1
00:00:02,211 --> 00:00:04,213
(screeches, whistles)
2
00:00:06,761 --> 00:00:09,796
(shouting gibberish)
3
00:00:12,173 --> 00:00:14,274
According to our Mayan calendar,
4
00:00:14,308 --> 00:00:16,443
the world will be destroyed
5
00:00:16,477 --> 00:00:19,045
at the end of
the 13th baktun.
6
00:00:19,080 --> 00:00:22,882
Unless we appease the gods'
anger with a human sacrifice.
7
00:00:22,917 --> 00:00:25,919
Don't worry. We got a guy here
we really been fattening up.
8
00:00:25,953 --> 00:00:27,220
Is it you?
9
00:00:27,254 --> 00:00:29,055
Not me. That guy.
10
00:00:29,090 --> 00:00:30,724
More cricket fajitas!
11
00:00:30,758 --> 00:00:33,059
Oh, my brave,
brave glutton.
12
00:00:33,094 --> 00:00:36,830
I'll be so lonely when they
sacrifice you to the gods.
13
00:00:36,864 --> 00:00:39,199
(loud spit)
What?!
14
00:00:39,233 --> 00:00:41,151
No one said anything
about a sacrifice!
15
00:00:41,185 --> 00:00:44,504
Although I... I did kind of
space out during orientation.
16
00:00:44,538 --> 00:00:46,222
All right already,
let's get this done
17
00:00:46,257 --> 00:00:48,858
while our doomed civilization
is still flourishing here.
18
00:00:48,893 --> 00:00:50,860
Oh. Any words of comfort?
19
00:00:50,895 --> 00:00:53,063
Oh, yeah, sure. Even though
you know it's coming,
20
00:00:53,097 --> 00:00:54,731
when you see
your own beating heart,
21
00:00:54,765 --> 00:00:56,166
try to act surprised, huh?
22
00:00:56,200 --> 00:00:57,700
It's some kid's first time.
23
00:00:57,735 --> 00:01:00,136
Fear not, my beloved
blood offering.
24
00:01:00,171 --> 00:01:02,055
(quietly):
I have a plan.
25
00:01:02,089 --> 00:01:03,823
Tell me, High Priest,
26
00:01:03,858 --> 00:01:06,326
are you interested in women?
27
00:01:06,360 --> 00:01:07,660
What priest isn't?
28
00:01:07,695 --> 00:01:09,062
Before we make love,
29
00:01:09,096 --> 00:01:11,498
would you mind putting
a sack over your head?
30
00:01:11,532 --> 00:01:14,167
Is there any other way?
(chuckles)
31
00:01:14,201 --> 00:01:15,318
Nice and tight.
32
00:01:15,352 --> 00:01:17,520
Now enter the Room of Pleasure,
Ooh.
33
00:01:17,571 --> 00:01:19,572
and I shall join you shortly.
34
00:01:21,208 --> 00:01:24,110
Now, uh, I got to warn you.
I'm into rough stuff.
35
00:01:24,145 --> 00:01:26,613
Ooh, that's a good start,
but, you know, make it hurt.
36
00:01:26,647 --> 00:01:28,114
(sword whooshes)
Heh. Ooh!
37
00:01:28,149 --> 00:01:31,201
That whooshing sound
is really turning me...
38
00:01:31,969 --> 00:01:33,353
Oh!
39
00:01:33,387 --> 00:01:35,221
Uh. Oh, yeah. Ah.
40
00:01:35,256 --> 00:01:37,290
(grunting)
41
00:01:37,324 --> 00:01:39,225
(groans)
44
00:01:43,664 --> 00:01:44,964
Quetzal H. Coatl!
45
00:01:44,999 --> 00:01:46,800
We sacrificed the wrong person!
46
00:01:46,834 --> 00:01:50,370
Now the earth will be destroyed
after the 13th baktun.
47
00:01:50,404 --> 00:01:53,306
(shouting): Can you explain
that in simple Ancient Mayan?!
48
00:01:53,340 --> 00:01:55,475
Of course. There's no
need to shout and scream.
49
00:01:55,509 --> 00:01:56,709
Let's see, uh,
50
00:01:56,744 --> 00:01:58,378
converting to base 10,
51
00:01:58,412 --> 00:02:01,147
assuming for the birth of Jesus,
52
00:02:01,182 --> 00:02:04,184
invent and then
carry the leap year,
53
00:02:04,218 --> 00:02:07,887
and the world will end in 2012!
54
00:02:07,922 --> 00:02:08,988
(relieved sighs)
55
00:02:09,023 --> 00:02:11,457
And it will be
Obama's fault!
56
00:02:12,459 --> 00:02:15,428
(dramatic theme plays)
57
00:02:17,198 --> 00:02:19,065
Hey, uh, Marge,
I'm setting my watch.
58
00:02:19,099 --> 00:02:20,333
What baktun is it?
59
00:02:20,367 --> 00:02:22,101
13th!
