1
00:00:14,527 --> 00:00:16,628
Except for right now.
Right now it's just weird.
2
00:00:18,364 --> 00:00:20,048
Well, it's late. Maybe I should go.
3
00:00:20,099 --> 00:00:21,616
Tonight has been perfect.
4
00:00:21,651 --> 00:00:24,386
No, George, it hasn't been perfect,
5
00:00:24,420 --> 00:00:26,304
at least, not yet.
6
00:00:31,160 --> 00:00:32,344
What about Dalia?
7
00:00:32,378 --> 00:00:34,029
Oh, we're not into that.
8
00:00:34,080 --> 00:00:36,465
No, I meant where is Dalia?
9
00:00:36,516 --> 00:00:39,151
Oh, Dalia's sleeping outside of
Versace for their annual sale,
10
00:00:39,185 --> 00:00:41,436
so we've got this big old
place all to ourselves.
11
00:00:41,471 --> 00:00:42,604
Really?
12
00:00:42,655 --> 00:00:45,373
What could we possibly
do in a house this size,
13
00:00:45,424 --> 00:00:48,660
- with so many empty bedrooms?
- Oh, I'll show you.
14
00:00:48,694 --> 00:00:51,480
This has been a long time coming, George,
15
00:00:51,514 --> 00:00:55,350
and I do not intend to disappoint.
16
00:00:55,384 --> 00:00:56,985
- Dallas...
- No. No. George.
17
00:00:57,036 --> 00:00:58,487
Five minutes. I'm just
gonna touch up my face,
18
00:00:58,538 --> 00:01:00,305
slip into something more
comfortable, retouch my face,
19
00:01:00,339 --> 00:01:02,357
and get this party started, right?
20
00:01:02,408 --> 00:01:05,143
Right.
21
00:01:05,178 --> 00:01:07,279
Dallas, I'm falling asleep down there.
22
00:01:07,313 --> 00:01:09,014
You coming back? Hello?
23
00:01:09,048 --> 00:01:11,082
Hit the switch, daddy!
24
00:01:11,117 --> 00:01:12,617
O... okay.
25
00:01:13,636 --> 00:01:15,070
What's going on? Dallas?
26
00:01:16,689 --> 00:01:19,274
Are you sure you should
be hanging like that?
27
00:01:21,260 --> 00:01:24,129
Well, you know how to make an entrance.
28
00:01:26,299 --> 00:01:28,083
- Whoa!
- What are you doing?
29
00:01:28,117 --> 00:01:29,451
I'm popping it so you can lock it.
30
00:01:29,502 --> 00:01:31,336
I'm tooting it so you can boot it.
31
00:01:31,354 --> 00:01:32,554
Why... why don't you hold off on tooting?
32
00:01:32,605 --> 00:01:34,772
Are we sure this thing is safe for booting?
33
00:01:34,790 --> 00:01:36,491
Hey! You want to snap a pic of me?
34
00:01:36,542 --> 00:01:38,560
Uh, I don't have my phone.
35
00:01:38,611 --> 00:01:41,796
Okay then. Ready or not, here I come!
36
00:01:41,848 --> 00:01:43,548
Aah! Oh. Oh!
37
00:01:43,566 --> 00:01:44,749
You okay?
38
00:01:44,784 --> 00:01:47,085
You want me to be okay?
39
00:01:47,103 --> 00:01:49,371
- Yes.
- Well, then I am.
40
00:01:49,422 --> 00:01:50,972
Oh, good.
41
00:01:51,007 --> 00:01:52,107
Where you going?
42
00:01:52,158 --> 00:01:53,942
Intermission. Hey. Why don't you go ahead
43
00:01:53,976 --> 00:01:56,027
and pick out your favorite
flavor of spermicide?
44
00:01:56,062 --> 00:01:57,195
Sperm... spermicide?
45
00:01:58,848 --> 00:02:00,181
Oh.
46
00:02:00,216 --> 00:02:03,001
It's totally your call,
but I like yankee pot roast.
47
00:02:03,035 --> 00:02:05,704
- I had a big lunch, but thanks.
- Oh, George!
48
00:02:05,738 --> 00:02:08,540
♪ he's a yankee pot roast man
49
00:02:08,574 --> 00:02:12,193
Hey. I did not commit to
that... flavor. What is going on?
50
00:02:12,228 --> 00:02:14,746
Come on, George. Deep down,
there's not a man alive
51
00:02:14,780 --> 00:02:16,097
who doesn't want to do
it with a choir leader
52
00:02:16,132 --> 00:02:18,300
while the whole gospel choir looks on.
53
00:02:18,334 --> 00:02:20,218
'Fess up.
54
00:02:20,253 --> 00:02:22,337
♪ 'fess up, 'fess up, 'fess up ♪
55
00:02:22,388 --> 00:02:23,638
♪ pot roast man, 'fess up
56
00:02:23,673 --> 00:02:26,141
- * mmm okay, you know
- What? Uh, yeah, sorry.
57
00:02:26,192 --> 00:02:27,292
Thank you.
58
00:02:27,326 --> 00:02:29,511
You know what? The choir...
59
00:02:29,545 --> 00:02:31,746
and a couple of these other things
60
00:02:31,781 --> 00:02:32,914
make me a little uncomfortable.
61
00:02:32,965 --> 00:02:34,132
Do you think we could just be alone?
62
00:02:34,150 --> 00:02:36,184
George Altman,
63
00:02:36,235 --> 00:02:38,053
you're out of your damn mind,
64
00:02:38,087 --> 00:02:40,155
and I love it. Well, go figure.
