1 00:00:01,071 --> 00:00:02,659 After a year of false starts, 2 00:00:02,667 --> 00:00:04,872 missed opportunities, and not enough candle light, 3 00:00:04,888 --> 00:00:08,188 Dallas and George's relationship was finally about to ignite. 4 00:00:08,204 --> 00:00:11,629 I swear George, we have been laughing all night. 5 00:00:15,047 --> 00:00:17,398 Except for right now. Right now it's just weird. 6 00:00:17,432 --> 00:00:19,114 (Chuckles) 7 00:00:19,134 --> 00:00:20,818 Well, it's late. Maybe I should go. 8 00:00:20,869 --> 00:00:22,173 Tonight has been perfect. 9 00:00:22,204 --> 00:00:25,156 No, George, it hasn't been perfect, 10 00:00:25,190 --> 00:00:27,074 at least, not yet. 11 00:00:31,930 --> 00:00:33,316 What about Dalia? 12 00:00:33,363 --> 00:00:35,185 Oh, we're not into that. 13 00:00:35,397 --> 00:00:37,578 No, I meant where is Dalia? 14 00:00:37,594 --> 00:00:40,362 Oh, Dalia's sleeping outside of Versace for their annual sale, 15 00:00:40,362 --> 00:00:42,731 so we've got this big old place all to ourselves. 16 00:00:42,723 --> 00:00:43,474 Really? 17 00:00:43,525 --> 00:00:46,555 What could we possibly do in a house this size, 18 00:00:47,017 --> 00:00:49,950 - with so many empty bedrooms? - Oh, I'll show you. 19 00:00:49,981 --> 00:00:53,470 (Singsongy) This has been a long time coming, George, 20 00:00:53,516 --> 00:00:56,558 and I do not intend to disappoint. 21 00:00:56,809 --> 00:00:58,772 - Dallas... - No. No. George. 22 00:00:58,795 --> 00:01:00,673 Five minutes. I'm just gonna touch up my face, 23 00:01:00,689 --> 00:01:02,519 slip into something more comfortable, retouch my face, 24 00:01:02,534 --> 00:01:04,114 and get this party started, right? 25 00:01:05,178 --> 00:01:06,609 Right. 26 00:01:07,297 --> 00:01:09,698 Dallas, I'm falling asleep down there. 27 00:01:09,667 --> 00:01:11,315 You coming back? Hello? 28 00:01:11,349 --> 00:01:13,383 (Dallas) Hit the switch, daddy! 29 00:01:13,418 --> 00:01:14,899 O... okay. (Switch clicks) 30 00:01:14,953 --> 00:01:16,181 (David Guetta featuring Akon's "Sexy Chick" playing) 31 00:01:16,205 --> 00:01:17,621 What's going on? Dallas? 32 00:01:17,637 --> 00:01:18,956 * Damn, girl 33 00:01:18,990 --> 00:01:21,985 Are you sure you should be hanging like that? 34 00:01:22,025 --> 00:01:23,527 * Damn, girl 35 00:01:23,561 --> 00:01:26,733 (laughs) Well, you know how to make an entrance. 36 00:01:26,764 --> 00:01:28,480 * Sexy chick 37 00:01:28,493 --> 00:01:30,541 - Whoa! - What are you doing? 38 00:01:30,572 --> 00:01:32,340 I'm popping it so you can lock it. 39 00:01:32,386 --> 00:01:34,170 I'm tooting it so you can boot it. 40 00:01:34,177 --> 00:01:35,836 Why... why don't you hold off on tooting? 41 00:01:35,859 --> 00:01:37,751 Are we sure this thing is safe for booting? 42 00:01:37,769 --> 00:01:39,566 Hey! You want to snap a pic of me? 43 00:01:39,521 --> 00:01:41,539 Uh, I don't have my phone. 44 00:01:41,590 --> 00:01:44,540 Okay then. (Singsongy) Ready or not, here I come! 45 00:01:44,827 --> 00:01:46,527 Aah! Oh. Oh! 46 00:01:46,545 --> 00:01:48,145 (Music stops) You okay? 47 00:01:48,638 --> 00:01:50,546 You want me to be okay? 48 00:01:50,538 --> 00:01:52,501 - Yes. - Well, then I am. 49 00:01:52,621 --> 00:01:53,995 Oh, good. 50 00:01:54,535 --> 00:01:55,293 Where you going? 51 00:01:55,317 --> 00:01:57,935 Intermission. Hey. Why don't you go ahead 52 00:01:57,945 --> 00:01:59,759 and pick out your favorite flavor of spermicide? 53 00:01:59,806 --> 00:02:01,274 Sperm... spermicide? 54 00:02:02,927 --> 00:02:04,013 Oh. 55 00:02:04,133 --> 00:02:07,080 It's totally your call, but I like yankee pot roast. 56 00:02:07,114 --> 00:02:09,697 - I had a big lunch, but thanks. - (Singsongy) Oh, George! 57 00:02:09,817 --> 00:02:12,619 (Choir) * he's a yankee pot roast man 58 00:02:12,653 --> 00:02:16,187 Hey. I did not commit to that... flavor. What is going on? 59 00:02:16,205 --> 00:02:19,075 Come on, George. Deep down, there's not a man alive 60 00:02:19,114 --> 00:02:20,585 who doesn't want to do it with a choir leader 61 00:02:20,608 --> 00:02:22,736 while the whole gospel choir looks on. 62 00:02:22,791 --> 00:02:23,948 'Fess up. 63 00:02:24,191 --> 00:02:26,896 (Choir) * 'fess up, 'fess up, 'fess up * 64 00:02:27,016 --> 00:02:28,523 ♪ pot roast man, 'fess up 65 00:02:28,538 --> 00:02:30,626 - * mmm okay, you know - What? Uh, yeah, sorry. 66 00:02:30,746 --> 00:02:31,799 Thank you. 67 00:02:31,994 --> 00:02:33,950 You know what? The choir... 68 00:02:34,161 --> 00:02:35,990 and a couple of these other things 69 00:02:35,982 --> 00:02:37,382 make me a little uncomfortable. 