1
00:00:07,483 --> 00:00:09,485
(screeches, whistles)
2
00:00:11,976 --> 00:00:15,011
(shouting gibberish)
3
00:00:17,577 --> 00:00:19,908
According to our Mayan calendar,
4
00:00:19,979 --> 00:00:21,573
the world will be destroyed
5
00:00:21,598 --> 00:00:24,166
at the end of the 13th baktun.
6
00:00:24,245 --> 00:00:28,047
Unless we appease the gods'
anger with a human sacrifice.
7
00:00:28,119 --> 00:00:31,386
Don't worry. We got a guy here
we really been fattening up.
8
00:00:31,412 --> 00:00:32,679
Is it you?
9
00:00:32,713 --> 00:00:34,189
Not me. That guy.
10
00:00:34,236 --> 00:00:35,870
More cricket fajitas!
11
00:00:35,929 --> 00:00:38,230
Oh, my brave, brave glutton.
12
00:00:38,321 --> 00:00:41,896
I'll be so lonely when they
sacrifice you to the gods.
13
00:00:42,004 --> 00:00:44,027
(loud spit)
What?!
14
00:00:44,336 --> 00:00:46,405
No one said anything
about a sacrifice!
15
00:00:46,500 --> 00:00:49,671
Although I... I did kind of
space out during orientation.
16
00:00:49,709 --> 00:00:51,290
All right already,
let's get this done
17
00:00:51,314 --> 00:00:53,915
while our doomed civilization
is still flourishing here.
18
00:00:53,952 --> 00:00:55,919
Oh. Any words of comfort?
19
00:00:55,985 --> 00:00:58,334
Oh, yeah, sure. Even though
you know it's coming,
20
00:00:58,361 --> 00:00:59,844
when you see
your own beating heart,
21
00:00:59,875 --> 00:01:01,375
try to act surprised, huh?
22
00:01:01,427 --> 00:01:02,927
It's some kid's first time.
23
00:01:02,962 --> 00:01:05,363
Fear not, my beloved
blood offering.
24
00:01:05,630 --> 00:01:07,087
(quietly):
I have a plan.
25
00:01:07,229 --> 00:01:08,963
Tell me, High Priest,
26
00:01:08,991 --> 00:01:11,332
are you interested in women?
27
00:01:11,385 --> 00:01:12,685
What priest isn't?
28
00:01:12,875 --> 00:01:14,085
Before we make love,
29
00:01:14,122 --> 00:01:16,524
would you mind putting
a sack over your head?
30
00:01:16,622 --> 00:01:19,257
Is there any other way?
(chuckles)
31
00:01:19,566 --> 00:01:20,542
Nice and tight.
32
00:01:20,567 --> 00:01:22,971
- Now enter the Room of Pleasure,
- Ooh.
33
00:01:23,030 --> 00:01:25,031
and I shall join you shortly.
34
00:01:26,261 --> 00:01:29,163
MOE: Now, uh, I got to warn you.
I'm into rough stuff.
35
00:01:29,323 --> 00:01:31,791
Ooh, that's a good start,
but, you know, make it hurt.
36
00:01:31,862 --> 00:01:33,329
(sword whooshes)
Heh. Ooh!
37
00:01:33,608 --> 00:01:36,660
That whooshing sound
is really turning me...
38
00:01:36,965 --> 00:01:38,349
Oh!
39
00:01:38,490 --> 00:01:40,552
Uh. Oh, yeah. Ah.
40
00:01:40,715 --> 00:01:42,749
(grunting)
41
00:01:43,077 --> 00:01:44,714
(groans)
44
00:01:48,803 --> 00:01:50,103
Quetzal H. Coatl!
45
00:01:50,176 --> 00:01:51,977
We sacrificed the wrong person!
46
00:01:52,030 --> 00:01:55,421
Now the earth will be destroyed
after the 13th baktun.
47
00:01:55,482 --> 00:01:58,384
(shouting): Can you explain
that in simple Ancient Mayan?!
48
00:01:58,512 --> 00:02:00,916
Of course. There's no
need to shout and scream.
49
00:02:00,968 --> 00:02:01,862
Let's see, uh,
50
00:02:01,884 --> 00:02:03,518
converting to base 10,
51
00:02:03,589 --> 00:02:06,214
assuming for the birth of Jesus,
52
00:02:06,240 --> 00:02:09,242
invent and then
carry the leap year,
53
00:02:09,364 --> 00:02:13,033
and the world will end in 2012!
54
00:02:13,056 --> 00:02:13,994
(relieved sighs)
55
00:02:14,019 --> 00:02:16,453
And it will be Obama's fault!
56
00:02:17,918 --> 00:02:20,887
(dramatic theme plays)
57
00:02:22,263 --> 00:02:24,130
Hey, uh, Marge,
I'm setting my watch.
58
00:02:24,214 --> 00:02:25,448
What baktun is it?
