1 00:00:00,862 --> 00:00:01,897 - Hey. - Hey. 2 00:00:02,137 --> 00:00:03,504 Am I interrupting something important? 3 00:00:03,506 --> 00:00:06,557 Impossible. I work for the government. 4 00:00:06,559 --> 00:00:08,225 I just picked up the girls, thought we'd stop by. 5 00:00:08,727 --> 00:00:11,044 How are the girls-- [Girls screaming] 6 00:00:11,046 --> 00:00:12,146 Yes, they are. 7 00:00:12,148 --> 00:00:13,647 Hello, girls. 8 00:00:13,649 --> 00:00:16,350 Diane and I have been seeing a lot of each other, recently. 9 00:00:16,352 --> 00:00:19,219 She is a sharp, confident, strong woman. 10 00:00:19,452 --> 00:00:21,019 Her children are loud. 11 00:00:21,152 --> 00:00:23,019 [Girls screaming] 12 00:00:23,052 --> 00:00:25,019 Kung fu! [Andy and girls screaming] 13 00:00:25,020 --> 00:00:26,487 Here comes trouble! 14 00:00:26,489 --> 00:00:30,191 [Screaming and laughter] 15 00:00:30,693 --> 00:00:32,159 This is fun. 16 00:00:32,161 --> 00:00:33,243 Easy, girls. 17 00:00:33,245 --> 00:00:34,578 We'll be careful, Miss Lewis. 18 00:00:34,580 --> 00:00:35,913 Ow! [Glass shatters] 19 00:00:35,915 --> 00:00:37,047 I'm sorry. 20 00:00:37,049 --> 00:00:38,332 I've got it. 21 00:00:38,334 --> 00:00:39,633 We just wanted to invite you 22 00:00:39,635 --> 00:00:41,085 to come trick or treating tonight. 23 00:00:41,087 --> 00:00:42,503 - [Gasps] - I think I'm a little old. 24 00:00:42,505 --> 00:00:43,721 Can we go, Ron, please? 25 00:00:43,723 --> 00:00:46,090 - Please? - You can come, sure. 26 00:00:46,092 --> 00:00:48,058 We have to go by 7:00 or else the good candy will be gone. 27 00:00:48,060 --> 00:00:49,393 Sounds perfect. 28 00:00:49,395 --> 00:00:50,394 [Cheers] 29 00:00:50,396 --> 00:00:52,045 [Laughs] Come on, girls. 30 00:00:52,047 --> 00:00:53,046 [Yells] [Girls scream] 31 00:00:53,048 --> 00:00:54,431 Bye, guys! 32 00:00:54,433 --> 00:00:55,733 See you later, Ron! 33 00:00:55,735 --> 00:00:59,153 See you tonight! 34 00:00:59,155 --> 00:01:00,721 What the hell just happened? 35 00:01:00,723 --> 00:01:01,722 [Triumphant music] 36 00:01:21,391 --> 00:01:25,578 So, three bedrooms, two baths, nice big backyard. 37 00:01:25,580 --> 00:01:27,613 But no trampoline room, correct? 38 00:01:27,615 --> 00:01:28,865 Correct. 39 00:01:28,867 --> 00:01:30,416 Like all houses in the world, 40 00:01:30,418 --> 00:01:33,286 - there's no trampoline room. - Mm. 41 00:01:33,288 --> 00:01:35,955 Ben is coming back from D.C. in ten days 42 00:01:35,957 --> 00:01:37,924 and he we are moving into a house together. 43 00:01:37,926 --> 00:01:39,292 He would move into my place, 44 00:01:39,294 --> 00:01:41,761 but it's a scary nightmare hoarder nest. 45 00:01:41,763 --> 00:01:43,746 His words. And Ann's. 46 00:01:43,748 --> 00:01:46,415 And the official report filed by the Health Department. 47 00:01:46,417 --> 00:01:49,552 I'm just so happy that Ben and I are starting our life together 48 00:01:49,554 --> 00:01:53,556 and my future's finally back on track. 49 00:01:53,558 --> 00:01:55,108 Martha, I wanna lease this house. 50 00:01:55,110 --> 00:01:57,593 Great. 51 00:01:57,595 --> 00:01:59,028 Thought it was gonna be more dramatic than that. 52 00:01:59,030 --> 00:02:00,063 Hold on. 53 00:02:00,065 --> 00:02:02,115 Okay, say it again. 54 00:02:02,117 --> 00:02:04,901 Martha, I wanna lease this house. 55 00:02:04,903 --> 00:02:05,902 [Dub step music plays] 56 00:02:05,904 --> 00:02:08,604 ♪ 57 00:02:08,606 --> 00:02:11,624 Whoo! 58 00:02:15,161 --> 00:02:15,828 Parks Department! 59 00:02:15,830 --> 00:02:18,131 Chris Traeger, city manager, friend, 60 00:02:18,133 --> 00:02:20,783 aspiring life coach and recipient 61 00:02:20,785 --> 00:02:24,170 of Dr. Richard Nygard's award for Most Improved Patient 62 00:02:24,172 --> 00:02:25,755 for my psychotherapy sessions. 63 00:02:25,757 --> 00:02:27,507 Wow, that's great, Chris. Congrats. 64 00:02:27,509 --> 00:02:28,508 Thanks, Jerry. 65 00:02:28,510 --> 00:02:30,426 It's just a piece of paper 66 00:02:30,428 --> 00:02:33,646 and he only made it for me after I specifically asked for it 67 00:02:33,648 --> 00:02:36,649 while crying loudly, but... 68 00:02:36,651 --> 00:02:39,102 It sure meant a lot to receive it. 69 00:02:39,104 --> 00:02:41,270 In honor of Halloween, the city manager's office 70 00:02:41,272 --> 00:02:43,773 will be throwing a scary movie night in the courtyard. 71 00:02:43,775 --> 00:02:47,443 Tonight's film is the 1986 horror camp classic, 72 00:02:47,445 --> 00:02:50,530 Death Canoe 4: Murder At Blood Lake. 73 00:02:50,532 --> 00:02:52,815 Seriously? That's the best one! 74 00:02:52,817 --> 00:02:56,035 I hope no one minds if I live tweet this bitch. 