1
00:00:01,039 --> 00:00:02,074
- Hey.
- Hey.
2
00:00:02,314 --> 00:00:03,681
Am I interrupting
something important?
3
00:00:03,683 --> 00:00:06,734
Impossible.
I work for the government.
4
00:00:06,736 --> 00:00:08,402
I just picked up the girls,
thought we'd stop by.
5
00:00:08,904 --> 00:00:11,221
How are the girls--
6
00:00:11,223 --> 00:00:12,323
Yes, they are.
7
00:00:12,325 --> 00:00:13,824
Hello, girls.
8
00:00:13,826 --> 00:00:16,527
Diane and I have been seeing
a lot of each other, recently.
9
00:00:16,529 --> 00:00:19,396
She is a sharp,
confident, strong woman.
10
00:00:19,629 --> 00:00:21,196
Her children are loud.
11
00:00:23,229 --> 00:00:25,196
Kung fu!
12
00:00:25,197 --> 00:00:26,664
Here comes trouble!
13
00:00:30,870 --> 00:00:32,336
This is fun.
14
00:00:32,338 --> 00:00:33,420
Easy, girls.
15
00:00:33,422 --> 00:00:34,755
We'll be careful, Miss Lewis.
16
00:00:34,757 --> 00:00:36,090
Ow!
17
00:00:36,092 --> 00:00:37,224
I'm sorry.
18
00:00:37,226 --> 00:00:38,509
I've got it.
19
00:00:38,511 --> 00:00:39,810
We just wanted to invite you
20
00:00:39,812 --> 00:00:41,262
to come trick
or treating tonight.
21
00:00:41,264 --> 00:00:42,680
I think I'm a little old.
22
00:00:42,682 --> 00:00:43,898
Can we go, Ron, please?
23
00:00:43,900 --> 00:00:46,267
- Please?
- You can come, sure.
24
00:00:46,269 --> 00:00:48,235
We have to go by 7:00 or else
the good candy will be gone.
25
00:00:48,237 --> 00:00:49,570
Sounds perfect.
26
00:00:50,573 --> 00:00:52,222
Come on, girls.
27
00:00:53,225 --> 00:00:54,608
Bye, guys!
28
00:00:54,610 --> 00:00:55,910
See you later, Ron!
29
00:00:55,912 --> 00:00:59,330
See you tonight!
30
00:00:59,332 --> 00:01:00,898
What the hell just happened?
31
00:01:01,901 --> 00:01:07,501
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com
32
00:01:22,003 --> 00:01:26,190
So, three bedrooms,
two baths, nice big backyard.
33
00:01:26,192 --> 00:01:28,225
But no trampoline room,
correct?
34
00:01:28,227 --> 00:01:29,477
Correct.
35
00:01:29,479 --> 00:01:31,028
Like all houses in the world,
36
00:01:31,030 --> 00:01:33,898
- there's no trampoline room.
- Mm.
37
00:01:33,900 --> 00:01:36,567
Ben is coming back
from D.C. in ten days
38
00:01:36,569 --> 00:01:38,536
and he we are moving
into a house together.
39
00:01:38,538 --> 00:01:39,904
He would move into my place,
40
00:01:39,906 --> 00:01:42,373
but it's a scary
nightmare hoarder nest.
41
00:01:42,375 --> 00:01:44,358
His words.
And Ann's.
42
00:01:44,360 --> 00:01:47,027
And the official report
filed by the Health Department.
43
00:01:47,029 --> 00:01:50,164
I'm just so happy that Ben and I
are starting our life together
44
00:01:50,166 --> 00:01:54,168
and my future's
finally back on track.
45
00:01:54,170 --> 00:01:55,720
Martha, I wanna
lease this house.
46
00:01:55,722 --> 00:01:58,205
Great.
47
00:01:58,207 --> 00:01:59,640
Thought it was gonna be
more dramatic than that.
48
00:01:59,642 --> 00:02:00,675
Hold on.
49
00:02:00,677 --> 00:02:02,727
Okay, say it again.
50
00:02:02,729 --> 00:02:05,513
Martha, I wanna
lease this house.
51
00:02:09,218 --> 00:02:12,236
Whoo!
52
00:02:15,773 --> 00:02:16,440
Parks Department!
53
00:02:16,442 --> 00:02:18,743
Chris Traeger,
city manager, friend,
54
00:02:18,745 --> 00:02:21,395
aspiring life coach
and recipient
55
00:02:21,397 --> 00:02:24,782
of Dr. Richard Nygard's award
for Most Improved Patient
56
00:02:24,784 --> 00:02:26,367
for my psychotherapy sessions.
57
00:02:26,369 --> 00:02:28,119
Wow, that's great, Chris.
Congrats.
58
00:02:28,121 --> 00:02:29,120
Thanks, Jerry.
59
00:02:29,122 --> 00:02:31,038
It's just a piece of paper
60
00:02:31,040 --> 00:02:34,258
and he only made it for me after
I specifically asked for it
61
00:02:34,260 --> 00:02:37,261
while crying loudly, but...
62
00:02:37,263 --> 00:02:39,714
It sure meant a lot
to receive it.
63
00:02:39,716 --> 00:02:41,882
In honor of Halloween,
the city manager's office
64
00:02:41,884 --> 00:02:44,385
will be throwing a scary movie
night in the courtyard.
65
00:02:44,387 --> 00:02:48,055
Tonight's film is
the 1986 horror camp classic,
66
00:02:48,057 --> 00:02:51,142
Death Canoe 4:
Murder At Blood Lake.
67
00:02:51,144 --> 00:02:53,427
Seriously?
That's the best one!
68
00:02:53,429 --> 00:02:56,647
I hope no one minds
if I live tweet this bitch.
69
00:02:56,649 --> 00:02:58,098
I am coming dressed
as my greatest fear,
70
00:02:58,100 --> 00:03:01,202
because Dr. Richard Nygard feels
that I should face my fears
71
00:03:01,204 --> 00:03:02,486
instead of running from them.