Oh!
60
00:02:22,136 --> 00:02:23,770
(doorbell rings)
61
00:02:24,805 --> 00:02:26,906
Oh! What have we here?
62
00:02:28,626 --> 00:02:29,926
Ow!
63
00:02:39,036 --> 00:02:41,154
What the hell!
64
00:02:41,179 --> 00:02:45,179
♪ The Simpsons 24x02 ♪
Moonshine River
Original Air Date on October 7, 2012
65
00:02:45,204 --> 00:02:49,204
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
66
00:02:58,556 --> 00:03:00,156
(explosion)
67
00:03:01,792 --> 00:03:05,061
(Homer screaming and crying)
68
00:03:05,095 --> 00:03:08,131
Ow! Ow!
69
00:03:12,561 --> 00:03:14,612
(letters thudding softly)
70
00:03:14,663 --> 00:03:16,330
(yelling)
71
00:03:19,234 --> 00:03:22,086
QUIMBY: Welcome to the grand
opening of our whatchamacallit,
72
00:03:22,121 --> 00:03:24,756
which, thanks to the lobbying
of Lisa Simpson,
73
00:03:24,790 --> 00:03:27,358
we built instead
of a new baseball stadium.
74
00:03:27,392 --> 00:03:29,310
At least the pennant
works both ways.
75
00:03:29,344 --> 00:03:33,080
Professor Frink will now throw
a switch, which will either
76
00:03:33,098 --> 00:03:36,634
answer certain obscure
questions of subatomic physics
77
00:03:36,668 --> 00:03:39,287
or destroy the universe.
78
00:03:39,321 --> 00:03:41,489
(electrical humming)
79
00:03:43,192 --> 00:03:44,826
(man coughs)
80
00:03:46,762 --> 00:03:49,297
Oh, my God particle!
81
00:03:49,331 --> 00:03:50,832
What is it, Professor?
82
00:03:50,866 --> 00:03:53,468
You can tell your
grandchildren you were here
83
00:03:53,502 --> 00:03:56,571
when humanity finally learned
that this accelerator
84
00:03:56,605 --> 00:03:59,140
is much too small to tell
us anything important.
85
00:03:59,174 --> 00:04:00,441
(crowd groans)
86
00:04:00,476 --> 00:04:02,243
Thanks a lot, Liser!
87
00:04:02,277 --> 00:04:05,046
That money could've been used
for a war!
88
00:04:06,498 --> 00:04:08,950
(whirring)
89
00:04:08,984 --> 00:04:12,904
(whirring growing
more high-pitched)
90
00:04:12,938 --> 00:04:14,188
(crashing)
91
00:04:19,678 --> 00:04:20,962
(crackling)
92
00:04:20,996 --> 00:04:24,098
(black hole slurping)
93
00:04:24,132 --> 00:04:25,333
(snores)
94
00:04:25,367 --> 00:04:26,634
(gasping)
95
00:04:26,668 --> 00:04:28,870
Aah! No one takes Willie's mop!
96
00:04:28,904 --> 00:04:30,271
(gasping)
97
00:04:30,305 --> 00:04:31,889
Take the mop! Take the mop!
98
00:04:33,392 --> 00:04:34,642
(sobbing)
99
00:04:34,660 --> 00:04:35,976
Huh?
100
00:04:35,994 --> 00:04:37,311
(slurping)
101
00:04:37,346 --> 00:04:40,281
(gasps) A mini
black hole!
102
00:04:40,315 --> 00:04:41,282
(slurps)
103
00:04:41,316 --> 00:04:43,551
Whee...!
104
00:04:43,585 --> 00:04:45,553
Oh, no! I got to take it away
105
00:04:45,587 --> 00:04:47,622
before more clueless kids
fall into it.
106
00:04:47,656 --> 00:04:49,323
Geronimo...!
107
00:04:49,358 --> 00:04:50,424
Wha...!
108
00:04:57,549 --> 00:05:00,318
(whooshing)
109
00:05:00,352 --> 00:05:02,620
I's rich!
(slurping)
110
00:05:02,654 --> 00:05:05,289
I's poor
and shack-less.
111
00:05:05,324 --> 00:05:07,792
(slurping, objects clattering)
112
00:05:07,826 --> 00:05:09,327
(grunting)
113
00:05:09,361 --> 00:05:10,328
HOMER:
Lisa, do you
114
00:05:10,362 --> 00:05:12,396
have a stray dog down there?
115
00:05:12,431 --> 00:05:15,333
Um, it's a lot worse
than a stray dog.
116
00:05:15,367 --> 00:05:16,734
Two stray dogs?!
117
00:05:16,768 --> 00:05:17,869
It's a black hole!
118
00:05:17,903 --> 00:05:19,503
That was gonna be
my next guess.
119
00:05:19,538 --> 00:05:21,322
Are you sure
your next guess wasn't
120
00:05:21,356 --> 00:05:22,990
three stray dogs?