70 00:02:37,444 --> 00:02:38,868 Do you think we could just be alone? 71 00:02:38,868 --> 00:02:40,663 (Laughs) George Altman, 72 00:02:40,714 --> 00:02:42,950 you're out of your damn mind, 73 00:02:42,997 --> 00:02:45,523 and I love it. Well, go figure. 74 00:02:45,476 --> 00:02:47,173 Thanks, but no thanks, y'all. 75 00:02:47,293 --> 00:02:48,370 Thanks. 76 00:02:48,409 --> 00:02:50,787 - * Hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm - Can we just sit down? 77 00:02:51,060 --> 00:02:52,773 ♪ Hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm 78 00:02:52,789 --> 00:02:54,337 ♪ hmm, hmm, hmm (Clears throat) 79 00:02:54,642 --> 00:02:55,956 What is it, George? 80 00:02:55,995 --> 00:02:57,747 Can we just start with a kiss? 81 00:02:57,950 --> 00:02:59,240 Okay. 82 00:03:03,409 --> 00:03:04,824 Whoa. 83 00:03:05,215 --> 00:03:07,124 Whoa. 84 00:03:07,244 --> 00:03:08,813 Whoa! (Gasps) 85 00:03:08,845 --> 00:03:09,642 Dallas? 86 00:03:09,658 --> 00:03:13,263 Oh! That was amazing! 87 00:03:13,383 --> 00:03:16,704 Holy smokes! George, you're the best! 88 00:03:16,824 --> 00:03:20,036 The best I've ever had, I swear. 89 00:03:20,070 --> 00:03:22,838 Whew. You Tucker me out, George. 90 00:03:22,873 --> 00:03:24,873 (Whispers) Thank you. 91 00:03:24,891 --> 00:03:26,258 (Sighs) 92 00:03:26,893 --> 00:03:30,196 - synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.addic7ed.com - 93 00:03:30,230 --> 00:03:35,034 (Alih Jay) * last night I had a pleasant nightmare * 94 00:03:35,068 --> 00:03:38,371 ♪ da-da-da-da, da, da, da, da ♪ 95 00:03:40,007 --> 00:03:41,874 The good news is I got them on sale. 96 00:03:41,925 --> 00:03:44,145 The bad news is I'm gonna be wearing them 97 00:03:44,177 --> 00:03:46,046 when I walk out of your lives. 98 00:03:46,069 --> 00:03:47,062 (Thud) 99 00:03:47,080 --> 00:03:48,775 My dad's getting remarried, you guys, 100 00:03:48,798 --> 00:03:51,765 to this super cool stewardess on Air Singapore. 101 00:03:51,885 --> 00:03:53,357 Her name's Wan'er. 102 00:03:53,365 --> 00:03:54,203 Wan'er? 103 00:03:54,237 --> 00:03:55,931 Wan'er is like the name Dalia over there. 104 00:03:56,150 --> 00:03:57,393 All the hot bitches have it. 105 00:03:57,385 --> 00:03:58,879 Is Wan'er really pretty? 106 00:03:58,886 --> 00:04:01,022 No. She's gorgeous. 107 00:04:01,048 --> 00:04:03,438 She's basically a Singaporean supermodel, 108 00:04:03,454 --> 00:04:05,276 and I'm gonna be maid of honor at the wedding, 109 00:04:05,396 --> 00:04:06,575 and we're gonna sell the pictures 110 00:04:06,598 --> 00:04:09,124 to the Asian Internet for $10 million. 111 00:04:09,171 --> 00:04:10,899 Wow! Ooh! 112 00:04:11,019 --> 00:04:12,714 And then I'm gonna go with them on their honeymoon, 113 00:04:12,737 --> 00:04:15,161 and there's a fairly good chance that shortly thereafter, 114 00:04:15,184 --> 00:04:17,171 I'll be named Queen of Singapore. 115 00:04:17,781 --> 00:04:19,486 Wait. 116 00:04:19,830 --> 00:04:21,777 So you're moving to Singapore? 117 00:04:22,230 --> 00:04:25,491 Nothing's official, but, yes, it's official. 118 00:04:25,611 --> 00:04:26,727 But what about us? 119 00:04:26,727 --> 00:04:29,120 You're gonna have to find someone new to copy. 120 00:04:29,113 --> 00:04:33,133 From now on, I only have one B.F.F., and that's Wan'er. 121 00:04:33,141 --> 00:04:37,067 (Internet call ringtone playing) 122 00:04:37,187 --> 00:04:38,741 (Beep) 123 00:04:38,796 --> 00:04:40,462 - What do you want, nerd? - Hey there, Dalia. 124 00:04:40,470 --> 00:04:42,190 So, uh, I'm cold-calling 125 00:04:42,182 --> 00:04:43,981 every single girl I've ever met in my life 126 00:04:43,981 --> 00:04:45,420 because I need a beautiful assistant 127 00:04:45,412 --> 00:04:48,192 for my final presentation in magic class. 128 00:04:48,226 --> 00:04:49,118 My mom has shingles. 129 00:04:49,141 --> 00:04:50,213 Who cares? Bye. 130 00:04:50,260 --> 00:04:51,300 No, wait! No. No. No. 131 00:04:51,331 --> 00:04:53,529 Look, my presentation counts for three-fourths of my grade. 132 00:04:53,529 --> 00:04:55,624 I... I need to make an object disappear. 133 00:04:55,744 --> 00:04:57,540 How about I make you disappear, loser? 134 00:04:57,540 --> 00:04:59,816 No, no, no, no! Wait, wait! 135 00:05:00,035 --> 00:05:01,654 (Clicks tongue) Ta-da. 136 00:05:03,202 --> 00:05:05,462 Hey, what do the girls think about the two of you dating? 137 00:05:05,485 --> 00:05:07,307 I'll find out tonight. We're taking them out for Chinese 138 00:05:07,315 --> 00:05:08,700 and then drop the news. 139 00:05:08,747 --> 00:05:10,147 I'm cautiously optimistic. 