1 00:00:04,992 --> 00:00:08,128 Can you guys come with me for a minute? 2 00:00:08,162 --> 00:00:10,214 I know you saw me with the Senator. 3 00:00:10,265 --> 00:00:11,515 I think I'm in love, 4 00:00:11,549 --> 00:00:13,300 possibly for the first time. 5 00:00:13,334 --> 00:00:16,103 So, yes, Senator Lipton and I are having an affair. 6 00:00:16,137 --> 00:00:19,023 I hope that I can count on your sensitivity, 7 00:00:19,057 --> 00:00:22,676 maturity, and discretion. 8 00:00:29,167 --> 00:00:30,784 Why? 9 00:00:30,818 --> 00:00:33,787 [Cheerful music] 10 00:00:40,449 --> 00:00:41,816 All right, good. Yeah, just sell it 11 00:00:41,850 --> 00:00:43,685 and get the best price you can, okay? 12 00:00:43,719 --> 00:00:45,520 Or we can hope for a holiday rally? 13 00:00:45,554 --> 00:00:47,054 Mike, I'm not a day trader. 14 00:00:47,072 --> 00:00:49,524 I'm just a first responder in a disaster. 15 00:00:49,558 --> 00:00:51,909 Andy's family had a total meltdown. 16 00:00:51,944 --> 00:00:53,361 His dad blew through all their money 17 00:00:53,395 --> 00:00:55,363 and took off to Argentina with a younger woman. 18 00:00:55,397 --> 00:00:56,914 And his brother, Walt Jr., 19 00:00:56,949 --> 00:00:58,283 locked himself in the wine cellar. 20 00:00:58,317 --> 00:01:00,234 The weirdest part is Andy. 21 00:01:00,252 --> 00:01:02,203 The aftermath got dumped on him, 22 00:01:02,237 --> 00:01:05,423 and the way he's been handling it is just so-- 23 00:01:05,457 --> 00:01:07,408 - Competent. - Right? 24 00:01:07,426 --> 00:01:08,909 Are the nards hurtin'? Yeah, you bet. 25 00:01:08,927 --> 00:01:09,961 Got kicked pretty hard. 26 00:01:09,995 --> 00:01:11,512 Family shattered, super sad. 27 00:01:11,547 --> 00:01:12,780 But I'm kinda crushin' it 28 00:01:12,815 --> 00:01:14,232 in the damage control department. 29 00:01:14,266 --> 00:01:16,017 So, that's cool. 30 00:01:16,051 --> 00:01:18,036 I wish my dad could see me now. 31 00:01:18,070 --> 00:01:20,655 Of course, he caused this whole mess, so... 32 00:01:20,689 --> 00:01:22,473 fuck him. 33 00:01:22,524 --> 00:01:24,442 Kevin, listen to me. 34 00:01:24,476 --> 00:01:26,227 I'm in love with the Senator. 35 00:01:26,261 --> 00:01:27,762 And I need time to sort this out 36 00:01:27,780 --> 00:01:30,031 in a responsible manner. 37 00:01:30,065 --> 00:01:32,567 So I need your help in keeping it a secret, 38 00:01:32,601 --> 00:01:35,436 because this means the world to me. 39 00:01:35,454 --> 00:01:36,821 Okay? 40 00:01:36,872 --> 00:01:38,806 That's beautiful. 41 00:01:38,841 --> 00:01:40,908 No, I-I totally get that. 42 00:01:40,942 --> 00:01:43,461 Can you do this, Kevin? 43 00:01:43,495 --> 00:01:46,748 I really want to. 44 00:01:46,782 --> 00:01:49,133 Whatever happens, always remember that. 45 00:01:49,168 --> 00:01:51,002 I don't know what that means. Hey, hey. 46 00:01:51,053 --> 00:01:52,754 Oh, great. 47 00:01:52,788 --> 00:01:57,058 Yeah, um, I'll get right back to you. 48 00:01:57,092 --> 00:02:00,812 Hey, guys, has anyone ever heard of Iris Black on the radio? 49 00:02:00,814 --> 00:02:02,930 Yeah, she hosts the Dr. Laura show. 50 00:02:02,964 --> 00:02:04,482 Nope, that's Dr. Laura. 51 00:02:04,516 --> 00:02:06,100 Well, her show Bizwhiz 52 00:02:06,134 --> 00:02:07,652 wants someone from Dunder Mifflin 53 00:02:07,686 --> 00:02:08,770 to come on the air today. 54 00:02:08,804 --> 00:02:10,971 Does anybody feel particularly passionate 55 00:02:10,989 --> 00:02:12,473 about local business issues? 56 00:02:12,491 --> 00:02:16,160 I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. 57 00:02:16,195 --> 00:02:18,196 The media can make you famous. 58 00:02:18,247 --> 00:02:20,298 And do you have any idea how easy it is 59 00:02:20,332 --> 00:02:22,483 to sell something when you're famous? 60 00:02:22,518 --> 00:02:24,369 "Uh, yeah, wow. 61 00:02:24,420 --> 00:02:28,256 10 reams of 40-pound bond at only $6.90 after discount? 62 00:02:28,290 --> 00:02:30,958 Uh, whatever you say, Brad Pitt." 63 00:02:30,992 --> 00:02:33,994 It's that easy. 64 00:02:34,012 --> 00:02:36,631 Hey, so that good-looking single brother of yours? 65 00:02:36,665 --> 00:02:39,033 Heard he was in a downward spiral with booze. 66 00:02:39,068 --> 00:02:41,386 Yeah. He's in rehab, actually. 67 00:02:41,437 --> 00:02:42,470 Which place? 68 00:02:42,504 --> 00:02:43,688 The one right near Philly? 69 00:02:43,722 --> 00:02:44,972 I could be there in an hour. 70 00:02:45,007 --> 00:02:46,507 No, it's in New Mexico. 