1
00:00:23,200 --> 00:00:25,201
(school bell ringing)
2
00:00:27,432 --> 00:00:28,476
(belches)
3
00:00:28,609 --> 00:00:31,965
ANNOUNCER: And here they are,
the Sofa Speedsters--
4
00:00:32,040 --> 00:00:34,151
the Simpsons
on Brown Lightning!
5
00:00:34,229 --> 00:00:35,829
The Piggly Wiggums!
6
00:00:35,883 --> 00:00:37,218
The Bumble Buggy!
7
00:00:37,242 --> 00:00:38,576
The Greed Hornet!
8
00:00:38,633 --> 00:00:39,950
Dr. Groom!
9
00:00:40,048 --> 00:00:41,632
Glasgow-A-Go-Go!
10
00:00:41,660 --> 00:00:42,923
Hick Dastardly...
11
00:00:42,975 --> 00:00:45,125
and the Franken-continental!
12
00:00:45,325 --> 00:00:48,611
We'll be sitting pretty
at the finish line!
13
00:00:51,777 --> 00:00:54,412
(crashing)
14
00:00:54,642 --> 00:00:56,276
(engine chugging)
15
00:00:56,303 --> 00:00:58,514
(cackling)
16
00:00:58,601 --> 00:01:00,118
Beat ya!
17
00:01:00,580 --> 00:01:01,736
D'oh!
18
00:01:01,850 --> 00:01:05,850
♪ The Simpsons 24x04 ♪
Gone Abie Gone
Original Air Date on November 11, 2012
19
00:01:05,901 --> 00:01:09,901
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther
20
00:01:11,925 --> 00:01:14,745
Pushy sign!
Don't tell me what to try!
21
00:01:14,766 --> 00:01:18,002
Homer! Dr. Hibbert told you
to eat healthier!
22
00:01:18,049 --> 00:01:19,514
I don't recall that.
23
00:01:19,545 --> 00:01:20,982
Well, I do.
24
00:01:21,030 --> 00:01:22,330
Eat healthier!
25
00:01:22,505 --> 00:01:23,843
You too, Julius!
26
00:01:23,924 --> 00:01:25,777
I heard you were
at Loretta's Diner
27
00:01:25,795 --> 00:01:27,157
on "Catfish Friday"!
28
00:01:27,243 --> 00:01:28,225
How do you know that?
29
00:01:28,256 --> 00:01:29,775
You got your brother
following me?
30
00:01:29,794 --> 00:01:31,061
Chester needs a job.
31
00:01:31,182 --> 00:01:32,833
I paid him to build a shed!
32
00:01:32,861 --> 00:01:34,949
Where is my shed, Bernice?
33
00:01:35,052 --> 00:01:37,387
(hushed):
One onion rings, please.
34
00:01:39,789 --> 00:01:42,364
Can I borrow ten bucks
from the cash register?
35
00:01:42,395 --> 00:01:44,278
I've gotta get drunk
before a party.
36
00:01:44,309 --> 00:01:45,678
(stressed-out murmuring)
37
00:01:45,773 --> 00:01:47,456
Excuse me.
A homeless man is
38
00:01:47,481 --> 00:01:48,975
giving himself a sink bath!
39
00:01:49,167 --> 00:01:50,555
(stressed-out murmuring)
40
00:01:50,641 --> 00:01:52,060
(kids yelling)
41
00:01:52,118 --> 00:01:54,903
Karate class is here and hungry!
42
00:01:55,413 --> 00:01:57,468
You got any scented candles?
43
00:01:57,540 --> 00:01:59,241
(fryer beeping)
44
00:02:01,459 --> 00:02:02,580
(Homer screams)
45
00:02:02,679 --> 00:02:06,015
Ow! This is the worst pain
imaginable!
46
00:02:07,018 --> 00:02:08,552
This one's cold.
47
00:02:08,763 --> 00:02:12,388
Mr. Simpson, your injury was
no accidénte,
48
00:02:12,422 --> 00:02:14,857
it was... negligénce.
49
00:02:14,891 --> 00:02:16,692
My burns have affected our...
50
00:02:17,144 --> 00:02:18,332
(whispers):
intimacy...
51
00:02:18,396 --> 00:02:20,867
because all night,
I talk about how much money
52
00:02:20,886 --> 00:02:22,490
I'm going to make
from the lawsuit.
53
00:02:22,532 --> 00:02:26,049
Money? What I am concerned
about is your burns.
54
00:02:26,155 --> 00:02:26,974
(grunts skeptically)
55
00:02:27,000 --> 00:02:28,834
They have healed
much too quickly.
56
00:02:28,906 --> 00:02:32,550
Sit still while I give
your head the "third degree."
57
00:02:33,654 --> 00:02:37,256
(screams) Oh, God!
It hurts worse than the burns!
58
00:02:37,297 --> 00:02:40,199
Yes, these are
special acid markers.
59
00:02:41,351 --> 00:02:45,647
Homer Simpson, you shall receive
$5,000 after legal fees.
60
00:02:45,691 --> 00:02:46,822
Pay up, Krusty.
61
00:02:46,858 --> 00:02:48,592
It wasn't even my place!
