1
00:00:01,245 --> 00:00:02,280
- Hey.
- Hey.
2
00:00:02,520 --> 00:00:03,887
Am I interrupting
something important?
3
00:00:03,889 --> 00:00:06,940
Impossible.
I work for the government.
4
00:00:06,942 --> 00:00:08,608
I just picked up the girls,
thought we'd stop by.
5
00:00:09,110 --> 00:00:11,427
How are the girls--
6
00:00:11,429 --> 00:00:12,529
Yes, they are.
7
00:00:12,531 --> 00:00:14,030
Hello, girls.
8
00:00:14,032 --> 00:00:16,733
Diane and I have been seeing
a lot of each other, recently.
9
00:00:16,735 --> 00:00:19,602
She is a sharp,
confident, strong woman.
10
00:00:19,835 --> 00:00:21,402
Her children are loud.
11
00:00:23,435 --> 00:00:25,402
Kung fu!
12
00:00:25,403 --> 00:00:26,870
Here comes trouble!
13
00:00:31,076 --> 00:00:32,542
This is fun.
14
00:00:32,544 --> 00:00:33,626
Easy, girls.
15
00:00:33,628 --> 00:00:34,961
We'll be careful, Miss Lewis.
16
00:00:34,963 --> 00:00:36,296
Ow!
17
00:00:36,298 --> 00:00:37,430
I'm sorry.
18
00:00:37,432 --> 00:00:38,715
I've got it.
19
00:00:38,717 --> 00:00:40,016
We just wanted to invite you
20
00:00:40,018 --> 00:00:41,468
to come trick
or treating tonight.
21
00:00:41,470 --> 00:00:42,886
I think I'm a little old.
22
00:00:42,888 --> 00:00:44,104
Can we go, Ron, please?
23
00:00:44,106 --> 00:00:46,473
- Please?
- You can come, sure.
24
00:00:46,475 --> 00:00:48,441
We have to go by 7:00 or else
the good candy will be gone.
25
00:00:48,443 --> 00:00:49,776
Sounds perfect.
26
00:00:50,779 --> 00:00:52,428
Come on, girls.
27
00:00:53,431 --> 00:00:54,814
Bye, guys!
28
00:00:54,816 --> 00:00:56,116
See you later, Ron!
29
00:00:56,118 --> 00:00:59,536
See you tonight!
30
00:00:59,538 --> 00:01:01,104
What the hell just happened?
31
00:01:02,107 --> 00:01:07,707
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com
32
00:01:22,209 --> 00:01:26,396
So, three bedrooms,
two baths, nice big backyard.
33
00:01:26,398 --> 00:01:28,431
But no trampoline room,
correct?
34
00:01:28,433 --> 00:01:29,683
Correct.
35
00:01:29,685 --> 00:01:31,234
Like all houses in the world,
36
00:01:31,236 --> 00:01:34,104
- there's no trampoline room.
- Mm.
37
00:01:34,106 --> 00:01:36,773
Ben is coming back
from D.C. in ten days
38
00:01:36,775 --> 00:01:38,742
and he we are moving
into a house together.
39
00:01:38,744 --> 00:01:40,110
He would move into my place,
40
00:01:40,112 --> 00:01:42,579
but it's a scary
nightmare hoarder nest.
41
00:01:42,581 --> 00:01:44,564
His words.
And Ann's.
42
00:01:44,566 --> 00:01:47,233
And the official report
filed by the Health Department.
43
00:01:47,235 --> 00:01:50,370
I'm just so happy that Ben and I
are starting our life together
44
00:01:50,372 --> 00:01:54,374
and my future's
finally back on track.
45
00:01:54,376 --> 00:01:55,926
Martha, I wanna
lease this house.
46
00:01:55,928 --> 00:01:58,411
Great.
47
00:01:58,413 --> 00:01:59,846
Thought it was gonna be
more dramatic than that.
48
00:01:59,848 --> 00:02:00,881
Hold on.
49
00:02:00,883 --> 00:02:02,933
Okay, say it again.
50
00:02:02,935 --> 00:02:05,719
Martha, I wanna
lease this house.
51
00:02:09,424 --> 00:02:12,442
Whoo!
52
00:02:15,979 --> 00:02:16,646
Parks Department!
53
00:02:16,648 --> 00:02:18,949
Chris Traeger,
city manager, friend,
54
00:02:18,951 --> 00:02:21,601
aspiring life coach
and recipient
55
00:02:21,603 --> 00:02:24,988
of Dr. Richard Nygard's award
for Most Improved Patient
56
00:02:24,990 --> 00:02:26,573
for my psychotherapy sessions.
57
00:02:26,575 --> 00:02:28,325
Wow, that's great, Chris.
Congrats.
58
00:02:28,327 --> 00:02:29,326
Thanks, Jerry.
59
00:02:29,328 --> 00:02:31,244
It's just a piece of paper
60
00:02:31,246 --> 00:02:34,464
and he only made it for me after
I specifically asked for it
61
00:02:34,466 --> 00:02:37,467
while crying loudly, but...
62
00:02:37,469 --> 00:02:39,920
It sure meant a lot
to receive it.
63
00:02:39,922 --> 00:02:42,088
In honor of Halloween,
the city manager's office
64
00:02:42,090 --> 00:02:44,591
will be throwing a scary movie
night in the courtyard.
65
00:02:44,593 --> 00:02:48,261
Tonight's film is
the 1986 horror camp classic,
66
00:02:48,263 --> 00:02:51,348
Death Canoe 4:
Murder At Blood Lake.
67
00:02:51,350 --> 00:02:53,633
Seriously?
That's the best one!
68
00:02:53,635 --> 00:02:56,853
I hope no one minds
if I live tweet this bitch.
69
00:02:56,855 --> 00:02:58,304
I am coming dressed
as my greatest fear,
70
00:02:58,306 --> 00:03:01,408
because Dr. Richard Nygard feels
that I should face my fears
71
00:03:01,410 --> 00:03:02,692
instead of running from them.
