1 00:00:03,470 --> 00:00:06,268 Hello, I'm Dr. Sheldon Cooper. 2 00:00:06,439 --> 00:00:10,239 Welcome to Sheldon Cooper Presents Fun With Flags. 3 00:00:11,845 --> 00:00:12,937 Before we get started... 4 00:00:13,113 --> 00:00:16,776 ...I'd like to announce the winner of our "design your own flag" competition... 5 00:00:16,950 --> 00:00:18,611 ...but I can't. 6 00:00:18,785 --> 00:00:24,655 The only entry was from GameyGamer75, I know that was a JPEG of your buttocks. 7 00:00:25,492 --> 00:00:28,290 Now, this week, we have a very special episode... 8 00:00:28,461 --> 00:00:32,921 ...where we explore the flags of the popular entertainment franchise Star Trek. 9 00:00:33,099 --> 00:00:37,058 And to help me, I'm pleased to introduce Internet personality... 10 00:00:37,237 --> 00:00:40,001 ...former star of Star Trek: The Next Generation... 11 00:00:40,173 --> 00:00:45,509 ...and the only guy I know lucky enough to be immortalized in one-sixteenth scale. 12 00:00:45,678 --> 00:00:48,010 Set phasers to "fun"... 13 00:00:50,750 --> 00:00:53,116 ...for my friend Wil Wheaton. 14 00:00:55,188 --> 00:00:57,782 - Hi, thanks for having me. Happy to be here. - Cut. 15 00:00:59,526 --> 00:01:02,962 - What's wrong? - Sorry, you were brilliant as always. 16 00:01:03,129 --> 00:01:05,461 Wil, that was a little wooden. 17 00:01:06,966 --> 00:01:09,161 - Wooden? - Don't worry, it wasn't terrible. 18 00:01:09,335 --> 00:01:13,032 Just this time, try to say it the way people sound. 19 00:01:14,908 --> 00:01:16,535 And action. 20 00:01:17,310 --> 00:01:19,005 My friend Wil Wheaton. 21 00:01:19,179 --> 00:01:21,511 Hi, thanks for having me. I'm excited to be here. 22 00:01:21,681 --> 00:01:26,050 - So, Wil, what do you have for us first? - Well, this is an exciting one. 23 00:01:26,219 --> 00:01:28,653 This is the flag of the United Federation of Planets. 24 00:01:28,822 --> 00:01:31,620 - Now, what's interesting about this flag... - Cut. 25 00:01:32,625 --> 00:01:36,561 - What was wrong with that? - It's called Fun With Flags. 26 00:01:36,729 --> 00:01:40,426 They're not at half-mast. Nobody died. Let's try and keep it upbeat. 27 00:01:41,601 --> 00:01:44,968 Um, no offense, but I've been acting since I was a kid. 28 00:01:45,138 --> 00:01:47,572 I can handle a web show without a lot of direction. 29 00:01:47,740 --> 00:01:48,832 It's true. 30 00:01:49,008 --> 00:01:53,035 In 1982 Wil played the voice of Martin the mouse in The Secret of NIMH. 31 00:01:53,580 --> 00:01:55,013 You moved me. 32 00:01:56,049 --> 00:01:57,414 You'll have to forgive me. 33 00:01:57,584 --> 00:02:00,747 This is my first time directing. I just want it to be good. 34 00:02:00,954 --> 00:02:02,216 - So do I. - Great. 35 00:02:02,388 --> 00:02:05,755 So this time, let's try more real boy, less Pinocchio. 36 00:02:07,760 --> 00:02:09,887 - And action. - And cut. 37 00:02:11,097 --> 00:02:13,258 You realize I'm doing this for free, right? 38 00:02:13,466 --> 00:02:17,095 Yes, and so far, we're still not getting our money's worth. 39 00:02:19,772 --> 00:02:21,603 Let's try it again. 40 00:02:21,774 --> 00:02:23,969 Everybody's having fun. 41 00:02:24,377 --> 00:02:26,038 And action. 