62
00:02:48,995 --> 00:02:51,697
Man, I got a bad lawyer.
63
00:02:52,862 --> 00:02:54,738
So, uh, what are you gonna do
with the money, Homer?
64
00:02:54,769 --> 00:02:56,904
Well, thought bubble
Marge said we should
65
00:02:56,931 --> 00:02:58,815
put it in a college
fund for Lisa.
66
00:02:58,975 --> 00:03:00,479
So where's the money now?
67
00:03:00,553 --> 00:03:02,237
I put it in the bank.
68
00:03:02,366 --> 00:03:05,990
That place is great!
On their wall, they had a photo
69
00:03:06,009 --> 00:03:08,116
with an old couple walking on
the beach
70
00:03:08,141 --> 00:03:09,641
with their pants rolled up.
71
00:03:09,763 --> 00:03:11,597
Uh, Homer, we all
wanna walk on a beach
72
00:03:11,628 --> 00:03:12,764
with our pants rolled up,
73
00:03:12,795 --> 00:03:15,397
but, uh, banks are not as safe
as they used to be.
74
00:03:15,537 --> 00:03:17,406
Yeah, when you give
the bank your money,
75
00:03:17,454 --> 00:03:19,004
they lend it to other people!
76
00:03:19,038 --> 00:03:20,513
I saw a Sesame Street about it!
77
00:03:20,537 --> 00:03:22,721
Kermit was wearing his
trench coat and everything.
78
00:03:22,742 --> 00:03:25,758
Wait, the frog in the trench
coat is Kermit, too?
79
00:03:25,779 --> 00:03:27,797
All the frogs on
that show are Kermit.
80
00:03:28,009 --> 00:03:29,759
Keeps all the other frog
actors out of work.
81
00:03:29,816 --> 00:03:31,860
That settles it.
No banks for me.
82
00:03:31,932 --> 00:03:33,613
I'll tell you where
you should put your money.
83
00:03:33,653 --> 00:03:36,504
The one safe place left in this
world of woe:
84
00:03:36,566 --> 00:03:37,279
What the...?
85
00:03:37,323 --> 00:03:40,292
I'm not gonna gamble
with my daughter's future.
86
00:03:40,326 --> 00:03:41,789
Nah, you don't have
to bet the money.
87
00:03:41,820 --> 00:03:44,239
The poker website just keeps it
nice and safe,
88
00:03:44,276 --> 00:03:47,344
where the FDIC can't get its
grubby little hands on it!
89
00:03:47,387 --> 00:03:50,890
A poker site is now safer
than an American bank.
90
00:03:50,924 --> 00:03:54,899
Has our nation-- built on people
suing because their onion rings
91
00:03:54,923 --> 00:03:57,171
were too hot-- come to this?
92
00:03:57,227 --> 00:03:59,361
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
Don't you badmouth this country.
93
00:03:59,464 --> 00:04:01,167
Compared to the rest
of the Third World,
94
00:04:01,179 --> 00:04:02,365
we're doin' great!
95
00:04:02,532 --> 00:04:04,299
Open file, click and...
96
00:04:04,334 --> 00:04:06,785
(cash register dings)
97
00:04:06,820 --> 00:04:07,886
...invested!
98
00:04:07,921 --> 00:04:10,161
Hey, Lisa, check out
your college fund!
99
00:04:10,498 --> 00:04:12,889
You put my college fund
on a poker site?!
100
00:04:12,933 --> 00:04:14,567
It's a classy operation.
101
00:04:14,595 --> 00:04:16,963
See? The little dealer's
wearing a bow tie-- cute!
102
00:04:16,987 --> 00:04:19,433
Well... at least I have
a college fund!
103
00:04:19,466 --> 00:04:20,632
On a poker site!
104
00:04:20,667 --> 00:04:22,434
More importantly,
it's a college fund.
105
00:04:22,469 --> 00:04:23,502
On a poker site!
106
00:04:23,536 --> 00:04:24,903
Dad, please!
107
00:04:24,938 --> 00:04:26,838
Sorry. Check out
my new T-shirt.
108
00:04:29,468 --> 00:04:31,514
(sighs) Where did you get
that shirt?
109
00:04:31,622 --> 00:04:33,059
I've had it for a long time.
110
00:04:33,087 --> 00:04:34,324
I was just about
to throw it out,
111
00:04:34,342 --> 00:04:35,655
and then this happened.
112
00:04:36,304 --> 00:04:37,773
Mwah!
113
00:04:38,384 --> 00:04:40,352
(rattling)
114
00:04:40,554 --> 00:04:42,816
That's one way
to avoid drunk driving.
115
00:04:42,889 --> 00:04:44,523
Another way is don't drink.
116
00:04:44,557 --> 00:04:46,258
I'm not Superman.
117
00:04:46,392 --> 00:04:48,536
Homie, do you know
what yesterday was?
118
00:04:48,595 --> 00:04:50,729
Ha! Of course I do!
119
00:04:51,056 --> 00:04:54,994
Happy anni...
birth... entine...
120
00:04:55,057 --> 00:04:56,188
Shark week?