72
00:03:02,694 --> 00:03:04,995
He's very wise.
I see him five times a week.
73
00:03:04,997 --> 00:03:08,031
He holds my life in his hand
like a fragile little bird.
74
00:03:10,033 --> 00:03:10,834
See you tonight!
75
00:03:11,586 --> 00:03:14,504
Well, Congressman Murray
has an 18 point lead.
76
00:03:14,506 --> 00:03:18,324
Calloway is out of money
and has stopped campaigning.
77
00:03:18,326 --> 00:03:19,376
So, congratulations!
78
00:03:21,680 --> 00:03:23,847
- Great work, all of you!
- Yeah.
79
00:03:23,849 --> 00:03:26,600
- But especially me!
- Especially everyone.
80
00:03:26,602 --> 00:03:28,001
This was a team effort, really.
81
00:03:28,003 --> 00:03:29,803
But I was the best.
Thank you.
82
00:03:29,805 --> 00:03:31,221
You were all fantastic.
83
00:03:31,223 --> 00:03:33,023
Most of all me,
April Ludgate, the real hero.
84
00:03:33,025 --> 00:03:34,524
Thank you and you're welcome.
85
00:03:34,526 --> 00:03:35,942
Actually, April, if you want,
86
00:03:35,944 --> 00:03:37,343
you can head back
to Pawnee early.
87
00:03:37,345 --> 00:03:39,029
- Wrap a few things up and--
- Great.
88
00:03:39,031 --> 00:03:40,196
Whoo!
89
00:03:40,198 --> 00:03:41,398
That's an exit.
90
00:03:41,400 --> 00:03:42,849
Gone, but never forgotten.
91
00:03:42,851 --> 00:03:45,318
Who was that?
I'm just kidding.
92
00:03:45,320 --> 00:03:46,620
Not bad, right?
93
00:03:46,622 --> 00:03:48,121
You know, I have to say, Murray
really came through--
94
00:03:48,123 --> 00:03:49,706
Yeah, yeah, this one's over.
We won. Great job.
95
00:03:49,708 --> 00:03:52,042
Blah blah blah.
96
00:03:52,044 --> 00:03:53,359
Let's talk about
what you're gonna do next.
97
00:03:53,861 --> 00:03:56,029
Oh, well, I was gonna
get a chicken parm
98
00:03:56,031 --> 00:03:58,048
- and watch Bladerunner.
- Mm.
99
00:03:58,050 --> 00:04:01,367
Oh, are you talking about,
like, job-wise?
100
00:04:01,369 --> 00:04:05,422
Yes, Ben, I am talking about,
like, job-wise.
101
00:04:07,092 --> 00:04:09,059
So you're a princess too, hey?
102
00:04:09,061 --> 00:04:12,211
Oh, for the last four years
everything has been princesses.
103
00:04:12,213 --> 00:04:15,682
Every book, every movie,
every backpack.
104
00:04:15,684 --> 00:04:16,900
All princesses all the time.
105
00:04:16,902 --> 00:04:19,853
- Oh, that sounds fun.
- It's a nightmare.
106
00:04:19,855 --> 00:04:22,405
Excuse me, I just have to
file a quick report.
107
00:04:22,407 --> 00:04:24,190
I'm applying
to the police academy soon
108
00:04:24,192 --> 00:04:27,610
and the manual says I have to
work on my observation skills
109
00:04:27,612 --> 00:04:34,901
so...Tree, leaves, night, sky,
hand. Andy's hand.
110
00:04:34,903 --> 00:04:37,203
Pfft. What else you got?
111
00:04:37,205 --> 00:04:40,090
Oh, no.
Vice principal emergency.
112
00:04:40,092 --> 00:04:42,208
- What is it?
- I have to leave.
113
00:04:42,210 --> 00:04:46,212
Some idiot kids were caught
pooping on the soccer field?
114
00:04:46,214 --> 00:04:47,430
Oh, too bad.
115
00:04:47,432 --> 00:04:48,598
Guess trick or treating's over.
116
00:04:48,600 --> 00:04:50,884
- No, Mommy, no!
- I'm sorry.
117
00:04:50,886 --> 00:04:52,519
No, we can walk 'em around,
it's no problem.
118
00:04:52,521 --> 00:04:53,586
I mean, we just got started.
119
00:04:53,588 --> 00:04:56,473
Oh, that's so sweet of you.
120
00:04:56,475 --> 00:04:58,558
Now, ladies, Princess Mommy
121
00:04:58,560 --> 00:05:00,226
has to go take care
of some bad guys,
122
00:05:00,228 --> 00:05:04,814
so you be nice
to Ron and Andy, okay?
123
00:05:04,816 --> 00:05:07,567
Okay, let's go
to the next house.
124
00:05:07,569 --> 00:05:10,320
I need to go
to the bathroom.
125
00:05:10,322 --> 00:05:14,574
I-I have no idea
what to do about that.
126
00:05:14,576 --> 00:05:16,276
Uh-oh.
127
00:05:16,278 --> 00:05:17,994
It's the death canoe.
128
00:05:17,996 --> 00:05:19,946
Get your foot
out the water, dumb-ass!
129
00:05:19,948 --> 00:05:21,631
It's blood lake.
130
00:05:21,633 --> 00:05:23,967
Now, I missed the first three
Death Canoe films.
131
00:05:23,969 --> 00:05:26,052
Why exactly is it a death canoe?
132
00:05:26,054 --> 00:05:28,254
- Does it tip over easily?
- Read my Twitter feed.
133
00:05:28,256 --> 00:05:30,790
I live tweeted the first three
this morning in preparation.
134
00:05:30,792 --> 00:05:34,427
In the fifth one,
the canoe's actually the hero.
135
00:05:34,429 --> 00:05:36,012
It's a crazy twist.
136
00:05:36,014 --> 00:05:37,597
- Hey.
- Hey.