72
00:03:02,488 --> 00:03:04,789
He's very wise.
I see him five times a week.
73
00:03:04,791 --> 00:03:07,825
He holds my life in his hand
like a fragile little bird.
74
00:03:09,827 --> 00:03:10,628
See you tonight!
75
00:03:11,380 --> 00:03:14,298
Well, Congressman Murray
has an 18 point lead.
76
00:03:14,300 --> 00:03:18,118
Calloway is out of money
and has stopped campaigning.
77
00:03:18,120 --> 00:03:19,170
So, congratulations!
78
00:03:21,474 --> 00:03:23,641
- Great work, all of you!
- Yeah.
79
00:03:23,643 --> 00:03:26,394
- But especially me!
- Especially everyone.
80
00:03:26,396 --> 00:03:27,795
This was a team effort, really.
81
00:03:27,797 --> 00:03:29,597
But I was the best.
Thank you.
82
00:03:29,599 --> 00:03:31,015
You were all fantastic.
83
00:03:31,017 --> 00:03:32,817
Most of all me,
April Ludgate, the real hero.
84
00:03:32,819 --> 00:03:34,318
Thank you and you're welcome.
85
00:03:34,320 --> 00:03:35,736
Actually, April, if you want,
86
00:03:35,738 --> 00:03:37,137
you can head back
to Pawnee early.
87
00:03:37,139 --> 00:03:38,823
- Wrap a few things up and--
- Great.
88
00:03:38,825 --> 00:03:39,990
Whoo!
89
00:03:39,992 --> 00:03:41,192
That's an exit.
90
00:03:41,194 --> 00:03:42,643
Gone, but never forgotten.
91
00:03:42,645 --> 00:03:45,112
Who was that?
I'm just kidding.
92
00:03:45,114 --> 00:03:46,414
Not bad, right?
93
00:03:46,416 --> 00:03:47,915
You know, I have to say, Murray
really came through--
94
00:03:47,917 --> 00:03:49,500
Yeah, yeah, this one's over.
We won. Great job.
95
00:03:49,502 --> 00:03:51,836
Blah blah blah.
96
00:03:51,838 --> 00:03:53,153
Let's talk about
what you're gonna do next.
97
00:03:53,655 --> 00:03:55,823
Oh, well, I was gonna
get a chicken parm
98
00:03:55,825 --> 00:03:57,842
- and watch Bladerunner.
- Mm.
99
00:03:57,844 --> 00:04:01,161
Oh, are you talking about,
like, job-wise?
100
00:04:01,163 --> 00:04:05,216
Yes, Ben, I am talking about,
like, job-wise.
101
00:04:06,886 --> 00:04:08,853
So you're a princess too, hey?
102
00:04:08,855 --> 00:04:12,005
Oh, for the last four years
everything has been princesses.
103
00:04:12,007 --> 00:04:15,476
Every book, every movie,
every backpack.
104
00:04:15,478 --> 00:04:16,694
All princesses all the time.
105
00:04:16,696 --> 00:04:19,647
- Oh, that sounds fun.
- It's a nightmare.
106
00:04:19,649 --> 00:04:22,199
Excuse me, I just have to
file a quick report.
107
00:04:22,201 --> 00:04:23,984
I'm applying
to the police academy soon
108
00:04:23,986 --> 00:04:27,404
and the manual says I have to
work on my observation skills
109
00:04:27,406 --> 00:04:34,695
so...Tree, leaves, night, sky,
hand. Andy's hand.
110
00:04:34,697 --> 00:04:36,997
Pfft. What else you got?
111
00:04:36,999 --> 00:04:39,884
Oh, no.
Vice principal emergency.
112
00:04:39,886 --> 00:04:42,002
- What is it?
- I have to leave.
113
00:04:42,004 --> 00:04:46,006
Some idiot kids were caught
pooping on the soccer field?
114
00:04:46,008 --> 00:04:47,224
Oh, too bad.
115
00:04:47,226 --> 00:04:48,392
Guess trick or treating's over.
116
00:04:48,394 --> 00:04:50,678
- No, Mommy, no!
- I'm sorry.
117
00:04:50,680 --> 00:04:52,313
No, we can walk 'em around,
it's no problem.
118
00:04:52,315 --> 00:04:53,380
I mean, we just got started.
119
00:04:53,382 --> 00:04:56,267
Oh, that's so sweet of you.
120
00:04:56,269 --> 00:04:58,352
Now, ladies, Princess Mommy
121
00:04:58,354 --> 00:05:00,020
has to go take care
of some bad guys,
122
00:05:00,022 --> 00:05:04,608
so you be nice
to Ron and Andy, okay?
123
00:05:04,610 --> 00:05:07,361
Okay, let's go
to the next house.
124
00:05:07,363 --> 00:05:10,114
I need to go
to the bathroom.
125
00:05:10,116 --> 00:05:14,368
I-I have no idea
what to do about that.
126
00:05:14,370 --> 00:05:16,070
Uh-oh.
127
00:05:16,072 --> 00:05:17,788
It's the death canoe.
128
00:05:17,790 --> 00:05:19,740
Get your foot
out the water, dumb-ass!
129
00:05:19,742 --> 00:05:21,425
It's blood lake.
130
00:05:21,427 --> 00:05:23,761
Now, I missed the first three
Death Canoe films.
131
00:05:23,763 --> 00:05:25,846
Why exactly is it a death canoe?
132
00:05:25,848 --> 00:05:28,048
- Does it tip over easily?
- Read my Twitter feed.
133
00:05:28,050 --> 00:05:30,584
I live tweeted the first three
this morning in preparation.
134
00:05:30,586 --> 00:05:34,221
In the fifth one,
the canoe's actually the hero.
135
00:05:34,223 --> 00:05:35,806
It's a crazy twist.
136
00:05:35,808 --> 00:05:37,391
- Hey.
- Hey.