121
00:04:56,235 --> 00:05:00,343
Yesterday's the day we were
supposed to visit Grampa!
122
00:05:01,391 --> 00:05:03,442
What the...?!
Stupid calendar.
123
00:05:03,473 --> 00:05:06,414
First you put the Fourth of July
on Sunday, and now this!
124
00:05:06,542 --> 00:05:09,627
Oh, we're gonna discuss this
later!
125
00:05:12,656 --> 00:05:15,356
Okay, remember the plan:
Apologize to Grampa.
126
00:05:15,381 --> 00:05:17,140
Then when he wants us
to take him out to lunch,
127
00:05:17,165 --> 00:05:18,396
point to the leftovers,
128
00:05:18,416 --> 00:05:20,434
tell him we already did,
but he forgot.
129
00:05:20,479 --> 00:05:22,251
I still feel guilty.
130
00:05:22,273 --> 00:05:24,858
Your father's not going
to be around forever.
131
00:05:24,874 --> 00:05:26,371
Marge, you take that back!
132
00:05:26,399 --> 00:05:28,667
Fine, he'll be around forever.
133
00:05:28,704 --> 00:05:29,779
You take that back!
134
00:05:29,817 --> 00:05:30,817
(sighs)
135
00:05:31,771 --> 00:05:32,838
(sighs)
136
00:05:32,859 --> 00:05:34,703
We're here to see Abe Simpson.
137
00:05:34,721 --> 00:05:37,766
Abe Simpson?!
Uh, excuse me.
138
00:05:38,149 --> 00:05:39,224
(curious grunting)
139
00:05:39,254 --> 00:05:42,057
I'm very sorry
to tell you your father...
140
00:05:42,147 --> 00:05:43,648
is missing.
141
00:05:43,679 --> 00:05:46,993
Missing?! What kind of a prison
are you people running here?
142
00:05:47,036 --> 00:05:48,819
If it's any consolation,
we'll probably find him
143
00:05:48,837 --> 00:05:50,437
when the river thaws in
the spring.
144
00:05:50,477 --> 00:05:52,527
A lot of bobbers then.
145
00:05:59,552 --> 00:06:01,736
There's gotta be a clue
in here somewhere.
146
00:06:01,858 --> 00:06:07,480
Spats, sock garters, the world's
hardest hard candy...
147
00:06:09,271 --> 00:06:10,339
Oh, it's hopeless!
148
00:06:10,358 --> 00:06:13,619
This room is like a museum
of meaningless old crap.
149
00:06:13,692 --> 00:06:15,505
By which I mean every museum.
150
00:06:15,922 --> 00:06:18,064
Grampa's army footlocker!
151
00:06:18,087 --> 00:06:20,288
I bet the most important things
in the world
152
00:06:20,322 --> 00:06:21,831
to him are in this box!
153
00:06:21,832 --> 00:06:23,841
So precious...
154
00:06:28,316 --> 00:06:30,561
Look at that,
a man's whole life
155
00:06:30,601 --> 00:06:32,935
being kicked around
on the floor.
156
00:06:33,102 --> 00:06:35,270
MARGE:
"Spiro's...
157
00:06:35,304 --> 00:06:37,308
The place that changed
my life..."
158
00:06:37,352 --> 00:06:40,046
Flimsy lead, take me away!
159
00:06:40,174 --> 00:06:43,508
Okay, baby, let's see the flop.
160
00:06:44,333 --> 00:06:45,679
Damn it! Lost again.
161
00:06:45,724 --> 00:06:48,276
(trilling, blipping)
162
00:06:48,291 --> 00:06:49,508
(cash register rings)
163
00:06:49,785 --> 00:06:51,116
(gasps)
164
00:06:51,188 --> 00:06:54,249
Are you playing poker
with my college fund?
165
00:06:54,270 --> 00:06:56,208
I'm only down $62.
166
00:06:56,234 --> 00:06:57,876
Not counting my tips
to the waitresses.
167
00:07:01,806 --> 00:07:04,441
Get your hands off my future!
168
00:07:04,643 --> 00:07:07,088
Fine, fine.
169
00:07:07,788 --> 00:07:09,776
New low, even for this family.
170
00:07:09,813 --> 00:07:11,664
College fund on a poker site.
171
00:07:11,697 --> 00:07:13,268
I'm just gonna log right out.
172
00:07:13,304 --> 00:07:14,179
Hm.
173
00:07:14,873 --> 00:07:16,403
Get out of here!
174
00:07:18,081 --> 00:07:20,178
Huh. Two queens.
175
00:07:20,295 --> 00:07:22,596
That's a great start.
176
00:07:23,093 --> 00:07:26,706
Well, maybe I can just win
the $62 back.
177
00:07:27,360 --> 00:07:29,228
(beeping)
178
00:07:30,515 --> 00:07:34,151
Four queens! Yes! Yes...!
179
00:07:34,227 --> 00:07:35,371
Gambling, eh?
180
00:07:35,392 --> 00:07:37,399
Satan's most potent
recruiting tool!
181
00:07:37,436 --> 00:07:41,173
All due respect, Mr. Flanders,
could I have a little privacy?