137
00:05:37,599 --> 00:05:39,132
- You're the, uh--
- The lady and you're the--
138
00:05:39,134 --> 00:05:41,101
- USA!
- Cool. Great.
139
00:05:41,103 --> 00:05:43,319
So hold on,
what does this mean?
140
00:05:43,321 --> 00:05:45,655
It means Jen wants me
to keep working for her.
141
00:05:45,657 --> 00:05:50,493
There's a businessman in Florida
who wants to run for governor.
142
00:05:50,495 --> 00:05:51,811
Florida?
They have sharks in Florida.
143
00:05:51,813 --> 00:05:53,363
And swamps.
And swamp sharks.
144
00:05:53,365 --> 00:05:54,480
Do you mean alligators?
145
00:05:54,482 --> 00:05:56,366
Maybe.
Look, so are you gonna do it?
146
00:05:56,368 --> 00:05:58,201
I--I mean,
I just applied for a lease.
147
00:05:58,203 --> 00:05:59,953
- We were supposed to--
- I know,
148
00:05:59,955 --> 00:06:02,672
and I know this makes
the future a little murky,
149
00:06:02,674 --> 00:06:05,675
but right now everything's
really preliminary, okay?
150
00:06:05,677 --> 00:06:07,961
We'll know more
in a week or so.
151
00:06:07,963 --> 00:06:11,381
Trick or treat!
152
00:06:11,383 --> 00:06:14,184
7:34 pm.
Man dressed as a nerd.
153
00:06:14,186 --> 00:06:15,334
Female dressed as crazy witch.
154
00:06:16,186 --> 00:06:17,554
Neither of us is in costume.
155
00:06:18,556 --> 00:06:20,840
Case closed.
Candy, please.
156
00:06:20,842 --> 00:06:23,860
Ron, Zoe broke my tiara!
157
00:06:23,862 --> 00:06:25,478
We both have the same tiara.
158
00:06:25,480 --> 00:06:27,313
Now she has one and I don't.
159
00:06:27,315 --> 00:06:29,348
- Okay.
- I didn't mean to, Ivy!
160
00:06:29,350 --> 00:06:31,736
Okay, well,
let's just even things out.
161
00:06:33,238 --> 00:06:36,372
There. Now neither of you
has a tiara. Problem solved.
162
00:06:41,744 --> 00:06:43,913
- Oh!
- Right in his face!
163
00:06:43,915 --> 00:06:47,250
"Sorry about your jaw, son."
164
00:06:47,252 --> 00:06:48,885
I mean, I just feel
so powerless.
165
00:06:48,887 --> 00:06:51,704
Just when things start to turn
around and they fall apart.
166
00:06:51,706 --> 00:06:54,591
Now I know exactly how FDR
felt after Pearl Harbor.
167
00:06:54,593 --> 00:06:56,559
Look, you guys
have survived this long.
168
00:06:56,561 --> 00:06:58,377
Please don't let this
ruin your night.
169
00:06:58,379 --> 00:06:59,429
Let's have fun.
170
00:06:59,431 --> 00:07:00,713
It's Halloween.
You love Halloween.
171
00:07:01,715 --> 00:07:03,883
Hey, I know
what would cheer you up.
172
00:07:03,885 --> 00:07:05,602
Let's go wait outside
the bathroom for Tom
173
00:07:05,604 --> 00:07:07,153
and scare him.
174
00:07:07,155 --> 00:07:08,721
That would cheer me up.
175
00:07:10,725 --> 00:07:12,492
Okay.
176
00:07:12,494 --> 00:07:14,060
Ready and...
177
00:07:15,062 --> 00:07:16,029
Boo!
178
00:07:19,899 --> 00:07:21,117
Jerry, God. Gross.
179
00:07:21,119 --> 00:07:23,253
Oh...
180
00:07:23,255 --> 00:07:24,704
Jerry?
181
00:07:24,706 --> 00:07:26,789
Guys, I--
182
00:07:26,791 --> 00:07:28,374
Oh, God, I think he might be
having a heart attack.
183
00:07:28,376 --> 00:07:31,044
What? Are you serious?
184
00:07:31,046 --> 00:07:32,095
Ugh. So much stuff
is happening right now.
185
00:07:32,097 --> 00:07:33,930
- Okay, call 911.
- Okay.
186
00:07:33,932 --> 00:07:35,882
Just breathe, okay?
You're gonna be fine.
187
00:07:35,884 --> 00:07:37,967
Oh, geez!
Did a dinosaur just fart?
188
00:07:37,969 --> 00:07:39,219
Jerry, get a grip.
189
00:07:39,221 --> 00:07:40,436
Sorry, guys.
190
00:07:40,438 --> 00:07:41,938
Ugh! Apology not accepted.
191
00:07:41,940 --> 00:07:43,139
Stop talking, moron.
192
00:07:43,141 --> 00:07:44,590
I wish I could
stop smelling.
193
00:07:44,592 --> 00:07:46,109
Dude.
194
00:07:46,111 --> 00:07:48,811
Seriously, Jerry,
did you eat farts for lunch?
195
00:07:48,813 --> 00:07:50,113
Tom!
Jerry's having a heart attack.
196
00:07:50,115 --> 00:07:51,114
Oh, no, I didn't know that.
197
00:07:51,116 --> 00:07:53,149
Jerry, you okay?
198
00:07:55,252 --> 00:07:57,641
Okay, I've got some magazines
199
00:07:57,642 --> 00:07:59,843
and those boring
word jumbles you like to do.
200
00:07:59,845 --> 00:08:00,927
Is there anything else
you need, J?
201
00:08:00,929 --> 00:08:02,178
Maybe some Gas-X?
202
00:08:02,180 --> 00:08:03,930
Ha ha, Tom.
203
00:08:03,932 --> 00:08:05,515
How is he, Ann?
Give it to me straight.
204
00:08:05,517 --> 00:08:06,533
He's great.
205
00:08:06,535 --> 00:08:08,101
He should be out of here
in a day or two.