42 00:02:26,246 --> 00:02:27,907 So, Wil... 43 00:02:35,788 --> 00:02:38,348 ...what do you have for us first? 44 00:02:38,525 --> 00:02:41,790 Well, this is an exciting one. 45 00:02:41,995 --> 00:02:45,624 This is the flag of the United Federation of Planets. 46 00:02:45,798 --> 00:02:46,924 Cut. 47 00:02:47,600 --> 00:02:49,727 Problem, first-time director? 48 00:02:50,537 --> 00:02:51,697 None that I could see. 49 00:02:51,871 --> 00:02:54,431 I saw a man who loved flags almost as much as I do. 50 00:02:54,607 --> 00:02:56,939 I got goose bumps. 51 00:02:57,110 --> 00:03:00,273 - He was overacting on purpose. - Really? 52 00:03:00,446 --> 00:03:03,210 Oh, he reminded me of a young William Shatner. 53 00:03:04,384 --> 00:03:06,147 I'm really happy to do this for you... 54 00:03:06,319 --> 00:03:09,755 ...but not if she's gonna be a huge pain in the ass the whole time. 55 00:03:10,323 --> 00:03:12,883 Are you gonna let him speak to me like that? 56 00:03:13,059 --> 00:03:14,720 Well... 57 00:03:16,429 --> 00:03:19,421 ...you're my girlfriend, and I don't want you to be upset. 58 00:03:20,133 --> 00:03:23,534 Then again, Wil Wheaton's my friend, and I don't want him to be upset. 59 00:03:23,703 --> 00:03:25,500 Hmm... 60 00:03:25,672 --> 00:03:27,037 This is a sticky wicket. 61 00:03:28,808 --> 00:03:30,139 What do you think? 62 00:03:31,144 --> 00:03:33,078 Can I speak to you for a second? 63 00:03:33,246 --> 00:03:35,009 I'll be right back. 64 00:03:35,181 --> 00:03:37,046 Feel free to play with yourself. 65 00:03:44,057 --> 00:03:47,026 I don't care for your friend, and he's being rude to me. 66 00:03:47,193 --> 00:03:48,524 You need to ask him to leave. 67 00:03:48,695 --> 00:03:51,493 Amy, I can't just ask Wil Wheaton to leave. 68 00:03:51,664 --> 00:03:53,291 He's a minor celebrity. 69 00:03:54,567 --> 00:03:57,695 Once you explain who he is, many people recognize him. 70 00:03:58,771 --> 00:04:00,136 Fine, then maybe I should go. 71 00:04:00,640 --> 00:04:02,471 Could you? That would solve everything. 72 00:04:04,777 --> 00:04:08,213 You are the best. I'll see you at dinner tonight? 73 00:04:08,381 --> 00:04:11,441 Sure you wouldn't rather have dinner with your friend Wil Wheaton? 74 00:04:11,618 --> 00:04:13,711 Come to think of it, I would. 75 00:04:14,621 --> 00:04:17,089 You, little lady, are on fire. 76 00:04:44,851 --> 00:04:48,184 Every time we eat here, your mom refuses to let me help with the dishes. 77 00:04:48,354 --> 00:04:49,582 Don't take it personally. 78 00:04:49,756 --> 00:04:53,749 She likes doing them by herself so she can lick the plates with no one looking. 79 00:04:54,494 --> 00:04:55,654 You ready to go? 80 00:04:55,828 --> 00:05:00,094 Yeah, let me just grab a couple of fresh turtlenecks. 81 00:05:00,266 --> 00:05:03,827 I don't understand why you keep your stuff here when there's room at home. 82 00:05:04,003 --> 00:05:05,265 What are you talking about? 83 00:05:05,438 --> 00:05:09,636 All I have here is a few sweaters, books, bank stuff... 84 00:05:09,809 --> 00:05:13,176 ...computers, mail, collectibles, medicine and my electric body groomer. 