182
00:07:41,868 --> 00:07:43,544
Please?
183
00:07:44,124 --> 00:07:45,491
Thank you.
184
00:07:51,589 --> 00:07:53,588
(cash register rings,
game trills)
185
00:07:53,606 --> 00:07:56,476
Yeah! $50 up! (laughs)
186
00:07:56,511 --> 00:07:59,118
Time to play with house money!
187
00:07:59,173 --> 00:08:01,686
Or time to walk away
from the table.
188
00:08:01,768 --> 00:08:03,710
Shoo!
189
00:08:04,660 --> 00:08:06,063
How did he...?
190
00:08:06,153 --> 00:08:09,739
Can't let Lisa lose her
sense of wonder. (grunts)
191
00:08:13,855 --> 00:08:16,924
(dogs growling)
192
00:08:17,517 --> 00:08:18,855
(both whimpering)
193
00:08:18,992 --> 00:08:20,493
(patrons murmuring,
laughing)
194
00:08:24,607 --> 00:08:27,212
Excuse me,
have you seen this man?
195
00:08:27,431 --> 00:08:29,305
We don't like questions, man.
196
00:08:29,330 --> 00:08:31,901
Yeah, but I'm just trying
to get information,
197
00:08:31,926 --> 00:08:34,536
like a nosey reporter
or an undercover cop.
198
00:08:34,561 --> 00:08:35,728
What'd he say about a cop?
199
00:08:35,749 --> 00:08:37,591
Or a spy from a rival gang?
200
00:08:37,634 --> 00:08:38,898
Hey, what are you doing?
201
00:08:38,922 --> 00:08:41,457
(screaming)
202
00:08:41,516 --> 00:08:43,326
(Homer gibbering)
203
00:08:43,381 --> 00:08:45,828
Abe Simpson...
used to work here.
204
00:08:45,853 --> 00:08:46,819
Put him down!
205
00:08:46,863 --> 00:08:47,863
Ow!
206
00:08:48,967 --> 00:08:50,833
(sneezes)
207
00:08:51,747 --> 00:08:53,035
Welcome to Spiro's!
208
00:08:53,183 --> 00:08:54,546
I am Spiro.
209
00:08:54,643 --> 00:08:56,544
Not the Spiro on the sign.
That's my brother.
210
00:08:56,611 --> 00:08:58,338
Did you say my dad worked here?
211
00:08:58,363 --> 00:09:00,297
Yes, in the old days.
212
00:09:00,436 --> 00:09:04,072
When people ate steak, drank
champagne, and the music...
213
00:09:04,105 --> 00:09:07,120
oh, the music!
I hated the music!
214
00:09:07,236 --> 00:09:09,671
(swinging be-bop playing)
215
00:09:18,977 --> 00:09:20,878
Hmm...
216
00:09:23,198 --> 00:09:25,077
Simpson! I pay you
to clean tables,
217
00:09:25,101 --> 00:09:26,221
not to write songs.
218
00:09:26,251 --> 00:09:27,651
And you, Marvin Hamlisch,
219
00:09:27,679 --> 00:09:29,755
I pay you to write songs,
not to clean tables!
220
00:09:29,821 --> 00:09:32,123
What can I say?
I like to pitch in.
221
00:09:32,182 --> 00:09:33,599
(Spiro speaking Greek)
222
00:09:38,292 --> 00:09:40,626
(plays light melody)
223
00:09:42,226 --> 00:09:44,141
♪ My heart does
the two-step ♪
224
00:09:44,172 --> 00:09:46,658
♪ When you waltz in the place
225
00:09:46,703 --> 00:09:48,727
HOMER:
Wait a minute!
226
00:09:49,193 --> 00:09:52,998
My dad was an aspiring
songwriter like Charles Manson?
227
00:09:53,066 --> 00:09:54,339
I never knew that.
228
00:09:57,324 --> 00:09:59,600
You know who would sound good
singing that song?
229
00:09:59,654 --> 00:10:00,535
Me.
230
00:10:00,639 --> 00:10:02,887
Rita Lafleur singing
one of my tunes?!
231
00:10:02,917 --> 00:10:06,370
Can a 35-year-old busboy's
life get any better?
232
00:10:06,532 --> 00:10:08,371
♪ My heart does the two-step
233
00:10:08,389 --> 00:10:10,223
♪ When you waltz in the place
234
00:10:10,251 --> 00:10:12,586
♪ Yeah, my ticker
beats quicker ♪
235
00:10:12,611 --> 00:10:14,612
♪ When I look at your face
236
00:10:14,645 --> 00:10:19,438
♪ Yeah, you'd better call the
doctor before we embrace... ♪
237
00:10:20,439 --> 00:10:23,089
Busboy, that breadbasket
napkin's so opened up,
238
00:10:23,113 --> 00:10:24,672
you can see everything!
Disgusting!
239
00:10:24,715 --> 00:10:25,503
You're fired!
240
00:10:25,528 --> 00:10:27,091
Hey, you can't do that!
241
00:10:27,118 --> 00:10:28,939
I just turned sweet on him!
Yeah!
242
00:10:28,989 --> 00:10:31,411
Be sweet on him in
your own sweet time!