140 00:05:10,178 --> 00:05:11,516 Tessa loves Dallas, you know. 141 00:05:11,547 --> 00:05:12,352 The sooner the better, man. 142 00:05:12,352 --> 00:05:14,049 You just gotta rip that band-aid right off. 143 00:05:14,169 --> 00:05:16,075 Hey, speaking of ripping things off, 144 00:05:16,083 --> 00:05:19,125 did you get Dallas naked yet? Did you take any phone pics? 145 00:05:19,125 --> 00:05:20,095 (Whispers) I always take phone pics. 146 00:05:20,118 --> 00:05:21,941 No, I didn't take any phone pics. 147 00:05:22,061 --> 00:05:23,857 (Indistinct conversations) 148 00:05:23,864 --> 00:05:26,304 You know what? I feel a little weird talking about this, 149 00:05:26,344 --> 00:05:28,697 mostly because... it was really weird. 150 00:05:28,705 --> 00:05:29,659 (Chuckles) Okay. 151 00:05:29,779 --> 00:05:32,272 The whole thing lasted about three seconds, 152 00:05:32,592 --> 00:05:34,078 give or take two seconds. 153 00:05:34,094 --> 00:05:35,314 (Laughs) 154 00:05:35,697 --> 00:05:37,864 I'm sorry, buddy. It happens. It happens. 155 00:05:37,871 --> 00:05:39,248 You gotta think about something else. 156 00:05:39,271 --> 00:05:43,119 I always imagine elderly women eating egg salad sandwiches. 157 00:05:43,143 --> 00:05:44,464 It wasn't me. It was her. 158 00:05:45,293 --> 00:05:46,209 I'm confused. 159 00:05:46,209 --> 00:05:47,820 Yes, as... as was I. 160 00:05:47,859 --> 00:05:49,752 Could she have some kind of a medical condition? 161 00:05:49,783 --> 00:05:51,074 What kind of medical condition? 162 00:05:51,105 --> 00:05:52,700 Maybe it was just all the buildup, you know, 163 00:05:52,820 --> 00:05:53,842 the anticipation. 164 00:05:53,897 --> 00:05:55,046 Look, do me a favor. 165 00:05:55,166 --> 00:05:58,558 Next time, skip the appetizers. Go right for the entree. 166 00:05:58,678 --> 00:05:59,927 - All right? - Right. 167 00:05:59,981 --> 00:06:01,241 That's how Jill likes it. 168 00:06:01,280 --> 00:06:03,462 We haven't kissed on the mouth in 13 years. 169 00:06:03,582 --> 00:06:05,205 We couldn't be happier. 170 00:06:05,221 --> 00:06:07,411 Wanna see my phone pics? 171 00:06:22,310 --> 00:06:25,641 (Horn blares, man shouts indistinctly) 172 00:06:25,761 --> 00:06:27,275 Hey! (Brakes squeal) 173 00:06:27,395 --> 00:06:28,949 Ya! Ya! 174 00:06:29,004 --> 00:06:31,577 Ya! Come on! What is wrong with you? 175 00:06:31,631 --> 00:06:33,282 Why are you walking in the middle of the street? 176 00:06:33,305 --> 00:06:35,167 Dalia has a new B.F.F. 177 00:06:35,214 --> 00:06:36,973 We've got no one to tell us what to do. 178 00:06:36,973 --> 00:06:38,208 You need someone to tell you 179 00:06:38,208 --> 00:06:39,491 not to walk in the middle of the street? 180 00:06:39,546 --> 00:06:41,375 Well, yeah. 181 00:06:41,409 --> 00:06:43,861 You guys, Tessa's so smart. 182 00:06:43,895 --> 00:06:45,913 She told us not to walk in the street. 183 00:06:45,964 --> 00:06:47,225 Will you lead us? (Chuckles) 184 00:06:47,280 --> 00:06:49,633 Uh, no. 185 00:06:49,668 --> 00:06:51,824 Sorry. I just have a bunch of homework 186 00:06:51,816 --> 00:06:54,342 and dinner plans, and also, I don't want to. 187 00:06:54,334 --> 00:06:56,454 (Crying) Oh, my goodness! Let's get out of here. 188 00:06:56,508 --> 00:06:59,097 But how will we get home? 189 00:06:59,731 --> 00:07:00,544 (Brakes squeal) I can take you. 190 00:07:00,560 --> 00:07:03,364 I can take all three of you. 191 00:07:03,398 --> 00:07:04,415 (Lock clicks) 192 00:07:07,017 --> 00:07:07,999 Okay. 193 00:07:07,990 --> 00:07:09,218 And then all three of them 194 00:07:09,194 --> 00:07:10,891 were about to get in this molest-y van. 195 00:07:11,203 --> 00:07:13,738 Lisa, they need someone, 196 00:07:13,773 --> 00:07:15,098 and I would take them myself, 197 00:07:15,145 --> 00:07:18,423 but I have a bunch of homework and dinner plans, 198 00:07:18,461 --> 00:07:20,206 and also, I don't want to. 199 00:07:20,253 --> 00:07:22,280 Well, I did dog-sit two summers ago. 200 00:07:22,314 --> 00:07:23,748 Three golden-doodles. 201 00:07:23,766 --> 00:07:25,290 Glorious girls. 202 00:07:25,290 --> 00:07:27,190 Mind you, that was before backup cameras. 203 00:07:27,229 --> 00:07:28,254 Right. 204 00:07:29,685 --> 00:07:31,867 So keep them out of the driveway? 205 00:07:32,098 --> 00:07:33,306 I'll do it. 206 00:07:33,426 --> 00:07:34,237 Okay. 207 00:07:34,268 --> 00:07:36,121 I need all the K.K.K. in the house. 208 00:07:36,114 --> 00:07:38,225 Come on! Kimantha, Kenzie, Kaitlyn. 