59
00:02:25,501 --> 00:02:27,399
MARGE: 13th!
Oh!
60
00:02:27,595 --> 00:02:29,229
(doorbell rings)
61
00:02:30,039 --> 00:02:33,126
Oh! What have we here?
62
00:02:33,710 --> 00:02:35,010
Ow!
63
00:02:45,038 --> 00:02:46,576
What the hell!
64
00:02:46,638 --> 00:02:50,638
♪ The Simpsons 24x02 ♪
Moonshine River
Original Air Date on October 7, 2012
65
00:02:50,681 --> 00:02:54,681
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther
66
00:03:03,402 --> 00:03:05,002
(explosion)
67
00:03:07,107 --> 00:03:10,376
(Homer screaming and crying)
68
00:03:10,554 --> 00:03:13,590
Ow! Ow!
69
00:03:18,020 --> 00:03:20,071
(letters thudding softly)
70
00:03:20,122 --> 00:03:21,789
(yelling)
71
00:03:24,624 --> 00:03:27,274
QUIMBY: Welcome to the grand
opening of our whatchamacallit,
72
00:03:27,304 --> 00:03:29,939
which, thanks to the lobbying
of Lisa Simpson,
73
00:03:29,974 --> 00:03:32,542
we built instead
of a new baseball stadium.
74
00:03:32,763 --> 00:03:34,551
At least the pennant
works both ways.
75
00:03:34,590 --> 00:03:38,303
Professor Frink will now throw
a switch, which will either
76
00:03:38,319 --> 00:03:41,855
answer certain obscure
questions of subatomic physics
77
00:03:41,876 --> 00:03:44,047
or destroy the universe.
78
00:03:44,174 --> 00:03:46,342
(electrical humming)
79
00:03:48,519 --> 00:03:50,153
(man coughs)
80
00:03:52,033 --> 00:03:54,883
Oh, my God particle!
81
00:03:55,021 --> 00:03:56,202
What is it, Professor?
82
00:03:56,262 --> 00:03:58,672
You can tell your
grandchildren you were here
83
00:03:58,722 --> 00:04:01,922
when humanity finally learned
that this accelerator
84
00:04:01,958 --> 00:04:04,174
is much too small to tell
us anything important.
85
00:04:04,277 --> 00:04:05,544
(crowd groans)
86
00:04:05,572 --> 00:04:07,339
Thanks a lot, Liser!
87
00:04:07,423 --> 00:04:10,192
That money could've been used
for a war!
88
00:04:11,957 --> 00:04:14,409
(whirring)
89
00:04:14,443 --> 00:04:18,363
(whirring growing
more high-pitched)
90
00:04:18,397 --> 00:04:19,647
(crashing)
91
00:04:25,137 --> 00:04:26,421
(crackling)
92
00:04:26,455 --> 00:04:29,557
(black hole slurping)
93
00:04:29,591 --> 00:04:30,508
(snores)
94
00:04:30,575 --> 00:04:31,842
(gasping)
95
00:04:31,890 --> 00:04:34,092
Aah! No one takes Willie's mop!
96
00:04:34,112 --> 00:04:35,432
(gasping)
97
00:04:35,464 --> 00:04:37,189
Take the mop! Take the mop!
98
00:04:38,438 --> 00:04:39,688
(sobbing)
99
00:04:40,518 --> 00:04:41,669
Huh?
100
00:04:41,696 --> 00:04:42,584
(slurping)
101
00:04:42,618 --> 00:04:45,553
(gasps) A mini
black hole!
102
00:04:45,680 --> 00:04:46,405
(slurps)
103
00:04:46,425 --> 00:04:48,660
Whee...!
104
00:04:48,700 --> 00:04:50,727
Oh, no! I got to take it away
105
00:04:50,752 --> 00:04:52,787
before more clueless kids
fall into it.
106
00:04:52,927 --> 00:04:54,693
Geronimo...!
107
00:04:54,817 --> 00:04:55,883
Wha...!
108
00:05:03,008 --> 00:05:05,589
(whooshing)
109
00:05:05,636 --> 00:05:07,904
I's rich!
(slurping)
110
00:05:07,944 --> 00:05:10,579
I's poor
and shack-less.
111
00:05:11,001 --> 00:05:12,839
(slurping, objects clattering)
112
00:05:13,116 --> 00:05:14,617
(grunting)
113
00:05:14,651 --> 00:05:15,742
HOMER:
Lisa, do you
114
00:05:15,760 --> 00:05:17,550
have a stray dog down there?
115
00:05:17,589 --> 00:05:20,491
Um, it's a lot worse
than a stray dog.
116
00:05:20,532 --> 00:05:21,899
Two stray dogs?!
117
00:05:21,933 --> 00:05:23,418
It's a black hole!
118
00:05:23,455 --> 00:05:24,837
That was gonna be
my next guess.
119
00:05:24,871 --> 00:05:26,499
Are you sure
your next guess wasn't
120
00:05:26,521 --> 00:05:28,155
three stray dogs?