75 00:02:56,037 --> 00:02:57,486 I am coming dressed as my greatest fear, 76 00:02:57,488 --> 00:03:00,590 because Dr. Richard Nygard feels that I should face my fears 77 00:03:00,592 --> 00:03:01,874 instead of running from them. 78 00:03:01,876 --> 00:03:04,177 He's very wise. I see him five times a week. 79 00:03:04,179 --> 00:03:07,213 He holds my life in his hand like a fragile little bird. 80 00:03:09,215 --> 00:03:10,016 See you tonight! 81 00:03:10,846 --> 00:03:13,764 Well, Congressman Murray has an 18 point lead. 82 00:03:13,766 --> 00:03:17,584 Calloway is out of money and has stopped campaigning. 83 00:03:17,586 --> 00:03:18,636 So, congratulations! 84 00:03:18,638 --> 00:03:20,938 [Cheers and applause] 85 00:03:20,940 --> 00:03:23,107 - Great work, all of you! - Yeah. 86 00:03:23,109 --> 00:03:25,860 - But especially me! - Especially everyone. 87 00:03:25,862 --> 00:03:27,261 This was a team effort, really. 88 00:03:27,263 --> 00:03:29,063 But I was the best. Thank you. 89 00:03:29,065 --> 00:03:30,481 You were all fantastic. 90 00:03:30,483 --> 00:03:32,283 Most of all me, April Ludgate, the real hero. 91 00:03:32,285 --> 00:03:33,784 Thank you and you're welcome. 92 00:03:33,786 --> 00:03:35,202 Actually, April, if you want, 93 00:03:35,204 --> 00:03:36,603 you can head back to Pawnee early. 94 00:03:36,605 --> 00:03:38,289 - Wrap a few things up and-- - Great. 95 00:03:38,291 --> 00:03:39,456 [Glass shatters] Whoo! 96 00:03:39,458 --> 00:03:40,658 That's an exit. 97 00:03:40,660 --> 00:03:42,109 Gone, but never forgotten. 98 00:03:42,111 --> 00:03:44,578 Who was that? I'm just kidding. 99 00:03:44,580 --> 00:03:45,880 Not bad, right? 100 00:03:45,882 --> 00:03:47,381 You know, I have to say, Murray really came through-- 101 00:03:47,383 --> 00:03:48,966 Yeah, yeah, this one's over. We won. Great job. 102 00:03:48,968 --> 00:03:51,302 Blah blah blah. 103 00:03:51,304 --> 00:03:52,619 Let's talk about what you're gonna do next. 104 00:03:53,121 --> 00:03:55,289 Oh, well, I was gonna get a chicken parm 105 00:03:55,291 --> 00:03:57,308 - and watch Bladerunner. - Mm. 106 00:03:57,310 --> 00:04:00,627 Oh, are you talking about, like, job-wise? 107 00:04:00,629 --> 00:04:04,682 Yes, Ben, I am talking about, like, job-wise. 108 00:04:04,684 --> 00:04:06,350 [Sighs] 109 00:04:06,352 --> 00:04:08,319 So you're a princess too, hey? 110 00:04:08,321 --> 00:04:11,471 Oh, for the last four years everything has been princesses. 111 00:04:11,473 --> 00:04:14,942 Every book, every movie, every backpack. 112 00:04:14,944 --> 00:04:16,160 All princesses all the time. 113 00:04:16,162 --> 00:04:19,113 - Oh, that sounds fun. - It's a nightmare. 114 00:04:19,115 --> 00:04:21,665 Excuse me, I just have to file a quick report. 115 00:04:21,667 --> 00:04:23,450 I'm applying to the police academy soon 116 00:04:23,452 --> 00:04:26,870 and the manual says I have to work on my observation skills 117 00:04:26,872 --> 00:04:34,161 so...Tree, leaves, night, sky, hand. Andy's hand. 118 00:04:34,163 --> 00:04:36,463 Pfft. What else you got? 119 00:04:36,465 --> 00:04:39,350 Oh, no. Vice principal emergency. 120 00:04:39,352 --> 00:04:41,468 - What is it? - I have to leave. 121 00:04:41,470 --> 00:04:45,472 Some idiot kids were caught pooping on the soccer field? 122 00:04:45,474 --> 00:04:46,690 Oh, too bad. 123 00:04:46,692 --> 00:04:47,858 Guess trick or treating's over. 124 00:04:47,860 --> 00:04:50,144 Both: No, Mommy, no! - I'm sorry. 125 00:04:50,146 --> 00:04:51,779 No, we can walk 'em around, it's no problem. 126 00:04:51,781 --> 00:04:52,846 I mean, we just got started. 127 00:04:52,848 --> 00:04:55,733 Oh, that's so sweet of you. 128 00:04:55,735 --> 00:04:57,818 Now, ladies, Princess Mommy 129 00:04:57,820 --> 00:04:59,486 has to go take care of some bad guys, 130 00:04:59,488 --> 00:05:04,074 so you be nice to Ron and Andy, okay? 131 00:05:04,076 --> 00:05:06,827 Okay, let's go to the next house. 132 00:05:06,829 --> 00:05:09,580 I need to go to the bathroom. 133 00:05:09,582 --> 00:05:13,834 I-I have no idea what to do about that. 134 00:05:13,836 --> 00:05:15,536 Uh-oh. [Chuckles] 135 00:05:15,538 --> 00:05:17,254 It's the death canoe. 136 00:05:17,256 --> 00:05:19,206 Get your foot out the water, dumb-ass! 137 00:05:19,208 --> 00:05:20,891 It's blood lake. 138 00:05:20,893 --> 00:05:23,227 Now, I missed the first three Death Canoe films. 139 00:05:23,229 --> 00:05:25,312 Why exactly is it a death canoe? 140 00:05:25,314 --> 00:05:27,514 - Does it tip over easily? - Read my Twitter feed. 141 00:05:27,516 --> 00:05:30,050 I live tweeted the first three this morning in preparation. 