1
00:00:00,819 --> 00:00:03,431
Tessa: When women in Chatswin
want to look their best,
2
00:00:04,143 --> 00:00:06,364
sometimes they have to play dirty.
3
00:00:07,021 --> 00:00:10,422
No Majorqua, I want
vampy not trampy.
4
00:00:10,423 --> 00:00:12,315
If you paint my nails with this color,
5
00:00:12,370 --> 00:00:14,380
George will think he asked
out a 10-minute whore.
6
00:00:14,388 --> 00:00:16,695
- Mommy!?
- I'm sorry Dalia.
7
00:00:16,710 --> 00:00:18,517
And Majorqua. It's just...
8
00:00:18,564 --> 00:00:21,438
I've waited all lifetime for
George Altman to ask me on a date.
9
00:00:21,439 --> 00:00:22,439
And I guess I'm just a little...
10
00:00:23,382 --> 00:00:24,586
- Nervous.
- Why?
11
00:00:24,617 --> 00:00:26,815
You've dated plenty of
men who are better looking
12
00:00:26,831 --> 00:00:29,466
and sexier and beefier
and brawnier and more cut
13
00:00:29,521 --> 00:00:30,593
and darker-skinned and longer hair,
14
00:00:30,601 --> 00:00:31,375
and taller and richer
15
00:00:31,383 --> 00:00:33,377
and more successful, and
funnier and friendlier,
16
00:00:33,385 --> 00:00:35,198
who have more summer homes and foreign cars
17
00:00:35,199 --> 00:00:37,317
and motorboats and yachts,
who are more well-traveled
18
00:00:37,318 --> 00:00:38,625
and know more languages than him.
19
00:00:38,664 --> 00:00:42,308
I know. I know. I guess
I'm just nervous, is all.
20
00:00:42,428 --> 00:00:43,387
Can't a woman be nervous?
21
00:00:43,403 --> 00:00:45,569
He's the one who should be nervous, mommy.
22
00:00:45,689 --> 00:00:48,933
If you ask me, George Altman
landed in the tall grass.
23
00:00:49,053 --> 00:00:51,068
All right, which one says,
24
00:00:51,188 --> 00:00:53,272
"I can't live a moment without you.
25
00:00:53,273 --> 00:00:54,945
Don't even think about asking for a raise"?
26
00:00:54,946 --> 00:00:55,940
Well, if I'm not mistaken,
27
00:00:55,948 --> 00:00:58,764
I believe the traditional
2-week nanny gift is pearls,
28
00:00:58,810 --> 00:01:00,527
but I can check my Emily Post.
29
00:01:01,227 --> 00:01:03,296
This woman is amazing, George.
30
00:01:03,314 --> 00:01:05,708
She is so attuned to my baby.
31
00:01:05,732 --> 00:01:08,735
It's like she baked him
in her own meat oven.
32
00:01:08,753 --> 00:01:10,323
(Laughs) Wow. That's beautiful.
33
00:01:10,378 --> 00:01:12,186
You should get that
engraved on the necklace.
34
00:01:12,208 --> 00:01:14,156
She's cooped up in the house all day.
35
00:01:14,195 --> 00:01:15,525
She deserves a night out.
36
00:01:15,571 --> 00:01:18,511
So when I saw that the Chappaqua Opera
37
00:01:18,529 --> 00:01:20,947
was performing "Carmen,"
I thought finally, finally,
38
00:01:20,981 --> 00:01:23,971
someone wrote an opera to take
your nanny named Carmen to.
39
00:01:23,994 --> 00:01:25,919
(Laughs)
40
00:01:25,953 --> 00:01:27,193
What do you have planned for Dallas?
41
00:01:27,201 --> 00:01:28,055
Oh, not much.
42
00:01:28,089 --> 00:01:30,223
We'll probably just grab some dinner,
43
00:01:30,257 --> 00:01:32,096
you know, maybe go for a walk.
44
00:01:32,216 --> 00:01:32,847
A walk?
45
00:01:32,848 --> 00:01:34,426
Look, me and Dallas are way past
46
00:01:34,450 --> 00:01:36,090
the "trying to impress each other" stage.
47
00:01:36,210 --> 00:01:39,332
You know, we can just relax
and enjoy each other's company.
48
00:01:39,822 --> 00:01:41,590
Don't worry, Noah. I got this.
49
00:01:41,644 --> 00:01:43,654
Seriously? You're not
gonna knock on something?
50
00:01:45,641 --> 00:01:47,752
All right, I got the
bling. I got the tickets.
51
00:01:47,872 --> 00:01:49,410
The only thing I have left...
52
00:01:49,606 --> 00:01:51,060
Mm. I need a sitter for Opus.
53
00:01:51,084 --> 00:01:53,625
There's gotta be a neighborhood
kid you can ask to watch him.
54
00:01:54,157 --> 00:01:55,354
Mm. Have to be mature,
55
00:01:55,409 --> 00:01:57,442
- trustworthy...
- Yeah. Smart, resourceful...
56
00:01:57,497 --> 00:01:59,233
Ideally somebody I already know.
57
00:01:59,241 --> 00:02:01,399
Okay. Whatever. I'll do it.
58
00:02:01,415 --> 00:02:02,305
- What?
- No, we won't...
59
00:02:02,306 --> 00:02:03,566
Look, I'm free this weekend...
60
00:02:03,686 --> 00:02:05,411
not by choice, but whatever. It's cool.
61
00:02:05,412 --> 00:02:08,007
Uh, w... no. I mean, that's...
62
00:02:08,039 --> 00:02:10,494
I think that's very nice,
but I wasn't fishing.
63
00:02:10,614 --> 00:02:12,493
I can use the extra cash.
64
00:02:12,613 --> 00:02:13,443
Huh. No.