121
00:05:28,652 --> 00:05:29,869
Maybe.
122
00:05:30,075 --> 00:05:31,992
HOMER:
A black hole?!
123
00:05:32,027 --> 00:05:34,361
(hushed): I'm sorry,
can we call it that?
124
00:05:34,422 --> 00:05:36,352
Yes. It's
the preferred term.
125
00:05:36,381 --> 00:05:39,056
And most scientists believe
that what enters a black hole
126
00:05:39,090 --> 00:05:40,349
never comes out.
127
00:05:40,385 --> 00:05:43,487
But some think they may be
a gateway to other universes.
128
00:05:43,809 --> 00:05:45,854
Hey! Could it open
a pretzel bag for me?
129
00:05:45,879 --> 00:05:47,346
Help a brother out, B.H.
130
00:05:47,376 --> 00:05:48,626
Whoo-hoo!
131
00:05:48,722 --> 00:05:49,956
D'oh!
132
00:05:52,881 --> 00:05:55,716
Guys! Stop throwing
things in the hole!
133
00:05:55,751 --> 00:05:57,217
The more you throw in,
the bigger
134
00:05:57,235 --> 00:05:59,220
and more dangerous it becomes!
135
00:05:59,254 --> 00:06:02,590
Come on. You can't look at that
infinitely dense little guy
136
00:06:02,624 --> 00:06:04,575
and not want
to feed it something.
137
00:06:04,609 --> 00:06:06,103
Dad, don't pat it!
138
00:06:06,123 --> 00:06:07,384
Why shouldn't...
(screams)
139
00:06:07,446 --> 00:06:08,407
(chuckles)
140
00:06:08,438 --> 00:06:10,606
Why you little...
(grunting)
141
00:06:10,832 --> 00:06:14,085
(quiet choking) (gasps) I'm nature's
perfect choking machine!
142
00:06:14,119 --> 00:06:15,870
(loud grunt)
Okay, that's it!
143
00:06:15,904 --> 00:06:18,472
I'm putting a baby gate
across the black hole.
144
00:06:18,507 --> 00:06:21,459
And don't throw
anything more into it!
145
00:06:21,906 --> 00:06:23,824
(groans)
Yes, Homer?
146
00:06:23,901 --> 00:06:25,568
Dad, that's creepy.
147
00:06:25,597 --> 00:06:27,170
Sorry.
148
00:06:27,686 --> 00:06:31,055
("Gone Gone Gone" plays)
149
00:06:32,490 --> 00:06:34,479
I know we shouldn't feed this,
150
00:06:34,605 --> 00:06:36,619
but grease brings raccoons.
151
00:06:36,675 --> 00:06:39,059
♪ Gone, gone, gone ♪
152
00:06:39,094 --> 00:06:41,719
♪ Really gone ♪
153
00:06:41,749 --> 00:06:43,824
♪ Gone, gone, gone ♪
154
00:06:43,894 --> 00:06:46,925
♪ 'Cause you done me wrong ♪
155
00:06:47,026 --> 00:06:49,361
♪ Done me wrong... ♪
156
00:06:49,671 --> 00:06:51,856
♪ Ah, ah... ♪
157
00:06:52,353 --> 00:06:52,990
Huh?
158
00:06:53,031 --> 00:06:54,965
Oh-oh!
159
00:06:55,700 --> 00:06:57,634
(slurping)
160
00:06:57,712 --> 00:06:59,046
(clattering)
161
00:07:07,543 --> 00:07:10,038
Quit bageling
my English muffins!
162
00:07:10,125 --> 00:07:12,259
The black hole is looking
a lot bigger.
163
00:07:12,293 --> 00:07:14,762
Does anybody want to admit
to throwing things in?
164
00:07:14,796 --> 00:07:15,996
- No.
- Not me.
165
00:07:16,031 --> 00:07:17,464
Do we even still
have that thing?
166
00:07:17,499 --> 00:07:20,618
And I have to ask,
has anyone seen the cat?
167
00:07:21,853 --> 00:07:23,543
(whimpers)
168
00:07:23,702 --> 00:07:25,135
(excited chattering outside)
169
00:07:25,544 --> 00:07:26,877
Now what?
170
00:07:29,857 --> 00:07:34,174
Okay, it's possible someone
may have started a business
171
00:07:34,204 --> 00:07:36,734
called Magic Craphole
Waste Removal,
172
00:07:36,771 --> 00:07:39,122
but it wasn't me.
- Ew!
173
00:07:39,144 --> 00:07:40,678
(Homer chuckling)
174
00:07:42,274 --> 00:07:44,275
(deep rumbling, whooshing)
175
00:07:52,150 --> 00:07:53,184
(pop)
Yar!
176
00:07:53,218 --> 00:07:54,866
(pop)
Yar, ar.
177
00:07:55,066 --> 00:07:55,835
Stop!
