1
00:00:00,500 --> 00:00:02,000
www.tvsubtitles.net
2
00:00:04,808 --> 00:00:05,812
Alex.
3
00:00:06,375 --> 00:00:07,239
Paul.
4
00:00:21,633 --> 00:00:23,032
So, are there any rules?
5
00:00:23,827 --> 00:00:25,757
- Rules?
- Ground rules.
6
00:00:26,891 --> 00:00:28,636
Anything I should know before we start?
7
00:00:29,793 --> 00:00:32,561
Not really.
It's more or less up to you.
8
00:00:33,358 --> 00:00:34,537
Oh, right, right.
9
00:00:35,151 --> 00:00:36,297
I'm a customer.
10
00:00:38,648 --> 00:00:42,442
Thought in my profession, we say
that the customer is always wrong.
11
00:00:44,851 --> 00:00:45,905
That's a...
12
00:00:46,321 --> 00:00:47,786
That's a therapist joke.
13
00:00:51,180 --> 00:00:53,269
Transcript: FRM Team
www.1000fr.com
14
00:00:54,443 --> 00:00:56,579
Team In Treatment
Sync: Benj!
15
00:01:21,153 --> 00:01:22,731
So, do you recognize me?
16
00:01:28,399 --> 00:01:29,578
I'm sorry, should...
17
00:01:29,761 --> 00:01:32,451
- Should I?
- Well, I was told you're the best.
18
00:01:32,938 --> 00:01:36,046
A man in tune with everything around him
so yeah I guess you should.
19
00:01:36,187 --> 00:01:39,890
Thank you, but I do think
that in this profession, the...
20
00:01:40,570 --> 00:01:43,875
"The best" is really
matter of personal opinion.
21
00:01:44,067 --> 00:01:46,762
I don't know, the best
can be established by facts.
22
00:01:47,034 --> 00:01:48,157
And figures.
23
00:01:48,824 --> 00:01:50,978
You're the best.
I did my research.
24
00:01:51,740 --> 00:01:53,160
A couple former patients,
25
00:01:53,322 --> 00:01:55,575
Someone else who knew you
from graduate school.
26
00:01:56,687 --> 00:01:57,852
Does that pressure you?
27
00:01:58,762 --> 00:02:00,875
Is it important for you to know that...
28
00:02:01,166 --> 00:02:03,525
- I am the best?
- Yes.
29
00:02:04,179 --> 00:02:06,107
It's nothing personal.
I always go to the best.
30
00:02:06,280 --> 00:02:07,621
Dentists, mechanics.
31
00:02:08,214 --> 00:02:11,285
You know what they say:
"Save now, pay later."
32
00:02:13,422 --> 00:02:15,875
So what do you think being...
33
00:02:16,336 --> 00:02:18,084
"the best" therapist entails?
34
00:02:19,463 --> 00:02:20,862
Do you recognize me?
35
00:02:21,697 --> 00:02:24,552
No, I... I don't.
36
00:02:24,734 --> 00:02:26,021
Okay, let me help you.
37
00:02:26,546 --> 00:02:28,134
"The madrasa murderer."
38
00:02:28,331 --> 00:02:29,878
Does that mean anything to you?
39
00:02:31,137 --> 00:02:32,429
Wasn't that long ago.
40
00:02:34,390 --> 00:02:37,714
A US Navy aircraft hit a target
on the outskirts of Bagdad.
41
00:02:37,900 --> 00:02:39,938
Naval intelligence
identified the structure
42
00:02:40,078 --> 00:02:41,477
as an insurgent safehouse.
43
00:02:41,683 --> 00:02:42,753
A bunker.
44
00:02:43,101 --> 00:02:45,007
Turns out it's a madrasa.
45
00:02:45,514 --> 00:02:46,989
Let me tell you what that is.
46
00:02:47,649 --> 00:02:49,193
It's an islamic religion school.
47
00:02:49,372 --> 00:02:52,240
Boys like bees in a beehive
studying the Koran.
48
00:02:52,531 --> 00:02:54,959
Sixteen of them dead.
49
00:02:58,359 --> 00:03:00,828
- Rings a bell?
- Yes, I remember that, yes.
50
00:03:01,016 --> 00:03:02,274
So, that's me.
51
00:03:03,087 --> 00:03:04,447
I flew that mission.
52
00:03:06,352 --> 00:03:07,697
"The madrasa murderer."
53
00:03:14,797 --> 00:03:16,768
So, do your surf the net?
54
00:03:19,565 --> 00:03:21,365
Well, somehow...
55
00:03:21,506 --> 00:03:23,422
Well, it wasn't really somehow.
56
00:03:24,213 --> 00:03:26,673
Let's call a spade a spade.
A leak,
57
00:03:27,118 --> 00:03:28,697
probably another intelligence fuckup.
58
00:03:29,344 --> 00:03:30,593
Anyway, I...
59
00:03:30,895 --> 00:03:33,261
I was identified
as the pilot in that mission.
60
00:03:33,793 --> 00:03:36,117
And my photo is placed
on fundamentalist websites.
61
00:03:36,300 --> 00:03:38,890
And I'm not talking Al Jazeera,
I'm talking websites that...
62
00:03:40,222 --> 00:03:41,833
asking for my head on a platter.
63
00:03:42,471 --> 00:03:44,228
Offering up the heaven and 40 virgins
64
00:03:44,368 --> 00:03:46,833
to anyone who will slit
my throat from ear to ear.
65
00:03:47,321 --> 00:03:48,354
Here.
66
00:03:49,538 --> 00:03:51,502
Here I am.
Now, it's not a recent photo.
67
00:03:51,642 --> 00:03:53,480
It's a photo taken when I was 18,
68
00:03:54,180 --> 00:03:56,102
on a high school trip to...
