1
00:00:10,040 --> 00:00:13,157
Ah. Alex. Paul.

2
00:00:26,880 --> 00:00:29,792
- So, are there any rules?
- Er, rules?

3
00:00:29,840 --> 00:00:30,909
Ground rules.

4
00:00:32,080 --> 00:00:35,356
- Anything I should know before we start?
- Oh, not really.

5
00:00:35,400 --> 00:00:37,436
It's more or less up to you.

6
00:00:38,200 --> 00:00:41,192
Oh, right, right.
I'm a customer.

7
00:00:41,240 --> 00:00:42,309
Yeah.

8
00:00:43,160 --> 00:00:46,914
Though in my profession,
we say that the customer is always wrong.

9
00:00:48,880 --> 00:00:52,031
It's a...
It's a therapist's joke.

10
00:01:23,760 --> 00:01:25,557
So, do you recognise me?

11
00:01:27,120 --> 00:01:28,758
No.

12
00:01:30,920 --> 00:01:33,514
I'm sorry, uh, should I?

13
00:01:33,560 --> 00:01:37,155
I was told you were the best,
a man in tune with everything around him,

14
00:01:37,200 --> 00:01:38,679
- so you should.
- Thank you.

15
00:01:38,720 --> 00:01:40,950
But I do think that in this profession,

16
00:01:41,000 --> 00:01:45,835
"the best" is really
a matter of personal opinion.

17
00:01:45,880 --> 00:01:50,476
No, the best can be established
by facts and figures.

18
00:01:50,520 --> 00:01:53,159
You're the best. I did my research.

19
00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:57,796
Couple of former patients, someone
who knew you from graduate school.

20
00:01:57,840 --> 00:02:01,435
- Does that pressure you?
- Is it important for you to know

21
00:02:01,480 --> 00:02:04,711
- that I am the best?
- Yes.

22
00:02:04,760 --> 00:02:08,594
It's nothing personal, I always go
to the best - dentists, mechanics.

23
00:02:08,640 --> 00:02:12,110
You know what they say -
save now, pay later.

24
00:02:14,080 --> 00:02:18,631
So what do you think
being the best therapist entails?

25
00:02:19,840 --> 00:02:21,558
Do you recognise me?

26
00:02:21,600 --> 00:02:23,192
No, I...

27
00:02:23,240 --> 00:02:24,832
I... I don't.

28
00:02:24,880 --> 00:02:26,552
Let me help.

29
00:02:26,600 --> 00:02:28,272
The Madrasah Murderer.

30
00:02:28,320 --> 00:02:30,993
- Does that mean anything to you?
- No.

31
00:02:31,040 --> 00:02:32,393
It wasn't that long ago.

32
00:02:34,240 --> 00:02:37,312
US Navy aircraft hit a target
on the outskirts of Baghdad.

33
00:02:37,360 --> 00:02:39,828
Naval Intelligence identified the structure

34
00:02:39,880 --> 00:02:44,635
as an insurgents' safe house, a bunker.
Turns out it's a madrasah.

35
00:02:44,680 --> 00:02:48,514
Let me tell you what that is.
It's an Islamic religious school.

36
00:02:48,560 --> 00:02:51,711
Boys like bees in a beehive
studying the Koran.

37
00:02:51,760 --> 00:02:53,990
16 of them... dead.

38
00:02:57,160 --> 00:02:59,958
- Rings a bell?
- Yes, I remember that, yes.

39
00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:01,638
So, that's me.

40
00:03:01,680 --> 00:03:04,069
I flew that mission.

41
00:03:04,800 --> 00:03:06,791
The Madrasah Murderer.

42
00:03:12,880 --> 00:03:14,871
So, uh, do you surf the net?

43
00:03:17,520 --> 00:03:21,957
Well, somehow...
Well, it wasn't really somehow, it was...

44
00:03:22,000 --> 00:03:26,357
Let's call a spade a spade. A leak.
Probably another intelligence fuck-up.

45
00:03:26,400 --> 00:03:30,678
Anyway, I was identified
as the pilot in that mission

46
00:03:30,720 --> 00:03:33,473
and my photo was placed
on fundamentalist websites.

47
00:03:33,520 --> 00:03:37,308
And I'm not talking Al Jazeera,
I'm talking websites that are...

48
00:03:37,360 --> 00:03:38,952
asking for my head on a platter.

49
00:03:39,000 --> 00:03:41,116
Offering up the heavens
and 40 virgins

50
00:03:41,160 --> 00:03:43,754
to anyone who will slit my throat
from ear to ear.

51
00:03:43,800 --> 00:03:45,199
Here, um...

52
00:03:46,080 --> 00:03:50,631
Here you are. It's not a recent photo.
It's a photo taken when I was 18.

53
00:03:50,680 --> 00:03:54,150
On a high-school trip
to Europe, Holland.