142 00:05:30,052 --> 00:05:33,687 In the fifth one, the canoe's actually the hero. 143 00:05:33,689 --> 00:05:35,272 It's a crazy twist. 144 00:05:35,274 --> 00:05:36,857 - Hey. - Hey. 145 00:05:36,859 --> 00:05:38,392 - You're the, uh-- - The lady and you're the-- 146 00:05:38,394 --> 00:05:40,361 - USA! - Cool. Great. 147 00:05:40,363 --> 00:05:42,579 So hold on, what does this mean? 148 00:05:42,581 --> 00:05:44,915 It means Jen wants me to keep working for her. 149 00:05:44,917 --> 00:05:49,753 There's a businessman in Florida who wants to run for governor. 150 00:05:49,755 --> 00:05:51,071 Florida? They have sharks in Florida. 151 00:05:51,073 --> 00:05:52,623 And swamps. And swamp sharks. 152 00:05:52,625 --> 00:05:53,740 Do you mean alligators? 153 00:05:53,742 --> 00:05:55,626 Maybe. Look, so are you gonna do it? 154 00:05:55,628 --> 00:05:57,461 I--I mean, I just applied for a lease. 155 00:05:57,463 --> 00:05:59,213 - We were supposed to-- - I know, 156 00:05:59,215 --> 00:06:01,932 and I know this makes the future a little murky, 157 00:06:01,934 --> 00:06:04,935 but right now everything's really preliminary, okay? 158 00:06:04,937 --> 00:06:07,221 We'll know more in a week or so. 159 00:06:07,223 --> 00:06:10,641 Both: Trick or treat! 160 00:06:10,643 --> 00:06:13,444 7:34 pm. Man dressed as a nerd. 161 00:06:13,446 --> 00:06:14,594 Female dressed as crazy witch. 162 00:06:15,446 --> 00:06:16,814 Neither of us is in costume. 163 00:06:17,816 --> 00:06:20,100 Case closed. Candy, please. 164 00:06:20,102 --> 00:06:23,120 Ron, Zoe broke my tiara! 165 00:06:23,122 --> 00:06:24,738 We both have the same tiara. 166 00:06:24,740 --> 00:06:26,573 Now she has one and I don't. 167 00:06:26,575 --> 00:06:28,608 - Okay. - I didn't mean to, Ivy! 168 00:06:28,610 --> 00:06:30,996 Okay, well, let's just even things out. 169 00:06:32,498 --> 00:06:35,632 There. Now neither of you has a tiara. Problem solved. 170 00:06:35,634 --> 00:06:38,802 [Both cry] 171 00:06:41,004 --> 00:06:43,173 - Oh! - Right in his face! 172 00:06:43,175 --> 00:06:46,510 "Sorry about your jaw, son." 173 00:06:46,512 --> 00:06:48,145 I mean, I just feel so powerless. 174 00:06:48,147 --> 00:06:50,964 Just when things start to turn around and they fall apart. 175 00:06:50,966 --> 00:06:53,851 Now I know exactly how FDR felt after Pearl Harbor. 176 00:06:53,853 --> 00:06:55,819 Look, you guys have survived this long. 177 00:06:55,821 --> 00:06:57,637 Please don't let this ruin your night. 178 00:06:57,639 --> 00:06:58,689 Let's have fun. 179 00:06:58,691 --> 00:06:59,973 It's Halloween. You love Halloween. 180 00:07:00,975 --> 00:07:03,143 Hey, I know what would cheer you up. 181 00:07:03,145 --> 00:07:04,862 Let's go wait outside the bathroom for Tom 182 00:07:04,864 --> 00:07:06,413 and scare him. 183 00:07:06,415 --> 00:07:07,981 That would cheer me up. 184 00:07:07,983 --> 00:07:09,983 [Chuckles softly] 185 00:07:09,985 --> 00:07:11,752 Okay. 186 00:07:11,754 --> 00:07:13,320 Ready and... 187 00:07:14,322 --> 00:07:15,289 Boo! [Screams] 188 00:07:15,291 --> 00:07:17,657 [Laughs] 189 00:07:17,659 --> 00:07:18,777 [Flatulence] 190 00:07:19,159 --> 00:07:20,377 Jerry, God. Gross. 191 00:07:20,379 --> 00:07:22,513 Oh... 192 00:07:22,515 --> 00:07:23,964 - Jerry? - [Flatulence continues] 193 00:07:23,966 --> 00:07:26,049 Guys, I-- [Stomach gurgling] 194 00:07:26,051 --> 00:07:27,634 Oh, God, I think he might be having a heart attack. 195 00:07:27,636 --> 00:07:30,304 - What? Are you serious? - [Flatulence] 196 00:07:30,306 --> 00:07:31,355 Ugh. So much stuff is happening right now. 197 00:07:31,357 --> 00:07:33,190 - Okay, call 911. - Okay. 198 00:07:33,192 --> 00:07:35,142 Just breathe, okay? You're gonna be fine. 199 00:07:35,144 --> 00:07:37,227 Oh, geez! Did a dinosaur just fart? 200 00:07:37,229 --> 00:07:38,479 Jerry, get a grip. 201 00:07:38,481 --> 00:07:39,696 Sorry, guys. [Flatulence continues] 202 00:07:39,698 --> 00:07:41,198 Ugh! Apology not accepted. 203 00:07:41,200 --> 00:07:42,399 Stop talking, moron. 204 00:07:42,401 --> 00:07:43,850 I wish I could stop smelling. 205 00:07:43,852 --> 00:07:45,369 Dude. 206 00:07:45,371 --> 00:07:48,071 Seriously, Jerry, did you eat farts for lunch? 207 00:07:48,073 --> 00:07:49,373 Tom! Jerry's having a heart attack. 208 00:07:49,375 --> 00:07:50,374 Oh, no, I didn't know that. 209 00:07:50,376 --> 00:07:52,409 Jerry, you okay? [Flatulence] 210 00:07:54,512 --> 00:07:56,901 Okay, I've got some magazines 211 00:07:56,902 --> 00:07:59,103 and those boring word jumbles you like to do. 212 00:07:59,105 --> 00:08:00,187 Is there anything else you need, J? 213 00:08:00,189 --> 00:08:01,438 Maybe some Gas-X? 214 00:08:01,440 --> 00:08:03,190 Ha ha, Tom. 215 00:08:03,192 --> 00:08:04,775 How is he, Ann? Give it to me straight. 