206
00:08:08,103 --> 00:08:09,269
Doctor, medically speaking,
207
00:08:09,271 --> 00:08:10,487
how would you describe
what happened to Jerry?
208
00:08:10,489 --> 00:08:11,988
He had a mild heart attack.
209
00:08:12,490 --> 00:08:17,310
Yeah, but he also exhibited
excessive flatulence.
210
00:08:17,312 --> 00:08:19,329
Is there a term
for having a heart attack
211
00:08:19,331 --> 00:08:21,364
while releasing so much gas?
212
00:08:21,366 --> 00:08:22,866
Not really.
213
00:08:22,868 --> 00:08:25,818
Gastrointestinal distress is
common during a cardiac event.
214
00:08:25,820 --> 00:08:27,253
I just want
to hear the doctor
215
00:08:27,255 --> 00:08:28,654
say that Jerry
had a fart attack.
216
00:08:28,656 --> 00:08:30,123
Is that too much to ask?
217
00:08:30,125 --> 00:08:31,841
Thank you so much.
218
00:08:31,843 --> 00:08:34,677
Look at all the balloons and
the flowers and the food and--
219
00:08:34,679 --> 00:08:37,213
my goodness, you're so sweet
to come visit this often.
220
00:08:37,215 --> 00:08:38,965
- Well, they did cause it.
- Hey.
221
00:08:38,967 --> 00:08:39,999
No.
That's okay.
222
00:08:40,001 --> 00:08:41,718
I'm glad this happened.
223
00:08:41,720 --> 00:08:43,470
I mean, I could do without
the mess of hospital bills,
224
00:08:43,472 --> 00:08:45,271
but no, this was a wakeup call.
225
00:08:45,273 --> 00:08:47,357
I'm gonna make some changes.
226
00:08:47,359 --> 00:08:49,893
I want at least another 30 years
with Gayle and my girls.
227
00:08:49,895 --> 00:08:51,394
Don't worry, Jerry, okay?
228
00:08:51,396 --> 00:08:54,397
You are gonna have the future
that you've always planned.
229
00:08:54,399 --> 00:08:56,366
Just leave it to us.
230
00:08:56,868 --> 00:08:59,486
Okay, so I have arranged
for the Parks Department
231
00:08:59,488 --> 00:09:02,355
to throw a huge garage sale
fundraiser for Jerry
232
00:09:02,357 --> 00:09:04,023
to help pay
for his hospital bills.
233
00:09:04,025 --> 00:09:05,742
The Pawnee municipal employee
health care plan
234
00:09:05,744 --> 00:09:06,910
is kinda crappy.
235
00:09:06,912 --> 00:09:08,328
One time I sprained my wrist
236
00:09:08,330 --> 00:09:10,530
and our insurance claimed
that having a wrist
237
00:09:10,532 --> 00:09:12,215
was a pre-existing condition.
238
00:09:12,717 --> 00:09:14,417
Babe, how much
should I sell this hat for?
239
00:09:14,419 --> 00:09:16,202
I don't know, eight cents?
240
00:09:16,204 --> 00:09:17,554
Honey, this is the hat
I was wearing
241
00:09:17,556 --> 00:09:20,039
the first time I ever heard
Vitalogy by Pearl Jam.
242
00:09:20,041 --> 00:09:21,674
Oh, $900.
243
00:09:21,676 --> 00:09:23,709
Yeah, that sounds about right.
244
00:09:23,711 --> 00:09:25,545
Ron, you're not selling
anything?
245
00:09:25,547 --> 00:09:27,880
I am selling this table.
246
00:09:27,882 --> 00:09:30,216
I made it.
247
00:09:30,218 --> 00:09:31,651
So when am I gonna meet
your new lover?
248
00:09:31,653 --> 00:09:34,220
I'm afraid things have hit
a rough patch with Diane.
249
00:09:34,222 --> 00:09:36,739
She was not pleased with
my babysitting performance
250
00:09:36,741 --> 00:09:39,275
and left me a very loud message
on my cell phone.
251
00:09:39,277 --> 00:09:41,161
I'm sure she'll get over it
252
00:09:41,163 --> 00:09:43,229
if you just
say you're sorry though.
253
00:09:43,231 --> 00:09:45,532
I like Diane,
but I'm not sure
254
00:09:45,534 --> 00:09:48,067
if I'm ready
for a whole family.
255
00:09:48,069 --> 00:09:50,236
If the kids ever wanted
to come to my place,
256
00:09:50,238 --> 00:09:52,222
I'd have to take
a whole week off work
257
00:09:52,224 --> 00:09:54,757
just to undo the alarms
and tripwires.
258
00:09:54,759 --> 00:09:57,093
Hey, that's my name.
259
00:09:57,095 --> 00:09:58,795
Yeah,
that's my Chris Traeger box.
260
00:09:58,797 --> 00:10:00,797
All these boxes represent stuff
261
00:10:00,799 --> 00:10:02,748
from different eras
of ex-boyfriends.
262
00:10:02,750 --> 00:10:05,685
Oh...Here are those ankle
weights I bought you
263
00:10:05,687 --> 00:10:06,919
that you liked so much.
264
00:10:06,921 --> 00:10:08,605
Recently Leslie pointed out
265
00:10:08,607 --> 00:10:10,523
that sometimes
when I date someone,
266
00:10:10,525 --> 00:10:14,477
I kind of adopt
that person's personality.
267
00:10:14,479 --> 00:10:16,229
The evidence
is fairly damning.
268
00:10:16,231 --> 00:10:18,648
Chris Traeger--
exercise phase.
269
00:10:18,650 --> 00:10:21,067
Andy Dwyer--
my grunge phase.
270
00:10:21,069 --> 00:10:23,870
Tom Haverford--
my needless shopping phase.
271
00:10:23,872 --> 00:10:25,288
Also my credit card
debt phase.
272
00:10:25,290 --> 00:10:26,990
Ann Perkins.
273
00:10:26,992 --> 00:10:29,292
Thank you so much for coming.