209 00:07:38,240 --> 00:07:40,180 There you go, girls! 210 00:07:40,430 --> 00:07:43,206 Oh, and also, they, uh... shed. 211 00:07:43,326 --> 00:07:45,256 (Whispers) Okay. 212 00:07:45,310 --> 00:07:49,002 We have a... a little announcement to make. 213 00:07:49,299 --> 00:07:51,817 No coupon tonight. Everything full price. 214 00:07:51,868 --> 00:07:52,631 That's fine. 215 00:07:52,685 --> 00:07:54,117 Price doesn't include gratuity. 216 00:07:54,124 --> 00:07:56,431 O... okay. Why... why is she directing this at me? 217 00:07:56,462 --> 00:07:58,886 Sorry, George. Shun Ju can be a little... 218 00:07:58,875 --> 00:08:00,857 You want extra pancake? You pay. 219 00:08:00,881 --> 00:08:02,406 I don't even know if we're getting moo shu. 220 00:08:02,421 --> 00:08:03,172 We're trying to celebrate 221 00:08:03,180 --> 00:08:05,440 - our first dinner together as a couple. - You guys are a couple? 222 00:08:05,465 --> 00:08:07,966 Well, yeah, that's... that's what we wanted to tell you kids. 223 00:08:08,021 --> 00:08:09,569 (Woman) No children's plate! 224 00:08:09,619 --> 00:08:12,202 - With less hostility from the waitress. - Well, this is great. 225 00:08:12,322 --> 00:08:13,699 I'm really happy for you two. 226 00:08:13,699 --> 00:08:15,733 Oh, Tessa, thank goodness. 227 00:08:15,691 --> 00:08:17,007 I mean, you'd really have to be blind 228 00:08:17,023 --> 00:08:18,368 not to see this one coming. (George chuckles) 229 00:08:18,360 --> 00:08:19,728 Right, Dalia? 230 00:08:19,762 --> 00:08:22,028 Dalia? Please answer Tessa's query 231 00:08:22,028 --> 00:08:24,116 as to whether you are or are not blind. 232 00:08:24,108 --> 00:08:26,744 Sorry, mommy. Wan'er is totes blowing up my phone 233 00:08:26,767 --> 00:08:28,433 about dress ideas for the wedding. 234 00:08:28,480 --> 00:08:29,458 Wedding? Whose wedding? 235 00:08:29,497 --> 00:08:30,436 No, not... not ours. 236 00:08:30,444 --> 00:08:32,594 We're not there yet. Steven, apparently, is. 237 00:08:32,602 --> 00:08:36,027 I am so glad he found someone who doesn't speak English. 238 00:08:36,387 --> 00:08:38,467 That truly was his only chance at happiness. 239 00:08:38,475 --> 00:08:39,789 O.M.G., you guys. 240 00:08:39,909 --> 00:08:42,057 Wan'er is such a card. 241 00:08:42,177 --> 00:08:43,722 She's making me L.O.L. 242 00:08:43,842 --> 00:08:45,521 My stomach, like, literally hurts 243 00:08:45,505 --> 00:08:48,078 from all the L.O.Ls Wan'er keeps dropping. 244 00:08:48,931 --> 00:08:50,815 Speaking of, 245 00:08:50,935 --> 00:08:52,983 I'm gonna go lay some lo mein. 246 00:08:53,264 --> 00:08:54,156 Cool. 247 00:08:54,187 --> 00:08:56,713 I'm so relieved. I think she took the news real well, 248 00:08:56,729 --> 00:08:57,636 if she heard it. 249 00:08:57,675 --> 00:08:59,912 Normally, Dalia's not so good with change, 250 00:08:59,912 --> 00:09:02,109 but she's been peaches and cream. 251 00:09:02,229 --> 00:09:03,861 I knew Dalia well enough to know 252 00:09:03,861 --> 00:09:05,824 that she was neither peaches nor cream, 253 00:09:05,840 --> 00:09:08,961 and something told me her story about Wan'er 254 00:09:08,921 --> 00:09:12,206 was just as spotty as the cell reception in Shun Ju. 255 00:09:13,269 --> 00:09:15,232 (Doorbell rings) 256 00:09:19,033 --> 00:09:22,889 (Gasps) Oh. George! Well, this is a surprise. 257 00:09:23,009 --> 00:09:26,122 That's what I was going for... surprise. 258 00:09:28,637 --> 00:09:31,273 George, look at you with your sweaty hair 259 00:09:31,265 --> 00:09:33,518 and me in my not-expecting-company clothes. 260 00:09:33,513 --> 00:09:34,513 You should... 261 00:09:34,565 --> 00:09:37,183 Mmm! Oh, my gosh, George, yes! 262 00:09:37,234 --> 00:09:40,553 Oh, yes. Oh, George. Oh, here I go. 263 00:09:40,587 --> 00:09:41,770 Ooh, it's happening. Whoa. 264 00:09:41,809 --> 00:09:43,155 Whoa! 265 00:09:43,190 --> 00:09:45,491 Whoa! 266 00:09:45,525 --> 00:09:47,495 You're number one, George. 267 00:09:47,511 --> 00:09:50,772 Where did that finger come from? Dallas, I barely touched you. 268 00:09:50,781 --> 00:09:52,586 That's all it takes. That's how good you are. 269 00:09:52,609 --> 00:09:54,439 You did it. You brought me there. 270 00:09:54,468 --> 00:09:56,551 Whoo! Number one! 271 00:09:56,559 --> 00:09:58,842 - George Altman, you are number one!- Where are you going? 272 00:09:58,872 --> 00:10:01,157 To the kitchen to get you something to drink. 