54
00:03:54,200 --> 00:03:57,636
That city with the miniatures.
Ult... Utrecht.

55
00:03:57,680 --> 00:03:59,671
- Utrecht.
- Right.

56
00:04:03,040 --> 00:04:06,999
So while I'm talking to you,
a million fanatics are downloading my portrait

57
00:04:07,040 --> 00:04:09,156
and printing it out as a dartboard.

58
00:04:10,120 --> 00:04:11,917
Silly motherfuckers.

59
00:04:14,400 --> 00:04:18,029
- So, why have you come to see me?
- Whoa, whoa. We'll get to that.

60
00:04:19,920 --> 00:04:24,755
So you're probably thinking,
"What's it like?

61
00:04:24,800 --> 00:04:28,554
"He flew his mission,
then he flew back

62
00:04:28,600 --> 00:04:31,592
"and he saw the bodies
of those children on CNN."

63
00:04:32,600 --> 00:04:35,910
You're probably trying to figure out
what went through his head.

64
00:04:37,800 --> 00:04:39,392
Let me tell you,

65
00:04:39,440 --> 00:04:42,159
after that kind of mission,
I don't watch CNN.

66
00:04:42,200 --> 00:04:44,191
I go to sleep.

67
00:04:45,200 --> 00:04:47,270
I'm dead tired.

68
00:04:48,280 --> 00:04:51,556
And you're probably dying to ask
how I can sleep nights.

69
00:04:52,560 --> 00:04:54,516
OK, um...

70
00:04:54,560 --> 00:04:57,518
- How do you sleep?
- I sleep well, thank you very much,

71
00:04:57,560 --> 00:05:01,155
knowing it was mission accomplished
and with great precision.

72
00:05:01,200 --> 00:05:04,749
I followed my orders, which were
hit my target and hit it on time.

73
00:05:04,800 --> 00:05:07,997
Time and target. Do you know,
we have to hit our targets

74
00:05:08,040 --> 00:05:11,077
within two seconds
of the estimated time?

75
00:05:11,120 --> 00:05:16,148
It's surgical. And that's one small window
and I have never missed it.

76
00:05:16,200 --> 00:05:19,909
If I had failed that task,
I'd be in trouble with my superiors,

77
00:05:19,960 --> 00:05:23,032
with my conscience
and with the system.

78
00:05:24,080 --> 00:05:26,071
But I hit my target.

79
00:05:27,440 --> 00:05:29,431
So, I sleep like a baby.

80
00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:34,911
Um, h-how many...

81
00:05:34,960 --> 00:05:37,190
children...

82
00:05:37,240 --> 00:05:39,470
died in this... in this mission?

83
00:05:39,520 --> 00:05:42,159
The media puts it at 16.

84
00:05:42,200 --> 00:05:44,919
- And the air force?
- The navy, Doctor, listen.

85
00:05:45,920 --> 00:05:48,070
The navy says nothing
and why should it?

86
00:05:48,120 --> 00:05:50,839
We're not into body counts,
we just hit targets.

87
00:05:50,880 --> 00:05:53,030
We don't look back over our shoulder.

88
00:05:53,080 --> 00:05:55,674
We do our thing
so you can sit here in peace,

89
00:05:55,720 --> 00:05:58,109
talking to people for a living.

90
00:05:58,160 --> 00:05:59,559
(Chuckles)

91
00:06:02,600 --> 00:06:06,593
So when did you hear
that children had been killed?

92
00:06:07,600 --> 00:06:11,036
The following afternoon.
I heard it on the internet.

93
00:06:11,080 --> 00:06:13,071
What exactly did you hear?

94
00:06:13,120 --> 00:06:17,352
Anything specifically that you remember?

95
00:06:18,200 --> 00:06:21,829
Like what? It's not like there's time
in the day to be surfing the net,

96
00:06:21,880 --> 00:06:23,598
this was a moment, I got away.

97
00:06:23,640 --> 00:06:26,074
There's a lot of stuff
to keep me busy.

98
00:06:26,120 --> 00:06:28,554
What kind of stuff?

99
00:06:28,600 --> 00:06:33,628
Mission review, aerial photos, videos.
Just data, stuff.

100
00:06:33,680 --> 00:06:35,398
Preparation versus execution.

101
00:06:35,440 --> 00:06:40,560
Every tiny technical aspect of our flight
is recorded and analysed by the man.

102
00:06:40,600 --> 00:06:43,194
There's nowhere to hide.
And that's the way it should be.

103
00:06:43,240 --> 00:06:45,151
It's just stuff and more stuff.

104
00:06:45,920 --> 00:06:49,230
When my mother died, my father had
a year's worth of stuff to deal with.

105
00:06:49,280 --> 00:06:52,238
Last will and testament,
her office, garden,

106
00:06:52,280 --> 00:06:55,078
a lifetime of photo albums.