137
00:05:37,393 --> 00:05:38,926
- You're the, uh--
- The lady and you're the--
138
00:05:38,928 --> 00:05:40,895
- USA!
- Cool. Great.
139
00:05:40,897 --> 00:05:43,113
So hold on,
what does this mean?
140
00:05:43,115 --> 00:05:45,449
It means Jen wants me
to keep working for her.
141
00:05:45,451 --> 00:05:50,287
There's a businessman in Florida
who wants to run for governor.
142
00:05:50,289 --> 00:05:51,605
Florida?
They have sharks in Florida.
143
00:05:51,607 --> 00:05:53,157
And swamps.
And swamp sharks.
144
00:05:53,159 --> 00:05:54,274
Do you mean alligators?
145
00:05:54,276 --> 00:05:56,160
Maybe.
Look, so are you gonna do it?
146
00:05:56,162 --> 00:05:57,995
I--I mean,
I just applied for a lease.
147
00:05:57,997 --> 00:05:59,747
- We were supposed to--
- I know,
148
00:05:59,749 --> 00:06:02,466
and I know this makes
the future a little murky,
149
00:06:02,468 --> 00:06:05,469
but right now everything's
really preliminary, okay?
150
00:06:05,471 --> 00:06:07,755
We'll know more
in a week or so.
151
00:06:07,757 --> 00:06:11,175
Trick or treat!
152
00:06:11,177 --> 00:06:13,978
7:34 pm.
Man dressed as a nerd.
153
00:06:13,980 --> 00:06:15,128
Female dressed as crazy witch.
154
00:06:15,980 --> 00:06:17,348
Neither of us is in costume.
155
00:06:18,350 --> 00:06:20,634
Case closed.
Candy, please.
156
00:06:20,636 --> 00:06:23,654
Ron, Zoe broke my tiara!
157
00:06:23,656 --> 00:06:25,272
We both have the same tiara.
158
00:06:25,274 --> 00:06:27,107
Now she has one and I don't.
159
00:06:27,109 --> 00:06:29,142
- Okay.
- I didn't mean to, Ivy!
160
00:06:29,144 --> 00:06:31,530
Okay, well,
let's just even things out.
161
00:06:33,032 --> 00:06:36,166
There. Now neither of you
has a tiara. Problem solved.
162
00:06:41,538 --> 00:06:43,707
- Oh!
- Right in his face!
163
00:06:43,709 --> 00:06:47,044
"Sorry about your jaw, son."
164
00:06:47,046 --> 00:06:48,679
I mean, I just feel
so powerless.
165
00:06:48,681 --> 00:06:51,498
Just when things start to turn
around and they fall apart.
166
00:06:51,500 --> 00:06:54,385
Now I know exactly how FDR
felt after Pearl Harbor.
167
00:06:54,387 --> 00:06:56,353
Look, you guys
have survived this long.
168
00:06:56,355 --> 00:06:58,171
Please don't let this
ruin your night.
169
00:06:58,173 --> 00:06:59,223
Let's have fun.
170
00:06:59,225 --> 00:07:00,507
It's Halloween.
You love Halloween.
171
00:07:01,509 --> 00:07:03,677
Hey, I know
what would cheer you up.
172
00:07:03,679 --> 00:07:05,396
Let's go wait outside
the bathroom for Tom
173
00:07:05,398 --> 00:07:06,947
and scare him.
174
00:07:06,949 --> 00:07:08,515
That would cheer me up.
175
00:07:10,519 --> 00:07:12,286
Okay.
176
00:07:12,288 --> 00:07:13,854
Ready and...
177
00:07:14,856 --> 00:07:15,823
Boo!
178
00:07:19,693 --> 00:07:20,911
Jerry, God. Gross.
179
00:07:20,913 --> 00:07:23,047
Oh...
180
00:07:23,049 --> 00:07:24,498
Jerry?
181
00:07:24,500 --> 00:07:26,583
Guys, I--
182
00:07:26,585 --> 00:07:28,168
Oh, God, I think he might be
having a heart attack.
183
00:07:28,170 --> 00:07:30,838
What? Are you serious?
184
00:07:30,840 --> 00:07:31,889
Ugh. So much stuff
is happening right now.
185
00:07:31,891 --> 00:07:33,724
- Okay, call 911.
- Okay.
186
00:07:33,726 --> 00:07:35,676
Just breathe, okay?
You're gonna be fine.
187
00:07:35,678 --> 00:07:37,761
Oh, geez!
Did a dinosaur just fart?
188
00:07:37,763 --> 00:07:39,013
Jerry, get a grip.
189
00:07:39,015 --> 00:07:40,230
Sorry, guys.
190
00:07:40,232 --> 00:07:41,732
Ugh! Apology not accepted.
191
00:07:41,734 --> 00:07:42,933
Stop talking, moron.
192
00:07:42,935 --> 00:07:44,384
I wish I could
stop smelling.
193
00:07:44,386 --> 00:07:45,903
Dude.
194
00:07:45,905 --> 00:07:48,605
Seriously, Jerry,
did you eat farts for lunch?
195
00:07:48,607 --> 00:07:49,907
Tom!
Jerry's having a heart attack.
196
00:07:49,909 --> 00:07:50,908
Oh, no, I didn't know that.
197
00:07:50,910 --> 00:07:52,943
Jerry, you okay?
198
00:07:55,046 --> 00:07:56,859
Okay, I've got some magazines
199
00:07:56,894 --> 00:07:59,060
and those boring
word jumbles you like to do.
200
00:07:59,062 --> 00:08:00,144
Is there anything else
you need, J?
201
00:08:00,146 --> 00:08:01,395
Maybe some Gas-X?
202
00:08:01,397 --> 00:08:03,147
Ha ha, Tom.
203
00:08:03,149 --> 00:08:04,732
How is he, Ann?
Give it to me straight.
204
00:08:04,734 --> 00:08:05,750
He's great.