65
00:02:40,189 --> 00:02:42,123
Thanks, but no thanks, y'all.
66
00:02:42,174 --> 00:02:43,541
Thanks.
67
00:02:43,559 --> 00:02:45,944
- * Hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm...
- Can we just sit down?
68
00:02:45,962 --> 00:02:47,746
♪ Hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm
69
00:02:47,780 --> 00:02:49,331
♪ hmm, hmm, hmm
70
00:02:49,382 --> 00:02:50,899
What is it, George?
71
00:02:50,950 --> 00:02:52,801
Can we just start with a kiss?
72
00:02:52,835 --> 00:02:54,119
Okay.
73
00:02:58,040 --> 00:02:59,908
Whoa.
74
00:02:59,942 --> 00:03:01,893
Whoa.
75
00:03:01,911 --> 00:03:03,545
Whoa!
76
00:03:03,596 --> 00:03:04,629
Dallas?
77
00:03:04,663 --> 00:03:07,766
Oh! That was amazing!
78
00:03:07,800 --> 00:03:10,852
Holy smokes! George, you're the best!
79
00:03:10,903 --> 00:03:14,039
The best I've ever had, I swear.
80
00:03:14,073 --> 00:03:16,841
Whew. You Tucker me out, George.
81
00:03:16,876 --> 00:03:18,876
Thank you.
82
00:03:22,102 --> 00:03:24,199
- synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -
83
00:03:34,010 --> 00:03:35,877
The good news is I got them on sale.
84
00:03:35,928 --> 00:03:37,879
The bad news is I'm gonna be wearing them
85
00:03:37,930 --> 00:03:39,481
when I walk out of your lives.
86
00:03:41,083 --> 00:03:42,367
My dad's getting remarried, you guys,
87
00:03:42,401 --> 00:03:45,854
to this super cool
stewardess on Air Singapore.
88
00:03:45,888 --> 00:03:47,072
Her name's Wan'er.
89
00:03:47,106 --> 00:03:48,206
Wan'er?
90
00:03:48,240 --> 00:03:49,441
Wan'er is like the name Dalia over there.
91
00:03:49,475 --> 00:03:51,075
All the hot bitches have it.
92
00:03:51,093 --> 00:03:52,510
Is Wan'er really pretty?
93
00:03:52,528 --> 00:03:54,579
No. She's gorgeous.
94
00:03:54,613 --> 00:03:56,865
She's basically a Singaporean supermodel,
95
00:03:56,899 --> 00:03:58,616
and I'm gonna be maid
of honor at the wedding,
96
00:03:58,651 --> 00:04:00,184
and we're gonna sell the pictures
97
00:04:00,202 --> 00:04:02,821
to the Asian Internet for $10 million.
98
00:04:02,855 --> 00:04:04,255
Wow! Ooh!
99
00:04:04,290 --> 00:04:06,374
And then I'm gonna go with
them on their honeymoon,
100
00:04:06,409 --> 00:04:08,693
and there's a fairly good
chance that shortly thereafter,
101
00:04:08,711 --> 00:04:11,413
I'll be named Queen of Singapore.
102
00:04:11,464 --> 00:04:13,298
Wait.
103
00:04:13,332 --> 00:04:15,166
So you're moving to Singapore?
104
00:04:15,200 --> 00:04:19,037
Nothing's official,
but, yes, it's official.
105
00:04:19,088 --> 00:04:20,321
But what about us?
106
00:04:20,356 --> 00:04:22,590
You're gonna have to
find someone new to copy.
107
00:04:22,641 --> 00:04:26,394
From now on, I only have one
B.F.F., and that's Wan'er.
108
00:04:31,951 --> 00:04:33,935
- What do you want, nerd?
- Hey there, Dalia.
109
00:04:34,020 --> 00:04:35,420
So, uh, I'm cold-calling
110
00:04:35,454 --> 00:04:37,305
every single girl I've ever met in my life
111
00:04:37,339 --> 00:04:38,623
because I need a beautiful assistant
112
00:04:38,657 --> 00:04:40,592
for my final presentation in magic class.
113
00:04:40,626 --> 00:04:42,744
My mom has shingles.
114
00:04:42,778 --> 00:04:43,778
Who cares? Bye.
115
00:04:43,829 --> 00:04:45,313
No, wait! No. No. No.
116
00:04:45,347 --> 00:04:46,998
Look, my presentation counts
for three-fourths of my grade.
117
00:04:47,033 --> 00:04:49,117
I... I need to make an object disappear.
118
00:04:49,168 --> 00:04:51,036
How about I make you disappear, loser?
119
00:04:51,070 --> 00:04:52,570
No, no, no, no! Wait, wait!
120
00:04:52,588 --> 00:04:54,172
Ta-da.
121
00:04:56,408 --> 00:04:58,877
Hey, what do the girls think
about the two of you dating?
122
00:04:58,911 --> 00:05:00,645
I'll find out tonight. We're
taking them out for Chinese
123
00:05:00,679 --> 00:05:02,047
and then drop the news.
124
00:05:02,081 --> 00:05:03,515
I'm cautiously optimistic.
125
00:05:03,549 --> 00:05:05,083
Tessa loves Dallas, you know.
126
00:05:05,101 --> 00:05:06,434
The sooner the better, man.
127
00:05:06,469 --> 00:05:07,552
You just gotta rip
that band-aid right off.