85 00:05:14,981 --> 00:05:17,745 Ooh! There's my plaid dickey. 86 00:05:17,917 --> 00:05:22,718 Oh. Got this at the Goodwill store for 50 cents. Can you believe it? Heh. 87 00:05:24,590 --> 00:05:26,785 Fifty cents sounds right. 88 00:05:28,628 --> 00:05:30,858 - Let's go. - You know, it's kind of late. 89 00:05:31,030 --> 00:05:34,022 - Why don't we spend the night here? - Because we don't live here. 90 00:05:34,200 --> 00:05:35,758 - I know. - Do you? 91 00:05:35,935 --> 00:05:37,800 You said when you got back from space... 92 00:05:37,970 --> 00:05:41,337 ...you were gonna move into my apartment, but half the time we stay here. 93 00:05:41,507 --> 00:05:42,974 That's not true. 94 00:05:43,142 --> 00:05:47,476 Howard, I'm doing laundry! You want me to put anything in for you?! 95 00:05:47,647 --> 00:05:50,707 There's some underwear in the hamper! 96 00:05:51,184 --> 00:05:53,982 Oh, good, I got that new stain stick to try out! 97 00:05:56,756 --> 00:06:00,351 Thank you. I only put it on the list two weeks ago! 98 00:06:01,828 --> 00:06:03,625 Okay, I see what you're getting at. 99 00:06:04,831 --> 00:06:09,165 How about this weekend, I'll box up all my things... 100 00:06:09,335 --> 00:06:11,735 ...and move them to our place? 101 00:06:11,904 --> 00:06:13,235 Thank you. 102 00:06:13,406 --> 00:06:15,897 The lightsabers will look great in the living room. 103 00:06:16,075 --> 00:06:18,942 Or in the closet. We can decide later. 104 00:06:20,079 --> 00:06:24,015 Howard, help! My hand's stuck in the garbage disposal! 105 00:06:24,183 --> 00:06:28,176 Just let go of whatever piece of food you're holding! 106 00:06:28,855 --> 00:06:33,155 Are you kidding?! It's a perfectly good chicken leg! 107 00:06:35,595 --> 00:06:38,530 Hey, look who's out after dark like a big boy. 108 00:06:39,665 --> 00:06:42,395 I was out raising heck with Mr. Wil Wheaton. 109 00:06:42,568 --> 00:06:46,402 Four hours more and we would have closed down the HomeTown Buffet. 110 00:06:47,173 --> 00:06:49,368 - I thought you had plans with Amy. - Yeah, I did. 111 00:06:49,542 --> 00:06:52,875 But then Wil called Amy a pain in the A-S-S. 112 00:06:53,880 --> 00:06:57,077 She got huffy and left, and then Wil and I headed out to dinner. 113 00:06:57,250 --> 00:07:01,118 That place really did remind me of my hometown. 114 00:07:01,287 --> 00:07:03,778 Because there we also have a HomeTown Buffet. 115 00:07:06,225 --> 00:07:10,389 - Hold on. Wil and Amy had an argument? - Yes, quite the kerfuffle. 116 00:07:10,563 --> 00:07:14,329 - Then Amy got mad and left? - Walked right out the door. 117 00:07:14,500 --> 00:07:16,058 And you? 118 00:07:16,235 --> 00:07:18,897 Enjoyed a delightful dinner at a reasonable price. 119 00:07:20,139 --> 00:07:24,735 The manager recognized Wil and let us sit right next to the frozen-yogurt machine. 120 00:07:24,911 --> 00:07:26,208 Right next to it. 121 00:07:26,712 --> 00:07:29,738 I was closer to it than I am to you right now. 122 00:07:32,084 --> 00:07:35,679 - Buddy, I think Amy might be upset. - Why's that? 123 00:07:35,855 --> 00:07:39,416 Because your friend was rude to her and then you went to dinner with him. 124 00:07:39,959 --> 00:07:42,587 You're just repeating what I said. 125 00:07:42,762 --> 00:07:45,629 It's like living with a lactose-intolerant parrot. 