69
00:03:56,399 --> 00:03:57,516
Europe... Holland.
70
00:03:57,884 --> 00:03:59,558
That city with the miniatures?
71
00:03:59,948 --> 00:04:01,306
Ultre... Utrecht.
72
00:04:01,485 --> 00:04:02,978
- Utrecht.
- Go ahead.
73
00:04:07,451 --> 00:04:10,535
So while I'm sitting here talking to you
a million fanatics are downloading
74
00:04:10,709 --> 00:04:13,335
my portrait and printing it out
as a dartboard.
75
00:04:14,368 --> 00:04:16,007
Silly motherfuckers.
76
00:04:18,922 --> 00:04:20,898
So why have you come to see me?
77
00:04:21,038 --> 00:04:22,578
Wow, we'll get to that.
78
00:04:24,259 --> 00:04:26,151
Now, so you're probably thinking...
79
00:04:27,835 --> 00:04:28,899
"What's it like"?
80
00:04:29,785 --> 00:04:31,074
He flew his mission,
81
00:04:31,492 --> 00:04:32,722
and he flew back.
82
00:04:33,628 --> 00:04:36,051
And he saw the bodies
of those children on CNN.
83
00:04:38,022 --> 00:04:41,225
You're probably trying to figure out,
"What went through his head?"
84
00:04:43,225 --> 00:04:44,437
Let me tell you.
85
00:04:45,001 --> 00:04:47,255
After that kind of mission,
I don't watch CNN.
86
00:04:47,819 --> 00:04:48,884
I go to sleep.
87
00:04:50,908 --> 00:04:52,145
I'm dead tired.
88
00:04:54,148 --> 00:04:56,655
You're probably dying to ask
how I can sleep nights.
89
00:05:01,058 --> 00:05:03,718
- How do you sleep?
- I sleep well, thank you very much.
90
00:05:04,436 --> 00:05:06,099
Knowing it was "mission accomplished".
91
00:05:06,239 --> 00:05:09,004
With great precision, let me tell you.
See, I followed my orders.
92
00:05:09,144 --> 00:05:11,341
Which were hit my target
and hit it on time.
93
00:05:11,481 --> 00:05:12,729
Time and target.
94
00:05:12,869 --> 00:05:16,336
Do you know we have to hit
our targets within two seconds
95
00:05:16,476 --> 00:05:17,734
of the estimated time?
96
00:05:18,082 --> 00:05:19,220
It's surgical.
97
00:05:19,568 --> 00:05:22,498
That's one small window,
and I have never missed it.
98
00:05:23,324 --> 00:05:25,272
If I had...
If I had failed that task,
99
00:05:25,412 --> 00:05:28,506
I'd be in trouble with my superiors,
with my conscience.
100
00:05:29,113 --> 00:05:30,244
And with the system.
101
00:05:31,598 --> 00:05:32,746
But I hit my target.
102
00:05:35,113 --> 00:05:36,503
So I sleep like a baby.
103
00:05:41,252 --> 00:05:42,514
How many...
104
00:05:42,924 --> 00:05:43,929
children...
105
00:05:45,548 --> 00:05:47,504
died in this mission?
106
00:05:47,686 --> 00:05:49,365
The media puts it at sixteen.
107
00:05:50,477 --> 00:05:53,177
- And the air force?
- The Navy, doctor. Listen.
108
00:05:54,391 --> 00:05:56,363
The Nany says nothing
and why should it?
109
00:05:56,601 --> 00:05:59,408
It's not the business of body counts,
it's about hitting our targets.
110
00:05:59,536 --> 00:06:01,640
We don't look back
over our shoulder, belive me.
111
00:06:01,841 --> 00:06:04,454
We're out there doing thing
so you can sit here in peace,
112
00:06:04,594 --> 00:06:06,057
talking to people for a living.
113
00:06:11,769 --> 00:06:15,741
So when did you hear
the children had been killed?
114
00:06:16,960 --> 00:06:18,298
The following afternoon.
115
00:06:19,053 --> 00:06:20,399
I heard it on the internet.
116
00:06:20,589 --> 00:06:22,542
And what exactly did you hear?
117
00:06:23,424 --> 00:06:26,992
Anything specifically
that you remember?
118
00:06:27,992 --> 00:06:29,007
Like what?
119
00:06:29,690 --> 00:06:32,039
It's not like there's time
in the day to be surfing the net.
120
00:06:32,179 --> 00:06:33,784
This was a moment. I got away.
121
00:06:33,924 --> 00:06:35,840
There's a lot of stuff to keep me busy.
122
00:06:37,007 --> 00:06:38,678
What king of stuff?
123
00:06:39,194 --> 00:06:40,312
Mission review.
124
00:06:40,463 --> 00:06:43,702
Aerial photos, videos.
Just data, stuff.
125
00:06:44,152 --> 00:06:45,773
Preparation versus execution.
126
00:06:45,913 --> 00:06:49,011
Every tiny technical aspect
of our flight is recorded
127
00:06:49,182 --> 00:06:50,825
and analyzed by the man.
128
00:06:51,362 --> 00:06:53,694
There's nowhere to hide.
And that's the way it should be.
129
00:06:53,981 --> 00:06:55,811
It's just stuff and more stuff.
130
00:06:56,409 --> 00:06:58,044
It's...
It's like when my mother died.
131
00:06:58,184 --> 00:07:00,291
My father had a year's
worth of stuff to deal with.
132
00:07:00,431 --> 00:07:03,122
Last will and testament,
her office, garden,
133
00:07:03,513 --> 00:07:05,448
a lifetime of photo albums.