178
00:07:55,871 --> 00:07:59,173
This is a black hole,
not a lawn-and-leaf bag!
179
00:07:59,207 --> 00:08:03,168
If one more thing gets in there,
it could reach critical mass.
180
00:08:06,882 --> 00:08:07,915
I did it!
181
00:08:07,949 --> 00:08:09,950
I hit my first home run!
182
00:08:09,985 --> 00:08:11,118
LISA:
No...!
183
00:08:11,152 --> 00:08:12,319
(people screaming)
184
00:08:12,354 --> 00:08:13,854
I'm still proud of you, buddy.
185
00:08:13,889 --> 00:08:17,491
And look! I got money
to take you for pizza!
186
00:08:17,525 --> 00:08:20,038
You saw that I had
the money, right?
187
00:08:22,063 --> 00:08:24,064
(grunting)
188
00:08:27,802 --> 00:08:29,069
(gunshot)
189
00:08:29,104 --> 00:08:30,487
(chuckling)
190
00:08:30,521 --> 00:08:32,088
(yelling)
191
00:08:35,093 --> 00:08:36,343
(grunting)
192
00:08:36,377 --> 00:08:39,246
(screaming)
193
00:08:42,751 --> 00:08:44,935
(thud, suckling)
194
00:08:46,021 --> 00:08:47,588
(debris clattering)
195
00:08:47,622 --> 00:08:50,282
(suckling)
196
00:08:51,629 --> 00:08:53,663
(all yelling)
197
00:08:54,741 --> 00:08:56,058
(gasping)
198
00:08:56,136 --> 00:08:57,469
(grunting)
199
00:08:57,549 --> 00:09:00,067
Welcome, trans-
dimensional visitors.
200
00:09:00,101 --> 00:09:04,405
We have received
your many gifts with gratitude.
201
00:09:05,251 --> 00:09:06,326
NELSON:
Haw-haw!
202
00:09:06,372 --> 00:09:09,885
We have built our society around
the treasures you have sent.
203
00:09:09,981 --> 00:09:11,732
Our most popular magazine is
204
00:09:11,760 --> 00:09:14,595
your Presidents' Day
Mattress Blowout insert.
205
00:09:15,934 --> 00:09:18,769
Oufarite food
is your banana peel.
206
00:09:18,803 --> 00:09:19,970
(slurps)
207
00:09:20,005 --> 00:09:21,939
And we listen to all our music
208
00:09:21,973 --> 00:09:24,608
on the most wonderful
device ever created,
209
00:09:24,643 --> 00:09:25,976
the Zune.
210
00:09:26,011 --> 00:09:28,912
(chanting):
Zune, Zune, Zune.
211
00:09:28,947 --> 00:09:31,416
Treasures? Gifts?
You've got it all wrong.
212
00:09:31,447 --> 00:09:32,663
That stuff is just our old...
213
00:09:32,682 --> 00:09:35,904
- Wonderful stuff. Enjoy it.
ALIENS:- Zune.
214
00:09:38,991 --> 00:09:41,993
(dramatic theme plays)
215
00:09:43,507 --> 00:09:47,370
Day 1: We bought this camera
because strange things
216
00:09:47,401 --> 00:09:50,972
have been going on at our house
in the dead of night.
217
00:09:54,056 --> 00:09:57,426
And if anyone finds this footage
after we're all missing or dead,
218
00:09:57,462 --> 00:09:59,825
remember me as a hero.
- Dad,
219
00:09:59,863 --> 00:10:01,951
you forgot to pick me up
after Little League.
220
00:10:01,975 --> 00:10:04,581
You tossed your car keys
in my bean plant.
221
00:10:04,649 --> 00:10:06,049
A hero!
222
00:10:06,139 --> 00:10:07,907
FLANDERS:
Homer, is that my camera?
223
00:10:07,953 --> 00:10:09,487
Hero, away!
224
00:10:11,029 --> 00:10:13,064
Night 1.
225
00:10:14,216 --> 00:10:15,429
Want to snuggle?
226
00:10:15,478 --> 00:10:16,745
(smooching)
227
00:10:16,986 --> 00:10:18,742
Not with the camera on.
228
00:10:18,782 --> 00:10:19,870
Uh, I turned it off.
229
00:10:19,901 --> 00:10:21,602
Looks like the red light's on.
230
00:10:21,647 --> 00:10:24,482
I swear I am not filming!
231
00:10:24,510 --> 00:10:27,879
(whispering loudly): Note to self--
edit out my lies.
232
00:10:27,905 --> 00:10:29,573
Oh!
233
00:10:32,084 --> 00:10:35,804
(tape fast-forwarding)
234
00:10:35,838 --> 00:10:37,522
(door creaks)
235
00:10:39,298 --> 00:10:41,132
(door creaks)
236
00:10:44,110 --> 00:10:46,077
(loud thumping)
237
00:10:48,601 --> 00:10:50,618
(tape fast-forwarding)
238
00:10:52,688 --> 00:10:54,205
(loud thud downstairs)
(whimpering)
239
00:10:54,240 --> 00:10:55,378
(both yelp)
240
00:10:55,449 --> 00:10:57,540
Wait! Don't kill the
monster without me!