216 00:08:04,777 --> 00:08:05,793 He's great. 217 00:08:05,795 --> 00:08:07,361 He should be out of here in a day or two. 218 00:08:07,363 --> 00:08:08,529 Doctor, medically speaking, 219 00:08:08,531 --> 00:08:09,747 how would you describe what happened to Jerry? 220 00:08:09,749 --> 00:08:11,248 He had a mild heart attack. 221 00:08:11,750 --> 00:08:16,570 Yeah, but he also exhibited excessive flatulence. 222 00:08:16,572 --> 00:08:18,589 Is there a term for having a heart attack 223 00:08:18,591 --> 00:08:20,624 while releasing so much gas? 224 00:08:20,626 --> 00:08:22,126 Not really. 225 00:08:22,128 --> 00:08:25,078 Gastrointestinal distress is common during a cardiac event. 226 00:08:25,080 --> 00:08:26,513 I just want to hear the doctor 227 00:08:26,515 --> 00:08:27,914 say that Jerry had a fart attack. 228 00:08:27,916 --> 00:08:29,383 Is that too much to ask? 229 00:08:29,385 --> 00:08:31,101 Thank you so much. 230 00:08:31,103 --> 00:08:33,937 Look at all the balloons and the flowers and the food and-- 231 00:08:33,939 --> 00:08:36,473 my goodness, you're so sweet to come visit this often. 232 00:08:36,475 --> 00:08:38,225 - Well, they did cause it. - Hey. 233 00:08:38,227 --> 00:08:39,259 No. That's okay. 234 00:08:39,261 --> 00:08:40,978 I'm glad this happened. 235 00:08:40,980 --> 00:08:42,730 I mean, I could do without the mess of hospital bills, 236 00:08:42,732 --> 00:08:44,531 but no, this was a wakeup call. 237 00:08:44,533 --> 00:08:46,617 I'm gonna make some changes. 238 00:08:46,619 --> 00:08:49,153 I want at least another 30 years with Gayle and my girls. 239 00:08:49,155 --> 00:08:50,654 Don't worry, Jerry, okay? 240 00:08:50,656 --> 00:08:53,657 You are gonna have the future that you've always planned. 241 00:08:53,659 --> 00:08:55,626 Just leave it to us. 242 00:08:56,128 --> 00:08:58,746 Okay, so I have arranged for the Parks Department 243 00:08:58,748 --> 00:09:01,615 to throw a huge garage sale fundraiser for Jerry 244 00:09:01,617 --> 00:09:03,283 to help pay for his hospital bills. 245 00:09:03,285 --> 00:09:05,002 The Pawnee municipal employee health care plan 246 00:09:05,004 --> 00:09:06,170 is kinda crappy. 247 00:09:06,172 --> 00:09:07,588 One time I sprained my wrist 248 00:09:07,590 --> 00:09:09,790 and our insurance claimed that having a wrist 249 00:09:09,792 --> 00:09:11,475 was a pre-existing condition. 250 00:09:11,977 --> 00:09:13,677 Babe, how much should I sell this hat for? 251 00:09:13,679 --> 00:09:15,462 I don't know, eight cents? 252 00:09:15,464 --> 00:09:16,814 Honey, this is the hat I was wearing 253 00:09:16,816 --> 00:09:19,299 the first time I ever heard Vitalogy by Pearl Jam. 254 00:09:19,301 --> 00:09:20,934 Oh, $900. 255 00:09:20,936 --> 00:09:22,969 Yeah, that sounds about right. 256 00:09:22,971 --> 00:09:24,805 Ron, you're not selling anything? 257 00:09:24,807 --> 00:09:27,140 I am selling this table. 258 00:09:27,142 --> 00:09:29,476 I made it. 259 00:09:29,478 --> 00:09:30,911 So when am I gonna meet your new lover? 260 00:09:30,913 --> 00:09:33,480 I'm afraid things have hit a rough patch with Diane. 261 00:09:33,482 --> 00:09:35,999 She was not pleased with my babysitting performance 262 00:09:36,001 --> 00:09:38,535 and left me a very loud message on my cell phone. 263 00:09:38,537 --> 00:09:40,421 I'm sure she'll get over it 264 00:09:40,423 --> 00:09:42,489 if you just say you're sorry though. 265 00:09:42,491 --> 00:09:44,792 I like Diane, but I'm not sure 266 00:09:44,794 --> 00:09:47,327 if I'm ready for a whole family. 267 00:09:47,329 --> 00:09:49,496 If the kids ever wanted to come to my place, 268 00:09:49,498 --> 00:09:51,482 I'd have to take a whole week off work 269 00:09:51,484 --> 00:09:54,017 just to undo the alarms and tripwires. 270 00:09:54,019 --> 00:09:56,353 Hey, that's my name. 271 00:09:56,355 --> 00:09:58,055 Yeah, that's my Chris Traeger box. 272 00:09:58,057 --> 00:10:00,057 All these boxes represent stuff 273 00:10:00,059 --> 00:10:02,008 from different eras of ex-boyfriends. 274 00:10:02,010 --> 00:10:04,945 Oh...Here are those ankle weights I bought you 275 00:10:04,947 --> 00:10:06,179 that you liked so much. 276 00:10:06,181 --> 00:10:07,865 Recently Leslie pointed out 277 00:10:07,867 --> 00:10:09,783 that sometimes when I date someone, 278 00:10:09,785 --> 00:10:13,737 I kind of adopt that person's personality. 279 00:10:13,739 --> 00:10:15,489 The evidence is fairly damning. 280 00:10:15,491 --> 00:10:17,908 Chris Traeger-- exercise phase. 281 00:10:17,910 --> 00:10:20,327 Andy Dwyer-- my grunge phase. 