126 00:07:47,934 --> 00:07:49,731 Trust me. Call her. 127 00:07:50,169 --> 00:07:51,500 Fine. 128 00:07:51,671 --> 00:07:53,866 It's a shame you didn't go to dinner with us... 129 00:07:54,040 --> 00:07:57,203 ...because the buffet you're about to enjoy only serves humble pie... 130 00:07:57,376 --> 00:08:00,004 ...a dessert much less tasty than frozen yogurt. 131 00:08:00,179 --> 00:08:01,441 I was this close. 132 00:08:04,951 --> 00:08:06,782 What? 133 00:08:07,687 --> 00:08:08,779 You'll appreciate this. 134 00:08:08,955 --> 00:08:11,617 Leonard has some ridiculous notion that you're mad at me. 135 00:08:11,791 --> 00:08:14,783 Tell him you're not mad at me. Go ahead, set him straight. 136 00:08:14,961 --> 00:08:16,451 I'm mad at you, Sheldon. 137 00:08:17,430 --> 00:08:18,863 Hmm... 138 00:08:19,031 --> 00:08:20,692 Eat one of your Luna Bars. 139 00:08:22,535 --> 00:08:26,027 Very often, when women think they're angry, they're really just hungry. 140 00:08:27,640 --> 00:08:29,073 I'm not hungry. 141 00:08:29,976 --> 00:08:32,308 Your friend insulted me and you didn't do anything. 142 00:08:32,478 --> 00:08:36,141 Precisely. I didn't do anything. 143 00:08:37,216 --> 00:08:40,083 Now, does someone feel like checking her emotional math? 144 00:08:40,820 --> 00:08:43,311 Keep going, buddy. You're doing great. 145 00:08:44,023 --> 00:08:47,151 Sheldon, I'm your girlfriend and you should have taken my side. 146 00:08:47,326 --> 00:08:50,784 That's it. End of story. Good night. 147 00:08:52,031 --> 00:08:56,991 Wow, Amy's mad and Leonard was right. 148 00:08:57,169 --> 00:08:59,160 What a weird day. 149 00:09:01,607 --> 00:09:04,167 Hey, sorry this took so long. But you used to work here. 150 00:09:04,343 --> 00:09:07,005 - You know how it is. - Kitchen slammed again? 151 00:09:07,179 --> 00:09:09,340 No, I'm a terrible waitress, remember? 152 00:09:11,183 --> 00:09:13,413 So anything I can do to help you move tomorrow? 153 00:09:13,586 --> 00:09:17,852 Now that you mention it, I was thinking tomorrow might not be great. 154 00:09:18,391 --> 00:09:21,019 - What's your excuse this time? - No excuse. 155 00:09:21,193 --> 00:09:22,785 It's just, you know, I'm Jewish... 156 00:09:22,962 --> 00:09:26,864 ...and technically, we're not supposed to drive or carry anything on the Sabbath... 157 00:09:27,033 --> 00:09:28,864 ...so this one's on God. 158 00:09:29,936 --> 00:09:34,202 That might be more convincing if you didn't have a mouthful of bacon cheeseburger. 159 00:09:35,041 --> 00:09:37,635 My religion's kind of loosey-goosey, you know. 160 00:09:37,843 --> 00:09:42,075 As long as you got your schmeckel clipped and don't wear a cross, you're good. 161 00:09:43,883 --> 00:09:45,441 Howie, you promised you'd move. 162 00:09:45,618 --> 00:09:47,984 - And I will. - Yeah, right. 163 00:09:48,154 --> 00:09:53,217 I'm not going to live in my mother's house for the rest of my life. I'm not a child. 