128
00:05:07,586 --> 00:05:09,587
Hey, speaking of ripping things off,
129
00:05:09,605 --> 00:05:12,256
did you get Dallas naked yet?
Did you take any phone pics?
130
00:05:12,274 --> 00:05:13,641
I always take phone pics.
131
00:05:13,692 --> 00:05:15,393
No, I didn't take any phone pics.
132
00:05:17,063 --> 00:05:19,614
You know what? I feel a little
weird talking about this,
133
00:05:19,648 --> 00:05:22,433
mostly because... it was really weird.
134
00:05:22,451 --> 00:05:23,601
Okay.
135
00:05:23,619 --> 00:05:25,937
The whole thing lasted about three seconds,
136
00:05:25,955 --> 00:05:27,438
give or take two seconds.
137
00:05:28,958 --> 00:05:31,109
I'm sorry, buddy. It happens. It happens.
138
00:05:31,127 --> 00:05:32,827
You gotta think about something else.
139
00:05:32,878 --> 00:05:36,498
I always imagine elderly women
eating egg salad sandwiches.
140
00:05:36,549 --> 00:05:38,783
It wasn't me. It was her.
141
00:05:38,801 --> 00:05:40,085
I'm confused.
142
00:05:40,119 --> 00:05:41,419
Yes, as... as was I.
143
00:05:41,453 --> 00:05:43,438
Could she have some kind
of a medical condition?
144
00:05:43,472 --> 00:05:44,806
What kind of medical condition?
145
00:05:44,840 --> 00:05:46,157
Maybe it was just all
the buildup, you know,
146
00:05:46,192 --> 00:05:47,475
the anticipation.
147
00:05:47,510 --> 00:05:49,144
Look, do me a favor.
148
00:05:49,178 --> 00:05:51,813
Next time, skip the appetizers.
Go right for the entree.
149
00:05:51,847 --> 00:05:53,264
- All right?
- Right.
150
00:05:53,298 --> 00:05:54,799
That's how Jill likes it.
151
00:05:54,817 --> 00:05:56,801
We haven't kissed on the mouth in 13 years.
152
00:05:56,819 --> 00:05:59,137
We couldn't be happier.
153
00:05:59,155 --> 00:06:01,689
Wanna see my phone pics?
154
00:06:18,691 --> 00:06:19,941
Hey!
155
00:06:19,992 --> 00:06:21,926
Ya! Ya!
156
00:06:21,881 --> 00:06:24,566
Ya! Come on! What is wrong with you?
157
00:06:24,617 --> 00:06:25,984
Why are you walking in
the middle of the street?
158
00:06:26,018 --> 00:06:27,886
Dalia has a new B.F.F.
159
00:06:27,920 --> 00:06:29,604
We've got no one to tell us what to do.
160
00:06:29,638 --> 00:06:30,989
You need someone to tell you
161
00:06:31,023 --> 00:06:32,657
not to walk in the middle of the street?
162
00:06:32,691 --> 00:06:33,775
Well, yeah.
163
00:06:33,809 --> 00:06:36,261
You guys, Tessa's so smart.
164
00:06:36,295 --> 00:06:38,313
She told us not to walk in the street.
165
00:06:38,364 --> 00:06:39,931
Will you lead us?
166
00:06:39,965 --> 00:06:42,033
Uh, no.
167
00:06:42,068 --> 00:06:44,535
Sorry. I just have a bunch of homework
168
00:06:44,553 --> 00:06:46,654
and dinner plans, and
also, I don't want to.
169
00:06:46,689 --> 00:06:48,857
Oh, my goodness! Let's get out of here.
170
00:06:48,908 --> 00:06:50,625
But how will we get home?
171
00:06:50,676 --> 00:06:52,393
I can take you.
172
00:06:52,445 --> 00:06:55,764
I can take all three of you.
173
00:06:58,200 --> 00:06:59,417
Okay.
174
00:06:59,451 --> 00:07:00,969
And then all three of them
175
00:07:01,020 --> 00:07:02,587
were about to get in this molest-y van.
176
00:07:02,621 --> 00:07:05,156
Lisa, they need someone,
177
00:07:05,191 --> 00:07:06,724
and I would take them myself,
178
00:07:06,759 --> 00:07:09,844
but I have a bunch of
homework and dinner plans,
179
00:07:09,879 --> 00:07:11,780
and also, I don't want to.
180
00:07:11,814 --> 00:07:13,698
Well, I did dog-sit two summers ago.
181
00:07:13,732 --> 00:07:15,166
Three golden-doodles.
182
00:07:15,184 --> 00:07:16,301
Glorious girls.
183
00:07:16,335 --> 00:07:18,436
Mind you, that was before backup cameras.
184
00:07:18,471 --> 00:07:20,588
Right.
185
00:07:20,623 --> 00:07:22,457
So keep them out of the driveway?
186
00:07:22,491 --> 00:07:24,175
I'll do it.
187
00:07:24,209 --> 00:07:25,226
Okay.
188
00:07:25,261 --> 00:07:26,995
I need all the K.K.K. in the house.
189
00:07:27,046 --> 00:07:29,130
Come on! Kimantha, Kenzie, Kaitlyn.
190
00:07:29,165 --> 00:07:31,166
There you go, girls!
191
00:07:31,217 --> 00:07:33,868
Oh, and also, they, uh... shed.
192
00:07:33,903 --> 00:07:35,970
Okay.
193
00:07:36,005 --> 00:07:39,657
We have a... a little announcement to make.
194
00:07:39,692 --> 00:07:42,210
No coupon tonight. Everything full price.