107
00:06:55,120 --> 00:06:59,796
And every time I talked to him,
I'd ask how he was, expecting, uh...

108
00:07:00,960 --> 00:07:04,157
you know, that... he'd break down.

109
00:07:04,200 --> 00:07:06,191
Finally.

110
00:07:08,280 --> 00:07:13,752
"It never ends, Alex, it never ends.
Your mother left such a mess.

111
00:07:13,800 --> 00:07:16,109
"She didn't know she was gonna die."

112
00:07:20,880 --> 00:07:22,950
And that's all he said.

113
00:07:23,960 --> 00:07:27,839
After less than a year, he met another woman
and got married, just like that.

114
00:07:27,880 --> 00:07:29,359
How did that make you feel?

115
00:07:31,000 --> 00:07:35,198
Well, surprised.
A whole life together and not a single tear.

116
00:07:35,240 --> 00:07:36,753
Mm.

117
00:07:36,800 --> 00:07:40,076
It's interesting that you compare
the death of your mother

118
00:07:40,120 --> 00:07:43,954
with this mission
that you've just flown.

119
00:07:44,000 --> 00:07:46,833
That's very clever of you.

120
00:07:46,880 --> 00:07:49,394
But there's no relation whatsoever.

121
00:07:49,440 --> 00:07:53,672
My mother's death was the most
traumatic event in my life so far.

122
00:07:53,720 --> 00:07:58,316
That mission was just another mission
for Alex. There is no comparison.

123
00:07:58,360 --> 00:08:02,239
Anyway, look, that's over
and I'm back now at my home base

124
00:08:02,280 --> 00:08:04,430
and now I'm on R&R.

125
00:08:04,480 --> 00:08:06,869
What kind of things
do you do for R&R?

126
00:08:06,920 --> 00:08:09,275
Don't try to get ahead of me.

127
00:08:09,320 --> 00:08:12,118
I'm a runner. I was a hell of
a runner in high school

128
00:08:12,160 --> 00:08:16,551
and I'm still a good one for an old man.
So, I run with my fairy friend.

129
00:08:16,600 --> 00:08:19,114
This gay guy who could kick your ass
at any sport.

130
00:08:19,160 --> 00:08:22,311
- And does he have a name, this friend?
- Mm.

131
00:08:23,120 --> 00:08:24,599
- Daniel.
- Daniel.

132
00:08:24,640 --> 00:08:28,952
We've been running together for a long time,
between six and ten miles.

133
00:08:29,000 --> 00:08:33,312
Depending on whether one of us is
on his period. Only this time, I challenged him.

134
00:08:33,360 --> 00:08:36,591
It was no good running in the Middle East,
not for the US military,

135
00:08:36,640 --> 00:08:38,995
unless you want a bomb
to blow your balls off!

136
00:08:39,040 --> 00:08:42,828
So, I wanted to do some serious running.
I said, "Let's go for 15."

137
00:08:43,560 --> 00:08:47,155
After 15 miles, I said, "20."
He didn't want it.

138
00:08:47,200 --> 00:08:50,795
I said, "OK, I'll go on my own."
So, he followed.

139
00:08:50,840 --> 00:08:55,231
I said, "You know, only six more
and it's a marathon. Let's do it."

140
00:08:56,680 --> 00:09:00,116
He wanted to stop. Little bitch.

141
00:09:00,960 --> 00:09:02,951
But I wasn't gonna stop.

142
00:09:04,520 --> 00:09:06,511
No stop.

143
00:09:07,720 --> 00:09:10,996
We were out of water,
we were on fumes.

144
00:09:12,600 --> 00:09:17,549
At 22 miles,
I had a heart attack and died.

145
00:09:18,840 --> 00:09:22,515
A textbook case,
straight out of med school.

146
00:09:22,560 --> 00:09:24,630
Enlargement of the left ventricle,

147
00:09:24,680 --> 00:09:27,877
in accordance with the family history
on both sides, fatal.

148
00:09:27,920 --> 00:09:30,559
According to the EKG
and according to statistics,

149
00:09:30,600 --> 00:09:33,592
I had a 97.3 per cent chance of dying.

150
00:09:33,640 --> 00:09:38,156
Or a 2.7 per cent chance of living.
Anyway, dead.

151
00:09:39,320 --> 00:09:42,312
You actually died?

152
00:09:42,360 --> 00:09:47,275
In the clinical sense - no pulse,
no brain activity, total clinical death.

153
00:09:48,720 --> 00:09:50,870
But here I am.

154
00:09:51,760 --> 00:09:54,149
Now I'm gonna disappoint you, Doctor.

155
00:09:57,320 --> 00:09:59,595
Wanna know why I'm gonna disappoint you?