71 00:02:46,525 --> 00:02:47,975 Oh. 72 00:02:48,009 --> 00:02:51,562 So, how are you holding up? 73 00:02:51,613 --> 00:02:55,199 We're done, Meredith. 74 00:02:55,234 --> 00:02:58,069 [Gibberish] 75 00:02:58,120 --> 00:02:59,687 Greta the tittle-tattle prattled on 76 00:02:59,705 --> 00:03:00,872 about the little metal bottle. 77 00:03:00,906 --> 00:03:02,373 - Oh, my God. - She spat a bit of spittle-- 78 00:03:02,408 --> 00:03:03,791 - Dwight. [All groaning] 79 00:03:03,826 --> 00:03:05,460 In a bitter battle-- Hey, hey. 80 00:03:05,494 --> 00:03:07,245 Stop questioning my methods, okay? 81 00:03:07,296 --> 00:03:11,416 I was chosen for this task for a very good reason. 82 00:03:11,467 --> 00:03:12,650 No. You chose yourself. 83 00:03:12,684 --> 00:03:15,536 Tricky Siskel spat a bit of wicked biscuit-- 84 00:03:15,554 --> 00:03:17,505 All right, guys, there's a lot of assets here 85 00:03:17,539 --> 00:03:18,923 that my dad couldn't steal. 86 00:03:18,974 --> 00:03:21,893 Now, first of all, there is the family boat, 87 00:03:21,927 --> 00:03:23,761 a 43-foot Tartan sloop. 88 00:03:23,812 --> 00:03:26,230 My lawyer has lined up a buyer in the Bahamas. 89 00:03:26,265 --> 00:03:28,983 The sale would cover the cost of a condo 90 00:03:29,017 --> 00:03:30,852 and living expenses for my mom. 91 00:03:30,886 --> 00:03:31,853 - Sounds great. - Perfect. 92 00:03:31,887 --> 00:03:33,888 Totally, except it is a no-go. 93 00:03:33,906 --> 00:03:36,524 This boat was the heart and soul of our family. 94 00:03:36,558 --> 00:03:38,276 So what else we got? Non-boat ideas. 95 00:03:38,327 --> 00:03:40,278 - What happened? - Jammed. 96 00:03:40,329 --> 00:03:41,612 - Excuse me a second. - Could this day get worse? 97 00:03:41,663 --> 00:03:42,697 [Laughs] 98 00:03:42,731 --> 00:03:45,750 Yeah, I think this day could get worse. 99 00:03:45,784 --> 00:03:49,620 - What does that mean? - Kevin. 100 00:03:49,671 --> 00:03:52,256 I don't know what you're talking about. 101 00:03:52,291 --> 00:03:53,407 She could get, like, 102 00:03:53,425 --> 00:03:56,177 60 packages of ramen noodles for 5 bucks. 103 00:03:56,211 --> 00:03:57,912 - Oh, hey, sorry. - She could eat for a month. 104 00:03:57,930 --> 00:03:58,913 All right, what's the grand total? 105 00:03:58,931 --> 00:03:59,931 Did we make our nut? 106 00:03:59,965 --> 00:04:03,184 If we sell everything but the boat, 107 00:04:03,218 --> 00:04:05,803 your mom should be set for about six months. 108 00:04:05,854 --> 00:04:08,105 Guys, you don't understand. 109 00:04:08,140 --> 00:04:10,391 This boat's been in our family since before I was born. 110 00:04:10,425 --> 00:04:13,561 Yeah, don't you guys have that place 111 00:04:13,595 --> 00:04:14,979 where you used to spend your summers 112 00:04:15,030 --> 00:04:16,781 and have all those memories? 113 00:04:16,815 --> 00:04:18,766 - I worked at a Jiffy Lube. - See? 114 00:04:18,784 --> 00:04:20,267 I bet you wouldn't sell that Jiffy Lube 115 00:04:20,285 --> 00:04:22,119 for all the money in the world, would you, Darryl? 116 00:04:22,154 --> 00:04:24,989 I would if I owned it and I went broke. 117 00:04:25,040 --> 00:04:26,624 All right. Uh, all right. 118 00:04:26,658 --> 00:04:29,160 I'm gonna tell the lawyer to pull the trigger on the boat. 119 00:04:29,211 --> 00:04:30,878 Yes, the boat means everything to my family, 120 00:04:30,913 --> 00:04:33,164 but we need the money. 121 00:04:33,215 --> 00:04:34,448 Got the memories, don't need the boat. 122 00:04:34,466 --> 00:04:35,583 Can't cry about it. 123 00:04:35,617 --> 00:04:36,834 What are you gonna do? Cry about it? 124 00:04:36,885 --> 00:04:37,974 Excuse me. 125 00:04:39,805 --> 00:04:42,673 Oh, okay. No problem. 126 00:04:42,724 --> 00:04:44,842 Thanks. 127 00:04:44,893 --> 00:04:46,561 Hey, guys, WPTU called. 128 00:04:46,595 --> 00:04:47,979 The interview's off. 129 00:04:48,013 --> 00:04:49,397 They're opening a new cupcake store 130 00:04:49,431 --> 00:04:52,433 at the steamtown mall, and Iris wants to cover that, so... 131 00:04:52,467 --> 00:04:53,985 Well, why don't I go and tell Dwight, 132 00:04:54,019 --> 00:04:57,321 so he can stop being such a complete nipple? 133 00:04:57,356 --> 00:04:59,023 He's gonna be disappointed. 134 00:04:59,074 --> 00:05:02,142 Yes, he is. And you know what? 135 00:05:02,160 --> 00:05:03,978 We cannot let that happen. 136 00:05:09,084 --> 00:05:10,034 Fax? 137 00:05:10,085 --> 00:05:14,488 Oh, yeah. Just-- just a minute. 138 00:05:14,506 --> 00:05:16,007 Watermelon teeth. 