195
00:07:42,261 --> 00:07:43,328
That's fine.
196
00:07:43,362 --> 00:07:44,596
Price doesn't include gratuity.
197
00:07:44,630 --> 00:07:46,531
O... okay. Why... why is
she directing this at me?
198
00:07:46,549 --> 00:07:49,234
Sorry, George. Shun Ju can be a little...
199
00:07:49,268 --> 00:07:51,319
You want extra pancake? You pay.
200
00:07:51,370 --> 00:07:52,370
I don't even know if we're getting moo shu.
201
00:07:52,404 --> 00:07:54,055
We're trying to celebrate
202
00:07:54,089 --> 00:07:55,824
- our first dinner together as a couple.
- You guys are a couple?
203
00:07:55,858 --> 00:07:58,159
Well, yeah, that's... that's
what we wanted to tell you kids.
204
00:07:58,210 --> 00:07:59,978
No children's plate!
205
00:08:00,012 --> 00:08:02,664
- With less hostility from the waitress.
- Well, this is great.
206
00:08:02,715 --> 00:08:03,965
I'm really happy for you two.
207
00:08:04,016 --> 00:08:05,733
Oh, Tessa, thank goodness.
208
00:08:05,784 --> 00:08:06,951
I mean, you'd really have to be blind
209
00:08:06,986 --> 00:08:08,152
not to see this one coming.
210
00:08:08,170 --> 00:08:09,821
Right, Dalia?
211
00:08:09,855 --> 00:08:11,606
Dalia? Please answer Tessa's query
212
00:08:11,657 --> 00:08:14,092
as to whether you are or are not blind.
213
00:08:14,046 --> 00:08:16,264
Sorry, mommy. Wan'er is
totes blowing up my phone
214
00:08:16,315 --> 00:08:18,083
about dress ideas for the wedding.
215
00:08:18,117 --> 00:08:19,117
Wedding? Whose wedding?
216
00:08:19,135 --> 00:08:20,418
No, not... not ours.
217
00:08:20,452 --> 00:08:22,554
We're not there yet.
Steven, apparently, is.
218
00:08:22,588 --> 00:08:25,290
I am so glad he found someone
who doesn't speak English.
219
00:08:25,324 --> 00:08:27,659
That truly was his only
chance at happiness.
220
00:08:27,693 --> 00:08:29,494
O.M.G., you guys.
221
00:08:29,528 --> 00:08:31,412
Wan'er is such a card.
222
00:08:31,464 --> 00:08:33,098
She's making me L.O.L.
223
00:08:33,132 --> 00:08:34,666
My stomach, like, literally hurts
224
00:08:34,700 --> 00:08:37,168
from all the L.O.Ls Wan'er keeps dropping.
225
00:08:38,387 --> 00:08:40,054
Speaking of,
226
00:08:40,089 --> 00:08:42,090
I'm gonna go lay some lo mein.
227
00:08:42,141 --> 00:08:43,892
Cool.
228
00:08:43,926 --> 00:08:45,844
I'm so relieved. I think
she took the news real well,
229
00:08:45,878 --> 00:08:47,061
if she heard it.
230
00:08:47,096 --> 00:08:49,380
Normally, Dalia's not so good with change,
231
00:08:49,398 --> 00:08:51,566
but she's been peaches and cream.
232
00:08:51,600 --> 00:08:52,901
I knew Dalia well enough to know
233
00:08:52,935 --> 00:08:56,070
that she was neither peaches nor cream,
234
00:08:56,105 --> 00:08:58,523
and something told me
her story about Wan'er
235
00:08:58,557 --> 00:09:01,659
was just as spotty as the
cell reception in Shun Ju.
236
00:09:07,960 --> 00:09:11,863
Oh. George! Well, this is a surprise.
237
00:09:11,897 --> 00:09:14,549
That's what I was going for... surprise.
238
00:09:17,269 --> 00:09:19,537
George, look at you with your sweaty hair
239
00:09:19,571 --> 00:09:21,922
and me in my not-expecting-company clothes.
240
00:09:21,940 --> 00:09:22,940
You should...
241
00:09:22,992 --> 00:09:25,610
Mmm! Oh, my gosh, George, yes!
242
00:09:25,661 --> 00:09:28,980
Oh, yes. Oh, George. Oh, here I go.
243
00:09:29,014 --> 00:09:30,481
Ooh, it's happening. Whoa.
244
00:09:30,516 --> 00:09:31,582
Whoa!
245
00:09:31,617 --> 00:09:33,918
Whoa!
246
00:09:33,952 --> 00:09:35,753
You're number one, George.
247
00:09:35,788 --> 00:09:39,157
Where did that finger come from?
Dallas, I barely touched you.
248
00:09:39,208 --> 00:09:40,708
That's all it takes.
That's how good you are.
249
00:09:40,742 --> 00:09:42,877
You did it. You brought me there.
250
00:09:42,895 --> 00:09:44,846
Whoo! Number one!
251
00:09:44,880 --> 00:09:47,281
- George Altman, you are number one!
- Where are you going?
252
00:09:47,299 --> 00:09:49,584
To the kitchen to get
you something to drink.
253
00:09:49,618 --> 00:09:51,169
♪ Go, George, you did it
254
00:09:51,203 --> 00:09:53,087
♪ who's the man? You're the man ♪
255
00:09:53,105 --> 00:09:55,707
♪ you did it, George Altman, uh-huh ♪
256
00:09:57,620 --> 00:09:59,137
Lisa had the K.K.K.