134
00:07:06,524 --> 00:07:08,031
And every time I'd talk to him,
135
00:07:09,313 --> 00:07:11,364
I'd ask how he was, expecting...
136
00:07:12,581 --> 00:07:14,928
You know, that he'd break down...
137
00:07:15,927 --> 00:07:16,988
Finally.
138
00:07:20,309 --> 00:07:22,769
"It never ends, Alex.
It never ends.
139
00:07:23,166 --> 00:07:25,082
"Your mother left such a mess.
140
00:07:25,990 --> 00:07:27,743
'She didn't know she was gonna die."
141
00:07:33,514 --> 00:07:34,866
And that's all he'd say.
142
00:07:36,768 --> 00:07:40,129
After less than a year, he met another
woman and got married just like that.
143
00:07:40,772 --> 00:07:42,350
So, how did that make you feel?
144
00:07:43,885 --> 00:07:45,002
I was surprised.
145
00:07:45,781 --> 00:07:48,161
A whole life together
and not a single tear?
146
00:07:49,980 --> 00:07:52,374
It's interesting that you compare
147
00:07:52,546 --> 00:07:55,969
the death of your mother
with this mission that you've just...
148
00:07:56,148 --> 00:07:57,152
flown.
149
00:07:57,525 --> 00:07:58,898
That's very clever of you.
150
00:08:00,479 --> 00:08:02,151
But there's no relation whatsoever.
151
00:08:03,240 --> 00:08:06,845
My mother's death was the most
traumatic event in my life so far.
152
00:08:07,625 --> 00:08:09,906
That mission was just
another mission for Alex.
153
00:08:10,310 --> 00:08:11,568
There is no comparison.
154
00:08:12,460 --> 00:08:15,052
Anyway, look, that's over.
And i'm back now.
155
00:08:15,550 --> 00:08:17,799
I'm back at my home base
and now I'm on R&R.
156
00:08:18,828 --> 00:08:21,194
What kind of things
do you do for R&R?
157
00:08:21,666 --> 00:08:23,103
Don't try to get ahead of me.
158
00:08:23,882 --> 00:08:25,018
I'm a runner.
159
00:08:25,364 --> 00:08:27,022
I was a hell of a runner in high school
160
00:08:27,162 --> 00:08:29,106
and i'm still a pretty good one
for an old man.
161
00:08:29,246 --> 00:08:30,338
So I run.
162
00:08:30,505 --> 00:08:33,966
With my fairy friend, this gay guy
who could kick your ass at any sport.
163
00:08:34,332 --> 00:08:36,266
And does he have a name, this friend?
164
00:08:38,164 --> 00:08:39,575
- Daniel.
- Daniel.
165
00:08:39,744 --> 00:08:41,641
We've been running together
for a long time,
166
00:08:41,891 --> 00:08:43,586
between six and 10 miles...
167
00:08:44,351 --> 00:08:46,652
Depending on whether one of us
is on his period.
168
00:08:47,022 --> 00:08:48,764
Only this time
i chalenged him a little.
169
00:08:48,941 --> 00:08:50,914
There's no real good running
in the middle east.
170
00:08:51,054 --> 00:08:54,650
Not for the US military, unless you want
a roadside bomb to blow your balls off.
171
00:08:54,860 --> 00:08:56,635
So I wanted to do some serious running.
172
00:08:57,151 --> 00:08:58,682
I said, "let's go for 15."
173
00:08:59,559 --> 00:09:01,446
Then after 15 miles, I said, "20."
174
00:09:02,233 --> 00:09:05,124
Now he didn't want it, but I said,
"okay, i'll go on my own."
175
00:09:05,641 --> 00:09:06,810
So he followed.
176
00:09:07,185 --> 00:09:10,397
I said, "You know, only six more
and it's a marathon. Let's do it."
177
00:09:13,175 --> 00:09:14,455
He wanted to stop.
178
00:09:15,102 --> 00:09:16,266
Little bitch.
179
00:09:17,954 --> 00:09:19,334
But I wasn't gonna stop.
180
00:09:21,372 --> 00:09:22,461
It was tough.
181
00:09:24,729 --> 00:09:26,015
We were out of water--
182
00:09:26,513 --> 00:09:27,728
We're on fumes.
183
00:09:29,886 --> 00:09:32,694
At 22 miles,
184
00:09:32,834 --> 00:09:34,721
I had a heart attack and died.
185
00:09:36,393 --> 00:09:37,680
A textbook case...
186
00:09:38,177 --> 00:09:39,519
Straight outta med school...
187
00:09:40,247 --> 00:09:41,937
Enlargement of the left ventricle.
188
00:09:42,716 --> 00:09:45,458
In accordance with the family history
on both sides, fatal.
189
00:09:45,932 --> 00:09:48,336
According to the EKG
and according to statistics,
190
00:09:48,587 --> 00:09:51,724
I had a 97.3% chance of dying,
191
00:09:52,057 --> 00:09:54,000
or 2.7% chance of living.
192
00:09:54,140 --> 00:09:56,131
Anyway, dead.
193
00:09:57,609 --> 00:10:00,558
You actually died?
194
00:10:00,904 --> 00:10:03,365
In the clinical sense.
No pulse, no brain activity.
195
00:10:03,505 --> 00:10:05,266
Total clinical death.
196
00:10:07,585 --> 00:10:08,590
But here I am.
197
00:10:10,525 --> 00:10:12,469
And now i'm gonna
disappoint you, doctor.
198
00:10:16,685 --> 00:10:18,731
Don't you wanna know
why i'm gonna disappoint you?
199
00:10:19,320 --> 00:10:21,231
Let me help you out.
The light, the tunnel,
200
00:10:21,409 --> 00:10:23,541
the whole
life-flashing-before-my-eyes,
201
00:10:24,321 --> 00:10:26,075
That's what you're interested in, right?
202
00:10:26,836 --> 00:10:29,956
No, I wasn't actually thinking
of that at all.
203
00:10:30,096 --> 00:10:31,694
But I am interested.
Please, tell me.
204
00:10:31,845 --> 00:10:33,583
I couldn't give a shit about it either.
205
00:10:34,632 --> 00:10:36,496
But that's all everyone
wanted to know about.
206
00:10:36,685 --> 00:10:38,131
My father, my wife...
207
00:10:39,310 --> 00:10:41,920
Everyone. They just wanted
to hear about the goddamn tunnel.
208
00:10:43,432 --> 00:10:45,845
Just-- Such bullshit.
209
00:10:50,494 --> 00:10:53,010
Do you feel that maybe you...
210
00:10:53,245 --> 00:10:56,109
disappointed people
by not having that experience?
211
00:10:56,566 --> 00:10:57,670
That maybe...
212
00:10:58,181 --> 00:11:01,111
in some way,
you failed to deliver the goods?
213
00:11:04,202 --> 00:11:05,257
Nobody really knows
214
00:11:05,417 --> 00:11:07,995
what was going through my mind
during those last few moments.
215
00:11:08,981 --> 00:11:11,340
Soon as there was no more tunnel,
no one was interested.
216
00:11:12,269 --> 00:11:14,701
And what was going through your mind?
217
00:11:15,381 --> 00:11:17,235
Oh, I knew what was happening.
You can tell.
218
00:11:18,155 --> 00:11:19,667
And you're afraid it's the end.
219
00:11:20,893 --> 00:11:24,245
In all that time
until I lost consciousness...
220
00:11:25,704 --> 00:11:27,121
All that time...
221
00:11:27,741 --> 00:11:30,982
I don't know how long it was,
Maybe seconds, maybe half a minute.
222
00:11:31,122 --> 00:11:34,014
All that time, I kept trying
to figure out if I had a hard-on.
223
00:11:35,110 --> 00:11:38,358
See, I don't know how I remember this
Something my grandmother told me
224
00:11:38,899 --> 00:11:40,236
when I was in high school.
225
00:11:40,811 --> 00:11:42,764
And she said, when grandpa died,
226
00:11:43,844 --> 00:11:46,002
she found him lying
naked in the bathtub
227
00:11:46,142 --> 00:11:48,161
with a huge erection.
228
00:11:48,530 --> 00:11:50,910
Now he was 92 years old.
229
00:11:51,704 --> 00:11:54,014
She hadn't seen an erection
like that in 20 years.
230
00:11:55,450 --> 00:11:56,633
She liked it.
231
00:11:56,896 --> 00:12:00,342
She said that was
"god's final gift to a man...
232
00:12:00,717 --> 00:12:02,041
"A dead man's boner."
233
00:12:02,751 --> 00:12:04,178
They call it "angel lust."
234
00:12:04,677 --> 00:12:07,184
Anyway, so i'm lying there
and i'm thinking about that story.
235
00:12:07,324 --> 00:12:09,636
I know what's happening to me
and I said to myself,
236
00:12:09,776 --> 00:12:11,630
"God almighty, just...
237
00:12:11,948 --> 00:12:13,825
"don't let me have
an erection right now,
238
00:12:14,500 --> 00:12:15,534
"not a hard-O."
239
00:12:15,674 --> 00:12:18,586
Because if you had an erection,
it would mean that...
240
00:12:18,869 --> 00:12:20,569
That would mean that I was dead.
241
00:12:23,066 --> 00:12:25,640
And your friend daniel was
with you throughout this?
242
00:12:25,780 --> 00:12:27,983
Yeah, resuscitation, CPR...
243
00:12:28,711 --> 00:12:30,626
Daniel's a doctor,
i forgot to say that.
244
00:12:31,391 --> 00:12:34,413
For a minute, I thought you were going
to say something else, that perhaps
245
00:12:34,553 --> 00:12:38,111
your fear of an erection
was associated with the presence of...
246
00:12:38,309 --> 00:12:39,708
your friend, Daniel.
247
00:12:40,675 --> 00:12:41,821
Excuse me?
248
00:12:43,862 --> 00:12:46,764
Don't you think you're exaggerating?
I explained something simple...
249
00:12:46,947 --> 00:12:49,558
A dead man's erection.
What's that gotta do with daniel?
250
00:12:51,661 --> 00:12:55,221
Maybe I didn't make myself clear
earlier on When I was talking about
251
00:12:55,428 --> 00:12:57,448
the customer always being wrong.
252
00:12:57,704 --> 00:13:00,849
What I meant was that sometimes
253
00:13:01,047 --> 00:13:03,441
the patient hides things
from his therapist...
254
00:13:03,624 --> 00:13:04,817
From himself.
255
00:13:05,595 --> 00:13:08,563
And so part of our job
is to uncover
256
00:13:08,703 --> 00:13:11,204
the things that we hide.
257
00:13:15,173 --> 00:13:17,896
So my secret is
i'm afraid of homosexuals?
258
00:13:18,282 --> 00:13:19,812
No, not necessarily.
259
00:13:20,141 --> 00:13:22,704
But I just wand to clarify that.
260
00:13:24,074 --> 00:13:25,635
Okay. That's neither here nor there.
261
00:13:25,775 --> 00:13:27,419
- I wanna get to my point.
- Go ahead.
262
00:13:27,559 --> 00:13:29,550
I didn't have the erection
so you can relax.
263
00:13:29,761 --> 00:13:31,165
But I tell you I remember
264
00:13:31,411 --> 00:13:34,510
very vividly that moment
just before passing out...
265
00:13:34,652 --> 00:13:36,027
Before losing consciousness.
266
00:13:40,104 --> 00:13:43,104
"Losing consciousns"...
That's a funny expression.
267
00:13:43,649 --> 00:13:45,433
Why do you think
that's a funny expression?
268
00:13:45,912 --> 00:13:48,863
"Losing" consciousness... It's an
expression my father would use...
269
00:13:49,593 --> 00:13:53,104
Everything in terms of profits and loss.
270
00:13:54,413 --> 00:13:55,699
Fits him like a glove.
271
00:13:57,895 --> 00:13:59,311
So something about
272
00:13:59,526 --> 00:14:02,708
how you describe your last moments
is equated with your father
273
00:14:02,875 --> 00:14:05,602
seeing things
in terms of profit and loss?
274
00:14:05,742 --> 00:14:07,859
- Is that...
- Okay, with all due respect,
275
00:14:08,122 --> 00:14:09,956
I think we've come to this
way too early.
276
00:14:10,096 --> 00:14:12,032
All this stuff about
the father son relationship,
277
00:14:12,172 --> 00:14:13,835
I don't think it should come up so soon.
278
00:14:13,976 --> 00:14:16,511
- You think it's too soon?
- No, forget what I feel.
279
00:14:16,783 --> 00:14:17,985
I know it's too soon.
280
00:14:18,126 --> 00:14:20,219
- I wanna know what you think.
- So you're...
281
00:14:21,124 --> 00:14:23,172
- You're testing me?
- I'm entitled to some testing.
282
00:14:23,312 --> 00:14:24,345
I'm paying for it.
283
00:14:24,448 --> 00:14:27,354
Actually I think you've been testing me
since you walked through the door.
284
00:14:27,543 --> 00:14:30,097
You've asked about me
and my reputation.
285
00:14:30,854 --> 00:14:33,963
You ask-- Well you practically demand
that I ask you certain questions
286
00:14:34,103 --> 00:14:35,980
that you think i'm dying to ask.
287
00:14:36,120 --> 00:14:39,710
It's really important to you, I think,
that I adhere to certain standards
288
00:14:39,850 --> 00:14:42,460
that you set
before you walked through the door.
289
00:14:42,601 --> 00:14:43,813
What's wrong with that?
290
00:14:44,035 --> 00:14:46,213
Look, I did my research.
291
00:14:47,143 --> 00:14:50,317
It's a one-and-a-half-Hour drive to get
here and i'm paying you good money.
292
00:14:50,729 --> 00:14:53,575
And i'm expected to tell you,
a perfect stranger,
293
00:14:53,715 --> 00:14:55,875
the most intimate things
about my life.
294
00:14:56,070 --> 00:14:58,464
Plus, there are risks here.
295
00:14:59,032 --> 00:15:02,131
It's not like the navy's gonna give me
a medal For spilling my guts in here.
296
00:15:02,333 --> 00:15:05,608
i'm not gonna open up to you just
like that without knowing what you are.
297
00:15:05,781 --> 00:15:08,363
And what do you expect to find, Alex?
298
00:15:09,222 --> 00:15:11,053
How are we going to know
299
00:15:11,269 --> 00:15:13,626
that i'm a good enough therapist
for you?
300
00:15:14,242 --> 00:15:15,256
I'll know...
301
00:15:16,628 --> 00:15:18,069
According to your opinion.
302
00:15:18,571 --> 00:15:19,703
My opinion of what?
303
00:15:19,896 --> 00:15:22,066
Of the issue
i came here to talk about.
304
00:15:22,206 --> 00:15:23,699
But i'll come to that in a minute.
305
00:15:25,276 --> 00:15:28,253
It has to do with what happened to me
after taking me out of the freezer.
306
00:15:28,797 --> 00:15:29,891
the freezer?
307
00:15:30,834 --> 00:15:33,510
Oh, you mean that you were grounded?
308
00:15:34,140 --> 00:15:35,548
No, literally frozen.
309
00:15:36,097 --> 00:15:37,239
They froze me.
310
00:15:37,480 --> 00:15:40,119
The mobile intensive care unit arrived
and they put me in a suit
311
00:15:40,297 --> 00:15:41,302
that freezes you.
312
00:15:41,443 --> 00:15:43,715
They've got one out of presbyterian,
which is...
313
00:15:43,899 --> 00:15:45,924
no more than 3/4 of a mile
from where I collapsed
314
00:15:46,064 --> 00:15:47,680
and their e.R. Is tops.
315
00:15:47,820 --> 00:15:49,797
Let's go back to this--
316
00:15:49,994 --> 00:15:52,848
Yeah, we're getting there.
You have no patience.
317
00:15:55,679 --> 00:15:57,482
I was told you were a good listener.
318
00:15:59,339 --> 00:16:00,343
Now look...
319
00:16:01,695 --> 00:16:03,366
It works on a very simple principle.
320
00:16:03,885 --> 00:16:05,726
It reduces the shock
to the body's systems
321
00:16:05,866 --> 00:16:07,519
by dropping the body temperature.
322
00:16:07,922 --> 00:16:09,490
Oh. So how long were you--
323
00:16:09,706 --> 00:16:12,457
In my case, 48 hours.
It's a record.
324
00:16:12,635 --> 00:16:14,908
There's no history of anyone
who's been in that suit
325
00:16:15,048 --> 00:16:16,692
for such a long period of time.
326
00:16:17,157 --> 00:16:19,458
I guess I went a long way
up that tunnel?
327
00:16:20,331 --> 00:16:21,851
The tunnel that wasn't there.
328
00:16:23,115 --> 00:16:24,758
No, unfortunately not.