121
00:05:23,025 --> 00:05:24,242
Maybe.
122
00:05:24,910 --> 00:05:26,827
HOMER:
A black hole?!
123
00:05:26,862 --> 00:05:29,030
(hushed): I'm sorry,
can we call it that?
124
00:05:29,064 --> 00:05:31,182
Yes. It's
the preferred term.
125
00:05:31,216 --> 00:05:33,584
And most scientists believe
that what enters a black hole
126
00:05:33,619 --> 00:05:35,186
never comes out.
127
00:05:35,220 --> 00:05:38,322
But some think they may be
a gateway to other universes.
128
00:05:38,357 --> 00:05:40,508
Hey! Could it open
a pretzel bag for me?
129
00:05:40,542 --> 00:05:42,009
Help a brother out, B.H.
130
00:05:42,043 --> 00:05:43,444
Whoo-hoo!
131
00:05:43,478 --> 00:05:44,712
D'oh!
132
00:05:47,716 --> 00:05:50,551
Guys! Stop throwing
things in the hole!
133
00:05:50,586 --> 00:05:52,052
The more you throw in,
the bigger
134
00:05:52,070 --> 00:05:54,055
and more dangerous it becomes!
135
00:05:54,089 --> 00:05:57,425
Come on. You can't look at that
infinitely dense little guy
136
00:05:57,459 --> 00:05:59,410
and not want
to feed it something.
137
00:05:59,444 --> 00:06:00,711
Dad, don't pat it!
138
00:06:00,746 --> 00:06:02,246
Why shouldn't...
(screams)
139
00:06:02,281 --> 00:06:03,414
(chuckles)
140
00:06:03,448 --> 00:06:05,616
Why you little...
(grunting)
141
00:06:05,667 --> 00:06:08,920
(quiet choking) (gasps) I'm nature's
perfect choking machine!
142
00:06:08,954 --> 00:06:10,705
(loud grunt)
Okay, that's it!
143
00:06:10,739 --> 00:06:13,307
I'm putting a baby gate
across the black hole.
144
00:06:13,342 --> 00:06:16,294
And don't throw
anything more into it!
145
00:06:16,328 --> 00:06:18,412
(groans)
Yes, Homer?
146
00:06:18,430 --> 00:06:20,097
Dad, that's
creepy.
147
00:06:20,132 --> 00:06:22,082
Sorry.
148
00:06:22,734 --> 00:06:26,103
("Gone Gone Gone" plays)
149
00:06:26,138 --> 00:06:29,106
I know we shouldn't
feed this,
150
00:06:29,141 --> 00:06:31,475
but grease
brings raccoons.
151
00:06:31,510 --> 00:06:33,894
♪ Gone, gone, gone ♪
152
00:06:33,929 --> 00:06:35,713
♪ Really gone ♪
153
00:06:35,747 --> 00:06:38,382
♪ Gone, gone, gone ♪
154
00:06:38,417 --> 00:06:42,103
♪ 'Cause you done me wrong ♪
155
00:06:42,137 --> 00:06:44,472
♪ Done me wrong... ♪
156
00:06:44,506 --> 00:06:46,691
♪ Ah, ah... ♪
157
00:06:46,725 --> 00:06:47,975
Huh?
158
00:06:48,010 --> 00:06:49,944
Oh-oh!
159
00:06:50,579 --> 00:06:52,513
(slurping)
160
00:06:52,547 --> 00:06:53,881
(clattering)
161
00:07:02,140 --> 00:07:04,925
Quit bageling
my English muffins!
162
00:07:04,960 --> 00:07:07,094
The black hole is looking
a lot bigger.
163
00:07:07,128 --> 00:07:09,597
Does anybody want to admit
to throwing things in?
164
00:07:09,631 --> 00:07:10,831
No.
Not me.
165
00:07:10,866 --> 00:07:12,299
Do we even still
have that thing?
166
00:07:12,334 --> 00:07:15,453
And I have to ask,
has anyone seen the cat?
167
00:07:16,688 --> 00:07:18,689
(whimpers)
168
00:07:18,724 --> 00:07:20,157
(excited chattering outside)
169
00:07:20,192 --> 00:07:21,525
Now what?
170
00:07:23,862 --> 00:07:28,816
Okay, it's possible someone
may have started a business
171
00:07:28,850 --> 00:07:31,485
called Magic Craphole
Waste Removal,
172
00:07:31,520 --> 00:07:33,871
but it wasn't me.
Ew!
173
00:07:33,905 --> 00:07:35,439
(Homer chuckling)
174
00:07:37,109 --> 00:07:39,110
(deep rumbling, whooshing)
175
00:07:46,985 --> 00:07:48,019
(pop)
Yar!
176
00:07:48,053 --> 00:07:49,186
(pop)
Yar, ar.
177
00:07:49,221 --> 00:07:50,671
Stop!
178
00:07:50,706 --> 00:07:54,008
This is a black hole,
not a lawn-and-leaf bag!