156
00:09:59,640 --> 00:10:04,873
Let me help you - the light, the tunnel,
life flashing before my eyes.

157
00:10:04,920 --> 00:10:07,275
That's what you're interested in, right?

158
00:10:07,320 --> 00:10:11,154
No, I wasn't actually thinking of that at all,
but I am interested.

159
00:10:11,200 --> 00:10:13,839
- Tell me.
- I couldn't give a shit about it either.

160
00:10:14,840 --> 00:10:19,118
But that's all everyone wanted
to know about - my father, my wife.

161
00:10:19,160 --> 00:10:22,232
Everyone wanted to hear
about the goddamn tunnel.

162
00:10:23,240 --> 00:10:25,800
Just such bullshit.

163
00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:35,438
Do you feel that maybe you disappointed
people by not having that experience?

164
00:10:35,480 --> 00:10:40,235
That maybe in some way
you failed to deliver the goods?

165
00:10:43,080 --> 00:10:45,719
Nobody really knows
what was going through my mind

166
00:10:45,760 --> 00:10:47,671
during those last few moments.

167
00:10:47,720 --> 00:10:50,757
As soon as there was no more tunnel,
no one was interested.

168
00:10:50,800 --> 00:10:53,268
And what was going through your mind?

169
00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:56,357
Oh, I knew what was happening,
you can tell.

170
00:10:56,400 --> 00:10:58,391
And you're afraid it's the end.

171
00:10:59,120 --> 00:11:02,317
In all that time
until I lost consciousness...

172
00:11:03,720 --> 00:11:08,669
All that time... I don't know, it was
maybe seconds, maybe half a minute.

173
00:11:08,720 --> 00:11:11,792
All that time I kept trying
to figure out if I had a hard-on.

174
00:11:12,560 --> 00:11:15,996
I don't know how I remembered,
it was something my grandmother told me,

175
00:11:16,040 --> 00:11:18,759
when I was in high school,
and she said

176
00:11:18,800 --> 00:11:25,353
when Grandpa died, she found him lying naked
in the bathtub with a huge erection.

177
00:11:25,400 --> 00:11:28,278
Now, he's... he was 92 years old.

178
00:11:28,320 --> 00:11:31,232
She hadn't seen an erection
like that in 20 years.

179
00:11:32,240 --> 00:11:37,030
She liked it. She said
that was God's final gift to a man.

180
00:11:37,080 --> 00:11:40,755
A dead man's boner.
They call it angel lust.

181
00:11:40,800 --> 00:11:43,519
Anyway, I'm lying there
thinking about that story.

182
00:11:43,560 --> 00:11:45,994
I know what's happening
and I said to myself,

183
00:11:46,040 --> 00:11:51,433
"God Almighty, just don't let me
have an erection now, not a hard-on."

184
00:11:51,480 --> 00:11:54,552
Because if you had an erection,
it would mean...

185
00:11:54,600 --> 00:11:56,431
That would mean that I was dead.

186
00:11:58,680 --> 00:12:01,592
And your friend Daniel
was with you throughout this?

187
00:12:01,640 --> 00:12:05,553
Yeah, resuscitation, CPR...
Daniel's a doctor. I forgot to say that.

188
00:12:05,600 --> 00:12:08,956
Oh. For a minute I thought you were
going to say something else,

189
00:12:09,000 --> 00:12:11,958
that perhaps your fear
of an erection was associated

190
00:12:12,000 --> 00:12:14,514
with the presence
of your friend, Daniel.

191
00:12:14,560 --> 00:12:16,835
(Laughs) Excuse me?

192
00:12:18,720 --> 00:12:21,712
You're exaggerating.
I explained something simple,

193
00:12:21,760 --> 00:12:24,991
a dead man's erection -
what's that got to do with Daniel?

194
00:12:25,040 --> 00:12:28,430
Well, maybe I didn't make myself clear
earlier on

195
00:12:28,480 --> 00:12:31,950
when I was talking about
the customer always being wrong.

196
00:12:32,000 --> 00:12:36,073
What I meant was that
sometimes the patient hides things

197
00:12:36,120 --> 00:12:39,476
from his therapist, from himself.

198
00:12:39,520 --> 00:12:44,992
And so part of our job
is to uncover the things that we hide.

199
00:12:45,040 --> 00:12:46,632
(Laughs)

200
00:12:48,600 --> 00:12:50,909
So, my secret is I'm afraid of homosexuals?

201
00:12:50,960 --> 00:12:55,988
No, not necessarily.
But I just wanted to clarify that.

202
00:12:57,280 --> 00:13:00,511
Yeah, that's neither here nor there.
I want to get to my point.

203
00:13:00,560 --> 00:13:02,630
I didn't have the erection, so relax.

204
00:13:02,680 --> 00:13:07,276
But I remember very vividly
that moment just before passing out,

205
00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:09,709
before losing consciousness.