273 00:10:01,191 --> 00:10:03,191 ♪ Go, George, you did it 274 00:10:03,311 --> 00:10:05,216 ♪ who's the man? You're the man ♪ 275 00:10:05,232 --> 00:10:08,000 ♪ you did it, George Altman, uh-huh ♪ 276 00:10:09,971 --> 00:10:11,880 Lisa had the K.K.K. 277 00:10:11,911 --> 00:10:13,944 Eating out of the palm of her hand, 278 00:10:13,983 --> 00:10:16,947 and Dalia Royce was sitting by herself? 279 00:10:17,067 --> 00:10:18,785 She was newly brunette, completely alone, 280 00:10:18,801 --> 00:10:20,826 and no one seemed to care but me. 281 00:10:20,946 --> 00:10:22,781 The whole thing was more unnatural 282 00:10:22,797 --> 00:10:25,120 than Mr. Wolfe's new colored contact lenses. 283 00:10:25,143 --> 00:10:27,364 Amethyst is my birthstone. 284 00:10:28,245 --> 00:10:29,428 Cool. 285 00:10:29,451 --> 00:10:31,242 (Dance music playing) 286 00:10:31,274 --> 00:10:33,268 (Amplified voice) If you don't want it, who wants it? 287 00:10:33,292 --> 00:10:34,527 I can't want it for you! 288 00:10:34,551 --> 00:10:36,326 Do you want it? Do you want it? 289 00:10:36,319 --> 00:10:37,148 I want it! 290 00:10:37,171 --> 00:10:38,454 I already got it, y'all! 291 00:10:38,469 --> 00:10:40,025 I got it from George Altman, 292 00:10:40,065 --> 00:10:41,879 night after day after night. 293 00:10:41,871 --> 00:10:42,864 Don't forget to hydrate. 294 00:10:42,856 --> 00:10:44,404 I'm already hydrated, y'all. 295 00:10:44,524 --> 00:10:46,719 You know who quenches my thirst? George Altman. 296 00:10:46,743 --> 00:10:49,793 Let me tell you, ladies, this man is large and in charge. 297 00:10:49,913 --> 00:10:51,693 If your legs moved as fast as your mouth... 298 00:10:51,724 --> 00:10:54,845 You know who takes it real slow until he speeds it up? 299 00:10:54,868 --> 00:10:55,924 George Altman. 300 00:10:56,044 --> 00:10:57,624 I mean, Wesley who? 301 00:10:57,613 --> 00:10:59,395 "White men can't what"? 302 00:10:59,430 --> 00:11:01,865 He does this trick whereby he... 303 00:11:01,899 --> 00:11:03,550 have y'all ever been to "Zumanity"? 304 00:11:03,584 --> 00:11:04,968 I have. 305 00:11:05,019 --> 00:11:06,385 (Pants) It was incredible. 306 00:11:06,403 --> 00:11:08,077 Well, take that experience, 307 00:11:08,108 --> 00:11:10,290 multiply it by 20, divide it by 3, 308 00:11:10,305 --> 00:11:11,776 raise it to the tenth power, 309 00:11:11,775 --> 00:11:14,144 add 9 inches, subtract 2, and add back 1, 310 00:11:14,160 --> 00:11:15,630 and that's what George Altman gave me. 311 00:11:15,654 --> 00:11:18,445 I'm getting 36. But I haven't been to "Zumanity," so... 312 00:11:18,565 --> 00:11:20,866 Can it, Rhonda! 313 00:11:20,885 --> 00:11:22,786 (Amplified voice) Look here. 314 00:11:22,906 --> 00:11:26,439 Sealy, Simmons, and Posturepedic gave him a standing ovation. 315 00:11:26,658 --> 00:11:27,840 Y'all with me in the back? 316 00:11:27,875 --> 00:11:31,076 Sealy, Simmons, and Posturepedic. 317 00:11:31,084 --> 00:11:33,250 And she wasn't uncomfortable with them watching? 318 00:11:33,273 --> 00:11:35,173 Those are mattresses, Fred. 319 00:11:35,197 --> 00:11:36,216 Oh. 320 00:11:36,250 --> 00:11:39,349 So they did it on a mattress. Hmm. 321 00:11:39,357 --> 00:11:41,504 Mental image uploaded. 322 00:11:41,538 --> 00:11:43,838 Mental image deleted. 323 00:11:43,854 --> 00:11:47,616 And then she gave him the finger... 324 00:11:47,671 --> 00:11:49,837 the number one foam finger. 325 00:11:49,860 --> 00:11:53,388 I knew it. I never thought it was his lovemaking for a minute. 326 00:11:53,508 --> 00:11:55,038 It's the goatee. 327 00:11:55,053 --> 00:11:58,643 He took her to ecstasy with the whole choir watching. 328 00:11:58,763 --> 00:12:00,662 Huh. So I was wrong. 329 00:12:00,873 --> 00:12:03,415 I always assumed George was selfish in bed. 330 00:12:03,465 --> 00:12:04,949 Hey! There he is! 331 00:12:05,000 --> 00:12:07,333 - Whoo! - Hello, hello, hello, hello. 332 00:12:07,365 --> 00:12:10,508 - What's all this? - Oh, we've heard about your sexploits, my friend. 333 00:12:10,628 --> 00:12:12,541 - My sexploits? - (Boy) Bravo, George. 334 00:12:12,558 --> 00:12:14,090 Way to take care of business. 335 00:12:14,082 --> 00:12:15,224 Wh... what are you guys talking about? 336 00:12:15,247 --> 00:12:19,244 Well, apparently, you've been satisfying your lady love. 337 00:12:19,228 --> 00:12:21,590 Dallas has been running around telling everybody 338 00:12:21,605 --> 00:12:23,326 you are the president of pound town. 339 00:12:23,357 --> 00:12:24,264 (Laughs) (Laughs) 340 00:12:24,320 --> 00:12:26,212 King of coitus! (Men laugh) 341 00:12:26,332 --> 00:12:30,099 The Hitler of hittin' it! (Laughs) 342 00:12:30,693 --> 00:12:33,118 I had a good run going... you all saw... 343 00:12:33,110 --> 00:12:36,152 - and then Fred "Hitlers" it? - Sorry as soon as it came out of my mouth. 