241
00:10:57,583 --> 00:10:58,895
(Marge screams)
242
00:10:58,957 --> 00:11:01,479
HOMER: I'm right behind you,
honey! We have stairs?
243
00:11:01,499 --> 00:11:03,424
(thumping)
Ow! D'oh! Aah! D'oh!
244
00:11:03,466 --> 00:11:04,799
(continues grunting, thumping)
245
00:11:04,822 --> 00:11:06,572
What the...?
Ow! Ooh! Ow! Ooh!
246
00:11:06,635 --> 00:11:08,753
(continues grunting, thumping)
247
00:11:10,806 --> 00:11:12,207
(flames crackling)
248
00:11:12,540 --> 00:11:13,824
HOMER:
What the...?
249
00:11:13,876 --> 00:11:16,511
(gasping breaths)
250
00:11:16,544 --> 00:11:18,664
Why is this happening to us?!
251
00:11:18,712 --> 00:11:21,681
I don't know, I don't know!
I'm sure I don't know!
252
00:11:21,784 --> 00:11:23,385
HOMER:
Oh, sweetie.
253
00:11:23,425 --> 00:11:26,260
Sometimes a mysterious,
invisible being from Hell
254
00:11:26,287 --> 00:11:29,420
waits for a family to go
to sleep then kills them.
255
00:11:29,445 --> 00:11:30,470
- Now, go to bed.
- But...
256
00:11:30,495 --> 00:11:32,147
Uh-uh. School night.
257
00:11:33,150 --> 00:11:35,244
Now, you're sure
I bought enough cameras
258
00:11:35,281 --> 00:11:37,198
and extended warranties
to catch that ghost?
259
00:11:37,444 --> 00:11:38,945
Sir, whatever happens
in this house,
260
00:11:38,963 --> 00:11:40,338
these cameras will pick it up.
261
00:11:40,359 --> 00:11:42,617
Ooh, I can't wait
for tonight's massacre.
262
00:11:54,900 --> 00:11:57,302
(tape fast-forwarding)
263
00:12:00,172 --> 00:12:02,741
- Hey, Marge.
(low grunt):- Mmm...
264
00:12:02,775 --> 00:12:04,876
Oh. Like
what you see, huh?
265
00:12:04,910 --> 00:12:06,478
(low grunt):
Mmm...
266
00:12:06,787 --> 00:12:08,689
I like it when
you don't say words.
267
00:12:08,748 --> 00:12:10,582
- Come here, you.
- Mmm...
268
00:12:10,616 --> 00:12:13,385
(chuckles)
Mmm...
269
00:12:13,419 --> 00:12:16,321
(singing a melody)
270
00:12:16,372 --> 00:12:17,655
(tape fast-forwarding)
271
00:12:17,690 --> 00:12:21,292
(continues singing melody)
272
00:12:27,967 --> 00:12:29,918
(tape fast-forwarding)
273
00:12:29,952 --> 00:12:32,320
(continues singing melody)
274
00:12:34,824 --> 00:12:36,157
Eh, eh.
275
00:12:36,372 --> 00:12:38,255
Yeah, that's hellfire,
all right.
276
00:12:38,310 --> 00:12:40,842
Someone in this family
has made a deal with the devil,
277
00:12:40,866 --> 00:12:42,934
and now the devil
wants his due.
278
00:12:43,065 --> 00:12:45,500
Now, remember, this creature
feeds on your fear...
279
00:12:45,534 --> 00:12:47,819
(cuckoo clock chimes)
What the hell was that?!
280
00:12:47,853 --> 00:12:49,771
(sobbing loudly)
281
00:12:49,805 --> 00:12:52,974
Actually, he feeds on
more than just fear.
282
00:12:55,978 --> 00:12:57,645
(door creaks)
283
00:12:57,680 --> 00:12:59,681
(wind whistling)
284
00:13:07,590 --> 00:13:09,491
Give back my baby!
285
00:13:09,525 --> 00:13:11,025
DEMON:
We had a deal!
286
00:13:11,060 --> 00:13:12,961
Mom, what's going on?!
287
00:13:12,995 --> 00:13:14,863
DEMON: Don't act so
surprised, Marge.
288
00:13:14,897 --> 00:13:16,564
You knew this day was coming!
289
00:13:16,599 --> 00:13:18,216
Let's see what
we're dealing with here.
290
00:13:18,250 --> 00:13:19,451
(grunts)
291
00:13:19,485 --> 00:13:21,186
It's Moe with wings!
292
00:13:21,220 --> 00:13:23,004
Moe Szyslak?
293
00:13:23,022 --> 00:13:25,723
Come on, he's much more
hideous and evil than me!