282 00:10:20,329 --> 00:10:23,130 Tom Haverford-- my needless shopping phase. 283 00:10:23,132 --> 00:10:24,548 Also my credit card debt phase. 284 00:10:24,550 --> 00:10:26,250 Ann Perkins. 285 00:10:26,252 --> 00:10:28,552 Thank you so much for coming. Good afternoon. 286 00:10:28,554 --> 00:10:31,505 As many of your know, Jerry Gergich, our friend, 287 00:10:31,507 --> 00:10:33,674 has suffered a devastating fart attack, 288 00:10:33,676 --> 00:10:35,259 and we are here to help. 289 00:10:35,261 --> 00:10:37,644 So there are some special auction items 290 00:10:37,646 --> 00:10:39,229 I will be dealing with. 291 00:10:39,231 --> 00:10:41,482 The first item up for bid is an inscribed autobiography 292 00:10:41,484 --> 00:10:43,484 from Pawnee newscaster Perd Hapley. 293 00:10:43,486 --> 00:10:46,904 The book's entitled The Thing About Me Is I'm Perd Hapley. 294 00:10:46,906 --> 00:10:50,023 Anyway, let's start the bidding at $20. $20. 295 00:10:50,025 --> 00:10:51,859 Thank you sir, for 20. Do I see 30? 296 00:10:52,861 --> 00:10:55,279 Mr. Kurtzwilder, it might be helpful if you told us 297 00:10:55,281 --> 00:10:58,932 why you want to be governor of Florida. 298 00:10:58,934 --> 00:11:00,117 Well, I guess you could say 299 00:11:00,119 --> 00:11:02,419 mine is the classic Florida success story. 300 00:11:02,421 --> 00:11:04,037 I went to SFU law school, 301 00:11:04,039 --> 00:11:06,757 I was working at a small firm in Orlando, 302 00:11:06,759 --> 00:11:09,593 and one day, bam, just like that, gator eats penis. 303 00:11:09,595 --> 00:11:11,077 Excuse me? 304 00:11:11,079 --> 00:11:12,513 Well, that was my first high profile case. 305 00:11:12,515 --> 00:11:13,931 It was a classic Florida divorce. 306 00:11:13,933 --> 00:11:16,750 Guy cheats on his wife with Dan Marino's masseuse, 307 00:11:16,752 --> 00:11:19,269 one day she cuts his junk off, throws it in the Everglades. 308 00:11:19,271 --> 00:11:21,355 - Why not? - Damn alligator ate it. 309 00:11:21,357 --> 00:11:24,141 And that case, that case made my career. 310 00:11:24,143 --> 00:11:26,894 Now, I just wanna give something back. 311 00:11:26,896 --> 00:11:29,780 Frankly, your path to victory is narrow. 312 00:11:29,782 --> 00:11:31,815 Governor Scott might be vulnerable, 313 00:11:31,817 --> 00:11:34,701 but you have very little name recognition. 314 00:11:34,703 --> 00:11:37,704 But the Barkley Group is the best at what we do. 315 00:11:37,706 --> 00:11:40,958 We're not in the business of losing elections. 316 00:11:40,960 --> 00:11:44,244 We can get you where you wanna go. 317 00:11:46,080 --> 00:11:47,464 I'm just saying, you should have put "spoiler alert" 318 00:11:47,466 --> 00:11:49,249 on all those Death Canoe tweets. 319 00:11:49,251 --> 00:11:50,617 Also, not safe for work. 320 00:11:50,619 --> 00:11:53,170 You know, a lot of what you wrote was really profane. 321 00:11:53,172 --> 00:11:55,088 That movie's 25 years old, Morris. 322 00:11:55,090 --> 00:11:57,591 And if you don't like how I tweet, don't follow me. 323 00:11:57,593 --> 00:11:59,142 What are you doing now? I'm talking to you. 324 00:11:59,144 --> 00:12:01,979 I'm live tweeting this dumb-ass conversation. 325 00:12:01,981 --> 00:12:03,680 - You like that coat? - Yeah. 326 00:12:03,682 --> 00:12:06,132 But $200? It's used. 327 00:12:06,134 --> 00:12:09,519 I paid 150 for it, then added the scorpion. 328 00:12:09,521 --> 00:12:10,654 You can't sell clothes at a tag sale 329 00:12:10,656 --> 00:12:11,989 for more than they're worth. 330 00:12:11,991 --> 00:12:13,357 Um, watch me. 331 00:12:13,359 --> 00:12:15,659 [Knocks] 332 00:12:15,661 --> 00:12:16,827 Got a minute? 333 00:12:16,829 --> 00:12:17,828 Sure. 334 00:12:17,830 --> 00:12:19,813 I-I didn't expect to see you 335 00:12:19,815 --> 00:12:22,699 after the...yelling that occurred. 336 00:12:22,701 --> 00:12:23,984 Yeah, I was a bit stressed, 337 00:12:23,986 --> 00:12:26,286 but I'm not here to make excuses. 338 00:12:26,288 --> 00:12:30,007 I just wanted to say that I am sorry for the way I reacted. 339 00:12:30,009 --> 00:12:32,292 Apology accepted. 340 00:12:33,294 --> 00:12:35,161 Do you wanna say anything to me? 341 00:12:35,413 --> 00:12:37,798 Oh. Yes. 342 00:12:38,500 --> 00:12:40,217 You look nice today. 343 00:12:41,719 --> 00:12:43,353 You broke my daughter's tiara. 344 00:12:43,855 --> 00:12:45,355 You ruined their Halloween. 345 00:12:45,357 --> 00:12:47,894 Don't you feel a little bit bad about that? 346 00:12:50,896 --> 00:12:52,529 - Okay-- - Um. 347 00:12:53,031 --> 00:12:54,564 Too late. 348 00:12:54,566 --> 00:12:58,368 Good-bye. - [Clears throat] 349 00:12:58,370 --> 00:12:59,903 Dude, you're totally blowing this. 350 00:12:59,905 --> 00:13:02,572 I'm not gonna apologize. 