243
00:10:31,491 --> 00:10:32,992
Why did I ever leave Greece?
244
00:10:33,004 --> 00:10:34,915
Oh, that's right,
'cause it's a train wreck.
245
00:10:36,864 --> 00:10:38,684
I never saw
either of them again.
246
00:10:38,719 --> 00:10:40,637
If you find your Dad,
tell him sorry
247
00:10:40,649 --> 00:10:44,237
from Spiro Papadapaconstanti-
kasgianopolop odopotopolis.
248
00:10:44,464 --> 00:10:45,251
Got it.
249
00:10:45,270 --> 00:10:49,573
Papadapaconstanti-kasgianopolop
odopotopolis.
250
00:10:49,605 --> 00:10:51,239
Now, what was that
singer's name again?
251
00:10:51,273 --> 00:10:52,507
Rita Lafleur.
252
00:10:52,546 --> 00:10:54,616
Rita La-what?
253
00:10:54,672 --> 00:10:55,639
Lafleur.
254
00:10:56,020 --> 00:10:57,077
One more time.
255
00:10:57,108 --> 00:10:58,760
Ugh! I'll write it
down for you.
256
00:10:58,797 --> 00:11:03,068
Thank you Mr. Papadapaconstanti-
kasgianopolop odopotopolis.
257
00:11:03,092 --> 00:11:03,839
(gasps)
258
00:11:03,857 --> 00:11:06,339
There's exactly
one Rita Lafleur
259
00:11:06,363 --> 00:11:07,708
living in Springfield!
260
00:11:07,739 --> 00:11:09,041
That's where we live!
261
00:11:09,066 --> 00:11:11,111
Hello?
Rita Lafleur?
262
00:11:11,131 --> 00:11:13,833
Did you know a man
named Abe Simpson?
263
00:11:13,860 --> 00:11:14,880
Know him?
264
00:11:14,939 --> 00:11:16,408
I'm married to him.
265
00:11:16,493 --> 00:11:17,525
(gasps)
266
00:11:17,558 --> 00:11:20,062
Homer, she's married
to your dad!
267
00:11:20,099 --> 00:11:23,035
Whoo-hoo!
I get two Christmases!
268
00:11:26,356 --> 00:11:28,507
I've read
every expert on poker,
269
00:11:28,554 --> 00:11:30,720
and watched
Jennifer Tilly's DVD.
270
00:11:30,745 --> 00:11:32,297
Start with your senses Marnie.
271
00:11:32,323 --> 00:11:33,895
Use the little girl voice,
272
00:11:33,918 --> 00:11:35,932
and take them
for everything they've got.
273
00:11:36,620 --> 00:11:39,850
Now, I'm need on the set
of Bride of Chucky V.
274
00:11:39,875 --> 00:11:41,935
Time is money.
275
00:11:41,960 --> 00:11:43,326
Money is money.
276
00:11:43,351 --> 00:11:45,966
And money is college,
which can lead to more money
277
00:11:45,991 --> 00:11:48,243
someday, but who knows anymore.
278
00:12:14,552 --> 00:12:16,240
Tim, what are you doing?
279
00:12:16,290 --> 00:12:17,257
Bible trivia.
280
00:12:17,288 --> 00:12:19,723
You've been doing that
an awful lot lately.
281
00:12:19,767 --> 00:12:22,569
The Bible is rich with trivia!
282
00:12:22,602 --> 00:12:25,940
I can't believe my Dad never
told me he had another wife.
283
00:12:25,966 --> 00:12:28,470
The man I looked up to
my whole life.
284
00:12:28,540 --> 00:12:30,341
You never looked up to him.
285
00:12:30,375 --> 00:12:31,778
Well, it's a good thing I didn't
286
00:12:31,809 --> 00:12:34,699
because I'd be pretty
devastated right now.
287
00:12:35,843 --> 00:12:37,318
I can't believe you're here.
288
00:12:37,360 --> 00:12:39,018
I'd finally gotten over
your father
289
00:12:39,056 --> 00:12:42,413
just a week-and-a-half ago,
and then you two show up.
290
00:12:42,501 --> 00:12:45,516
Well, we certainly don't want
to cause you any more pain.
291
00:12:45,565 --> 00:12:47,866
But we need to know everything,
no matter how shameful.
292
00:12:47,911 --> 00:12:48,978
And fast!
293
00:12:49,181 --> 00:12:51,849
I understand, but this is hard.
294
00:12:52,127 --> 00:12:53,052
Yeah.
295
00:12:53,098 --> 00:12:55,632
Well, just what attracted
you to my father?
296
00:12:55,694 --> 00:12:58,262
Beneath his mediocrity
there was genius.
297
00:12:58,508 --> 00:13:00,443
Then a layer of anger.
298
00:13:00,553 --> 00:13:02,621
Then a beautiful soul.
299
00:13:02,743 --> 00:13:05,261
Then some more anger!
300
00:13:05,351 --> 00:13:07,177
A lot of layers.
301
00:13:08,209 --> 00:13:10,193
(scat singing)
302
00:13:12,663 --> 00:13:14,898
(song ends)
303
00:13:16,847 --> 00:13:20,100
(sighs) After we were fired from
Spiro's, we teamed up...