179
00:07:54,042 --> 00:07:57,645
If one more thing gets in there,
it could reach critical mass.
180
00:08:01,717 --> 00:08:02,750
I did it!
181
00:08:02,784 --> 00:08:04,785
I hit my first home run!
182
00:08:04,820 --> 00:08:05,953
LISA:
No...!
183
00:08:05,987 --> 00:08:07,154
(people screaming)
184
00:08:07,189 --> 00:08:08,689
I'm still proud
of you, buddy.
185
00:08:08,724 --> 00:08:12,326
And look! I got money
to take you for pizza!
186
00:08:12,360 --> 00:08:14,462
You saw that I had
the money, right?
187
00:08:16,898 --> 00:08:18,899
(grunting)
188
00:08:22,637 --> 00:08:23,904
(gunshot)
189
00:08:23,939 --> 00:08:25,372
(chuckling)
190
00:08:25,407 --> 00:08:26,974
(yelling)
191
00:08:29,928 --> 00:08:31,178
(grunting)
192
00:08:31,212 --> 00:08:34,081
(screaming)
193
00:08:37,586 --> 00:08:39,770
(thud, suckling)
194
00:08:40,856 --> 00:08:42,423
(debris clattering)
195
00:08:42,457 --> 00:08:45,409
(suckling)
196
00:08:46,545 --> 00:08:48,579
(all yelling)
197
00:08:49,664 --> 00:08:50,981
(gasping)
198
00:08:51,016 --> 00:08:52,349
(grunting)
199
00:08:52,384 --> 00:08:54,902
Welcome, trans-
dimensional visitors.
200
00:08:54,936 --> 00:08:59,240
We have received
your many gifts with gratitude.
201
00:08:59,274 --> 00:09:01,342
NELSON:
Haw-haw!
202
00:09:01,376 --> 00:09:04,645
We have built our society around
the treasures you have sent.
203
00:09:04,679 --> 00:09:06,430
Our most popular
magazine is
204
00:09:06,465 --> 00:09:09,300
your Presidents' Day
Mattress Blowout insert.
205
00:09:10,769 --> 00:09:13,604
Oufarite food
is your banana peel.
206
00:09:13,638 --> 00:09:14,805
(slurps)
207
00:09:14,840 --> 00:09:16,774
And we listen to
all our music
208
00:09:16,808 --> 00:09:19,443
on the most wonderful
device ever created,
209
00:09:19,478 --> 00:09:20,811
the Zune.
210
00:09:20,846 --> 00:09:23,747
(chanting):
Zune, Zune, Zune.
211
00:09:23,782 --> 00:09:25,649
Treasures? Gifts?
You've got it all wrong.
212
00:09:25,684 --> 00:09:27,551
That stuff is
just our old...
213
00:09:27,586 --> 00:09:30,504
Wonderful stuff. Enjoy it.
ALIENS: Zune.
214
00:09:35,095 --> 00:09:38,097
(dramatic theme plays)
215
00:09:38,131 --> 00:09:41,767
Day 1: We bought this camera
because strange things
216
00:09:41,801 --> 00:09:45,638
have been going on at our house
in the dead of night.
217
00:09:48,642 --> 00:09:52,444
And if anyone finds this footage
after we're all missing or dead,
218
00:09:52,479 --> 00:09:54,663
remember me as a hero.
Dad,
219
00:09:54,698 --> 00:09:56,932
you forgot to pick me up
after Little League.
220
00:09:56,967 --> 00:09:59,668
You tossed your car keys
in my bean plant.
221
00:09:59,703 --> 00:10:01,103
A hero!
222
00:10:01,137 --> 00:10:02,905
FLANDERS:
Homer, is that my camera?
223
00:10:02,939 --> 00:10:04,473
Hero, away!
224
00:10:05,508 --> 00:10:07,543
Night 1.
225
00:10:08,845 --> 00:10:10,279
Want to snuggle?
226
00:10:10,313 --> 00:10:11,580
(smooching)
227
00:10:11,615 --> 00:10:13,582
Not with the camera on.
228
00:10:13,617 --> 00:10:14,850
Uh, I turned
it off.
229
00:10:14,884 --> 00:10:16,585
Looks like
the red light's on.
230
00:10:16,620 --> 00:10:19,455
I swear I am
not filming!
231
00:10:19,489 --> 00:10:22,925
(whispering loudly): Note to self--
edit out my lies.
232
00:10:22,959 --> 00:10:24,627
Oh!
233
00:10:27,063 --> 00:10:30,783
(tape fast-forwarding)
234
00:10:30,817 --> 00:10:32,501
(door creaks)
235
00:10:34,371 --> 00:10:36,205
(door creaks)
236
00:10:39,209 --> 00:10:41,176
(loud thumping)
237
00:10:43,580 --> 00:10:45,597
(tape fast-forwarding)
238
00:10:47,667 --> 00:10:49,184
(loud thud downstairs)
(whimpering)
239
00:10:49,219 --> 00:10:50,519
(both yelp)
240
00:10:50,553 --> 00:10:52,221
Wait! Don't kill the
monster without me!