351 00:13:02,574 --> 00:13:05,158 It wasn't even a real tiara, for God's sake. 352 00:13:05,160 --> 00:13:07,861 Oh, well, relationship over. Too bad. 353 00:13:07,863 --> 00:13:09,696 Oh, my God, you are so sad. 354 00:13:09,698 --> 00:13:12,532 - I am not. - Ron, she's right. 355 00:13:12,534 --> 00:13:14,551 I've trained extensively in the art of observation. 356 00:13:14,553 --> 00:13:17,004 You are sad, and we know why. 357 00:13:17,006 --> 00:13:19,006 You didn't sell you table. 358 00:13:19,008 --> 00:13:21,842 And it's probably a little too expensive. 359 00:13:21,844 --> 00:13:24,177 Shh. No. 360 00:13:24,179 --> 00:13:26,212 Okay, this is our final auction item. 361 00:13:26,214 --> 00:13:28,048 It's a one-of-a-kind autograph 362 00:13:28,050 --> 00:13:31,018 from mayor Gunderson's dog, Rufus. 363 00:13:31,020 --> 00:13:32,552 Yeah, we need some big bids-- [Phone rings] 364 00:13:32,554 --> 00:13:34,220 Oh, excuse me one second. 365 00:13:34,222 --> 00:13:36,723 Um, can you--t--just--okay. 366 00:13:36,725 --> 00:13:39,026 Hey, how was the meeting? 367 00:13:39,028 --> 00:13:43,396 Kurtzwilder wants me to run his campaign from Florida. 368 00:13:43,398 --> 00:13:46,090 I'm not exactly sure when the job would even starts, 369 00:13:46,178 --> 00:13:48,511 but it would probably mean putting our plans on hold. 370 00:13:48,962 --> 00:13:50,295 Well, I mean, you know, 371 00:13:50,297 --> 00:13:52,297 obviously you gotta take it, right? 372 00:13:52,299 --> 00:13:53,799 No, I mean, I'm not making any decisions 373 00:13:53,801 --> 00:13:55,934 until we talk about this and everything it would mean. 374 00:13:55,936 --> 00:13:57,969 Look, I'm flying back to Washington. 375 00:13:57,971 --> 00:13:59,188 I'll call you when I get there. Okay? 376 00:13:59,190 --> 00:14:00,639 Yeah, okay. 377 00:14:00,641 --> 00:14:02,641 - Love ya. - Love you, too. 378 00:14:02,643 --> 00:14:05,778 $55. Great. Okay, come on, $60? 379 00:14:05,780 --> 00:14:07,162 $65 anybody? 380 00:14:07,164 --> 00:14:09,498 Hey, we're up to $60, not bad, right? 381 00:14:09,500 --> 00:14:10,816 Yes, Ann, bad. 382 00:14:10,818 --> 00:14:12,984 You might not care about Jerry's future, but I do. 383 00:14:12,986 --> 00:14:15,621 Okay? We need to do something very drastic so he can be happy, 384 00:14:15,623 --> 00:14:18,207 so we can all be happy. 385 00:14:18,209 --> 00:14:19,541 Uh, are you thinking what I'm thinking? 386 00:14:19,543 --> 00:14:20,592 Don't know what you're thinking, 387 00:14:20,594 --> 00:14:21,794 but I'm definitely not thinking 388 00:14:21,796 --> 00:14:23,212 - what you're thinking. - Good idea, Ann. 389 00:14:23,214 --> 00:14:25,664 Okay, we have a new item up for bid. 390 00:14:25,666 --> 00:14:27,766 A wonderful surprise item. 391 00:14:27,768 --> 00:14:30,853 An evening with sexy nurse Ann Perkins. 392 00:14:30,855 --> 00:14:32,387 - No. - Yes. 393 00:14:32,389 --> 00:14:34,506 Look at her, folks. 394 00:14:34,508 --> 00:14:35,941 One evening with the most beautiful woman in the world. 395 00:14:35,943 --> 00:14:37,526 Just dinner and dancing, nothing sexual. 396 00:14:37,528 --> 00:14:39,728 Unless she's into that, but no, she's not. 397 00:14:39,730 --> 00:14:40,979 Nothing fresh. Don't even try it. 398 00:14:40,981 --> 00:14:42,364 - But you never know, right? - No! 399 00:14:42,366 --> 00:14:43,816 No, she's not into it. Don't try anything, 400 00:14:43,818 --> 00:14:44,950 but, you know, give it a shot. 401 00:14:44,952 --> 00:14:46,351 Either way, it's for a good cause. 402 00:14:46,353 --> 00:14:49,154 Let's raise some money. 403 00:14:50,606 --> 00:14:52,105 Please, we need to do this 404 00:14:52,106 --> 00:14:53,439 for Jerry and his future. 405 00:14:53,441 --> 00:14:54,741 This could be great, you know? 406 00:14:54,743 --> 00:14:56,159 Three out of four married couples 407 00:14:56,161 --> 00:14:57,694 have met each other at spontaneous auctions. 408 00:14:57,696 --> 00:14:59,112 I don't think that's true. 409 00:14:59,114 --> 00:15:02,849 - I d--well, I don't know, I-- - $100. 410 00:15:03,851 --> 00:15:05,585 All right, what the hell. 411 00:15:05,587 --> 00:15:07,754 Okay, we have a $100 bid for Ann Perkins. 412 00:15:07,756 --> 00:15:09,839 - 200. - 200. Thank you so much. 413 00:15:09,841 --> 00:15:11,991 200 for the smartest, most accomplished woman I know. 414 00:15:11,993 --> 00:15:13,126 And check out that bod. 415 00:15:13,128 --> 00:15:14,160 Can I get 3? $300. 416 00:15:14,162 --> 00:15:15,995 500. 417 00:15:15,997 --> 00:15:17,296 Uh-oh. 418 00:15:17,298 --> 00:15:18,798 - $600. - 700. 