304
00:13:20,135 --> 00:13:22,403
for more than music.
305
00:13:22,612 --> 00:13:26,315
Oh, Abe!
(moaning)
306
00:13:27,005 --> 00:13:27,975
Yeah!
307
00:13:28,034 --> 00:13:31,403
MARGE: Mm, that kind of romance
leads to children.
308
00:13:31,476 --> 00:13:34,044
RITA:
Faster than you'd think.
309
00:13:34,102 --> 00:13:36,180
I was alive when
my Dad knew you?
310
00:13:36,234 --> 00:13:38,736
Alive, but very clueless.
311
00:13:38,807 --> 00:13:41,976
So this was after
Homer's mother left?
312
00:13:42,013 --> 00:13:43,957
I love men on the rebound.
313
00:13:43,988 --> 00:13:46,336
They always think they've done
something wrong
314
00:13:46,390 --> 00:13:48,834
and they usually come
with furniture.
315
00:13:49,550 --> 00:13:51,317
My Dad had furniture?!
316
00:13:51,413 --> 00:13:53,563
I don't know him at all!
317
00:13:54,154 --> 00:13:57,106
RITA: One day, when we were
walking through Proposal Park,
318
00:13:57,152 --> 00:13:59,704
Abe popped the question.
319
00:13:59,764 --> 00:14:01,632
We got married
in the city hall,
320
00:14:01,809 --> 00:14:05,612
across from the prettiest
church you ever seen.
321
00:14:07,305 --> 00:14:08,939
Then tragedy struck.
322
00:14:09,839 --> 00:14:12,228
(yelling, screaming)
323
00:14:13,711 --> 00:14:15,496
(screaming continues)
324
00:14:19,804 --> 00:14:21,559
(tires screech, thud)
325
00:14:21,710 --> 00:14:24,985
HOMER:Hey, I'm starting to remember
why I don't remember so much.
326
00:14:25,076 --> 00:14:27,744
We celebrated in
your hospital room.
327
00:14:27,776 --> 00:14:31,043
Our first night together
as a family.
328
00:14:31,234 --> 00:14:33,403
We didn't know
it would be our last.
329
00:14:33,526 --> 00:14:34,660
(phone rings)
330
00:14:34,775 --> 00:14:36,075
Hello?
331
00:14:36,610 --> 00:14:40,093
Abe! They want to book us
on a European tour!
332
00:14:40,129 --> 00:14:42,410
That's fine, doll.
Real fine.
333
00:14:42,441 --> 00:14:43,309
Why, we'll...
334
00:14:43,339 --> 00:14:44,839
(electricity crackling,
Homer yelling)
335
00:14:46,478 --> 00:14:47,711
(electrical buzzing)
336
00:14:54,274 --> 00:14:57,666
You know, Europe's no place
for a six-year-old.
337
00:14:57,709 --> 00:15:01,241
He can handle 110 volt,
but 220 would kill him.
338
00:15:01,265 --> 00:15:04,853
But making music is
my dream, Abe.
339
00:15:04,981 --> 00:15:06,182
Our dream.
340
00:15:06,265 --> 00:15:08,124
I know, Sugar Tomato,
341
00:15:08,149 --> 00:15:10,723
but I'm all the family
this boy's got.
342
00:15:10,853 --> 00:15:12,635
If I don't take care
of him now,
343
00:15:12,660 --> 00:15:14,586
he'll forget the day
he's supposed to come
344
00:15:14,604 --> 00:15:17,094
and see me when I'm old.
345
00:15:22,921 --> 00:15:24,928
Are you okay, Daddy?
346
00:15:25,043 --> 00:15:28,182
Well of course I'm okay!
I'm with you!
347
00:15:28,219 --> 00:15:29,750
Good-bye, Rita.
348
00:15:29,792 --> 00:15:33,286
This is why "life" comes before
"love" in the dictionary.
349
00:15:33,328 --> 00:15:34,361
(sniffles)
350
00:15:34,996 --> 00:15:36,419
Aw, thanks, son.
351
00:15:36,461 --> 00:15:39,817
Now to make sure neither
of us ever remember this.
352
00:15:47,070 --> 00:15:49,390
(sniffling):
Oh, my God.
353
00:15:49,413 --> 00:15:52,690
I never knew the sacrifices
my father made.
354
00:15:52,810 --> 00:15:54,444
Move over, Fonzie.
355
00:15:54,479 --> 00:15:56,663
I've got a new hero.
356
00:15:56,915 --> 00:15:58,759
I never saw Abe again.
357
00:15:58,779 --> 00:16:00,746
But I thought
you still loved him.
358
00:16:00,831 --> 00:16:02,932
Life isn't all major chords.
359
00:16:03,035 --> 00:16:06,012
Sometimes you gotta hit
the minor keys.
360
00:16:06,238 --> 00:16:07,434
What does that mean?
361
00:16:07,466 --> 00:16:09,804
I got super-addicted
to heroin.
362
00:16:09,830 --> 00:16:12,193
(sighing)
363
00:16:12,263 --> 00:16:15,088
(snoring):
Yeah.