205
00:08:05,752 --> 00:08:07,318
He should be out of here
in a day or two.
206
00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:08,486
Doctor, medically speaking,
207
00:08:08,488 --> 00:08:09,704
how would you describe
what happened to Jerry?
208
00:08:09,706 --> 00:08:11,205
He had a mild heart attack.
209
00:08:11,707 --> 00:08:16,527
Yeah, but he also exhibited
excessive flatulence.
210
00:08:16,529 --> 00:08:18,546
Is there a term
for having a heart attack
211
00:08:18,548 --> 00:08:20,581
while releasing so much gas?
212
00:08:20,583 --> 00:08:22,083
Not really.
213
00:08:22,085 --> 00:08:25,035
Gastrointestinal distress is
common during a cardiac event.
214
00:08:25,037 --> 00:08:26,470
I just want
to hear the doctor
215
00:08:26,472 --> 00:08:27,871
say that Jerry
had a fart attack.
216
00:08:27,873 --> 00:08:29,340
Is that too much to ask?
217
00:08:29,342 --> 00:08:31,058
Thank you so much.
218
00:08:31,060 --> 00:08:33,894
Look at all the balloons and
the flowers and the food and--
219
00:08:33,896 --> 00:08:36,430
my goodness, you're so sweet
to come visit this often.
220
00:08:36,432 --> 00:08:38,182
- Well, they did cause it.
- Hey.
221
00:08:38,184 --> 00:08:39,216
No.
That's okay.
222
00:08:39,218 --> 00:08:40,935
I'm glad this happened.
223
00:08:40,937 --> 00:08:42,687
I mean, I could do without
the mess of hospital bills,
224
00:08:42,689 --> 00:08:44,488
but no, this was a wakeup call.
225
00:08:44,490 --> 00:08:46,574
I'm gonna make some changes.
226
00:08:46,576 --> 00:08:49,110
I want at least another 30 years
with Gayle and my girls.
227
00:08:49,112 --> 00:08:50,611
Don't worry, Jerry, okay?
228
00:08:50,613 --> 00:08:53,614
You are gonna have the future
that you've always planned.
229
00:08:53,616 --> 00:08:55,583
Just leave it to us.
230
00:08:56,085 --> 00:08:58,703
Okay, so I have arranged
for the Parks Department
231
00:08:58,705 --> 00:09:01,572
to throw a huge garage sale
fundraiser for Jerry
232
00:09:01,574 --> 00:09:03,240
to help pay
for his hospital bills.
233
00:09:03,242 --> 00:09:04,959
The Pawnee municipal employee
health care plan
234
00:09:04,961 --> 00:09:06,127
is kinda crappy.
235
00:09:06,129 --> 00:09:07,545
One time I sprained my wrist
236
00:09:07,547 --> 00:09:09,747
and our insurance claimed
that having a wrist
237
00:09:09,749 --> 00:09:11,432
was a pre-existing condition.
238
00:09:11,934 --> 00:09:13,634
Babe, how much
should I sell this hat for?
239
00:09:13,636 --> 00:09:15,419
I don't know, eight cents?
240
00:09:15,421 --> 00:09:16,771
Honey, this is the hat
I was wearing
241
00:09:16,773 --> 00:09:19,256
the first time I ever heard
Vitalogy by Pearl Jam.
242
00:09:19,258 --> 00:09:20,891
Oh, $900.
243
00:09:20,893 --> 00:09:22,926
Yeah, that sounds about right.
244
00:09:22,928 --> 00:09:24,762
Ron, you're not selling
anything?
245
00:09:24,764 --> 00:09:27,097
I am selling this table.
246
00:09:27,099 --> 00:09:29,433
I made it.
247
00:09:29,435 --> 00:09:30,868
So when am I gonna meet
your new lover?
248
00:09:30,870 --> 00:09:33,437
I'm afraid things have hit
a rough patch with Diane.
249
00:09:33,439 --> 00:09:35,956
She was not pleased with
my babysitting performance
250
00:09:35,958 --> 00:09:38,492
and left me a very loud message
on my cell phone.
251
00:09:38,494 --> 00:09:40,378
I'm sure she'll get over it
252
00:09:40,380 --> 00:09:42,446
if you just
say you're sorry though.
253
00:09:42,448 --> 00:09:44,749
I like Diane,
but I'm not sure
254
00:09:44,751 --> 00:09:47,284
if I'm ready
for a whole family.
255
00:09:47,286 --> 00:09:49,453
If the kids ever wanted
to come to my place,
256
00:09:49,455 --> 00:09:51,439
I'd have to take
a whole week off work
257
00:09:51,441 --> 00:09:53,974
just to undo the alarms
and tripwires.
258
00:09:53,976 --> 00:09:56,310
Hey, that's my name.
259
00:09:56,312 --> 00:09:58,012
Yeah,
that's my Chris Traeger box.
260
00:09:58,014 --> 00:10:00,014
All these boxes represent stuff
261
00:10:00,016 --> 00:10:01,965
from different eras
of ex-boyfriends.
262
00:10:01,967 --> 00:10:04,902
Oh...Here are those ankle
weights I bought you
263
00:10:04,904 --> 00:10:06,136
that you liked so much.
264
00:10:06,138 --> 00:10:07,822
Recently Leslie pointed out
265
00:10:07,824 --> 00:10:09,740
that sometimes
when I date someone,
266
00:10:09,742 --> 00:10:13,694
I kind of adopt
that person's personality.
267
00:10:13,696 --> 00:10:15,446
The evidence
is fairly damning.
268
00:10:15,448 --> 00:10:17,865
Chris Traeger--
exercise phase.
269
00:10:17,867 --> 00:10:20,284
Andy Dwyer--
my grunge phase.
270
00:10:20,286 --> 00:10:23,087
Tom Haverford--
my needless shopping phase.
271
00:10:23,089 --> 00:10:24,505
Also my credit card
debt phase.
272
00:10:24,507 --> 00:10:26,207
Ann Perkins.