257
00:09:59,171 --> 00:10:01,339
Eating out of the palm of her hand,
258
00:10:01,373 --> 00:10:03,775
and Dalia Royce was sitting by herself?
259
00:10:03,793 --> 00:10:06,912
She was newly brunette, completely alone,
260
00:10:06,946 --> 00:10:08,780
and no one seemed to care but me.
261
00:10:08,814 --> 00:10:10,632
The whole thing was more unnatural
262
00:10:10,683 --> 00:10:12,517
than Mr. Wolfe's new
colored contact lenses.
263
00:10:12,551 --> 00:10:14,953
Amethyst is my birthstone.
264
00:10:14,971 --> 00:10:16,888
Cool.
265
00:10:18,562 --> 00:10:20,412
If you don't want it, who wants it?
266
00:10:20,446 --> 00:10:22,080
I can't want it for you!
267
00:10:22,098 --> 00:10:23,566
Do you want it? Do you want it?
268
00:10:23,617 --> 00:10:24,567
I want it!
269
00:10:24,618 --> 00:10:25,784
I already got it, y'all!
270
00:10:25,819 --> 00:10:27,369
I got it from George Altman,
271
00:10:27,404 --> 00:10:29,188
night after day after night.
272
00:10:29,222 --> 00:10:30,222
Don't forget to hydrate.
273
00:10:30,256 --> 00:10:31,690
I'm already hydrated, y'all.
274
00:10:31,725 --> 00:10:33,626
You know who quenches
my thirst? George Altman.
275
00:10:33,660 --> 00:10:36,962
Let me tell you, ladies, this
man is large and in charge.
276
00:10:36,996 --> 00:10:38,831
If your legs moved as fast as your mouth...
277
00:10:38,865 --> 00:10:41,833
You know who takes it real
slow until he speeds it up?
278
00:10:41,851 --> 00:10:42,935
George Altman.
279
00:10:42,969 --> 00:10:44,436
I mean, Wesley who?
280
00:10:44,470 --> 00:10:46,121
"White men can't what"?
281
00:10:46,156 --> 00:10:48,591
He does this trick whereby he...
282
00:10:48,625 --> 00:10:50,276
have y'all ever been to "Zumanity"?
283
00:10:50,310 --> 00:10:51,694
I have.
284
00:10:51,745 --> 00:10:53,111
It was incredible.
285
00:10:53,129 --> 00:10:54,580
Well, take that experience,
286
00:10:54,614 --> 00:10:56,899
multiply it by 20, divide it by 3,
287
00:10:56,933 --> 00:10:58,467
raise it to the tenth power,
288
00:10:58,501 --> 00:11:00,603
add 9 inches, subtract 2, and add back 1,
289
00:11:00,637 --> 00:11:02,237
and that's what George Altman gave me.
290
00:11:02,289 --> 00:11:05,257
I'm getting 36. But I haven't
been to "Zumanity," so...
291
00:11:05,291 --> 00:11:07,592
Can it, Rhonda!
292
00:11:07,611 --> 00:11:09,194
Look here.
293
00:11:09,229 --> 00:11:12,948
Sealy, Simmons, and Posturepedic
gave him a standing ovation.
294
00:11:12,983 --> 00:11:14,566
Y'all with me in the back?
295
00:11:14,601 --> 00:11:17,036
Sealy, Simmons, and Posturepedic.
296
00:11:17,070 --> 00:11:19,571
And she wasn't uncomfortable
with them watching?
297
00:11:19,606 --> 00:11:21,073
Those are mattresses, Fred.
298
00:11:21,091 --> 00:11:22,942
Oh.
299
00:11:22,976 --> 00:11:25,294
So they did it on a mattress. Hmm.
300
00:11:25,328 --> 00:11:28,230
Mental image uploaded.
301
00:11:28,264 --> 00:11:30,649
Mental image deleted.
302
00:11:30,684 --> 00:11:33,652
And then she gave him the finger...
303
00:11:33,687 --> 00:11:35,754
the number one foam finger.
304
00:11:35,789 --> 00:11:39,091
I knew it. I never thought it
was his lovemaking for a minute.
305
00:11:39,125 --> 00:11:41,059
It's the goatee.
306
00:11:41,077 --> 00:11:44,079
He took her to ecstasy with
the whole choir watching.
307
00:11:44,130 --> 00:11:46,231
Huh. So I was wrong.
308
00:11:46,266 --> 00:11:48,567
I always assumed George was selfish in bed.
309
00:11:48,601 --> 00:11:50,085
Hey! There he is!
310
00:11:50,136 --> 00:11:52,637
- Whoo!
- Hello, hello, hello, hello.
311
00:11:52,656 --> 00:11:55,907
- What's all this?
- Oh, we've heard about your sexploits, my friend.
312
00:11:55,925 --> 00:11:57,676
- My sexploits?
- Bravo, George.
313
00:11:57,694 --> 00:11:58,644
Way to take care of business.
314
00:11:58,678 --> 00:12:00,663
Wh... what are you guys talking about?
315
00:12:00,714 --> 00:12:03,949
Well, apparently, you've been
satisfying your lady love.
316
00:12:03,984 --> 00:12:06,218
Dallas has been running
around telling everybody
317
00:12:06,252 --> 00:12:08,053
you are the president of pound town.
318
00:12:09,456 --> 00:12:11,540
King of coitus!
319
00:12:11,591 --> 00:12:15,794
The Hitler of hittin' it!
320
00:12:15,829 --> 00:12:18,013
I had a good run going... you all saw...