364
00:16:15,114 --> 00:16:17,148
Okay, education paid for,
365
00:16:17,177 --> 00:16:19,643
with a gap year to find myself.
366
00:16:19,668 --> 00:16:21,268
Every nerve
in my body is screaming
367
00:16:21,289 --> 00:16:24,659
"Cash out now," and yet...
(giggles)
368
00:16:24,670 --> 00:16:26,697
I've got a pair of aces!
369
00:16:27,473 --> 00:16:28,967
Ha! Full house!
370
00:16:29,031 --> 00:16:30,766
Aces over threes!
371
00:16:30,844 --> 00:16:33,261
Take that, Rich Texan 001,
372
00:16:33,304 --> 00:16:36,488
and Sideshow Bob @
Springfield Penitentiary-- Hah!
373
00:16:36,527 --> 00:16:37,760
I'm going all in!
374
00:16:40,625 --> 00:16:42,259
Aw, doggone it!
375
00:16:42,310 --> 00:16:43,481
I give up!
376
00:16:43,506 --> 00:16:46,244
It's like Kenny Rogers'
most famous line:
377
00:16:46,383 --> 00:16:49,268
"This is a bad piece
of chicken."
378
00:16:53,197 --> 00:16:54,460
He didn't fold?
379
00:16:54,496 --> 00:16:56,443
But that's insane
unless he has...
380
00:16:58,657 --> 00:17:00,016
(gasps)
381
00:17:00,098 --> 00:17:01,463
Four threes?!
382
00:17:01,579 --> 00:17:02,539
Oh, no!
383
00:17:02,571 --> 00:17:04,701
No-no-no-no-no, no!
384
00:17:04,801 --> 00:17:06,068
(trilling)
385
00:17:06,134 --> 00:17:07,467
(cash register dings)
386
00:17:09,535 --> 00:17:12,220
(buzzing)
387
00:17:15,590 --> 00:17:17,816
I've lost, I've lost everything.
388
00:17:17,843 --> 00:17:19,928
(sobbing, muttering)
389
00:17:22,305 --> 00:17:23,619
We can all hear you.
390
00:17:23,651 --> 00:17:25,152
Please log off.
391
00:17:29,546 --> 00:17:30,847
(sobbing)
392
00:17:31,675 --> 00:17:32,961
Aw, come on, Lise.
393
00:17:32,985 --> 00:17:34,969
No gambling story has
a happy ending
394
00:17:35,000 --> 00:17:35,944
except Seabiscuit.
395
00:17:35,975 --> 00:17:37,509
But you never hear about
the ruined lives
396
00:17:37,553 --> 00:17:39,087
of the people
who bet against him.
397
00:17:39,115 --> 00:17:40,386
(sobbing):
Oh, God...
398
00:17:40,487 --> 00:17:43,116
This is the worst thing
that's ever happened to me!
399
00:17:43,166 --> 00:17:45,602
I was Ivy! Strong Ivy!
400
00:17:45,637 --> 00:17:46,697
(sobs)
401
00:17:46,753 --> 00:17:50,244
Oh, man, this is priceless,
but I can't keep it up.
402
00:17:50,281 --> 00:17:52,449
You've still got a college fund.
403
00:17:52,874 --> 00:17:54,299
What are you talking about?
404
00:17:54,334 --> 00:17:56,257
I'm Sideshow Bob!
405
00:17:57,598 --> 00:17:59,741
I've been using his
avatar to play poker
406
00:17:59,778 --> 00:18:02,024
and trash his favorite
restaurants on Yelp.
407
00:18:02,073 --> 00:18:04,276
And I saved your
vegetarian bacon.
408
00:18:04,319 --> 00:18:05,394
Oh, my God!
409
00:18:05,501 --> 00:18:06,668
You won the pot?
410
00:18:06,810 --> 00:18:08,795
You must have
nearly a million dollars!
411
00:18:08,832 --> 00:18:11,293
I can go to college
and live like a Kennedy!
412
00:18:11,324 --> 00:18:13,731
Listen, after I won,
the website found out
413
00:18:13,755 --> 00:18:15,475
we were both under 18,
so we're back
414
00:18:15,493 --> 00:18:17,055
to the original $5,000.
415
00:18:17,136 --> 00:18:18,936
Shame! Shame!
416
00:18:19,015 --> 00:18:21,433
Did you give the money back
to the people who lost it?
417
00:18:21,548 --> 00:18:22,840
Good-bye.
418
00:18:23,096 --> 00:18:26,110
Well, back to square one
is a major victory
419
00:18:26,135 --> 00:18:28,829
in this house,
but why did you help me?
420
00:18:30,447 --> 00:18:32,014
Come on! Tell me!
421
00:18:32,772 --> 00:18:35,172
Because I actually like you
and felt sorry for you.
422
00:18:35,213 --> 00:18:37,135
What?! You did?
423
00:18:37,225 --> 00:18:39,026
Forget I said anything!
424
00:18:39,091 --> 00:18:42,336
Sure. I have the ending
for my memoir!