139 00:05:16,041 --> 00:05:17,925 This isn't how I would cheer up just anyone, 140 00:05:17,960 --> 00:05:20,177 but it's a girlfriend's job to know her man, 141 00:05:20,212 --> 00:05:22,046 and I know Andy. 142 00:05:22,097 --> 00:05:24,164 He is seriously juvenile. 143 00:05:24,182 --> 00:05:25,967 Cool. 144 00:05:26,001 --> 00:05:27,167 He's, like, 40, though, right? 145 00:05:27,185 --> 00:05:28,352 Oh, no. 146 00:05:28,387 --> 00:05:31,055 He couldn't be more than late 30s, tops. 147 00:05:31,106 --> 00:05:35,726 Awesome. Have fun. 148 00:05:35,777 --> 00:05:36,727 [Trills lips] 149 00:05:36,778 --> 00:05:39,530 Dunder Mifflin. Dunder Mifflin. 150 00:05:39,565 --> 00:05:40,731 Good, sounds-- 151 00:05:40,782 --> 00:05:46,737 [Phone ringing] 152 00:05:46,788 --> 00:05:48,022 This is Dwight Schrute. 153 00:05:48,040 --> 00:05:50,791 Please hold for Ms. Black. 154 00:05:50,826 --> 00:05:52,359 [Keyboard playing upbeat theme] 155 00:05:52,377 --> 00:05:53,995 [American accent] And welcome back to Bizwhiz. 156 00:05:54,029 --> 00:05:55,913 I'm Iris Black. 157 00:05:55,964 --> 00:05:57,498 On the line, we have Dunder Mifflin 158 00:05:57,532 --> 00:05:59,750 senior sales associate Dwight Schrute. 159 00:05:59,801 --> 00:06:02,053 Iris, thank you so much for having me. 160 00:06:02,087 --> 00:06:03,971 [Knocks] 161 00:06:04,006 --> 00:06:07,808 Help! My teeth are all messed up in my mouth. 162 00:06:07,843 --> 00:06:09,226 [Laughs] 163 00:06:09,261 --> 00:06:10,544 Did you need something? 164 00:06:10,562 --> 00:06:14,482 Oh, I just need your signature on this. 165 00:06:14,516 --> 00:06:16,017 Okay. 166 00:06:20,656 --> 00:06:22,406 Thanks. 167 00:06:26,244 --> 00:06:28,229 Kevin, we're out of 1138 forms. 168 00:06:28,263 --> 00:06:29,563 Did you order more? 169 00:06:29,581 --> 00:06:32,216 I did not. 170 00:06:32,250 --> 00:06:33,868 Well, I don't know why I'm surprised. 171 00:06:33,902 --> 00:06:36,120 Literally nothing you could do could surprise me anymore. 172 00:06:36,171 --> 00:06:37,872 Oh, really, Angela? 173 00:06:37,906 --> 00:06:40,257 That's interesting. 174 00:06:40,292 --> 00:06:42,760 'Cause I do think that I could surprise you. 175 00:06:42,794 --> 00:06:43,928 [Laughs] 176 00:06:43,962 --> 00:06:46,514 I think that I could surprise you all the-- 177 00:06:46,548 --> 00:06:48,099 Ah! 178 00:06:48,133 --> 00:06:50,084 I have to go to the bathroom. 179 00:06:50,102 --> 00:06:52,303 That doesn't surprise me. 180 00:06:52,354 --> 00:06:54,171 That actually wasn't the worst cover. 181 00:06:54,206 --> 00:06:56,107 I'd say at least once a week, Kevin runs out of the room, 182 00:06:56,141 --> 00:06:58,476 shouting that he has to go to the bathroom. 183 00:06:58,510 --> 00:07:01,862 Oh! I have to go to the bathroom! 184 00:07:01,897 --> 00:07:02,897 [Elevator bell rings] 185 00:07:02,931 --> 00:07:04,765 I have to go to the bathroom! 186 00:07:07,069 --> 00:07:08,319 [Tires screeching] 187 00:07:13,792 --> 00:07:16,460 Okay, who wants to go for a super fun lunch 188 00:07:16,495 --> 00:07:18,112 with a super fun girlfriend? 189 00:07:18,130 --> 00:07:21,132 Look, it's not that I don't want-- 190 00:07:21,166 --> 00:07:22,633 Okay, come on, I got someone to cover the phones, 191 00:07:22,668 --> 00:07:25,052 I heard on the radio about a new cupcake place 192 00:07:25,087 --> 00:07:28,172 we could go for dessert, perfect. 193 00:07:28,223 --> 00:07:31,726 All I ever wanted to do was sail the damn thing. 194 00:07:31,760 --> 00:07:33,127 But dad wouldn't let me. 195 00:07:33,145 --> 00:07:36,731 He said, "you can't be a skipper until you're a man." 196 00:07:36,765 --> 00:07:37,932 You know, I'd reach for the wheel, 197 00:07:37,966 --> 00:07:40,234 and he'd just smack my hand away. 198 00:07:40,268 --> 00:07:41,235 Well, guess what. 199 00:07:41,269 --> 00:07:43,070 Now I'm the man of the family, 200 00:07:43,105 --> 00:07:46,991 and we're selling the damn thing. 201 00:07:47,025 --> 00:07:48,726 So I'm never gonna have the chance. 202 00:07:48,760 --> 00:07:50,911 Well, when does the boat leave, exactly? 203 00:07:50,946 --> 00:07:52,246 Tonight. 204 00:07:52,280 --> 00:07:54,915 Then screw lunch. Let's go for a sunset sail. 205 00:07:54,950 --> 00:07:58,836 Yeah, right. It's in Stamford, Connecticut. 206 00:07:58,870 --> 00:08:00,204 We'd have to leave, like, right now. 207 00:08:00,255 --> 00:08:01,706 Okay, well, then let's leave, like, right now. 208 00:08:01,757 --> 00:08:02,790 Yeah, okay. 209 00:08:02,824 --> 00:08:04,675 Yeah, okay. Let's go. 210 00:08:04,710 --> 00:08:05,826 Seriously? 