344 00:12:36,176 --> 00:12:38,827 Fred, it's okay. Look, I'm sorry to disappoint you guys, 345 00:12:38,858 --> 00:12:41,385 but I barely even touched her. 346 00:12:41,392 --> 00:12:43,825 I don't know, George, I just felt your touch. 347 00:12:43,864 --> 00:12:45,466 It's magnetic. 348 00:12:45,521 --> 00:12:48,298 George throws off a lot of sexual heat. He always has. 349 00:12:48,321 --> 00:12:50,566 Dallas keeps acting like this big thing is happening, 350 00:12:50,573 --> 00:12:53,053 but I assure you, nothing is happening. 351 00:12:53,100 --> 00:12:54,679 I don't know what's gotten into her. 352 00:12:54,883 --> 00:12:56,688 George Altman has. Am I right? 353 00:12:56,712 --> 00:12:58,557 (Men laugh) There it is! 354 00:12:58,565 --> 00:13:02,202 - Slap it. Do you see how he slapped that? - Javier. 355 00:13:02,773 --> 00:13:05,064 Look, I don't know what you're complaining about, George. 356 00:13:05,080 --> 00:13:08,293 I would pay Sheila money to praise my prowess, 357 00:13:08,692 --> 00:13:12,517 but I can't, because she won't let me have an A.T.M. card. 358 00:13:12,564 --> 00:13:14,629 (Chuckles) 359 00:13:15,121 --> 00:13:16,216 (Tessa) Knock, knock. 360 00:13:16,336 --> 00:13:17,968 Hey. 361 00:13:17,991 --> 00:13:19,274 What are you doing here? 362 00:13:19,394 --> 00:13:22,465 I just noticed that you were, uh, 363 00:13:22,585 --> 00:13:24,123 eating lunch alone today, 364 00:13:24,155 --> 00:13:26,055 and then I heard you left school early, 365 00:13:26,282 --> 00:13:29,347 and I know this may seem like a weird question coming from me, 366 00:13:29,365 --> 00:13:30,716 but... everything okay? 367 00:13:30,708 --> 00:13:32,796 Totes. I just came home early 368 00:13:32,530 --> 00:13:34,860 to get ready for my video chat with Wan'er. 369 00:13:34,852 --> 00:13:37,050 Okay, great. It just seemed like 370 00:13:37,050 --> 00:13:38,614 you were going through something, you know, 371 00:13:38,841 --> 00:13:40,233 with the dark hair and... 372 00:13:40,225 --> 00:13:42,197 Yeah, I wan'ered it for the wedding. 373 00:13:42,236 --> 00:13:43,776 I'm gonna be maid of honor. 374 00:13:43,896 --> 00:13:46,482 They don't do any cleaning. I checked. 375 00:13:46,602 --> 00:13:48,093 (Internet call ringtone playing) Okay. Phew. 376 00:13:48,477 --> 00:13:50,924 Guess I was just worried about nothing then. 377 00:13:50,924 --> 00:13:52,804 Could you worry about getting out of my room? 378 00:13:52,839 --> 00:13:54,741 I kinda need to take this. 379 00:13:54,709 --> 00:13:57,308 (Ringing continues) 380 00:14:00,301 --> 00:14:01,740 (Beep) Ni hao! 381 00:14:01,731 --> 00:14:05,167 Hey, Wan'er. I dyed my hair to look like your hair. 382 00:14:05,218 --> 00:14:07,254 Don't you think my hair looks like your hair, Wan'er? 383 00:14:07,254 --> 00:14:08,622 (Speaks Mandarin) 384 00:14:08,646 --> 00:14:12,299 I know. Me, too. I'm really excited for the wedding. 385 00:14:12,299 --> 00:14:16,436 (Speaking Mandarin) 386 00:14:16,631 --> 00:14:18,844 (Laughs) Wan'er, no. 387 00:14:18,876 --> 00:14:20,979 You're not supposed to wear that before the wedding. 388 00:14:20,971 --> 00:14:23,468 (Speaking Mandarin) 389 00:14:28,808 --> 00:14:31,092 You're already married? 390 00:14:31,744 --> 00:14:33,625 You eloped without me? 391 00:14:33,745 --> 00:14:36,181 (Speaking Mandarin) 392 00:14:38,942 --> 00:14:40,374 Okay. Bye-bye! 393 00:14:40,494 --> 00:14:42,250 Well, tell daddy I say hi... 394 00:14:45,057 --> 00:14:48,291 (Internet call ringtone playing) 395 00:14:49,000 --> 00:14:50,929 Oh, hey, Dalia. 396 00:14:50,963 --> 00:14:53,145 Uh, so... so I was just in the middle 397 00:14:53,145 --> 00:14:54,889 of this pretty intense kettlebell workout here, 398 00:14:54,935 --> 00:14:57,634 when I saw you were online, so I figured 399 00:14:57,754 --> 00:14:59,339 I'd, you know, like, circle back around, 400 00:14:59,459 --> 00:15:03,219 and just see if you magically changed your mind. 401 00:15:03,594 --> 00:15:05,229 Actually, I did change my mind. 402 00:15:05,275 --> 00:15:06,151 Really? (Thud) 403 00:15:06,144 --> 00:15:07,270 Ow! 404 00:15:07,536 --> 00:15:09,960 I want you to make me disappear. 405 00:15:09,975 --> 00:15:13,151 Sweet! I'm... I'm gonna get my foot looked at, 406 00:15:13,143 --> 00:15:15,660 and then we'll do that. I'm so excited. 407 00:15:15,780 --> 00:15:17,216 I mean, you know what she's doing, right? 408 00:15:17,336 --> 00:15:19,140 She's committing social suicide. 