273
00:10:26,209 --> 00:10:28,509
Thank you so much for coming.
Good afternoon.
274
00:10:28,511 --> 00:10:31,462
As many of your know,
Jerry Gergich, our friend,
275
00:10:31,464 --> 00:10:33,631
has suffered
a devastating fart attack,
276
00:10:33,633 --> 00:10:35,216
and we are here to help.
277
00:10:35,218 --> 00:10:37,601
So there are some special
auction items
278
00:10:37,603 --> 00:10:39,186
I will be dealing with.
279
00:10:39,188 --> 00:10:41,439
The first item up for bid
is an inscribed autobiography
280
00:10:41,441 --> 00:10:43,441
from Pawnee newscaster
Perd Hapley.
281
00:10:43,443 --> 00:10:46,861
The book's entitled The Thing
About Me Is I'm Perd Hapley.
282
00:10:46,863 --> 00:10:49,980
Anyway, let's start
the bidding at $20. $20.
283
00:10:49,982 --> 00:10:51,816
Thank you sir, for 20.
Do I see 30?
284
00:10:52,818 --> 00:10:55,236
Mr. Kurtzwilder, it might
be helpful if you told us
285
00:10:55,238 --> 00:10:58,889
why you want to be
governor of Florida.
286
00:10:58,891 --> 00:11:00,074
Well, I guess you could say
287
00:11:00,076 --> 00:11:02,376
mine is the classic
Florida success story.
288
00:11:02,378 --> 00:11:03,994
I went to SFU law school,
289
00:11:03,996 --> 00:11:06,714
I was working at a small firm
in Orlando,
290
00:11:06,716 --> 00:11:09,550
and one day, bam, just like
that, gator eats penis.
291
00:11:09,552 --> 00:11:11,034
Excuse me?
292
00:11:11,036 --> 00:11:12,470
Well, that was my first
high profile case.
293
00:11:12,472 --> 00:11:13,888
It was a classic
Florida divorce.
294
00:11:13,890 --> 00:11:16,707
Guy cheats on his wife
with Dan Marino's masseuse,
295
00:11:16,709 --> 00:11:19,226
one day she cuts his junk off,
throws it in the Everglades.
296
00:11:19,228 --> 00:11:21,312
- Why not?
- Damn alligator ate it.
297
00:11:21,314 --> 00:11:24,098
And that case,
that case made my career.
298
00:11:24,100 --> 00:11:26,851
Now, I just wanna
give something back.
299
00:11:26,853 --> 00:11:29,737
Frankly, your path
to victory is narrow.
300
00:11:29,739 --> 00:11:31,772
Governor Scott
might be vulnerable,
301
00:11:31,774 --> 00:11:34,658
but you have very little
name recognition.
302
00:11:34,660 --> 00:11:37,661
But the Barkley Group
is the best at what we do.
303
00:11:37,663 --> 00:11:40,915
We're not in the business
of losing elections.
304
00:11:40,917 --> 00:11:44,201
We can get you
where you wanna go.
305
00:11:46,037 --> 00:11:47,421
I'm just saying, you should
have put "spoiler alert"
306
00:11:47,423 --> 00:11:49,206
on all those Death Canoe tweets.
307
00:11:49,208 --> 00:11:50,574
Also, not safe for work.
308
00:11:50,576 --> 00:11:53,127
You know, a lot of what you
wrote was really profane.
309
00:11:53,129 --> 00:11:55,045
That movie's 25 years old,
Morris.
310
00:11:55,047 --> 00:11:57,548
And if you don't like how I
tweet, don't follow me.
311
00:11:57,550 --> 00:11:59,099
What are you doing now?
I'm talking to you.
312
00:11:59,101 --> 00:12:01,936
I'm live tweeting
this dumb-ass conversation.
313
00:12:01,938 --> 00:12:03,637
- You like that coat?
- Yeah.
314
00:12:03,639 --> 00:12:06,089
But $200?
It's used.
315
00:12:06,091 --> 00:12:09,476
I paid 150 for it,
then added the scorpion.
316
00:12:09,478 --> 00:12:10,611
You can't sell clothes
at a tag sale
317
00:12:10,613 --> 00:12:11,946
for more than they're worth.
318
00:12:11,948 --> 00:12:13,314
Um, watch me.
319
00:12:15,618 --> 00:12:16,784
Got a minute?
320
00:12:16,786 --> 00:12:17,785
Sure.
321
00:12:17,787 --> 00:12:19,770
I-I didn't expect to see you
322
00:12:19,772 --> 00:12:22,656
after the...yelling
that occurred.
323
00:12:22,658 --> 00:12:23,941
Yeah, I was a bit stressed,
324
00:12:23,943 --> 00:12:26,243
but I'm not here
to make excuses.
325
00:12:26,245 --> 00:12:29,964
I just wanted to say that I am
sorry for the way I reacted.
326
00:12:29,966 --> 00:12:32,249
Apology accepted.
327
00:12:33,251 --> 00:12:35,118
Do you wanna
say anything to me?
328
00:12:35,370 --> 00:12:37,755
Oh. Yes.
329
00:12:38,457 --> 00:12:40,174
You look nice today.
330
00:12:41,676 --> 00:12:43,310
You broke
my daughter's tiara.
331
00:12:43,812 --> 00:12:45,312
You ruined their Halloween.
332
00:12:45,314 --> 00:12:47,851
Don't you feel
a little bit bad about that?
333
00:12:50,853 --> 00:12:52,486
- Okay--
- Um.
334
00:12:52,988 --> 00:12:54,521
Too late.
335
00:12:54,523 --> 00:12:58,325
Good-bye.
336
00:12:58,327 --> 00:12:59,860
Dude, you're totally
blowing this.
337
00:12:59,862 --> 00:13:02,529
I'm not gonna apologize.
338
00:13:02,531 --> 00:13:05,115
It wasn't even a real tiara,
for God's sake.