164 00:09:53,593 --> 00:09:55,891 I've seen her burp you. 165 00:09:58,898 --> 00:09:59,956 She did not burp me. 166 00:10:00,132 --> 00:10:03,363 She was patting me on the back and I happened to burp. 167 00:10:05,738 --> 00:10:08,229 Don't you have other tables you should be waiting on? 168 00:10:08,407 --> 00:10:10,807 Yeah, but I told you, I'm not good at my job. 169 00:10:11,510 --> 00:10:15,503 - Listen to me. He is never gonna leave. - I'm starting to think you're right. 170 00:10:15,681 --> 00:10:19,742 All right, I've had enough of this. I'm a grown man. I have a successful career. 171 00:10:19,919 --> 00:10:22,251 I mean, for the love of God, I've been to space. 172 00:10:22,421 --> 00:10:26,255 I will move out when I'm ready, and I don't need anyone badgering me into it. 173 00:10:26,959 --> 00:10:29,427 Wow. Excuse me. 174 00:10:30,896 --> 00:10:34,764 That was just for her benefit. I'll move tomorrow. I love you. Don't leave me. 175 00:10:39,305 --> 00:10:40,772 Amy? 176 00:10:40,940 --> 00:10:42,339 Amy. 177 00:10:42,942 --> 00:10:44,637 Angry Amy? 178 00:10:46,612 --> 00:10:47,670 What? 179 00:10:48,180 --> 00:10:54,278 I've been thinking about what happened, and I hope this gift will make things better. 180 00:10:56,789 --> 00:10:59,280 Star Trek DVDs? 181 00:10:59,458 --> 00:11:00,789 Why would I want this? 182 00:11:01,460 --> 00:11:02,791 First of all, you're welcome. 183 00:11:04,130 --> 00:11:07,361 Furthermore, not being familiar with Wil Wheaton's body of work... 184 00:11:07,533 --> 00:11:11,560 ...there was no way for you to know you were being rude to a national treasure. 185 00:11:12,438 --> 00:11:15,430 Get ready for 130 hours of "I told you so." 186 00:11:20,479 --> 00:11:22,845 Fine, I'll just tell you what happens. 187 00:11:23,549 --> 00:11:26,677 Episode one, "Encounter at Farpoint." 188 00:11:26,852 --> 00:11:27,910 Fade in. 189 00:11:28,087 --> 00:11:30,555 The new Enterprise heads out on its maiden voyage... 190 00:11:30,723 --> 00:11:33,191 ...to contact the Bandi people of Deneb IV. 191 00:11:33,359 --> 00:11:36,817 Enter Wesley Crusher, played by my buddy... 192 00:11:41,067 --> 00:11:42,830 She's hooked. 193 00:11:52,478 --> 00:11:54,969 Wow, an end of an era. 194 00:11:55,614 --> 00:11:59,175 Boy, if these walls could talk. 195 00:12:00,252 --> 00:12:03,380 They'd say, "Why does he touch himself so much?" 196 00:12:08,694 --> 00:12:09,752 Yeah. 197 00:12:12,198 --> 00:12:15,463 I can't believe I'm not gonna live here anymore. 198 00:12:15,634 --> 00:12:18,967 This has always been my bedroom. 199 00:12:19,138 --> 00:12:22,733 Right here is where my mom used to mark my height. 200 00:12:22,908 --> 00:12:24,466 Oh, yeah. 201 00:12:24,643 --> 00:12:31,014 "Fifth grade, sixth grade, seventh grade, eighth grade, ninth grade." 202 00:12:32,151 --> 00:12:35,314 Yeah, I remember when I was 5... 203 00:12:35,521 --> 00:12:38,820 ...hiding under this desk with all my Halloween candy. 204 00:12:39,425 --> 00:12:41,620 Had some Peanut M&M's... 205 00:12:41,794 --> 00:12:46,925 ...went into my first anaphylactic shock, had to be rushed to the hospital... 206 00:12:47,099 --> 00:12:50,830 ...came home, celebrated with a Snickers, went into my second anaphylactic shock. 