409 00:15:19,260 --> 00:15:20,884 Because she wants to do magic with Evan? 410 00:15:20,908 --> 00:15:23,762 Lisa, if you look up "rock bottom" in the dictionary, 411 00:15:23,778 --> 00:15:25,045 there's a picture of Evan in a top hat. 412 00:15:25,045 --> 00:15:26,851 Okay, I just... I don't understand 413 00:15:26,844 --> 00:15:28,752 why you're so concerned about Dalia. 414 00:15:28,872 --> 00:15:30,449 She wouldn't be worrying about you. 415 00:15:30,441 --> 00:15:33,285 Look, our parents are dating now. I feel responsible for her. 416 00:15:33,405 --> 00:15:35,783 I just... I have to do something 417 00:15:35,903 --> 00:15:38,169 before Evan... feels her up. 418 00:15:38,208 --> 00:15:39,654 Okay, well, while you're in there, 419 00:15:39,670 --> 00:15:42,376 would you please tell her to take back the K.K.K.? 420 00:15:42,783 --> 00:15:45,997 Yesterday, one of them had an accident on my bedspread. 421 00:15:49,877 --> 00:15:52,278 Voila! A student has appeared. 422 00:15:52,293 --> 00:15:53,834 Uh, sorry to bother you, Mr. Jacobs, 423 00:15:53,835 --> 00:15:56,923 but this is kind of urgent. Where's Dalia Royce? 424 00:15:56,962 --> 00:15:57,987 (Whoosh) 425 00:15:58,010 --> 00:16:00,741 Is this the Dalia Royce you're looking for? 426 00:16:00,776 --> 00:16:03,227 No. That's a Jack of clubs. 427 00:16:03,250 --> 00:16:05,260 (Gasps) My! How did it get there? 428 00:16:05,380 --> 00:16:07,223 Could you please tell me where Dalia Royce is? 429 00:16:07,238 --> 00:16:10,124 Oh, certainly. She's, uh, right here in my pocket. 430 00:16:10,544 --> 00:16:12,946 Go on. Say hello. 431 00:16:12,980 --> 00:16:15,632 Whoa. Look at that. 432 00:16:15,666 --> 00:16:17,133 Lots of scarves. 433 00:16:17,184 --> 00:16:18,134 Amazing. 434 00:16:18,169 --> 00:16:19,869 Amazing... 435 00:16:19,937 --> 00:16:21,337 Or magic? 436 00:16:21,389 --> 00:16:23,131 Actually, neither. 437 00:16:23,139 --> 00:16:26,143 Hey, Tessa. Evan signed out the practice room. 438 00:16:26,127 --> 00:16:27,277 Bye, Mr. Jacobs. 439 00:16:27,284 --> 00:16:29,857 Did I freak your mind? 440 00:16:29,977 --> 00:16:31,481 (School bell rings) 441 00:16:32,063 --> 00:16:35,238 I sure am loving these surprise visits, George Altman. 442 00:16:35,269 --> 00:16:37,045 Which wall are you gonna pin me to this time? 443 00:16:37,045 --> 00:16:39,179 No. No. No walls, Dallas. 444 00:16:39,163 --> 00:16:42,597 We need to talk. This isn't easy for me to bring up. 445 00:16:42,628 --> 00:16:44,593 It's about our sex life. 446 00:16:44,628 --> 00:16:46,335 Whoa. 447 00:16:46,335 --> 00:16:48,103 Whoa. 448 00:16:48,056 --> 00:16:48,806 - Whoa! - No, Dallas. 449 00:16:48,830 --> 00:16:50,073 Don't do that. At ease. 450 00:16:50,112 --> 00:16:51,653 I can't help it, George. 451 00:16:51,773 --> 00:16:54,203 You just get me so worked up and so forth. 452 00:16:54,323 --> 00:16:57,073 I just want it so bad and so on. 453 00:16:57,104 --> 00:16:58,035 (Chuckles) Babe... 454 00:16:58,089 --> 00:17:01,343 and I... I mean this in the nicest possible way... 455 00:17:02,297 --> 00:17:04,229 drop the act. 456 00:17:04,247 --> 00:17:06,131 I beg your pardon. 457 00:17:06,166 --> 00:17:08,437 Well, that was hardly the reaction I was hoping for. 458 00:17:08,468 --> 00:17:11,143 I mean, when I saw "Zumanity," the crowd went wild with... 459 00:17:11,154 --> 00:17:12,438 I don't want the circus. 460 00:17:12,472 --> 00:17:14,306 I just want you. 461 00:17:15,458 --> 00:17:17,226 I want us. 462 00:17:17,260 --> 00:17:21,113 Well, I guess there's gonna be a learning curve then. 463 00:17:21,131 --> 00:17:22,431 For both of us. 464 00:17:23,202 --> 00:17:25,157 And I... I get what you're trying to do, 465 00:17:25,173 --> 00:17:27,667 but honestly, I don't... I don't need you 466 00:17:27,787 --> 00:17:29,780 pretending you're on a roller coaster... 467 00:17:29,834 --> 00:17:32,525 (Chuckles) or running around town telling everyone 468 00:17:32,548 --> 00:17:35,590 I'm some kind of a... sexual superman. 469 00:17:35,710 --> 00:17:36,979 (Sighs) 470 00:17:37,030 --> 00:17:39,790 I just thought that's what men wanted... 471 00:17:39,813 --> 00:17:41,440 to feel like they were number one. 472 00:17:41,432 --> 00:17:43,700 - I thought all guys... - I'm not all guys. 473 00:17:44,365 --> 00:17:45,913 I'm George Altman. 474 00:17:46,202 --> 00:17:49,152 And I think sexual partners should focus 475 00:17:49,136 --> 00:17:51,255 on closeness, not costumes, 476 00:17:51,303 --> 00:17:53,751 intimacy, not "Zumanity," 477 00:17:54,064 --> 00:17:57,481 and just because we're spooning doesn't necessarily mean 478 00:17:57,520 --> 00:18:00,335 we need someone playing the spoons. 