339
00:13:05,117 --> 00:13:07,818
Oh, well, relationship over.
Too bad.
340
00:13:07,820 --> 00:13:09,653
Oh, my God, you are so sad.
341
00:13:09,655 --> 00:13:12,489
- I am not.
- Ron, she's right.
342
00:13:12,491 --> 00:13:14,508
I've trained extensively
in the art of observation.
343
00:13:14,510 --> 00:13:16,961
You are sad, and we know why.
344
00:13:16,963 --> 00:13:18,963
You didn't sell you table.
345
00:13:18,965 --> 00:13:21,799
And it's probably
a little too expensive.
346
00:13:21,801 --> 00:13:24,134
Shh. No.
347
00:13:24,136 --> 00:13:26,169
Okay, this is our
final auction item.
348
00:13:26,171 --> 00:13:28,005
It's a one-of-a-kind autograph
349
00:13:28,007 --> 00:13:30,975
from mayor Gunderson's dog,
Rufus.
350
00:13:30,977 --> 00:13:32,509
Yeah, we need some big bids--
351
00:13:32,511 --> 00:13:34,177
Oh, excuse me one second.
352
00:13:34,179 --> 00:13:36,680
Um, can you--t--just--okay.
353
00:13:36,682 --> 00:13:38,983
Hey, how was the meeting?
354
00:13:38,985 --> 00:13:43,353
Kurtzwilder wants me to run
his campaign from Florida.
355
00:13:43,355 --> 00:13:46,857
I'm not exactly sure when
the job would even starts,
356
00:13:46,859 --> 00:13:49,192
but it would probably mean
putting our plans on hold.
357
00:13:49,194 --> 00:13:50,527
Well, I mean, you know,
358
00:13:50,529 --> 00:13:52,529
obviously you gotta
take it, right?
359
00:13:52,531 --> 00:13:54,031
No, I mean,
I'm not making any decisions
360
00:13:54,033 --> 00:13:56,166
until we talk about this
and everything it would mean.
361
00:13:56,168 --> 00:13:58,201
Look, I'm flying back
to Washington.
362
00:13:58,203 --> 00:13:59,420
I'll call you when I get there.
Okay?
363
00:13:59,422 --> 00:14:00,871
Yeah, okay.
364
00:14:00,873 --> 00:14:02,873
- Love ya.
- Love you, too.
365
00:14:02,875 --> 00:14:06,010
$55. Great.
Okay, come on, $60?
366
00:14:06,012 --> 00:14:07,394
$65 anybody?
367
00:14:07,396 --> 00:14:09,730
Hey, we're up to $60,
not bad, right?
368
00:14:09,732 --> 00:14:11,048
Yes, Ann, bad.
369
00:14:11,050 --> 00:14:13,216
You might not care
about Jerry's future, but I do.
370
00:14:13,218 --> 00:14:15,853
Okay? We need to do something
very drastic so he can be happy,
371
00:14:15,855 --> 00:14:18,439
so we can all be happy.
372
00:14:18,441 --> 00:14:19,773
Uh, are you thinking
what I'm thinking?
373
00:14:19,775 --> 00:14:20,824
Don't know
what you're thinking,
374
00:14:20,826 --> 00:14:22,026
but I'm definitely not thinking
375
00:14:22,028 --> 00:14:23,444
- what you're thinking.
- Good idea, Ann.
376
00:14:23,446 --> 00:14:25,896
Okay, we have a new item
up for bid.
377
00:14:25,898 --> 00:14:27,998
A wonderful surprise item.
378
00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:31,085
An evening with sexy nurse
Ann Perkins.
379
00:14:31,087 --> 00:14:32,619
- No.
- Yes.
380
00:14:32,621 --> 00:14:34,738
Look at her, folks.
381
00:14:34,740 --> 00:14:36,173
One evening with the most
beautiful woman in the world.
382
00:14:36,175 --> 00:14:37,758
Just dinner and dancing,
nothing sexual.
383
00:14:37,760 --> 00:14:39,960
Unless she's into that,
but no, she's not.
384
00:14:39,962 --> 00:14:41,211
Nothing fresh.
Don't even try it.
385
00:14:41,213 --> 00:14:42,596
- But you never know, right?
- No!
386
00:14:42,598 --> 00:14:44,048
No, she's not into it.
Don't try anything,
387
00:14:44,050 --> 00:14:45,182
but, you know, give it a shot.
388
00:14:45,184 --> 00:14:46,583
Either way,
it's for a good cause.
389
00:14:46,585 --> 00:14:49,386
Let's raise some money.
390
00:14:51,177 --> 00:14:52,011
Please, we need to do this
391
00:14:52,046 --> 00:14:53,344
for Jerry and his future.
392
00:14:53,527 --> 00:14:54,827
This could be great, you know?
393
00:14:54,829 --> 00:14:56,245
Three out of four
married couples
394
00:14:56,247 --> 00:14:57,780
have met each other
at spontaneous auctions.
395
00:14:57,782 --> 00:14:59,198
I don't think that's true.
396
00:14:59,200 --> 00:15:02,935
- I d--well, I don't know, I--
- $100.
397
00:15:03,937 --> 00:15:05,671
All right, what the hell.
398
00:15:05,673 --> 00:15:07,840
Okay, we have a $100 bid
for Ann Perkins.
399
00:15:07,842 --> 00:15:09,925
- 200.
- 200. Thank you so much.
400
00:15:09,927 --> 00:15:12,077
200 for the smartest,
most accomplished woman I know.
401
00:15:12,079 --> 00:15:13,212
And check out that bod.
402
00:15:13,214 --> 00:15:14,246
Can I get 3? $300.
403
00:15:14,248 --> 00:15:16,081
500.
404
00:15:16,083 --> 00:15:17,382
Uh-oh.
405
00:15:17,384 --> 00:15:18,884
- $600.
- 700.
406
00:15:18,886 --> 00:15:21,303
- 750.
- $900.