241
00:10:52,272 --> 00:10:54,006
(Marge screams)
242
00:10:54,024 --> 00:10:56,625
HOMER: I'm right behind you,
honey! We have stairs?
243
00:10:56,660 --> 00:10:58,394
(thumping)
Ow! D'oh! Aah! D'oh!
244
00:10:58,445 --> 00:10:59,778
(continues grunting, thumping)
245
00:10:59,813 --> 00:11:01,563
What the...?
Ow! Ooh! Ow! Ooh!
246
00:11:01,614 --> 00:11:03,732
(continues grunting, thumping)
247
00:11:05,785 --> 00:11:07,186
(flames crackling)
248
00:11:07,220 --> 00:11:08,821
HOMER:
What the...?
249
00:11:08,855 --> 00:11:11,490
(gasping breaths)
250
00:11:11,524 --> 00:11:13,726
Why is this happening to us?!
251
00:11:13,760 --> 00:11:16,729
I don't know, I don't know!
I'm sure I don't know!
252
00:11:16,763 --> 00:11:18,364
HOMER:
Oh, sweetie.
253
00:11:18,398 --> 00:11:21,233
Sometimes a mysterious,
invisible being from Hell
254
00:11:21,267 --> 00:11:24,036
waits for a family to go
to sleep then kills them.
255
00:11:24,070 --> 00:11:25,404
Now, go to bed.
But...
256
00:11:25,438 --> 00:11:27,089
Uh-uh. School night.
257
00:11:27,123 --> 00:11:30,225
Now, you're sure
I bought enough cameras
258
00:11:30,260 --> 00:11:32,177
and extended warranties
to catch that ghost?
259
00:11:32,211 --> 00:11:33,712
Sir, whatever happens
in this house,
260
00:11:33,730 --> 00:11:35,347
these cameras
will pick it up.
261
00:11:35,382 --> 00:11:37,132
Ooh, I can't wait
for tonight's massacre.
262
00:11:49,879 --> 00:11:52,281
(tape fast-forwarding)
263
00:11:55,151 --> 00:11:57,720
Hey, Marge.
(low grunt): Mmm...
264
00:11:57,754 --> 00:11:59,855
Oh. Like
what you see, huh?
265
00:11:59,889 --> 00:12:01,457
(low grunt):
Mmm...
266
00:12:01,491 --> 00:12:03,692
I like it when
you don't say words.
267
00:12:03,727 --> 00:12:05,561
Come here, you.
Mmm...
268
00:12:05,595 --> 00:12:08,364
(chuckles)
Mmm...
269
00:12:08,398 --> 00:12:11,300
(singing a melody)
270
00:12:11,351 --> 00:12:12,634
(tape fast-forwarding)
271
00:12:12,669 --> 00:12:16,271
(continues singing melody)
272
00:12:22,946 --> 00:12:24,897
(tape fast-forwarding)
273
00:12:24,931 --> 00:12:27,299
(continues singing melody)
274
00:12:29,803 --> 00:12:31,136
Eh, eh.
275
00:12:31,171 --> 00:12:33,255
Yeah, that's hellfire,
all right.
276
00:12:33,289 --> 00:12:35,908
Someone in this family
has made a deal with the devil,
277
00:12:35,942 --> 00:12:38,010
and now the devil
wants his due.
278
00:12:38,044 --> 00:12:40,479
Now, remember, this creature
feeds on your fear...
279
00:12:40,513 --> 00:12:42,798
(cuckoo clock chimes)
What the hell was that?!
280
00:12:42,832 --> 00:12:44,750
(sobbing loudly)
281
00:12:44,784 --> 00:12:47,953
Actually, he feeds on
more than just fear.
282
00:12:50,957 --> 00:12:52,624
(door creaks)
283
00:12:52,659 --> 00:12:54,660
(wind whistling)
284
00:13:02,569 --> 00:13:04,470
Give back my baby!
285
00:13:04,504 --> 00:13:06,004
DEMON:
We had a deal!
286
00:13:06,039 --> 00:13:07,940
Mom, what's
going on?!
287
00:13:07,974 --> 00:13:09,842
DEMON: Don't act so
surprised, Marge.
288
00:13:09,876 --> 00:13:11,543
You knew this
day was coming!
289
00:13:11,578 --> 00:13:13,195
Let's see what
we're dealing with here.
290
00:13:13,229 --> 00:13:14,430
(grunts)
291
00:13:14,464 --> 00:13:16,165
It's Moe with wings!
292
00:13:16,199 --> 00:13:17,983
Moe Szyslak?
293
00:13:18,001 --> 00:13:20,702
Come on, he's much more
hideous and evil than me!
294
00:13:20,737 --> 00:13:22,037
(all agreeing)
295
00:13:22,088 --> 00:13:25,340
(crying):
I brought this on us all.