479 00:18:01,720 --> 00:18:03,628 I just want us to connect. 480 00:18:04,175 --> 00:18:06,060 Connect. Yeah. 481 00:18:06,075 --> 00:18:07,890 I'm not sure I know how to do that. 482 00:18:08,210 --> 00:18:09,962 Maybe I'll show you sometime. 483 00:18:10,901 --> 00:18:13,309 Ladies and gentlemen, 484 00:18:13,325 --> 00:18:15,687 behold... the kissing kugel. 485 00:18:17,963 --> 00:18:20,911 You'll notice one slice is missing 486 00:18:20,926 --> 00:18:23,046 from this delicious tray of kosher kugel. 487 00:18:23,421 --> 00:18:25,705 Don't tell me my cousin Aaron ate it. 488 00:18:26,206 --> 00:18:27,778 Hold for laughter. 489 00:18:32,039 --> 00:18:34,292 I will now give my beautiful assistant 490 00:18:34,339 --> 00:18:35,520 a kiss on the lips 491 00:18:35,520 --> 00:18:37,396 and make the kugel appear in her mouth, 492 00:18:37,396 --> 00:18:39,899 which you can see is empty. (Door opens) 493 00:18:39,930 --> 00:18:42,589 Dalia, no! The kugel is a gateway kugel. 494 00:18:42,605 --> 00:18:44,113 Immobulus! 495 00:18:44,164 --> 00:18:46,374 Dalia, I know you're hurting, okay? 496 00:18:46,413 --> 00:18:50,198 I know that Wan'er isn't really your B.F.F. 497 00:18:50,628 --> 00:18:52,833 And I know you're not gonna be the maid of honor 498 00:18:52,880 --> 00:18:54,710 - at their wedding. - They eloped without me. 499 00:18:54,686 --> 00:18:56,180 I know. 500 00:18:56,477 --> 00:18:59,175 I'm sorry, but... 501 00:18:59,480 --> 00:19:01,730 Evan is not the answer. 502 00:19:01,765 --> 00:19:04,934 If daddy and Wan'er don't want me 503 00:19:04,985 --> 00:19:07,150 and mommy's with that greasy hobo, 504 00:19:07,270 --> 00:19:10,439 then maybe my place is here, with Evan. 505 00:19:10,490 --> 00:19:12,274 He's a mensch. 506 00:19:12,325 --> 00:19:15,060 We're probably gonna elope ourselves one day. 507 00:19:15,078 --> 00:19:17,264 Uh, no. I... I can't do that. 508 00:19:17,296 --> 00:19:20,056 - My safta would have a conniption. - What are you trying to say, Evan? 509 00:19:20,064 --> 00:19:22,457 I fully expected Dalia would trample Evan's heart. 510 00:19:22,577 --> 00:19:24,279 That's the natural order. 511 00:19:24,399 --> 00:19:25,968 It never occurred to me 512 00:19:25,991 --> 00:19:27,962 that Evan would be the one to hurt Dalia. 513 00:19:28,001 --> 00:19:30,464 Look, cookie, we had fun. There's no denying it. 514 00:19:30,584 --> 00:19:32,420 Laughs galore. That's what I bring to the table. 515 00:19:32,435 --> 00:19:34,367 But long-term, this just wouldn't work. 516 00:19:34,633 --> 00:19:36,009 Why not? 517 00:19:36,252 --> 00:19:38,544 Well, because you're a shiksa! 518 00:19:38,567 --> 00:19:39,724 And you're a loser. 519 00:19:39,740 --> 00:19:41,335 Yep, my work here was done. 520 00:19:41,335 --> 00:19:42,618 I'm an amateur magician, 521 00:19:42,657 --> 00:19:44,473 and I've been practicing for so long. 522 00:19:47,459 --> 00:19:48,077 (Sighs) 523 00:19:48,085 --> 00:19:50,212 Okay, now, honestly, 524 00:19:50,332 --> 00:19:52,385 how was it? 525 00:19:52,800 --> 00:19:55,968 You know, it wasn't bad. It was pretty decent. 526 00:19:56,977 --> 00:19:58,017 Right. 527 00:19:58,267 --> 00:19:59,729 Exactly right. 528 00:20:00,065 --> 00:20:02,771 Pretty decent... that's me. That's what I do. 529 00:20:05,877 --> 00:20:08,356 Seriously, though. How was it? 530 00:20:09,310 --> 00:20:11,125 You're number one, George! 531 00:20:11,245 --> 00:20:11,883 (Laughs) 532 00:20:11,922 --> 00:20:13,554 You are number one! 533 00:20:13,674 --> 00:20:15,527 You know what? I take it back. 534 00:20:15,647 --> 00:20:18,617 It adds something. It really does. (Laughs) 535 00:20:19,704 --> 00:20:20,994 There. 536 00:20:20,987 --> 00:20:22,754 Now you look like yourself again. 537 00:20:22,874 --> 00:20:26,305 Yeah. I feel like myself again, too. 538 00:20:27,072 --> 00:20:29,848 And myself wants you to get the "H" out of my "R." 539 00:20:30,098 --> 00:20:35,244 As I got the "H" out of her "R," I couldn't help but smile. 540 00:20:35,364 --> 00:20:38,201 It was sort of nice to have Dalia back to normal. 541 00:20:55,367 --> 00:20:57,127 (Door creaks) 542 00:20:57,432 --> 00:20:59,113 (Switch clicks) 543 00:20:59,802 --> 00:21:02,124 (Door slides) 544 00:21:14,692 --> 00:21:17,922 Baruch atah adonai 545 00:21:17,961 --> 00:21:19,432 eloheinu 546 00:21:19,463 --> 00:21:21,442 melech ha-olam 547 00:21:21,562 --> 00:21:23,405 Asher bahar banu... 548 00:21:23,858 --> 00:21:31,014 - synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.addic7ed.com -