65
00:02:13,498 --> 00:02:15,882
I mean, I just don't know
that you're the right fit.
66
00:02:15,917 --> 00:02:17,033
What?
67
00:02:17,068 --> 00:02:18,041
(Scoffs) Do you hear this, George?
68
00:02:18,057 --> 00:02:19,457
- Yeah, Tess, here's the thing...
- Really?
69
00:02:19,465 --> 00:02:21,481
Babies are very demanding.
As an only child,
70
00:02:21,482 --> 00:02:22,593
you don't have a ton of experience...
71
00:02:22,594 --> 00:02:25,330
I excelled at my job, I
am an excellent student,
72
00:02:25,549 --> 00:02:28,223
I just spent the summer
rooming with a geriatric woman.
73
00:02:28,278 --> 00:02:31,414
I think...
I can handle a baby.
74
00:02:32,016 --> 00:02:36,294
Synced and corrected by chamallow
... www.addic7ed.com...
75
00:02:36,333 --> 00:02:40,939
[ Alih Jay ] ♪ last night I had
a pleasant nightmare ♪
76
00:02:40,978 --> 00:02:43,731
2x03
Ryan's Song
77
00:02:56,604 --> 00:02:59,052
- Easy on the hard cider, Fred.
- Easy-peasy.
78
00:02:59,091 --> 00:02:59,920
You only get one.
79
00:02:59,951 --> 00:03:02,001
One's all I need.
(Chuckles) I'm a cheap date.
80
00:03:02,121 --> 00:03:04,159
(Chuckles) You rock, dad.
81
00:03:04,542 --> 00:03:06,427
Ryan?
82
00:03:06,547 --> 00:03:08,890
Why don't you be the boot tonight?
83
00:03:11,236 --> 00:03:12,980
Lisa?
84
00:03:13,786 --> 00:03:15,366
You never let me be the boot.
85
00:03:15,373 --> 00:03:16,680
You never let Ryan be the boot.
86
00:03:16,681 --> 00:03:19,088
I know. I just thought...
87
00:03:19,378 --> 00:03:21,817
maybe it's time Ryan was the boot.
88
00:03:22,310 --> 00:03:24,840
Ryan, go get your father
another hard cider.
89
00:03:24,891 --> 00:03:27,401
- (Lowered voice) He only gets one.
- Just do it.
90
00:03:28,175 --> 00:03:30,771
Oh, yeah.
91
00:03:32,171 --> 00:03:33,195
(Whispering) Lisa Marie,
92
00:03:33,211 --> 00:03:34,851
you can't start treating Ryan differently
93
00:03:34,852 --> 00:03:36,261
now that you know he's adopted.
94
00:03:36,292 --> 00:03:37,723
He's liable to suspect something.
95
00:03:37,731 --> 00:03:39,358
(Whispering) Look, mother,
I am trying to manufacture
96
00:03:39,366 --> 00:03:41,149
a feeling of closeness
between Ryan and myself
97
00:03:41,150 --> 00:03:42,737
so that if he ever does find out,
98
00:03:42,784 --> 00:03:45,169
we won't lose him to a better family.
99
00:03:45,289 --> 00:03:48,055
I will not be left alone
with the two of you.
100
00:03:48,086 --> 00:03:50,258
He will know something's up,
if you keep acting like a...
101
00:03:50,259 --> 00:03:51,245
(Normal voice) Top hat!
102
00:03:51,365 --> 00:03:53,786
(Laughs) I guess I'll be the top hat!
103
00:03:53,818 --> 00:03:55,530
- She's gonna be the top hat.
- Why not?
104
00:03:55,562 --> 00:03:58,487
- Sheila in a top hat! (Laughs)
- Hey! (Humming)
105
00:03:58,495 --> 00:03:59,848
(Fred and Sheila laugh)
106
00:03:59,863 --> 00:04:02,272
(Doorbell rings)
107
00:04:04,367 --> 00:04:05,431
Hey, Dalia.
108
00:04:05,486 --> 00:04:06,698
Hey.
109
00:04:07,746 --> 00:04:09,380
(Door squeaks)
110
00:04:09,388 --> 00:04:11,023
(Door closes)
Is your mother ready?
111
00:04:11,226 --> 00:04:12,540
Almost.
112
00:04:12,660 --> 00:04:14,640
She likes to make an entrance.
113
00:04:14,674 --> 00:04:17,390
Dirty, rotten,
filthy, stinkin'!
114
00:04:17,510 --> 00:04:19,511
[ Cherry Pie
by Warrant playing ]
115
00:04:21,792 --> 00:04:24,521
♪ She's my cherry pie ♪
116
00:04:24,552 --> 00:04:27,110
♪ cool drink of water,
such a sweet surprise ♪
117
00:04:27,133 --> 00:04:29,760
♪ tastes so good,
make a grown man cry ♪
118
00:04:29,761 --> 00:04:32,663
♪ sweet cherry pie, yeah ♪
119
00:04:32,866 --> 00:04:34,421
Wow. Y... you look...
120
00:04:34,422 --> 00:04:36,041
Wait for it.
121
00:04:36,463 --> 00:04:37,880
♪
122
00:04:37,914 --> 00:04:40,694
♪ Oh!
123
00:04:40,936 --> 00:04:43,517
(Orchestra plays fanfare)
124
00:04:43,518 --> 00:04:44,855
Magical?
125
00:04:45,043 --> 00:04:46,936
Uh, w... what?
126
00:04:47,056 --> 00:04:51,135
I was finishing your sentence.
You said, "you look... magical?"
127
00:04:51,190 --> 00:04:53,004
Oh. O... okay.
128
00:04:53,124 --> 00:04:54,044
Magical.
129
00:04:54,099 --> 00:04:55,679
(Laughs) You're too kind, George.