321
00:12:18,048 --> 00:12:20,449
- and then Fred "Hitlers" it?
- Sorry as soon as it came out of my mouth.
322
00:12:20,483 --> 00:12:22,868
Fred, it's okay. Look, I'm
sorry to disappoint you guys,
323
00:12:22,886 --> 00:12:26,055
but I barely even touched her.
324
00:12:26,089 --> 00:12:28,207
I don't know, George,
I just felt your touch.
325
00:12:28,241 --> 00:12:29,925
It's magnetic.
326
00:12:29,959 --> 00:12:32,511
George throws off a lot of
sexual heat. He always has.
327
00:12:32,545 --> 00:12:34,479
Dallas keeps acting like
this big thing is happening,
328
00:12:34,497 --> 00:12:36,999
but I assure you, nothing is happening.
329
00:12:37,033 --> 00:12:38,934
I don't know what's gotten into her.
330
00:12:38,985 --> 00:12:40,819
George Altman has. Am I right?
331
00:12:40,854 --> 00:12:42,454
There it is!
332
00:12:42,488 --> 00:12:46,608
- Slap it. Do you see how he slapped that?
- Javier.
333
00:12:46,643 --> 00:12:48,761
Look, I don't know what you're
complaining about, George.
334
00:12:48,795 --> 00:12:51,597
I would pay Sheila money
to praise my prowess,
335
00:12:51,631 --> 00:12:55,768
but I can't, because she won't
let me have an A.T.M. card.
336
00:12:58,154 --> 00:12:59,822
Knock, knock.
337
00:12:59,873 --> 00:13:01,540
Hey.
338
00:13:01,558 --> 00:13:02,725
What are you doing here?
339
00:13:02,759 --> 00:13:06,111
I just noticed that you were, uh,
340
00:13:06,146 --> 00:13:07,613
eating lunch alone today,
341
00:13:07,647 --> 00:13:09,581
and then I heard you left school early,
342
00:13:09,616 --> 00:13:12,050
and I know this may seem like
a weird question coming from me,
343
00:13:12,068 --> 00:13:14,069
but... everything okay?
344
00:13:14,120 --> 00:13:15,938
Totes. I just came home early
345
00:13:15,972 --> 00:13:18,240
to get ready for my video chat with Wan'er.
346
00:13:18,274 --> 00:13:20,142
Okay, great. It just seemed like
347
00:13:20,176 --> 00:13:22,094
you were going through something, you know,
348
00:13:22,128 --> 00:13:23,795
with the dark hair and...
349
00:13:23,813 --> 00:13:25,097
Yeah, I wan'ered it for the wedding.
350
00:13:25,115 --> 00:13:26,932
I'm gonna be maid of honor.
351
00:13:26,966 --> 00:13:29,485
They don't do any cleaning. I checked.
352
00:13:29,519 --> 00:13:31,687
Okay. Phew.
353
00:13:31,738 --> 00:13:34,239
Guess I was just worried
about nothing then.
354
00:13:34,273 --> 00:13:35,507
Could you worry about
getting out of my room?
355
00:13:35,542 --> 00:13:37,042
I kinda need to take this.
356
00:13:42,315 --> 00:13:44,416
Ni hao!
357
00:13:44,434 --> 00:13:47,870
Hey, Wan'er. I dyed my
hair to look like your hair.
358
00:13:47,921 --> 00:13:49,738
Don't you think my hair
looks like your hair, Wan'er?
359
00:13:51,608 --> 00:13:54,910
I know. Me, too. I'm really
excited for the wedding.
360
00:13:59,532 --> 00:14:01,049
Wan'er, no.
361
00:14:01,084 --> 00:14:03,168
You're not supposed to wear
that before the wedding.
362
00:14:11,511 --> 00:14:14,413
You're already married?
363
00:14:14,447 --> 00:14:15,881
You eloped without me?
364
00:14:21,221 --> 00:14:22,304
Okay. Bye-bye!
365
00:14:22,338 --> 00:14:24,540
Well, tell daddy I say hi...
366
00:14:31,114 --> 00:14:33,632
Oh, hey, Dalia.
367
00:14:33,666 --> 00:14:35,167
Uh, so... so I was just in the middle
368
00:14:35,201 --> 00:14:36,869
of this pretty intense
kettlebell workout here,
369
00:14:36,903 --> 00:14:39,521
when I saw you were online, so I figured
370
00:14:39,556 --> 00:14:41,039
I'd, you know, like, circle back around,
371
00:14:41,073 --> 00:14:44,259
and just see if you
magically changed your mind.
372
00:14:45,411 --> 00:14:47,362
Actually, I did change my mind.
373
00:14:47,397 --> 00:14:48,380
Really?
374
00:14:48,414 --> 00:14:49,364
Ow!
375
00:14:49,399 --> 00:14:52,083
I want you to make me disappear.
376
00:14:52,101 --> 00:14:55,253
Sweet! I'm... I'm gonna
get my foot looked at,
377
00:14:55,271 --> 00:14:57,356
and then we'll do that. I'm so excited.
378
00:14:58,995 --> 00:15:00,201
I mean, you know what she's doing, right?
379
00:15:00,202 --> 00:15:01,559
She's committing social suicide.
380
00:15:01,560 --> 00:15:03,459
Because she wants to do magic with Evan?
381
00:15:04,125 --> 00:15:06,092
Lisa, if you look up "rock
bottom" in the dictionary,
382
00:15:06,110 --> 00:15:07,594
there's a picture of Evan in a top hat.
