672 --> 00:11:04,172
Mmm.
312
00:11:04,174 --> 00:11:06,641
Councilman Milton was first
elected as a city councilor
313
00:11:06,643 --> 00:11:10,411
in 1948, as a member
of the Dixiecrat Party.
314
00:11:10,413 --> 00:11:13,981
Their platform?
"De-integrate Baseball."
315
00:11:13,983 --> 00:11:16,050
The secret is in the dressing.
316
00:11:16,052 --> 00:11:20,888
Try it. It's an aphrodisiac.
317
00:11:20,890 --> 00:11:23,391
You too, my strange, foreign friend.
318
00:11:23,393 --> 00:11:25,293
- No, thank you.
- Tom, eat some.
319
00:11:25,295 --> 00:11:27,695
I'm not eating racist salad.
320
00:11:27,697 --> 00:11:30,965
The more we eat, the faster we talk.
321
00:11:35,237 --> 00:11:36,904
Mmm.
322
00:11:36,906 --> 00:11:38,473
You can really taste the ignorance.
323
00:11:38,975 --> 00:11:40,875
It's pronounced "anchovies."
324
00:11:44,346 --> 00:11:45,286
Hi.
325
00:11:45,348 --> 00:11:45,913
Diane Lewis.
326
00:11:46,415 --> 00:11:47,415
I own this pothole.
327
00:11:47,417 --> 00:11:49,717
Ron Swanson. I'm here to fix it.
328
00:11:49,719 --> 00:11:53,187
Oh, seaweed choke! Ugh!
329
00:11:53,189 --> 00:11:55,790
That large boy is my colleague.
330
00:11:55,792 --> 00:11:57,725
We work at the Parks Department.
331
00:11:57,727 --> 00:12:00,561
Oh, you're not even from
the Public Works Department?
332
00:12:00,563 --> 00:12:02,430
Look, it appeared that no
one from the proper channels
333
00:12:02,432 --> 00:12:05,066
was gonna fix this, so I
decided to do it myself.
334
00:12:05,068 --> 00:12:06,667
Do you know what you're doing?
335
00:12:07,969 --> 00:12:09,170
Yes, ma'am.
336
00:12:09,172 --> 00:12:11,439
Yes, I do.
337
00:12:11,741 --> 00:12:13,541
Councilman, you
have grandchildren--
338
00:12:13,543 --> 00:12:15,343
And seven great-grandkids.
339
00:12:15,845 --> 00:12:19,013
Tim, Mary, Jack,
340
00:12:19,015 --> 00:12:22,984
uh, Tim, Marie, Tim, and Mary.
341
00:12:23,036 --> 00:12:24,101
Don't forget about Tim.
342
00:12:24,103 --> 00:12:25,503
Right, Tim.
343
00:12:25,755 --> 00:12:27,021
How many is that?
344
00:12:27,023 --> 00:12:30,558
You know, it's very hard to tell.
345
00:12:30,610 --> 00:12:31,842
This might not work.
346
00:12:31,844 --> 00:12:33,143
Let me find Jamm, see if he'll bargain.
347
00:12:33,195 --> 00:12:34,261
Mm-hmm.
348
00:12:34,263 --> 00:12:36,397
What country is he from?
349
00:12:36,399 --> 00:12:37,815
Iceland.
350
00:12:37,817 --> 00:12:40,217
"Data had never felt this way before.
351
00:12:40,219 --> 00:12:42,853
"Of course, Data had
never felt anything before.
352
00:12:42,855 --> 00:12:45,322
"But Captain Picard
couldn't help but note
353
00:12:45,324 --> 00:12:47,091
"the smile that crept over
354
00:12:47,093 --> 00:12:49,560
his mechanical but lifelike face."
355
00:12:49,562 --> 00:12:50,695
I'm gonna murder you.
356
00:12:50,697 --> 00:12:52,730
I understand. Just one second.
357
00:12:52,732 --> 00:12:55,733
"As they walked down the
hall into the bridge--"
358
00:13:01,971 --> 00:13:03,571
Lemonade?
359
00:13:03,573 --> 00:13:05,674
Please and thank you.
360
00:13:05,676 --> 00:13:07,809
Hey, I'm sorry if I was curt earlier.
361
00:13:07,811 --> 00:13:09,277
I'm a single mom, and sometimes things
362
00:13:09,279 --> 00:13:10,578
get chaotic around here.
363
00:13:10,580 --> 00:13:12,180
When you showed up from
the Parks Department--
364
00:13:12,182 --> 00:13:15,150
No need to apologize.
I understand completely.
365
00:13:15,152 --> 00:13:16,351
This is delicious.