130
00:04:55,726 --> 00:04:57,939
What's that? I'm sorry.
The music is a little loud.
131
00:04:57,970 --> 00:04:59,761
Dalia. (Music turns off)
132
00:04:59,792 --> 00:05:01,599
I said you're too kind.
133
00:05:02,037 --> 00:05:04,954
So... where will you be taking me tonight?
134
00:05:04,970 --> 00:05:07,581
Uh, well, uh, Chef Alan recommended
135
00:05:07,582 --> 00:05:09,326
this really great spot
down by the train yard.
136
00:05:09,380 --> 00:05:11,341
It's got homemade charcuterie, so...
137
00:05:11,342 --> 00:05:12,031
Char-whatery?
138
00:05:12,055 --> 00:05:14,099
Oh, it's like...
139
00:05:14,133 --> 00:05:14,909
meats.
140
00:05:15,029 --> 00:05:16,201
Ew.
141
00:05:16,235 --> 00:05:17,836
Meats?
142
00:05:17,870 --> 00:05:19,521
Is that okay?
143
00:05:19,572 --> 00:05:20,606
I guess.
144
00:05:20,640 --> 00:05:21,972
Here.
145
00:05:22,826 --> 00:05:25,280
I'm just worried that
I might be disappointed,
146
00:05:25,288 --> 00:05:27,727
and if I'm disappointed, I
might have a hard time hiding it,
147
00:05:27,728 --> 00:05:29,918
and then that might make
you feel uncomfortable,
148
00:05:29,957 --> 00:05:32,007
and then you'll be wondering
what's bothering me,
149
00:05:32,030 --> 00:05:34,221
when all along, it was just
on account of the meats.
150
00:05:34,229 --> 00:05:36,421
What kind of a sadist designed this coat?
151
00:05:36,439 --> 00:05:39,179
Careful. The lining is pony eyelash.
152
00:05:39,218 --> 00:05:40,207
Pony eyelash?
153
00:05:40,208 --> 00:05:41,952
Oh, no, George. I know
what you're thinking.
154
00:05:41,956 --> 00:05:44,653
They're humanely collected
from the floors of stables.
155
00:05:45,161 --> 00:05:46,061
Thank God.
156
00:05:46,062 --> 00:05:47,867
So may I be honest, George?
157
00:05:47,922 --> 00:05:50,253
I really don't want to
eat at a filthy restaurant
158
00:05:50,300 --> 00:05:51,863
by a train yard.
159
00:05:51,864 --> 00:05:53,795
Well, Dallas, I'm...
I'm... I'm... I'm happy
160
00:05:53,842 --> 00:05:54,903
to take you anywhere you like.
161
00:05:55,023 --> 00:05:55,941
Perfect.
162
00:05:55,959 --> 00:05:58,840
Let's you and I get our
lobster bisque on, shall we?
163
00:05:58,887 --> 00:05:59,895
After me.
164
00:05:59,946 --> 00:06:02,077
Dating Dallas Royce was turning out to be
165
00:06:02,078 --> 00:06:03,766
as elaborate as a production of "Carmen."
166
00:06:03,790 --> 00:06:05,127
Don't you cry.
167
00:06:05,143 --> 00:06:07,286
If you cry, then I'm gonna cry.
168
00:06:07,406 --> 00:06:09,742
If he cries, sing him Phil Collins.
169
00:06:09,773 --> 00:06:12,080
I didn't anticipate how
hard this was gonna be.
170
00:06:12,200 --> 00:06:13,566
He likes "Sussudio" best.
171
00:06:13,590 --> 00:06:14,802
Relax, guys.
172
00:06:15,099 --> 00:06:16,085
I got this.
173
00:06:16,205 --> 00:06:18,041
Even if you just say the word,
174
00:06:18,072 --> 00:06:19,988
it seems to calm his
nerves for some reason.
175
00:06:20,176 --> 00:06:22,045
Opus and I...
176
00:06:22,165 --> 00:06:24,484
we are as cool as cucumbers.
177
00:06:24,500 --> 00:06:26,275
Look at her. She's gonna be great.
178
00:06:26,502 --> 00:06:28,653
Oh. I almost forgot.
179
00:06:28,700 --> 00:06:30,491
The security system has been down all week.
180
00:06:30,611 --> 00:06:32,406
But don't worry.
The house is so secluded,
181
00:06:32,407 --> 00:06:33,619
you'd have to be a real psychopath
182
00:06:33,627 --> 00:06:35,410
to hike up here to steal
anything. (Chuckles)
183
00:06:35,449 --> 00:06:37,997
I should know 'cause they
caught a guy doing it once.
184
00:06:38,022 --> 00:06:39,501
He was nuts.
185
00:06:39,552 --> 00:06:42,245
(Chuckles) An incredible
collection of knives, though,
186
00:06:42,691 --> 00:06:44,966
and a face tattoo that still haunts me.
187
00:06:47,195 --> 00:06:49,118
Carmen, shall we?
188
00:06:50,189 --> 00:06:52,028
Oh. The lights are on the timer,
189
00:06:52,059 --> 00:06:54,468
so don't be surprised if you
find yourself in the dark.
190
00:06:54,515 --> 00:06:56,968
Okay. Bye. (Door creaks)
191
00:06:57,088 --> 00:06:59,144
(Switch clicks)
192
00:07:05,978 --> 00:07:10,632
♪ There's a girl that's been on my mind ♪
193
00:07:10,666 --> 00:07:12,684
♪ all the time ♪
194
00:07:12,718 --> 00:07:16,021
♪ sussudio ♪
195
00:07:17,348 --> 00:07:21,525
(Imitates Tarzan's yell)
Oh!
196
00:07:22,252 --> 00:07:24,207
So why are you giving
me your room again?