419 00:15:18,800 --> 00:15:21,217 - 750. - $900. 420 00:15:21,219 --> 00:15:24,721 Wow, 900 from the man with the tank top and the tattoos. 421 00:15:24,723 --> 00:15:26,139 That's so great. Let's beat that, shall we? 422 00:15:26,141 --> 00:15:28,441 Who wants to beat it? Anybody beat it please? 423 00:15:28,443 --> 00:15:29,642 I'm sorry, I'm out. 424 00:15:29,644 --> 00:15:31,060 I wouldn't sell her to that guy, though. 425 00:15:31,062 --> 00:15:32,195 Just one man's opinion. 426 00:15:32,197 --> 00:15:33,363 Okay... 427 00:15:33,365 --> 00:15:36,983 Sir, what would you do with your $900 date? 428 00:15:36,985 --> 00:15:42,155 How would you, uh, um... What are you gonna do to her? 429 00:15:42,157 --> 00:15:43,456 I don't know. 430 00:15:43,458 --> 00:15:45,458 My cousin's got a kickass mud pit in his yard. 431 00:15:45,460 --> 00:15:46,659 She could watch me do belly flops 432 00:15:46,661 --> 00:15:48,378 then we maybe we could get some Thai food 433 00:15:48,380 --> 00:15:50,663 and a tank of nitrous and see what happens. 434 00:15:50,665 --> 00:15:53,365 Oh, that's not as bad as I thought it would be. 435 00:15:53,367 --> 00:15:55,385 I am going to bid a million dollars on myself. 436 00:15:55,387 --> 00:15:57,422 Going once, going never, sold. 437 00:15:59,558 --> 00:16:01,557 [P.A.] Ladies and gentlemen, the auction closes in five minutes. 438 00:16:01,558 --> 00:16:03,059 What up, playboy? 439 00:16:03,561 --> 00:16:04,727 You like that jacket? 440 00:16:04,729 --> 00:16:06,262 It's a pretty dope cut, right? 441 00:16:06,264 --> 00:16:07,980 Yeah. Can I have it, Mom? 442 00:16:07,982 --> 00:16:09,182 I could wear it to homecoming. 443 00:16:09,184 --> 00:16:10,566 300 bucks for something 444 00:16:10,568 --> 00:16:13,436 you're just gonna grow out of in a month? Forget it. 445 00:16:13,438 --> 00:16:15,738 Wait, I can rent it to you. 446 00:16:16,490 --> 00:16:17,523 Really? 447 00:16:17,525 --> 00:16:20,076 Yeah, it's part of a business I run. 448 00:16:20,078 --> 00:16:22,195 High end clothes rentals for teens, tweens 449 00:16:22,197 --> 00:16:23,696 and everything in betweens. 450 00:16:23,698 --> 00:16:25,865 That jacket is 20 bucks a week. 451 00:16:26,867 --> 00:16:27,566 Done. 452 00:16:28,068 --> 00:16:29,252 This is a great idea. 453 00:16:29,254 --> 00:16:31,370 He grows so fast I never wanna buy him anything nice. 454 00:16:31,372 --> 00:16:33,539 What's the name of your business? 456 00:16:38,463 --> 00:16:40,246 We only raised $1,200. 457 00:16:40,248 --> 00:16:42,098 Leslie, thank you. 458 00:16:42,100 --> 00:16:43,599 That is amazing. 459 00:16:43,601 --> 00:16:44,767 No, it stinks. 460 00:16:44,769 --> 00:16:46,469 It's not even close to what you need. 461 00:16:46,471 --> 00:16:48,438 With all your bills, 462 00:16:48,440 --> 00:16:50,189 and the inevitable follow-up problems, 463 00:16:50,191 --> 00:16:52,642 and the lifetime of chronic misery that awaits you. 464 00:16:52,644 --> 00:16:54,227 I mean, you had this whole plan 465 00:16:54,229 --> 00:16:56,395 for your retirement and your beach house 466 00:16:56,397 --> 00:17:00,450 and now you're future is just a huge pile of crap. 467 00:17:00,452 --> 00:17:02,735 Leslie, you can't actually plan your future. 468 00:17:02,737 --> 00:17:04,570 You know, there's no guarantees in this world. 469 00:17:04,572 --> 00:17:07,773 As long as the people I love are a part of my life 470 00:17:07,775 --> 00:17:10,243 I will be just fine. 471 00:17:10,245 --> 00:17:12,829 You wanna stick around? 472 00:17:12,831 --> 00:17:14,130 Watch some of my stories with me? 473 00:17:14,132 --> 00:17:16,966 Tonight's strawberry Jell-o night! 474 00:17:16,968 --> 00:17:19,302 Oh, my God, your life is so depressing. 475 00:17:19,304 --> 00:17:21,420 No thank you. 476 00:17:21,422 --> 00:17:23,306 [Knock on glass] 477 00:17:23,308 --> 00:17:26,759 Never seen anyone more tortured over good news. 478 00:17:26,761 --> 00:17:28,678 I'm sorry, I don't mean to seem ungrateful. 479 00:17:28,680 --> 00:17:31,097 I just, you know, I have a lot to consider. 480 00:17:31,099 --> 00:17:32,148 Yeah, yeah, yeah, I get it. 481 00:17:32,150 --> 00:17:33,632 Feelings and girlfriend and whatever. 482 00:17:33,634 --> 00:17:36,635 The point is just yesterday you said to me, 483 00:17:36,637 --> 00:17:39,772 "I'm never happier than when I'm managing a campaign." 484 00:17:39,774 --> 00:17:41,107 I don't think I said that. 485 00:17:41,109 --> 00:17:42,308 You didn't have to. 486 00:17:42,310 --> 00:17:43,826 I watched you in Florida. 487 00:17:43,828 --> 00:17:45,361 You were saying it with your heart. 