366
00:13:16,353 --> 00:13:18,286
Well, I got it from
Food and Stuff, so--
367
00:13:18,288 --> 00:13:19,788
That's where I got these gloves.
368
00:13:19,790 --> 00:13:21,489
Right?
369
00:13:21,491 --> 00:13:24,426
So, how exactly are
you gonna fix this hole?
370
00:13:24,428 --> 00:13:27,629
Just for my own edification.
371
00:13:27,631 --> 00:13:30,565
Uh, I dug the loose
gravel out of the hole.
372
00:13:30,567 --> 00:13:33,468
Now I'm using a jackhammer
to remove the larger pieces,
373
00:13:33,470 --> 00:13:36,571
then I'll spray down the
hole to settle the dust
374
00:13:36,573 --> 00:13:39,808
and fill it with cold patch asphalt.
375
00:13:39,810 --> 00:13:41,109
Well, thank you.
376
00:13:41,111 --> 00:13:44,946
Now I can fix the next one myself.
377
00:13:44,948 --> 00:13:46,648
♪ Ron and Diane
378
00:13:46,650 --> 00:13:48,149
♪ sitting in a tree
379
00:13:48,151 --> 00:13:52,687
♪
k-i-s-s-i-s-s-i-p-p-i.
380
00:13:52,689 --> 00:13:53,688
Do you hear that bird?
381
00:13:53,690 --> 00:13:55,423
Jamm! What do you want?
382
00:13:55,425 --> 00:13:58,026
Support of one of your
bills? Committee chairmanship?
383
00:13:58,028 --> 00:14:00,128
- I want your toilet.
- What?
384
00:14:00,130 --> 00:14:02,230
Your office, with the private bathroom?
385
00:14:02,232 --> 00:14:03,431
He wants your office.
386
00:14:03,433 --> 00:14:05,100
Yeah, I don't mean to brag, but, uh,
387
00:14:05,102 --> 00:14:07,202
I've got Irritable Bowel Syndrome.
388
00:14:07,204 --> 00:14:08,403
This isn't even about policy?
389
00:14:08,405 --> 00:14:10,238
Absolutely not. -
This is a no-brainer.
390
00:14:10,240 --> 00:14:12,307
Just make the trade, everyone's happy.
391
00:14:12,309 --> 00:14:13,641
I'm not happy.
392
00:14:13,643 --> 00:14:15,310
He shoots down a very helpful bill
393
00:14:15,312 --> 00:14:17,145
'cause he doesn't get to
poop wherever he wants?
394
00:14:17,147 --> 00:14:19,647
No, I'm gonna get Councilman Milton,
395
00:14:19,649 --> 00:14:22,550
and you can put your butt
back in your pants, sir.
396
00:14:22,552 --> 00:14:25,487
Yeah, well, love the hair!
397
00:14:28,213 --> 00:14:29,746
Andy, come help me tamp this down.
398
00:14:29,748 --> 00:14:30,881
For the last time,
399
00:14:30,883 --> 00:14:33,150
Ron, it's Princess Rainbow Sparkle.
400
00:14:33,152 --> 00:14:34,651
Holy Moses.
401
00:14:34,653 --> 00:14:36,653
Can we turn you into a princess?
402
00:14:36,655 --> 00:14:38,522
No.
403
00:14:38,524 --> 00:14:40,057
I think it would
really make Diane happy.
404
00:14:40,059 --> 00:14:42,426
Why would that matter?
405
00:14:42,428 --> 00:14:43,560
Shut up.
406
00:14:43,562 --> 00:14:44,828
Ooh.
407
00:14:44,830 --> 00:14:46,129
Would you please come
help me tamp this down?
408
00:14:46,131 --> 00:14:48,498
It's a job that requires two men.
409
00:14:48,500 --> 00:14:51,835
Or does it require two princesses?
410
00:14:51,837 --> 00:14:53,470
- Please?
- Please? Please?
411
00:14:53,472 --> 00:14:54,604
Oh.
412
00:14:54,606 --> 00:14:56,973
This is impressive.
413
00:14:56,975 --> 00:15:00,343
You remind me of a young,
beautiful Strom Thurmond.
414
00:15:00,345 --> 00:15:03,447
Yes, I've been saying that for years.
415
00:15:03,449 --> 00:15:05,348
Councilman Milton, do I have your vote?
416
00:15:05,350 --> 00:15:07,551
- Yes, indeed.
- Oh.
417
00:15:07,553 --> 00:15:09,820
Oh, there's a lot of salad
dressing on your hand.
418
00:15:09,822 --> 00:15:10,887
Shall we kiss?