207 00:12:52,972 --> 00:12:55,167 When did you figure out you're allergic to nuts? 208 00:12:55,341 --> 00:12:57,172 Sometime around the third Almond Joy. 209 00:12:59,278 --> 00:13:01,838 Okay, wanna start loading this stuff into the truck? 210 00:13:02,047 --> 00:13:03,912 Yeah, I guess. 211 00:13:04,083 --> 00:13:06,574 Hey, would you do me a favor? Go on ahead. 212 00:13:06,752 --> 00:13:11,621 I just want one last moment alone in my old room. 213 00:13:11,791 --> 00:13:15,693 We're not standing outside by the U-Haul while you fondle yourself. 214 00:13:18,597 --> 00:13:19,655 Fine, let's go. 215 00:13:26,472 --> 00:13:29,202 Hey, what brings you in? 216 00:13:29,375 --> 00:13:34,574 Penny, if you wouldn't mind, I'd like to have a conversation about girls. 217 00:13:36,081 --> 00:13:39,642 Had a feeling we'd have a talk like this sooner or later. 218 00:13:39,819 --> 00:13:43,550 Are you finally getting fuzz in weird places? 219 00:13:43,722 --> 00:13:47,681 Penny, please, I'm on the horns of a relationship dilemma. 220 00:13:47,860 --> 00:13:51,694 And for the record, I had a full pubis of hair by the time I was 19. 221 00:13:53,833 --> 00:13:54,857 And for the record: 222 00:13:57,870 --> 00:14:00,805 - So, what are you drinking? - Well, it's been a rough day. 223 00:14:00,973 --> 00:14:04,170 I usually go chamomile tea, but I don't think that's gonna cut it. 224 00:14:04,743 --> 00:14:07,610 You could have a Long Island iced tea. 225 00:14:10,816 --> 00:14:13,148 Will that calm my nerves? 226 00:14:13,853 --> 00:14:17,220 It's calmed the pants off me a couple times. 227 00:14:18,224 --> 00:14:20,749 - Sold. - Oh. 228 00:14:21,227 --> 00:14:25,186 So the heart you got from the wizard giving you trouble? 229 00:14:25,364 --> 00:14:28,492 The trouble isn't with me, Penny, it's with your gender. 230 00:14:28,667 --> 00:14:30,328 Someday scientists will discover... 231 00:14:30,502 --> 00:14:34,734 ...that second X chromosome contains nothing but nonsense and twaddle. 232 00:14:35,207 --> 00:14:37,038 Yeah, Amy told me what happened. 233 00:14:37,209 --> 00:14:40,736 Look, just apologize. It'll warm her twaddle. 234 00:14:41,513 --> 00:14:43,174 That's a Band-Aid at best. 235 00:14:43,349 --> 00:14:46,785 The core problem is that Amy and Wil do not like each other... 236 00:14:46,952 --> 00:14:50,388 ...which is baffling because they're both crazy about me. 237 00:14:51,857 --> 00:14:55,190 And I like them, which indicates they're bright and interesting... 238 00:14:55,361 --> 00:14:57,727 ...and/or were on Star Trek. 239 00:14:58,664 --> 00:15:00,757 Honey, you can't make people like each other. 240 00:15:01,233 --> 00:15:04,293 Not true. Leonard made me like you. 241 00:15:04,470 --> 00:15:06,665 Let me tell you, that was a hard row to hoe. 242 00:15:08,207 --> 00:15:10,107 Cheers, pal. 243 00:15:11,911 --> 00:15:13,742 Ooh! 244 00:15:14,179 --> 00:15:17,171 Boy, that is a treat that's hard to beat. 245 00:15:18,751 --> 00:15:21,811 Get the Mad Hatter on the horn. I'm having a tea party. 246 00:15:27,459 --> 00:15:29,051 You might wanna pace yourself. 