425
00:18:42,373 --> 00:18:44,941
I'm sorry I couldn't
help you find your father.
426
00:18:45,008 --> 00:18:48,777
If you find him, tell him
I can still do this.
427
00:18:48,924 --> 00:18:50,258
Yeah.
428
00:18:50,292 --> 00:18:52,427
Holy moley.
429
00:18:52,761 --> 00:18:55,663
And tell him to put on
a splash of this.
430
00:18:56,131 --> 00:18:58,469
That's Dad's cologne?
431
00:18:59,085 --> 00:19:01,281
I always thought it
was his old-man stink.
432
00:19:01,344 --> 00:19:04,863
When I knew him,
it was young-man musk.
433
00:19:04,950 --> 00:19:07,819
Man, you're making me hot
for my Dad.
434
00:19:09,779 --> 00:19:13,062
Only place in town
that still sells Chicory Mist.
435
00:19:13,161 --> 00:19:16,476
After people found out
it's 98% squirrel sweat,
436
00:19:16,512 --> 00:19:18,146
they sorta stopped buying.
437
00:19:18,198 --> 00:19:19,959
Listen, do you know this man?
438
00:19:20,046 --> 00:19:21,280
Let me ask around.
439
00:19:21,301 --> 00:19:23,135
Abe, you seen this guy?
440
00:19:23,325 --> 00:19:24,844
Oh, I know him.
441
00:19:24,883 --> 00:19:27,195
He's a man who has no son!
442
00:19:27,220 --> 00:19:28,220
Dad!
443
00:19:29,871 --> 00:19:32,540
Abe, we were so worried!
444
00:19:32,568 --> 00:19:34,502
Dad, promise me
you'll never wander off
445
00:19:34,526 --> 00:19:37,286
and make us explore your
fascinating past again.
446
00:19:37,373 --> 00:19:40,638
I didn't wander off,
ya big fat salami!
447
00:19:40,688 --> 00:19:41,751
I ran away!
448
00:19:41,801 --> 00:19:42,532
What?!
449
00:19:42,578 --> 00:19:44,184
You think I'm boring,
450
00:19:44,196 --> 00:19:45,595
and you never visit me,
451
00:19:45,607 --> 00:19:47,483
and I got sick
of waitin' for ya!
452
00:19:47,553 --> 00:19:50,244
So I got a job and found
a new dump to live in
453
00:19:50,269 --> 00:19:51,870
and I didn't tell you about it,
454
00:19:51,906 --> 00:19:54,534
so at least that way I know
you're not coming!
455
00:19:54,561 --> 00:19:58,297
Grampa, we will never
miss a visit again.
456
00:19:58,350 --> 00:20:00,646
And there'll be
a lot more of them.
457
00:20:00,689 --> 00:20:03,057
And I don't think
you're boring.
458
00:20:03,141 --> 00:20:06,091
It's just that in today's
multichannel environment,
459
00:20:06,115 --> 00:20:07,749
you have too many
great choices.
460
00:20:07,784 --> 00:20:08,902
Look at Sunday night.
461
00:20:08,927 --> 00:20:11,124
There's, like, eight
amazing shows.
462
00:20:11,226 --> 00:20:12,601
None of them on Fox.
463
00:20:12,637 --> 00:20:16,359
Well... when you put it
that way, all right.
464
00:20:16,392 --> 00:20:20,995
I can't say all is forgiven,
but most is forgotten.
465
00:20:21,388 --> 00:20:23,623
Aw...
466
00:20:26,713 --> 00:20:27,708
(sighs)
467
00:20:27,786 --> 00:20:30,268
I guess my honky-tonkin' days
are over.
468
00:20:30,286 --> 00:20:31,455
(melody playing on piano
in distance)
469
00:20:31,487 --> 00:20:35,790
What the...?!
Someone's playin' my tune!
470
00:20:38,451 --> 00:20:40,516
Don't take Grampa's meds.
471
00:20:40,571 --> 00:20:42,405
I'm payin' for 'em.
472
00:20:42,458 --> 00:20:45,944
(piano playing)
473
00:20:49,155 --> 00:20:50,289
Hey, Abe.
474
00:20:50,310 --> 00:20:52,261
Good to see you again.
475
00:20:52,495 --> 00:20:53,744
Rita!
476
00:20:53,766 --> 00:20:55,607
You look dynamite!
477
00:20:55,626 --> 00:20:58,011
And you look like you could
use a good ironing,
478
00:20:58,109 --> 00:20:59,476
but I still love you.
479
00:20:59,555 --> 00:21:01,489
Take a seat. Yeah.
480
00:21:04,560 --> 00:21:07,891
♪ My heart does the two-step
when you waltz in the place ♪
481
00:21:07,926 --> 00:21:11,695
♪ Yeah, my ticker beats quicker
when I look at your face ♪
482
00:21:11,731 --> 00:21:16,367
♪ Yeah, you'd better call
the doctor before we embrace! ♪
483
00:21:16,472 --> 00:21:19,356
(both snore)
Yeah...
484
00:21:19,415 --> 00:21:21,908
HOMER: That's how wolves
die in the wild.
485
00:21:22,092 --> 00:21:27,092
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther