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After a year of false starts,
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00:00:02,667 --> 00:00:04,872
missed opportunities,
and not enough candle light,
3
00:00:04,888 --> 00:00:08,188
Dallas and George's relationship
was finally about to ignite.
4
00:00:08,204 --> 00:00:11,629
I swear George, we have been laughing all night.
5
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Except for right now.
Right now it's just weird.
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Well, it's late. Maybe I should go.
7
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Tonight has been perfect.
8
00:00:22,204 --> 00:00:25,156
No, George, it hasn't been perfect,
9
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at least, not yet.
10
00:00:31,930 --> 00:00:33,316
What about Dalia?
11
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Oh, we're not into that.
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No, I meant where is Dalia?
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Oh, Dalia's sleeping outside of
Versace for their annual sale,
14
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so we've got this big old
place all to ourselves.
15
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Really?
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What could we possibly
do in a house this size,
17
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- with so many empty bedrooms?
- Oh, I'll show you.
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This has been a long time coming, George,
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and I do not intend to disappoint.
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- Dallas...
- No. No. George.
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Five minutes. I'm just
gonna touch up my face,
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00:01:00,689 --> 00:01:02,519
slip into something more
comfortable, retouch my face,
23
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and get this party started, right?
24
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Right.
25
00:01:07,297 --> 00:01:09,698
Dallas, I'm falling asleep down there.
26
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You coming back? Hello?
27
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Hit the switch, daddy!
28
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O... okay.
29
00:01:16,205 --> 00:01:17,621
What's going on? Dallas?
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Are you sure you should
be hanging like that?
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Well, you know how to make an entrance.
32
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- Whoa!
- What are you doing?
33
00:01:30,572 --> 00:01:32,340
I'm popping it so you can lock it.
34
00:01:32,386 --> 00:01:34,170
I'm tooting it so you can boot it.
35
00:01:34,177 --> 00:01:35,836
Why... why don't you hold off on tooting?
36
00:01:35,859 --> 00:01:37,751
Are we sure this thing is safe for booting?
37
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Hey! You want to snap a pic of me?
38
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Uh, I don't have my phone.
39
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Okay then. Ready or not, here I come!
40
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Aah! Oh. Oh!
41
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You okay?
42
00:01:48,638 --> 00:01:50,546
You want me to be okay?
43
00:01:50,538 --> 00:01:52,501
- Yes.
- Well, then I am.
44
00:01:52,621 --> 00:01:53,995
Oh, good.
45
00:01:54,535 --> 00:01:55,293
Where you going?
46
00:01:55,317 --> 00:01:57,935
Intermission. Hey. Why don't you go ahead
47
00:01:57,945 --> 00:01:59,759
and pick out your favorite
flavor of spermicide?
48
00:01:59,806 --> 00:02:01,274
Sperm... spermicide?
49
00:02:02,927 --> 00:02:04,013
Oh.
50
00:02:04,133 --> 00:02:07,080
It's totally your call,
but I like yankee pot roast.
51
00:02:07,114 --> 00:02:09,697
- I had a big lunch, but thanks.
- Oh, George!
52
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♪ he's a yankee pot roast man
53
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Hey. I did not commit to
that... flavor. What is going on?
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Come on, George. Deep down,
there's not a man alive
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who doesn't want to do
it with a choir leader
56
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while the whole gospel choir looks on.
57
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'Fess up.
58
00:02:24,191 --> 00:02:26,896
♪ 'fess up, 'fess up, 'fess up ♪
59
00:02:27,016 --> 00:02:28,523
♪ pot roast man, 'fess up
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- * mmm okay, you know
- What? Uh, yeah, sorry.
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Thank you.
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You know what? The choir...
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and a couple of these other things
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make me a little uncomfortable.
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Do you think we could just be alone?
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George Altman,
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you're out of your damn mind,
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and I love it. Well, go figure.
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Thanks, but no thanks, y'all.
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Thanks.
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00:02:48,409 --> 00:02:50,787
- * Hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm
- Can we just sit down?
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♪ Hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm
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♪ hmm, hmm, hmm
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What is it, George?
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Can we just start with a kiss?
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Okay.
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Whoa.
78
00:03:05,215 --> 00:03:07,124
Whoa.
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00:03:07,244 --> 00:03:08,813
Whoa!
80
00:03:08,845 --> 00:03:09,642
Dallas?
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Oh! That was amazing!
82
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Holy smokes! George, you're the best!
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The best I've ever had, I swear.
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Whew. You Tucker me out, George.
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Thank you.
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00:03:26,893 --> 00:03:30,196
- synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -
87
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The good news is I got them on sale.
88
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The bad news is I'm gonna be wearing them
89
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when I walk out of your lives.
90
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My dad's getting remarried, you guys,
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to this super cool
stewardess on Air Singapore.
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Her name's Wan'er.
93
00:03:53,365 --> 00:03:54,203
Wan'er?
94
00:03:54,237 --> 00:03:55,931
Wan'er is like the name Dalia over there.
95
00:03:56,150 --> 00:03:57,393
All the hot bitches have it.
96
00:03:57,385 --> 00:03:58,879
Is Wan'er really pretty?
97
00:03:58,886 --> 00:04:01,022
No. She's gorgeous.
98
00:04:01,048 --> 00:04:03,438
She's basically a Singaporean supermodel,
99
00:04:03,454 --> 00:04:05,276
and I'm gonna be maid
of honor at the wedding,
100
00:04:05,396 --> 00:04:06,575
and we're gonna sell the pictures
101
00:04:06,598 --> 00:04:09,124
to the Asian Internet for $10 million.
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00:04:09,171 --> 00:04:10,899
Wow! Ooh!
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00:04:11,019 --> 00:04:12,714
And then I'm gonna go with
them on their honeymoon,
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00:04:12,737 --> 00:04:15,161
and there's a fairly good
chance that shortly thereafter,
105
00:04:15,184 --> 00:04:17,171
I'll be named Queen of Singapore.
106
00:04:17,781 --> 00:04:19,486
Wait.
107
00:04:19,830 --> 00:04:21,777
So you're moving to Singapore?
108
00:04:22,230 --> 00:04:25,491
Nothing's official,
but, yes, it's official.
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00:04:25,611 --> 00:04:26,727
But what about us?
110
00:04:26,727 --> 00:04:29,120
You're gonna have to
find someone new to copy.
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00:04:29,113 --> 00:04:33,133
From now on, I only have one
B.F.F., and that's Wan'er.
112
00:04:38,796 --> 00:04:40,462
- What do you want, nerd?
- Hey there, Dalia.
113
00:04:40,470 --> 00:04:42,190
So, uh, I'm cold-calling
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every single girl I've ever met in my life
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because I need a beautiful assistant
116
00:04:45,412 --> 00:04:48,192
for my final presentation in magic class.
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My mom has shingles.
118
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Who cares? Bye.
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00:04:50,260 --> 00:04:51,300
No, wait! No. No. No.
120
00:04:51,331 --> 00:04:53,529
Look, my presentation counts
for three-fourths of my grade.
121
00:04:53,529 --> 00:04:55,624
I... I need to make an object disappear.
122
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How about I make you disappear, loser?
123
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No, no, no, no! Wait, wait!
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Ta-da.
125
00:05:03,202 --> 00:05:05,462
Hey, what do the girls think
about the two of you dating?
126
00:05:05,485 --> 00:05:07,307
I'll find out tonight. We're
taking them out for Chinese
127
00:05:07,315 --> 00:05:08,700
and then drop the news.
128
00:05:08,747 --> 00:05:10,147
I'm cautiously optimistic.
129
00:05:10,178 --> 00:05:11,516
Tessa loves Dallas, you know.
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The sooner the better, man.
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You just gotta rip that band-aid right off.
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Hey, speaking of ripping things off,
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did you get Dallas naked yet?
Did you take any phone pics?
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00:05:19,125 --> 00:05:20,095
I always take phone pics.
135
00:05:20,118 --> 00:05:21,941
No, I didn't take any phone pics.
136
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You know what? I feel a little
weird talking about this,
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mostly because... it was really weird.
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Okay.
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The whole thing lasted about three seconds,
140
00:05:32,592 --> 00:05:34,078
give or take two seconds.
141
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I'm sorry, buddy. It happens. It happens.
142
00:05:37,871 --> 00:05:39,248
You gotta think about something else.
143
00:05:39,271 --> 00:05:43,119
I always imagine elderly women
eating egg salad sandwiches.
144
00:05:43,143 --> 00:05:44,464
It wasn't me. It was her.
145
00:05:45,293 --> 00:05:46,209
I'm confused.
146
00:05:46,209 --> 00:05:47,820
Yes, as... as was I.
147
00:05:47,859 --> 00:05:49,752
Could she have some kind
of a medical condition?
148
00:05:49,783 --> 00:05:51,074
What kind of medical condition?
149
00:05:51,105 --> 00:05:52,700
Maybe it was just all
the buildup, you know,
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the anticipation.
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Look, do me a favor.
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Next time, skip the appetizers.
Go right for the entree.
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- All right?
- Right.
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00:05:59,981 --> 00:06:01,241
That's how Jill likes it.
155
00:06:01,280 --> 00:06:03,462
We haven't kissed on the mouth in 13 years.
156
00:06:03,582 --> 00:06:05,205
We couldn't be happier.
157
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Wanna see my phone pics?
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Hey!
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Ya! Ya!
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00:06:29,004 --> 00:06:31,577
Ya! Come on! What is wrong with you?
161
00:06:31,631 --> 00:06:33,282
Why are you walking in
the middle of the street?
162
00:06:33,305 --> 00:06:35,167
Dalia has a new B.F.F.
163
00:06:35,214 --> 00:06:36,973
We've got no one to tell us what to do.
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You need someone to tell you
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not to walk in the middle of the street?
166
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Well, yeah.
167
00:06:41,409 --> 00:06:43,861
You guys, Tessa's so smart.
168
00:06:43,895 --> 00:06:45,913
She told us not to walk in the street.
169
00:06:45,964 --> 00:06:47,225
Will you lead us?
170
00:06:47,280 --> 00:06:49,633
Uh, no.
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00:06:49,668 --> 00:06:51,824
Sorry. I just have a bunch of homework
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00:06:51,816 --> 00:06:54,342
and dinner plans, and
also, I don't want to.
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00:06:54,334 --> 00:06:56,454
Oh, my goodness! Let's get out of here.
174
00:06:56,508 --> 00:06:59,097
But how will we get home?
175
00:06:59,731 --> 00:07:00,544
I can take you.
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00:07:00,560 --> 00:07:03,364
I can take all three of you.
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00:07:07,017 --> 00:07:07,999
Okay.
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00:07:07,990 --> 00:07:09,218
And then all three of them
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00:07:09,194 --> 00:07:10,891
were about to get in this molest-y van.
180
00:07:11,203 --> 00:07:13,738
Lisa, they need someone,
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00:07:13,773 --> 00:07:15,098
and I would take them myself,
182
00:07:15,145 --> 00:07:18,423
but I have a bunch of
homework and dinner plans,
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00:07:18,461 --> 00:07:20,206
and also, I don't want to.
184
00:07:20,253 --> 00:07:22,280
Well, I did dog-sit two summers ago.
185
00:07:22,314 --> 00:07:23,748
Three golden-doodles.
186
00:07:23,766 --> 00:07:25,290
Glorious girls.
187
00:07:25,290 --> 00:07:27,190
Mind you, that was before backup cameras.
188
00:07:27,229 --> 00:07:28,254
Right.
189
00:07:29,685 --> 00:07:31,867
So keep them out of the driveway?
190
00:07:32,098 --> 00:07:33,306
I'll do it.
191
00:07:33,426 --> 00:07:34,237
Okay.
192
00:07:34,268 --> 00:07:36,121
I need all the K.K.K. in the house.
193
00:07:36,114 --> 00:07:38,225
Come on! Kimantha, Kenzie, Kaitlyn.
194
00:07:38,240 --> 00:07:40,180
There you go, girls!
195
00:07:40,430 --> 00:07:43,206
Oh, and also, they, uh... shed.
196
00:07:43,326 --> 00:07:45,256
Okay.
197
00:07:45,310 --> 00:07:49,002
We have a... a little announcement to make.
198
00:07:49,299 --> 00:07:51,817
No coupon tonight. Everything full price.
199
00:07:51,868 --> 00:07:52,631
That's fine.
200
00:07:52,685 --> 00:07:54,117
Price doesn't include gratuity.
201
00:07:54,124 --> 00:07:56,431
O... okay. Why... why is
she directing this at me?
202
00:07:56,462 --> 00:07:58,886
Sorry, George. Shun Ju can be a little...
203
00:07:58,875 --> 00:08:00,857
You want extra pancake? You pay.
204
00:08:00,881 --> 00:08:02,406
I don't even know if we're getting moo shu.
205
00:08:02,421 --> 00:08:03,172
We're trying to celebrate
206
00:08:03,180 --> 00:08:05,440
- our first dinner together as a couple.
- You guys are a couple?
207
00:08:05,465 --> 00:08:07,966
Well, yeah, that's... that's
what we wanted to tell you kids.
208
00:08:08,021 --> 00:08:09,569
No children's plate!
209
00:08:09,619 --> 00:08:12,202
- With less hostility from the waitress.
- Well, this is great.
210
00:08:12,322 --> 00:08:13,699
I'm really happy for you two.
211
00:08:13,699 --> 00:08:15,733
Oh, Tessa, thank goodness.
212
00:08:15,691 --> 00:08:17,007
I mean, you'd really have to be blind
213
00:08:17,023 --> 00:08:18,368
not to see this one coming.
214
00:08:18,360 --> 00:08:19,728
Right, Dalia?
215
00:08:19,762 --> 00:08:22,028
Dalia? Please answer Tessa's query
216
00:08:22,028 --> 00:08:24,116
as to whether you are or are not blind.
217
00:08:24,108 --> 00:08:26,744
Sorry, mommy. Wan'er is
totes blowing up my phone
218
00:08:26,767 --> 00:08:28,433
about dress ideas for the wedding.
219
00:08:28,480 --> 00:08:29,458
Wedding? Whose wedding?
220
00:08:29,497 --> 00:08:30,436
No, not... not ours.
221
00:08:30,444 --> 00:08:32,594
We're not there yet.
Steven, apparently, is.
222
00:08:32,602 --> 00:08:36,027
I am so glad he found someone
who doesn't speak English.
223
00:08:36,387 --> 00:08:38,467
That truly was his only
chance at happiness.
224
00:08:38,475 --> 00:08:39,789
O.M.G., you guys.
225
00:08:39,909 --> 00:08:42,057
Wan'er is such a card.
226
00:08:42,177 --> 00:08:43,722
She's making me L.O.L.