383
00:15:07,612 --> 00:15:08,462
Okay, I just... I don't understand
384
00:15:08,496 --> 00:15:11,381
why you're so concerned about Dalia.
385
00:15:11,416 --> 00:15:13,216
She wouldn't be worrying about you.
386
00:15:13,251 --> 00:15:15,886
Look, our parents are dating
now. I feel responsible for her.
387
00:15:15,920 --> 00:15:18,088
I just... I have to do something
388
00:15:18,122 --> 00:15:20,607
before Evan... feels her up.
389
00:15:20,641 --> 00:15:22,375
Okay, well, while you're in there,
390
00:15:22,410 --> 00:15:24,995
would you please tell her
to take back the K.K.K.?
391
00:15:25,029 --> 00:15:28,381
Yesterday, one of them had
an accident on my bedspread.
392
00:15:32,053 --> 00:15:34,955
Voila! A student has appeared.
393
00:15:34,989 --> 00:15:36,206
Uh, sorry to bother you, Mr. Jacobs,
394
00:15:36,240 --> 00:15:38,775
but this is kind of
urgent. Where's Dalia Royce?
395
00:15:40,044 --> 00:15:43,146
Is this the Dalia Royce you're looking for?
396
00:15:43,181 --> 00:15:44,998
No. That's a Jack of clubs.
397
00:15:45,032 --> 00:15:47,184
My! How did it get there?
398
00:15:47,218 --> 00:15:49,035
Could you please tell
me where Dalia Royce is?
399
00:15:49,070 --> 00:15:51,888
Oh, certainly. She's, uh,
right here in my pocket.
400
00:15:51,939 --> 00:15:54,341
Go on. Say hello.
401
00:15:54,375 --> 00:15:57,027
Whoa. Look at that.
402
00:15:57,061 --> 00:15:58,528
Lots of scarves.
403
00:15:58,579 --> 00:15:59,529
Amazing.
404
00:15:59,564 --> 00:16:01,264
Amazing...
405
00:16:01,332 --> 00:16:02,732
Or magic?
406
00:16:02,784 --> 00:16:04,751
Actually, neither.
407
00:16:04,786 --> 00:16:07,103
Hey, Tessa. Evan signed
out the practice room.
408
00:16:07,155 --> 00:16:08,238
Bye, Mr. Jacobs.
409
00:16:08,289 --> 00:16:10,574
Did I freak your mind?
410
00:16:12,927 --> 00:16:16,062
I sure am loving these
surprise visits, George Altman.
411
00:16:16,080 --> 00:16:18,048
Which wall are you gonna
pin me to this time?
412
00:16:18,099 --> 00:16:19,733
No. No. No walls, Dallas.
413
00:16:19,767 --> 00:16:22,786
We need to talk. This isn't
easy for me to bring up.
414
00:16:22,820 --> 00:16:24,554
It's about our sex life.
415
00:16:24,589 --> 00:16:25,889
Whoa.
416
00:16:25,923 --> 00:16:27,357
Whoa.
417
00:16:27,408 --> 00:16:29,426
- Whoa!
- No, Dallas.
418
00:16:29,460 --> 00:16:30,577
Don't do that. At ease.
419
00:16:30,595 --> 00:16:32,529
I can't help it, George.
420
00:16:32,563 --> 00:16:34,965
You just get me so worked up and so forth.
421
00:16:34,999 --> 00:16:37,267
I just want it so bad and so on.
422
00:16:37,318 --> 00:16:38,752
Babe...
423
00:16:38,786 --> 00:16:42,689
and I... I mean this in
the nicest possible way...
424
00:16:42,723 --> 00:16:44,190
drop the act.
425
00:16:44,208 --> 00:16:46,092
I beg your pardon.
426
00:16:46,127 --> 00:16:48,395
Well, that was hardly the
reaction I was hoping for.
427
00:16:48,429 --> 00:16:51,081
I mean, when I saw "Zumanity,"
the crowd went wild with...
428
00:16:51,115 --> 00:16:52,399
I don't want the circus.
429
00:16:52,433 --> 00:16:54,267
I just want you.
430
00:16:55,419 --> 00:16:57,187
I want us.
431
00:16:57,221 --> 00:17:01,074
Well, I guess there's gonna
be a learning curve then.
432
00:17:01,092 --> 00:17:02,392
For both of us.
433
00:17:02,426 --> 00:17:04,728
And I... I get what you're trying to do,
434
00:17:04,762 --> 00:17:07,714
but honestly, I don't... I don't need you
435
00:17:07,748 --> 00:17:09,432
pretending you're on a roller coaster...
436
00:17:09,483 --> 00:17:11,885
or running around town telling everyone
437
00:17:11,919 --> 00:17:14,938
I'm some kind of a... sexual superman.
438
00:17:16,991 --> 00:17:19,109
I just thought that's what men wanted...
439
00:17:19,160 --> 00:17:20,644
to feel like they were number one.
440
00:17:20,678 --> 00:17:23,013
- I thought all guys...
- I'm not all guys.
441
00:17:23,047 --> 00:17:25,048
I'm George Altman.
442
00:17:25,082 --> 00:17:28,285
And I think sexual partners should focus
443
00:17:28,319 --> 00:17:30,270
on closeness, not costumes,
444
00:17:30,304 --> 00:17:32,505
intimacy, not "Zumanity,"
445
00:17:32,540 --> 00:17:36,542
and just because we're spooning
doesn't necessarily mean
446
00:17:36,561 --> 00:17:39,713
we need someone playing the spoons.