294
00:13:25,758 --> 00:13:27,058
(all agreeing)
295
00:13:27,109 --> 00:13:30,361
(crying):
I brought this on us all.
296
00:13:30,396 --> 00:13:32,897
It began when I was a girl...
297
00:13:36,519 --> 00:13:38,720
(deep grunting)
298
00:13:38,754 --> 00:13:40,321
(in unison):
Hail Satan.
299
00:13:40,356 --> 00:13:42,757
What are you doing?
Trying to summon the devil.
300
00:13:42,791 --> 00:13:44,721
- Why?
- Nothing good on TV.
301
00:13:44,774 --> 00:13:45,855
We have no boyfriends.
302
00:13:45,886 --> 00:13:47,754
We're bored.
Something to do.
303
00:13:47,863 --> 00:13:50,999
Hail Satan,
the Minister of Sinister,
304
00:13:51,033 --> 00:13:53,518
Rude Dude with a Bad 'Tude.
305
00:13:55,020 --> 00:13:56,988
(Selma and Patty grunting,
choking)
306
00:13:57,022 --> 00:13:58,957
(gasps)
Save us, Marge.
307
00:13:58,991 --> 00:14:01,392
We'll never make fun
of any man you date or marry.
308
00:14:01,427 --> 00:14:03,461
- Mmm. Uh, Mr. Demon?
- Mmm?
309
00:14:03,509 --> 00:14:06,239
Could you... come back
for my sisters later?
310
00:14:06,293 --> 00:14:07,290
(Selma and Patty grunting)
311
00:14:07,326 --> 00:14:09,627
Very well.
You have 30 years.
312
00:14:09,680 --> 00:14:11,181
But when I return, Marge,
313
00:14:11,227 --> 00:14:14,029
I shall take
your favorite child.
314
00:14:14,139 --> 00:14:17,047
I thought I was the favorite!
315
00:14:17,079 --> 00:14:19,347
Not the favorite!
Not the favorite!
316
00:14:19,445 --> 00:14:22,201
Listen, pal, you seem
like an honest guy.
317
00:14:22,227 --> 00:14:22,783
Mm.
318
00:14:22,801 --> 00:14:25,887
Is there any other deal
that you can accept?
319
00:14:26,511 --> 00:14:27,662
Three-way.
320
00:14:27,682 --> 00:14:30,069
Hmm. You,
me and Marge?
321
00:14:30,388 --> 00:14:31,507
Mmm, demon, demon, you.
322
00:14:31,530 --> 00:14:35,599
(heavy sigh) I guess it's one of those
things a dad has to do.
323
00:14:36,034 --> 00:14:38,168
Now, before we start,
what's the safe word?
324
00:14:38,278 --> 00:14:39,247
Cinnamon.
325
00:14:39,298 --> 00:14:40,572
Ooh, I like that.
326
00:14:40,591 --> 00:14:43,551
Now, I'd like to try something
new, if you don't mind.
327
00:14:43,595 --> 00:14:46,163
(laughs) Cinnamon. Cinnamon.
Cinnamon! Cinnamon!
328
00:14:53,880 --> 00:14:55,509
You know, it's really not fair.
329
00:14:55,533 --> 00:14:57,274
You're charging 200
bucks for a comic
330
00:14:57,292 --> 00:14:59,028
that says 25 cents
on the cover.
331
00:14:59,099 --> 00:15:01,700
The only way to buy that
comic book for 25 cents
332
00:15:01,735 --> 00:15:03,619
is to go back to 1974.
333
00:15:03,653 --> 00:15:05,254
That's impossible!
334
00:15:05,650 --> 00:15:06,445
Mmm?
335
00:15:06,669 --> 00:15:08,737
(quietly):
Or is it?
336
00:15:12,562 --> 00:15:14,430
(zapping)
337
00:15:16,786 --> 00:15:17,779
Wow, it worked!
338
00:15:17,801 --> 00:15:19,368
My time machine has worked!
339
00:15:19,402 --> 00:15:22,571
This is the most fantastically
powerful invention
340
00:15:22,605 --> 00:15:24,873
in mankind's history!
341
00:15:24,908 --> 00:15:26,075
Here, kid, hold my keys
342
00:15:26,109 --> 00:15:27,609
while I grab some lunch.
343
00:15:27,644 --> 00:15:29,645
(humming)
344
00:15:32,983 --> 00:15:35,367
(whirring)
345
00:15:35,402 --> 00:15:37,202
(zapping)
346
00:15:37,237 --> 00:15:39,238
♪ ♪
347
00:15:49,423 --> 00:15:51,286
1974!
348
00:15:51,326 --> 00:15:53,243
I won't be needing this!
349
00:15:54,187 --> 00:15:55,704
(zapping)
350
00:16:00,877 --> 00:16:02,844
Now to get my comic book
and explore a world
351
00:16:02,880 --> 00:16:04,831
where no one's mad
at George Lucas.