Good afternoon.
274
00:10:29,294 --> 00:10:32,245
As many of your know,
Jerry Gergich, our friend,
275
00:10:32,247 --> 00:10:34,414
has suffered
a devastating fart attack,
276
00:10:34,416 --> 00:10:35,999
and we are here to help.
277
00:10:36,001 --> 00:10:38,384
So there are some special
auction items
278
00:10:38,386 --> 00:10:39,969
I will be dealing with.
279
00:10:39,971 --> 00:10:42,222
The first item up for bid
is an inscribed autobiography
280
00:10:42,224 --> 00:10:44,224
from Pawnee newscaster
Perd Hapley.
281
00:10:44,226 --> 00:10:47,644
The book's entitled The Thing
About Me Is I'm Perd Hapley.
282
00:10:47,646 --> 00:10:50,763
Anyway, let's start
the bidding at $20. $20.
283
00:10:50,765 --> 00:10:52,599
Thank you sir, for 20.
Do I see 30?
284
00:10:53,601 --> 00:10:56,019
Mr. Kurtzwilder, it might
be helpful if you told us
285
00:10:56,021 --> 00:10:59,672
why you want to be
governor of Florida.
286
00:10:59,674 --> 00:11:00,857
Well, I guess you could say
287
00:11:00,859 --> 00:11:03,159
mine is the classic
Florida success story.
288
00:11:03,161 --> 00:11:04,777
I went to SFU law school,
289
00:11:04,779 --> 00:11:07,497
I was working at a small firm
in Orlando,
290
00:11:07,499 --> 00:11:10,333
and one day, bam, just like
that, gator eats penis.
291
00:11:10,335 --> 00:11:11,817
Excuse me?
292
00:11:11,819 --> 00:11:13,253
Well, that was my first
high profile case.
293
00:11:13,255 --> 00:11:14,671
It was a classic
Florida divorce.
294
00:11:14,673 --> 00:11:17,490
Guy cheats on his wife
with Dan Marino's masseuse,
295
00:11:17,492 --> 00:11:20,009
one day she cuts his junk off,
throws it in the Everglades.
296
00:11:20,011 --> 00:11:22,095
- Why not?
- Damn alligator ate it.
297
00:11:22,097 --> 00:11:24,881
And that case,
that case made my career.
298
00:11:24,883 --> 00:11:27,634
Now, I just wanna
give something back.
299
00:11:27,636 --> 00:11:30,520
Frankly, your path
to victory is narrow.
300
00:11:30,522 --> 00:11:32,555
Governor Scott
might be vulnerable,
301
00:11:32,557 --> 00:11:35,441
but you have very little
name recognition.
302
00:11:35,443 --> 00:11:38,444
But the Barkley Group
is the best at what we do.
303
00:11:38,446 --> 00:11:41,698
We're not in the business
of losing elections.
304
00:11:41,700 --> 00:11:44,984
We can get you
where you wanna go.
305
00:11:46,820 --> 00:11:48,204
I'm just saying, you should
have put "spoiler alert"
306
00:11:48,206 --> 00:11:49,989
on all those Death Canoe tweets.
307
00:11:49,991 --> 00:11:51,357
Also, not safe for work.
308
00:11:51,359 --> 00:11:53,910
You know, a lot of what you
wrote was really profane.
309
00:11:53,912 --> 00:11:55,828
That movie's 25 years old,
Morris.
310
00:11:55,830 --> 00:11:58,331
And if you don't like how I
tweet, don't follow me.
311
00:11:58,333 --> 00:11:59,882
What are you doing now?
I'm talking to you.
312
00:11:59,884 --> 00:12:02,719
I'm live tweeting
this dumb-ass conversation.
313
00:12:02,721 --> 00:12:04,420
- You like that coat?
- Yeah.
314
00:12:04,422 --> 00:12:06,872
But $200?
It's used.
315
00:12:06,874 --> 00:12:10,259
I paid 150 for it,
then added the scorpion.
316
00:12:10,261 --> 00:12:11,394
You can't sell clothes
at a tag sale
317
00:12:11,396 --> 00:12:12,729
for more than they're worth.
318
00:12:12,731 --> 00:12:14,097
Um, watch me.
319
00:12:16,401 --> 00:12:17,567
Got a minute?
320
00:12:17,569 --> 00:12:18,568
Sure.
321
00:12:18,570 --> 00:12:20,553
I-I didn't expect to see you
322
00:12:20,555 --> 00:12:23,439
after the...yelling
that occurred.
323
00:12:23,441 --> 00:12:24,724
Yeah, I was a bit stressed,
324
00:12:24,726 --> 00:12:27,026
but I'm not here
to make excuses.
325
00:12:27,028 --> 00:12:30,747
I just wanted to say that I am
sorry for the way I reacted.
326
00:12:30,749 --> 00:12:33,032
Apology accepted.
327
00:12:34,034 --> 00:12:35,901
Do you wanna
say anything to me?
328
00:12:36,153 --> 00:12:38,538
Oh. Yes.
329
00:12:39,240 --> 00:12:40,957
You look nice today.
330
00:12:42,459 --> 00:12:44,093
You broke
my daughter's tiara.
331
00:12:44,595 --> 00:12:46,095
You ruined their Halloween.
332
00:12:46,097 --> 00:12:48,634
Don't you feel
a little bit bad about that?
333
00:12:51,636 --> 00:12:53,269
- Okay--
- Um.
334
00:12:53,771 --> 00:12:55,304
Too late.
335
00:12:55,306 --> 00:12:59,108
Good-bye.
336
00:12:59,110 --> 00:13:00,643
Dude, you're totally
blowing this.
337
00:13:00,645 --> 00:13:03,312
I'm not gonna apologize.
338
00:13:03,314 --> 00:13:05,898
It wasn't even a real tiara,
for God's sake.
339
00:13:05,900 --> 00:13:08,601
Oh, well, relationship over.
Too bad.