197
00:07:24,327 --> 00:07:25,942
Well, because I love you.
198
00:07:25,966 --> 00:07:28,124
Yeah, but you love your room more.
199
00:07:28,492 --> 00:07:30,517
You're in here, like, all the time,
200
00:07:30,572 --> 00:07:33,192
like, whenever I'm out doing
fun things with friends,
201
00:07:33,215 --> 00:07:34,678
you're in here,
202
00:07:35,053 --> 00:07:36,320
spending time with your room.
203
00:07:36,351 --> 00:07:39,722
Well, it is the better
room, and you deserve it.
204
00:07:39,964 --> 00:07:42,436
I want you to enjoy your time here.
205
00:07:45,133 --> 00:07:47,041
What's that supposed to mean?
206
00:07:48,136 --> 00:07:50,694
It just means you can
have whatever you want.
207
00:07:50,709 --> 00:07:52,352
- Can I have your sweater?
- If you want it.
208
00:07:52,367 --> 00:07:54,197
- Can I have a snake?
- I won't block it.
209
00:07:54,228 --> 00:07:55,651
Can I have Tessa Altman?
210
00:07:55,886 --> 00:07:57,622
Have her do what?
211
00:07:57,896 --> 00:07:59,773
Everything.
212
00:08:02,987 --> 00:08:04,567
I think it's pretty obvious.
213
00:08:04,911 --> 00:08:06,468
She's my moose.
214
00:08:06,470 --> 00:08:07,354
Your muse?
215
00:08:07,359 --> 00:08:08,853
- She's my jam.
- She isn't.
216
00:08:08,973 --> 00:08:11,426
She's what I want, Lisa.
217
00:08:12,474 --> 00:08:14,797
So are you gonna help me get her or not?
218
00:08:15,328 --> 00:08:18,652
Why is every primetime TV show
about a gruesome crime scene?
219
00:08:19,309 --> 00:08:21,585
What is wrong with you, America?
220
00:08:21,705 --> 00:08:23,963
(Knock on door)
221
00:08:25,253 --> 00:08:27,459
Your dad probably just forgot his wallet.
222
00:08:27,732 --> 00:08:30,391
(Knocking continues)
223
00:08:31,385 --> 00:08:33,122
And his keys to the house.
224
00:08:33,325 --> 00:08:35,413
(Knocking continues)
(Opus fusses)
225
00:08:35,663 --> 00:08:37,852
There's nothing to be afraid of, Opus.
226
00:08:37,972 --> 00:08:39,557
(Babbles)
227
00:08:39,677 --> 00:08:41,716
(Thunderclap)
228
00:08:51,984 --> 00:08:54,431
- Hello?
- Good evening.
229
00:08:54,483 --> 00:08:56,335
I'm the Hillside Electrical Strangler.
230
00:08:56,455 --> 00:08:58,080
I'm looking for Mr. Wiener.
231
00:08:58,099 --> 00:09:00,433
Uh, no Wiener here. Sorry.
232
00:09:00,464 --> 00:09:02,503
You sure?
I got a call for help.
233
00:09:02,774 --> 00:09:04,443
It came from inside this house.
234
00:09:04,563 --> 00:09:06,745
You listen to me, my friend,
235
00:09:06,928 --> 00:09:08,504
here are some of the many reasons
236
00:09:08,510 --> 00:09:09,480
I'm not gonna let you in.
237
00:09:09,481 --> 00:09:12,734
One... you don't know who lives here,
238
00:09:12,767 --> 00:09:16,143
two... you're dressed like a serial killer,
239
00:09:16,171 --> 00:09:18,382
and three... you have
a serial killer nickname.
240
00:09:18,395 --> 00:09:19,463
My business is called
241
00:09:19,464 --> 00:09:20,898
the Hillside Electrical Strangler
242
00:09:20,942 --> 00:09:22,068
because I service these hills
243
00:09:22,074 --> 00:09:24,758
by locating people's electrical
problems and strangling them.
244
00:09:24,815 --> 00:09:25,778
You have to admit,
245
00:09:25,809 --> 00:09:27,348
it's a pretty weird thing
to name your business.
246
00:09:27,974 --> 00:09:30,132
The domain name cleared. (Thunderclap)
247
00:09:30,189 --> 00:09:31,836
Don't worry, Opus.
248
00:09:32,153 --> 00:09:34,906
We can ride out the storm in here. Uh-huh.
249
00:09:35,123 --> 00:09:37,458
All of our... water
250
00:09:37,470 --> 00:09:40,173
and toilet needs will be met.
251
00:09:41,630 --> 00:09:43,063
No.
252
00:09:43,357 --> 00:09:46,314
Don't panic just because I am.
253
00:09:46,434 --> 00:09:48,931
I need you to be strong now.
254
00:09:49,571 --> 00:09:52,039
(Whispers) You are my rock.
255
00:09:52,057 --> 00:09:53,390
(Squishing sound)
256
00:09:53,793 --> 00:09:56,451
I think you just dropped
a few pebbles. (Sniffs)
257
00:09:58,478 --> 00:10:00,247
(Cell phone buzzes)
258
00:10:01,038 --> 00:10:03,564
- Tessa.
- Lisa! Thank God.
259
00:10:03,565 --> 00:10:05,592
Hey, I was just thinking about you
260
00:10:05,712 --> 00:10:08,808
and Ryan and the sweet love
the two of you could make.
261
00:10:08,831 --> 00:10:10,116
What? (Thunder rumbling)
262
00:10:10,133 --> 00:10:12,531
Look, Lisa, th... this isn't a good time.
263
00:10:12,651 --> 00:10:15,434
I am locked in a bathroom
with a baby in a thunderstorm.
264
00:10:15,472 --> 00:10:16,903
You know who would love that story?