247 00:15:29,995 --> 00:15:33,226 I drink tea all the time. I think I know what I'm doing. 248 00:15:34,300 --> 00:15:37,428 Far be it for me to criticize a man with a full pubis. 249 00:15:40,139 --> 00:15:44,508 Look, your problem is not Wil Wheaton. Your problem is the way you treated Amy. 250 00:15:44,710 --> 00:15:47,110 Problem is I'm out of tea. 251 00:15:48,480 --> 00:15:51,677 Come on, someone insulted your girlfriend, you just let him do it? 252 00:15:51,850 --> 00:15:54,512 Thought you Texas guys stood up for your womenfolk. 253 00:15:54,720 --> 00:15:56,347 Oh, Penny, please. 254 00:15:56,522 --> 00:15:59,616 Think I've evolved beyond my simple rustic upbringing. 255 00:15:59,792 --> 00:16:00,850 Sorry. 256 00:16:01,026 --> 00:16:04,985 On the other hand, that low-down polecat done wronged my woman. 257 00:16:08,133 --> 00:16:10,863 Welcome to Long Island, Tex. 258 00:16:12,271 --> 00:16:13,932 Amy deserves better. 259 00:16:14,106 --> 00:16:16,472 You know, when we buy the Planters Deluxe Mix... 260 00:16:16,642 --> 00:16:19,941 ...she eats all the Brazil nuts so I don't have to look at them. 261 00:16:21,547 --> 00:16:24,448 She's a unique blend of saint and squirrel. 262 00:16:25,250 --> 00:16:27,810 Yup, that she is. Here you go. 263 00:16:27,987 --> 00:16:31,514 I'm a callous egomaniac. She's gonna leave me. 264 00:16:31,690 --> 00:16:34,750 - No, she won't. - No, she won't. I'm great. 265 00:16:43,168 --> 00:16:44,635 Ah! 266 00:16:46,071 --> 00:16:51,236 Okay, I have now officially moved out of my mother's house. 267 00:16:51,410 --> 00:16:55,005 You are now the only woman in my life who I'll see naked in the bathroom. 268 00:16:56,081 --> 00:16:58,641 I know this wasn't easy. You doing okay? 269 00:16:58,817 --> 00:17:02,082 Well, I'm fine. It's just her I'm worried about. 270 00:17:02,654 --> 00:17:05,817 - She'll be okay. She's a grown woman. - I know. 271 00:17:05,991 --> 00:17:11,054 It's just ever since my dad left, I've felt responsible for her. 272 00:17:11,230 --> 00:17:13,198 That's a lot for a kid to deal with. 273 00:17:13,365 --> 00:17:16,095 She was just so sad all the time. 274 00:17:16,301 --> 00:17:19,270 I was the only person who could cheer her up. 275 00:17:19,438 --> 00:17:21,702 Well, me and Ben and Jerry. 276 00:17:23,108 --> 00:17:25,167 She's lucky you were there. 277 00:17:27,079 --> 00:17:30,276 You know, she's why I first got into magic. 278 00:17:30,449 --> 00:17:32,110 I would do little shows for her. 279 00:17:32,317 --> 00:17:37,448 Hang up a bedsheet like it was a curtain, put on a top hat and cape. 280 00:17:37,623 --> 00:17:43,118 And partway through the act, I would say I needed a volunteer from the audience... 281 00:17:43,328 --> 00:17:49,289 ...to be my beautiful assistant and invite her up on-stage. 282 00:17:49,468 --> 00:17:52,960 I can still remember the way she'd smile. 283 00:17:53,572 --> 00:17:58,202 For a few minutes, she'd forget how Ionely she was. 284 00:18:00,579 --> 00:18:03,377 Aw, crap. Let's go. 285 00:18:04,550 --> 00:18:05,812 Where are we going? 286 00:18:05,984 --> 00:18:08,544 Grab a box. We'll sleep at your mother's place tonight. 