352
00:16:05,035 --> 00:16:07,136
(humming happily)
353
00:16:07,183 --> 00:16:09,668
Eh, pretty good.
A little preachy.
354
00:16:09,702 --> 00:16:12,383
MAN: Well, well, well, if
it isn't Homer Simpson
355
00:16:12,401 --> 00:16:14,556
and Barney Gumble.
- Hmm?
356
00:16:14,724 --> 00:16:16,918
Allow me, gentlemen.
357
00:16:17,096 --> 00:16:19,497
It's Homer!
Before his boobs came in!
358
00:16:23,633 --> 00:16:26,051
(Homer whistling)
359
00:16:26,086 --> 00:16:27,653
- Hey, Homer.
- Who are you?
360
00:16:27,687 --> 00:16:29,555
I'm your unwanted son
from the future
361
00:16:29,589 --> 00:16:31,156
who killed all your fun!
362
00:16:31,191 --> 00:16:33,692
Why, you little...
(grunting)
363
00:16:33,833 --> 00:16:36,935
Excuse me.
Is this room 106?
364
00:16:36,963 --> 00:16:40,070
(instrumental version
of "Close to You" playing)
365
00:16:40,360 --> 00:16:42,277
(choking)
366
00:16:42,824 --> 00:16:44,135
Let go of him!
367
00:16:44,170 --> 00:16:46,722
What kind of jerk
strangles a little boy?!
368
00:16:46,766 --> 00:16:48,141
Would you go to
the prom with me?
369
00:16:48,241 --> 00:16:50,276
Promenade? With you?
370
00:16:50,362 --> 00:16:52,563
Forget it, bub!
(grunts)
371
00:16:54,180 --> 00:16:56,749
It was love at first sight,
and you ruined it!
372
00:16:56,783 --> 00:16:58,817
It was not love at first sight!
373
00:16:58,852 --> 00:17:00,219
What do you know?
374
00:17:00,253 --> 00:17:01,737
I know who I'm in love with!
375
00:17:01,771 --> 00:17:03,505
- You're looking at him.
- You're an idiot.
376
00:17:03,540 --> 00:17:05,357
You're the idiot!
(gasps)
377
00:17:05,391 --> 00:17:08,026
Don't act like I'm the first
person that ever said that.
378
00:17:08,061 --> 00:17:10,529
You are the first person
who ever said that!
379
00:17:10,563 --> 00:17:12,364
Shut up and go
to the prom with me!
380
00:17:12,398 --> 00:17:14,249
Ay, caramba! If you guys
don't get together,
381
00:17:14,284 --> 00:17:17,186
what does that mean for me
in the future?
382
00:17:17,220 --> 00:17:21,006
(gasps)
I don't exist?!
383
00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:22,674
Or my life
384
00:17:22,709 --> 00:17:25,511
might be a hell of a lot better!
385
00:17:25,545 --> 00:17:28,514
Ma'am, whatever you do,
do not marry that ape.
386
00:17:28,548 --> 00:17:31,350
Mmm.
387
00:17:31,384 --> 00:17:34,503
Whatever you say, little boy.
388
00:17:34,537 --> 00:17:35,671
(laughing)
(growling)
389
00:17:35,705 --> 00:17:36,855
Come here!
390
00:17:38,391 --> 00:17:40,759
Now, to return to a future
where I'm either rich
391
00:17:40,794 --> 00:17:43,128
or allowed to stand in front
of a rich guy's house.
392
00:17:43,163 --> 00:17:45,130
Either way, better than now.
393
00:17:45,148 --> 00:17:47,766
(whirring)
394
00:17:47,801 --> 00:17:49,084
(tires screeching, zapping)
395
00:17:51,121 --> 00:17:53,355
(Bart laughing)
396
00:17:53,389 --> 00:17:55,741
Stupid kid steals my future.
397
00:17:55,775 --> 00:17:57,092
Well, I'm going to...
398
00:17:57,127 --> 00:17:59,495
(gasps):
Ice cream with cookie dough?!
399
00:18:00,780 --> 00:18:03,282
Unnecessarily big TVs!
400
00:18:03,316 --> 00:18:05,717
Thursday Night Football?
401
00:18:05,752 --> 00:18:08,387
And the globe feels so warm!
402
00:18:08,421 --> 00:18:11,056
I am in awe of the future.
403
00:18:11,090 --> 00:18:14,626
(Wiggum snoring, muttering)
404
00:18:14,661 --> 00:18:16,662
Okay, that's not so great.
405
00:18:20,150 --> 00:18:21,967
Here's your smoothie,
sweetheart.
406
00:18:22,001 --> 00:18:25,888
Why would I suck smoothie
when I can suck face with you,
407
00:18:25,922 --> 00:18:27,890
Mrs. Artie Ziff?
408
00:18:27,924 --> 00:18:31,410
(both moaning)
409
00:18:31,444 --> 00:18:33,428
My dad is Artie Ziff?