227
00:08:43,842 --> 00:08:45,521
My stomach, like, literally hurts
228
00:08:45,505 --> 00:08:48,078
from all the L.O.Ls Wan'er keeps dropping.
229
00:08:48,931 --> 00:08:50,815
Speaking of,
230
00:08:50,935 --> 00:08:52,983
I'm gonna go lay some lo mein.
231
00:08:53,264 --> 00:08:54,156
Cool.
232
00:08:54,187 --> 00:08:56,713
I'm so relieved. I think
she took the news real well,
233
00:08:56,729 --> 00:08:57,636
if she heard it.
234
00:08:57,675 --> 00:08:59,912
Normally, Dalia's not so good with change,
235
00:08:59,912 --> 00:09:02,109
but she's been peaches and cream.
236
00:09:02,229 --> 00:09:03,861
I knew Dalia well enough to know
237
00:09:03,861 --> 00:09:05,824
that she was neither peaches nor cream,
238
00:09:05,840 --> 00:09:08,961
and something told me
her story about Wan'er
239
00:09:08,921 --> 00:09:12,206
was just as spotty as the
cell reception in Shun Ju.
240
00:09:19,033 --> 00:09:22,889
Oh. George! Well, this is a surprise.
241
00:09:23,009 --> 00:09:26,122
That's what I was going for... surprise.
242
00:09:28,637 --> 00:09:31,273
George, look at you with your sweaty hair
243
00:09:31,265 --> 00:09:33,518
and me in my not-expecting-company clothes.
244
00:09:33,513 --> 00:09:34,513
You should...
245
00:09:34,565 --> 00:09:37,183
Mmm! Oh, my gosh, George, yes!
246
00:09:37,234 --> 00:09:40,553
Oh, yes. Oh, George. Oh, here I go.
247
00:09:40,587 --> 00:09:41,770
Ooh, it's happening. Whoa.
248
00:09:41,809 --> 00:09:43,155
Whoa!
249
00:09:43,190 --> 00:09:45,491
Whoa!
250
00:09:45,525 --> 00:09:47,495
You're number one, George.
251
00:09:47,511 --> 00:09:50,772
Where did that finger come from?
Dallas, I barely touched you.
252
00:09:50,781 --> 00:09:52,586
That's all it takes.
That's how good you are.
253
00:09:52,609 --> 00:09:54,439
You did it. You brought me there.
254
00:09:54,468 --> 00:09:56,551
Whoo! Number one!
255
00:09:56,559 --> 00:09:58,842
- George Altman, you are number
one!- Where are you going?
256
00:09:58,872 --> 00:10:01,157
To the kitchen to get
you something to drink.
257
00:10:01,191 --> 00:10:03,191
♪ Go, George, you did it
258
00:10:03,311 --> 00:10:05,216
♪ who's the man? You're the man ♪
259
00:10:05,232 --> 00:10:08,000
♪ you did it, George Altman, uh-huh ♪
260
00:10:09,971 --> 00:10:11,880
Lisa had the K.K.K.
261
00:10:11,911 --> 00:10:13,944
Eating out of the palm of her hand,
262
00:10:13,983 --> 00:10:16,947
and Dalia Royce was sitting by herself?
263
00:10:17,067 --> 00:10:18,785
She was newly brunette, completely alone,
264
00:10:18,801 --> 00:10:20,826
and no one seemed to care but me.
265
00:10:20,946 --> 00:10:22,781
The whole thing was more unnatural
266
00:10:22,797 --> 00:10:25,120
than Mr. Wolfe's new
colored contact lenses.
267
00:10:25,143 --> 00:10:27,364
Amethyst is my birthstone.
268
00:10:28,245 --> 00:10:29,428
Cool.
269
00:10:31,274 --> 00:10:33,268
EIf you
don't want it, who wants it?
270
00:10:33,292 --> 00:10:34,527
I can't want it for you!
271
00:10:34,551 --> 00:10:36,326
Do you want it? Do you want it?
272
00:10:36,319 --> 00:10:37,148
I want it!
273
00:10:37,171 --> 00:10:38,454
I already got it, y'all!
274
00:10:38,469 --> 00:10:40,025
I got it from George Altman,
275
00:10:40,065 --> 00:10:41,879
night after day after night.
276
00:10:41,871 --> 00:10:42,864
Don't forget to hydrate.
277
00:10:42,856 --> 00:10:44,404
I'm already hydrated, y'all.
278
00:10:44,524 --> 00:10:46,719
You know who quenches
my thirst? George Altman.
279
00:10:46,743 --> 00:10:49,793
Let me tell you, ladies, this
man is large and in charge.
280
00:10:49,913 --> 00:10:51,693
If your legs moved as fast as your mouth...
281
00:10:51,724 --> 00:10:54,845
You know who takes it real
slow until he speeds it up?
282
00:10:54,868 --> 00:10:55,924
George Altman.
283
00:10:56,044 --> 00:10:57,624
I mean, Wesley who?
284
00:10:57,613 --> 00:10:59,395
"White men can't what"?