447
00:17:39,747 --> 00:17:42,599
I just want us to connect.
448
00:17:42,650 --> 00:17:45,101
Connect. Yeah.
449
00:17:45,152 --> 00:17:46,586
I'm not sure I know how to do that.
450
00:17:46,621 --> 00:17:49,923
Maybe I'll show you sometime.
451
00:17:49,941 --> 00:17:52,025
Ladies and gentlemen,
452
00:17:52,059 --> 00:17:55,195
behold... the kissing kugel.
453
00:17:57,014 --> 00:17:59,132
You'll notice one slice is missing
454
00:17:59,150 --> 00:18:01,935
from this delicious tray of kosher kugel.
455
00:18:01,953 --> 00:18:04,804
Don't tell me my cousin Aaron ate it.
456
00:18:04,839 --> 00:18:06,806
Hold for laughter.
457
00:18:10,328 --> 00:18:12,662
I will now give my beautiful assistant
458
00:18:12,697 --> 00:18:13,914
a kiss on the lips
459
00:18:13,948 --> 00:18:15,599
and make the kugel appear in her mouth,
460
00:18:15,633 --> 00:18:18,351
which you can see is empty.
461
00:18:18,369 --> 00:18:20,453
Dalia, no! The kugel is a gateway kugel.
462
00:18:20,471 --> 00:18:21,638
Immobulus!
463
00:18:21,689 --> 00:18:24,274
Dalia, I know you're hurting, okay?
464
00:18:24,325 --> 00:18:28,345
I know that Wan'er isn't really your B.F.F.
465
00:18:28,379 --> 00:18:30,797
And I know you're not
gonna be the maid of honor
466
00:18:30,831 --> 00:18:32,682
- at their wedding.
- They eloped without me.
467
00:18:32,717 --> 00:18:34,317
I know.
468
00:18:34,368 --> 00:18:37,454
I'm sorry, but...
469
00:18:37,488 --> 00:18:39,255
Evan is not the answer.
470
00:18:39,290 --> 00:18:42,459
If daddy and Wan'er don't want me
471
00:18:42,510 --> 00:18:44,761
and mommy's with that greasy hobo,
472
00:18:44,795 --> 00:18:47,964
then maybe my place is here, with Evan.
473
00:18:48,015 --> 00:18:49,799
He's a mensch.
474
00:18:49,850 --> 00:18:52,585
We're probably gonna
elope ourselves one day.
475
00:18:52,603 --> 00:18:55,088
Uh, no. I... I can't do that.
476
00:18:55,106 --> 00:18:57,941
- My safta would have a conniption.
- What are you trying to say, Evan?
477
00:18:57,975 --> 00:19:00,426
I fully expected Dalia
would trample Evan's heart.
478
00:19:00,444 --> 00:19:02,261
That's the natural order.
479
00:19:02,279 --> 00:19:03,930
It never occurred to me
480
00:19:03,948 --> 00:19:05,949
that Evan would be the one to hurt Dalia.
481
00:19:05,983 --> 00:19:08,434
Look, cookie, we had fun.
There's no denying it.
482
00:19:08,452 --> 00:19:10,603
Laughs galore. That's
what I bring to the table.
483
00:19:10,621 --> 00:19:12,472
But long-term, this just wouldn't work.
484
00:19:12,506 --> 00:19:13,907
Why not?
485
00:19:13,941 --> 00:19:16,493
Well, because you're a shiksa!
486
00:19:16,544 --> 00:19:17,911
And you're a loser.
487
00:19:17,945 --> 00:19:19,329
Yep, my work here was done.
488
00:19:19,380 --> 00:19:20,580
I'm an amateur magician,
489
00:19:20,614 --> 00:19:21,998
and I've been practicing for so long.
490
00:19:25,561 --> 00:19:28,196
Okay, now, honestly,
491
00:19:28,230 --> 00:19:29,898
how was it?
492
00:19:29,949 --> 00:19:34,202
You know, it wasn't bad.
It was pretty decent.
493
00:19:34,236 --> 00:19:35,487
Right.
494
00:19:35,521 --> 00:19:37,122
Exactly right.
495
00:19:37,156 --> 00:19:40,375
Pretty decent... that's
me. That's what I do.
496
00:19:43,028 --> 00:19:46,697
Seriously, though. How was it?
497
00:19:46,716 --> 00:19:48,083
You're number one, George!
498
00:19:49,168 --> 00:19:50,752
You are number one!
499
00:19:50,803 --> 00:19:52,470
You know what? I take it back.
500
00:19:52,505 --> 00:19:56,007
It adds something. It really does.
501
00:19:56,041 --> 00:19:58,009
There.
502
00:19:58,043 --> 00:20:00,178
Now you look like yourself again.
503
00:20:00,212 --> 00:20:04,099
Yeah. I feel like myself again, too.
504
00:20:04,150 --> 00:20:08,052
And myself wants you to
get the "H" out of my "R."
505
00:20:08,070 --> 00:20:11,689
As I got the "H" out of her
"R," I couldn't help but smile.
506
00:20:11,723 --> 00:20:15,110
It was sort of nice to
have Dalia back to normal.
507
00:20:50,729 --> 00:20:54,899
Baruch atah adonai...
508
00:20:54,933 --> 00:20:56,501
eloheinu...
509
00:20:56,535 --> 00:20:58,636
melech ha-olam...
510
00:20:58,671 --> 00:21:00,205
Asher bahar banu...
511
00:21:00,206 --> 00:21:06,723
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