296
00:13:25,375 --> 00:13:27,876
It began when
I was a girl...
297
00:13:31,498 --> 00:13:33,699
(deep grunting)
298
00:13:33,733 --> 00:13:35,300
(in unison):
Hail Satan.
299
00:13:35,335 --> 00:13:37,736
What are you doing?
Trying to summon the devil.
300
00:13:37,770 --> 00:13:39,538
Why?
Nothing good on TV.
301
00:13:39,572 --> 00:13:40,906
We have no boyfriends.
302
00:13:40,940 --> 00:13:42,808
We're bored.
Something to do.
303
00:13:42,842 --> 00:13:45,978
Hail Satan,
the Minister of Sinister,
304
00:13:46,012 --> 00:13:48,497
Rude Dude with a Bad 'Tude.
305
00:13:49,999 --> 00:13:51,967
(Selma and Patty grunting,
choking)
306
00:13:52,001 --> 00:13:53,936
(gasps)
Save us, Marge.
307
00:13:53,970 --> 00:13:56,371
We'll never make fun
of any man you date or marry.
308
00:13:56,406 --> 00:13:58,440
Mmm. Uh, Mr. Demon?
Mmm?
309
00:13:58,475 --> 00:14:01,026
Could you... come back
for my sisters later?
310
00:14:01,060 --> 00:14:02,377
(Selma and Patty grunting)
311
00:14:02,412 --> 00:14:04,713
Very well.
You have 30 years.
312
00:14:04,747 --> 00:14:06,248
But when I return, Marge,
313
00:14:06,282 --> 00:14:09,084
I shall take
your favorite child.
314
00:14:09,118 --> 00:14:12,087
I thought I was
the favorite!
315
00:14:12,121 --> 00:14:14,389
Not the favorite!
Not the favorite!
316
00:14:14,424 --> 00:14:16,788
Listen, pal, you seem
like an honest guy.
317
00:14:16,813 --> 00:14:17,593
Mm.
318
00:14:17,594 --> 00:14:21,063
Is there any other deal
that you can accept?
319
00:14:21,097 --> 00:14:22,664
Three-way.
320
00:14:22,699 --> 00:14:24,600
Hmm. You,
me and Marge?
321
00:14:24,634 --> 00:14:26,668
Mmm, demon,
demon, you.
322
00:14:26,703 --> 00:14:30,772
(heavy sigh) I guess it's one of those
things a dad has to do.
323
00:14:30,807 --> 00:14:32,941
Now, before we start,
what's the safe word?
324
00:14:32,976 --> 00:14:34,243
Cinnamon.
325
00:14:34,277 --> 00:14:35,711
Ooh, I like that.
326
00:14:35,745 --> 00:14:38,413
Now, I'd like to try something
new, if you don't mind.
327
00:14:38,448 --> 00:14:41,016
(laughs) Cinnamon. Cinnamon.
Cinnamon! Cinnamon!
328
00:14:48,444 --> 00:14:49,945
You know, it's
really not fair.
329
00:14:49,979 --> 00:14:51,747
You're charging 200
bucks for a comic
330
00:14:51,781 --> 00:14:53,615
that says 25 cents
on the cover.
331
00:14:53,650 --> 00:14:56,251
The only way to buy that
comic book for 25 cents
332
00:14:56,286 --> 00:14:58,170
is to go back to 1974.
333
00:14:58,204 --> 00:14:59,805
That's impossible!
334
00:14:59,839 --> 00:15:01,006
Mmm?
335
00:15:01,040 --> 00:15:03,108
(quietly):
Or is it?
336
00:15:07,113 --> 00:15:08,981
(zapping)
337
00:15:10,800 --> 00:15:12,317
Wow, it worked!
338
00:15:12,352 --> 00:15:13,919
My time machine has worked!
339
00:15:13,953 --> 00:15:17,122
This is the most fantastically
powerful invention
340
00:15:17,156 --> 00:15:19,424
in mankind's history!
341
00:15:19,459 --> 00:15:20,626
Here, kid, hold my keys
342
00:15:20,660 --> 00:15:22,160
while I grab
some lunch.
343
00:15:22,195 --> 00:15:24,196
(humming)
344
00:15:27,534 --> 00:15:29,918
(whirring)
345
00:15:29,953 --> 00:15:31,753
(zapping)
346
00:15:31,788 --> 00:15:33,789
♪ ♪
347
00:15:43,499 --> 00:15:45,734
1974!
348
00:15:45,752 --> 00:15:47,669
I won't be needing this!
349
00:15:48,738 --> 00:15:50,255
(zapping)
350
00:15:55,428 --> 00:15:57,579
Now to get my comic book
and explore a world
351
00:15:57,614 --> 00:15:59,565
where no one's mad
at George Lucas.
352
00:15:59,599 --> 00:16:01,700
(humming happily)
353
00:16:01,734 --> 00:16:04,219
Eh, pretty good.