419
00:15:10,889 --> 00:15:12,089
Huh? No. No!
420
00:15:12,091 --> 00:15:13,457
- Aah! Oh!
- Oh!
421
00:15:13,459 --> 00:15:15,092
- Oh.
- Oh, my God, are you okay?
422
00:15:15,094 --> 00:15:16,226
Please be okay.
423
00:15:16,228 --> 00:15:17,627
Please, still be able to vote.
424
00:15:17,629 --> 00:15:18,762
We can kiss if you want to.
425
00:15:18,764 --> 00:15:20,197
With tongue?
426
00:15:20,199 --> 00:15:21,264
Hey! No.
427
00:15:22,789 --> 00:15:24,432
She tried to kiss me.
428
00:15:24,539 --> 00:15:26,140
She was insatiable.
429
00:15:26,142 --> 00:15:27,908
Well, I don't know,
maybe we should, you know,
430
00:15:27,910 --> 00:15:28,776
postpone the vote
431
00:15:28,828 --> 00:15:30,744
until the councilman
gets better, you know?
432
00:15:30,746 --> 00:15:33,147
Uh, yeah, we're not
postponing anything, okay?
433
00:15:33,149 --> 00:15:34,982
I'm pushing the vote
through and it won't pass.
434
00:15:35,484 --> 00:15:37,084
Complimentary toothbrush?
435
00:15:37,086 --> 00:15:38,652
You're missing the backs
of your upper canines.
436
00:15:38,654 --> 00:15:39,920
Sloppy technique.
437
00:15:39,922 --> 00:15:40,954
Excuse me?
438
00:15:40,956 --> 00:15:42,857
I have excellent toothbrush technique.
439
00:15:42,859 --> 00:15:45,125
Just give him what he
wants. Take the easy way out.
440
00:15:45,127 --> 00:15:47,127
I always do. It's so easy.
441
00:15:47,129 --> 00:15:49,597
I do not negotiate with dentists.
442
00:15:49,599 --> 00:15:51,265
I'm trying to tell everybody
that the government is great,
443
00:15:51,267 --> 00:15:52,600
and I think it stinks.
444
00:15:52,602 --> 00:15:54,001
I hate it. I hate the government.
445
00:15:54,003 --> 00:15:55,970
- You don't mean that.
- You're right, I don't.
446
00:15:55,972 --> 00:15:57,504
I take it back. Why did I say that, Tom?
447
00:15:57,506 --> 00:15:58,706
God, you know me so well.
448
00:15:58,708 --> 00:16:00,307
More Rouge!
449
00:16:00,309 --> 00:16:03,143
Everything going good?
450
00:16:06,749 --> 00:16:07,882
I came here to fix a pothole,
451
00:16:07,884 --> 00:16:09,149
not be mocked.
452
00:16:09,151 --> 00:16:11,452
I'm sorry, it's just--
your face is ridiculous.
453
00:16:14,090 --> 00:16:15,389
Thank you for the lemonade.
454
00:16:15,391 --> 00:16:17,224
The asphalt will bear weight in an hour.
455
00:16:17,226 --> 00:16:18,492
- Time to go, Andrew.
- No!
456
00:16:18,494 --> 00:16:20,227
Wait, but we were gonna
make a sparkle palace!
457
00:16:20,229 --> 00:16:21,829
Ron, you're walking across hot lava!
458
00:16:21,831 --> 00:16:23,831
- Oh!
- Oh, no!
459
00:16:27,502 --> 00:16:29,136
Whoa, it's moving.
460
00:16:29,138 --> 00:16:31,939
- It's moving.
- What?
461
00:16:31,941 --> 00:16:35,242
- Yes!
- Finally.
462
00:16:37,179 --> 00:16:39,847
No. No, no, no, no, no.
463
00:16:39,849 --> 00:16:41,315
- What?
- No!
464
00:16:41,917 --> 00:16:42,883
We're out of gas.
465
00:16:44,485 --> 00:16:46,520
Aah!
466
00:16:46,522 --> 00:16:47,888
Aah!
467
00:16:48,390 --> 00:16:49,723
Next order of business,
468
00:16:49,725 --> 00:16:51,592
the Fun In The Sun Act,
469
00:16:51,594 --> 00:16:53,060
introduced by Councilwoman Knope.
470
00:16:57,233 --> 00:16:58,432
Councilman, I move that the bill
471
00:16:58,434 --> 00:17:00,200
be read in its entirety.
472
00:17:00,202 --> 00:17:04,505
- Ms. Beavers?
- Fine.