285
00:10:59,430 --> 00:11:01,865
He does this trick whereby he...
286
00:11:01,899 --> 00:11:03,550
have y'all ever been to "Zumanity"?
287
00:11:03,584 --> 00:11:04,968
I have.
288
00:11:05,019 --> 00:11:06,385
It was incredible.
289
00:11:06,403 --> 00:11:08,077
Well, take that experience,
290
00:11:08,108 --> 00:11:10,290
multiply it by 20, divide it by 3,
291
00:11:10,305 --> 00:11:11,776
raise it to the tenth power,
292
00:11:11,775 --> 00:11:14,144
add 9 inches, subtract 2, and add back 1,
293
00:11:14,160 --> 00:11:15,630
and that's what George Altman gave me.
294
00:11:15,654 --> 00:11:18,445
I'm getting 36. But I haven't
been to "Zumanity," so...
295
00:11:18,565 --> 00:11:20,866
Can it, Rhonda!
296
00:11:20,885 --> 00:11:22,786
Look here.
297
00:11:22,906 --> 00:11:26,439
Sealy, Simmons, and Posturepedic
gave him a standing ovation.
298
00:11:26,658 --> 00:11:27,840
Y'all with me in the back?
299
00:11:27,875 --> 00:11:31,076
Sealy, Simmons, and Posturepedic.
300
00:11:31,084 --> 00:11:33,250
And she wasn't uncomfortable
with them watching?
301
00:11:33,273 --> 00:11:35,173
Those are mattresses, Fred.
302
00:11:35,197 --> 00:11:36,216
Oh.
303
00:11:36,250 --> 00:11:39,349
So they did it on a mattress. Hmm.
304
00:11:39,357 --> 00:11:41,504
Mental image uploaded.
305
00:11:41,538 --> 00:11:43,838
Mental image deleted.
306
00:11:43,854 --> 00:11:47,616
And then she gave him the finger...
307
00:11:47,671 --> 00:11:49,837
the number one foam finger.
308
00:11:49,860 --> 00:11:53,388
I knew it. I never thought it
was his lovemaking for a minute.
309
00:11:53,508 --> 00:11:55,038
It's the goatee.
310
00:11:55,053 --> 00:11:58,643
He took her to ecstasy with
the whole choir watching.
311
00:11:58,763 --> 00:12:00,662
Huh. So I was wrong.
312
00:12:00,873 --> 00:12:03,415
I always assumed George was selfish in bed.
313
00:12:03,465 --> 00:12:04,949
Hey! There he is!
314
00:12:05,000 --> 00:12:07,333
- Whoo!
- Hello, hello, hello, hello.
315
00:12:07,365 --> 00:12:10,508
- What's all this?
- Oh, we've heard about your sexploits, my friend.
316
00:12:10,628 --> 00:12:12,541
- My sexploits?
- Bravo, George.
317
00:12:12,558 --> 00:12:14,090
Way to take care of business.
318
00:12:14,082 --> 00:12:15,224
Wh... what are you guys talking about?
319
00:12:15,247 --> 00:12:19,244
Well, apparently, you've been
satisfying your lady love.
320
00:12:19,228 --> 00:12:21,590
Dallas has been running
around telling everybody
321
00:12:21,605 --> 00:12:23,326
you are the president of pound town.
322
00:12:24,320 --> 00:12:26,212
King of coitus!
323
00:12:26,332 --> 00:12:30,099
The Hitler of hittin' it!
324
00:12:30,693 --> 00:12:33,118
I had a good run going... you all saw...
325
00:12:33,110 --> 00:12:36,152
- and then Fred "Hitlers" it?
- Sorry as soon as it came out of my mouth.
326
00:12:36,176 --> 00:12:38,827
Fred, it's okay. Look, I'm
sorry to disappoint you guys,
327
00:12:38,858 --> 00:12:41,385
but I barely even touched her.
328
00:12:41,392 --> 00:12:43,825
I don't know, George,
I just felt your touch.
329
00:12:43,864 --> 00:12:45,466
It's magnetic.
330
00:12:45,521 --> 00:12:48,298
George throws off a lot of
sexual heat. He always has.
331
00:12:48,321 --> 00:12:50,566
Dallas keeps acting like
this big thing is happening,
332
00:12:50,573 --> 00:12:53,053
but I assure you, nothing is happening.
333
00:12:53,100 --> 00:12:54,679
I don't know what's gotten into her.
334
00:12:54,883 --> 00:12:56,688
George Altman has. Am I right?
335
00:12:56,712 --> 00:12:58,557
There it is!
336
00:12:58,565 --> 00:13:02,202
- Slap it. Do you see how he slapped that?
- Javier.
337
00:13:02,773 --> 00:13:05,064
Look, I don't know what you're
complaining about, George.
338
00:13:05,080 --> 00:13:08,293
I would pay Sheila money
to praise my prowess,
339
00:13:08,692 --> 00:13:12,517
but I can't, because she won't
let me have an A.T.M. card.
340
00:13:15,121 --> 00:13:16,216
Knock, knock.
341
00:13:16,336 --> 00:13:17,968
Hey.
342
00:13:17,991 --> 00:13:19,274
What are you doing here?
343
00:13:19,394 --> 00:13:22,465
I just noticed that you were, uh,
344
00:13:22,585 --> 00:13:24,123
eating lunch alone today,
345
00:13:24,155 --> 00:13:26,055
and then I heard you left school early,
346
00:13:26,282 --> 00:13:29,347
and I know this may seem like
a weird question coming from me,
347
00:13:29,365 --> 00:13:30,716
but... everything okay?
348
00:13:30,708 --> 00:13:32,796
Totes. I just came home early
349
00:13:32,530 --> 00:13:34,860
to get ready for my video chat with Wan'er.
350
00:13:34,852 --> 00:13:37,050
Okay, great. It just seemed like
351
00:13:37,050 --> 00:13:38,614
you were going through something, you know,
352
00:13:38,841 --> 00:13:40,233
with the dark hair and...
353
00:13:40,225 --> 00:13:42,197
Yeah, I wan'ered it for the wedding.
354
00:13:42,236 --> 00:13:43,776
I'm gonna be maid of honor.
355
00:13:43,896 --> 00:13:46,482
They don't do any cleaning. I checked.
356
00:13:46,602 --> 00:13:48,093
Okay. Phew.
357
00:13:48,477 --> 00:13:50,924
Guess I was just worried
about nothing then.
358
00:13:50,924 --> 00:13:52,804
Could you worry about
getting out of my room?
359
00:13:52,839 --> 00:13:54,741
I kinda need to take this.
360
00:14:00,301 --> 00:14:01,740
Ni hao!
361
00:14:01,731 --> 00:14:05,167
Hey, Wan'er. I dyed my
hair to look like your hair.
362
00:14:05,218 --> 00:14:07,254
Don't you think my hair
looks like your hair, Wan'er?
363
00:14:08,646 --> 00:14:12,299
I know. Me, too. I'm really
excited for the wedding.
364
00:14:16,631 --> 00:14:18,844
Wan'er, no.
365
00:14:18,876 --> 00:14:20,979
You're not supposed to wear
that before the wedding.
366
00:14:28,808 --> 00:14:31,092
You're already married?
367
00:14:31,744 --> 00:14:33,625
You eloped without me?
368
00:14:38,942 --> 00:14:40,374
Okay. Bye-bye!
369
00:14:40,494 --> 00:14:42,250
Well, tell daddy I say hi...
370
00:14:49,000 --> 00:14:50,929
Oh, hey, Dalia.
371
00:14:50,963 --> 00:14:53,145
Uh, so... so I was just in the middle
372
00:14:53,145 --> 00:14:54,889
of this pretty intense
kettlebell workout here,
373
00:14:54,935 --> 00:14:57,634
when I saw you were online, so I figured
374
00:14:57,754 --> 00:14:59,339
I'd, you know, like, circle back around,
375
00:14:59,459 --> 00:15:03,219
and just see if you
magically changed your mind.
376
00:15:03,594 --> 00:15:05,229
Actually, I did change my mind.
377
00:15:05,275 --> 00:15:06,151
Really?
378
00:15:06,144 --> 00:15:07,270
Ow!
379
00:15:07,536 --> 00:15:09,960
I want you to make me disappear.
380
00:15:09,975 --> 00:15:13,151
Sweet! I'm... I'm gonna
get my foot looked at,
381
00:15:13,143 --> 00:15:15,660
and then we'll do that. I'm so excited.
382
00:15:15,780 --> 00:15:17,216
I mean, you know what she's doing, right?
383
00:15:17,336 --> 00:15:19,140
She's committing social suicide.
384
00:15:19,260 --> 00:15:20,884
Because she wants to do magic with Evan?
385
00:15:20,908 --> 00:15:23,762
Lisa, if you look up "rock
bottom" in the dictionary,
386
00:15:23,778 --> 00:15:25,045
there's a picture of Evan in a top hat.
387
00:15:25,045 --> 00:15:26,851
Okay, I just... I don't understand
388
00:15:26,844 --> 00:15:28,752
why you're so concerned about Dalia.
389
00:15:28,872 --> 00:15:30,449
She wouldn't be worrying about you.
390
00:15:30,441 --> 00:15:33,285
Look, our parents are dating
now. I feel responsible for her.
391
00:15:33,405 --> 00:15:35,783
I just... I have to do something
392
00:15:35,903 --> 00:15:38,169
before Evan... feels her up.
393
00:15:38,208 --> 00:15:39,654
Okay, well, while you're in there,
394
00:15:39,670 --> 00:15:42,376
would you please tell her
to take back the K.K.K.?
395
00:15:42,783 --> 00:15:45,997
Yesterday, one of them had
an accident on my bedspread.
396
00:15:49,877 --> 00:15:52,278
Voila! A student has appeared.
397
00:15:52,293 --> 00:15:53,834
Uh, sorry to bother you, Mr. Jacobs,
398
00:15:53,835 --> 00:15:56,923
but this is kind of
urgent. Where's Dalia Royce?
399
00:15:58,010 --> 00:16:00,741
Is this the Dalia Royce you're looking for?
400
00:16:00,776 --> 00:16:03,227
No. That's a Jack of clubs.
401
00:16:03,250 --> 00:16:05,260
My! How did it get there?
402
00:16:05,380 --> 00:16:07,223
Could you please tell
me where Dalia Royce is?
403
00:16:07,238 --> 00:16:10,124
Oh, certainly. She's, uh,
right here in my pocket.
404
00:16:10,544 --> 00:16:12,946
Go on. Say hello.
405
00:16:12,980 --> 00:16:15,632
Whoa. Look at that.
406
00:16:15,666 --> 00:16:17,133
Lots of scarves.
407
00:16:17,184 --> 00:16:18,134
Amazing.
408
00:16:18,169 --> 00:16:19,869
Amazing...
409
00:16:19,937 --> 00:16:21,337
Or magic?
410
00:16:21,389 --> 00:16:23,131
Actually, neither.
411
00:16:23,139 --> 00:16:26,143
Hey, Tessa. Evan signed
out the practice room.
412
00:16:26,127 --> 00:16:27,277
Bye, Mr. Jacobs.
413
00:16:27,284 --> 00:16:29,857
Did I freak your mind?
414
00:16:32,063 --> 00:16:35,238
I sure am loving these
surprise visits, George Altman.
415
00:16:35,269 --> 00:16:37,045
Which wall are you gonna
pin me to this time?
416
00:16:37,045 --> 00:16:39,179
No. No. No walls, Dallas.
417
00:16:39,163 --> 00:16:42,597
We need to talk. This isn't
easy for me to bring up.
418
00:16:42,628 --> 00:16:44,593
It's about our sex life.
419
00:16:44,628 --> 00:16:46,335
Whoa.
420
00:16:46,335 --> 00:16:48,103
Whoa.
421
00:16:48,056 --> 00:16:48,806
- Whoa!
- No, Dallas.
422
00:16:48,830 --> 00:16:50,073
Don't do that. At ease.
423
00:16:50,112 --> 00:16:51,653
I can't help it, George.
424
00:16:51,773 --> 00:16:54,203
You just get me so worked up and so forth.
425
00:16:54,323 --> 00:16:57,073
I just want it so bad and so on.
426
00:16:57,104 --> 00:16:58,035
Babe...
427
00:16:58,089 --> 00:17:01,343
and I... I mean this in
the nicest possible way...
428
00:17:02,297 --> 00:17:04,229
drop the act.
429
00:17:04,247 --> 00:17:06,131
I beg your pardon.
430
00:17:06,166 --> 00:17:08,437
Well, that was hardly the
reaction I was hoping for.
431
00:17:08,468 --> 00:17:11,143
I mean, when I saw "Zumanity,"
the crowd went wild with...
432
00:17:11,154 --> 00:17:12,438
I don't want the circus.
433
00:17:12,472 --> 00:17:14,306
I just want you.
434
00:17:15,458 --> 00:17:17,226
I want us.
435
00:17:17,260 --> 00:17:21,113
Well, I guess there's gonna
be a learning curve then.
436
00:17:21,131 --> 00:17:22,431
For both of us.
437
00:17:23,202 --> 00:17:25,157
And I... I get what you're trying to do,
438
00:17:25,173 --> 00:17:27,667
but honestly, I don't... I don't need you
439
00:17:27,787 --> 00:17:29,780
pretending you're on a roller coaster...
440
00:17:29,834 --> 00:17:32,525
or running around town telling everyone
441
00:17:32,548 --> 00:17:35,590
I'm some kind of a... sexual superman.
442
00:17:37,030 --> 00:17:39,790
I just thought that's what men wanted...
443
00:17:39,813 --> 00:17:41,440
to feel like they were number one.
444
00:17:41,432 --> 00:17:43,700
- I thought all guys...
- I'm not all guys.
445
00:17:44,365 --> 00:17:45,913
I'm George Altman.
446
00:17:46,202 --> 00:17:49,152
And I think sexual partners should focus
447
00:17:49,136 --> 00:17:51,255
on closeness, not costumes,
448
00:17:51,303 --> 00:17:53,751
intimacy, not "Zumanity,"
449
00:17:54,064 --> 00:17:57,481
and just because we're spooning
doesn't necessarily mean
450
00:17:57,520 --> 00:18:00,335
we need someone playing the spoons.
451
00:18:01,720 --> 00:18:03,628
I just want us to connect.
452
00:18:04,175 --> 00:18:06,060
Connect. Yeah.
453
00:18:06,075 --> 00:18:07,890
I'm not sure I know how to do that.
454
00:18:08,210 --> 00:18:09,962
Maybe I'll show you sometime.
455
00:18:10,901 --> 00:18:13,309
Ladies and gentlemen,
456
00:18:13,325 --> 00:18:15,687
behold... the kissing kugel.