410
00:18:33,463 --> 00:18:35,898
Indeed! Which makes you
411
00:18:35,932 --> 00:18:37,299
Barty Ziff.
412
00:18:39,269 --> 00:18:41,236
Oy, caramba!
413
00:18:41,271 --> 00:18:43,172
Achem!
414
00:18:43,206 --> 00:18:45,140
Good morning, beloved son.
415
00:18:45,175 --> 00:18:46,992
Enjoy your luxurious life,
416
00:18:47,026 --> 00:18:49,528
including your own
bully butler.
417
00:18:49,562 --> 00:18:52,164
Will that be
haw-haw, sir?
418
00:18:52,198 --> 00:18:53,415
Give yourself a wedgie.
419
00:18:53,449 --> 00:18:56,451
Excellent choice.
(grunts)
420
00:18:56,486 --> 00:18:58,954
I've met some jive turkeys
in the '70s,
421
00:18:58,988 --> 00:19:00,589
but that turkey's the jivest.
422
00:19:00,623 --> 00:19:02,691
Hey, you! This is
my peeping tree.
423
00:19:02,725 --> 00:19:05,260
Young me? What brings
you to the present?
424
00:19:05,295 --> 00:19:08,030
I traveled through space and
time to make Marge settle for me
425
00:19:08,064 --> 00:19:09,464
because she doesn't know better.
426
00:19:09,499 --> 00:19:11,667
Well, if we put
our heads together,
427
00:19:11,701 --> 00:19:13,302
we could think of a plan!
428
00:19:14,671 --> 00:19:17,272
I got to ask, what happened?
429
00:19:17,307 --> 00:19:19,943
Was I in a forest
fire or something?
430
00:19:20,041 --> 00:19:21,691
No
431
00:19:21,707 --> 00:19:22,309
(whip cracking)
432
00:19:22,334 --> 00:19:23,969
I love my life, I love it not.
433
00:19:24,018 --> 00:19:25,643
I love my life, I love it not.
434
00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:28,068
You're just like
Indiana Jones, son.
435
00:19:28,123 --> 00:19:30,925
A role played by Richard
Dreyfuss in our universe.
436
00:19:30,966 --> 00:19:32,399
(doorbell rings)
437
00:19:33,539 --> 00:19:35,307
I'm here to take my life back!
438
00:19:35,341 --> 00:19:37,542
I thought this might happen,
439
00:19:37,577 --> 00:19:41,413
so I mastered
Brazilian jujitsu.
440
00:19:41,447 --> 00:19:43,966
Crawl atop me,
and meet your doom!
441
00:19:44,017 --> 00:19:45,701
Not so fast.
442
00:19:45,735 --> 00:19:47,536
Say hello
to the United Federation
443
00:19:47,570 --> 00:19:50,653
of Homers Through History.
444
00:19:52,867 --> 00:19:54,618
(Italian accent):
Crush them...
445
00:19:54,633 --> 00:19:56,868
in the name of Jebus!
446
00:20:03,244 --> 00:20:04,745
Okay, guys, let's regroup.
447
00:20:05,028 --> 00:20:06,348
We'll come back with more Homers
448
00:20:06,378 --> 00:20:07,712
and start fresh in the morning.
449
00:20:09,197 --> 00:20:10,554
(yelps)
450
00:20:11,461 --> 00:20:14,212
("Close to You" plays)
451
00:20:16,933 --> 00:20:19,735
(unimpressed):
Oh, what's she doing here?
452
00:20:19,769 --> 00:20:21,203
I'll tell you what I'm doing.
453
00:20:21,237 --> 00:20:24,673
I'm realizing that
I married the wrong man.
454
00:20:24,811 --> 00:20:28,931
Oh, you poor, sweet,
simple Homers.
455
00:20:28,990 --> 00:20:31,662
I was supposed to be
with all of you!
456
00:20:31,702 --> 00:20:34,503
(grunting gibberish)
457
00:20:34,575 --> 00:20:36,542
Even you, Caveman Homer.
458
00:20:36,552 --> 00:20:37,752
That's Renaissance Homer.
459
00:20:37,780 --> 00:20:39,614
Well, cardinal or cannibal,
460
00:20:39,705 --> 00:20:43,834
I wish that 20 years ago,
I had chosen love.
461
00:20:44,111 --> 00:20:45,478
Mmm...
462
00:20:46,710 --> 00:20:48,094
Let me get this straight.
463
00:20:48,116 --> 00:20:51,151
None of you had time
to take out the garbage?
464
00:20:51,179 --> 00:20:53,489
Make Egyptian Slave
Homer do it.
465
00:20:53,514 --> 00:20:55,570
It's always me.
466
00:20:55,584 --> 00:20:57,818
(laughing in unison)
467
00:20:57,928 --> 00:21:03,928
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther
468
00:21:38,689 --> 00:21:40,229
(aah!)