473
00:17:04,507 --> 00:17:07,474
Pawnee Municipal Code
Amendment, 217-426...
474
00:17:07,476 --> 00:17:09,509
Buying time, I see. What's up?
475
00:17:09,761 --> 00:17:11,211
You can have my office.
476
00:17:11,213 --> 00:17:14,982
Okay, why don't you, uh--
why don't you sweeten the pot?
477
00:17:14,984 --> 00:17:16,583
You can have my parking space.
478
00:17:17,085 --> 00:17:18,185
And?
479
00:17:18,187 --> 00:17:20,688
And I will get Invisaligns from you.
480
00:17:21,090 --> 00:17:22,022
And?
481
00:17:22,024 --> 00:17:23,624
And, that is enough.
482
00:17:23,626 --> 00:17:24,892
And shut up. And I hate you.
483
00:17:25,394 --> 00:17:26,530
We got a deal.
484
00:17:26,562 --> 00:17:29,530
Can't wait to drop my kids at the pool.
485
00:17:29,932 --> 00:17:32,099
- By "kids," I mean turds.
- I get it.
486
00:17:32,501 --> 00:17:33,633
Yeah.
487
00:17:33,635 --> 00:17:36,570
Then Ana asks Grey to punish her.
488
00:17:36,572 --> 00:17:37,938
Donna, please, can you keep it down?
489
00:17:37,990 --> 00:17:39,356
Or at least research
490
00:17:39,358 --> 00:17:41,858
how to deliver a baby
that's coming out face up.
491
00:17:41,860 --> 00:17:43,060
Lay the mother on her side
492
00:17:43,062 --> 00:17:44,895
and try to move the baby
in a corkscrew fashion.
493
00:17:44,897 --> 00:17:47,998
Diane is awesome and she likes you.
494
00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:49,866
And you like her. I can tell.
495
00:17:49,868 --> 00:17:51,969
"A," I don't recall
inviting you in here,
496
00:17:51,971 --> 00:17:53,570
and "B," I did not like her.
497
00:17:53,572 --> 00:17:54,738
She's not my type.
498
00:17:54,740 --> 00:17:57,341
Her life is messy.
499
00:17:57,343 --> 00:17:59,376
Ron, messy is fun, okay?
500
00:17:59,378 --> 00:18:01,245
My whole life is a giant mess
501
00:18:01,247 --> 00:18:02,379
and I love it.
502
00:18:02,381 --> 00:18:03,747
I mean, look at my hair.
503
00:18:03,749 --> 00:18:05,148
I have gum in my hair.
504
00:18:05,150 --> 00:18:07,551
Listen, I will not pursue Diane.
505
00:18:07,553 --> 00:18:09,920
End of story.
506
00:18:09,922 --> 00:18:12,889
- Please, just steer.
- Be stronger.
507
00:18:12,891 --> 00:18:15,492
Ow.
508
00:18:15,494 --> 00:18:17,160
That was a great road trip.
509
00:18:17,162 --> 00:18:19,429
We made it 40 feet.
510
00:18:19,431 --> 00:18:20,998
Yeah, well, at least
it took a million hours,
511
00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:22,232
and it was 180 degrees,
512
00:18:22,234 --> 00:18:24,334
- and we starved to death.
- So fun.
513
00:18:27,806 --> 00:18:30,540
Hey, how about next
weekend we fly to Pawnee?
514
00:18:30,542 --> 00:18:33,543
- Tickets are on me.
- Really?
515
00:18:33,545 --> 00:18:35,545
That would be awesome. Definitely.
516
00:18:35,547 --> 00:18:38,982
Nah, never mind. I don't feel like it.
517
00:18:38,984 --> 00:18:40,350
What? Oh, my God.
518
00:18:40,352 --> 00:18:43,186
See how it feels?
519
00:18:43,188 --> 00:18:45,889
Excellent work, everyone!
520
00:18:45,891 --> 00:18:47,424
Particularly you, Ron.
521
00:18:47,676 --> 00:18:49,709
You have one very satisfied citizen.
522
00:18:49,711 --> 00:18:50,844
What did you do for her?
523
00:18:50,846 --> 00:18:52,312
I fixed her pothole.
524
00:18:52,314 --> 00:18:53,713
Is that a euphemism?
525
00:18:53,765 --> 00:18:55,766
- No.
- Then great work.
526
00:18:55,768 --> 00:18:56,767
In fact, she's out in the hallway
527
00:18:56,769 --> 00:19:00,504
and wants to thank you herself.
528
00:19:00,506 --> 00:19:02,773
If you're here to
complain about the pothole,
529
00:19:02,775 --> 00:19:04,775
I guarantee I did it correctly.