211 00:08:05,844 --> 00:08:09,013 Of course seriously. Get your coat on. 212 00:08:09,047 --> 00:08:10,464 - All right. - All right. 213 00:08:10,498 --> 00:08:12,166 - Let's do it. - Let's do it. 214 00:08:13,516 --> 00:08:16,234 Iris, let me tell you, David Wallace is the CEO, 215 00:08:16,268 --> 00:08:17,685 but he's not hands-on. 216 00:08:17,720 --> 00:08:20,738 So the day-to-day operations are entirely under your command? 217 00:08:20,773 --> 00:08:24,926 Entirely is the perfect way to describe it, Iris. 218 00:08:24,960 --> 00:08:28,196 Uh, excuse me, I'm being told by my sound engineer Steve 219 00:08:28,230 --> 00:08:30,264 that, uh, there is a clinking sound 220 00:08:30,282 --> 00:08:31,299 coming from your end. 221 00:08:31,333 --> 00:08:33,451 Does your shirt have buttons? 222 00:08:33,486 --> 00:08:34,769 Yes. 223 00:08:34,804 --> 00:08:36,871 I'm so sorry, we are going to have to ask you 224 00:08:36,906 --> 00:08:38,540 to remove the shirt altogether. 225 00:08:45,131 --> 00:08:46,464 Now then. 226 00:08:46,499 --> 00:08:47,966 We were saying, when my workers gather-- 227 00:08:48,000 --> 00:08:49,634 Oh, I'm so sorry. 228 00:08:49,668 --> 00:08:52,787 I am told we are still having problems, Mr. Schrute. 229 00:08:52,805 --> 00:08:54,973 Your voice, it's sounding a little feminine. 230 00:08:55,007 --> 00:08:56,141 That's impossible. 231 00:08:56,175 --> 00:08:57,292 Are you, by any chance, 232 00:08:57,326 --> 00:08:59,844 wearing pants with a metallic zipper? 233 00:09:03,732 --> 00:09:05,150 [Sighs] 234 00:09:05,184 --> 00:09:06,901 The Senator is exhausted. 235 00:09:06,936 --> 00:09:08,520 This campaign is wearing him out. 236 00:09:08,571 --> 00:09:09,854 It's a tough one. 237 00:09:09,905 --> 00:09:12,407 That man he's up against is so dirty, 238 00:09:12,441 --> 00:09:15,026 and the Senator's just pushing back as hard as he can. 239 00:09:15,077 --> 00:09:18,246 [Groans] Please stop. 240 00:09:18,280 --> 00:09:19,247 What? 241 00:09:19,281 --> 00:09:22,333 Please stop. 242 00:09:22,368 --> 00:09:24,652 Anyways, last night, he was so tired, 243 00:09:24,670 --> 00:09:26,287 he just wanted a little Mexican brought in. 244 00:09:26,321 --> 00:09:27,539 [Laughs] 245 00:09:27,590 --> 00:09:29,757 I can't. It's-- it's too much. 246 00:09:29,792 --> 00:09:33,261 [Laughs] 247 00:09:35,297 --> 00:09:37,165 I'm in big trouble. 248 00:09:37,199 --> 00:09:39,467 Yeah, Oscar's in big trouble. 249 00:09:45,087 --> 00:09:46,871 Okay, how is my voice now? 250 00:09:46,889 --> 00:09:48,390 I'm getting the all clear from Steve. 251 00:09:48,424 --> 00:09:50,759 So, Mr. Schrute, what is your response 252 00:09:50,810 --> 00:09:52,761 to the Consumer Product Safety Commission 253 00:09:52,812 --> 00:09:56,398 that says Dunder Mifflin paper is toxic? 254 00:09:56,432 --> 00:09:57,983 This is gotcha journalism. 255 00:09:58,017 --> 00:09:59,550 But you know what? They're not gonna "gotch" me. 256 00:09:59,569 --> 00:10:01,987 It's clearly not an accounting mistake. 257 00:10:02,021 --> 00:10:04,940 - Oh, Kevin. - So... 258 00:10:04,991 --> 00:10:07,108 His gambling problem must have resurfaced. 259 00:10:07,159 --> 00:10:09,227 I'm gonna have to send him home 260 00:10:09,245 --> 00:10:11,446 until I can do an investigation. 261 00:10:11,497 --> 00:10:15,417 Well, you gotta do what you gotta do, so... 262 00:10:15,451 --> 00:10:17,085 This is slander, Ms. Black. 263 00:10:17,119 --> 00:10:18,536 Slander, I say. 264 00:10:18,570 --> 00:10:22,123 I dare you to produce one credible source about this. 265 00:10:22,174 --> 00:10:24,542 Well, as it happens, we have with us 266 00:10:24,576 --> 00:10:26,744 the foreman of your upstate New York paper mill, 267 00:10:26,762 --> 00:10:27,846 Sondra Mc-- 268 00:10:27,880 --> 00:10:29,631 Sondra Mick. 269 00:10:29,682 --> 00:10:31,099 [New York accent] Good afternoon, Iris. 270 00:10:31,133 --> 00:10:32,250 It's a pleasure. 271 00:10:32,268 --> 00:10:33,301 I'll get straight to the point. 272 00:10:33,352 --> 00:10:34,603 Is your paper toxic? 273 00:10:34,637 --> 00:10:36,187 No, the paper's not toxic... 274 00:10:36,222 --> 00:10:37,272 Thank you, Sondra! 275 00:10:37,306 --> 00:10:39,608 Unless it's exposed to oxygen. 276 00:10:39,642 --> 00:10:41,109 Then it becomes extremely toxic. 277 00:10:41,143 --> 00:10:42,260 Do not listen to her! 278 00:10:42,278 --> 00:10:43,928 This employee is obviously disgruntled. 