329
00:16:27,102 --> 00:16:29,600
So tell me what you remember
330
00:16:29,787 --> 00:16:31,365
about this 48 hours.
331
00:16:32,416 --> 00:16:34,100
Mostly I remember...
332
00:16:36,044 --> 00:16:37,194
A terrible fatigue.
333
00:16:37,860 --> 00:16:39,741
I guess
that's why they call it "dead tired."
334
00:16:40,056 --> 00:16:42,295
It's physical but mainly mental--
335
00:16:43,098 --> 00:16:44,140
Exhaustion.
336
00:16:45,474 --> 00:16:47,774
And I remember very clearly
337
00:16:48,018 --> 00:16:49,493
the relief I felt...
338
00:16:49,991 --> 00:16:52,255
when I succeeded in coming back
over into the world.
339
00:16:52,973 --> 00:16:54,785
You say that you "succeeded"
340
00:16:55,035 --> 00:16:57,161
in coming back to this world.
341
00:16:58,087 --> 00:17:01,007
- Did you fe it was under your control?
- What are you trying to get at?
342
00:17:02,227 --> 00:17:03,758
I'm not trying to get at anything.
343
00:17:03,898 --> 00:17:07,839
But what you're describing
is a strong will to live.
344
00:17:08,040 --> 00:17:11,486
I mean, during this experience,
there was a decision to go on living.
345
00:17:11,974 --> 00:17:13,636
- Yeah, I guess you're right
- Yet,
346
00:17:13,847 --> 00:17:17,265
despite having made
this effort to live...
347
00:17:18,874 --> 00:17:20,147
Everybody's disappointed.
348
00:17:20,837 --> 00:17:24,039
Listen, it's not every day people meet
someone who's come back from the dead.
349
00:17:24,480 --> 00:17:25,895
It's a one-in-a-million thing.
350
00:17:26,292 --> 00:17:28,048
And if you don't supply the goods,
then...
351
00:17:29,845 --> 00:17:31,807
Listen, I have never...
352
00:17:32,239 --> 00:17:34,661
spent a day in my life in a hospital.
353
00:17:34,854 --> 00:17:35,858
You get it?
354
00:17:36,196 --> 00:17:37,539
- Never.
- So...
355
00:17:37,751 --> 00:17:39,685
perhaps your anger isn't
directed at the people
356
00:17:39,825 --> 00:17:41,403
who were interested in the tunnel.
357
00:17:41,543 --> 00:17:43,299
but you're angry at yourself, Alex-.
358
00:17:43,581 --> 00:17:45,149
How your body betrayed you.
359
00:17:45,680 --> 00:17:47,169
I mean, this is a systems failure
360
00:17:47,309 --> 00:17:49,696
that was not supposed
to happen to somebody like you.
361
00:17:51,798 --> 00:17:54,466
I have a brother who's not too bright.
He's a real estate agent.
362
00:17:54,606 --> 00:17:57,324
Whatever.
Anyway, he's a great athlete.
363
00:17:57,610 --> 00:18:01,060
And he once proved to me...
And he does his research, believe me.
364
00:18:02,051 --> 00:18:05,800
That all the great quarterbacks
in the history of football
365
00:18:06,018 --> 00:18:07,365
were also the best-looking.
366
00:18:08,178 --> 00:18:12,037
Namath, Staubach, Cunningham...
They're all really good-looking people.
367
00:18:12,654 --> 00:18:15,772
The best-Looking students in the class
are often great athletes.
368
00:18:16,062 --> 00:18:17,170
You know why that is?
369
00:18:17,358 --> 00:18:18,616
I have no idea.
370
00:18:18,860 --> 00:18:20,719
It's got nothing
to do with sports, really.
371
00:18:21,485 --> 00:18:24,550
When they got their gift
from god, the father,
372
00:18:24,749 --> 00:18:27,965
or whoever the hell doles out the talent
they got the whole package...
373
00:18:28,205 --> 00:18:29,294
Beauty,
374
00:18:29,496 --> 00:18:31,111
talent, character.
375
00:18:32,240 --> 00:18:34,578
That's how it is.
It's an evolutionary thing.
376
00:18:35,372 --> 00:18:37,522
So, how's your football?
377
00:18:38,921 --> 00:18:40,245
Football's not my game.
378
00:18:40,620 --> 00:18:41,731
Running, of course,
379
00:18:41,871 --> 00:18:43,777
Wrestling,
pole vault once upon a time.
380
00:18:44,303 --> 00:18:47,101
But now I am part of a military elite.
381
00:18:47,514 --> 00:18:50,568
Athletes may be popular
but we are the crème de la crème.
382
00:18:50,708 --> 00:18:52,939
You have to understand
that you're talking to a person here
383
00:18:53,079 --> 00:18:54,811
whose whole life was perfect.
384
00:18:55,296 --> 00:18:59,126
People in my line of work
are born to excel, to be perfect.
385
00:19:01,528 --> 00:19:02,748
It wasn't our choice.
386
00:19:03,048 --> 00:19:05,114
It was life that
chose us to be the best.
387
00:19:05,917 --> 00:19:09,129
And what does that mean,
"life chose us?"
388
00:19:09,401 --> 00:19:12,650
Yeah, you don't become
a fighter pilot suddenly at age 20.
389
00:19:13,394 --> 00:19:16,445
At age seven or eight
when you're in the third grade,
390
00:19:16,952 --> 00:19:18,341
you know you're talented.
391
00:19:18,897 --> 00:19:20,625
You know you're headed
somewhere special.
392
00:19:20,765 --> 00:19:22,172
You are going to be the best.
393
00:19:22,312 --> 00:19:24,679
And it all lays out
right in front of you...