265
00:10:17,023 --> 00:10:17,873
Ryan.
266
00:10:18,150 --> 00:10:19,295
(Whispers) What story?
267
00:10:19,564 --> 00:10:21,397
- Is it about a snake?
- Lisa!
268
00:10:21,672 --> 00:10:24,975
This isn't a joke. I'm freaking
out, and I really need help.
269
00:10:25,095 --> 00:10:27,591
And I can't call George, or he'll accuse me
270
00:10:27,616 --> 00:10:29,161
of being an ill-equipped only child.
271
00:10:29,186 --> 00:10:30,757
I wish I could help you, Tessa,
272
00:10:30,769 --> 00:10:33,104
but as you know, I'm terrified of babies.
273
00:10:33,691 --> 00:10:35,073
But you know who isn't?
274
00:10:35,599 --> 00:10:37,059
Who?
275
00:10:37,588 --> 00:10:40,922
This place has the best
bread basket in town,
276
00:10:40,954 --> 00:10:43,105
and if you bring something
home for your dog,
277
00:10:43,106 --> 00:10:44,608
they wrap it up like a little present,
278
00:10:44,935 --> 00:10:45,690
for your dog.
279
00:10:45,810 --> 00:10:48,111
Yeah. This jacket is a
freaking nightmare.
280
00:10:48,487 --> 00:10:49,594
Muscle it.
281
00:10:49,913 --> 00:10:52,597
Don't be afraid and do not give up.
282
00:10:52,634 --> 00:10:53,893
Okay. Thank you.
283
00:10:53,927 --> 00:10:56,378
George, this is my life coach Tabitha.
284
00:10:56,889 --> 00:10:58,898
Hey. I'm unlicensed.
285
00:10:58,932 --> 00:11:01,050
Oh, okay. T... Tabitha.
286
00:11:01,081 --> 00:11:03,433
Uh, it's actually pronounced
"Tibet" and "itha."
287
00:11:03,470 --> 00:11:04,789
Tibetitha.
288
00:11:04,790 --> 00:11:05,798
Really? (Laughs)
289
00:11:06,742 --> 00:11:09,845
It's a woman's name,
but, you know, I'm a guy.
290
00:11:09,876 --> 00:11:12,209
It's political yet whimsical,
291
00:11:12,234 --> 00:11:14,480
calls upon every one
of your preconceptions,
292
00:11:14,812 --> 00:11:16,615
and then spits in their faces.
293
00:11:17,609 --> 00:11:20,324
Okay. Well, uh, it's
quite a coincidence.
294
00:11:20,368 --> 00:11:21,930
Not really. I invited him.
295
00:11:21,931 --> 00:11:23,251
Let me get this straight.
296
00:11:23,289 --> 00:11:24,959
You invited your life
coach to join us for dinner?
297
00:11:24,991 --> 00:11:27,037
Lucky for you,
my evening was clear.
298
00:11:27,356 --> 00:11:29,314
So this is, like, uh, mostly fish?
299
00:11:29,813 --> 00:11:32,135
(Rain falling)
300
00:11:32,255 --> 00:11:34,569
I... (Panting)
301
00:11:34,689 --> 00:11:37,465
I ran the whole way here.
302
00:11:37,585 --> 00:11:39,711
Ryan, I could kiss you.
303
00:11:39,736 --> 00:11:41,857
Tessa, this isn't about you.
304
00:11:42,382 --> 00:11:43,652
It's about me.
305
00:11:44,053 --> 00:11:46,974
Well, it started off about you,
but then it turned into me.
306
00:11:47,094 --> 00:11:50,808
I have a problem, and it's
bigger than your problem
307
00:11:50,809 --> 00:11:52,073
and it's scarier than your problem,
308
00:11:52,080 --> 00:11:54,389
and we aren't gonna solve
it... not here, not tonight.
309
00:11:55,173 --> 00:11:56,741
What's the problem?
310
00:11:57,626 --> 00:11:59,506
I think I'm dying.
311
00:12:04,534 --> 00:12:06,962
So the bird was frantic.
312
00:12:07,206 --> 00:12:09,170
Why? Because it was stuck.
313
00:12:09,377 --> 00:12:13,231
Why? Because my skylight
is very, very recessed.
314
00:12:13,351 --> 00:12:16,227
So it was banging its
beak against the glass
315
00:12:16,234 --> 00:12:17,047
like a total idiot.
316
00:12:17,167 --> 00:12:19,944
Why? Because in order to escape,
317
00:12:20,263 --> 00:12:22,197
the bird needed to fly down,
318
00:12:23,364 --> 00:12:25,115
but the bird didn't know that.
319
00:12:25,149 --> 00:12:27,002
George, are you mad at me?
320
00:12:27,020 --> 00:12:28,510
(Whispers) Shh. I'm waiting to
hear what happens to the bird.
321
00:12:28,521 --> 00:12:30,769
It's just... I wanted
this night to be perfect.
322
00:12:30,805 --> 00:12:33,106
I think we left "perfect"
four bird stories ago.
323
00:12:33,140 --> 00:12:35,073
(Clinks)
324
00:12:35,298 --> 00:12:37,638
So I got a ladder.
325
00:12:37,700 --> 00:12:39,733
I understand your impulse
326
00:12:39,734 --> 00:12:41,736
to want to have a side conversation,
327
00:12:41,930 --> 00:12:44,125
but I hardly think you
two are ready for that yet.
328
00:12:44,245 --> 00:12:45,871
Right. It's just that
329
00:12:45,920 --> 00:12:48,029
I usually wait until the
relationship is falling apart
330
00:12:48,048 --> 00:12:50,112
before I seek counseling.
331
00:12:50,125 --> 00:12:52,308
Do all your relationships
fall apart, George?