206
00:13:12,680 --> 00:13:15,592
Losing consciousness,
that's a funny expression.

207
00:13:15,640 --> 00:13:18,154
Why do you think
that's a funny expression?

208
00:13:18,200 --> 00:13:21,112
Losing consciousness -
it's an expression my father would use.

209
00:13:21,160 --> 00:13:25,199
Everything in terms
of profits and loss.

210
00:13:26,400 --> 00:13:28,391
Fits him like a glove.

211
00:13:29,720 --> 00:13:32,678
So something about
how you describe your last moments

212
00:13:32,720 --> 00:13:36,633
is equated with your father's seeing things
in terms of profit and loss?

213
00:13:36,680 --> 00:13:41,037
OK, OK, with all due respect,
I think we've come to this way too early.

214
00:13:41,080 --> 00:13:44,550
The father-son relationship stuff
shouldn't come up so soon.

215
00:13:44,600 --> 00:13:47,398
- You think it's too soon?
- Forget what I feel.

216
00:13:47,440 --> 00:13:49,908
I know it's too soon.
I wanna know what you think.

217
00:13:49,960 --> 00:13:54,670
- So you're... You're testing me?
- I'm entitled to some testing. I'm paying.

218
00:13:54,720 --> 00:13:58,030
Actually, I think you've been
testing me since you walked in.

219
00:13:58,080 --> 00:14:01,072
You've asked about me and my reputation,

220
00:14:01,120 --> 00:14:04,317
you ask, you practically demand
that I ask certain questions

221
00:14:04,360 --> 00:14:06,271
that you think I am dying to ask.

222
00:14:06,320 --> 00:14:09,915
It's important to you, I think,
that I adhere to certain standards

223
00:14:09,960 --> 00:14:12,190
you set before you walked through the door.

224
00:14:12,240 --> 00:14:16,552
What's wrong with that?
Look, I did my research.

225
00:14:16,600 --> 00:14:20,275
It's a 1 ½ hour drive to get here
and I'm paying you good money.

226
00:14:20,320 --> 00:14:25,394
And I'm expected to tell you, a perfect stranger,
the most intimate things about my life.

227
00:14:25,440 --> 00:14:27,908
Plus there are risks here.

228
00:14:27,960 --> 00:14:31,396
It's not like the navy's gonna give me
a medal for spilling my guts,

229
00:14:31,440 --> 00:14:34,716
I'm not gonna open up to you
without knowing what you are.

230
00:14:34,760 --> 00:14:37,991
And what do you expect to find, Alex?

231
00:14:38,040 --> 00:14:42,397
How are we going to know
that I'm a good enough therapist for you?

232
00:14:42,440 --> 00:14:44,271
I'll know...

233
00:14:45,160 --> 00:14:46,673
according to your opinion.

234
00:14:46,720 --> 00:14:50,429
- My opinion of what?
- Of the issue I came to talk about.

235
00:14:50,480 --> 00:14:52,118
But I'll come to that in a minute.

236
00:14:53,480 --> 00:14:56,836
It's to do with what happened
after taking me out of the freezer.

237
00:14:56,880 --> 00:14:58,518
The freezer?

238
00:14:58,560 --> 00:15:01,472
Oh, you mean that you were grounded?

239
00:15:01,520 --> 00:15:04,956
No, literally frozen. They froze me.

240
00:15:05,000 --> 00:15:08,913
The mobile intensive care unit arrived
and put me in a suit that freezes you.

241
00:15:08,960 --> 00:15:13,476
They got one no more than three-quarters
of a mile from where I collapsed.

242
00:15:13,520 --> 00:15:17,115
- And their ER is tops.
- Let's go back to this...

243
00:15:17,160 --> 00:15:20,038
We're getting there.
You have no patience.

244
00:15:22,200 --> 00:15:24,395
I was told you're a good listener.

245
00:15:26,160 --> 00:15:30,438
Now look, it works
on a very simple principle.

246
00:15:30,480 --> 00:15:34,314
It reduces the shock to the body's systems
by dropping the body temperature.

247
00:15:34,360 --> 00:15:38,831
- So how long were you...
- In my case, 48 hours. It's a record.

248
00:15:38,880 --> 00:15:43,192
There's no history of anyone
who's been in that suit for such a long time.

249
00:15:43,240 --> 00:15:45,549
I guess I went a long way
up that tunnel.

250
00:15:45,600 --> 00:15:47,830
The tunnel that wasn't there?

251
00:15:48,960 --> 00:15:50,951
No, unfortunately not.

252
00:15:53,120 --> 00:15:57,796
So tell me what you remember
about this 48 hours.

253
00:15:57,840 --> 00:16:02,550
Mostly I remember, um...
a terrible fatigue.