488 00:17:45,363 --> 00:17:47,280 Wow, you are really good at this. 489 00:17:47,282 --> 00:17:49,031 Yes, I am. I'm amazing. 490 00:17:49,033 --> 00:17:51,450 But more importantly, so are you. 491 00:17:52,452 --> 00:17:54,820 There aren't a lot of people that can manage a campaign. 492 00:17:55,322 --> 00:18:01,210 But you, Ben Wyatt, are one of them. 493 00:18:01,212 --> 00:18:04,797 So, just take tonight and just think about your future. 494 00:18:07,885 --> 00:18:11,103 [Doorbell rings] 495 00:18:11,605 --> 00:18:13,172 Hello, Diane. 496 00:18:13,174 --> 00:18:16,442 I have brought you flowers. 497 00:18:16,444 --> 00:18:19,478 Also chocolates. 498 00:18:19,480 --> 00:18:20,980 And some grout cleaner. 499 00:18:20,982 --> 00:18:23,349 I noticed you needed grout cleaner, so I brought that too. 500 00:18:23,351 --> 00:18:26,319 Very romantic. 501 00:18:26,321 --> 00:18:28,621 My kids are non-negotiable, Ron. 502 00:18:28,623 --> 00:18:30,873 It's a package deal. 503 00:18:30,875 --> 00:18:35,378 I know. I'm sorry, Diane. I really am. 504 00:18:35,380 --> 00:18:38,047 I've been alone most of my life by choice 505 00:18:38,049 --> 00:18:40,583 and kids-- 506 00:18:40,585 --> 00:18:43,753 this is all new for me. 507 00:18:43,755 --> 00:18:45,755 But I'd like to become familiar with it 508 00:18:46,507 --> 00:18:49,091 if you give me a chance to prove myself. 509 00:18:49,593 --> 00:18:51,895 I did bring the girls something. 510 00:18:53,897 --> 00:18:57,099 I thought I could teach 'em to saw. 511 00:18:57,101 --> 00:18:58,517 [Slight laugh] 512 00:18:58,519 --> 00:19:00,069 I now realize that seems dangerous. 513 00:19:00,071 --> 00:19:01,553 [Laughs] 514 00:19:01,555 --> 00:19:05,358 Well, my boyfriend might not be moving back for a while 515 00:19:05,360 --> 00:19:07,493 so I have to back out. 516 00:19:07,495 --> 00:19:10,463 Just wanted to look at it one more time. 517 00:19:10,465 --> 00:19:11,964 You know I can't give you your deposit back. 518 00:19:11,966 --> 00:19:13,199 I know. 519 00:19:13,201 --> 00:19:15,334 - And there's a $300-- - All right, Martha. 520 00:19:15,336 --> 00:19:19,205 I get it. 521 00:19:19,207 --> 00:19:22,375 Actually, is there a way I could put down, like a-- 522 00:19:22,377 --> 00:19:24,043 - Hey. - Hey. 523 00:19:24,045 --> 00:19:25,544 I didn't know you were coming back here. 524 00:19:25,546 --> 00:19:29,265 - Oh. - What are you doing? 525 00:19:30,027 --> 00:19:32,051 Oh, my God, what are you doing? 526 00:19:32,553 --> 00:19:36,088 I'm thinking about my future. 527 00:19:38,775 --> 00:19:43,095 I am deeply, ridiculously in love with you 528 00:19:43,097 --> 00:19:46,198 and above everything else, I just-- 529 00:19:46,200 --> 00:19:47,984 I wanna be with you forever. 530 00:19:49,486 --> 00:19:50,889 So, Leslie Knope, 531 00:19:51,486 --> 00:19:52,989 - will-- - Wait. Wait. 532 00:19:52,991 --> 00:19:54,624 - Okay? - Okay. 533 00:19:54,626 --> 00:19:57,326 - Just--I need to remember this. - Sure. 534 00:19:57,328 --> 00:20:00,579 - Gimme a second. - Okay. 535 00:20:01,331 --> 00:20:03,949 - Leslie K-- - No, no, no, no, hold on. 536 00:20:03,951 --> 00:20:05,584 Just--I need another second, please. 537 00:20:05,586 --> 00:20:12,291 I need to remember every little thing about how perfect 538 00:20:12,293 --> 00:20:16,145 my life is right now at this exact moment. 539 00:20:16,147 --> 00:20:18,180 Okay. 540 00:20:26,490 --> 00:20:27,489 [Laughs] 541 00:20:27,490 --> 00:20:28,574 Are you good? 542 00:20:28,576 --> 00:20:29,775 - Yeah. - Okay. 543 00:20:29,777 --> 00:20:31,610 I'm good. 544 00:20:31,612 --> 00:20:32,647 Leslie Knope, 545 00:20:33,412 --> 00:20:34,647 - will you-- - Yes! 546 00:20:42,799 --> 00:20:44,217 - Marry me? - Oh, yeah. 547 00:20:44,219 --> 00:20:46,136 Okay. Great. [Both laugh] 548 00:20:47,398 --> 00:20:48,899 All: Trick or treat! 549 00:20:49,683 --> 00:20:51,234 It's November 8th. 550 00:20:51,268 --> 00:20:53,736 Yes, well, these girls didn't get a chance 551 00:20:53,770 --> 00:20:54,803 to go trick or treating 552 00:20:54,821 --> 00:20:56,439 so somewhere in this house 553 00:20:56,473 --> 00:20:57,973 there is some candy. 554 00:20:57,991 --> 00:21:00,910 Why don't you find it and we'll get right out of your hair. 555 00:21:00,944 --> 00:21:04,997 All right, hold on one second. 556 00:21:05,532 --> 00:21:08,483 - You having fun, ladies? Both: Yeah! 557 00:21:08,501 --> 00:21:13,505 All right, I got some, uh, calcium chews 558 00:21:13,540 --> 00:21:15,958 and, uh, a roll of cookie dough. 559 00:21:15,992 --> 00:21:17,259 Okay, what do you say, girls? 560 00:21:17,293 --> 00:21:19,161 Both: Thank you! 561 00:21:19,179 --> 00:21:20,929 Tremendous. 562 00:21:20,964 --> 00:21:22,798 Appreciate it.