394
00:19:25,282 --> 00:19:27,894
Top grades, varsity letters,
you name it.
395
00:19:28,034 --> 00:19:30,260
I'm a topgun grad, you understand that?
396
00:19:30,809 --> 00:19:32,584
That training is not for pussies.
397
00:19:32,763 --> 00:19:35,016
So, if you don't achieve
your personal best...
398
00:19:36,444 --> 00:19:38,219
Are you disappointed in yourself?
399
00:19:38,360 --> 00:19:40,820
No, no, that's not...
400
00:19:49,734 --> 00:19:52,007
- How much longer do we have?
- We've got time.
401
00:19:52,307 --> 00:19:55,133
I'll tell you when it's time.
402
00:19:55,745 --> 00:19:57,872
Okay, so here's my point...
Finally.
403
00:19:58,900 --> 00:20:00,796
I came here to get
your advice on something.
404
00:20:01,125 --> 00:20:02,040
Sure.
405
00:20:03,774 --> 00:20:06,131
I decided to go there...
To the target.
406
00:20:07,704 --> 00:20:09,591
You understand what
i'm talking about here?
407
00:20:10,324 --> 00:20:13,365
You mean to the site
where you dropped the bomb?
408
00:20:14,485 --> 00:20:15,885
- To the school?
- Madrasa.
409
00:20:16,025 --> 00:20:17,724
I wanna go back
and take a look around.
410
00:20:17,884 --> 00:20:19,696
To the place
where the children were killed?
411
00:20:19,837 --> 00:20:22,714
Correct. I know what you're thinking
so let me straighten this out for you.
412
00:20:22,854 --> 00:20:25,103
I don't have a guilty conscience.
I already told you that.
413
00:20:25,243 --> 00:20:27,083
I sleep well at night.
Very well.
414
00:20:27,830 --> 00:20:29,393
why would you want to go back?
415
00:20:29,750 --> 00:20:30,830
I'm interested.
416
00:20:31,634 --> 00:20:35,230
From the moment I came out of that
freezer, I knew I wanted to go back.
417
00:20:35,812 --> 00:20:37,831
And it came up in a
conversationi had with daniel
418
00:20:37,971 --> 00:20:40,077
when he came to visit me
at the hospital.
419
00:20:40,740 --> 00:20:42,130
He thinks, who knows,
420
00:20:42,270 --> 00:20:45,256
I'm gonna freak out or something.
He thinks it's a crazy thing to do.
421
00:20:46,054 --> 00:20:47,922
And he said I need to see someone first.
422
00:20:48,335 --> 00:20:50,777
Psychologist, psychiatrist.
423
00:20:50,960 --> 00:20:52,735
Don't you think it's dangerous?
424
00:20:52,927 --> 00:20:54,101
Not at all.
425
00:20:54,403 --> 00:20:56,341
I don't really think
anyone will recognize me.
426
00:20:56,481 --> 00:20:58,114
But your picture's on the internet.
427
00:20:58,278 --> 00:20:59,954
No way.
You saw the picture.
428
00:21:00,738 --> 00:21:03,790
It's totally ridiculous. My mother
wouldn't recognize me from that picture.
429
00:21:03,940 --> 00:21:05,090
Not even michaela.
430
00:21:05,315 --> 00:21:06,363
Who's michaela?
431
00:21:06,825 --> 00:21:07,938
My wife.
432
00:21:08,891 --> 00:21:10,581
And what does she think of all this?
433
00:21:11,116 --> 00:21:12,449
What's she got to do with it?
434
00:21:12,664 --> 00:21:14,440
Don't you talk things
over with your wife?
435
00:21:14,580 --> 00:21:16,083
You know what?
This is not for me.
436
00:21:16,223 --> 00:21:18,102
All this "what do you feel,
what do you think?"
437
00:21:18,242 --> 00:21:20,243
I asked you something.
I came to you to consult
438
00:21:20,383 --> 00:21:22,224
about something very clear and specific.
439
00:21:22,405 --> 00:21:24,978
So you want me to tell you
that this desire of yours
440
00:21:25,118 --> 00:21:27,903
to go back to where
the bombing took place...
441
00:21:28,581 --> 00:21:31,407
- is a good thing?
- Okay, yeah, yes.
442
00:21:32,009 --> 00:21:34,569
Do you want me to take responsibility
for this visit?
443
00:21:34,766 --> 00:21:37,423
Okay, do me a favor,
don't make me into an idiot.
444
00:21:38,370 --> 00:21:39,996
What, I'm not taking responsibility?
445
00:21:40,195 --> 00:21:42,898
No, i'm just going back to something
that you said earlier on.
446
00:21:43,779 --> 00:21:47,121
Remember you said that life chose you
447
00:21:47,676 --> 00:21:50,418
to be a member of an elite?
That it wasn't your decision?
448
00:21:50,981 --> 00:21:53,093
Maybe that's an attitude
you're comfortable with.
449
00:21:53,598 --> 00:21:56,664
You're comfortable with it because
you don't have to make any decisions.
450
00:21:57,574 --> 00:21:59,940
It relieves you of responsibility.
451
00:22:00,457 --> 00:22:02,635
Your commanding officer,
he makes the decisions,
452
00:22:03,416 --> 00:22:04,800
conveys them to you,
453
00:22:05,210 --> 00:22:06,365
and you execute them.
454
00:22:06,505 --> 00:22:09,661
Wait, are you trying to tell me
that i'm asking you
455
00:22:09,801 --> 00:22:11,500
to be my commanding officer?
456
00:22:12,335 --> 00:22:13,584
Okay, i'll buy it.
457
00:22:14,836 --> 00:22:16,493
So, are you willing to...