332
00:12:52,358 --> 00:12:54,742
Oh, I think he was joking, Tibetitha.
333
00:12:54,767 --> 00:12:56,675
- George, weren't you joking?
- I was joking.
334
00:12:56,795 --> 00:12:57,501
Correct.
335
00:12:57,532 --> 00:12:59,196
Well, I, uh, I guess your timing was off,
336
00:12:59,209 --> 00:13:02,863
because I didn't get the joke,
but very good instincts, Dallas.
337
00:13:02,983 --> 00:13:05,679
Thank you.
So how about some bread?
338
00:13:05,854 --> 00:13:07,124
I would love some.
339
00:13:08,063 --> 00:13:10,721
That is a hell of a selection of bread.
340
00:13:10,841 --> 00:13:13,406
Look at all that. Huh?
341
00:13:14,226 --> 00:13:14,939
See what I'm doing?
342
00:13:14,983 --> 00:13:17,361
I do, yeah. You're handling
every single piece of bread.
343
00:13:17,392 --> 00:13:20,339
No, I'm exploring all my options.
344
00:13:20,377 --> 00:13:23,249
Look before you leap, George. Mm.
345
00:13:24,850 --> 00:13:26,758
So... no bread?
346
00:13:26,815 --> 00:13:29,708
Oh. There's the olive roll.
347
00:13:29,828 --> 00:13:30,814
See?
348
00:13:31,263 --> 00:13:32,746
If you dig deep enough,
349
00:13:32,781 --> 00:13:35,065
you can find exactly
what you're looking for.
350
00:13:35,100 --> 00:13:36,450
Ah.
351
00:13:36,701 --> 00:13:40,487
George, do you think Dallas
might be your olive roll?
352
00:13:40,518 --> 00:13:43,909
All I know for sure is I'm
not eating any of that bread.
353
00:13:43,921 --> 00:13:45,809
While George was plotting his escape,
354
00:13:45,844 --> 00:13:47,644
Noah was glued to his seat,
355
00:13:47,764 --> 00:13:50,272
because he was on a date
with the perfect woman.
356
00:13:50,309 --> 00:13:52,362
Woman: - ♪ Si je t'aime, prends
garde a toi ♪ - (Stomach growls)
357
00:13:52,482 --> 00:13:56,522
♪ Si tu ne m'aimes pas ♪
358
00:13:56,523 --> 00:14:00,071
♪ si tu ne m'aimes pas je t'aime ♪
359
00:14:00,101 --> 00:14:05,870
♪ mais si je t'aime, si je t'aime ♪
360
00:14:05,990 --> 00:14:09,674
♪ prends garde ♪
361
00:14:09,705 --> 00:14:12,727
♪ à toi ♪
362
00:14:12,740 --> 00:14:14,723
(crunches) (Song ends)
363
00:14:17,902 --> 00:14:19,772
(Mouth full) Brava!
364
00:14:19,807 --> 00:14:22,041
Brava!
365
00:14:22,076 --> 00:14:23,864
I would love to believe that I'm not dying,
366
00:14:23,877 --> 00:14:25,378
but I can't ignore the facts.
367
00:14:25,666 --> 00:14:28,813
(Thunderclap) One... Lisa's been acting
really super-duper nice all of a sudden,
368
00:14:28,866 --> 00:14:30,820
and two... I saw a movie once,
369
00:14:30,821 --> 00:14:32,730
where everyone was
super-duper nice to this guy,
370
00:14:32,767 --> 00:14:34,863
and then he coughed, and
then he died. (Coughs)
371
00:14:35,082 --> 00:14:37,822
Sounds like one fact and a movie.
372
00:14:37,847 --> 00:14:39,887
Still, how do you explain the fact?
373
00:14:39,894 --> 00:14:41,282
Maybe it's a new disease.
374
00:14:41,402 --> 00:14:43,478
Maybe they'll call it Ryan's disease.
375
00:14:44,842 --> 00:14:48,126
How did I not realize
I was gonna die of that?
376
00:14:48,127 --> 00:14:48,765
Ryan...
377
00:14:48,771 --> 00:14:51,521
Maybe they'll write a song
about me called "Ryan's song."
378
00:14:52,594 --> 00:14:54,841
Maybe they can play it at my funeral.
379
00:14:56,122 --> 00:14:59,744
I feel like it should be
mostly instrumental, though.
380
00:14:59,782 --> 00:15:02,096
Maybe Lisa is just feeling nicer
381
00:15:02,097 --> 00:15:04,462
now that she's in a
relationship with Malik.
382
00:15:04,582 --> 00:15:06,445
People are nicer when they're happier.
383
00:15:07,215 --> 00:15:09,680
Maybe she just wants you to be happy, too.
384
00:15:09,730 --> 00:15:10,787
Look, I'm sorry.
385
00:15:10,907 --> 00:15:13,515
You have great ideas and you're
not afraid to express them.
386
00:15:13,635 --> 00:15:15,116
It's just... we're all gonna die,
387
00:15:16,509 --> 00:15:18,864
whether it's Ryan's
disease or Tessa's disease.
388
00:15:18,927 --> 00:15:20,065
Yeah. Sooner or later,
389
00:15:20,072 --> 00:15:21,360
the Hillside Electrical Strangler
390
00:15:21,361 --> 00:15:23,268
is gonna make a house call.
391
00:15:24,284 --> 00:15:25,651
So true.
392
00:15:26,165 --> 00:15:29,556
See, you and me and that
ugly baby over there...
393
00:15:30,839 --> 00:15:32,308
we're all gonna die.
394
00:15:32,972 --> 00:15:36,043
I don't think I really super-duper
realized that until tonight.