279 00:10:43,946 --> 00:10:45,397 What the heck is going on? 280 00:10:45,431 --> 00:10:47,065 The stock price is plummeting. 281 00:10:47,099 --> 00:10:48,433 Are you gonna get control of the message, 282 00:10:48,451 --> 00:10:50,101 or do I have to send in someone who understands the media? 283 00:10:50,119 --> 00:10:51,653 - Get out of here, moron! - Okay. 284 00:10:51,704 --> 00:10:53,938 Uh, excuse me, Mr. Dwight, who are you talking to? 285 00:10:53,956 --> 00:10:55,490 Uh, no one. 286 00:10:55,541 --> 00:10:57,375 Did you just call Ms. Mick a moron? 287 00:10:57,410 --> 00:10:58,410 No, everything's fine. 288 00:10:58,444 --> 00:11:00,161 Are you insulting my guests? 289 00:11:00,212 --> 00:11:02,631 [Sighs] 290 00:11:02,665 --> 00:11:07,385 Okay. I will be right there. 291 00:11:07,420 --> 00:11:08,887 Hey, Oscar. 292 00:11:08,921 --> 00:11:10,555 What if I'm getting a promotion? 293 00:11:10,589 --> 00:11:12,457 I hope that's it, Kevin. 294 00:11:12,475 --> 00:11:13,758 Me too. 295 00:11:13,792 --> 00:11:17,345 'Cause then, I would get my own office, 296 00:11:17,396 --> 00:11:20,982 and I wouldn't screw up your secret with Angela. 297 00:11:21,017 --> 00:11:23,268 I've been really worried about that. 298 00:11:29,275 --> 00:11:32,310 Hi, Kevin. Look, I need to talk to you-- 299 00:11:32,328 --> 00:11:35,146 - Hi. - Guys, excuse me. 300 00:11:35,164 --> 00:11:37,032 Um, a quick word? Please, just-- 301 00:11:37,083 --> 00:11:38,950 - Oscar, we're in the middle of talking. 302 00:11:38,984 --> 00:11:40,001 I know. I'm so sorry. 303 00:11:40,036 --> 00:11:41,920 Snack machine, on me. 304 00:11:41,954 --> 00:11:44,255 Oh, that is nice. 305 00:11:44,290 --> 00:11:47,625 Classy move. 306 00:11:47,659 --> 00:11:48,927 That's what I'm saying! 307 00:11:48,961 --> 00:11:50,595 No, of course not! [Door opens] 308 00:11:50,629 --> 00:11:53,214 Wha-- What are you doing? 309 00:11:55,000 --> 00:11:57,602 Those figures I gave you, they're false. 310 00:11:57,636 --> 00:11:59,670 No. 311 00:11:59,689 --> 00:12:01,306 I was mad at Kevin. 312 00:12:01,340 --> 00:12:04,943 We had a fight, and I acted vindictively. 313 00:12:04,977 --> 00:12:07,395 So you set him up. 314 00:12:07,446 --> 00:12:08,446 Yes, he's innocent. 315 00:12:08,481 --> 00:12:11,533 Oh... I knew it. 316 00:12:11,567 --> 00:12:13,551 I knew it from the beginning, this was a possibility. 317 00:12:13,586 --> 00:12:15,704 What are you talking about? I just did this now. 318 00:12:15,738 --> 00:12:18,523 Oh, no, a few years ago, 319 00:12:18,541 --> 00:12:20,024 when I was on the jury, the Scranton strangler. 320 00:12:20,042 --> 00:12:21,376 Sure. 321 00:12:21,410 --> 00:12:23,078 I always thought he might have been set up, 322 00:12:23,129 --> 00:12:24,546 but I felt pressured to convict. 323 00:12:24,580 --> 00:12:26,364 That's gotta be tough. 324 00:12:26,382 --> 00:12:27,415 Tough? 325 00:12:27,466 --> 00:12:29,700 I put an innocent man on death row. 326 00:12:29,719 --> 00:12:31,720 The fallout from this morning's revelation 327 00:12:31,754 --> 00:12:32,721 continues to mount. 328 00:12:32,755 --> 00:12:34,856 Since Mr. Dwight Schrute began speaking, 329 00:12:34,890 --> 00:12:38,476 Dunder Mifflin share prices fell 73%. 330 00:12:38,511 --> 00:12:40,979 Mr. Schrute, shareholders demand accountability 331 00:12:41,013 --> 00:12:42,313 from corporate leadership. 332 00:12:42,348 --> 00:12:44,766 Can we announce your resignation at this time? 333 00:12:44,817 --> 00:12:46,317 My resignation? What are you talking about? 334 00:12:46,352 --> 00:12:47,902 No, I'm just following orders! 335 00:12:47,937 --> 00:12:50,522 Listen, the person responsible for this catastrophe 336 00:12:50,556 --> 00:12:54,892 is the ceo and chairman, David Wallace. 337 00:12:54,910 --> 00:12:56,060 That's yours? 338 00:12:56,078 --> 00:12:57,162 That's the family boat right there. 339 00:12:57,196 --> 00:12:59,914 Oh, my gosh, Andy. This is enormous. 340 00:12:59,949 --> 00:13:00,915 Right? 341 00:13:00,950 --> 00:13:01,916 I thought it was gonna be tiny. 342 00:13:01,951 --> 00:13:04,836 Oh, my gosh. It's beautiful. 343 00:13:04,870 --> 00:13:08,089 So this is how your family came to America. 344 00:13:08,124 --> 00:13:10,375 - Move. - Sorry? 345 00:13:10,409 --> 00:13:11,926 I'm trying to rig a boat here. 346 00:13:11,961 --> 00:13:13,211 I don't know how to do that when you're standing in the way. 347 00:13:13,245 --> 00:13:15,847 Sure, I-I'm not-- I didn't know. 348 00:13:15,881 --> 00:13:19,017 I'm not a ghost, so I can't walk through people. 