407
00:15:21,305 --> 00:15:24,807
Wow, 900 from the man with
the tank top and the tattoos.
408
00:15:24,809 --> 00:15:26,225
That's so great.
Let's beat that, shall we?
409
00:15:26,227 --> 00:15:28,527
Who wants to beat it?
Anybody beat it please?
410
00:15:28,529 --> 00:15:29,728
I'm sorry, I'm out.
411
00:15:29,730 --> 00:15:31,146
I wouldn't sell her
to that guy, though.
412
00:15:31,148 --> 00:15:32,281
Just one man's opinion.
413
00:15:32,283 --> 00:15:33,449
Okay...
414
00:15:33,451 --> 00:15:37,069
Sir, what would you do
with your $900 date?
415
00:15:37,071 --> 00:15:42,241
How would you, uh, um...
What are you gonna do to her?
416
00:15:42,243 --> 00:15:43,542
I don't know.
417
00:15:43,544 --> 00:15:45,544
My cousin's got a kickass
mud pit in his yard.
418
00:15:45,546 --> 00:15:46,745
She could watch me
do belly flops
419
00:15:46,747 --> 00:15:48,464
then we maybe we could
get some Thai food
420
00:15:48,466 --> 00:15:50,749
and a tank of nitrous
and see what happens.
421
00:15:50,751 --> 00:15:53,451
Oh, that's not as bad
as I thought it would be.
422
00:15:53,453 --> 00:15:55,471
I am going to bid
a million dollars on myself.
423
00:15:55,473 --> 00:15:57,508
Going once, going never, sold.
424
00:15:59,644 --> 00:16:01,643
Ladies and gentlemen,
the auction closes in five minutes.
425
00:16:01,644 --> 00:16:03,145
What up, playboy?
426
00:16:03,647 --> 00:16:04,813
You like that jacket?
427
00:16:04,815 --> 00:16:06,348
It's a pretty dope cut, right?
428
00:16:06,350 --> 00:16:08,066
Yeah.
Can I have it, Mom?
429
00:16:08,068 --> 00:16:09,268
I could wear it to homecoming.
430
00:16:09,270 --> 00:16:10,652
300 bucks for something
431
00:16:10,654 --> 00:16:13,522
you're just gonna grow out of
in a month? Forget it.
432
00:16:13,524 --> 00:16:15,824
Wait, I can rent it to you.
433
00:16:16,576 --> 00:16:17,609
Really?
434
00:16:17,611 --> 00:16:20,162
Yeah, it's part
of a business I run.
435
00:16:20,164 --> 00:16:22,281
High end clothes rentals
for teens, tweens
436
00:16:22,283 --> 00:16:23,782
and everything in betweens.
437
00:16:23,784 --> 00:16:25,951
That jacket is 20 bucks a week.
438
00:16:26,953 --> 00:16:27,652
Done.
439
00:16:28,154 --> 00:16:29,338
This is a great idea.
440
00:16:29,340 --> 00:16:31,456
He grows so fast I never wanna
buy him anything nice.
441
00:16:31,458 --> 00:16:33,625
What's the name
of your business?
442
00:16:34,027 --> 00:16:35,377
Rent-a-swag.
443
00:16:35,879 --> 00:16:38,547
I'm sorry, Jerry, but your
future has been canceled.
444
00:16:38,549 --> 00:16:40,332
We only raised $1,200.
445
00:16:40,334 --> 00:16:42,184
Leslie, thank you.
446
00:16:42,186 --> 00:16:43,685
That is amazing.
447
00:16:43,687 --> 00:16:44,853
No, it stinks.
448
00:16:44,855 --> 00:16:46,555
It's not even close
to what you need.
449
00:16:46,557 --> 00:16:48,524
With all your bills,
450
00:16:48,526 --> 00:16:50,275
and the inevitable
follow-up problems,
451
00:16:50,277 --> 00:16:52,728
and the lifetime of chronic
misery that awaits you.
452
00:16:52,730 --> 00:16:54,313
I mean,
you had this whole plan
453
00:16:54,315 --> 00:16:56,481
for your retirement
and your beach house
454
00:16:56,483 --> 00:17:00,536
and now you're future
is just a huge pile of crap.
455
00:17:00,538 --> 00:17:02,821
Leslie, you can't actually
plan your future.
456
00:17:02,823 --> 00:17:04,656
You know, there's no guarantees
in this world.
457
00:17:04,658 --> 00:17:07,859
As long as the people I love
are a part of my life
458
00:17:07,861 --> 00:17:10,329
I will be just fine.
459
00:17:10,331 --> 00:17:12,915
You wanna stick around?
460
00:17:12,917 --> 00:17:14,216
Watch some of my stories
with me?
461
00:17:14,218 --> 00:17:17,052
Tonight's strawberry
Jell-o night!
462
00:17:17,054 --> 00:17:19,388
Oh, my God, your life
is so depressing.
463
00:17:19,390 --> 00:17:21,506
No thank you.
464
00:17:23,394 --> 00:17:26,845
Never seen anyone
more tortured over good news.
465
00:17:26,847 --> 00:17:28,764
I'm sorry, I don't mean
to seem ungrateful.
466
00:17:28,766 --> 00:17:31,183
I just, you know,
I have a lot to consider.
467
00:17:31,185 --> 00:17:32,234
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I get it.
468
00:17:32,236 --> 00:17:33,718
Feelings and girlfriend
and whatever.
469
00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:36,721
The point is just yesterday
you said to me,
470
00:17:36,723 --> 00:17:39,858
"I'm never happier than
when I'm managing a campaign."
471
00:17:39,860 --> 00:17:41,193
I don't think I said that.
472
00:17:41,195 --> 00:17:42,394
You didn't have to.
473
00:17:42,396 --> 00:17:43,912
I watched you in Florida.
474
00:17:43,914 --> 00:17:45,447
You were saying it
with your heart.
475
00:17:45,449 --> 00:17:47,366
Wow, you are
really good at this.