A little preachy.
354
00:16:04,253 --> 00:16:06,438
MAN: Well, well, well, if
it isn't Homer Simpson
355
00:16:06,472 --> 00:16:09,241
and Barney Gumble.
Hmm?
356
00:16:09,275 --> 00:16:11,643
Allow me, gentlemen.
357
00:16:11,678 --> 00:16:14,079
It's Homer!
Before his boobs came in!
358
00:16:18,184 --> 00:16:20,602
(Homer whistling)
359
00:16:20,637 --> 00:16:22,204
Hey, Homer.
Who are you?
360
00:16:22,238 --> 00:16:24,106
I'm your unwanted son
from the future
361
00:16:24,140 --> 00:16:25,707
who killed all your fun!
362
00:16:25,742 --> 00:16:28,243
Why, you little...
(grunting)
363
00:16:28,278 --> 00:16:31,380
Excuse me.
Is this room 106?
364
00:16:31,414 --> 00:16:35,133
(instrumental version
of "Close to You" playing)
365
00:16:35,168 --> 00:16:37,085
(choking)
366
00:16:37,120 --> 00:16:38,687
Let go of him!
367
00:16:38,721 --> 00:16:40,689
What kind of jerk
strangles a little boy?!
368
00:16:40,723 --> 00:16:42,691
Would you go to
the prom with me?
369
00:16:42,725 --> 00:16:44,760
Promenade? With you?
370
00:16:44,794 --> 00:16:46,995
Forget it, bub!
(grunts)
371
00:16:48,731 --> 00:16:51,300
It was love at first sight,
and you ruined it!
372
00:16:51,334 --> 00:16:53,368
It was not love
at first sight!
373
00:16:53,403 --> 00:16:54,770
What do you know?
374
00:16:54,804 --> 00:16:56,288
I know who I'm in love with!
375
00:16:56,322 --> 00:16:58,056
You're looking at him.
You're an idiot.
376
00:16:58,091 --> 00:16:59,908
You're the idiot!
(gasps)
377
00:16:59,942 --> 00:17:02,577
Don't act like I'm the first
person that ever said that.
378
00:17:02,612 --> 00:17:05,080
You are the first person
who ever said that!
379
00:17:05,114 --> 00:17:06,915
Shut up and go
to the prom with me!
380
00:17:06,949 --> 00:17:08,800
Ay, caramba! If you guys
don't get together,
381
00:17:08,835 --> 00:17:11,737
what does that mean for me
in the future?
382
00:17:11,771 --> 00:17:15,557
(gasps)
I don't exist?!
383
00:17:15,591 --> 00:17:17,225
Or my life
384
00:17:17,260 --> 00:17:20,062
might be a hell of a lot better!
385
00:17:20,096 --> 00:17:23,065
Ma'am, whatever you do,
do not marry that ape.
386
00:17:23,099 --> 00:17:25,901
Mmm.
387
00:17:25,935 --> 00:17:29,054
Whatever you say,
little boy.
388
00:17:29,088 --> 00:17:30,222
(laughing)
(growling)
389
00:17:30,256 --> 00:17:31,406
Come here!
390
00:17:32,942 --> 00:17:35,310
Now, to return to a future
where I'm either rich
391
00:17:35,345 --> 00:17:37,679
or allowed to stand in front
of a rich guy's house.
392
00:17:37,714 --> 00:17:39,681
Either way, better than now.
393
00:17:39,699 --> 00:17:42,317
(whirring)
394
00:17:42,352 --> 00:17:43,635
(tires screeching, zapping)
395
00:17:45,672 --> 00:17:47,906
(Bart laughing)
396
00:17:47,940 --> 00:17:50,292
Stupid kid steals my future.
397
00:17:50,326 --> 00:17:51,643
Well, I'm going to...
398
00:17:51,678 --> 00:17:54,046
(gasps):
Ice cream with cookie dough?!
399
00:17:55,331 --> 00:17:57,833
Unnecessarily big TVs!
400
00:17:57,867 --> 00:18:00,268
Thursday Night Football?
401
00:18:00,303 --> 00:18:02,938
And the globe feels so warm!
402
00:18:02,972 --> 00:18:05,607
I am in awe of the future.
403
00:18:05,641 --> 00:18:09,177
(Wiggum snoring, muttering)
404
00:18:09,212 --> 00:18:11,213
Okay, that's not so great.
405
00:18:14,701 --> 00:18:16,518
Here's your smoothie,
sweetheart.
406
00:18:16,552 --> 00:18:20,439
Why would I suck smoothie
when I can suck face with you,
407
00:18:20,473 --> 00:18:22,441
Mrs. Artie Ziff?
408
00:18:22,475 --> 00:18:25,961
(both moaning)
409
00:18:25,995 --> 00:18:27,979
My dad is Artie Ziff?
410
00:18:28,014 --> 00:18:30,449
Indeed! Which makes you
411
00:18:30,483 --> 00:18:31,850
Barty Ziff.