349 00:13:19,051 --> 00:13:20,301 - Okay. - Okay. 350 00:13:20,352 --> 00:13:23,805 - He was salty. - Yes, a little bit. 351 00:13:23,856 --> 00:13:25,590 How you doing, old buddy? Missed you. 352 00:13:25,608 --> 00:13:26,808 What does that one do? 353 00:13:26,859 --> 00:13:28,759 This raises the mainsail. 354 00:13:28,778 --> 00:13:29,978 That was my job when we went sailing. 355 00:13:30,029 --> 00:13:31,262 I wish I had seen you do it. 356 00:13:31,280 --> 00:13:33,364 - Really? - Yeah. 357 00:13:35,100 --> 00:13:36,701 Up she goes. 358 00:13:36,735 --> 00:13:38,703 Don't do that. 359 00:13:38,737 --> 00:13:40,455 - Don't do that. - Oh, it's okay. 360 00:13:40,489 --> 00:13:41,606 My girlfriend and I were actually gonna 361 00:13:41,624 --> 00:13:43,208 take her for a little spin and a picnic 362 00:13:43,242 --> 00:13:44,375 before you guys head out tonight. 363 00:13:44,410 --> 00:13:46,294 You know what? Get some dinner on me. 364 00:13:46,328 --> 00:13:47,495 Nope. Can't do that. 365 00:13:47,546 --> 00:13:49,280 Got it. 366 00:13:49,298 --> 00:13:50,381 You know what, then we'll just take it 367 00:13:50,416 --> 00:13:53,802 for a quick little spin around the harbor. 368 00:13:53,836 --> 00:13:55,336 We've already started boarding. 369 00:13:55,387 --> 00:13:57,722 No one is insured to rig or operate now, except us. 370 00:13:57,756 --> 00:13:59,891 You know what? Chill, okay? 371 00:13:59,925 --> 00:14:02,960 I own the boat. Not gonna sue myself. 372 00:14:02,978 --> 00:14:05,296 All right? So just-- 373 00:14:05,314 --> 00:14:06,514 Wow. 374 00:14:06,565 --> 00:14:07,632 I can smack you all day if you keep touching 375 00:14:07,650 --> 00:14:10,518 what you're not supposed to touch. 376 00:14:10,569 --> 00:14:12,070 - Okay, fine, fine. - Okay? 377 00:14:12,104 --> 00:14:13,354 - Yeah, fine. - Good stuff. 378 00:14:13,405 --> 00:14:15,406 Good stuff. Great stuff. 379 00:14:18,694 --> 00:14:19,744 Fuck! Damn it! 380 00:14:19,778 --> 00:14:21,779 Screw you, dad! Ugh! 381 00:14:24,363 --> 00:14:25,443 Well, we're doing it. 382 00:14:25,478 --> 00:14:28,606 We're finally having a picnic on the boat. 383 00:14:28,640 --> 00:14:32,060 I've had a thousand picnics on this boat. 384 00:14:32,094 --> 00:14:33,761 The point was for me to sail it. 385 00:14:33,779 --> 00:14:39,300 Andy, you never had to sail the boat to be a man. 386 00:14:39,334 --> 00:14:40,935 Fine, but I could have. 387 00:14:40,953 --> 00:14:44,038 As long as we're on this boat, as far as I'm concerned, 388 00:14:44,073 --> 00:14:45,039 you're the captain. 389 00:14:45,074 --> 00:14:46,741 I am the captain. 390 00:14:46,775 --> 00:14:48,376 - Yeah. - Right? 391 00:14:48,410 --> 00:14:51,712 Yeah. 392 00:14:51,747 --> 00:14:54,382 I'm the captain. 393 00:14:57,086 --> 00:14:59,120 Hey, charm school. 394 00:14:59,138 --> 00:15:00,171 What? 395 00:15:00,222 --> 00:15:04,392 - I'm taking over from here. - Nice. 396 00:15:04,426 --> 00:15:06,978 Okay, I hate to ruin this, uh, moment, 397 00:15:07,012 --> 00:15:09,296 or breakdown, but you already signed the papers. 398 00:15:09,314 --> 00:15:10,815 So, if you want your boat back, you can pick it up 399 00:15:10,849 --> 00:15:12,767 there in the Bahamas in ten days. 400 00:15:12,801 --> 00:15:14,018 Yeah, I know, 'cause I'm sailing it there. 401 00:15:14,069 --> 00:15:15,436 Okay, no. 402 00:15:15,470 --> 00:15:17,405 I already said you're not getting back your deposit. 403 00:15:17,439 --> 00:15:20,324 Fine, keep it. Just leave the supplies. 404 00:15:20,359 --> 00:15:23,611 I already paid for those. 405 00:15:23,645 --> 00:15:26,998 And how much for that cool fisherman sweater? 406 00:15:27,032 --> 00:15:29,834 For those just joining us, terror in Greenwich, 407 00:15:29,868 --> 00:15:31,819 where police have surrounded the house 408 00:15:31,837 --> 00:15:34,038 of Dunder Mifflin CEO David Wallace. 409 00:15:34,089 --> 00:15:36,424 Wallace is said to be despondent 410 00:15:36,458 --> 00:15:38,659 over the company's stock plummet, 411 00:15:38,677 --> 00:15:40,428 and has taken a mailman hostage. 412 00:15:40,462 --> 00:15:45,016 On the line, we have Chief of Greenwich Police, 413 00:15:45,050 --> 00:15:47,218 Mr. Bill Jackson. 414 00:15:47,269 --> 00:15:49,387 Good afternoon. 415 00:15:49,438 --> 00:15:50,972 Please, sir, spare him. 416 00:15:51,006 --> 00:15:52,273 Please. 