395
00:15:36,044 --> 00:15:37,746
(Opus crying)
396
00:15:38,283 --> 00:15:42,235
I'm sorry to blow your
little baby mind. I'm sorry.
397
00:15:42,236 --> 00:15:44,645
(Crying continues)
398
00:15:44,933 --> 00:15:46,905
Shh.
399
00:15:46,957 --> 00:15:49,450
(Crying continues)
400
00:15:49,570 --> 00:15:53,874
Shh. Shut up.
401
00:15:55,994 --> 00:15:58,131
Shh... shut up.
(Crying continues)
402
00:15:58,165 --> 00:15:59,499
Shut up.
403
00:15:59,534 --> 00:16:01,034
(Crying)
404
00:16:01,068 --> 00:16:02,720
(Stops crying, coos)
405
00:16:02,840 --> 00:16:04,504
Nice work.
406
00:16:04,539 --> 00:16:06,506
Is it too late for that kiss?
407
00:16:15,840 --> 00:16:18,016
You forgot to... open your mouth
408
00:16:18,136 --> 00:16:20,654
and put your tongue on my tongue
and move it around and stuff.
409
00:16:20,688 --> 00:16:22,756
I didn't forget.
410
00:16:24,625 --> 00:16:27,265
You're not attracted to me
'cause I'm holding a baby?
411
00:16:28,129 --> 00:16:31,825
I'm only attracted to you
because you're holding a baby.
412
00:16:39,472 --> 00:16:42,149
So... that was...
413
00:16:43,125 --> 00:16:43,910
different.
414
00:16:44,351 --> 00:16:45,908
Oh, man. (Sniffles)
415
00:16:45,977 --> 00:16:48,267
I must've fallen asleep.
416
00:16:48,617 --> 00:16:51,696
Ah. George, thanks for the ride.
417
00:16:51,721 --> 00:16:53,554
Uh, if it hadn't started raining,
418
00:16:53,674 --> 00:16:55,250
I... I would've walked, I swear.
419
00:16:55,370 --> 00:16:56,971
I don't... believe you.
420
00:16:57,008 --> 00:16:59,010
Well, look, uh, final thoughts...
421
00:16:59,130 --> 00:17:01,637
uh, normally I wouldn't
weigh in on a relationship
422
00:17:01,662 --> 00:17:04,196
until I've met with a
couple a few more times,
423
00:17:04,215 --> 00:17:07,744
but, uh, in this case, it's safe to say
424
00:17:07,864 --> 00:17:09,852
that this relationship,
425
00:17:10,077 --> 00:17:11,810
in industry terms,
426
00:17:11,879 --> 00:17:15,408
is a total freaking cluster-snuff.
427
00:17:15,922 --> 00:17:18,762
(Laughs) I don't like to
swear in front of a patient.
428
00:17:18,824 --> 00:17:20,119
But I can e-mail you the translation
429
00:17:20,157 --> 00:17:21,008
if you give me your e-mail,
430
00:17:21,014 --> 00:17:22,722
which I would like to have anyway.
431
00:17:23,085 --> 00:17:25,349
Will get that from you.
432
00:17:30,173 --> 00:17:32,288
Okay, well, I'll, uh,
433
00:17:32,507 --> 00:17:33,933
I'll just find you on Facebook.
434
00:17:34,053 --> 00:17:36,241
Thanks for the ride, George.
435
00:17:36,285 --> 00:17:37,636
(Strained voice) Bye-bye.
436
00:17:37,756 --> 00:17:39,570
- Bye.
- Oh, puddle.
437
00:17:45,023 --> 00:17:46,924
I understand your apprehension,
438
00:17:46,925 --> 00:17:49,553
but a good domain name
can be hard to clear,
439
00:17:49,603 --> 00:17:50,529
and for the record,
440
00:17:50,748 --> 00:17:52,231
that guy strangled the
hell out of a problem
441
00:17:52,249 --> 00:17:53,782
we were having with our garage door.
442
00:17:53,902 --> 00:17:55,453
I'll call to reschedule.
443
00:17:56,248 --> 00:17:59,637
Thank you for a wonderful
evening, Mr. Wiener.
444
00:17:59,638 --> 00:18:00,233
(Snorts)
445
00:18:00,270 --> 00:18:01,859
It's my pleasure, angel.
446
00:18:01,979 --> 00:18:04,737
How do you say "angel" in Spanish?
447
00:18:04,931 --> 00:18:06,007
An-hel.
448
00:18:06,057 --> 00:18:07,415
Amazing.
449
00:18:07,947 --> 00:18:10,036
Such a rich culture.
450
00:18:11,019 --> 00:18:12,827
I'll go check on the baby.
451
00:18:13,052 --> 00:18:14,960
Encore! (Laughs)
452
00:18:15,817 --> 00:18:17,720
That's one hell of an opera,
that Carmen! (Clapping)
453
00:18:17,840 --> 00:18:19,678
(Laughs)
454
00:18:20,366 --> 00:18:22,774
Okay. What did I say?
I said $100?
455
00:18:22,775 --> 00:18:25,528
Even though I probably would've
survived the night on my own,
456
00:18:25,648 --> 00:18:28,257
I was really glad that
when I called for help,
457
00:18:28,377 --> 00:18:29,745
someone was there to answer.
458
00:18:29,814 --> 00:18:30,865
(Door closes)
(Panting)
459
00:18:30,985 --> 00:18:33,429
Whoa! Hey. You're back.
460
00:18:33,430 --> 00:18:35,295
Lisa, I'm not as dumb as you think.
461
00:18:35,470 --> 00:18:37,535
I know something's up.
462
00:18:37,570 --> 00:18:40,107
At first I thought I might be dying,
463
00:18:40,726 --> 00:18:42,909
then I took a good, hard look
in the mirror and thought,
464
00:18:43,303 --> 00:18:45,993
come on. I'm not dying.