287 00:18:08,720 --> 00:18:10,415 No, but I want to live here. 288 00:18:10,589 --> 00:18:14,650 Well, you should've thought of that before you told me the stupid magic-trick story. 289 00:18:15,561 --> 00:18:17,222 Can't we talk about this? 290 00:18:17,396 --> 00:18:21,457 No husband of mine is gonna break his mother's heart. 291 00:18:28,407 --> 00:18:30,102 Wil Wheaton. 292 00:18:30,275 --> 00:18:32,106 Wil Wheaton. 293 00:18:33,011 --> 00:18:35,002 Wait, how many was that? 294 00:18:37,816 --> 00:18:42,082 - Hey, Sheldon, what's up? - Wouldn't you like to know. 295 00:18:43,388 --> 00:18:46,585 - Have you been drinking? - Just tea. 296 00:18:47,493 --> 00:18:50,291 It was the best tea I've ever had. 297 00:18:51,697 --> 00:18:53,028 Why are you here? 298 00:18:53,699 --> 00:18:55,166 I'll tell you. 299 00:18:55,334 --> 00:18:57,529 I'm from Texas. 300 00:18:58,036 --> 00:19:00,504 Need I say more? 301 00:19:01,640 --> 00:19:04,302 Yeah, actually, a little more would be helpful. 302 00:19:04,476 --> 00:19:09,038 You insulted my woman. I'm here to defend her honor. 303 00:19:09,214 --> 00:19:10,647 Two. It was two. 304 00:19:11,316 --> 00:19:13,409 Wil Wheaton. 305 00:19:15,921 --> 00:19:19,652 Now prepare yourself for what may come. 306 00:19:22,227 --> 00:19:24,957 Oh, Sheldon, do you really think we're gonna fight? 307 00:19:25,130 --> 00:19:29,294 My fists are not up here because I'm milking a giant invisible cow. 308 00:19:31,203 --> 00:19:34,229 They're up to beat an apology out of you. 309 00:19:35,073 --> 00:19:36,472 Okay, I'm sorry. 310 00:19:37,576 --> 00:19:40,136 Well, that was a long bus ride for not very much. 311 00:19:41,647 --> 00:19:42,705 Are you okay? 312 00:19:42,881 --> 00:19:45,509 You're asking a lot of questions, Wil Wheaton. 313 00:19:45,684 --> 00:19:47,379 As a matter of idle curiosity... 314 00:19:47,553 --> 00:19:52,252 ...which of your shrubberies do you feel would benefit from a thorough vomiting? 315 00:19:52,758 --> 00:19:54,749 Never mind, I'll choose. 316 00:20:00,599 --> 00:20:03,159 You were so good in Stand by Me. 317 00:20:10,809 --> 00:20:13,573 Hello, I'm Dr. Sheldon Cooper. 318 00:20:13,745 --> 00:20:17,647 Welcome to Sheldon Cooper Presents Fun With Flags. 319 00:20:18,951 --> 00:20:20,885 Get ready for a very special episode... 320 00:20:21,053 --> 00:20:24,989 ...where we explore the flags of the popular entertainment franchise Star Trek. 321 00:20:25,157 --> 00:20:28,558 And to help us, I'm pleased to introduce a special guest. 322 00:20:28,727 --> 00:20:33,164 Surprisingly, it only took gas money and the promise of free food to get him here. 323 00:20:33,332 --> 00:20:35,459 Mr. LeVar Burton. 324 00:20:37,035 --> 00:20:38,935 Hey, Sheldon. It's a pleasure to be here. 325 00:20:39,104 --> 00:20:42,403 - Well, we've got some interesting flags... - Cut. 326 00:20:43,675 --> 00:20:46,542 Yikes, this guy is worse than Wil Wheaton. 327 00:20:50,115 --> 00:20:53,573 I don't know what she's talking about, but I'm obligated to agree with her. 328 00:20:53,752 --> 00:20:56,915 - She's my girlfriend. - Ah. I hear you, brother. 329 00:20:57,089 --> 00:20:59,387 I still get lunch, right?