417 00:15:52,307 --> 00:15:55,143 Uh, this Wallace guy's looking at hard time, 418 00:15:55,177 --> 00:15:57,612 and we only know this because of what Dwight snoot said 419 00:15:57,646 --> 00:15:58,679 on record. 420 00:15:58,697 --> 00:16:00,615 Okay, everyone. Everyone, hold on. 421 00:16:00,649 --> 00:16:02,650 I've got a solution. 422 00:16:02,684 --> 00:16:03,868 I know Wallace's phone number. 423 00:16:03,902 --> 00:16:05,236 Everyone hold, I'll conference him in. 424 00:16:05,287 --> 00:16:07,655 Oh, no, Mr. Schrute, there's really no need to, 425 00:16:07,689 --> 00:16:09,540 um, involve Mr. Wallace. 426 00:16:09,575 --> 00:16:11,025 Do you even know what you're doing? 427 00:16:11,043 --> 00:16:12,460 Yeah. 428 00:16:12,494 --> 00:16:14,028 Yeah, I know how to hoist the mainsail, 429 00:16:14,046 --> 00:16:15,580 I know how to-- 430 00:16:15,631 --> 00:16:19,550 These buttons control bilge pumps and stuff. 431 00:16:19,585 --> 00:16:21,636 I also know where the booze stash is. 432 00:16:21,670 --> 00:16:24,555 Hello. 433 00:16:24,590 --> 00:16:26,207 Walt? 434 00:16:26,225 --> 00:16:28,843 Oh, God! Thank goodness you're here. 435 00:16:28,877 --> 00:16:30,561 I was having a little trouble, 436 00:16:30,596 --> 00:16:34,098 uh, with this door, uh, yesterday. 437 00:16:34,149 --> 00:16:38,269 I, um-- I think it was yesterday. 438 00:16:38,320 --> 00:16:39,604 I thought you were in rehab. 439 00:16:39,655 --> 00:16:40,988 Yeah, I just, uh-- 440 00:16:41,023 --> 00:16:42,657 I figured I'd get that first relapse 441 00:16:42,691 --> 00:16:44,408 out of the way. 442 00:16:44,443 --> 00:16:46,527 God, what's happened to our family? 443 00:16:46,561 --> 00:16:49,113 Everything is so messed up. 444 00:16:49,164 --> 00:16:50,565 How did you even know I was in here? 445 00:16:50,599 --> 00:16:51,699 I didn't. 446 00:16:51,733 --> 00:16:53,251 I just came to say good-bye to the boat, 447 00:16:53,285 --> 00:16:56,254 but I've decided to sail it to Bermuda. 448 00:16:56,288 --> 00:16:58,789 - Bahamas, Andy. - Same thing. 449 00:16:58,840 --> 00:17:02,126 I need a crew. You should be my crew. 450 00:17:02,177 --> 00:17:04,411 Three weeks, open ocean, no booze. 451 00:17:04,429 --> 00:17:05,412 You need this. 452 00:17:05,430 --> 00:17:07,632 I need it. We need this. 453 00:17:07,683 --> 00:17:09,133 Serious bro time. Come on. 454 00:17:09,184 --> 00:17:11,352 - Hello? - David, is that you? 455 00:17:11,386 --> 00:17:12,353 Dwight? 456 00:17:12,387 --> 00:17:13,804 Oh, thank God. Oh, thank God. 457 00:17:13,855 --> 00:17:15,640 Are you okay? Is everyone okay? 458 00:17:15,691 --> 00:17:16,891 Yeah. Are you okay? 459 00:17:16,925 --> 00:17:18,075 I'm okay. 460 00:17:18,110 --> 00:17:22,029 I just want you to know that I believe in you. 461 00:17:22,064 --> 00:17:23,564 I really do. 462 00:17:23,598 --> 00:17:26,984 And I believe in your ability to make the right choices. 463 00:17:27,035 --> 00:17:28,869 I always have, David. 464 00:17:28,904 --> 00:17:30,788 Well, thanks, Dwight. 465 00:17:30,822 --> 00:17:32,490 You're welcome, sir. 466 00:17:32,541 --> 00:17:35,076 But, David, listen to me carefully. 467 00:17:35,110 --> 00:17:38,462 I'm going to need you to let the mailman go, okay? 468 00:17:38,497 --> 00:17:39,463 Dwight? 469 00:17:39,498 --> 00:17:40,781 - Walk out of the house... - What? 470 00:17:40,799 --> 00:17:42,950 With your hands on top of your head. 471 00:17:42,968 --> 00:17:44,785 Everything is going to be fine. 472 00:17:44,803 --> 00:17:47,138 Dunder Mifflin will be in good hands 473 00:17:47,172 --> 00:17:48,839 while you're away in prison. 474 00:17:48,890 --> 00:17:50,124 Okay, Dwight? 475 00:17:50,142 --> 00:17:52,093 Gonna ask you to not call me on my cell anymore. 476 00:17:52,127 --> 00:17:53,094 Gotta go. 477 00:17:53,128 --> 00:17:57,631 [Applause] 478 00:17:57,649 --> 00:18:00,017 Wait a minute. 479 00:18:00,068 --> 00:18:01,102 You guys? 480 00:18:01,136 --> 00:18:02,320 You heard? 481 00:18:02,354 --> 00:18:04,188 All: Schrute! Schrute! Schrute! 482 00:18:04,239 --> 00:18:07,158 Schrute! Schrute! Schrute! Schrute! Schrute! Schrute! 483 00:18:07,192 --> 00:18:08,359 Schrute! Schrute! 484 00:18:08,410 --> 00:18:10,311 Overall, I'd say my first radio interview 485 00:18:10,329 --> 00:18:13,948 went pretty much the way I expected. 486 00:18:13,982 --> 00:18:17,201 Well, Oscar, I did not get the promotion. 487 00:18:17,252 --> 00:18:19,620 He just wanted to update my personal information. 488 00:18:19,654 --> 00:18:22,790 Well, I'm sorry, Kevin. 489 00:18:22,824 --> 00:18:25,492 Why on Earth would you think you were getting a promotion? 