476
00:17:47,368 --> 00:17:49,117
Yes, I am.
I'm amazing.
477
00:17:49,119 --> 00:17:51,536
But more importantly,
so are you.
478
00:17:52,538 --> 00:17:54,906
There aren't a lot of people
that can manage a campaign.
479
00:17:55,408 --> 00:18:01,296
But you, Ben Wyatt,
are one of them.
480
00:18:01,298 --> 00:18:04,883
So, just take tonight and
just think about your future.
481
00:18:11,691 --> 00:18:13,258
Hello, Diane.
482
00:18:13,260 --> 00:18:16,528
I have brought you flowers.
483
00:18:16,530 --> 00:18:19,564
Also chocolates.
484
00:18:19,566 --> 00:18:21,066
And some grout cleaner.
485
00:18:21,068 --> 00:18:23,435
I noticed you needed grout
cleaner, so I brought that too.
486
00:18:23,437 --> 00:18:26,405
Very romantic.
487
00:18:26,407 --> 00:18:28,707
My kids are non-negotiable, Ron.
488
00:18:28,709 --> 00:18:30,959
It's a package deal.
489
00:18:30,961 --> 00:18:35,464
I know.
I'm sorry, Diane. I really am.
490
00:18:35,466 --> 00:18:38,133
I've been alone
most of my life by choice
491
00:18:38,135 --> 00:18:40,669
and kids--
492
00:18:40,671 --> 00:18:43,839
this is all new for me.
493
00:18:43,841 --> 00:18:45,841
But I'd like to become
familiar with it
494
00:18:46,593 --> 00:18:49,177
if you give me a chance
to prove myself.
495
00:18:49,679 --> 00:18:51,981
I did bring the girls
something.
496
00:18:53,983 --> 00:18:57,185
I thought I could
teach 'em to saw.
497
00:18:58,605 --> 00:19:00,155
I now realize
that seems dangerous.
498
00:19:01,641 --> 00:19:05,444
Well, my boyfriend might not
be moving back for a while
499
00:19:05,446 --> 00:19:07,579
so I have to back out.
500
00:19:07,581 --> 00:19:10,549
Just wanted to look
at it one more time.
501
00:19:10,551 --> 00:19:12,050
You know I can't give you
your deposit back.
502
00:19:12,052 --> 00:19:13,285
I know.
503
00:19:13,287 --> 00:19:15,420
- And there's a $300--
- All right, Martha.
504
00:19:15,422 --> 00:19:19,291
I get it.
505
00:19:19,293 --> 00:19:22,461
Actually, is there a way
I could put down, like a--
506
00:19:22,463 --> 00:19:24,129
- Hey.
- Hey.
507
00:19:24,131 --> 00:19:25,630
I didn't know you were
coming back here.
508
00:19:25,632 --> 00:19:29,351
- Oh.
- What are you doing?
509
00:19:30,113 --> 00:19:32,137
Oh, my God, what are you doing?
510
00:19:32,639 --> 00:19:36,174
I'm thinking about my future.
511
00:19:38,861 --> 00:19:43,181
I am deeply,
ridiculously in love with you
512
00:19:43,183 --> 00:19:46,284
and above everything else,
I just--
513
00:19:46,286 --> 00:19:48,070
I wanna be with you forever.
514
00:19:49,572 --> 00:19:50,975
So, Leslie Knope,
515
00:19:51,572 --> 00:19:53,075
- will--
- Wait. Wait.
516
00:19:53,077 --> 00:19:54,710
- Okay?
- Okay.
517
00:19:54,712 --> 00:19:57,412
- Just--I need to remember this.
- Sure.
518
00:19:57,414 --> 00:20:00,665
- Gimme a second.
- Okay.
519
00:20:01,417 --> 00:20:04,035
- Leslie K--
- No, no, no, no, hold on.
520
00:20:04,037 --> 00:20:05,670
Just--I need another second,
please.
521
00:20:05,672 --> 00:20:12,377
I need to remember every little
thing about how perfect
522
00:20:12,379 --> 00:20:16,231
my life is right now
at this exact moment.
523
00:20:16,233 --> 00:20:18,266
Okay.
524
00:20:27,576 --> 00:20:28,660
Are you good?
525
00:20:28,662 --> 00:20:29,861
- Yeah.
- Okay.
526
00:20:29,863 --> 00:20:31,696
I'm good.
527
00:20:31,698 --> 00:20:32,733
Leslie Knope,
528
00:20:33,498 --> 00:20:34,733
- will you--
- Yes!
529
00:20:42,424 --> 00:20:43,842
- Marry me?
- Oh, yeah.
530
00:20:43,844 --> 00:20:45,761
Okay. Great.
531
00:20:47,720 --> 00:20:49,221
Trick or treat!
532
00:20:50,005 --> 00:20:51,556
It's November 8th.
533
00:20:51,590 --> 00:20:54,058
Yes, well, these girls
didn't get a chance
534
00:20:54,092 --> 00:20:55,125
to go trick or treating
535
00:20:55,143 --> 00:20:56,761
so somewhere in this house
536
00:20:56,795 --> 00:20:58,295
there is some candy.
537
00:20:58,313 --> 00:21:01,232
Why don't you find it and we'll
get right out of your hair.
538
00:21:01,266 --> 00:21:05,319
All right, hold on one second.
539
00:21:05,854 --> 00:21:08,805
- You having fun, ladies?
- Yeah!
540
00:21:08,823 --> 00:21:13,827
All right, I got some,
uh, calcium chews
541
00:21:13,862 --> 00:21:16,280
and, uh, a roll of cookie dough.
542
00:21:16,314 --> 00:21:17,581
Okay, what do you say, girls?
543
00:21:17,615 --> 00:21:19,483
Thank you!
544
00:21:19,501 --> 00:21:21,251
Tremendous.
545
00:21:21,286 --> 00:21:23,120
Appreciate it.
546
00:21:23,122 --> 00:21:37,767
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