340
00:13:08,603 --> 00:13:10,436
Oh, my God, you are so sad.
341
00:13:10,438 --> 00:13:13,272
- I am not.
- Ron, she's right.
342
00:13:13,274 --> 00:13:15,291
I've trained extensively
in the art of observation.
343
00:13:15,293 --> 00:13:17,744
You are sad, and we know why.
344
00:13:17,746 --> 00:13:19,746
You didn't sell you table.
345
00:13:19,748 --> 00:13:22,582
And it's probably
a little too expensive.
346
00:13:22,584 --> 00:13:24,917
Shh. No.
347
00:13:24,919 --> 00:13:26,952
Okay, this is our
final auction item.
348
00:13:26,954 --> 00:13:28,788
It's a one-of-a-kind autograph
349
00:13:28,790 --> 00:13:31,758
from mayor Gunderson's dog,
Rufus.
350
00:13:31,760 --> 00:13:33,292
Yeah, we need some big bids--
351
00:13:33,294 --> 00:13:34,960
Oh, excuse me one second.
352
00:13:34,962 --> 00:13:37,463
Um, can you--t--just--okay.
353
00:13:37,465 --> 00:13:39,766
Hey, how was the meeting?
354
00:13:39,768 --> 00:13:44,136
Kurtzwilder wants me to run
his campaign from Florida.
355
00:13:44,138 --> 00:13:47,640
I'm not exactly sure when
the job would even starts,
356
00:13:47,642 --> 00:13:49,975
but it would probably mean
putting our plans on hold.
357
00:13:49,977 --> 00:13:51,310
Well, I mean, you know,
358
00:13:51,312 --> 00:13:53,312
obviously you gotta
take it, right?
359
00:13:53,314 --> 00:13:54,814
No, I mean,
I'm not making any decisions
360
00:13:54,816 --> 00:13:56,949
until we talk about this
and everything it would mean.
361
00:13:56,951 --> 00:13:58,984
Look, I'm flying back
to Washington.
362
00:13:58,986 --> 00:14:00,203
I'll call you when I get there.
Okay?
363
00:14:00,205 --> 00:14:01,654
Yeah, okay.
364
00:14:01,656 --> 00:14:03,656
- Love ya.
- Love you, too.
365
00:14:03,658 --> 00:14:06,793
$55. Great.
Okay, come on, $60?
366
00:14:06,795 --> 00:14:08,177
$65 anybody?
367
00:14:08,179 --> 00:14:10,513
Hey, we're up to $60,
not bad, right?
368
00:14:10,515 --> 00:14:11,831
Yes, Ann, bad.
369
00:14:11,833 --> 00:14:13,999
You might not care
about Jerry's future, but I do.
370
00:14:14,001 --> 00:14:16,636
Okay? We need to do something
very drastic so he can be happy,
371
00:14:16,638 --> 00:14:19,222
so we can all be happy.
372
00:14:19,224 --> 00:14:20,556
Uh, are you thinking
what I'm thinking?
373
00:14:20,558 --> 00:14:21,607
Don't know
what you're thinking,
374
00:14:21,609 --> 00:14:22,809
but I'm definitely not thinking
375
00:14:22,811 --> 00:14:24,227
- what you're thinking.
- Good idea, Ann.
376
00:14:24,229 --> 00:14:26,679
Okay, we have a new item
up for bid.
377
00:14:26,681 --> 00:14:28,781
A wonderful surprise item.
378
00:14:28,783 --> 00:14:31,868
An evening with sexy nurse
Ann Perkins.
379
00:14:31,870 --> 00:14:33,402
- No.
- Yes.
380
00:14:33,404 --> 00:14:35,521
Look at her, folks.
381
00:14:35,523 --> 00:14:36,956
One evening with the most
beautiful woman in the world.
382
00:14:36,958 --> 00:14:38,541
Just dinner and dancing,
nothing sexual.
383
00:14:38,543 --> 00:14:40,743
Unless she's into that,
but no, she's not.
384
00:14:40,745 --> 00:14:41,994
Nothing fresh.
Don't even try it.
385
00:14:41,996 --> 00:14:43,379
- But you never know, right?
- No!
386
00:14:43,381 --> 00:14:44,831
No, she's not into it.
Don't try anything,
387
00:14:44,833 --> 00:14:45,965
but, you know, give it a shot.
388
00:14:45,967 --> 00:14:47,366
Either way,
it's for a good cause.
389
00:14:47,368 --> 00:14:50,169
Let's raise some money.
390
00:14:51,960 --> 00:14:53,459
Please, we need to do this
391
00:14:53,460 --> 00:14:54,793
for Jerry and his future.
392
00:14:54,795 --> 00:14:56,095
This could be great, you know?
393
00:14:56,097 --> 00:14:57,513
Three out of four
married couples
394
00:14:57,515 --> 00:14:59,048
have met each other
at spontaneous auctions.
395
00:14:59,050 --> 00:15:00,466
I don't think that's true.
396
00:15:00,468 --> 00:15:04,203
- I d--well, I don't know, I--
- $100.
397
00:15:05,205 --> 00:15:06,939
All right, what the hell.
398
00:15:06,941 --> 00:15:09,108
Okay, we have a $100 bid
for Ann Perkins.
399
00:15:09,110 --> 00:15:11,193
- 200.
- 200. Thank you so much.
400
00:15:11,195 --> 00:15:13,345
200 for the smartest,
most accomplished woman I know.
401
00:15:13,347 --> 00:15:14,480
And check out that bod.
402
00:15:14,482 --> 00:15:15,514
Can I get 3? $300.
403
00:15:15,516 --> 00:15:17,349
500.
404
00:15:17,351 --> 00:15:18,650
Uh-oh.
405
00:15:18,652 --> 00:15:20,152
- $600.
- 700.
406
00:15:20,154 --> 00:15:22,571
- 750.
- $900.
407
00:15:22,573 --> 00:15:26,075
Wow, 900 from the man with
the tank top and the tattoos.