458
00:22:17,146 --> 00:22:18,436
To be my CO?
459
00:22:18,704 --> 00:22:20,206
For $150 an hour?
460
00:22:21,324 --> 00:22:22,516
I don't think i'm...
461
00:22:22,836 --> 00:22:24,652
I don't think i'm qualified for that.
462
00:22:26,025 --> 00:22:29,133
But would you agree
to be your own commanding officer?
463
00:22:29,311 --> 00:22:32,494
Oh, listen, you know what,
just leave it alone.
464
00:22:33,055 --> 00:22:35,309
I can see i'm not gonna get
anything useful out of you.
465
00:22:35,585 --> 00:22:38,374
- And you're supposed to be the best?
- But i'm not the best, Alex.
466
00:22:38,890 --> 00:22:40,092
Maybe you're the best,
467
00:22:40,435 --> 00:22:41,970
but i'm not.
468
00:22:43,568 --> 00:22:46,423
Think about the ramifications
of what you're about to do.
469
00:22:46,672 --> 00:22:49,311
You're going back to a place
where you dropped a bomb.
470
00:22:49,451 --> 00:22:51,273
16 children were killed.
471
00:22:51,451 --> 00:22:53,028
Your face is on the internet
472
00:22:53,508 --> 00:22:55,151
and there's a price on your head.
473
00:22:56,646 --> 00:22:59,134
So, wait, wait. Now you're saying
that you agree with daniel,
474
00:22:59,274 --> 00:23:00,570
That i've gone crazy?
475
00:23:00,746 --> 00:23:02,361
How would you feel if I did?
476
00:23:02,545 --> 00:23:05,082
How hard is a straight answer?
I've got a plane to catch.
477
00:23:07,040 --> 00:23:08,796
Why? Where are you going?
478
00:23:09,012 --> 00:23:11,772
Are you not listening to me?
I am going back there.
479
00:23:12,274 --> 00:23:14,143
Nonstop, DC to Frankfurt,
480
00:23:14,364 --> 00:23:15,810
then Frankfurt-Amman,
481
00:23:16,082 --> 00:23:18,256
thursday morning,
by charter, to Baghdad.
482
00:23:18,948 --> 00:23:20,596
You're leaving tonight?
483
00:23:20,976 --> 00:23:22,919
Good morning, doctor.
484
00:23:23,999 --> 00:23:26,441
I'm going back as part
of a church group, a charity.
485
00:23:27,168 --> 00:23:29,094
I'm gonna be visiting
those neighborhoods.
486
00:23:29,844 --> 00:23:32,103
No, no, this is not
part of Navy protocol.
487
00:23:32,421 --> 00:23:34,995
Let me ask you something.
When you were running with Daniel...
488
00:23:35,178 --> 00:23:36,892
Was it 22 miles?
489
00:23:38,081 --> 00:23:39,344
How long did that take?
490
00:23:40,757 --> 00:23:42,227
I don't know, almost three hours.
491
00:23:43,067 --> 00:23:45,790
Daniel wanted to quit.
He's always going on about...
492
00:23:45,975 --> 00:23:47,751
your optimum pulse during exercise
493
00:23:47,891 --> 00:23:49,842
And he thought we shouldn't go over 85%.
494
00:23:49,982 --> 00:23:51,540
You know what I find interesting?
495
00:23:52,135 --> 00:23:54,398
That shortly
after you complete this mission,
496
00:23:55,572 --> 00:23:56,839
you go on leave,
497
00:23:57,181 --> 00:23:58,988
and against the advice
of your best friend,
498
00:23:59,148 --> 00:24:01,172
who also happens
to be a medical doctor,
499
00:24:01,456 --> 00:24:05,263
You work yourself up
into a state of extreme exertion.
500
00:24:05,728 --> 00:24:07,419
It's as if you were...
501
00:24:07,559 --> 00:24:09,822
avoiding going back to active duty.
502
00:24:10,019 --> 00:24:11,765
No, I have no problem flying again.
503
00:24:12,132 --> 00:24:14,307
In fact, i'm dying
to get back into action.
504
00:24:15,211 --> 00:24:17,699
Do you not see a connection
between your collapse
505
00:24:18,084 --> 00:24:20,347
and what went before?
506
00:24:21,054 --> 00:24:24,500
No, I know you say
you don't have any guilt feelings,
507
00:24:26,058 --> 00:24:29,551
but don't you think
there's a strong desire there to...
508
00:24:30,715 --> 00:24:33,006
atone for your actions?
509
00:24:44,727 --> 00:24:46,408
Do they have any coffee around here?
510
00:24:48,510 --> 00:24:50,463
I could use a good cup of coffee.
511
00:24:52,032 --> 00:24:53,830
Um, our time is up, i'm afraid.
512
00:24:56,633 --> 00:24:58,720
I still got a couple things
i want to talk about.
513
00:24:58,860 --> 00:25:00,315
I'm happy to see you again.
514
00:25:12,049 --> 00:25:15,462
You know, I think it's important
that you keep talking about all this.
515
00:25:15,602 --> 00:25:17,790
Okay, i'll keep that in mind.
516
00:25:20,533 --> 00:25:22,044
I better pay you now.
517
00:25:22,204 --> 00:25:24,091
Who knows
how this little trip will turn out?
518
00:25:24,270 --> 00:25:26,279
You're serious about traveling today?
519
00:25:31,697 --> 00:25:32,974
Oh, it's this way.
520
00:25:34,720 --> 00:25:37,659
- I'll write you an invoice for the...
- Don't worry about it.
521
00:25:41,857 --> 00:25:43,519
Aren't you gonna wish me luck?
522
00:25:45,228 --> 00:25:46,367
Good luck, Alex.