254
00:16:02,600 --> 00:16:04,989
I guess that's why they call it "dead tired".

255
00:16:05,040 --> 00:16:09,352
It's physical,
but mainly mental exhaustion.

256
00:16:10,400 --> 00:16:14,313
And I remember
very clearly the relief I felt

257
00:16:14,360 --> 00:16:17,193
when I succeeded
in coming back over into the world.

258
00:16:17,240 --> 00:16:21,233
You say that you succeeded
in coming back to this world.

259
00:16:21,280 --> 00:16:23,919
Did... Did you feel
it was under your control?

260
00:16:23,960 --> 00:16:27,873
- What are you trying to get at?
- I'm not trying to get at anything.

261
00:16:27,920 --> 00:16:31,959
But what you're describing
is a strong will to live.

262
00:16:32,000 --> 00:16:35,436
During this experience,
there was a decision to go on living.

263
00:16:35,480 --> 00:16:37,948
Yeah, I guess you're right.

264
00:16:38,000 --> 00:16:42,278
Despite having made this effort to live...

265
00:16:42,320 --> 00:16:43,753
everybody's disappointed.

266
00:16:43,800 --> 00:16:47,679
It's not every day people meet someone
who's come back from the dead.

267
00:16:47,720 --> 00:16:51,679
It's a one-in-a-million thing.
And if you don't supply the goods, then...

268
00:16:52,920 --> 00:16:57,675
Listen, I have never spent a day
in my life in a hospital.

269
00:16:57,720 --> 00:16:59,551
You get it? Never.

270
00:16:59,600 --> 00:17:03,832
So, perhaps your anger isn't directed
at those people interested in the tunnel.

271
00:17:03,880 --> 00:17:07,998
Perhaps you're angry at yourself, Alex.
How your body betrayed you.

272
00:17:08,040 --> 00:17:12,033
This is a systems failure that was not
supposed to happen to somebody like you.

273
00:17:12,080 --> 00:17:13,957
Hmh.

274
00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:17,151
I have a brother, who's not bright,
he's a real-estate agent.

275
00:17:17,200 --> 00:17:20,875
Anyway, he's a great athlete.
And he once proved to me,

276
00:17:20,920 --> 00:17:22,956
and he does his research,
believe me...

277
00:17:23,840 --> 00:17:27,276
that all the great quarterbacks
in the history of football

278
00:17:27,320 --> 00:17:28,992
were also the best looking.

279
00:17:29,720 --> 00:17:33,508
Namath, Staubach, Cunningham,
they're all good-Iooking people.

280
00:17:33,560 --> 00:17:37,348
The best-Iooking students in the class
are often great athletes.

281
00:17:37,400 --> 00:17:39,834
- You know why that is?
- I've no idea.

282
00:17:39,880 --> 00:17:41,836
It's got nothing to do with sports.

283
00:17:41,880 --> 00:17:45,509
When they got their gift
from God the Father,

284
00:17:45,560 --> 00:17:49,075
or whoever the hell doles out the talent,
they got the whole package -

285
00:17:49,120 --> 00:17:51,759
beauty, talent, character.

286
00:17:52,760 --> 00:17:55,718
That's how it is.
It's an evolutionary thing.

287
00:17:55,760 --> 00:17:57,955
So, how is your football?

288
00:17:58,000 --> 00:17:59,115
Nah.

289
00:17:59,160 --> 00:18:01,628
Football's not my game.
Running, of course.

290
00:18:01,680 --> 00:18:03,955
Wrestling. Pole vault, once upon a time.

291
00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:07,356
But now, I am part of a military elite.

292
00:18:07,400 --> 00:18:10,472
Athletes may be popular,
but we are the crème de la crème.

293
00:18:10,520 --> 00:18:14,832
You have to understand, this is a person
whose whole life was perfect.

294
00:18:14,880 --> 00:18:18,668
People in my line of work
are born to excel, to be perfect.

295
00:18:20,920 --> 00:18:24,629
It wasn't our choice,
it was life that chose us to be the best.

296
00:18:24,680 --> 00:18:28,275
And what does that mean?
"Life chose us?"

297
00:18:28,320 --> 00:18:32,154
Yeah, you don't become
a fighter pilot suddenly at age 20.

298
00:18:32,200 --> 00:18:35,431
At age seven or eight,
when you're in the third grade,

299
00:18:35,480 --> 00:18:37,152
you know you're talented.

300
00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:40,749
You know you're headed somewhere
special, you are going to be the best

301
00:18:40,800 --> 00:18:43,553
and it all lays out
right in front of you.

302
00:18:43,600 --> 00:18:46,114
Top grades, varsity letters,
you name it.

303
00:18:46,160 --> 00:18:50,756
I'm a TOPGUN grad, you understand that?
That training is not for pussies.