490 00:18:25,510 --> 00:18:27,661 You know what, Angela, I-- 491 00:18:27,679 --> 00:18:29,830 Oh, my God. 492 00:18:29,848 --> 00:18:31,665 Honey, what are you doing here? 493 00:18:31,683 --> 00:18:34,168 Oh, I just had an intuition that someone I love 494 00:18:34,186 --> 00:18:37,188 needed a little of my attention today. 495 00:18:37,222 --> 00:18:40,107 Oscar, looking very healthy. 496 00:18:40,142 --> 00:18:41,809 Getting lots of vigorous exercise? 497 00:18:41,843 --> 00:18:45,012 No. No. 498 00:18:45,030 --> 00:18:48,065 Oscar, what is going on? What was that? 499 00:18:48,116 --> 00:18:49,367 - Wha-- - What was that? 500 00:18:49,401 --> 00:18:51,152 I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean any offense. 501 00:18:51,186 --> 00:18:52,169 I was just trying to be friendly. 502 00:18:52,204 --> 00:18:53,821 You know what? I'm sorry. 503 00:18:53,855 --> 00:18:56,874 I overreacted, because I'm stressed out. 504 00:18:56,908 --> 00:18:58,359 Why am I stressed out? 505 00:18:58,377 --> 00:19:00,194 Who's not stressed out? Who's not stressed out? 506 00:19:00,212 --> 00:19:02,196 Come on, Oscar. 507 00:19:02,214 --> 00:19:05,866 We're not just gonna sit here and ignore the obvious. 508 00:19:05,884 --> 00:19:09,303 Senator Lipton has a big election next week. 509 00:19:09,338 --> 00:19:11,055 We all need to give him our support. 510 00:19:11,089 --> 00:19:12,056 [Scattered applause] 511 00:19:12,090 --> 00:19:13,424 Oh, thank you. 512 00:19:13,475 --> 00:19:16,477 Thank you very much. Oh, thanks, everybody. 513 00:19:16,511 --> 00:19:19,814 'Cause it's really cool. 514 00:19:19,848 --> 00:19:24,385 - USA! USA! - USA. U-- 515 00:19:24,403 --> 00:19:26,771 I have to say, I'm impressed with Kevin. 516 00:19:26,822 --> 00:19:32,059 Uh, he showed a lot of self-control. 517 00:19:32,077 --> 00:19:35,663 I totally forgot about the affair for a minute. 518 00:19:35,697 --> 00:19:38,449 [Laughs] 519 00:19:38,500 --> 00:19:41,952 Oscar is having sex with the Senator, 520 00:19:42,003 --> 00:19:44,955 and Angela doesn't even know. 521 00:19:45,006 --> 00:19:47,208 [Laughs] 522 00:19:47,242 --> 00:19:50,344 Her life is a complete sham. 523 00:19:50,379 --> 00:19:52,263 [Laughs] 524 00:19:52,297 --> 00:19:54,348 All right, guys. Cast us off. 525 00:19:54,383 --> 00:19:55,766 Walt, all aboard. 526 00:19:55,801 --> 00:19:58,219 Erin, this is because of you. 527 00:19:58,253 --> 00:20:00,821 Do you realize that? You're the best ever. 528 00:20:00,856 --> 00:20:03,307 Oh, you know, just being a good girlfriend. 529 00:20:03,358 --> 00:20:05,059 "Good"? Come on. 530 00:20:05,093 --> 00:20:07,895 Above and beyond. World's greatest. 531 00:20:07,929 --> 00:20:10,364 You did this. 532 00:20:10,399 --> 00:20:11,932 Damn it, I'm happy! 533 00:20:11,950 --> 00:20:14,652 Yes, I am very pleased I could help Andy. 534 00:20:14,703 --> 00:20:17,405 Would I have gone with him if he'd asked me? 535 00:20:17,439 --> 00:20:19,606 On his sailboat cruise to the Caribbean? 536 00:20:19,624 --> 00:20:23,210 Yes, I think that would have been really fun and romantic. 537 00:20:23,245 --> 00:20:25,329 - I'll see you in three weeks! - Okay! 538 00:20:25,380 --> 00:20:27,548 Hey, bro, it was here all along. 539 00:20:27,582 --> 00:20:30,167 - No way! - Way! 540 00:20:30,218 --> 00:20:32,136 Erin, I gotta go! 541 00:20:32,170 --> 00:20:33,421 Them's my chords! 542 00:20:33,455 --> 00:20:36,457 [Playing More Than Words by Extreme] 543 00:20:39,281 --> 00:20:42,450 Hey. She's back. 544 00:20:42,452 --> 00:20:43,585 Thanks for covering the phones. 545 00:20:43,587 --> 00:20:45,620 Yeah, no problem. How was it? 546 00:20:45,622 --> 00:20:48,707 Fine. 547 00:20:52,678 --> 00:20:54,345 Hey, some buddies and I are going to poor Richard's 548 00:20:54,347 --> 00:20:55,346 for beers and pool. 549 00:20:55,348 --> 00:20:56,497 You want to come? 550 00:20:56,499 --> 00:20:57,682 I can't promise you too much, 551 00:20:57,684 --> 00:21:00,351 but you might get to meet my friend Flipper. 552 00:21:00,353 --> 00:21:02,220 Does he have a flipper? 553 00:21:02,222 --> 00:21:04,606 Oh, nope. It's not that. 554 00:21:04,608 --> 00:21:09,177 He, uh, he flipped a table one time when he was drunk. 555 00:21:09,179 --> 00:21:11,279 He sounds like an idiot. 556 00:21:11,281 --> 00:21:14,532 Yeah, he is. 557 00:21:14,534 --> 00:21:17,485 - Okay. - Okay. 558 00:21:17,487 --> 00:21:18,486 Thanks. 559 00:21:18,488 --> 00:21:20,521 Yeah.