412
00:18:33,820 --> 00:18:35,787
Oy, caramba!
413
00:18:35,822 --> 00:18:37,723
Achem!
414
00:18:37,757 --> 00:18:39,691
Good morning,
beloved son.
415
00:18:39,726 --> 00:18:41,543
Enjoy your
luxurious life,
416
00:18:41,577 --> 00:18:44,079
including your own
bully butler.
417
00:18:44,113 --> 00:18:46,715
Will that be
haw-haw, sir?
418
00:18:46,749 --> 00:18:47,966
Give yourself a wedgie.
419
00:18:48,000 --> 00:18:51,002
Excellent choice.
(grunts)
420
00:18:51,037 --> 00:18:53,505
I've met some jive turkeys
in the '70s,
421
00:18:53,539 --> 00:18:55,140
but that turkey's the jivest.
422
00:18:55,174 --> 00:18:57,242
Hey, you! This is
my peeping tree.
423
00:18:57,276 --> 00:18:59,811
Young me? What brings
you to the present?
424
00:18:59,846 --> 00:19:02,581
I traveled through space and
time to make Marge settle for me
425
00:19:02,615 --> 00:19:04,015
because she doesn't know better.
426
00:19:04,050 --> 00:19:06,218
Well, if we put
our heads together,
427
00:19:06,252 --> 00:19:07,853
we could think
of a plan!
428
00:19:09,222 --> 00:19:11,823
I got to ask,
what happened?
429
00:19:11,858 --> 00:19:14,359
Was I in a forest
fire or something?
430
00:19:14,393 --> 00:19:16,695
No
431
00:19:16,729 --> 00:19:17,863
(whip cracking)
432
00:19:17,897 --> 00:19:19,047
I love my life,
I love it not.
433
00:19:19,081 --> 00:19:20,348
I love my life, I love it not.
434
00:19:20,383 --> 00:19:22,584
You're just like
Indiana Jones, son.
435
00:19:22,618 --> 00:19:25,420
A role played by Richard
Dreyfuss in our universe.
436
00:19:25,455 --> 00:19:26,888
(doorbell rings)
437
00:19:28,090 --> 00:19:29,858
I'm here to take
my life back!
438
00:19:29,892 --> 00:19:32,093
I thought this
might happen,
439
00:19:32,128 --> 00:19:35,964
so I mastered
Brazilian jujitsu.
440
00:19:35,998 --> 00:19:38,517
Crawl atop me,
and meet your doom!
441
00:19:38,568 --> 00:19:40,252
Not so fast.
442
00:19:40,286 --> 00:19:42,087
Say hello
to the United Federation
443
00:19:42,121 --> 00:19:45,457
of Homers
Through History.
444
00:19:47,443 --> 00:19:49,194
(Italian accent):
Crush them...
445
00:19:49,228 --> 00:19:51,463
in the name of Jebus!
446
00:19:57,920 --> 00:19:59,421
Okay, guys,
let's regroup.
447
00:19:59,455 --> 00:20:00,789
We'll come back with more Homers
448
00:20:00,823 --> 00:20:02,157
and start fresh in the morning.
449
00:20:02,692 --> 00:20:04,609
(yelps)
450
00:20:06,012 --> 00:20:08,763
("Close to You" plays)
451
00:20:11,484 --> 00:20:14,286
(unimpressed):
Oh, what's she doing here?
452
00:20:14,320 --> 00:20:15,754
I'll tell you
what I'm doing.
453
00:20:15,788 --> 00:20:19,224
I'm realizing that
I married the wrong man.
454
00:20:19,537 --> 00:20:23,657
Oh, you poor, sweet,
simple Homers.
455
00:20:23,691 --> 00:20:26,493
I was supposed to be
with all of you!
456
00:20:26,528 --> 00:20:29,329
(grunting gibberish)
457
00:20:29,364 --> 00:20:31,331
Even you, Caveman Homer.
458
00:20:31,366 --> 00:20:32,566
That's Renaissance Homer.
459
00:20:32,600 --> 00:20:34,434
Well, cardinal
or cannibal,
460
00:20:34,469 --> 00:20:38,272
I wish that 20 years ago,
I had chosen love.
461
00:20:38,306 --> 00:20:39,673
Mmm...
462
00:20:41,442 --> 00:20:42,826
Let me get
this straight.
463
00:20:42,861 --> 00:20:45,896
None of you had time
to take out the garbage?
464
00:20:45,930 --> 00:20:47,915
Make Egyptian Slave
Homer do it.
465
00:20:47,949 --> 00:20:50,350
It's always me.
466
00:20:50,385 --> 00:20:52,619
(laughing in unison)
467
00:20:53,655 --> 00:20:54,771
(screams)
468
00:20:54,806 --> 00:20:56,456
(eerie organ music plays)
469
00:20:56,481 --> 00:21:00,481
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
470
00:21:33,240 --> 00:21:34,780
(aah!)