304
00:18:50,800 --> 00:18:54,236
So if you don't achieve
your personal best,

305
00:18:54,280 --> 00:18:58,558
- are you disappointed in yourself?
- No, no, that's not...

306
00:18:59,760 --> 00:19:01,557
(Sighs)

307
00:19:07,040 --> 00:19:10,191
- How much longer do we have?
- We've got time. I'II...

308
00:19:10,240 --> 00:19:12,390
I'll tell you when it's...
when it's time.

309
00:19:12,440 --> 00:19:15,830
OK, so here's my point, finally.

310
00:19:15,880 --> 00:19:18,075
I came to get your advice
on something.

311
00:19:18,120 --> 00:19:19,792
Sure.

312
00:19:20,520 --> 00:19:23,080
I decided to go there. To the target.

313
00:19:24,400 --> 00:19:26,834
You understand
what I'm talking about here?

314
00:19:26,880 --> 00:19:31,556
You mean to the site where you
dropped the bomb, to the school?

315
00:19:31,600 --> 00:19:33,955
Madrasah. I wanna go back,
take a look around.

316
00:19:34,000 --> 00:19:37,310
- Where the children were killed?
- I know what you're thinking,

317
00:19:37,360 --> 00:19:38,839
so let me straighten this out.

318
00:19:38,880 --> 00:19:43,510
I don't have a guilty conscience,
I already told you that. I sleep very well.

319
00:19:43,560 --> 00:19:46,632
- But why would you want to go back?
- I'm interested.

320
00:19:46,680 --> 00:19:51,231
From the moment I came out of that freezer,
I knew I wanted to go back.

321
00:19:51,280 --> 00:19:55,910
It came up in a conversation I had with Daniel
when he visited me at the hospital.

322
00:19:55,960 --> 00:19:58,428
He thinks I'm gonna freak out or something,

323
00:19:58,480 --> 00:20:01,119
he thinks it's a crazy thing to do.

324
00:20:01,160 --> 00:20:05,756
And he said I need to see someone first -
psychologist, psychiatrist.

325
00:20:05,800 --> 00:20:08,792
- Don't you think it's dangerous?
- Not at all.

326
00:20:08,840 --> 00:20:10,956
I don't think anyone would recognise me.

327
00:20:11,000 --> 00:20:15,312
- But your picture's on the internet.
- No way. You saw the picture.

328
00:20:15,360 --> 00:20:19,558
It's ridiculous. My mother wouldn't
recognise me, not even Michaela.

329
00:20:19,600 --> 00:20:21,795
- Who's Michaela?
- My wife.

330
00:20:23,000 --> 00:20:26,515
- What does she think of all this?
- What's she got to do with it?

331
00:20:26,560 --> 00:20:28,437
Don't you talk with your wife?

332
00:20:28,480 --> 00:20:31,916
This is not for me, all this
"What do you feel? What do you think?"

333
00:20:31,960 --> 00:20:35,873
I asked you something, I came to you
to consult about something specific.

334
00:20:35,920 --> 00:20:38,559
So, you want me to tell you
that this desire of yours

335
00:20:38,600 --> 00:20:42,718
to go back to where the bombing
took place is a good thing?

336
00:20:42,760 --> 00:20:44,955
OK, yeah, yeah. Yes.

337
00:20:45,000 --> 00:20:47,753
Do you want me to take
responsibility for this visit?

338
00:20:47,800 --> 00:20:52,954
OK, don't make me into an idiot.
Are you telling me I'm not taking responsibility?

339
00:20:53,000 --> 00:20:56,356
No, I'm just going back
to something you said earlier on.

340
00:20:56,400 --> 00:20:59,790
Remember you said
that life chose you

341
00:20:59,840 --> 00:21:02,957
to be a member of an elite,
that it wasn't your decision?

342
00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:05,798
Maybe that's an attitude
you're comfortable with.

343
00:21:05,840 --> 00:21:09,628
You're comfortable with it because
you don't have to make any decisions.

344
00:21:09,680 --> 00:21:12,274
It relieves you of responsibility.

345
00:21:12,320 --> 00:21:15,312
Your commanding officer,
he makes the decisions,

346
00:21:15,360 --> 00:21:18,238
conveys them to you
and you execute them.

347
00:21:18,280 --> 00:21:21,352
Wait, are you trying to tell me
that I'm asking you

348
00:21:21,400 --> 00:21:23,709
to be my commanding officer?

349
00:21:23,760 --> 00:21:26,320
OK, I'll buy it.

350
00:21:26,360 --> 00:21:29,955
So, are you willing to... to be my CO?

351
00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:32,309
For $150 an hour.

352
00:21:32,360 --> 00:21:35,591
I don't think I'm...
I don't think I'm qualified for that.

353
00:21:36,600 --> 00:21:40,149
But would you agree to be
your own commanding officer?