408
00:15:26,077 --> 00:15:27,493
That's so great.
Let's beat that, shall we?
409
00:15:27,495 --> 00:15:29,795
Who wants to beat it?
Anybody beat it please?
410
00:15:29,797 --> 00:15:30,996
I'm sorry, I'm out.
411
00:15:30,998 --> 00:15:32,414
I wouldn't sell her
to that guy, though.
412
00:15:32,416 --> 00:15:33,549
Just one man's opinion.
413
00:15:33,551 --> 00:15:34,717
Okay...
414
00:15:34,719 --> 00:15:38,337
Sir, what would you do
with your $900 date?
415
00:15:38,339 --> 00:15:43,509
How would you, uh, um...
What are you gonna do to her?
416
00:15:43,511 --> 00:15:44,810
I don't know.
417
00:15:44,812 --> 00:15:46,812
My cousin's got a kickass
mud pit in his yard.
418
00:15:46,814 --> 00:15:48,013
She could watch me
do belly flops
419
00:15:48,015 --> 00:15:49,732
then we maybe we could
get some Thai food
420
00:15:49,734 --> 00:15:52,017
and a tank of nitrous
and see what happens.
421
00:15:52,019 --> 00:15:54,719
Oh, that's not as bad
as I thought it would be.
422
00:15:54,721 --> 00:15:56,739
I am going to bid
a million dollars on myself.
423
00:15:56,741 --> 00:15:58,776
Going once, going never, sold.
424
00:16:00,912 --> 00:16:02,911
Ladies and gentlemen,
the auction closes in five minutes.
425
00:16:02,912 --> 00:16:04,413
What up, playboy?
426
00:16:04,915 --> 00:16:06,081
You like that jacket?
427
00:16:06,083 --> 00:16:07,616
It's a pretty dope cut, right?
428
00:16:07,618 --> 00:16:09,334
Yeah.
Can I have it, Mom?
429
00:16:09,336 --> 00:16:10,536
I could wear it to homecoming.
430
00:16:10,538 --> 00:16:11,920
300 bucks for something
431
00:16:11,922 --> 00:16:14,790
you're just gonna grow out of
in a month? Forget it.
432
00:16:14,792 --> 00:16:17,092
Wait, I can rent it to you.
433
00:16:17,844 --> 00:16:18,877
Really?
434
00:16:18,879 --> 00:16:21,430
Yeah, it's part
of a business I run.
435
00:16:21,432 --> 00:16:23,549
High end clothes rentals
for teens, tweens
436
00:16:23,551 --> 00:16:25,050
and everything in betweens.
437
00:16:25,052 --> 00:16:27,219
That jacket is 20 bucks a week.
438
00:16:28,221 --> 00:16:28,920
Done.
439
00:16:29,422 --> 00:16:30,606
This is a great idea.
440
00:16:30,608 --> 00:16:32,724
He grows so fast I never wanna
buy him anything nice.
441
00:16:32,726 --> 00:16:34,893
What's the name
of your business?
442
00:16:35,295 --> 00:16:36,645
Rent-a-swag.
443
00:16:37,147 --> 00:16:39,815
I'm sorry, Jerry, but your
future has been canceled.
444
00:16:39,817 --> 00:16:41,600
We only raised $1,200.
445
00:16:41,602 --> 00:16:43,452
Leslie, thank you.
446
00:16:43,454 --> 00:16:44,953
That is amazing.
447
00:16:44,955 --> 00:16:46,121
No, it stinks.
448
00:16:46,123 --> 00:16:47,823
It's not even close
to what you need.
449
00:16:47,825 --> 00:16:49,792
With all your bills,
450
00:16:49,794 --> 00:16:51,543
and the inevitable
follow-up problems,
451
00:16:51,545 --> 00:16:53,996
and the lifetime of chronic
misery that awaits you.
452
00:16:53,998 --> 00:16:55,581
I mean,
you had this whole plan
453
00:16:55,583 --> 00:16:57,749
for your retirement
and your beach house
454
00:16:57,751 --> 00:17:01,804
and now you're future
is just a huge pile of crap.
455
00:17:01,806 --> 00:17:04,089
Leslie, you can't actually
plan your future.
456
00:17:04,091 --> 00:17:05,924
You know, there's no guarantees
in this world.
457
00:17:05,926 --> 00:17:09,127
As long as the people I love
are a part of my life
458
00:17:09,129 --> 00:17:11,597
I will be just fine.
459
00:17:11,599 --> 00:17:14,183
You wanna stick around?
460
00:17:14,185 --> 00:17:15,484
Watch some of my stories
with me?
461
00:17:15,486 --> 00:17:18,320
Tonight's strawberry
Jell-o night!
462
00:17:18,322 --> 00:17:20,656
Oh, my God, your life
is so depressing.
463
00:17:20,658 --> 00:17:22,774
No thank you.
464
00:17:24,662 --> 00:17:28,113
Never seen anyone
more tortured over good news.
465
00:17:28,115 --> 00:17:30,032
I'm sorry, I don't mean
to seem ungrateful.
466
00:17:30,034 --> 00:17:32,451
I just, you know,
I have a lot to consider.
467
00:17:32,453 --> 00:17:33,502
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I get it.
468
00:17:33,504 --> 00:17:34,986
Feelings and girlfriend
and whatever.
469
00:17:34,988 --> 00:17:37,989
The point is just yesterday
you said to me,
470
00:17:37,991 --> 00:17:41,126
"I'm never happier than
when I'm managing a campaign."
471
00:17:41,128 --> 00:17:42,461
I don't think I said that.
472
00:17:42,463 --> 00:17:43,662
You didn't have to.
473
00:17:43,664 --> 00:17:45,180
I watched you in Florida.
474
00:17:45,182 --> 00:17:46,715
You were saying it
with your heart.
475
00:17:46,717 --> 00:17:48,634
Wow, you are
really good at this.
476
00:17:48,636 --> 00:17:50,385
Yes, I am.