457
00:18:17,963 --> 00:18:20,911
You'll notice one slice is missing
458
00:18:20,926 --> 00:18:23,046
from this delicious tray of kosher kugel.
459
00:18:23,421 --> 00:18:25,705
Don't tell me my cousin Aaron ate it.
460
00:18:26,206 --> 00:18:27,778
Hold for laughter.
461
00:18:32,039 --> 00:18:34,292
I will now give my beautiful assistant
462
00:18:34,339 --> 00:18:35,520
a kiss on the lips
463
00:18:35,520 --> 00:18:37,396
and make the kugel appear in her mouth,
464
00:18:37,396 --> 00:18:39,899
which you can see is empty.
465
00:18:39,930 --> 00:18:42,589
Dalia, no! The kugel is a gateway kugel.
466
00:18:42,605 --> 00:18:44,113
Immobulus!
467
00:18:44,164 --> 00:18:46,374
Dalia, I know you're hurting, okay?
468
00:18:46,413 --> 00:18:50,198
I know that Wan'er isn't really your B.F.F.
469
00:18:50,628 --> 00:18:52,833
And I know you're not
gonna be the maid of honor
470
00:18:52,880 --> 00:18:54,710
- at their wedding.
- They eloped without me.
471
00:18:54,686 --> 00:18:56,180
I know.
472
00:18:56,477 --> 00:18:59,175
I'm sorry, but...
473
00:18:59,480 --> 00:19:01,730
Evan is not the answer.
474
00:19:01,765 --> 00:19:04,934
If daddy and Wan'er don't want me
475
00:19:04,985 --> 00:19:07,150
and mommy's with that greasy hobo,
476
00:19:07,270 --> 00:19:10,439
then maybe my place is here, with Evan.
477
00:19:10,490 --> 00:19:12,274
He's a mensch.
478
00:19:12,325 --> 00:19:15,060
We're probably gonna
elope ourselves one day.
479
00:19:15,078 --> 00:19:17,264
Uh, no. I... I can't do that.
480
00:19:17,296 --> 00:19:20,056
- My safta would have a conniption.
- What are you trying to say, Evan?
481
00:19:20,064 --> 00:19:22,457
I fully expected Dalia
would trample Evan's heart.
482
00:19:22,577 --> 00:19:24,279
That's the natural order.
483
00:19:24,399 --> 00:19:25,968
It never occurred to me
484
00:19:25,991 --> 00:19:27,962
that Evan would be the one to hurt Dalia.
485
00:19:28,001 --> 00:19:30,464
Look, cookie, we had fun.
There's no denying it.
486
00:19:30,584 --> 00:19:32,420
Laughs galore. That's
what I bring to the table.
487
00:19:32,435 --> 00:19:34,367
But long-term, this just wouldn't work.
488
00:19:34,633 --> 00:19:36,009
Why not?
489
00:19:36,252 --> 00:19:38,544
Well, because you're a shiksa!
490
00:19:38,567 --> 00:19:39,724
And you're a loser.
491
00:19:39,740 --> 00:19:41,335
Yep, my work here was done.
492
00:19:41,335 --> 00:19:42,618
I'm an amateur magician,
493
00:19:42,657 --> 00:19:44,473
and I've been practicing for so long.
494
00:19:48,085 --> 00:19:50,212
Okay, now, honestly,
495
00:19:50,332 --> 00:19:52,385
how was it?
496
00:19:52,800 --> 00:19:55,968
You know, it wasn't bad.
It was pretty decent.
497
00:19:56,977 --> 00:19:58,017
Right.
498
00:19:58,267 --> 00:19:59,729
Exactly right.
499
00:20:00,065 --> 00:20:02,771
Pretty decent... that's
me. That's what I do.
500
00:20:05,877 --> 00:20:08,356
Seriously, though. How was it?
501
00:20:09,310 --> 00:20:11,125
You're number one, George!
502
00:20:11,922 --> 00:20:13,554
You are number one!
503
00:20:13,674 --> 00:20:15,527
You know what? I take it back.
504
00:20:15,647 --> 00:20:18,617
It adds something. It really does.
505
00:20:19,704 --> 00:20:20,994
There.
506
00:20:20,987 --> 00:20:22,754
Now you look like yourself again.
507
00:20:22,874 --> 00:20:26,305
Yeah. I feel like myself again, too.
508
00:20:27,072 --> 00:20:29,848
And myself wants you to
get the "H" out of my "R."
509
00:20:30,098 --> 00:20:35,244
As I got the "H" out of her
"R," I couldn't help but smile.
510
00:20:35,364 --> 00:20:38,201
It was sort of nice to
have Dalia back to normal.
511
00:21:14,692 --> 00:21:17,922
Baruch atah adonai
512
00:21:17,961 --> 00:21:19,432
eloheinu
513
00:21:19,463 --> 00:21:21,442
melech ha-olam
514
00:21:21,562 --> 00:21:23,405
Asher bahar banu...
515
00:21:23,858 --> 00:21:31,014
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