465
00:18:46,295 --> 00:18:48,026
(Chuckles and kisses)
466
00:18:48,146 --> 00:18:50,066
Then I thought
maybe you're dying.
467
00:18:50,472 --> 00:18:52,868
After all, you're pretty pale and sickly.
468
00:18:53,068 --> 00:18:54,988
(Coughs) But, Lisa, if someone's
dying, I don't want to know about it.
469
00:18:55,108 --> 00:18:56,133
Not tonight.
470
00:18:57,406 --> 00:19:00,963
Because I had the most perfect
evening with Tessa Altman.
471
00:19:01,020 --> 00:19:02,414
She kissed me. Tessa kissed me.
472
00:19:02,439 --> 00:19:04,402
She... she... she...
she didn't open her mouth
473
00:19:04,403 --> 00:19:06,112
or put her tongue on my tongue and, like,
474
00:19:06,425 --> 00:19:07,320
you know, move it around,
475
00:19:07,326 --> 00:19:09,008
but she kissed me, and it was incredible,
476
00:19:09,021 --> 00:19:10,760
and I owe it all to you, so...
477
00:19:11,954 --> 00:19:12,836
so thanks.
478
00:19:12,837 --> 00:19:14,176
That's what sisters are for.
479
00:19:14,195 --> 00:19:15,735
I know, dude.
480
00:19:17,159 --> 00:19:19,294
You're the best sister ever, bro.
481
00:19:24,256 --> 00:19:26,133
Well, that didn't work,
482
00:19:26,253 --> 00:19:27,628
but at least we tried.
483
00:19:27,690 --> 00:19:30,956
What? No, George Altman,
don't you dare say that.
484
00:19:32,558 --> 00:19:34,616
Hey. Hey! You're gonna ruin your coat.
485
00:19:34,629 --> 00:19:36,218
I don't care! I don't care about it,
486
00:19:36,424 --> 00:19:38,233
or the flowers or the restaurant.
487
00:19:38,246 --> 00:19:40,392
- Look, Dallas, that's sweet, but...
- No, you listen to me.
488
00:19:40,398 --> 00:19:44,165
I have dated men who are
worldlier and fancier,
489
00:19:44,285 --> 00:19:46,917
who have nicer cars and better clothes
490
00:19:46,924 --> 00:19:49,295
and were wealthier. Heck,
they were all wealthier.
491
00:19:49,320 --> 00:19:50,640
Thank you.
Thank you for that.
492
00:19:50,760 --> 00:19:53,199
But every one of those men picked me.
493
00:19:53,205 --> 00:19:54,694
I thought that's how it was supposed to be.
494
00:19:54,719 --> 00:19:56,289
Men would ask me out, and I'd say yes,
495
00:19:56,327 --> 00:19:58,773
men would ask me to marry
them, and I'd say yes.
496
00:19:59,201 --> 00:20:01,745
And then along comes George Altman,
497
00:20:01,865 --> 00:20:03,604
and for the first time,
498
00:20:04,067 --> 00:20:06,445
I thought... there.
499
00:20:06,851 --> 00:20:08,134
I want that man.
500
00:20:08,328 --> 00:20:09,492
I pick him.
501
00:20:09,554 --> 00:20:11,350
I know I'm doing things different.
502
00:20:11,470 --> 00:20:13,690
It's because I feel so different.
503
00:20:13,810 --> 00:20:16,372
I can't believe my life coach
is right about us, George.
504
00:20:16,373 --> 00:20:17,381
I can't.
505
00:20:17,501 --> 00:20:18,438
There.
506
00:20:18,854 --> 00:20:20,233
You see that? (Sighs)
507
00:20:20,353 --> 00:20:22,842
Your... your hair is a
mess, your makeup is running,
508
00:20:22,843 --> 00:20:24,256
but this...
509
00:20:24,275 --> 00:20:27,147
this is real, this is...
510
00:20:30,115 --> 00:20:31,964
this is the prettiest
you've looked all night.
511
00:20:32,084 --> 00:20:33,604
[ Cutty Love
by Milo Greene playing ]
512
00:20:33,667 --> 00:20:34,968
It is?
513
00:20:35,371 --> 00:20:37,120
Look...
514
00:20:37,546 --> 00:20:40,461
the only way we're ever gonna
find out if this can work
515
00:20:40,509 --> 00:20:42,932
- is if we get to be ourselves. Right?
- Right.
516
00:20:43,212 --> 00:20:44,640
♪
517
00:20:44,821 --> 00:20:46,316
And that means no coaches
518
00:20:47,079 --> 00:20:49,265
and no coaching from you.
519
00:20:49,385 --> 00:20:51,065
♪ My dear, they are of you ♪
520
00:20:51,185 --> 00:20:52,485
Okay?
521
00:20:52,748 --> 00:20:53,974
Okay.
522
00:20:54,589 --> 00:20:58,726
♪
523
00:20:59,136 --> 00:21:00,938
- George?
- Yeah?
524
00:21:00,950 --> 00:21:02,859
If you would've dropped the
umbrella when you kissed me,
525
00:21:02,871 --> 00:21:04,498
it would've been so
much more romantic.
526
00:21:04,499 --> 00:21:06,037
You're very bossy.
527
00:21:06,375 --> 00:21:08,471
I can change.
528
00:21:09,109 --> 00:21:10,210
No, you can't.
529
00:21:10,417 --> 00:21:14,456
♪ Watch the fire burn, burn, burn ♪
530
00:21:14,576 --> 00:21:17,578
♪ burn, burn, burn ♪
531
00:21:17,613 --> 00:21:20,682
♪ burn us both alive ♪
532
00:21:27,454 --> 00:21:35,054
Synced and corrected by chamallow
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