354
00:21:40,200 --> 00:21:43,590
Oh, listen, you know what?
Just leave it alone. I...

355
00:21:43,640 --> 00:21:45,995
I'm not gonna get anything useful out of you.

356
00:21:46,040 --> 00:21:49,396
- And you're supposed to be the best?
- I'm not the best.

357
00:21:49,440 --> 00:21:52,432
Maybe you're the best. But I'm... I'm not.

358
00:21:53,720 --> 00:21:56,712
Think about the ramifications
of what you're about to do.

359
00:21:56,760 --> 00:21:59,513
You're going back to a place
where you dropped a bomb,

360
00:21:59,560 --> 00:22:03,269
16 children were killed,
your face is on the internet

361
00:22:03,320 --> 00:22:05,436
and there's a price on your head.

362
00:22:06,440 --> 00:22:10,274
Wait. Now you're saying you agree
with Daniel, that I've gone crazy?

363
00:22:10,320 --> 00:22:13,676
- How would you feel if I did agree?
- How hard is a straight answer?

364
00:22:13,720 --> 00:22:17,793
- I got a plane to catch.
- Why? Where... Where are you going?

365
00:22:17,840 --> 00:22:21,355
Are you not listening to me?
I am going back there.

366
00:22:21,400 --> 00:22:24,756
Nonstop, DC to Frankfurt.
Then Frankfurt-Amman.

367
00:22:24,800 --> 00:22:27,189
Thursday morning,
by charter, to Baghdad.

368
00:22:27,240 --> 00:22:29,435
You're leaving tonight?

369
00:22:29,480 --> 00:22:31,675
Good morning, Doctor!

370
00:22:32,680 --> 00:22:35,558
I'm going back as part
of a church group, a charity,

371
00:22:35,600 --> 00:22:38,160
and we're visiting
those neighbourhoods.

372
00:22:38,200 --> 00:22:40,475
No, this is not part
of navy protocol.

373
00:22:40,520 --> 00:22:44,559
May I ask you something? When you were
running with Daniel, 22 miles?

374
00:22:44,600 --> 00:22:46,079
Mm.

375
00:22:46,120 --> 00:22:50,193
- How long did that take?
- I don't know, almost three hours.

376
00:22:50,240 --> 00:22:51,559
Daniel wanted to quit.

377
00:22:51,600 --> 00:22:54,956
He's always going on
about optimum pulse during exercise.

378
00:22:55,000 --> 00:22:57,195
He thought we shouldn't go
over 85 per cent.

379
00:22:57,240 --> 00:22:59,470
You know what I find interesting?

380
00:22:59,520 --> 00:23:02,273
That shortly after
you complete this mission,

381
00:23:02,320 --> 00:23:05,869
you go on leave and against
the advice of your best friend,

382
00:23:05,920 --> 00:23:08,354
who also happens
to be a medical doctor,

383
00:23:08,400 --> 00:23:12,313
you work yourself up
into a state of extreme exertion.

384
00:23:12,360 --> 00:23:16,638
It's as if you were avoiding
going back to active duty.

385
00:23:16,680 --> 00:23:21,470
No, I have no problem flying again.
In fact, I'm dying to get back in action.

386
00:23:21,520 --> 00:23:26,719
Do you not see a connection between
your collapse and what went before?

387
00:23:27,400 --> 00:23:30,710
Now, I know you say
you don't have any guilt feelings.

388
00:23:32,080 --> 00:23:38,872
But don't you think there's a strong desire
there to atone for your actions?

389
00:23:50,000 --> 00:23:52,036
Do you have any coffee round here?

390
00:23:53,600 --> 00:23:56,068
I could use a good cup of coffee.

391
00:23:57,000 --> 00:23:59,878
Um, our time is up, I'm afraid.

392
00:24:01,240 --> 00:24:05,028
- I still got things I wanna talk about.
- I'm happy to see you again.

393
00:24:06,720 --> 00:24:08,199
It...

394
00:24:09,320 --> 00:24:10,878
(Sighs)

395
00:24:16,200 --> 00:24:19,795
I think it's important that you
keep talking about all this.

396
00:24:19,840 --> 00:24:22,877
OK, I'll keep that in mind.

397
00:24:24,360 --> 00:24:27,830
I'd better pay you now.
Who knows how this little trip will turn out?

398
00:24:27,880 --> 00:24:30,440
You're serious about travelling today?

399
00:24:34,720 --> 00:24:39,191
It's this way.
I'll write you an invoice for the...

400
00:24:39,240 --> 00:24:41,231
Don't worry about it.

401
00:24:44,960 --> 00:24:47,190
- Aren't you gonna wish me luck?
- Yes.

402
00:24:48,200 --> 00:24:50,270
Good luck, Alex.

403
00:26:21,640 --> 00:26:22,629
English SDH