I'm amazing.
477
00:17:50,387 --> 00:17:52,804
But more importantly,
so are you.
478
00:17:53,806 --> 00:17:56,174
There aren't a lot of people
that can manage a campaign.
479
00:17:56,676 --> 00:18:02,564
But you, Ben Wyatt,
are one of them.
480
00:18:02,566 --> 00:18:06,151
So, just take tonight and
just think about your future.
481
00:18:12,959 --> 00:18:14,526
Hello, Diane.
482
00:18:14,528 --> 00:18:17,796
I have brought you flowers.
483
00:18:17,798 --> 00:18:20,832
Also chocolates.
484
00:18:20,834 --> 00:18:22,334
And some grout cleaner.
485
00:18:22,336 --> 00:18:24,703
I noticed you needed grout
cleaner, so I brought that too.
486
00:18:24,705 --> 00:18:27,673
Very romantic.
487
00:18:27,675 --> 00:18:29,975
My kids are non-negotiable, Ron.
488
00:18:29,977 --> 00:18:32,227
It's a package deal.
489
00:18:32,229 --> 00:18:36,732
I know.
I'm sorry, Diane. I really am.
490
00:18:36,734 --> 00:18:39,401
I've been alone
most of my life by choice
491
00:18:39,403 --> 00:18:41,937
and kids--
492
00:18:41,939 --> 00:18:45,107
this is all new for me.
493
00:18:45,109 --> 00:18:47,109
But I'd like to become
familiar with it
494
00:18:47,861 --> 00:18:50,445
if you give me a chance
to prove myself.
495
00:18:50,947 --> 00:18:53,249
I did bring the girls
something.
496
00:18:55,251 --> 00:18:58,453
I thought I could
teach 'em to saw.
497
00:18:59,873 --> 00:19:01,423
I now realize
that seems dangerous.
498
00:19:02,909 --> 00:19:06,712
Well, my boyfriend might not
be moving back for a while
499
00:19:06,714 --> 00:19:08,847
so I have to back out.
500
00:19:08,849 --> 00:19:11,817
Just wanted to look
at it one more time.
501
00:19:11,819 --> 00:19:13,318
You know I can't give you
your deposit back.
502
00:19:13,320 --> 00:19:14,553
I know.
503
00:19:14,555 --> 00:19:16,688
- And there's a $300--
- All right, Martha.
504
00:19:16,690 --> 00:19:20,559
I get it.
505
00:19:20,561 --> 00:19:23,729
Actually, is there a way
I could put down, like a--
506
00:19:23,731 --> 00:19:25,397
- Hey.
- Hey.
507
00:19:25,399 --> 00:19:26,898
I didn't know you were
coming back here.
508
00:19:26,900 --> 00:19:30,619
- Oh.
- What are you doing?
509
00:19:31,381 --> 00:19:33,405
Oh, my God, what are you doing?
510
00:19:33,907 --> 00:19:37,442
I'm thinking about my future.
511
00:19:40,129 --> 00:19:44,449
I am deeply,
ridiculously in love with you
512
00:19:44,451 --> 00:19:47,552
and above everything else,
I just--
513
00:19:47,554 --> 00:19:49,338
I wanna be with you forever.
514
00:19:50,840 --> 00:19:52,243
So, Leslie Knope,
515
00:19:52,840 --> 00:19:54,343
- will--
- Wait. Wait.
516
00:19:54,345 --> 00:19:55,978
- Okay?
- Okay.
517
00:19:55,980 --> 00:19:58,680
- Just--I need to remember this.
- Sure.
518
00:19:58,682 --> 00:20:01,933
- Gimme a second.
- Okay.
519
00:20:02,685 --> 00:20:05,303
- Leslie K--
- No, no, no, no, hold on.
520
00:20:05,305 --> 00:20:06,938
Just--I need another second,
please.
521
00:20:06,940 --> 00:20:13,645
I need to remember every little
thing about how perfect
522
00:20:13,647 --> 00:20:17,499
my life is right now
at this exact moment.
523
00:20:17,501 --> 00:20:19,534
Okay.
524
00:20:28,844 --> 00:20:29,928
Are you good?
525
00:20:29,930 --> 00:20:31,129
- Yeah.
- Okay.
526
00:20:31,131 --> 00:20:32,964
I'm good.
527
00:20:32,966 --> 00:20:34,001
Leslie Knope,
528
00:20:34,766 --> 00:20:36,001
- will you--
- Yes!
529
00:20:43,692 --> 00:20:45,110
- Marry me?
- Oh, yeah.
530
00:20:45,112 --> 00:20:47,029
Okay. Great.
531
00:20:48,112 --> 00:20:53,029
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com
532
00:20:54,376 --> 00:20:55,877
Trick or treat!
533
00:20:56,661 --> 00:20:58,212
It's November 8th.
534
00:20:58,246 --> 00:21:00,714
Yes, well, these girls
didn't get a chance
535
00:21:00,748 --> 00:21:01,781
to go trick or treating
536
00:21:01,799 --> 00:21:03,417
so somewhere in this house
537
00:21:03,451 --> 00:21:04,951
there is some candy.
538
00:21:04,969 --> 00:21:07,888
Why don't you find it and we'll
get right out of your hair.
539
00:21:07,922 --> 00:21:11,975
All right, hold on one second.
540
00:21:12,510 --> 00:21:15,461
- You having fun, ladies?
- Yeah!
541
00:21:15,479 --> 00:21:20,483
All right, I got some,
uh, calcium chews
542
00:21:20,518 --> 00:21:22,936
and, uh, a roll of cookie dough.
543
00:21:22,970 --> 00:21:24,237
Okay, what do you say, girls?
544
00:21:24,271 --> 00:21:26,139
Thank you!
545
00:21:26,157 --> 00:21:27,907
Tremendous.
546
00:21:27,942 --> 00:21:29,776
Appreciate it.
547
00:21:29,778 --> 00:21:44,423
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com