530
00:19:04,777 --> 00:19:06,910
Actually, I'm here to
ask you out for dinner.
531
00:19:06,912 --> 00:19:08,078
Really?
532
00:19:08,080 --> 00:19:09,813
Well, I hope you're not the kind of man
533
00:19:09,815 --> 00:19:11,381
who needs to ask the lady out.
534
00:19:11,383 --> 00:19:12,716
I'm a middle school vice-principal.
535
00:19:12,718 --> 00:19:16,186
I don't screw around.
Does that freak you out?
536
00:19:16,188 --> 00:19:17,821
No, on the contrary.
537
00:19:18,323 --> 00:19:20,157
So, dinner?
538
00:19:20,159 --> 00:19:21,758
Please and thank you.
539
00:19:21,760 --> 00:19:23,193
Well, it'll be casual.
540
00:19:23,195 --> 00:19:26,296
No need to wear makeup.
541
00:19:26,298 --> 00:19:28,298
I begrudgingly admit
542
00:19:28,300 --> 00:19:32,302
that the 311 program
is a moderate success.
543
00:19:32,304 --> 00:19:33,570
I'm still not sure why
544
00:19:33,572 --> 00:19:37,507
the citizen decided to come
speak with me in person,
545
00:19:37,509 --> 00:19:39,309
but I'm just happy to see
546
00:19:39,311 --> 00:19:42,312
a government program finally work.
547
00:19:44,432 --> 00:19:45,899
Okay, so let's get ready
for the photo, guys.
548
00:19:45,951 --> 00:19:47,851
I want you to arrange yourselves
549
00:19:47,853 --> 00:19:50,687
from most excited about
democracy to least excited.
550
00:19:50,689 --> 00:19:52,089
Wait a minute. Everybody's excited?
551
00:19:52,091 --> 00:19:53,457
I bet you are!
552
00:19:53,459 --> 00:19:57,794
Because your bill just became law.
553
00:19:57,796 --> 00:19:59,396
Boy, you know, I can't
believe you traded your office
554
00:19:59,398 --> 00:20:00,831
to keep this craphole pool open
555
00:20:00,833 --> 00:20:02,265
for a couple more weeks a year.
556
00:20:02,267 --> 00:20:03,900
Hey, can you not say that
in front of the kids, please?
557
00:20:03,902 --> 00:20:05,669
I'm trying to teach them
how great government is.
558
00:20:05,921 --> 00:20:07,520
Oh, this is a teaching moment?
559
00:20:07,522 --> 00:20:10,023
Great. Hey, uh, kids?
560
00:20:10,025 --> 00:20:13,293
Would you like to learn how
Leslie got your bill passed?
561
00:20:13,345 --> 00:20:15,846
Councilwoman Knope
traded my vote for her--
562
00:20:19,318 --> 00:20:20,784
What the hell, man? Why'd you do that?
563
00:20:20,786 --> 00:20:22,352
Um...
564
00:20:22,354 --> 00:20:26,790
Um, because it's fun in the sun!
565
00:20:26,792 --> 00:20:29,459
Everybody in the pool!
566
00:20:29,461 --> 00:20:32,362
Yay, pool!
567
00:20:32,364 --> 00:20:34,464
Yay, democracy!
568
00:20:34,466 --> 00:20:35,465
Oh, no, my perm.
569
00:20:36,306 --> 00:20:38,073
Ta da. What do you see?
570
00:20:38,525 --> 00:20:40,692
- Your new city council office.
- Yes.
571
00:20:40,694 --> 00:20:42,193
And it is across the courtyard
572
00:20:42,195 --> 00:20:45,530
from your office, so we
can wave at each other.
573
00:20:45,532 --> 00:20:47,832
But it is also Pawnee's
newest and most exclusive
574
00:20:47,834 --> 00:20:51,469
cigar club, Tom's Smokehouse.
575
00:20:51,471 --> 00:20:53,438
Whoa! "Smoke Dog."
576
00:20:53,440 --> 00:20:57,642
And the Tommy Haverford member's chair.
577
00:20:57,644 --> 00:20:59,144
Now you're talking.
578
00:20:59,146 --> 00:21:01,613
Man, Jamm's gotta be pretty mad at us.
579
00:21:01,665 --> 00:21:02,764
I ain't scared of him.
580
00:21:02,766 --> 00:21:04,866
He's a punk.
581
00:21:04,868 --> 00:21:06,068
To making things happen.
582
00:21:06,070 --> 00:21:07,604
I'll puff to that.
583
00:21:14,543 --> 00:21:16,178
I do not like this.